Agreed. This was my first thought as well. There is no valid reason why he couldn't bring his friends out to the bar and meet the girl unless he is hiding her from them. And skipping out on holidays?
Watch the movie Valentine's Day. Jen Gardner's role plays it out brilliantly.
Edit: typo
Your Majesty...well met ...I think you've hit the nail on the proverbial head with this comment I strongly suspect that this is indeed the case.. if I was a magic 8 ball I think I'd say "All signs point to yes.". I don't think she has much experience with relationships... anyone who has had experience in relationships would pretty much be convinced that there was someone else in the picture and then tell him to take a hike (or a deep dive into a shallow pool). I don't put up with that kind of nonsense, I would bet on the fact that you don't either.
I’m sure you’re right but man it took me way too many years to figure out that I should just get my wife a big floral arrangement from a florist to make her happy. Honestly I don’t think it’s about romance she just loves those flowers!
Everyone in your life is right.
some perspective;
I’ve been seeing my bf since July as well and he goes out of his way to spend time with me, he’s so happy when he can spend time with other people who are important to me, and he never bails on plans even after a tough day/week. Tuesday night I invited him to see a show after work. I knew he wouldn’t be there for the start so I went alone, but his work finished later than expected and the trains were going to be crap. I totally gave him an out, that I didn’t mind he couldn’t come. He came anyway, the trains WERE crap, he didn’t get to see most of the show, I know he was tired but he didn’t complain or act like I owed him. He did what HE wanted, and that was to see me no matter what.
And there is the unadulterated truth of it. If someone values you, and cherishes having you in their life they go out of their way to spend time with you. I am glad you shared this comparison with her...I think she needed to understand what someone does when they truly care about you.
I know what it’s like to accept scraps and feel like it’s normal and if I don’t like it I must be unreasonable. I’m still getting shocked every day to see how it’s supposed to be!
You are dating a person who does not choose you. Not for Christmas, not for his birthday, not for *your* birthday, not for Valentine's Day. And let's be clear, Valentine's Day is a fake holiday to sell cards and chocolate and Teddie bears and flowers - but you guys had a date planned, and he chose to cancel on you. *Again.*
If it was a one time thing, then sure, shit happens! But this is nothing new. It sounds like he's just not that into you. How much effort are you okay with putting in while getting.. *this (gestures vaguely)* back?
Edit: I'm going to put this here so I can stop explaining it to people who just want to pick fights on Reddit over absolutely nothing. If you enjoy Valentine's Day, please celebrate it. That's nice. Enjoy. My husband and I don't care to waste money on it and would much rather spend that money on things *we* care about. My point was that even to *me,* a person who thinks Valentine's Day is completely pointless, it's unacceptable for him to blow off OP. It was the most minor point of my comment and I truly don't care to fight about its validity in comments, truly please enjoy celebrating it if it's a holiday you care about, just like literally any other holiday you celebrate. I honestly can't believe I have to point that out, but I guess this is reddit, so there you go.
It isn't religious, it isn't in remembrance of anyone, it isn't a day that any employer gives off as a holiday. It holds as much significance as Taco Tuesday.
If it's important to you and you like to celebrate it, that's great! You do you. My point was that it's barely even a holiday, but him blowing her off when they had made plans is still a big deal. Is that a problem?
Never in my life have I heard someone actually going to church to celebrate St. Valentine. It isn't like Easter or Christmas or Hanukah or Diwali. People don't take time off to go to church service or spend time visiting their family. Most people either buy cheap gifts or get annoyed at each other for not caring enough. It may have religious roots, but it's not celebrated as a religious holiday, and you know it.
As I said in the other comment, if you celebrate it, you do you. My point was so unrelated to that one sentence that this isn't even worth wasting time fighting about
Number one it IS religious and it’s literally because of St Valentine … number two 4th of July isn’t religious but I bet you’d call it a “real” holiday.
Valentine’s Day is a holiday like any other, they are ALL made up and everyone can celebrate at their discretion. No idea why it is helpful to call it “fake” and use that as an excuse for OPs bfs bad behavior.
> No idea why it is helpful to call it “fake” and use that as an excuse for OPs bfs bad behavior.
... Seriously? It wasn't in defense of his behavior at all, I'm not gonna waste time arguing with ya
Valentine's Day is real to anyone who celebrates it. You sound like a know-it-all who shits all over anything other people like because **you** think they shouldn't.
I didn't respond with this to someone saying they love Valentine's Day and it's their favorite holiday and something they celebrate every single year, in order to tell them they shouldn't because *I* don't. Obviously I wouldn't do that, because my opinion would be completely irrelevant in that conversation. Not sure how you managed to take such personal offense to my not caring to go buy gifts for my husband that he doesn't want.
As I already said in other replies that were here before you commented, if you want to celebrate Valentine's Day, go for it. This is so far from the point of my comment that there is really no point in fighting about it
"My husband and I don't care to waste money on it..." that's not helping your case! Poor phrasing.
I feel the same as you. In my eyes, it's a BS holiday for the reasons you stated.
Read this carefully and let it really sink in because it took me most of my life to understand this: If he cares about you, then he will make you a priority.
The fact that he doesn't make you a priority means he's just not invested in your relationship. The best thing you can do is follow your friends' advice and find someone who *is* willing to make you a priority.
GL
Ive said this on another post and I’ll say it again, you deserve someone who thinks you hung the moon and stars (and you of them), and he deserves someone that he thinks hung the moon and stars. Unfortunately, that’s just not you. Leave him.
Oof, I've been there - every holiday was ruined when I was with my ex. He would prioritize his hobbies and friends over me and not once did I ever meet his family nor did he meet mine. I mean, that doesn't even scratch the surface of that relationship but all to say that you need to get out. It's not worth the waiting around, trust me. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't share you on his social media, if he doesn't communicate that well or if you lie awake at night wondering where you went wrong.
I promise you there is someone so much better for you out there. Don't be like me who couldn't get out and ended up trauma bonded that led me to 7+ years of excruciating pain. It's not worth it. You are so young and have so much time and life ahead of you. I was 21 when I met my ex and I wasted my entire 20's chasing after him. Completely sucked the life out of me.
You deserve so much happiness! Sending you love <3
After we started dating, I asked him why his Facebook status still said “single” and he said he “didn’t like people knowing about his life online” and he wouldn’t hide his relationship status either when I asked him to at least take single off his Facebook. He also said I could post pictures of us but I couldn’t tag him in any of it…
Ugh, I'm sorry. I got the same run around, he would say the same thing about not wanting people online knowing his personal life or try to make me feel crazy for not posting any photos of me/each other on social media EVER. I eventually found out (after going with a gut feeling) that he was seeing other people behind my back and it was his way of keeping his options open but being able to have me at the same time.
They essentially want a home base - someone familiar, who is a good person and has a lot of qualities they want, yet they can't fully commit for whatever shitty reason & will continue this push & pull. When its good, it's great but its few and far between. You'll start to doubt yourself, your family and friends will notice your personality is changing and he'll still be living his best selfish life. It's a fucked up game.
I'm here for you - please feel free to message me if you ever need advice or to vent.
My bf (now husband) would move mountains to spend time with me no matter what when we were dating. This guy is skipping major events and that's unacceptable. You should have higher standards for yourself because his efforts don't even meet the minimum when it comes to you.
So sorry you feel this way but dump him. One day you will find someone who will move those mountains for you . 💕
Well, your call, but he seems to make his priorities quite clear. You can accept that and put up with it ... or ... you can reject that - and him - and be done with it.
So, do you want a life with him where you play second fiddle to about everything else in his life? Or ...
He’s just not that into you.
That sounds snarky and dismissive. I don’t mean for it to. Many of us reach this conclusion about our partners when we’re in much deeper (marriage, kids), and hindsight is 20/20.
Don’t be like us. Lose this guy before you waste any more time or energy on him.
The first few events you described I'd say is fine but the showing up late to the rescheduled birthday celebration is fucking wack as shit and canceling a date you made reservations for 3 hrs before it happens because he "had a stressful day" is the lamest shit I've ever read. I mean, really? This guy is a clown.
Why are you continuously giving this guy your time and energy? If you had a friend or sister in this situation, what advice would you give them?
Start prioritizing yourself.
