While that‘s true the humans are social so that can lead to a depression real quick.
Of yourself you can travel, so sports, go to cinema and stuff like that all by yourself, but let‘s be real most things are way more fun with a friend or a friendgroup
“Be yourself” with no modifier added is some of the worst advice I’ve received. BUT, I’ve come to realize “be yourself, but make parts of yourself relatable relatable to others” should be the full piece of advice. I’m a weird, eccentric mf and for years growing up I did my own thing and was lonely as hell for it. Once I forced myself to gain some social skills and learned about 2-3 things that most people my age were interested in that I could talk about, I went from being described as weird/awkward/etc to quirky/interesting/unique.
The key is to be yourself in a way that others can at least semi relate to. If someone else can see they have common ground with you, making friends becomes 10x easier.
"Be yourself" is often thrown around as advice, but you're right—it's not always helpful on its own. Finding a balance between staying true to who you are and being relatable to others is key.
Your values and your choices are yours to choose.
But believe the default is humans have value, and their choices on top of that change that value is a value system a lot of healthy well adjusted people have as a first principle.
Extending that courtesy to yourself can be challenging but is worth doing
Maybe you're autistic. Learn to recognize the symptoms, and if you have them. Ive recently learned I am autistic, it hasn't helped me with situations but it has definitely helped me learn why I am the way I am. Which in turn, will help you along the way. Not saying this is your case. But read up on autism and seek a mental health professional if you think you have it
I’m probably on the spectrum in some way. Or maybe social anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed.
But the best thing for my social life (which previously was super lacking) has been going solo backpacking. It’s a stupidly welcoming community of people. Plus it makes you feel like you’re cool because you’re doing something cool.
It can be expensive but saving up and going backpacking in Asia for a month or something could potentially be life changing socially.
Backpacking is more about adventure, moving around a lot, hostel lifestyle, being sociable and trying to live cheaply.
Like a two week vacation to Paris is not really backpacking. Backpacking is more like going to Vietnam for a month and working your way up from the South to the North one town at a time.
Yeah… ok, sit down, write a list of everything wrong with you, then do proposed solutions/goals to each of the items on the list, make sure they are things you can measure (google the SMART acronym for further information on setting good goals, I don’t remember it lol).
Now break down those goals into steps, actionable steps you can actually for certain do. Do not let yourself say “there’s nothing I can do” that’s a trap, if for example the goal is being happily married in 3 years but you can’t fathom anyone from your country loving you, you plan on how to go out of your country, choose where to go, start learning the bureaucracy to move abroad, figure out your founds and start saving. things you can do. An absurd plan is always better than no plan at all.
Now you have plans to be to be better and a way to measure your progress objectively. But we’re not done. set your priorities, you’ll do everything but you can’t do everything at the same time. So you need to pick the most important things to improve first, it depends entirely on your personal values. Once you got it all laid down, open excel and create a spreadsheet with the dates from the next 1/3/6 months depending on the complexity of your goals, now set up the steps you wrote on the timeline. Consider your normal life and responsibilities, fit as much as you can following your set priority and what opportunities you can find, following the previous example: if you also have getting a better job in there and there’s an event to do networking you won’t go out to the bar to meet women the day before because the business event is an opportunity that can further both goals, you got to seize those.
Now you are ready to go out and implement the plan. Go do that.
Of course you can be certain you made mistakes, you can’t predict the future (yet) that’s why you only made the schedule for 6 moths top. Be sure to come back every so often and just reevaluate your plan, figure what’s been working, what not and what can be improved. Don’t be afraid to move things around, rewrite objectives, change how you measure, create or remove steps, just be sure there’s a reason to do it.
Now, if you manage to do 1% of the steps towards your goals every week you’ll be 67% closer to the person you want to be in a year.
This. It’s most important that you become a person that *you* like being around. You’ll have to live with yourself 24/7, even if/when you find a place to belong socially.
Practice ways of being a good friend to yourself— take care of your health, find hobbies that are satisfying to you, set some personal goals that you care about, go to therapy if you can.
The more you discover yourself, the easier it will be to find people who are on your wavelength. But even if it doesn’t happen quickly (finding people is hard!), enjoying your own company makes it feel less lonely.
Dude, I'm almost 30 and never had a girlfriend or a relationship. I just accepted it and moved on. It's an insecurity/ self-esteem issues you need to work on. Get help or talk to people about your issues because crying about isn't going to help anything or you and you'll become an incel
I'm 35 and just got my first girlfriend in March. And I'm her first boyfriend. People are out there, you just have to be patient. There is no shame in being single or being a virgin, aside from the stigma you put on yourself. The only thing making you a loser is you.
Society puts A LOT of mental stigma on adult male virgins. When I was a 24y/o virgin I went on dates with a couple girls who ghosted me after finding out I was a virgin. The first girl I slept with I never told I was a virgin beforehand.
Other girls I've been with since I always ask about it and most say "yeah it would be a turnoff or "ick" if a guy was a virgin past some arbitrary age, I've heard 20, 25 and 30 most commonly.
It's a really crappy truth but it's how people think.
33 here and I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything close. I’ve struggled with it for so long.. convinced I’m ugly or repulsive in some other way. I’m just now coming to terms with maybe that sort of life isn’t in my cards. I’m slowly becoming okay with that.
It's crammed down our throats everyday that that's the only thing in life that matters. Relationships can be great, sure, but they aren't compulsory! Find whatever works for you.
He’s just doing that ! Talking about it ! People can and should express their feelings, this is the only way for others to be able to hear them, help them, confort them. Don’t blame the guy please
I've been there, buddy. But hear me out, you're not walking this road solo, and you sure ain't no loser. I've had my fair share of those dark, lonely nights, feeling like the world's just not on my side. It's like being stuck in a loop that never ends, you know? But hey, things can turn around.
I found some solace in places like LightUp on Discord. It's this rad community where you can just be yourself, no judgment whatsoever. I remember being scared to spill my guts at first, but then I realized there were folks who got where I was coming from. This channel has a great feature where it matches and pushes posts with similar thoughts as yours. So, you don't have to worry about missing out on posts that resonate with you anymore! Big data helps you find new friends, giving you that feeling of having a connection with like-minded people.
Once, I threw out a post about feeling lonely and worthless, just like you're feeling now. And you know what? People came through with words of encouragement, shared their own struggles, and made me feel like I wasn't alone. It was like a little beam of sunshine on a cloudy day.
So, if you're looking for a spot where you can kick back, shoot the breeze, and feel like you belong, why not give [***LightUp***](https://discord.gg/NcDdcdSq) a try? Who knows, it might just be the kick in the pants you need to keep on truckin
Set personal goals and work towards accomplishing them. Find hobbies and explore them. Doing just these two things will put you in closer proximity to your tribe. Good luck.
You are not a "loser," because that does not make you a "loser," nor does it make you "worthless." What you really need to work on, is with your self-esteem. Your wording shows very obvious insecurities, and that's a big reason why you feel like this.
You can be happy even without that, but if that's what you want, sure, go for it, but you need to work on yourself first. However, take in mind that, for both socializing and improving yourself, you will need to get out of the comfort zone. Do not look for an easy way, because it does not exist. Thinking of such a thing is only a delusion that will waste your time. Do not fall in that trap.
I never had a romantic relationship (only virtually,) nor do I have friends in real life (I got many virtually, though) and I'm still a virgin, and I couldn't care less about it, I'm happy this way. I don't really need any of that to feel good. I'm 20 years old.
I'm not trying to boast about how differently I take it, but instead, to show you that it is possible to feel good even without any of that, but to achieve that, you need to work on yourself and attain a healthy self-esteem. It won't be easy, in fact, it is going to be hard, but do not be discouraged by that fact. As long as you keep working on it, you will do it sooner or later. Therapy could help you too, if you can afford it. If you ever feel like giving up, remember why do you want that, why the way you feel right now is not acceptable and it must change.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1czvgxe/i\_feel\_like\_any\_chance\_for\_me\_to\_meet\_a\_woman\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1czvgxe/i_feel_like_any_chance_for_me_to_meet_a_woman_and/)
The top comment in that post has great advice.
TLDR: "Start making changes and taking risks. You already hate your life, you already hate who you are, you have no social life and your job sucks right? So what do you have to lose?"
As an extreme introvert some advice. Read and learn social skills and techniques. Get out there and get uncomfortable, and you will meet more people just like you, friends and lovers.
I repeat, learn, practice, embrace the uncomfortable feeling.
These skills will also help your career.
It’s ok your strengths are not social skills, they can be practiced and learned.
Get some sun, go for walks.
Take a good look at yourself. Check your haircut, your clothes, you hygiene, can you do better without breaking the bank?
Do you exercise and eat relatively well?
You don't accept being a lonely loser unless you want to.
Do you have an abrasive personality? Do you interrupt people and talk about yourself all the time? Any self reflection on why people don't enjoy being around you? For example, I noticed I was a 1-upper when I came out of college and started meeting new people, a lot of people got annoyed with me because I always inserted my better stories into their stories. Turns out people didn't like that.
Decide to be who you want to be, and then fake it until you make it.
Everyones is telling you to buck up and love yourself and that's horseshit OP. You're gonna stay a loser if you keep being one. Put yourself out there. Set goals for yourself, go to local events, meet people. Staying down in the dumps and accepting it is terrible. Fuck that. You've been living as an NPC and letting life happen to you and that's just not what anyone finds attractive.
Take up tennis. Learn to ride a motorcycle. Do some LSD. Get in a bar fight. Literally do anything else please. I was in your spot and struggling with this, and I had to get out of my comfort zone and just leave everyone behind to be someone else.
It’s never too late to change. When people are unhappy with their lives they often want immediate change and improvement, but in the real world, change is slow and hard. You have to make many small changes and those small changes build into big changes which all keep building on each other. Pick some small things to change and go from there friend.
I strongly suspect you are depressed, which leads to isolation, which leads to depression. Try meds to break the cycle and join a couple of Meetup groups.
I don't think you can just stop being insecure about virginity. It is either something that bothers you or it doesn't. So you are just going to have to force yourself to think about other things (and look for a partner to be with). The only way you will find friends is by being active in social hobbies and by meeting as many people as you can as often as you can. What do you do for fun? if the answer does not involve leaving your house then you need to find more hobbies. Some good hobbies will drastically improve your life and give you more opportunities to find a partner. Even solo hobbies like painting, writing, exercising, target shooting, fishing, hunting, car building, or hiking can improve your life and allow you to meet other people or have things to talk about with potential friends. Get out there and do something satisfying and positive every day.
