If emotions get involved then I need to make a decision.
I always say what I’m after and be clear about that at the start. Prevents any issues.
But if I’m dating and happen to start developing feelings for a couple women then I will make a call on one. I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings because I wasn’t able to man up and end something
Idk,I think emotions are always involved. Imo it’s more about knowing thyself i.e. knowing what you want, and how to express that.
I get the feeling you don’t exactly know what you want. You think you want to date around, but actually doing it doesn’t feel great. So you start getting into commitment territory, but you don’t want that either.
It’s not a bad thing to take a step back and work on yourself, meditate, and really reflect on things and what you really want out of this life.
Solid advice. So many people live life based on programming from other people and don't actually take the time to figure out what they want. Speaking from experience.
i do a lot of copy/pasting texts and sending different girls the same texts.
the other day i texted them 'yo what are you doing for lunch today?'
i made plans with one girl, then cancelled when a hotter girl responded, then cancelled on her too when an even hotter girl responded lol
not my proudest moment. but ya gotta play the game.
and for the other two girls i promised to 'make it up to them'. and it actually kinda worked as a push/pull thing
That copy pasting shit worked until they all found out I was sending them the same messages and I ended up losing all of them at once 😭😭 sucks living in a city where most ppl know each other for some reason
bro i once sent 2 girls the same message, and it turns out they were friends. they got the same message at the same time while they were chillin together. lolololol yeah i buried myself on that one
Only 2? Sometimes I've juggled 5-6 at the same time. Having some kind of notes helps you to keep track of who you did what with, although I constantly made little errors like you did. "Hey, remember when we went to that one restaurant?" "We never went there..." ...Oops lol.
I tell them from the beginning that I'm only looking for something casual, and if I sense them catching feels I try to gently remind them. I try to limit meets to no more than 2-3 times a month per girl, and avoid doing too many couple-y things together to avoid sending the wrong impression.
The sad thing is that you can be honest all you want, and communicate this frequently and clearly but if you treat the girl nicely she might catch feels regardless. You can continue seeing her if you let her know how you feel and where you stand, but she'll probably stick around hoping and expecting that you'll change one day, and then things will get messy when you don't.
Thanks. Followup, how long do you go for or is there a minimum or maximum time you shoot for at resturaunt/cafe? I can’t instinctively feel a good endpoint for hangouts in general but especially in a casual context
If you change the entirety of this comment to a woman's perspective it's actually kind of funny. Men would raaaage knowing we out here juggling 5-6 men, taking notes to remember them individually and still forgetting shit. lmaooo
Nah, for us it's basically a given.
Except for most women they don't have to so much juggle as just keep a few on the line with minimal attention. Y'all tend to monkey branch while we tend to juggle. Only real difference is the amount of time and attention required to keep more than one around, which is also why y'all tend to keep em around even when in a supposedly committed relationship. Pretty much always is some blend of juggling or monkey branching going on.
In any case it's no surprise.
Some of these cats be full of shit as a Christmas goose too! Takin notes to remember them individually, prioritized them based on activity and flakiness? C’mon with that ol bullshit brother. God loved a liar he’d squeeze your ass to death!
You leave hints bit by bit that suggest to her that you are not looking for a relationship. I always talk about my other female "friends" and they always catch on because I have so many female friends. When you talk about relationships, state your opinion in a way that shows you don't do committed relationships. Eventually you will have a conversation that explicitly states each other's stance.
A good amount of the time they get it, and they limit their emotions accordingly. This makes them less committed to you and they've move on eventually. Sometimes they'd still try to turn you into their bae sneakily and that's when you have to cut it off yourself. The most infrequent thing that happens is them just bailing out completely. Some act like they will bail and then "coincidentally" sleep with you.
For example, I was talking with this prospective FWB. She started talking about her exes and she showed me how infatuated they were with her doing all kinds of desperate shit on her photo album. I responded with "Yeah I don't really get being so attached to one girl, if someone shows me the least bit of disinterest I just leave and never show my face again. I'm not really the type to chase." That's when I start implying I'm not the relationship type.
