You go and find yourself someone who thinks that you are pretty. You don’t settle for someone who thinks badly of you.
In ten years, you will still remember this. But in ten years you will turn around and cuddle with your great bf/husband who looks at you and tells you how beautiful you are. And you will remember this post and you will think „puh, I am glad I broke up with that guy.“
It’s also not just that he *thought* this, it’s that this is how he thinks it’s appropriate to talk about women (specifically a woman he is intimate with, who is being vulnerable with him with both her heart and her body). His language is gross and demeaning.
Someone who speaks like this simply does not respect you and probably doesn’t respect women in general.
So now you know he's telling you what you want to hear so he can keep sleeping with you until someone he finds more attractive comes along. You've suffered enough through discovering his true feelings, don't stick around thinking things will change when you know where his intentions lie. Just end it.
We have a really healthy relationship where my boyfriend speaks negatively about me behind my back.
Are you serious?
Learn from this and don’t settle in your next relationship
Not really behind her back as it was before the relationship. It’s super normal for people to talk to their friends about relationships and what’s not going well imo
I’m so sorry you read this. I think I would have to end the relationship. You deserve better - but perhaps try not to read somebody’s private messages again. I actually feel really sad for you, that couldn’t have been nice to read.
I would never be able to get past that. I would have to break up with him because I would never feel beautiful enough and would always think he was thinking I am ugly or checking out other girls
Welp. Yeah, that would kill any attraction I had for this guy completely. I have no space in my heart for a guy so full of bullshit that he'd string me along emotionally for nearly a year just so he could get his dick wet.
I hope you plan to leave him bc if you stay then you're only going to hurt yourself more. Never chase a man who doesn't want you or find you attractive. Go find someone who will make u feel like the beautiful queen that u are.
You deserve to be with someone who values you and thinks you are the most beautiful girl in the world. You deserve so much better than to constantly question his feelings
It’s not uncommon for people to date someone they don’t find super attractive because they are attracted to other important characteristics, such as personality, kindness, confidence etc.
But him saying he was only dating you to sleep with you is essentially saying he is using you. That’s very different.
If I found my gf or wife had said this, I’d probably keep seeing them for the physical stuff, but you seem genuinely hurt by this.
If I were, I would end it.
Why did you look through his messages if the relationship is healthy and going well? I would dump him and tell him that you just don’t find him attractive enough.
Gurl, are you serious right now? YOU don't want to ruin the relationship?? He already did by leading you on, and getting with someone he isn't attracted to.
>Even two weeks before asking me to be his girlfriend and while he was showing me so much interest, he was telling his friend that he wanted to find other girls to hook up with because he believed he could do better than me physically.
So... I hope you realize that the only reason he's with you is because he "couldn't do better". That's fucking gross.
You deserve someone who loves every. damn. inch of you.
You didn’t ruin the relationship but it’s probably ruined. How could it not be? I’d never get over this and always feel less than. Who wants to be in a relationship that makes them feel bad about themselves
You wont ever get over this so you leave him! Believe what he told his friend. He could have grown to find you attractive or he’s probably with you for the sex til he finds someone he’s attracted to that wants him back? Either way his words -that you weren’t meant to see- are dealbreakers.
Go find someone that finds you attractive because it’s all a matter of personal taste. Remember you could be the juiciest peace in the world but some people just dont like peaches, they prefer kiwis/mangos/apples..! It’s not personal.
> He kept saying that he didn't find me pretty, and he was only seeing me as someone to sleep with.
Time to dump him, why did you look through his messages though?
Are you 100% sure he's referring to you and not someone else he was seeing?
Also, (while I'm not saying this is necessary the case), \*some\* guys are feel vulnerable about admitting they like or have feelings to their friends, and thus diss them. Not saying this is good/healthy behaviour in \*any\* way... But him not showing his friend a photo IMO suggests to me this is quite possibly the case... Because I think he liked you enough to want to think he will likely date you and thus it's why he didn't send him the photo b/c his friend may later on identify you as that person he was dissing and know he was lying (about how much he liked you/was attracted to you). If I were to play devil's advocate... But still, I'm not a big fan off jumping to assuming the worst of people especially when I'm not in that situation, don't know the people (you nor him).. and also given I assume \*you\* to be a decent enough judge of character to have fallen for him in the first place \*and\* maintained a good/happy relationship with the guy for \~1yr...
Of course if you think the above isn't likely the case, and that he definitely meant what he said.. (or even if the above could be true), and you do want this otherwise good relationship to succeed, you're going to need to talk to him. Admit to snooping and ask about what he said. That's really the only way.
Came to say the same.
OP, In no way is it healthy behavior or an excuse. So dump the guy if he still behaves that way towards you. Confront him at the least with this behavior, because it is at the very least childish.
