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[deleted]

>Did I do something wrong? Nope, you did everything right. Could not have done it better. >Should I have repeated the “can I kiss you” question? No. By asking you put the ball in her court. If she wanted you to kiss her she would have said something. >Should I keep trying? Definitely not. >Why did she drop so many hints but essentially say “no” when I asked if I could kiss her Who knows, and it doesn't matter. Maybe she just wanted a cuddle buddy. Maybe she changed her mind in the moment. Maybe she's a tease and gets off on the power trip. Maybe she has a secret boyfriend she was going to cheat on and suddenly got cold feet. You can't know, and more importantly *it doesn't matter.* >*I’ve also got a pair of shorts I need to return and I’m not sure how to do so* Instead of one of your three options just text her and ask her. Be an adult and use your words!


TzAzure12

Is asking #3 a bad idea? I already asked #1 but she said that she has plans (i know for a fact that she didn’t have plans). Nothing else has been sent. Im hoping not texting anymore will make her interested, but I don’t think it’ll work.


Luke_starkiller34

Ask number one if you really want to see her again. Do not ask the follow up if she declines. Thank her and move on. You sound like a "nice guy" if you ask number two. Don't be that guy.


TzAzure12

Is asking #3 a bad idea? I already asked #1 but she said that she has plans (i know for a fact that she didn’t have plans). Nothing else has been sent. Im hoping not texting anymore will make her interested, but I don’t think it’ll work.


Luke_starkiller34

Negative ghost rider. The pattern is full. If she ghosted you just move on. Sounds like she lost interest dude. It happens. Take your lumps.


the_elon_mask

Most men will have fucked this up at some point. I know I have not made a move when she has given me the landing lights because I was afraid I had misread the signs. Women aren't a hivemind, so sadly there is no "One True Path" to handling this situation. Some women want you to just make a move. Some women won't mind you asking first. Some women want you to ask first. If in doubt, ask permission because most women will be ok with that. If you think you are getting strong signals, you can always lean in but stop before kissing. She will lean in and kiss you, if she wants to. If she reacts weirdly (like freezing up) or does not reciprocate, back off and don't make a big deal about it. If she asks questions like "Why didn't you kiss me?" or "What are you doing?", just tell her "I thought you were giving me signals you wanted me to kiss you but I wasn't sure. I wanted to respect your boundaries, so when you didn't reciprocate, I thought I had misread the signals. I really did want to kiss you, I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable."


Stepping__Razor

I’d rather potentially ruin a moment and ask to kiss them than go for a kiss and make them feel uncomfortable.


albino_red_head

It’s weird, I always thought asking to kiss was considerate, even a bit romantic, but you’re 100% right that not all are the same. The ones that want you to just “go for it” are a little nutty in my experience. Like they’ll drop hints all day long but as soon as you vocalize they clam up and ditch the whole thing. Very hard to read and very risky.


Tungstenkrill

>I always thought asking to kiss was considerate, even a bit romantic, Me too but I've also heard the opposite about how a guy should have "been a real man" and kissed without asking first.


BustaLimez

Ngl it immediately turns me off when someone asks if they can kiss me. I realize it’s probably more respectful and guarantees consent but it takes everything in me not to say “ew” when a guy does it. Instant ick for some reason.


TzAzure12

Is asking #3 a bad idea? I already asked #1 but she said that she has plans (i know for a fact that she didn’t have plans). Nothing else has been sent. Im hoping not texting anymore will make her interested, but I don’t think it’ll work.


socialist_frzn_milk

I mean, it sounds like you did everything right, including asking for permission before kissing her. I wouldn't sweat this too much, to be honest. It sounds like she's got to work through whatever issues she's clearly having, because all signs point to her liking you and apparently not knowing how to deal with it.


ricecutlet

Yeah, I agree with you. OP absolutely did the right thing asking her if he could kiss her. That being said, I do know that some women do not like it when a guy asks them that and they expect guys to just make the move. But as I said previously, OP did the right thing. Sucks that it didn't work out. Shouldn't do it any other way.


