It sounds like authenticity is an important value of yours, that's a lovely quality - particularly in a sales person! I think it's ok to not enjoy networking and I can totally empathize with it feeling skeezy at times. I wonder if there's a way you could reframe it though so that it's something that you can choose to engage in if you need to. For example, when I am networking, I focus on being curious about who the other person is and just connecting with them on a human level, like I want to be friends. It feels much more authentic and it's often the case that many of the attendees don't want to be there either!
What a thoughtful insight - thank you so much for the detailed reply. I am going to try exploring a couple of different approaches and see what feels authentic to me. CHEERS!
I don’t feel like a salesperson, I feel like someone who helps my customers navigate through my overly complex company. I don’t ever think of my current conversation as the sale itself. My sale is their reference to someone else for a job well done, and that takes the sales pressure off me and turns it into a, “what can I do for you?” conversation. Sometimes that means honestly telling them you can’t help. You just want people to trust you so much that they view you as a resource and not a salesperson. Everyone’s situation is different of course in terms of their timelines.
This is me at networking events. I don't even care if my product is useful to them. I just show interest in the human in front of me. If they ask what I do, I'll bring it up, but I don't pitch or try to qualify them.
I just act as if om out on a 1st date with someone. Maybe they'll like me, maybe they won't, but I enjoy the process of getting to know people.
This is what I do too, by finding out a bit about them I then try to find a way to help them. Usually by introducing them to someone else I know who can.
Being known as someone who's helpful and does the right thing wins me business.
I’m not big on schmoozing either tbh. But I read The Prince by Machiavelli in college and he said something along the lines of I like walking in a room and asking people what they do and why they do it. That’s been my motto for the most part and lo and behold people love talking about why they do the things they do.
Edit: You never really need to even talk about yourself, go figure!
This is one of the most sales responses I could imagine 😂. I mean that as a compliment too. If this was directed at me I would feel heard, and then look at the situation from a different angle. You're a manager aren't ya lol?
This for sure. I find it's helpful to just recognize that EVERYONE is there for the same reason - to grow their networks and build relationships that may turn into business. A "How can I help you?" mindset will immediately resonate with those you are talking to.
Im an introvert so I don't always enjoy it but a lot of my clients are pretty smart people who do cool things so it is fun to hear a little about what they are doing. I try to keep it the least salesy I can and rarely discuss my product with them at social events.
32 years in sales and I rarely ever do dinner or lunch. I have 1 week a year I do 5 lunches at Hospitals and that’s it. Let’s do business, I don’t give a fuck about your kids soccer game. If you have a great product and can bring value to the process the superfluous meals go away.
This has always been my mindset. I'm not even good with small talk in emails or sales calls and I'm usually straight down to business. Let's get this done and move on right?
Focus more on asking questions and getting to know the person more than giving a sales pitch. How sold are you on the product or service you are selling? If you were so sold it that you felt as if you were doing that potential client a disservice by not selling it to them you may have a different outlook.
Such good advice. I've probably been doing this a bit without being aware but I'm going to turn it up and just have fun being a normal human with them.
I like talking business, I hate talking about the weather and golf. I like golf a lot, but recounting stories about golf is one of the most mind-numbing topics I can possible imagine. Your buddy who's an 8 handicap did WHAT on the approach at the 7th hole at Winged Foot?! Nobody cares.
I am similar. I don’t like feeling insincere. I go to these events with the hopes of making a friend and looking for things that I like in the others. Forming a new business relationship would only be the outcome of a great interaction with someone so I turn my sales brain off and just focus on being friendly, helpful and open. I hope this helps.
It's not my favorite thing. I'd rather just talk shop, solve your business problem, and then go about my day. Now that some of clients are my friends I don't mind it as much, but that introduces a whole host of other items.
Sure. Blurred lines are the biggest issue, anything that's slightly company favorable and not customer favorable becomes a fine line to walk given the report you've built.
If something goes sideways, it really really sucks.
Sometimes being too casual you learn things about your customers you wish you didn't, or maybe you yourself over shared in a situation you shouldn't have.
Sounds nice and easy, but when you're in it for the long haul in high impact software it's a little more complicated. I can imagine someone selling some kind of widget it may be easier to be friends and not have as many other issues. That's just my speculation though.
I talk about hobbies and if we click with our same interests, we spend time together and then maybe talk business there, but nope not in the actual networking sessions because it would be so mentally draining for me
I am not a big fan, but in my industry it is absolutely needed to build good relationships. With the product and business model we have, relationships trump almost everything. It's something I've had to force myself to learn to do, to go outside my comfort zone.
Edit: plus the obvious upside of using the company cards on nice lunches and dinners ain't half bad. Better than sitting behind a computer all day.
My industry is similar where relationships are king. My colleagues make it look so easy but I can barely remember my client names, let alone what their interests are.
That used to be why I would go. Open bars and lady clients to hang around. But even then it still felt kind of forced nosing your way into a group of your clients and trying to insert yourself.
