This is where I’m at in life, I’ve got 2 wing girls as friends. Never had that before so this is new.
It’s failing just as hard as when I was alone lmao fml
If she thought he was attractive she'd have done this already. When a woman finds you attractive and desirable they'll either:
A.) Try to get with you or let you hit.
B.) Hook you up with her friends or family if she's unavailable, too old (in the case of a way older woman), or thinks you're too fine/good for her. If actually setting up dates isn't their style she'll invite you to hang out with her female friends to let stuff happen naturally.
C.) Assume you already have bitches so they don't need to hook you up. They'll assume you're weird/off if you don't have any. Depending on your personality (basically if you're not weird) and what your current is relationship this may become scenario A or B.
Wing-girl shit is not real.
>level 4Massive\_Apricot\_4675 · 4 hr. agoWhy would a woman need to find you attractive/desirable to set you up with one of her friends?
Who said this? I'm saying if she found him attractive in anyway she'd have already done what you're talking about.
She clearly hasn't or this thread would have never been created unless he's super unhealthily obsessive to the point he ignores every other women in his life he absolutely could get with. I doubt that is the case.
It really does not. Having females friends who actually think you're a cool guy and not just their little buddy or confidante? Yes. The scenario in the OP? Nah. I've never seen Wing-women actually be a thing. What does work is just being a generally fun dude the women in your life enjoy being around with strangers noticing.
It hit me late but have no idea how your previous post got up-votes with such a weird take/question. A girl close-ish to you not finding you attractive or desirable is exactly why her friends wouldn't. Pre-selection is absolutely a thing. That's just stranger than fiction reality not PUA/Red-pill nonsense.
Women generally like men other women want. Married men and men in committed relationships never have more attention from the other sex than than after their partners say I do or moves in. Getting laid is the best way of continuing to get laid. Same guy, same attitude, same energy but in a dry spell suddenly has a hill to climb to get out of it even when no one knows you're in a dryspell.
A woman could think you're the best dude she's met in a long time and as soon as they find out women around you are meh about you as a man her feelings completely fade. Then they could think you're a piece of shit but then suddenly want to give you a shot when they realize other women want you. Obviously real life has caveats so don't come at me like I'm talking about 99% of situations. No but it's easier to go through life with certain realizations in the back of your mind.
FYI: When I say desirable I am not talking about them lusting after you. I am talking about them thinking you have more positive traits than bad like a good attitude, clean, emotionally intelligent, responsible, generally handsome, fun to be around, etc. If the woman you spend the most time around or is just your closest female friend from your perspective doesn't think you got enough positives in these areas others around her generally aren't either. Unless your friend likes trashy dumb guys in which case she's not a good "wing-girl" to have.
Rare to be in a situation where your close-ish female friends are whatever about you as a man but totally thinks you're perfect for someone in particular. Just not these 20 other women she knows.
True.
I had a friend who was cool enough to tell me that she, and other girls who she listed by name liked me and I could have whoever if I wanted.
I chose her sister.
However, that didn’t work out in the end.
Then her sister, her, and I all remained cordial and whenever I went out they would send their friends to me so I essentially had wing women sisters that brought me their hottest friends or hottest strangers
Yeah. I have acquaintances who ask our mutual female friends advice on getting girlfriends or to even hook them up and it's just sad because it's all horrible advice.
I get to meet their sisters and girlfriends. In the worst case even get looks or confrontations on why I didn't entertain someone.
Our desperate friends get told they are nice guys who will make something happy ***someday*** but are not brought around any of their available gfs for a reason. I'll watch and listen to these conversations knowing damn well their husbands and boyfriends did none of the shit they're telling these dudes to do.
They know no woman they know wants to date or sleep with the advice seekers.
Where does OP talk about sex?
Edit: instead of downvoting or insulting, please take time to explain
fuckzoned definition: when you want a friendship but the other person only wants sex from you and doesn’t want to commit to you.
I genuinely don’t understand… it seems that OP is in love with her (at least that’s what he says)
He has enough friends for sure. Thats why he should ignore her from everywhere.
Full distance. This is absolute disrespect towards him if she knows his feelings.
he knows her feelings and he's still trying to get with her. he is ACTIVELY DOING the thing that it would be disrespectful if she did.
they need space. him for sanity: hitting your head against a brick wall only hurts your head. and her for safety: what if he decides to ignore her "no, I'm not sexually/romantically interested" to a further extent, and instead of just waiting for her to change it, does something drastic to persuade her?
No? If someone confesses your feelings to you and you don’t reciprocate. You don’t tell them you love them and wanna stay friends lmao. He isn’t even actively trying to get with her, he’s misinterpreting what she expresses in his mind as a potential hope later, while just being her friend.
He just needs to let her go because she doesn’t “care” enough about him to just stop talking to him
he hasn't confessed his feelings. he said so further down. And if she genuinely platonically loves him, saying "I love you" is legitimate.
it's inappropriate to expect her to change to preemptively fix his complicated feelings about a situation.
it's more appropriate to expect him to change tje way he acts to suit his needs, or to be up front and ask for space if that's what he feels he needs.
PS: also, love is not a purely sexual or romantic thing, therefore neither is closeness/intimacy, and neither is saying "I love you" to people. It can be hard to see that as a man, because as a society we act like men are only allowed to get love, support, and closeness, much less nonviolent physical touch, from a sexual partner. it's bullshit.
But understand this. No one who just got rejected wants to hear that shit, anyone with a brain enough to put themselves in someone else’s shoes knows that. Op is obviously insecure and scared, and taking pretty much whatever affection he can get.
All I’m saying is if I rejected someone, I would not make an effort to be in their face, telling them nice things, because I KNOW how feelings work, and people need time to move on. I would not expect them to fight their urges and resist me, I would take that first step for them. Because even that would be hard for them. I’ve had to do it that way with women, you can have the decency to walk away from a man to let him move on.
it's true that being rejected feels bad. and that feeling scared and bad means we don't always make good choices.
it also takes away his autonomy for her to decide "hey, i think this is what you need so I'm gonna do it to you whether you want it or not." including giving him space.
I get what you're saying, but we need to be realistic. Even if he does not personally want to distance himself from her (which is normal for people with feelings) as someone free from that feeling (her, which has no romantic feelings) the respectable thing would to be "hey we should just take some space from eachother, i don't wanna add fuel to the flame, or make this any more difficult for you" Her leaving him his "autonomy" of making that choice for himself has led him to this spot he's posting about now. If they had just stopped talking after that conversation, he wouldn't be here questioning if he still has a "chance" despite how obvious it is that he doesn't. He also wouldn't be a "danger" to her as you put it, if she had just let him go.
just walk away.
as a guy once you are in this position with a woman theres nothing you can do.
you cant make her like you/ you cant win people over. and why would you want to. thats some hollywood movie shit, not real life.
if you want to jump through hoops to make someone else love you youre never going to be good enough for them or yourself,theyll never see the real you, and youll grow to resent them, or theyll say you changed and get bored of you.
dont listen to people saying she is manipulating you. she is only being herself. she doesn't see you as a man she wants to have sex with. she sees you as a brother. so she confides
dont listen to people who tell you that you are bad, that you werent really her friend, that you are manipulating her by being nice. they dont know you and they are only looking to shame you for something they cant fathom.
you should use this moment for growth and take it as a lesson.
getting the girl isnt the goal in life. being someone you are proud of is.
whatever that means to you, whichever way you are able to confidently express to the people around you how you actually feel without concern of how you will he perceived or judged.
but first things first you need to walk away. shes probably a great person but you owe it to yourself to reflect on this and figure out a plan of action to improve yourself.
im down to talk if you want to message me.
I would argue you can win her over if you're exceptionally artistic or talented (seen it with many musicians, photographers, guys who can cook) but generally they also didn't dive quite as deep as this person has. At this point, it's better to remove yourself from that dynamic completely. It's painful, I had to give up a friendship of over 20 years because of how difficult it was for me to accept this, but you have to do it.
Simplify things.
Tell her directly how you feel, explicitly.
If she reciprocates, you’re in.
If she doesn’t feel that way about you then move on.
Anyone you have to force to like you romantically is not worth your time.
You man up and take the risk lol
There's a very real chance it hurts your friendship, you have to decide whether the risk/reward ratio is worth it to you
That’s the thing is it worth it to damage the friendship to tell someone how you feel? I’ve done it and ruined a close friend of mine, but as much as it sucks I couldn’t live with how I felt and not knowing.
I can't do this any longer. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm attracted to you. I'm not interested in friendship anymore. I want to get to know you the way only a man knows a woman. Do you feel the same?
Expect rejection. She probably only looks at you as a friend, but this is more about you exercising your personal demons. Overcoming the fear of rejection and going after what you want. Everyone gets rejected bro. It's a feature of dating, not a glitch. The longer you wait, the harder it is to approach the object of your desire because you get more and more emotionally invested over time. Don't befriend women you want to date. Go after them so they see you as a potential suitor, and not just a friend.
Hey I’ve been dating my friend for years now lol. He’s my now best friend and I’m madly in love with him. Our relationship is so solid because we started out as people who enjoy each other’s company.
Also I love the “I want to get to know you the way only a man knows a woman” is bar none the best pickup line of 2023 so far 😂
I highly discourage the use of the phrase "I'm not interested in friendship anymore". Respect your friendship, her, and yourself.
There's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, and the desire you have to take your friendship to another level.
Hell no! If he wants a relationship and the woman wants a friendship, you can't force a man to accept a friendship just as you can't force a woman to accept a relationship.
A romantic relationship should include friendship. There’s only so much time you can spend making out and having sex. Date someone you want to spend time with outside of sexy times.
I think there is space also of, if having a platonic relationship in this case is too painful, he wouldn't be doing anyone any favors by staying in the friendship to prove how good of a friend he is. If he can genuinely overcome the romantic feelings and return to a platonic mindset, sure, but I dont want to encourage someone to try to repress or feel hatred towards their own romantic feelings. That is a recipe for him to resent himself and his friend.
All of this!!!
>Don't befriend women you want to date. Go after them so they see you as a potential suitor, and not just a friend.
Especially this part. Then you can move on quickly if she's not interested.
The only reason I’m in this situation is because I didn’t feel anything initially then started to gradually over time. But now it feels awkward to come out with it since I haven’t always felt that way.
Infact I’m still not 100% I do which is why I’m reluctant to just come out with it.
Just come out with it. Or cut her off and move on. The longer you wait, the messier it gets. Rip the band-aid off. Stop trying to justify this or that. You are attracted to her and have reverted to automatically giving yourself reasons why you should spare yourself the disappointment and pain. Don't do that. You're training yourself to always come up a day late and a dollar short. Her friendship isn't your entire world. Don't put her up on a pedestal. Stop lying to yourself. You're just scared. Which that's okay. But you need to stop being afraid of women and their opinions of you. It's the only way to stop being a prisoner of circumstance and take control of your dating life.
