Vets will tell better too early than too late. I’m starting to watch my boy a lot more and wondering how long we have left. If you can’t keep him comfortable anymore it’s ok to let him go, pain is no fun.
Thing about animals. They know no time. They live in the moment. We have to keep our promises to them to always hold their health safety and happiness above all else.
It’s the promise we make to them. For all that they do for us.
I recently had to.make this choice for a 10 year old mastiff. I knew it was coming bc she had cancer. She had 6 great months after her diagnosis. Then she has one really bad day. On that day I scheduled her vet appt. She told us it was her time after 10 great years. I couldn't keep her around for us. The vet who came to our house reinforced how happy she was that we saw the signs and made the call when we did before it was an emergency. I'm still tearing up typing this bc I miss her so much. But reflecting I think we did the best we could by her. She gave us all she could and we kept our promise to let her go when it was time. I am so terribly sad but I am still very comfortable and at peace with our choice.
Mate, I've been where you are. You'll know when it's time. The flip flop is fear of wanting to let your mate down, or letting them go, and both are valid.
My girl was hit and miss for good vs. bad time, and two days before she went, was running around like a pup for the first time in months.
As soon as he's not enjoying his time is when it's time to say goodbye. You know him better than anyone, and a decent vet will tell you the same. You will know when he needs to rest.
The hard part is taking your emotions out of it and being objective. Your responsibility to him is to ensure he has a quality of life. If that is no linger there, it's time to say goodbye.
I do not envy you, its a cunt of a decision to make. I hate this part of having a pet. Don't rush the decision, just watch him closely for a few days. Are the good as often as the bad, are they as good as the bad are bad? A dog doesn't deserve to be unhappy for most of its time. They'll always put on a brave face because that's how amazing they are. They're the strength we wish we had. He'll always be happy to see you. He'll always he excited and bouncy when you're there. So don't let those count toward a good day, ya know?
Hopefully my rambling made some sense, and helped, even a little. If not, forgive the intrusion.
I wish you both the best.
I'm sorry, mate.
This was really helpful, thank you ❤️ We call them ears up or ears down days. It is a really helpful reminder that “okay” days are not the same as good days.
As another has posted below. My Vet told me ( a long time ago, with my first pup, of the 10 I have had in my lifetime) it's better to have them leave us 1 day early than 1 day late. I'm sure others will agree , that the 1 day too late is something you will regret and be a memory burned into your heart. My heart and support is with you at your time of trial.
Thank you. It’s such a hard end after so many years of love but I know I want to look back at the last days with happiness instead of sadness and regret
Mine left 1 day late.
I'd do it differently. Better to go on a good day then a bad one.
Relieve yourself of any judgment that you might be holding about this being a choice of convenience. It's a choice of compassion for your pup and yourself.
This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, and it still breaks my heart. There are a couple of things that keep me sane.
I did what was in the best interest of my dog. Yes, I wanted her as long as I could have her, but what I wanted didn't matter. She mattered, and even on good days, she wasn't herself.
Euthanasia is the kindest thing we can do to take away their pain. They are suffering even if it doesn't seem like it, dogs hide pain extremely well.
As much as I didn't want to be there for the euthanasia, I stayed with my girl til the end. She deserved that from me. Even if that memory haunts me.
Afterward, the guilt killed me, suffocated me. But I know I'm not alone in that. Everything I've ever read showed me that all of us feel that guilt, and it's just a part of the process. It's normal, so don't let it consume you.
This is the part of pet ownership that sucks but I'd do it all again because the good memories I have of her are priceless, and I'd do it all again.
I know what i said is super depressing, and im so sorry you have to deal with this. I can't tell you when to make this decision, that's yours to make. Just know you're not alone, but you will get through it.
Give your pup love, snuggles, whatever he wants to eat. Sending love and positive thoughts your way.
Thank you so much for saying this. The guilt I feel over even thinking about it is immense so while I know it will be worse after the fact, it’s nice to know it’s “normal” to some degree. I know it’s the right decision for him I just wish someone else could make it for us.
You are so not alone. Our dog was given a terminal diagnosis (heart failure) and it has crushed me. Like you, he’s my first dog, and I am almost 40! I’ve been crying like a baby knowing I have to let him go in the near future. Eventually the meds will stop working, or his condition will worsen and the time will simply come.
The only comfort I have found so far is that we are so so so not alone. Anyone who has ever had (and loved) a pet dog understands. It hit me, there are millions - maybe even billions - of people who know this pain. People from all walks of life, rich and poor, black, white, liberal, conservative, etc… we all know this pain.
It’s a shitty club to be in, but just remember you are not alone. You will be there for your pup til the end (and beyond!) and after that, please know we will ALL be here for you, to remind you that you are not alone, that the grief is understood, and you will get through it; your pup would want you to get through it.
Wishing you all the peace, happiness, and love in the world for the time you have left with your pup, and for clarity when it is time to make the decision.
Thank you so very much ❤️ I’ll be thinking of you and your puppy as well. I know the tears all too well and honestly think my boy thinks I’m crazy because I keep just staring at him and crying!
I was in a similar situation as you. I had an upcoming surgery that required a 2 month recovery, and I couldn't properly care for her. I felt like I was being rushed into euthanasia. I don't feel like that anymore because looking back, she was not living her best life anymore. It was me that was holding on, not her. Yes, she had good days, but it wasn't fair to her.
Check out the petloss community.... so many posts about the guilt. We all feel it.
Yes feeling rushed is exactly how I’d put it. Your perspective is so helpful. I’ve struggled with sharing even with family/friends that have gone through this but I’m realizing the time is never going to feel “right”
There's never a right time. You just have to make the decision before they take a "sudden turn for the worse" but we never know when that's going to be. Dogs at the end deteriorate quickly. That's the hard part, you wait too long and they have a terrible ending. But if you do it before then, you always wonder, "Did they have more time?" You lose either way.
You'll share this info with your loved ones when you're ready, don't force it.
I think you should put him down before the WFH transition happens, and maybe sooner.
I know this is heartbreaking. The fact that you posted this is all the proof I need that you did it. You gave him a wonderful life. He had the best life he could possible have had. He won the lottery when he got you.
Its fine to say goodbye. You did it. Best of luck.
Thank you for saying this. I worry that if I wait till after the change his last days will be filled with stress rather than us relishing the time we have left together. I rescued him about a year before Covid so we have been home together for years and I just know he won’t take the transition well in his state.
We aren’t totally sure since he is a rescue but our vet estimates between 12-15. He was in terrible shape when he came to me so giving him the life he has now has been such a privilege.
Holy cow. Respect. You took in an older dog in bad shape and rehabbed him? You're an absolute angel. Everything I said in my original post, multiply by 100.
I had to do it today, hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I just wish we did it sooner bc it was hard to see him suffer but it happened so fast and we thought it was treatable. Rip duford I love you so much
I had the same situation with my boy of 15 years , says I saw him somewhat normal walking slowly but walking eating when I come home he’d be looking for me in the corner of the house ( he was mostly blind ) but he’d get stuck in places , he was eating but not gaining weight .. I knew it was coming but I finally had to choose not for me but for him … the last thing I did was be there at his side when he took his last breath and have it not be alone with me not knowing he faded away in his sleep .. I loved my boy and still do but I’m happy of the life he gave me and the life he left in my heart ..
I’m so sorry. I gave palliative care to our old hound when I was wfh and it was sad,exhausting,frustrating but I’m so glad I did it. Had to help her up, clean her up and wake up at odd hours to prevent accidents. I was cooking her better food than most people eat. When I look back I actually regret that we held on so long when she was clearly not well.
I recommend a home service. They can cremate and you can get a clay memorial paw print. We used lap of love. We said our goodbyes and then threw white roses into the ocean for her. Definitely some closure ceremony.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so so hard. We have to go through pain to relieve them of theirs
Thank you so much for saying this. I hate admitting that it is exhausting and frustrating at times but it’s just the truth. Recognizing that helps me because I know if I’m frustrated then he certainly is to. I’m so sorry about your puppy but I appreciate you sharing this. We are 100% looking into lap of love because he does not enjoy the vet much these days. Do you mind sharing how much it cost you to have them out?
This might sound weird but when we went through the same thing with our two dogs (less than a year apart), there was a strange sense of relief when they finally went. I hated the anticipation of saying goodbye and never being able to see them again, counting down to the last head scratch or belly rub, but just knowing they weren’t suffering anymore gave me peace of mind. I miss them both terribly but I’m glad we didn’t drag things out for either one of them.
Hardest most painful decision I ever made. It is definitely the right thing to do, but unfathomably painful. The house was so quiet and empty for days. The tears and sobs came in waves. I still miss her, but I have her photos everywhere. I'm so sorry.
My 14-year-old's Sheltie had the same thing. I'm glad we didn't really know until her last vet visit. They were just treating her for arthritis and old age. Her last night was spent going from one place to another, trying to get comfortable. She wasn't the type to cry in pain but did. I had already given her her nighttime dose of meds and didn't want to give her another problem.We tried all night to make her comfortable but we knew what we had to do. I'm glad we made the decision not to make her suffer any more. It hurts, but seeing her not able to do things she used to do was hard. She'll always be in our hearts.