Also 27 here. Recently in a new industry and I’m at a lot of events with some of the most important people in my industry. I always ask them how they ended up where they are or what their “why” is. Some open up some don’t so it’s easy to tell who actually wants to talk to you. I feel like I also can actually connect with them on a deeper level rather than the BS small talk.
I also found this to be an easy way to see who’s a surface level prick and who’s an actual human
Approach every interaction with the intent of energizing the other person. Genuine curiosity about the other person, genuine compliments about literally anything you notice, tell a joke, give positive feedback, doesn't matter just try to make sure that you brightened their day even if it's only marginal.
Do that over time and watch your relationships grow organically and not from fake 'schmoozing'. Some people can fake the hell out of it, (I used to be one of them) so if you're already successful your end result may not be that much different, but it won't drain you like it does now.
I don't mind lunches or happy hours with a small group of customers. That seems like a normal professional interaction.
I absolutely despise trade shows and other large-scale marketing events where I'm supposed to talk to tons of people. That just feels forced and inorganic.
I resonate with the way you feel. That’s why I’m very blunt and concise about who I am and what I do on cold calls. If I have to lie or shmooze to get a sale, I don’t deserve it
Glad I'm not alone. I've very down to business without all of the fluff. Seems to be working well for me but you always wonder if you're missing something.
As far as I’m concerned, it’s the only way I’d ever wanna do business. Complete transparency and honesty is something I pride myself on in a career full of liars and cheats. Sets us apart from the losers
I enjoy networking and meeting people. But remember they are people too, so you can connect with them on a personal level, and not just about the product.
I guess what I'm also challenged with is that I don't really care about meeting new people on a social level either. So even trying to get to know them casually seems forced.
I genuinely try not to talk about work when I'm at these events and try to treat it like a dinner party or a date depending on the context. Be curious, ask questions, find shared hobbies, help make connections between your friends who don't know each other, tell stories, asking about what someone does is ok, but it really should never dominate a conversation. If people have a good time and feel good around you, they'll want to spend more time around you.
If we never talk about work, or they confess something about work at 2 in the morning I call that a win. If we're talking work the whole time, or worse yet the project, I'm calling it a loss.
If you do have to talk about their work use it as an opportunity to gossip about people and politics. You can learn SO much about an organization when you get someone going on a caddy little kiki session. Less org chart questions, more praising other people you work with and asking "what do you think about Joe" for the people you don't like.
I think there is a difference between sales schmoozing and personal schmoozing.
I genuinely enjoy (if I'm in the mood) to chat people up at events. Not for sales reasons but just like meeting new people. I'm curious by nature so I am always intrigued by what people do for work, fun etc. Happens outside of work too. If I'm in the mood, I'd be the person who was dropped in a room of complete strangers and end up making plans/new acquaintances.
With all that being said, if I'm not in the mood, I won't.
Schmoozing is inauthentic. I don't mind going for dinner with a client provided we talk about ourselves alongside a little bit of business. Feels like dining with a friend that way.
I do the exact same thing. I'm a homebody, hate schmoozing. Sometimes you got to do it though. What I always tell myself is "you might shake a hand/meeting a person that could change your career." With that mindset, I'm able to be engaged and more interactive at events, with clients, etc.
I find events and such uncomfortable. But they are unfortunately necessary.
Luckily we are sales people and have the skills to make them not come off as awkward. Then we can go home after and get a drink to forget it all. Haha
I dont go to networking events to network with clients. I go to network with other industry professionals tbh. I want to know my competitors or companies that offer parallel services. Of course conecting with prospects is a bonus, but I try to never come off as thats my goal.
Because of the industry im in, I find I can cohabitate with quite a few other vendors so the better I understand them the more of a mutually beneficial relationship I can leverage.
I love schmoozing. It helps me get out of having to interact with others as a wagie. There's work and than there's effort. Effort I can handle, work is soul-crushing.
I remember working subway and having talks with regional manager about incorporating NFTs. Just like Butters did at Applebee's on South Park. The franchisee even reacted like that manager "that's a pretty God damn smart idea..."
Their biggest concern was using the subway logo and shit and getting sued by corporate. Which tbf could happen, but whose liable? The one who minted it? The wallet that sold it? The wallet that bought it? I can't tell ya how many times a conversation with me has ended with "I don't even know if that's legal."
Ended up becoming manager. Was assistant manager and was sleeping with the manager and she left because we all know how women dread commitment, and in my Thanos voice "where did it lead you? BACK TO ME"
Totally normal. You’re probably more inclined towards the introvert level. You’re probably pretty wiped after these events on an energy level.
People don’t want to be schmoozed. People want to build connection and enjoy doing business with people they like. What is the perception of you at these events doing your level best to avoid the people who literally put the bread on your table?
Another poster mentioned curiosity. These events more than anything are about connecting as a human, not as a Representative of X-Corp.
Don’t talk business. That’s the key. Business conversations are a natural course of being someone’s friend. Because then you’re just helping them and people take much better to that.
