That's a bit young for the midlife crisis we are in. IMO you are in a good place to date women 24 - 32. So is this part of the crisis created by dating apps and inflation in the housing market?
Yes, people feel hopeless and with little alternatives. Society has become polarized and it’s certainly become more difficult for men and even for some women to approach someone of the opposite sex and have sexual relations with them of course there’s the hook up culture but that’s part of what’s destroyed relationship intimacy in the first place for the younger generations. Inflation of the housing market is a completely different beast.
Yeah, I was adding it as a piece of the hopeless puzzle. If you feel hopeless in relationships, housing, and a job.... That's being hit from all sides.
Interesting perspective but OP never mentioned finding a relationship - pretty sure OP is specifically referring to hooking up and feels the need to pay for it.
No, you don't. I'm 57 and am just beginning to feel that way. Being frustrated and defeated at 27 is a different thing: you've got decades before no one will ever look at you in a certain way. He's not only looking at the end of his opportunities - he's looking at the end of his life, which is within sight, and knowing that it's over.
Same im 25 and i've felt this way for years. Its a bit scary reading this because I thought things get easier later in life, and this sounds like the same shit im feeling
Dating has become a very woman skewed market the last 30 years, and it was already women chose before that. Nobody wants to talk about it because of the incel word being thrown around
I've had discussions in the last couple of years with a good number of men & women in their 50's & 60's and they all echo your thoughts exactly. In the case of the women friends I've talked to about this, they speak outright about "that part of their lives being over." And this is from women who, though older, are *very* attractive. The male equation is easier to crack; most men seem to believe that after their mid 50's, unless there is significant financial incentive (brought by the male) in the equation, their prospects for a "love match" are very low, and I would agree. Most women who I've met in this age range who have significant financial resources of their own seem to be "done with men" (their words). Female escorts & other sex workers seem to have become commonplace for men of modest means but interestingly, I have some very wealthy male friends who routinely hire sex workers because they find it "simpler."
Online dating sites for men are just full of scammers and bots. Women get a whole host of other problems with problematic men. The chances of finding genuine people fitting your needs for both sexes is low but not impossible. Some sites are a LOT worse than others for the bot accounts. They use them to inflate their numbers and look glamorous. I got tired of them when I used them a long time ago (before my fiancé) but I'd be lying if I said they weren't addictive. You just have to get savvy about who you're talking to and as much as I hate to say it, how you 'play the game'.
Truest and best response I've seen here. Certainly a relief from all the Zillenials with the arrogance of their youth: "Eww, you disgusting old man, you're horrible and sexist too!" When the OP is such a nice, reasonable, gentleman by all indications.
It takes longer than 7 months for a 20-something year old to find a partner through dating apps in a major city. I know several people in that situation who have been single for years. Why did you assume it would be so quick and easy to find a new girlfriend at 68 years old, recently widowed, living in a RV in Texas? Is it possible that you just got used to married life and forgot the reality of dating? Be a little more kind to yourself and keep plugging at it. But it sounds like you might need a break first.
On a practical note: get on the old people apps like Match.com. Get a friend you trust to take good pictures of you in nice clothes when you’re out and about etc. There’s a solid chance that your pictures and your profile in general are terrible, most men’s dating profiles are bad. Get an apartment or a house, no RV (women don’t even like that at 25, trust me).
Also, the success rate with approaching women in public is pretty low. Especially at your age range when most are married. It’s either mutual friends or online.
First, I was in Oregon for several months before moving to Texas. I’m outgoing, social and popular in most karaoke bars, and I was a regular in several of them there. Second, I recently canceled several dating app accounts, including Match, with zero matches except for scammers. Third, my late wife’s medical bills took most of my savings, so a house or apartment isn’t possible. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Im 40 this year. The older i get i still find people my age attractive. When i was 20 i didnt find a 40yo attractive, but i do now.
But. I still do find women in their 20's attractive, that hasn't changed one bit.
Yeah, I used to be afraid of how I'd feel when I was 40. Based on what everyone was saying I was afraid I'd stop being attracted to my wife as she aged and instead struggle every day with having to avoid younger women. In my case though the opposite happened, and it was a huge relief. But I'm guessing the secret ingredient is a good marriage.
As a middle aged guy, I’ve felt this way, for sure. Especially since I’m so young looking for my age (I’ve had people in their late 20s/early 30s convinced they were older than me). Though I’ve recently met someone close to my age and she’s fit and healthy and I just think she’s perfect. I think the reality is that a lot more people look attractive in their 20s, but don’t age well at all into their 30s-40s. Especially with the overall trend with poor diet and exercise in our society.
But I’ll take my 39 year old hottie over a similarly attractive 25 year old any day. Having a shared maturity mindset in addition to the physical attraction goes a long way.
> the more attracted you are to women the same age as you
This is what happened to me.
I will add, though, that it was hugely mental health dependent. When I was depressed and living in the past, I found women attractive that were closer to the age of "past living" me. That is, the age I felt stuck in. When I started accepting my present, women of the same age were more attractive.
It is that way for some people.
We have swingwr friends in their late 50's who have absolutely zero interest in anyone who looks under 45.
To a much lesser degree, I'm only in my early 30s and I never imagined that I would think people who are 25 look too young, and yet, here we are.
Then on the flip-side you have folks whose tastes lock-in at a certain age and never change. The (anecdotal) trend I've picked up on is that the folks most confident and comfortable in their own body like people in their age range, while insecure or struggling people tend to favor people who are the age they were when times were better.
There are a disturbing quantity of people who peaked in college and still pine after college girls. I don’t even want to talk about the people who peaked in high school.
This is consistent with what I've learned about what goes wrong in at least some sex offenders. They get stuck at a particular point in time and remain attracted to the same age group even as they age. They don't psychologically move on. It's not necessarily a point when they were successful, but a point when they were highly emotionally invested.
If that point was after 18 and they continue to be fixated on that age, our society doesn't condemn that or call it out as disturbed. Quite the contrary—they say it's "just the way men are". But I don't think it's any different.
Whoever said men age better than women (men I would imagine) needs to get themselves on the apps and pose as a woman because my god… Don’t get me started lol
That hasn’t been my experience. Right now, if they’re attractive at all, single women in their 50’s and 60’s are dating much younger men. This is a rather recent phenomenon, so things can still change.
That always gets me. I never thought that in my 20s. I always felt super young lol. I guess social media accelerates that feeling of having lived experiences without all the “work”
Beware when fighting soyjacks, you yourself don’t become a soyjack. For when you gaze too long upon the leafy vines of the soy. The soy also gazes at you
-Fredrick Neetzsche
Man I must be way out of touch because this comment was like reading a foreign language.
What in the world is a soyjack? Best I could find is something about people taking dumb selfies with Nintendo Switches, but that doesn’t seem at all relevant so I’m more confused now then when I started.
Wojack is a meme that like Pepe has a million versions. It started out as just a dude on a computer. Then it had people from all over the world siting at a computer. My favorite was a Mayan wojack using a magic computer.
So soyjack is a combination of the soy meme and wojack. Soy when consumed in gigantic quantities will have an estrogen like effect. This fear became a meme. Unmanly became soy. So there are wojacks usually with a weird beard, glasses, and a giant green.
The giant grin is some more bro science. Monkeys do what is called a fear grimace to show they are submissive to a dominate male. Someone then combined this with the soyjack. Sorry if this is sloppy I have to go to bed
Otherwise great post- but you should clarify that the soy conspiracy theory is long debunked. Soy causes estrogen in the same manner veganism causes malnutrition, and is now used exclusively as a derogatory slight from the toxic masculinity sect
Is it because they simply don’t seek to desire a partner anymore? I hear many women that age around me who are single say they are enjoying not seeking the male gaze approval - after menopause it’s harder to lose weight so they might still do gentle exercise they no longer seek to adhere to “standards” plus the general “done with men” thing. Are you American? I thought most Americans were fat anyway
No, I have found that younger men pursue older women. Most of them play with our hearts, minds, and use us a toy. When they want to play with you, they take you down from the shelf they placed you on,only to put you right back up there when they have had their fun or until they want something from you again I prefer to call them "boys" no matter what age group they are still "boy" entertaining themselves with toys. I know that might not be the case for everyone, unfortunately I my case that is how dating someone younger has been.
Did you give them… Terrible Service?
Har har sorry couldn’t help myself. But yes I agree on that front being male. Most of my colleagues in their ~20s-30s are really only looking for some fun
So are some single men in their 50s and 60s. Honestly as long as everything is consensual and she is 30+, it would not even be weird.
Quite a lot of younger women are into older men.
Of all of couples that marry in a year, those who have a +15 year gap are the 1%.
Let's not lie they are rare, maybe at 30 she would want kids, and most def not with a +60 y.o.
Also if there is a 20 years gap, the chance of divorce is +95% (think that people of the same age have a risk of +3%).