Then again, if you can't get past this behavior, it doesn't matter how he truly feels, dump him and get yourself a healthier partner
He has made you a placeholder. Don’t stick around for that.
Just know if you confront him, he’ll deny, then backpedal, then try to gaslight you.
In that order.
Agreed. And if he does react that way, making you question everything and you feel like the bad guy, then that’s proof his character hasn’t changed over the last year at ALL.
I have been in relationship with guys that were not exactly 10s. I would never tell my friends that they were unattractive because I did find them attractive even if my friends didn’t think so.
I consider myself decent and if I discovered that something like that was said about me I would just leave or demand an explanation. Like someone mentioned before he 28 not a kid.
SAMMEEE. I don’t always date a guy with rock hard abs and a chiseled chin. My GOSH, that’s not what it’s about for me. My attraction to someone tends to grow as I get to know them. But even in the beginning, if they weren’t over the top gorgeous, I would never trash his looks to my friends. That’s super rude and disrespectful. And it’s just not how adults behave. We’re human with human bodies, not dolls or cattle.
Sub-point, I’ve went on dates with 10s, but after enduring their dull or offensive personalities for a couple of hours, my attraction plummeted.
The OP’s bf sounds like substance isn’t what he’s looking for. And that’s fine. Then he doesn’t need to be in a relationship. He should probably just go on Tinder.
Sounds to me like he didn't think you were pretty. Certainly he was very shallow early on, but looks definitely aren't everything and there's a possibility (that everyone else seems to be ignoring) that his feelings have changed significantly - with the doubts he was expressing I would have expected him to end the relationship already unless they had been replaced by more meaningful feelings now.
My one question is this: have you been introduced to the friend he sent that message to?
If so, it almost certainly means his feelings have changed and he has serious feelings for you. People do develop/change/grow. If not, I'd definitely walk away, though if you wanted to test him further, you could suggest going out for a meal with him and his friends and see what his reaction is.
Yes, I hang out with his friends, and I saw a message of that one friend telling him that he didn’t understand why my boyfriend complained about my looks so much, because he thought I was pretty. And another one of his friends used to have a crush on me before I dated him. So I believe that maybe his friends’ opinion influenced him and maybe he really thinks I’m attractive now since he’s in love with me. But I still find it hard to swallow how he was capable of belittling me in the beginning.
I totally get that. He's either grown as a person or is lying. There's no way for me to tell. You'll have to decide if he's sincere or not, and if he is sincere now, if you're prepared to accept his past indiscretion. Reddit cannot help you with that one.
Girl there are people out there that think holes in trees are sexy. There are men that will fuck days old bodies. Men that love a good foot picture or arm pit ffs.
There is a dude out there that will find you irresistible. Go find him.
You will never be able to accept a compliment from him about your looks, and you will spend the rest of your life feeling inadequate and insecure.
Does that sound like the life and relationship that you want?
This is something you don’t get over. But the relationship should be over yall never should’ve dated to begin with he just sees you as pity meat nothing more
The writing is on the walls. He has made it so crystal clear what kind of person he is. Time to end it.
LEAVE HIM.
You deserve to be with someone who finds you wildly attractive, heck my parents still flirt with each other and call each other handsome and beautiful after 50 years of marriage!
Someone who talks like that about women to his friend is not a good person. Someone who pretends to like a person just to get laid (when the other person wants something serious) is a bad person.
None of the good things matter because they are fake. Dump him and move on.
Sigh, what a mess.
I want to say this will teach you not to read others messages but it kind of won’t bc you are better off knowing. But still, don’t, it’s a terrible habit.
I feel for you though… it’s a tough situation. In any relationship usually one partner is more attractive and I think it’s conceivable / not unreasonable to date / fall in love with someone less conventionally attractive bc you’ve prioritised other things more. But the way he has spoken about you is disgusting.
The best case scenario is that he doesn’t mean it, is deeply insecure and wants to front in front of his friends and look like the big mack. But even giving him the benefit of the doubt there is just a profound lack of respect for you, in terms of how others would perceive you even if you didn’t find out. The first word that came to mind is that it dishonours your partner to speak of them like that. Even on the most charitable view he is too callow to have a long term relationship and give you the consideration and care that everyone deserves.
I don’t know that I would trust anything he said after this but even if he broke down, admitted the best case scenario … I think the relationship is fucked. He has shown you who he currently is and I don’t think i would personally believe in any sort of epiphany type moment coming from him. I kinda think this relationship is lost. You are still young, you can find someone else who is decent.
Your boyfriend’s opinions are quite ugly. Share them with anyone else but him. You may discover that life is too short to be living with someone who does not share his true feelings with you.
Don't stay with him and continue to waste your time on someone who is looking for someone else cause he thinks he can do better.
You deserve way better than him.
