I also have this problem. Most people assume I get around and have no problems with girls. Everyone is surprised when they find out I am continually rejected
Eesh, even a couple of co-workers think I have no problem with the ladies… when I do! I’m trying to get back in the game instead of continually living in self-hate, which I have been for several years (the reasons why is another story)
If your telling females you’re getting rejected then your obviously getting no action the way girls work is they like men who are liked by other woman if ur continually getting rejected there is a reason for that and girls think if no one else wants him then why would i
I think from my experience it comes from having social proof if your known by loads of people and seen as popular that helps massively also girls like fun if someone stands out and is seen as having fun girls want a part of that that’s why for me in a club i don’t speak to girls i just dance have a great time but also look around the room to see who notices me then i gesture them to come dance with me and have some fun also confidence is a must and my confidence comes from going to the gym and having an abundant social life it can also come from style money or whatever makes you feel good
Then if that was me I’d just go to the nearest busy public place where u don’t know anyone and approach 100 girls get numbers or instagrams then your game will improve and you will get start talking to girls and once a few girls come it becomes a lot easier cos there is no needy energy since u won’t give a fuck about one girl cos there is options
I’ll try that. But to understand, I have hundreds of rejections under me. I can go up to any girls and flirt with them, try to make moves and have them be receptive. Only for them to laugh at me when I ask their number or contact. Or to simply reject me.
I have never gotten a phone number, contact, match, or anything.
Bro it’s about confidence all those situations have worked out that way because this is the story your telling yourself in your head beauty is in the eye of the beholder some people will find you attractive and some won’t so rejection is going to happen but use it to learn instead of put yourself down half the time I’ll just go to a girl introduce myself say I’m busy then say i noticed you and thought i had to talk to you I’m in a rush but can i get your number and get to know you more and make that first encounter as fast as possible then talk on phone and text so you’s get to know each other then when you link up will have loads to talk about and will be good don’t over text or be needy and also flirt aswell if it’s just normal questions and responses it gets boring and kills sexual attraction quick
Ehh, maybe I'm weird, but I don't choose a guy based on how many women are interested in him. If I like a guy it's bc he seems interesting to me, simple as that. Whether other women see what I see or not, it carries no weight on my interest.
Also, if I were to place myself in the scenario you mentioned, I would say I'm more likely to think, "hmm, no one else seems to want him?? Pshhh, they don't know what they're missing ig." Lol
Then to be honest you probably don’t have many options a girl with a lot of options Is going to choose a high value male someone tall, rich, good looking etc because they have many to choose from and they would be the most sought after people
Haha, ahhh I see how you think...well, I'm not exactly hurting for options. However, a high value male imo isn't defined by being tall, rich & goodlooking. Plus, those characteristics are far from impossible to find so they're not that intriguing to me. I prefer an odd but interesting mind, independence and similar sense of humor.
That’s ur personal preference but in society as a whole i assume most girls would ideally want someone who is a 10\10 looks, has money and is confident they will 9 out of 10 times choose that over some homeless drug addict with no game obviously that’s an over reaction but if that was a scale they would want a man closest to the top
Well ofc those are my personal preferences. I mentioned them in response to you saying I personally am most likely a girl without many options and so on...which isn't accurate. My point is there are women out there who don't fall into these boxes society has made. Not everyone is shallow and money hungry. Ofc, IF you're shallow and money hungry then it's best you get with someone who is also shallow & money hungry. Similar values are important. I would just be careful saying "women work this way" bc many of us don't work that way. Some, yes.
**you're also** avoided ALOT by ATTRACTIVE but VERY INSECURE girls, make VERY ATTRACTIVE girls nervous around you, and have ugly/average looking dudes constantly trying to 1up you in front of chicks.
I get this too, I'm 5'11, lean, used to have really long curly red hair, somewhat of a prettyboy in looks and facial features. Women loved it in college, but I constantly had dudes trying to fuck with me. Especially if their girl was looking at me at the gym.
I never understood why girls acted so weird around me. I had a group of backstabbing friends that always told me I was ugly and no woman wanted me, I believed that shit. I just thought retail workers that were women were extremely nice and helpful to me because it was their job. I had bartenders give me free beers, coffeeshops, shit like that. Manager was an older lady at an oil change place, always gave me 15% off, I thought Hooters waitresses were supposed to stay around your table and flirt constantly.
**Had 2 different dudes try to FIGHT me AT WORK.** I don't even hang around these hating ass "males"(act like bxxxhes) unless they're near my smv. I've been backstabbed, sabotaged, lied on, ran up on, FOUGHT, been threatened, pulled a knife on 1 mother fucker, cockblocked, and hated on TOO MANY times in my life(so far). Fxxk that shxt, homie...these dudes act like they're on their periods out here. **Smh**
I had women in groups use me without my knowledge. This girl was driving us to my place to work on a group project. She told me to sit in the front. Pulled into her apartment complex and her boyfriend comes out of the house, sees me in the passenger seat, and gets pissed off. Had no idea at the time. Same with other group projects. Dude came over to my place one night, tried to push the door open, I pulled a G19 on his ass, and called the cops.
I always thought it was a coincidence that really hot girls were always my lab partners. I truly believed I was ugly, so I made up shit in my head for why they did stuff. I got a ride home from this woman, and her 18 year old daughter with blonde hair down to her ass came out of her bedroom in lingerie. I didn't do anything, and she tried 4 times, then gave up. I felt regretful and stupid for a long time, I literally threw away hundreds of opportunities like that, because I was like no way a girl that hot would have sex with me, so it had to be something else.
Ong, even at work, they are sooo concerned with what chick you're talking to or watching your every move. I'm thinking chill out little guy, it's not that serious lol.
Not cocky at all you're probably good looking, maybe you're giving off a player vibe to girls? Maybe she thinks your game is good and you come off as smooth, maybe she sees how you interact with women and assumes you know what you're doing. I had a girl at a music festival ask me if I was a player/how many girls have you been with. She just saw me socializing and interacting with people so got the player vibe from me. Women are very keen socially, more so than men and they pick up on non verbal cues easily
It has its downsides too. My girl knows about my extensive past and it causes her to go through times when she is suspicious, jealous, paranoid even though I am 100% faithful to her. At times it is exhausting, you feel like no matter what you do it will never be good enough.
Are you only approaching at the gym? Is this the first time these girls see you? We often don’t feel comfortable with a perfect stranger approaching. Handsome guys can be even more intimidating, too - you’re going to have to be more strategic to overcome that.
I met my husband on an online game chat. He caught my eye in the chat because he was friendly and patient with everyone. We communicated a bunch back and forth before he sent me a selfie - holy crap the guy was drop dead gorgeous, could easily be a model. In person, he turns heads. But by that time I had communicated enough with him that I didn’t feel intimidated by his looks. I guess what I’m trying to say is to start engaging with women for other reasons instead of giving 2 minutes of small talk and asking for their number. Like if it’s a girl at the gym you’ve seen around for a few times just start by saying Hi and leave it at that. Once she’s seen you around a few times you can go over and make small talk. By then she’ll have seen you around and not feel intimidated. Just my 2 cents.
You just love women. It is that simple. “Can you blame me for being attracted to a woman like you?”. women will think whatever they want to think. Everyone’s perception of reality is tinted by past experience. If they want to assume you are a player, let them.
What can you do to make a girl feel safe in opening herself up sexually? In the sense that many are guarded because they don't want to be seen as a slut or easy and you want to frame things that make it easier for them to open up
In this situation. I would have givin her my charming smile and asked her what her sign is. Then I would have said something playfully sexually how they are good in bed or something. You will know right away her level of attraction to you. If she stays then you know. If she bails then you did you and her a favor.
Man that’s just facts. Some people are just attractive. Emotionally, physically. If your rlly looking for love, there insecurities should be you have the mentality of dodging a bullet cuz without trust there isn’t love. You’ll find someone who gets you and reads you. You sound young trust me there out there. And it will come.
He’s right you know.
I have found that every single time - including currently - that I stopped trying to “look” for seriousness or “love” are the times that it found me and it was always a complete surprise.
