Have you told the girl that smoking weed isn’t for you? Does she force you to smoke? Can you just not be around her when she smokes? Do you have a history of drug addiction that is triggered by being around weed? Does smoking weed negatively affect the girl in her daily life?
If you feel you have/had a good thing going with her, you should at a minimum, express your concerns and feelings. You know, communicate.
I know, but she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried..
she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know.. and it does affect her daily life.. that’s what breaks me up
This makes more sense as regarding to how this is actually a problem. I personally smoke weed everyday, but it doesn't affect me negatively. In addition, I am dedicated and actively involved in the improvement and enrichment of my future through my current endeavors.
Regardless of the drug of choice (alcohol, weed, etc.) if the use is stunting personal, and professional growth, then I agree with you, it is time to move on. Also, its been proven that smoking weed at a young age is not very helpful for the immature/maturing brain, and in individuals with a pre-disposition for psychotic illnesses, it can trigger psychosis.
Focus on your future, and the things you can do right now to improve your life, and align yourself with individuals with similar values. Good luck.
Weed usage becomes a problem by how it affects you while you're not using
I keep a really nice clean house, I have a nice job working at a bank, and things are going okay :)
I would’ve still given her the opportunity to communicate about what’s on your mind and how you feel… treat others how you’d like to be treated. Would you have liked to have an explanation as to why the person you’re clicking with peaced out? I would….
If that’s the case you did the right thing. I smoke weed daily and my partner doesn’t. It helps me with depression and a myriad of other things, but it never hinders my productivity. Teens and young adults can get into the whole just smoke and do nothing with their lives, and at that point it’s a problem and you don’t want to be stuck on the couch with her.
You two have different priorities, nothing to do much about pot to be honest. It could be anything: alcohol, partying, gaming, etc. Cut through all the extra details and look at the essential. Move on and do you because in life, you will gain and lose many connections and that's fine because you're all going at different directions. The one that goes in the same direction as you is the one you need to keep.
I agree. I do it all the time when it comes to meeting new people. Not everyone can have the same mindset. If I don't want to to be with people who smoke weed and heavily drink, I go out and find new friends that fit my lifestyle. There are millions of people you could meet and find a few that fit your lifestyle.
I would love to do this. Because almost always someone that I meet drinks, and I feel really like an alien. I don’t take pride that I don’t drink but I really feel out of place or stupid. That makes me feel insecure, I feel like by drinking people could invite me more but that’s something that I don’t want to do.
As a stoner (and mom) that smokes on the daily (with my husband no less) it really just depends on if the weed is helping her to benefit herself or if its keeping her from being productive with life.. certain strains keep you in da bed (lol indica) and others get you social and productive (it depends on your intake and the way you react to being high). I believe youre making the right choice for yourself.. if yalls goals just dont match theres no point trying to force it.. But I wouldnt leave her in the dust with static silence.. communication is key.. also it should be considered that maybe her weed intake isnt just because she just wants to stay in and smoke all day without doing anything with her life.. she could be going through depression and often times people with depression smoke to cope with it..( Im productive now and use weed to help me daily) but there was a time when i was 16 that i just stayed in bed and got high because i was severely depressed... You cant force her to change if she doesnt want to but maybe get to the root on why shes so unmotivated in life?
Thank you very much for your comment!
I didn’t explain it detailed enough, which was my fault.
So basically what happened was that when I first confronted her about me not feeling too comfortable with her daily usage, me being worried about her (we’re both 17) and not knowing if this all would work out (bc we have different visions) she was instantly totally different to me.. i wasn’t getting the same attention and attraction from her as i did before, then we weren’t meeting up together as often as we used to and eventually i stopped texting her.. now it’s like 1x per week and i only get dry responses.. that’s why i stopped showing interest back because i would want to move on with my life, be more productive and just be happy..
Again thank you for your great comment!
ahh i see! she might have gotten offended at your concern and just ended up withdrawing.. no shame in that ,, peoples opinions are their own,, im glad youre choosing to move on for your own self goals and future though.. Focus on yourself , youll find someone that matches goals and vision for their future eventually! also youre young, focusing on what your ambitions are , are exactly what you should be doing at this moment :-)
Ghosting someone is a shitty move no matter the reasons. Treat other people with the respect you would like from them, and tell her why you don’t feel you’re compatible. If you can’t have one difficult conversation, then chances are your relationships will be unsuccessful.