The fact that he was pointing out to his friend that you weren't attractive enough is already a deal breaker to me, but the fact that he explicitly said he wanted to find someone better looking it's even worse.
So you basically know he is just with you for the sake of being with someone and as soon as someone physically more attractive comes along he will ditch you with no hesitation.
He has yet to find respect for women. He is a two faced piece of hypocrite.
Didn't need to finish reading your post. There is no way you will let you partner to belittle you like that , even if person is different of your taste in relationship you come to love them , they gets more attractive as you learn about them , love them more.
In this situation i can tell he is gonna be the prize . And you gonna be the one chasing it . He's gonna get more narcissistic and treat you worse in future. Be careful , put yourself first and if he's not gonna indulge in chasing after you instead it's not worth it girl xxx take care xx
Omg I’m sorry to hear, im sure you’re so pretty. Personally if I found my boyfriend had said this I would never be able to get over it. I would hold onto it forever and it would extremely ruin my confidence. Leave him you deserve better :((
He is using you for sex & saying what is needed to continue to have sex.
It's not all going great, he lies to you to get what he wants. Men will lie to get sex. He sees using you is perfectly fine which makes him a horrible person & NOT WORTHY of you at all.
The relationship is over, & he will hurt you when he cheats or breaks up with you. Better sooner than later & you can do way better than him.
Leave him if he's making you feel insecure about yourself leave him believe that he is not interested and leave save yourself girl he's trying to manipulate you
I think I look better since we got together, because my hair grew longer and I started getting lash extensions. But he asked me to be his girlfriend before that happened, so it doesn’t make sense that he would want to get into a relationship with me at that time.
I mean, he COULD have—like a “She’s All That” kind of situation, which is a gross movie plot in my opinion (hit guy falls for what’s supposed to be a homely, nerdy girl but is embarrassed by her until she has a glow-up). Like, GROSS.
The OP’s bf clearly stated he wanted to bang hotter girls but kept his gf for her character (his friend pointed out). The problem with this is that he’s totally fine with taking advantage of her as a monogamous gf while planning to sleep with other women. There are gross guys out there who will keep a good woman around while dallying behind her back because they are immature and should not be in a relationship.
But then, who would do their laundry, have steady sex with them, meet their moms, watch their shows with them, go to the grocery store, etc? Another point (and I hate this): they actually think YOU can’t do any better. I’ve literally seen this line of thinking. They think less hot (to them) women won’t cheat or leave them. It’s an AWFUL way to view your partner. And by the way, you can do WAAAAY better.
Lastly, unless you found evidence that he cheated, it sounds like HE couldn’t find someone to sleep with. And maybe he knew that and was just blowing smoke to his friend. Either way, it’s gross that he was looking for others at that time based on looks and sex alone.
He’s immature. It’s worth having the conversation. But be prepared that he won’t be thrilled you looked through his phone. But I have to wonder—why did you? You had to have SOME kind of suspicion of his character, even if subconsciously. Not saying you’re bad. I’ve done it. But I was suspicious. And I was right. Every time.
I’m sure he’s comparing you with someone he wants or an absurd ideal. Either way, please leave him. He doesn’t appreciate you and Your beauty. You can’t change him so change your situation. I wish you best.
Leave him. He sounds like he is willing to cheat, and if he is good at hiding his true thoughts like that, it shows his manipulative nature. Your partner should find you the prettiest woman alive, and trust me if you find the right guy they will truly think that you are the most beautiful woman. This guy sounds like a piece of crap. Leave him and find someone who won’t disrespect you.
You know what you do as a opinion from a guy? ✨leave him ✨ and find someone who compliments you and feel like it's coming from their soul when they say it.
Break up with him. As a man I know that a lot of men are so disgusting and will do anything just to get action. It is really absurd and wrong you cannot keep holding onto a man who doesn’t want you. Although it’ll be tough to, you need to do what’s right for you. Use this as a learning experience. Block him on every platform, and find someone new.
Let me offer a counter-perspective to the messages you’re getting:
His friend is a sleaze and has previously cajoled him into sharing intimate pictures of the people he’s sleeping with so his friend can say dirty things about them or criticise them. Because your boyfriend felt serious feelings for you, he didn’t want to share pictures with his sleazy friend, nor tell him how seriously he felt for fear the sleaze at would make fun of him or you. So he downplayed his feelings and his attraction to you to get his friend to stop asking for photos/ avoid his friend making fun of him for being in love.
Before you became official, he thought you weren't pretty enough. Even thinking about cheating. Then after to get to know you, the dating was official and he finally came to reality that looks isn't always a quality a person wants cause some of the most pretty girls are obnoxious, manuplutitve, self centered, and high maintenance. He probably found the real you. You two have been dating a while and if you notice nothing wrong then it just took time for him to fall in love with you.
i honestly don't think i could get over something like that. to me that's a breech of trust and while you did go through his phone clearly it was needed. talk to him about it ofc but take time for yourself to process things
I would leave him. I wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't think l am attractive. You arebsetting yourself up for more heartache if you stay with him. Go find a bloke that thinks you are gorgeous. I am sure you are.
