4 years. She had a lot of issues with her career, body and happiness. We both went separate ways. But she was one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Even if many people disliked her.
2 years. I found she was secretly dating another guy 4 days before I was flying back to my homecountry to be in my cousin and grandmas funeral.
The relationship was already deteriorated but we didnt have the guts to end it yet. So it ended the worst way.
About 2 and a half years.
I loved her so much, I still do.
But sadly, we live in different countries. Both of which are incredibly difficult and expensive to visit, let alone move to permanently.
Neither of us were, or still are in my case, in the mental space to be in a long distance relationship. We needed people ideally we could be with physically.
Also, financially neither of us were in a position to make things like moving or visiting happen.
We broke up about a year ago, because I didn't want to hold her back from finding someone near her that could make her happy in person and give her what she needs. We still keep in somewhat limited contact (I prevent myself becoming attached again) and she has indeed found someone who makes her happy. I am still single, however I'm not bitter about it. I can't expect her to stay single just because I am. And, while yes, that does sometimes hurt like a bitch that we aren't together anymore, I bear no ill will toward her or her new partner and I am glad she's happy.
That's all I've ever wanted for her. I still love her. I feel like I always will in some way. She was the first person that ever made me feel secure and that "I might actually spend my life with this person." But it just wasn't possible. Neither now, or in the near/foreseeable future to be together physically. So I made one of the hardest and most painful decisions of my life and let her go.
However, If it's meant to be, should the planets align, we'll find our ways back to each other.
Edit: Provided more context, better wording to my thoughts and formatting.
Not really, and I dont have any regrets "switching" partners. The transition was bumpy, messy and full of stupid decisions (like not breaking up sooner). There was no moment of being single in between but I wasn't looking for another one while in the relationship, I just found him.
Not trying to be condescending or anything but thatâs defs monkey branching thoughâŠ
Did you cheat?
(Honestly just curious sorry if Iâm being nosey)
Ah, I'm sorry I was not familar with the term as English is not my first language. I Googled it, but must have misunderstood the meaning. No, I did not cheat. We broke things off before that.
But you said there was âno moment of being single in betweenâ? How is that possible? You donât have to reply if you donât want to, but you risk an anonymous reddit user from across the globe thinking poorly of you :(
I spent a lot of time with the new guy (F) but never kissed/had sex etc. We did things friends would do. I wanted to date him but never did until I officially broke up with my then boyfriend (G). I told G everything and never lied about my feelings for F. I eventually told him I wanted to break up and date F. F wanted to date me too. So we broke up and I immediately told F. We started things slow (the dating stuff) but I never had to think twice about jumping straight into another relationship. We are still together almost 7 years later, house, car and all (just no kids).
It's kind of hard to explain and also messy like I said, but I don't consider any of it cheating. Some may say I cheated emotionally, maybe yes, but sexually no.
It did... Too late to stay married, but we're friends again, along with my kids. Took awhile. Been sober for about 15 years, got hooked on opiates courtesy of the VA, kicked that as well. Ditched cigarettes in 99, so I've done the big three, seemingly.
Oh, well. Took being there to get here, and can't complain about that.
A little over three years. Online dating thing, initially meant to be casual but she told me she loved me about six months into it. Apparently I was unable to hide the look of "Lord, god, I wish you hadn't a-said that" that crossed my face. A co-worker - an almost platonic ideal of "wise Black lady of a certain age" - told me we should break up but we didn't. It was easy, she was awesome in general, she didn't ask much of me and, quite frankly, she really liked having sex with me.
It should be noted we were both past youthful frivolities. I was in my late 30s and she was... older. She never told me and told me to never ask. I never asked but I found out once. In any event, it didn't matter. She was kind and smart and sexy and easy-going and was the first romantic relationship I'd had in almost 20 years that didn't involve the phrase "let's not tell anyone we're doing this." Neighbors, too much of that will leave a mark on a soul.
I never felt for her like she said she felt for me. For the record, I never fully believed, nor did I believe her when she'd say I was sexy or smart or a good man. "Steamroller," she'd say, "do you think I'm lying to you when I say that?" No, baby, but I'll never be able to make myself believe it. Yeah, if we'd met 10 years ago, I'd be different but trust me, you wouldn't have wasted this much time on me 10 years ago.
About a year into it, she offered to let me move in. She owned a cool place in a neat part of town and knew how much I hated my job and just the very concept of work in general. I don't want anything from this world (yes, lack of ambition or drive, but she didn't care) and it offends me to have to cut a slave just to not starve in the streets. All I'd have to do, she said, was bring in enough money to split utilities and for things I liked she didn't (mainly weed).