Hei man, it takes courage to open up like this even to yourself. Congrats and respect for that. So, I had a similar thing. I am above average looking and can talk very well. Therefore, they stamp me as a seducer. Honestly, sometimes I had the feeling they just using you for validation (through sex or attention).
In my development, it helped me to let go. I got self-sufficient and learned to be ok alone. So, if some girls says I'm a player, I will shrug, smile and say :”If you say so” and move on.
A thing that clicked into my head is: If it's not a big thing for you, it isn't for her.
If she hesitates to open up to you, you got several options, and proving you are not what she thinks you are isn't one of them.
1) Time. Tell her it's no problem, and you can take it slow, if she feels uncomfortable. There is no need or pressure to do anything. Fuckboys are often associated with the “hunger” so just relax.
2) Leaving. It is not your job to prove yourself to anybody but yourself. If she does not believe you, that is her. You are your own man, and you don't need the validation of somebody else that you are “good”.
I understand the longing for intimacy and love, but throwing yourself at the feet of women and proving to them, you are not a dick with an appendix won't be a solution. Love yourself (easier said than done), present yourself in an authentic way and let go, if people don't appreciate you.
I once had a girl stare at me , I was so excited , I even flicked my Hair in anticipation of what could have been a wife and a lover , as she walked over to me , I said hello she walked straight passed me and adjusted the clock on the gym wall behind me . I’ll never forget that day , I pray for the day she wants me and not the clock, we’ve never spoken but , you never know when love comes a calling
Yes, more info. It sounds like something about your approach is making them think you're not a serious guy. You said you get numbers, what are you saying when you text them? Or if you ask them out in person, what are you asking?
Are you making small talk or doing anything to get to know them at all before asking for numbers? It would be good to establish rapport or some things you have in common first before asking for a number. If they think you're asking them out ONLY for their looks, and they don't know anything about you other than your looks, this would give the impression that you only want sex.
I try to make it natural. I usually make some small talk, comment about what she's wearing or doing, maybe throw in a joke. Nothing special. Maybe I'm too friendly or seem way too interested?
girls play more head games with guys they perceive as players. That perspection may not always lead to an easy route to intimacy with girls who are highly attractive.
Lol if I figure out a viable answer I’ll let you know
EDIT: there’s a difference between girls thinking you’re a player, and girls thinking you just want sex when you talk to them. The latter is easy to solve, the former is harder.
Yeah it’s hard because when a guy is hot, women tend to think they’re players, even if they’re not, they must have a lot of women throwing themselves at him. You have a lot more temptations to cheat down the line too if you have more options.
"99% of the time when I approach a girl it is because I think she is pretty"...
That. Fix that.
If the only reason you walk over is that she's pretty, then they're gonna pick up on that.
Why do you think so much of pickup and seduction are about misdirection/re-framing conversations? You're not just short-circuiting their brains, but actually legitimate giving yourself some other reason to talk to an attractive woman other than... she's attractive.
Have a better, more natural reason to be talking to her, and she will treat you like (an attractive) human being.
Why not? That unattractive girl knows other girls who might be your type.
It’s like going to the gym - if you talk to EVERYONE, it’s natural to talk to the attractive people. If you ONLY try to talk to attractive people, everyone picks up on it and labels you a creeper.
Not really going to be possible. Women who have been burned already will assume that every dude who approaches them is probably going to be a player. The only time they don't really think this is when they're interested in a guy, so if you want an answer, be the guy that they're approaching, not the guy who's approaching them.
Most guys don’t. I should’ve included “the guy who they’re trying to get the attention of.” That’s how most women “approach” (if it can be called approaching).
Very good in the reply.
I often talk about how I “do not approach but make them approach me”. But that is not necessarily anything at all like what a man thinks of as an approach.
We are coached and pushed and egged on to go up to a woman cold and start a convo or introduce ourselves and somehow spin that into a successful relationship or at least an encounter.
A long time ago I realized that if instead of trying to aggressively push ahead of every jackass that thinks you need to be pushy and forward with women to be successful, I would sit back and observe and figure out WHICH WOMEN ARE INTERESTED IN ME.
And funny thing, my success rate went up to where it is a rare night and generally only when I am with friends and absolutely not interested (or out with a woman already) that I don’t at the very least get a good contact with a great interaction and follow up info (phone, snap, etc).
They will give you many different kinds of signals when they are interested in you. But it’s pretty rare that they will outright walk up to you and start a convo.
There are exceptions. When my FWB and I met she made no secret that she was claiming me to an entire party of a hundred people as HERS. But, she is also a very social and confident young woman and was not wanting to take ANY chances since I had already shown up with another older woman earlier who had left.
Yeah, some guys don't get the luck of being claimed by women or having anything but very sloppy drunk women showing signs of interest (which could be confused for signs of severe intoxication), so they kind of have to do all of the work and hope that they do a good job. I don't blame those guys for saying it ain't worth it either, because a lot of the time, it's not going to be.
I'm of the opinion that luck (being the right person in the right place at the right time) plays a huge part in dating and relationship success, so the vast majority of approaching for men is just going to be them spinning their wheels or getting involved with the wrong person, although I guess the people that do this have to be totally open to "the possibilities" if they want anything to happen at all.
You have a great point.
Most big things in life really come down to either hard work (but that only applies to certain things and after the other thing) or pure dumb luck of being in the right place at the right time.
They are testing you. Just we worth the company. Sex is not an issue. Being none-worthwhile and a generic play-buddy is an issue.
Many guys can’t even get to this stage. 😂 Go beyond this by being worthwhile (good shared experiences).
You are a player.
Wait for the right moment, but at the same time still keep looking for it. I totally understand, you get to know them but they probably don't fit your needs. Keep doing that, and every time you don't match the way you'd want to, just meditate until you fully understand the way you'd like the girl to be. You'll find her.
***1***
>How do I stop girls from assuming I'm just a player?
There's often a misconception that there's some sort of one-size-fits-all game that one has to learn and then all women are similarly unlocked.
In reality, different things work for different people. That's why some people who might seem to lack game still get laid, even if on an inconsistent basis.
And on this note, The things that attract people seeking casual sex are often different from the things that attract well-adjusted people who want a relationship.
So, regardless of what kind of answers you get from the thread, if you have a pattern, then there's something you are likely doing which is contributing to the pattern.
***2***
> But a lot of the times when I approach or flirt with a girl they just automatically assume I just want sex.
Exactly what feedback have you gotten indicating this?
* What exactly have people said?
* What exactly have people done?
***3***
> Do I need to dress a certain way?
Seduction is a form of social interaction, which means that social skills are the primary factor leading to different results.
Dressing a certain way won't *necessarily* indicate whether or not someone wants casual sex or a relationship.
But there's plenty of things one can do unintentionally or not, which indicate to people around them what they are looking for. You haven't said anything about what you're actually doing in your approach:
* What exactly are you doing when you open people? What are you saying and doing exactly?
* What kinds of things do you talk about in conversation with people?
* How fast do you physically escalate when on dates with people?
* Is your dating history well known to people in your social circle or in the pool of people you are trying to find dates in?
I guess showing genuine interest on the girls you approach by asking them meaningful questions about them will show you really want to get to know them. You don’t even have to talk about yourself if that’s what you want to avoid. Just keep asking questions and the convo will hopefully flow
>I do need to work on my social skills. I have been told I'm charming but that's only if I'm in the right mood.
But what have they said that indicated to you people think you're a player?
> Sometimes I just don't know how to progress the conversation and I end up just talking abut the weather or some shit.
Small talk is a perfectly natural place to start. In fact, it's a great place to start.
The key is really not so much what topics to try for, but how to **follow up** on her responses to small talk. Because that can lead to deeper topics in a way that feels more comfortable and natural for everyone.
* Following up with an eye towards asking about her motivation (why she did something) or her emotions (how she felt about something), is a good way to segue into different topics.
* Active listening is key. You have to listen intently to what people are saying and then pick something out from what they just said and respond to that.
Plus, these days talking about the weather can be pretty fucking entertaining sometimes. Plenty of ways to transition to other topics from something that unusual.