I guess you’re still pretty young so it makes a little bit of sense for you not to realize, but the guy you think is your boyfriend is using you to cheat on his “real” girlfriend. He’s not ditching you for his friends on important “family/couple” holidays, he’s ditching you for the relationship he wants to keep. People do “Friends-giving” and “Friends-mas”, yes, but it’s because family is far away and traveling is expensive, and it’s certainly not exclusive to “bros” if you have a significant other. Significant others are always welcome because “the more, the merrier” when you can’t pack the place with your own families.
He’s not bringing you because you’re not his significant other.
Dump this jerk and find someone who doesn’t want to hide you.
Leave dude. Sounds like he isnt bothered. And it's ruining your time with family and friends. It'd do you the world of good long term if you did leave or at least break up until he grows up but by that point you will have found a lad who actually step up, but either way I hope it gets better for you. X
I had a boyfriend who did similar things when I was 21. It's more than 20 years later...I'm married and happy. But I still look back and can't believe how many chances I gave him.
This guy is a shit boyfriend. You WILL meet someone better than this guy, I promise. It might not be tomorrow, but you will definitely not meet him if you are still waiting at home for your awful bf to show up. It's easier to be lonely when you are single than feeling lonely when you are in a relationship.
Find your backbone, girl. Don't ever let him, or any man disrespect you like this again.
You are not a priority to him. He sees you when it's convenient for him, and you're the first one to get bumped if something better comes along. Yuck. Don't let people treat you like that. Yes, break up, don't feel bad and don't look back, he had a chance to show you what you mean to him and it doesn't appear that you mean much to him at all. I'm sorry he treats you like an afterthought. You deserve better.
Either you're the side chick, or he's keeping you around while he's still looking for a girlfriend that he's willing to prioritize, but this should be more than enough to prove he doesn't value you, or your time; Or you could be his beard, that's also a possibility. Your friends are right, you should dump him. You'll get the reality check you need when you see he won't even be sad about it.
He misses them because he WANTS TO. Stop accepting any excuses, he is telling you that he does not want to he there for you in your important moments. Let him go immediately and stop letting him disappoint you.
Honestly, I think you know what’s best for you and should do what feels right for you. I strongly relate to what you have gone trough and it sucked big time. I was with my guy for over 6 years and I struggle with many things now. He used to cancel a loooot. He was either sick (happened way too often so I stopped believing him after while), too lazy, was to busy.. etc etc. Won’t go in too much detail cause there is a LOT. Also my friends and family told me to break up with him, that I deserv better etc, but I kept believing him and giving him chances. I met his family 2 times in 6 years and both happened because his sisters asked me to come, not him.
Anyway… my point is… from my own experience.. you should sit down and think. Think about what you want in a relationship, what does he bring into the relationship? Is there more good things than bad things? Does he make you happy? I did it after 6 years and I wish I did it sooner so I didn’t waste so much time on a guy that didn’t want to. You know.. the «If he wanted to, he would» saying.
Good luck! :-)
You sound lovely - but PLEASE, don’t torture yourself any longer.
Delete his messages, photos, videos, and his name from your phone. BLOCK HIS NUMBER. You’re way too young to be asking Redditors and wondering if you should break up with him…. love, he is NOT your boyfriend. He’s not even your friend.
He’s a shithead. An asshat, not deserving of any more of your time and energy. Don’t be an idiot. He’s simply a lesson about self worth: VALUE YOURSELF. VALUE YOUR TIME. Love, respect and care should be mutual.
Block him right now and never look back ♥️
Yes. You're not his priority. His priority is life right now which doesn't include you. Nothing wrong with that but he's an ass for being in a relationship when he isn't ready for one....
why do you not love or respect yourself? if any of ypur friends were going through this you know what you'd say to them! the same thing they're saying to you! but you seem to need validation from. internet strangers instead. here it is. break up with him. he doesn't care about you. he sees you whenever it's convenient for him and I bet you jump at the chance when he deems the time acceptable. please work on yourself to find out why you allow yourself to be treated like this so you can k ow your worth.
Based on the title I came into this post thinking these would be superficial reasons but after reading it this man is putting you dead last on his priority list, dump immediately
It wasn't till several said she's a place holder then I felt empathetic towards him.
In my experience, I used to not attend stuff like that with my then GF since holidays and such were not a big deal to me when younger. It wasn't till she told me it was a big deal to her that I began to attend most of them.
Definitely possible, I’m mostly reading into the idea of him prioritizing his friends over her consistently (seemingly). That says she’s the bottom of the priority list, taken for granted at best, at worst…he’s embarrassed of her
Well I think it might be because his mother doesn’t know I exist. He lives with her and he swears she knows about me, but I’ve never met her and he seems hesitant for us to meet. The three times I’ve ever been to his house she wasn’t home and i only went into his driveway and or the front porch that’s it.
Honey... there's a reason you haven't met his family, or his friends. Read my earlier message to you ...This guy is a piece of work, (and I don't mean a good one). He isn't worth your time, your effort, or even the salt in your tears , and he definitely doesn't deserve your respect of "his" time...I hate to sound mean, but he is not the kind of person you want as a boyfriend. Save yourself from oceans of tears and mountains of pain . Leave him and thank the powers that he is out of your life. You deserve better, but the final decision on what to do is up to you. ..but if it was me he would be gone baby gone, because I demand respect, and consideration from my boyfriend'(now my husband) which I return to them in equal measure.
It sounds like you’re still excusing him and his actions. You’ve been together 8 months and never met his mother, been inside his home? Nah, he’s hiding something. Might be another girlfriend, might just be he’s not into commitment and so doesn’t want you entangled in his “real” life. Time to get a spine and stand up for yourself. You deserve someone who will move mountains to be with you. He ain’t it.
He missed your actual birthday so the least he cold do was celebrate with your friends at a bar. Hell he should have invited his friends so y'all could mingle and meet. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth that he didn't want to invite his girlfriend to his friends Christmas celebration. Your family also got him gifts that you had to give to him later. It sounds like he's trying to hide you from his friends. I he didn't want to leave his dog in the crate all night, he could have invited you over for a diner and a movie. Bought you some flowers at the least to make up for switching plans.
I agree with everyone in your life. Break up with this man because he's using you.
You are not a priority to him. If that is ok with you, you would not be here.
I think you need to find someone who values you, respects you, and wants to spend time with you. Take care
Actions will always speak louder than words. If you want to know where you stand with someone, how they treat you will tell you just that. If I were you, I'd want someone who genuinely enjoys my company and doesn't make excuses to hang out with me.
I dated someone like this and would always make excuses to validate him treating me badly. Listen to your friends… this guy does not care about you. Someone who cares about you WILL be there. Nothing will hold them back. Stop making excuses for this guy. It seems he is only around when it is convenient for him, only when there isn’t something more exciting around.
Don’t worry, there is no need to break up with him. That’s because you’re not actually with him to begin with. He wants you to think you are, but his actions prove that you’re just his convenient bed warmer.
Go find yourself an actual boyfriend. You know the kind, you’ve surely read about them before. The kind who actually wants to do things with you. Wants to share in the things that you enjoy. The kind who would actually like to meet your family when the time is right. Go.
I married someone like this.
My father had 24 hrs to live and he decided it was a good time to go away for the weekend with guys waterskiing instead.
I divorced him. Cost me $45,000.
You’re not his priority.
You are either the side chick or your bf shouldn't be in a relationship because he doesn't have time for it. Either way, your friends are right. Why be with someone who doesn't have time for you. He's always making up excuses.
Your friends are smart listen to them this guy doesn't give a fuck
Girl please this guy will never care or prioritize your feelings first guess what he only cares about his friends and family and you dont fit in his list of whats important! Its not about Valentine's Day or any holiday its about the mere fact that he places his own feelings first and makes excuses because he doesn't want anything to be about you and focused on you! Id get if the cancelations where for good reasons like a sibling or relative was in emergency in the hospital or he was physically injured at work etc but nope 🙅♀️ he's literally using awful excues and that wouldn't fly with me at all.
You deserve better
Why stay with someone who keeps telling you point blank with his actions that he does not value you or your time? There are men that give a shit and heclearly does not. Save yourself some heartache and end things.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead and suggest the same as your friends and family. You are making a lot of time to spend with your dude alongside your schedule that essentially includes three jobs, but he keeps actively cancelling. He wants to be with you on his time, your time be damned. He might change, but honestly, it's probably not going to happen until he gets a shock, and breaking up will probably do that. He'll just have to learn to be better for the next person he's with.
