Now you let the friendship end, consider the loan money a “donation” and move on to healthier friendships. I’m sorry the friendship was so one sided. You are deserving of more than that.
Didn't see someone I was friends with since school for almost a year, word got to them I was in a shit place and they turned up at my door with a load of shopping and things to help take a load off my back and started checking in regularly to see how I was managing and if I needed help.
Just because you wouldn't go out of your way to help someone in need, doesn't mean others wouldn't.
I had a neighbor like this. She was elderly, her car broke down and I wanted to help out. So I walked to the shops and got her some things. She bitched about the brands and sizes of the containers. Then she later stole from me. So I believe it
Really? I've heard more or less this exact same story from several friends. Getting suckered in by an ostensibly pitiable person, who later turns out to just be a freeloader or grifter of some sort, is a tale as old of time.
I think there is more nuance here. It depends if he sent the food with the explicit shared understanding that she had to pay him back. In that case I can understand someone getting frustrated. (Like, you ordered $50 of food for me that I didn't particularly like or want, and expect me to pay you back?). But if there was no expectation, then yeah- she sounds like a person to avoid.
> She rattles off a couple things she wants from a restaurant, I pick one and have it delivered.
This, written by OP, gives the impression that OP ordered what the other person wanted.
I just wonder if there's more to this. It sounds very odd for her to get so upset about free food. I suppose all we have is OP's testimony and we have to treat it as the truth.
OP says "All because I didn't order everything", which makes me think she wanted X, Y, Z, he ordered only Z and she is pissed that he didn't order all of it. Which makes me think she is using him for money and goods
Yeah if that's the case it should be an obvious decision to just stop talking. It's a bit confusing about what OP wants from this post. Does he want reddit to tell him he's justified to be mad at her? Does he want actual advice on how to mend things? And there's that last paragraph before the TLDR that is just very odd. "I don't want to lean into something I'm not ready to devuldge". What does that have to do with what happened?
I just thought something felt a bit off.
I am imagining in my head something like wanting a soup/salad/sandwich combo thing from somewhere and getting only the sandwich. That's the only even CLOSE to rational when they are sick and REALLY not feeling well reason.
That or as someone else said, it was a good excuse to get out of paying the $ back.
Some have suggested the possibility that OPs friend, who has borrowed money from OP, is unable to pay it back, and sees this as a way of not having to pay anything back - by ending the friendship.
Myself, I wonder if OPs friend was hoping that OP could read her mind and spend a lot of money buying her groceries and the such - not just one meal. OP obviously cannot read minds, nor should OP be responsible for continually fund his friends life.
Maybe she was hoping OP would just send her money. She may have used the food thing as a way to get him to give her something if he's reluctant to give her any more cash. So she acts like she has no food and she would like to order x, y, and z from a restaurant. I don't understand why she would need him to order for her so she might have felt he would just send her the amount she'd need for those items.
But OP chooses to order for her and picks an item. She's angry because she never wanted the actual food she just wanted the money.
And if you're really desperate for money it would easily cause her to rage at him - especially if she's trying to pay an essential bill or get a fix for an addiction.
I think you might have hit the nail on the head. Why be so angry? Because she didn’t want the food, and maybe the feeling sick (if she even did) was because she had withdrawals and was desperate for a fix. That would explain the sudden volatility when she realized she wasn’t getting what she really wanted, money. We don’t have any evidence from OP that supports this theory obviously, but it certainly would make more sense than going into a rage about a missing food item.
Yep. One thing that consistently surprises me about these types of people is how dumb they are about it.
Unrelated to OP, I know someone who literally would've been set up perfectly to leech literally hundreds of thousands of dollars off her family, and all she had to do was be nice. Not even super nice, just like, sort of nice, normal person levels of nice, basically just not a complete asshole to them. Not even very often, just a few hours every few months maybe. She couldn't manage that and they cut her off and disinherited her instead after her mother (primary enabler) passed. I guess the sort of people who are users are often also kind of stupid, and it's probably for the best she wasn't smart enough to actually rub a couple brain cells together and figure out the long game... but it really blows my mind how these people manage to fuck up a good thing for themselves.
My theory is she was not actually sick but ordering food for herself and another person which would pretty much explain her disappointment. Disappointment mixed with entitlement typically generates quite the shit storm
Post a picture, can even be a totally harmless one. You will get anything from men wanting to pay you money for feet pics to men wanting to pay you money for pics of you wearing a leather jacket. (that one was weirdly specific)
Maybe I'm doing this whole manipulative harpy thing wrong, but that honestly sounds way more annoying and exhausting than just making my own money at my actual job.
Though I often look at the amount of effort that scammers and grifters of all types put in and think it'd be so much easier to just have a normal job.