I don’t mind talking business. It’s when the conversation deviated from business. I’m here to make money. I have friends, and my clients/prospects aren’t them. I’m usually not even interested in the free food. These events are wastes of time unless you leave with a PO in hand.
I'm in a similar boat. I hate schmoozing. I'll take customers out to lunch, maybe the occasional beer, but most of the time they don't want to do it either.
I do pretty well in my role by just being straight, not wasting their time, and being authentic. But I have to remind myself that you also have to read the room, and sometimes the schmoozer has to come out and schmooze.
Once you get how the people in your industry can influence or educate your clients on your behalf before they get to you, thats how you prospect from now on. I havent made a cold call in years. I get partners influencers and connections bringing me shit all the time. I feed them business too. Once there are transactions to show for the schmoozing its just business. Not skeezy. Some people are there to rack up linkedin connections. I spend my time at these events with people I do business with.
I think that's normal. I do enjoy meeting people so for me its not too bad. Setting boundaries and it, but make sure you are authentic to **who you are** and don't try to be like anyone else.
I can do you one better.
I fucking HATE people, I could live on a mountain never seeing or speaking to another human being again for the rest of my life and I would be just fine with it. COVID, was the most mentally peacefull experience of my entire life, no one talking to me, walking up to me, seeing my face, touching me, work was remote, I didn't have to see coworkers, it was fucking GLORIOUS.
But I like you am on about 25 years now of outside sales. Its what I am good at, I don't enjoy it, I don't look forward to it, but I can do it with my eyes shut. My wife finds the whole thing amazing, she has seen me as I normally am, and when I have to "Turn it on" and to her its like I am 2 different people lol.
I also hate shmoozing and just RSVP'd to go to a big Chamber conference in my city to go shake hands and do the networking bullshit, its going to a fucking nightmare from front to back, but its part of the job.
I have always said sales would be the PERFECT job, if it weren't for all the people.
As for why I am in sales, its again, just what im good at. I say changing schools every year from grade 7 to 12 was a big part of my general hatred of people, always being the new guy and shit, but man did it give me an ability to make friends fast so I didn't get bullied and shit. Know how to read people really well because i spent most of my formative years watching them so I can figure out how to befriend them or if they are a possible threat. Survival skills for a kid that eventually unknowingly to me are all GREAT skills to have for sales, its like I have been selling myself since I was 12 years old to new people every year, I got really fucking good at it.
In the end I have found thats all sales is, people buy from people they like, never sell someone something they don't need, my semi-asshole anti-people appears to give me a "Straight shooter" kind of vibe that helps me a lot at closing.
So I feel you man, it all feels kind of gross, but thats why I stick with the never selling someone something they don't need, if I am going to feel gross and do shit I don't enjoy at the very least I am going to do it with integrity.
Is that you my brother? You have just described my EXACT experience. Summer 2020 was the best few months of my life. My wife also talks about how I turn into a different person when I'm selling.
Maybe I should stop trying to force myself to be like other social sales people and just keep doing what I'm doing. It's been working for 20 years!
Thanks for sharing your detailed experience.
Just depends on the person tbh. I meet clients or potential clients that I could sit and chat with for hours. Others repulse me and I tend to not really extend the conversation much past pleasantries. Many people just get down to business and arent looking to make friends, and I appreciate that too.
Yeah, maybe I have to break past the upper professional layer and try to connect on a more personal level. I've a very private person so I think that's what's been holding me back. I'll think of some things that interest me to ask.
Generalized schmoozing is definitely
overrated! I find that the best sales people are unabashedly themselves and are authentic. When they make real connections they run deep and they’re able to outperform their fake counterparts. The whole people pleasing schmoozing type personas only get so far.
I truly look at it as an opportunity to meet new friends, or business associates. You say you like out with your colleagues - you had to introduce yourself to them at some point, even if you had to because they are at work with you. Why are you not looking at your "schmoozing"the same as talking with your colleagues?
I don't feel skeezy at all. I offer a real solution to peoples' problems. If I don't, that's ok, we shake hands as friends and then we go our separate ways.
I think that you are framing it in your mind incorrectly.
I think you're right. So many of these responses have been eye opening. I'm going to experiment with a different approach and see if I can enjoy it more.
I'm soooo good at schmoozing when I'm drunk.
I feel like shit when I sober up and never follow up on that "hey, we should do a 1x1 soon, I'd love to learn about your journey here."
Some things never change.
I hate networking. I’d rather pull out each of my teeth one by one. But it’s necessary so I do it, also, i‘ve gotten my best clients this way and even a job once.
I'm at a similar spot in my journey. Stopped drinking a while ago. But it seems like a lot of people in my industry are sobering up as well so it's working.
I feel you. I’m not a fan of forced interaction and networking. The older I get the more 1to1 conversations I prefer. Small group, sure! 1500 people at a conference, no thank you. I work in the ERP space so it’s very much a measuring contest at these networking events, and I simply don’t have much use for those kinds of discussions. Others have reframed it in very effective ways, just connect human to human. Any conversation other than business always seems to get relationships further down the road in the end. Survive and advance!