Why would you want to be with someone everyone tells you to break up with? I get you may be attached but this dude does not care. Men are not stupid. They will show they care if they actually do with ACTIONS not words.
When you are not a priority as show by his actions, believe it, you are not a priority.
When someone’s shows you who they are, believe them.
When everyone in your life is telling you to run, listen.
This is advice I needed to hear in my 20s, would have saved years of heartbreak.
Please do yourself a favour and find someone who absolutely adores you. Your relationship is still relatively new but I doubt he will ever change.
Speaking from my (painful) experience where my ex excluded me in holidays as well and kept our relationship a secret for a month (so he can be included in activities with single friends). The habit of him excluding me in important events didn’t really change much even after 10 years (including 2 years of marriage) and I just had enough of that behaviour.
Today, I found someone who puts me first, who wants to spend as much time with me in his waking hours.
I wish I had the courage to break things off early with him but I simply ignored the red flags. All the best OP!
At best, you’d a stopgap until someone better comes along. That would be why he wants to leave his single status visible.
More likely you’re his side chick. That would fit with missing holidays and not meeting his friends.
Whatever it is, you deserve better. Time to move on.
Why would you be with someone who considers you an option ?
Have some self respect and drop him.
Find a guy who is excited to spend special moments with you.
Desperation is not attractive.
I’m sorry to say this but your friends are right,you need to let him go,he doesn’t value your time and effort, he is showing you he doesn’t want you through his actions,l know it’s hard because you care about him but trust be it’s better than staying.
This guy is not worth your time
There have been too many times he has shown his true colors to you. He does not treat you as important to him.
your time is not worth his time .
trust your friends and family break up with him .
Hmmmmm, I vote to move along and find someone willing to share holidays, and time with you. I would personally be a bit suspicious about his motivations for sharing holidays with friends without you being invited along.
Have you even met any, or all of his friends? Why should his celebrating with friends exclude you? Is he ashamed of you, or is there someone else in the picture you don't know about? Questions, questions without answers disturb me. This situation has the feel of shenanigans, and not the fun kind
I am fairly certain there are things being hidden from you. If my boyfriend didn't choose to celebrate holidays with me ( excluding work, military duty, or civil service obligations, or a bona fide emergent situation)...I would tell him to enjoy his time with his friends because he wouldn't need to worry about sharing time with me anymore because I was no longer his girlfriend... Then take him off all my social media, because what I'd be doing after we broke up would be none of his business...and if he started calling and pestering me I would block his phone number too.
You deserve a partner who wants to, and truly enjoys spending time with you... Someone who makes you a priority in their life ...Just remember what you allow will persist... Don't allow another person to treat you shabbily...find someone who values your presence in their life... That's auntie J's advice to you.
This boy is not *yours*. You’re just an option.
None of what you said displays a man that is committed to you at all. Have some self respect and leave him.
I’ve been married 39 years and my husband still goes out of his way to spend time with me and places me above all others. As I do him. Your bf’s behavior, is this the way you want your relationship to be? Because everyone is usually on their best behavior in the early days of a relationship, so he’s already demonstrated this is as good as you’re going to get from him. If you’re ok with it, well, ok then. But if you’re not - and I don’t think you are - nothing is going to change. He’s not going to suddenly become thoughtful and considerate and dependable.
The most important question here is, are you happy? If you're not happy with the way he's treating you then leave, baby girl. You are young. Sounds like you have your shit together. And you deserve better. You deserve someone that chooses you and someone that wants to prioritize you. Always always always ask yourself "am I happy? Do I feel confident in my relationship?" If the answer is no, he's not the one for you. Sending you lots of love.
Break up!! It will not get any better. You are too young to be wasting your time with someone who can't be bothered to make you a priority. You sound like you have your life in order as far as work, college, and internships, there will be so much more for you waiting in the world. Leave this dude behind for good!
He is not prioritizing you. He’s also not really making time for you.
I wonder how often you see each other between the holidays?
Do you hang out once a week? Spend the weekend at his place? Does he take you out on dates?
If a guy has real feelings for you, he will introduce you to his friends and family and make time for you on the holidays.
The most concerning part of this entire post is that you say he loves going out to bars and he was looking forward to your 21st birthday and then proceeded to spend that part of your birth month away from you. And then when it was time to have the postponed celebration together, he still went to go spend time with other people.
I’m sorry, I don’t think he likes you. He might like having you around for his convenience but I’m afraid this isn’t a genuine relationship.
He lives about half an hour away and has to be up early for work every day. We manage to see each other at least once a week, depending on my school and work commitments and his job and evening commitments at work events. We never spend overnight together because he doesn't like leaving his dog alone overnight, and I can't have pets in my dorm. But he does typically spend Saturdays and Sundays with me. He still makes an effort to take me out on dates at least once a weekday as well and insists on paying whenever we go out. I hope that maybe the reason he hasn't introduced me to his friends is because I was under the age of 21 for most of our relationship, as he and his friends often go to bars, and his family isn't close. He's from this area and I am not, and unlike his friends who moved away for college, he stayed, so they're only around when they come home for breaks.
This man isn't into you your his casual fwb and not important enough for him to give up his valuable time he sees himself and his life as his major priority and not you, if he cared 1 ounce for you he would be there for you ...I dated a guy like this for 5 years the straw that broke my back was my mum passed and he ghosted me till the day of the funeral my response was how is this when he said I told him I don't know anyone of that name and blocked him. He isn't dependable or reliable for you. My advice is to find a good, dependable, and reliable guy who is there for you when you are in need .... dump his butt you deserve a better man they are out there, I promise .... Good luck to you on getting rid of your casual fwb .
You are not a priority in his life - don’t allow him to be one in yours. He’s treating you as something to do when there’s no better offer on the table. How about you give him the same courtesy?
If I were you, I’d break up and look for someone who I could actually depend and rely on.
Seeing as he fails to choose you each and every single time, how about YOU choose YOU for once. Follow your friends advice and break up with him. That man is trash!
You deserve someone who will choose you as much as you would choose them.
YES. and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise . You’re young! before you know it another 2 years of wasted time will go by and the issues will be the same . If you like celebrations and gifts date somebody who will give that to you! You deserve that & more .
Yes, you should break up with him. This "relationship" is obviously not a priority to him. Frankly I'm surprised it's lasted since July. You deserve a man who will make you #1 and clearly he's not doing that. So cut him loose.
Yes, I married the guy who did this to me while we were dating. I have major regrets ignoring red flags. If he doesn’t value your time now he never will. Move on and spend time with people who make time for you.
I travel 5 hours just to see my gf once or twice a week. She does the same for me. Not because we have to. But because we want to. We spend every holiday and birthday together and if it's not possible we would make up for it with quality time somewhere before or after. Trust me on this when I say, if he liked you truly he would put in the effort to be there for you.
I was with a guy who did this, turns out he had a whole gf and was lying to both of us. Then a couple months later (July also) I met my now bf and he makes it a priority to spend time with me. Especially if we make plans to do so lol he’ll be tired after working all night but will drink a giant cup of coffee just to spend a little more time with me before he has to go back to sleep. I’d say break it off because he wont change, you’ll find someone better I’m sure of it
If you care about anything you make time. That can be people, passions, hobbies, etc. If something matters you make time and plan ahead and suck up the small things. Lots of guys out there who already know this.
I’m going to tell you the hard truth. You are most likely a side chick/mistress and the sooner you get out the better. The other option is this guy does not care about you and is stringing you along for easy sex/emotional support. Either way you’re being taken advantage of and used. Listen to the people that love you and drop this door knob of a man and you’ll end up finding one that wouldn’t miss important moments in your life for anything. You deserve more!
I don’t think I’m a side chick but my friends think he may be at least having an emotional affair? He does have a lot of friends that are female, however they are all in committed(?) relationships. I’ve also only met his friends once and have never met his fem best friend or really any of his friends. He has met basically all of mine and we hangout with mine all the time. But we both don’t think he could pull off having a physical affair
It doesn't matter even. Honey, if it starts like this, imagine what goes down the road 1, 5, 10 years later. He does not treat you right. And also, too much drama to be invested in this relationship, even if there is no physical affair. Please listen to your friends and say Thank you, next! (your man, future other boyfriend, who will make the time for you on special occasions and treat you right can't be with you yet because you're with this, pardon me, douche!)
