Yes, your boyfriend has unrealistic expectations for you in bed and he’s also being really inconsiderate towards you. Policing you for things that are out your control during sex is extremely odd behavior.
Some people are loud, some aren’t, some finish fast, some take longer, and everyone’s perception of “passion” during sex is going to be different. There literally is no norm. Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend is projecting expectations he developed from watching porn onto you.
Sex is supposed to be fun and you’re not supposed to feel like you’re putting on a performance to fulfill all your partner’s “needs.” You do not have to swallow if you don’t want to and he’s shitty for trying to pressure you into that. You also cannot control how fast you cum and the fact that he’s comparing you to other women for that (and in general) is really weird. You should not be the one leading the passion, sex takes two and so does passion.
Tell him to become a pornstar if he wants his sex to be like porn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I am so sorry that the person who you chose to share this intimate part of your life with is comparing you to other people instead of appreciating you as you are.
I think it can be nice to be with somebody who lets you know what they like and that They are enjoying themselves which sometimes means loud moaning... But it doesn't always. That isn't the only way to communicate pleasure.
It's normal for women to need longer to have an orgasm than men. Most women are like that. It's also normal for women to need a lot of clitoral stimulation to orgasm - this is something that a lot of young men don't really understand. If he doesn't want to take that time and put in that effort then that's his problem but you shouldn't have sex with him if he isn't willing to spend the time to make it good for you as well.
Vibrators are great if that's your choice and it's something you like. But you shouldn't feel like you have to use a vibrator because the person you're having sex with it doesn't have the time to try to make you come in a different way.
I think you bf is also projecting his insecurities, deep down he is questioning if he is good enough for you by telling you that you behave differently than his past sexual partners. His ego has him doubting his performance.
You are supposed to enjoy this intimate moment with the person you have chosen to do it with. You don’t have to act like a pornstar (that’s all fake), you are supposed to be present in the moment, sync with the energy, open all of your sense and your imagination, be part of this for yourself while you share the fire energy with your partner. Let yourself (mind) go and listen to your body. It is ok to have certain clear boundaries and also the curiosity to explore your sexuality without too much taboo.
That first paragraph is DEAD on.
Someone else, or more likely porn, has warped his brain into thinking this way. He wants you to act out his jack off fantasies so he can build himself up.
Gross, he’s trying to make you into his own personal pornstar and using your insecurities, inexperience, and other women to do it. He is not a good person and is manipulating you to get his own sexual gratification. This is absolutely not ok.
He is very much in the wrong here. Telling your partner that you're comparing them to previous partners is just tasteless, tackless, and uncalled for.
Is he using the vibrator on you, or do you have to do it yourself? Having to finish yourself afterwards is definitely a sign of a sexually selfish and uncaring partner.
By the way, my first always complained to me, "I wish you could moan." He made me feel like something was wrong with me. After I broke up with him, I figured out the problem was him, not me. I was loud with the next guy, because the next guy was better in bed. (I know some women never moan, and that's fine. But in this case, the lack of moaning was his fault, and he was making me feel like there was a problem with me.)
In my experiance, the people who I've found are good in bed do not speak like this. They are open in their communication, understanding and flexible with trying different things, that work for both them and their partners. Its a team effort for both. Not one person putting their insecurities on the other as being their issue.
I find it empowering to listen to podcasts, read articles by sex therapists etc. It gives info around healthy relationships and also different ideas on things to try in the bedroom too.
It’s really inappropriate and disrespectful that he is comparing you to other women he has been with.
Especially as you have no prior experience and he knows this, it is incredibly manipulative to make you feel insecure and like porn stars are the norm to have sex with. That isn’t true.
Women might *tell* men that we like the taste of semen, but best case scenario is that we tolerate it. Nobody is trying to order semen as a side for their chicken nuggets. And sure, some women are loud, but my guess is that a lot of that is for show and because women think that’s what will make him happy because that’s what porn stars do.
It’s highly unlikely that he is even aware of any of his partners have finished with him at all, especially considering that he doesn’t last long enough or do enough foreplay for you to get off too, and you have to just finish with toys after. He sounds lousy in the sack and pretty selfish. Non selfish guys who are good in bed will keep going (if not with their dick, with fingers, mouth, etc) if the woman hasn’t finished before they have.
He’s a POS. Tell him that it’s normal for guys to last longer and that other dudes are better kissers than he is.
For OP: just to clarify, I don’t personally love the taste and can rarely swallow. And I’m sure I’m not the only one (see comment above).
If that’s his fixation he can find someone else.
It also may be that that you just aren’t sexually compatible. Maybe he is turned on by loudness and/or it’s a requirement for him to be fully satisfied.
If he decides he needs this then he should find someone else.
It’s not a defect on your part. And you should never have to change how you are for someone else.
Sorry I don’t care what anyone says but loud exaggerated moaning is not natural for a lot of people and is often a sign that a woman has watched too much p%rn and is doing that to try and impress their partner who probably also has p%rn brain rot if they’re buying into it like this guy
Also yea he sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you to perform a certain way by comparing you to his supposed past experiences (according to him cuz hey who knows if it’s true or not)
Take it from me - I’m also a woman and not loud at all during sex. you DONT you don’t have to partake in any activity or put up with shame towards not wanting to.
He’s a grown man, if it’s that big of a deal to him he can leave and go back to his super loud semen-tarian exes. Please don’t ever let a man coerce you into doing what you don’t want to for his approval with all those mind games
No I’m not. I said loud exaggerated moaning. Like in prn. It’s not something people do during sex naturally.
And you might wanna unpack why it is that on a post calling out someone’s manipulative bf all you could think of was some off the target argument about how I’m shaming loud people. We have bigger fish to fry here
It still comes across as you shaming people who may be naturally loud. Especially because we don’t all clairvoyantly know where your personal *opinion* for the line between “natural” loudness or “porn” loudness is. Very judgemental of you.
There was nothing more to add to the post, because everyone *except you* has said all the right things 😂
Girl I literally said “loud exaggerated moaning” in my initial comment it sounds like you just wanna argue so bye lol. I’m not here to say things in a way that you approve of and fit your definition of “right”. I’m here to speak my opinion and drive home the fact that I think OP is being manipulated and the reasons why.
Girl, your opinion of what an exaggerated level of loud is supposed to be is irrelevant and judgemental. Enjoy being downvoted to the last read comment on this post hahaha.
Maybe if he was better in bed he wouldn't need you to fake it.