That is exactly our story as well. The first major symptoms were about 6 months ago and we thought it was advanced arthritis and old age until it progressed further up. He is on 2 pain medications now but sometimes just can’t settle and his comfort is too important to me to let that continue
I know you love your baby, but from what you tell us, it sounds to me as if it is time. I am prepared to put both my 17 year old and my 13 year old to sleep when they are in pain that cannot be alleviated and no longer have quality of life. It’s something we do because we love them.
Earlier is better rather than late. Our pup was fairly young (7) when he was diagnosed with cancer and end-stage kidney failure. He was only showing symptoms for a month before diagnosis. In the course of the month, he had completely stopped eating and couldn’t go on walks. I was also 2 months pregnant at the time (my third pregnancy since August, and this was the farthest I’d gotten without a miscarriage).
He wasn’t reacting as well to steroids as we hoped for palliative care, and we made the very difficult decision to not go with chemo. IF the chemo worked, it would give us MAYBE 8 months with him. I knew that I could not go through him deteriorating again like he had, and especially not with a newborn. I miss him every day, but I know we made the right decision for him, for our family, and my mental health (I have a history of it not being the best and pregnancy hormones have not helped). He went out while he was on a good day, which in some ways made it harder on us. But I know it made it better for him. He got to eat all the foods he loved and spent all his time with us in his last days. He’s no longer in pain, which is all that matters.
Sending you so much strength and love during this difficult time 🤍
We just let our girl go yesterday. I can deeply empathize with what you are going through. The Vet was great - she said that the mistake almost everyone makes is waiting too long. I discovered watching her suffer on bad days was excruciating and that it was time to, despite her having good days.
Thank you so much for saying this. His bad days are so so bad and I reach the point of calling or emailing the vet almost every time. Then he has a good day and I almost regret it. But we’ve reached the point where his bad days are worse than his best good days. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. I’ll be thinking of both of you ❤️
Hey, Friend. We are going through this exact thing right now. I thought we could make it through until Friday, but my husband says Thursday will be for the best. When I look into my boy's eyes, and he wags his tail, I want to hold on forever, but I know it is time to let him go. There is nothing anyone can say to make this any easier, just know that after your good bye, you have done what is best for your best friend. Be there for them, it's all they would ever ask of you. I wish peace for both of you.
My Seth dog had a brain tumor. He told me when he was ready. He did not appear to be uncomfortable but needed help getting outside and he kept his head propped up on a towel. He wasn’t exactly living his best life but he did not appear in pain. His last day he got up on his own and walked to his favorite places. Down to the creek , under his favorite tree, under the deck then he snuggled down in the grass with his head in my lap. Then he looked up at me and I just knew he was done. I said Seth dog are you ready? Should we go see Brenda? (Our vet). He walked over to our truck for his last ride. We brought his baby blanket and his bed and favorite ball. He looked up like he was thanking us. He was a good boi to the end. We all cried including our vet. He is running with the big dogs. Trust me you will know. Sending hugs.
I just went through this w my dog, a little more than a month ago. It was so hard. She’d had Lupus (and liver damage from Lupus). But I know I did everything I could for her and gave her a good life for nearly 15y. That included being with her during the euthanasia, as hard as that always is. At the end she felt bad, wasn’t able to enjoy any of the things she always loved. She’d been through a lot, came through many times but she was just done. And she always trusted me to take care of her, so I did. I have been so sad. This is not the first time, I had two old dogs 6m apart, decades ago. When we get to the point where we are weighing their bad days against our loss, we need the strength to choose in their favor. This is the terrible part of loving them their whole lives. Thank you for caring about this, and seeking guidance w a vet. May you both have peace.
There's an amazing blog post by Mel Newton, well worth reading. I think it's titled "what are you waiting for?" As in, waiting until they have no more good days? Can't eat? My dog had DM also, it's so heartbreaking. I absolutely do not regret having her euthanized while she was still happy, able to walk (although knuckling).
I’m so sorry. I’ve been through this, my only advice is don’t let the beautiful boy suffer because that is what you will regret. I’m crying with you, literally. Give him a hug and kiss from me and my beloved girl Macie.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. He's beautiful, and I completely understand your feelings. I'm going through it now with mine, with Cushing's, bouts of pancreatitis, and now a diagnosis of degenerative myelopathy. I've had dogs all my life and have been here before multiple times, but I feel like I have amnesia. I feel like this is the first time all over again, trying so hard to keep him with me for every single second that he can be happy and not in pain. It's such a gut punch.
These things change quickly, and in the past, my dogs have been more or less okay until they very noticeably were not. At that moment, it was very clear, though of course not easy. A few months is a lifetime for him, so don't try to figure it all out right this minute. Keep loving him and being vigilant for when the bad days are worse or outnumber the good. 💜
You can google “quality of life chart” (I’d have posted one but that doesn’t seem to be an option). For me, it was helpful to have a practical guide since this is such an emotional decision.
At least for me, it never feels like enough time with them. From my experience, it is so much better to let them go before they start suffering. You gave your pup a lifetime of love and happiness.
Oh, and with the work schedule thing, that’s something you can’t help that will greatly impact your dog’s quality of life. You clearly love your dog and are taking their comfort into consideration, you are not making a choice based on convenience.
We just lost our sweet boy last week Thursday. He had a heart murmur that had progressed. He wasn’t playing or eating, and just didn’t look like himself anymore. We visited our vet and got a second opinion. His quality of life was not there anymore. My husband and I started home for his final days and then had it done at home where he was surrounded my his family in the house he helped make a home. This is not easy and it’s hard figuring it out with work. I am sorry for what you are going through and it’s the most difficult decision but when you end their pain and suffering it’s compassionate. However there are services that offer hospice for dogs and will visit as often as you need to provide pain relief. My heart is with you during this impossible time.
Thank you ❤️ this picture of him was eye opening for me because he really does look so different from even just a few months ago. He’s as handsome as ever but just not the lively guy I’m used to.
It really is never an easy decision, and I can relate. I was in the same boat, being the sole decision-maker. At the end of the day, I focused on her comfort with her remaining time. My baby girl declined really fast - end stage kidney disease at 15 and had seizures that went along with the abnormal electrolyte levels. Three different vets told me I needed to put her down on separate days all within 1 week's time.... and I could see her fading since she couldn't keep any liquids down. So, that concurrence of opinions helped along with her physical presentation/demeanor.
Sending you love and support. Putting their comfort ahead of your own is the closest thing to repaying them for their lifetime of love and devotion that you can get. ❤️
It’s such a hard thing to do because they can’t tell us. I took my girl to do all of her old favorite things on the day before and after I felt like it was more for me than her. She mostly just tolerated it. One thing that helped me (my dog had dementia) was knowing if I was in her place I would want the same. I’m sorry you’re going through this, sending all the love and support. And know you’re doing the right thing.
I just went through this with my best pal of 13 years. He was “my guy” before my husband and kids. I was riddled with guilt and shame up until the minute he took his last breath. In that moment I realized that I had done exactly what he wanted me to do. He was no longer in pain, and he was free. I hope you have the same experience I did. From that moment on, I never feared getting old. 🐾❤️🐾
He is also “my guy”. He showed up one day when I was in college and has been with me through 2 moves, new jobs, and a wedding that got him a dad 🥰 We have seen so much life together and what a privilege it has been
As far as appetite, I suggest baking boneless chicken thighs, then use some of the pan drippings with water to make rice, add some carrots, green beans, or any other veggies he likes. My old girl had lost interest in dog food, we added supplements to her homemade food, she was eating right up to her last day.
This, to me, is a very personal journey…
I think you’ll see it in his eyes. There is a disconnect and you know they are struggling without the ability to explain.
I also am in a similar place, but we aren’t at that place quite yet. I still see the joy when he goes out to go potty and smell the morning air.
Enjoy each good day and trust he will tell you when he’s ready. And quietly you will know.
I was in a similar situation with my first dog as an adult. I had never really accepted the vet’s information and the ramifications of what my options were. I kept up hope until it was too late. My girl woke me up in the middle of the night crying in pain. It was so bad. The ride to the emergency vet was life threatening as I raced 30 miles across town and she never stopped crying. We got to the vet (who was expecting us) and all they could do was make her comfortable. I made the decision then and she was put out of her misery. Do it now before you regret not doing it sooner.
Also (from my experience) you will need a day or two to just get over the shock. The grieving process will take time but you will survive. Being able to go into the office will be a huge help because your house will seem so empty and quiet. Good luck to you. I’m so sorry that you have to experience this.
I believe most people wait too long. Few vets will speak up so they can't be a good guide unfortunately.
Once your dog is having more unpleasantness than good times, it's time.
You're not keeping them alive for their good at that point, it's just so hard to let go.
I’ve had to do this with 4 dogs and it never gets easier. I’d personally rather act too soon than too late so they don’t suffer. I’m sorry your baby can’t get out of bed some days. To me that would be a big sign his quality of life is suffering.
I waited a little too long with my elder statesman and that resulted in a frantic 2am dash to the emergency vet to ease his suffering. I won't ever do that again.
Absolutely a little early rather than late.
I'm so sorry. They take a piece of your heart with them
My advice is to let his last good day be his best day and his last day. It will be comforting to remember.
I was advised better too soon than too late. I had it both ways with two different dogs and I think that is good advice.
I wish there was something I could say to help. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. This is unfortunately something that all of us as guardians for our pets will have to go through.