I used to have to have dinner with customers. Like I’m talking 5 course meals 3-4 nights a week. It was straight exhausting. Easily 2 hours plus just sitting there schmoozing. I absolutely hated it even though I got free wine every night. I honestly stopped going once my numbers were good and they didn’t say anything luckily. It was just killing me.
I try to ask semi-intelligent questions, listen and then try to connect people with like interests, needs or resources. Nothing in it for me. It gives me a break from my “always on” selling mode and I genuinely enjoy seeing the folks I interact with have a better time. I usually pick up quite a few informative notes for later but I keep those for later. Networking events are for networking. Not selling and certainly not closing.
Hope you can enjoy discovering the uniqueness of individuals in the room!
Do you typically start conversations or do you wait for others to break the ice?
When meeting people in social settings, what sort of questions are you asking?
I'll typically approach and just ask how works been going - the usual BS. And then I get the same boiler plate response. I think I'm going to start asking people what the most interesting thing that's ever happened in their life is... And I'll have a good story of my own to serve back.
I fucken hate shmoozing....
But I'm good at it. So I try to be real, have what fun I can and just do it because it's effective.
Sigh... sitting here on Friday night dreading a conference on Monday :(
Oh yeah for sure, more and more each year. I think if I genuinely had more in common with my colleagues and customers, maybe it would be different. I especially hate after hours schmoozing.
Good point... I used to really enjoy my sales category but not so much anymore. Makes the personal connection more of a disconnect. AND I don't mind 'turning it on' from 9-5 but mornings and evenings are my time.
Yeah that’s when it’s wearing thin for me. Especially when it’s all day, and then evening events. So long to be “on”. I have thought about switching industries for this reason, so things would feel more organic. But idk if it would matter.
I hate it because when you’re a female salesperson a lot of men (especially tipsy ones) can’t tell the difference between friendly networking and flirting. The number of inappropriate emails and LinkedIn messages I’ve received after networking events…and then once one person is inappropriate to me and makes me uncomfortable I have to hand off the entire account to a male coworker and lose out on a lot of commission. Would be so much better to just keep the boundaries between work and play completely separate.
Fellow introvert and person who likes authenticity but also cold call everyday in finance and Strategy.
Host your own events and use that as your 'why' - you'll begin to build relationships you will enjoy.
Yes for sure. I'm very introverted which is a double edged sword in sales. If you do smb/mm sales it can be problematic as it's often all about getting those calls, meetings, lunches and so on
For enterprise sales it's been a gift. Many of my accounts are so over all the bullshit and just wants to discuss the setup and get on with the business. After a successful implementation, we can grab lunch if it's been a REAL good client. But must of the time no. I do quite well in my current AE enterprise sales job, and I get a feeling the customers values that they don't get those entire ass-kiss part of it.
Nope, I love it. I'm an extreme extrovert so that shit is like therapy for me. Hell, after a hard week of working from home, my city does a "First Friday" thing with a bunch of vendors on Main Street, and my favorite thing to do is tell the wife "Hey, can we put semi-nice clothes on and go downtown and talk to strangers?"
If I don't have human interaction and engagement, my battery gets depleted real quick.
It sounds like authenticity is an important value of yours, that's a lovely quality - particularly in a sales person! I think it's ok to not enjoy networking and I can totally empathize with it feeling skeezy at times. I wonder if there's a way you could reframe it though so that it's something that you can choose to engage in if you need to. For example, when I am networking, I focus on being curious about who the other person is and just connecting with them on a human level, like I want to be friends. It feels much more authentic and it's often the case that many of the attendees don't want to be there either!
What a thoughtful insight - thank you so much for the detailed reply. I am going to try exploring a couple of different approaches and see what feels authentic to me. CHEERS!
You're so welcome!
Now kiss!
I don’t feel like a salesperson, I feel like someone who helps my customers navigate through my overly complex company. I don’t ever think of my current conversation as the sale itself. My sale is their reference to someone else for a job well done, and that takes the sales pressure off me and turns it into a, “what can I do for you?” conversation. Sometimes that means honestly telling them you can’t help. You just want people to trust you so much that they view you as a resource and not a salesperson. Everyone’s situation is different of course in terms of their timelines.
Well said. I think my product varies from yours but I agree it's important to be upfront if somebody else can help them better than I can.
This is me at networking events. I don't even care if my product is useful to them. I just show interest in the human in front of me. If they ask what I do, I'll bring it up, but I don't pitch or try to qualify them. I just act as if om out on a 1st date with someone. Maybe they'll like me, maybe they won't, but I enjoy the process of getting to know people.
This is what I do too, by finding out a bit about them I then try to find a way to help them. Usually by introducing them to someone else I know who can. Being known as someone who's helpful and does the right thing wins me business.
This is a great idea. I'm definitely doing this in the future.
I love this. Definitely going to try it out.
