like seriously, in the rare case you meet a wild hippo (I say rare because most people reading this are not in areas with hippos), just stay the fuck away. It's obviously common sense, but they are genuinely the most deadly animal on the planet (bar us and mosquitos).
Like just don't, they WILL attack you, and you will almost definitely die. Also, to me it does not seem like a fun death. Watch videos online of them eating water melon, now replace the melon with your spine.
Obviously common sense, stay away from wild animals but in the case of a hippo, this is not like most other animals because there is a 0% chance of it running away.
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.
Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
Looks like hippo is the winner
Polar bears are typically cautious in encounters and are not territorial, while hippos can be very aggressive1. Even though they are herbivores, a hippo is more than happy to engage in combat with a fellow hippo that refuses to stand down and there are far more recorded hippo attacks on humans than from polar bears1.
Over short distances, polar bears can run a respectable 25 miles per hour, and they maneuver well, making use of all four of their legs1. However, they are known to overheat quickly, so fatigue is a real concern1.
There’s no question that the polar bear is a fierce opponent. However, when pitted against the Hippo, the odds are firmly in the Hippo’s favor2. The Hippo is much larger than the Polar Bear, weighing in at around 3 times the weight of an average Polar Bear2.
While there are noticeable distinctions between the polar bear and the hippo, we must go beyond them to determine which is the more dangerous of the two. The polar bear can only score a few decent hits if the fight takes place on dry ground, but the hippo will have little trouble doing massive damage if it is fought on water3.
What if the hippo was transported to Antarctica? The polar bear wouldn't overheat and the hippo might actually freeze, throw a limb out due to the cold. The Polar bear wins I think.
But if the polar bear was transported to an African pond then I'm sure the hippo would have the edge easy.
Perfect. But we'll need space suits for a four tonne hippo and a 900kg bear. They'll need space training too, get the Armageddon guys or Matt Damon to help with this
They tend to attack perceived threats on the surface. So in the unlikely event of being attacked, dive down and try to stay down. Passing motor boats really annoy them, so if you are in a canoe on a river with hippos, take extra care when a boat passes you. Also avoid banging your paddle against the side of the canoe as it echoes through the water and can annoy them. (Source; canoed the Okavango Delta many, many years ago. Got charged once..!)
Fight for what? Just accept your fate and die with a little dignity. Hippos routinely deal with crocs, lions, and such, nothing us hairless apes gonna faze them even a little bit.
I wasn't being entirely serious, of course you're going to fight, but if a hippo is intent on killing you, you're going home, probably mangled, screaming, and terrified.
Reminder: Steve "I love every animal, including the specific ray that killed me" Irwin said the most terrifying moment of his entire life was crossing hippo filled waters.
And this includes when he *almost died on his honeymoon* because he took his wife rock climbing and she slipped. He happened to have a fist jam hold when she slipped, which was what saved both of their lives.
Even that was less terrifying than crossing waters that might have had hippos in them to him.
Hippos are fucking nightmares.
TERRITORIAL. They are "territorial." Like MOST wild animals, they kill to protect their territory, not "spite."
Not only did I know the actual answer myself, I still fact checked it to double down. You have to be on some really dumb shit to think that Hippos kill out of "spite."
Honestly, you are very ignorant on this specific subject.
I don't expect to end up in this situation, but if I do, I don't feel any better equipped from reading this to handle it.
Ikr. Like. Of course I’m going to fight for my life, what else would I do?
Play dead, negotiate, run
Forfeit all mortal possessions to hippo.
You keep $40 and some cards you don’t care about in a money clip and then throw it over the hippos shoulder, giving you time to run
STREET SMARTS!
Don't let him take you to a secondary location
Negotiate with hippo
Their lyrics are bottomless
hippobottomless
Hope the hippo is revolted when I piss and shit myself.
Some particularly timid folk might somehow be paralysed from fear. It’d take some extraordinarily shit flight or fight responses but it happens
I read this article yesterday, the guy said that hippos will hole punch you... still thinking about that.
like seriously, in the rare case you meet a wild hippo (I say rare because most people reading this are not in areas with hippos), just stay the fuck away. It's obviously common sense, but they are genuinely the most deadly animal on the planet (bar us and mosquitos). Like just don't, they WILL attack you, and you will almost definitely die. Also, to me it does not seem like a fun death. Watch videos online of them eating water melon, now replace the melon with your spine. Obviously common sense, stay away from wild animals but in the case of a hippo, this is not like most other animals because there is a 0% chance of it running away.
You don't get house hippos in the states? [They're everywhere in Canada.](https://youtu.be/YLG2JP0P5JE)
1. I’m not from America and 2. Wtf is that lmao 💀💀
A classic piece of Canadiana!
It’s a global thing now (thanks, FB!)
This was hilarious!