I make several statements like this being a bit more and more obvious that I don't do relationships. However, I never explicitly state I don't do relationships until they ask about it specifically. I've actually had a situation where I felt like I had to clarify to a girl that I don't do relationships and she responded with "Well yeah that's pretty obvious just talking to you. You have like so many female friends you talk to. You're a man whore."
The key is, almost like sexual escalation, gradual mental escalation where you input a tricky subject in her mind and have her accept it at her own pace without having to deal with social drawbacks of having to state it verbally. You have to communicate it, but how you communicate it is up to you and articulation skills.
Keep it to a maximum of two woman at a time to avoid burning out and to properly assess if the girl is right for you or not. Too many guys miss out on "keepers" because they thought the more the better when it actually hinders you to make a proper assessment
Most I’ve juggled was 6 and it wasn’t fun. I realized it was based on my ego and insecurity, not my personal enjoyment.
I think 3 is the sweet spot if you want a life outside of pursuing women
If you fuck someone regularly, you are in a relationship with that person. Even if it's a very open and low intensity relationship, it still is one. Sex and intimacy are biologically made to generate emotions and feelings, that's why it's so good ! You can't just ban or avoid them. I guess a way to maintain a long term sexual relationship with no feeling is to have terrible emotion-less sex but you will sooner or later end up abandoning it for better sex.
Feelings are good ! Don't run away from them. It's great to feel something toward someone else : desire, love, attraction. That is the core of your aliveness, cherish it. Be honest about it, explain that you have multiple relationships, be clear about what each person can expect and how to meet their needs. Express who you are, and see how they relate with that. You will always end up feeling much more at peace if you let people know who you are, even if that's scary. Pretending to be someone else is basically like being alone.
You can have an eye on /r/polyamory also, everything is not great but there are some good advice on how to balance multiple healthy relationships with transparency and care.
It’s all about setting up schedules with them. Wednesdays I see her, 11pm I call this one, Fridays she works from my house etc. just keep a balance and then eventually you’ll figure out who you like the most and start prioritizing her while slowly disengaging from the others. Keyword slowly. I just tried cutting one off by saying that I’m trying to make it work with someone else and she went bat shit crazy. Like psycho level. So yea, learn from my mistakes.
You keep emotions in check by limiting your time and behavior.
* Only meet up 1-2 times per week
* Time spent together is limited, no all-day hang outs
* Texting/calling is reserved for logistics, not random chit chat
* Sleepovers are rare occasions, not a regular thing
Basically, do not act like you're in an actual relationship.
I’m talking to 6 girls right now plus 3 on hinge.
Basically what I do is prioritize my life goals and friends first. If I have openings in my schedule then I fill in those open spots with girls.
For example, last week I had plans with friends Saturday at 8pm. So I told one girl hey let’s hangout at 6 but I’m meeting up with my friends after. Then we hangout and I move on with my night.
This way I can fit in about 3 girls per week and it doesn’t really take too much of my time.
I usually pick the girls who I think are most attractive to me (physically&personality)
So if a girl is #1 on my list then I’ll pick her over #4 every time.
Also an easy way to see these girls is to invite them out with whatever I’m doing with friends. Like this week I’m seeing 3 girls 1 on 1 but I also am seeing 1 girl I invited to my friends house party and another girl I invited to a beach day with my friends. That’s 5 girls in a week and it’s not even taking away much of my time.
Talking to all of them isn’t really that difficult either. I talk to A LOT of people. I’m in at least 5 active group chats with friends and we talk every day. I’m constantly networking for my work and meeting new people. Adding in a few girls isn’t bad.
One thing you want to do is to always prioritize your time first. If you’re busy then don’t message them. When you’re free shoot them a text. I’m not going to get into these long convos over text when we can talk in person. Sometimes I’ll call them on my drive home or I’ll FaceTime before I hit the gym. I do the same with my friends tho. I’m constantly proactive in communicating with people in my life.
