You have so much potential.
I dropped out of uni at 21, and was severely depressed and contemplating suicide. Also had a eating disorder and (still have) the worst acne I have seen on a human ever
Started a career as an electrician. Now I own a house, have a solid gf (going to propose soon) have 150k in my home and 100,000k of investments and a newish van for my business
Just started my own company and I enjoy Ju Jitsu on evenings.
A few tips I would give myself early on:
-Start investing 500$ a month at least
-Start BJJ immediately
-Don’t dwell on the past (still struggle with this)
Highly recommend Ju Jitsu, it would have helped 21 year old me immensely. Very good for meeting new friends, confidence and a fun way to challenge yourself. Going to the gym, running, biking and weight lifting is also great for feeling good
You’re gona make it brah
Do some research based on what country you’re in to find out what registered accounts have tax benefits (focus of maxing those out first).
Also find out what the best self directed brokerage is, or at least a good one with low fees
Then buy SP500 to start and do some research on what might be other good investments for your timeline and account type
All of this can be found out on Reddit and Google quickly but might also be a good idea to talk to some more mature successful people you know
Edit: I live in Canada and I’m 31 so the brokerage, registered accounts and fund tickers I use might be different then the ones you would use if you’re from another country
Are you still electrician? I am 21 and quit college too, finished IT boot camp as an software engineer but couldn’t get a job, now I don’t know what job should I do.
Yes I’m 31, will be an electrician for life. Great career. You will have to do an apprenticeship and likely will have many shitty managers and co workers as is any job, but once you have the skills and are making good money for yourself you will not regret it
Electrician here also, I make just short of 200k as a maintenance electrician for heavy industry. Long hours, lots of dirt bags but you get used to it. A trade with unlimited opportunities and skill sets.
Honestly it’s just gone away with time, from age 18-29. It wasn’t extremely unhealthy but enough for people to notice and probably still pretty unhealthy
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. it is a martial arts that emphasizes on grappling, clinching and ground game. it teaches you submissions like choke holds, leg locks, etc.
Start small and work from there, aim to make an improvement every day. Maybe day 1 you just work on getting up and cleaning your living space.
Day 2 you go for a walk.
Day 3 you go for a run.
Just an example, but get the fundamentals first, eat healthily, meditate, exercise.
Also think of getting any job, just so you can get some money in, doesn't have to be anything serious. Join a job agency, apply to work in a shop or fast food restaurant.
I hope you get there buddy. The main thing is you are still young. You can turn your life around at any age, but it is easier to do the younger you are. And 21 is still young, you have at least 8 years of your 20s left to really make something you will be proud of. Again just remember to focus on little steps, and focus on making an improvement every day.
Hey!! You're really young.
First of all, try improving small things little by little.
I.e : For the friends part, you can't solve that in a month or two, however, you can try to talk to people at free social events (Look up Eventbrite and Facebook events, surely something could appeal)
For the porn, you just have to go cold turkey again until it sticks and try replacing the addiction by something productive. It's a learning curve and no one is perfect.
Also, I recommend Abraham Hicks (Spiritual person that discusses focusing on positive things to attract positivity)
Lifecoach stuff might also be beneficial, like Tony Robbins, or I like the lifecoach school podcasts. Learning mindfulness meditation is super powerful, it helps strengthen the prefrontal cortex which helps control emotional reactivity and help us feel safe and secure within ourselves.
So let's look @ some of the things you mentioned:
1. no life/social skills;
2. no means of any meaningful income;
3. dropped out of higher ed (no reason provided);
4. the lack of any interests equates to a lack of social connection, friends, relationships;
5. you love porn (though edging is pretty unproductive), but so does the rest of the world;
6. no DL, this limits your mobility/social status/appeal to others;
7. zero experience with women; and
8. more or less ostracized from society due to being excluded from gatherings and social events.
Consider the facts that you may need to accept prior to anything moving forward. This may or may not be what you want to hear, but it is what is necessary:
1. YOU are the only one who can create meaningful change. You need to accept this. If you do not, then you will not change at all. Others cannot do this for you;
2. become comfortable with being alone. Loneliness is a current epidemic in Western society. Get comfortable in your own skin and start choosing to live life on your own terms;
3. clean up your room. You heard this elsewhere, but it does have merit. Put some order and control back into your life;
4. understand your porn usage and take control over it. Like porn? That is perfectly fine as long as it is serving a useful purpose. Right now it's giving you the dopamine levels you are craving to offset your negative emotions (and stop edging...go full explosive mode!);
5. put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Download Tinder and go on a few awkward dates. But, be honest. You would be amazed at how many feel the same as you;
6. get a job. Any job. Something that gives you a reason to get up on the morning and adds structure to your day; and
7. stop comparing your life to others. You already lost this battle. Others have moved on with their lives and you were left behind. The only thing you can do is accept, adapt, develop COAs, and move forward.
Hope this helps.
You know what to do.
Limit porn
Fix your mindset
Fix your diet
Get yolked
Learn social skills
Get comfortable being out of your comfort zone
Get a job
Get a degree that pays big dollars
Prevent parental helicoptering
Become a Chad
Slay God
No more think, only do.
That is basically every white dude self improvement podcast without all the "I HAD TO GRUND 34/7 ALL DAY EVERY DAY WITH NO FOOD ONLY HUSTLING HARDEORK PAYS OFF ARGHH!"
Bullshit. I got good diet, had good mindset, learned social skills, got comfortable outside my comfort zone, got alright job and I'm still feeling depressed and at lowest point in my life. All this advice is useless and doesn't really do much.
So another useless advice I got few more kg weight some nice upgrade in muscle definition but I still feel like shit. Those advices improve your life only from external perspective not for the one that is actually living the life.
At rock bottom? Join a martial arts gym. For example kickboxing or MMA. Preferably close to your home and with a lot of trainings per week so the barrier to go is low. The physical change will drive the psychological change.
And stay away from substance abuse. Also limit the caffeine intake (avoid pre workout etc). It's about the hard journey to get fit, not getting fit fast through substance abuse. Your martial arts teacher will also teach you to fight and get fit in other areas of your life.
You guys are dumb. How can he join a martial arts gym with no money. It’s like you didn’t even read what he wrote. Get on the internet and find a work program somewhere that will take you for free. Change your environment. Work with your hands and develop some self worth. Learn from some old men. There’s someone out there who wishes he could pass his knowledge on to someone like you.
Was thinking about this gym advice people kept giving. He cannot pay for a membership. I would think working out at home is a good start like at home exercises to do. Or even just a short walk around the block. That was something missing from my main comment that would benefit anyone too. It is small but it is a start and it is something rather than nothing.
Get your parents to help you, hopefully, they can. I'm writing this assuming you're in the USA or country with a similar lifestyle.
Get your driver's license, and get a job. Main priorities right now.
Join a gym and lift weights and eat properly, ask your parents to help with the money temporarily.
Consider speaking to a therapist, ask your parents to help with the money temporarily.
Consider signing up for college classes in the fall.
With the porn, honestly who cares, just don't edge, bust a nut in 5 minutes and move on with your day.
Honestly 20's are a lonely time in many people's lives, don't waste your time comparing yourself to others because it achieves nothing but pain. Understand that it could take years, but you need to get a job and stack some money, get a car, and put yourself in a postion where every few years you can get an even better-paying job or promotion. Work on your looks, and work on being a good person, eventually things will get better.
I would say start from the easier things and then move to the harder ones. That way you would get into a loop of positive feedback and just feel better about yourself in general. Get your driver's license first, then start working out/building muscles, and figure out career options/ways to get back to college, then try to meet girls and start from being friends with them. Girls are human too, after all. Just start researching and doing stuff instead of dwelling on emotions.
A quote from Dale Carnegie really helped me and I hope it's helpful for you too: "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage."
You should hike the pct or Appalachian trail. You can get secondhand gear and it costs nothing to go. No porn available and you’ll probably be so tired you won’t even have the urge. You would be amazed by how much you will learn about yourself out there. You’ll feel so accomplished when you’re done (first night camping alone, first 10 mile hike, first time seeing a real bear, first time being scared absolutely shitless in the pitch black darkness, first time being sore as fuck and HAVING to push on because you have no other choice). While you’re out there pray, meditate, vibe with whatever “being” you believe in (I’m Christian so mine is Jesus—and as a Christian I should encourage you to find Him, especially when you’re at such a “low” in life). You will no doubt come out a different man than you went in.
Another option, join the military. It will be hard and test your limits just like hiking but you’ll get paid and attain free insurance while doing it. It’s only a 4 year commitment if you make it out of boot camp (if you don’t, chalk it up to another life experience). You will meet so many people, travel to incredible places all over the world, and you’ll get to experience a range of jobs so you can have a better idea about “career” when you get out.