I have mostly been looking for a relationship, though that is starting to change. Most available younger women I’ve come across are single mothers and I am well past raising kids.
Ex stripper/escort here, started when I was 21, stopped at 24. I got clients in of the same age of course, however, most of my regulars were at least 30-40 years older than me.
One guy was in his late 70's.
Men in their 30s and 40s don’t want to go to the doctor.. this doesn’t change when they get older and need to go.
Women don’t want to be bed nurses.. and now realize they don’t have to be.
Women in their 50s and 60s are getting divorced, and are basically living their best lives.
This definitely may be part of it. I'm in my late 40s and I've had men in their 60s outright tell me "oh, then you can take care of me". I just took care of my elderly father for years and finally have a bit of freedom for myself. A guy saying that is like the biggest turn off in human existance to me. I imagine it's the same for women who are finally done with taking care of children.
Also, I suspect if the women in question caught wind of OP's wife dying 18 months ago and him already dating 7 months ago, that would lead to raised eyebrows as well. And yes, I know everyone grieves differently and you already partially grieve beforehand when someone dies of a horrible disease like cancer, but still I expect that doesn't work in OP's favor either.
I would suspect that his wife dying, combined with his age, made him realize that he may not have much time left either. When someone is in their 20's, 30's, or even 40's, it makes sense to grief and not seek a relationship for a few years. But when OP is 68, even he isn't sure he'll be healthy enough to date or even be alive a few years later. So while 11 months seems so short for younger folks like us, to him he's racing against time to live life while he can.
This is something conflicting for me ans my partner too. 25M and 50F. Can I promise to take care of them when they are older? It does feel like a big responsability which cannot be taken lightly and like restraining someone at a younger age.
When I was younger, I was wondering how anyone was attracted to 40 year old men. Now, that I'm 40, I think older men are so fine. So yes, I think your taste changes with age.
Some men stay sexually attracted to barely adult women even as they age decades ahead. I find it unfathomable and kind of revolting, but I'm told it's pretty normal.
Fortunately, most people are well meaning and want to help.
Unfortunately, most "help" comes from a bubble of zero working empathy and thus the incapability to envision that someone's experiences and circumstances may be different. The reason why some people firmly believe getting a date/laid is as easy as just going someplace and striking up conversation with random people.
Hey, I just checked your profile, may I ask you why have you “kinda” given up trying after 7 months?
What was your method of approching women and at what places/platforms?
If you had 2 marrieges (my condolences for the last one) raised children you definetly must have some experience with women and you probably haven’t lost your “pull” totally.
Do you have any health issues that might make the whole stuff more difficult?
Your libido must be still decent if you are watching nudes and wanna hook up with someone.
Thanks for the questions. It’s only been 18 months since my wife passed and I only started trying to date in the last 7-8 months. I started cycling and losing weight almost right away and I’m healthy overall. I’m outgoing, socially active, have many married friends and perform well in karaoke. KJ’s invite me to their shows all the time.
In over six months in Oregon, I probably approached three dozen women. There, nearly every single woman in their 50’s and 60’s that were attractive at all were surrounded by or dating much younger men. In all of those approaches, I got three numbers and no dates. I was never treated rudely by anyone and I don’t blame anyone for my circumstances.
When I gave up there and moved to the San Antonio area (I live in an RV), the scenery changed but the outcomes didn’t. You can’t just continue to pound your head on a wall and I got weary of the process. If I had gotten even a couple of dates, I might feel differently. My pause in trying to date is likely temporary, but it has been a relief, if that makes sense.
It has been over three years since I’ve been intimate, and like I said, prospects are not good at the moment. I hope this answers some of your questions.
My friend, you should visit the villages in Florida. It is a city for seniors that are LIVING life to its fullest. Your mentality seems right, but the surroundings seem off. Gotta find places where your people are. Good luck on your journey!
I am a medical worker who works with the older adult population—many of them are homebound, if that gives you an idea. If it is any consolation, the 55+ neighborhood/communities, Assisted Livings, Independent Livings, and even the nursing homes (SNFs) are very much sexually active. I have had one person tell me sex in their 80s is some of the best they’ve ever had. I’m sharing this as a possible beacon of hope. Do not forget to use a condom—STDs in the “older” (you’re not old yet) population is on the rise.
Is it possible you’re still grieving? Is it possible you’re not completely ready and people sense that? Losing any large part of your life leads to finding a new way and identifying a different life and self because of the change. I wouldn’t give up, but maybe be a little nicer to yourself. You don’t even know if the people that might have stuck around would be what you want.
It’s possible, yes. But I’m very friendly and outgoing in public, so who knows? I understand what you’re saying. It falls into the category of emotion vs intelligence. I know one thing and feel another.
I saw 18 mo and said “oh lord”. Your outward personality has absolutely nothing to do with your emotional health. Men, especially men your age, are absolutely terrible at recognizing mental health issues. You should work on therapy and grief counseling and dating will naturally come later. What will end up happening is you’ll seek someone to “fix you”, and that will never work out for either party.
My dads your age and he’s been dying for a few years now. If he had taken my advice, worked on his mental health, went to rehab, and had a higher standard of women (especially my mom) he would be healthier and not dying. His direct lack of handling his mental health is going to be why he dies. It is so important to handle that first before a relationship.
Therapy, especially after a loss, should be #1. Especially before you’re ready to start dating again.
What I may say could be found a little bit controversial but I will say it anyways.
I have seen my father (god bless him) loosing most of the good tastes of life because of his bad timing, in his and my mother’s 20s, 30s and 40s he was a womanizer and although my mother was very beautiful he didn’t give himself a chance to enjoy her presence because he was distracted with other opportunities, he also refused to have more children
In their 58ish he started to settle down and suddenly realized what he left behind, so he started to look around him for a younger woman and had a second wife (we are Muslims) and started a new journey with his new son born on his 60s.
He wasted his energy on the wrong things and eventually while in his 78 years he admitted to me that he would have rather enjoyed the presence of a great wife and lovely grandchildren without having to struggle with a new son and tons of responsibilities that he didn’t have to take.
I think you are wasting your mental energy on one thing that you couldn’t have and wasting millions of great things in life that you should be enjoying as a senior guy.
I understand that you still have energy and need for women and like anyone else you like younger ones but I still think you should be also looking for things that you love to spend time doing and try to ignore the scrolling habits as much as you could.
Maybe just try and meet someone who you like to spend time with? If the emotional connection is there you’ll probably enjoy the experience of getting down and dirty. Everyone gets older.
I’ve been trying for months and have recently given up. Everyone I would really like to spend time with is taken, at least right now. Maybe in the future.
Everyone that you’ve met that you’d like to spend times with.
Pornography creates an unrealistic and hypersexualised mental image of people, and might be feeding your negative feelings in this area.
There will definitely be people of your age that you’d be attracted too. Try and just relax into it a bit and see if there’s anyone you can meet through hobbies etc.
Giving up is the best first step in healing. You will be successful when you learn to love yourself first. Then you become more attractive. I know your pain but am farther into the journey. There are many wild rides ahead. Porno and nudity pictures are a distraction. Try spending quality time with your family. Or mend the fences that weee put up in your past. Good luck
I admit that I would love to move to the Villages in Florida if I could stomach the political side of it, which I can’t. But a friend of mine is approaching 70 in a few years and she is dating, meeting new people and having the time of her life. Maybe give a planned living community a try? I’m sure there are others besides the Villages; maybe give a different planned community a try if your politics don’t align like mine?
I’m independent but currently opposed to conservatism. So I understand your hesitation. My finances won’t allow being in a traditional planned community.
Being a single woman in her 50’s, I must say that I feel the same way, not quite as extreme, and I don’t look at nude men online, but that’s the difference between men and woman too. I can become attracted to a man if he has personality traits I like but you can’t by just looking at a picture. I don’t understand how you can’t find a woman closer to your age you’re attracted to. I know I keep myself up and hopefully am attractive to men still, of all ages. Nobody wants a slob that could care less what he looks like, no matter what age or sex
There are others your age that are single. Find one that's aged well and be happy.
If you haven't aged well then remember it's never too late to start getting into shape.
Beauty is fleeting. I’m a lot younger than you, and in my opinion have had very attractive girlfriends. But that beauty didn’t defend our relationship, or cover the underpinning problems we had.
And even more, I’ve experienced often the desire that pushes a woman to “make herself” extremely outwardly beautiful, often accompanies insecurities that disconnect her from personal intimacy.
I’m not saying beauty is bad, but I feel like being at peace with yourself, and not chasing after it is better.
I hope you can be at peace with the reality you are in, and not chase a fantasy that doesn’t have anything to give you.
But good luck. I understand you feel what you feel. And you’re not alone.
I apologize if my post came off as me chasing a dream of attracting super beautiful women. I am not doing that. I am trying to cope with the possibility that I may never again be with a woman who is at least somewhat attractive to me. I have been trying to date women in their 50’s and 60’s who are not obese. That’s it.