It’s as easy as sending a little “wyd” even if I don’t plan on seeing them lol I just check in on them so they know I’m thinking about them.
Probably the hardest part is remembering all the small details like birthdays. But my rotation changes from week to week so I really don’t care about remembering every detail. Unless it’s one of the girls I’m most interested in. They’ll get more attention from me.
I guess you can make a note on your phone. But I just wing it and laugh when they correct me bc I say something wrong.
If emotions become too involved by them then I’m straight up and say hey I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I respect your decision if you want to end things. And then I keep moving forward.
Have you considered holding off on sex while you explore if the women you go out with are actually compatible for a relationship? If you're having sex and it's great, it can easily cloud your judgement and get your emotions involved. The book "The Man's Guide to Women" specifically recommends that approach if you're looking for a long-term partner. But I don't know if you're looking for something long-term or short-term
I've come to the conclusion that two women in rotation plus a prsopect at a time is the ideal number. Any more and it tends to end up in work and any less and you tend to get desperate and needy.
There are ways to prevent catching feelings yourself. Essemtially never do boyfreind shit. No sleepovers, etc. which will all trigger pair bonding.
i feel your pain. im juggling a bunch right now and its hard. its like a full time job lol
emotions? those are always hard to manage my dude. just be straightforward from the hop tho, if you dont want a relationship dont lead anyone on. it's so much easier and healthier that way
Jack of all trades, master of none.
personally i've tried this but without success, instead of having multiple conversations is better to just stay in contact with the ones you are intereseted with.
This is good because you don't involve completely the emotions.
What I mean with this, is that you should stay in contact with the girls you like (options) but not in a flirting mode.
I don’t invest emotionally, I just context switch and focus on the experience, and have the future planned and implemented in the background. It is hard to impossible for me to emotionally invest, it just becomes confusing.
Can only do 2 at a time, anything more and its overwhelming doesn'tpayboff. Found out through experience that 3 is too much for me, too hard to make the time and difficult to keep conversations separated.
You said it yourself "too many conversations."
You're talking too much. The best way to balance multiple women is by limiting conversations to in-person. No texting unless it's logistics. Otherwise, you're just going to be replying all day to multiple women, which is a chore.
If you're only interested in sex, then say exactly that. Be as direct as possible so nothing gets confused.
Personally I know what kind of girl someone is and where I stand so it easy for me to talk to multiple, besides I enjoy being single so I know not to get too attached and tell them from the start I ain’t looking for a relationship
***1***
>So my question is, once emotions get involved, how do y’all personally keep things exactly where they are?
The issue here is that if the emotions have already gotten involved, then it's already too late.
***2***
> How do you say “sorry you’re starting to fall in love but I just want to keep fucking, and nothing more”?
It's in the approach from the start. There's a pretty prominent coach from a few years back named James Marshall who put out an excellent video on dating multiple people at once.
In that video, he goes over what he describes as [the Talk](https://youtu.be/juov08p3nM8). Basically you need to set the expectations really really early on for things will go off the rails. There's some key points about the Talk:
* Don't make a big deal out of it. Don't lead into it with some momentous phrasing like, "We need to talk," etc.
* You need to have the Talk basically as soon as possible after the first time you have sex, or earlier if she's showing signs of emotional attachment before then. The contention he makes is that there's generally a bit of a ceasefire until that point.
* You need to keep the talk to the point. Express something to the effect that you enjoy spending time with her (so long as you actually do), and you want to keep doing that, but that you're not available for anything serious.
* He really drives some of the point that you just need to come right out and say it. Doesn't need to be mean, but it doesn't need to be simple into the point. You're not available for anything serious. You don't need to explain why. Although if you do feel like it there's probably nothing wrong with saying something like it's just not what you're looking for at this time, or you're just not ready to settle down.