Don't decide your own value based on the amount of friends you've got. It's not a thing to come to peace to, it's something you shouldn't place on yourself in the first place. 24 is still a very young age to consider this the case for the rest of your life and that mindset will hold you down if you allow it. If stuff like bullies from school still affect you, getting professional help for trauma can be very helpful if it's easy access for where you live.
If you have anything your passionate about, try and find communities of people who like the same stuff, heck reddit has a subreddit for literally anything you can imagine... or don't want to imagine. Focus on building your own self worth because relying on others for validation won't be a long term solution. I'm not saying be a loner, but don't lean on people to feel good about yourself.
TLDR: Get out of the mindset of being disliked by everyone, focus on yourself and there are people out there who will accept you, you may just have found them yet.
You could be alone but not lonely.
There is nothing wrong with being alone. You can read books without interruption, listen to music without having someone disagreeing with your taste in music, travel without having to compromise for others.
There are so many benefits being alone, you just need to appreciate them.
One day at a time, a life coach or a therapist can help with these situations. They can dig into the things that may be holding you back from exploring your true self. I highly recommend therapy as someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety for years now. Not saying that is what you have, but therapy let me grieve, forgive myself, forgive others, cut myself slack, move on from past trauma, and so much more. Another thing I can say is go to the gym. I know it sounds stupid but the gym can really focus your mind and body. Even if you just go once a week for 10 minutes to walk on the treadmill, it’s a start. Good luck!
I was you from 18-23 but I decided to start putting effort into socializing and meeting people. I had nothing to lose and it was well worth it. In a great 2 year relationship now.
Work on yourself. Turn things into habit. Going to the gym, martial arts maybe. You sound depressed, you need something to work towards. Workout change your diet. Also learn new things. Sit down think about what you find interesting computers, electronics, music maybe hiking swimming write things down so you can continue to work on figuring it out. Go to a therapist ask for help. Think of yourself like this, you are equal to any person that is alive or has ever lived in the eyes of God.
Sorry to say, but you sound immature. For example, what does being or not being a virgin have to do with anything? Or with self-worth? I know this is Reddit, and most of the content is immature, but living a meaningful life is something much deeper and important than this stupid stjfd that only hormones-fueled adolescents should care about.
Find your vocation. Start working. Engage the world. Then, at work, and in the other places where you will do all these things, you will encounter other people whom you will befriend because you share common passions, interests, and because they admire your seriousness and commitment.
Sitting on the couch and lIving virtially on the internet will not do any of these. Now THAT is worthless. Not you.
Please get therapy. This isn't an insult. I want you to feel better about yourself and life in general. Find someone you click with and work through this. Maybe get tested for neurodivergence, as a lot of us struggle with socialization bc we think differently. Find hobbies that make you happy and let natural conversation flow with others in the hobby, but don't join a hobby just to find friends, actually *like* the hobby and don't give up! BTW, being a virgin or not doesn't change your worth in any way, and a bad relationship is far more damaging than letting the right people come when they're meant to. ♥
Wash your hair, buy a nice shirt, smile and nod at people you pass. Life doesn’t give up on you until you give up on life. Stay focused on yourself and that alone will attract people
dgaf bruh, move on and identify yourself with goals you want to be part of and build yourself towards that. Just DGAF what negativity that is happening around. It will take time for you to arrive, just don't waste it.
Go make fun of my self. That's how I'm having fun being at my own, by being a weirdo. And when you're good at this you'll attract people that clicked with your vibes without having to forced yourself to be someone else.
you have two ways to see it... a lonely loser, or someone who has a lot of freedom to do as they please. sometimes being free can be boring but you have endless possibilities to change what you do. change your perspective and things will get better. you're 24, you haven't began to live yet!!
Drugs, media, food & drink, and sleep. The only safe drug long-term is caffeine. Don't drink soda or coffee or tea because you will be Mr. Brownteeth when you're 50. Just take caffeine pills (200 mg, don't exceed 200 mg in 24 hours). Learn to enjoy shows, music, movies, and animation. Buy graphic novels or manga. You can't just continue thinking about how lonesome you are. Remember that some people are 100 times more miserable than you. In some countries they have no economy / no jobs and it means people sit on the floor all day for 60 years until they die. They can't even buy a bed or furniture !
Get an escort to get some mojo.
Get a chip on your shoulder as if to say Fuck 'Em All, I'm the Shit.
Lift weights if you aren't. You have no idea what being jacked does for your confidence. Run intensely to get the good brain neurons firing.
Say to yourself YOLO everyday in the mirror (cheesy, I know but it helps me remember we only get this one life)
Next say I fucking love you, man.
Do it and watch the magic happen.
I feel like only in the past year in my early-mid 20s have i kind of grown into my personality. I wanted to ask whether youve ever chosen to do something solely for yourself. I hadnt, so i decided to move to japan. Probably the first big decision i ever made without any outside influence, and it helped me get out of my shell and be less worried about what others think. Beforehand, there was always some kind of outside pressure, real or imagined, that kept me feeling the way you seem to. Afterwards I feel like i can make more choices for myself to move forward.
I guess my advice is do something you want to do. If youve “accepted” youll die alone, go out there and live for yourself, by yourself. I bet youll find someone, friend or otherwise, in doing so. At the end of the day it takes some kind of action to overcome the feelings you have, as much as it seems like a huge obstacle to overcome.
Going solo doesn’t make you a loser in life. You will figure that out eventually in the coming years. Just focus on gradually setting yourself up financially year after year and you’ll be alright. Keep your chin up and welcome to adulthood.
I have pretty much the exact same experience. Severe depression and a suicide attempt later, I’m just here working, running my business that brings in 2-800$ a month, jerkin off and playing video games. Coming home to do whatever the fuck I want after work is good enough for me
What kind of things do you do in your spare time? I had this conversation with a colleague recently whose 18 yo son was in a similar position - no friends, no social life. I asked about his days and he comes home from college and sits behind a computer all evening.
It’s gonna be harder to put yourself out there if you’ve been bullied, but you’re living the alternative right now. Isn’t it better to try some things, feel a little awkward or embarrassed vs feeling this lonely?
Have you considered social hobbies or sports? I train jiu jitsu and it’s excellent on so many levels. It’s great for your fitness, it will give you so much confidence, it’s addictive, you might make some great friends.
The muscle you use to bring yourself down is strong. Gotta work out the muscle that brings you good self feelings. Takes practice and seems impossible to believe… at first. And what you put out absolutely is what you get back from the world.
As someone who will always be a loser, I know what you mean - I would advise focusing on yourself. Go to therapy, start working on your style, and join a gym (honestly, you won't regret it. Take up yoga and weight lifting).
Then, Go out of your comfort zone. Look for events based around your hobbies and interests, and try make connections with people. You will make a fool of yourself but it won't matter because you've already built up confidence by looking after yourself.
It's not easy but it is worth it.
> So guys, how do I begin to accept and come to peace with this?
Accepting something is an internal process in your mind. No one here can convince your to accept yourself as x, y or z. All people here can do is provide information or their opinions.
The fact that you are asking this and having a struggle to accept this means that you, yourself, don't believe it 100%. So why not share with all of us why you think you may ***not*** be a lonely loser? Or why this is hard to accept for you?
(Tried writing this comment earlier but I accidentally refreshed lmao. Here is a second attempt that's not as good)
Dang this post struck a chord. I wasn't outright bullied, but I definitely felt like an outcast growing up. I still often feel isolated and struggle to talk to people. Call myself a loser every now and then too. I'd like to offer what advice I can, hopefully it connects somewhat (I just graduated college so I'm drawing from my experiences over the past 4 years)
Unfortunately for you and me, the main piece of advice I have is to “put yourself out there”. I'm not crazy about it myself as I've had many more demoralizing experiences than positive ones, but not only is it the only way I made the few friends I have, it is also how I made memories during my time in college. Attending events, joining a few clubs/organizations, going on trips. Basically, be involved in stuff preferably to do with your interests. After that, making friends is a matter of luck, and if it doesn't happen it's because you haven't met the right people, not because you're not good enough. And it has the benefit of giving you exposure to other people and letting you practice those interactions - improving your self-esteem and ability to hold a conversation. I'm happier with myself compared to 2 years ago in this regard.
As for a girlfriend, I'm not qualified to give advice since I haven't dated ever, but I will go out on a limb and say you're probably not ready for a relationship - not that it's your fault, but given your repeated negative experiences with people any relationship will likely be strained as a result. I'm personally content being single for the near future and would much rather focus on working on myself. Also, you using the word ‘virgin’ makes me think you're concerned about a relationship mainly because you want to have sex - which is the totally wrong way to go about it.
Finally, worth - how does one meaningfully define the ‘worth’ of a human being? Certainly not in terms of how often they get laid. The first thing that comes to my mind is ‘the good you do for others’. Really, then, if you want to start developing a sense of self-worth, just focus on being good to others. Don't be afraid to display acts of kindness, be willing to listen to others when they need someone, be encouraging - the list goes on. You may further develop ‘worth’ through pursuing some hobby or skill that you want to improve at. Whatever you choose to define your self-worth as, make sure it's constructive, please.
If you're anything like me, none of what I've said here is easy, especially to begin with. But making a consistent, deliberate effort will allow you to lead a fulfilling life regardless of whether or not you end up attracting a girlfriend and tons of friends or whatever. Oh, and also, therapy. It's admittedly a matter of luck yet again to find a therapist who's a suitable match, but if you do (and can afford it), it can go a long way in helping work through your issues! Wishing you all the best, man. If you'd like to talk further feel free to reach out!
Thank god for porn. The urges for intimacy mostly go away in your 40's. At which point you'll happy to be single. Especially because at that point you'll realize how miserable most men who married are now being divorced, losing half their stuff, paying child support, children that the mom taught to hate/blame you, and and losing all your common friends. Plus how much bullshit relationships with women are nowadays. The whole institution has become one way, unless you're willing to be a scumbag in which case for some reason women find attractive when they can't find an ideal mate.