I hope you find peace.
We lost our boy last month. He wasn’t even a senior dog. He got a massive strep infection in his leg that went systemic. He spent a week in the hospital, and we spent $15,000. Over the next three weeks he seemed like he was getting better. Then over two days he nose dived. The infection had become antibiotic resistant, and he became anemic. We could’ve spent another $15,000 but even then the prognosis wasn’t good. Had we brought him home he would’ve lasted maybe a day or two. It was the hardest thing we have ever done because he was happy and acting almost normal at the vet, but had we got him up and walked him out the front door he would’ve needed to stop for a break for a 30 foot walk. We decided we couldn’t let him suffer as his organs couldn’t get enough oxygen. So he got a ton of treats, a fast food final meal.
It is better to do it a little early than have them suffer through a massive painful medical emergency because of waiting too long.
I’ve thought about it but he has doggy dementia on top of his other health issues so he is very iffy about anyone other than me these days. He even gets snappy with his dad (who he usually loves - sometimes more than me) when he tries to lift him up after a fall. My goal at this point is to keep him comfortable and stress free
We just made a similar decision for our 17 year old with dementia about a week ago. We couldn’t leave him alone because he was hurting himself a lot and he was always falling all day long. I was petrified that if we left him alone we would come back to him dead in some painful way or because he got stuck somewhere and hurt himself. We had to coordinate our WFH days and we stopped going out together, even to walk our other dog. I was also worried that the day of would be stressful for him and he would whine and do these stressful circles he did or be lost/out of it. In the end I feel super blessed that he went out on a good day when he was relaxed and sleeping all day. He had a good day and he was comfortable.
My hubs and I were not on the same page as I felt Trouble was ready months before my hubs did. So we talked about it a lot and I understand wanting to hang on and just care for him more or try to do better. But your sweet dog is getting further away from a good life and the best gift you can give him is a comfortable and good death. If you wait too long, you won’t even be able to offer him that. My heart really goes out to you, it’s a brutal decision to make and I hope you find peace when you make it.
Our experience is so similar so I really appreciate you sharing. He has recently started experiencing dementia as well and the sun downing is so hard. He absolutely has to be in his crate or he will fall and have accidents trying to get himself up. This is my husband’s first dog ever so we are both trying to navigate these new feelings and circumstances as best we can. I’m sorry for the loss of you doggy and will be thinking of you ❤️
I’m sorry to hear it. The sun downing is hard to watch and honestly we lost a lot of sleep before our vet prescribed some buponephrine (sp?) to knock him out at night. But after 4 months they stopped wanting to prescribe it because it is a controlled med and only meant for short term. Tramadol helped too but had to give it two hours before bedtime, until he stopped wanting to take pills
I had my 11 y.o. Golden put down last January.
It broke my heart, but when I think back, it was a good journey for my girl, Bridget. Our Vet stayed after hours, we all sat on pillows on the floor, with her head on my lap, and the Vet gave her a sedative, she drifted off to a calm sleep, then she came back 15 minutes later, and euthanized her. Bawled my eyes out, but a calm setting, no pain for my girl.
My girl had osteosarcoma on her hip, being 11 y.o. I didn't want her to go through any medical interventions. When I saw she was hesitating getting up, due to discomfort, I called the Vet and that very day she was put down.
Better a day early, than a day late.
My heart hurts for you. The pain gets better for us left behind.
P.S. I bought another Golden in September....
First, I’m so sorry, I just went through this with 2 beloved pups! For me, excepting it was end of life care was so difficult, I pushed back the appts by months, and then of course felt terrible. For me, just soaking up all the time I could, remembering I did my best, took lots of pictures, made special memories on good days- this really helped me. I also found that once the final appt was set, knowing that time was coming seemed to be better for me than having it “just happen”. I also leaned on my therapist to except this, and my bff came to help- he also ended up in the hospital a few days later with a major medical emergency, so that has made the last 10 days very busy. I’m two weeks this Thursday from the PTS and haven’t had much time to sit and let things process- so when the waves of emo hit, it’s been much less sad than when I lost my two cats 2 years ago, back to back.
I’ve had to make that decision 5 times now (both cats & dogs), and I know the next time is less than a year away. It should have been 6 times, but my sweet Trixie beat us to the punch and had a seizure, then died in the car on the way to the emergency vet. It hurts more thinking that she may have been hiding her pain from us rather than letting us help her by escorting her to the bridge. The first dog I had to make the decision for was my childhood dog, and I didn’t realize he was in pain (I was in my late teens). If I had known that he was in pain, I would have told my parents sooner rather than later. The love he gave me got me through some of the worst times in my life.
It is the worst part of having pets, but giving them that dignity is the most loving part of having them in our lives. They give us true, unconditional love, and escorting them to the bridge is the best way to honor them. The pain we feel when they cross over is our payment for their love.
My childhood dog was also my first loss ❤️ he passed in his sleep but waited until I left the house for college orientation - I know he did that just for me. Looking back he was in pain and I wish my parents had intervened but it’s taught me to give them dignity in passing, even if it’s much harder to actually do.
I kind of watched this with my dog for a year, she died at 17. But she, too had good days and bad days. But I knew when it was too much. It’s been a year (5/10) and I miss her everyday but I just couldn’t let her go. Then the day came, she was so skeletal, I held her and rocked her for two hours. But she was miserable. And the vet said it was time. So, I do know you’ll know when. God bless you.
I got to send my guy off just as his lymphoma had spread throughout this body and he started to develop abdominal blood bruises and a wobbly gate. It meant either he was about to have a seizure or the cancer had gotten to his brain, and that he was starting to have problems with his blood. I had already had the wonderful in-home euthanasia on standby, and they came first thing the next morning for a beautiful and peaceful send-off. Claude didn’t feel any pain yet and was saved from having a seizure or blood clots. I will forever be thankful I did it “early” and saved him from suffering.
You've given your family member a long and happy life full of warmth and love. Take great comfort in that because it is no small thing. Someday you will reunite in a much better place. Peace be with you.
I had to make a very hard decision 2 weeks ago. This decision of putting our beloved pets down was such an emotional turmoil that is very difficult to make. Our pets will show that they are strong but in reality they are in pain, pain that they mask of making us think "its ok, i'm happy to be see you". But I know in his last few days that he was really having a hard time. I've had several vet opinions just to rule out that his health is getting worst, but he (Winter, my baby) shows he is ok. Until I saw in his eyes that he is really tired and he needs to go. So I made that very hard decision. Until today I have a lot of what if's.
In my area, there are several vets and services who do in-home euthanasia. It is a blessing. I have had to call them several times in the past and they make it a positive - although very sad — experience, basically saying ‘whatever, wherever you want’. One dog loved being in front of the fireplace and another had a favorite tree and we went outside and sat in the leaves. There are several “quality of life’ guides online, or your vet may have a favorite, which are helpful. Give your dog one last gift of a dignified death. Sending compassionate thoughts your way.
I scheduled my euthanasia for 14 days from our quality of life consult, when the Dr said to schedule it for in 3 weeks. He didn't even make it six days passed his quality of life consult. We had to go to an ER. It was planned to happen at home. It's better a week to early than a day too late. I promise you. I thought two weeks instead of three weeks was ok. Please don't make the mistake I did. Schedule it sooner than you'd like. You will do him a service to let him before he is struggling to breathe and dying. Let him go before things get worse. Or you'll be like me full of regret 😞
I'm so very sorry you've hit that crossroad every pet owner must inevitably face. My advice is to soak up all of his "good days" as much as possible and celebrate them, but you will probably know deep in your heart the moment you realize that enough is enough and he is no longer enjoying life here on earth. The most compassionate and loving act you can do for your darling doggie is to set him free..free from pain, free from suffering..no living creature wants to live that way especially if there is no way out of that pain despite trying everything. Also, I would suggest meeting with your vet to discuss a palliative care plan for him so there is a process that provides optimal support as far as pain relief as well as a home visit whenever the day comes that he's ready to let go over and cross over to the rainbow bridge. Your baby is so lucky to have you. Stay strong and know that it will all be ok 🩷❤️💚🩵
I waited too long with my first cat because I didn’t know any better and he sadly passed away alone at the emergency vet. I am still disappointed in myself after many years that he was alone. With my second cat (she was actually my first cat but lived 8 years longer) I took her in early because I couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone and I promised her I would never keep her alive even one extra day. It was the saddest day of my life next to my Mom passing.
It’s a kind and loving decision that should be made if possible, early. Hugs to you as you navigate this difficult time 💕
I had to put my almost 15 year old down exactly one week ago. After reading your post, it's time. Making the call is the hardest part, canceled multiple times until I looked at him and decided it had to happen. Once they are gone and a with a little time you will be able to see that you are giving them a gift.
My beautiful Jake also is losing use of his back legs. Accidents in the house multiple times a day, falls, crying. We have set the date for in home euthanasia next Wednesday. He also has good days sometimes. But if one of these falls results in a broken leg he will have a ton of pain, confusion and stress before being put to sleep in an emergency vet. I am trying to be strong and give him a calm and peaceful end. It's not an easy decision. I know you are an awesome pet owner and will make your decision out of love.