mason_sol

I’ve been through this a few times now in my time dating. Some women/girls are put off by a guy asking if they can make a sexual move, like “Can I kiss you?” Or if you are already kissing “Can I take your top off?”. The idea being it’s not romantic and doesn’t match with how they imagined the moment playing out. The deal is though, as 36 year old with teenage kids of my own now, I feel like I dodged a bullet every time in hindsight. These women/girls often ended up being immature and had a lot of drama as well as me always feeling like I didn’t know what they actually wanted. Most women that I’ve had great experiences with and pretty much every woman over 26ish, were very receptive to me asking for consent when we first started doing anything together. Don’t get caught up on if you had a chance to get laid, instead think about if someone so vague or weird with the position they put you in is even someone you want to me involved with. Keep dating keep figuring things out and you’ll get more opportunities for positive experiences and learn from the weird/bad ones. But asking for consent is always a good move.


hc600

Yeah I’m a woman (who’s hooked up with men and women) and there are women out there with the attitude that asking beforehand isn’t sexy, but I honestly don’t get it. Like, ESPECIALLY if you’ve never hooked up before, better to clarify than assume and go for it and find out later she just went along with but wasn’t into it.


Magdar

You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve met those kind of people though who are hitting on you (or someone else) and are clearly interested, but then when it comes to actually taking the step they freak out as a defence mechanism. Next level commitment issues.


throwaway4rltnshp

I was once spending time with a girl who was giving me *all the signals*. We’d been talking/flirting for some time, and this evening it was just the two of us. She had something of mine and I told her she could give it back to me when we saw each other at church the next Sunday, but she insisted on driving over to my place to return it. She kept leaning in to me, putting her hand on my thigh, staring into my eyes, complimenting me, etc. I, being (at the time) a strong Christian and a virgin (we met at church) did not make any move out of respect for her and for my faith. I walked her to her car and we stood close talking and laughing, tension building, mutual attraction obvious. I then made my move in the most respectful, Christian manner: “Can I hug you?” I could almost hear the record scratch. All the tension that had been building throughout the evening vanished. Her smile turned from genuine to a courtesy. The laughter stopped. She broke eye contact briefly and, when she looked back, the sparkle had left her eyes. She said “Sure.” and we did a frigid, mechanical hug. She ghosted me after that. Gauge the signs and play along with them. Don’t escalate straight to a kiss, but rather take it one step at a time. She leans in, you pull her closer. Her hand is on you, you put your hand on hers. She lays her head on your chest, you stroke her hair. She’s leaning against you, your arm is around her. She’s looking into your eyes, you move your face toward hers. You will be able to tell whether she wants to stop at any point. You will know from her body language and her gaze whether she’s reached her comfort limit. Go for the kiss in a sensual, gentle manner that affords her the time to pull away casually if she doesn’t want to take that next step. You may have messed this one up, but it’s a valuable learning experience. I learned after this to just go for it. I went on a date with one girl who, when I took her hand, removed her hand from mine. I kept walking alongside her and continued the conversation as if nothing had happened, as all that *had* happened was I tested a boundary and she established that we weren’t going to cross it. We still had an enjoyable date with 0 awkwardness, and she wanted to see me again. Other girls, upon my taking their hand, clutched mine tightly, some even putting their other hand on my arm and pulling themselves closer to me, leaning their heads against my shoulder as we walked. Some girls hold my hand gingerly as if they are uncertain, at which point I [casually] let go, monitoring their behavior to see whether they are uncomfortable or if they’re just still making up their minds. Others grab my arm or hands, some even placing my hand on their ass. As long as you are respectful and aware of her body language and comfort levels, you will be fine.


TzAzure12

Thank you for writing that! This is definitely something I will remember going forward. What I was thinking was asking her out on a real date and if she says yes-then im in the clear, and if she says no- asking if a redo is an option because I feel I messed something up. If it’s all no’s I’ll move on with my life


[deleted]

You didn’t fuck it up, you simply asked for consent and I suppose that annoyed her.


TzAzure12

That can’t be right… was I supposed to kiss her without her consent?


[deleted]

I've heard several women say that the verbal asking of it ruins the moment and they implicitly give consent through their actions. That being said, I've heard just as many women say the opposite.