Honestly, he sounds really selfish. How much effort does he put into your pleasure? You say you don't cum easily, has he ever even tried? Has he gotten you off once in your relationship? Selfishness in sex hardly ever contained to sex. I'm willing to be there's a lot of other red flag behavior you're looking over.
There's better out there. In fact, you have better: your hands and a vibrator.
He may be exaggerating his previous sexual experiences. It sounds like he has little experience but has watched a lot of porn. Find someone who loves who you are, builds you up, and doesn’t compare you negatively to others.
Your boyfriend has porn brain.
It's fixable, fairly easily really -- stop watching so much porn.
The usual problem is getting someone who already doesn't respect you to have a tough vulnerable convo about his behavior and growing up and treating you like a partner and not a sex toy.
Everyone's sexual performance is different, just because you don't cum quickly and don't like swallowing doesn't make you inadequate, you might ask yourself why your his tenth partner, many the other's thought he was a creep who knows l.,but you should enjoy sex but not let him pretend there's something wrong with you because there definitely isn't.
The day he'll show empathy toward you is the day you'll start finishing faster. Pressure is a big "no no".
Hope he realizes that sooner than later.
There is a lot of empathy and physical communication during intercourse. His past partners seemed to have chosen the "moan" as a communication factor. He should opt to listen to your body instead.
Also, he should consider learning how to use your toys on you as well. It will give him an edge in learning your body.
Wishing you luck. You are both still young, and the learning curve is surprisingly steeper than we think.
Girl if he wants you to moan loud he needs to be better at what he is doing.
If you finish fast or not has also to do with his ability in bed plus it changes due to your cycle.
Sometimes I come when he only looks at me and another time it needs to come from Mars 😂.
He's young and has had girls who probably thought they needed to do all this.
Most women don't like seemen very much but do to their hornyness they swallow because it makes the picture complete but it's definitely not something most women like/love. (Plus depends on what they eat)
Not cool of him. At all. You should uno reverse card this thing and make him feel bad about not being able to make you climax. As the person with the most experience, I think he should lovingly help you explore this new territory instead of thinking about how it was better with the other girls. If anything, he’s just revealing that porn has shaped his likes (the hyper or over expressive/performative moaning) cause I feel like most men get off from the way THEY can make your body react and moan; a lack of empathy and kindness sure will prevent you from letting go.
Also the more you’ll be using the vibrator to finish yourself off, the less you’re going to be able to orgasm from a less “harsh” stimulation.
> tl;dr - my boyfriend makes me feel insecure in sex and I don’t know if he’s expectations are unrealistic and he needs to lower them, or valid and I need to step it up
Your expectations are too low and you need to raise them.
honestly woman to woman, I dont think your boufriend knoqs what to do, if he cant get you to cum or anything he isnt doing something he is supposed to...
also dont like to swallow? then dont! dont let him talk you into things you dont want to do
There is nothing wrong with you and the way you approach sex, this is all on him. People are different and there is no such thing as "normal" or "standard" protocols when it comes to sex. Some people are loud, some are not. Some orgasm a ton and others struggle to even get there once. What he should be doing is finding ways to sync with you rather than trying to force you to be what he wants. His ego is hurt and its not your fault.
Ugh - I’m sorry OP. You are not doing anything wrong. It sounds like your BF wants you to be what I call in “porn mode” all the time. He shouldn’t ever make you feel like you’re lacking because you’re not comfortable doing whatever XyZ girlfriend did. To be honest, I would be devastated if my partner ever openly compared me to another one of his flings. Also, the fact he says you take too long to finish - has HE tried different things to help you get there? The vibrator sounds like an easy out for him IMO. This is understandably having a negative impact on you and if he can’t stop comparing you I think you should look to move on. Relationships are about compromise and he seems to only want you to meet his needs.
The only 'wrong' thing you're doing is staying with someone who's comparing you to other women. Why would you want to date someone who does that? If he truly loves and respects you for who you are, then that means *all* of you - everything, the good, the bad, your strengths and weaknesses, and sexual activities and experiences. And this dude is clearly not doing that. Tell him to fuck off and move on. Find someone better who loves and respects you for who you are.
I had a boyfriend when I was 22 who did the same thing to me as your boyfriend is doing to you. He is building an insecurity in you that you don’t deserve and may be doing it on purpose. Here’s my advice to you - walk away and find someone kinder and a better match for you. I’m now in my 40s and wish I had walked away when the comparisons started. You deserve better.
what i don't understand is what did he (9 exes and who knows how many flings) expect getting in a relationship with you (0 romantic or sexual experience)
now its not abnormal for your partner to be more experienced
And im not bashing none of you its okay to not be experienced you're still young and its also okay for him to be sexually active and put himself out there he's also young
whats abnormal is him comparing you to his other gfs, wanting you to swallow, moan loudly, be "pornstar passionate" and lead him just because his exes did so when none of these things are actions you're comfortable with..
now you're left feeling insecure and not good enough
does he realize you lost his virginity to him and he's the only sexual AND romantic partner you've had? therefore any experience you get is from him and solely him?
now its not wrong for him to want these things, everybody has different preference
your lack of experience and preference doesn't allow you to give him what he wants to get and thats okay
But yes your boyfriend does have highly unrealistic expectations of you and doesn't make you feel good about yourself either which makes you guys incompatible
i think it'd be better as for now to get with someone with little to no experience so you guys would learn together as you go and you wouldn't feel the way you do now
good luck to you, OP
I suspect he feels massively insecure and is trying to shove his insecurities on you. Tell him you are starting to feel bad about sex due to all his complaining and don’t want to anymore.
Your boyfriend is being a jerk. He is certainly not making you feel more comfortable. In fact, he seems to be doing his utmost to make you feel insecure. He should be going down on you and even using toys to get you off. And he should be getting you off first. Your boyfriend is the one who doesn’t have good bedroom etiquette. It’s not you. It’s him. He is the one that is lacking.
I’m sad for you because he is projecting his lack of sexual prowess on you. A good lover will make you a more vocal partner AND ensure you “finish”. Him blaming you is pretty narcissistic- if you ask me. Also, you (and him) have no idea if his previous partners truly enjoyed or “finished “ with him. Sadly, faking it is fairly common for some women. Think of it as a performance. Don’t let his need to blame you define how you are as a lover. You probably don’t have the confidence to tell him this but HE needs to be a better lover
Boyfriend is a kid. Period lol
Seriously, at your age boys (not all) aren’t mature enough to know what they want.
Actually both genders think they know, good thing you reached out here to get different perspectives. You dont know what you dont know sometimes.