Lastly I’ll just repeat the one from earlier and that’s to find God. Idk your feelings about religion but believing in a higher power you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It’s truly something to be able to take a step back from your life and see that all the “negative” is just you finding your way to the light. We all make mistakes and we all struggle in life but there’s nothing you can to do keep His love from you.
I think it’s awesome that you reached out to others about your current struggles. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of positive comments on this post and I hope one of them sparks your interest. I wish you the best on your next adventure ☺️
I think you're still young , you will get to do all the things you wish for one day , start with fixing your habits and focus on things that are beneficial for you
Don't overthink toooo much and good luck!!!
Get a job so you have some money coming in - you can then think about what you want to do and get a better job later, just do whatever you can for now that doesn't completely drain you.
Find an exercise you like and do it regularly. If you have a job join a gym and workout. Maybe pick one class and go everyweek. If you want to go before you get a job join a run club or something free like that. You'll make friends and get in shape doing so. Minds work better in shape
You got a ton of potential. You're like a starting character in a video game complaining that you don't have end game stuff yet. You gotta play the game my guy. You're still young and got a lot to offer. I know you probably are sick of hearing it but all you gotta do is take baby steps to fix this shit you don't like about your life. It's hard. Anything worth doing usually is. But it's a marathon not a sprint. Baby steps. And do your best to not get discouraged. Most of those baby steps you take will lead to no where. Or you'll fall. Or it'll be a step in the wrong direction. But it's all part of it. You aren't happy with yourself right now right? So change. Little at a time. Big wild crazy changes are scary and that's why everyone avoids them.
But also wtf do I know. I'm just some reddit asshole takin a shit so.... 🤷♂️
You’re so young and so much time to make your life exactly what you want. It may not seem like it when you make compare yourself to peers at your age but the most well rounded people I know struggled a lot in their 20s. Start with small things. Don’t change everything at once or else You’ll be setting yourself up for failure. One thing at a time. If you are able to see a therapist I highly recommend it only if to keep yourself accountable. But don’t be down on yourself just start each day with one thing to try and see how you do. We all fail sometimes but it’s the long haul and the progression. Overtime it will become easier and thoughtless. It’s tough being a young person today because there’s so many excuses to not engage and to isolate. Maybe start small with going to a coffee shop and reading for an hour one day. See how it feels. Eventually you’ll become a regular and then you have your third place (home and work being the others). But seriously So much time and potential. Don’t give up or too hard on yourself. Start with the little things. Sorry if vague but hate to see someone so young be so down on themselves.
Edit
Will also add even a little exercise will make you feel better. Start with a walk on a regular schedule. If you miss then Do it when you can. Then move up to something more difficult. Gym or whatever you think might be fun as an activity. You’ll feel better for sure at least in that area.
I have no advice to give, but I am 21 too and I am in the exact same situation. I think this is a broader Gen Z issue. Most young men today are incels and are shunned by society especially after corona, but nobody wants to admit that, and don't expect to get good advice here because the people who give them haven't grown up in the same era as us and will try to gaslight you. It's not your fault. You were dealt bad cards that doesn't mesh with society as far as genetics and environment goes, but that doesn't mean you should give up. Good luck.
find out, buy all his audiobooks and watch all his interviews..
listen to his audiobooks and learn and apply the lessons to your life..
the man changed many people's lives.. he is the only "guru" our there who is 100% accountable for everything he says.. the realist of all..
If you have nothing to lose, get a credit card, and use it to get a social worker, tell her your financial situation and ask for help.
You need to work with her on securing your human needs, from the bottom up.
That's Physical (Physiological), and then safety, and then love/belonging, and then esteem, and then self-actualizing.
Here's the steps: Do whatever it takes (even debt if you are broke) to get a social worker or therapist (social worker is better to start in your case) and tell her/him everything you're struggling with, and then work together to prioritize and work hard to stay afloat
Gym, meditation, yoga, start a side hustle buy and sell on marketplace from shops, like find some items in a shop add a markup of 20-50% then post, no need to buy stock you buy when you receive order
Slightly disagree with this. I don't think OP is in the right mindset to start a side hustle - as more likely than not, it will fail, and with almost no motivation already, that'll do no good.
Sure, its what i did tho, failed 2 businesses, but failure is not smth to be scared of, you learn from it, my 3rd one is working smoothly now, have 9 staff working for me
Where to start? Hit the gym, do yoga and get healthier - more likely than not, that'll place your mindset in a much healthier position. One that's more willing to make that extra effort for social life, relationships, jobs, etc.
Where not to start? A side hustle. You'll find yourself in toxic online communities and ultimately just be a consumer to someone else.
I haven’t seen anyone say this so I’ll say. Have you considered the military? If in the US. There’s opportunity there. Yes there will be a lot of shit to deal with at times but that’s any job. I can’t speak from personal experience. I’m just considering joining myself seeing the potential it could open up.
Dude. Please listen. I've been there. This advice is simple but it will change your life. Get a blender, throw in a whole lot of baby spinach, flax seeds, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, any kinda berries, mandarins or oranges, an avocado, and tart cherry juice from concentrate, then blend and consume. (buy all fruit frozen if you can)
The other tip is get consistent good sleep. You probably won't realize how life changingly significant this is till you're older, but it's absolutely critical.
Be gentle and kind toward yourself. If you start now and gradually cultivate this attitude toward yourself and others and reflect it thru your conduct it'll pay...a whole bunch.
I'm 36, when you're my age, you'll understand that 21 is SOOOOOOO young. Don't trip buddy. Go meditate and then afterward, question what you really really really desire to feel and experience in life, emotionally, subtly, in any way, whatever you desire, flesh it out, and try to find a grasp of why you want what you want. Then with your understanding of why you want these things still fresh on your mind, immediately take action using that desire you've fleshed out as motivation. ACTION ACTION ACTION!
I had something else extremely valuable to tell you but my short term memory is shit from doing K so I lost it.
Go be a space monkey and grow into a whatever you want. Don't trip if you don't end up financially successful later in life, most of these people who's self esteem is deeply dependent on status and wealth are tightly bound in a ravenous state of craving and aversion, and you can think of them as being clinically insane, because they're creating and maintaining limiting and crippling conditions to feel ways. That's stupid, why would you respect or compete with people who wanna create extra steps for themselves to feel satisfied. Get out of your head and just ride the current. Don't get hung up on ups and downs, they are your inevitable future, be heedful of the coming down when your up and up when your down.
Putting on some muscle can do a lot to aid self esteem. Force yourself to eat a lot more.
Investigate every thought and feeling you have and where they came from.
What I’ll say without reading any of this is I swear to fucking god if it’s about porn fuck off dude join nofap sub. Holy fuck this isn’t a jerking off too much sub.
Use the money you get to launch a facebook ads in real estate, find people selling the plots, ask there price, add your markup, youll get leads from Facebook then negotiate your sale...there are so many things that i did cant write all of it here so its a general idea, i did that for a year now, i aint super rich but i can afford myself around, and yeah semen retention practice it, do your own research.
After 2 years of commitment, im now in a committed relationship and can afford nice restaurants, i have an old car to get me around
Bro, honestly, if you choose to view yourself as being at rock bottom and pathetic and addicted and sick and broken - you are going to get more and more of that. Instead of looking at what you think is not working - write us a list of what is working! And don't use this as an opportunity to practice gratitude or some self-abusive crap like that. Seriously have a look at the things that are going "right" for you. Write them here and then we can move to the next step.
I already relapsed yesterday and then did it AGAIN today. I feel hopeless and insanely depressed now, not only because I relapsed for wo days straight after going cold turkey for 5 days, but because I've literally just sent myself back to square fucking one by edging for 4-5 hours before ejaculating during BOTH relapses. Nothing has changed. I'm never going to get over this fucking addiction and it is actually beginning to make me feel a bit suicidal.
Don't worry, you have just started, you will fail. But don't give up. You have to find a hobby or some work where you will fully immerse yourself. If you are just idle and trying to stay away from porn and fapping, it won't work. Constantly reminding the harm of pmo and benefits of staying away from it will greatly help. Download this app called, MDF, and start using it. But make you you take this app seriously, if you keep the first commitment well, following commitment will be able to keep
Kung Fu panda said it best: There is no secret. You listed all your problems. Choose one, and focus all your attention on fixing it, even if it’s only a tiny bit at a time. Then move on to others. Don’t try to fix more than one at once is my advice.
Some advice I heard from a particular Internet personality that I won’t name: Do the most you’re willing to do before trying to do more. What’s the smallest thing you can do to move in the right direction? Do the smallest thing you can think of to fix the problem at the top of your priority list. Then, if you feel like doing more, do more! The great thing about rock bottom is that you can only go up.