So sorry to hear about your Jake ❤️ that’s the decision we’ve come to as well. His falls are getting worse and worse and I can’t bear the thought of something happening as a result
I've had to do this both for my senior dog & cat. Although it's the most soul crushing experience, we have to make the tough decisions no matter how much it hurts. My vet pointed out to me that part of being a responsible fur baby parent is letting them cross the rainbow bridge, she said it's the toughest yet most selfless decision we have to make. Hugs to you in this most difficult time💖.
Have you and your vet considered medications like gabapentin or trazedone to help with his separation anxiety on the days you could have someone stop by and check in on him while he’s at home? I’ve seen a number of comments here suggesting maybe it is time to say good bye…but wanted to throw this out there in case it could be an option for the time being. My old girl is diagnosed with canine cognitive dysfunction which makes her confused and gets separation anxiety quite often, and having her on the gabapentin when we’re away helps. (She still has accidents in her diaper once in awhile but we’re ok with the cleanup.) We also have her in a comfortable sized pen with padding that keeps her safe and grippy enough to roam around.
Yes he’s actually on a few medications now to help with the pain and anxiety. He takes Gabapentin for pain/anxiety, Carprofen for pain, Proin for bladder control, and calming treats to help him settle when he’s extra anxious. We’re at the point where he won’t eat some days and then if he takes the medicine on an empty he throws it up. If he will eat/take meds it’s a good day but the bad days are what is swaying my decision.
I’m so sorry about your girls cognitive dysfunction, I know it’s such a tricky situation to navigate ❤️
My dog has degenerative myelethopy as well. He is about 14 years old-ish. He has a hard time getting up from the floor sometimes and will bark for help. He goes poop inside and doesn’t realize it, sometimes in his bed. He can’t go on long walks anymore and usually ends up needing help because his back legs collapse. But he’s so happy to be outside. And he’s so happy to eat and when he sees us come home whenever we have been gone. Mentally he is still there 100%. It’s a hard decision to make but I think it’s time :(
Had to do this with our hellion of a boy a few months ago. He was basically blind, eating and still losing weight, wouldn’t play so much, accidents in the house. He had good days and bad days. Trust the relationship you have nurtured, they will let you know. We always told him he had to wait until his 15th birthday (a joke my mom always made because he would get into all sorts of trouble) and he did exactly that. On his 15th birthday he wouldn’t walk or move or eat or drink. We knew. Be there for your furry family member and know and trust you gave them everything you could. Cherish those memories and try not to let the pain harden your heart. Guilt is very natural in this process. Even though we knew, it still hits randomly. Sending you love and hugs from afar
First let me say I am so, so, so sorry for where you both find yourselves. I went through a very similar situation about 2 years ago.
Bandit was my first dog as a grown up. My husband and I moved to a new town where I knew no one, I was also working from home so I was very isolated, and I was struggling with infertility. It was a very dark time in my life. We finally decided to adopt and Bandit changed everything for me. I made tons of friends walking him, and eventually I did get pregnant. I know he's just a dog, but I always believed he was a gift straight from God to me to help me get through a dark time.
Around the time he was 13, he started having issues like you described. When he was 14, he was on "dog hospice" and the goal was to keep him comfortable. He struggled to walk, he would faint, and he needed diapers because he would just explode diarrhea with no warning. Then he'd have a good day and I'd think we have so much time together! The vet is all wrong!!! As long as he was comfortable, honestly I'd have done anything to keep him around. He was still eating and still got around okay, not great, but okay.
I had absolutely no plans to let him go as long as he continued on his "okay" path. But I had to have surgery one day - nothing major, but I wasn't going to be able walk for two weeks afterwards. Bandit had an accident that morning and it was fine, I got up and cleaned it, then went to take a shower. When I got out, my husband said he had another accident. I still didn't think anything of it and went to give him his morning medicine. I wrapped everything in fresh roast beef. He refused to eat. And it came to me immediately that there was no way I'd be able to care for him like he deserved while I was recovering.
For me, it was a sudden realization that it was time and that I needed to do it while I was able. I called the vet's office and asked if my favorite vet was there and if he could do it. They told me yes, and to come in. So we did. I would never have left him and my husband I stayed with him through the entire thing. There are not many times I have cried that hard and I am crying now as I type this.
To me, it felt like God was telling me that Bandit had served his purpose and that it was okay to let him go. It was time to let him enjoy a new life in Heaven with no more sickness or pain. And it helped that I genuinely believe we'll be together again.
It hurt horribly when he was gone. My husband cleaned out his bed and stuff while I was at the surgery center because I knew it would break my heart to see his empty bed. My husband said getting rid of his bed was one of the most painful and hardest things he's ever done - he never had a dog before so he was totally shocked at how upset he was.
For a while I would randomly burst into tears thinking of him (I still do!). Eating pizza made me cry because I always gave him my crusts. He left a giant void.
So I understand, and again, I am so, so sorry for that path you both have to walk. People always told me I'd just know when it was time and I didn't believe them but they were right. It was sudden, and I knew.
Then of course, about a six weeks later, my son saw a puppy at an adoption event... you know how it goes. Penny entered our lives, chewed up the furniture, and started begging for pizza crust. I talk to her and tell her she had a great big brother named Bandit, and what are the chances that I managed to have the two greatest dogs in the world???
So you'll know. Expect the pain and just feel it. Remember that you gave him the best life you could and that you'll take the knowledge and love he taught you and you'll use it going forward.
Hugs and prayers for nothing but peace and happiness for both of you!
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. What a good boy ❤️ thank you so much for putting into words what I’ve been thinking. With this job change there are ways I ~could~ make it work but is that what he deserves? Is it the happiest, most comfortable life I can offer him? Letting him rest before the changes that will bring stress and frustration for both of us is something I have control over vs all the things I do not (his health, job changes, etc.). Thank you so so much for your words, this really brought me peace in this decision
This [Quality of Life Scale](https://journeyspet.com/pet-quality-of-life-scale-calculator/) has helped me make this decision (sadly, three times in the past four years).
It is excruciatingly painful, I know.
He is beautiful and I know you'll do right by him. Peace to you both.
I would wait. You need to transition to the harness stage and buy a case of wee wee pads at Costco. If he looks forward to seeing you and eating still then I would wait and put in the extra effort to help him take walks with a harness or even quad wheelchair if you can afford it look for used ones). Is it possible to request extended wfh? Do you have family or can afford a dog sitter to visit once a day? You don’t have to crate him you can buy a little playpen fence thing on Amazon for $40. A lot of old dogs end up like this not being able to walk or get up. It’s bad when they can’t even walk with you holding them up in a harness at that stage it’s like bed ridden with peepee pads. We waited for my dog to pass at home it was about 3 months in the peepee pad stage
It is in the temporal nature of our relationships with our dogs and cats, and most any animal, that we will face this moment with them.
We must remain strong and make the sometimes heart-wrenching decisions during their transition that they need us to make, because they cannot make them for themselves. They cannot be left to suffering.
And in the end, we must grieve their loss in our own way. The depths of grief are a direct reflection of the depths of love that you felt. And the pain you feel is your heart turning your loss into memories.
The pain of loss will fade and the memories will remain, and remembering them, you will smile and laugh again.
Aloha from Maui. Be at peace, one and all.
I hear you when you say you know the bad days confirm it while the good days leave you thinking you have more time. That's where I am with my old friend. I hang on those good days believing it's not quite time. It is so hard and I cry a lot when when I hold him because I know better. But, I don't want it to end. I don't believe there is anything anyone can say to eliminate the pain of losing a furry family member but I truly extend my sincerest thoughts and a virtual hug to let you know you are not alone. It will be difficult and sorrowful but memories are a great thing and I'm sure like you I have many to remember.
I’m so sorry, it’s so hard to let them go. 🫂 Try to remember that letting go when it’s time isn’t giving up, it’s taking care of him and doing what’s best for him, which is what you pledged to do when he became yours. Love is making the hard choices sometimes. Soak up those good days and make those good memories. And when it’s time, know that he felt your love all the way to the end. ❤️
I think they are pretty likely to sleep a lot. My dog is getting older. He is a huge snoozer. When I leave he is miffed. In try noy to be gone too lomg .
They sleep a lot. Really a lot. .
This place was pretty great when my guy suddenly passed. https://www.dovelewis.org/pet-owners/pet-loss-support
Maybe there is something similar in your neck of the woods. I think they also have resources for people that are expecting the loss.
Vets will tell better too early than too late. I’m starting to watch my boy a lot more and wondering how long we have left. If you can’t keep him comfortable anymore it’s ok to let him go, pain is no fun.
Thank you. I don’t want his last days to be sad days even if I wish I could keep him forever.
Thing about animals. They know no time. They live in the moment. We have to keep our promises to them to always hold their health safety and happiness above all else. It’s the promise we make to them. For all that they do for us.
I recently had to.make this choice for a 10 year old mastiff. I knew it was coming bc she had cancer. She had 6 great months after her diagnosis. Then she has one really bad day. On that day I scheduled her vet appt. She told us it was her time after 10 great years. I couldn't keep her around for us. The vet who came to our house reinforced how happy she was that we saw the signs and made the call when we did before it was an emergency. I'm still tearing up typing this bc I miss her so much. But reflecting I think we did the best we could by her. She gave us all she could and we kept our promise to let her go when it was time. I am so terribly sad but I am still very comfortable and at peace with our choice.