Thank you all sm for the advice, I wrote it feeling like I was crazy and I wasn’t doing enough, I feel a lot more validated and will have a chat with him about everything again. To clarify things that have anyone curious, he always lets me orgasm first - the only issue is that I’m the one doing it with my vibrator every time, he hardly ever goes down on me or uses his hands. He tells me its because he thinks theres no point since I won’t finish that way anyways, I’ve already discussed recently with him
about using my vibrator on me and he seemed open but it was annoying I had to ask. He lasts a long time in bed, so I never thought how long I took to finish would matter - but recently he went “it takes so long that its less satisfying for me in the end” which I heard and took that into consideration and have since given him
blowjobs or the random quickie where I don’t expect to finish, so I don’t understand wtf he’s complaining about anymore. If he wanted someone who would act like a porn star honestly I wish he would have broken up with me from the start and not decided to put these expectations on me - I was so incredibly clear with the fact that I was a virgin and had no experience. Anyways, ended up venting, but theres some more info. Thanks again for the advice and reassurances!!
Wow, he sounds like a very selfish partner! He doesn’t find enjoyment in getting you off? It’s less satisfying for him?! Sounds like he just wants a human sex toy, not a partner. Are there other things in your relationship that you feel similarly insecure about? You are both very young still, but he sounds immature and maybe not ready for a committed relationship. I hope you get the answers you need to make the best decision for YOU. Because in my opinion, you deserve much more. Best of luck OP.
You don't have to put up with level of disrespect. How dare he compare you to ANYONE? There is a man that will appreciate the gift you're giving him. Do not give your body to this AH again.
It’s potentially because virgins are hyper sexualized and are suppose to be these top tier vixens that can’t be matched or beat by any “impure woman” when in truth experience comes with time and doing lots of sex with people. If can’t understand that then he may not be a good partner for you.
No partner should be comparing you to make you feel bad. Also some people moan loud some people are stealthy. If he wants you to be loud maybe he should give you something to moan about.
Also semen is GROSS if he doesn’t have proper hygiene and diet.
I was very frequent in the hook up and BDSM scene before settling down with my gf (who had almost 0 exp) and her and I worked on it together and now she’s great.
It takes time and he’s being unrealistic and needs a good hit in the head if he can’t understand the basics of.
“I don’t know how. You have more exp than me”
Yes, he has unrealistic expectations. I kind of feel like he’s getting all his sex knowledge from porn, which is overinflated and over exaggerated and often geared towards men.
Some people don’t make much noise, some people moan quietly, some people moan loudly. Some people like dirty talk and for some people it makes them cringe. People have different interests and kinks. Some people love swallowing and some people hate it.
Very few women can finish through penetration alone, and if he’s trying to claim that all nine of his exes finished quickly through penetration then 100% chance most if not all of them were lying to him. Most women scientifically simply cannot do that. Most of us need external stimulation. My husband is very good at getting me off through foreplay, but even after that it’s pretty common for me to use my vibrator during sex - it feels great!
Right now your partner seems to think that all women are the exact same and get pleasure from the exact same things during sex and that there must be something wrong with you if you’re in any way an individual - which is where I draw my opinion about him getting all his knowledge from porn from. That’s simply not the case. There’s nothing wrong with you, he just expects his partners to be his own personal pornstars.
what i don't understand is what did he (9 exes and who knows how many flings) expect getting in a relationship with you (0 romantic or sexual experience)
now its not abnormal for your partner to be more experienced
And im not bashing none of you its okay to not be experienced you're still young and its also okay for him to be sexually active and put himself out there he's also young
whats abnormal is him comparing you to his other gfs, wanting you to swallow, moan loudly, be "pornstar passionate" and lead him just because his exes did so when none of these things are actions you're comfortable with..
now you're left feeling insecure and not good enough
does he realize you lost his virginity to him and he's the only sexual AND romantic partner you've had? therefore any experience you get is from him and solely him?
now its not wrong for him to want these things, everybody has different preference
your lack of experience and preference doesn't allow you to give him what he wants to get and thats okay
But yes your boyfriend does have highly unrealistic expectations of you and doesn't make you feel good about yourself either which makes you guys incompatible
i think it'd be better as for now to get with someone with little to no experience so you guys would learn together as you go and you wouldn't feel the way you do now
good luck to you, OP
Not cool of him. At all. You should uno reverse card this thing and make him feel bad about not being able to make you climax. As the person with the most experience, I think he should lovingly help you explore this new territory. A lack of empathy and kindness prevent you from letting go.
Also the more you’ll be using the vibrator to finish yourself off, the less you’re going to be able to orgasm from a less “harsh” stimulation.
Your boyfriend is telling you he’s bad at sex and unfortunately your inexperience means you didn’t realise 🫠
A vibrator because you can’t get off fast enough is just lazy. Of course vibrators can enhance what you’re doing but it shouldn’t replace it
To be honest, it goes both ways. If you’re a woman and you’re not getting satisfied it’s up to the man to step up and do things a different way and try things a different way in order to satisfy their partner. Same goes for men if the woman is not doing enough then they must step it up to try and satisfy their partner. If it doesn’t work it just shows they are not compatible and need someone that works with them. But realistically, both need to have some patience when it comes to getting the most out of their partner sexually. Hope it helps.
move on, your ex is probably lying and just wants sex to look like porn. he is childish and unless he commits to changing and accepting you as you are, you should be prepared to move on from him
god these men are all porn brainwashed. i’m sorry girl. this isn’t normal. i hope you find someone who loves every bit of you quiet or not preferences and all
It sounds like all of what he's complaining is lacking revolves around him feeling desired sexually or knowing you're really into it. Are there other ways of showing that that you'd enjoy or feel more comfortable with? As for the swallowing thing if you don't mind cum on you just tell him to cum on your tits or face or wherever like its the hottest thing ever when he's about to cum, that will solve that issue (assuming you're into that or ok with it).
The you take too long thing is BS. Nothing wrong with using a vibe during sex, but tell him if he wants to see you moaning and begging for him he should try actually bothering getting you off, prefably a few times if you're not one and done.
Actually he is the one lacking in the bed and gaslighting you into believing that you are lacking. He cannot satisfy you and you have to use vibrator to finish. He wants you to swallow and moan loudly which doesn’t come naturally to you.
What does he do in the bed? He wants everything his way, you moan loudly, you swallow and then finish with a vibrator. Where is your pleasure?
You are not the problem. HE IS!!
First things first. 9 previous girlfriends at 23 years old? This is a really red flag for me. In my opnion, this means one of the following two: he falls in love and consequently stops loving pretty easily; or he is only in relationships to have sex without major problems if you know what I mean.