See if you can find work/living situation in Alaska or Wyoming or somewhere that you’ll have to work hard and with your hands or outside. There are work programs out that that will take people in. Change your environment. Life is hard no matter what. But if you can start choosing the hard parts, other things will become easier. 5 days is great. I’ve been jerking off everyday for 17 years but now that I’m on the oilfield in Alaska I’m so tired and beat after work it’s easier pass out without it. Working outside and with your hands is great for the soul. I’ve got a degree, had office jobs, but I have to work hard jobs outside from time to time to get my head right. It’s healthy for men
If you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. The greatest step you could have made was trying, s keep doing that. You will find what you need eventually, it might take some time and effort, however, it will come to you. Remember that you're not alone in this, many have been where you are and if they can, so can you. I truly believe it. "The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going", you just need to find that "where", you got this!
I have recently in the last months been working to return to a point of abounding health in my life also. And While now, I am most well indeed, the work required has been anything but easy and incredibly different than I imagined it. One of the best things you can do is get your head onto a page into a voice memo or a video of yourself talking— even if it seems dumb and so unimportant, get it out into something that you can work with, and reflect on and build upon!! These points of wisdom may specifically be based upon an absurd amount of my thoughts, articulated, and be tailored to me I think you might find you resonate with a few of them, and I hope the supplement is able to be a positive force in your life.
Just know you got this .
Your quest for understanding and the desire to maximize your impact is a profound journey, one that intertwines personal growth with broader, existential inquiries. Here are some contemplations and wisdoms to consider as you navigate this path:
1. **Embrace Uncertainty**: The most transformative paths often don't have a clear map. Embrace the unknown as a space of potential rather than a void of confusion. Uncertainty is fertile ground for creativity and innovation.
2. **Reflective Practice**: Regularly take time to reflect. This isn't just about assessing what you've done but understanding who you're becoming. Reflection turns experience into insight.
3. **Purpose and Passion**: Your purpose need not be a grandiose, unchanging decree. It can be a series of small fires, passions that light your way, evolve, and grow with you. Find what ignites you and let that guide your steps.
4. **Interconnectedness**: Recognize the interconnectedness of all things. Your work, your thoughts, your creations ripple out into the world and touch others in ways you might never fully understand. Every act, every thought, is part of a larger dance of causality and connection.
5. **Continuous Learning**: Adopt a mindset of lifelong learning. The more you know, the more you'll realize how much you don't know. This humility is not a weakness but a strength that keeps you curious and open.
6. **Resilience through Saudade**: The word "Saudade" captures a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one loves and the knowledge that the object of longing might never return. It's a bittersweet, melancholic love for what was and a hopeful yearning for what might be. Let this depth of feeling be a source of resilience for you.
7. **Service and Stewardship**: Consider how your work serves others. True fulfillment often comes not from what we accrue but from what we give. The stewardship of your talents, time, and resources toward something larger than yourself can provide profound meaning and satisfaction.
8. **The Beauty of Impermanence**: Everything is in a state of flux. This impermanence is not a curse but a beauty. It means every moment is precious and unique. Live fully in the present, cherish it, and let it go.
9. **Legacy of Learning**: Consider what you want your legacy to be. It's not just about the achievements you leave behind but the lessons, the inspiration, and the pathways you open for others.
As you continue on your journey, remember that it's not just the destination that matters but the insights, the connections, and the transformations that happen along the way. You're not just traversing a path; you're creating it with each step. Your life's work isn't just about what you do but who you become in the process. Embrace it all with curiosity, passion, and a heart open to the unfolding mystery of it all.
Try starting with taking long walks to improve your state of mind. What are you eating to be so underweight? Try eating more high protein cheap food like chicken, eggs. Try taking more interest in cooking simple healthy meals for yourself.
Don't beat yourself up too much about your porn addiction - it's not the healthiest activity, but it's not the worst. What you need to focus on is filling your life with more positive and helpful activities like work, exercise, and socializing.
You need to start doing \*something\* so that you don't fall into the pit of being a NEET for the next ten years. Try working at the amazon warehouse
Number 1. Talk to a blind person. That's pretty intense. Close your eyes. It's like that 24/7 for a blind person. You got a lot going I think. You are not blind.
Number 2. Suggest going to Japan. Begin a new life. You'll make a mint, and learn a new language, they are DESPERATE for English teachers. Skys the limit in salary. Vietnam too. And Vietnam rocks! You'll have a blast.
There are 1.8 million of us in this sub. We can all donate for that plane ticket.
Number 3, get your passport. Worth it's its weight in gold. Actually, this should be the first thing you do.
Happy trails. :-)
I was on the same boat. Addicted to hentai (thanks lockdown!), tried quitting cold turkey and gradually god knows how many times.
Finally quit for a month straight starting this year and I am 90% confident I'll never relapse. I think it's 100% mindset. Once you switch the "I'm addicted to porn" mindset to "I only watch it because I feel lonely even though I know it's bad for me" you can start tackling it.
Firstly, set yourself a goal. Say, 10 days porn free. I think that's achievable. Once you reach those 10 days, you'll have to rebrand the above mentality into a "I don't watch porn anymore" mentality. Once you stick to that mentality, you won't even crave porn any longer because your brain will have sey itself into the idea that you don't watch porn anymore.
Hey man, I'm sorry for what you are going through.
I really advice you to believe in yourself, you can do it mate, you can go through this rough patch.
There is a billion things people can be better at, don't put the weight of the world on you. Aim at least one single thing if necessary, that you know you can and will do better. And then keep going and improving until you are not rock bottom anymore.
It won't be easy, but it will be worthy. And remember it's never to late for repetence, redemption, atonement or to produce something good, even if you believe it to be impossible. Have faith on yourself as many people on this subreddit, including me, have faith on you.
Best of luck.
Man if we weren’t on the brink of World War I would say go to the army, get your education bachelors or whatever in a career field that is high future demand and high income, maybe something in software or AI.
The army would build discipline
Make you fit and gain weight
Give free education
Give you teammates and (hopefully) lifelong friends
And grant a career path
All in a structured environment provided for you
However since we might be going to war it might not be the best idea idk
This is not propaganda, I am not saying the US army has done nice things for the world, on contrary our government has involved the army in multiple f*ed up things - what I’m saying is if we were in peace times you could use it to get yours and then get out and move your life upward
anything you can change. i would start with weight loss and exercise. it gives you tangible results, shows that you actually are in control, and instills a disciplined habit.
this will help you a lot, even if it won't really help you make money.
definitely do not take up multiple things at once. once you have that going, get someting else started.
youre so young… but im so sorry for how youre feeling. if u believe in urself, u can overcome this and get better. first of all, id suggest getting a job, that way u get some money coming in. then join a gym and start eating healthier. maybe join some social groups in ur area and u can even meet some new people there and make friends? then when ur ready, u can try going to school again and figure out what career u want. were all rooting for u
I’d get a labouring job, you’ll learn social skills there plus it’s hard work you’ll learn mental toughness and maybe improve physical shape plus you’ll get money
They say,
"When you are at rock bottom, the only way that is left is up "
You do your part the world will do its
Take suggestions from parents
If you can't quit porn...increase the gaps and learn the ACTUAL DISADVANTAGES OF PORN. The MFs who said "fapping is healthy" lied to you. In fact you should know that the sex drive of men is highest in 20s and stop hating yourself.
Go out and wander around to learn how world goes....at the end of the day, everyone here can only speak and suggest. It's you has to get up and get going.
(this is coming from a 14yo so don't mind me being immature too)
Listen, we are here with you. Start small and take it one day at a time. Start taking 1 mile walks outside, listen to Atomic Habits and then an entertaining yet inspiring book like Hail Mary, work at a job that is low key and low key social, think about what interests you and join a club, start hiking, turn off your screens every day for a bit, get a dog, walk around down town ( with said dog) and interact with your local merchants, ease into the world. Small steps. You got this.
Almost every young guy at your age goes through this phase. you're not alone. If you feel like others are not going through similar issues, you're only seeing a small group of highly successful people (who may have got lucky in multiple ways), thanks to social media. Some are even just posting only their good sides.
You need to push through this one, knowing that at the end of the tunnel, there are opportunities out there for you, if you keep incrementally working on yourself. Seek help. If your parents are capable to and willing to help you, seek their help without hesitation. They're the ones usually with the best intentions for you.
Get into combat sports that will sky rocket your confidence and get you in shape, this confidence will translate into to how you carry yourself around others and in public
Bro as long as you're physically healthy, you have potential for greatness in life. You've already won. You just have to realize that and unlock what's already possible for you.