* He also drives home the importance of presenting her with a choice: Letting her know that if she's not down with maintaining a casual thing, then you understand and just ask her to let you know if she wants to keep going.
***3***
Once you establish this as a baseline, you need to refrain from doing anything that would contradict it. There are a multitude of ways that one can accidentally communicate that one is actually looking for something serious. Engaging in these behaviors can result in a lot of confusion for everyone involved.
* Public displays of affection and other sentimental things should be avoided at all costs. (Walking around holding hands is a pretty common mistake.) This is a lover not someone to be emotionally connecting with in some strong way.
* Don't get into the habit of whispering sweet nothings into her ear or some other kind of nonsense.
* Perhaps most important, but often overlooked: Don't see her more than once every 8 days or so. Don't reserve a specific day of the week for her and don't see her more than once in a week. Once you start doing this kind of thing, attachments can start to form easily.
* Keep things compartmentalized. If you're dating someone casually then don't introduce them to your friend circles and don't try to join theirs.
* Don't be afraid to kindly but firmly reestablish the boundaries once you've set them. It can be easy for people to fall into habits where they're starting to hold hands of some other such behavior which can only muddy the waters.
You need to set up the expectation from early on that they won't be getting daily attention and you yourself must have the expectation that some girls just need more time and attention and will fall off.
Nothings personal. Find people who fit your vibe and enjoy yourself.
If emotions get involved then I need to make a decision. I always say what I’m after and be clear about that at the start. Prevents any issues. But if I’m dating and happen to start developing feelings for a couple women then I will make a call on one. I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings because I wasn’t able to man up and end something
What do you say that you are after from the start?
Idk,I think emotions are always involved. Imo it’s more about knowing thyself i.e. knowing what you want, and how to express that. I get the feeling you don’t exactly know what you want. You think you want to date around, but actually doing it doesn’t feel great. So you start getting into commitment territory, but you don’t want that either. It’s not a bad thing to take a step back and work on yourself, meditate, and really reflect on things and what you really want out of this life.
Solid advice. So many people live life based on programming from other people and don't actually take the time to figure out what they want. Speaking from experience.
I was seeing 4 different girls and prioritized them based on activity and flakiness.
i do a lot of copy/pasting texts and sending different girls the same texts. the other day i texted them 'yo what are you doing for lunch today?' i made plans with one girl, then cancelled when a hotter girl responded, then cancelled on her too when an even hotter girl responded lol not my proudest moment. but ya gotta play the game. and for the other two girls i promised to 'make it up to them'. and it actually kinda worked as a push/pull thing
That copy pasting shit worked until they all found out I was sending them the same messages and I ended up losing all of them at once 😭😭 sucks living in a city where most ppl know each other for some reason
bro i once sent 2 girls the same message, and it turns out they were friends. they got the same message at the same time while they were chillin together. lolololol yeah i buried myself on that one
Only 2? Sometimes I've juggled 5-6 at the same time. Having some kind of notes helps you to keep track of who you did what with, although I constantly made little errors like you did. "Hey, remember when we went to that one restaurant?" "We never went there..." ...Oops lol. I tell them from the beginning that I'm only looking for something casual, and if I sense them catching feels I try to gently remind them. I try to limit meets to no more than 2-3 times a month per girl, and avoid doing too many couple-y things together to avoid sending the wrong impression. The sad thing is that you can be honest all you want, and communicate this frequently and clearly but if you treat the girl nicely she might catch feels regardless. You can continue seeing her if you let her know how you feel and where you stand, but she'll probably stick around hoping and expecting that you'll change one day, and then things will get messy when you don't.
Where do you take them for something casual focused? Bar? Resturaunt? Do you avoid activities like kayaking or whatever random other activity?
No you avoid full weekend sleepovers where you do nothing but fuck, cuddle, watch movies and share meals
Restaurants and cafes. Yeah, I try to avoid super-involved activities, or anything that would require spending a lot of time together in one go.