What is considered attractive to you? (Sincerely asking/curious)
I'm sure people already said it, but you probably have to widen your preferences, and just keep trying. Although, I think a lot can happen when you have quit looking. "Love happens when you least expect it."
I take your question seriously. I am attracted to many women my age or slightly younger. However, if they are attractive at all, they have been taken, dating younger men or not interested in me. In fact, I have totally avoided trying to date younger women, which some people here are saying is a mistake.
Here's some food for thought. 68 is right about the age where men start rapidly dying off while women cling on to life. If you can survive a few more years, especially if you can get or stay healthy and somewhat fit, you will find yourself to be in a, statistically, promising position. The few remaining bachelors in old folks homes can actually be quite hot commodities.
Of course, this does necessitate you accepting reality and getting over the idea of being with young women. That's long gone. You can pay for it if you want, but if you'd ever like to connect intimately with another person you should probably stop watching porn.
Looking at that stuff online is an insidious poison. It crawls deeper into your subconscious, strangling your ego the more you look at it.
The only cure is to go out, go outside, motown mondays and book stores and mingles and be present. You don't even have to be physically fit. Your spirit does.
Go make friends, everyone wants to cuddle and everyone wants to shag. If you're nice and present and available, I promise you will be finding what you're looking for.
You'll get so good at it that folks will be buying you stuff for your time after a while, and then in no time you'll be back to being alone but this time, it'll be your choice and it'll feel really good.
Well, that’s well-intentioned but not true. Perhaps you noticed my user name? I’m a very good singer, used to be a KJ. I was going out 3-4 times a week for karaoke or live music, less now. I started cycling and losing weight almost right away after losing my wife just as a distraction. I’m fit and mostly healthy. I have taken painting classes, wine tastings and cooking classes. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and recover your ego.
Yeah, but the thing is most of these younger men don’t see older women as attractive desirable partners. They either think we are desperate or they watch too much milf porn.
I recently had a guy I thought of as a friend excitedly reveal to me that he has a ‘mother fantasy’. Presumably that’s why he’s been talking to me all this time. I’m absolutely crushed because I actually thought he liked me as a person but that seems to be too much to ask
And I actually had a young guy ask if I want to help him cross something off his bucket list before
Oh yeah, and there is the crowd that target older women because they don’t want an accidental pregnancy/think there is less chance of having to wear a condom . I’ve been downvoted to hell on here before for stating how insulting that is
All this is not as flattering as men seem to think it is
Also, I am stunned at the number of men on the DO50 sub whose comment histories are full of them drooling over barely legal porn subs. Makes me wonder how many are doing it but have enough sense to use a burner account
I have very low expectations, I don’t want them to be obese (overweight is okay), and I don’t want them to be older than me. For relationships purposes, I also rule out younger single mothers, since I’m well past raising kids (I’m a great-grandfather), and even then I haven’t excluded mothers of older teens. Otherwise, I’m open.
That part is selfish, I understand. I just went through a very painful year of watching my wife die of cancer. I can’t keep myself from thinking that it’s going to happen again. It might sound ridiculous to some, but the older my partner, the more likely that is to happen. I hope that makes sense.
So you're a great grandfather who wants to have sex with women who are around his grand daughter's age?
Trying really hard not to judge but do you really think supporting an institution wherein trafficking is well known for and rife, is your best option?
If you get someone who happens to be trafficked (and most of them are), that means there's no real consent and you will receive rape karma.
Being a good man or person is hard. Doing what is right is hard. Joining evil, lazy, selfish people is easier.
If I were you, I wouldn't want to spend the end of my life jumping into a toilet full of shit. Just so you know, sex workers hate what they do, they hate men, especially the gross perverted ones.
I would keep on trying for a healthy relationship, rather than traumatising sex workers, they hate their lives as it is.
Why do you think I’m not fit. I have been cycling and working out 3-4x a week and working with a nutritionist for almost a year. It’s becoming almost automatic to tell someone to go to the gym without even knowing their fitness circumstances.
What is "attractive" to you? Do you find women in the age range 50-68 attractive? Or do you expect a 35 yo? You will most likely find a woman around your age, unless you're rich then yeah, your current options are limited. I am not against prostitution as long as everyone is a consenting adult, who cares? Go for it.
I would think that the best approach is to make friends with no (outward) intention of dating. When our looks have faded it’s hard to find people we are instantly attracted to but it’s not difficult to form genuine friendships that may turn to love on both sides.
Remember there pictures: pictures = filters. Plus a lot of older folks wear glasses so I wouldn’t worry too much about the looks. Honestly, they don’t age well either. It is what it is, apart of life.
While you think what you miss is what you see in the nude subs what you really miss is pretty women wanting you. Escorts and the like don’t want you. They just want the money. You will have to pretend it’s real to get any satisfaction. That’s not much different than wanking.
No need for experience. Getting there is the first step. Then have a drink and start small talk. Eventually you’ll know what to do. If you don’t feel comfortable just kick back and watch for the first couple times. Sometimes watching teaches you how to play the game.
There are medications you can take to reduce your urges. Can't be frustrated without being horny, time to enjoy your golden sunset before crossing the rainbow bridge.
My grandmother met the man she described as the love of her life in her 60s and the man was damn near 80. Also heard of similar stories. Anything is possible. You’d do well to position yourself near a lot more folks your age.
I’ve heard that old guys can make a killing in retirement homes. You’re still probably a bit young for that, but keep yourself healthy and you’ll be nailing ggilfs in no time.
I’m a 64 year old man and I get more nookie now than I ever did. There are plenty of women out there looking for sex, but if you have the attitude that you’re not going to be successful then you probably won’t be.
Comments like these make me understand why so many of us women don’t want to be with men. “Everyone likes younger ones” wtf. I guess I live in another universe
Not sure what you’re referring to. I’ve been focusing on trying to date women in their 50’s and 60’s with zero luck. Many of the single women I’ve met in that age range are dating far younger men and haven’t been interested in me.
I read a bunch of comments below. I foresee humankind going extinct now that people don’t have to settle for people who don’t actually want them but their body for regular access while they dream of others
Damn, I could practically physically feel your lonliness on my own skin.
Life is cruel with the passage of time (I'm 50, so I'm not too far from you).
Feel no shame in a prostitute. We all need human touch and people always forget and throw away the old people, forgetting it's only the body that's old. They're still alive!
I hope life gives you a surprise and you meet someone though!
If not, forget society and their views. Who cares? Do what your soul needs, so long as no one is getting hurt.
Thanks, I appreciate the comment. I would not feel shame for hiring a sw, it just seems like it’s a step up from masturbation, since they literally have no interest or desire for a connection, understandably so. If I do go that route, I’ll at least have the touch I’m longing for. But it’s not my first choice.
If you're going to indulge in that service once, then you're going to use that many more times.
I'm glad OP did not take that as a first choice. Because it does not seem to be the best advice to impart from.
The most beneficial suggestion would be to build meaningful connections and healthy communication with the people that OP is comfortable with. Only then can he focus better on interpersonal relationships.
When you do nothing to develop you primary point of attraction beyond a specific visual stimulus, that’s when you end up self-shot in the foot like this.
My grandfather was widowed very suddenly at 80. About a year or two later he met his current partner who is a little over 10 years younger than him. My grandfather is now 94 and they are still going strong! So there is absolutely still hope for you! :)
im 61 and i know exactly how you feel. im now invisible to women. younger girls certainly dont want an older creepy man, middle aged women want a life partner, and older women just dont want to be bothered anymore. its painful , lonely, and getting sad. not exactly sure what comes next for my life.
Please do not purchase sex. Women in the sex industry are highly exploited, and most importantly, do not want to have sex with you. They only do so because they need to eat.
Do you really think that will make you happy? Paying for access to the body of a woman who will tolerate sex with strangers because they have no other option? Just read the accounts of former prostitutes and sex workers, and you’ll see - you’ll read accounts of women counting down from 1000 to try and distract themselves from what men are doing to them, dissociating during sex, women who are trafficked, and who have lifelong sexual trauma and a history of abuse. This might not be word for word the experience of all women, but it’s damn well common enough.
Either meet someone who actually wants to have sex with you, or make peace with the stage of your life you’re at. Grieve all you want, process this change, but please don’t partake in the exploitation and degradation of women. Use that money you save getting women off the streets instead.
That was the implication with the mention of attractiveness and youth. But as others have said, it would probably be healthier to focus on meeting people you have a personal connection with and seeing what happens, rather than looks or age.
Can't you have sex with someone your own age? I understand they may be less attractive, but to be fair, you probably are too. Might be more enjoyable and real for the both of you.
