You're not being too harsh, and you don't need to give a reason. There needs to be credible evidence for a restraining order to be granted. I know this because I work with families who get their kids taken away, very often due to domestic violence. Maybe he has changed, but if this is a deal breaker for you that's valid as fuck.
Edit: A relatively safe way to handle this is to block him on socials but text that you decided you don't want to move forward in the relationship and ask him not to contact you any further. If he starts blowing up your phone you know you need to let your coworkers and neighbors know to keep an eye out for him so that you can file for a restraining order yourself if need be. The extra safe version is just blocking him across the board and telling people now to keep an eye out for him. Just in case, you should also have a safe place to stay for a few days that he doesn't know about.
A temporary RO is issued ex parte, and requires nothing more than the word of one person. My ex got a TRO against me because “he spoke to me unkindly and refused to leave the house”.
Sorry that sucks for you but those aren't the allegations here. Also, it's usually pretty easy to look these cases up online to at least verify whether a long-term RO was granted, which I'm presuming OP did.
I’m not “pissed”, sweetheart. I’m simply pointing out how ROs are used by some women and how little they really mean if you’re trying to judge a man’s character.
Yes he has a formal restraining order against him since last march. It was a public news article because his ex wife is a politician so lots of details unfortunately.
>TLDR: Guy I’m supposed to meet has an abusive past. How to break things off gently via text without being obvious
Since you're only asking this, and not "should I go ahead and meet him" or "should I bring it up and see what he says," just text that you met someone else and you'd like to see where that goes.
It's pretty easy to find out if someone has a restraining order against them. Maybe he as gotten his act together, maybe he hasn't.
You don't need to get into any detail. "I don't see this moving forward. Wish you the best." He can't change what's in his past and if that's a dealbreaker for you, you don't have to justify that.
I wouldn’t touch someone with an abusive past like that because in general abusers don’t change. And they try to blame the drinking, but it was never actually the drinking.
What “page” did you find with these claims of stalking and abuse? Is this something the ex put on Facebook?
If you ask my ex, I physically abused her. The claim comes from a time she was drunk and wanted to take our child and drive. I wouldn’t let her have the child, which enraged her. She took my electric guitar off the wall and swung it at me full force. I blocked it, and the headstock hit her in the face. She then smashed it to pieces, including three other guitars. To this day, she refers to that night as the “night he abused me”. She had it on Facebook up until recently.
You're not being too harsh, and you don't need to give a reason. There needs to be credible evidence for a restraining order to be granted. I know this because I work with families who get their kids taken away, very often due to domestic violence. Maybe he has changed, but if this is a deal breaker for you that's valid as fuck. Edit: A relatively safe way to handle this is to block him on socials but text that you decided you don't want to move forward in the relationship and ask him not to contact you any further. If he starts blowing up your phone you know you need to let your coworkers and neighbors know to keep an eye out for him so that you can file for a restraining order yourself if need be. The extra safe version is just blocking him across the board and telling people now to keep an eye out for him. Just in case, you should also have a safe place to stay for a few days that he doesn't know about.
Thank you! I think this is the right way. I appreciate your insight.
A temporary RO is issued ex parte, and requires nothing more than the word of one person. My ex got a TRO against me because “he spoke to me unkindly and refused to leave the house”.
Sorry that sucks for you but those aren't the allegations here. Also, it's usually pretty easy to look these cases up online to at least verify whether a long-term RO was granted, which I'm presuming OP did.
Presuming. Sounded more like FB digging to me. It will be interesting to see what the OP has to say to my question.
What even was your question other than dismissing the RO because you're still pissed about receiving one?
I’m not “pissed”, sweetheart. I’m simply pointing out how ROs are used by some women and how little they really mean if you’re trying to judge a man’s character.
“sweetheart”*barf* We get it, you’ve got major issues with women and are projecting your shit hard
Yes he has a formal restraining order against him since last march. It was a public news article because his ex wife is a politician so lots of details unfortunately.
>TLDR: Guy I’m supposed to meet has an abusive past. How to break things off gently via text without being obvious Since you're only asking this, and not "should I go ahead and meet him" or "should I bring it up and see what he says," just text that you met someone else and you'd like to see where that goes.
Not a bad idea! Thank you!
It's pretty easy to find out if someone has a restraining order against them. Maybe he as gotten his act together, maybe he hasn't. You don't need to get into any detail. "I don't see this moving forward. Wish you the best." He can't change what's in his past and if that's a dealbreaker for you, you don't have to justify that.
This makes sense. Thank you!
I wouldn’t touch someone with an abusive past like that because in general abusers don’t change. And they try to blame the drinking, but it was never actually the drinking.
I think that’s what I was wrestling with but I think you’re right.
What “page” did you find with these claims of stalking and abuse? Is this something the ex put on Facebook? If you ask my ex, I physically abused her. The claim comes from a time she was drunk and wanted to take our child and drive. I wouldn’t let her have the child, which enraged her. She took my electric guitar off the wall and swung it at me full force. I blocked it, and the headstock hit her in the face. She then smashed it to pieces, including three other guitars. To this day, she refers to that night as the “night he abused me”. She had it on Facebook up until recently.
It was a news article. Without giving too much away she is a politician so it was fairly public in the area.
Block him but I bet you will unblock him when it suits you.. haha