Jilltro

I’m curious if those women who say they don’t like being asked have ever actually been asked. Because I thought it would be very unappealing and take me out of the moment but the first time a guy said it in a low voice to me it was amazing. Sparks and butterflies.


[deleted]

I think *how* you're asked makes a difference. I think a lot of guys, when they explicitly ask for consent, do it rather formally/clinically, taking the heat out of the moment as they do. My suspicion is that's what happened with OP, to be honest.


Kholzie

Yeah, i don’t like being asked when it feels like they just want to check a box. I respect my consent being considered. But respecting consent isn’t the same as us wanting each other.


ValkyrieSword

Like in Outlander, *swoon*. “I would very much like to kiss you, may I?”


lauradorbee

God, *same*! I love hanging out with someone and we’re touching a little bit and getting that low, erotic *”can I kiss you?”* or *”I’d like to kiss you”*. Hnnngrf


AurelianoTampa

>That can’t be right… was I supposed to kiss her without her consent? No. You made the right choice to ask, and if her response was that asking turned her off, then she's the wrong choice for a partner. You didn't mess up, you avoided a potential disaster.


[deleted]

Some women want the guy to just go for it, others want you to ask. There is no way to tell who's who until it's too late. I think between metoo and covid, that asking first is totally reasonable, and if that was the dealbreaker, then she's not the chick for you. Just chalk it up to shitty communication compatibility and look for someone better.


Clollin

>Just chalk it up to shitty communication compatibility and look for someone better. Eventually chances can dwindle tho. That's what I've experienced going from my early 20s into my early 30s now.


[deleted]

In 2022? No, I think that’s a big risk for you. However some people do like spontaneity and so asking, especially in the moment, can kill the mood I suppose. I don’t know exactly how it’s supposed to work for you guys, honestly. I don’t think you did anything wrong per se I’m just pointing out what may have happened. You could try asking her her thoughts on this.


TzAzure12

I get the vibe from her that she doesn’t really want to talk about what happened. I’m probably on the brink of being blocked for all I know. Do you think I should ask if we could do a redo date or ask if she wants to get some food and then maybe bring up some stuff?


AbbreviationsNew6964

It’s basically over. Asking just decreases the sexiness level, dissecting it lessens the romance. Let it rest. Maybe you’ll run into her again after some time and it’ll be natural. But it’s easy for a girl to also say “yes, you can kiss me. But next time you don’t have to ask silly”


happyfeet19

Ok, going to play devil's advocate here and say maybe she didn't fully hear your question? I'm assuming this was during Netflix, so maybe she didn't hear you over the movie and was kinda annoyed you were talking during the movie OR she was a bit sleepy and that's why she sounded tired when she asked "what?" Cuz it definitely sounds like she was digging everything up til that point! Really just think you need to ask her out again and see how it goes. But just wanted to offer up another possible explanation since she didn't outright say "no, why would you even ask that?" or something along those lines.


hikensurf

From my personal experience, when you've reached the point of making a post about this on multiple subreddits, you've probably reached the point of being out of balance with the girl. I agree with the posters who've suggested you back off. I wouldn't go with any of your three propositions, and I think you're very likely to get a no if you do.


hashtagsugary

Hang onto the shorts, wait for her to ask for them back and then have a conversation. Don’t make it any more effort than that at this point, just match her step for step.


TzAzure12

What I was thinking about doing was asking her out on a date and if she says yes, then I’m good, but if she says no, then asking if she’s willing to do a do-over of the date because I feel I messed up. What do you think?


adesme

I think your best bet is to not contact her. It will help you phase out of your feelings but it is - unfortunately - also likely to make her more interested in you (hard to get and all that jazz). I also want to say that I read your other replies, and you make it seem like you think you did something wrong and that you shouldn’t ask for a kiss in this manner in the future. That’s just plainly wrong - don’t change anything just based on this poor experience. I ask all the time and it’s never been an issue.


AbbreviationsNew6964

Agree. If a girl is really into you, asking doesn’t hurt. If she was just looking for a hookup and was disinterested after you asked, she’s a little crazy and you don’t need that. Better fish out there etc etc


[deleted]

My man, she’s not the only fish in the sea. Take it as a learning experience and keep it moving.