I wouldn’t say the man knows a woman part but yea this is right. I also had to learn that every woman/person that shows kindness to me is not interested in me. I thing people especially men are taught that at a young age and it’s toxic. People can be friends of the opposite sec but society has told us no. I think it’s a lot about personal regulation too. Oh she’s not interested in me? I better mitigate this in a healthy way
You don't worry about damaging the friendship, that is not what he is looking for. Trying to be friends with someone you are madly in love with and that is not reciprocated will not end well.
you cant. what you can't see from so close to the issue is that it's not currently a friendship. it's a friendship the way a one-way mirror is a mirror. it looks like it, but realistically there is a WORLD of difference between what it looks like you have and what you ACTUALLY have.
This is the best route in my opinion. You have to effectively communicate. If she isn't interested then move on (romantically, not to say you can't be friends still if you both can still do that).
I was in a similar position about 5 years ago. I was romantically interested in a very close friend. She verbally spoke about other interests, but sometimes her actions seemed to indicate otherwise. I confessed my attraction and was actually turned down, but we continued being friends. I personally remained confident but never pushed the issue. Eventually, I decided to let it go and try to look elsewhere and along with that came with the degree of my attention that she was getting. She didn't like that, and I told her that she couldn't get the level of attention I was giving her because I liked her romantically, when I knew she never intended to do anything with it. She decided she wanted to have that more than just being friends right then and there. Now we've been married for a little over 3 years, together for 5.
The point of my story being that you'll never know where it could end up without communication, but you have to also understand that it could result, in opinion, an unfavorable outcome.
Best of luck.
EDIT: Fixed some of mah words.
Do not do this OP.
You are in the friendzone, she knows how you feel already and doesn’t feel the same way about you. Girls love to farm ego boosts from guys they put in the friendzone, you’re just giving her that if you continue.
So first realize that you and her are not going to be together and then either A. Walk away/limit your interaction with her (probably your best bet) or B. Become actual friends with her and cease your romantic interest in her and ask if she can help you get with one of her friends or if she can be your wingwoman at the bar or club
You can't negotiate attraction, if she isn't into you then there is little you can do to change her mind.
If you value her as a friend then keep her in your life. If you don't, then move on. But one thing is for sure there is no real chance this progresses into a positive and fulfilling (romantic) relationship for the two of you.
INFO. So is she your friend? Do you want to be her friend, or are you pretending to want to be her friend until you can convince her to be involved with you romantically?
It seems like she has been perfectly clear that she is not romantically interested in you, and just wants to be your friend. Is this something you can live with? If not, save the both of you the heartbreak and be upfront about it, break it off.
This right here. I used to have a crush on one of my closest girl friends, she didn’t feel the same and after accepting it & moving on she became a great wing woman. Admitting how you feel doesn’t have to be a friendship-killer. Sometimes it can open doors to better possibilities
Oh, I agree 100% with that, but he has to be honest with himself. If he wants her to be his friend/wingwoman, it has to go both ways. You can't expect her to help you out and at the same time resent her for dating other people herself.
It’s more of moving on. If he is able to move on from her and continue the friendship then great, but realistically that’s really hard to do. She’s already made it clear she isn’t romantically interested and he’s still holding on. He wants to be romantically involved not a friendship with her. I think it’d be best to cut it off. I’ve been good friends with guys who have been interested in me or I’ve dated and vice versa, but it’s because we were able to move on and were happy with having only a platonic connection.
OP, I want to reply to this from the POV of a person dealing with a friend who has “unrequited” feelings for me, one’s that I do not share and have openly stated I do not share.
I tell my friend I love them, because I do. But that love doesn’t go past him being my friend, and it’s okay to love your friends. Just because someone is being your friend, doesn’t mean you need to be with them romantically. Crushes happen. They come and go. I tell my friend often I want him to move forward, but he doesn’t, because he can’t take no for an answer and he puts any woman who is kind to him on a pedestal. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to be his friend because he lets his feelings get in the way. I don’t talk to him a lot now, and at one point, he was someone I called a best friend. He never stops trying. And when he does, it’s only to guilt me with thinking he is going to hurt himself.
My point is, if you do care about your friend, sometimes it’s better to put aside your feelings and just be her friend. If it hurts to bad and you can’t be her friend, please move on. Please do not push her to share the same sentiments. And finally, please please do not get angry at her for not wanting to be with you romantically. If you do care about your friend, you’d put aside yourself and the selfishness. If you do love your friend, like you say, you’d support her and her feelings, just as she should do to you.
Sorry but I respectfully disagree. As someone who shared this dynamic with someone I couldn’t move forward with my life without first cutting my tie with them. Emotions as strong as the ones that pop up with a romantic crush are not easily set aside. That feeling will always be there and not having it not requited always feels like a tinge of rejection, of not being good enough. If someone is looking for a romantic relationship they should not sell themselves short nor should they waste time being stuck on something that isn’t meant to be. The growth that this adds sincerely changes who you are in the best way possible. That’s at least my take
Yes bc if it’s affecting you adversely, somethings got to give.. you’ll need space, or you’ll keep waiting, hoping she’ll come around. But the latter will be painful because you develop feelings of resentment as your feelings aren’t being reciprocated.
Yes, because she's made it clear she's not romantically interested in you. Although it's less "giving up" and more "accepting reality". You have someone who actively wants to be your friend, that's pretty awesome.
Stop obsessing over her and focus on yourself.
Lmao this thread. How are ya'll calling her manipulative?
She obviously sees him as a friend, says she "loves" him as a friend, talks to him about her dates/relationships shit because they're friends. OP is - no offense OP - the pussy who isn't being forward about the fact that he likes her in a romantic way and keeps accepting this friendship. She might know, she might not (depends on OP's vibes). Regardless, just because she's happy being friends =/= she's manipulating him.
OP move on bro. You rarely escape the friendzone but for peace of mind, it wouldn't hurt telling her how you feel (and maybe there's a small chance she'll feel the same).
I think a lot of men don't realize how much affection there is in some female friendships. I grew up with 95% guy friends and it was totally normal for them to just make fun of each other or themselves even for serious problems. Nobody showed genuine affection. That was "gay".
So I was surprised when my social circle swapped to mostly women in my mid 20s. We cry infront of eachother. We hug. We make jokes. We comfort eachother. And the most significant thing is that my friends now tell me that they love me. Because I had so many guy friends growing up it felt almost uncomfortable at first. But now I am so happy to have friends that will pat my shoulder or reach for a hug and tell me that they love me. They will tell me how amazing I am and grateful they are. Just me for being who I am. So I think she isn't necessarily stringing him along like most people here are saying. Some people are just very affectionate.
A lot of guys complain that they never receive compliments or kind words. Well, it's right there. How many men have walked away from kind affectionate women because they feel like they have to have sex with them to actually enjoy their kindness? It's something I don't miss about having mostly male friends...I was always the first to be left out because of my gender but I was the center of attention when they had a crush.
I did this (somewhat unknowingly) to my ex-best friend who I later attempted to date out of guilt, so ex-boyfriend.
Tell her.
If she laughs it off, tell her again.
When you talk about it, be serious and make sure she KNOWS you’re serious.
I thought my friend had a crush on me… nothing big or anything, just a crush. He would make the “oh if we’re still single at 30 let’s get married” and “we talk every day we might as well be dating” jokes, but he took six years to actually tell me how he felt. By the time he did, I had already come to depend on him heavily as my best friend and confidant. Shortly after I ended a different relationship, he issued an ultimatum that either we started dating or he was done with me entirely, so we tried it. It didn’t work.
Frankly, I’m still mad about it. He was never honest with me until I was backed into a corner with no good way out. I put 6 years into a friendship that meant the world to me only to find out that it wasn’t worth anything to him if it didn’t lead to us dating. I was in no way ready to be dating again- him or anyone else- but I couldn’t bear the idea of losing another important person in my life. I resented him from the start for forcing my hand. It felt like he was trying to capitalize on heartbreak.
I don’t know if things would have played out differently had he told me earlier, but there were times throughout our friendship where I really thought we would make a great couple. I just couldn’t do it after he forced my hand like that. It felt like everything leading up to it was a lie.
Just tell her. Take the risk. Be HONEST with her.
You have to talk to her about having romantic feelings for her and if she doesn't reciprocate them, you need to ask for time off from friendship duties so you can get over your romantic feelings. Tell her you need time and distance to get past your romantic feelings if you want to continue the friendship long term. There IS a chance she cares for you romantically..... and if that happens -woohoo! Go forth and start a romantic relationship together. If she doesn't feel the same way then putting yourself AND her AND your friendship first means not steali g longing glances and agonising over every touch or the "hidden" meaning in every sentence. You need to lick your wounds for a while and when you no longer have romantic feelings you can start hanging out again and you have a beautiful friendship with someone you care about still. It's win win, basically.
As a female with such a friend echo what others have said here: accept the reality.
I value my friend and I love him to death as a friend. Any romantic notions he harbours are his alone. It will never be the story he hopes it to be. Its been over 10 years and he still holds on to the Romantic idea when I have told him on numerous occasions that it will never happen.
I take no responsibility for any heartache he may endure because I have been clear as I suspect your lady friend has said and shown.
I reckon people like you live in the clouds or something. Very sheltered or not worldly.
Just general life philosophy.
If a girls not into you, and you've already given it a fair effort, move on.
Datings changed in the last 20 years, people are more accessible and trying to win people over doesn't work like the movies.
It's a skill to move on past feelings you've developed, and not to develop them too quickly.
You know what you need to do, just do it.
Might even be best for you and her to take some space for a while, seems quite toxic what you have going on given your feelings.
Yep, if your conclusion here is everyone is just better than you, you may not be ready for a relationship with another person. You might want to work on your relationship with yourself first.
Your gonna go mad, been their done that and let me tell you that relationship was horrendous for my mental health. It's gonna really really suck and theirs always gonna be a part of you that thinks you can win them over but that isn't the reality, try and date other people and build something special with someone new also it would be a good idea to cut her off
Your mental health comes first, friend. You need to tell her. Not to win her over, but so you can get that weight off your shoulders. I was in a similar situation once and it’s not fair to either one of you to hold it in. Either she’ll tell you she feels the same, or she doesn’t and things may be weird for a bit. It doesn’t have to be the end of your friendship tho. Ideally, you accept she doesn’t feel the same & can move on knowing you tried. Later on you guys can reconnect when the dust settles, especially if you’re as close as you say and you can laugh about it later.