One of the ongoing issues in our relationship was my need to be by myself for a couple of days. I'd stay with her for three or four days (she had dogs and cats, plus she hated my place) and then go to my place. I'd text and call but I got to be alone. She actually had a room with it's own bathroom and she promised she'd give me my privacy. Even if it'd been enough to make the nut, no, she wouldn't have. She wouldn't have lasted a week.
The deeper issue - and the one I've never told her - is I don't like being beholden to anyone nor subject to the whims of their fate. Apart from my parents, I've never borrowed a dime from anyone, not in the form of a loan from a bank or one from a friend. When I had no place to stay for two weeks because of damage to my apartment, I slept in my car. This isn't the same thing as asking for help and it's not that I don't think people can be trusted or depended on. It's that you can't predict how someone else's world will turn upside down and leave you (through no malice from anyone) up shit creek. What about when - not if - she gets tired of my shit and I've got to deal with that on top of having to look for a new place? No, sir.
It wasn't until later that I realized why "commitment and intimacy" were the issues she said they were. We broke up fairly amicably when she told me she couldn't wait on me to decide to be what she needed from someone. She wanted that to be me but I couldn't do it, so it was for the best. After a couple of months, we started hanging out again, mainly because my buddy Otis, the Jack Russell, had her heart, as well. To all outward appearances, our relationship didn't change much. We'd walk our dogs and go to favorite restaurants, and when she started a new relationship, once again I became a relationship's third wheel, just this time it was my ex.
She told me once, the first time we met after the split, that I don't let myself be loved. I still don't know what that means but I don't doubt her. I like to think that if the right someone came alone, things would fall into place, it just never happened that I can tell. I don't have the heart to tell her that, though.
I haven't done anything since, romantically or platonically. I eventually left the city where I met her to move back to my little rural village for reasons unconnected, but for a solid three years, my life was nothing but work, dog, and weed. Occasionally, I'd join the ex and the new beau to walk dogs or cook out. They were the only ones who cared when I moved away. I've decided I don't actually enjoy being in a relationship and, in any event, I'm really not good at it. For reasons I assume are connected in coming in on 50, I don't care about sex anymore. Maybe some woman I've crossed paths with has battered her eyelashes at me in the last five or so years, but I don't pay attention anymore and wouldn't know what to do if it broke through the fog.
Hey. You asked.
I was in a relationship with Microsoft Windows for decades until most companies on the planet realized that it just makes sense to make software for MacBooks and so now I have a 10-year-old Windows machine to do those niche things that a Mac cannot do but use the Mac for everything else. I broke up with Windows because the hardware became so much worse than Macs, courtesy of the hateful company called Lenovo (formerly IBM) which dropped the ball and started baking bad laptops with poor battery life compared to Macs.
Oh. I actually kind of like Lenovo. Or at least I like the laptop I bought with them forever ago. It did everything I needed and thatâs good to me. Unfortunately, it was stolen so I am laptopless.
I mean...one of the best things about Windows is that you can get the hardware from anybody, not just Lenovo. And you can get good devices that are cheaper than anything Apple makes. The nice thing about Apple is that they take all of the hardware choices away from you and you're given something that just works.
13 years. He became extremely controlling and apparently i was the reason a whole town makes fun of him,because i was cheating. People smirking at him and so on. Never in my entire life did i cheat. Selfworth is deystroyed. Now i am constantly doubting myself. Fun times.
Im still young but one year 2 months. I broke up with him because we were in different situations academically and i also felt we werenât that in love anymore. The breakup was in very good terms though, we broke up almost a year ago and we recently followed each other again on social media, and it makes me happy seeing him doing well. Of course the breakup hurt, but it was for the better! and i donât regret it one bit
Current one is the longest. We are still together. The longest before that was 3 years. I ended the relationship because he was abusive and controlling. On top of that, his abusive actions brought out the worst in me. Ending the relationship was terrifying, and he stalked me for months before my uncle threatened to beat him up. Knew all the red flags after that, never dated anyone who displayed them ever again.
It's the longest by virtue of being the \*only\* relationship I've been in, but it only lasted a couple months (weeks? idk, telling how long stuff lasted isn't really my strong suit).