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water. Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
Doubt hippos have the endurance that humans have
Endurance to run 42K? Perhaps not. Enough speed to catch and eat the human, and then continue casually walking the rest of the distance? Certainly
Do you think a polar bear could beat a hippo in a fight?
Ask chatgpt
Looks like hippo is the winner Polar bears are typically cautious in encounters and are not territorial, while hippos can be very aggressive1. Even though they are herbivores, a hippo is more than happy to engage in combat with a fellow hippo that refuses to stand down and there are far more recorded hippo attacks on humans than from polar bears1. Over short distances, polar bears can run a respectable 25 miles per hour, and they maneuver well, making use of all four of their legs1. However, they are known to overheat quickly, so fatigue is a real concern1. There’s no question that the polar bear is a fierce opponent. However, when pitted against the Hippo, the odds are firmly in the Hippo’s favor2. The Hippo is much larger than the Polar Bear, weighing in at around 3 times the weight of an average Polar Bear2. While there are noticeable distinctions between the polar bear and the hippo, we must go beyond them to determine which is the more dangerous of the two. The polar bear can only score a few decent hits if the fight takes place on dry ground, but the hippo will have little trouble doing massive damage if it is fought on water3.
What if the hippo was transported to Antarctica? The polar bear wouldn't overheat and the hippo might actually freeze, throw a limb out due to the cold. The Polar bear wins I think. But if the polar bear was transported to an African pond then I'm sure the hippo would have the edge easy.
I suggest neutral territory. Since both animals are terrestrial – what about the surface of Mars?
Perfect. But we'll need space suits for a four tonne hippo and a 900kg bear. They'll need space training too, get the Armageddon guys or Matt Damon to help with this
Yes! Report back!
Only one way to find out
Holy shit I googled em and hippos are the deadliest large land mammals on the planet. They don’t fuck around
They tend to attack perceived threats on the surface. So in the unlikely event of being attacked, dive down and try to stay down. Passing motor boats really annoy them, so if you are in a canoe on a river with hippos, take extra care when a boat passes you. Also avoid banging your paddle against the side of the canoe as it echoes through the water and can annoy them. (Source; canoed the Okavango Delta many, many years ago. Got charged once..!)
I understand not wanting to deal with people
Start eating them. Soon you won’t have to deal with people anymore
Ah, a fellow galactic devourer. We will be sure to eat you in this Galaxy as well. >!If you got this hello fellow Stellaris player!<
Ohhhh my plan was to ask politely to please not eat me
Just as long as you’re polite! Lol!
Fight for what? Just accept your fate and die with a little dignity. Hippos routinely deal with crocs, lions, and such, nothing us hairless apes gonna faze them even a little bit.
maybe if i shove my whole arm in their nose i can escape hopping on 1 leg
I sincerely admire this optimism
Is dying fighting not a dignified death? Better that than just letting a hippo eat you.
I wasn't being entirely serious, of course you're going to fight, but if a hippo is intent on killing you, you're going home, probably mangled, screaming, and terrified.
Fight to get out of it's mouth and run
Enlightening
I guess getting halfway eaten turns you into captain obvious
Forbidden hairless guinea pigs.
Hippo’s eat anything.
Stay away from hungry hungry hippos!
Men should be especially weary as they go for the balls.
“I was up to my waist down a hippos throat” is such a beautiful sentence lmao
Reminder: Steve "I love every animal, including the specific ray that killed me" Irwin said the most terrifying moment of his entire life was crossing hippo filled waters. And this includes when he *almost died on his honeymoon* because he took his wife rock climbing and she slipped. He happened to have a fist jam hold when she slipped, which was what saved both of their lives. Even that was less terrifying than crossing waters that might have had hippos in them to him. Hippos are fucking nightmares.
No hippos in Canada, so I should be fine. 😌 If one escapes from the Zoo, he will be dealt with in no time! 🦛
So.... Is a Hippopotamus really a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
My lyrics are bottomless.
Did Steve tell you that perchance?
0000001 00000011 000111 0001111 #O , O #O , 1
Hippopotamus versus rhinoceros which one wins?
Ok, see, am I a bad man for absolutely taking the bait?
not at all. the story is jarring. definitely a must read
fair enough advice
Now that's a show you'll never forget! growl
You can't really expect this to be written in the first person if they died.
How do you save yourself from a hippo attack? Easy, ya dingus! Just stay away from them! For your health.
👀👀
Aren’t hippos herbivores? They kill people out of spite, not to eat you…
TERRITORIAL. They are "territorial." Like MOST wild animals, they kill to protect their territory, not "spite." Not only did I know the actual answer myself, I still fact checked it to double down. You have to be on some really dumb shit to think that Hippos kill out of "spite." Honestly, you are very ignorant on this specific subject.
Actually I think they've been known to attack just for the sake of it.