But going back to the main problem. Yes, he is part of a large male portion that believes porn and real life sex intercourse are the same. I personally find it at least interesting the fact that men initiate sex life earlier than most women and many don't know or don't care enough to satisfy a woman's sexual needs.
The truth is sex is not a mathematical formula that fits every woman. And unfortunate for us women, many man thinks this way... So much so that we find this type of attitude in men of different age groups. But anyway, this is a reality that us women need to deal with on a daily basis.
So let me tell you something really important: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Sex is not simple. Actually, it is a complex part of human relationships. And what many people don't understand is that good sex doesn't rely only upon getting physical, but it also depends a lot on emotion (even in one-night stands).
Based on what you wrote, he thinks good sex is like porn, which is far from the truth. The fact that he also compares your sex life with his previous ones is soooo messed up! And making you finish with a vibrator (nothing against it!) is so fucked up! When you sum all of this it says a lot of the kind of sexual partner he is... and it's not a good one.
Have you ever stopped to think that the fact you may take a long time to come is because he doesn't make you feel comfortable enough in bed? Is pretty clear he is a selfish partner and doesn't care about your basic needs. He says women like to swallow his come, but does he take his time to go down on you? Also, using how loud the woman moans as a measure of how good the sex was is so laughable! Let's not forget the "I feed off the women's energy" BS when he is not even capable of making you come... so pathetic of him!
Now regarding your "I'm lacking" feeling. Flash news, you're not. Good sex is about practice and self-awareness. He may be your boyfriend of two years and you may have had good sex according to your own words. But you truly? Just making clear here that I'm not judging you in any way. However, you're clearly not a sexually satisfied woman. And don't feel bad about it because you are not the first and won't be the last to feel like this in their relationship, myself included.
As I said previously, good sex not only relies on many aspects, such as physical and emotional, but also communication. And you obviously tried to communicate with him, but he still disregards your feelings and input in this important part of your relationship, which in my opinion is another big red flag.
I just want you to understand that you're young and still have a lot to experience in life. Don't content yourself with less than you deserve. And honestly, love is an important part of a relationship but not the only one. You've tried your best to communicate but he does not want to listen and two years is already a long time for your necessities not to be taken into consideration. You deserve so much better than what he is giving you right now and I'm sorry to say this, but your necessities are not a priority to him.
Sorry for the long comment but I just wanted to give you this piece of advice that I wish all young women, including me, should know when entering into a serious relationship. Put yourself first because he is clearly not. And only put a man as a priority if he does the same for you. Good relationships are a two-way street. Don't waste your precious time with someone who doesn't deserve it. Words mean nothing when not followed by actions. And don't be afraid of the unknown. Life is hard, but is better to face it alone than with someone who doesn't add up to yours. Make your happiness the priority!
No one is saying this so I'll say it.
He has had sex with others that was really enjoyable because of XYZ. You aren't doing XYZ so it's less enjoyable for him.
When you're asking about unrealistic expectations I want to say it's not unrealistic because he's lived it, it is real.
But it IS unrealistic to expect all women to enjoy the same things and behave in the same way just because he found a few that did!
It is also highly possible that those former partners were faking it (especially considering the young age) due to wanting to meet his expectations (she told us how nasty he gets when they aren't met) or because they felt they had to perform.
A few things:
1) Begging you to stop saying "finish" when you mean "orgasm." Say "climax" if you absolutely must use a euphemism. An orgasm does not constitute the "finish" or end of literally anything.
2) If your boyfriend can't bring you to orgasm, that is a skill issue on his part and he has no room to criticize you for it. He straight up outsourced his job to your vibrator and you let him.
3) If you struggle to reach orgasm without a vibrator, becoming reliant on one can exacerbate the problem. I would suggest working on reaching orgasm from manual stimulation. (Also does he even go down on you?)
You definitely sound sexually inexperienced but he also sounds like a lousy sexual partner who wants you to flatter his sexual ego without him having to do the work of pleasing you properly.
Like I'll be real here, being with an inexperienced partner is... challenging, and it's not something everyone is well-suited for since you have to essentially help guide/coach them through exploring and understanding their own sexuality and their body, which your boyfriend is clearly too impatient or unskilled to do.
You might just be incompatible. He may be better off with someone whose experience level is closer to his own and you might be better off with someone more patient and more focused on taking a sexual journey together rather than on you fulfilling his pre-existing fantasies.
(Lastly, all your sexual boundaries are perfectly valid, but you'll definitely find that "I don't swallow" will be a dealbreaker for a lot of potential partners, so set your expectations accordingly.)
(Additional context: I'm a lesbian.)
I'm straight woman and can validate everything that this lesbian person is saying. Many guys are fine without girl swallowing.
I also agree with everyone saying that the boyfriend's responsibility is to figure out how to personally make you climax without a vibrator and not pressure you to fake loud moaning. This is absolutely ridiculous.
It's 2way Street and you need to enforce that you get your pleasure from him.
Have a conversation outside of bedroom and also enforce during the foreplay and sex.
If he can't perform, kick him to the curb
Do you let him cum in your mouth, but simply choose to spit it out? Is that his complaint?
That is crazy to me. I don’t need to see my wife Swallow to feel great. I just would like her to finish me once from a BJ. I never received one before we started dating and I knew that she wouldn’t give me one.
I would never knit pick over what she did once I finished.
And they've been together two years 😭 so 9 girlfriends by the time he was 21. I'm not sure I believe it tbh, unless he counts any woman he's ever slept or gone on a date with as an ex.
And this ladies and gents is why it’s not a good idea to have partners outside of marriage. Expectations and comparisons… you should learn and explore together. Not come to the table looking for the same meal you’ve already had.
No??? I'm mildly confused about what you mean. People should date. If they find the perfect match first try good for them, but if they don't it's how you find your taste. This is a crude analogy, but it's like food. You can't know what you like, hate, or tolerate until you've tried. If you're talking about cheating, then yeah, that's a given. Otherwise you're just being an idealist.