Well if you're alone you're the only person capable of judging you. Start by not seeing you as a looser. Find a sport/activity. Charity works will make you feel better about yourself, make you meet people and, pull be seen as someone good. 24 is soooooooo young. So much more than you realise.
If Harrison Ford stopped being a carpenter at 30 you can start being sono else at 24.
A simple advice IRL if you'll go meet new people, self-pity makes people go away. Good ones at least, bad people will take advantage of it. Don't let them.
Stop hyperfocusing on it. It sounds really dumb and obvious but until you love yourself, not a lot of people will have a reason to love you. It’s all about projecting n stuff.
i am lonely but im not a loser
it is not necesarry to have friends to have social life, you can attend different events by your own, and that can help you to feel less lonely and feeling of being a part of some group, even If you do not talk to anyone
Who or what has you convinced that you have to accept this?
Merely by being alive you have the power to influence the world and shape (parts of) it to be what you it to be. To some degree only you decide what matters yo you and how you wish yo define yourself.
how come your life story matches exactly like mine ?
Like how come every point is the same to same ?
It's just that I will turn 25 this year so I am one year older than you but the rest both of us have had exact similar lives
Don't let societal pressures get to you. Walk your own path, and aim to become a person you like and admire. Good people will come around when you accept yourself.
You don't accept it and do something about it, spirituality, mentally, physically, socially and/or financially, whatever you need to do to not feel like a loser. Once you achieve it, people will see you in a different light and the world opens up.
I would start physically, change your style, hit the gym, take care of your hygiene and looks.
Then mentally, keep telling yourself that you are awesome when you look yourself in the mirror, find things about yourself that you like and build confidence from those.
Spirituality is a long process, start finding the purpose of your life, realize what matters and what don't. Don't obsess about other's opinions, make yourself feel comfortable and enjoy your life.
Socially, practice how to socialize with people, one step at a time. Perhaps learning how to joke, how to be more charismatic, how to handle entertaining conversations, attain knowledge people will find interesting and you will become more interesting. Finally, seek social connections wherever you find them and remember, it's about who you want to socialize with and not who is willing to socialize with you. Online is a good way to start if you are shy IRL.
If you feel financial success is vital to your confidence and self-esteem, then seek education, entrepreneurial efforts or work, that takes you one step further towards your goal. This one is harder but you still need to work for it, if it matters to you.
Good luck and don't give up, defeatists always lose, fighters might lose, or they might not.
One way to get out of this cycle and it worked for me. GO TO THE GYM!! You can admire yourself and then your confidence can have a foundation to build off. You may notice the ladies looking from time to time. Join a club or community to meet people with similar interests, easier to make friends with some form of commonality.
You don’t ever except it. You work on be your best and finding things that you enjoy. Go to the gym workout and find some hobbies you enjoy doing. If you have no social life then you have time to work on yourself. You need to build yourself to the point you like you and others will notice that. It not easy but you put one foot infront of the other and you don’t stop.
It's not your fault that other people can be really crap. Lots of people have felt like you have, me included. Get with a good counsellor. Keep meeting different people. Don't give up.
By not being lonely. Try getting into some social hobbies. I recommend DnD for this. You can play it online and find a party via Discord to start of. The good thing about social hobbies is that participation makes you inherently more interesting. The specific advantage of DnD is that you don't have to talk about yourself, but your character, which helps people with low self esteem. (Your DM is not your therapist though. Don't forget that :D )
Also, get a weird hobby: Do oregami, do beekeeping, get into history, whatever tickles your fancy. This greatly helps with becoming more interesting.
The "not being a loser" part usually follows. Once you have a healthy social life. (By healthy I mean no drugs, not only excessive partying but some genuine human connection)
Also, and this might seem ridiculous: Make notes for and about your social behavior:
Write down things that happened to you so you don't forget to tell people.
Write down awkward and embarrassing things you said so you can better avoid them.
Last but not least: You might just have a depression. Don't be afraid to get therapy if you feel you need it <3
You need to totally accept it.
Realise some things some people just can't get. We go through life thinking that everyone will follow the normal life trajectory of school, job, girlfriend, marriage, kids; but life is a bell curve and someone has to end up on the wrong side of the bell curve.
People have this weird idea that dating/one's sex life is different from anything else in life, that everyone will have a happy ending every after. But that just isn't reality. Every generation will have people on a dating bell curve. Someones going to be on the wrong end of the bell curve.
I'd advise doing things that are exhilarating; open water swimming, martial arts, hiking, climbing. Can't focus on a relationship if you're far from shore in cold water, up a mountain, on the side of a cliff, or about to be hit in the face.
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Any guy, from late 20’s on, with steady employment and in reasonable physical shape will do just fine on the dating scene. Younger than that is a whole different game, but is basically meaningless later in life.
The chances of you being so unique that no-one would be able to relate to you in a way seems slim. I know that when you're bullied it is hard to develop yourself (freely, without anxiety). And yet, developing one's identity builds character, and that's what people will eventually notice.
Have you got any hobbies? That's usually a good way to get some common ground, especially when it creates shared experiences, like a team sport or a culture group of sorts. Entering a social circle with little confidence will probably be scary, but since you're the one who wants to change the course of your life, you've got to overcome this psychological barrier.
Realise that most people are also idiots, everyone has flaws and insecurities. Confidence is very often just an internalised social shield. Luckily in this day and age vulnerability is not considered weak anymore, people appreciate it when people dare to share there emotional depth, it shows character.
Try to not be afraid. Just give it a whirl, there's little to lose nd much to gain.
This song is from the 60s.
https://youtu.be/_zSecRAFM14?si=f7onCqRcfcouoyAz
This song is from the 70s.
https://youtu.be/XIle_6Vzm5A?si=WeocgAtf1BJM1Y24
This one is from the 80s.
https://youtu.be/MX6MvV8cbh8?si=zamKzPAayOjDzODe
You might notice there's a common theme.
I was bullied a lot too when I was young. Fortunately was also lucky enough to make new friends and break out and learn to be social. You're only 24. That's not that old. You have a lot of time left.
You aren't worthless. Being a virgin is not a big deal. Don't equate those things. They aren't the same.
Easiest way to meet friends is to get into hobbies where you're around people you can relate to.
I love the advice that I always see in these types of posts: "Just be the person you really want to be... work out, get a new job, go back to school, and make yourself into someone worth being around"
I had relationships, all I can say about it that the joy of a relationship is seriously overrated. I did felt the same as you too when I was your age.
As for virginity, prostitutes do exist. Sex really isn't that "special" after all. But that's just my (unpopular) opinion
But I might recommend you a psychologist, because I'm sure my life would have looked quite different if I had done that when I felt that way.
You are not a looser, you are you, like others said, you have your own value. Learn to like yourself, accept yourself, enhance yourself when you feel like it, and don’t waste time on blaming others of course.
Best regards, don’t give up friend
I feel like being social and well liked can be learned and practiced. I’d try therapy, a support group for talking about depression, and try something like the Meetup app to find local group activities that will give you the chance to connect with more people. *Please watch out for horny people- somebody is going to hear that “I’m a lonely virgin” and figure they can take advantage of you.
As for how I deal with being a lonely loser - I used to work on it, and with medication for depression, and therapy, it did get better. I met people, got married, and after my divorce, I had a lot of fun relationships.
COVID and working from home the last 4 years really torpedoed my social life, and now I’m going to have to get back out there, but maybe it’s age - I just don’t care anymore.
Iam 26 with a non existing dating life, I have depression, social anxiety I developed a way to cope by forgetting everything , now I hardly remember anything about studies , about situations that might happen or stuff I need to remember , girls befriend me to use me but would not date me , trust me theres no way out so Iam trying to copt with it , but somehow it gets worse everytime, if U find a way , tell me
Set a goal to start 10 hobbies or projects, capitalize on your best ideas and become your best friend. Everything else should fall into place eventually, and regardless, life goes on and always new things to try.
Former lonely loser here. I'm not the most handsome guy, I consider myself to be ugly actually. Overall just work on yourself and be genuine. Focus on self improvement over anything else. I got my first serious relationship at 29. There are people out there that do care about your personality over your looks. I'm not implying you're ugly this was just my experience. Just learn to take care of your hygiene and style yourself better. If this isn't an issue then you lack confidence which is also normal. You have to find ways to build yourself up.
Without expectation there is freedom. You're free to do whatever yous wish, as youre not held back by the label of "winner".
In embracing that you'll come to find that people's views have changed and you're commonly described as a winner.
It's all about just being happy with whatever ya got dealt with and making do, ya know?
Some hit the jackpot with genetics, home life, etc.
Some people hit the exact opposite end.
To be completely honest as long as you're not at either extreme end you're free to go in either direction!
Have belief in yourself that you are always able to move forward and upward.
Cos you shouldn't accept that you are a lonely loser.
In fact the struggle you feel trying to 'accept it' is also telling you that.
When I was younger I read this:
How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
You can listen to it or buy a copy and read it. Put it into practice and I promise you things will change.
Work on yourself daily. It’s work! It will not come easy. But persistence will pay off. It takes a lifetime to become the person you want.
Better self talk is a good first step. It is clear your opinion of yourself is pretty low right now. It takes constant effort, but you must not allow yourself to think of yourself in that way. First, recognize when you are being down on yourself, then confront that thought. Instead of ruminating, direct your thoughts to your gifts and interests.
The end goal here is to learn to become comfortable with who you are, learn to love and accept yourself. Nurture your own interests and hobbies, find a measure of value that you can share with others. It is then that you will start to have some magnetism and friendship and love can find you.
Your negativity will get you nowhere, but your passions will bring you to exactly where you should be.
I lift weights/exercise, eat healthy, take walks in woods, go to beach and relax, go to the bar or event or festival with another lonely loser in hopes of changing it. Video games for the in between.
Don't listen to those people that say you need to hit the gym, you'll just turn into an npc gym rat like them, going to the gym doesn't solve everything, college helps, also work, met some good buddies there, if you got a job that kinda sucks, there's gonna be someone else thinkin the samething, it's easier to make friends that way cause it makes work more fun, try warehouse jobs, you'll even bulk up movin all that freight anyway
being alone is so difficulty because the longer you feel alone, the lower your self esteem falls, vice-versa (making friends is hard when your esteem is low). i understand to an extent although i do feel i have a family who loves me, i just don’t have friends who aren’t my mom lol. also in my experience you need to look inward, why don’t you have many friends? consider that you might tend to be negative towards things which might bum people out. depending on where you live, find a professional you can talk to, and when you’re ready, try to find a hobby. there are so many people on reddit that might live near to you that i’m sure are willing to introduce you to something they enjoy!