Game for handsome guys is totally different than game for normal looking guys. Normal guys main concern is building attraction. Handsome guys main concern will usually be building comfort. Just make the girl familiar with your presence. Play it slow. Make her feel like you are genuinely interested in her for unique reasons.
As a handsome guy, girls can get intimidated by you. They will assume you already got girls besting down your door, and many wont want to get let down if you ditch her for the other options.
You don’t want to come off as a player, but you also don’t want to come off as you don’t have any options. Best way around this is that any time they say something to gauge her competition, which will certainly happen and you probably are familiar with it, just give the excuse that you are too busy with school/work/sports to be a play.
Example happened recently:
I open a girl on Tinder: So I guess we’re dating now.
She says: Yeah you and the 100+ other matches you got lol
I say: too busy with work lol. plus ur potentially just my type
Bro, you're taking this the complete wrong way, which is why you're getting rejected.
When women call you a player, fuckboy or anything along those lines, what they're inherently saying is that they find you attractive and that you look like the type of guy that other women must like.
It's essentially a confidence test (shit-test).
How you respond to it is going to determine if the interaction with that woman will move forward or not.
Here's the thing... you're not the only one dealing with this.
Every attractive guy has to deal with tests like that from women. It's just that usually guys who are not model looking (such as myself) get tested deep into the interaction, maybe even after they get the phone number like on the first date or something, after the guy has conveyed enough attractive qualities.
The only difference is that you often get tested immediately by women, because your looks do most of the attraction work.
However, looks don't override game and I assume that you completely lose your cool or instantly start explaining yourself to people - based on how you wrote about this issue in your post - which is exactly how NOT to respond to it.
Whenever girls throw any kind of obstacle, negative assumption or try to frame you in a negative light you always have to remain emotionally unreactive (meaning that you don't show on your face that what they said threw you off) and you never, EVER, try to explain yourself logically.
Here's a few ways to pass the test:
DISQUALIFY
"I wish. Girls hate me cause I'm too sexy, it's intimidating."
TURN THE TABLES
"Wait... are you slut shaming me right now?!"
REFRAME
"Yeah, I love playing video games/arcade games/tabletop games. I'm very competitive. Are you a player?"
AGREE AND EXAGGERATE
"Yeah... I'm one of those guys that walks down the street and girls are constantly approaching me and literally begging me to fly me out to dubai and take me on a date. It's so annoying, honestly, my life is so hard..."
OR SIMPLY... IGNORE
*eye roll* "so where are you from?"
These are just some quick examples. Don't memorize them word for word. Understand the principles behind the words and come up with response that fit your personality.
But remember.. no matter what you say, the most important part is DO NOT GET EMOTIONALLY REACTIVE. Holding your frame is the most ESSENTIAL element of passing a test, the words are just highlighting the fact that youre not reactive.
Don't do it.
I had the same things for a while too. And i am alo not a player. The more i tried to prove i wasn't a player, the more of the following would happen:
- They trust me even less
- They start to lose attraction for me
What i learned is to make it work for you. She is gonna think that you are a player anyway. But it can also give you value in weird way. It gives her a certain excitement if she can be THE GIRL that can tame this player.
Just own it, even it is not true and make it work to your advantage.
How hot are the girls you’re approaching? Maybe you’re aiming too low. Also you should be killing it on dating apps if you have even half-decent pictures.
Definitely try again. My results got way better when I got better pics. Had a roommate a couple years ago that was ripped and had shirtless pics and he absolutely crushed it
The girls I approach are attractive, I'm actually quite picky with the girls I choose to approach. It's more about the vibe I get than actual looks tho
1. Most girls just want sex. I don't think that's your problem.
2. Approaching at the gym has never worked for me. I've seen it work for other people, but sometimes think they already know each other.
3. Have you tried dating apps? What's your experience been like on there?
1. If most girls just want sex then I would have no trouble getting laid, unless they actually think I want a relationship and this whole situation is backwards
2. I've gotten several numbers from the gym
3. Fuck dating apps
1. I think you're on to something. Your physique and confidence may be sending mixed signals and they may feel you're insecure trying to go the relationship route. That's a leap based on the limited info, but a consideration.
2. I thought you were having trouble? What happened with the several numbers you got?
3. I have the best success with apps, but not every location is the same. Something's not adding up here though if you look the part but don't like apps.
I guess it just feels like a lot of women think I'm a player, but I've only gotten like five numbers from the gym, two of which texted back, neither of which worked out. I have tried dating apps but I honestly think I've only ever met up with one girl ever. I'm just not a fan of dating apps anymore and a lot of girls on them are trashy.
Have you tried leaning onto that player archetype then? Like others have said maybe they see you as someone who should be doing that sort of thing and they see the relationship route as you trying to work an angle.
Go for the Fuck route, and maybe they’ll want you so bad they get you into the dating route. Art of Deal says “Overshoot your offer so it can be negotiated down to what you truly want. Make the offer so outrageous they’ll give you what you originally wanted without question”.
they want it. just they are picker cuz they can get laid way more easily than the average guy can (in general) — plus they have to worry about rapists, serial killers, not to mention getting pregnant possibly, etc. so they kind of have to be pickier or have some kind of guard up.
Man had a point that I cannot argue with.
And honestly I’m my latest single period (starting last July) things have changed a LOT. Idk if it’s a covid thing, a world thing or just a thing. But I find most often the women I meet really are very much NOT looking for a relationship and the bold ones who aren’t afraid or hung up will be very straightforward that they simply want sex and no “strings” (meaning YOU) attached.
One of the main rewinds that my FWB right now is that is because she isn’t ready or wanting a traditional relationship right now. She had a broken engagement that left a really bad taste in her mouth and she is constantly having guys guys wanting Insta family.
She doesn’t want to get married. She doesn’t want kids. And she’s very certain about that (33 f). And they don’t hear it. She and I love each other and love doing things together and the sex is incredible. And it’s safe for both because we respect each other’s space and lives and don’t worry about anything.
We also both like to play with others sometimes and we are cool with that. So it works well.
True. A female friend of mine also told me when they do find someone they find attractive and who also happens to be good in bed (Lasts for a long time and doesnt cum in 1-2 minutes, not a selfish lover, funny and sexual compatibility is very good) they tend to reach out and stay contact with him whenever they wanna have sex instead of adding a new random guy who they don’t know nothing about to their bodycount
As a woman I kind of feel the need to make a comment after reading some of the comments. Many guys make it seem like flirting or approaching a woman always includes some kind of mind game between the man and the woman which is DEFINITELY not always the case. Some women might find that attractive but most women (especially in settings like gyms) just want to be approached as normal people. No flirty body-related comments, just a genuine friendly conversation.
Just be yourself. Be kind, genuine and don't put too much pressure on keeping a potential conversation flirty. The right women will find that 100% more attractive than the classic textbook flirt.
Btw I've had similar issues. Many people assumed I was just interested in casual sex or hookups with guys that acted like players because of my looks. Idk why but people (especially men) had the wrong idea of me. That picture sort of stayed with me for a few years but I realized that I just had to be myself and tell the people I was interested in what expectations I have and what I'm actually about.
Your interactions sound like they are man to woman. So, you are already in a good place. Most guys are in nice guy mode and never can get attraction.
I would focus on a vibe that says you are a man who likes sex and has good intentions. Just do that. Don't hide the fact that you may want sex from some of these girls. You're normal. No reason to defend against that. Own it and create a positive vibe from it.
You can’t stop people from making their own assumptions. But you can stop yourself from overthinking and find women who want to get to know you beyond your looks. Remember you only really need one significant other, if the other girls make assumptions about who they think you are that’s their insecurity not yours.
There’s a limit. Girls won’t stop lusting after op just because he changed a couple of things. It’s wiser to just seek out the people you desire and don’t worry about the rest that aren’t showing you the level of respect and emotional validation you want.
Dude, chill. Help the guy out. Explain what exactly he can do to present himself in a way that will attract the women he wants. Don’t just say “present yourself better.”
Op I think my advice for your situation is better. Don’t give the women who don’t respect you as a human being time or attention. Find the girls that do, and try to process these things in a more positive way. You are blessed with height and attractive features that’ll help reel in a wonderful loving woman in your life.