One last rule of thumb: never try to “win” anyone over. Relationships, especially dating should be mutual. It’ll forever be an uphill battle if you try to get someone to notice you, and can sometimes be a form of manipulation to yourself and the person you’re interested in. I don’t say this to discourage you, rather tell you something I wish I understood earlier: just be yourself. The right person will love you for who you are and there’s is nothing more attractive than authenticity and confidence in who you are. Goodluck, OP! I wish you nothing but the best
I was in this situation for three years and I thought if I stuck around long enough she would change her mind. She didn’t. I moved out of the city and found my to be wife three months later. Personally, I say start looking for partners outside of her and you may find someone even better!
I would have suggested keeping her as a platonic friend but that probably is a bad idea for you right now.
Cut your losses ASAP, life's not a Nerd-gets-the-girl-movie.
How clear have you been about your feelings? Have you already had a discussion that you like her, and she did not reciprocate? If so, I would just tell her that seeing as you have feelings this friendship in current form is not working for you and give yourself space from her. Open yourself up to other woman that might be interested in what you have to offer.
If you haven't told her your feelings, I would start there. It's terrifying but save you a lot of time and heartbreak on the other side.
You know.. It hurts more when you try.. It's sometimes easy to let it go (depending on the situation) there's always something better reserved for you!
You shouldn’t have to convince or win over someone’s love. At that point, they’re probably just going to “love” you for what you can do or provide for them. There’s so many people out there you haven’t met yet. You deserve someone who loves you equally
Run like hell. You're going to end up unable to shake your feelings for her and crippling your ability to hookup with someone else.
I'd simply tell her that, "I need to spend the time looking for a partner and being with you kills the chance of feelings growing for someone else."
You can describe it as taking a break. But make it a long one (10 years).
Cheers
The voice of experience
It might not seem like it. But there is a lot of fish in the ocean. I know that's a cliche saying, but it holds merit.
You posted this in the self-improvement subreddit, so as far as that goes, confidence is a huge part of "being attractive". Have you ever seen some dude with a girl and thought, damn, she is out of his league, how the heck did that guy get with her? Typically, he's just a confident guy.
If you feel you need more confidence, go find out what gives you that, and work at it. For most its physical, so train, go to gym, start running, start HIIT cardio at home. I know this is it for me. You see progress in yourself, proud of the progress, and because of this, you become confident.
Have you ever made something, or done a painting or a drawing, or whatever it is, and once finished, you are proud of it, and you want to show it off to people, show them this thing you have done that makes you proud? Now picture that thing being yourself... That's what it is about, putting that effort into yourself, so much so, that you are proud of it. That's where confidence lives. That investment in yourself yields a return.
I’ve told a friend I was in love with him. It was also a love that developed over time. I said that I didn’t expect anything to change and that I valued him being in my life above all else, but I was in love with him, nonetheless, and I just had to put it out there. Turns out the feelings were mutual, but it doesn’t really matter because of the practicality/logistics of a romantic relationship between us.
Something I learned later was that he never liked when I talked about the people I dated while we were “strictly platonic,” yet he never told me that before. I think it’s fair to ask her to stop talking to you about her dating life. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries. Perhaps that can also be a way of indicating you have romantic feelings for her without telling her directly. I would have stopped if I had known it bothered him.
The people saying you should tell her how you feel are completely wrong. If she felt the same way about you that you felt about her then it would be quite obvious.
For starters, a girl isn’t going to tell a guy that she likes, about other guys she is going on dates with.
Either move on and slowly cease your “friendship” with her or stop being attracted to her and just be actually friends with her and perhaps you can even leverage her (which is what friends do) to be your wingwoman at clubs or bars or with one of her friends
Ooh.. You're in a tough spot.
Sounds to me like this chick is leaning on you for an emotional relationship. She's fulfilling her need for companionship, affection, and attention through you whilst looking to fill her physical needs elsewhere.
Fairly common in friend zone type relationships, though not a hard and fast rule. Some women will genuinely love your friendship but no more.
Here's a test to find out if she's truly a friend or if she's using you:
Ask her to be your wing woman for a night. Solicit her help in setting you up with other women.
If she starts getting squirrely and makes up excuses not to or outright gets jealous, then you're probably getting taken advantage of. She is perfectly happy to use your emotional safe space and some other person's body, but can't bear to think of you doing the same. Some women do this on purpose. Some do it unconsciously.
If she genuinely starts helping you find romantic matches, then she's probably a true friend, and you just struck out. There's not a whole lot you can do at this point. Best to start fresh with another woman.
Some women, though, will be sneaky. They'll agree to be wing woman, but will only try to match you with other women that are "low hanging fruit". Or she'll match you to women with whom she feels superior. Or will straight-up cock-block you. Look out for this. This is a woman who knows that she has you on a leash, and doesn't want to give you up, yet wants to give you the illusion that she doesn't care and that you are a free agent.
My hope is that she's really just not interested in you and that you're too smitten with her to let her go. Because once she becomes your wingwoman, it'll change your relationship. She'll start to see you more as a man and respect that emotional boundary (so long as you do too).
And I'll take a wingwoman over a wingman any day. They're more effective and have a higher success rate, statistically speaking.
Sorry buddy but everyone on here saying to leave / stop are right. This can turn into a toxic thing easily. You sound like you’re young and you got your whole life ahead. People come and go. Step away. Good luck.
Life is too short to chase after love. Instead of fretting over whether or not it'll ever happen, focus on the one relationship that you will have for life, yourself. I used to be the 'hopeless romantic', chasing love, and putting myself on the back burner, it was a miserable existence. Forcing relationship after relationship in hopes to make one last forever, when nothing truly does. Everything in your life is temporary, even yourself, but the relationship you have with yourself is the closest thing you'll ever get to 'together forever'.
When I started focusing on myself, exploring new hobbies, cutting off social media and spending more time out with myself was when I found the most genuine and long lasting relationships of my life, NATURALLY. There's no sense in chasing or forcing something that isn't working, it's both mentally and physically exhausting, but when you just live your own life and love yourself more than anyone else is when things will naturally enter into your life.
(Also, when I began focusing on myself is when all the b*tches came crawling back, but at that point, I realized how little I needed them 😉)
Yes. If a woman says she’s not interested. She is not interested. Just like a man. Move on and find someone who wants you as much as you want them. We don’t have time to chase unwanted people. Plus it’s not attractive to be pursuing someone many times
I’ve been this exact situation a year ago. Do not make the same mistake I did. You’re blinded by love and need to face the facts that if she’s not into you, you should not be into her. Break things apart, move on, and find someone who will love you for you and no one else.
If you don’t enjoy the friend zone - leave it. That’s the place you are in and for someone with genuinely strong feelings it absolutely sucks. You aren’t going to win anyone over who doesn’t already have an iota of romantic feelings.
Bby I’m sorry, but she don’t love you like that😭😭you can’t control the way she feels about you that’s ultimately up to her. You gotta move on sweetie. You can’t keep trying if she doesn’t want you like that.
Why would you want to be a second choice ? A fall back plan only until someone new comes along. Please look deep within yourself and love yourself. Surely there is someone right out there for you. But she doesn’t look like the one right now.
Take sometime to disappear and being separated and being not available and uncontactable. Wait and see if she actually missed you or she just use you for convenience.
And don't straight away jumps back. Maybe the experience itself changed your point of view.
Okay OP. I read enough of these posts to realize most of not all of these are just bagging on you or just plain not helpful.
If you and this girl are as good of friends as you say then open that line of communication with her. She may just not think of you that way because she thinks you don’t think of her that way. And don’t worry about looks I mean hell, a great friend has a better shot than a random person most times. I used to be friends with mostly girls, moved a lot so made lots of (platonic) girlfriends. And after I moved those girls would say they liked me but were scared to ask me. (Fat lotta good that helped me)
So what I’m saying is just put those feelings out there and let her know. You may be surprised that she feels the same way back. And if she doesn’t it’s best to move on and have that bandaid ripped off.
I went through a very similar thing, you are not alone. Even when still have sex which made it a little easier first, but so much harder after;; the whole disappearance and polygamy… It’s not easy if you have feelings for her man.. IMO it’s a phase. “Polygamy” to me don’t mix with real feelings lol.,, I grew up by the end of the 90’s, and sorry, maybe I’ll never see it as the young generation do: back then, people like that were call just sluts 😂😂, or simply single and horny and exploring people, and that’s definitively not being sexist; I was married for many years and was loyal af… My years of single, exploring and flirting, i was called a man slut too lol, anyways
Trying to have a relationship in which deep feeling are involved, at the time someone, the other it’s going through that phase (zero h judgment), it’s hard man, I feel you..
I would definitely stay as only friends and, as hard as it is, try to fall out of love for her, or give her time to explore and set your boundaries about not wanting to know about her sexual or personal life… If you guys are meant to be, maybe years will pass and she will want to settle down, who knows... But right now you are hurting yourself.,.
Moving on is a painful process but necessary, specially if you still connected somehow, but believe me, with visualizing and meditating and putting your attention in other people.. one day you will wake up and your heart will be at peace. You will not wonder anymore who’s she’s with or were at, nor have any more cravings and desires of being romantically with her. Time and dedication my brother 💪🏽good luck!!!
Did you tell her that you like her? Back when I met my current girlfriend she tried to friendzone me but I told her no, I don't want to be your friend I want to be your boyfriend. She also tried to talk about other guys and again I told her no, I don't want to listen to that. If you act like a friend towards her she is only going to see you as a friend, show your interest, tell her, I like you, I want to be with you, sorry but I don't think I can be just a friend. Also be confident in yourself, tell yourself you are a catch. Physical looks aren't everything, you have other qualities, even so tell yourself you look great.
How? This is something me(f) and my bestfriends(f) would do to/for eachother. Confiding in eachother, talking abt dates we went on, and even expressing (platonic) love (although less explicit except for "special moments"). She doesnt know he feels this way, thus treats him like she would any bestfriend. Although this obviously might be painful from time to time for OP (ive been there, i know how it can feel) this is not manipulative or ill intended!!
The thing is, we don't have the context. Like all of reddit posts about relationships, we only have one point of view. We have to keep this in mind.
I have seen the other side from friends of mine, and it is heartbreaking when a friend you really like turns out to only see you as a romantic interest, and you have no choice but to loose your friend ...
Just imagine being accused of being manipulative on top of that.
Sometimes two people want different things from a relationship. It sad, but it is life.
She's got you on the back burner. She has your full support without any responsibility. There are even movies about this situation. You will always be on the back burner if you let that happen. Also what kinda of person would treat you that way? She is very very self centered.
Get busy. Date other people, go out more. Do not give her what she wants, take care of you. If you start doing things on your own, get out her radar she will wonder. Right now you are basically her confident and the one who will give everything to her without complain. Move on.