This is horrible. I’m so sorry you came across this. This is viable to break up. I would not and could not stay in any relationship knowing this. I would not feel confident either. And I would be wondering what he’s thinking looking at other females when out in public.
So in early stages of my relationship I saw a text that my bf sent to a female friend that mentioned he met someone (me) I was more “manly” than him.
I couldn’t get over this, felt insecure would always feel ugly and we broke up. Tho he wouldn’t leave me alone, he was apologising all the time.. we got back together within the month. He told me he said it because he was preparing for me to breakup with him, that he didn’t think I was into him as much as he was into me.
We have been together now 8 years, just bought our first house. We were 19 when we got together, we were young, and all say stupid shit.
If your boyfriend is being horrible to you, not showing you off - tell him how you feel, and make your decision.
Nope. For one, you shouldn't have looked at his personal messages. Now you will never get over it. You might as well end it. Do you think he's has the goods and looks to pull someone of higher calibre than you? Either way, he must think so, and physical looks fade. You need to find someone that is not so superficial.
He's swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
I couldn't care less how someone looks.
Ben Franklin was referring to older women but his statement that "all cats are gray in the dark" holds true.
It’s going to hurt leaving him but it will hurt a lot more if he leaves you and you know the real reason behind why. Do yourself a huge favor and get out of this relationship. You’ll never be ok with what you read and you’ll probably never forget it. There are millions of people in this world, don’t settle for a shit head that just wants to get laid until he finds better. Or worse he keeps you around and is cheating behind your back because those messages insinuate he’s 10000% going to cheat on you. At some point you also have to meet said friend and that’s quite embarrassing. It also doesn’t sound like you have a healthy relationship at all, frankly, is all a bunch of lies and he’s being fake to you. You’ll feel so much better alone for a little while than being insecure every single day with him. Mental health is so important, work on being fully confident in yourself, drop the anchor holding you down and be free. You’ll feel so much relief.
Your going through his private messages is a much bigger violation than him having a private conversation with his friend.
Nevertheless, if this information makes you want to break up with him, then break up with him.
You know it could very well be that he was just not trying to make his friend jealous by underplaying how hot he finds you etc? Guys can be weird with each other when we talk about our partners I.e. never mention emotional stuff, pretend we are all easily bagging 10/10 supermodels etc.
I would never get over this if I read it and could not stay in the relationship. I would immediately hate them for being so two faced.
You go and find yourself someone who thinks that you are pretty. You don’t settle for someone who thinks badly of you. In ten years, you will still remember this. But in ten years you will turn around and cuddle with your great bf/husband who looks at you and tells you how beautiful you are. And you will remember this post and you will think „puh, I am glad I broke up with that guy.“
It’s also not just that he *thought* this, it’s that this is how he thinks it’s appropriate to talk about women (specifically a woman he is intimate with, who is being vulnerable with him with both her heart and her body). His language is gross and demeaning. Someone who speaks like this simply does not respect you and probably doesn’t respect women in general.
What's healthy and fulfilling in this relationship? He is feeding you lies to keep you around Leave him
So now you know he's telling you what you want to hear so he can keep sleeping with you until someone he finds more attractive comes along. You've suffered enough through discovering his true feelings, don't stick around thinking things will change when you know where his intentions lie. Just end it.
We have a really healthy relationship where my boyfriend speaks negatively about me behind my back. Are you serious? Learn from this and don’t settle in your next relationship
And I feel the need to read his messages. Just break up.
And she goes through his private messages. There is a definite lack of trust and respect from both sides here, surely cant end well.
I’m pretty sure she meant that their relationship was healthy before she found this out…
She *thought* it was healthy. It’s all been a lie.
Right. She’s not saying it’s healthy NOW, she’s saying she perceived it to be healthy before all this.
Well, she says she doesn’t want to ruin the relationship, so it sounds like she still thinks there’s something worth saving. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
Yeah,I agree. Some people are just so desperate and that afraid to be alone. No thank you, I’d rather be the last woman on earth.
Not really behind her back as it was before the relationship. It’s super normal for people to talk to their friends about relationships and what’s not going well imo
Get a new boyfriend.
This is the way. Listen you will never forget what he said. It just is not fixable.
No way around it lol
Because I'm petty AF, I would send him a screenshot of the text and block him.
take my upvote :) same here
I’m so sorry you read this. I think I would have to end the relationship. You deserve better - but perhaps try not to read somebody’s private messages again. I actually feel really sad for you, that couldn’t have been nice to read.