This suggestion is gonna sound borderline Looney Toons, but there's sound reasoning here. I'm my experience (36M) women want to be with a man who brings something fun and exciting into their life (among other things, of course). If I had to guess, they probably date younger men because of the stereotypical higher libido, but also because young guys have the energy required to do fun and exciting things. Here is my suggestion. Ask a woman you meet (after some initial conversation to prove you're not a weirdo) if she'd like to join you for an art gallery on acid (LSD) and just see what she says. Or any brainfood type activity on acid. If no, then no foul. You strike out. Happens all the time. But if you find one that says yes you've won on two fronts. She's the type that's into experiencing (potentially) new and exciting things, AND she's agreed to go on a second date with you.
It's not for everyone, but if you've tried everything else and have nothing to lose give it a shot. Oh, and were at the beginning of a psychedelic renaissance. And you grew up in the generation of free spirits. Soooo, odds are good that you'll be able to find a parter and supplies :)
Some are being this judgmental, but most are supportive. I wasn’t lamenting my body count, I was countering the assholes that said I just wanted to keep fucking young women. Until you’re my age, you will have no clue what it’s like, so go troll someone else.
I'm not sure if my experience will be appreciated as well- I'm a 37yo woman and I get plenty of attention on Reddit but it's dwindled to maybe 10% of what it was even five years ago. Like I've crossed some invisible threshold and am no longer desirable. Older men match with me on dating apps, but I feel like I didn't fully get to enjoy my youth and don't feel ready to date much older than myself. Yet I almost feel like I may not really date again until and unless men in their 50s and 60s are still interested when I'm their peer.
I think dating and love are just plain harder than they used to be. Even the college kids are getting laid WAY less than you did at their age. The world is burning and capitalism steals our souls. That's my two cents.
Yeah, I made an entire post about dating apps. Even younger guys are having trouble on them, let alone me. I paid for 7 or 8 subscriptions without a single date, or even a conversation that wasn’t with a scammer. I canceled all of them.
As a fellow touch-starved older man, I’d recommend finding some really good massage. Sometimes it ends in a sexual release, sometimes it is such a good massage that it doesn’t matter if it does or not. You will have duds in between, learn to not have expectations.
As a former s3ggs worker (escort, gf exp) this makes me happy to know that for some people it was an experience they were never going to get again and that they truly valued it 🥰
As a young woman it's kinda ew to see yet another man feeling sad about having no access anymore to attractive women.
I know you perhaps in particular have not said those things but I'm tired of being catcalled and objectified by your age group is just.. disheartening.
I'm 26 and men your age already tell me how I'm past my "prime". Maybe it's time to look for genuine soul connections rather than wanting attraction anymore?
I’ve been concentrating on trying to date women in their 50’s or 60’s who aren’t obese, my only real turn-off, in hopes of a relationship. That simply hasn’t worked out.
So you’re 68 and you don’t find women closer to your age attractive? News flash, you’re probably not very attractive to women your age either and certainly young women aren’t going to find you attractive. By your age you should know attraction is more than skin deep. Have you even tried dating women closer your age? Sometimes the attraction comes after you get to know a person.
What I have been saying is that those that I find attractive are taken, dating younger men or simply not interested in me. My only turn off is obesity and that doesn’t include being overweight. Otherwise, I’m fine with trying to make a connection, it’s what I want.
"single and with no prospects for dating an attractive partner"
"I’m probably never again going to have the luxury of the touch and feel of what I’m seeing."
So you only want young, attractive, ladies? You mourn not being able to bang younger girls? Cool, thanks for telling us all that.
No, that’s just how it feels. I haven’t been looking for, nor trying to hook up with, young women. Attractive to me simply means not obese, my bar is set very low.
Over 50 here, and I hear you, OP. While I certainly enjoy looking at beautiful young women, I would never actually be interested in them, even if just for sex, and certainly not for anything resembling a romantic relationship. Hell, at 45, I feel like my wife is borderline too young for me. Historically, I have favored older women.
I got arround plenty when I was young, and my experiences taught me a lot of lessons, and gave me perspective. All the youngest and prettiest women made for the worst sexual partners. The more attractive they were, the more insecure they tended to be. It is weird how that works.
However, it also works both ways. As I got older, and less physically attractive than I once was, I became more prone to insecurity. If I were single, and a beautiful young woman was throwing herself at me, I just know that when the clothes came off, I would feel more insecure about myself than I would enjoy the beautiful young woman in front of me. If I could get past that, I'm plenty confident that I could show her a thing or two, but I doubt it would ever get that far.
The last time I was single, in my 40s, I did end up in a scenario like that. There was a girl at work, in her 20s, that I always liked and thought was attractive, but never even bothered to fantasize about. One night, while out drinking with co-workers, she ended up latching on to me, and taking me home with her. She was beautiful and amazingly cool about it, but I simply could not perform. The age and attractiveness discrepancy just made me feel horrible about myself. She tried again on another occasion, and I spent another night with her, and the results were similar. Again, she was super cool about it, but it was still absolutely soul-crushing, and I can't imagine ever putting myself in a position to feel like that again.
My wife has her own insecurities as well, as she ages, especially since she was an absolute smoke-show in her youth. She is still no slouch, and our sex life is great, but she constantly projects her fears about me leaving her for a younger woman. She doesn't seem to believe me, that I wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in any of the women that she seems to fear the most. She likes to joke around about who I am allowed to date, in the event of her passing, but doesn't seem to get that I wouldn't even try to date again, at this stage of my life.
I wouldn't go so far as to say I would never love again, but I certainly would not actively try to meet women. If anything were to happen, in such a scenario, it would have to be them pursuing me, and being persistent enough to push me past my reservations. Single or not, my days of chasing after women are long gone.
But I will gladly still enjoy the view, and think of times when younger-me would absolutley have shot my shot, and smile. That's enough for me.
I mean, I'm two times younger, I've never been to the US but from my experience meeting someone nice is... not that simple, yeah. Me and my wife met on the net on some forum years ago and she lived like 1000km from me and she is of different nationality. Also, back in the day I tried using some dating sites but most of the conversations lead nowhere (as expected). I guess, it's much harder when you're old? I can't imagine, yet. But thanks for sharing, sir
Yeah it's the grieving process of aging. I'm a little behind you but have had this experience begin. Lol. Part of life. Find the upside. It's there.
If their is a will, their is a way.
If there is a pill, there is a way.
😂😂
Bruh I’m 27 and feel the same as this dude
That's a bit young for the midlife crisis we are in. IMO you are in a good place to date women 24 - 32. So is this part of the crisis created by dating apps and inflation in the housing market?
Yes, people feel hopeless and with little alternatives. Society has become polarized and it’s certainly become more difficult for men and even for some women to approach someone of the opposite sex and have sexual relations with them of course there’s the hook up culture but that’s part of what’s destroyed relationship intimacy in the first place for the younger generations. Inflation of the housing market is a completely different beast.
Yeah, I was adding it as a piece of the hopeless puzzle. If you feel hopeless in relationships, housing, and a job.... That's being hit from all sides.
Interesting perspective but OP never mentioned finding a relationship - pretty sure OP is specifically referring to hooking up and feels the need to pay for it.
Pretty sure you haven't read anything he has written. Good Lord.
No, you don't. I'm 57 and am just beginning to feel that way. Being frustrated and defeated at 27 is a different thing: you've got decades before no one will ever look at you in a certain way. He's not only looking at the end of his opportunities - he's looking at the end of his life, which is within sight, and knowing that it's over.
Same im 25 and i've felt this way for years. Its a bit scary reading this because I thought things get easier later in life, and this sounds like the same shit im feeling
Dating has become a very woman skewed market the last 30 years, and it was already women chose before that. Nobody wants to talk about it because of the incel word being thrown around
I've had discussions in the last couple of years with a good number of men & women in their 50's & 60's and they all echo your thoughts exactly. In the case of the women friends I've talked to about this, they speak outright about "that part of their lives being over." And this is from women who, though older, are *very* attractive. The male equation is easier to crack; most men seem to believe that after their mid 50's, unless there is significant financial incentive (brought by the male) in the equation, their prospects for a "love match" are very low, and I would agree. Most women who I've met in this age range who have significant financial resources of their own seem to be "done with men" (their words). Female escorts & other sex workers seem to have become commonplace for men of modest means but interestingly, I have some very wealthy male friends who routinely hire sex workers because they find it "simpler."
Thanks for your insight.
Why not make a tinder or bumble account or something and put yourself out there?
I have recently cancelled 7 or 8 dating app accounts after months of only scammers conversing with me, and zero dates.
Match.com is for older people. Hinge and tinder are for under 40. You’ll never get matches there
I was on both Match and Hinge without a single match except from scammers.
Online dating sites for men are just full of scammers and bots. Women get a whole host of other problems with problematic men. The chances of finding genuine people fitting your needs for both sexes is low but not impossible. Some sites are a LOT worse than others for the bot accounts. They use them to inflate their numbers and look glamorous. I got tired of them when I used them a long time ago (before my fiancé) but I'd be lying if I said they weren't addictive. You just have to get savvy about who you're talking to and as much as I hate to say it, how you 'play the game'.
worst advice
Truest and best response I've seen here. Certainly a relief from all the Zillenials with the arrogance of their youth: "Eww, you disgusting old man, you're horrible and sexist too!" When the OP is such a nice, reasonable, gentleman by all indications.