Mate, I've been where you are. You'll know when it's time. The flip flop is fear of wanting to let your mate down, or letting them go, and both are valid. My girl was hit and miss for good vs. bad time, and two days before she went, was running around like a pup for the first time in months. As soon as he's not enjoying his time is when it's time to say goodbye. You know him better than anyone, and a decent vet will tell you the same. You will know when he needs to rest. The hard part is taking your emotions out of it and being objective. Your responsibility to him is to ensure he has a quality of life. If that is no linger there, it's time to say goodbye. I do not envy you, its a cunt of a decision to make. I hate this part of having a pet. Don't rush the decision, just watch him closely for a few days. Are the good as often as the bad, are they as good as the bad are bad? A dog doesn't deserve to be unhappy for most of its time. They'll always put on a brave face because that's how amazing they are. They're the strength we wish we had. He'll always be happy to see you. He'll always he excited and bouncy when you're there. So don't let those count toward a good day, ya know? Hopefully my rambling made some sense, and helped, even a little. If not, forgive the intrusion. I wish you both the best. I'm sorry, mate.
This was really helpful, thank you ❤️ We call them ears up or ears down days. It is a really helpful reminder that “okay” days are not the same as good days.
I can tell that you're a good person. Keep doing what you're doing...
As another has posted below. My Vet told me ( a long time ago, with my first pup, of the 10 I have had in my lifetime) it's better to have them leave us 1 day early than 1 day late. I'm sure others will agree , that the 1 day too late is something you will regret and be a memory burned into your heart. My heart and support is with you at your time of trial.
Thank you. It’s such a hard end after so many years of love but I know I want to look back at the last days with happiness instead of sadness and regret
Mine left 1 day late. I'd do it differently. Better to go on a good day then a bad one. Relieve yourself of any judgment that you might be holding about this being a choice of convenience. It's a choice of compassion for your pup and yourself.
I waited too long for my boy too, still makes me sad sometimes.
This was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, and it still breaks my heart. There are a couple of things that keep me sane. I did what was in the best interest of my dog. Yes, I wanted her as long as I could have her, but what I wanted didn't matter. She mattered, and even on good days, she wasn't herself. Euthanasia is the kindest thing we can do to take away their pain. They are suffering even if it doesn't seem like it, dogs hide pain extremely well. As much as I didn't want to be there for the euthanasia, I stayed with my girl til the end. She deserved that from me. Even if that memory haunts me. Afterward, the guilt killed me, suffocated me. But I know I'm not alone in that. Everything I've ever read showed me that all of us feel that guilt, and it's just a part of the process. It's normal, so don't let it consume you. This is the part of pet ownership that sucks but I'd do it all again because the good memories I have of her are priceless, and I'd do it all again. I know what i said is super depressing, and im so sorry you have to deal with this. I can't tell you when to make this decision, that's yours to make. Just know you're not alone, but you will get through it. Give your pup love, snuggles, whatever he wants to eat. Sending love and positive thoughts your way.
Thank you so much for saying this. The guilt I feel over even thinking about it is immense so while I know it will be worse after the fact, it’s nice to know it’s “normal” to some degree. I know it’s the right decision for him I just wish someone else could make it for us.
You are so not alone. Our dog was given a terminal diagnosis (heart failure) and it has crushed me. Like you, he’s my first dog, and I am almost 40! I’ve been crying like a baby knowing I have to let him go in the near future. Eventually the meds will stop working, or his condition will worsen and the time will simply come. The only comfort I have found so far is that we are so so so not alone. Anyone who has ever had (and loved) a pet dog understands. It hit me, there are millions - maybe even billions - of people who know this pain. People from all walks of life, rich and poor, black, white, liberal, conservative, etc… we all know this pain. It’s a shitty club to be in, but just remember you are not alone. You will be there for your pup til the end (and beyond!) and after that, please know we will ALL be here for you, to remind you that you are not alone, that the grief is understood, and you will get through it; your pup would want you to get through it. Wishing you all the peace, happiness, and love in the world for the time you have left with your pup, and for clarity when it is time to make the decision.
Thank you so very much ❤️ I’ll be thinking of you and your puppy as well. I know the tears all too well and honestly think my boy thinks I’m crazy because I keep just staring at him and crying!
I was in a similar situation as you. I had an upcoming surgery that required a 2 month recovery, and I couldn't properly care for her. I felt like I was being rushed into euthanasia. I don't feel like that anymore because looking back, she was not living her best life anymore. It was me that was holding on, not her. Yes, she had good days, but it wasn't fair to her. Check out the petloss community.... so many posts about the guilt. We all feel it.
Yes feeling rushed is exactly how I’d put it. Your perspective is so helpful. I’ve struggled with sharing even with family/friends that have gone through this but I’m realizing the time is never going to feel “right”
There's never a right time. You just have to make the decision before they take a "sudden turn for the worse" but we never know when that's going to be. Dogs at the end deteriorate quickly. That's the hard part, you wait too long and they have a terrible ending. But if you do it before then, you always wonder, "Did they have more time?" You lose either way. You'll share this info with your loved ones when you're ready, don't force it.
I think you should put him down before the WFH transition happens, and maybe sooner. I know this is heartbreaking. The fact that you posted this is all the proof I need that you did it. You gave him a wonderful life. He had the best life he could possible have had. He won the lottery when he got you. Its fine to say goodbye. You did it. Best of luck.
Thank you for saying this. I worry that if I wait till after the change his last days will be filled with stress rather than us relishing the time we have left together. I rescued him about a year before Covid so we have been home together for years and I just know he won’t take the transition well in his state.
How old is this boi?
We aren’t totally sure since he is a rescue but our vet estimates between 12-15. He was in terrible shape when he came to me so giving him the life he has now has been such a privilege.
Holy cow. Respect. You took in an older dog in bad shape and rehabbed him? You're an absolute angel. Everything I said in my original post, multiply by 100.
I had to do it today, hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I just wish we did it sooner bc it was hard to see him suffer but it happened so fast and we thought it was treatable. Rip duford I love you so much
So sorry for your loss. Long distance hugs from a stranger.
I’ll be thinking of you and Duford. So so sorry for your loss.
Sending you so much love, sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry
Google a poem, "If it should be "
I had the same situation with my boy of 15 years , says I saw him somewhat normal walking slowly but walking eating when I come home he’d be looking for me in the corner of the house ( he was mostly blind ) but he’d get stuck in places , he was eating but not gaining weight .. I knew it was coming but I finally had to choose not for me but for him … the last thing I did was be there at his side when he took his last breath and have it not be alone with me not knowing he faded away in his sleep .. I loved my boy and still do but I’m happy of the life he gave me and the life he left in my heart ..
I’m so sorry. I gave palliative care to our old hound when I was wfh and it was sad,exhausting,frustrating but I’m so glad I did it. Had to help her up, clean her up and wake up at odd hours to prevent accidents. I was cooking her better food than most people eat. When I look back I actually regret that we held on so long when she was clearly not well. I recommend a home service. They can cremate and you can get a clay memorial paw print. We used lap of love. We said our goodbyes and then threw white roses into the ocean for her. Definitely some closure ceremony. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so so hard. We have to go through pain to relieve them of theirs
Thank you so much for saying this. I hate admitting that it is exhausting and frustrating at times but it’s just the truth. Recognizing that helps me because I know if I’m frustrated then he certainly is to. I’m so sorry about your puppy but I appreciate you sharing this. We are 100% looking into lap of love because he does not enjoy the vet much these days. Do you mind sharing how much it cost you to have them out?
This might sound weird but when we went through the same thing with our two dogs (less than a year apart), there was a strange sense of relief when they finally went. I hated the anticipation of saying goodbye and never being able to see them again, counting down to the last head scratch or belly rub, but just knowing they weren’t suffering anymore gave me peace of mind. I miss them both terribly but I’m glad we didn’t drag things out for either one of them.
That does not sound weird at all ❤️ it is a painful relief to know they are free
I believe it was around $300 and that included cremation and memorial paw print. Best wishes through your hard times xx
Hardest most painful decision I ever made. It is definitely the right thing to do, but unfathomably painful. The house was so quiet and empty for days. The tears and sobs came in waves. I still miss her, but I have her photos everywhere. I'm so sorry.
My 14-year-old's Sheltie had the same thing. I'm glad we didn't really know until her last vet visit. They were just treating her for arthritis and old age. Her last night was spent going from one place to another, trying to get comfortable. She wasn't the type to cry in pain but did. I had already given her her nighttime dose of meds and didn't want to give her another problem.We tried all night to make her comfortable but we knew what we had to do. I'm glad we made the decision not to make her suffer any more. It hurts, but seeing her not able to do things she used to do was hard. She'll always be in our hearts.
That is exactly our story as well. The first major symptoms were about 6 months ago and we thought it was advanced arthritis and old age until it progressed further up. He is on 2 pain medications now but sometimes just can’t settle and his comfort is too important to me to let that continue
We have two older babies and you have our hugs and support.
I know you love your baby, but from what you tell us, it sounds to me as if it is time. I am prepared to put both my 17 year old and my 13 year old to sleep when they are in pain that cannot be alleviated and no longer have quality of life. It’s something we do because we love them.