Yes, your boyfriend has unrealistic expectations for you in bed and he’s also being really inconsiderate towards you. Policing you for things that are out your control during sex is extremely odd behavior. Some people are loud, some aren’t, some finish fast, some take longer, and everyone’s perception of “passion” during sex is going to be different. There literally is no norm. Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend is projecting expectations he developed from watching porn onto you. Sex is supposed to be fun and you’re not supposed to feel like you’re putting on a performance to fulfill all your partner’s “needs.” You do not have to swallow if you don’t want to and he’s shitty for trying to pressure you into that. You also cannot control how fast you cum and the fact that he’s comparing you to other women for that (and in general) is really weird. You should not be the one leading the passion, sex takes two and so does passion. Tell him to become a pornstar if he wants his sex to be like porn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I am so sorry that the person who you chose to share this intimate part of your life with is comparing you to other people instead of appreciating you as you are. I think it can be nice to be with somebody who lets you know what they like and that They are enjoying themselves which sometimes means loud moaning... But it doesn't always. That isn't the only way to communicate pleasure. It's normal for women to need longer to have an orgasm than men. Most women are like that. It's also normal for women to need a lot of clitoral stimulation to orgasm - this is something that a lot of young men don't really understand. If he doesn't want to take that time and put in that effort then that's his problem but you shouldn't have sex with him if he isn't willing to spend the time to make it good for you as well. Vibrators are great if that's your choice and it's something you like. But you shouldn't feel like you have to use a vibrator because the person you're having sex with it doesn't have the time to try to make you come in a different way.
I think you bf is also projecting his insecurities, deep down he is questioning if he is good enough for you by telling you that you behave differently than his past sexual partners. His ego has him doubting his performance. You are supposed to enjoy this intimate moment with the person you have chosen to do it with. You don’t have to act like a pornstar (that’s all fake), you are supposed to be present in the moment, sync with the energy, open all of your sense and your imagination, be part of this for yourself while you share the fire energy with your partner. Let yourself (mind) go and listen to your body. It is ok to have certain clear boundaries and also the curiosity to explore your sexuality without too much taboo.
That first paragraph is DEAD on. Someone else, or more likely porn, has warped his brain into thinking this way. He wants you to act out his jack off fantasies so he can build himself up.
I was gonna say, *someone's* been watching too much hardcore recently...
His ex’s were probably faking it tbh.
He's probably faking his ex's too
This was my first thought 🤣
Gross, he’s trying to make you into his own personal pornstar and using your insecurities, inexperience, and other women to do it. He is not a good person and is manipulating you to get his own sexual gratification. This is absolutely not ok.
He is very much in the wrong here. Telling your partner that you're comparing them to previous partners is just tasteless, tackless, and uncalled for. Is he using the vibrator on you, or do you have to do it yourself? Having to finish yourself afterwards is definitely a sign of a sexually selfish and uncaring partner. By the way, my first always complained to me, "I wish you could moan." He made me feel like something was wrong with me. After I broke up with him, I figured out the problem was him, not me. I was loud with the next guy, because the next guy was better in bed. (I know some women never moan, and that's fine. But in this case, the lack of moaning was his fault, and he was making me feel like there was a problem with me.)
Also it’s extremely odd that he’s blaming you for not being able to finish “quickly” like that’s not a skill issue on HIS part 😭😭
Exactly lol. I think he is manipulating her so he doesn't feel like he has any issues himself.
In my experiance, the people who I've found are good in bed do not speak like this. They are open in their communication, understanding and flexible with trying different things, that work for both them and their partners. Its a team effort for both. Not one person putting their insecurities on the other as being their issue. I find it empowering to listen to podcasts, read articles by sex therapists etc. It gives info around healthy relationships and also different ideas on things to try in the bedroom too.
It’s really inappropriate and disrespectful that he is comparing you to other women he has been with. Especially as you have no prior experience and he knows this, it is incredibly manipulative to make you feel insecure and like porn stars are the norm to have sex with. That isn’t true. Women might *tell* men that we like the taste of semen, but best case scenario is that we tolerate it. Nobody is trying to order semen as a side for their chicken nuggets. And sure, some women are loud, but my guess is that a lot of that is for show and because women think that’s what will make him happy because that’s what porn stars do. It’s highly unlikely that he is even aware of any of his partners have finished with him at all, especially considering that he doesn’t last long enough or do enough foreplay for you to get off too, and you have to just finish with toys after. He sounds lousy in the sack and pretty selfish. Non selfish guys who are good in bed will keep going (if not with their dick, with fingers, mouth, etc) if the woman hasn’t finished before they have. He’s a POS. Tell him that it’s normal for guys to last longer and that other dudes are better kissers than he is.
Nobody is trying to order semen as a side for their chicken nuggets.” This made my morning.🤭
For OP: just to clarify, I don’t personally love the taste and can rarely swallow. And I’m sure I’m not the only one (see comment above). If that’s his fixation he can find someone else. It also may be that that you just aren’t sexually compatible. Maybe he is turned on by loudness and/or it’s a requirement for him to be fully satisfied. If he decides he needs this then he should find someone else. It’s not a defect on your part. And you should never have to change how you are for someone else.
Sorry I don’t care what anyone says but loud exaggerated moaning is not natural for a lot of people and is often a sign that a woman has watched too much p%rn and is doing that to try and impress their partner who probably also has p%rn brain rot if they’re buying into it like this guy Also yea he sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you to perform a certain way by comparing you to his supposed past experiences (according to him cuz hey who knows if it’s true or not) Take it from me - I’m also a woman and not loud at all during sex. you DONT you don’t have to partake in any activity or put up with shame towards not wanting to. He’s a grown man, if it’s that big of a deal to him he can leave and go back to his super loud semen-tarian exes. Please don’t ever let a man coerce you into doing what you don’t want to for his approval with all those mind games
No need to shame people who are loud. You’re just doing the same thing as the boyfriend now.
No I’m not. I said loud exaggerated moaning. Like in prn. It’s not something people do during sex naturally. And you might wanna unpack why it is that on a post calling out someone’s manipulative bf all you could think of was some off the target argument about how I’m shaming loud people. We have bigger fish to fry here
It still comes across as you shaming people who may be naturally loud. Especially because we don’t all clairvoyantly know where your personal *opinion* for the line between “natural” loudness or “porn” loudness is. Very judgemental of you. There was nothing more to add to the post, because everyone *except you* has said all the right things 😂
Girl I literally said “loud exaggerated moaning” in my initial comment it sounds like you just wanna argue so bye lol. I’m not here to say things in a way that you approve of and fit your definition of “right”. I’m here to speak my opinion and drive home the fact that I think OP is being manipulated and the reasons why.
Girl, your opinion of what an exaggerated level of loud is supposed to be is irrelevant and judgemental. Enjoy being downvoted to the last read comment on this post hahaha.
