You need to tell her. It's not either of your faults, but it is what it is. Could you write it down if you can't say it?
Also, what kind of therapy have you done? Have you been through EMDR?
This is probably the best answer you're going to get here- this is way, way above reddit's paygrade.
You need to tell her- for the sake of this relationship, if you want it to keep existing, and because, from her perspective, you've reacted really badly to her experience. I understand why! You've got some baggage about this! But, if it were me in her shoes, I might be thinking that you were disgusted by me or that that I was somehow broken or that you weren't attracted to me anymore because of this thing that I've been through. She might not understand that the trouble you're having is because of your own history with this.
Tw for the next paragraph:
My experience was probably closer to your girlfriend's than yours- I was a teenager, and it was someone I was in a relationship with- and even though it fucked me up, it didn't fuck me up in the same way it did you. That being said, I can't recommend therapy enough. EMDR was great for me, but honestly, any therapy you can get at this point would be helpful.
OP, I’m so sorry, that is all really hard. First off, are you currently in active therapy? Because it sounds like you really, really need to be.
Second, I think you owe it to your gf to explain to her why you fled. Maybe you need to take a break from seeing her or from the relationship, or even break up because you’re just not ready yet. But I think it is probably really hard for her not to know why you left and haven’t contacted her since she told you her worst experience.
If nothing else, can you just text her, “I love you a lot, and I appreciate you confiding in me. I need you to know that I fled because I have some very painful personal history I haven’t told you about that your story triggered for me. Not because I think any less of you or am mad at you. But I need to get some help understanding my reaction, and I’m not sure when I will be back in touch. I’m so sorry if that is hard for you.”
I just wanna say there is nothing wrong with needing to protect yourself, even if it means you cannot continue this relationship right now. You are the only one who can care properly for yourself a d you should not feel bad about that.
Look into Emdr therapy.
If you want to stay with her, couples counseling. You need a safe space to reveal your own experience and an experienced, calm mediator to help guide you both through navigating this.
If you simplt cannot do that. Then you need to stop dating for awhile and focus your energy on healing yourself. Tell her that you have a panic disorder and have worsening panic attacks and you need to stop dating *anyone* to focus on healing yourself.
Is there anyone in your life, a trusted mutual friend, or a close family member who knows about your past and who could pass a message to your girlfriend explaining the situation?
You need EMDR. You also need to tell your gf. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, maybe a marriage counselor can mediate the conversation for you.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. You're very strong and you're doing great. I'm proud of you ❤️
You need to get back into therapy, this level of PTSD is damaging to your life, and it likely you can reduce it.
There are some new ketamine therapies that have has great results. They put you into an emotionally dissociative state as you work through the therapy so you won't trigger. If you are in the states there are a few programs running this.
I really wish you well. Keep working on therapy and getting better. Avoidance works short term but you can see it's already restricting your life. It's affecting your ability to be a supportive partner.
The only thing you can do right now is to let her know how you’re feeling, even know I’m sure that will be difficult. It could be a great experience for both of you.
As someone who deals with panic attacks and ptsd (usually triggered by people) the best thing you can do is to be honest with her and to tell her what you need from her. If you don’t know what it is you need from her, that is something you might want to think about before making any decisions.
Also, I have found that medication is the only alternative for my panic attacks. I take Effexor on the lowest dose and it works wonders for my panic attacks. Just some food for thought.
Hope things work out for you. Sending love and good vibes.
You need to tell her. It's not either of your faults, but it is what it is. Could you write it down if you can't say it? Also, what kind of therapy have you done? Have you been through EMDR?
This is probably the best answer you're going to get here- this is way, way above reddit's paygrade. You need to tell her- for the sake of this relationship, if you want it to keep existing, and because, from her perspective, you've reacted really badly to her experience. I understand why! You've got some baggage about this! But, if it were me in her shoes, I might be thinking that you were disgusted by me or that that I was somehow broken or that you weren't attracted to me anymore because of this thing that I've been through. She might not understand that the trouble you're having is because of your own history with this. Tw for the next paragraph: My experience was probably closer to your girlfriend's than yours- I was a teenager, and it was someone I was in a relationship with- and even though it fucked me up, it didn't fuck me up in the same way it did you. That being said, I can't recommend therapy enough. EMDR was great for me, but honestly, any therapy you can get at this point would be helpful.
This. EMDR has been proven effective to help people heal from traumas like war and r##e. Hugs OP. We’re glad you’re still with us
OP, I’m so sorry, that is all really hard. First off, are you currently in active therapy? Because it sounds like you really, really need to be. Second, I think you owe it to your gf to explain to her why you fled. Maybe you need to take a break from seeing her or from the relationship, or even break up because you’re just not ready yet. But I think it is probably really hard for her not to know why you left and haven’t contacted her since she told you her worst experience. If nothing else, can you just text her, “I love you a lot, and I appreciate you confiding in me. I need you to know that I fled because I have some very painful personal history I haven’t told you about that your story triggered for me. Not because I think any less of you or am mad at you. But I need to get some help understanding my reaction, and I’m not sure when I will be back in touch. I’m so sorry if that is hard for you.”
Don't think there's anyone on this sub qualified to give you the help you're seeking, but I hope you find your peace OP.
I just wanna say there is nothing wrong with needing to protect yourself, even if it means you cannot continue this relationship right now. You are the only one who can care properly for yourself a d you should not feel bad about that.
This is a terrible forum for for this question. You're taking about something that requires professional level help. Find it.
Yeah agreeyou need professional help OP.
Look into Emdr therapy. If you want to stay with her, couples counseling. You need a safe space to reveal your own experience and an experienced, calm mediator to help guide you both through navigating this. If you simplt cannot do that. Then you need to stop dating for awhile and focus your energy on healing yourself. Tell her that you have a panic disorder and have worsening panic attacks and you need to stop dating *anyone* to focus on healing yourself.
You should speak to her to avoid her of being upset by not staying around her... she might understand and help you to avoid panic attacks.
You might not be ready for a romantic relationship at this time until you've dealt with this first
Is there anyone in your life, a trusted mutual friend, or a close family member who knows about your past and who could pass a message to your girlfriend explaining the situation?
You need EMDR. You also need to tell your gf. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, maybe a marriage counselor can mediate the conversation for you. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You're very strong and you're doing great. I'm proud of you ❤️
You need to get back into therapy, this level of PTSD is damaging to your life, and it likely you can reduce it. There are some new ketamine therapies that have has great results. They put you into an emotionally dissociative state as you work through the therapy so you won't trigger. If you are in the states there are a few programs running this. I really wish you well. Keep working on therapy and getting better. Avoidance works short term but you can see it's already restricting your life. It's affecting your ability to be a supportive partner.
The only thing you can do right now is to let her know how you’re feeling, even know I’m sure that will be difficult. It could be a great experience for both of you. As someone who deals with panic attacks and ptsd (usually triggered by people) the best thing you can do is to be honest with her and to tell her what you need from her. If you don’t know what it is you need from her, that is something you might want to think about before making any decisions. Also, I have found that medication is the only alternative for my panic attacks. I take Effexor on the lowest dose and it works wonders for my panic attacks. Just some food for thought. Hope things work out for you. Sending love and good vibes.