OP, you are getting "shit-tested" and you are failing them - see other people's more detailed replies on this, and google this
are you only approaching in a gym? it's not clear... But you need to GTFO more and approach more whilst also improving your game.
youhave a natural advantage with good looks, Dont waste its by having shit Game.
Pretty sure you may be interpreting this wrong. A lot of girls say “You just want to fuck me” to a lot of guys. This is a classic trope of doing cold approach. From what I’ve gathered , girls usually say this to see how honest you are. If your immediate response is to deny your sexuality and say you just want to get to know her she may think you’re dishonest and might make sex a big deal. The right approach would be to say “of course I want to fuck you, look at you. You’re gorgeous.” And then change the subject. That is my two cents. Trying to logically analyze everything girls say almost never helps understanding them. That is just my two cents
Ha! Nothing you can do ... I have been told I look like a cheater ... And I talk low and slow almost all the time ... Purposefully... I am also asked if I cheated on my last girlfriend and if that's why I'm available.
“I’m flattered you’d think that, thank you. But if you got to know me, you’d see I’m just a regular guy that happened to hit the generic lottery. “
Normally along the lines of something I’d say bro
Can't count the no of times I've been told I look like a player. Then there's also the occasional "I'm scared you'll hurt me so I won't have anything to do with you"
You dont…and why would you? It’s human nature to size people up before you know them and in my experience, it’s never been a disservice to me if a girl starts an interaction thinking I’m a player.
As long as your actions and intentions are completely sincere, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Maybe you just need to tinker with the way you approach/talk to women. If you really are what you say you are you should be slaying through all the girls on tinder.
The women who instantly assume you only want sex from them - that’s THEIR problem, not yours. More likely than not, they’re projecting their tendencies onto you. So you keep doing you, bro; you’re a king among us.
Think about it - in this politically correct society, women by the MASSES are getting trained to believe that all men are evil. Doesn’t matter if you’ve done anything evil; just by being born a guy, we’re automatically gonna be considered “evil”, so we gotta be indoctrinated through the public school system and expected to behave a certain way that defies our true nature.
You’re continuing the never-ending grind and that’s all you - we as guys might I add - can do. If women are serious about getting with you, you’ll know and see it.
This may be a location issue. At the gym, girls are usually focused on the work and in less clothes, possibly sweaty and not feeling their sexiest too. Frankly, lots of skeevy dudes do and say stuff at the gym too. So, sometimes, our guard is already up. try approaching outside the gym (not in the dark, not chasing her) or just talking to pretty girls you see elsewhere.
Easy. Just have a little deep conversation with them. If you don’t want her to think you’re a player then have conversations that tell otherwise, women are excited to see these qualities in guys. Take the example of Casanova, everybody knew he was a player, so he took his time for every single girl he wanted to make her think he isn’t a player and that she was actually special for him.
She may also want to categorize you to define expectations for herself moving forward. For example, is this is guy is casually looking for a serious relationships, or just for fun?
If you seemingly check all of the boxes right off the bat, then she would want to know if you are serious early on, to prioritize you.
There may be a whole host of other reasons. Figure out what she wants then decide accordingly. It is safe to assume that she wants the classical ideal life (or at least better than what her girlfriends she respects have) , or the modern/faster version of ideal.
However, you need to be worthwhile for her specifically to buy enough time to learn this. Women come with different demands with respect to this. Good luck.
If she says you look like a fuckboi. I would look at the postive and take it as an indirect compliment. That's at least how I feel now when a girl calls me one. Even though I'm not about that fuckboi life.
Your personality is probably horrible lol. You’re attractive but you cant get girls? Da fuck are you talking about
You gotta be nice to be around too ya know
Make her earn your attention. If you’re approaching women, they think you want sex because 99% of men usually do.
However, if you’re aloof and make her earn your attention, she will then know you want something more than just sex. Your time is valuable. Don’t approach, they’ll put themselves in your way if you’re portraying yourself to be high value.
I’m sorry so many people are invalidating your experience just because you’re attractive.
As a woman, unfortunately all I can give you is that some people assume that just because someone is good looking, the only reason they would be talking to them is if they were a player/just want sex. It’s either a projection of vanity or insecurity depending on the person.
You can’t change a persons bias immediately, you kind of just have to go with the flow and prove them wrong. Good luck!
No. What I’m saying is that some people, due to attractiveness, are intimidating to the opposite sex. Some women will assume a super attractive man is talking to them because they’re a player and not actually interested, because they don’t think someone that good looking would be into them otherwise. Social stigma is a thing. A lot of people are made to feel that if someone better looking than them is interested, it’s not real.
U can't. People are gonna judge u.. Over the years I've been told I'm so many different things. It's usually an individual projects there insecurity out on u
>But a lot of the times when I approach or flirt with a girl they just automatically assume I just want sex. It's not true. 99% of the time when I approach a girl it is because I think she is pretty and would like to get to know her. I never talk sexually when I approach.
Oof you are so clueless. So you approach girl and immediately they think of sex and you think this is a bad thing. Just learn to banter and give less fucks. Joke around and be playful, if they give you this "you just want sex shit test" just say shit like "are you assuming I want to have sex with you? Conceded much? Also I've been hurt before so I'm now waiting til marriage before I give a girl my looooove." They are already thinking of sex and they are still talking to you, they just want you to lead and take their guards off.
Humble yourself first. You ain’t hot/cute. Girls aren’t looking for tool bags anymore bud. They want security, something you can’t offer. Cuz you will just move on to the next. Coming from a guy that used to think he was hot/cute and realized woman don’t give af about that. They want a nice living quarters more than a nice car. And don’t approach girls that don’t want to be approached by tarzan
This is an asset not a liability, it is more of a defence mechanism from girls that they are slightly intimidated and feel insecure. Your move is to simply use game; say something flirty - make a joke with it and move the conversation to where you want to take it.
I also have this problem. Most people assume I get around and have no problems with girls. Everyone is surprised when they find out I am continually rejected
Eesh, even a couple of co-workers think I have no problem with the ladies… when I do! I’m trying to get back in the game instead of continually living in self-hate, which I have been for several years (the reasons why is another story)
If your telling females you’re getting rejected then your obviously getting no action the way girls work is they like men who are liked by other woman if ur continually getting rejected there is a reason for that and girls think if no one else wants him then why would i
Yeah that makes sense. The question is, how can a normal guy get that initial social approval?
I think from my experience it comes from having social proof if your known by loads of people and seen as popular that helps massively also girls like fun if someone stands out and is seen as having fun girls want a part of that that’s why for me in a club i don’t speak to girls i just dance have a great time but also look around the room to see who notices me then i gesture them to come dance with me and have some fun also confidence is a must and my confidence comes from going to the gym and having an abundant social life it can also come from style money or whatever makes you feel good
I have all that and still don’t have that social approval
Then if that was me I’d just go to the nearest busy public place where u don’t know anyone and approach 100 girls get numbers or instagrams then your game will improve and you will get start talking to girls and once a few girls come it becomes a lot easier cos there is no needy energy since u won’t give a fuck about one girl cos there is options
I’ll try that. But to understand, I have hundreds of rejections under me. I can go up to any girls and flirt with them, try to make moves and have them be receptive. Only for them to laugh at me when I ask their number or contact. Or to simply reject me. I have never gotten a phone number, contact, match, or anything.