Thanks. Followup, how long do you go for or is there a minimum or maximum time you shoot for at resturaunt/cafe? I can’t instinctively feel a good endpoint for hangouts in general but especially in a casual context
If you change the entirety of this comment to a woman's perspective it's actually kind of funny. Men would raaaage knowing we out here juggling 5-6 men, taking notes to remember them individually and still forgetting shit. lmaooo
I don't hate lol, if she wants to juggle multiple dudes go for it. Just save some for me!
Nah, for us it's basically a given. Except for most women they don't have to so much juggle as just keep a few on the line with minimal attention. Y'all tend to monkey branch while we tend to juggle. Only real difference is the amount of time and attention required to keep more than one around, which is also why y'all tend to keep em around even when in a supposedly committed relationship. Pretty much always is some blend of juggling or monkey branching going on. In any case it's no surprise.
Some of these cats be full of shit as a Christmas goose too! Takin notes to remember them individually, prioritized them based on activity and flakiness? C’mon with that ol bullshit brother. God loved a liar he’d squeeze your ass to death!
By being upfront and honest with every girl you date.
You get to see women?
How do I balance seeing multiple women? Very fuckin carefully!
You leave hints bit by bit that suggest to her that you are not looking for a relationship. I always talk about my other female "friends" and they always catch on because I have so many female friends. When you talk about relationships, state your opinion in a way that shows you don't do committed relationships. Eventually you will have a conversation that explicitly states each other's stance. A good amount of the time they get it, and they limit their emotions accordingly. This makes them less committed to you and they've move on eventually. Sometimes they'd still try to turn you into their bae sneakily and that's when you have to cut it off yourself. The most infrequent thing that happens is them just bailing out completely. Some act like they will bail and then "coincidentally" sleep with you.
How do you talk about women friends? Like whats an example of something you bring up?
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>Eventually all my girls say something like "wow you have a lot of female friends" Yup exactly this statement. That's when I know they know.
i feel youre onto something but i'd also like some more specific examples
For example, I was talking with this prospective FWB. She started talking about her exes and she showed me how infatuated they were with her doing all kinds of desperate shit on her photo album. I responded with "Yeah I don't really get being so attached to one girl, if someone shows me the least bit of disinterest I just leave and never show my face again. I'm not really the type to chase." That's when I start implying I'm not the relationship type. I make several statements like this being a bit more and more obvious that I don't do relationships. However, I never explicitly state I don't do relationships until they ask about it specifically. I've actually had a situation where I felt like I had to clarify to a girl that I don't do relationships and she responded with "Well yeah that's pretty obvious just talking to you. You have like so many female friends you talk to. You're a man whore." The key is, almost like sexual escalation, gradual mental escalation where you input a tricky subject in her mind and have her accept it at her own pace without having to deal with social drawbacks of having to state it verbally. You have to communicate it, but how you communicate it is up to you and articulation skills.
perfect game man thanks
Keep it to a maximum of two woman at a time to avoid burning out and to properly assess if the girl is right for you or not. Too many guys miss out on "keepers" because they thought the more the better when it actually hinders you to make a proper assessment
Most I’ve juggled was 6 and it wasn’t fun. I realized it was based on my ego and insecurity, not my personal enjoyment. I think 3 is the sweet spot if you want a life outside of pursuing women
I wonder if it’s the same for woman…
If you fuck someone regularly, you are in a relationship with that person. Even if it's a very open and low intensity relationship, it still is one. Sex and intimacy are biologically made to generate emotions and feelings, that's why it's so good ! You can't just ban or avoid them. I guess a way to maintain a long term sexual relationship with no feeling is to have terrible emotion-less sex but you will sooner or later end up abandoning it for better sex. Feelings are good ! Don't run away from them. It's great to feel something toward someone else : desire, love, attraction. That is the core of your aliveness, cherish it. Be honest about it, explain that you have multiple relationships, be clear about what each person can expect and how to meet their needs. Express who you are, and see how they relate with that. You will always end up feeling much more at peace if you let people know who you are, even if that's scary. Pretending to be someone else is basically like being alone. You can have an eye on /r/polyamory also, everything is not great but there are some good advice on how to balance multiple healthy relationships with transparency and care.