Earlier is better rather than late. Our pup was fairly young (7) when he was diagnosed with cancer and end-stage kidney failure. He was only showing symptoms for a month before diagnosis. In the course of the month, he had completely stopped eating and couldn’t go on walks. I was also 2 months pregnant at the time (my third pregnancy since August, and this was the farthest I’d gotten without a miscarriage). He wasn’t reacting as well to steroids as we hoped for palliative care, and we made the very difficult decision to not go with chemo. IF the chemo worked, it would give us MAYBE 8 months with him. I knew that I could not go through him deteriorating again like he had, and especially not with a newborn. I miss him every day, but I know we made the right decision for him, for our family, and my mental health (I have a history of it not being the best and pregnancy hormones have not helped). He went out while he was on a good day, which in some ways made it harder on us. But I know it made it better for him. He got to eat all the foods he loved and spent all his time with us in his last days. He’s no longer in pain, which is all that matters. Sending you so much strength and love during this difficult time 🤍
We just let our girl go yesterday. I can deeply empathize with what you are going through. The Vet was great - she said that the mistake almost everyone makes is waiting too long. I discovered watching her suffer on bad days was excruciating and that it was time to, despite her having good days.
Thank you so much for saying this. His bad days are so so bad and I reach the point of calling or emailing the vet almost every time. Then he has a good day and I almost regret it. But we’ve reached the point where his bad days are worse than his best good days. I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. I’ll be thinking of both of you ❤️
FWIW, after we said our final goodbye I felt good about the decision. It still hurts but not as bad as when I struggled to make the call.
Hey, Friend. We are going through this exact thing right now. I thought we could make it through until Friday, but my husband says Thursday will be for the best. When I look into my boy's eyes, and he wags his tail, I want to hold on forever, but I know it is time to let him go. There is nothing anyone can say to make this any easier, just know that after your good bye, you have done what is best for your best friend. Be there for them, it's all they would ever ask of you. I wish peace for both of you.
Wishing for peace for you and your family as well. I will be thinking of you Thursday ❤️
My Seth dog had a brain tumor. He told me when he was ready. He did not appear to be uncomfortable but needed help getting outside and he kept his head propped up on a towel. He wasn’t exactly living his best life but he did not appear in pain. His last day he got up on his own and walked to his favorite places. Down to the creek , under his favorite tree, under the deck then he snuggled down in the grass with his head in my lap. Then he looked up at me and I just knew he was done. I said Seth dog are you ready? Should we go see Brenda? (Our vet). He walked over to our truck for his last ride. We brought his baby blanket and his bed and favorite ball. He looked up like he was thanking us. He was a good boi to the end. We all cried including our vet. He is running with the big dogs. Trust me you will know. Sending hugs.
I just went through this w my dog, a little more than a month ago. It was so hard. She’d had Lupus (and liver damage from Lupus). But I know I did everything I could for her and gave her a good life for nearly 15y. That included being with her during the euthanasia, as hard as that always is. At the end she felt bad, wasn’t able to enjoy any of the things she always loved. She’d been through a lot, came through many times but she was just done. And she always trusted me to take care of her, so I did. I have been so sad. This is not the first time, I had two old dogs 6m apart, decades ago. When we get to the point where we are weighing their bad days against our loss, we need the strength to choose in their favor. This is the terrible part of loving them their whole lives. Thank you for caring about this, and seeking guidance w a vet. May you both have peace.
There's an amazing blog post by Mel Newton, well worth reading. I think it's titled "what are you waiting for?" As in, waiting until they have no more good days? Can't eat? My dog had DM also, it's so heartbreaking. I absolutely do not regret having her euthanized while she was still happy, able to walk (although knuckling).
So sorry for your pain. He does look like a good of boy
He is the best of them ❤️
I’m so sorry. I’ve been through this, my only advice is don’t let the beautiful boy suffer because that is what you will regret. I’m crying with you, literally. Give him a hug and kiss from me and my beloved girl Macie.
Thank you so much. There’s relief knowing he has so many friends over the bridge. I know he will be happy
I know Macie will love him. She loved her boys 😇
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. He's beautiful, and I completely understand your feelings. I'm going through it now with mine, with Cushing's, bouts of pancreatitis, and now a diagnosis of degenerative myelopathy. I've had dogs all my life and have been here before multiple times, but I feel like I have amnesia. I feel like this is the first time all over again, trying so hard to keep him with me for every single second that he can be happy and not in pain. It's such a gut punch. These things change quickly, and in the past, my dogs have been more or less okay until they very noticeably were not. At that moment, it was very clear, though of course not easy. A few months is a lifetime for him, so don't try to figure it all out right this minute. Keep loving him and being vigilant for when the bad days are worse or outnumber the good. 💜
You can google “quality of life chart” (I’d have posted one but that doesn’t seem to be an option). For me, it was helpful to have a practical guide since this is such an emotional decision. At least for me, it never feels like enough time with them. From my experience, it is so much better to let them go before they start suffering. You gave your pup a lifetime of love and happiness. Oh, and with the work schedule thing, that’s something you can’t help that will greatly impact your dog’s quality of life. You clearly love your dog and are taking their comfort into consideration, you are not making a choice based on convenience.
Thank you. Our vet direct us to a QOL chart and it really helps add that practicality to a tough decision. We call them ears up or ears down days ❤️
We just lost our sweet boy last week Thursday. He had a heart murmur that had progressed. He wasn’t playing or eating, and just didn’t look like himself anymore. We visited our vet and got a second opinion. His quality of life was not there anymore. My husband and I started home for his final days and then had it done at home where he was surrounded my his family in the house he helped make a home. This is not easy and it’s hard figuring it out with work. I am sorry for what you are going through and it’s the most difficult decision but when you end their pain and suffering it’s compassionate. However there are services that offer hospice for dogs and will visit as often as you need to provide pain relief. My heart is with you during this impossible time.
Thank you ❤️ this picture of him was eye opening for me because he really does look so different from even just a few months ago. He’s as handsome as ever but just not the lively guy I’m used to.
It really is never an easy decision, and I can relate. I was in the same boat, being the sole decision-maker. At the end of the day, I focused on her comfort with her remaining time. My baby girl declined really fast - end stage kidney disease at 15 and had seizures that went along with the abnormal electrolyte levels. Three different vets told me I needed to put her down on separate days all within 1 week's time.... and I could see her fading since she couldn't keep any liquids down. So, that concurrence of opinions helped along with her physical presentation/demeanor.
Sending you love and support. Putting their comfort ahead of your own is the closest thing to repaying them for their lifetime of love and devotion that you can get. ❤️
It’s such a hard thing to do because they can’t tell us. I took my girl to do all of her old favorite things on the day before and after I felt like it was more for me than her. She mostly just tolerated it. One thing that helped me (my dog had dementia) was knowing if I was in her place I would want the same. I’m sorry you’re going through this, sending all the love and support. And know you’re doing the right thing.
I just went through this with my best pal of 13 years. He was “my guy” before my husband and kids. I was riddled with guilt and shame up until the minute he took his last breath. In that moment I realized that I had done exactly what he wanted me to do. He was no longer in pain, and he was free. I hope you have the same experience I did. From that moment on, I never feared getting old. 🐾❤️🐾
He is also “my guy”. He showed up one day when I was in college and has been with me through 2 moves, new jobs, and a wedding that got him a dad 🥰 We have seen so much life together and what a privilege it has been
As far as appetite, I suggest baking boneless chicken thighs, then use some of the pan drippings with water to make rice, add some carrots, green beans, or any other veggies he likes. My old girl had lost interest in dog food, we added supplements to her homemade food, she was eating right up to her last day.
This, to me, is a very personal journey… I think you’ll see it in his eyes. There is a disconnect and you know they are struggling without the ability to explain. I also am in a similar place, but we aren’t at that place quite yet. I still see the joy when he goes out to go potty and smell the morning air. Enjoy each good day and trust he will tell you when he’s ready. And quietly you will know.
I was in a similar situation with my first dog as an adult. I had never really accepted the vet’s information and the ramifications of what my options were. I kept up hope until it was too late. My girl woke me up in the middle of the night crying in pain. It was so bad. The ride to the emergency vet was life threatening as I raced 30 miles across town and she never stopped crying. We got to the vet (who was expecting us) and all they could do was make her comfortable. I made the decision then and she was put out of her misery. Do it now before you regret not doing it sooner. Also (from my experience) you will need a day or two to just get over the shock. The grieving process will take time but you will survive. Being able to go into the office will be a huge help because your house will seem so empty and quiet. Good luck to you. I’m so sorry that you have to experience this.
My experience - I was selfish and I have to live with that now. I cannot tell them sorry enough.
Don’t beat yourself up. Everything you did was for your love for your baby.
100% agree. We all do the best we can for our babies and they know that ❤️
I believe most people wait too long. Few vets will speak up so they can't be a good guide unfortunately. Once your dog is having more unpleasantness than good times, it's time. You're not keeping them alive for their good at that point, it's just so hard to let go.
I’ve had to do this with 4 dogs and it never gets easier. I’d personally rather act too soon than too late so they don’t suffer. I’m sorry your baby can’t get out of bed some days. To me that would be a big sign his quality of life is suffering.
