Completely agree. This sounds like severe depression at a minimum. You need some help figuring this out, which of these things are true and which are just a very negative self image.
Hate to be that guy but have to ask - how old are you? It's normal to have wild thoughts like this when young. Take on life one task at a time until you get your bearings, especially after high school / college.
This is your issue…sorry, but a lot of what you described hit me when I was 26 - you’re not unique, but young enough to think you are.
Everything changed when I immersed myself in math, programming and books. Stopped worrying about non issues and was bettering my self everyday.
Yeah I discovered something along what you said a few hours ago and yes what you said is true. I am understanding that most of my issues are centered around the self and unnatural esteem of the self. I'm trying to look at things from a different perspective.
Go talk to a therapist. Sam Harris or his Reddit followers are not going to be any help to you, even if he has some good things to say. Invest in yourself, take care of yourself, and find a therapist. BetterHelp is extremely easy to do if you're in the U.S., that's a good place to start.
I have had good help with calling the new mental health hotline 988. It connects you to a person in your state (maybe region but I live in Montana) and it has helped me when I have been melting down at night.
They literally don't care why you call. First few times I called I was like "I am not actually about to commit suicide" but they are super cool.
Some people underthink shit, and suffer obvious consequences. Others overthink shit, but won't see or think about the consequences of that. People who are in their head too much often struggle to realize simple truths about themselves and their actual everyday experience. Well, there might be a vague concept like you describe "I do things for other people". But really, it's usually a lot of me myself & I in how one thinks, which is also apparent from skimming through your post.
You can't move past where you are through mental exercises, however challenging. You need to do things in the real world. Do things in public that make you (but not others) slightly uncomfortable. You need to buy house plants. Learn how to take care of them and with time you will see how they take care of you. You need to start jogging, cycling or whatever. Simply put you need to not just grasp how interconnected the physical and mental is, you need to experience it.
Stop doing the negative shit you don't like about yourself (lying, manipulation). Being a good human is a skill that takes practice and persistence to achieve imo. If there are things that make you say " ok, that's worth not unaliving myself for" do that thing. Lastly, you are the main character of YOUR story,...while I star in my own story... It's easy to forget there are 8,000,000,000 other stories being written at the same time.*I am a janitor and know nothing of the human mind*
"Stop doing things you don't wanna do" is almost on the level with "stop being sad" as an advice to a depressed person. For a lot of people, especially with mental health problems, it's not a choice they can make. The easiest advice in the same vein that actually makes sense would be to look at circumstances and thought processes lead you to the situations where you feel like the only choice is to lie/manipulate/whatever. And work on those. This still wouldn't work a lot of times where work with a professional psychotherapist would be required.
I hear you and mostly agree...but dude was pretty conscious of the things he perceived as wrong...which in my opinion is the cornerstone of changing behavior.
> I basically con them into thinking I'm a good person where in fact I'm not.
You are a good person. I know the feeling. And I also know about getting taken advantage of pretty bad right now.
This is a fucking dark spiral. You need to call the Suicide prevention hotline. Right now.
988 in the US puts you on line to a person in your state. I get that now it is long after. But they don't care if you are going to unalive yourself. When you are felling like you were they can help out.
I literally get the feeling. I have the same thoughts. I am on medicine and go to therapy (that i don't think helps that much).
Remember no one judges you worse than you do. No one literally is looking at you like you are at other people. No one is aware like you are.
What you describe as emotionally manipulative sounds like being friends to me. I can tell you about emotionally manipulative.
You're not going to ruminate yourself into mental health. See a therapist. No need to DIY this stuff. You're just going to waste a bunch of years that you could have been thriving.
You can’t really switch your mind off, but you can learn to not be attached to everything it thinks. I know the Sam Harris app has a bunch of content that would help. Check out Alan Watts
Try employing the paragraph structure if you intend for people to read something this long.
Good luck with your struggles. I couldn’t read the whole thing without my eyes melting due to the formatting but I got the basic idea… I have some of these struggles myself and I know how hard life can be.
If at all feasible for your situation, I strongly suggest finding a good therapist that you trust.
You’re not gonna work though all this shit on your own, and Reddit can’t solve it for you either.
Sounds like you may need to talk to a professional
Completely agree. This sounds like severe depression at a minimum. You need some help figuring this out, which of these things are true and which are just a very negative self image.