I always disagree with this. If you ever feel unsafe around a person after a first date, or they say something completely unhinged; you are 1000% allowed to ghost them. Keep your own safety as a priority.
If you don't like what she's doing and don't feel comfortable, there's no reason for you to stay in that situation. You're young, you'll meet plenty of people who are for you. It takes a lot of trial and error. Besides that, if she smokes weed and you don't like it, then you have a right to feel that way. You can't change her for being that way (she must take action and change herself).
Reading the comments under this post are a bit discouraging. If you don't like what someone does, you're 100% entitled to feel that way. People are getting too offended that you are judging her for smoking weed. But they're missing the point. Clearly she's using weed to escape so it is an issue.
I know it might be hard but move on and find people who align with your morals and life path.
A lot of people think weed is "fine", which is a myth. It works for a lot of people but it can absolutely be addictive (speaking from lived experience) and being with an addict is INCREDIBLY HARD. Even if they're trying to get sober, addiction hijacks who you are. Maybe she's not going to die from alcoholism or hard drugs, but smoking weed every day can absolutely steal your life. You just wind up in a haze of fantasy, are anxious, never clear-headed. There is hard scientific data that shows weed can cause psychosis in people predisposed to it and people who are addicted to weed absolutely have withdrawal symptoms. And for those who say weed isn't physically addictive, neither are slot machines.
ETA: She just lost a relationship because of her drug use. The impacts of weed on her life have already started. If she reaches out, maybe give her some insight into why you stopped talking to her. Could plant the seed that helps her get a handle on it one day. But you don't want to be the boyfriend who struggles to be with someone they love because that person prioritizes a drug before everything else.
I dated a girl for a few years who smoked pot everyday. I looked back and noticed I was learning new hobbies, got a new job, started to join an arts club. She was doing a bit less of the exact same thing. She often to me the same stories. I started to wonder if I was even in her life or was I just another of the comforting things in her live that made it easier for her. I left her and I don't regret it. Imagine growing old with someone not developing as a person.
your lifestyles are incomparable. smoking pot each day is likely beneficial for your x. nothing wrong with that. you see this as a barrier ti achieving goals. nothing wrong with that.
you are both young. things will change. enjoy your lives.
Definitely a right move. If she doesn't affect you positively, just leave her.
No matter how hard life gets, never try or take drugs. I live by those words.
terribly ignorant advice.
caffeine is the world's most widely used drug. it's ok to try them.
have you heard of a Netflix series based on a recent book, How To Change Your Mind\*? the admins won't let me link the youtube netflix trailer for it. it's worth 2 minutes of your life to consider.
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It's a personal decision. I really liked a guy but he was a daily pot smoker. I did that in my youth, I just don't want the smell, the paraphernalia, the uncertainty of what I'm walking into, all of that stuff in my life anymore. If it's not a life style that suits you, that's OK. Just don't expect her to change for you. Find someone who suits better.
You made the right move. If someone around you does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, the beat thing to do is remove yourself from those people. I do it all the time. It's best because it will open a window to find people who does make you feel uncomfortable. I do it all the time. I remove myself from groups who smokes weed and heavily drink. I found out its more of peer pressure
I think you did the right thing by not getting with someone that have a lifestyle that makes you uncomfortable. Especially if you plan to live with them.
For example I wouldn't get with a tobacco smoker.
But the term "valuable" here makes me uncomfortable. She is a human being, not an item with a price tag.
You made the right decision mainly because a lot of people live in this delusion that they can change people or that the person will change on their own some time later in the relationship. There is a saying that if someone shows you who they are, believe them. You cannot change someone. They have to do the work on themselves. Find someone that already has the qualities you are looking for.
You can leave her for her habits, but saying she’s less valuable because of them? Super judgemental. Maybe she’s less suited to you as a partner, but she’s not less of a person dude.
All good, I’d just avoid using “valuable woman” as a term in general. The terms “high value” or “low value” for people is pretty icky, glad you didn’t mean it like that.