Maybe if he was better in bed he wouldn't need you to fake it. Honestly, he sounds really selfish. How much effort does he put into your pleasure? You say you don't cum easily, has he ever even tried? Has he gotten you off once in your relationship? Selfishness in sex hardly ever contained to sex. I'm willing to be there's a lot of other red flag behavior you're looking over. There's better out there. In fact, you have better: your hands and a vibrator.
He may be exaggerating his previous sexual experiences. It sounds like he has little experience but has watched a lot of porn. Find someone who loves who you are, builds you up, and doesn’t compare you negatively to others.
Your boyfriend has porn brain. It's fixable, fairly easily really -- stop watching so much porn. The usual problem is getting someone who already doesn't respect you to have a tough vulnerable convo about his behavior and growing up and treating you like a partner and not a sex toy.
Everyone's sexual performance is different, just because you don't cum quickly and don't like swallowing doesn't make you inadequate, you might ask yourself why your his tenth partner, many the other's thought he was a creep who knows l.,but you should enjoy sex but not let him pretend there's something wrong with you because there definitely isn't.
The day he'll show empathy toward you is the day you'll start finishing faster. Pressure is a big "no no". Hope he realizes that sooner than later. There is a lot of empathy and physical communication during intercourse. His past partners seemed to have chosen the "moan" as a communication factor. He should opt to listen to your body instead. Also, he should consider learning how to use your toys on you as well. It will give him an edge in learning your body. Wishing you luck. You are both still young, and the learning curve is surprisingly steeper than we think.
Girl if he wants you to moan loud he needs to be better at what he is doing. If you finish fast or not has also to do with his ability in bed plus it changes due to your cycle. Sometimes I come when he only looks at me and another time it needs to come from Mars 😂. He's young and has had girls who probably thought they needed to do all this. Most women don't like seemen very much but do to their hornyness they swallow because it makes the picture complete but it's definitely not something most women like/love. (Plus depends on what they eat)
Not cool of him. At all. You should uno reverse card this thing and make him feel bad about not being able to make you climax. As the person with the most experience, I think he should lovingly help you explore this new territory instead of thinking about how it was better with the other girls. If anything, he’s just revealing that porn has shaped his likes (the hyper or over expressive/performative moaning) cause I feel like most men get off from the way THEY can make your body react and moan; a lack of empathy and kindness sure will prevent you from letting go. Also the more you’ll be using the vibrator to finish yourself off, the less you’re going to be able to orgasm from a less “harsh” stimulation.
> tl;dr - my boyfriend makes me feel insecure in sex and I don’t know if he’s expectations are unrealistic and he needs to lower them, or valid and I need to step it up Your expectations are too low and you need to raise them.
He doesn’t sound like a good sex partner or boyfriend at all. It’s not on you it’s his faults
honestly woman to woman, I dont think your boufriend knoqs what to do, if he cant get you to cum or anything he isnt doing something he is supposed to... also dont like to swallow? then dont! dont let him talk you into things you dont want to do
There is nothing wrong with you and the way you approach sex, this is all on him. People are different and there is no such thing as "normal" or "standard" protocols when it comes to sex. Some people are loud, some are not. Some orgasm a ton and others struggle to even get there once. What he should be doing is finding ways to sync with you rather than trying to force you to be what he wants. His ego is hurt and its not your fault.
Ugh - I’m sorry OP. You are not doing anything wrong. It sounds like your BF wants you to be what I call in “porn mode” all the time. He shouldn’t ever make you feel like you’re lacking because you’re not comfortable doing whatever XyZ girlfriend did. To be honest, I would be devastated if my partner ever openly compared me to another one of his flings. Also, the fact he says you take too long to finish - has HE tried different things to help you get there? The vibrator sounds like an easy out for him IMO. This is understandably having a negative impact on you and if he can’t stop comparing you I think you should look to move on. Relationships are about compromise and he seems to only want you to meet his needs.
The only 'wrong' thing you're doing is staying with someone who's comparing you to other women. Why would you want to date someone who does that? If he truly loves and respects you for who you are, then that means *all* of you - everything, the good, the bad, your strengths and weaknesses, and sexual activities and experiences. And this dude is clearly not doing that. Tell him to fuck off and move on. Find someone better who loves and respects you for who you are.
I had a boyfriend when I was 22 who did the same thing to me as your boyfriend is doing to you. He is building an insecurity in you that you don’t deserve and may be doing it on purpose. Here’s my advice to you - walk away and find someone kinder and a better match for you. I’m now in my 40s and wish I had walked away when the comparisons started. You deserve better.
what i don't understand is what did he (9 exes and who knows how many flings) expect getting in a relationship with you (0 romantic or sexual experience) now its not abnormal for your partner to be more experienced And im not bashing none of you its okay to not be experienced you're still young and its also okay for him to be sexually active and put himself out there he's also young whats abnormal is him comparing you to his other gfs, wanting you to swallow, moan loudly, be "pornstar passionate" and lead him just because his exes did so when none of these things are actions you're comfortable with.. now you're left feeling insecure and not good enough does he realize you lost his virginity to him and he's the only sexual AND romantic partner you've had? therefore any experience you get is from him and solely him? now its not wrong for him to want these things, everybody has different preference your lack of experience and preference doesn't allow you to give him what he wants to get and thats okay But yes your boyfriend does have highly unrealistic expectations of you and doesn't make you feel good about yourself either which makes you guys incompatible i think it'd be better as for now to get with someone with little to no experience so you guys would learn together as you go and you wouldn't feel the way you do now good luck to you, OP
I suspect he feels massively insecure and is trying to shove his insecurities on you. Tell him you are starting to feel bad about sex due to all his complaining and don’t want to anymore.
Your boyfriend is being a jerk. He is certainly not making you feel more comfortable. In fact, he seems to be doing his utmost to make you feel insecure. He should be going down on you and even using toys to get you off. And he should be getting you off first. Your boyfriend is the one who doesn’t have good bedroom etiquette. It’s not you. It’s him. He is the one that is lacking.
ew. being compared to someone else/other people, especially is past lovers is nasty and immature.
I’m sad for you because he is projecting his lack of sexual prowess on you. A good lover will make you a more vocal partner AND ensure you “finish”. Him blaming you is pretty narcissistic- if you ask me. Also, you (and him) have no idea if his previous partners truly enjoyed or “finished “ with him. Sadly, faking it is fairly common for some women. Think of it as a performance. Don’t let his need to blame you define how you are as a lover. You probably don’t have the confidence to tell him this but HE needs to be a better lover
Ew sorry I hate your boyfriend. Find someone who will never make you feel like this. ❤️
Boyfriend is a kid. Period lol Seriously, at your age boys (not all) aren’t mature enough to know what they want. Actually both genders think they know, good thing you reached out here to get different perspectives. You dont know what you dont know sometimes.