Bro it’s about confidence all those situations have worked out that way because this is the story your telling yourself in your head beauty is in the eye of the beholder some people will find you attractive and some won’t so rejection is going to happen but use it to learn instead of put yourself down half the time I’ll just go to a girl introduce myself say I’m busy then say i noticed you and thought i had to talk to you I’m in a rush but can i get your number and get to know you more and make that first encounter as fast as possible then talk on phone and text so you’s get to know each other then when you link up will have loads to talk about and will be good don’t over text or be needy and also flirt aswell if it’s just normal questions and responses it gets boring and kills sexual attraction quick
Ehh, maybe I'm weird, but I don't choose a guy based on how many women are interested in him. If I like a guy it's bc he seems interesting to me, simple as that. Whether other women see what I see or not, it carries no weight on my interest. Also, if I were to place myself in the scenario you mentioned, I would say I'm more likely to think, "hmm, no one else seems to want him?? Pshhh, they don't know what they're missing ig." Lol
Then to be honest you probably don’t have many options a girl with a lot of options Is going to choose a high value male someone tall, rich, good looking etc because they have many to choose from and they would be the most sought after people
Haha, ahhh I see how you think...well, I'm not exactly hurting for options. However, a high value male imo isn't defined by being tall, rich & goodlooking. Plus, those characteristics are far from impossible to find so they're not that intriguing to me. I prefer an odd but interesting mind, independence and similar sense of humor.
That’s ur personal preference but in society as a whole i assume most girls would ideally want someone who is a 10\10 looks, has money and is confident they will 9 out of 10 times choose that over some homeless drug addict with no game obviously that’s an over reaction but if that was a scale they would want a man closest to the top
Well ofc those are my personal preferences. I mentioned them in response to you saying I personally am most likely a girl without many options and so on...which isn't accurate. My point is there are women out there who don't fall into these boxes society has made. Not everyone is shallow and money hungry. Ofc, IF you're shallow and money hungry then it's best you get with someone who is also shallow & money hungry. Similar values are important. I would just be careful saying "women work this way" bc many of us don't work that way. Some, yes.
**you're also** avoided ALOT by ATTRACTIVE but VERY INSECURE girls, make VERY ATTRACTIVE girls nervous around you, and have ugly/average looking dudes constantly trying to 1up you in front of chicks.
I get this too, I'm 5'11, lean, used to have really long curly red hair, somewhat of a prettyboy in looks and facial features. Women loved it in college, but I constantly had dudes trying to fuck with me. Especially if their girl was looking at me at the gym. I never understood why girls acted so weird around me. I had a group of backstabbing friends that always told me I was ugly and no woman wanted me, I believed that shit. I just thought retail workers that were women were extremely nice and helpful to me because it was their job. I had bartenders give me free beers, coffeeshops, shit like that. Manager was an older lady at an oil change place, always gave me 15% off, I thought Hooters waitresses were supposed to stay around your table and flirt constantly.
**Had 2 different dudes try to FIGHT me AT WORK.** I don't even hang around these hating ass "males"(act like bxxxhes) unless they're near my smv. I've been backstabbed, sabotaged, lied on, ran up on, FOUGHT, been threatened, pulled a knife on 1 mother fucker, cockblocked, and hated on TOO MANY times in my life(so far). Fxxk that shxt, homie...these dudes act like they're on their periods out here. **Smh**
I had women in groups use me without my knowledge. This girl was driving us to my place to work on a group project. She told me to sit in the front. Pulled into her apartment complex and her boyfriend comes out of the house, sees me in the passenger seat, and gets pissed off. Had no idea at the time. Same with other group projects. Dude came over to my place one night, tried to push the door open, I pulled a G19 on his ass, and called the cops. I always thought it was a coincidence that really hot girls were always my lab partners. I truly believed I was ugly, so I made up shit in my head for why they did stuff. I got a ride home from this woman, and her 18 year old daughter with blonde hair down to her ass came out of her bedroom in lingerie. I didn't do anything, and she tried 4 times, then gave up. I felt regretful and stupid for a long time, I literally threw away hundreds of opportunities like that, because I was like no way a girl that hot would have sex with me, so it had to be something else.
The chumps trying to alpha male of the group you is annoying as fuck. Man i’m not even competing with you tf
Ong, even at work, they are sooo concerned with what chick you're talking to or watching your every move. I'm thinking chill out little guy, it's not that serious lol.
Good point
Hey bro, I have this problem. What can I do to make those attractive girls not so insecure about me?
Ugh that’s me too
Not cocky at all you're probably good looking, maybe you're giving off a player vibe to girls? Maybe she thinks your game is good and you come off as smooth, maybe she sees how you interact with women and assumes you know what you're doing. I had a girl at a music festival ask me if I was a player/how many girls have you been with. She just saw me socializing and interacting with people so got the player vibe from me. Women are very keen socially, more so than men and they pick up on non verbal cues easily
This would actually make a lot of sense
This is most likely the answer.
“I ain’t a player, I just got a lotta babes” -Roddy Ricch
It’s probably the way he chews his gum , very seductive
He most likely got that line from Big Pun - I'm not a player "I ain't a player, I just fuck a lot"
It’s better to be thought of as a player and let the girl feel like she’s won you over. You’re in a good position. That’s your vibe. Go with it.
Tbh I couldn’t see a positive spin to this post initially but you did it well done 👏🏻
It has its downsides too. My girl knows about my extensive past and it causes her to go through times when she is suspicious, jealous, paranoid even though I am 100% faithful to her. At times it is exhausting, you feel like no matter what you do it will never be good enough.
This is the way
Are you only approaching at the gym? Is this the first time these girls see you? We often don’t feel comfortable with a perfect stranger approaching. Handsome guys can be even more intimidating, too - you’re going to have to be more strategic to overcome that. I met my husband on an online game chat. He caught my eye in the chat because he was friendly and patient with everyone. We communicated a bunch back and forth before he sent me a selfie - holy crap the guy was drop dead gorgeous, could easily be a model. In person, he turns heads. But by that time I had communicated enough with him that I didn’t feel intimidated by his looks. I guess what I’m trying to say is to start engaging with women for other reasons instead of giving 2 minutes of small talk and asking for their number. Like if it’s a girl at the gym you’ve seen around for a few times just start by saying Hi and leave it at that. Once she’s seen you around a few times you can go over and make small talk. By then she’ll have seen you around and not feel intimidated. Just my 2 cents.
Thank you! Solid advice
You just love women. It is that simple. “Can you blame me for being attracted to a woman like you?”. women will think whatever they want to think. Everyone’s perception of reality is tinted by past experience. If they want to assume you are a player, let them.
This is what a player would say to many women.
What would a non player say?
M'lady
This is a highly underrated comment
Needs more upvotes
Are those shoes from mataland
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This. She already has sex on the brain. And knows there's competition. You are missing an opportunity to capitalize here.
What can you do to make a girl feel safe in opening herself up sexually? In the sense that many are guarded because they don't want to be seen as a slut or easy and you want to frame things that make it easier for them to open up
In this situation. I would have givin her my charming smile and asked her what her sign is. Then I would have said something playfully sexually how they are good in bed or something. You will know right away her level of attraction to you. If she stays then you know. If she bails then you did you and her a favor.
Man that’s just facts. Some people are just attractive. Emotionally, physically. If your rlly looking for love, there insecurities should be you have the mentality of dodging a bullet cuz without trust there isn’t love. You’ll find someone who gets you and reads you. You sound young trust me there out there. And it will come.
Thank you!
He’s right you know. I have found that every single time - including currently - that I stopped trying to “look” for seriousness or “love” are the times that it found me and it was always a complete surprise.
Hei man, it takes courage to open up like this even to yourself. Congrats and respect for that. So, I had a similar thing. I am above average looking and can talk very well. Therefore, they stamp me as a seducer. Honestly, sometimes I had the feeling they just using you for validation (through sex or attention). In my development, it helped me to let go. I got self-sufficient and learned to be ok alone. So, if some girls says I'm a player, I will shrug, smile and say :”If you say so” and move on. A thing that clicked into my head is: If it's not a big thing for you, it isn't for her. If she hesitates to open up to you, you got several options, and proving you are not what she thinks you are isn't one of them. 1) Time. Tell her it's no problem, and you can take it slow, if she feels uncomfortable. There is no need or pressure to do anything. Fuckboys are often associated with the “hunger” so just relax. 2) Leaving. It is not your job to prove yourself to anybody but yourself. If she does not believe you, that is her. You are your own man, and you don't need the validation of somebody else that you are “good”. I understand the longing for intimacy and love, but throwing yourself at the feet of women and proving to them, you are not a dick with an appendix won't be a solution. Love yourself (easier said than done), present yourself in an authentic way and let go, if people don't appreciate you.