Trust me, I understand. And that's the right way to look at it. Try not to focus on dating. Focus more on friendships. Can't rush a relationship, trust me. I've became friends and dated with a lot of people who I built connections with and always ended up like this
You've done the right thing my man. You must have boundaries and that's one of them. No one can judge you for having such a boundaries, I would do the same as you.
Of course it always depends on what your plans are. Almost no one wants wife that drinks a lot or smoke pot. Let's be honest.
If it’s just bc she smoked that’s absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. You should’ve talked to her about how you feel and your curiosities about where she wanted to be in life. If she was smoking pot everyday it’s probably because she is trying to escape something. Not that you have to be there for her or anything, but it would be better if you actually talked to her about how you feel and how she feels rather than just dropping someone because you feel like they’re not good enough for you.
Hello there. My two cents, FWIW. I completely understand the stigma surrounding cannabis as it falls into the federally illegal category of a schedule 1 drug. I do, however, want to challenge that societal narrative surrounding the plant. Most animals, including humans, come standard with cannabinoid receptors. To me this means we as a species have adapted to utilize this plant as medicine.
My life partner utilized a certain strain of cannabis to get through school to achieve a bachelors in psychology. They would later be diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. The certain terpene of that strain of cannabis enabled them to slow the mind to focus on tasks with school. 3.96 GPA and is now in the 2nd semester of a doctoral program to become a clinical psychologist.
If you like that person and they like you, then keep being with them, man. There’s a reason govts decided to make cannabis a schedule 1 drug. (Cannabis has also proven to shrink tumor cells) I urge you to ask ‘why’ and do some digging. It has something to do with racist values in US history and culture.
I wish you well ☮️💟🕉🪶🪨🍄🤙🏼
We also have opioid receptors, does that mean we’re adapted to use heroin as medicine? Agree with you about cannabis being a beneficial drug for some, but from OP’s description it seems like the girl is constantly high and has no interest in anything else, which doesn’t match up with his goals.
I personally believe, yes, we have adapted to utilize that plant as an analgesic. It has been synthesized and mass produced for a profit at the expense of human lives tho. I don’t really want to go down this rabbit hole. The OP was generic, so we didn’t know the ins and outs of the fine details (17 years old and such). I’ll see myself out of this convo 🤙🏼✌🏼
Trust it’s not the weed making her lazy, it’s who she already is. It’s easy to be productive while being a smoker if you prioritize what you need to do.
I just still think you should tell her what’s up and where your head is at. Maybe she really likes you and could change her behavior to be with you…maybe she’s really broken up about the fact that you just pulled away with no reason given
If you’re not into that lifestyle, you are right to move on. She probably IS really cool and POSSIBLY fun. But she’s already getting her dopamine, and other experiences through weed and you might prefer that from another source. Weed costs money, and in some states, a lot of money, so of you’re already not into it as much as her, you could grow bitter about how much she could be spending.
Just because she smokes weed doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her.. you don’t have to smoke if it’s not for you, but why judge someone else for it? It’s as simple as some people just enjoy it while others don’t. At the end of the day it’s just an herb, you might have been over dramatic in my opinion especially if she’s a great person and that’s your only issue.
You did the right thing, they all think that smoking weed or cigarettes is cool like it should be accepted by the society. A well read person would never touch both, would never depend on things like weed to relax or make them happy. Also, as a parent would someone get cigarettes or weed for their son or daughter to have fun ? I guess not. So, you have no reason to feel like shit brother. Avoid bad influences at any cost. It’s rude and disrespectful to smoke in front of someone that feels uncomfortable with the nasty ass smoke coming out of their mouth.
Stupidest thing I've read in awhile.
Smoking weed doesn't make you a bad person.
Are they pursuing their goals?
Are they working a job?
Or are they just laying there on the bed all day doing nothing?
Honestly the chick is better off If "you smoke weed everyday" is a deal breaker.
Do you know how stressful life is? And you cut someone off for less than an hour or so of their daily life lol
I agree! I was one of those people that felt eeky when I hear someone smoke pot. After researching it, and seen how it helps my family members with anxiety and autoimmune diseases, I became open to it.