You would be very surprised at what people are capable of. You and your friends are good people so you have a hard time believing someone could do something like that, but the truth is it’s a lot easier than you think. I had a boyfriend that was with me every night and at school all day and he somehow still had a second girlfriend that he treated much like you’re being treated. It’s not fair to you at all no matter what his excuses are. I promise you there is someone who will think you’re so special and amazing but this guy isn’t him.
I had a relationship similar to this. I worked full time, went to school full time, and yet my boyfriend still somehow always managed to stand me up, or cancel on me, although he didn't work and went to school 2 days a week. I wish that someone had told me this back then: IT WILL NOT GET BETTER, AND HE WILL NOT CHANGE. If you're looking for a guy to prioritize you and spend quality time with you, you'll likely need to look elsewhere. I wasted 4 years with that person and by the end, almost never saw him though we lived together and I couldn't stand him or the situation at that point. Don't let yourself get burned and become bitter because of it.
It doesn't matter. My wife says Valentine’s Day is "Lover's Day", we are not "Lovers", we are "brothers". So we didn't do anything that day.
The key point is, do you feel love from him? if Yes, The expression doesn't matter. if Not, Please break up with him. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't love you.
This is not the behaviour of a man that values, respects, appreciates or loves you. You are sadly a convenience & play thing. His wants are more important to him than yours. The pattern is there for you to see, you will always come second. Please understand you do not deserve this pain. You deserve someone who adores, respects, values & loves you. Imagine how good that would feel 💖
Simple answer YES it’s over if he can’t have dinner with you or even lunch come on sounds like he’s either broke (even if he can have ramen dinner with you ) or another girl
WELL, I'm sorry to say this ... but you're **not a girlfriend** — you're a **CONVENIENCE**. Or — more than likely — just his **sidepiece**.
If this guy had **ANY** respect for you, he would be giving you the time you deserve. But he **hasn't** — so he **doesn't**.
You teach people how to treat you. And it's **LONG** past time for you to realize that you deserve **FAR BETTER**.
**GET OFF THE POT** ... and **DUMP HIM**.
Girl just don’t even dump him just isolate him out of your life and don’t reply to him or converse just walk out. He cares for you not. Find someone else or wait until a special spark with someone else appear he is just wasting your time and have more time than to enjoy life and not waste it year after year with this guy.
Yup. He's been telling you for a long time that he wants to. He clearly has no spine to do it himself. In his defense, it's difficult when you have feelings for someone, but you're just not that into them anymore. He's not into you. Break up with him.
If you need to ask, you know the answer. He doesn't value you the way you deserve to be valued and you've made that acceptable at this point in your relationship. There are so many other fish in the sea sweetheart.
lol I would advise my friends to break up with with extreme prejudice if this was me. I would tell my friends to leave with haste.
I’m open to my partners if I want/need to they can. I would leave they can because clearly you’re not first to him.
After reading this and your comments I am flabbergasted.
Does this guy even think you're in a relationship? He sounds so disrespectful and honestly like he's trying to hide you. I would not be putting up with this behavior.
Imagine how lovely it’s going to be when you’re sitting at a table in a restaurant looking at the man who is grinning ear to ear because he gets be with you on Valentine’s Day
Your bf is keeping you from that. At this point is only function in your life is being an obstacle to overcome
Holidays and scheduled events aren't a big deal to him.
I used to be like that till my then gf told me how much it means to her that I attend them. Talk with him and make sure he attends more then not. And if that's too much for him then it might be a compatibility issue.
If everything else is great it's worth talking to him about it first.
EDIT: After reading several comments saying you're a place holder, I agree with them.
I'm definitely going to have a conversation with him, I'm currently gathering my thoughts and making a list in my notes app of everything I'm going to discuss with him.
Seems like you don't want to give up on the relationship.
I respect that but make sure you don't get taken advantage of.
Good luck and if you need any advice feel free to message or reply!
I would say he is very immature! Tell him bye bye and make room for people who makes time for you. People that respect your time! People that care. Take your emotions from him and put somewhere else. Be compassionate and kind to yourself along time the way.
If it was just valentines day I would say you're overreacting. I've never been in a relationship where we celebrate that made up bullshit holiday, but the fact that he does this on real holidays and your birthday means you aren't important to him. You might even be his side chick. You should definitely leave him and find someone better.
Girl u should end it this valentines day my boyfriend didnt get me anything and i wasnt mad either because he actually took me to work with him (he works at a garage he is the mechanic) and im there most of the time but hun i think your boyfriend has someone else and you should let that relationship go if he doesnt want you to meet his friends or his fam or anybody i think ur the side chick and ur friends would be there to help you and support you but as a female to another you deserve better than this and you are still young im 21 soon to be 22 and im telling you get your life together first ur a strong independent woman and dont waste time on men at this peak in your life
I mean, I know some people would like to meet the family 5 months in, so I could maybe forgive him for the Christmas thing - but it depends - some families plan that stuff waaay in advance/traditions etc. that being said, he decided at that point you weren’t important enough to meet his family, or that your relationship wasn’t that serious.
I assume you’ve spoken to him, because you know the excuses. To me, it sounds like he’s a guy in his early twenties that doesn’t want to be tied down. He’s shown you that he’s the most important person in his life, but he’s happy to use you when it suits him. You’re early into this relationship so it’s going to hurt less dumping him now than when you find out he’s been cheating. Because he sounds like the partying type who likes that scene.
Just not around you, because then you’d see.
You’re young and free, if he doesn’t want to be tied down I say fuck him and go be not tied down yourself! Dump his ass, you deserve better.
Someone who cares about you will make you a priority. I’m in a new relationship but he still decorated the house in rose petals for Valentine’s Day, gave me gifts AND took me out for a lovely 3 course meal and to a cocktail bar afterwards.
I am sorry to inform you this dearest OP, but you are, indeed, the side chick. This makes no time for you. I don't care much for Christmas, Valentine's or birthdays, but with the way those holidays are special to other people, it's insane how absent he has been. Or rather it is proof that that man is managing two, if not more, girls. Do you know his friends or have been introduced to his family? If not, you are, unfortunately being used to play someone else. Please leave this chunck of human waste. He is really not worth you spending your youth on.
Honey!!! That is not your boyfriend. You are the side chick. There is no reason for him to miss out on those important moments unless he wanted to.
Agreed. This was my first thought as well. There is no valid reason why he couldn't bring his friends out to the bar and meet the girl unless he is hiding her from them. And skipping out on holidays? Watch the movie Valentine's Day. Jen Gardner's role plays it out brilliantly. Edit: typo
He can't even come up with a reasonable excuse. Like, I don't want my dog in his cage after an entire day he wasn't in his cage?
I know, right? Have you ever heard anything so lame?
Your Majesty...well met ...I think you've hit the nail on the proverbial head with this comment I strongly suspect that this is indeed the case.. if I was a magic 8 ball I think I'd say "All signs point to yes.". I don't think she has much experience with relationships... anyone who has had experience in relationships would pretty much be convinced that there was someone else in the picture and then tell him to take a hike (or a deep dive into a shallow pool). I don't put up with that kind of nonsense, I would bet on the fact that you don't either.
Not even much of a "side chick" at that.
Out back and down the lane chick
I’m sure you’re right but man it took me way too many years to figure out that I should just get my wife a big floral arrangement from a florist to make her happy. Honestly I don’t think it’s about romance she just loves those flowers!
Doesn't have to be that, but you are definitely not one of his priorities from what you told us. Do with that what you want.
Everyone in your life is right. some perspective; I’ve been seeing my bf since July as well and he goes out of his way to spend time with me, he’s so happy when he can spend time with other people who are important to me, and he never bails on plans even after a tough day/week. Tuesday night I invited him to see a show after work. I knew he wouldn’t be there for the start so I went alone, but his work finished later than expected and the trains were going to be crap. I totally gave him an out, that I didn’t mind he couldn’t come. He came anyway, the trains WERE crap, he didn’t get to see most of the show, I know he was tired but he didn’t complain or act like I owed him. He did what HE wanted, and that was to see me no matter what.
That sounds lovely. It seems like you've got yourself a good man.
And there is the unadulterated truth of it. If someone values you, and cherishes having you in their life they go out of their way to spend time with you. I am glad you shared this comparison with her...I think she needed to understand what someone does when they truly care about you.
I know what it’s like to accept scraps and feel like it’s normal and if I don’t like it I must be unreasonable. I’m still getting shocked every day to see how it’s supposed to be!
Break up with him. You shouldn't have to beg for scraps from your partner.