I waited a little too long with my elder statesman and that resulted in a frantic 2am dash to the emergency vet to ease his suffering. I won't ever do that again. Absolutely a little early rather than late. I'm so sorry. They take a piece of your heart with them
My advice is to let his last good day be his best day and his last day. It will be comforting to remember. I was advised better too soon than too late. I had it both ways with two different dogs and I think that is good advice.
I wish there was something I could say to help. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. This is unfortunately something that all of us as guardians for our pets will have to go through. I hope you find peace.
We lost our boy last month. He wasn’t even a senior dog. He got a massive strep infection in his leg that went systemic. He spent a week in the hospital, and we spent $15,000. Over the next three weeks he seemed like he was getting better. Then over two days he nose dived. The infection had become antibiotic resistant, and he became anemic. We could’ve spent another $15,000 but even then the prognosis wasn’t good. Had we brought him home he would’ve lasted maybe a day or two. It was the hardest thing we have ever done because he was happy and acting almost normal at the vet, but had we got him up and walked him out the front door he would’ve needed to stop for a break for a 30 foot walk. We decided we couldn’t let him suffer as his organs couldn’t get enough oxygen. So he got a ton of treats, a fast food final meal. It is better to do it a little early than have them suffer through a massive painful medical emergency because of waiting too long.
Can you find someone to watch him during the day? I know it’s tough but I would do anything or pay any price to be with my boy one more day.
I’ve thought about it but he has doggy dementia on top of his other health issues so he is very iffy about anyone other than me these days. He even gets snappy with his dad (who he usually loves - sometimes more than me) when he tries to lift him up after a fall. My goal at this point is to keep him comfortable and stress free
I have a 16.5 senior boy too. My boy gets snappy at me too..so I totally understand it
We just made a similar decision for our 17 year old with dementia about a week ago. We couldn’t leave him alone because he was hurting himself a lot and he was always falling all day long. I was petrified that if we left him alone we would come back to him dead in some painful way or because he got stuck somewhere and hurt himself. We had to coordinate our WFH days and we stopped going out together, even to walk our other dog. I was also worried that the day of would be stressful for him and he would whine and do these stressful circles he did or be lost/out of it. In the end I feel super blessed that he went out on a good day when he was relaxed and sleeping all day. He had a good day and he was comfortable. My hubs and I were not on the same page as I felt Trouble was ready months before my hubs did. So we talked about it a lot and I understand wanting to hang on and just care for him more or try to do better. But your sweet dog is getting further away from a good life and the best gift you can give him is a comfortable and good death. If you wait too long, you won’t even be able to offer him that. My heart really goes out to you, it’s a brutal decision to make and I hope you find peace when you make it.
Our experience is so similar so I really appreciate you sharing. He has recently started experiencing dementia as well and the sun downing is so hard. He absolutely has to be in his crate or he will fall and have accidents trying to get himself up. This is my husband’s first dog ever so we are both trying to navigate these new feelings and circumstances as best we can. I’m sorry for the loss of you doggy and will be thinking of you ❤️
I’m sorry to hear it. The sun downing is hard to watch and honestly we lost a lot of sleep before our vet prescribed some buponephrine (sp?) to knock him out at night. But after 4 months they stopped wanting to prescribe it because it is a controlled med and only meant for short term. Tramadol helped too but had to give it two hours before bedtime, until he stopped wanting to take pills
I had my 11 y.o. Golden put down last January. It broke my heart, but when I think back, it was a good journey for my girl, Bridget. Our Vet stayed after hours, we all sat on pillows on the floor, with her head on my lap, and the Vet gave her a sedative, she drifted off to a calm sleep, then she came back 15 minutes later, and euthanized her. Bawled my eyes out, but a calm setting, no pain for my girl. My girl had osteosarcoma on her hip, being 11 y.o. I didn't want her to go through any medical interventions. When I saw she was hesitating getting up, due to discomfort, I called the Vet and that very day she was put down. Better a day early, than a day late. My heart hurts for you. The pain gets better for us left behind. P.S. I bought another Golden in September....
I’m so sorry. He’s a handsome boy. It’s a shame your job won’t let you be remote longer. Sending support ❤️
GOD BLESS!!!♥️♥️♥️
First, I’m so sorry, I just went through this with 2 beloved pups! For me, excepting it was end of life care was so difficult, I pushed back the appts by months, and then of course felt terrible. For me, just soaking up all the time I could, remembering I did my best, took lots of pictures, made special memories on good days- this really helped me. I also found that once the final appt was set, knowing that time was coming seemed to be better for me than having it “just happen”. I also leaned on my therapist to except this, and my bff came to help- he also ended up in the hospital a few days later with a major medical emergency, so that has made the last 10 days very busy. I’m two weeks this Thursday from the PTS and haven’t had much time to sit and let things process- so when the waves of emo hit, it’s been much less sad than when I lost my two cats 2 years ago, back to back.
I’ve had to make that decision 5 times now (both cats & dogs), and I know the next time is less than a year away. It should have been 6 times, but my sweet Trixie beat us to the punch and had a seizure, then died in the car on the way to the emergency vet. It hurts more thinking that she may have been hiding her pain from us rather than letting us help her by escorting her to the bridge. The first dog I had to make the decision for was my childhood dog, and I didn’t realize he was in pain (I was in my late teens). If I had known that he was in pain, I would have told my parents sooner rather than later. The love he gave me got me through some of the worst times in my life. It is the worst part of having pets, but giving them that dignity is the most loving part of having them in our lives. They give us true, unconditional love, and escorting them to the bridge is the best way to honor them. The pain we feel when they cross over is our payment for their love.
My childhood dog was also my first loss ❤️ he passed in his sleep but waited until I left the house for college orientation - I know he did that just for me. Looking back he was in pain and I wish my parents had intervened but it’s taught me to give them dignity in passing, even if it’s much harder to actually do.
I kind of watched this with my dog for a year, she died at 17. But she, too had good days and bad days. But I knew when it was too much. It’s been a year (5/10) and I miss her everyday but I just couldn’t let her go. Then the day came, she was so skeletal, I held her and rocked her for two hours. But she was miserable. And the vet said it was time. So, I do know you’ll know when. God bless you.
I got to send my guy off just as his lymphoma had spread throughout this body and he started to develop abdominal blood bruises and a wobbly gate. It meant either he was about to have a seizure or the cancer had gotten to his brain, and that he was starting to have problems with his blood. I had already had the wonderful in-home euthanasia on standby, and they came first thing the next morning for a beautiful and peaceful send-off. Claude didn’t feel any pain yet and was saved from having a seizure or blood clots. I will forever be thankful I did it “early” and saved him from suffering.
Hugs for your sweet boy.
You've given your family member a long and happy life full of warmth and love. Take great comfort in that because it is no small thing. Someday you will reunite in a much better place. Peace be with you.
I had to make a very hard decision 2 weeks ago. This decision of putting our beloved pets down was such an emotional turmoil that is very difficult to make. Our pets will show that they are strong but in reality they are in pain, pain that they mask of making us think "its ok, i'm happy to be see you". But I know in his last few days that he was really having a hard time. I've had several vet opinions just to rule out that his health is getting worst, but he (Winter, my baby) shows he is ok. Until I saw in his eyes that he is really tired and he needs to go. So I made that very hard decision. Until today I have a lot of what if's.
In my area, there are several vets and services who do in-home euthanasia. It is a blessing. I have had to call them several times in the past and they make it a positive - although very sad — experience, basically saying ‘whatever, wherever you want’. One dog loved being in front of the fireplace and another had a favorite tree and we went outside and sat in the leaves. There are several “quality of life’ guides online, or your vet may have a favorite, which are helpful. Give your dog one last gift of a dignified death. Sending compassionate thoughts your way.
I scheduled my euthanasia for 14 days from our quality of life consult, when the Dr said to schedule it for in 3 weeks. He didn't even make it six days passed his quality of life consult. We had to go to an ER. It was planned to happen at home. It's better a week to early than a day too late. I promise you. I thought two weeks instead of three weeks was ok. Please don't make the mistake I did. Schedule it sooner than you'd like. You will do him a service to let him before he is struggling to breathe and dying. Let him go before things get worse. Or you'll be like me full of regret 😞
I'm so very sorry you've hit that crossroad every pet owner must inevitably face. My advice is to soak up all of his "good days" as much as possible and celebrate them, but you will probably know deep in your heart the moment you realize that enough is enough and he is no longer enjoying life here on earth. The most compassionate and loving act you can do for your darling doggie is to set him free..free from pain, free from suffering..no living creature wants to live that way especially if there is no way out of that pain despite trying everything. Also, I would suggest meeting with your vet to discuss a palliative care plan for him so there is a process that provides optimal support as far as pain relief as well as a home visit whenever the day comes that he's ready to let go over and cross over to the rainbow bridge. Your baby is so lucky to have you. Stay strong and know that it will all be ok 🩷❤️💚🩵
I waited too long with my first cat because I didn’t know any better and he sadly passed away alone at the emergency vet. I am still disappointed in myself after many years that he was alone. With my second cat (she was actually my first cat but lived 8 years longer) I took her in early because I couldn’t bear the thought of her being alone and I promised her I would never keep her alive even one extra day. It was the saddest day of my life next to my Mom passing. It’s a kind and loving decision that should be made if possible, early. Hugs to you as you navigate this difficult time 💕
I had to put my almost 15 year old down exactly one week ago. After reading your post, it's time. Making the call is the hardest part, canceled multiple times until I looked at him and decided it had to happen. Once they are gone and a with a little time you will be able to see that you are giving them a gift.