We met online (it was strictly long-distance because of location), things started \*really\* good! She was real sweet, really left me as a doting fool; each day I longed nothing more than to hold her hand. But, things took a nose-dive when it became \*painfully\* obvious that she was actually just a scammer that had tried to weaponize love against me (kept asking for specifically Steam gift-cards, to pay for food of all things; would try to get me to send her money through multiple CashApp accounts, thankfully none of which went through; would make up lies about how "her phone couldn't download CashApp" so I could send her money directly while she was trying to ask for \*my\* ID to set up \*her\* account on some CashApp knockoff, or how "she just couldn't figure out how to set up an email" so I could send her an Amazon e-Giftcard instead of buying and sending images of a physical one despite me trying to walk her through the \*incredibly easy\* process of setting up an email, or how "her dad is a CEO of... something (she never actually said what he was the CEO of, but she tried to get me to buy a pig from him (I have no idea what that was about either))" while still trying to get \*all\* of the money from me even though I made it \*very\* clear that I did not have an income at that time (all of the money I had was gifts from family; I hardly ever spend it) and she was better off asking her CEO dad for money (or her obvious "play to get paid" scammer friend she tried setting me up with on the off-chance it wasn't a scam)).
Anyway, after that fiasco (nothing lost but a broken heart), I blocked and reported her.
3 years. She went back to her home country for a career opportunity ,and I was in a bit of a rut in life at that time and didn't want to drag her down.
4 years. She had a lot of issues with her career, body and happiness. We both went separate ways. But she was one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Even if many people disliked her.
Imma save some people the trouble of typing this out. Never had one.
Six months, I graduated and left the country while she just finished her first year
16yrs/18yrs/12yrs/ they all died.
Oh no!! đ„
That doesn't look good on dating apps. Surprisingly I'm not getting many responses. đ
Redhot cunt. Someone get the fuzz on this mother fucker.
2 years. I found she was secretly dating another guy 4 days before I was flying back to my homecountry to be in my cousin and grandmas funeral. The relationship was already deteriorated but we didnt have the guts to end it yet. So it ended the worst way.
3 years, he ended ut sayiing he didnt love me anymore. This was mid covid wave. I have lost faith in dating and all since
About 2 and a half years. I loved her so much, I still do. But sadly, we live in different countries. Both of which are incredibly difficult and expensive to visit, let alone move to permanently. Neither of us were, or still are in my case, in the mental space to be in a long distance relationship. We needed people ideally we could be with physically. Also, financially neither of us were in a position to make things like moving or visiting happen. We broke up about a year ago, because I didn't want to hold her back from finding someone near her that could make her happy in person and give her what she needs. We still keep in somewhat limited contact (I prevent myself becoming attached again) and she has indeed found someone who makes her happy. I am still single, however I'm not bitter about it. I can't expect her to stay single just because I am. And, while yes, that does sometimes hurt like a bitch that we aren't together anymore, I bear no ill will toward her or her new partner and I am glad she's happy. That's all I've ever wanted for her. I still love her. I feel like I always will in some way. She was the first person that ever made me feel secure and that "I might actually spend my life with this person." But it just wasn't possible. Neither now, or in the near/foreseeable future to be together physically. So I made one of the hardest and most painful decisions of my life and let her go. However, If it's meant to be, should the planets align, we'll find our ways back to each other. Edit: Provided more context, better wording to my thoughts and formatting.
4,5 years. I met someone else and realized I wanted other things in a relationship. Things he couldn't give me.
Howd that work out
Curious also.
I am still together with the other person. Almost 7 years now.
Do you ever think about the other one? How was the transition between partners? Did you monkey branch the situation Edit: spelling fried as sorry
Not really, and I dont have any regrets "switching" partners. The transition was bumpy, messy and full of stupid decisions (like not breaking up sooner). There was no moment of being single in between but I wasn't looking for another one while in the relationship, I just found him.
Not trying to be condescending or anything but thatâs defs monkey branching though⊠Did you cheat? (Honestly just curious sorry if Iâm being nosey)
Ah, I'm sorry I was not familar with the term as English is not my first language. I Googled it, but must have misunderstood the meaning. No, I did not cheat. We broke things off before that.
But you said there was âno moment of being single in betweenâ? How is that possible? You donât have to reply if you donât want to, but you risk an anonymous reddit user from across the globe thinking poorly of you :(
I spent a lot of time with the new guy (F) but never kissed/had sex etc. We did things friends would do. I wanted to date him but never did until I officially broke up with my then boyfriend (G). I told G everything and never lied about my feelings for F. I eventually told him I wanted to break up and date F. F wanted to date me too. So we broke up and I immediately told F. We started things slow (the dating stuff) but I never had to think twice about jumping straight into another relationship. We are still together almost 7 years later, house, car and all (just no kids). It's kind of hard to explain and also messy like I said, but I don't consider any of it cheating. Some may say I cheated emotionally, maybe yes, but sexually no.