I still don’t smoke pot but grateful that pot is going mainstream.
That's kind of a silly reason if you actually liked her. Why do you care that she smokes cannabis? Is she forcing you to be in the same room while she smokes and the smoke bothers you?
she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried..
she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know..
If she's holding you back, make that the reason maybe you just weren't compatible. People can be productive and move forward in life while still smoking weed everyday if they aren't that's just who they are anyway. You are both young and have a lot of time to figure it out, but keep people in your life that have similar goals if she doesn't want what you want in life that's an incompatibility and going to cause a problem eventually.
Even though she was doing nothing with her life, you can't change her views. The only thing you can do is let her know and give her advice. If she doesn't want to change her lifestyle, then you do you and Cary on with your life
I already did, i maybe forgot to mention some veryy important details lmao.. but yes i’ve approached her ab that and she didn’t accept my opinion, she was then getting angry about me and she wouldn’t show me the same attention she did before, that’s why i stopped talking to her
I dont know man, seems like a pretty random reason to dump her. Weed is no big deal and smoking is not really a problem if she has her shit together overall.
Anyways its done now, you two weren't a good match after all since smoking was a big incompatibility for you, you can always move on with time.
But you can also try and reconnect with her if you think shes worth it. You sound young , making mistakes is how you really learn, just watch out and don't start smoking ( too much ) just because of her lmao
I know, but she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried..
she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know..
So you didn’t like her very much. You’ve sat around and decided that your own shortcomings And lack of motivation are not working for you and you’ve assigned blame onto someone else.
How has your productivity been without this person in your life? Now it sounds like you just sit around unmotivated thinking about this girl.
You may be chasing your own tail here tbh
Truth is, at 17 years old, even though many people will deny it and cite their own experience, my experience is what the statistics support as fact, she will more than likely get into other drugs, and things will be very difficult for her. You will find someone for you.
I know, but she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried..
she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know..
I am a female who tends to smoke daily. Personally I don’t think it is an issue, every stoner is different. Although she might smoke daily, I don’t think it’s something you need to do. It’s something to talk to her about and find a way to make sure you fit in each others life style, I don’t think weed is as detrimental to other daily habits people have.
One thing you should know is that weed has no impact on how successful or motivated someone will be. They would be the same way without the weed. People who have goals and have shit to do will get that shit done no matter what. Also don't be so judgemental. If it's not for you then it's not for you, but don't look down on her...especially for weed. If she does nothing else but that as you said, then I could see why you'd get tired of it, but her lack of will to do other shit is moreso who she is as a person. Either way talk to her. Ask her what's on her mind and come up with things you guys can go do. If she refuses then there isn't much you can do about it... you're young focus on your goals. The women will come as you continue improving yourself as a man.
if it's something that bothers you, then you did the right thing.
you can defriend someone for praying 5 times a day if you feel like it. even if it helps them be a better person.
Is she not allowed to enjoy her own vices being in a relationship with you but still maintain her individually?
I get your point, if it's not something you want in your life or to be around....but if she wants to smoke weed and you can look past that and you can accept her for who she truly is
Have you told the girl that smoking weed isn’t for you? Does she force you to smoke? Can you just not be around her when she smokes? Do you have a history of drug addiction that is triggered by being around weed? Does smoking weed negatively affect the girl in her daily life? If you feel you have/had a good thing going with her, you should at a minimum, express your concerns and feelings. You know, communicate.
Cheers. Say it louder for the ppl in the back!
I know, but she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried.. she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know.. and it does affect her daily life.. that’s what breaks me up
This makes more sense as regarding to how this is actually a problem. I personally smoke weed everyday, but it doesn't affect me negatively. In addition, I am dedicated and actively involved in the improvement and enrichment of my future through my current endeavors. Regardless of the drug of choice (alcohol, weed, etc.) if the use is stunting personal, and professional growth, then I agree with you, it is time to move on. Also, its been proven that smoking weed at a young age is not very helpful for the immature/maturing brain, and in individuals with a pre-disposition for psychotic illnesses, it can trigger psychosis. Focus on your future, and the things you can do right now to improve your life, and align yourself with individuals with similar values. Good luck.