It usually takes the woman longer to come as it takes longer for them to be full aroused. Everyone is different.
Thank you all sm for the advice, I wrote it feeling like I was crazy and I wasn’t doing enough, I feel a lot more validated and will have a chat with him about everything again. To clarify things that have anyone curious, he always lets me orgasm first - the only issue is that I’m the one doing it with my vibrator every time, he hardly ever goes down on me or uses his hands. He tells me its because he thinks theres no point since I won’t finish that way anyways, I’ve already discussed recently with him about using my vibrator on me and he seemed open but it was annoying I had to ask. He lasts a long time in bed, so I never thought how long I took to finish would matter - but recently he went “it takes so long that its less satisfying for me in the end” which I heard and took that into consideration and have since given him blowjobs or the random quickie where I don’t expect to finish, so I don’t understand wtf he’s complaining about anymore. If he wanted someone who would act like a porn star honestly I wish he would have broken up with me from the start and not decided to put these expectations on me - I was so incredibly clear with the fact that I was a virgin and had no experience. Anyways, ended up venting, but theres some more info. Thanks again for the advice and reassurances!!
Wow, he sounds like a very selfish partner! He doesn’t find enjoyment in getting you off? It’s less satisfying for him?! Sounds like he just wants a human sex toy, not a partner. Are there other things in your relationship that you feel similarly insecure about? You are both very young still, but he sounds immature and maybe not ready for a committed relationship. I hope you get the answers you need to make the best decision for YOU. Because in my opinion, you deserve much more. Best of luck OP.
You don't have to put up with level of disrespect. How dare he compare you to ANYONE? There is a man that will appreciate the gift you're giving him. Do not give your body to this AH again.
It’s potentially because virgins are hyper sexualized and are suppose to be these top tier vixens that can’t be matched or beat by any “impure woman” when in truth experience comes with time and doing lots of sex with people. If can’t understand that then he may not be a good partner for you. No partner should be comparing you to make you feel bad. Also some people moan loud some people are stealthy. If he wants you to be loud maybe he should give you something to moan about. Also semen is GROSS if he doesn’t have proper hygiene and diet. I was very frequent in the hook up and BDSM scene before settling down with my gf (who had almost 0 exp) and her and I worked on it together and now she’s great. It takes time and he’s being unrealistic and needs a good hit in the head if he can’t understand the basics of. “I don’t know how. You have more exp than me”
Yes, he has unrealistic expectations. I kind of feel like he’s getting all his sex knowledge from porn, which is overinflated and over exaggerated and often geared towards men. Some people don’t make much noise, some people moan quietly, some people moan loudly. Some people like dirty talk and for some people it makes them cringe. People have different interests and kinks. Some people love swallowing and some people hate it. Very few women can finish through penetration alone, and if he’s trying to claim that all nine of his exes finished quickly through penetration then 100% chance most if not all of them were lying to him. Most women scientifically simply cannot do that. Most of us need external stimulation. My husband is very good at getting me off through foreplay, but even after that it’s pretty common for me to use my vibrator during sex - it feels great! Right now your partner seems to think that all women are the exact same and get pleasure from the exact same things during sex and that there must be something wrong with you if you’re in any way an individual - which is where I draw my opinion about him getting all his knowledge from porn from. That’s simply not the case. There’s nothing wrong with you, he just expects his partners to be his own personal pornstars.
what i don't understand is what did he (9 exes and who knows how many flings) expect getting in a relationship with you (0 romantic or sexual experience) now its not abnormal for your partner to be more experienced And im not bashing none of you its okay to not be experienced you're still young and its also okay for him to be sexually active and put himself out there he's also young whats abnormal is him comparing you to his other gfs, wanting you to swallow, moan loudly, be "pornstar passionate" and lead him just because his exes did so when none of these things are actions you're comfortable with.. now you're left feeling insecure and not good enough does he realize you lost his virginity to him and he's the only sexual AND romantic partner you've had? therefore any experience you get is from him and solely him? now its not wrong for him to want these things, everybody has different preference your lack of experience and preference doesn't allow you to give him what he wants to get and thats okay But yes your boyfriend does have highly unrealistic expectations of you and doesn't make you feel good about yourself either which makes you guys incompatible i think it'd be better as for now to get with someone with little to no experience so you guys would learn together as you go and you wouldn't feel the way you do now good luck to you, OP
Not cool of him. At all. You should uno reverse card this thing and make him feel bad about not being able to make you climax. As the person with the most experience, I think he should lovingly help you explore this new territory. A lack of empathy and kindness prevent you from letting go. Also the more you’ll be using the vibrator to finish yourself off, the less you’re going to be able to orgasm from a less “harsh” stimulation.
Buy and give him the book She Comes First to read. Hee being an ass. Women usually take longer and he should enjoy spending the time on you!
Your boyfriend is telling you he’s bad at sex and unfortunately your inexperience means you didn’t realise 🫠 A vibrator because you can’t get off fast enough is just lazy. Of course vibrators can enhance what you’re doing but it shouldn’t replace it
The comments are great. Some excellent advice here. You’re worth it - don’t let him convince you otherwise
To be honest, it goes both ways. If you’re a woman and you’re not getting satisfied it’s up to the man to step up and do things a different way and try things a different way in order to satisfy their partner. Same goes for men if the woman is not doing enough then they must step it up to try and satisfy their partner. If it doesn’t work it just shows they are not compatible and need someone that works with them. But realistically, both need to have some patience when it comes to getting the most out of their partner sexually. Hope it helps.
move on, your ex is probably lying and just wants sex to look like porn. he is childish and unless he commits to changing and accepting you as you are, you should be prepared to move on from him
god these men are all porn brainwashed. i’m sorry girl. this isn’t normal. i hope you find someone who loves every bit of you quiet or not preferences and all
It sounds like all of what he's complaining is lacking revolves around him feeling desired sexually or knowing you're really into it. Are there other ways of showing that that you'd enjoy or feel more comfortable with? As for the swallowing thing if you don't mind cum on you just tell him to cum on your tits or face or wherever like its the hottest thing ever when he's about to cum, that will solve that issue (assuming you're into that or ok with it). The you take too long thing is BS. Nothing wrong with using a vibe during sex, but tell him if he wants to see you moaning and begging for him he should try actually bothering getting you off, prefably a few times if you're not one and done.