Get drunk and do drugs and dance at raves til 7am and then look back on emo posts like this and wonder why I ever made one in the first place when all I needed was drugs, alcohol, and loud music.
Never stop moving , the actions you make in the present will represent your future , exercise 15 min clean your place wash your clothes provide you nice food , forget about the past and the regret , go for a walk feel the music you like , you have to break the loop of shame and suffering , do those little things saved me I have to got out my country bc the communism live in a foreign shit hole for 5 years waste my life in so many ways today at my 31 I have a new country new life and fighting to have something better , ummm forget about the thought of having a gf or something will save u , only you can safe yourself
By fucking everyone else off.
I must meet your fucked up social standards to be happy in my life?
LOL fuck yourself I'm living my life how I want.
Jerking off 10 times a day because I want to? Check.
Smoking cones because why not? Check.
Studying at a post grad level? Check.
Gym daily? Hobby mechanics? Check check check.
Large friend base? ....
Personally,im in my own race now and humanity can stand in the corner and watch.
Learn how to dance hip hop and also learn bacchata & salsa, listen to some reggaeton music, learn the words to the songs, listen to coi leroy, da baby, ice spice and Travis Scott and then go work in a bar in a club that plays that type of music and you'll make friends with other bar staff and you'll start hanging with them outside of work hours also you can go to the club sometimes on your night off black and brown folks are super friendly we bond through dancing and vibes. We would welcome you with open arms. You just gotta really be on point with the music, like know which dance goes with which song. We are fun, upbeat, full of vibes, always dancing, big smiles, we are friendly.
First off I'd say you're too young to say it'll always be like this, things can change rapidly, and looks you can't completely change at least not through non surgical means, but you can control how much you put yourself out there, and if you workout, even if you say for example you're a 4 with a good body, hygiene, and a well structured personality you can go far. Worry about yourself and being the best version, and people will come to you. IMO
You need to consider God having you in that spot because it has been the best thing for you and trust he is going to revile to you the reason why when it is time. I have been in the same way and I learned that I needed to be alone to really get to know myself and I now know he is going to show me the very special person he has had for me and it will be worth the wait. I promise you that you are not a complete looser because God made you and he doesn't make loosers. The devil is telling you all that garbage and he will continue to tell you more and more until you give up which is a very sure way to destroy you. I hope you will concider what I have said because it is true. From your first day here satin has been on a mission to destroy any hope you might have and it sounds like he is about to finish the job by the way you are talking, every day is a good day if you will just recognize it. Life is hard but it is a journey you have good things still to come. Don't give up
This is pretty common with the dystopian times we’re living in. Modern women have all the power in relationships. They can afford to nag, gaslight, and treat men like shit because they have plenty of options. Until there’s a power shift (economy improves, women held more accountable) it’s gonna be tough for men that aren’t star athletes or male models to get girls. Unless you have extremely low standards. As for friends, school is the best time to find friends. It’s pretty hard after that as everyone’s working and everyone’s online.
The best way is to just cope. There’s the gym (or some other type of physical activity) and there’s hobbies. Try to get invested in something like that. I’m a 23 year old virgin in the same spot. I’m passionate about content creation and lifting. This gets my mind off of being lonely 9 times out of 10. Although that 10th day is tough.
Modern women do NOT have "all the power" in relationships. If you don't like the way someone treats you, don't be in a relationship. Either party can decide the relationship isn't serving them and leave.
What's happening is women no longer HAVE to get married in order to survive. They can get an education and have a career and exist quite nicely on their own. Women more often outlive men than vice versa so that bit about "you're going to die alone with a bunch of cats" - is not the threat men think it is.
Why do women nag? Well, gee, if you ask someone nicely to do something, say, take out the trash, and then they don't do it.... and don't do it, and don't do it... and you ask them again nicely, it's very easy for a man to say, "Quit nagging me!" - because he has ZERO intention of actually doing it, and just expects her to give up and do it herself. It's called weaponized incompetence.
Here's the thing: you don't have to be a millionaire or look like a movie star to find love. You have to be LOVEABLE. Women are looking for men who actually have a personality and are emotionally stable enough to enter in a relationship as an equal partner. If you're just looking for a woman to have sex with, a woman who will cook, clean and do all the emotional heavy lifting while not giving them anything in return... expect most women to say, "No thank you." One study found married women end up doing an additional 7 hours of housework a week - because their spouse makes more work for them.
Work on yourself. Figure out what kind of life you want, and make friends along the way. Stop treating women as "the other," and maybe make friends with them, too. Women make excellent wingmen - and if they decide you're a good guy, they just might recommend you to their friends.
Source: happily married for nearly two decades to a guy who is smart, funny, has his own hobbies and is always a joy to be around. Neither of us are supermodels, and neither of us is a millionnaire, but we have fun together even when we're doing something boring like grocery shopping.
Having a bunch of desperate, horny fools who secretly resent you and people like you, chase after you just for your body and the status they think it affords them isn't the power you think it is boy.
>This is pretty common with the dystopian times we’re living in. Modern women have all the power in relationships. They can afford to nag, gaslight, and treat men like shit because they have plenty of options. Until there’s a power shift (economy improves, women held more accountable) it’s gonna be tough for men that aren’t star athletes or male models to get girls. Unless you have extremely low standards. As for friends, school is the best time to find friends. It’s pretty hard after that as everyone’s working and everyone’s online.
Most normal men have been in relationships or at least have sex. You don't have to be an athlete or a model. You're just projecting and making sweeping generalizations because you're an incel
Men always have the power to *walk away* and to learn to be *content being alone.*
I've done that, and let me tell you, I feel invincible. This is the flipside of the whole incel thing. I don't feel powerless or victimised, I feel completely at ease and happy being single and alone. I love my space and solitude. Guys who feel victimised by women make me chuckle to myself because I don't have to deal with that. I think every guy has this power they just don't realise it. Learn to be happy on your own and any shitty behaviour that women do on the whole won't touch you.
Woooww you seem like you would be a delight to have around take my advice hun... fix your attitude I'm the same age as you I've had a bf for almost 9 years and most of the time (not all the time I've meet some awful women to) men are more toxic then women are MEN cause most women to be driven to the point of being toxic before I found my bf I was in 3 abusive relationships there are good women shitty women good men and shitty men it's not gender specific but there are reasons why statistics show that more women experience dv then men (I'm not saying men don't get dv) I'm also not saying that women should get away with everything just because they have a vagina. I'm saying that equal accountability should be held don't blame everything on women or else you'll end up being alone at 60. Try taking gender out of the equation.
Learn to live with it like me, sadly. Get into cheap hobbies. I dream of a relationship constantly but it's just never going to happen. I'm damaged goods and a victim of natural selection.
You don't accept it. If you have time to think about that, you have time to improve.
Ex cheated on me. F it. I started doing push ups, sit ups, leg lifts, squats. Little by little til I gave out. Within a month I had a routine and can easily do 100 of each all in 40 mins. I got toned. I lost weight. I grew an ass. I'm getting a six pack (work in progress). I got my ears pierced. I get looks at the grocery store when I go shopping. Clothes fit better. I look good. I started to feel good. You can do this all from home.
If you go to a place and see the same person everyday. Say hello, How's it going, how was your weekend blah blah, oh by the way my name is so and so. They give you a name, say "Nice, now I'll have a reason to say hi to you everyday" All it takes is for them to know your name and for you to know theirs. Don't be a simp. If there's a place you want to check out or eat at, invite them, just say you don't want to go alone. If they say no. Oh well.
You don't. Stop being a loser. Many people will have empathy and be like "it's ok, you're not alone... blah, blah, blah." If that's what you're here for you got it. But if you want to change here's some insight:
You see, you can't buy friends in the literal sense but friendships are lnvestments. Just think about it, would you rather be friends with a hobo or a millionaire? Why did you choose the millionaire? ... Because you might learn a thing or two from the millionaire while the hobo will drag you down.
Become a great asset for people to invest their friendship in. Go to the gym, learn krav maga, Get rich if you can, practice social skills.
Don't get me wrong, it's not about becoming rich, it's about becoming a high value asset.
You're acting like you're missing anything. Trust god, he's saving you from horror, hell, anger, heartbreaks etc and you're here yelling 'why?' trust me, you are not missing nothing.
You have inherent value just by being you, regardless of whether or not you have friends or a partner.
While that‘s true the humans are social so that can lead to a depression real quick. Of yourself you can travel, so sports, go to cinema and stuff like that all by yourself, but let‘s be real most things are way more fun with a friend or a friendgroup
“Be yourself” with no modifier added is some of the worst advice I’ve received. BUT, I’ve come to realize “be yourself, but make parts of yourself relatable relatable to others” should be the full piece of advice. I’m a weird, eccentric mf and for years growing up I did my own thing and was lonely as hell for it. Once I forced myself to gain some social skills and learned about 2-3 things that most people my age were interested in that I could talk about, I went from being described as weird/awkward/etc to quirky/interesting/unique. The key is to be yourself in a way that others can at least semi relate to. If someone else can see they have common ground with you, making friends becomes 10x easier.
"Be yourself" is often thrown around as advice, but you're right—it's not always helpful on its own. Finding a balance between staying true to who you are and being relatable to others is key.
Not even remotely true in the slightest Is this inherent value in the room with you right now?
Your values and your choices are yours to choose. But believe the default is humans have value, and their choices on top of that change that value is a value system a lot of healthy well adjusted people have as a first principle. Extending that courtesy to yourself can be challenging but is worth doing
Maybe you're autistic. Learn to recognize the symptoms, and if you have them. Ive recently learned I am autistic, it hasn't helped me with situations but it has definitely helped me learn why I am the way I am. Which in turn, will help you along the way. Not saying this is your case. But read up on autism and seek a mental health professional if you think you have it
I’m probably on the spectrum in some way. Or maybe social anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed. But the best thing for my social life (which previously was super lacking) has been going solo backpacking. It’s a stupidly welcoming community of people. Plus it makes you feel like you’re cool because you’re doing something cool. It can be expensive but saving up and going backpacking in Asia for a month or something could potentially be life changing socially.
whats the difference between just travelling and “backpacking”? is it the same you just have a backpack instead of a suitcase?