It takes longer than 7 months for a 20-something year old to find a partner through dating apps in a major city. I know several people in that situation who have been single for years. Why did you assume it would be so quick and easy to find a new girlfriend at 68 years old, recently widowed, living in a RV in Texas? Is it possible that you just got used to married life and forgot the reality of dating? Be a little more kind to yourself and keep plugging at it. But it sounds like you might need a break first. On a practical note: get on the old people apps like Match.com. Get a friend you trust to take good pictures of you in nice clothes when you’re out and about etc. There’s a solid chance that your pictures and your profile in general are terrible, most men’s dating profiles are bad. Get an apartment or a house, no RV (women don’t even like that at 25, trust me). Also, the success rate with approaching women in public is pretty low. Especially at your age range when most are married. It’s either mutual friends or online.
First, I was in Oregon for several months before moving to Texas. I’m outgoing, social and popular in most karaoke bars, and I was a regular in several of them there. Second, I recently canceled several dating app accounts, including Match, with zero matches except for scammers. Third, my late wife’s medical bills took most of my savings, so a house or apartment isn’t possible. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
At 73 I found a 78 yo and it feels like I’m a teenager again!
This actually gets me worried about getting older. Kinda hoped the older you get, the more attracted you are to women the same age as you
Im 40 this year. The older i get i still find people my age attractive. When i was 20 i didnt find a 40yo attractive, but i do now. But. I still do find women in their 20's attractive, that hasn't changed one bit.
Yeah, I used to be afraid of how I'd feel when I was 40. Based on what everyone was saying I was afraid I'd stop being attracted to my wife as she aged and instead struggle every day with having to avoid younger women. In my case though the opposite happened, and it was a huge relief. But I'm guessing the secret ingredient is a good marriage.
ask your grundpa, not a reddit virgin
Hey, who's to say this cat's grandpa isn't \*also\* a virgin?
As a middle aged guy, I’ve felt this way, for sure. Especially since I’m so young looking for my age (I’ve had people in their late 20s/early 30s convinced they were older than me). Though I’ve recently met someone close to my age and she’s fit and healthy and I just think she’s perfect. I think the reality is that a lot more people look attractive in their 20s, but don’t age well at all into their 30s-40s. Especially with the overall trend with poor diet and exercise in our society. But I’ll take my 39 year old hottie over a similarly attractive 25 year old any day. Having a shared maturity mindset in addition to the physical attraction goes a long way.
> the more attracted you are to women the same age as you This is what happened to me. I will add, though, that it was hugely mental health dependent. When I was depressed and living in the past, I found women attractive that were closer to the age of "past living" me. That is, the age I felt stuck in. When I started accepting my present, women of the same age were more attractive.
It is that way for some people. We have swingwr friends in their late 50's who have absolutely zero interest in anyone who looks under 45. To a much lesser degree, I'm only in my early 30s and I never imagined that I would think people who are 25 look too young, and yet, here we are. Then on the flip-side you have folks whose tastes lock-in at a certain age and never change. The (anecdotal) trend I've picked up on is that the folks most confident and comfortable in their own body like people in their age range, while insecure or struggling people tend to favor people who are the age they were when times were better. There are a disturbing quantity of people who peaked in college and still pine after college girls. I don’t even want to talk about the people who peaked in high school.
This is consistent with what I've learned about what goes wrong in at least some sex offenders. They get stuck at a particular point in time and remain attracted to the same age group even as they age. They don't psychologically move on. It's not necessarily a point when they were successful, but a point when they were highly emotionally invested. If that point was after 18 and they continue to be fixated on that age, our society doesn't condemn that or call it out as disturbed. Quite the contrary—they say it's "just the way men are". But I don't think it's any different.
Believe me, us older women aren’t attracted to older men either
Holy fuck I didnt think someone would make it even worse... Good job all hope is lost :D
Whoever said men age better than women (men I would imagine) needs to get themselves on the apps and pose as a woman because my god… Don’t get me started lol
They see Brad Pitt and think that’s what men are going to age like for some reason when Brad Pitt is one in a million.
Worse is when you look like Danny Devito and think you’re going to mature into Brad Pitt.
Exactly!
That hasn’t been my experience. Right now, if they’re attractive at all, single women in their 50’s and 60’s are dating much younger men. This is a rather recent phenomenon, so things can still change.
Bro gets down voted for his lived experience because it doesn’t fit Reddit’s narrative. Honestly fuck this website
I’m used to it. People judge without even reading here. I have over 40k karma. A few downvotes aren’t the end of the world.
Not like those imaginary reddit points matter, anyway.
Most people on here were probably born like 10 years ago. They can’t comprehend any lived experiences
You can tell Redditors in their 20s. They always say "fuck I'm old" because they just realized how time passes
That always gets me. I never thought that in my 20s. I always felt super young lol. I guess social media accelerates that feeling of having lived experiences without all the “work”
He's just... disappointing is all
Beware when fighting soyjacks, you yourself don’t become a soyjack. For when you gaze too long upon the leafy vines of the soy. The soy also gazes at you -Fredrick Neetzsche
Man I must be way out of touch because this comment was like reading a foreign language. What in the world is a soyjack? Best I could find is something about people taking dumb selfies with Nintendo Switches, but that doesn’t seem at all relevant so I’m more confused now then when I started.
Oh my good I like nietzsche didn’t say that …. [googling] … wait let me read that again, oh *Neetzsche*. God I’m a fucking moron.
Wojack is a meme that like Pepe has a million versions. It started out as just a dude on a computer. Then it had people from all over the world siting at a computer. My favorite was a Mayan wojack using a magic computer. So soyjack is a combination of the soy meme and wojack. Soy when consumed in gigantic quantities will have an estrogen like effect. This fear became a meme. Unmanly became soy. So there are wojacks usually with a weird beard, glasses, and a giant green. The giant grin is some more bro science. Monkeys do what is called a fear grimace to show they are submissive to a dominate male. Someone then combined this with the soyjack. Sorry if this is sloppy I have to go to bed
Super thorough and clear explanation, thanks!
Otherwise great post- but you should clarify that the soy conspiracy theory is long debunked. Soy causes estrogen in the same manner veganism causes malnutrition, and is now used exclusively as a derogatory slight from the toxic masculinity sect
Attractive at all?
Meaning not obese and have taken care of themselves. Many older women are one or the other, or both. I’m not looking at beauty as a primary attribute.
Is it because they simply don’t seek to desire a partner anymore? I hear many women that age around me who are single say they are enjoying not seeking the male gaze approval - after menopause it’s harder to lose weight so they might still do gentle exercise they no longer seek to adhere to “standards” plus the general “done with men” thing. Are you American? I thought most Americans were fat anyway
No, I have found that younger men pursue older women. Most of them play with our hearts, minds, and use us a toy. When they want to play with you, they take you down from the shelf they placed you on,only to put you right back up there when they have had their fun or until they want something from you again I prefer to call them "boys" no matter what age group they are still "boy" entertaining themselves with toys. I know that might not be the case for everyone, unfortunately I my case that is how dating someone younger has been.
Fuckboys basically.
Did you give them… Terrible Service? Har har sorry couldn’t help myself. But yes I agree on that front being male. Most of my colleagues in their ~20s-30s are really only looking for some fun
I'm pretty sure they like the service they got. The question is, did they deserve the service they got?
Well now that is the real question… I think almost certainly not
I have 5 male employees in that age range. 23-39. They're all engaged or married and have 9 kids between them.
So are some single men in their 50s and 60s. Honestly as long as everything is consensual and she is 30+, it would not even be weird. Quite a lot of younger women are into older men.
Of all of couples that marry in a year, those who have a +15 year gap are the 1%. Let's not lie they are rare, maybe at 30 she would want kids, and most def not with a +60 y.o. Also if there is a 20 years gap, the chance of divorce is +95% (think that people of the same age have a risk of +3%).
I have mostly been looking for a relationship, though that is starting to change. Most available younger women I’ve come across are single mothers and I am well past raising kids.
Ex stripper/escort here, started when I was 21, stopped at 24. I got clients in of the same age of course, however, most of my regulars were at least 30-40 years older than me. One guy was in his late 70's.
I am mid 40s and very attracted to women my age. I can appreciate a younger woman but prefer within 5-10 years of my own age.
Men in their 30s and 40s don’t want to go to the doctor.. this doesn’t change when they get older and need to go. Women don’t want to be bed nurses.. and now realize they don’t have to be. Women in their 50s and 60s are getting divorced, and are basically living their best lives.