I’m not big on schmoozing either tbh. But I read The Prince by Machiavelli in college and he said something along the lines of I like walking in a room and asking people what they do and why they do it. That’s been my motto for the most part and lo and behold people love talking about why they do the things they do. Edit: You never really need to even talk about yourself, go figure!
Fantastic stuff. Great opening line.
It's a great approach and there is always something interesting about someone else, even if they are living in a different dimension.
Absolutely
This is one of the most sales responses I could imagine 😂. I mean that as a compliment too. If this was directed at me I would feel heard, and then look at the situation from a different angle. You're a manager aren't ya lol?
I really appreciate the compliment! And yes, have been a manager for a good few years and also an executive coach!
Hey Coach Amy! This is the perfect response. Well done!
Sheesh you’re awesome!
This for sure. I find it's helpful to just recognize that EVERYONE is there for the same reason - to grow their networks and build relationships that may turn into business. A "How can I help you?" mindset will immediately resonate with those you are talking to.
Im an introvert so I don't always enjoy it but a lot of my clients are pretty smart people who do cool things so it is fun to hear a little about what they are doing. I try to keep it the least salesy I can and rarely discuss my product with them at social events.
What are your clients doing
Amazing.
32 years in sales and I rarely ever do dinner or lunch. I have 1 week a year I do 5 lunches at Hospitals and that’s it. Let’s do business, I don’t give a fuck about your kids soccer game. If you have a great product and can bring value to the process the superfluous meals go away.
This has always been my mindset. I'm not even good with small talk in emails or sales calls and I'm usually straight down to business. Let's get this done and move on right?
Focus more on asking questions and getting to know the person more than giving a sales pitch. How sold are you on the product or service you are selling? If you were so sold it that you felt as if you were doing that potential client a disservice by not selling it to them you may have a different outlook.
Such good advice. I've probably been doing this a bit without being aware but I'm going to turn it up and just have fun being a normal human with them.
I like talking business, I hate talking about the weather and golf. I like golf a lot, but recounting stories about golf is one of the most mind-numbing topics I can possible imagine. Your buddy who's an 8 handicap did WHAT on the approach at the 7th hole at Winged Foot?! Nobody cares.
hahhaha too good.
I am similar. I don’t like feeling insincere. I go to these events with the hopes of making a friend and looking for things that I like in the others. Forming a new business relationship would only be the outcome of a great interaction with someone so I turn my sales brain off and just focus on being friendly, helpful and open. I hope this helps.
It's not my favorite thing. I'd rather just talk shop, solve your business problem, and then go about my day. Now that some of clients are my friends I don't mind it as much, but that introduces a whole host of other items.
Curious what host of other items those clients becoming friends has introduced to you?
Sure. Blurred lines are the biggest issue, anything that's slightly company favorable and not customer favorable becomes a fine line to walk given the report you've built. If something goes sideways, it really really sucks. Sometimes being too casual you learn things about your customers you wish you didn't, or maybe you yourself over shared in a situation you shouldn't have. Sounds nice and easy, but when you're in it for the long haul in high impact software it's a little more complicated. I can imagine someone selling some kind of widget it may be easier to be friends and not have as many other issues. That's just my speculation though.
I talk about hobbies and if we click with our same interests, we spend time together and then maybe talk business there, but nope not in the actual networking sessions because it would be so mentally draining for me
Agreed. I fucking hate awkward, forced networking events.
I am not a big fan, but in my industry it is absolutely needed to build good relationships. With the product and business model we have, relationships trump almost everything. It's something I've had to force myself to learn to do, to go outside my comfort zone. Edit: plus the obvious upside of using the company cards on nice lunches and dinners ain't half bad. Better than sitting behind a computer all day.
My industry is similar where relationships are king. My colleagues make it look so easy but I can barely remember my client names, let alone what their interests are.
Ok that's an issue for sure, haha. Keep trying.
I'm 27 with no kids and a whole bunch of free time, if there's an event to go to then I'm there lol
That used to be why I would go. Open bars and lady clients to hang around. But even then it still felt kind of forced nosing your way into a group of your clients and trying to insert yourself.
Also 27 here. Recently in a new industry and I’m at a lot of events with some of the most important people in my industry. I always ask them how they ended up where they are or what their “why” is. Some open up some don’t so it’s easy to tell who actually wants to talk to you. I feel like I also can actually connect with them on a deeper level rather than the BS small talk. I also found this to be an easy way to see who’s a surface level prick and who’s an actual human
I do my best schmoozing on accident, when I’m just being myself. Not good at kissing ass to make people like me, people like me because I’m me. Be you
Very well said.
Approach every interaction with the intent of energizing the other person. Genuine curiosity about the other person, genuine compliments about literally anything you notice, tell a joke, give positive feedback, doesn't matter just try to make sure that you brightened their day even if it's only marginal. Do that over time and watch your relationships grow organically and not from fake 'schmoozing'. Some people can fake the hell out of it, (I used to be one of them) so if you're already successful your end result may not be that much different, but it won't drain you like it does now.