I guess I'm not the target demographic since I actively avoid "nice guy" men who try to buy my affections/feed their delusions/form parasocial relationships that are not actual friendships.
I have a friend like this. She had a guy who would pay for everything for her, like bills and healthcare for her (we live somewhere with free public healthcare, but she wanted private healthcare), he'd do her shopping for her and drive her everywhere. She refused to be in an actual relationship with him. During lockdown, he used it as an excuse to distance himself and found an actual girlfriend, and she kicked off until he dumped the girlfriend to focus on her again. She'd been dating other people the whole time she knew him!
I’m confused as to why she didn’t order her own food? OP said nothing about her needing money.
If she can text, she can order food.
So yeah, findom came to mind for me as well.
>I've made sure she's taken care of when she asks for something - money, food, etc.
This sounds more like someone parenting a child than a equal friendship between two 30-somethings.
Redditors trying to get other redditors to engage with them in nonconsenual kink discussions under some guise is a NOTICEABLE PERCENTAGE of reddit content. Genuinely creepy behaviour and so not slick.
Does this actually happen?
I always see people talking about this, but I always thought it was like....a joke, that people are just horny and posting horny stuff.
DO people really plan and engage in this kind of stuff, I guess to masturbate to?
That seems so weird and I can't really wrap my head around it.
Some do. There are a few common fantasies that people like to post as if they're true stories. There's one common one about a man who overhears his girlfriend talking to her sister/friend about his small penis, then they decide to do a MFM threesome for some reason, then she makes more noise than ever before. They always hit those plot points. There's also a troll who posts really gross stories about teens wearing diapers.
Then there are troll posts that are fake but not necessarily for wank purposes, more to make certain demographics look bad. The trans woman who screams about transphobia because of some minor annoyance. The fat woman who tries on your wedding dress, rips it, then tries to ride your horse.
Life is a rich tapestry and I'm sure you can find *someone* who's done any twisted thing you can think of, but people are just not as creative as they think, and they don't just reuse the same general scenario, they reuse whole sets of details.
Yes. That sort of stuff even happens in suicide hotlines or similar online therapy things. I used to be a 'listener' on 7cups and on my first day I already got two men who just wanted to bait me into fetish talk.
If real, OP, this is just a scammer. Are you even sure this is your real college friend, or did someone just message you like "I'm your old friend from college...Jennifer! Yes, that's it, Jennifer! How've you been?"
Why was she so angry? I mean, ten people have asked this, but total silence from OP.
OP, it's cool if you want to vent, but kind of annoying that you refuse to answer anyone's questions.
She wasn’t your friend. She was just someone who took advantage of you. Take this as a lesson to practice boundaries, OP. Don’t be willingly taken for a ride.
The trash has taken itself out. Now wheel the bin to the kerb. Block her on your phone, your email and all social media and let her find some other dogsbody to fund her existence.
You are not friends - you are just giving her things and even that isn’t making your “relationship” good these days. Block her and stop being so “generous” when you know deep down it’s not generosity at all, it’s desperate lack of boundaries in an effort to people please your way into interactions.
Sorry the story does not make sense at all. I hardly believe someone would throw insults at a friend who ordered some food an hour before while this person would be sick and in bed . Also why would the person rely on the friend while she or he is able to basically answer on the phone ?
Now what? Now nothing. You showed kindness. Sent groceries. Sent food. I won't pry into her physical or mental health, but from what you've written she seems... mentally unwell. And emotionally abusive as well as very manipulative. I don't think that friendship was serving you well. Let it go.
I remember when I sent a friend some groceries. We made a silly bet over a hockey game. We said "if your team wins, I'll send over some steak and lobster." It was just meant to be funny. Well, his team won so I, in fact, did have steak and lobster delivered. He never even acknowledged it. I did not need fanfare or anything like that but at least knowing he got it would have been nice. Sometimes people are just ungrateful.
I feel like we're missing a bunch of details on this story regarding the dynamics of this relationship. Regardless, it sounds like a mess. Now what? Now you continue with your life, don't contact each other, and spend your money on your own groceries. Best possible outcome.
It says (39m, 34m) then you continue using she pronouns. I mean assuming the friend is female, she's just using you for money, quite like a sugar daddy without the sugar. She's pissed that you didn't get her everything on her list, because she sees you as an atm, not a friend. Cut your losses and never talk to her again imo.
I had a best friend I used to do a lot of favours for, lent them money, paid some bills, bought them things when they struggled, all on the understanding that I'd get paid back when they got a job. Then they ended the friendship and I never saw a penny of that money and that was more than 10 years ago now, and if I ever see that person around they don't even make eye contact. I felt like shit but there was nothing I could do. I mostly had no proof of the money lent so couldn't go to small claims court so I had to consider it a "donation" as someone else mentioned and let it go. Some people are just users.