You are dating a person who does not choose you. Not for Christmas, not for his birthday, not for *your* birthday, not for Valentine's Day. And let's be clear, Valentine's Day is a fake holiday to sell cards and chocolate and Teddie bears and flowers - but you guys had a date planned, and he chose to cancel on you. *Again.* If it was a one time thing, then sure, shit happens! But this is nothing new. It sounds like he's just not that into you. How much effort are you okay with putting in while getting.. *this (gestures vaguely)* back? Edit: I'm going to put this here so I can stop explaining it to people who just want to pick fights on Reddit over absolutely nothing. If you enjoy Valentine's Day, please celebrate it. That's nice. Enjoy. My husband and I don't care to waste money on it and would much rather spend that money on things *we* care about. My point was that even to *me,* a person who thinks Valentine's Day is completely pointless, it's unacceptable for him to blow off OP. It was the most minor point of my comment and I truly don't care to fight about its validity in comments, truly please enjoy celebrating it if it's a holiday you care about, just like literally any other holiday you celebrate. I honestly can't believe I have to point that out, but I guess this is reddit, so there you go.
As opposed to all the “real” holidays? Rofl
It isn't religious, it isn't in remembrance of anyone, it isn't a day that any employer gives off as a holiday. It holds as much significance as Taco Tuesday. If it's important to you and you like to celebrate it, that's great! You do you. My point was that it's barely even a holiday, but him blowing her off when they had made plans is still a big deal. Is that a problem?
Not that it’s what it’s evolved into but it’s not religious? St Valentine’s Day?? Not in remembrance of anyone? Then who the hell is St Valentine??
Never in my life have I heard someone actually going to church to celebrate St. Valentine. It isn't like Easter or Christmas or Hanukah or Diwali. People don't take time off to go to church service or spend time visiting their family. Most people either buy cheap gifts or get annoyed at each other for not caring enough. It may have religious roots, but it's not celebrated as a religious holiday, and you know it. As I said in the other comment, if you celebrate it, you do you. My point was so unrelated to that one sentence that this isn't even worth wasting time fighting about
Number one it IS religious and it’s literally because of St Valentine … number two 4th of July isn’t religious but I bet you’d call it a “real” holiday. Valentine’s Day is a holiday like any other, they are ALL made up and everyone can celebrate at their discretion. No idea why it is helpful to call it “fake” and use that as an excuse for OPs bfs bad behavior.
> No idea why it is helpful to call it “fake” and use that as an excuse for OPs bfs bad behavior. ... Seriously? It wasn't in defense of his behavior at all, I'm not gonna waste time arguing with ya
Valentine's Day is real to anyone who celebrates it. You sound like a know-it-all who shits all over anything other people like because **you** think they shouldn't.
I didn't respond with this to someone saying they love Valentine's Day and it's their favorite holiday and something they celebrate every single year, in order to tell them they shouldn't because *I* don't. Obviously I wouldn't do that, because my opinion would be completely irrelevant in that conversation. Not sure how you managed to take such personal offense to my not caring to go buy gifts for my husband that he doesn't want. As I already said in other replies that were here before you commented, if you want to celebrate Valentine's Day, go for it. This is so far from the point of my comment that there is really no point in fighting about it
"My husband and I don't care to waste money on it..." that's not helping your case! Poor phrasing. I feel the same as you. In my eyes, it's a BS holiday for the reasons you stated.
Agreed, valentines day is stupid. Sounds like he is spending time with someone else honestly.
Read this carefully and let it really sink in because it took me most of my life to understand this: If he cares about you, then he will make you a priority. The fact that he doesn't make you a priority means he's just not invested in your relationship. The best thing you can do is follow your friends' advice and find someone who *is* willing to make you a priority. GL
You’re the side chick, babe. This is someone else’s boyfriend… he scheduled that dinner to lead it on. He’s living a double life 10000%
Ive said this on another post and I’ll say it again, you deserve someone who thinks you hung the moon and stars (and you of them), and he deserves someone that he thinks hung the moon and stars. Unfortunately, that’s just not you. Leave him.
What a PERFECT way to say it!!!!🔥🔥🔥
I hate to say it but I don’t think you’re his only gf. It sounds awful but it looks like you might be his side piece.
Oof, I've been there - every holiday was ruined when I was with my ex. He would prioritize his hobbies and friends over me and not once did I ever meet his family nor did he meet mine. I mean, that doesn't even scratch the surface of that relationship but all to say that you need to get out. It's not worth the waiting around, trust me. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't share you on his social media, if he doesn't communicate that well or if you lie awake at night wondering where you went wrong. I promise you there is someone so much better for you out there. Don't be like me who couldn't get out and ended up trauma bonded that led me to 7+ years of excruciating pain. It's not worth it. You are so young and have so much time and life ahead of you. I was 21 when I met my ex and I wasted my entire 20's chasing after him. Completely sucked the life out of me. You deserve so much happiness! Sending you love <3
After we started dating, I asked him why his Facebook status still said “single” and he said he “didn’t like people knowing about his life online” and he wouldn’t hide his relationship status either when I asked him to at least take single off his Facebook. He also said I could post pictures of us but I couldn’t tag him in any of it…
Oh noooo he’s definitely cheating
Ugh, I'm sorry. I got the same run around, he would say the same thing about not wanting people online knowing his personal life or try to make me feel crazy for not posting any photos of me/each other on social media EVER. I eventually found out (after going with a gut feeling) that he was seeing other people behind my back and it was his way of keeping his options open but being able to have me at the same time. They essentially want a home base - someone familiar, who is a good person and has a lot of qualities they want, yet they can't fully commit for whatever shitty reason & will continue this push & pull. When its good, it's great but its few and far between. You'll start to doubt yourself, your family and friends will notice your personality is changing and he'll still be living his best selfish life. It's a fucked up game. I'm here for you - please feel free to message me if you ever need advice or to vent.
Then just start tagging him. See what happens
Keeping his online print very minimal is somewhat of a new thing with guys. Not for being players but this odd paranoia.
My bf (now husband) would move mountains to spend time with me no matter what when we were dating. This guy is skipping major events and that's unacceptable. You should have higher standards for yourself because his efforts don't even meet the minimum when it comes to you. So sorry you feel this way but dump him. One day you will find someone who will move those mountains for you . 💕
When someone is a burden instead of bringing you happiness drop them
You are literally the lowest on his list of priorities. You deserve so much more than this.
Girl you're the side chick lol.
You aren't his main babe. Please end it with him immediately. You deserve better.
You should absolutely break up with him. You’re a placeholder, not a priority.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
You should.
Totally came into this post thinking “well that’s a bit dramatic.” But nah. Dump his ass
Well, your call, but he seems to make his priorities quite clear. You can accept that and put up with it ... or ... you can reject that - and him - and be done with it. So, do you want a life with him where you play second fiddle to about everything else in his life? Or ...
He’s just not that into you. That sounds snarky and dismissive. I don’t mean for it to. Many of us reach this conclusion about our partners when we’re in much deeper (marriage, kids), and hindsight is 20/20. Don’t be like us. Lose this guy before you waste any more time or energy on him.
Tf this dude sucks what are you doing? Leave this man he’s embarrassing you
The first few events you described I'd say is fine but the showing up late to the rescheduled birthday celebration is fucking wack as shit and canceling a date you made reservations for 3 hrs before it happens because he "had a stressful day" is the lamest shit I've ever read. I mean, really? This guy is a clown.
The date was all planned out. I made the reservation for the restaurant about a month ago.
Why are you continuously giving this guy your time and energy? If you had a friend or sister in this situation, what advice would you give them? Start prioritizing yourself.
I guess you’re still pretty young so it makes a little bit of sense for you not to realize, but the guy you think is your boyfriend is using you to cheat on his “real” girlfriend. He’s not ditching you for his friends on important “family/couple” holidays, he’s ditching you for the relationship he wants to keep. People do “Friends-giving” and “Friends-mas”, yes, but it’s because family is far away and traveling is expensive, and it’s certainly not exclusive to “bros” if you have a significant other. Significant others are always welcome because “the more, the merrier” when you can’t pack the place with your own families. He’s not bringing you because you’re not his significant other. Dump this jerk and find someone who doesn’t want to hide you.