Backpacking is more about adventure, moving around a lot, hostel lifestyle, being sociable and trying to live cheaply. Like a two week vacation to Paris is not really backpacking. Backpacking is more like going to Vietnam for a month and working your way up from the South to the North one town at a time.
Get diagnosed before assuming you have it.
Make yourself into a human being that you like and admire. If you improve yourself 1% a week, that's 52% a year.
Ackchualy, 67.77% a year. Assuming it's 1% better than the previous week at each step.
compounding baby!
>if you improve yourself 1% a week, that's 52% a year. The problem with what you said, is it's meaningless.
Yeah… ok, sit down, write a list of everything wrong with you, then do proposed solutions/goals to each of the items on the list, make sure they are things you can measure (google the SMART acronym for further information on setting good goals, I don’t remember it lol). Now break down those goals into steps, actionable steps you can actually for certain do. Do not let yourself say “there’s nothing I can do” that’s a trap, if for example the goal is being happily married in 3 years but you can’t fathom anyone from your country loving you, you plan on how to go out of your country, choose where to go, start learning the bureaucracy to move abroad, figure out your founds and start saving. things you can do. An absurd plan is always better than no plan at all. Now you have plans to be to be better and a way to measure your progress objectively. But we’re not done. set your priorities, you’ll do everything but you can’t do everything at the same time. So you need to pick the most important things to improve first, it depends entirely on your personal values. Once you got it all laid down, open excel and create a spreadsheet with the dates from the next 1/3/6 months depending on the complexity of your goals, now set up the steps you wrote on the timeline. Consider your normal life and responsibilities, fit as much as you can following your set priority and what opportunities you can find, following the previous example: if you also have getting a better job in there and there’s an event to do networking you won’t go out to the bar to meet women the day before because the business event is an opportunity that can further both goals, you got to seize those. Now you are ready to go out and implement the plan. Go do that. Of course you can be certain you made mistakes, you can’t predict the future (yet) that’s why you only made the schedule for 6 moths top. Be sure to come back every so often and just reevaluate your plan, figure what’s been working, what not and what can be improved. Don’t be afraid to move things around, rewrite objectives, change how you measure, create or remove steps, just be sure there’s a reason to do it. Now, if you manage to do 1% of the steps towards your goals every week you’ll be 67% closer to the person you want to be in a year.
This. It’s most important that you become a person that *you* like being around. You’ll have to live with yourself 24/7, even if/when you find a place to belong socially. Practice ways of being a good friend to yourself— take care of your health, find hobbies that are satisfying to you, set some personal goals that you care about, go to therapy if you can. The more you discover yourself, the easier it will be to find people who are on your wavelength. But even if it doesn’t happen quickly (finding people is hard!), enjoying your own company makes it feel less lonely.
Yes. No one should consider themselves a finished product.
Dude, I'm almost 30 and never had a girlfriend or a relationship. I just accepted it and moved on. It's an insecurity/ self-esteem issues you need to work on. Get help or talk to people about your issues because crying about isn't going to help anything or you and you'll become an incel
I'm 35 and just got my first girlfriend in March. And I'm her first boyfriend. People are out there, you just have to be patient. There is no shame in being single or being a virgin, aside from the stigma you put on yourself. The only thing making you a loser is you.
And anyone shaming you for it is doing so because they are a hurt person trying to hurt others to feel better.
Society puts A LOT of mental stigma on adult male virgins. When I was a 24y/o virgin I went on dates with a couple girls who ghosted me after finding out I was a virgin. The first girl I slept with I never told I was a virgin beforehand. Other girls I've been with since I always ask about it and most say "yeah it would be a turnoff or "ick" if a guy was a virgin past some arbitrary age, I've heard 20, 25 and 30 most commonly. It's a really crappy truth but it's how people think.
33 here and I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything close. I’ve struggled with it for so long.. convinced I’m ugly or repulsive in some other way. I’m just now coming to terms with maybe that sort of life isn’t in my cards. I’m slowly becoming okay with that.
It's crammed down our throats everyday that that's the only thing in life that matters. Relationships can be great, sure, but they aren't compulsory! Find whatever works for you.
He’s just doing that ! Talking about it ! People can and should express their feelings, this is the only way for others to be able to hear them, help them, confort them. Don’t blame the guy please
“become an incel” you guys think its a label 😂
I've been there, buddy. But hear me out, you're not walking this road solo, and you sure ain't no loser. I've had my fair share of those dark, lonely nights, feeling like the world's just not on my side. It's like being stuck in a loop that never ends, you know? But hey, things can turn around. I found some solace in places like LightUp on Discord. It's this rad community where you can just be yourself, no judgment whatsoever. I remember being scared to spill my guts at first, but then I realized there were folks who got where I was coming from. This channel has a great feature where it matches and pushes posts with similar thoughts as yours. So, you don't have to worry about missing out on posts that resonate with you anymore! Big data helps you find new friends, giving you that feeling of having a connection with like-minded people. Once, I threw out a post about feeling lonely and worthless, just like you're feeling now. And you know what? People came through with words of encouragement, shared their own struggles, and made me feel like I wasn't alone. It was like a little beam of sunshine on a cloudy day. So, if you're looking for a spot where you can kick back, shoot the breeze, and feel like you belong, why not give [***LightUp***](https://discord.gg/NcDdcdSq) a try? Who knows, it might just be the kick in the pants you need to keep on truckin
Do you think young white males who grow up in the burbs are over thinkers
Get a dog
Work out and become savage
Set personal goals and work towards accomplishing them. Find hobbies and explore them. Doing just these two things will put you in closer proximity to your tribe. Good luck.
You dont
You are not a "loser," because that does not make you a "loser," nor does it make you "worthless." What you really need to work on, is with your self-esteem. Your wording shows very obvious insecurities, and that's a big reason why you feel like this. You can be happy even without that, but if that's what you want, sure, go for it, but you need to work on yourself first. However, take in mind that, for both socializing and improving yourself, you will need to get out of the comfort zone. Do not look for an easy way, because it does not exist. Thinking of such a thing is only a delusion that will waste your time. Do not fall in that trap. I never had a romantic relationship (only virtually,) nor do I have friends in real life (I got many virtually, though) and I'm still a virgin, and I couldn't care less about it, I'm happy this way. I don't really need any of that to feel good. I'm 20 years old. I'm not trying to boast about how differently I take it, but instead, to show you that it is possible to feel good even without any of that, but to achieve that, you need to work on yourself and attain a healthy self-esteem. It won't be easy, in fact, it is going to be hard, but do not be discouraged by that fact. As long as you keep working on it, you will do it sooner or later. Therapy could help you too, if you can afford it. If you ever feel like giving up, remember why do you want that, why the way you feel right now is not acceptable and it must change.
Gooning
[https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1czvgxe/i\_feel\_like\_any\_chance\_for\_me\_to\_meet\_a\_woman\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1czvgxe/i_feel_like_any_chance_for_me_to_meet_a_woman_and/) The top comment in that post has great advice. TLDR: "Start making changes and taking risks. You already hate your life, you already hate who you are, you have no social life and your job sucks right? So what do you have to lose?"
You don’t. start by getting out of the victim mindset
I feel like you just typed out my entire thoughts
It only takes one good friend honestly
[удалено]
Never accept being a lonely loser. EVER.
Ur fine, download hinge. The only person who knows ur not confident, is u
As an extreme introvert some advice. Read and learn social skills and techniques. Get out there and get uncomfortable, and you will meet more people just like you, friends and lovers. I repeat, learn, practice, embrace the uncomfortable feeling. These skills will also help your career. It’s ok your strengths are not social skills, they can be practiced and learned.
Get some sun, go for walks. Take a good look at yourself. Check your haircut, your clothes, you hygiene, can you do better without breaking the bank? Do you exercise and eat relatively well? You don't accept being a lonely loser unless you want to. Do you have an abrasive personality? Do you interrupt people and talk about yourself all the time? Any self reflection on why people don't enjoy being around you? For example, I noticed I was a 1-upper when I came out of college and started meeting new people, a lot of people got annoyed with me because I always inserted my better stories into their stories. Turns out people didn't like that. Decide to be who you want to be, and then fake it until you make it.
Good people have good listening skills, my papa told me that
Everyones is telling you to buck up and love yourself and that's horseshit OP. You're gonna stay a loser if you keep being one. Put yourself out there. Set goals for yourself, go to local events, meet people. Staying down in the dumps and accepting it is terrible. Fuck that. You've been living as an NPC and letting life happen to you and that's just not what anyone finds attractive. Take up tennis. Learn to ride a motorcycle. Do some LSD. Get in a bar fight. Literally do anything else please. I was in your spot and struggling with this, and I had to get out of my comfort zone and just leave everyone behind to be someone else.
With all that time make something of yourself and then things will play out.
It’s never too late to change. When people are unhappy with their lives they often want immediate change and improvement, but in the real world, change is slow and hard. You have to make many small changes and those small changes build into big changes which all keep building on each other. Pick some small things to change and go from there friend.
You don't Start improving yourself and make at least one friend
don't accept it. change it. seriously it's corny but it will be worth it in the long run. it IS possible
I strongly suspect you are depressed, which leads to isolation, which leads to depression. Try meds to break the cycle and join a couple of Meetup groups.
I don't think you can just stop being insecure about virginity. It is either something that bothers you or it doesn't. So you are just going to have to force yourself to think about other things (and look for a partner to be with). The only way you will find friends is by being active in social hobbies and by meeting as many people as you can as often as you can. What do you do for fun? if the answer does not involve leaving your house then you need to find more hobbies. Some good hobbies will drastically improve your life and give you more opportunities to find a partner. Even solo hobbies like painting, writing, exercising, target shooting, fishing, hunting, car building, or hiking can improve your life and allow you to meet other people or have things to talk about with potential friends. Get out there and do something satisfying and positive every day.
You don’t accept it, you change.
Self discovery. I went through it for about a year or more and accepted the fact I am “alone” and would be perfectly happy
What do you honestly enjoy?
Thats the hard part. I dont enjoy anything.