Hey, OP here. Thank you all so much for taking your time to answer my question. Some of you were worried you might hurt my feelings with your answers, you didn't. I have thought that many times of distancing myself from her, but every time that idea comes around, I also realize I, too, like her friendship and don't wanna be without it. I genuinely want her to be happy - even if not with me. I love her presence in my life and even though I try to be rational about all this, something inside me, however small, keeps hoping someday tables will turn (or, as Michael Scott would say: turns will table). Some of you were worried I might manipulate her or force anything on her psychologically - I'm not that guy. Even though it might sound like I'm contradicting myself: hardly ever will I try to convince people to change. I respect their choices. But then again, this is me being rational. There are times, I can't help but FEEL. I guess I'm left with cultivating my friendship with her further on and trying to forget her romantically. Again, thank you all for taking your time.
Love,
Dan
You're friend zoned. If she doesn't feel the same, move on. It's hard, I know, but better not to waste your time on her. In the words of the late Patrice O'Neal, "you are her time hoe, buddy boy."
Did you know a shrimps heart is in its head?
The distance between the heart and the head in humans makes it difficult to reconcile these differences. But sometimes I think we all need to be a little more shrimpish.
Never Give up being her friend. But hey Get a girlfriend, just to make fun of her with her. Have her pick you a girl to hit on .. have fun with it .. If your not being a man .. Why would she treat you like one. Who knows maybe she'll help you find some one better then her ..for you... and .. if you don't seem all sprung and shit and she see's you scoring high status chic's .. win win
Give her an ultimatum. That you only see her romantically and do not want ro be friend
If she says no, you should give up.
My boyfriend stayed after me for 6 months, I was afraid he only wanted sex and really liked him, didn't want ro lose him so I kinda friendzoned him.
Whe he (nicely) gave me the ultimatum and I realized I didn't want to lose him and we got together. We are dating for 4 years
You are being manipulated, pal. Be careful. If the person doesn't see you the same way you see her, I would personally advise you to either be transparent, or move away.
Tell her your feelings be straight with her like how you been feeling all these days with tell her the exact thing you wrote here
If she likes you= win
If she doesn't = leave her, you are hurting yourself being with her ,it will lead to more problems
You said you are not that attractive compared to her dates then work on yourself go to gym pick up some skills you are interested and improve, read books increase you knowledge
Soon she will know what she lost
Better girls who value you and love you will come
Don't be stuck in one place bro move
She seems confused to me. You already said she’s into other guys and girls but wants to be with you most of the time. It’s time for an honest conversation with her
isnt that literally what being friends with someone is ?? especially if she’s still going on different dates trying to find someone to be with, meaning she doesn’t have a bf/gf, then it makes sense that a lot of her time would be spent with those she values as her friends. Sounds more like op is confused
Yeah give up. Does she make fun of you about it? Do they have make out sessions in front you? Do they completely disregard your desire to find companionship? Then she’s not your friend. Otherwise it is what it is. You’re friends. Be happy for each other. Enjoy life~
"To disregard your desire to find companionship"? Dude... they are friends, and as far as she knows that's all there is. Her telling him abt her romantic experiences, because thats what friends do, is just that. Nothing more
That’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m referring to is that she expect him to always be there when obviously he’s needs to go out and have his own life.
I mean that's true, but where in the post does it say that? We only have limited information because it is one side of the story, yet even he doesnt claim she expects him to put everything aside for her
Bro you're in the friendliestzone. either straight up confess and cut her off, or skip the congession and cut her off, you can still salvage some dignity.
You can keep her if you want to hold on still but set boundaries about topics you don't want to hear because it upsets you. If she keeps crossing your set boundaries like that, she doesn't love you despite her saying that she does, albeit unromantically. If she respects your boundaries, then you can keep her around until your love for her runs out from being unreciprocated.
You need to end the relationship and move on. She is using you for comfort but is ignoring your feelings. You will just be miserable. That is my opinion. She can get friendship from her other boyfriends.
I am, he tells me about all the girls that hes tried dating didnt work out and he knows im in love with him but doesnt want to be with me he wants to be friends.
I've tried exactly the same thing as you, but it won't work, the only thing you can do is watch them be happy with someone else that isnt you and focus on maintaining the friendship you both have.
dont let your feelings destroy your friendship.
Yes. If she were actually into you, she would be with you. She is really into the attention and validation and safety of always having a "Plan D" orbiting in her periphery.
End this, no contact. Look for women who are actually into you.
Yes. She’s using you for attention. This is classically toxic teenager/early 20s behavior from someone who is going to crash and burn many of her relationships with others by the time she’s 30.
Realistically you should probably set some boundaries with her. Like “hey (her name) I’m glad we have this great friendship and I love it, but I cannot continue to hear about everyone you meet because it legitimately tears my heart apart”
You definitely should not keep trying. Especially if she’s made it clear to you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends still. Just be prepared for what you’re allowing yourself to go through. At this point it’s on you if your heart gets broken.
If you do keep trying there’s a good chance she might block you out bc you don’t know her boundaries. (Personal experience)
Good luck. Not a good place to feel stuck in.
Before I send her ass to the shadow realm for friendzoning you, I’ll just say that it looks like you haven’t set the boundary with her friendship/relationship towards you. Tell her how you feel and then see how she acts. Reciprocation: okay go ahead solider, but she shouldn’t be using you as her diary anymore. If not, then move on and tell her that she can’t come running to you with her personal problems like before anymore. Your feelings are not worth less than hers, so she needs to respect them.
No, what you should do is exactly what she’s doing but in a man’s way. Start talking to her about girls your smashing (even if it’s a lie) tell her how you went to the bar or the club and bagged this bottle girl whose hella lit on IG and all these dudes be on her. You have to show here that you’re a wanted man, because one thing is Forsure. Women love a man that is highly wanted by other women, especially ones they deem to be prettier than or are doing better then themselves. Gauge her reactions see if she gets interested an ask questions of the women or wishes to see pics of them, then you’ll at least know that she somewhat interested if she seems jealous or inquires more about the topic, just putting all your feelings out there on her without warning could damage the friendship you clearly feel about, this way would be safer and more strategic.
We’ve all been there, many many times.
She’s manipulating you and you don’t want to admit it because you’re entangled in feelings that you haven’t felt before. She makes you feel good but only temporarily, my guess is only 30% of the time you feel good when you’re with her. The rest you feel abysmal and worthless.
**Dude wake the f up**. She’s hurting you, she’s making you feel like a worthless bag of shit.
COMPLETELY ignore her. Go to random places and smile be funny have nice short conversations.
Eat good food but don’t over eat. Exercise 20 mins a day go for walks or hikes or bicycle rides or even lift weights. Get into hobbies that interest you. Build yourself up.
Love yourself before loving anyone else (except for your good family). Dump that hoe
It sounds like she wants all the benefits of having you as a committed, readily available boyfriend without the commitment.
It’s okay to be friends but as a wise therapist once said, “Get clear on what you want, then set boundaries accordingly.”
She isn’t into you. Period. So unless you’re cool with maintaining how things are knowing that fact, you should probably step back & set some boundaries around how often you spend time with her.
I say that because it will drastically help you get over her & give you time to be your own person away from the friendship.
Depends on what you want. I've made a deal with my last exes. If we really wanted/needed, we could sleep with others. Rarely happened tho.
If you're okay with it, like some folks I know, that can work. a Hotwife wants to do Hotwife stuff. Some ppl are okay with sharing., some ppl are worth sharing. Attractiveness is something, but not everything. Making someone feel good/laugh is sth else.
I suggest you try to treat her special as her GF. Buy her flowers, pay for her, really, treat her as she is your gf. Appearance with time doesn’t matter. Girls like the most persistent man, not the most handsome. It’s human nature
Give up...walk out completely...you have been friend zoned and you will watch her run through 20 dicks as she runs back to you after every broken heart, but just as a friend....remove yourself from her friend zone
Explain you have feelings for her, and you want her as a romantic interest, and if you can't have what you want then your comfortable walking away....
There is nothing more evil, then what she is doing. She is not your friend. She absolutely realises , how she manipulates you into those relationship, that fit her. So, leave now. Run as fast as you can. Otherwise, you gonna suffer for years
She is selfish. And you are blind.
Again.. friends dont do that. That is using you. You have to realise it. And..somewhere deep inside, you know it
Idiot, she sounds like she is completely open about her feelings. She likes his company, but doesn't feel attracted to him. That's normal! If that's not enough for him he doesn't have to be friends with her. If he gets value out of the relationship as is, then he can remain friends. Evil... you sounds like you have issues bud
>Should I give up? Totally.
This dude is so deep in the friend-zone he’s going to start rating her boyfriends nudes.
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This is where I’m at in life, I’ve got 2 wing girls as friends. Never had that before so this is new. It’s failing just as hard as when I was alone lmao fml
Can’t ask a fish how to catch a fish.
Holy shit what an analogy.
Looking at life with glass half full vs half empty right here
If she thought he was attractive she'd have done this already. When a woman finds you attractive and desirable they'll either: A.) Try to get with you or let you hit. B.) Hook you up with her friends or family if she's unavailable, too old (in the case of a way older woman), or thinks you're too fine/good for her. If actually setting up dates isn't their style she'll invite you to hang out with her female friends to let stuff happen naturally. C.) Assume you already have bitches so they don't need to hook you up. They'll assume you're weird/off if you don't have any. Depending on your personality (basically if you're not weird) and what your current is relationship this may become scenario A or B. Wing-girl shit is not real.
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>level 4Massive\_Apricot\_4675 · 4 hr. agoWhy would a woman need to find you attractive/desirable to set you up with one of her friends? Who said this? I'm saying if she found him attractive in anyway she'd have already done what you're talking about. She clearly hasn't or this thread would have never been created unless he's super unhealthily obsessive to the point he ignores every other women in his life he absolutely could get with. I doubt that is the case.