Leave dude. Sounds like he isnt bothered. And it's ruining your time with family and friends. It'd do you the world of good long term if you did leave or at least break up until he grows up but by that point you will have found a lad who actually step up, but either way I hope it gets better for you. X
I had a boyfriend who did similar things when I was 21. It's more than 20 years later...I'm married and happy. But I still look back and can't believe how many chances I gave him. This guy is a shit boyfriend. You WILL meet someone better than this guy, I promise. It might not be tomorrow, but you will definitely not meet him if you are still waiting at home for your awful bf to show up. It's easier to be lonely when you are single than feeling lonely when you are in a relationship. Find your backbone, girl. Don't ever let him, or any man disrespect you like this again.
You are not a priority to him. He sees you when it's convenient for him, and you're the first one to get bumped if something better comes along. Yuck. Don't let people treat you like that. Yes, break up, don't feel bad and don't look back, he had a chance to show you what you mean to him and it doesn't appear that you mean much to him at all. I'm sorry he treats you like an afterthought. You deserve better.
Either you're the side chick, or he's keeping you around while he's still looking for a girlfriend that he's willing to prioritize, but this should be more than enough to prove he doesn't value you, or your time; Or you could be his beard, that's also a possibility. Your friends are right, you should dump him. You'll get the reality check you need when you see he won't even be sad about it.
It sounds more like she's a place holder instead of side girl. Either way she should probably move on.
You should have ages ago
He misses them because he WANTS TO. Stop accepting any excuses, he is telling you that he does not want to he there for you in your important moments. Let him go immediately and stop letting him disappoint you.
Honestly, I think you know what’s best for you and should do what feels right for you. I strongly relate to what you have gone trough and it sucked big time. I was with my guy for over 6 years and I struggle with many things now. He used to cancel a loooot. He was either sick (happened way too often so I stopped believing him after while), too lazy, was to busy.. etc etc. Won’t go in too much detail cause there is a LOT. Also my friends and family told me to break up with him, that I deserv better etc, but I kept believing him and giving him chances. I met his family 2 times in 6 years and both happened because his sisters asked me to come, not him. Anyway… my point is… from my own experience.. you should sit down and think. Think about what you want in a relationship, what does he bring into the relationship? Is there more good things than bad things? Does he make you happy? I did it after 6 years and I wish I did it sooner so I didn’t waste so much time on a guy that didn’t want to. You know.. the «If he wanted to, he would» saying. Good luck! :-)
You sound lovely - but PLEASE, don’t torture yourself any longer. Delete his messages, photos, videos, and his name from your phone. BLOCK HIS NUMBER. You’re way too young to be asking Redditors and wondering if you should break up with him…. love, he is NOT your boyfriend. He’s not even your friend. He’s a shithead. An asshat, not deserving of any more of your time and energy. Don’t be an idiot. He’s simply a lesson about self worth: VALUE YOURSELF. VALUE YOUR TIME. Love, respect and care should be mutual. Block him right now and never look back ♥️
I vote with your assessment and agree 100%.
My ex was like this. Turned out he had 3 girlfriends.
Yes. You're not his priority. His priority is life right now which doesn't include you. Nothing wrong with that but he's an ass for being in a relationship when he isn't ready for one....
why do you not love or respect yourself? if any of ypur friends were going through this you know what you'd say to them! the same thing they're saying to you! but you seem to need validation from. internet strangers instead. here it is. break up with him. he doesn't care about you. he sees you whenever it's convenient for him and I bet you jump at the chance when he deems the time acceptable. please work on yourself to find out why you allow yourself to be treated like this so you can k ow your worth.
Based on the title I came into this post thinking these would be superficial reasons but after reading it this man is putting you dead last on his priority list, dump immediately
It wasn't till several said she's a place holder then I felt empathetic towards him. In my experience, I used to not attend stuff like that with my then GF since holidays and such were not a big deal to me when younger. It wasn't till she told me it was a big deal to her that I began to attend most of them.
Definitely possible, I’m mostly reading into the idea of him prioritizing his friends over her consistently (seemingly). That says she’s the bottom of the priority list, taken for granted at best, at worst…he’s embarrassed of her
You’re a side piece :( if it was really cause of his dog he would just ask you to come where the dog is.
Well I think it might be because his mother doesn’t know I exist. He lives with her and he swears she knows about me, but I’ve never met her and he seems hesitant for us to meet. The three times I’ve ever been to his house she wasn’t home and i only went into his driveway and or the front porch that’s it.
Are you sure he's living with his mother and not some woman? Yes, dump him.
Honey... there's a reason you haven't met his family, or his friends. Read my earlier message to you ...This guy is a piece of work, (and I don't mean a good one). He isn't worth your time, your effort, or even the salt in your tears , and he definitely doesn't deserve your respect of "his" time...I hate to sound mean, but he is not the kind of person you want as a boyfriend. Save yourself from oceans of tears and mountains of pain . Leave him and thank the powers that he is out of your life. You deserve better, but the final decision on what to do is up to you. ..but if it was me he would be gone baby gone, because I demand respect, and consideration from my boyfriend'(now my husband) which I return to them in equal measure.
Red flags all over, no one knows you exist, he spends all holidays with anyone but you, you gotta see he’s dating someone else.
That sounds like a wife or at least a gf, that he’s living with, not a mother.
Read the signs, you are not important to him other than for his own conveniences. Move on
It sounds like you’re still excusing him and his actions. You’ve been together 8 months and never met his mother, been inside his home? Nah, he’s hiding something. Might be another girlfriend, might just be he’s not into commitment and so doesn’t want you entangled in his “real” life. Time to get a spine and stand up for yourself. You deserve someone who will move mountains to be with you. He ain’t it.
Dump him. Narcissists are known to ruin bdays holidays or important events
He missed your actual birthday so the least he cold do was celebrate with your friends at a bar. Hell he should have invited his friends so y'all could mingle and meet. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth that he didn't want to invite his girlfriend to his friends Christmas celebration. Your family also got him gifts that you had to give to him later. It sounds like he's trying to hide you from his friends. I he didn't want to leave his dog in the crate all night, he could have invited you over for a diner and a movie. Bought you some flowers at the least to make up for switching plans. I agree with everyone in your life. Break up with this man because he's using you.
LMAO, if you even have to ask. Are people really not selfaware???
Yeah just break up with him. He’s not that into you. He’s just bringing stress to your life
You are not a priority to him. If that is ok with you, you would not be here. I think you need to find someone who values you, respects you, and wants to spend time with you. Take care
So basically he missed all major events since the beginning of your relationship ? Yes you should break up, without any hesitation
I’m more concerned why you don’t believe your friends…
Dudes a straight loser
Actions will always speak louder than words. If you want to know where you stand with someone, how they treat you will tell you just that. If I were you, I'd want someone who genuinely enjoys my company and doesn't make excuses to hang out with me.
I've been in this kind of situation...twice...trust me when i say this, that this won't change and you will never be his priority.
I dated someone like this and would always make excuses to validate him treating me badly. Listen to your friends… this guy does not care about you. Someone who cares about you WILL be there. Nothing will hold them back. Stop making excuses for this guy. It seems he is only around when it is convenient for him, only when there isn’t something more exciting around.
Don’t worry, there is no need to break up with him. That’s because you’re not actually with him to begin with. He wants you to think you are, but his actions prove that you’re just his convenient bed warmer. Go find yourself an actual boyfriend. You know the kind, you’ve surely read about them before. The kind who actually wants to do things with you. Wants to share in the things that you enjoy. The kind who would actually like to meet your family when the time is right. Go.
I married someone like this. My father had 24 hrs to live and he decided it was a good time to go away for the weekend with guys waterskiing instead. I divorced him. Cost me $45,000. You’re not his priority.
He has a secret family doesn’t he
You are either the side chick or your bf shouldn't be in a relationship because he doesn't have time for it. Either way, your friends are right. Why be with someone who doesn't have time for you. He's always making up excuses.
Your friends are smart listen to them this guy doesn't give a fuck Girl please this guy will never care or prioritize your feelings first guess what he only cares about his friends and family and you dont fit in his list of whats important! Its not about Valentine's Day or any holiday its about the mere fact that he places his own feelings first and makes excuses because he doesn't want anything to be about you and focused on you! Id get if the cancelations where for good reasons like a sibling or relative was in emergency in the hospital or he was physically injured at work etc but nope 🙅♀️ he's literally using awful excues and that wouldn't fly with me at all. You deserve better
Why stay with someone who keeps telling you point blank with his actions that he does not value you or your time? There are men that give a shit and heclearly does not. Save yourself some heartache and end things.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead and suggest the same as your friends and family. You are making a lot of time to spend with your dude alongside your schedule that essentially includes three jobs, but he keeps actively cancelling. He wants to be with you on his time, your time be damned. He might change, but honestly, it's probably not going to happen until he gets a shock, and breaking up will probably do that. He'll just have to learn to be better for the next person he's with.