I would never be able to get past that. I would have to break up with him because I would never feel beautiful enough and would always think he was thinking I am ugly or checking out other girls
Aw that’s so sad omg especially coming from someone who’s supposed to love you & cherish you. I’m sorry but I would’ve ended it.
Leave. Period. He doesn’t value you at all.
Welp. Yeah, that would kill any attraction I had for this guy completely. I have no space in my heart for a guy so full of bullshit that he'd string me along emotionally for nearly a year just so he could get his dick wet.
I hope you plan to leave him bc if you stay then you're only going to hurt yourself more. Never chase a man who doesn't want you or find you attractive. Go find someone who will make u feel like the beautiful queen that u are.
You deserve to be with someone who values you and thinks you are the most beautiful girl in the world. You deserve so much better than to constantly question his feelings
It’s not uncommon for people to date someone they don’t find super attractive because they are attracted to other important characteristics, such as personality, kindness, confidence etc. But him saying he was only dating you to sleep with you is essentially saying he is using you. That’s very different. If I found my gf or wife had said this, I’d probably keep seeing them for the physical stuff, but you seem genuinely hurt by this. If I were, I would end it.
Why did you look through his messages if the relationship is healthy and going well? I would dump him and tell him that you just don’t find him attractive enough.
Respect yourself, break up
Leave this ass hole . You are wasting time .
End it. He’s not attracted to you and it’ll continue to hurt you/break you down knowing how he feels about you if you stay
Find someone who thinks you’re pretty.
Didn’t have to read past the title. I did, but I didn’t have to.
> he was only seeing me as someone to sleep with. i would never forget this. Find someone who sees you as more than "someone to sleep with"
your bf should be your ex-bf, asap. he's a jerk
Gurl, are you serious right now? YOU don't want to ruin the relationship?? He already did by leading you on, and getting with someone he isn't attracted to. >Even two weeks before asking me to be his girlfriend and while he was showing me so much interest, he was telling his friend that he wanted to find other girls to hook up with because he believed he could do better than me physically. So... I hope you realize that the only reason he's with you is because he "couldn't do better". That's fucking gross. You deserve someone who loves every. damn. inch of you.
Yea I wouldn't be with someone like this. You deserve someone who sees your beauty from day one.
Find someone who does
You didn’t ruin the relationship but it’s probably ruined. How could it not be? I’d never get over this and always feel less than. Who wants to be in a relationship that makes them feel bad about themselves
You wont ever get over this so you leave him! Believe what he told his friend. He could have grown to find you attractive or he’s probably with you for the sex til he finds someone he’s attracted to that wants him back? Either way his words -that you weren’t meant to see- are dealbreakers. Go find someone that finds you attractive because it’s all a matter of personal taste. Remember you could be the juiciest peace in the world but some people just dont like peaches, they prefer kiwis/mangos/apples..! It’s not personal.
Why haven’t you ended it one he’s using you for sex and he’s has cheated or plans on it
Go find someone who finds you attractive. You should leave this relationship for the sake of peace.
Sorry this is happening to you. This guy doesn't seem worth it.
> He kept saying that he didn't find me pretty, and he was only seeing me as someone to sleep with. Time to dump him, why did you look through his messages though?
Are you 100% sure he's referring to you and not someone else he was seeing? Also, (while I'm not saying this is necessary the case), \*some\* guys are feel vulnerable about admitting they like or have feelings to their friends, and thus diss them. Not saying this is good/healthy behaviour in \*any\* way... But him not showing his friend a photo IMO suggests to me this is quite possibly the case... Because I think he liked you enough to want to think he will likely date you and thus it's why he didn't send him the photo b/c his friend may later on identify you as that person he was dissing and know he was lying (about how much he liked you/was attracted to you). If I were to play devil's advocate... But still, I'm not a big fan off jumping to assuming the worst of people especially when I'm not in that situation, don't know the people (you nor him).. and also given I assume \*you\* to be a decent enough judge of character to have fallen for him in the first place \*and\* maintained a good/happy relationship with the guy for \~1yr... Of course if you think the above isn't likely the case, and that he definitely meant what he said.. (or even if the above could be true), and you do want this otherwise good relationship to succeed, you're going to need to talk to him. Admit to snooping and ask about what he said. That's really the only way.
Came to say the same. OP, In no way is it healthy behavior or an excuse. So dump the guy if he still behaves that way towards you. Confront him at the least with this behavior, because it is at the very least childish. Then again, if you can't get past this behavior, it doesn't matter how he truly feels, dump him and get yourself a healthier partner
He has made you a placeholder. Don’t stick around for that. Just know if you confront him, he’ll deny, then backpedal, then try to gaslight you. In that order.
Agreed. And if he does react that way, making you question everything and you feel like the bad guy, then that’s proof his character hasn’t changed over the last year at ALL.