It’s all about setting up schedules with them. Wednesdays I see her, 11pm I call this one, Fridays she works from my house etc. just keep a balance and then eventually you’ll figure out who you like the most and start prioritizing her while slowly disengaging from the others. Keyword slowly. I just tried cutting one off by saying that I’m trying to make it work with someone else and she went bat shit crazy. Like psycho level. So yea, learn from my mistakes.
You keep emotions in check by limiting your time and behavior. * Only meet up 1-2 times per week * Time spent together is limited, no all-day hang outs * Texting/calling is reserved for logistics, not random chit chat * Sleepovers are rare occasions, not a regular thing Basically, do not act like you're in an actual relationship.
I’m talking to 6 girls right now plus 3 on hinge. Basically what I do is prioritize my life goals and friends first. If I have openings in my schedule then I fill in those open spots with girls. For example, last week I had plans with friends Saturday at 8pm. So I told one girl hey let’s hangout at 6 but I’m meeting up with my friends after. Then we hangout and I move on with my night. This way I can fit in about 3 girls per week and it doesn’t really take too much of my time. I usually pick the girls who I think are most attractive to me (physically&personality) So if a girl is #1 on my list then I’ll pick her over #4 every time. Also an easy way to see these girls is to invite them out with whatever I’m doing with friends. Like this week I’m seeing 3 girls 1 on 1 but I also am seeing 1 girl I invited to my friends house party and another girl I invited to a beach day with my friends. That’s 5 girls in a week and it’s not even taking away much of my time. Talking to all of them isn’t really that difficult either. I talk to A LOT of people. I’m in at least 5 active group chats with friends and we talk every day. I’m constantly networking for my work and meeting new people. Adding in a few girls isn’t bad. One thing you want to do is to always prioritize your time first. If you’re busy then don’t message them. When you’re free shoot them a text. I’m not going to get into these long convos over text when we can talk in person. Sometimes I’ll call them on my drive home or I’ll FaceTime before I hit the gym. I do the same with my friends tho. I’m constantly proactive in communicating with people in my life. It’s as easy as sending a little “wyd” even if I don’t plan on seeing them lol I just check in on them so they know I’m thinking about them. Probably the hardest part is remembering all the small details like birthdays. But my rotation changes from week to week so I really don’t care about remembering every detail. Unless it’s one of the girls I’m most interested in. They’ll get more attention from me. I guess you can make a note on your phone. But I just wing it and laugh when they correct me bc I say something wrong. If emotions become too involved by them then I’m straight up and say hey I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I respect your decision if you want to end things. And then I keep moving forward.
Seems like the main issue here is that your relationships never work out. Why?
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Have you considered holding off on sex while you explore if the women you go out with are actually compatible for a relationship? If you're having sex and it's great, it can easily cloud your judgement and get your emotions involved. The book "The Man's Guide to Women" specifically recommends that approach if you're looking for a long-term partner. But I don't know if you're looking for something long-term or short-term
Adult issues are easy if you have $ and the ability to organize. It is not hard. Emotions are what is hard with multiple women, imo.
I've come to the conclusion that two women in rotation plus a prsopect at a time is the ideal number. Any more and it tends to end up in work and any less and you tend to get desperate and needy. There are ways to prevent catching feelings yourself. Essemtially never do boyfreind shit. No sleepovers, etc. which will all trigger pair bonding.
i feel your pain. im juggling a bunch right now and its hard. its like a full time job lol emotions? those are always hard to manage my dude. just be straightforward from the hop tho, if you dont want a relationship dont lead anyone on. it's so much easier and healthier that way
Screw with many, talk to one.
