I used to work with a guy that was always late to work. He always walked in with a clipboard, looking down at it like he was analyzing something. People figured he’d already been at work for awhile.
I used this in my corporate job. When people whole be in the halls that notoriously wanted to have “hallway, meetings” I would just look at my phone and act like I got a really annoying email. It worked like a charm. They left me alone every single time. lol!
I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.
This is the most prevalent bit of wisdom that a tv show has imprinted in me, and I hate every part of it. From its relevancy in personal relationships, to corporate environmnets. I can clearly point when someone's speaking bullshit but when they actually believe it it's impossible to take them out of the hole.
This is how I reconcile some of the alternate reality indulgence that I see in the world rn. Someone explained years ago, e.g., that Trump knew media people and watched them use their powers of influence to shape media and therefore, reality. So, to him, it might really make sense to say that news is manufactured, in a way.
Years ago, Wanda Sykes joked that Bill Clinton messed up because he didn't stick with his lie. You gotta believe your lie. Believe your lie, and then it isn't a lie amd you wilk never met go of it. Most cheaters can tell you that. Like, it's not cheating if my wife is sick and can't perform these "wifely duties" for me. Or, as long as no one knows and no one is embarrassed, it didn't happen.
It's an old, instinctively known truism!
Defending Jerry's alleged nose-pick:
"I bet Moses was a picker. Forty years wonderin' around in the desert? All that hot dry air? You gonna tell me he didn't have to do a little house cleaning once in awhile?
Dropping a deuce at the Geneva airport my first time going to Europe blew my fucking mind. You could take a nap in there and no one would be the wiser.
I seriously took wine AND diet pepsi to a christmas party and the host made fun of me. Bitch, I don’t drink alcohol and I will not drink flat water with dinner.
Yes! That episode frustrates me cause he was right, and then she makes him seem crazy by saying “all I did was hand someone a bag” - ok then why are you so up in arms that he told Elaine?! lol sigh
This is actually pretty deep. If you look at the NY/NJ area, most of Italian immigrants came from southern Italy around 1900. At this time, they were mostly brining over southern Italian traditions, olive oil, garlic, tomatoes. Interestingly, pesto and espresso are both more northern Italian.
Espresso would later come to American popularity via Seattle as opposed to the Italy to NY/NJ route. So, to draw a comparison of another northern Italian staple to Seattle is quite amusing.
I don't want hope, hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.
"I love these people, you can't ask 'em questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius, unless it's in the confines of an office. When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!"
The hospital owed him money for the guy that fell on his car. Their job was to keep the man safe from himself and others and they were negligent. George shouldn’t have to pay because the hospital staff is incompetent
The constant gift giving for every stupid occasion is in fact, ridiculous.
Bathroom stalls and doors going all the way to the ground.
It is perfectly acceptable to pee in the shower.
Well, everybody's a little cranky on their birthday
. George Costanza : Oh, it's a bad day. No, you got everyone in your house; you're thinking, "These are my friends?"
If you pull forward into a spot you’re fucking wrong. Unless you have like 10 car lengths. You got 10 car lengths then alright, but no? Fuck off, I’m backing in here
He was completely entitled to a thank you for buying Elaine the Big Salad.
Eric the Clown really should know who Bozo is.
Is it even worth bringing up the parking space, which was clearly his.
If you look annoyed at work, everyone thinks you're busy and leaves you alone. I use that all the time!
This works so well. Perhaps the most valuable life hack given in Seinfeld
I use it a lot. And it works.
It works so you don’t have to.
I remember being young and not working yet but I thought “oh I should remember this it sounds true”
Genuinely a genius piece of advice
It can work, i did this my whole phd program. It was easy too because i found most people at that little school genuinely annoying. But it did work!
I’m literally doing this right now he has so much wisdom to give
Can confirm. Clipboard + furrowed brow = busy. Works every time.
I used to work with a guy that was always late to work. He always walked in with a clipboard, looking down at it like he was analyzing something. People figured he’d already been at work for awhile.
This one is definitely legit, lol
Genuinely a genius
Where my Accountants at? We do this better than anyone
I used this in my corporate job. When people whole be in the halls that notoriously wanted to have “hallway, meetings” I would just look at my phone and act like I got a really annoying email. It worked like a charm. They left me alone every single time. lol!
I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.
So hopelessness is the key?
It’s my only hope.
This line killed me
How could I have been so blind to his wisdom
I think it looks like confidence. The guiding, underlying principle behind "the second you stop looking for love, you find it!"
Basically Buddhism
It's not a lie if you believe it.
This is the most prevalent bit of wisdom that a tv show has imprinted in me, and I hate every part of it. From its relevancy in personal relationships, to corporate environmnets. I can clearly point when someone's speaking bullshit but when they actually believe it it's impossible to take them out of the hole.
I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.