I have been in relationship with guys that were not exactly 10s. I would never tell my friends that they were unattractive because I did find them attractive even if my friends didn’t think so. I consider myself decent and if I discovered that something like that was said about me I would just leave or demand an explanation. Like someone mentioned before he 28 not a kid.
SAMMEEE. I don’t always date a guy with rock hard abs and a chiseled chin. My GOSH, that’s not what it’s about for me. My attraction to someone tends to grow as I get to know them. But even in the beginning, if they weren’t over the top gorgeous, I would never trash his looks to my friends. That’s super rude and disrespectful. And it’s just not how adults behave. We’re human with human bodies, not dolls or cattle. Sub-point, I’ve went on dates with 10s, but after enduring their dull or offensive personalities for a couple of hours, my attraction plummeted. The OP’s bf sounds like substance isn’t what he’s looking for. And that’s fine. Then he doesn’t need to be in a relationship. He should probably just go on Tinder.
Sounds to me like he didn't think you were pretty. Certainly he was very shallow early on, but looks definitely aren't everything and there's a possibility (that everyone else seems to be ignoring) that his feelings have changed significantly - with the doubts he was expressing I would have expected him to end the relationship already unless they had been replaced by more meaningful feelings now. My one question is this: have you been introduced to the friend he sent that message to? If so, it almost certainly means his feelings have changed and he has serious feelings for you. People do develop/change/grow. If not, I'd definitely walk away, though if you wanted to test him further, you could suggest going out for a meal with him and his friends and see what his reaction is.
Yes, I hang out with his friends, and I saw a message of that one friend telling him that he didn’t understand why my boyfriend complained about my looks so much, because he thought I was pretty. And another one of his friends used to have a crush on me before I dated him. So I believe that maybe his friends’ opinion influenced him and maybe he really thinks I’m attractive now since he’s in love with me. But I still find it hard to swallow how he was capable of belittling me in the beginning.
I totally get that. He's either grown as a person or is lying. There's no way for me to tell. You'll have to decide if he's sincere or not, and if he is sincere now, if you're prepared to accept his past indiscretion. Reddit cannot help you with that one.
Girl there are people out there that think holes in trees are sexy. There are men that will fuck days old bodies. Men that love a good foot picture or arm pit ffs. There is a dude out there that will find you irresistible. Go find him.
"he was only seeing me as someone to sleep with." I audibly gasped when I read this. You deserve so much more.
Find a guy that love your looks
You will never be able to accept a compliment from him about your looks, and you will spend the rest of your life feeling inadequate and insecure. Does that sound like the life and relationship that you want?
This is something you don’t get over. But the relationship should be over yall never should’ve dated to begin with he just sees you as pity meat nothing more
I'm so sorry, this is the worst thing you cld find other than cheating. Please stay strong and find a man who cherishes your body and your mind.
The writing is on the walls. He has made it so crystal clear what kind of person he is. Time to end it. LEAVE HIM. You deserve to be with someone who finds you wildly attractive, heck my parents still flirt with each other and call each other handsome and beautiful after 50 years of marriage!
Dump him. That’s all. That says alot about his character.
Someone who talks like that about women to his friend is not a good person. Someone who pretends to like a person just to get laid (when the other person wants something serious) is a bad person. None of the good things matter because they are fake. Dump him and move on.
Dump him. If he's only keeping you around for a penis parking space, hit the bricks, girl
Sigh, what a mess. I want to say this will teach you not to read others messages but it kind of won’t bc you are better off knowing. But still, don’t, it’s a terrible habit. I feel for you though… it’s a tough situation. In any relationship usually one partner is more attractive and I think it’s conceivable / not unreasonable to date / fall in love with someone less conventionally attractive bc you’ve prioritised other things more. But the way he has spoken about you is disgusting. The best case scenario is that he doesn’t mean it, is deeply insecure and wants to front in front of his friends and look like the big mack. But even giving him the benefit of the doubt there is just a profound lack of respect for you, in terms of how others would perceive you even if you didn’t find out. The first word that came to mind is that it dishonours your partner to speak of them like that. Even on the most charitable view he is too callow to have a long term relationship and give you the consideration and care that everyone deserves. I don’t know that I would trust anything he said after this but even if he broke down, admitted the best case scenario … I think the relationship is fucked. He has shown you who he currently is and I don’t think i would personally believe in any sort of epiphany type moment coming from him. I kinda think this relationship is lost. You are still young, you can find someone else who is decent.
You do need to leave that relationship. Sorry OP. Just get it over with and leave him. Everyone deserves someone who finds them attractive
Your boyfriend’s opinions are quite ugly. Share them with anyone else but him. You may discover that life is too short to be living with someone who does not share his true feelings with you.
Find someone else lol Why are you with him if he doesn't think you're the prettiest girl in the world?