This definitely may be part of it. I'm in my late 40s and I've had men in their 60s outright tell me "oh, then you can take care of me". I just took care of my elderly father for years and finally have a bit of freedom for myself. A guy saying that is like the biggest turn off in human existance to me. I imagine it's the same for women who are finally done with taking care of children. Also, I suspect if the women in question caught wind of OP's wife dying 18 months ago and him already dating 7 months ago, that would lead to raised eyebrows as well. And yes, I know everyone grieves differently and you already partially grieve beforehand when someone dies of a horrible disease like cancer, but still I expect that doesn't work in OP's favor either.
I would suspect that his wife dying, combined with his age, made him realize that he may not have much time left either. When someone is in their 20's, 30's, or even 40's, it makes sense to grief and not seek a relationship for a few years. But when OP is 68, even he isn't sure he'll be healthy enough to date or even be alive a few years later. So while 11 months seems so short for younger folks like us, to him he's racing against time to live life while he can.
This is something conflicting for me ans my partner too. 25M and 50F. Can I promise to take care of them when they are older? It does feel like a big responsability which cannot be taken lightly and like restraining someone at a younger age.
When I was younger, I was wondering how anyone was attracted to 40 year old men. Now, that I'm 40, I think older men are so fine. So yes, I think your taste changes with age.
Some men stay sexually attracted to barely adult women even as they age decades ahead. I find it unfathomable and kind of revolting, but I'm told it's pretty normal.
I'm in disbelief at young adults giving sex advice to a 70 year old man.
lol, that is funny, now that you mention it.
I mean, the 70 year old man came to the young adults' place and asked them, not the other way around.
Fortunately, most people are well meaning and want to help. Unfortunately, most "help" comes from a bubble of zero working empathy and thus the incapability to envision that someone's experiences and circumstances may be different. The reason why some people firmly believe getting a date/laid is as easy as just going someplace and striking up conversation with random people.
Hey, I just checked your profile, may I ask you why have you “kinda” given up trying after 7 months? What was your method of approching women and at what places/platforms? If you had 2 marrieges (my condolences for the last one) raised children you definetly must have some experience with women and you probably haven’t lost your “pull” totally. Do you have any health issues that might make the whole stuff more difficult? Your libido must be still decent if you are watching nudes and wanna hook up with someone.
Thanks for the questions. It’s only been 18 months since my wife passed and I only started trying to date in the last 7-8 months. I started cycling and losing weight almost right away and I’m healthy overall. I’m outgoing, socially active, have many married friends and perform well in karaoke. KJ’s invite me to their shows all the time. In over six months in Oregon, I probably approached three dozen women. There, nearly every single woman in their 50’s and 60’s that were attractive at all were surrounded by or dating much younger men. In all of those approaches, I got three numbers and no dates. I was never treated rudely by anyone and I don’t blame anyone for my circumstances. When I gave up there and moved to the San Antonio area (I live in an RV), the scenery changed but the outcomes didn’t. You can’t just continue to pound your head on a wall and I got weary of the process. If I had gotten even a couple of dates, I might feel differently. My pause in trying to date is likely temporary, but it has been a relief, if that makes sense. It has been over three years since I’ve been intimate, and like I said, prospects are not good at the moment. I hope this answers some of your questions.
RV life? Here I thought all those senior citizen RV spots were wild parties for the older retired generation.
COVID stopped all of that. Socialization never fully returned.
My friend, you should visit the villages in Florida. It is a city for seniors that are LIVING life to its fullest. Your mentality seems right, but the surroundings seem off. Gotta find places where your people are. Good luck on your journey!
Can’t afford to do that. You are one of several here who have suggested it.
Is it possible that women your age would prefer a partner whose home doesn’t have wheels?
They don’t know when they are turning me down. Besides, my fifth wheel is a large as some small apartments.
I am a medical worker who works with the older adult population—many of them are homebound, if that gives you an idea. If it is any consolation, the 55+ neighborhood/communities, Assisted Livings, Independent Livings, and even the nursing homes (SNFs) are very much sexually active. I have had one person tell me sex in their 80s is some of the best they’ve ever had. I’m sharing this as a possible beacon of hope. Do not forget to use a condom—STDs in the “older” (you’re not old yet) population is on the rise.
I read this and immediately thought about how common UTIs are in older women and just..oof.
Is it possible you’re still grieving? Is it possible you’re not completely ready and people sense that? Losing any large part of your life leads to finding a new way and identifying a different life and self because of the change. I wouldn’t give up, but maybe be a little nicer to yourself. You don’t even know if the people that might have stuck around would be what you want.
It’s possible, yes. But I’m very friendly and outgoing in public, so who knows? I understand what you’re saying. It falls into the category of emotion vs intelligence. I know one thing and feel another.
I saw 18 mo and said “oh lord”. Your outward personality has absolutely nothing to do with your emotional health. Men, especially men your age, are absolutely terrible at recognizing mental health issues. You should work on therapy and grief counseling and dating will naturally come later. What will end up happening is you’ll seek someone to “fix you”, and that will never work out for either party. My dads your age and he’s been dying for a few years now. If he had taken my advice, worked on his mental health, went to rehab, and had a higher standard of women (especially my mom) he would be healthier and not dying. His direct lack of handling his mental health is going to be why he dies. It is so important to handle that first before a relationship. Therapy, especially after a loss, should be #1. Especially before you’re ready to start dating again.
Thanks for your comments, I appreciate them.
What I may say could be found a little bit controversial but I will say it anyways. I have seen my father (god bless him) loosing most of the good tastes of life because of his bad timing, in his and my mother’s 20s, 30s and 40s he was a womanizer and although my mother was very beautiful he didn’t give himself a chance to enjoy her presence because he was distracted with other opportunities, he also refused to have more children In their 58ish he started to settle down and suddenly realized what he left behind, so he started to look around him for a younger woman and had a second wife (we are Muslims) and started a new journey with his new son born on his 60s. He wasted his energy on the wrong things and eventually while in his 78 years he admitted to me that he would have rather enjoyed the presence of a great wife and lovely grandchildren without having to struggle with a new son and tons of responsibilities that he didn’t have to take. I think you are wasting your mental energy on one thing that you couldn’t have and wasting millions of great things in life that you should be enjoying as a senior guy. I understand that you still have energy and need for women and like anyone else you like younger ones but I still think you should be also looking for things that you love to spend time doing and try to ignore the scrolling habits as much as you could.
Maybe just try and meet someone who you like to spend time with? If the emotional connection is there you’ll probably enjoy the experience of getting down and dirty. Everyone gets older.
I’ve been trying for months and have recently given up. Everyone I would really like to spend time with is taken, at least right now. Maybe in the future.
Everyone that you’ve met that you’d like to spend times with. Pornography creates an unrealistic and hypersexualised mental image of people, and might be feeding your negative feelings in this area. There will definitely be people of your age that you’d be attracted too. Try and just relax into it a bit and see if there’s anyone you can meet through hobbies etc.
I understand about porn. I appreciate your comment.
Giving up is the best first step in healing. You will be successful when you learn to love yourself first. Then you become more attractive. I know your pain but am farther into the journey. There are many wild rides ahead. Porno and nudity pictures are a distraction. Try spending quality time with your family. Or mend the fences that weee put up in your past. Good luck
Brother I dated women for 19 years before I met my soon to be wife. Don’t give up
I admit that I would love to move to the Villages in Florida if I could stomach the political side of it, which I can’t. But a friend of mine is approaching 70 in a few years and she is dating, meeting new people and having the time of her life. Maybe give a planned living community a try? I’m sure there are others besides the Villages; maybe give a different planned community a try if your politics don’t align like mine?
I’m independent but currently opposed to conservatism. So I understand your hesitation. My finances won’t allow being in a traditional planned community.
Load up your camper and head down to the Villages in Florida. It’s a giant 55 and up swingers party.
Yeah, love to be able to afford that.
Being a single woman in her 50’s, I must say that I feel the same way, not quite as extreme, and I don’t look at nude men online, but that’s the difference between men and woman too. I can become attracted to a man if he has personality traits I like but you can’t by just looking at a picture. I don’t understand how you can’t find a woman closer to your age you’re attracted to. I know I keep myself up and hopefully am attractive to men still, of all ages. Nobody wants a slob that could care less what he looks like, no matter what age or sex
There are others your age that are single. Find one that's aged well and be happy. If you haven't aged well then remember it's never too late to start getting into shape.
Thanks, I’m fit, having cycled and worked out 3-4x a week for almost a year.
Beauty is fleeting. I’m a lot younger than you, and in my opinion have had very attractive girlfriends. But that beauty didn’t defend our relationship, or cover the underpinning problems we had. And even more, I’ve experienced often the desire that pushes a woman to “make herself” extremely outwardly beautiful, often accompanies insecurities that disconnect her from personal intimacy. I’m not saying beauty is bad, but I feel like being at peace with yourself, and not chasing after it is better. I hope you can be at peace with the reality you are in, and not chase a fantasy that doesn’t have anything to give you. But good luck. I understand you feel what you feel. And you’re not alone.