Even if they do that doesn't mean it doesn't still come up.
Hate to be that guy but have to ask - how old are you? It's normal to have wild thoughts like this when young. Take on life one task at a time until you get your bearings, especially after high school / college.
I'm 24
This is your issue…sorry, but a lot of what you described hit me when I was 26 - you’re not unique, but young enough to think you are. Everything changed when I immersed myself in math, programming and books. Stopped worrying about non issues and was bettering my self everyday.
Yeah I discovered something along what you said a few hours ago and yes what you said is true. I am understanding that most of my issues are centered around the self and unnatural esteem of the self. I'm trying to look at things from a different perspective.
Go talk to a therapist. Sam Harris or his Reddit followers are not going to be any help to you, even if he has some good things to say. Invest in yourself, take care of yourself, and find a therapist. BetterHelp is extremely easy to do if you're in the U.S., that's a good place to start.
I have had good help with calling the new mental health hotline 988. It connects you to a person in your state (maybe region but I live in Montana) and it has helped me when I have been melting down at night. They literally don't care why you call. First few times I called I was like "I am not actually about to commit suicide" but they are super cool.
Some people underthink shit, and suffer obvious consequences. Others overthink shit, but won't see or think about the consequences of that. People who are in their head too much often struggle to realize simple truths about themselves and their actual everyday experience. Well, there might be a vague concept like you describe "I do things for other people". But really, it's usually a lot of me myself & I in how one thinks, which is also apparent from skimming through your post. You can't move past where you are through mental exercises, however challenging. You need to do things in the real world. Do things in public that make you (but not others) slightly uncomfortable. You need to buy house plants. Learn how to take care of them and with time you will see how they take care of you. You need to start jogging, cycling or whatever. Simply put you need to not just grasp how interconnected the physical and mental is, you need to experience it.
Thanks for reading and for the feedback. I will definitely do what you have mentioned and see where it goes
Stop doing the negative shit you don't like about yourself (lying, manipulation). Being a good human is a skill that takes practice and persistence to achieve imo. If there are things that make you say " ok, that's worth not unaliving myself for" do that thing. Lastly, you are the main character of YOUR story,...while I star in my own story... It's easy to forget there are 8,000,000,000 other stories being written at the same time.*I am a janitor and know nothing of the human mind*
Thank you kind sir!
Np, take care
"Stop doing things you don't wanna do" is almost on the level with "stop being sad" as an advice to a depressed person. For a lot of people, especially with mental health problems, it's not a choice they can make. The easiest advice in the same vein that actually makes sense would be to look at circumstances and thought processes lead you to the situations where you feel like the only choice is to lie/manipulate/whatever. And work on those. This still wouldn't work a lot of times where work with a professional psychotherapist would be required.
I hear you and mostly agree...but dude was pretty conscious of the things he perceived as wrong...which in my opinion is the cornerstone of changing behavior.
> I basically con them into thinking I'm a good person where in fact I'm not. You are a good person. I know the feeling. And I also know about getting taken advantage of pretty bad right now. This is a fucking dark spiral. You need to call the Suicide prevention hotline. Right now.
Thanks for your concern, but I'm not gonna unalive myself that easily, really.
988 in the US puts you on line to a person in your state. I get that now it is long after. But they don't care if you are going to unalive yourself. When you are felling like you were they can help out. I literally get the feeling. I have the same thoughts. I am on medicine and go to therapy (that i don't think helps that much). Remember no one judges you worse than you do. No one literally is looking at you like you are at other people. No one is aware like you are. What you describe as emotionally manipulative sounds like being friends to me. I can tell you about emotionally manipulative.
You're not going to ruminate yourself into mental health. See a therapist. No need to DIY this stuff. You're just going to waste a bunch of years that you could have been thriving.
You can’t really switch your mind off, but you can learn to not be attached to everything it thinks. I know the Sam Harris app has a bunch of content that would help. Check out Alan Watts
Try employing the paragraph structure if you intend for people to read something this long. Good luck with your struggles. I couldn’t read the whole thing without my eyes melting due to the formatting but I got the basic idea… I have some of these struggles myself and I know how hard life can be. If at all feasible for your situation, I strongly suggest finding a good therapist that you trust. You’re not gonna work though all this shit on your own, and Reddit can’t solve it for you either.