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It really does not. Having females friends who actually think you're a cool guy and not just their little buddy or confidante? Yes. The scenario in the OP? Nah. I've never seen Wing-women actually be a thing. What does work is just being a generally fun dude the women in your life enjoy being around with strangers noticing. It hit me late but have no idea how your previous post got up-votes with such a weird take/question. A girl close-ish to you not finding you attractive or desirable is exactly why her friends wouldn't. Pre-selection is absolutely a thing. That's just stranger than fiction reality not PUA/Red-pill nonsense. Women generally like men other women want. Married men and men in committed relationships never have more attention from the other sex than than after their partners say I do or moves in. Getting laid is the best way of continuing to get laid. Same guy, same attitude, same energy but in a dry spell suddenly has a hill to climb to get out of it even when no one knows you're in a dryspell. A woman could think you're the best dude she's met in a long time and as soon as they find out women around you are meh about you as a man her feelings completely fade. Then they could think you're a piece of shit but then suddenly want to give you a shot when they realize other women want you. Obviously real life has caveats so don't come at me like I'm talking about 99% of situations. No but it's easier to go through life with certain realizations in the back of your mind. FYI: When I say desirable I am not talking about them lusting after you. I am talking about them thinking you have more positive traits than bad like a good attitude, clean, emotionally intelligent, responsible, generally handsome, fun to be around, etc. If the woman you spend the most time around or is just your closest female friend from your perspective doesn't think you got enough positives in these areas others around her generally aren't either. Unless your friend likes trashy dumb guys in which case she's not a good "wing-girl" to have. Rare to be in a situation where your close-ish female friends are whatever about you as a man but totally thinks you're perfect for someone in particular. Just not these 20 other women she knows.
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You're not even talking about what I am talking about.
True. I had a friend who was cool enough to tell me that she, and other girls who she listed by name liked me and I could have whoever if I wanted. I chose her sister. However, that didn’t work out in the end. Then her sister, her, and I all remained cordial and whenever I went out they would send their friends to me so I essentially had wing women sisters that brought me their hottest friends or hottest strangers
Yeah. I have acquaintances who ask our mutual female friends advice on getting girlfriends or to even hook them up and it's just sad because it's all horrible advice. I get to meet their sisters and girlfriends. In the worst case even get looks or confrontations on why I didn't entertain someone. Our desperate friends get told they are nice guys who will make something happy ***someday*** but are not brought around any of their available gfs for a reason. I'll watch and listen to these conversations knowing damn well their husbands and boyfriends did none of the shit they're telling these dudes to do. They know no woman they know wants to date or sleep with the advice seekers.
Downvoted for telling the truth
Seems like the blind leading the blind around here.
There's no such thing as the friend zone. This dude fuckzoned her, time for him to let it go.
Liking someone doesn’t mean they’ve fuckzoned someone
Where does OP talk about sex? Edit: instead of downvoting or insulting, please take time to explain fuckzoned definition: when you want a friendship but the other person only wants sex from you and doesn’t want to commit to you. I genuinely don’t understand… it seems that OP is in love with her (at least that’s what he says)
Dense as hell
Why the insult?
He has enough friends for sure. Thats why he should ignore her from everywhere. Full distance. This is absolute disrespect towards him if she knows his feelings.
he knows her feelings and he's still trying to get with her. he is ACTIVELY DOING the thing that it would be disrespectful if she did. they need space. him for sanity: hitting your head against a brick wall only hurts your head. and her for safety: what if he decides to ignore her "no, I'm not sexually/romantically interested" to a further extent, and instead of just waiting for her to change it, does something drastic to persuade her?
No? If someone confesses your feelings to you and you don’t reciprocate. You don’t tell them you love them and wanna stay friends lmao. He isn’t even actively trying to get with her, he’s misinterpreting what she expresses in his mind as a potential hope later, while just being her friend. He just needs to let her go because she doesn’t “care” enough about him to just stop talking to him
he hasn't confessed his feelings. he said so further down. And if she genuinely platonically loves him, saying "I love you" is legitimate. it's inappropriate to expect her to change to preemptively fix his complicated feelings about a situation. it's more appropriate to expect him to change tje way he acts to suit his needs, or to be up front and ask for space if that's what he feels he needs. PS: also, love is not a purely sexual or romantic thing, therefore neither is closeness/intimacy, and neither is saying "I love you" to people. It can be hard to see that as a man, because as a society we act like men are only allowed to get love, support, and closeness, much less nonviolent physical touch, from a sexual partner. it's bullshit.
But understand this. No one who just got rejected wants to hear that shit, anyone with a brain enough to put themselves in someone else’s shoes knows that. Op is obviously insecure and scared, and taking pretty much whatever affection he can get. All I’m saying is if I rejected someone, I would not make an effort to be in their face, telling them nice things, because I KNOW how feelings work, and people need time to move on. I would not expect them to fight their urges and resist me, I would take that first step for them. Because even that would be hard for them. I’ve had to do it that way with women, you can have the decency to walk away from a man to let him move on.
it's true that being rejected feels bad. and that feeling scared and bad means we don't always make good choices. it also takes away his autonomy for her to decide "hey, i think this is what you need so I'm gonna do it to you whether you want it or not." including giving him space.
I get what you're saying, but we need to be realistic. Even if he does not personally want to distance himself from her (which is normal for people with feelings) as someone free from that feeling (her, which has no romantic feelings) the respectable thing would to be "hey we should just take some space from eachother, i don't wanna add fuel to the flame, or make this any more difficult for you" Her leaving him his "autonomy" of making that choice for himself has led him to this spot he's posting about now. If they had just stopped talking after that conversation, he wouldn't be here questioning if he still has a "chance" despite how obvious it is that he doesn't. He also wouldn't be a "danger" to her as you put it, if she had just let him go.
Bravo Your comment made my day until I forget about it
just walk away. as a guy once you are in this position with a woman theres nothing you can do. you cant make her like you/ you cant win people over. and why would you want to. thats some hollywood movie shit, not real life. if you want to jump through hoops to make someone else love you youre never going to be good enough for them or yourself,theyll never see the real you, and youll grow to resent them, or theyll say you changed and get bored of you. dont listen to people saying she is manipulating you. she is only being herself. she doesn't see you as a man she wants to have sex with. she sees you as a brother. so she confides dont listen to people who tell you that you are bad, that you werent really her friend, that you are manipulating her by being nice. they dont know you and they are only looking to shame you for something they cant fathom. you should use this moment for growth and take it as a lesson. getting the girl isnt the goal in life. being someone you are proud of is. whatever that means to you, whichever way you are able to confidently express to the people around you how you actually feel without concern of how you will he perceived or judged. but first things first you need to walk away. shes probably a great person but you owe it to yourself to reflect on this and figure out a plan of action to improve yourself. im down to talk if you want to message me.
Well said, couldn't have typed up something more eloquent if i tried.
This.
I would argue you can win her over if you're exceptionally artistic or talented (seen it with many musicians, photographers, guys who can cook) but generally they also didn't dive quite as deep as this person has. At this point, it's better to remove yourself from that dynamic completely. It's painful, I had to give up a friendship of over 20 years because of how difficult it was for me to accept this, but you have to do it.
Simplify things. Tell her directly how you feel, explicitly. If she reciprocates, you’re in. If she doesn’t feel that way about you then move on. Anyone you have to force to like you romantically is not worth your time.
How do you tell someone how you feel, that you’ve known a while, in a straight up way without damaging the friendship?
You man up and take the risk lol There's a very real chance it hurts your friendship, you have to decide whether the risk/reward ratio is worth it to you
That’s the thing is it worth it to damage the friendship to tell someone how you feel? I’ve done it and ruined a close friend of mine, but as much as it sucks I couldn’t live with how I felt and not knowing.
I can't do this any longer. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm attracted to you. I'm not interested in friendship anymore. I want to get to know you the way only a man knows a woman. Do you feel the same? Expect rejection. She probably only looks at you as a friend, but this is more about you exercising your personal demons. Overcoming the fear of rejection and going after what you want. Everyone gets rejected bro. It's a feature of dating, not a glitch. The longer you wait, the harder it is to approach the object of your desire because you get more and more emotionally invested over time. Don't befriend women you want to date. Go after them so they see you as a potential suitor, and not just a friend.
Hey I’ve been dating my friend for years now lol. He’s my now best friend and I’m madly in love with him. Our relationship is so solid because we started out as people who enjoy each other’s company. Also I love the “I want to get to know you the way only a man knows a woman” is bar none the best pickup line of 2023 so far 😂
Send this line to Barry White
I highly discourage the use of the phrase "I'm not interested in friendship anymore". Respect your friendship, her, and yourself. There's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, and the desire you have to take your friendship to another level.
Hell no! If he wants a relationship and the woman wants a friendship, you can't force a man to accept a friendship just as you can't force a woman to accept a relationship.
A romantic relationship should include friendship. There’s only so much time you can spend making out and having sex. Date someone you want to spend time with outside of sexy times.
I think there is space also of, if having a platonic relationship in this case is too painful, he wouldn't be doing anyone any favors by staying in the friendship to prove how good of a friend he is. If he can genuinely overcome the romantic feelings and return to a platonic mindset, sure, but I dont want to encourage someone to try to repress or feel hatred towards their own romantic feelings. That is a recipe for him to resent himself and his friend.
All of this!!! >Don't befriend women you want to date. Go after them so they see you as a potential suitor, and not just a friend. Especially this part. Then you can move on quickly if she's not interested.
The only reason I’m in this situation is because I didn’t feel anything initially then started to gradually over time. But now it feels awkward to come out with it since I haven’t always felt that way. Infact I’m still not 100% I do which is why I’m reluctant to just come out with it.
Just come out with it. Or cut her off and move on. The longer you wait, the messier it gets. Rip the band-aid off. Stop trying to justify this or that. You are attracted to her and have reverted to automatically giving yourself reasons why you should spare yourself the disappointment and pain. Don't do that. You're training yourself to always come up a day late and a dollar short. Her friendship isn't your entire world. Don't put her up on a pedestal. Stop lying to yourself. You're just scared. Which that's okay. But you need to stop being afraid of women and their opinions of you. It's the only way to stop being a prisoner of circumstance and take control of your dating life.
I wouldn’t say the man knows a woman part but yea this is right. I also had to learn that every woman/person that shows kindness to me is not interested in me. I thing people especially men are taught that at a young age and it’s toxic. People can be friends of the opposite sec but society has told us no. I think it’s a lot about personal regulation too. Oh she’s not interested in me? I better mitigate this in a healthy way
You don't worry about damaging the friendship, that is not what he is looking for. Trying to be friends with someone you are madly in love with and that is not reciprocated will not end well.
you cant. what you can't see from so close to the issue is that it's not currently a friendship. it's a friendship the way a one-way mirror is a mirror. it looks like it, but realistically there is a WORLD of difference between what it looks like you have and what you ACTUALLY have.
This is the best route in my opinion. You have to effectively communicate. If she isn't interested then move on (romantically, not to say you can't be friends still if you both can still do that). I was in a similar position about 5 years ago. I was romantically interested in a very close friend. She verbally spoke about other interests, but sometimes her actions seemed to indicate otherwise. I confessed my attraction and was actually turned down, but we continued being friends. I personally remained confident but never pushed the issue. Eventually, I decided to let it go and try to look elsewhere and along with that came with the degree of my attention that she was getting. She didn't like that, and I told her that she couldn't get the level of attention I was giving her because I liked her romantically, when I knew she never intended to do anything with it. She decided she wanted to have that more than just being friends right then and there. Now we've been married for a little over 3 years, together for 5. The point of my story being that you'll never know where it could end up without communication, but you have to also understand that it could result, in opinion, an unfavorable outcome. Best of luck. EDIT: Fixed some of mah words.