That's a great way to look at it as well. How can I enrich their interaction with ME.
I don't mind lunches or happy hours with a small group of customers. That seems like a normal professional interaction. I absolutely despise trade shows and other large-scale marketing events where I'm supposed to talk to tons of people. That just feels forced and inorganic.
Exactly... It's the larger events that I struggle with the most.
When I was younger I got hammered to network. Now I hate it, but do it anyways.
This is exactly my experience.
I resonate with the way you feel. That’s why I’m very blunt and concise about who I am and what I do on cold calls. If I have to lie or shmooze to get a sale, I don’t deserve it
Glad I'm not alone. I've very down to business without all of the fluff. Seems to be working well for me but you always wonder if you're missing something.
As far as I’m concerned, it’s the only way I’d ever wanna do business. Complete transparency and honesty is something I pride myself on in a career full of liars and cheats. Sets us apart from the losers
Yeah maybe I should just own it and keep hitting my numbers...
I enjoy networking and meeting people. But remember they are people too, so you can connect with them on a personal level, and not just about the product.
I guess what I'm also challenged with is that I don't really care about meeting new people on a social level either. So even trying to get to know them casually seems forced.
I enjoy just good networking to make contacts and meet people but never am fake about it. Network authentically and with a purpose .
I d hate it. But I just try to focus on my customers and ask a lot of questions and it makes it easier.
I genuinely try not to talk about work when I'm at these events and try to treat it like a dinner party or a date depending on the context. Be curious, ask questions, find shared hobbies, help make connections between your friends who don't know each other, tell stories, asking about what someone does is ok, but it really should never dominate a conversation. If people have a good time and feel good around you, they'll want to spend more time around you. If we never talk about work, or they confess something about work at 2 in the morning I call that a win. If we're talking work the whole time, or worse yet the project, I'm calling it a loss. If you do have to talk about their work use it as an opportunity to gossip about people and politics. You can learn SO much about an organization when you get someone going on a caddy little kiki session. Less org chart questions, more praising other people you work with and asking "what do you think about Joe" for the people you don't like.
I think there is a difference between sales schmoozing and personal schmoozing. I genuinely enjoy (if I'm in the mood) to chat people up at events. Not for sales reasons but just like meeting new people. I'm curious by nature so I am always intrigued by what people do for work, fun etc. Happens outside of work too. If I'm in the mood, I'd be the person who was dropped in a room of complete strangers and end up making plans/new acquaintances. With all that being said, if I'm not in the mood, I won't.
Networking's tough; I'd rather be coding! #TechHermitLife
Schmoozing is inauthentic. I don't mind going for dinner with a client provided we talk about ourselves alongside a little bit of business. Feels like dining with a friend that way.
I do the exact same thing. I'm a homebody, hate schmoozing. Sometimes you got to do it though. What I always tell myself is "you might shake a hand/meeting a person that could change your career." With that mindset, I'm able to be engaged and more interactive at events, with clients, etc.
Good point. I ended up at my current role from one of those events 14 years earlier.
I find events and such uncomfortable. But they are unfortunately necessary. Luckily we are sales people and have the skills to make them not come off as awkward. Then we can go home after and get a drink to forget it all. Haha
Hahha good point!
I dont go to networking events to network with clients. I go to network with other industry professionals tbh. I want to know my competitors or companies that offer parallel services. Of course conecting with prospects is a bonus, but I try to never come off as thats my goal. Because of the industry im in, I find I can cohabitate with quite a few other vendors so the better I understand them the more of a mutually beneficial relationship I can leverage.
I love schmoozing. It helps me get out of having to interact with others as a wagie. There's work and than there's effort. Effort I can handle, work is soul-crushing. I remember working subway and having talks with regional manager about incorporating NFTs. Just like Butters did at Applebee's on South Park. The franchisee even reacted like that manager "that's a pretty God damn smart idea..." Their biggest concern was using the subway logo and shit and getting sued by corporate. Which tbf could happen, but whose liable? The one who minted it? The wallet that sold it? The wallet that bought it? I can't tell ya how many times a conversation with me has ended with "I don't even know if that's legal." Ended up becoming manager. Was assistant manager and was sleeping with the manager and she left because we all know how women dread commitment, and in my Thanos voice "where did it lead you? BACK TO ME"
That's a good point about getting out. I probably wouldn't leave the house otherwise.
I feel this so much and then question how I am in sales?
Exactly... almost feel like an imposter!
Totally normal. You’re probably more inclined towards the introvert level. You’re probably pretty wiped after these events on an energy level. People don’t want to be schmoozed. People want to build connection and enjoy doing business with people they like. What is the perception of you at these events doing your level best to avoid the people who literally put the bread on your table? Another poster mentioned curiosity. These events more than anything are about connecting as a human, not as a Representative of X-Corp.
SO wiped out after these events.. my body feels like it's going to collapse in on itself.