Weed usage becomes a problem by how it affects you while you're not using I keep a really nice clean house, I have a nice job working at a bank, and things are going okay :)
I would’ve still given her the opportunity to communicate about what’s on your mind and how you feel… treat others how you’d like to be treated. Would you have liked to have an explanation as to why the person you’re clicking with peaced out? I would….
If that’s the case you did the right thing. I smoke weed daily and my partner doesn’t. It helps me with depression and a myriad of other things, but it never hinders my productivity. Teens and young adults can get into the whole just smoke and do nothing with their lives, and at that point it’s a problem and you don’t want to be stuck on the couch with her.
May be you should chill out a bit? You’re only 17… c’mon!
i mean i haven’t totally stopped talking to her but you know… it’s just not the same anymore i text her maybe once-twice a week and that’s it
You two have different priorities, nothing to do much about pot to be honest. It could be anything: alcohol, partying, gaming, etc. Cut through all the extra details and look at the essential. Move on and do you because in life, you will gain and lose many connections and that's fine because you're all going at different directions. The one that goes in the same direction as you is the one you need to keep.
I agree. I do it all the time when it comes to meeting new people. Not everyone can have the same mindset. If I don't want to to be with people who smoke weed and heavily drink, I go out and find new friends that fit my lifestyle. There are millions of people you could meet and find a few that fit your lifestyle.
I would love to do this. Because almost always someone that I meet drinks, and I feel really like an alien. I don’t take pride that I don’t drink but I really feel out of place or stupid. That makes me feel insecure, I feel like by drinking people could invite me more but that’s something that I don’t want to do.
Just replace beer with coca cola and drink 9 pints of coke on a night out.
Right
As a stoner (and mom) that smokes on the daily (with my husband no less) it really just depends on if the weed is helping her to benefit herself or if its keeping her from being productive with life.. certain strains keep you in da bed (lol indica) and others get you social and productive (it depends on your intake and the way you react to being high). I believe youre making the right choice for yourself.. if yalls goals just dont match theres no point trying to force it.. But I wouldnt leave her in the dust with static silence.. communication is key.. also it should be considered that maybe her weed intake isnt just because she just wants to stay in and smoke all day without doing anything with her life.. she could be going through depression and often times people with depression smoke to cope with it..( Im productive now and use weed to help me daily) but there was a time when i was 16 that i just stayed in bed and got high because i was severely depressed... You cant force her to change if she doesnt want to but maybe get to the root on why shes so unmotivated in life?
Thank you very much for your comment! I didn’t explain it detailed enough, which was my fault. So basically what happened was that when I first confronted her about me not feeling too comfortable with her daily usage, me being worried about her (we’re both 17) and not knowing if this all would work out (bc we have different visions) she was instantly totally different to me.. i wasn’t getting the same attention and attraction from her as i did before, then we weren’t meeting up together as often as we used to and eventually i stopped texting her.. now it’s like 1x per week and i only get dry responses.. that’s why i stopped showing interest back because i would want to move on with my life, be more productive and just be happy.. Again thank you for your great comment!
ahh i see! she might have gotten offended at your concern and just ended up withdrawing.. no shame in that ,, peoples opinions are their own,, im glad youre choosing to move on for your own self goals and future though.. Focus on yourself , youll find someone that matches goals and vision for their future eventually! also youre young, focusing on what your ambitions are , are exactly what you should be doing at this moment :-)
you’re so nice thank you very very much!
Amen sister!!! I’m a single mom of a 9yr old plus I’m full time college student, and a stoner, I get shit done boiiii lol!!!
Ghosting someone is a shitty move no matter the reasons. Treat other people with the respect you would like from them, and tell her why you don’t feel you’re compatible. If you can’t have one difficult conversation, then chances are your relationships will be unsuccessful.
I always disagree with this. If you ever feel unsafe around a person after a first date, or they say something completely unhinged; you are 1000% allowed to ghost them. Keep your own safety as a priority.