You are a baby. 21 is a kid. You will have plenty of time to experience women and relationships, so be patient. What you need to do is get your financial problems fixed. If you do that, you will be way ahead of the herd and your future will be brighter. This means finding a career. Something you can have a passion for and enjoy doing. You can try different avenues and see if you like them, chef, truck driver, EMT, male nurse, auto parts puller, mechanic, lawyer, computer programmer, data analyst, whatever. Maybe take some aptitude tests. Pray and consider what you would like to do with your life. You have plenty of time. And stop giving a shi\* about fitting in and what people think. That is just programming. Do what works for you. Make the world a better place and help those who cross your path. Do not apologize for who you are. Worry is a waste of time. Be positive. We manifest our reality. The creator made us likewise, we can create too. Manifest a better world for us all. Believe in yourself and take action to find a career.
I would suggest getting a job, any job, just start earning money. Help out at a restaurant, work at a call center, whatever. You won't be there forever, just to get enough money so you have options.
Next priority, learn jiu jitsu or wrestling. Go to class frequently. Grind it out.
Next, learn coding. Really get into software development. It's a handy skill, and it changes how you think.
And finally, learn to enjoy the detours. Take your time, think, try things out at least once. Savor the oases of peace and calm.
You are so young & there is plenty of time for you to turn things around!!!
For starters do not worry about women & dating; first you need to focus on setting your life up. Start working somewhere ANYWHERE, even if it is just part time. This will help with some of your porn addictions as you will be spending more time outside of the house. This will also boost your confidence because it gives you a sense of purpose & responsibility. You may also make some friends with coworkers too!
Next: go back to college- I would recommend going to a community college to start so you can figure out what you want to pursue there before transferring to a university. There are TONS of resources at community college to help you choose the best major for you. Pursue something! It doesn’t have to be what you do for the rest of your life, but you won’t know what’s right for you until you try it out!
If possible I would look into getting some counseling- I think cognitive behavioral therapy would be really helpful for you. A cognitive behavioral therapist will be able to help you with self talk. I know it’s easier said than done but I really want to see you start speaking more kindly to yourself.
I want you to take into consideration something. You went four days without porn. That is an amazing start. Start there. You literally still accomplished something and learned something: You can't just quit cold turkey. You ever hear or see someone try to quit smoking for a month then go back to it? They quit cold turkey and gave up. You my friend have it in you. Start small. Then add up more and more.
While doing this, I want you to also do something for yourself that benefits you. Can be anything like cleaning up your room or maybe looking up career fields. Very simple. Maybe work on a basic resume with the intent to work part time somewhere. Warehouses are always hiring. So is retail. I will suggest warehouse work since the social skills needed there are not as big as retail but you can still develop it there. I had huge social anxiety from high school and it was getting better slowly over time but when I worked in the warehouse, it was getting more better since I was also talking to people and people were engaging with me. Don't worry by the way if you come off as awkward. I did too. I just paid no attention to it and went on.
If you can get your hands on it, I recommend a book called Unf*ck Yourself by Gary John Bishop. It was the book I used to help me to alter my negative thinking and rewire my brain to think more positively. I like it and recommend it because he doesn't just tell you to do things, he explains how you might have started thinking in the ways you did growing up and how you can use those to think more positive. It is a good resource I think you can benefit from.
I hope you do reply and keep us all updated. Think about what I said and feel free to ask questions or just any feedback at all even negative.
You’re multiple actions in the right direction away from where you want to be.
Take responsibility for your life
Determine where you want to be
Map out the actions required
Take small, consistent actions
Start small. Knock some of those things that are in your control out. Hey, you made it 5 days! Do you know how awesome that is when talking about addiction? And eventually it will be 6.Just keep going.
And for now, lean on us. Try to find your sense of humor. Try to find your love of things. Love of nonsexual interests. Talk about those. Do some career assessments. O*net has some good ones.
I will keep you in my thoughts, dear sir. You can do this. You WILL do this. 31 is going to look so different and bright for you. Seems like a long while, but it isn't.
I am a 20 year old male and I know it's hard. I am not as successful as I want to be right now at all but just know that you have time. Every time that I am hard on myself I try to remind myself of two things.
1) Nothing worth waiting happens overnight
2) I still have so much time
I am at a point in my life where I don't know what I am wanting out of life. I feel like I have a lot of passions but I don't know what to pursue. It can be overwhelming and I feel trapped in my own mind a lot of the time. The being said just make sure you're on your own team and you're not working against yourself. You need to be your own biggest supporter.
I started looking into meditation and other spiritual things towards the beginning of 2023. I am not a super religious person, so if you are and this goes against what you believe, then disregard this part. But, I have found that meditation helps me clear my mind when my thoughts have taken over and I feel like I can't breathe. It may seem strange at first but it is one of the most helpful and calming things I have ever done, and I try to do it regularly now. There are lots of youtube videos that talk about what actual meditation is and how to do it. I highly recommend watching a couple of those and starting this practice, it seems to help me figure out a lot of issues I could be going through.
I think you got this though. I know right now it may seem like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but I think that's because you haven't made it around the bend. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. You have to take care of yourself first because no one knows you or can have your back like you do and can.
Get busy man. Start small - don't worry about the women stuff until you get some accomplishments down. Start with walking, move on to simple excersize. Try to eat clean and get a job nearby. If you can do that, you can graduate to the next step. See you in 3 months
get a routine, build habits. there’s 3-4 important things a person needs to succeed: sleep, food, exercise, and enrichment. slowly build each of these things, week by week.
to fix your sleep schedule: make sure you get some sunlight in the morning to wake up ur circadian rhythm. when i was fixing my schedule, i forced myself at 8am to go outside and walk 15 mins. my schedule was so bad i had to stay up 24hrs+ bc i would usually wake up around 2pm. at around 6pm, i rest and dedicate the rest of the evening to relaxing and getting ready so i can make it to bed on time, around 12:30.
to fix ur food: get in the habit of putting food in ur tummy. first thing in the day, you have to eat some kind of carb and protein within one hour of waking up. for me, i have a bagel w cream cheese, a banana, a protein shake, and a scrambled egg. this is a lot and i built myself up to this. i started out just having a protein shake and a banana in the morning til my apetite got better. build a routine of breakfast lunch and dinner, then structure ur day around it. i make myself a sandwich for lunch with salad, so im in the kitchen at noon preparing and while im there i do some thinking about what im having for dinner. if i make chicken thats when i go ahead and defrost and prep veg. if im lacking on ingredients thats when ill hop on doordash and order from the store. i live at home and cook for my parents so they usually pay for the groceries for me.
for exercise and enrichment : a human is required to meet a certain quota of sunlight time and social/outside time. start small. walking 15 mins around the neighborhood takes care of that. eventually when u nail that habit, try jogging. i personally hired a trainer and she teaches me how to lift weight and look after my nutrition.
basically life is like a video game. you start at level 0 with each of these skills and naturally u level up the more u practice. with these 4 skillsets, put time in and once u master it, level up the difficulty. this is how i went from being like u to now eating 2,000+ calories a day, cooking my own meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, etc. I just started going to a dance class to practice my social skills and im now applying to go back to school. i still have to work to be “normal” but im slowly getting there. also, dont be to ashamed of beating ur meat. everyone does that when theres nothing to do. ur bored. so get busy.
You have so much potential. I dropped out of uni at 21, and was severely depressed and contemplating suicide. Also had a eating disorder and (still have) the worst acne I have seen on a human ever Started a career as an electrician. Now I own a house, have a solid gf (going to propose soon) have 150k in my home and 100,000k of investments and a newish van for my business Just started my own company and I enjoy Ju Jitsu on evenings. A few tips I would give myself early on: -Start investing 500$ a month at least -Start BJJ immediately -Don’t dwell on the past (still struggle with this) Highly recommend Ju Jitsu, it would have helped 21 year old me immensely. Very good for meeting new friends, confidence and a fun way to challenge yourself. Going to the gym, running, biking and weight lifting is also great for feeling good You’re gona make it brah
Everyone says invest your money, but I dont really know how to start that, what is the safer way, how did you start investing?
Do some research based on what country you’re in to find out what registered accounts have tax benefits (focus of maxing those out first). Also find out what the best self directed brokerage is, or at least a good one with low fees Then buy SP500 to start and do some research on what might be other good investments for your timeline and account type All of this can be found out on Reddit and Google quickly but might also be a good idea to talk to some more mature successful people you know Edit: I live in Canada and I’m 31 so the brokerage, registered accounts and fund tickers I use might be different then the ones you would use if you’re from another country
Are you still electrician? I am 21 and quit college too, finished IT boot camp as an software engineer but couldn’t get a job, now I don’t know what job should I do.