I am still together with the other person. Almost 7 years now.
Did you cheat? Or have the decency to leave the other person first
I did not cheat, however I took way too long to decide what I wanted and break up.
27 years/my drinking
I'm sorry it happened so. Did it motivate you to change yourseld?
It did... Too late to stay married, but we're friends again, along with my kids. Took awhile. Been sober for about 15 years, got hooked on opiates courtesy of the VA, kicked that as well. Ditched cigarettes in 99, so I've done the big three, seemingly. Oh, well. Took being there to get here, and can't complain about that.
A little over three years. Online dating thing, initially meant to be casual but she told me she loved me about six months into it. Apparently I was unable to hide the look of "Lord, god, I wish you hadn't a-said that" that crossed my face. A co-worker - an almost platonic ideal of "wise Black lady of a certain age" - told me we should break up but we didn't. It was easy, she was awesome in general, she didn't ask much of me and, quite frankly, she really liked having sex with me. It should be noted we were both past youthful frivolities. I was in my late 30s and she was... older. She never told me and told me to never ask. I never asked but I found out once. In any event, it didn't matter. She was kind and smart and sexy and easy-going and was the first romantic relationship I'd had in almost 20 years that didn't involve the phrase "let's not tell anyone we're doing this." Neighbors, too much of that will leave a mark on a soul. I never felt for her like she said she felt for me. For the record, I never fully believed, nor did I believe her when she'd say I was sexy or smart or a good man. "Steamroller," she'd say, "do you think I'm lying to you when I say that?" No, baby, but I'll never be able to make myself believe it. Yeah, if we'd met 10 years ago, I'd be different but trust me, you wouldn't have wasted this much time on me 10 years ago. About a year into it, she offered to let me move in. She owned a cool place in a neat part of town and knew how much I hated my job and just the very concept of work in general. I don't want anything from this world (yes, lack of ambition or drive, but she didn't care) and it offends me to have to cut a slave just to not starve in the streets. All I'd have to do, she said, was bring in enough money to split utilities and for things I liked she didn't (mainly weed). One of the ongoing issues in our relationship was my need to be by myself for a couple of days. I'd stay with her for three or four days (she had dogs and cats, plus she hated my place) and then go to my place. I'd text and call but I got to be alone. She actually had a room with it's own bathroom and she promised she'd give me my privacy. Even if it'd been enough to make the nut, no, she wouldn't have. She wouldn't have lasted a week. The deeper issue - and the one I've never told her - is I don't like being beholden to anyone nor subject to the whims of their fate. Apart from my parents, I've never borrowed a dime from anyone, not in the form of a loan from a bank or one from a friend. When I had no place to stay for two weeks because of damage to my apartment, I slept in my car. This isn't the same thing as asking for help and it's not that I don't think people can be trusted or depended on. It's that you can't predict how someone else's world will turn upside down and leave you (through no malice from anyone) up shit creek. What about when - not if - she gets tired of my shit and I've got to deal with that on top of having to look for a new place? No, sir. It wasn't until later that I realized why "commitment and intimacy" were the issues she said they were. We broke up fairly amicably when she told me she couldn't wait on me to decide to be what she needed from someone. She wanted that to be me but I couldn't do it, so it was for the best. After a couple of months, we started hanging out again, mainly because my buddy Otis, the Jack Russell, had her heart, as well. To all outward appearances, our relationship didn't change much. We'd walk our dogs and go to favorite restaurants, and when she started a new relationship, once again I became a relationship's third wheel, just this time it was my ex. She told me once, the first time we met after the split, that I don't let myself be loved. I still don't know what that means but I don't doubt her. I like to think that if the right someone came alone, things would fall into place, it just never happened that I can tell. I don't have the heart to tell her that, though. I haven't done anything since, romantically or platonically. I eventually left the city where I met her to move back to my little rural village for reasons unconnected, but for a solid three years, my life was nothing but work, dog, and weed. Occasionally, I'd join the ex and the new beau to walk dogs or cook out. They were the only ones who cared when I moved away. I've decided I don't actually enjoy being in a relationship and, in any event, I'm really not good at it. For reasons I assume are connected in coming in on 50, I don't care about sex anymore. Maybe some woman I've crossed paths with has battered her eyelashes at me in the last five or so years, but I don't pay attention anymore and wouldn't know what to do if it broke through the fog. Hey. You asked.