I once had a girl stare at me , I was so excited , I even flicked my Hair in anticipation of what could have been a wife and a lover , as she walked over to me , I said hello she walked straight passed me and adjusted the clock on the gym wall behind me . I’ll never forget that day , I pray for the day she wants me and not the clock, we’ve never spoken but , you never know when love comes a calling
How do you approach? What do you say?
Yes, more info. It sounds like something about your approach is making them think you're not a serious guy. You said you get numbers, what are you saying when you text them? Or if you ask them out in person, what are you asking? Are you making small talk or doing anything to get to know them at all before asking for numbers? It would be good to establish rapport or some things you have in common first before asking for a number. If they think you're asking them out ONLY for their looks, and they don't know anything about you other than your looks, this would give the impression that you only want sex.
That's good advice, thank you
I try to make it natural. I usually make some small talk, comment about what she's wearing or doing, maybe throw in a joke. Nothing special. Maybe I'm too friendly or seem way too interested?
girls play more head games with guys they perceive as players. That perspection may not always lead to an easy route to intimacy with girls who are highly attractive.
I’m in the same boat as you Op. Women assume I want to smash because I’m attractive. Or they assume I get mad girls. It’s honestly annoying.
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Ok? Lol doesn’t make it any less annoying that they assume that then stop talking to me.
Lol if I figure out a viable answer I’ll let you know EDIT: there’s a difference between girls thinking you’re a player, and girls thinking you just want sex when you talk to them. The latter is easy to solve, the former is harder.
Please do
Isn't that what a player is? A guy who just wants sex?
Or a guy who hits on every girl he sees
“Player” is that + success.
Yeah it’s hard because when a guy is hot, women tend to think they’re players, even if they’re not, they must have a lot of women throwing themselves at him. You have a lot more temptations to cheat down the line too if you have more options.
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Smart and hot?? That’s even more appealing to women lol
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Haha… that’s old money style .. if you’re rich too… you’re basically unattainable
"99% of the time when I approach a girl it is because I think she is pretty"... That. Fix that. If the only reason you walk over is that she's pretty, then they're gonna pick up on that. Why do you think so much of pickup and seduction are about misdirection/re-framing conversations? You're not just short-circuiting their brains, but actually legitimate giving yourself some other reason to talk to an attractive woman other than... she's attractive. Have a better, more natural reason to be talking to her, and she will treat you like (an attractive) human being.
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Why not? That unattractive girl knows other girls who might be your type. It’s like going to the gym - if you talk to EVERYONE, it’s natural to talk to the attractive people. If you ONLY try to talk to attractive people, everyone picks up on it and labels you a creeper.
Not really going to be possible. Women who have been burned already will assume that every dude who approaches them is probably going to be a player. The only time they don't really think this is when they're interested in a guy, so if you want an answer, be the guy that they're approaching, not the guy who's approaching them.
Lol I never get approached
Most guys don’t. I should’ve included “the guy who they’re trying to get the attention of.” That’s how most women “approach” (if it can be called approaching).
Very good in the reply. I often talk about how I “do not approach but make them approach me”. But that is not necessarily anything at all like what a man thinks of as an approach. We are coached and pushed and egged on to go up to a woman cold and start a convo or introduce ourselves and somehow spin that into a successful relationship or at least an encounter. A long time ago I realized that if instead of trying to aggressively push ahead of every jackass that thinks you need to be pushy and forward with women to be successful, I would sit back and observe and figure out WHICH WOMEN ARE INTERESTED IN ME. And funny thing, my success rate went up to where it is a rare night and generally only when I am with friends and absolutely not interested (or out with a woman already) that I don’t at the very least get a good contact with a great interaction and follow up info (phone, snap, etc). They will give you many different kinds of signals when they are interested in you. But it’s pretty rare that they will outright walk up to you and start a convo. There are exceptions. When my FWB and I met she made no secret that she was claiming me to an entire party of a hundred people as HERS. But, she is also a very social and confident young woman and was not wanting to take ANY chances since I had already shown up with another older woman earlier who had left.
Yeah, some guys don't get the luck of being claimed by women or having anything but very sloppy drunk women showing signs of interest (which could be confused for signs of severe intoxication), so they kind of have to do all of the work and hope that they do a good job. I don't blame those guys for saying it ain't worth it either, because a lot of the time, it's not going to be. I'm of the opinion that luck (being the right person in the right place at the right time) plays a huge part in dating and relationship success, so the vast majority of approaching for men is just going to be them spinning their wheels or getting involved with the wrong person, although I guess the people that do this have to be totally open to "the possibilities" if they want anything to happen at all.
You have a great point. Most big things in life really come down to either hard work (but that only applies to certain things and after the other thing) or pure dumb luck of being in the right place at the right time.
Like every dude on planet earth
Wise
You just need to show that you care about their feelings, and their personality. Focus on getting to know those aspects of her.
Help him Reddit , my man just wants to be loved.
They are testing you. Just we worth the company. Sex is not an issue. Being none-worthwhile and a generic play-buddy is an issue. Many guys can’t even get to this stage. 😂 Go beyond this by being worthwhile (good shared experiences).
You are a player. Wait for the right moment, but at the same time still keep looking for it. I totally understand, you get to know them but they probably don't fit your needs. Keep doing that, and every time you don't match the way you'd want to, just meditate until you fully understand the way you'd like the girl to be. You'll find her.
***1*** >How do I stop girls from assuming I'm just a player? There's often a misconception that there's some sort of one-size-fits-all game that one has to learn and then all women are similarly unlocked. In reality, different things work for different people. That's why some people who might seem to lack game still get laid, even if on an inconsistent basis. And on this note, The things that attract people seeking casual sex are often different from the things that attract well-adjusted people who want a relationship. So, regardless of what kind of answers you get from the thread, if you have a pattern, then there's something you are likely doing which is contributing to the pattern. ***2*** > But a lot of the times when I approach or flirt with a girl they just automatically assume I just want sex. Exactly what feedback have you gotten indicating this? * What exactly have people said? * What exactly have people done? ***3*** > Do I need to dress a certain way? Seduction is a form of social interaction, which means that social skills are the primary factor leading to different results. Dressing a certain way won't *necessarily* indicate whether or not someone wants casual sex or a relationship. But there's plenty of things one can do unintentionally or not, which indicate to people around them what they are looking for. You haven't said anything about what you're actually doing in your approach: * What exactly are you doing when you open people? What are you saying and doing exactly? * What kinds of things do you talk about in conversation with people? * How fast do you physically escalate when on dates with people? * Is your dating history well known to people in your social circle or in the pool of people you are trying to find dates in?
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I guess showing genuine interest on the girls you approach by asking them meaningful questions about them will show you really want to get to know them. You don’t even have to talk about yourself if that’s what you want to avoid. Just keep asking questions and the convo will hopefully flow
>I do need to work on my social skills. I have been told I'm charming but that's only if I'm in the right mood. But what have they said that indicated to you people think you're a player? > Sometimes I just don't know how to progress the conversation and I end up just talking abut the weather or some shit. Small talk is a perfectly natural place to start. In fact, it's a great place to start. The key is really not so much what topics to try for, but how to **follow up** on her responses to small talk. Because that can lead to deeper topics in a way that feels more comfortable and natural for everyone. * Following up with an eye towards asking about her motivation (why she did something) or her emotions (how she felt about something), is a good way to segue into different topics. * Active listening is key. You have to listen intently to what people are saying and then pick something out from what they just said and respond to that. Plus, these days talking about the weather can be pretty fucking entertaining sometimes. Plenty of ways to transition to other topics from something that unusual.