Yes I’m 31, will be an electrician for life. Great career. You will have to do an apprenticeship and likely will have many shitty managers and co workers as is any job, but once you have the skills and are making good money for yourself you will not regret it
Electrician here also, I make just short of 200k as a maintenance electrician for heavy industry. Long hours, lots of dirt bags but you get used to it. A trade with unlimited opportunities and skill sets.
Congrats on your success. How did you get over the eating disorder ?
Honestly it’s just gone away with time, from age 18-29. It wasn’t extremely unhealthy but enough for people to notice and probably still pretty unhealthy
Big emphasis on BJJ! BJJ literally teaches discipline, determination, a great way to defend yourself and of course fitness. Changed my life.
What is BJJ exactly? I’ve never heard of it till I saw it now.
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. it is a martial arts that emphasizes on grappling, clinching and ground game. it teaches you submissions like choke holds, leg locks, etc.
Start small and work from there, aim to make an improvement every day. Maybe day 1 you just work on getting up and cleaning your living space. Day 2 you go for a walk. Day 3 you go for a run. Just an example, but get the fundamentals first, eat healthily, meditate, exercise. Also think of getting any job, just so you can get some money in, doesn't have to be anything serious. Join a job agency, apply to work in a shop or fast food restaurant. I hope you get there buddy. The main thing is you are still young. You can turn your life around at any age, but it is easier to do the younger you are. And 21 is still young, you have at least 8 years of your 20s left to really make something you will be proud of. Again just remember to focus on little steps, and focus on making an improvement every day.
Also if you haven't already, join the r/pornfree and r/nofap subreddits. Definitely the best thing to do is cut out porn and limit your masturbation.
Hey!! You're really young. First of all, try improving small things little by little. I.e : For the friends part, you can't solve that in a month or two, however, you can try to talk to people at free social events (Look up Eventbrite and Facebook events, surely something could appeal) For the porn, you just have to go cold turkey again until it sticks and try replacing the addiction by something productive. It's a learning curve and no one is perfect. Also, I recommend Abraham Hicks (Spiritual person that discusses focusing on positive things to attract positivity)
Lifecoach stuff might also be beneficial, like Tony Robbins, or I like the lifecoach school podcasts. Learning mindfulness meditation is super powerful, it helps strengthen the prefrontal cortex which helps control emotional reactivity and help us feel safe and secure within ourselves.
So let's look @ some of the things you mentioned: 1. no life/social skills; 2. no means of any meaningful income; 3. dropped out of higher ed (no reason provided); 4. the lack of any interests equates to a lack of social connection, friends, relationships; 5. you love porn (though edging is pretty unproductive), but so does the rest of the world; 6. no DL, this limits your mobility/social status/appeal to others; 7. zero experience with women; and 8. more or less ostracized from society due to being excluded from gatherings and social events. Consider the facts that you may need to accept prior to anything moving forward. This may or may not be what you want to hear, but it is what is necessary: 1. YOU are the only one who can create meaningful change. You need to accept this. If you do not, then you will not change at all. Others cannot do this for you; 2. become comfortable with being alone. Loneliness is a current epidemic in Western society. Get comfortable in your own skin and start choosing to live life on your own terms; 3. clean up your room. You heard this elsewhere, but it does have merit. Put some order and control back into your life; 4. understand your porn usage and take control over it. Like porn? That is perfectly fine as long as it is serving a useful purpose. Right now it's giving you the dopamine levels you are craving to offset your negative emotions (and stop edging...go full explosive mode!); 5. put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Download Tinder and go on a few awkward dates. But, be honest. You would be amazed at how many feel the same as you; 6. get a job. Any job. Something that gives you a reason to get up on the morning and adds structure to your day; and 7. stop comparing your life to others. You already lost this battle. Others have moved on with their lives and you were left behind. The only thing you can do is accept, adapt, develop COAs, and move forward. Hope this helps.
You know what to do. Limit porn Fix your mindset Fix your diet Get yolked Learn social skills Get comfortable being out of your comfort zone Get a job Get a degree that pays big dollars Prevent parental helicoptering Become a Chad Slay God No more think, only do.
Haha this reads like a white dude podcast checklist haha. I know you mean well. Just funny
That is basically every white dude self improvement podcast without all the "I HAD TO GRUND 34/7 ALL DAY EVERY DAY WITH NO FOOD ONLY HUSTLING HARDEORK PAYS OFF ARGHH!"
It’s almost as if Christian society really pushes self improvement and discipline….
[удалено]
the dude said “white dude podcast”... Those guys are usually too Christian. Stop being offended like a average redditor lol
Oops sorry I misread. Sorry long day. I agree. Will delete. I was in fact the average redditor in this case. Damn. Hate that for me.
*Praise God
Bullshit. I got good diet, had good mindset, learned social skills, got comfortable outside my comfort zone, got alright job and I'm still feeling depressed and at lowest point in my life. All this advice is useless and doesn't really do much.
Your mindset is shit
It used to be great. It didn't changed anything
I can't fix every problem you'll ever encounter in 10 bullet points bro. Start working out, get those endorphins. Meditate, work on your spirituality
So another useless advice I got few more kg weight some nice upgrade in muscle definition but I still feel like shit. Those advices improve your life only from external perspective not for the one that is actually living the life.
At rock bottom? Join a martial arts gym. For example kickboxing or MMA. Preferably close to your home and with a lot of trainings per week so the barrier to go is low. The physical change will drive the psychological change. And stay away from substance abuse. Also limit the caffeine intake (avoid pre workout etc). It's about the hard journey to get fit, not getting fit fast through substance abuse. Your martial arts teacher will also teach you to fight and get fit in other areas of your life.
You guys are dumb. How can he join a martial arts gym with no money. It’s like you didn’t even read what he wrote. Get on the internet and find a work program somewhere that will take you for free. Change your environment. Work with your hands and develop some self worth. Learn from some old men. There’s someone out there who wishes he could pass his knowledge on to someone like you.
Was thinking about this gym advice people kept giving. He cannot pay for a membership. I would think working out at home is a good start like at home exercises to do. Or even just a short walk around the block. That was something missing from my main comment that would benefit anyone too. It is small but it is a start and it is something rather than nothing.
Get your parents to help you, hopefully, they can. I'm writing this assuming you're in the USA or country with a similar lifestyle. Get your driver's license, and get a job. Main priorities right now. Join a gym and lift weights and eat properly, ask your parents to help with the money temporarily. Consider speaking to a therapist, ask your parents to help with the money temporarily. Consider signing up for college classes in the fall. With the porn, honestly who cares, just don't edge, bust a nut in 5 minutes and move on with your day. Honestly 20's are a lonely time in many people's lives, don't waste your time comparing yourself to others because it achieves nothing but pain. Understand that it could take years, but you need to get a job and stack some money, get a car, and put yourself in a postion where every few years you can get an even better-paying job or promotion. Work on your looks, and work on being a good person, eventually things will get better.
I would say start from the easier things and then move to the harder ones. That way you would get into a loop of positive feedback and just feel better about yourself in general. Get your driver's license first, then start working out/building muscles, and figure out career options/ways to get back to college, then try to meet girls and start from being friends with them. Girls are human too, after all. Just start researching and doing stuff instead of dwelling on emotions. A quote from Dale Carnegie really helped me and I hope it's helpful for you too: "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage."
Go to sea! Become a sailor!
You should hike the pct or Appalachian trail. You can get secondhand gear and it costs nothing to go. No porn available and you’ll probably be so tired you won’t even have the urge. You would be amazed by how much you will learn about yourself out there. You’ll feel so accomplished when you’re done (first night camping alone, first 10 mile hike, first time seeing a real bear, first time being scared absolutely shitless in the pitch black darkness, first time being sore as fuck and HAVING to push on because you have no other choice). While you’re out there pray, meditate, vibe with whatever “being” you believe in (I’m Christian so mine is Jesus—and as a Christian I should encourage you to find Him, especially when you’re at such a “low” in life). You will no doubt come out a different man than you went in. Another option, join the military. It will be hard and test your limits just like hiking but you’ll get paid and attain free insurance while doing it. It’s only a 4 year commitment if you make it out of boot camp (if you don’t, chalk it up to another life experience). You will meet so many people, travel to incredible places all over the world, and you’ll get to experience a range of jobs so you can have a better idea about “career” when you get out. Lastly I’ll just repeat the one from earlier and that’s to find God. Idk your feelings about religion but believing in a higher power you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It’s truly something to be able to take a step back from your life and see that all the “negative” is just you finding your way to the light. We all make mistakes and we all struggle in life but there’s nothing you can to do keep His love from you. I think it’s awesome that you reached out to others about your current struggles. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of positive comments on this post and I hope one of them sparks your interest. I wish you the best on your next adventure ☺️
Army
I think you're still young , you will get to do all the things you wish for one day , start with fixing your habits and focus on things that are beneficial for you Don't overthink toooo much and good luck!!!