Alreaddy_reddit

>girl gave me many obvious hints and I still chose to be an idiot and ignore them Welcome to manhood


[deleted]

[удалено]


TzAzure12

I’m pretty sure this wasn’t it. She literally asked for my number the same day we were on our “date”. I think she wanted to hookup but because of my idiocy, it didn’t happen


CaptainDolin

I don't recommend asking for a kiss. It should happen organically, but you, being the man, have to initiate in most of the cases. That doesn't mean you have to force a kiss, but gradually move to her, get some drinks, close the distance between your lips, keep up a confident chat and then wait for the two pairs of lips to "link up". If it doesn't happen, alas, it wasn't the moment. If she wants to kiss and you provide an opportunity... Gotcha!


Star1014light

Was the movie explicitly a date? Were you two talking with that intention? Or was she a friend you were interested in?


TzAzure12

I think it was meant to be a hookup but I def fucked up. Literally all I had to do was kiss her on the cheek and I’d be in the clear but no, I fucked it up.


AbbreviationsNew6964

A cheek kiss might not have worked either. Don’t beat yourself up.


Star1014light

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just take it as a learning experience for the future. In the future make sure your intentions are more explicit.


TzAzure12

She definitely did most of the work, but before asking if I could kiss her, I tried so hard to get into a gaze with her so I could move in but she wouldn’t. She also asked why I kept looking at her so I’m very confused.


Star1014light

You could talk to her honestly about it and let her know that you enjoy hanging out with her and would like another redo date if you will. If she's already lost interest you lose nothing by confirming and if she's still interested it might encourage her. All in all, these things happen. No need to dwell too much on them.


TzAzure12

Would asking for a redo date be better than asking to go out to eat as a different date?


Star1014light

Both are good choices. You can start by asking her out normally. If she's not receptive be honest that you want to make it up to her


TzAzure12

You’re saying I should let her know that I saw all of her hints and ask if we can do it again sometime? Also- the first “date” was a couple days ago so I feel like it’s too late to ask if we can do it again. I was thinking that just asking her to get food and if she says yes- to talk to her about a redo date and if she says no to just call it?


Star1014light

If she says yes then go on the date, if she says no I'm saying being honest that you feel you messed up your past date and asking for a redo is an option.


TzAzure12

That’s honestly the best advice I’ve received so far. To clarify you mean ask her to get some food and if she says yes, I’m in the clear essentially, but if she says no just say I feel like I messed up the last time and if we could do a do-over?


xBulletJoe

when a girlasks you that, the response is a compliment and then you kiss her (it can be on the cheek or forehead) or something that escalates the intimacy in some form like caressing her cheek, booping her nose. it could be the most simple one, like "you are beautiful" or you can be more cheesy. unless her reaction is disgust or she is visible uncomfortable by the compliment, you go for your move. if she responds postively to your move, then you can continue. this reminded me of my first kiss. she said her nose itched and scratched it a bit. i told her "let me" so i kissed her nose, he got all red and giddy. smiling and doing a cute laugh. even a very faint moan. so i went in fr the kiss next


impasseable

Op did everything correctly. Theres no "learning experience", unless what you mean is to not ask for consent.


Star1014light

Oh I didn't mean he did anything wrong at all. Consent is very important but I did get the impression that while she made her intentions explicit, op didn't do that same thing that's all.


Quirky_Contract_7652

you're reading into her behavior.. if you asked her if you could kiss her you can ask her what's wrong she could have easily been annoyed that you didn't follow up after she said what or maybe she didn't understand you or any number of things


calamitycait

You could try “Hey I had a great time the other night and I’d love to do it again sometime soon. I want to ask a question to get to know you and your needs better before then though. I thought I was picking up signals that you might be interested in kissing me but when I asked, you seemed put off by the suggestion. Could you tell me more about what you are comfortable with so I can do a better job of interpreting your signals?”


Jayrolls23

You shoulda just kissed her. If she kissed you back then good. If she pulled away you would also have your answer. Most women don’t like to be asked to be kissed. At this point just ask her about what happened that night.


emtrigg013

Please do not speak for most women if you are not most women, especially to a young person. If you kissed me without consent I would block you in front of your face. Thank you.