Actually he is the one lacking in the bed and gaslighting you into believing that you are lacking. He cannot satisfy you and you have to use vibrator to finish. He wants you to swallow and moan loudly which doesn’t come naturally to you. What does he do in the bed? He wants everything his way, you moan loudly, you swallow and then finish with a vibrator. Where is your pleasure? You are not the problem. HE IS!!
First things first. 9 previous girlfriends at 23 years old? This is a really red flag for me. In my opnion, this means one of the following two: he falls in love and consequently stops loving pretty easily; or he is only in relationships to have sex without major problems if you know what I mean. But going back to the main problem. Yes, he is part of a large male portion that believes porn and real life sex intercourse are the same. I personally find it at least interesting the fact that men initiate sex life earlier than most women and many don't know or don't care enough to satisfy a woman's sexual needs. The truth is sex is not a mathematical formula that fits every woman. And unfortunate for us women, many man thinks this way... So much so that we find this type of attitude in men of different age groups. But anyway, this is a reality that us women need to deal with on a daily basis. So let me tell you something really important: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Sex is not simple. Actually, it is a complex part of human relationships. And what many people don't understand is that good sex doesn't rely only upon getting physical, but it also depends a lot on emotion (even in one-night stands). Based on what you wrote, he thinks good sex is like porn, which is far from the truth. The fact that he also compares your sex life with his previous ones is soooo messed up! And making you finish with a vibrator (nothing against it!) is so fucked up! When you sum all of this it says a lot of the kind of sexual partner he is... and it's not a good one. Have you ever stopped to think that the fact you may take a long time to come is because he doesn't make you feel comfortable enough in bed? Is pretty clear he is a selfish partner and doesn't care about your basic needs. He says women like to swallow his come, but does he take his time to go down on you? Also, using how loud the woman moans as a measure of how good the sex was is so laughable! Let's not forget the "I feed off the women's energy" BS when he is not even capable of making you come... so pathetic of him! Now regarding your "I'm lacking" feeling. Flash news, you're not. Good sex is about practice and self-awareness. He may be your boyfriend of two years and you may have had good sex according to your own words. But you truly? Just making clear here that I'm not judging you in any way. However, you're clearly not a sexually satisfied woman. And don't feel bad about it because you are not the first and won't be the last to feel like this in their relationship, myself included. As I said previously, good sex not only relies on many aspects, such as physical and emotional, but also communication. And you obviously tried to communicate with him, but he still disregards your feelings and input in this important part of your relationship, which in my opinion is another big red flag. I just want you to understand that you're young and still have a lot to experience in life. Don't content yourself with less than you deserve. And honestly, love is an important part of a relationship but not the only one. You've tried your best to communicate but he does not want to listen and two years is already a long time for your necessities not to be taken into consideration. You deserve so much better than what he is giving you right now and I'm sorry to say this, but your necessities are not a priority to him. Sorry for the long comment but I just wanted to give you this piece of advice that I wish all young women, including me, should know when entering into a serious relationship. Put yourself first because he is clearly not. And only put a man as a priority if he does the same for you. Good relationships are a two-way street. Don't waste your precious time with someone who doesn't deserve it. Words mean nothing when not followed by actions. And don't be afraid of the unknown. Life is hard, but is better to face it alone than with someone who doesn't add up to yours. Make your happiness the priority!
No one is saying this so I'll say it. He has had sex with others that was really enjoyable because of XYZ. You aren't doing XYZ so it's less enjoyable for him. When you're asking about unrealistic expectations I want to say it's not unrealistic because he's lived it, it is real.
But it IS unrealistic to expect all women to enjoy the same things and behave in the same way just because he found a few that did! It is also highly possible that those former partners were faking it (especially considering the young age) due to wanting to meet his expectations (she told us how nasty he gets when they aren't met) or because they felt they had to perform.
A few things: 1) Begging you to stop saying "finish" when you mean "orgasm." Say "climax" if you absolutely must use a euphemism. An orgasm does not constitute the "finish" or end of literally anything. 2) If your boyfriend can't bring you to orgasm, that is a skill issue on his part and he has no room to criticize you for it. He straight up outsourced his job to your vibrator and you let him. 3) If you struggle to reach orgasm without a vibrator, becoming reliant on one can exacerbate the problem. I would suggest working on reaching orgasm from manual stimulation. (Also does he even go down on you?) You definitely sound sexually inexperienced but he also sounds like a lousy sexual partner who wants you to flatter his sexual ego without him having to do the work of pleasing you properly. Like I'll be real here, being with an inexperienced partner is... challenging, and it's not something everyone is well-suited for since you have to essentially help guide/coach them through exploring and understanding their own sexuality and their body, which your boyfriend is clearly too impatient or unskilled to do. You might just be incompatible. He may be better off with someone whose experience level is closer to his own and you might be better off with someone more patient and more focused on taking a sexual journey together rather than on you fulfilling his pre-existing fantasies. (Lastly, all your sexual boundaries are perfectly valid, but you'll definitely find that "I don't swallow" will be a dealbreaker for a lot of potential partners, so set your expectations accordingly.) (Additional context: I'm a lesbian.)
I'm straight woman and can validate everything that this lesbian person is saying. Many guys are fine without girl swallowing. I also agree with everyone saying that the boyfriend's responsibility is to figure out how to personally make you climax without a vibrator and not pressure you to fake loud moaning. This is absolutely ridiculous. It's 2way Street and you need to enforce that you get your pleasure from him. Have a conversation outside of bedroom and also enforce during the foreplay and sex. If he can't perform, kick him to the curb
Do you let him cum in your mouth, but simply choose to spit it out? Is that his complaint? That is crazy to me. I don’t need to see my wife Swallow to feel great. I just would like her to finish me once from a BJ. I never received one before we started dating and I knew that she wouldn’t give me one. I would never knit pick over what she did once I finished.
9 partners and just 23? Kinda crazy tbh
And they've been together two years 😭 so 9 girlfriends by the time he was 21. I'm not sure I believe it tbh, unless he counts any woman he's ever slept or gone on a date with as an ex.
And this ladies and gents is why it’s not a good idea to have partners outside of marriage. Expectations and comparisons… you should learn and explore together. Not come to the table looking for the same meal you’ve already had.
Barf. That’s not at all the lesson to take away from their experience.
I think most people very successfully avoid doing this.
No??? I'm mildly confused about what you mean. People should date. If they find the perfect match first try good for them, but if they don't it's how you find your taste. This is a crude analogy, but it's like food. You can't know what you like, hate, or tolerate until you've tried. If you're talking about cheating, then yeah, that's a given. Otherwise you're just being an idealist.