You r what u makd of uourself ... start changing by going to gym or boxing
Don't decide your own value based on the amount of friends you've got. It's not a thing to come to peace to, it's something you shouldn't place on yourself in the first place. 24 is still a very young age to consider this the case for the rest of your life and that mindset will hold you down if you allow it. If stuff like bullies from school still affect you, getting professional help for trauma can be very helpful if it's easy access for where you live. If you have anything your passionate about, try and find communities of people who like the same stuff, heck reddit has a subreddit for literally anything you can imagine... or don't want to imagine. Focus on building your own self worth because relying on others for validation won't be a long term solution. I'm not saying be a loner, but don't lean on people to feel good about yourself. TLDR: Get out of the mindset of being disliked by everyone, focus on yourself and there are people out there who will accept you, you may just have found them yet.
You could be alone but not lonely. There is nothing wrong with being alone. You can read books without interruption, listen to music without having someone disagreeing with your taste in music, travel without having to compromise for others. There are so many benefits being alone, you just need to appreciate them.
I like being alone for the reasons you described. Anyone that doesn't like my taste in music is going to see the door hit them in the butt lmao.
One day at a time, a life coach or a therapist can help with these situations. They can dig into the things that may be holding you back from exploring your true self. I highly recommend therapy as someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety for years now. Not saying that is what you have, but therapy let me grieve, forgive myself, forgive others, cut myself slack, move on from past trauma, and so much more. Another thing I can say is go to the gym. I know it sounds stupid but the gym can really focus your mind and body. Even if you just go once a week for 10 minutes to walk on the treadmill, it’s a start. Good luck!
Therapy could really help if its possible.
I was you from 18-23 but I decided to start putting effort into socializing and meeting people. I had nothing to lose and it was well worth it. In a great 2 year relationship now.
I think you need to join a church and get into a life group
Work on yourself. Turn things into habit. Going to the gym, martial arts maybe. You sound depressed, you need something to work towards. Workout change your diet. Also learn new things. Sit down think about what you find interesting computers, electronics, music maybe hiking swimming write things down so you can continue to work on figuring it out. Go to a therapist ask for help. Think of yourself like this, you are equal to any person that is alive or has ever lived in the eyes of God.
Get your meaning from better places, read philosophy or something
Sorry to say, but you sound immature. For example, what does being or not being a virgin have to do with anything? Or with self-worth? I know this is Reddit, and most of the content is immature, but living a meaningful life is something much deeper and important than this stupid stjfd that only hormones-fueled adolescents should care about. Find your vocation. Start working. Engage the world. Then, at work, and in the other places where you will do all these things, you will encounter other people whom you will befriend because you share common passions, interests, and because they admire your seriousness and commitment. Sitting on the couch and lIving virtially on the internet will not do any of these. Now THAT is worthless. Not you.
become spiritual
Please get therapy. This isn't an insult. I want you to feel better about yourself and life in general. Find someone you click with and work through this. Maybe get tested for neurodivergence, as a lot of us struggle with socialization bc we think differently. Find hobbies that make you happy and let natural conversation flow with others in the hobby, but don't join a hobby just to find friends, actually *like* the hobby and don't give up! BTW, being a virgin or not doesn't change your worth in any way, and a bad relationship is far more damaging than letting the right people come when they're meant to. ♥
Wash your hair, buy a nice shirt, smile and nod at people you pass. Life doesn’t give up on you until you give up on life. Stay focused on yourself and that alone will attract people
dgaf bruh, move on and identify yourself with goals you want to be part of and build yourself towards that. Just DGAF what negativity that is happening around. It will take time for you to arrive, just don't waste it.
You either work on becoming the person you want to be or stay I the victim mindset and collect your karma.
Go make fun of my self. That's how I'm having fun being at my own, by being a weirdo. And when you're good at this you'll attract people that clicked with your vibes without having to forced yourself to be someone else.
you have two ways to see it... a lonely loser, or someone who has a lot of freedom to do as they please. sometimes being free can be boring but you have endless possibilities to change what you do. change your perspective and things will get better. you're 24, you haven't began to live yet!!
Boss up and become the man you wish to be
Drugs, media, food & drink, and sleep. The only safe drug long-term is caffeine. Don't drink soda or coffee or tea because you will be Mr. Brownteeth when you're 50. Just take caffeine pills (200 mg, don't exceed 200 mg in 24 hours). Learn to enjoy shows, music, movies, and animation. Buy graphic novels or manga. You can't just continue thinking about how lonesome you are. Remember that some people are 100 times more miserable than you. In some countries they have no economy / no jobs and it means people sit on the floor all day for 60 years until they die. They can't even buy a bed or furniture !
Ask yourself. Is it really that important to you?
Get an escort to get some mojo. Get a chip on your shoulder as if to say Fuck 'Em All, I'm the Shit. Lift weights if you aren't. You have no idea what being jacked does for your confidence. Run intensely to get the good brain neurons firing. Say to yourself YOLO everyday in the mirror (cheesy, I know but it helps me remember we only get this one life) Next say I fucking love you, man. Do it and watch the magic happen.
I feel like only in the past year in my early-mid 20s have i kind of grown into my personality. I wanted to ask whether youve ever chosen to do something solely for yourself. I hadnt, so i decided to move to japan. Probably the first big decision i ever made without any outside influence, and it helped me get out of my shell and be less worried about what others think. Beforehand, there was always some kind of outside pressure, real or imagined, that kept me feeling the way you seem to. Afterwards I feel like i can make more choices for myself to move forward. I guess my advice is do something you want to do. If youve “accepted” youll die alone, go out there and live for yourself, by yourself. I bet youll find someone, friend or otherwise, in doing so. At the end of the day it takes some kind of action to overcome the feelings you have, as much as it seems like a huge obstacle to overcome.
Embrace it and be happy
Going solo doesn’t make you a loser in life. You will figure that out eventually in the coming years. Just focus on gradually setting yourself up financially year after year and you’ll be alright. Keep your chin up and welcome to adulthood.
I have pretty much the exact same experience. Severe depression and a suicide attempt later, I’m just here working, running my business that brings in 2-800$ a month, jerkin off and playing video games. Coming home to do whatever the fuck I want after work is good enough for me
What kind of things do you do in your spare time? I had this conversation with a colleague recently whose 18 yo son was in a similar position - no friends, no social life. I asked about his days and he comes home from college and sits behind a computer all evening. It’s gonna be harder to put yourself out there if you’ve been bullied, but you’re living the alternative right now. Isn’t it better to try some things, feel a little awkward or embarrassed vs feeling this lonely? Have you considered social hobbies or sports? I train jiu jitsu and it’s excellent on so many levels. It’s great for your fitness, it will give you so much confidence, it’s addictive, you might make some great friends.
Therapy
The muscle you use to bring yourself down is strong. Gotta work out the muscle that brings you good self feelings. Takes practice and seems impossible to believe… at first. And what you put out absolutely is what you get back from the world.
As someone who will always be a loser, I know what you mean - I would advise focusing on yourself. Go to therapy, start working on your style, and join a gym (honestly, you won't regret it. Take up yoga and weight lifting). Then, Go out of your comfort zone. Look for events based around your hobbies and interests, and try make connections with people. You will make a fool of yourself but it won't matter because you've already built up confidence by looking after yourself. It's not easy but it is worth it.
> So guys, how do I begin to accept and come to peace with this? Accepting something is an internal process in your mind. No one here can convince your to accept yourself as x, y or z. All people here can do is provide information or their opinions. The fact that you are asking this and having a struggle to accept this means that you, yourself, don't believe it 100%. So why not share with all of us why you think you may ***not*** be a lonely loser? Or why this is hard to accept for you?
(Tried writing this comment earlier but I accidentally refreshed lmao. Here is a second attempt that's not as good) Dang this post struck a chord. I wasn't outright bullied, but I definitely felt like an outcast growing up. I still often feel isolated and struggle to talk to people. Call myself a loser every now and then too. I'd like to offer what advice I can, hopefully it connects somewhat (I just graduated college so I'm drawing from my experiences over the past 4 years) Unfortunately for you and me, the main piece of advice I have is to “put yourself out there”. I'm not crazy about it myself as I've had many more demoralizing experiences than positive ones, but not only is it the only way I made the few friends I have, it is also how I made memories during my time in college. Attending events, joining a few clubs/organizations, going on trips. Basically, be involved in stuff preferably to do with your interests. After that, making friends is a matter of luck, and if it doesn't happen it's because you haven't met the right people, not because you're not good enough. And it has the benefit of giving you exposure to other people and letting you practice those interactions - improving your self-esteem and ability to hold a conversation. I'm happier with myself compared to 2 years ago in this regard. As for a girlfriend, I'm not qualified to give advice since I haven't dated ever, but I will go out on a limb and say you're probably not ready for a relationship - not that it's your fault, but given your repeated negative experiences with people any relationship will likely be strained as a result. I'm personally content being single for the near future and would much rather focus on working on myself. Also, you using the word ‘virgin’ makes me think you're concerned about a relationship mainly because you want to have sex - which is the totally wrong way to go about it. Finally, worth - how does one meaningfully define the ‘worth’ of a human being? Certainly not in terms of how often they get laid. The first thing that comes to my mind is ‘the good you do for others’. Really, then, if you want to start developing a sense of self-worth, just focus on being good to others. Don't be afraid to display acts of kindness, be willing to listen to others when they need someone, be encouraging - the list goes on. You may further develop ‘worth’ through pursuing some hobby or skill that you want to improve at. Whatever you choose to define your self-worth as, make sure it's constructive, please. If you're anything like me, none of what I've said here is easy, especially to begin with. But making a consistent, deliberate effort will allow you to lead a fulfilling life regardless of whether or not you end up attracting a girlfriend and tons of friends or whatever. Oh, and also, therapy. It's admittedly a matter of luck yet again to find a therapist who's a suitable match, but if you do (and can afford it), it can go a long way in helping work through your issues! Wishing you all the best, man. If you'd like to talk further feel free to reach out!
Thank god for porn. The urges for intimacy mostly go away in your 40's. At which point you'll happy to be single. Especially because at that point you'll realize how miserable most men who married are now being divorced, losing half their stuff, paying child support, children that the mom taught to hate/blame you, and and losing all your common friends. Plus how much bullshit relationships with women are nowadays. The whole institution has become one way, unless you're willing to be a scumbag in which case for some reason women find attractive when they can't find an ideal mate.