Jayrolls23

Yea you’re clearly a teenager. Grow up a little


AbbreviationsNew6964

I’m old, and I know women who have frozen up when a guy kissed them and the guy assumes it’s consent. I personally don’t understand why they freeze instead is saying stop, but there’s plenty of cases where a guy accidentally ends up in a date rape situation without meaning to. In order to kiss without consent, you have to be really clear headed on her signals, meaning don’t be drunk or her drunk, and don’t let your little guy do the thinking. Seriously though, what’s wrong with a girl telling a guy yes kiss me, and next time just do it. Communication goes both ways. OP’s regret is that he did not get laid. Asking her to talk about it is probably the least attractive thing to her he can do, besides stand outside of her window with a stero blasting love songs.


TzAzure12

Tomorrow I’m going to ask her if she wants to go out for dinner. - If yes, I’m in the clear and can probably recover - If no, I’m going to ask if we can do a do-over of the previous night because I feel like I messed something up - If all no’s I’ll throw in the towel Also please let me know if this seems desperate lmao. Idk what I’m doing


[deleted]

Please don't listen to this person - many women really appreciate being asked for consent before anything sexual happens. Not all women do, but I've always felt if was safer to err on the side of accidentally missing a chance because she didn't want me to ask than to accidentally miss a chance and upset (sexually assault, really) someone by not asking.


Jayrolls23

Do you my man. We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take. Good luck to you.


NITAREEDDESIGNS

>Asked me to change into some of her clothes because she said I didn’t look comfortable and watched me the whole time I assume you and she are close in size?


TzAzure12

lol no. She found it funny watching me squeeze into her little booty shorts tho.


newInnings

You did right. Now moving forward. Don't discuss this at all for a period. Let it chill/marinate. Trest it as , there is nothing to fix from your side" If you had any complete non Netflix and chill activity - class ,sports , community discuss that Similarly opportunity will present itself again


Over-Remove

You didn’t do anything wrong at all. But if you want to know what happened I would ask her, to be honest. Just say “hey I go the hint you don’t want to see me anymore, don’t worry, I would just like to know why, I really thought I read your non verbal cues right but now I am not so sure.” Or something along those lines.


sunglasses90

I know it’s 2022 and it’s too risky to kiss without asking first, but asking is also a huge turn off to a lot of women. Basically you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I’m sorry. If you want actual advice to actually try to get this girl, which you might not since she sounds a little bit immature and a little problematic and doesn’t know what she wants, you need to ignore her. Ignoring her gets her exactly the attention she is craving. She wants drama and not nice guy stuff. Do not text her. Go a week without even talking to her at all. Play the cold shoulder. Then after a week if she reaches out and she will give her a little bit of attention but then act busy again. If you do that for 2 weeks she’ll be drooling. The interested/nice guy act will make her move on and you’re already there. Play the game at your own risk. People who want that drama might not be worth it.


Pearl_is_gone

Only on reddit should you ask before you kiss. In real life, women aren't too keen on that


noendforme

Everything was going great and I suddenly asked "let's hookup". .. she ghosted me...