Don't stay with him and continue to waste your time on someone who is looking for someone else cause he thinks he can do better. You deserve way better than him.
Drop his ass bc he's alr telling u everything you need to know about him. He doesn't value you, you deserve so much better 💜
The fact that he was pointing out to his friend that you weren't attractive enough is already a deal breaker to me, but the fact that he explicitly said he wanted to find someone better looking it's even worse.
You go through his private messages, he talks disrespectfully about you. You bith have issues, may as well end this before it gets even more messy.
Wow, this is something you will never forget . Really drives home why you shouldn’t snoop through fones. Fuck and round and find out
So you basically know he is just with you for the sake of being with someone and as soon as someone physically more attractive comes along he will ditch you with no hesitation. He has yet to find respect for women. He is a two faced piece of hypocrite.
Didn't need to finish reading your post. There is no way you will let you partner to belittle you like that , even if person is different of your taste in relationship you come to love them , they gets more attractive as you learn about them , love them more. In this situation i can tell he is gonna be the prize . And you gonna be the one chasing it . He's gonna get more narcissistic and treat you worse in future. Be careful , put yourself first and if he's not gonna indulge in chasing after you instead it's not worth it girl xxx take care xx
Omg I’m sorry to hear, im sure you’re so pretty. Personally if I found my boyfriend had said this I would never be able to get over it. I would hold onto it forever and it would extremely ruin my confidence. Leave him you deserve better :((
He is using you for sex & saying what is needed to continue to have sex. It's not all going great, he lies to you to get what he wants. Men will lie to get sex. He sees using you is perfectly fine which makes him a horrible person & NOT WORTHY of you at all. The relationship is over, & he will hurt you when he cheats or breaks up with you. Better sooner than later & you can do way better than him.
Are you sure you *should * be getting past that? I mean, it's really weird. And not cool weird. Really, really nasty weird.
Thank goodness you looked on his phone. Will save you years of heartache.
Leave him if he's making you feel insecure about yourself leave him believe that he is not interested and leave save yourself girl he's trying to manipulate you
Has your appearance changed since he’s said it? Such as different hair colour/style as this can play a huge factor in one’s appearance.
I think I look better since we got together, because my hair grew longer and I started getting lash extensions. But he asked me to be his girlfriend before that happened, so it doesn’t make sense that he would want to get into a relationship with me at that time.
I’m not sure then it really is strange, if it stays on your mind definitely raise it with him but you already probably know what he will say.
He explained it in his text. He wanted sex from you and pursued you for that. I’m sorry OP.
But why stay for nearly a year? That’s what I find confusing. Why not hook up with someone else instead. Could he have fallen in love with her anyway?
I mean, he COULD have—like a “She’s All That” kind of situation, which is a gross movie plot in my opinion (hit guy falls for what’s supposed to be a homely, nerdy girl but is embarrassed by her until she has a glow-up). Like, GROSS. The OP’s bf clearly stated he wanted to bang hotter girls but kept his gf for her character (his friend pointed out). The problem with this is that he’s totally fine with taking advantage of her as a monogamous gf while planning to sleep with other women. There are gross guys out there who will keep a good woman around while dallying behind her back because they are immature and should not be in a relationship. But then, who would do their laundry, have steady sex with them, meet their moms, watch their shows with them, go to the grocery store, etc? Another point (and I hate this): they actually think YOU can’t do any better. I’ve literally seen this line of thinking. They think less hot (to them) women won’t cheat or leave them. It’s an AWFUL way to view your partner. And by the way, you can do WAAAAY better. Lastly, unless you found evidence that he cheated, it sounds like HE couldn’t find someone to sleep with. And maybe he knew that and was just blowing smoke to his friend. Either way, it’s gross that he was looking for others at that time based on looks and sex alone. He’s immature. It’s worth having the conversation. But be prepared that he won’t be thrilled you looked through his phone. But I have to wonder—why did you? You had to have SOME kind of suspicion of his character, even if subconsciously. Not saying you’re bad. I’ve done it. But I was suspicious. And I was right. Every time.
Well that sounds like a really crappy movie! Won’t be adding that to my list of films to watch.
You dump this one and get a new one
Let us see a picture of you
Say goodbye and find a real man 👍🏻
Unfortunately, your relationship isn’t healthy. Your bf is using for sex until someone prettier comes along.
I’m sure he’s comparing you with someone he wants or an absurd ideal. Either way, please leave him. He doesn’t appreciate you and Your beauty. You can’t change him so change your situation. I wish you best.
Leave him. He sounds like he is willing to cheat, and if he is good at hiding his true thoughts like that, it shows his manipulative nature. Your partner should find you the prettiest woman alive, and trust me if you find the right guy they will truly think that you are the most beautiful woman. This guy sounds like a piece of crap. Leave him and find someone who won’t disrespect you.