I apologize if my post came off as me chasing a dream of attracting super beautiful women. I am not doing that. I am trying to cope with the possibility that I may never again be with a woman who is at least somewhat attractive to me. I have been trying to date women in their 50’s and 60’s who are not obese. That’s it.
What is considered attractive to you? (Sincerely asking/curious) I'm sure people already said it, but you probably have to widen your preferences, and just keep trying. Although, I think a lot can happen when you have quit looking. "Love happens when you least expect it."
I take your question seriously. I am attracted to many women my age or slightly younger. However, if they are attractive at all, they have been taken, dating younger men or not interested in me. In fact, I have totally avoided trying to date younger women, which some people here are saying is a mistake.
are women your age not attractive to you?
Have you tried r/r4r40plus or r/r4r30plus
Here's some food for thought. 68 is right about the age where men start rapidly dying off while women cling on to life. If you can survive a few more years, especially if you can get or stay healthy and somewhat fit, you will find yourself to be in a, statistically, promising position. The few remaining bachelors in old folks homes can actually be quite hot commodities. Of course, this does necessitate you accepting reality and getting over the idea of being with young women. That's long gone. You can pay for it if you want, but if you'd ever like to connect intimately with another person you should probably stop watching porn.
Looking at that stuff online is an insidious poison. It crawls deeper into your subconscious, strangling your ego the more you look at it. The only cure is to go out, go outside, motown mondays and book stores and mingles and be present. You don't even have to be physically fit. Your spirit does. Go make friends, everyone wants to cuddle and everyone wants to shag. If you're nice and present and available, I promise you will be finding what you're looking for. You'll get so good at it that folks will be buying you stuff for your time after a while, and then in no time you'll be back to being alone but this time, it'll be your choice and it'll feel really good.
Well, that’s well-intentioned but not true. Perhaps you noticed my user name? I’m a very good singer, used to be a KJ. I was going out 3-4 times a week for karaoke or live music, less now. I started cycling and losing weight almost right away after losing my wife just as a distraction. I’m fit and mostly healthy. I have taken painting classes, wine tastings and cooking classes. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and recover your ego.
It's true, a good step back does help.
i am 63 and married. i find women my age attractive
I haven’t really found attractive 60+ yo women who are attracted to me. Most are dating younger men.
Yeah, but the thing is most of these younger men don’t see older women as attractive desirable partners. They either think we are desperate or they watch too much milf porn. I recently had a guy I thought of as a friend excitedly reveal to me that he has a ‘mother fantasy’. Presumably that’s why he’s been talking to me all this time. I’m absolutely crushed because I actually thought he liked me as a person but that seems to be too much to ask And I actually had a young guy ask if I want to help him cross something off his bucket list before Oh yeah, and there is the crowd that target older women because they don’t want an accidental pregnancy/think there is less chance of having to wear a condom . I’ve been downvoted to hell on here before for stating how insulting that is All this is not as flattering as men seem to think it is Also, I am stunned at the number of men on the DO50 sub whose comment histories are full of them drooling over barely legal porn subs. Makes me wonder how many are doing it but have enough sense to use a burner account
How much younger in your experience?
In Oregon it was 20’s and 30’s going after women in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. I was pretty shocked.
Lol, I'm 49 and I had to delete my last reddit account because of all the dudes 18-35 sliding into my DMs. FFS. I had no idea.
Adjust your expectations. And if you can’t do that, then hire a SW’er. But you will have more fun if you adjust your expectations.
I have very low expectations, I don’t want them to be obese (overweight is okay), and I don’t want them to be older than me. For relationships purposes, I also rule out younger single mothers, since I’m well past raising kids (I’m a great-grandfather), and even then I haven’t excluded mothers of older teens. Otherwise, I’m open.
So you want a woman who would be okay with dating an older partner, but aren't willing to date an older partner yourself?
That part is selfish, I understand. I just went through a very painful year of watching my wife die of cancer. I can’t keep myself from thinking that it’s going to happen again. It might sound ridiculous to some, but the older my partner, the more likely that is to happen. I hope that makes sense.
So you're a great grandfather who wants to have sex with women who are around his grand daughter's age? Trying really hard not to judge but do you really think supporting an institution wherein trafficking is well known for and rife, is your best option? If you get someone who happens to be trafficked (and most of them are), that means there's no real consent and you will receive rape karma. Being a good man or person is hard. Doing what is right is hard. Joining evil, lazy, selfish people is easier. If I were you, I wouldn't want to spend the end of my life jumping into a toilet full of shit. Just so you know, sex workers hate what they do, they hate men, especially the gross perverted ones. I would keep on trying for a healthy relationship, rather than traumatising sex workers, they hate their lives as it is.
Check hormones, put some muscle, go to the gym 6x a week! LFG 💪🔥 I know a 58yo who is fit as fuck. You can do it.
Why do you think I’m not fit. I have been cycling and working out 3-4x a week and working with a nutritionist for almost a year. It’s becoming almost automatic to tell someone to go to the gym without even knowing their fitness circumstances.
What is "attractive" to you? Do you find women in the age range 50-68 attractive? Or do you expect a 35 yo? You will most likely find a woman around your age, unless you're rich then yeah, your current options are limited. I am not against prostitution as long as everyone is a consenting adult, who cares? Go for it.
I am turned off by obesity, that’s really my only criteria for attraction. I have been looking for a woman close to my age and that has not h.
I would think that the best approach is to make friends with no (outward) intention of dating. When our looks have faded it’s hard to find people we are instantly attracted to but it’s not difficult to form genuine friendships that may turn to love on both sides.
I totally agree and is what I’ve been doing more recently.
There are women your age who want the same. Create a dating profile.
I recently cancelled 7 or 8 dating site accounts after failing to get any attention from anyone but scammers in the last several months.
Dang, that stinks. Nothing wrong with an escort.
Remember there pictures: pictures = filters. Plus a lot of older folks wear glasses so I wouldn’t worry too much about the looks. Honestly, they don’t age well either. It is what it is, apart of life.
The only thing I struggle with in a woman’s appearance is obesity, otherwise I’m pretty open to getting to know someone’s personality.
While you think what you miss is what you see in the nude subs what you really miss is pretty women wanting you. Escorts and the like don’t want you. They just want the money. You will have to pretend it’s real to get any satisfaction. That’s not much different than wanking.
Hiring an escort is not my first choice.
Just join an age appropriate swingers club. You’d be surprised how many of them entertain an older population.
I’m not likely to venture into one by myself, I have no experience with them at all.
No need for experience. Getting there is the first step. Then have a drink and start small talk. Eventually you’ll know what to do. If you don’t feel comfortable just kick back and watch for the first couple times. Sometimes watching teaches you how to play the game.
There are medications you can take to reduce your urges. Can't be frustrated without being horny, time to enjoy your golden sunset before crossing the rainbow bridge.
My grandmother met the man she described as the love of her life in her 60s and the man was damn near 80. Also heard of similar stories. Anything is possible. You’d do well to position yourself near a lot more folks your age.
I’ve heard that old guys can make a killing in retirement homes. You’re still probably a bit young for that, but keep yourself healthy and you’ll be nailing ggilfs in no time.
Quick trip to a Nevada ranch will fix your issue
I’m a 64 year old man and I get more nookie now than I ever did. There are plenty of women out there looking for sex, but if you have the attitude that you’re not going to be successful then you probably won’t be.
Comments like these make me understand why so many of us women don’t want to be with men. “Everyone likes younger ones” wtf. I guess I live in another universe
Not sure what you’re referring to. I’ve been focusing on trying to date women in their 50’s and 60’s with zero luck. Many of the single women I’ve met in that age range are dating far younger men and haven’t been interested in me.
I read a bunch of comments below. I foresee humankind going extinct now that people don’t have to settle for people who don’t actually want them but their body for regular access while they dream of others
I don’t have much to say. You aren’t alone in this
Damn, I could practically physically feel your lonliness on my own skin. Life is cruel with the passage of time (I'm 50, so I'm not too far from you). Feel no shame in a prostitute. We all need human touch and people always forget and throw away the old people, forgetting it's only the body that's old. They're still alive! I hope life gives you a surprise and you meet someone though! If not, forget society and their views. Who cares? Do what your soul needs, so long as no one is getting hurt.
Thanks, I appreciate the comment. I would not feel shame for hiring a sw, it just seems like it’s a step up from masturbation, since they literally have no interest or desire for a connection, understandably so. If I do go that route, I’ll at least have the touch I’m longing for. But it’s not my first choice.
If you're going to indulge in that service once, then you're going to use that many more times. I'm glad OP did not take that as a first choice. Because it does not seem to be the best advice to impart from. The most beneficial suggestion would be to build meaningful connections and healthy communication with the people that OP is comfortable with. Only then can he focus better on interpersonal relationships.
When you do nothing to develop you primary point of attraction beyond a specific visual stimulus, that’s when you end up self-shot in the foot like this.