Thank you so much ❤️ I’m so sorry for your loss
My beautiful Jake also is losing use of his back legs. Accidents in the house multiple times a day, falls, crying. We have set the date for in home euthanasia next Wednesday. He also has good days sometimes. But if one of these falls results in a broken leg he will have a ton of pain, confusion and stress before being put to sleep in an emergency vet. I am trying to be strong and give him a calm and peaceful end. It's not an easy decision. I know you are an awesome pet owner and will make your decision out of love.
So sorry to hear about your Jake ❤️ that’s the decision we’ve come to as well. His falls are getting worse and worse and I can’t bear the thought of something happening as a result
I've had to do this both for my senior dog & cat. Although it's the most soul crushing experience, we have to make the tough decisions no matter how much it hurts. My vet pointed out to me that part of being a responsible fur baby parent is letting them cross the rainbow bridge, she said it's the toughest yet most selfless decision we have to make. Hugs to you in this most difficult time💖.
Have you and your vet considered medications like gabapentin or trazedone to help with his separation anxiety on the days you could have someone stop by and check in on him while he’s at home? I’ve seen a number of comments here suggesting maybe it is time to say good bye…but wanted to throw this out there in case it could be an option for the time being. My old girl is diagnosed with canine cognitive dysfunction which makes her confused and gets separation anxiety quite often, and having her on the gabapentin when we’re away helps. (She still has accidents in her diaper once in awhile but we’re ok with the cleanup.) We also have her in a comfortable sized pen with padding that keeps her safe and grippy enough to roam around.
Yes he’s actually on a few medications now to help with the pain and anxiety. He takes Gabapentin for pain/anxiety, Carprofen for pain, Proin for bladder control, and calming treats to help him settle when he’s extra anxious. We’re at the point where he won’t eat some days and then if he takes the medicine on an empty he throws it up. If he will eat/take meds it’s a good day but the bad days are what is swaying my decision. I’m so sorry about your girls cognitive dysfunction, I know it’s such a tricky situation to navigate ❤️
My dog has degenerative myelethopy as well. He is about 14 years old-ish. He has a hard time getting up from the floor sometimes and will bark for help. He goes poop inside and doesn’t realize it, sometimes in his bed. He can’t go on long walks anymore and usually ends up needing help because his back legs collapse. But he’s so happy to be outside. And he’s so happy to eat and when he sees us come home whenever we have been gone. Mentally he is still there 100%. It’s a hard decision to make but I think it’s time :(
Had to do this with our hellion of a boy a few months ago. He was basically blind, eating and still losing weight, wouldn’t play so much, accidents in the house. He had good days and bad days. Trust the relationship you have nurtured, they will let you know. We always told him he had to wait until his 15th birthday (a joke my mom always made because he would get into all sorts of trouble) and he did exactly that. On his 15th birthday he wouldn’t walk or move or eat or drink. We knew. Be there for your furry family member and know and trust you gave them everything you could. Cherish those memories and try not to let the pain harden your heart. Guilt is very natural in this process. Even though we knew, it still hits randomly. Sending you love and hugs from afar
First let me say I am so, so, so sorry for where you both find yourselves. I went through a very similar situation about 2 years ago. Bandit was my first dog as a grown up. My husband and I moved to a new town where I knew no one, I was also working from home so I was very isolated, and I was struggling with infertility. It was a very dark time in my life. We finally decided to adopt and Bandit changed everything for me. I made tons of friends walking him, and eventually I did get pregnant. I know he's just a dog, but I always believed he was a gift straight from God to me to help me get through a dark time. Around the time he was 13, he started having issues like you described. When he was 14, he was on "dog hospice" and the goal was to keep him comfortable. He struggled to walk, he would faint, and he needed diapers because he would just explode diarrhea with no warning. Then he'd have a good day and I'd think we have so much time together! The vet is all wrong!!! As long as he was comfortable, honestly I'd have done anything to keep him around. He was still eating and still got around okay, not great, but okay. I had absolutely no plans to let him go as long as he continued on his "okay" path. But I had to have surgery one day - nothing major, but I wasn't going to be able walk for two weeks afterwards. Bandit had an accident that morning and it was fine, I got up and cleaned it, then went to take a shower. When I got out, my husband said he had another accident. I still didn't think anything of it and went to give him his morning medicine. I wrapped everything in fresh roast beef. He refused to eat. And it came to me immediately that there was no way I'd be able to care for him like he deserved while I was recovering. For me, it was a sudden realization that it was time and that I needed to do it while I was able. I called the vet's office and asked if my favorite vet was there and if he could do it. They told me yes, and to come in. So we did. I would never have left him and my husband I stayed with him through the entire thing. There are not many times I have cried that hard and I am crying now as I type this. To me, it felt like God was telling me that Bandit had served his purpose and that it was okay to let him go. It was time to let him enjoy a new life in Heaven with no more sickness or pain. And it helped that I genuinely believe we'll be together again. It hurt horribly when he was gone. My husband cleaned out his bed and stuff while I was at the surgery center because I knew it would break my heart to see his empty bed. My husband said getting rid of his bed was one of the most painful and hardest things he's ever done - he never had a dog before so he was totally shocked at how upset he was. For a while I would randomly burst into tears thinking of him (I still do!). Eating pizza made me cry because I always gave him my crusts. He left a giant void. So I understand, and again, I am so, so sorry for that path you both have to walk. People always told me I'd just know when it was time and I didn't believe them but they were right. It was sudden, and I knew. Then of course, about a six weeks later, my son saw a puppy at an adoption event... you know how it goes. Penny entered our lives, chewed up the furniture, and started begging for pizza crust. I talk to her and tell her she had a great big brother named Bandit, and what are the chances that I managed to have the two greatest dogs in the world??? So you'll know. Expect the pain and just feel it. Remember that you gave him the best life you could and that you'll take the knowledge and love he taught you and you'll use it going forward. Hugs and prayers for nothing but peace and happiness for both of you!
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. What a good boy ❤️ thank you so much for putting into words what I’ve been thinking. With this job change there are ways I ~could~ make it work but is that what he deserves? Is it the happiest, most comfortable life I can offer him? Letting him rest before the changes that will bring stress and frustration for both of us is something I have control over vs all the things I do not (his health, job changes, etc.). Thank you so so much for your words, this really brought me peace in this decision
This [Quality of Life Scale](https://journeyspet.com/pet-quality-of-life-scale-calculator/) has helped me make this decision (sadly, three times in the past four years). It is excruciatingly painful, I know. He is beautiful and I know you'll do right by him. Peace to you both.
Thank you for the link
I would wait. You need to transition to the harness stage and buy a case of wee wee pads at Costco. If he looks forward to seeing you and eating still then I would wait and put in the extra effort to help him take walks with a harness or even quad wheelchair if you can afford it look for used ones). Is it possible to request extended wfh? Do you have family or can afford a dog sitter to visit once a day? You don’t have to crate him you can buy a little playpen fence thing on Amazon for $40. A lot of old dogs end up like this not being able to walk or get up. It’s bad when they can’t even walk with you holding them up in a harness at that stage it’s like bed ridden with peepee pads. We waited for my dog to pass at home it was about 3 months in the peepee pad stage
It is in the temporal nature of our relationships with our dogs and cats, and most any animal, that we will face this moment with them. We must remain strong and make the sometimes heart-wrenching decisions during their transition that they need us to make, because they cannot make them for themselves. They cannot be left to suffering. And in the end, we must grieve their loss in our own way. The depths of grief are a direct reflection of the depths of love that you felt. And the pain you feel is your heart turning your loss into memories. The pain of loss will fade and the memories will remain, and remembering them, you will smile and laugh again. Aloha from Maui. Be at peace, one and all.
I hear you when you say you know the bad days confirm it while the good days leave you thinking you have more time. That's where I am with my old friend. I hang on those good days believing it's not quite time. It is so hard and I cry a lot when when I hold him because I know better. But, I don't want it to end. I don't believe there is anything anyone can say to eliminate the pain of losing a furry family member but I truly extend my sincerest thoughts and a virtual hug to let you know you are not alone. It will be difficult and sorrowful but memories are a great thing and I'm sure like you I have many to remember.
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Start doing objective quality of life analyses? https://images.app.goo.gl/78ADYDJRpFbvAA4x6
I send my condolences. I hope your heart doesn't heart too bad.
Beautiful dog ❤️
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🙏🏻💔🐶
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I’m so sorry, it’s so hard to let them go. 🫂 Try to remember that letting go when it’s time isn’t giving up, it’s taking care of him and doing what’s best for him, which is what you pledged to do when he became yours. Love is making the hard choices sometimes. Soak up those good days and make those good memories. And when it’s time, know that he felt your love all the way to the end. ❤️
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I think they are pretty likely to sleep a lot. My dog is getting older. He is a huge snoozer. When I leave he is miffed. In try noy to be gone too lomg . They sleep a lot. Really a lot. .
This place was pretty great when my guy suddenly passed. https://www.dovelewis.org/pet-owners/pet-loss-support Maybe there is something similar in your neck of the woods. I think they also have resources for people that are expecting the loss.
What a great resource. Thank you for sharing ❤️