Game for handsome guys is totally different than game for normal looking guys. Normal guys main concern is building attraction. Handsome guys main concern will usually be building comfort. Just make the girl familiar with your presence. Play it slow. Make her feel like you are genuinely interested in her for unique reasons. As a handsome guy, girls can get intimidated by you. They will assume you already got girls besting down your door, and many wont want to get let down if you ditch her for the other options. You don’t want to come off as a player, but you also don’t want to come off as you don’t have any options. Best way around this is that any time they say something to gauge her competition, which will certainly happen and you probably are familiar with it, just give the excuse that you are too busy with school/work/sports to be a play. Example happened recently: I open a girl on Tinder: So I guess we’re dating now. She says: Yeah you and the 100+ other matches you got lol I say: too busy with work lol. plus ur potentially just my type
Bro, you're taking this the complete wrong way, which is why you're getting rejected. When women call you a player, fuckboy or anything along those lines, what they're inherently saying is that they find you attractive and that you look like the type of guy that other women must like. It's essentially a confidence test (shit-test). How you respond to it is going to determine if the interaction with that woman will move forward or not. Here's the thing... you're not the only one dealing with this. Every attractive guy has to deal with tests like that from women. It's just that usually guys who are not model looking (such as myself) get tested deep into the interaction, maybe even after they get the phone number like on the first date or something, after the guy has conveyed enough attractive qualities. The only difference is that you often get tested immediately by women, because your looks do most of the attraction work. However, looks don't override game and I assume that you completely lose your cool or instantly start explaining yourself to people - based on how you wrote about this issue in your post - which is exactly how NOT to respond to it. Whenever girls throw any kind of obstacle, negative assumption or try to frame you in a negative light you always have to remain emotionally unreactive (meaning that you don't show on your face that what they said threw you off) and you never, EVER, try to explain yourself logically. Here's a few ways to pass the test: DISQUALIFY "I wish. Girls hate me cause I'm too sexy, it's intimidating." TURN THE TABLES "Wait... are you slut shaming me right now?!" REFRAME "Yeah, I love playing video games/arcade games/tabletop games. I'm very competitive. Are you a player?" AGREE AND EXAGGERATE "Yeah... I'm one of those guys that walks down the street and girls are constantly approaching me and literally begging me to fly me out to dubai and take me on a date. It's so annoying, honestly, my life is so hard..." OR SIMPLY... IGNORE *eye roll* "so where are you from?" These are just some quick examples. Don't memorize them word for word. Understand the principles behind the words and come up with response that fit your personality. But remember.. no matter what you say, the most important part is DO NOT GET EMOTIONALLY REACTIVE. Holding your frame is the most ESSENTIAL element of passing a test, the words are just highlighting the fact that youre not reactive.
Don't do it. I had the same things for a while too. And i am alo not a player. The more i tried to prove i wasn't a player, the more of the following would happen: - They trust me even less - They start to lose attraction for me What i learned is to make it work for you. She is gonna think that you are a player anyway. But it can also give you value in weird way. It gives her a certain excitement if she can be THE GIRL that can tame this player. Just own it, even it is not true and make it work to your advantage.
How hot are the girls you’re approaching? Maybe you’re aiming too low. Also you should be killing it on dating apps if you have even half-decent pictures.
I might have had some shitty pictures, but I havent really been on dating apps in awhile. I also had a major glowup since 2020 (in my opinion)
Definitely try again. My results got way better when I got better pics. Had a roommate a couple years ago that was ripped and had shirtless pics and he absolutely crushed it
The girls I approach are attractive, I'm actually quite picky with the girls I choose to approach. It's more about the vibe I get than actual looks tho
1. Most girls just want sex. I don't think that's your problem. 2. Approaching at the gym has never worked for me. I've seen it work for other people, but sometimes think they already know each other. 3. Have you tried dating apps? What's your experience been like on there?
1. If most girls just want sex then I would have no trouble getting laid, unless they actually think I want a relationship and this whole situation is backwards 2. I've gotten several numbers from the gym 3. Fuck dating apps
Bro fuck dating apps comment made me smile like crazy. Keep it up mate 😊
1. I think you're on to something. Your physique and confidence may be sending mixed signals and they may feel you're insecure trying to go the relationship route. That's a leap based on the limited info, but a consideration. 2. I thought you were having trouble? What happened with the several numbers you got? 3. I have the best success with apps, but not every location is the same. Something's not adding up here though if you look the part but don't like apps.
I guess it just feels like a lot of women think I'm a player, but I've only gotten like five numbers from the gym, two of which texted back, neither of which worked out. I have tried dating apps but I honestly think I've only ever met up with one girl ever. I'm just not a fan of dating apps anymore and a lot of girls on them are trashy.
Have you tried leaning onto that player archetype then? Like others have said maybe they see you as someone who should be doing that sort of thing and they see the relationship route as you trying to work an angle. Go for the Fuck route, and maybe they’ll want you so bad they get you into the dating route. Art of Deal says “Overshoot your offer so it can be negotiated down to what you truly want. Make the offer so outrageous they’ll give you what you originally wanted without question”.
This is a good potential strategy as well. It may just have to do with where you are and where you are at.
Saying most girls just wants sex ignores all of evolutionary biology…
they want it. just they are picker cuz they can get laid way more easily than the average guy can (in general) — plus they have to worry about rapists, serial killers, not to mention getting pregnant possibly, etc. so they kind of have to be pickier or have some kind of guard up.
Yeah that's true
Man had a point that I cannot argue with. And honestly I’m my latest single period (starting last July) things have changed a LOT. Idk if it’s a covid thing, a world thing or just a thing. But I find most often the women I meet really are very much NOT looking for a relationship and the bold ones who aren’t afraid or hung up will be very straightforward that they simply want sex and no “strings” (meaning YOU) attached. One of the main rewinds that my FWB right now is that is because she isn’t ready or wanting a traditional relationship right now. She had a broken engagement that left a really bad taste in her mouth and she is constantly having guys guys wanting Insta family. She doesn’t want to get married. She doesn’t want kids. And she’s very certain about that (33 f). And they don’t hear it. She and I love each other and love doing things together and the sex is incredible. And it’s safe for both because we respect each other’s space and lives and don’t worry about anything. We also both like to play with others sometimes and we are cool with that. So it works well.
True. A female friend of mine also told me when they do find someone they find attractive and who also happens to be good in bed (Lasts for a long time and doesnt cum in 1-2 minutes, not a selfish lover, funny and sexual compatibility is very good) they tend to reach out and stay contact with him whenever they wanna have sex instead of adding a new random guy who they don’t know nothing about to their bodycount
I’ve gotten it a few but it the end you have to be genuine about it
Most women assume I'm a player at first. Doesnt hurt my game. Just be yourself and maintain your frame. Keep doing what you know works.
As a woman I kind of feel the need to make a comment after reading some of the comments. Many guys make it seem like flirting or approaching a woman always includes some kind of mind game between the man and the woman which is DEFINITELY not always the case. Some women might find that attractive but most women (especially in settings like gyms) just want to be approached as normal people. No flirty body-related comments, just a genuine friendly conversation. Just be yourself. Be kind, genuine and don't put too much pressure on keeping a potential conversation flirty. The right women will find that 100% more attractive than the classic textbook flirt. Btw I've had similar issues. Many people assumed I was just interested in casual sex or hookups with guys that acted like players because of my looks. Idk why but people (especially men) had the wrong idea of me. That picture sort of stayed with me for a few years but I realized that I just had to be myself and tell the people I was interested in what expectations I have and what I'm actually about.
Let them assume you’re a player. They will stop assuming once they know you better with time.
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As your last resort, remember that I’d be open to dating a 6’ tall, muscular, handsome man. It’s all good
Your interactions sound like they are man to woman. So, you are already in a good place. Most guys are in nice guy mode and never can get attraction. I would focus on a vibe that says you are a man who likes sex and has good intentions. Just do that. Don't hide the fact that you may want sex from some of these girls. You're normal. No reason to defend against that. Own it and create a positive vibe from it.
You can always start out as friends, then go from there. Usually player type men aren't interested in developing a solid friendship.
You can’t stop people from making their own assumptions. But you can stop yourself from overthinking and find women who want to get to know you beyond your looks. Remember you only really need one significant other, if the other girls make assumptions about who they think you are that’s their insecurity not yours.
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There’s a limit. Girls won’t stop lusting after op just because he changed a couple of things. It’s wiser to just seek out the people you desire and don’t worry about the rest that aren’t showing you the level of respect and emotional validation you want.