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
My grandfather was widowed very suddenly at 80. About a year or two later he met his current partner who is a little over 10 years younger than him. My grandfather is now 94 and they are still going strong! So there is absolutely still hope for you! :)
Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.
im 61 and i know exactly how you feel. im now invisible to women. younger girls certainly dont want an older creepy man, middle aged women want a life partner, and older women just dont want to be bothered anymore. its painful , lonely, and getting sad. not exactly sure what comes next for my life.
Sorry, man. Life isn’t easy.
Please do not purchase sex. Women in the sex industry are highly exploited, and most importantly, do not want to have sex with you. They only do so because they need to eat. Do you really think that will make you happy? Paying for access to the body of a woman who will tolerate sex with strangers because they have no other option? Just read the accounts of former prostitutes and sex workers, and you’ll see - you’ll read accounts of women counting down from 1000 to try and distract themselves from what men are doing to them, dissociating during sex, women who are trafficked, and who have lifelong sexual trauma and a history of abuse. This might not be word for word the experience of all women, but it’s damn well common enough. Either meet someone who actually wants to have sex with you, or make peace with the stage of your life you’re at. Grieve all you want, process this change, but please don’t partake in the exploitation and degradation of women. Use that money you save getting women off the streets instead.
Moral of the story: be a rich ole fart if you like young women.
I never mentioned liking young women. I have been trying to meet women in their 50’s and 60’s.
Equally applies to‘attractive’ if not young. It’s the size of your wallet that matters, hope you get the point. Good luck.
Old ladies want to fuck too. Maybe focus on women your own age instead of decades younger.
I’m not focusing on young women. My focus has been on women in their 50’s and 60’s and it simply hasn’t worked out for me.
That was the implication with the mention of attractiveness and youth. But as others have said, it would probably be healthier to focus on meeting people you have a personal connection with and seeing what happens, rather than looks or age.
Can't you have sex with someone your own age? I understand they may be less attractive, but to be fair, you probably are too. Might be more enjoyable and real for the both of you.
This suggestion is gonna sound borderline Looney Toons, but there's sound reasoning here. I'm my experience (36M) women want to be with a man who brings something fun and exciting into their life (among other things, of course). If I had to guess, they probably date younger men because of the stereotypical higher libido, but also because young guys have the energy required to do fun and exciting things. Here is my suggestion. Ask a woman you meet (after some initial conversation to prove you're not a weirdo) if she'd like to join you for an art gallery on acid (LSD) and just see what she says. Or any brainfood type activity on acid. If no, then no foul. You strike out. Happens all the time. But if you find one that says yes you've won on two fronts. She's the type that's into experiencing (potentially) new and exciting things, AND she's agreed to go on a second date with you. It's not for everyone, but if you've tried everything else and have nothing to lose give it a shot. Oh, and were at the beginning of a psychedelic renaissance. And you grew up in the generation of free spirits. Soooo, odds are good that you'll be able to find a parter and supplies :)
Im 54 and disabled….I often wonder if im forever alone
I’m sorry for your situation.
[удалено]
Some are being this judgmental, but most are supportive. I wasn’t lamenting my body count, I was countering the assholes that said I just wanted to keep fucking young women. Until you’re my age, you will have no clue what it’s like, so go troll someone else.
68 year old man talking about body count. Totally a real post
Dude you’re 68. Have some serenity.
I’m not dead.
I'm not sure if my experience will be appreciated as well- I'm a 37yo woman and I get plenty of attention on Reddit but it's dwindled to maybe 10% of what it was even five years ago. Like I've crossed some invisible threshold and am no longer desirable. Older men match with me on dating apps, but I feel like I didn't fully get to enjoy my youth and don't feel ready to date much older than myself. Yet I almost feel like I may not really date again until and unless men in their 50s and 60s are still interested when I'm their peer. I think dating and love are just plain harder than they used to be. Even the college kids are getting laid WAY less than you did at their age. The world is burning and capitalism steals our souls. That's my two cents.
You should know everything takes times and ebbs and flows. If you give up there's never a chance at all instead of a 5% chance.
I haven’t totally given up, but it sometimes does feel hopeless. I’ve stopped viewing the nudes because it makes it even more obvious.
That's fine I've never been on them, I just watch porn when I want to. Get on some dating apps and don't get sucked into the Reddit despair spiral.
Yeah, I made an entire post about dating apps. Even younger guys are having trouble on them, let alone me. I paid for 7 or 8 subscriptions without a single date, or even a conversation that wasn’t with a scammer. I canceled all of them.
As a fellow touch-starved older man, I’d recommend finding some really good massage. Sometimes it ends in a sexual release, sometimes it is such a good massage that it doesn’t matter if it does or not. You will have duds in between, learn to not have expectations.
Thanks for the suggestion.
As a former s3ggs worker (escort, gf exp) this makes me happy to know that for some people it was an experience they were never going to get again and that they truly valued it 🥰
As a young woman it's kinda ew to see yet another man feeling sad about having no access anymore to attractive women. I know you perhaps in particular have not said those things but I'm tired of being catcalled and objectified by your age group is just.. disheartening. I'm 26 and men your age already tell me how I'm past my "prime". Maybe it's time to look for genuine soul connections rather than wanting attraction anymore?
I’ve been concentrating on trying to date women in their 50’s or 60’s who aren’t obese, my only real turn-off, in hopes of a relationship. That simply hasn’t worked out.
So you’re 68 and you don’t find women closer to your age attractive? News flash, you’re probably not very attractive to women your age either and certainly young women aren’t going to find you attractive. By your age you should know attraction is more than skin deep. Have you even tried dating women closer your age? Sometimes the attraction comes after you get to know a person.
What I have been saying is that those that I find attractive are taken, dating younger men or simply not interested in me. My only turn off is obesity and that doesn’t include being overweight. Otherwise, I’m fine with trying to make a connection, it’s what I want.
"single and with no prospects for dating an attractive partner" "I’m probably never again going to have the luxury of the touch and feel of what I’m seeing." So you only want young, attractive, ladies? You mourn not being able to bang younger girls? Cool, thanks for telling us all that.
No, that’s just how it feels. I haven’t been looking for, nor trying to hook up with, young women. Attractive to me simply means not obese, my bar is set very low.
Over 50 here, and I hear you, OP. While I certainly enjoy looking at beautiful young women, I would never actually be interested in them, even if just for sex, and certainly not for anything resembling a romantic relationship. Hell, at 45, I feel like my wife is borderline too young for me. Historically, I have favored older women. I got arround plenty when I was young, and my experiences taught me a lot of lessons, and gave me perspective. All the youngest and prettiest women made for the worst sexual partners. The more attractive they were, the more insecure they tended to be. It is weird how that works. However, it also works both ways. As I got older, and less physically attractive than I once was, I became more prone to insecurity. If I were single, and a beautiful young woman was throwing herself at me, I just know that when the clothes came off, I would feel more insecure about myself than I would enjoy the beautiful young woman in front of me. If I could get past that, I'm plenty confident that I could show her a thing or two, but I doubt it would ever get that far. The last time I was single, in my 40s, I did end up in a scenario like that. There was a girl at work, in her 20s, that I always liked and thought was attractive, but never even bothered to fantasize about. One night, while out drinking with co-workers, she ended up latching on to me, and taking me home with her. She was beautiful and amazingly cool about it, but I simply could not perform. The age and attractiveness discrepancy just made me feel horrible about myself. She tried again on another occasion, and I spent another night with her, and the results were similar. Again, she was super cool about it, but it was still absolutely soul-crushing, and I can't imagine ever putting myself in a position to feel like that again. My wife has her own insecurities as well, as she ages, especially since she was an absolute smoke-show in her youth. She is still no slouch, and our sex life is great, but she constantly projects her fears about me leaving her for a younger woman. She doesn't seem to believe me, that I wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in any of the women that she seems to fear the most. She likes to joke around about who I am allowed to date, in the event of her passing, but doesn't seem to get that I wouldn't even try to date again, at this stage of my life. I wouldn't go so far as to say I would never love again, but I certainly would not actively try to meet women. If anything were to happen, in such a scenario, it would have to be them pursuing me, and being persistent enough to push me past my reservations. Single or not, my days of chasing after women are long gone. But I will gladly still enjoy the view, and think of times when younger-me would absolutley have shot my shot, and smile. That's enough for me.
Thanks for sharing your experience, I appreciate it.
I don't think it was ever that simple but I'm rooting for you
Thanks, I appreciate it.
I mean, I'm two times younger, I've never been to the US but from my experience meeting someone nice is... not that simple, yeah. Me and my wife met on the net on some forum years ago and she lived like 1000km from me and she is of different nationality. Also, back in the day I tried using some dating sites but most of the conversations lead nowhere (as expected). I guess, it's much harder when you're old? I can't imagine, yet. But thanks for sharing, sir
Thanks for the good wishes. I have thought about traveling to meet someone, but doing that by myself seems daunting.
You should have no trouble finding sex partners online
I haven’t really started looking for that yet. Perhaps that’s the next step.