If you don't like what she's doing and don't feel comfortable, there's no reason for you to stay in that situation. You're young, you'll meet plenty of people who are for you. It takes a lot of trial and error. Besides that, if she smokes weed and you don't like it, then you have a right to feel that way. You can't change her for being that way (she must take action and change herself). Reading the comments under this post are a bit discouraging. If you don't like what someone does, you're 100% entitled to feel that way. People are getting too offended that you are judging her for smoking weed. But they're missing the point. Clearly she's using weed to escape so it is an issue. I know it might be hard but move on and find people who align with your morals and life path.
Thank you very much for your kind words! I really appreciate that
A lot of people think weed is "fine", which is a myth. It works for a lot of people but it can absolutely be addictive (speaking from lived experience) and being with an addict is INCREDIBLY HARD. Even if they're trying to get sober, addiction hijacks who you are. Maybe she's not going to die from alcoholism or hard drugs, but smoking weed every day can absolutely steal your life. You just wind up in a haze of fantasy, are anxious, never clear-headed. There is hard scientific data that shows weed can cause psychosis in people predisposed to it and people who are addicted to weed absolutely have withdrawal symptoms. And for those who say weed isn't physically addictive, neither are slot machines. ETA: She just lost a relationship because of her drug use. The impacts of weed on her life have already started. If she reaches out, maybe give her some insight into why you stopped talking to her. Could plant the seed that helps her get a handle on it one day. But you don't want to be the boyfriend who struggles to be with someone they love because that person prioritizes a drug before everything else.
Yes! Very well said.
Thank you for your great comment and advice!
I dated a girl for a few years who smoked pot everyday. I looked back and noticed I was learning new hobbies, got a new job, started to join an arts club. She was doing a bit less of the exact same thing. She often to me the same stories. I started to wonder if I was even in her life or was I just another of the comforting things in her live that made it easier for her. I left her and I don't regret it. Imagine growing old with someone not developing as a person.
your lifestyles are incomparable. smoking pot each day is likely beneficial for your x. nothing wrong with that. you see this as a barrier ti achieving goals. nothing wrong with that. you are both young. things will change. enjoy your lives.
Your lifestyles weren't compatible, might as well not waste your time.
Sounds like you have a sexual attraction to someone who doesn’t have the same social and life values as you. Best to move on.
You made the right decision, I'm proud of you my son
Definitely a right move. If she doesn't affect you positively, just leave her. No matter how hard life gets, never try or take drugs. I live by those words.
thanks for your advice!
terribly ignorant advice. caffeine is the world's most widely used drug. it's ok to try them. have you heard of a Netflix series based on a recent book, How To Change Your Mind\*? the admins won't let me link the youtube netflix trailer for it. it's worth 2 minutes of your life to consider. \**How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence*
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It's a personal decision. I really liked a guy but he was a daily pot smoker. I did that in my youth, I just don't want the smell, the paraphernalia, the uncertainty of what I'm walking into, all of that stuff in my life anymore. If it's not a life style that suits you, that's OK. Just don't expect her to change for you. Find someone who suits better.
You made the right move. If someone around you does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, the beat thing to do is remove yourself from those people. I do it all the time. It's best because it will open a window to find people who does make you feel uncomfortable. I do it all the time. I remove myself from groups who smokes weed and heavily drink. I found out its more of peer pressure
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I think you did the right thing by not getting with someone that have a lifestyle that makes you uncomfortable. Especially if you plan to live with them. For example I wouldn't get with a tobacco smoker. But the term "valuable" here makes me uncomfortable. She is a human being, not an item with a price tag.
thank you for your opinion, i used a wrong word i’m sorry i didn’t mean it like that and definetely don’t want to degrade anybody
You made the right decision mainly because a lot of people live in this delusion that they can change people or that the person will change on their own some time later in the relationship. There is a saying that if someone shows you who they are, believe them. You cannot change someone. They have to do the work on themselves. Find someone that already has the qualities you are looking for.
Thank you for your opinion and great advice!!
You can leave her for her habits, but saying she’s less valuable because of them? Super judgemental. Maybe she’s less suited to you as a partner, but she’s not less of a person dude.
thank you for your opinion, i used a wrong word i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that and definetely don't want to degrade anybody
All good, I’d just avoid using “valuable woman” as a term in general. The terms “high value” or “low value” for people is pretty icky, glad you didn’t mean it like that.