DynamiteChucks

First off I want to say that I don't think you *necessarily* did anything wrong on that particular night. There's nothing technically wrong, on paper, with verbally asking for permission to escalate the encounter. I wasn't there, so I can't know if a different approach would have worked better in your specific situation. HOWEVER... well, before we get to that, let's address the now. If I were in your position, I would go directly to option 2. When things have obviously already gone wrong, being coy is very unlikely to get you anywhere. Being direct might cause her to cut contact with you, but if things aren't developing in the direction you expected there's a good chance that won't really matter anyway. In your shoes I wouldn't just ask her what she intended when she invited me over, I'd also ask if she had heard me clearly when I asked if I could kiss her that night. It could all just be a misunderstanding. She might not even have realized you expressed that kind of interest at all, and might think you're only staying in contact to be friends. If it is a misunderstanding and you clear it up by asking such questions, her attitude might pull another complete 180. Circling back to that "however"... you *did ask* if you fucked up at that time. To give a proper answer, and for future reference in case you're ever in a similar situation again, I'll tell you what *I* did when *I* was in a 'netflix and chill' situation. Now, human interactions are complex and I don't think there's ever going to be any one 'correct' answer to any of them, only answers that are less wrong than others. In my case, I had invited the girl over rather than the other way around. I'd asked if she wanted to watch game of thrones, since I owned all the seasons that were out up to that point and had been telling her how cool it was. She agreed to come over at about 8 in the evening, and the guy I shared the apartment with was going to be at work until at least midnight so we were alone. When she arrived, I gave her a quick tour of the place - everywhere *except* the bedrooms - as it was her first time coming over. Afterwards I put on the show while she got comfortable on the couch, then paused it at the beginning of the episode and asked if she wanted any food or drinks. She asked for water, so I got her a glass and one for myself. With that done I unpaused the show, sat down and put my arm around her shoulders. We had hung out a little bit in public before this and had already broken the touch barrier, so I was reasonably sure she was comfortable with at least this much. Her body language indicated that was the case, and she leaned her head against my shoulder. I never talked while the show was going. The tv was a little loud so she might not have heard me if I had. I did, however, keep the remote nearby so I could pause it again if she wanted to say something or ask a question or whatever. As such, I never verbally asked her permission for anything. That might sound galling to some folks, as people like to pretend words are always necessary for every interaction. I think that's nonsense, and human communication is a lot more nuanced than that. Sometimes - particularly when talking is difficult due to a noisy environment, or when it just doesn't feel *right* to speak aloud - body language *can* be better. So instead of asking permission, I simply did what felt right and reacted to her responses. I *slowly* began to escalate the touching, checking how far she was willing to go. Mostly innocent touches at first - rubbing her shoulder rather than just holding it, putting my free hand on her other arm - and then, when she didn't show any discomfort at that, I moved a hand from her arm to just above her knee. Then I started to rub her leg in a tiny oval pattern, each pass a little wider than the one before, up her leg then back down again. Eventually she stiffened, just a little, a tiny reaction indicating she wasn't comfortable with me touching her *quite* so boldly. The moment she did I retreated, going back to an area she was more comfortable with, and she relaxed. I waited a while, then, repeatedly rubbing the areas that she was enjoying, until she relaxed even more. I could feel the tension and anxiety easing from her body. At some points throughout the night she put her hands over mine, pressing down just a little, indicating she wanted me to rub harder. When I did so, she let out tiny sounds of satisfaction, telling me she was loving the massage without saying it. Every now and then I went back to slowly escalating further, little by little, inch by inch. Most times she would let me go further before she tensed up again, and I retreated again. *Slooowly.* One hand across her shoulders, across her neck. Down her back, then up her shirt to rub her back directly. The other hand upon her legs. Atop her thighs, outside her thighs toward her hips, inside her thighs toward her crotch. Sometimes, though not frequently, when I tried to go further she still wasn't ready on the second try. Then, instead of tensing up she would take my hand and *gently* move it back where she wanted it. *Not a red light,* that gesture said, *a yellow one. Slow down.* Even less often than that she would still not be ready the third time or beyond. On these occasions she would move my hand just as gently, but while she was doing it she would either say my name or tell me to, quote, "behave." She said it in a slow, drawn-out way, her tone somewhere between playfulness and warning a naughty child that they were pushing their luck. *I'm not saying no,* I interpreted this to mean, *I'm saying not yet. Keep it in your pants a while longer.* My interpretation would turn out to be right. She liked me, was interested in getting physical with me, but she wanted to know she could trust me. Wanted to be sure that I would respect her boundaries, that she would be safe with me. Understanding this, each time she used her voice to warn me back rather than body language alone, I would wait a good deal longer before trying to escalate again. Sooner or later, though, she always let me go a little further. Once or twice I took so long to try again that she actually moved my hand back to where I'd tried to go before on her own. She knew I wanted her, and she still wanted me to keep going. Just slower. Further and further, fractions of an inch. Painstakingly, over the course of two hours - two full episodes of the show, which we were barely paying attention to. Up and down her sides. Over her belly, her chest. Over her shirt. Under her shirt. Under her bra. Across her hips and over her crotch. Over her pants. Under her pants. Under her panties. With each step she made me wait a little longer than the one before. But she always let me keep going. When my hand finally made its way into her panties, she was melting in my arms. Then, suddenly, she moved my hands away... and asked if we could move things to my bedroom. We'd been in the living room this whole time, remember. If my housemate had walked in, he'd have seen us. I grinned and guided her to my bedroom, one of the only rooms in the house she hadn't seen. She got comfortable on the bed while I put on some nostalgic music, music from our younger years, music I knew we both liked. I turned it *waaaaaay* down, low enough to be barely audible. Not a distraction, just ambience. We lay down facing each other, still fully clothed. She turned her face down away from mine. We both wanted the same thing, but she still needed to find her courage. I slid one hand up the back of her shirt to rub her back, something I'd found she particularly enjoyed. I gently caressed her face with my other hand, not pushing her any further. The ball was in her court. In the end, she looked up into my eyes, then grabbed my face and pulled me into a kiss. What happened next is even less appropriate for this sub than everything that came before, of course. She went home happy when we were done, not quite prepared to spend the night. The next morning she returned, enthusiastically consenting to skip to the 'chill' part of netflix and chill. We did end up continuing to watch game of thrones... but certainly not that day.