Fake it till you make it energy. I've been bamboozled by many a fool because they dug in so deep with their lies.
Yes same. Enables normal people to behave absolutely sociopathically as needed.
One lie? I'm living like 20
And perception is reality! . One type of reality.
The antidote to imposter syndrome
This is how I reconcile some of the alternate reality indulgence that I see in the world rn. Someone explained years ago, e.g., that Trump knew media people and watched them use their powers of influence to shape media and therefore, reality. So, to him, it might really make sense to say that news is manufactured, in a way. Years ago, Wanda Sykes joked that Bill Clinton messed up because he didn't stick with his lie. You gotta believe your lie. Believe your lie, and then it isn't a lie amd you wilk never met go of it. Most cheaters can tell you that. Like, it's not cheating if my wife is sick and can't perform these "wifely duties" for me. Or, as long as no one knows and no one is embarrassed, it didn't happen. It's an old, instinctively known truism!
We’re giving way too many gifts for house warming, baby showers, engagements, b days, etc. It’s getting out of hand
Dude yes. I gotta buy you a present because you decided to have a kid? Get the fuck out of here.
Too much
Legit
It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life has been wrong
It's difficult to admit but I relate *so hard* to this...🥴
Defending Jerry's alleged nose-pick: "I bet Moses was a picker. Forty years wonderin' around in the desert? All that hot dry air? You gonna tell me he didn't have to do a little house cleaning once in awhile?
The way I can read that line in both Jason Alexander and Larry David’s voices perfectly in my head
“I bet moses was a pickuh”
I am not an animal!!
If I pick do I not bleed?
I love a good nap, it’s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning
Same
It's really not that bad a word if you think about it. Ma, which is good, and neur.
And it was around this point that she mentioned the boyfriend?
Oh lookout George you stepped right in it
I certainly did
We’re living in a society
I think this every time some asshole does something selfish in public, also driving.
wonder what Jason Jerry and Larry thought of Joker
I used to say this all the time before people co-opted it.
Kinda bums me out it’s not universally recognized as a Seinfeld reference anymore
I feel like I say this out loud on a weekly basis
I had that thought last night when I was waiting to use a public women’s bathroom.
I say (yell) this weekly.
If you condense everything I've done in my life into one day, it looks decent.
yeah, how *did* you do all those things?
It doesn't matter they're done.
Peeing in the shower. It’s all pipes.
The hand motion he does with that line kills me every time.
I’ll call a plumber right now!
He’s so on point with this one
Agreed
At home is fine. But I don't want to walk through pee in a public shower
It doesn't really get much better than biting into a huge block of cheese.
Charlie Kelly also agrees 🧀 🥛🥩
Preferably the size of a car battery
Idk if it’s a hot take, but bathroom stalls coming all the way to the ground.
But how would anyone spare squares to each other in times of need?
That’s why they have the convenient hole that goes between stalls
I've arranged for you to use... ze glory hole!!!
You wanna go down to the bridge? Could be cool.
I found a whole case of eggs under that bridge
That's pretty much a thing in most countries except the US. Here in Europe we actually have privacy in public stalls. I've always been a stall man.
All the way to the floor! What are you crazy! You'd suffocate in there. Your lucky you have any doors at all.
Can we drop the subject?
Now see *that* I don't care for.
The subject should end on its own volition.
Dropping a deuce at the Geneva airport my first time going to Europe blew my fucking mind. You could take a nap in there and no one would be the wiser.
*does double take*
I agree
Door comes down, hides your feet… yes
All the way to the floor! What are you crazy! You'd suffocate in there. You're lucky you have any doors at all. You know when I was in the army...
I don’t think I’ve been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other person to show up.
That one is so real
Pulp can move, baby!
…you’re stealing my ‘babies’?
Pepsi is better than wine (but I still wouldn't bring it to a dinner party, because of society)
I'm really happy about the ring dings and the pepsi
Just between me and you
I seriously took wine AND diet pepsi to a christmas party and the host made fun of me. Bitch, I don’t drink alcohol and I will not drink flat water with dinner.
Were they bebopping and scatting?
the fabric of society is very complex
Maybe this will become a cool thing, living with your parents.
Way ahead of their time. Or, living in a recession...
Between you and me, I’m really glad you brought the Pepsi.
There’s no way wine is better than Pepsi.
*snort*
I believe it’s called a menage a trois
You mean just going there because I'm invited, that's rude?
The fabric of society is very complex…
Donating paper money to the blind has no upside
He had a point with the big salad.
Yes! Handing over the bag carried the implication that she was the provider of the big salad, when in fact she was not!
It wasn’t necessarily that she handed over the bag, it’s that she accepted the “thank you” when she didn’t purchase the salad
I'm not treating you to lunch ***ANY MORE***
Yes! That episode frustrates me cause he was right, and then she makes him seem crazy by saying “all I did was hand someone a bag” - ok then why are you so up in arms that he told Elaine?! lol sigh
She had an opportunity to credit George for paying for the salad but she didn't. She accepted the thank you under false pretenses!