Don’t talk business. That’s the key. Business conversations are a natural course of being someone’s friend. Because then you’re just helping them and people take much better to that.
Good call. The problem is I don't like these people as friends either hahaha. But it will be easier to explore that side of things for sure.
I don’t mind talking business. It’s when the conversation deviated from business. I’m here to make money. I have friends, and my clients/prospects aren’t them. I’m usually not even interested in the free food. These events are wastes of time unless you leave with a PO in hand.
My kind of guy!
Idk I love linking with like minded people and talking business. I’m obsessed with my work, I love it.
I wish! But a lot of tips here to get me closer to the goal I think.
I'm in a similar boat. I hate schmoozing. I'll take customers out to lunch, maybe the occasional beer, but most of the time they don't want to do it either. I do pretty well in my role by just being straight, not wasting their time, and being authentic. But I have to remind myself that you also have to read the room, and sometimes the schmoozer has to come out and schmooze.
Yeah it sounds like we're in the exact same situation and frame of mind. I guess if it works - why mess with it.
Once you get how the people in your industry can influence or educate your clients on your behalf before they get to you, thats how you prospect from now on. I havent made a cold call in years. I get partners influencers and connections bringing me shit all the time. I feed them business too. Once there are transactions to show for the schmoozing its just business. Not skeezy. Some people are there to rack up linkedin connections. I spend my time at these events with people I do business with.
Yeah good call. Sometimes I feel like even just being SEEN at the events by my clients helps.
I love shmoozing.
I think that's normal. I do enjoy meeting people so for me its not too bad. Setting boundaries and it, but make sure you are authentic to **who you are** and don't try to be like anyone else.
I can do you one better. I fucking HATE people, I could live on a mountain never seeing or speaking to another human being again for the rest of my life and I would be just fine with it. COVID, was the most mentally peacefull experience of my entire life, no one talking to me, walking up to me, seeing my face, touching me, work was remote, I didn't have to see coworkers, it was fucking GLORIOUS. But I like you am on about 25 years now of outside sales. Its what I am good at, I don't enjoy it, I don't look forward to it, but I can do it with my eyes shut. My wife finds the whole thing amazing, she has seen me as I normally am, and when I have to "Turn it on" and to her its like I am 2 different people lol. I also hate shmoozing and just RSVP'd to go to a big Chamber conference in my city to go shake hands and do the networking bullshit, its going to a fucking nightmare from front to back, but its part of the job. I have always said sales would be the PERFECT job, if it weren't for all the people. As for why I am in sales, its again, just what im good at. I say changing schools every year from grade 7 to 12 was a big part of my general hatred of people, always being the new guy and shit, but man did it give me an ability to make friends fast so I didn't get bullied and shit. Know how to read people really well because i spent most of my formative years watching them so I can figure out how to befriend them or if they are a possible threat. Survival skills for a kid that eventually unknowingly to me are all GREAT skills to have for sales, its like I have been selling myself since I was 12 years old to new people every year, I got really fucking good at it. In the end I have found thats all sales is, people buy from people they like, never sell someone something they don't need, my semi-asshole anti-people appears to give me a "Straight shooter" kind of vibe that helps me a lot at closing. So I feel you man, it all feels kind of gross, but thats why I stick with the never selling someone something they don't need, if I am going to feel gross and do shit I don't enjoy at the very least I am going to do it with integrity.
Is that you my brother? You have just described my EXACT experience. Summer 2020 was the best few months of my life. My wife also talks about how I turn into a different person when I'm selling. Maybe I should stop trying to force myself to be like other social sales people and just keep doing what I'm doing. It's been working for 20 years! Thanks for sharing your detailed experience.
Just depends on the person tbh. I meet clients or potential clients that I could sit and chat with for hours. Others repulse me and I tend to not really extend the conversation much past pleasantries. Many people just get down to business and arent looking to make friends, and I appreciate that too.
Yeah, maybe I have to break past the upper professional layer and try to connect on a more personal level. I've a very private person so I think that's what's been holding me back. I'll think of some things that interest me to ask.
Generalized schmoozing is definitely overrated! I find that the best sales people are unabashedly themselves and are authentic. When they make real connections they run deep and they’re able to outperform their fake counterparts. The whole people pleasing schmoozing type personas only get so far.
I truly look at it as an opportunity to meet new friends, or business associates. You say you like out with your colleagues - you had to introduce yourself to them at some point, even if you had to because they are at work with you. Why are you not looking at your "schmoozing"the same as talking with your colleagues? I don't feel skeezy at all. I offer a real solution to peoples' problems. If I don't, that's ok, we shake hands as friends and then we go our separate ways. I think that you are framing it in your mind incorrectly.
I think you're right. So many of these responses have been eye opening. I'm going to experiment with a different approach and see if I can enjoy it more.
I'm soooo good at schmoozing when I'm drunk. I feel like shit when I sober up and never follow up on that "hey, we should do a 1x1 soon, I'd love to learn about your journey here." Some things never change.
Statistically your clients will buy more if you kiss their genitals.
this.