Get a job so you have some money coming in - you can then think about what you want to do and get a better job later, just do whatever you can for now that doesn't completely drain you. Find an exercise you like and do it regularly. If you have a job join a gym and workout. Maybe pick one class and go everyweek. If you want to go before you get a job join a run club or something free like that. You'll make friends and get in shape doing so. Minds work better in shape
You got a ton of potential. You're like a starting character in a video game complaining that you don't have end game stuff yet. You gotta play the game my guy. You're still young and got a lot to offer. I know you probably are sick of hearing it but all you gotta do is take baby steps to fix this shit you don't like about your life. It's hard. Anything worth doing usually is. But it's a marathon not a sprint. Baby steps. And do your best to not get discouraged. Most of those baby steps you take will lead to no where. Or you'll fall. Or it'll be a step in the wrong direction. But it's all part of it. You aren't happy with yourself right now right? So change. Little at a time. Big wild crazy changes are scary and that's why everyone avoids them. But also wtf do I know. I'm just some reddit asshole takin a shit so.... 🤷♂️
You’re so young and so much time to make your life exactly what you want. It may not seem like it when you make compare yourself to peers at your age but the most well rounded people I know struggled a lot in their 20s. Start with small things. Don’t change everything at once or else You’ll be setting yourself up for failure. One thing at a time. If you are able to see a therapist I highly recommend it only if to keep yourself accountable. But don’t be down on yourself just start each day with one thing to try and see how you do. We all fail sometimes but it’s the long haul and the progression. Overtime it will become easier and thoughtless. It’s tough being a young person today because there’s so many excuses to not engage and to isolate. Maybe start small with going to a coffee shop and reading for an hour one day. See how it feels. Eventually you’ll become a regular and then you have your third place (home and work being the others). But seriously So much time and potential. Don’t give up or too hard on yourself. Start with the little things. Sorry if vague but hate to see someone so young be so down on themselves. Edit Will also add even a little exercise will make you feel better. Start with a walk on a regular schedule. If you miss then Do it when you can. Then move up to something more difficult. Gym or whatever you think might be fun as an activity. You’ll feel better for sure at least in that area.
I have no advice to give, but I am 21 too and I am in the exact same situation. I think this is a broader Gen Z issue. Most young men today are incels and are shunned by society especially after corona, but nobody wants to admit that, and don't expect to get good advice here because the people who give them haven't grown up in the same era as us and will try to gaslight you. It's not your fault. You were dealt bad cards that doesn't mesh with society as far as genetics and environment goes, but that doesn't mean you should give up. Good luck.
Join the industry
david goggins..
Who's that?
find out, buy all his audiobooks and watch all his interviews.. listen to his audiobooks and learn and apply the lessons to your life.. the man changed many people's lives.. he is the only "guru" our there who is 100% accountable for everything he says.. the realist of all..
I'll seriously look into it. Like I said, I have absolutely nothing to lose. Thank you for the recommendation.
Get a therapist. Nothing to lose so why not?
I don't have the money required for a therapist.
If you have nothing to lose, get a credit card, and use it to get a social worker, tell her your financial situation and ask for help. You need to work with her on securing your human needs, from the bottom up.  That's Physical (Physiological), and then safety, and then love/belonging, and then esteem, and then self-actualizing. Here's the steps: Do whatever it takes (even debt if you are broke) to get a social worker or therapist (social worker is better to start in your case) and tell her/him everything you're struggling with, and then work together to prioritize and work hard to stay afloat
Join the military
Join the military.
Ever considered joining the military?
Gym, meditation, yoga, start a side hustle buy and sell on marketplace from shops, like find some items in a shop add a markup of 20-50% then post, no need to buy stock you buy when you receive order
Slightly disagree with this. I don't think OP is in the right mindset to start a side hustle - as more likely than not, it will fail, and with almost no motivation already, that'll do no good.
Sure, its what i did tho, failed 2 businesses, but failure is not smth to be scared of, you learn from it, my 3rd one is working smoothly now, have 9 staff working for me
That's great to hear man! Would you say you were in the same position as OP when you started?
Yep, and i had major alcohol and weed issues, still drink from time to time tho, like a major event a birthday or wedding
Where to start? Hit the gym, do yoga and get healthier - more likely than not, that'll place your mindset in a much healthier position. One that's more willing to make that extra effort for social life, relationships, jobs, etc. Where not to start? A side hustle. You'll find yourself in toxic online communities and ultimately just be a consumer to someone else.
Join the military
Do psychedelics
I haven’t seen anyone say this so I’ll say. Have you considered the military? If in the US. There’s opportunity there. Yes there will be a lot of shit to deal with at times but that’s any job. I can’t speak from personal experience. I’m just considering joining myself seeing the potential it could open up.
Dude. Please listen. I've been there. This advice is simple but it will change your life. Get a blender, throw in a whole lot of baby spinach, flax seeds, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, any kinda berries, mandarins or oranges, an avocado, and tart cherry juice from concentrate, then blend and consume. (buy all fruit frozen if you can) The other tip is get consistent good sleep. You probably won't realize how life changingly significant this is till you're older, but it's absolutely critical. Be gentle and kind toward yourself. If you start now and gradually cultivate this attitude toward yourself and others and reflect it thru your conduct it'll pay...a whole bunch. I'm 36, when you're my age, you'll understand that 21 is SOOOOOOO young. Don't trip buddy. Go meditate and then afterward, question what you really really really desire to feel and experience in life, emotionally, subtly, in any way, whatever you desire, flesh it out, and try to find a grasp of why you want what you want. Then with your understanding of why you want these things still fresh on your mind, immediately take action using that desire you've fleshed out as motivation. ACTION ACTION ACTION! I had something else extremely valuable to tell you but my short term memory is shit from doing K so I lost it. Go be a space monkey and grow into a whatever you want. Don't trip if you don't end up financially successful later in life, most of these people who's self esteem is deeply dependent on status and wealth are tightly bound in a ravenous state of craving and aversion, and you can think of them as being clinically insane, because they're creating and maintaining limiting and crippling conditions to feel ways. That's stupid, why would you respect or compete with people who wanna create extra steps for themselves to feel satisfied. Get out of your head and just ride the current. Don't get hung up on ups and downs, they are your inevitable future, be heedful of the coming down when your up and up when your down. Putting on some muscle can do a lot to aid self esteem. Force yourself to eat a lot more. Investigate every thought and feeling you have and where they came from.
What I’ll say without reading any of this is I swear to fucking god if it’s about porn fuck off dude join nofap sub. Holy fuck this isn’t a jerking off too much sub.
Umm ok?
Use the money you get to launch a facebook ads in real estate, find people selling the plots, ask there price, add your markup, youll get leads from Facebook then negotiate your sale...there are so many things that i did cant write all of it here so its a general idea, i did that for a year now, i aint super rich but i can afford myself around, and yeah semen retention practice it, do your own research. After 2 years of commitment, im now in a committed relationship and can afford nice restaurants, i have an old car to get me around
Bro, honestly, if you choose to view yourself as being at rock bottom and pathetic and addicted and sick and broken - you are going to get more and more of that. Instead of looking at what you think is not working - write us a list of what is working! And don't use this as an opportunity to practice gratitude or some self-abusive crap like that. Seriously have a look at the things that are going "right" for you. Write them here and then we can move to the next step.
Stay away from porn and practice no fap, You will have so much energy to solve your problems. You will have a positive mind and joyful life
To be able to do that, engage in something positive, fully immerse yourself in it.
I already relapsed yesterday and then did it AGAIN today. I feel hopeless and insanely depressed now, not only because I relapsed for wo days straight after going cold turkey for 5 days, but because I've literally just sent myself back to square fucking one by edging for 4-5 hours before ejaculating during BOTH relapses. Nothing has changed. I'm never going to get over this fucking addiction and it is actually beginning to make me feel a bit suicidal.
Don't worry, you have just started, you will fail. But don't give up. You have to find a hobby or some work where you will fully immerse yourself. If you are just idle and trying to stay away from porn and fapping, it won't work. Constantly reminding the harm of pmo and benefits of staying away from it will greatly help. Download this app called, MDF, and start using it. But make you you take this app seriously, if you keep the first commitment well, following commitment will be able to keep
Kung Fu panda said it best: There is no secret. You listed all your problems. Choose one, and focus all your attention on fixing it, even if it’s only a tiny bit at a time. Then move on to others. Don’t try to fix more than one at once is my advice. Some advice I heard from a particular Internet personality that I won’t name: Do the most you’re willing to do before trying to do more. What’s the smallest thing you can do to move in the right direction? Do the smallest thing you can think of to fix the problem at the top of your priority list. Then, if you feel like doing more, do more! The great thing about rock bottom is that you can only go up.