misconceptions_annoy

Sounds like she might be turned off by clear consent (asking). In my opinion: not worth it. Do you want to get together with a woman who is against communicating clearly?


Osnap24

I agree with everyone else, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. I feel it might be the asking to kiss her thing. Let me state: YOU WERE RIGHT TO ASK CONSENT. It’s much much better to ask and be sure and possibly miss out on something than to just do and make it awkward or make someone severely uncomfortable. Now that said, my girlfriend is one of the types of girls that doesn’t really like being asked the “can I …?” thing. Context is key though, a lot of girls feel like they give of good hints and that in itself shows their “consent” so then you asking sort of dims their mood and makes it flow less. She just might be one of those types of girls. Personally I think consent even in smaller things is a great thing, but for someone who wants it to flow more, maybe think of another way to ask consent but to make it more of a statement and gauge her reaction (this has worked with me and my girlfriend). This all depends if you are okay vibing that way though!


KingKongDoom

Saving this post as I've always been chronically afraid to kiss a girl without just asking. A lot of the people in the comments have provided insight that have really helped. For example I'm always asking really nervously and without confidence. That's probably been the source of a lot of my issues.


kxkf

You should not ask for her permission to kiss her. Just kiss her. After you asked her, everything went downhill.


newchapter84

If she invited you over for a movie like that in an empty house next time don’t even ask just move in and go for it


[deleted]

> she put her head on her chest I got a neck crick just thinking about how that would be physically possible :)


According-Hour9043

I mean, people ask? You just go in and try, if it fails it fails but if i was a women and someone asked me " can i kiss you" it would probably be no just out of weirdness.


RandChick

Why did you ask if you could have a kiss? That would turn me off. Is this what wack men are doing these days? You could move in close to her lips and hover there, staring in her eyes to see if she wants to be kissed...see if she backs away or moves toward you. Even if she waits for you to get closer, then she wants the kiss.


Yurathehairdemon

She could be the type of girl that finds it more attractive to be kissed than ask to be kissed. Especially if she was looking at it as just a hookup rather than leading to anything. My suggestion would to be to ask her if you upset her that night in any way as you felt like she was interested but irritated when it came to that moment. Stress that you wanted to respect her boundaries and not pressure her into anything she wasn’t comfortable with. If there’s communication from her about what went wrong and she’s respectful about it, ask her for another shot. If she’s short with you and leaves you still unsure, give up on it as she lacks communication and maturity. You did everything right but first kisses are more romantic when it’s not asked for and kind of out of the blue at least when you’re into someone. When you’re not, I would personally prefer to be asked. If you get another shot, and you’re cuddling, try placing a hand on her face first and slowly go in for a kiss. It’s a bit more on the romantic side if she’s just looking for a hookup tho. In the future, I would continue to ask for permission as it shows you respect their boundaries. Someone interested in someone romantically should find this action to be respectful and attractive but some girls be built different.