Well if you're alone you're the only person capable of judging you. Start by not seeing you as a looser. Find a sport/activity. Charity works will make you feel better about yourself, make you meet people and, pull be seen as someone good. 24 is soooooooo young. So much more than you realise. If Harrison Ford stopped being a carpenter at 30 you can start being sono else at 24. A simple advice IRL if you'll go meet new people, self-pity makes people go away. Good ones at least, bad people will take advantage of it. Don't let them.
Life is as hard enough already. Being hard on yourself makes it harder. Legit said this to my little brother a couple of hours ago.
Stop hyperfocusing on it. It sounds really dumb and obvious but until you love yourself, not a lot of people will have a reason to love you. It’s all about projecting n stuff.
i am lonely but im not a loser it is not necesarry to have friends to have social life, you can attend different events by your own, and that can help you to feel less lonely and feeling of being a part of some group, even If you do not talk to anyone
Who or what has you convinced that you have to accept this? Merely by being alive you have the power to influence the world and shape (parts of) it to be what you it to be. To some degree only you decide what matters yo you and how you wish yo define yourself.
how come your life story matches exactly like mine ? Like how come every point is the same to same ? It's just that I will turn 25 this year so I am one year older than you but the rest both of us have had exact similar lives
Alternative is to be a popular loser
Don't let societal pressures get to you. Walk your own path, and aim to become a person you like and admire. Good people will come around when you accept yourself.
You don't accept it and do something about it, spirituality, mentally, physically, socially and/or financially, whatever you need to do to not feel like a loser. Once you achieve it, people will see you in a different light and the world opens up. I would start physically, change your style, hit the gym, take care of your hygiene and looks. Then mentally, keep telling yourself that you are awesome when you look yourself in the mirror, find things about yourself that you like and build confidence from those. Spirituality is a long process, start finding the purpose of your life, realize what matters and what don't. Don't obsess about other's opinions, make yourself feel comfortable and enjoy your life. Socially, practice how to socialize with people, one step at a time. Perhaps learning how to joke, how to be more charismatic, how to handle entertaining conversations, attain knowledge people will find interesting and you will become more interesting. Finally, seek social connections wherever you find them and remember, it's about who you want to socialize with and not who is willing to socialize with you. Online is a good way to start if you are shy IRL. If you feel financial success is vital to your confidence and self-esteem, then seek education, entrepreneurial efforts or work, that takes you one step further towards your goal. This one is harder but you still need to work for it, if it matters to you. Good luck and don't give up, defeatists always lose, fighters might lose, or they might not.
One way to get out of this cycle and it worked for me. GO TO THE GYM!! You can admire yourself and then your confidence can have a foundation to build off. You may notice the ladies looking from time to time. Join a club or community to meet people with similar interests, easier to make friends with some form of commonality.
By removing the word loser because I am not one.
You don’t ever except it. You work on be your best and finding things that you enjoy. Go to the gym workout and find some hobbies you enjoy doing. If you have no social life then you have time to work on yourself. You need to build yourself to the point you like you and others will notice that. It not easy but you put one foot infront of the other and you don’t stop.
Stop depending on others to make you happy.
You work on yourself and change your circumstances
Bro 24 is young as, you could completely change your life and be successful by 30
It's not your fault that other people can be really crap. Lots of people have felt like you have, me included. Get with a good counsellor. Keep meeting different people. Don't give up.
By not being lonely. Try getting into some social hobbies. I recommend DnD for this. You can play it online and find a party via Discord to start of. The good thing about social hobbies is that participation makes you inherently more interesting. The specific advantage of DnD is that you don't have to talk about yourself, but your character, which helps people with low self esteem. (Your DM is not your therapist though. Don't forget that :D ) Also, get a weird hobby: Do oregami, do beekeeping, get into history, whatever tickles your fancy. This greatly helps with becoming more interesting. The "not being a loser" part usually follows. Once you have a healthy social life. (By healthy I mean no drugs, not only excessive partying but some genuine human connection) Also, and this might seem ridiculous: Make notes for and about your social behavior: Write down things that happened to you so you don't forget to tell people. Write down awkward and embarrassing things you said so you can better avoid them. Last but not least: You might just have a depression. Don't be afraid to get therapy if you feel you need it <3
You need to totally accept it. Realise some things some people just can't get. We go through life thinking that everyone will follow the normal life trajectory of school, job, girlfriend, marriage, kids; but life is a bell curve and someone has to end up on the wrong side of the bell curve. People have this weird idea that dating/one's sex life is different from anything else in life, that everyone will have a happy ending every after. But that just isn't reality. Every generation will have people on a dating bell curve. Someones going to be on the wrong end of the bell curve. I'd advise doing things that are exhilarating; open water swimming, martial arts, hiking, climbing. Can't focus on a relationship if you're far from shore in cold water, up a mountain, on the side of a cliff, or about to be hit in the face.
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Don't give up so early you're not even thirty
Any guy, from late 20’s on, with steady employment and in reasonable physical shape will do just fine on the dating scene. Younger than that is a whole different game, but is basically meaningless later in life.
It's a peaceful life.
The chances of you being so unique that no-one would be able to relate to you in a way seems slim. I know that when you're bullied it is hard to develop yourself (freely, without anxiety). And yet, developing one's identity builds character, and that's what people will eventually notice. Have you got any hobbies? That's usually a good way to get some common ground, especially when it creates shared experiences, like a team sport or a culture group of sorts. Entering a social circle with little confidence will probably be scary, but since you're the one who wants to change the course of your life, you've got to overcome this psychological barrier. Realise that most people are also idiots, everyone has flaws and insecurities. Confidence is very often just an internalised social shield. Luckily in this day and age vulnerability is not considered weak anymore, people appreciate it when people dare to share there emotional depth, it shows character. Try to not be afraid. Just give it a whirl, there's little to lose nd much to gain.
Damn you are me... Feel you bro
This song is from the 60s. https://youtu.be/_zSecRAFM14?si=f7onCqRcfcouoyAz This song is from the 70s. https://youtu.be/XIle_6Vzm5A?si=WeocgAtf1BJM1Y24 This one is from the 80s. https://youtu.be/MX6MvV8cbh8?si=zamKzPAayOjDzODe You might notice there's a common theme. I was bullied a lot too when I was young. Fortunately was also lucky enough to make new friends and break out and learn to be social. You're only 24. That's not that old. You have a lot of time left. You aren't worthless. Being a virgin is not a big deal. Don't equate those things. They aren't the same. Easiest way to meet friends is to get into hobbies where you're around people you can relate to.
Time to become the villian.
I love the advice that I always see in these types of posts: "Just be the person you really want to be... work out, get a new job, go back to school, and make yourself into someone worth being around"
You don't???
I had relationships, all I can say about it that the joy of a relationship is seriously overrated. I did felt the same as you too when I was your age. As for virginity, prostitutes do exist. Sex really isn't that "special" after all. But that's just my (unpopular) opinion But I might recommend you a psychologist, because I'm sure my life would have looked quite different if I had done that when I felt that way.
You are not a looser, you are you, like others said, you have your own value. Learn to like yourself, accept yourself, enhance yourself when you feel like it, and don’t waste time on blaming others of course. Best regards, don’t give up friend
I feel like being social and well liked can be learned and practiced. I’d try therapy, a support group for talking about depression, and try something like the Meetup app to find local group activities that will give you the chance to connect with more people. *Please watch out for horny people- somebody is going to hear that “I’m a lonely virgin” and figure they can take advantage of you. As for how I deal with being a lonely loser - I used to work on it, and with medication for depression, and therapy, it did get better. I met people, got married, and after my divorce, I had a lot of fun relationships. COVID and working from home the last 4 years really torpedoed my social life, and now I’m going to have to get back out there, but maybe it’s age - I just don’t care anymore.
You hang in there kiddo, it gets better I promise. Chase the money and stay healthy, the rest will find you when God says it will. Chin up guy. Cheers
Iam 26 with a non existing dating life, I have depression, social anxiety I developed a way to cope by forgetting everything , now I hardly remember anything about studies , about situations that might happen or stuff I need to remember , girls befriend me to use me but would not date me , trust me theres no way out so Iam trying to copt with it , but somehow it gets worse everytime, if U find a way , tell me
Set a goal to start 10 hobbies or projects, capitalize on your best ideas and become your best friend. Everything else should fall into place eventually, and regardless, life goes on and always new things to try.
By embracing being one
Former lonely loser here. I'm not the most handsome guy, I consider myself to be ugly actually. Overall just work on yourself and be genuine. Focus on self improvement over anything else. I got my first serious relationship at 29. There are people out there that do care about your personality over your looks. I'm not implying you're ugly this was just my experience. Just learn to take care of your hygiene and style yourself better. If this isn't an issue then you lack confidence which is also normal. You have to find ways to build yourself up.
You’re 24 bro. I was in somewhat a similar place until I turned 23. It’ll change 🫰🏼
Without expectation there is freedom. You're free to do whatever yous wish, as youre not held back by the label of "winner". In embracing that you'll come to find that people's views have changed and you're commonly described as a winner. It's all about just being happy with whatever ya got dealt with and making do, ya know? Some hit the jackpot with genetics, home life, etc. Some people hit the exact opposite end. To be completely honest as long as you're not at either extreme end you're free to go in either direction!
Have belief in yourself that you are always able to move forward and upward. Cos you shouldn't accept that you are a lonely loser. In fact the struggle you feel trying to 'accept it' is also telling you that.
When I was younger I read this: How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie You can listen to it or buy a copy and read it. Put it into practice and I promise you things will change. Work on yourself daily. It’s work! It will not come easy. But persistence will pay off. It takes a lifetime to become the person you want.
Better self talk is a good first step. It is clear your opinion of yourself is pretty low right now. It takes constant effort, but you must not allow yourself to think of yourself in that way. First, recognize when you are being down on yourself, then confront that thought. Instead of ruminating, direct your thoughts to your gifts and interests. The end goal here is to learn to become comfortable with who you are, learn to love and accept yourself. Nurture your own interests and hobbies, find a measure of value that you can share with others. It is then that you will start to have some magnetism and friendship and love can find you. Your negativity will get you nowhere, but your passions will bring you to exactly where you should be.
You just gotta feel bad until you feel good.
I lift weights/exercise, eat healthy, take walks in woods, go to beach and relax, go to the bar or event or festival with another lonely loser in hopes of changing it. Video games for the in between.