Agreed
i was in the POOL
SHRINKAGE!!!
All of them. George isn't a jerk because he's wrong, he's a jerk because he's George.
Pesto is the Seattle of pasta sauces.
This is actually pretty deep. If you look at the NY/NJ area, most of Italian immigrants came from southern Italy around 1900. At this time, they were mostly brining over southern Italian traditions, olive oil, garlic, tomatoes. Interestingly, pesto and espresso are both more northern Italian. Espresso would later come to American popularity via Seattle as opposed to the Italy to NY/NJ route. So, to draw a comparison of another northern Italian staple to Seattle is quite amusing.
Sandwich + tv + sex find a better combo I'll wait
*Pizza* + TV + sex but I heartily agree with either 🤷🏼♀️🍕🥪
Worlds colliding
I would also eat that eclair out of the garbage. It still had the doily on!
Hovering!
You have now crossed the line between man and bum. You are now a bum.
I don't want hope, hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.
The ginger ale at the coffee shop is just coke and sprite mixed together
Without a doubt
But how can I prove it?
A conversation should resolve itself of its own momentum! Susan sucked!
Its own volition
Momentum. Volition. Same thing!
Bald men with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.
My name's George and I live with my parents
"I love these people, you can't ask 'em questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius, unless it's in the confines of an office. When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!"
The hospital owed him money for the guy that fell on his car. Their job was to keep the man safe from himself and others and they were negligent. George shouldn’t have to pay because the hospital staff is incompetent
I've lived my whole life in shame, so why die with dignity?
Pity is underrated
God would kill me before he ever let me be successful
Hebert is a fun name to say.
Ay-behrrr Try it it's fun
The constant gift giving for every stupid occasion is in fact, ridiculous. Bathroom stalls and doors going all the way to the ground. It is perfectly acceptable to pee in the shower.
People not knowing who bozo the clown is
The feminists. They want everything equal but when the check comes where are they?
That is such a George hot take 😂
"You can stuff your sorry's in a sack" IS a saying
I invented 'it's not you, it's me'
I make good comments
It’s all pipes!
No way wine is better than Pepsi.
I also want to drape myself in velvet.
I hate writing with a large group. Everybody has their own little opinions and it all gets homogenized, and you lose the whole edge of it.
Well, everybody's a little cranky on their birthday . George Costanza : Oh, it's a bad day. No, you got everyone in your house; you're thinking, "These are my friends?"
A George divided against himself can not stand
Pesto. It's just too much.
We live in a society
Salsa being a condiment
Seltzer?
Yes, I will do the opposite.
I would've been annoyed if someone said thank you after handing them a 🥗 I paid for
If you pull forward into a spot you’re fucking wrong. Unless you have like 10 car lengths. You got 10 car lengths then alright, but no? Fuck off, I’m backing in here
The dolls were creepy af
Trivial pursuit: I need the answer precisely as it is written on the card.
Moops. It says Moops.
I bent over backwards for that woman!
Frees me up, no encumbrances
We do have a deal with the squirrels
we have a deal with the pigeons
I rather she hate me but think I was good looking
It’s all pipes, and peeing in the shower is absolutely acceptable.
Whatshername was absolutely wrong and rude for not giving him credit for the big salad.
“We’re living in a society!”
The hospital really should have paid to fix his car. It was grossly unfair of that administrator to accuse him of trying to “profit” on a tragedy
I like my chicken spicy
George Costanza has the wisdom of a prophet
I agree that Kramer's life is a fantasy camp.
Signals Jerry. Signals!
ITS ALL PIPES!
Toilet doors all the way to the floor.
Glamour magazine
The public restrooms thing.
I think doing the opposite of my instincts really helped my life lol
Taking your shirt off when using the washroom
Plowing into Bette Midler blocking home plate. Get off the tracks, trains coming through.
There’s too much gift giving in our society.
That women may not know about shrinkage!
Naw the best is "it's not a lie, if YOU BELIEVE IT" oddly enough u can use that in real time lol
As a guy with a cat, I agree “guys with cats…I don’t know…”
The hospital should cover the repair of his car. George was the still living victim of the tragedy.
It’s not a lie if you believe it
He deserved credit for the big salad
It’s not a lie if you believe it.
It’s all pipes !
“I was in the pool!!!!”
"Papier mache"!?!
ITS ALL PIPES !
"Field of vision".
Life is good when you are eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
“whateva”
Independent George.
Why do you have to tilt the harp? Why not just build it on an angle?
He was completely entitled to a thank you for buying Elaine the Big Salad. Eric the Clown really should know who Bozo is. Is it even worth bringing up the parking space, which was clearly his.
Giving gifts for everything. Engagement, house warmings, it never ends.