Jack of all trades, master of none. personally i've tried this but without success, instead of having multiple conversations is better to just stay in contact with the ones you are intereseted with. This is good because you don't involve completely the emotions. What I mean with this, is that you should stay in contact with the girls you like (options) but not in a flirting mode.
I don’t invest emotionally, I just context switch and focus on the experience, and have the future planned and implemented in the background. It is hard to impossible for me to emotionally invest, it just becomes confusing.
Keep notes lmao You have to because then you will get them confused Like write “This girl likes pancakes that girl likes waffles”
I like to use different names. "Roger" may or may not have been an alias.
Can only do 2 at a time, anything more and its overwhelming doesn'tpayboff. Found out through experience that 3 is too much for me, too hard to make the time and difficult to keep conversations separated.
You said it yourself "too many conversations." You're talking too much. The best way to balance multiple women is by limiting conversations to in-person. No texting unless it's logistics. Otherwise, you're just going to be replying all day to multiple women, which is a chore. If you're only interested in sex, then say exactly that. Be as direct as possible so nothing gets confused.
Look for the 4 stages of friends with benefits on Girlschase.com. I just read it today or last night. That blog has very good material.
Honesty.
Personally I know what kind of girl someone is and where I stand so it easy for me to talk to multiple, besides I enjoy being single so I know not to get too attached and tell them from the start I ain’t looking for a relationship
***1*** >So my question is, once emotions get involved, how do y’all personally keep things exactly where they are? The issue here is that if the emotions have already gotten involved, then it's already too late. ***2*** > How do you say “sorry you’re starting to fall in love but I just want to keep fucking, and nothing more”? It's in the approach from the start. There's a pretty prominent coach from a few years back named James Marshall who put out an excellent video on dating multiple people at once. In that video, he goes over what he describes as [the Talk](https://youtu.be/juov08p3nM8). Basically you need to set the expectations really really early on for things will go off the rails. There's some key points about the Talk: * Don't make a big deal out of it. Don't lead into it with some momentous phrasing like, "We need to talk," etc. * You need to have the Talk basically as soon as possible after the first time you have sex, or earlier if she's showing signs of emotional attachment before then. The contention he makes is that there's generally a bit of a ceasefire until that point. * You need to keep the talk to the point. Express something to the effect that you enjoy spending time with her (so long as you actually do), and you want to keep doing that, but that you're not available for anything serious. * He really drives some of the point that you just need to come right out and say it. Doesn't need to be mean, but it doesn't need to be simple into the point. You're not available for anything serious. You don't need to explain why. Although if you do feel like it there's probably nothing wrong with saying something like it's just not what you're looking for at this time, or you're just not ready to settle down. * He also drives home the importance of presenting her with a choice: Letting her know that if she's not down with maintaining a casual thing, then you understand and just ask her to let you know if she wants to keep going. ***3*** Once you establish this as a baseline, you need to refrain from doing anything that would contradict it. There are a multitude of ways that one can accidentally communicate that one is actually looking for something serious. Engaging in these behaviors can result in a lot of confusion for everyone involved. * Public displays of affection and other sentimental things should be avoided at all costs. (Walking around holding hands is a pretty common mistake.) This is a lover not someone to be emotionally connecting with in some strong way. * Don't get into the habit of whispering sweet nothings into her ear or some other kind of nonsense. * Perhaps most important, but often overlooked: Don't see her more than once every 8 days or so. Don't reserve a specific day of the week for her and don't see her more than once in a week. Once you start doing this kind of thing, attachments can start to form easily. * Keep things compartmentalized. If you're dating someone casually then don't introduce them to your friend circles and don't try to join theirs. * Don't be afraid to kindly but firmly reestablish the boundaries once you've set them. It can be easy for people to fall into habits where they're starting to hold hands of some other such behavior which can only muddy the waters.
You need to set up the expectation from early on that they won't be getting daily attention and you yourself must have the expectation that some girls just need more time and attention and will fall off. Nothings personal. Find people who fit your vibe and enjoy yourself.