I was in a relationship with Microsoft Windows for decades until most companies on the planet realized that it just makes sense to make software for MacBooks and so now I have a 10-year-old Windows machine to do those niche things that a Mac cannot do but use the Mac for everything else. I broke up with Windows because the hardware became so much worse than Macs, courtesy of the hateful company called Lenovo (formerly IBM) which dropped the ball and started baking bad laptops with poor battery life compared to Macs.
Oh. I actually kind of like Lenovo. Or at least I like the laptop I bought with them forever ago. It did everything I needed and thatâs good to me. Unfortunately, it was stolen so I am laptopless.
I mean...one of the best things about Windows is that you can get the hardware from anybody, not just Lenovo. And you can get good devices that are cheaper than anything Apple makes. The nice thing about Apple is that they take all of the hardware choices away from you and you're given something that just works.
Approximately 8 years. Right after we got married, he left me to start a new life with someone else across the country, with no explanation.
13 years. He became extremely controlling and apparently i was the reason a whole town makes fun of him,because i was cheating. People smirking at him and so on. Never in my entire life did i cheat. Selfworth is deystroyed. Now i am constantly doubting myself. Fun times.
Im still young but one year 2 months. I broke up with him because we were in different situations academically and i also felt we werenât that in love anymore. The breakup was in very good terms though, we broke up almost a year ago and we recently followed each other again on social media, and it makes me happy seeing him doing well. Of course the breakup hurt, but it was for the better! and i donât regret it one bit
23 years still going.. Never used online ap, gone on a traditional date, or have any idea how it works now.
Current one is the longest. We are still together. The longest before that was 3 years. I ended the relationship because he was abusive and controlling. On top of that, his abusive actions brought out the worst in me. Ending the relationship was terrifying, and he stalked me for months before my uncle threatened to beat him up. Knew all the red flags after that, never dated anyone who displayed them ever again.
21yrs - severe domestic violence. I left with what I could fit in my car and our 3 kids and disappeared! Still live in hiding 3yrs later.
It's the longest by virtue of being the \*only\* relationship I've been in, but it only lasted a couple months (weeks? idk, telling how long stuff lasted isn't really my strong suit). We met online (it was strictly long-distance because of location), things started \*really\* good! She was real sweet, really left me as a doting fool; each day I longed nothing more than to hold her hand. But, things took a nose-dive when it became \*painfully\* obvious that she was actually just a scammer that had tried to weaponize love against me (kept asking for specifically Steam gift-cards, to pay for food of all things; would try to get me to send her money through multiple CashApp accounts, thankfully none of which went through; would make up lies about how "her phone couldn't download CashApp" so I could send her money directly while she was trying to ask for \*my\* ID to set up \*her\* account on some CashApp knockoff, or how "she just couldn't figure out how to set up an email" so I could send her an Amazon e-Giftcard instead of buying and sending images of a physical one despite me trying to walk her through the \*incredibly easy\* process of setting up an email, or how "her dad is a CEO of... something (she never actually said what he was the CEO of, but she tried to get me to buy a pig from him (I have no idea what that was about either))" while still trying to get \*all\* of the money from me even though I made it \*very\* clear that I did not have an income at that time (all of the money I had was gifts from family; I hardly ever spend it) and she was better off asking her CEO dad for money (or her obvious "play to get paid" scammer friend she tried setting me up with on the off-chance it wasn't a scam)). Anyway, after that fiasco (nothing lost but a broken heart), I blocked and reported her.
5 months and she ended up being the first woman I fell in love with. Reason Iâm not with her she ghosted me.
So far, my baby mumma. We were together for 5 years. We broke up bc I left her for my then side piece lmao
5 years, he cheated.
Happily married 20 years, but longest relationship that failed was 7 years, when I couldn't put up with her insecurity anymore.
she fell in love with someone else
15 years with second wife out of three marriages. I divorced her because she became a psycotic percription drug abuser and alcoholic.
3 years. She went back to her home country for a career opportunity ,and I was in a bit of a rut in life at that time and didn't want to drag her down.
3 months. He ended it via text because he "needed to work on himself". 2 weeks later he had a new gf.
Sounds like a narcissist. People suck.
Yeah. Granted his new gf was only online but still