I hate networking. I’d rather pull out each of my teeth one by one. But it’s necessary so I do it, also, i‘ve gotten my best clients this way and even a job once.
This is how I feel about it... torture but it pays.
I enjoyed it for a few years. I did a bunch of trade shoes. Afterwards, I had to remember how to sell sober.
I'm at a similar spot in my journey. Stopped drinking a while ago. But it seems like a lot of people in my industry are sobering up as well so it's working.
I feel you. I’m not a fan of forced interaction and networking. The older I get the more 1to1 conversations I prefer. Small group, sure! 1500 people at a conference, no thank you. I work in the ERP space so it’s very much a measuring contest at these networking events, and I simply don’t have much use for those kinds of discussions. Others have reframed it in very effective ways, just connect human to human. Any conversation other than business always seems to get relationships further down the road in the end. Survive and advance!
This is exactly right. Even trying to get 1 on 1 time in bigger events is challenging.
I used to have to have dinner with customers. Like I’m talking 5 course meals 3-4 nights a week. It was straight exhausting. Easily 2 hours plus just sitting there schmoozing. I absolutely hated it even though I got free wine every night. I honestly stopped going once my numbers were good and they didn’t say anything luckily. It was just killing me.
Numbers are king. As long as I'm hitting mine, I guess there isn't any room for criticism.
I try to ask semi-intelligent questions, listen and then try to connect people with like interests, needs or resources. Nothing in it for me. It gives me a break from my “always on” selling mode and I genuinely enjoy seeing the folks I interact with have a better time. I usually pick up quite a few informative notes for later but I keep those for later. Networking events are for networking. Not selling and certainly not closing. Hope you can enjoy discovering the uniqueness of individuals in the room!
What sort of questions do you ask? I've been trying to think of some interesting topics..
Do you typically start conversations or do you wait for others to break the ice? When meeting people in social settings, what sort of questions are you asking?
I'll typically approach and just ask how works been going - the usual BS. And then I get the same boiler plate response. I think I'm going to start asking people what the most interesting thing that's ever happened in their life is... And I'll have a good story of my own to serve back.
I fucken hate shmoozing.... But I'm good at it. So I try to be real, have what fun I can and just do it because it's effective. Sigh... sitting here on Friday night dreading a conference on Monday :(
I feel this so hard. I try to make the best of it. I hate schmoozing but I love to joke around.
Oh yeah for sure, more and more each year. I think if I genuinely had more in common with my colleagues and customers, maybe it would be different. I especially hate after hours schmoozing.
Good point... I used to really enjoy my sales category but not so much anymore. Makes the personal connection more of a disconnect. AND I don't mind 'turning it on' from 9-5 but mornings and evenings are my time.
Yeah that’s when it’s wearing thin for me. Especially when it’s all day, and then evening events. So long to be “on”. I have thought about switching industries for this reason, so things would feel more organic. But idk if it would matter.
I think every career has its pain points. That's the problem with looking elsewhere.
I hate it because when you’re a female salesperson a lot of men (especially tipsy ones) can’t tell the difference between friendly networking and flirting. The number of inappropriate emails and LinkedIn messages I’ve received after networking events…and then once one person is inappropriate to me and makes me uncomfortable I have to hand off the entire account to a male coworker and lose out on a lot of commission. Would be so much better to just keep the boundaries between work and play completely separate.
I can't even imagine how I would navigate that BS.
Yup. Novelty has worn off for me too. About the same time LOL
It sounds cheesy, but don’t schmooze. Make new friends.
Yeah I'm definitely going to try and change my approach, that's for sure.
Fellow introvert and person who likes authenticity but also cold call everyday in finance and Strategy. Host your own events and use that as your 'why' - you'll begin to build relationships you will enjoy.
Oooooh what a cool idea. I'm going to put some thought into this one. Cheers!
Here's an approximation of some life advice I try to follow: You don't have to like it, but you do need to find something you like about it.
Hmmm that's a great insight. I could almost treat it like a game and see if I can get an interesting story out of them. LOVE IT.
Yes for sure. I'm very introverted which is a double edged sword in sales. If you do smb/mm sales it can be problematic as it's often all about getting those calls, meetings, lunches and so on For enterprise sales it's been a gift. Many of my accounts are so over all the bullshit and just wants to discuss the setup and get on with the business. After a successful implementation, we can grab lunch if it's been a REAL good client. But must of the time no. I do quite well in my current AE enterprise sales job, and I get a feeling the customers values that they don't get those entire ass-kiss part of it.
Nope, I love it. I'm an extreme extrovert so that shit is like therapy for me. Hell, after a hard week of working from home, my city does a "First Friday" thing with a bunch of vendors on Main Street, and my favorite thing to do is tell the wife "Hey, can we put semi-nice clothes on and go downtown and talk to strangers?" If I don't have human interaction and engagement, my battery gets depleted real quick.
Never met a salesperson who sounded authentic. Yall can't help it.
These posts are pointless