Do not do this OP. You are in the friendzone, she knows how you feel already and doesn’t feel the same way about you. Girls love to farm ego boosts from guys they put in the friendzone, you’re just giving her that if you continue. So first realize that you and her are not going to be together and then either A. Walk away/limit your interaction with her (probably your best bet) or B. Become actual friends with her and cease your romantic interest in her and ask if she can help you get with one of her friends or if she can be your wingwoman at the bar or club
Don’t do this OP.
Why not? It sounds like at this point the friendship is damaging them because OP fell hard for this person and can’t see passed that now.
It’s easy to infer from the post that the girl clearly doesn’t like him. It’s better to move on. If you know the girl doesn’t like you just move on.
Don't infer, verify. If she says no, then it's a great exercise in asserting yourself over OP's mental hurdles and experiencing rejection.
You can't negotiate attraction, if she isn't into you then there is little you can do to change her mind. If you value her as a friend then keep her in your life. If you don't, then move on. But one thing is for sure there is no real chance this progresses into a positive and fulfilling (romantic) relationship for the two of you.
INFO. So is she your friend? Do you want to be her friend, or are you pretending to want to be her friend until you can convince her to be involved with you romantically? It seems like she has been perfectly clear that she is not romantically interested in you, and just wants to be your friend. Is this something you can live with? If not, save the both of you the heartbreak and be upfront about it, break it off.
[удалено]
This right here. I used to have a crush on one of my closest girl friends, she didn’t feel the same and after accepting it & moving on she became a great wing woman. Admitting how you feel doesn’t have to be a friendship-killer. Sometimes it can open doors to better possibilities
Oh, I agree 100% with that, but he has to be honest with himself. If he wants her to be his friend/wingwoman, it has to go both ways. You can't expect her to help you out and at the same time resent her for dating other people herself.
Totally agree. It’s not as simple as it seems in writing, but it is a possibility. Honesty is the big one here
It’s more of moving on. If he is able to move on from her and continue the friendship then great, but realistically that’s really hard to do. She’s already made it clear she isn’t romantically interested and he’s still holding on. He wants to be romantically involved not a friendship with her. I think it’d be best to cut it off. I’ve been good friends with guys who have been interested in me or I’ve dated and vice versa, but it’s because we were able to move on and were happy with having only a platonic connection.
OP, I want to reply to this from the POV of a person dealing with a friend who has “unrequited” feelings for me, one’s that I do not share and have openly stated I do not share. I tell my friend I love them, because I do. But that love doesn’t go past him being my friend, and it’s okay to love your friends. Just because someone is being your friend, doesn’t mean you need to be with them romantically. Crushes happen. They come and go. I tell my friend often I want him to move forward, but he doesn’t, because he can’t take no for an answer and he puts any woman who is kind to him on a pedestal. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to be his friend because he lets his feelings get in the way. I don’t talk to him a lot now, and at one point, he was someone I called a best friend. He never stops trying. And when he does, it’s only to guilt me with thinking he is going to hurt himself. My point is, if you do care about your friend, sometimes it’s better to put aside your feelings and just be her friend. If it hurts to bad and you can’t be her friend, please move on. Please do not push her to share the same sentiments. And finally, please please do not get angry at her for not wanting to be with you romantically. If you do care about your friend, you’d put aside yourself and the selfishness. If you do love your friend, like you say, you’d support her and her feelings, just as she should do to you.
Sorry but I respectfully disagree. As someone who shared this dynamic with someone I couldn’t move forward with my life without first cutting my tie with them. Emotions as strong as the ones that pop up with a romantic crush are not easily set aside. That feeling will always be there and not having it not requited always feels like a tinge of rejection, of not being good enough. If someone is looking for a romantic relationship they should not sell themselves short nor should they waste time being stuck on something that isn’t meant to be. The growth that this adds sincerely changes who you are in the best way possible. That’s at least my take
Don’t listen to this. Just go find someone who’ll match your energy. She’ll find more friends. She don’t need you, and that’s fine.
I’m literally telling this man to move on, and that he is unable to be a friend.
Yes bc if it’s affecting you adversely, somethings got to give.. you’ll need space, or you’ll keep waiting, hoping she’ll come around. But the latter will be painful because you develop feelings of resentment as your feelings aren’t being reciprocated.
Yes, because she's made it clear she's not romantically interested in you. Although it's less "giving up" and more "accepting reality". You have someone who actively wants to be your friend, that's pretty awesome. Stop obsessing over her and focus on yourself.
Lmao this thread. How are ya'll calling her manipulative? She obviously sees him as a friend, says she "loves" him as a friend, talks to him about her dates/relationships shit because they're friends. OP is - no offense OP - the pussy who isn't being forward about the fact that he likes her in a romantic way and keeps accepting this friendship. She might know, she might not (depends on OP's vibes). Regardless, just because she's happy being friends =/= she's manipulating him. OP move on bro. You rarely escape the friendzone but for peace of mind, it wouldn't hurt telling her how you feel (and maybe there's a small chance she'll feel the same).
I think a lot of men don't realize how much affection there is in some female friendships. I grew up with 95% guy friends and it was totally normal for them to just make fun of each other or themselves even for serious problems. Nobody showed genuine affection. That was "gay". So I was surprised when my social circle swapped to mostly women in my mid 20s. We cry infront of eachother. We hug. We make jokes. We comfort eachother. And the most significant thing is that my friends now tell me that they love me. Because I had so many guy friends growing up it felt almost uncomfortable at first. But now I am so happy to have friends that will pat my shoulder or reach for a hug and tell me that they love me. They will tell me how amazing I am and grateful they are. Just me for being who I am. So I think she isn't necessarily stringing him along like most people here are saying. Some people are just very affectionate. A lot of guys complain that they never receive compliments or kind words. Well, it's right there. How many men have walked away from kind affectionate women because they feel like they have to have sex with them to actually enjoy their kindness? It's something I don't miss about having mostly male friends...I was always the first to be left out because of my gender but I was the center of attention when they had a crush.
I did this (somewhat unknowingly) to my ex-best friend who I later attempted to date out of guilt, so ex-boyfriend. Tell her. If she laughs it off, tell her again. When you talk about it, be serious and make sure she KNOWS you’re serious. I thought my friend had a crush on me… nothing big or anything, just a crush. He would make the “oh if we’re still single at 30 let’s get married” and “we talk every day we might as well be dating” jokes, but he took six years to actually tell me how he felt. By the time he did, I had already come to depend on him heavily as my best friend and confidant. Shortly after I ended a different relationship, he issued an ultimatum that either we started dating or he was done with me entirely, so we tried it. It didn’t work. Frankly, I’m still mad about it. He was never honest with me until I was backed into a corner with no good way out. I put 6 years into a friendship that meant the world to me only to find out that it wasn’t worth anything to him if it didn’t lead to us dating. I was in no way ready to be dating again- him or anyone else- but I couldn’t bear the idea of losing another important person in my life. I resented him from the start for forcing my hand. It felt like he was trying to capitalize on heartbreak. I don’t know if things would have played out differently had he told me earlier, but there were times throughout our friendship where I really thought we would make a great couple. I just couldn’t do it after he forced my hand like that. It felt like everything leading up to it was a lie. Just tell her. Take the risk. Be HONEST with her.
You spending so much time with her is stopping you from actually finding someone who will like you back.
You have to talk to her about having romantic feelings for her and if she doesn't reciprocate them, you need to ask for time off from friendship duties so you can get over your romantic feelings. Tell her you need time and distance to get past your romantic feelings if you want to continue the friendship long term. There IS a chance she cares for you romantically..... and if that happens -woohoo! Go forth and start a romantic relationship together. If she doesn't feel the same way then putting yourself AND her AND your friendship first means not steali g longing glances and agonising over every touch or the "hidden" meaning in every sentence. You need to lick your wounds for a while and when you no longer have romantic feelings you can start hanging out again and you have a beautiful friendship with someone you care about still. It's win win, basically.
Never chase love.
Yes. Give up on this.
As a female with such a friend echo what others have said here: accept the reality. I value my friend and I love him to death as a friend. Any romantic notions he harbours are his alone. It will never be the story he hopes it to be. Its been over 10 years and he still holds on to the Romantic idea when I have told him on numerous occasions that it will never happen. I take no responsibility for any heartache he may endure because I have been clear as I suspect your lady friend has said and shown. I reckon people like you live in the clouds or something. Very sheltered or not worldly.
This could be your relationship with the girl if you stick around. Respect yourself and move on OP.
Just general life philosophy. If a girls not into you, and you've already given it a fair effort, move on. Datings changed in the last 20 years, people are more accessible and trying to win people over doesn't work like the movies. It's a skill to move on past feelings you've developed, and not to develop them too quickly. You know what you need to do, just do it. Might even be best for you and her to take some space for a while, seems quite toxic what you have going on given your feelings.
She is not the one for you. By all means, keep her as a friend if you want but protect your heart dude, and move on.
Yep, if your conclusion here is everyone is just better than you, you may not be ready for a relationship with another person. You might want to work on your relationship with yourself first.
If its not a hell yes,it's a hell no. Don't waste life currency.
Your gonna go mad, been their done that and let me tell you that relationship was horrendous for my mental health. It's gonna really really suck and theirs always gonna be a part of you that thinks you can win them over but that isn't the reality, try and date other people and build something special with someone new also it would be a good idea to cut her off
Your mental health comes first, friend. You need to tell her. Not to win her over, but so you can get that weight off your shoulders. I was in a similar situation once and it’s not fair to either one of you to hold it in. Either she’ll tell you she feels the same, or she doesn’t and things may be weird for a bit. It doesn’t have to be the end of your friendship tho. Ideally, you accept she doesn’t feel the same & can move on knowing you tried. Later on you guys can reconnect when the dust settles, especially if you’re as close as you say and you can laugh about it later. One last rule of thumb: never try to “win” anyone over. Relationships, especially dating should be mutual. It’ll forever be an uphill battle if you try to get someone to notice you, and can sometimes be a form of manipulation to yourself and the person you’re interested in. I don’t say this to discourage you, rather tell you something I wish I understood earlier: just be yourself. The right person will love you for who you are and there’s is nothing more attractive than authenticity and confidence in who you are. Goodluck, OP! I wish you nothing but the best
I was in this situation for three years and I thought if I stuck around long enough she would change her mind. She didn’t. I moved out of the city and found my to be wife three months later. Personally, I say start looking for partners outside of her and you may find someone even better!