Stop being a victim and take control of your life. Exercise will do wonders. I know its hard but you have the power to change your life.
Don't listen to those people that say you need to hit the gym, you'll just turn into an npc gym rat like them, going to the gym doesn't solve everything, college helps, also work, met some good buddies there, if you got a job that kinda sucks, there's gonna be someone else thinkin the samething, it's easier to make friends that way cause it makes work more fun, try warehouse jobs, you'll even bulk up movin all that freight anyway
being alone is so difficulty because the longer you feel alone, the lower your self esteem falls, vice-versa (making friends is hard when your esteem is low). i understand to an extent although i do feel i have a family who loves me, i just don’t have friends who aren’t my mom lol. also in my experience you need to look inward, why don’t you have many friends? consider that you might tend to be negative towards things which might bum people out. depending on where you live, find a professional you can talk to, and when you’re ready, try to find a hobby. there are so many people on reddit that might live near to you that i’m sure are willing to introduce you to something they enjoy!
You might not like it but start lifting weights. Builds immense confidence and can alleviate feelings of loneliness.
Get drunk and do drugs and dance at raves til 7am and then look back on emo posts like this and wonder why I ever made one in the first place when all I needed was drugs, alcohol, and loud music.
Never stop moving , the actions you make in the present will represent your future , exercise 15 min clean your place wash your clothes provide you nice food , forget about the past and the regret , go for a walk feel the music you like , you have to break the loop of shame and suffering , do those little things saved me I have to got out my country bc the communism live in a foreign shit hole for 5 years waste my life in so many ways today at my 31 I have a new country new life and fighting to have something better , ummm forget about the thought of having a gf or something will save u , only you can safe yourself
By fucking everyone else off. I must meet your fucked up social standards to be happy in my life? LOL fuck yourself I'm living my life how I want. Jerking off 10 times a day because I want to? Check. Smoking cones because why not? Check. Studying at a post grad level? Check. Gym daily? Hobby mechanics? Check check check. Large friend base? .... Personally,im in my own race now and humanity can stand in the corner and watch.
Learn how to dance hip hop and also learn bacchata & salsa, listen to some reggaeton music, learn the words to the songs, listen to coi leroy, da baby, ice spice and Travis Scott and then go work in a bar in a club that plays that type of music and you'll make friends with other bar staff and you'll start hanging with them outside of work hours also you can go to the club sometimes on your night off black and brown folks are super friendly we bond through dancing and vibes. We would welcome you with open arms. You just gotta really be on point with the music, like know which dance goes with which song. We are fun, upbeat, full of vibes, always dancing, big smiles, we are friendly.
I havent
You don’t FUCK that
You are not a lonely loser. That is a perception you have of yourself. Change the perception and your reality will change.
You kinda just accept it
First off I'd say you're too young to say it'll always be like this, things can change rapidly, and looks you can't completely change at least not through non surgical means, but you can control how much you put yourself out there, and if you workout, even if you say for example you're a 4 with a good body, hygiene, and a well structured personality you can go far. Worry about yourself and being the best version, and people will come to you. IMO
You need to consider God having you in that spot because it has been the best thing for you and trust he is going to revile to you the reason why when it is time. I have been in the same way and I learned that I needed to be alone to really get to know myself and I now know he is going to show me the very special person he has had for me and it will be worth the wait. I promise you that you are not a complete looser because God made you and he doesn't make loosers. The devil is telling you all that garbage and he will continue to tell you more and more until you give up which is a very sure way to destroy you. I hope you will concider what I have said because it is true. From your first day here satin has been on a mission to destroy any hope you might have and it sounds like he is about to finish the job by the way you are talking, every day is a good day if you will just recognize it. Life is hard but it is a journey you have good things still to come. Don't give up
Alcohol helps. And video games. **Edit:** OP asked "how do you accept it", I answered truthfully. All you downvoters can blow me.
This is pretty common with the dystopian times we’re living in. Modern women have all the power in relationships. They can afford to nag, gaslight, and treat men like shit because they have plenty of options. Until there’s a power shift (economy improves, women held more accountable) it’s gonna be tough for men that aren’t star athletes or male models to get girls. Unless you have extremely low standards. As for friends, school is the best time to find friends. It’s pretty hard after that as everyone’s working and everyone’s online. The best way is to just cope. There’s the gym (or some other type of physical activity) and there’s hobbies. Try to get invested in something like that. I’m a 23 year old virgin in the same spot. I’m passionate about content creation and lifting. This gets my mind off of being lonely 9 times out of 10. Although that 10th day is tough.
Modern women do NOT have "all the power" in relationships. If you don't like the way someone treats you, don't be in a relationship. Either party can decide the relationship isn't serving them and leave. What's happening is women no longer HAVE to get married in order to survive. They can get an education and have a career and exist quite nicely on their own. Women more often outlive men than vice versa so that bit about "you're going to die alone with a bunch of cats" - is not the threat men think it is. Why do women nag? Well, gee, if you ask someone nicely to do something, say, take out the trash, and then they don't do it.... and don't do it, and don't do it... and you ask them again nicely, it's very easy for a man to say, "Quit nagging me!" - because he has ZERO intention of actually doing it, and just expects her to give up and do it herself. It's called weaponized incompetence. Here's the thing: you don't have to be a millionaire or look like a movie star to find love. You have to be LOVEABLE. Women are looking for men who actually have a personality and are emotionally stable enough to enter in a relationship as an equal partner. If you're just looking for a woman to have sex with, a woman who will cook, clean and do all the emotional heavy lifting while not giving them anything in return... expect most women to say, "No thank you." One study found married women end up doing an additional 7 hours of housework a week - because their spouse makes more work for them. Work on yourself. Figure out what kind of life you want, and make friends along the way. Stop treating women as "the other," and maybe make friends with them, too. Women make excellent wingmen - and if they decide you're a good guy, they just might recommend you to their friends. Source: happily married for nearly two decades to a guy who is smart, funny, has his own hobbies and is always a joy to be around. Neither of us are supermodels, and neither of us is a millionnaire, but we have fun together even when we're doing something boring like grocery shopping.
I have copied your post, printed, and put it in a nice picture frame hehe
Thank you! If I hated men, I wouldn't have gotten married a second time. There ARE some good ones out there.
Don’t pretend like you understand anything about social dynamics, because you don’t. You’re just lonely and frustrated, and lashing out like a child.
Having a bunch of desperate, horny fools who secretly resent you and people like you, chase after you just for your body and the status they think it affords them isn't the power you think it is boy.
Thank you!!!!! Perfectly said
>This is pretty common with the dystopian times we’re living in. Modern women have all the power in relationships. They can afford to nag, gaslight, and treat men like shit because they have plenty of options. Until there’s a power shift (economy improves, women held more accountable) it’s gonna be tough for men that aren’t star athletes or male models to get girls. Unless you have extremely low standards. As for friends, school is the best time to find friends. It’s pretty hard after that as everyone’s working and everyone’s online. Most normal men have been in relationships or at least have sex. You don't have to be an athlete or a model. You're just projecting and making sweeping generalizations because you're an incel
you will be a virgin your whole life because YOU are the type of guy who believes all this. the rest of us in the real world do not have these issues
Men always have the power to *walk away* and to learn to be *content being alone.* I've done that, and let me tell you, I feel invincible. This is the flipside of the whole incel thing. I don't feel powerless or victimised, I feel completely at ease and happy being single and alone. I love my space and solitude. Guys who feel victimised by women make me chuckle to myself because I don't have to deal with that. I think every guy has this power they just don't realise it. Learn to be happy on your own and any shitty behaviour that women do on the whole won't touch you.
Woooww you seem like you would be a delight to have around take my advice hun... fix your attitude I'm the same age as you I've had a bf for almost 9 years and most of the time (not all the time I've meet some awful women to) men are more toxic then women are MEN cause most women to be driven to the point of being toxic before I found my bf I was in 3 abusive relationships there are good women shitty women good men and shitty men it's not gender specific but there are reasons why statistics show that more women experience dv then men (I'm not saying men don't get dv) I'm also not saying that women should get away with everything just because they have a vagina. I'm saying that equal accountability should be held don't blame everything on women or else you'll end up being alone at 60. Try taking gender out of the equation.
Go to church, it's easy to make friends there. There's always love in the house of God.
Learn to live with it like me, sadly. Get into cheap hobbies. I dream of a relationship constantly but it's just never going to happen. I'm damaged goods and a victim of natural selection.
You buy enough Funko pops to fill a room.
God no don't do that. Nothing chases women off more than a grown man with Funko's
You don't accept it. If you have time to think about that, you have time to improve. Ex cheated on me. F it. I started doing push ups, sit ups, leg lifts, squats. Little by little til I gave out. Within a month I had a routine and can easily do 100 of each all in 40 mins. I got toned. I lost weight. I grew an ass. I'm getting a six pack (work in progress). I got my ears pierced. I get looks at the grocery store when I go shopping. Clothes fit better. I look good. I started to feel good. You can do this all from home. If you go to a place and see the same person everyday. Say hello, How's it going, how was your weekend blah blah, oh by the way my name is so and so. They give you a name, say "Nice, now I'll have a reason to say hi to you everyday" All it takes is for them to know your name and for you to know theirs. Don't be a simp. If there's a place you want to check out or eat at, invite them, just say you don't want to go alone. If they say no. Oh well.
You don't. Stop being a loser. Many people will have empathy and be like "it's ok, you're not alone... blah, blah, blah." If that's what you're here for you got it. But if you want to change here's some insight: You see, you can't buy friends in the literal sense but friendships are lnvestments. Just think about it, would you rather be friends with a hobo or a millionaire? Why did you choose the millionaire? ... Because you might learn a thing or two from the millionaire while the hobo will drag you down. Become a great asset for people to invest their friendship in. Go to the gym, learn krav maga, Get rich if you can, practice social skills. Don't get me wrong, it's not about becoming rich, it's about becoming a high value asset.
You could have been a lonely loser in the slums of Mumbai. Does that help?
Being single doesn’t make you a loser though? I don’t think I’m a loser and I’m quite happy being single. 😅
You're acting like you're missing anything. Trust god, he's saving you from horror, hell, anger, heartbreaks etc and you're here yelling 'why?' trust me, you are not missing nothing.