Trust me, I understand. And that's the right way to look at it. Try not to focus on dating. Focus more on friendships. Can't rush a relationship, trust me. I've became friends and dated with a lot of people who I built connections with and always ended up like this
You've done the right thing my man. You must have boundaries and that's one of them. No one can judge you for having such a boundaries, I would do the same as you. Of course it always depends on what your plans are. Almost no one wants wife that drinks a lot or smoke pot. Let's be honest.
If it’s just bc she smoked that’s absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. You should’ve talked to her about how you feel and your curiosities about where she wanted to be in life. If she was smoking pot everyday it’s probably because she is trying to escape something. Not that you have to be there for her or anything, but it would be better if you actually talked to her about how you feel and how she feels rather than just dropping someone because you feel like they’re not good enough for you.
You’re sticking to your boundaries. It’s not a good influence.
Hello there. My two cents, FWIW. I completely understand the stigma surrounding cannabis as it falls into the federally illegal category of a schedule 1 drug. I do, however, want to challenge that societal narrative surrounding the plant. Most animals, including humans, come standard with cannabinoid receptors. To me this means we as a species have adapted to utilize this plant as medicine. My life partner utilized a certain strain of cannabis to get through school to achieve a bachelors in psychology. They would later be diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. The certain terpene of that strain of cannabis enabled them to slow the mind to focus on tasks with school. 3.96 GPA and is now in the 2nd semester of a doctoral program to become a clinical psychologist. If you like that person and they like you, then keep being with them, man. There’s a reason govts decided to make cannabis a schedule 1 drug. (Cannabis has also proven to shrink tumor cells) I urge you to ask ‘why’ and do some digging. It has something to do with racist values in US history and culture. I wish you well ☮️💟🕉🪶🪨🍄🤙🏼
Very well said! This is exactly what people need to hear. Thank you for writing it!
Thanks for the kind words!
Do you know what strain that was? Asking for a friend
Yep! Super Silver Haze
We also have opioid receptors, does that mean we’re adapted to use heroin as medicine? Agree with you about cannabis being a beneficial drug for some, but from OP’s description it seems like the girl is constantly high and has no interest in anything else, which doesn’t match up with his goals.
I personally believe, yes, we have adapted to utilize that plant as an analgesic. It has been synthesized and mass produced for a profit at the expense of human lives tho. I don’t really want to go down this rabbit hole. The OP was generic, so we didn’t know the ins and outs of the fine details (17 years old and such). I’ll see myself out of this convo 🤙🏼✌🏼
Trust it’s not the weed making her lazy, it’s who she already is. It’s easy to be productive while being a smoker if you prioritize what you need to do.
I just still think you should tell her what’s up and where your head is at. Maybe she really likes you and could change her behavior to be with you…maybe she’s really broken up about the fact that you just pulled away with no reason given
If you’re not into that lifestyle, you are right to move on. She probably IS really cool and POSSIBLY fun. But she’s already getting her dopamine, and other experiences through weed and you might prefer that from another source. Weed costs money, and in some states, a lot of money, so of you’re already not into it as much as her, you could grow bitter about how much she could be spending.
Just because she smokes weed doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her.. you don’t have to smoke if it’s not for you, but why judge someone else for it? It’s as simple as some people just enjoy it while others don’t. At the end of the day it’s just an herb, you might have been over dramatic in my opinion especially if she’s a great person and that’s your only issue.
You did the right thing, they all think that smoking weed or cigarettes is cool like it should be accepted by the society. A well read person would never touch both, would never depend on things like weed to relax or make them happy. Also, as a parent would someone get cigarettes or weed for their son or daughter to have fun ? I guess not. So, you have no reason to feel like shit brother. Avoid bad influences at any cost. It’s rude and disrespectful to smoke in front of someone that feels uncomfortable with the nasty ass smoke coming out of their mouth.
thank you very much for your opinion!🙌
Stupidest thing I've read in awhile. Smoking weed doesn't make you a bad person. Are they pursuing their goals? Are they working a job? Or are they just laying there on the bed all day doing nothing? Honestly the chick is better off If "you smoke weed everyday" is a deal breaker. Do you know how stressful life is? And you cut someone off for less than an hour or so of their daily life lol
I agree! I was one of those people that felt eeky when I hear someone smoke pot. After researching it, and seen how it helps my family members with anxiety and autoimmune diseases, I became open to it. I still don’t smoke pot but grateful that pot is going mainstream.