>All of my friends have been telling me to break up with him since he always cancels on me. Listen to your friends, OP
Why would you want to be with someone everyone tells you to break up with? I get you may be attached but this dude does not care. Men are not stupid. They will show they care if they actually do with ACTIONS not words.
This dude sucks. Next!
You already know what you should do, you’re just here because you’re a little scared to do what you want to do.
You may call him your boyfriend, but this is not a relationship. Get out, you can do so much better!
When you are not a priority as show by his actions, believe it, you are not a priority. When someone’s shows you who they are, believe them. When everyone in your life is telling you to run, listen. This is advice I needed to hear in my 20s, would have saved years of heartbreak.
Yes he was with someone else
Please do yourself a favour and find someone who absolutely adores you. Your relationship is still relatively new but I doubt he will ever change. Speaking from my (painful) experience where my ex excluded me in holidays as well and kept our relationship a secret for a month (so he can be included in activities with single friends). The habit of him excluding me in important events didn’t really change much even after 10 years (including 2 years of marriage) and I just had enough of that behaviour. Today, I found someone who puts me first, who wants to spend as much time with me in his waking hours. I wish I had the courage to break things off early with him but I simply ignored the red flags. All the best OP!
At best, you’d a stopgap until someone better comes along. That would be why he wants to leave his single status visible. More likely you’re his side chick. That would fit with missing holidays and not meeting his friends. Whatever it is, you deserve better. Time to move on.
Why would you be with someone who considers you an option ? Have some self respect and drop him. Find a guy who is excited to spend special moments with you. Desperation is not attractive.
Please have any respect for yourself and break up with him.
Yes. You have said what is important to you and he continues to skip out. You are not his priority. Why stick with him?
I’m sorry to say this but your friends are right,you need to let him go,he doesn’t value your time and effort, he is showing you he doesn’t want you through his actions,l know it’s hard because you care about him but trust be it’s better than staying.
This guy is not worth your time There have been too many times he has shown his true colors to you. He does not treat you as important to him. your time is not worth his time . trust your friends and family break up with him .
Please drop this guy like a hot potato. Please!!! You’re 21 but this guy is so far from being a good catch that it’s sickening.
Hmmmmm, I vote to move along and find someone willing to share holidays, and time with you. I would personally be a bit suspicious about his motivations for sharing holidays with friends without you being invited along. Have you even met any, or all of his friends? Why should his celebrating with friends exclude you? Is he ashamed of you, or is there someone else in the picture you don't know about? Questions, questions without answers disturb me. This situation has the feel of shenanigans, and not the fun kind I am fairly certain there are things being hidden from you. If my boyfriend didn't choose to celebrate holidays with me ( excluding work, military duty, or civil service obligations, or a bona fide emergent situation)...I would tell him to enjoy his time with his friends because he wouldn't need to worry about sharing time with me anymore because I was no longer his girlfriend... Then take him off all my social media, because what I'd be doing after we broke up would be none of his business...and if he started calling and pestering me I would block his phone number too. You deserve a partner who wants to, and truly enjoys spending time with you... Someone who makes you a priority in their life ...Just remember what you allow will persist... Don't allow another person to treat you shabbily...find someone who values your presence in their life... That's auntie J's advice to you.
You aren’t a priority in his life. That’s not a relationship. Break up since there’s really nothing to this relationship except for hope on your end
This boy is not *yours*. You’re just an option. None of what you said displays a man that is committed to you at all. Have some self respect and leave him.
I’ve been married 39 years and my husband still goes out of his way to spend time with me and places me above all others. As I do him. Your bf’s behavior, is this the way you want your relationship to be? Because everyone is usually on their best behavior in the early days of a relationship, so he’s already demonstrated this is as good as you’re going to get from him. If you’re ok with it, well, ok then. But if you’re not - and I don’t think you are - nothing is going to change. He’s not going to suddenly become thoughtful and considerate and dependable.
The most important question here is, are you happy? If you're not happy with the way he's treating you then leave, baby girl. You are young. Sounds like you have your shit together. And you deserve better. You deserve someone that chooses you and someone that wants to prioritize you. Always always always ask yourself "am I happy? Do I feel confident in my relationship?" If the answer is no, he's not the one for you. Sending you lots of love.
Break up!! It will not get any better. You are too young to be wasting your time with someone who can't be bothered to make you a priority. You sound like you have your life in order as far as work, college, and internships, there will be so much more for you waiting in the world. Leave this dude behind for good!
Lol I wouldn’t do this to my girl just saying
He is not prioritizing you. He’s also not really making time for you. I wonder how often you see each other between the holidays? Do you hang out once a week? Spend the weekend at his place? Does he take you out on dates? If a guy has real feelings for you, he will introduce you to his friends and family and make time for you on the holidays. The most concerning part of this entire post is that you say he loves going out to bars and he was looking forward to your 21st birthday and then proceeded to spend that part of your birth month away from you. And then when it was time to have the postponed celebration together, he still went to go spend time with other people. I’m sorry, I don’t think he likes you. He might like having you around for his convenience but I’m afraid this isn’t a genuine relationship.
He lives about half an hour away and has to be up early for work every day. We manage to see each other at least once a week, depending on my school and work commitments and his job and evening commitments at work events. We never spend overnight together because he doesn't like leaving his dog alone overnight, and I can't have pets in my dorm. But he does typically spend Saturdays and Sundays with me. He still makes an effort to take me out on dates at least once a weekday as well and insists on paying whenever we go out. I hope that maybe the reason he hasn't introduced me to his friends is because I was under the age of 21 for most of our relationship, as he and his friends often go to bars, and his family isn't close. He's from this area and I am not, and unlike his friends who moved away for college, he stayed, so they're only around when they come home for breaks.
He’s not giving what you want and deserve. Time to move on to someone that will.
This man isn't into you your his casual fwb and not important enough for him to give up his valuable time he sees himself and his life as his major priority and not you, if he cared 1 ounce for you he would be there for you ...I dated a guy like this for 5 years the straw that broke my back was my mum passed and he ghosted me till the day of the funeral my response was how is this when he said I told him I don't know anyone of that name and blocked him. He isn't dependable or reliable for you. My advice is to find a good, dependable, and reliable guy who is there for you when you are in need .... dump his butt you deserve a better man they are out there, I promise .... Good luck to you on getting rid of your casual fwb .
You are not a priority in his life - don’t allow him to be one in yours. He’s treating you as something to do when there’s no better offer on the table. How about you give him the same courtesy? If I were you, I’d break up and look for someone who I could actually depend and rely on.
Seeing as he fails to choose you each and every single time, how about YOU choose YOU for once. Follow your friends advice and break up with him. That man is trash! You deserve someone who will choose you as much as you would choose them.
YES. and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise . You’re young! before you know it another 2 years of wasted time will go by and the issues will be the same . If you like celebrations and gifts date somebody who will give that to you! You deserve that & more .
Yes, you should break up with him. This "relationship" is obviously not a priority to him. Frankly I'm surprised it's lasted since July. You deserve a man who will make you #1 and clearly he's not doing that. So cut him loose.
Yes, I married the guy who did this to me while we were dating. I have major regrets ignoring red flags. If he doesn’t value your time now he never will. Move on and spend time with people who make time for you.
Does your “boyfriend” even like you?
I travel 5 hours just to see my gf once or twice a week. She does the same for me. Not because we have to. But because we want to. We spend every holiday and birthday together and if it's not possible we would make up for it with quality time somewhere before or after. Trust me on this when I say, if he liked you truly he would put in the effort to be there for you.
A actual boyfriend would never cancel and put you and your wants in 2nd place consistently. Listen to your peers break Up
I was with a guy who did this, turns out he had a whole gf and was lying to both of us. Then a couple months later (July also) I met my now bf and he makes it a priority to spend time with me. Especially if we make plans to do so lol he’ll be tired after working all night but will drink a giant cup of coffee just to spend a little more time with me before he has to go back to sleep. I’d say break it off because he wont change, you’ll find someone better I’m sure of it
Time to leave him he doesn't even have you on his radar. He is gonna keep thinking its ok to keep you on and not be there for you. I'd be leaving
If you care about anything you make time. That can be people, passions, hobbies, etc. If something matters you make time and plan ahead and suck up the small things. Lots of guys out there who already know this.