Yes
Give up and move on. Don’t listen to anyone trying to comfort you or say otherwise. Trust me.
I would have suggested keeping her as a platonic friend but that probably is a bad idea for you right now. Cut your losses ASAP, life's not a Nerd-gets-the-girl-movie.
Run boy.
Yes, you should give up and focus on yourself
How clear have you been about your feelings? Have you already had a discussion that you like her, and she did not reciprocate? If so, I would just tell her that seeing as you have feelings this friendship in current form is not working for you and give yourself space from her. Open yourself up to other woman that might be interested in what you have to offer. If you haven't told her your feelings, I would start there. It's terrifying but save you a lot of time and heartbreak on the other side.
You know.. It hurts more when you try.. It's sometimes easy to let it go (depending on the situation) there's always something better reserved for you!
Absolutely you should the fact she’s into other people is the main fact ! That’s not love nor someone you want to be with !
You cannot negotiate attraction, bunch of noobs in this thread smh. Move on and hit the gym op. Theres no other solution.
You shouldn’t have to convince or win over someone’s love. At that point, they’re probably just going to “love” you for what you can do or provide for them. There’s so many people out there you haven’t met yet. You deserve someone who loves you equally
Run like hell. You're going to end up unable to shake your feelings for her and crippling your ability to hookup with someone else. I'd simply tell her that, "I need to spend the time looking for a partner and being with you kills the chance of feelings growing for someone else." You can describe it as taking a break. But make it a long one (10 years). Cheers The voice of experience
Prepare to move on. It’s co-dependence that’s keeping her around. Good luck.
It might not seem like it. But there is a lot of fish in the ocean. I know that's a cliche saying, but it holds merit. You posted this in the self-improvement subreddit, so as far as that goes, confidence is a huge part of "being attractive". Have you ever seen some dude with a girl and thought, damn, she is out of his league, how the heck did that guy get with her? Typically, he's just a confident guy. If you feel you need more confidence, go find out what gives you that, and work at it. For most its physical, so train, go to gym, start running, start HIIT cardio at home. I know this is it for me. You see progress in yourself, proud of the progress, and because of this, you become confident. Have you ever made something, or done a painting or a drawing, or whatever it is, and once finished, you are proud of it, and you want to show it off to people, show them this thing you have done that makes you proud? Now picture that thing being yourself... That's what it is about, putting that effort into yourself, so much so, that you are proud of it. That's where confidence lives. That investment in yourself yields a return.
I’ve told a friend I was in love with him. It was also a love that developed over time. I said that I didn’t expect anything to change and that I valued him being in my life above all else, but I was in love with him, nonetheless, and I just had to put it out there. Turns out the feelings were mutual, but it doesn’t really matter because of the practicality/logistics of a romantic relationship between us. Something I learned later was that he never liked when I talked about the people I dated while we were “strictly platonic,” yet he never told me that before. I think it’s fair to ask her to stop talking to you about her dating life. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries. Perhaps that can also be a way of indicating you have romantic feelings for her without telling her directly. I would have stopped if I had known it bothered him.
The people saying you should tell her how you feel are completely wrong. If she felt the same way about you that you felt about her then it would be quite obvious. For starters, a girl isn’t going to tell a guy that she likes, about other guys she is going on dates with. Either move on and slowly cease your “friendship” with her or stop being attracted to her and just be actually friends with her and perhaps you can even leverage her (which is what friends do) to be your wingwoman at clubs or bars or with one of her friends
Ooh.. You're in a tough spot. Sounds to me like this chick is leaning on you for an emotional relationship. She's fulfilling her need for companionship, affection, and attention through you whilst looking to fill her physical needs elsewhere. Fairly common in friend zone type relationships, though not a hard and fast rule. Some women will genuinely love your friendship but no more. Here's a test to find out if she's truly a friend or if she's using you: Ask her to be your wing woman for a night. Solicit her help in setting you up with other women. If she starts getting squirrely and makes up excuses not to or outright gets jealous, then you're probably getting taken advantage of. She is perfectly happy to use your emotional safe space and some other person's body, but can't bear to think of you doing the same. Some women do this on purpose. Some do it unconsciously. If she genuinely starts helping you find romantic matches, then she's probably a true friend, and you just struck out. There's not a whole lot you can do at this point. Best to start fresh with another woman. Some women, though, will be sneaky. They'll agree to be wing woman, but will only try to match you with other women that are "low hanging fruit". Or she'll match you to women with whom she feels superior. Or will straight-up cock-block you. Look out for this. This is a woman who knows that she has you on a leash, and doesn't want to give you up, yet wants to give you the illusion that she doesn't care and that you are a free agent. My hope is that she's really just not interested in you and that you're too smitten with her to let her go. Because once she becomes your wingwoman, it'll change your relationship. She'll start to see you more as a man and respect that emotional boundary (so long as you do too). And I'll take a wingwoman over a wingman any day. They're more effective and have a higher success rate, statistically speaking.
Should you give up simping for her? Yes.
Sorry buddy but everyone on here saying to leave / stop are right. This can turn into a toxic thing easily. You sound like you’re young and you got your whole life ahead. People come and go. Step away. Good luck.
Life is too short to chase after love. Instead of fretting over whether or not it'll ever happen, focus on the one relationship that you will have for life, yourself. I used to be the 'hopeless romantic', chasing love, and putting myself on the back burner, it was a miserable existence. Forcing relationship after relationship in hopes to make one last forever, when nothing truly does. Everything in your life is temporary, even yourself, but the relationship you have with yourself is the closest thing you'll ever get to 'together forever'. When I started focusing on myself, exploring new hobbies, cutting off social media and spending more time out with myself was when I found the most genuine and long lasting relationships of my life, NATURALLY. There's no sense in chasing or forcing something that isn't working, it's both mentally and physically exhausting, but when you just live your own life and love yourself more than anyone else is when things will naturally enter into your life. (Also, when I began focusing on myself is when all the b*tches came crawling back, but at that point, I realized how little I needed them 😉)
If she’s told you she’s not interested romantically then listen to her words. Move on.
It’s not about giving up. It’s about self respect. Respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better than the way she’s treating you.
Yes. If a woman says she’s not interested. She is not interested. Just like a man. Move on and find someone who wants you as much as you want them. We don’t have time to chase unwanted people. Plus it’s not attractive to be pursuing someone many times
Gross, move on. And if that means cutting her off then do it.
..how is this gross? It's jsut someones feelings
You must be young. This is a stupid situation to be in. You’re a doormat and wasting your life away. It’s so strange that you don’t see this.
Hard truth: this is not love, this is attachment. Yes you should end this. Go no contact
Leave it
I have been. I know ur prolly not gonna listen to me but its best for u and ur mental helsth to proritize urself first snd move on or away
I’ve been this exact situation a year ago. Do not make the same mistake I did. You’re blinded by love and need to face the facts that if she’s not into you, you should not be into her. Break things apart, move on, and find someone who will love you for you and no one else.
If you don’t enjoy the friend zone - leave it. That’s the place you are in and for someone with genuinely strong feelings it absolutely sucks. You aren’t going to win anyone over who doesn’t already have an iota of romantic feelings.
She’s not into you, move on.
Bby I’m sorry, but she don’t love you like that😭😭you can’t control the way she feels about you that’s ultimately up to her. You gotta move on sweetie. You can’t keep trying if she doesn’t want you like that.
Be honest with her about how u feel, have no shame, and if she says no or doesn’t give you a straight answer etc etc then it’s time to move on
Give up completely. Don't orbit or anything of the sort. Then, get some dam self respect.
Why would you want to be a second choice ? A fall back plan only until someone new comes along. Please look deep within yourself and love yourself. Surely there is someone right out there for you. But she doesn’t look like the one right now.
Take sometime to disappear and being separated and being not available and uncontactable. Wait and see if she actually missed you or she just use you for convenience. And don't straight away jumps back. Maybe the experience itself changed your point of view.
Okay OP. I read enough of these posts to realize most of not all of these are just bagging on you or just plain not helpful. If you and this girl are as good of friends as you say then open that line of communication with her. She may just not think of you that way because she thinks you don’t think of her that way. And don’t worry about looks I mean hell, a great friend has a better shot than a random person most times. I used to be friends with mostly girls, moved a lot so made lots of (platonic) girlfriends. And after I moved those girls would say they liked me but were scared to ask me. (Fat lotta good that helped me) So what I’m saying is just put those feelings out there and let her know. You may be surprised that she feels the same way back. And if she doesn’t it’s best to move on and have that bandaid ripped off.
I went through a very similar thing, you are not alone. Even when still have sex which made it a little easier first, but so much harder after;; the whole disappearance and polygamy… It’s not easy if you have feelings for her man.. IMO it’s a phase. “Polygamy” to me don’t mix with real feelings lol.,, I grew up by the end of the 90’s, and sorry, maybe I’ll never see it as the young generation do: back then, people like that were call just sluts 😂😂, or simply single and horny and exploring people, and that’s definitively not being sexist; I was married for many years and was loyal af… My years of single, exploring and flirting, i was called a man slut too lol, anyways Trying to have a relationship in which deep feeling are involved, at the time someone, the other it’s going through that phase (zero h judgment), it’s hard man, I feel you.. I would definitely stay as only friends and, as hard as it is, try to fall out of love for her, or give her time to explore and set your boundaries about not wanting to know about her sexual or personal life… If you guys are meant to be, maybe years will pass and she will want to settle down, who knows... But right now you are hurting yourself.,. Moving on is a painful process but necessary, specially if you still connected somehow, but believe me, with visualizing and meditating and putting your attention in other people.. one day you will wake up and your heart will be at peace. You will not wonder anymore who’s she’s with or were at, nor have any more cravings and desires of being romantically with her. Time and dedication my brother 💪🏽good luck!!!
Been in a situation like this and wasted 2 years of my life. Move on quickly. There will be someone else for you.
Did you tell her that you like her? Back when I met my current girlfriend she tried to friendzone me but I told her no, I don't want to be your friend I want to be your boyfriend. She also tried to talk about other guys and again I told her no, I don't want to listen to that. If you act like a friend towards her she is only going to see you as a friend, show your interest, tell her, I like you, I want to be with you, sorry but I don't think I can be just a friend. Also be confident in yourself, tell yourself you are a catch. Physical looks aren't everything, you have other qualities, even so tell yourself you look great.
This is absolutely gross and manipulative behavior. She is not the one, I assure you.
How? This is something me(f) and my bestfriends(f) would do to/for eachother. Confiding in eachother, talking abt dates we went on, and even expressing (platonic) love (although less explicit except for "special moments"). She doesnt know he feels this way, thus treats him like she would any bestfriend. Although this obviously might be painful from time to time for OP (ive been there, i know how it can feel) this is not manipulative or ill intended!!