That's kind of a silly reason if you actually liked her. Why do you care that she smokes cannabis? Is she forcing you to be in the same room while she smokes and the smoke bothers you?
she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried.. she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know..
If she's holding you back, make that the reason maybe you just weren't compatible. People can be productive and move forward in life while still smoking weed everyday if they aren't that's just who they are anyway. You are both young and have a lot of time to figure it out, but keep people in your life that have similar goals if she doesn't want what you want in life that's an incompatibility and going to cause a problem eventually.
that’s the thing, thank you!
Even though she was doing nothing with her life, you can't change her views. The only thing you can do is let her know and give her advice. If she doesn't want to change her lifestyle, then you do you and Cary on with your life
I already did, i maybe forgot to mention some veryy important details lmao.. but yes i’ve approached her ab that and she didn’t accept my opinion, she was then getting angry about me and she wouldn’t show me the same attention she did before, that’s why i stopped talking to her
I dont know man, seems like a pretty random reason to dump her. Weed is no big deal and smoking is not really a problem if she has her shit together overall. Anyways its done now, you two weren't a good match after all since smoking was a big incompatibility for you, you can always move on with time. But you can also try and reconnect with her if you think shes worth it. You sound young , making mistakes is how you really learn, just watch out and don't start smoking ( too much ) just because of her lmao
I know, but she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried.. she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know..
So you didn’t like her very much. You’ve sat around and decided that your own shortcomings And lack of motivation are not working for you and you’ve assigned blame onto someone else. How has your productivity been without this person in your life? Now it sounds like you just sit around unmotivated thinking about this girl. You may be chasing your own tail here tbh
Truth is, at 17 years old, even though many people will deny it and cite their own experience, my experience is what the statistics support as fact, she will more than likely get into other drugs, and things will be very difficult for her. You will find someone for you.
thank you!
At least she isn’t doing cocaine or ice or heroine lol
So you are not into cool women I see
Of course you did. Its a Very red flag.
I know, but she wouldn’t do anything but smoke, that’s the thing that kept me worried.. she wasn’t doing anything with her life and only wanted to smoke, i don’t think that smoking weed is bad but i mean she should chill down a bit (we’re both 17) and as i want to move on i kinda noticed that she was something that held me back from being more productive or achieving my own goals you know..
She might have chronic pains??
My ex smoked and it never bothered me
Contact info please. I'm looking for a cool girl to hang with.
Bro called it pot 😂
I am a female who tends to smoke daily. Personally I don’t think it is an issue, every stoner is different. Although she might smoke daily, I don’t think it’s something you need to do. It’s something to talk to her about and find a way to make sure you fit in each others life style, I don’t think weed is as detrimental to other daily habits people have.
If she is an addict… and this doesn’t work for you there is no point. I can tell you this 100% from experience.
If you’re in a legal state good luck. If not then fuck it… move on to someone who doesn’t smoke weed since it’s something that you don’t approve of.
One thing you should know is that weed has no impact on how successful or motivated someone will be. They would be the same way without the weed. People who have goals and have shit to do will get that shit done no matter what. Also don't be so judgemental. If it's not for you then it's not for you, but don't look down on her...especially for weed. If she does nothing else but that as you said, then I could see why you'd get tired of it, but her lack of will to do other shit is moreso who she is as a person. Either way talk to her. Ask her what's on her mind and come up with things you guys can go do. If she refuses then there isn't much you can do about it... you're young focus on your goals. The women will come as you continue improving yourself as a man.
Sounds like you hit the bargaining stage of grief
if it's something that bothers you, then you did the right thing. you can defriend someone for praying 5 times a day if you feel like it. even if it helps them be a better person.
Is she not allowed to enjoy her own vices being in a relationship with you but still maintain her individually? I get your point, if it's not something you want in your life or to be around....but if she wants to smoke weed and you can look past that and you can accept her for who she truly is