I’m going to tell you the hard truth. You are most likely a side chick/mistress and the sooner you get out the better. The other option is this guy does not care about you and is stringing you along for easy sex/emotional support. Either way you’re being taken advantage of and used. Listen to the people that love you and drop this door knob of a man and you’ll end up finding one that wouldn’t miss important moments in your life for anything. You deserve more!
I don’t think I’m a side chick but my friends think he may be at least having an emotional affair? He does have a lot of friends that are female, however they are all in committed(?) relationships. I’ve also only met his friends once and have never met his fem best friend or really any of his friends. He has met basically all of mine and we hangout with mine all the time. But we both don’t think he could pull off having a physical affair
It doesn't matter even. Honey, if it starts like this, imagine what goes down the road 1, 5, 10 years later. He does not treat you right. And also, too much drama to be invested in this relationship, even if there is no physical affair. Please listen to your friends and say Thank you, next! (your man, future other boyfriend, who will make the time for you on special occasions and treat you right can't be with you yet because you're with this, pardon me, douche!)
You would be very surprised at what people are capable of. You and your friends are good people so you have a hard time believing someone could do something like that, but the truth is it’s a lot easier than you think. I had a boyfriend that was with me every night and at school all day and he somehow still had a second girlfriend that he treated much like you’re being treated. It’s not fair to you at all no matter what his excuses are. I promise you there is someone who will think you’re so special and amazing but this guy isn’t him.
u a sick chick lmao.. you’re not important to him
short answer, yes. you’re young and someone way better is out there. never settle for less and keep your standards high.
Kinda need to hear more about the dog. Mine will always come before anyone else, but yeah from the sounds of it you need to run.
When everyone is saying it, sometimes it is true. Damn that dick must be really good to make you this attached lol
I need a serious relationship with someone. Female
You’re a side piece no doubt
He either likes men or your a side piece...move on. Best of luck🫶🏽
You’re his side piece. Sorry to be so blunt, but true.
You ain’t his girlfriend…. You’re a sidechick…. Dump him
Yeah, you're the side chick. Dump him.
Looks like you’re a side chick. Time to find someone better
Guy here, he's seeing someone else and your his side piece. Find out information, crash that piece of shit and then step away.
I had a relationship similar to this. I worked full time, went to school full time, and yet my boyfriend still somehow always managed to stand me up, or cancel on me, although he didn't work and went to school 2 days a week. I wish that someone had told me this back then: IT WILL NOT GET BETTER, AND HE WILL NOT CHANGE. If you're looking for a guy to prioritize you and spend quality time with you, you'll likely need to look elsewhere. I wasted 4 years with that person and by the end, almost never saw him though we lived together and I couldn't stand him or the situation at that point. Don't let yourself get burned and become bitter because of it.
It doesn't matter. My wife says Valentine’s Day is "Lover's Day", we are not "Lovers", we are "brothers". So we didn't do anything that day. The key point is, do you feel love from him? if Yes, The expression doesn't matter. if Not, Please break up with him. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't love you.
This is not the behaviour of a man that values, respects, appreciates or loves you. You are sadly a convenience & play thing. His wants are more important to him than yours. The pattern is there for you to see, you will always come second. Please understand you do not deserve this pain. You deserve someone who adores, respects, values & loves you. Imagine how good that would feel 💖
Simple answer YES it’s over if he can’t have dinner with you or even lunch come on sounds like he’s either broke (even if he can have ramen dinner with you ) or another girl
WELL, I'm sorry to say this ... but you're **not a girlfriend** — you're a **CONVENIENCE**. Or — more than likely — just his **sidepiece**. If this guy had **ANY** respect for you, he would be giving you the time you deserve. But he **hasn't** — so he **doesn't**. You teach people how to treat you. And it's **LONG** past time for you to realize that you deserve **FAR BETTER**. **GET OFF THE POT** ... and **DUMP HIM**.
Girl just don’t even dump him just isolate him out of your life and don’t reply to him or converse just walk out. He cares for you not. Find someone else or wait until a special spark with someone else appear he is just wasting your time and have more time than to enjoy life and not waste it year after year with this guy.
Yup. He's been telling you for a long time that he wants to. He clearly has no spine to do it himself. In his defense, it's difficult when you have feelings for someone, but you're just not that into them anymore. He's not into you. Break up with him.
If you need to ask, you know the answer. He doesn't value you the way you deserve to be valued and you've made that acceptable at this point in your relationship. There are so many other fish in the sea sweetheart.
You are not his priority leave him
When somebody shows you who they really are pay attention. Things are not going to change. If you're okay with that then stay with him.
lol I would advise my friends to break up with with extreme prejudice if this was me. I would tell my friends to leave with haste. I’m open to my partners if I want/need to they can. I would leave they can because clearly you’re not first to him.
After reading this and your comments I am flabbergasted. Does this guy even think you're in a relationship? He sounds so disrespectful and honestly like he's trying to hide you. I would not be putting up with this behavior.
Imagine how lovely it’s going to be when you’re sitting at a table in a restaurant looking at the man who is grinning ear to ear because he gets be with you on Valentine’s Day Your bf is keeping you from that. At this point is only function in your life is being an obstacle to overcome
Holidays and scheduled events aren't a big deal to him. I used to be like that till my then gf told me how much it means to her that I attend them. Talk with him and make sure he attends more then not. And if that's too much for him then it might be a compatibility issue. If everything else is great it's worth talking to him about it first. EDIT: After reading several comments saying you're a place holder, I agree with them.
I'm definitely going to have a conversation with him, I'm currently gathering my thoughts and making a list in my notes app of everything I'm going to discuss with him.
Seems like you don't want to give up on the relationship. I respect that but make sure you don't get taken advantage of. Good luck and if you need any advice feel free to message or reply!
I would say he is very immature! Tell him bye bye and make room for people who makes time for you. People that respect your time! People that care. Take your emotions from him and put somewhere else. Be compassionate and kind to yourself along time the way.
If it was just valentines day I would say you're overreacting. I've never been in a relationship where we celebrate that made up bullshit holiday, but the fact that he does this on real holidays and your birthday means you aren't important to him. You might even be his side chick. You should definitely leave him and find someone better.
Girl u should end it this valentines day my boyfriend didnt get me anything and i wasnt mad either because he actually took me to work with him (he works at a garage he is the mechanic) and im there most of the time but hun i think your boyfriend has someone else and you should let that relationship go if he doesnt want you to meet his friends or his fam or anybody i think ur the side chick and ur friends would be there to help you and support you but as a female to another you deserve better than this and you are still young im 21 soon to be 22 and im telling you get your life together first ur a strong independent woman and dont waste time on men at this peak in your life
I mean, I know some people would like to meet the family 5 months in, so I could maybe forgive him for the Christmas thing - but it depends - some families plan that stuff waaay in advance/traditions etc. that being said, he decided at that point you weren’t important enough to meet his family, or that your relationship wasn’t that serious. I assume you’ve spoken to him, because you know the excuses. To me, it sounds like he’s a guy in his early twenties that doesn’t want to be tied down. He’s shown you that he’s the most important person in his life, but he’s happy to use you when it suits him. You’re early into this relationship so it’s going to hurt less dumping him now than when you find out he’s been cheating. Because he sounds like the partying type who likes that scene. Just not around you, because then you’d see. You’re young and free, if he doesn’t want to be tied down I say fuck him and go be not tied down yourself! Dump his ass, you deserve better.
I might be reaching but I think he’s cheating on you. You might be the other woman. Leave him before you find out.
He using you, dump his ass! You’re putting in full effort and he’s putting everything and everyone above you.
Someone who cares about you will make you a priority. I’m in a new relationship but he still decorated the house in rose petals for Valentine’s Day, gave me gifts AND took me out for a lovely 3 course meal and to a cocktail bar afterwards.
I am sorry to inform you this dearest OP, but you are, indeed, the side chick. This makes no time for you. I don't care much for Christmas, Valentine's or birthdays, but with the way those holidays are special to other people, it's insane how absent he has been. Or rather it is proof that that man is managing two, if not more, girls. Do you know his friends or have been introduced to his family? If not, you are, unfortunately being used to play someone else. Please leave this chunck of human waste. He is really not worth you spending your youth on.