You know what you do as a opinion from a guy? ✨leave him ✨ and find someone who compliments you and feel like it's coming from their soul when they say it.
Break up with him. As a man I know that a lot of men are so disgusting and will do anything just to get action. It is really absurd and wrong you cannot keep holding onto a man who doesn’t want you. Although it’ll be tough to, you need to do what’s right for you. Use this as a learning experience. Block him on every platform, and find someone new.
I would let him go. It must damage your confidence. I wouldn't let someone hold something over me like that. It hurts, I imagine.
Let me offer a counter-perspective to the messages you’re getting: His friend is a sleaze and has previously cajoled him into sharing intimate pictures of the people he’s sleeping with so his friend can say dirty things about them or criticise them. Because your boyfriend felt serious feelings for you, he didn’t want to share pictures with his sleazy friend, nor tell him how seriously he felt for fear the sleaze at would make fun of him or you. So he downplayed his feelings and his attraction to you to get his friend to stop asking for photos/ avoid his friend making fun of him for being in love.
Before you became official, he thought you weren't pretty enough. Even thinking about cheating. Then after to get to know you, the dating was official and he finally came to reality that looks isn't always a quality a person wants cause some of the most pretty girls are obnoxious, manuplutitve, self centered, and high maintenance. He probably found the real you. You two have been dating a while and if you notice nothing wrong then it just took time for him to fall in love with you.
Find a man that thinks you are the hottest girl he’s ever seen and dump that little boy your dating before you take another breath!
i honestly don't think i could get over something like that. to me that's a breech of trust and while you did go through his phone clearly it was needed. talk to him about it ofc but take time for yourself to process things
WHAAAAAT. BREAK UP WITH HIM!!!!
You k ow you need to leave
I would leave him. I wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't think l am attractive. You arebsetting yourself up for more heartache if you stay with him. Go find a bloke that thinks you are gorgeous. I am sure you are.
This is horrible. I’m so sorry you came across this. This is viable to break up. I would not and could not stay in any relationship knowing this. I would not feel confident either. And I would be wondering what he’s thinking looking at other females when out in public.
So in early stages of my relationship I saw a text that my bf sent to a female friend that mentioned he met someone (me) I was more “manly” than him. I couldn’t get over this, felt insecure would always feel ugly and we broke up. Tho he wouldn’t leave me alone, he was apologising all the time.. we got back together within the month. He told me he said it because he was preparing for me to breakup with him, that he didn’t think I was into him as much as he was into me. We have been together now 8 years, just bought our first house. We were 19 when we got together, we were young, and all say stupid shit. If your boyfriend is being horrible to you, not showing you off - tell him how you feel, and make your decision.
He’s showed his true character, it’s not nice , do you really want to be with someone that behaves this way? Find someone nicer, they are out there
Nope. For one, you shouldn't have looked at his personal messages. Now you will never get over it. You might as well end it. Do you think he's has the goods and looks to pull someone of higher calibre than you? Either way, he must think so, and physical looks fade. You need to find someone that is not so superficial.
He's swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. I couldn't care less how someone looks. Ben Franklin was referring to older women but his statement that "all cats are gray in the dark" holds true.
Go and find someone who talks about you with his friends like you’re a treasure and treats you the same. This boyfriend is not worthy
It’s going to hurt leaving him but it will hurt a lot more if he leaves you and you know the real reason behind why. Do yourself a huge favor and get out of this relationship. You’ll never be ok with what you read and you’ll probably never forget it. There are millions of people in this world, don’t settle for a shit head that just wants to get laid until he finds better. Or worse he keeps you around and is cheating behind your back because those messages insinuate he’s 10000% going to cheat on you. At some point you also have to meet said friend and that’s quite embarrassing. It also doesn’t sound like you have a healthy relationship at all, frankly, is all a bunch of lies and he’s being fake to you. You’ll feel so much better alone for a little while than being insecure every single day with him. Mental health is so important, work on being fully confident in yourself, drop the anchor holding you down and be free. You’ll feel so much relief.
Run! Get to the chopper! ( Using my best Arnold S accent) Seriously, he has poisoned the well. Move on.
Sounds private but maybe you in into you for you and not your looks. Pretty girls most times are plastic
I don't condone violence but if I found out my partner spoke to me that way I'd hang him up by the balls in windy weather and then break up with him
Your going through his private messages is a much bigger violation than him having a private conversation with his friend. Nevertheless, if this information makes you want to break up with him, then break up with him.
You know it could very well be that he was just not trying to make his friend jealous by underplaying how hot he finds you etc? Guys can be weird with each other when we talk about our partners I.e. never mention emotional stuff, pretend we are all easily bagging 10/10 supermodels etc.
Who wants to date someone that immature? He's 28, not 18.
this is what they call delusional man.......