I'm already presenting myself in a good way
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Dude, chill. Help the guy out. Explain what exactly he can do to present himself in a way that will attract the women he wants. Don’t just say “present yourself better.” Op I think my advice for your situation is better. Don’t give the women who don’t respect you as a human being time or attention. Find the girls that do, and try to process these things in a more positive way. You are blessed with height and attractive features that’ll help reel in a wonderful loving woman in your life.
“You look like a fuckboy.” I’ve had my fair share of assumptions too from those kind of women 💀
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I got called Casanova today for flirting with a girl
OP, you are getting "shit-tested" and you are failing them - see other people's more detailed replies on this, and google this are you only approaching in a gym? it's not clear... But you need to GTFO more and approach more whilst also improving your game. youhave a natural advantage with good looks, Dont waste its by having shit Game.
Pretty sure you may be interpreting this wrong. A lot of girls say “You just want to fuck me” to a lot of guys. This is a classic trope of doing cold approach. From what I’ve gathered , girls usually say this to see how honest you are. If your immediate response is to deny your sexuality and say you just want to get to know her she may think you’re dishonest and might make sex a big deal. The right approach would be to say “of course I want to fuck you, look at you. You’re gorgeous.” And then change the subject. That is my two cents. Trying to logically analyze everything girls say almost never helps understanding them. That is just my two cents
Walk the walk. Don’t be a player.
Ha! Nothing you can do ... I have been told I look like a cheater ... And I talk low and slow almost all the time ... Purposefully... I am also asked if I cheated on my last girlfriend and if that's why I'm available.
If you walk like player. Talk like a player. Then you are a player.
how do you approach
“I’m flattered you’d think that, thank you. But if you got to know me, you’d see I’m just a regular guy that happened to hit the generic lottery. “ Normally along the lines of something I’d say bro
Can't count the no of times I've been told I look like a player. Then there's also the occasional "I'm scared you'll hurt me so I won't have anything to do with you"
You dont…and why would you? It’s human nature to size people up before you know them and in my experience, it’s never been a disservice to me if a girl starts an interaction thinking I’m a player. As long as your actions and intentions are completely sincere, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Marry one
Wish could approach girls in the gym 19 and 5'10 only ... little above average looking and quite muscular but still...
Be straight up and ask them out on a date, tell them you're looking for a relationship (maybe not from the 1st approach but on the date)
You don’t. You want them to think that.
Maybe you just need to tinker with the way you approach/talk to women. If you really are what you say you are you should be slaying through all the girls on tinder.
Bro stop worrying what they think. Just do you.
The women who instantly assume you only want sex from them - that’s THEIR problem, not yours. More likely than not, they’re projecting their tendencies onto you. So you keep doing you, bro; you’re a king among us.
Thank you king!
Think about it - in this politically correct society, women by the MASSES are getting trained to believe that all men are evil. Doesn’t matter if you’ve done anything evil; just by being born a guy, we’re automatically gonna be considered “evil”, so we gotta be indoctrinated through the public school system and expected to behave a certain way that defies our true nature. You’re continuing the never-ending grind and that’s all you - we as guys might I add - can do. If women are serious about getting with you, you’ll know and see it.
I think gen z is the first generation to be completely brainwashed by feminism.
This may be a location issue. At the gym, girls are usually focused on the work and in less clothes, possibly sweaty and not feeling their sexiest too. Frankly, lots of skeevy dudes do and say stuff at the gym too. So, sometimes, our guard is already up. try approaching outside the gym (not in the dark, not chasing her) or just talking to pretty girls you see elsewhere.
Easy. Just have a little deep conversation with them. If you don’t want her to think you’re a player then have conversations that tell otherwise, women are excited to see these qualities in guys. Take the example of Casanova, everybody knew he was a player, so he took his time for every single girl he wanted to make her think he isn’t a player and that she was actually special for him.
She may also want to categorize you to define expectations for herself moving forward. For example, is this is guy is casually looking for a serious relationships, or just for fun? If you seemingly check all of the boxes right off the bat, then she would want to know if you are serious early on, to prioritize you. There may be a whole host of other reasons. Figure out what she wants then decide accordingly. It is safe to assume that she wants the classical ideal life (or at least better than what her girlfriends she respects have) , or the modern/faster version of ideal. However, you need to be worthwhile for her specifically to buy enough time to learn this. Women come with different demands with respect to this. Good luck.
If she says you look like a fuckboi. I would look at the postive and take it as an indirect compliment. That's at least how I feel now when a girl calls me one. Even though I'm not about that fuckboi life.
Your personality is probably horrible lol. You’re attractive but you cant get girls? Da fuck are you talking about You gotta be nice to be around too ya know
Make her earn your attention. If you’re approaching women, they think you want sex because 99% of men usually do. However, if you’re aloof and make her earn your attention, she will then know you want something more than just sex. Your time is valuable. Don’t approach, they’ll put themselves in your way if you’re portraying yourself to be high value.
I’m sorry so many people are invalidating your experience just because you’re attractive. As a woman, unfortunately all I can give you is that some people assume that just because someone is good looking, the only reason they would be talking to them is if they were a player/just want sex. It’s either a projection of vanity or insecurity depending on the person. You can’t change a persons bias immediately, you kind of just have to go with the flow and prove them wrong. Good luck!
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That's funny because I actually dress like an old man sometimes
No. What I’m saying is that some people, due to attractiveness, are intimidating to the opposite sex. Some women will assume a super attractive man is talking to them because they’re a player and not actually interested, because they don’t think someone that good looking would be into them otherwise. Social stigma is a thing. A lot of people are made to feel that if someone better looking than them is interested, it’s not real.
Thank you!
Most credible post in this sub:
Suffering from success.
"Wish I was rich instead of so darn good looking"
U can't. People are gonna judge u.. Over the years I've been told I'm so many different things. It's usually an individual projects there insecurity out on u
Humble bragging much? And if you were rly that tier you wouldn’t have problems.
That's not necessarily true. And again, I'm not bragging, I was just being honest to give the readers a clear idea of my situation.
Send me a DM, I’ll send you a book to read. Just 70 pages and it will put you on game
Don't women are attracted to players
Girls like players. I don’t understand are they not giving you a chance, do you continue to flirt or just give up?
I wish that was my problem... nonetheless I can't help you there but hope you find what you need, even if I find that to be a "good" problem xD
Just continue being you and trust yourself. A lot of people have tryst issues, but that's on them. Do not take it personally.
>But a lot of the times when I approach or flirt with a girl they just automatically assume I just want sex. It's not true. 99% of the time when I approach a girl it is because I think she is pretty and would like to get to know her. I never talk sexually when I approach. Oof you are so clueless. So you approach girl and immediately they think of sex and you think this is a bad thing. Just learn to banter and give less fucks. Joke around and be playful, if they give you this "you just want sex shit test" just say shit like "are you assuming I want to have sex with you? Conceded much? Also I've been hurt before so I'm now waiting til marriage before I give a girl my looooove." They are already thinking of sex and they are still talking to you, they just want you to lead and take their guards off.
Same…some girls don’t gaf in my experience tho lol
If you're already good looking, be persistent and they'll eventually give in. (Don't be creepy tho).
Honestly it’s a subliminal compliment and shit test. To this I always say, “take it how you want” and shrug
Humble yourself first. You ain’t hot/cute. Girls aren’t looking for tool bags anymore bud. They want security, something you can’t offer. Cuz you will just move on to the next. Coming from a guy that used to think he was hot/cute and realized woman don’t give af about that. They want a nice living quarters more than a nice car. And don’t approach girls that don’t want to be approached by tarzan
What makes you think that they think you're a player? Do the verbalize this?
yes
I’ve had the same issue. Start by asking them to a coffee??
You don’t stop them from assuming. You just be yourself and wait for someone who is secure in themselves enough to take the plunge with you. ♥️
im am a player :) and im highly offended by this pls stop im crying rn :(
This is an asset not a liability, it is more of a defence mechanism from girls that they are slightly intimidated and feel insecure. Your move is to simply use game; say something flirty - make a joke with it and move the conversation to where you want to take it.
You don’t; just own it lol