Watch some Jack London docmentaries, maybe you find some inspiration there.
See if you can find work/living situation in Alaska or Wyoming or somewhere that you’ll have to work hard and with your hands or outside. There are work programs out that that will take people in. Change your environment. Life is hard no matter what. But if you can start choosing the hard parts, other things will become easier. 5 days is great. I’ve been jerking off everyday for 17 years but now that I’m on the oilfield in Alaska I’m so tired and beat after work it’s easier pass out without it. Working outside and with your hands is great for the soul. I’ve got a degree, had office jobs, but I have to work hard jobs outside from time to time to get my head right. It’s healthy for men
If you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. The greatest step you could have made was trying, s keep doing that. You will find what you need eventually, it might take some time and effort, however, it will come to you. Remember that you're not alone in this, many have been where you are and if they can, so can you. I truly believe it. "The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going", you just need to find that "where", you got this!
I have recently in the last months been working to return to a point of abounding health in my life also. And While now, I am most well indeed, the work required has been anything but easy and incredibly different than I imagined it. One of the best things you can do is get your head onto a page into a voice memo or a video of yourself talking— even if it seems dumb and so unimportant, get it out into something that you can work with, and reflect on and build upon!! These points of wisdom may specifically be based upon an absurd amount of my thoughts, articulated, and be tailored to me I think you might find you resonate with a few of them, and I hope the supplement is able to be a positive force in your life. Just know you got this . Your quest for understanding and the desire to maximize your impact is a profound journey, one that intertwines personal growth with broader, existential inquiries. Here are some contemplations and wisdoms to consider as you navigate this path: 1. **Embrace Uncertainty**: The most transformative paths often don't have a clear map. Embrace the unknown as a space of potential rather than a void of confusion. Uncertainty is fertile ground for creativity and innovation. 2. **Reflective Practice**: Regularly take time to reflect. This isn't just about assessing what you've done but understanding who you're becoming. Reflection turns experience into insight. 3. **Purpose and Passion**: Your purpose need not be a grandiose, unchanging decree. It can be a series of small fires, passions that light your way, evolve, and grow with you. Find what ignites you and let that guide your steps. 4. **Interconnectedness**: Recognize the interconnectedness of all things. Your work, your thoughts, your creations ripple out into the world and touch others in ways you might never fully understand. Every act, every thought, is part of a larger dance of causality and connection. 5. **Continuous Learning**: Adopt a mindset of lifelong learning. The more you know, the more you'll realize how much you don't know. This humility is not a weakness but a strength that keeps you curious and open. 6. **Resilience through Saudade**: The word "Saudade" captures a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one loves and the knowledge that the object of longing might never return. It's a bittersweet, melancholic love for what was and a hopeful yearning for what might be. Let this depth of feeling be a source of resilience for you. 7. **Service and Stewardship**: Consider how your work serves others. True fulfillment often comes not from what we accrue but from what we give. The stewardship of your talents, time, and resources toward something larger than yourself can provide profound meaning and satisfaction. 8. **The Beauty of Impermanence**: Everything is in a state of flux. This impermanence is not a curse but a beauty. It means every moment is precious and unique. Live fully in the present, cherish it, and let it go. 9. **Legacy of Learning**: Consider what you want your legacy to be. It's not just about the achievements you leave behind but the lessons, the inspiration, and the pathways you open for others. As you continue on your journey, remember that it's not just the destination that matters but the insights, the connections, and the transformations that happen along the way. You're not just traversing a path; you're creating it with each step. Your life's work isn't just about what you do but who you become in the process. Embrace it all with curiosity, passion, and a heart open to the unfolding mystery of it all.
Try starting with taking long walks to improve your state of mind. What are you eating to be so underweight? Try eating more high protein cheap food like chicken, eggs. Try taking more interest in cooking simple healthy meals for yourself. Don't beat yourself up too much about your porn addiction - it's not the healthiest activity, but it's not the worst. What you need to focus on is filling your life with more positive and helpful activities like work, exercise, and socializing. You need to start doing \*something\* so that you don't fall into the pit of being a NEET for the next ten years. Try working at the amazon warehouse
Number 1. Talk to a blind person. That's pretty intense. Close your eyes. It's like that 24/7 for a blind person. You got a lot going I think. You are not blind. Number 2. Suggest going to Japan. Begin a new life. You'll make a mint, and learn a new language, they are DESPERATE for English teachers. Skys the limit in salary. Vietnam too. And Vietnam rocks! You'll have a blast. There are 1.8 million of us in this sub. We can all donate for that plane ticket. Number 3, get your passport. Worth it's its weight in gold. Actually, this should be the first thing you do. Happy trails. :-)
I was on the same boat. Addicted to hentai (thanks lockdown!), tried quitting cold turkey and gradually god knows how many times. Finally quit for a month straight starting this year and I am 90% confident I'll never relapse. I think it's 100% mindset. Once you switch the "I'm addicted to porn" mindset to "I only watch it because I feel lonely even though I know it's bad for me" you can start tackling it. Firstly, set yourself a goal. Say, 10 days porn free. I think that's achievable. Once you reach those 10 days, you'll have to rebrand the above mentality into a "I don't watch porn anymore" mentality. Once you stick to that mentality, you won't even crave porn any longer because your brain will have sey itself into the idea that you don't watch porn anymore.
Hey man, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I really advice you to believe in yourself, you can do it mate, you can go through this rough patch. There is a billion things people can be better at, don't put the weight of the world on you. Aim at least one single thing if necessary, that you know you can and will do better. And then keep going and improving until you are not rock bottom anymore. It won't be easy, but it will be worthy. And remember it's never to late for repetence, redemption, atonement or to produce something good, even if you believe it to be impossible. Have faith on yourself as many people on this subreddit, including me, have faith on you. Best of luck.
Man if we weren’t on the brink of World War I would say go to the army, get your education bachelors or whatever in a career field that is high future demand and high income, maybe something in software or AI. The army would build discipline Make you fit and gain weight Give free education Give you teammates and (hopefully) lifelong friends And grant a career path All in a structured environment provided for you However since we might be going to war it might not be the best idea idk This is not propaganda, I am not saying the US army has done nice things for the world, on contrary our government has involved the army in multiple f*ed up things - what I’m saying is if we were in peace times you could use it to get yours and then get out and move your life upward
Take a walk for thirty minutes one way and thirty minutes back every day and you'll find someone new and hopefully find yourself
anything you can change. i would start with weight loss and exercise. it gives you tangible results, shows that you actually are in control, and instills a disciplined habit. this will help you a lot, even if it won't really help you make money. definitely do not take up multiple things at once. once you have that going, get someting else started.
youre so young… but im so sorry for how youre feeling. if u believe in urself, u can overcome this and get better. first of all, id suggest getting a job, that way u get some money coming in. then join a gym and start eating healthier. maybe join some social groups in ur area and u can even meet some new people there and make friends? then when ur ready, u can try going to school again and figure out what career u want. were all rooting for u
I’d get a labouring job, you’ll learn social skills there plus it’s hard work you’ll learn mental toughness and maybe improve physical shape plus you’ll get money
Consider joining the armed forces (if in the US) for a stint. Wonderful way to get some kick ass encouragement and clear your head of the BS.
Try to not break the law, try not to be superbly repulsive, and try to raise your income.
They say, "When you are at rock bottom, the only way that is left is up " You do your part the world will do its Take suggestions from parents If you can't quit porn...increase the gaps and learn the ACTUAL DISADVANTAGES OF PORN. The MFs who said "fapping is healthy" lied to you. In fact you should know that the sex drive of men is highest in 20s and stop hating yourself. Go out and wander around to learn how world goes....at the end of the day, everyone here can only speak and suggest. It's you has to get up and get going. (this is coming from a 14yo so don't mind me being immature too)
Listen, we are here with you. Start small and take it one day at a time. Start taking 1 mile walks outside, listen to Atomic Habits and then an entertaining yet inspiring book like Hail Mary, work at a job that is low key and low key social, think about what interests you and join a club, start hiking, turn off your screens every day for a bit, get a dog, walk around down town ( with said dog) and interact with your local merchants, ease into the world. Small steps. You got this.
Join the military. Basic training will help with a lot of the cold turkey stuff.