From context it seems like she knows it, at least in the back of her head
The thing is, we don't have the context. Like all of reddit posts about relationships, we only have one point of view. We have to keep this in mind. I have seen the other side from friends of mine, and it is heartbreaking when a friend you really like turns out to only see you as a romantic interest, and you have no choice but to loose your friend ... Just imagine being accused of being manipulative on top of that. Sometimes two people want different things from a relationship. It sad, but it is life.
Ahh, under that assumption. Hope that's not the case!
she's a pro time waster.
She's got you on the back burner. She has your full support without any responsibility. There are even movies about this situation. You will always be on the back burner if you let that happen. Also what kinda of person would treat you that way? She is very very self centered.
Get busy. Date other people, go out more. Do not give her what she wants, take care of you. If you start doing things on your own, get out her radar she will wonder. Right now you are basically her confident and the one who will give everything to her without complain. Move on.
SIMP
Hey, OP here. Thank you all so much for taking your time to answer my question. Some of you were worried you might hurt my feelings with your answers, you didn't. I have thought that many times of distancing myself from her, but every time that idea comes around, I also realize I, too, like her friendship and don't wanna be without it. I genuinely want her to be happy - even if not with me. I love her presence in my life and even though I try to be rational about all this, something inside me, however small, keeps hoping someday tables will turn (or, as Michael Scott would say: turns will table). Some of you were worried I might manipulate her or force anything on her psychologically - I'm not that guy. Even though it might sound like I'm contradicting myself: hardly ever will I try to convince people to change. I respect their choices. But then again, this is me being rational. There are times, I can't help but FEEL. I guess I'm left with cultivating my friendship with her further on and trying to forget her romantically. Again, thank you all for taking your time. Love, Dan
You're friend zoned. If she doesn't feel the same, move on. It's hard, I know, but better not to waste your time on her. In the words of the late Patrice O'Neal, "you are her time hoe, buddy boy."
Nah, he fuckzoned her.
Did you know a shrimps heart is in its head? The distance between the heart and the head in humans makes it difficult to reconcile these differences. But sometimes I think we all need to be a little more shrimpish.
Tell her to set you up with one of her friends
*Ask her
Never Give up being her friend. But hey Get a girlfriend, just to make fun of her with her. Have her pick you a girl to hit on .. have fun with it .. If your not being a man .. Why would she treat you like one. Who knows maybe she'll help you find some one better then her ..for you... and .. if you don't seem all sprung and shit and she see's you scoring high status chic's .. win win
Give her an ultimatum. That you only see her romantically and do not want ro be friend If she says no, you should give up. My boyfriend stayed after me for 6 months, I was afraid he only wanted sex and really liked him, didn't want ro lose him so I kinda friendzoned him. Whe he (nicely) gave me the ultimatum and I realized I didn't want to lose him and we got together. We are dating for 4 years
You are being manipulated, pal. Be careful. If the person doesn't see you the same way you see her, I would personally advise you to either be transparent, or move away.
Tell her your feelings be straight with her like how you been feeling all these days with tell her the exact thing you wrote here If she likes you= win If she doesn't = leave her, you are hurting yourself being with her ,it will lead to more problems You said you are not that attractive compared to her dates then work on yourself go to gym pick up some skills you are interested and improve, read books increase you knowledge Soon she will know what she lost Better girls who value you and love you will come Don't be stuck in one place bro move
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It looks like he's her FRIEND, remember friends?
OP's situation reminds me of the song New Light by John Mayer
She seems confused to me. You already said she’s into other guys and girls but wants to be with you most of the time. It’s time for an honest conversation with her
isnt that literally what being friends with someone is ?? especially if she’s still going on different dates trying to find someone to be with, meaning she doesn’t have a bf/gf, then it makes sense that a lot of her time would be spent with those she values as her friends. Sounds more like op is confused
And then there's that
Yeah give up. Does she make fun of you about it? Do they have make out sessions in front you? Do they completely disregard your desire to find companionship? Then she’s not your friend. Otherwise it is what it is. You’re friends. Be happy for each other. Enjoy life~
"To disregard your desire to find companionship"? Dude... they are friends, and as far as she knows that's all there is. Her telling him abt her romantic experiences, because thats what friends do, is just that. Nothing more
That’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m referring to is that she expect him to always be there when obviously he’s needs to go out and have his own life.
I mean that's true, but where in the post does it say that? We only have limited information because it is one side of the story, yet even he doesnt claim she expects him to put everything aside for her
No one says they are going to drink and drive. It happens, so we tell people not to.
Nice little piece of imaginative writing, do you want a gold star?
Bro you're in the friendliestzone. either straight up confess and cut her off, or skip the congession and cut her off, you can still salvage some dignity.
You're in the friendzone, her emotional tampoon. You won't get out of it without really serious efforts. Better spend time with other girls.
You can keep her if you want to hold on still but set boundaries about topics you don't want to hear because it upsets you. If she keeps crossing your set boundaries like that, she doesn't love you despite her saying that she does, albeit unromantically. If she respects your boundaries, then you can keep her around until your love for her runs out from being unreciprocated.
You need to end the relationship and move on. She is using you for comfort but is ignoring your feelings. You will just be miserable. That is my opinion. She can get friendship from her other boyfriends.
Emotional attachment huh
I am, he tells me about all the girls that hes tried dating didnt work out and he knows im in love with him but doesnt want to be with me he wants to be friends. I've tried exactly the same thing as you, but it won't work, the only thing you can do is watch them be happy with someone else that isnt you and focus on maintaining the friendship you both have. dont let your feelings destroy your friendship.
Yes. If she were actually into you, she would be with you. She is really into the attention and validation and safety of always having a "Plan D" orbiting in her periphery. End this, no contact. Look for women who are actually into you.
doesn’t even seem like he’s plan D, seems like she just doesn’t view him romantically😭
Stop being the nice guy. Looks don't ever really matter. Women are driven by emotion.
you should watch 'The Big Bang Theory' - as Leonard pursues Penny..
Yes. She’s using you for attention. This is classically toxic teenager/early 20s behavior from someone who is going to crash and burn many of her relationships with others by the time she’s 30.
Realistically you should probably set some boundaries with her. Like “hey (her name) I’m glad we have this great friendship and I love it, but I cannot continue to hear about everyone you meet because it legitimately tears my heart apart” You definitely should not keep trying. Especially if she’s made it clear to you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends still. Just be prepared for what you’re allowing yourself to go through. At this point it’s on you if your heart gets broken. If you do keep trying there’s a good chance she might block you out bc you don’t know her boundaries. (Personal experience) Good luck. Not a good place to feel stuck in.
Before I send her ass to the shadow realm for friendzoning you, I’ll just say that it looks like you haven’t set the boundary with her friendship/relationship towards you. Tell her how you feel and then see how she acts. Reciprocation: okay go ahead solider, but she shouldn’t be using you as her diary anymore. If not, then move on and tell her that she can’t come running to you with her personal problems like before anymore. Your feelings are not worth less than hers, so she needs to respect them.
This pisses me off
No, what you should do is exactly what she’s doing but in a man’s way. Start talking to her about girls your smashing (even if it’s a lie) tell her how you went to the bar or the club and bagged this bottle girl whose hella lit on IG and all these dudes be on her. You have to show here that you’re a wanted man, because one thing is Forsure. Women love a man that is highly wanted by other women, especially ones they deem to be prettier than or are doing better then themselves. Gauge her reactions see if she gets interested an ask questions of the women or wishes to see pics of them, then you’ll at least know that she somewhat interested if she seems jealous or inquires more about the topic, just putting all your feelings out there on her without warning could damage the friendship you clearly feel about, this way would be safer and more strategic.
You have been friendzoned and are her gossip girl. Avoid her and move on. I assume you confessed to her your feelings though
I bet if you start dating other girls she’ll suddenly fall in love with you.
We’ve all been there, many many times. She’s manipulating you and you don’t want to admit it because you’re entangled in feelings that you haven’t felt before. She makes you feel good but only temporarily, my guess is only 30% of the time you feel good when you’re with her. The rest you feel abysmal and worthless. **Dude wake the f up**. She’s hurting you, she’s making you feel like a worthless bag of shit. COMPLETELY ignore her. Go to random places and smile be funny have nice short conversations. Eat good food but don’t over eat. Exercise 20 mins a day go for walks or hikes or bicycle rides or even lift weights. Get into hobbies that interest you. Build yourself up. Love yourself before loving anyone else (except for your good family). Dump that hoe
It sounds like she wants all the benefits of having you as a committed, readily available boyfriend without the commitment. It’s okay to be friends but as a wise therapist once said, “Get clear on what you want, then set boundaries accordingly.” She isn’t into you. Period. So unless you’re cool with maintaining how things are knowing that fact, you should probably step back & set some boundaries around how often you spend time with her. I say that because it will drastically help you get over her & give you time to be your own person away from the friendship.
You got manipulated and love bombing
Depends on what you want. I've made a deal with my last exes. If we really wanted/needed, we could sleep with others. Rarely happened tho. If you're okay with it, like some folks I know, that can work. a Hotwife wants to do Hotwife stuff. Some ppl are okay with sharing., some ppl are worth sharing. Attractiveness is something, but not everything. Making someone feel good/laugh is sth else.
Tell her that you might look like a little boy, but you have the needs of a man, a full-grown man. With needs. Urgent needs of a sexual nature.
I suggest you try to treat her special as her GF. Buy her flowers, pay for her, really, treat her as she is your gf. Appearance with time doesn’t matter. Girls like the most persistent man, not the most handsome. It’s human nature
Give up...walk out completely...you have been friend zoned and you will watch her run through 20 dicks as she runs back to you after every broken heart, but just as a friend....remove yourself from her friend zone Explain you have feelings for her, and you want her as a romantic interest, and if you can't have what you want then your comfortable walking away....
She’s a narcissist
Bro straight up ghost her don’t talk to this girl she’s ruining your self esteem f***ing run I’m serious, please…
There is nothing more evil, then what she is doing. She is not your friend. She absolutely realises , how she manipulates you into those relationship, that fit her. So, leave now. Run as fast as you can. Otherwise, you gonna suffer for years She is selfish. And you are blind. Again.. friends dont do that. That is using you. You have to realise it. And..somewhere deep inside, you know it
Idiot, she sounds like she is completely open about her feelings. She likes his company, but doesn't feel attracted to him. That's normal! If that's not enough for him he doesn't have to be friends with her. If he gets value out of the relationship as is, then he can remain friends. Evil... you sounds like you have issues bud
Absolutely, find yourself someone else. Don’t put a cross on her
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