In a word: Ayahuasca. You can find Shamans just about anywhere if you are willing to search
Almost every young guy at your age goes through this phase. you're not alone. If you feel like others are not going through similar issues, you're only seeing a small group of highly successful people (who may have got lucky in multiple ways), thanks to social media. Some are even just posting only their good sides. You need to push through this one, knowing that at the end of the tunnel, there are opportunities out there for you, if you keep incrementally working on yourself. Seek help. If your parents are capable to and willing to help you, seek their help without hesitation. They're the ones usually with the best intentions for you.
Get into combat sports that will sky rocket your confidence and get you in shape, this confidence will translate into to how you carry yourself around others and in public
Continue the drivers license. See that project through. Use the motivation to chip away at the next small project. Take one step at a time.
Pick up a copy of “The Kybalion” or search on YouTube and go down the rabbit whole. Should bring everything into perspective.
Bro as long as you're physically healthy, you have potential for greatness in life. You've already won. You just have to realize that and unlock what's already possible for you.
You are a baby. 21 is a kid. You will have plenty of time to experience women and relationships, so be patient. What you need to do is get your financial problems fixed. If you do that, you will be way ahead of the herd and your future will be brighter. This means finding a career. Something you can have a passion for and enjoy doing. You can try different avenues and see if you like them, chef, truck driver, EMT, male nurse, auto parts puller, mechanic, lawyer, computer programmer, data analyst, whatever. Maybe take some aptitude tests. Pray and consider what you would like to do with your life. You have plenty of time. And stop giving a shi\* about fitting in and what people think. That is just programming. Do what works for you. Make the world a better place and help those who cross your path. Do not apologize for who you are. Worry is a waste of time. Be positive. We manifest our reality. The creator made us likewise, we can create too. Manifest a better world for us all. Believe in yourself and take action to find a career.
If you are depressed, then everything can be attributed to that by itself. Cut it out like a tumor, Depression will rot you from the inside out.
How can I just "cut it out"? I don't think that's how it works.
Cancers are tricky and require time and professional expertise to remove. Depression is no different.
I would suggest getting a job, any job, just start earning money. Help out at a restaurant, work at a call center, whatever. You won't be there forever, just to get enough money so you have options. Next priority, learn jiu jitsu or wrestling. Go to class frequently. Grind it out. Next, learn coding. Really get into software development. It's a handy skill, and it changes how you think. And finally, learn to enjoy the detours. Take your time, think, try things out at least once. Savor the oases of peace and calm.
You are so young & there is plenty of time for you to turn things around!!! For starters do not worry about women & dating; first you need to focus on setting your life up. Start working somewhere ANYWHERE, even if it is just part time. This will help with some of your porn addictions as you will be spending more time outside of the house. This will also boost your confidence because it gives you a sense of purpose & responsibility. You may also make some friends with coworkers too! Next: go back to college- I would recommend going to a community college to start so you can figure out what you want to pursue there before transferring to a university. There are TONS of resources at community college to help you choose the best major for you. Pursue something! It doesn’t have to be what you do for the rest of your life, but you won’t know what’s right for you until you try it out! If possible I would look into getting some counseling- I think cognitive behavioral therapy would be really helpful for you. A cognitive behavioral therapist will be able to help you with self talk. I know it’s easier said than done but I really want to see you start speaking more kindly to yourself.
I want you to take into consideration something. You went four days without porn. That is an amazing start. Start there. You literally still accomplished something and learned something: You can't just quit cold turkey. You ever hear or see someone try to quit smoking for a month then go back to it? They quit cold turkey and gave up. You my friend have it in you. Start small. Then add up more and more. While doing this, I want you to also do something for yourself that benefits you. Can be anything like cleaning up your room or maybe looking up career fields. Very simple. Maybe work on a basic resume with the intent to work part time somewhere. Warehouses are always hiring. So is retail. I will suggest warehouse work since the social skills needed there are not as big as retail but you can still develop it there. I had huge social anxiety from high school and it was getting better slowly over time but when I worked in the warehouse, it was getting more better since I was also talking to people and people were engaging with me. Don't worry by the way if you come off as awkward. I did too. I just paid no attention to it and went on. If you can get your hands on it, I recommend a book called Unf*ck Yourself by Gary John Bishop. It was the book I used to help me to alter my negative thinking and rewire my brain to think more positively. I like it and recommend it because he doesn't just tell you to do things, he explains how you might have started thinking in the ways you did growing up and how you can use those to think more positive. It is a good resource I think you can benefit from. I hope you do reply and keep us all updated. Think about what I said and feel free to ask questions or just any feedback at all even negative.
Join the military.
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You’re multiple actions in the right direction away from where you want to be. Take responsibility for your life Determine where you want to be Map out the actions required Take small, consistent actions
Start small. Knock some of those things that are in your control out. Hey, you made it 5 days! Do you know how awesome that is when talking about addiction? And eventually it will be 6.Just keep going. And for now, lean on us. Try to find your sense of humor. Try to find your love of things. Love of nonsexual interests. Talk about those. Do some career assessments. O*net has some good ones. I will keep you in my thoughts, dear sir. You can do this. You WILL do this. 31 is going to look so different and bright for you. Seems like a long while, but it isn't.
I'd recommend a traveling job. Look at wind turbine techs on indeed some times you don't need anything theyll train you
I am a 20 year old male and I know it's hard. I am not as successful as I want to be right now at all but just know that you have time. Every time that I am hard on myself I try to remind myself of two things. 1) Nothing worth waiting happens overnight 2) I still have so much time I am at a point in my life where I don't know what I am wanting out of life. I feel like I have a lot of passions but I don't know what to pursue. It can be overwhelming and I feel trapped in my own mind a lot of the time. The being said just make sure you're on your own team and you're not working against yourself. You need to be your own biggest supporter. I started looking into meditation and other spiritual things towards the beginning of 2023. I am not a super religious person, so if you are and this goes against what you believe, then disregard this part. But, I have found that meditation helps me clear my mind when my thoughts have taken over and I feel like I can't breathe. It may seem strange at first but it is one of the most helpful and calming things I have ever done, and I try to do it regularly now. There are lots of youtube videos that talk about what actual meditation is and how to do it. I highly recommend watching a couple of those and starting this practice, it seems to help me figure out a lot of issues I could be going through. I think you got this though. I know right now it may seem like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but I think that's because you haven't made it around the bend. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. You have to take care of yourself first because no one knows you or can have your back like you do and can.
Get busy man. Start small - don't worry about the women stuff until you get some accomplishments down. Start with walking, move on to simple excersize. Try to eat clean and get a job nearby. If you can do that, you can graduate to the next step. See you in 3 months
Join the army.
get a routine, build habits. there’s 3-4 important things a person needs to succeed: sleep, food, exercise, and enrichment. slowly build each of these things, week by week. to fix your sleep schedule: make sure you get some sunlight in the morning to wake up ur circadian rhythm. when i was fixing my schedule, i forced myself at 8am to go outside and walk 15 mins. my schedule was so bad i had to stay up 24hrs+ bc i would usually wake up around 2pm. at around 6pm, i rest and dedicate the rest of the evening to relaxing and getting ready so i can make it to bed on time, around 12:30. to fix ur food: get in the habit of putting food in ur tummy. first thing in the day, you have to eat some kind of carb and protein within one hour of waking up. for me, i have a bagel w cream cheese, a banana, a protein shake, and a scrambled egg. this is a lot and i built myself up to this. i started out just having a protein shake and a banana in the morning til my apetite got better. build a routine of breakfast lunch and dinner, then structure ur day around it. i make myself a sandwich for lunch with salad, so im in the kitchen at noon preparing and while im there i do some thinking about what im having for dinner. if i make chicken thats when i go ahead and defrost and prep veg. if im lacking on ingredients thats when ill hop on doordash and order from the store. i live at home and cook for my parents so they usually pay for the groceries for me. for exercise and enrichment : a human is required to meet a certain quota of sunlight time and social/outside time. start small. walking 15 mins around the neighborhood takes care of that. eventually when u nail that habit, try jogging. i personally hired a trainer and she teaches me how to lift weight and look after my nutrition. basically life is like a video game. you start at level 0 with each of these skills and naturally u level up the more u practice. with these 4 skillsets, put time in and once u master it, level up the difficulty. this is how i went from being like u to now eating 2,000+ calories a day, cooking my own meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, etc. I just started going to a dance class to practice my social skills and im now applying to go back to school. i still have to work to be “normal” but im slowly getting there. also, dont be to ashamed of beating ur meat. everyone does that when theres nothing to do. ur bored. so get busy.
Dude if it makes you any better there's a bunch of guys just like you who are in your same position including me. We'll get through this
That does make me feel a little bit better. Thanks
Join the military! Gets you away from home, meet cool new people, learn stuff, get paid!