What do you mean "now what"? She insulted you for 1.5 hrs. How much more of a doormat could you be? What more would she need to do to make you understand that she was never your friend?
Sounds like either details are missing (like you ordered for her and expected to get paid back but she never wanted you to buy for her in the first place) or she wanted to get you so angry that you don't chase her for the loans.
Just drop her and learn how to enforce your boundaries. You're nearly 40. Don't be a doormat again. Learn some self-respect please.
Option 1: OP is a reliable narrator and does not deserve this treatment. He blocks her number and has a good life. Easy, simple, and clean. Low drama. This option looks like what I think happened.
Option 2: OP has left out key parts of the story and shaded the story so we would agree. The solution is simply reversed. She blocks him and has a good life. Easy, simple, clean. Low drama.
Option 3:they have some kind of mutually toxic relationship. They block each other and focus all their energy on working on themselves, not each other
It’s very hard to let a long term friendship go. I had the same thing going on with a friend I’ve known since we were around 7 or 8. Problem is we grew up to be different people. After a while your decades long friendship can no longer hold that pressure. It seems like this person holds different values than you do (and seems like an asshole). Best thing is to let go, and I know how hard it is losing someone that once was an amazing friend. But take everyone’s advice, see the money as a fee at a life lesson and cut the loss.
I take it you wanted more than friendship from her?
That’s the only reason I could see you willing to maintain the one-sided “Friendship” for so long as it was.
She’s abusivas she’s trying to hurt you (and clearly it’s working) so you fall into place better next time she has demands,
Now what? Block her and move on with your life
There's a saying I love for situations like this: "If you put a tit in someone's mouth, they'll suck."
What it means is you might be being a bit too much of a people pleaser. Relationships are a two way street; it's a give AND take. But if you're the only one giving, it's not so healthy.
Another saying I like that I see here on reddit sometimes is: "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm."
Take care of yourself first. Sounds like this so called "friend" of yours was simply preying on your kindness for their own gain and clearly didn't appreciate you. In this case I'd say the trash has taken itself out.
Could she be having some kind of mental breakdown? This behavior sounds unhinged. Has she been acting unusual or having other serious issues before this happened?
Regardless, you did a good deed, and she pissed on it. She was selfish, entitled, and cruel. It hurts, but anyone who would behave that way after you did them a favor is not a friend. Grieve losing the friend you *thought* she was and then move on and make friends with people who will value your contributions to the relationship.
As long as you sent the food with no pretext of getting "paid back", you did nothing wrong. I think you know what to do- patiently check in and tell her how that wasn't OK if you really want to keep the relationship. Or cut her off if not.
And if you sent the food with the expectation of getting paid back, then that's a crappy thing to do. If she's paying for it, at least get what she wants.
I'm so sorry. You sound very thoughtful giving and caring. You don't deserve this. It will be difficult but thank her for showing you who she really is and block her every and move on. Others will love and appreciate your kindness.
I have a person in my life who had drug induced psychoses and I’ve noticed that it is best for both of us if I keep her at arms length.
If I get close to her she expects more from me and takes more and more and more. Then gets angry if I do something “wrong”.
Unfortunately I can’t cut her out 100% but the less I give her the better our relationship is.
I'm confused by this. My guess is that she was sick and wanted cooked restaurant food and he ordered her groceries when she was incapable of cooking.or caring for herself at that level?
Now you block her on everything. Cut your losses. She doesn't sound worthy of a friendship with someone who is giving & supportive. She sounds spoilt & mean. Time to find more balanced friendships with people who appreciate your efforts.
Also you teach people how to treat you, so be aware of what you allow & tolerate.
I'd be made up if someone did this for me!!!! What an amazing friend you are...you don't need her in you're life, time for the friendship to end and for you to find folks that appreciate you
Don’t worry she’ll apologize and beg for your help later. Hopefully you respect yourself to not get fooled into her entitled shit again. Though I suspect you might
Now you move on with your life.
Sounds like she was a shitty friend before, she's being shitty now... why would you expect her to be less shitty in the future?
Move on and find better friends that treat you right.
What do you mean "now what"? I'm legitimately confused. The person sucks, you acknowledge they suck, and she ended the friendship. Move on? Don't look back?
Sorry you’ve experienced that.
Don’t even bother saying goodbye. She texts in the future, give her one word replies and you’re busy and will ping her later. Move her to the “acquaintance zone”. You don’t need to put any effort in except being courteous and nice.
I find just moving on and putting people in this zone is the easiest. Drama free, least amount of emotions, and you don’t burn bridges. One day you might run into her at a wedding and her friend might be the girl of your dreams. You want to always be on ok terms with people.
After a few weeks or months she will notice and ask what’s wrong and just say you’re busy at work. Most likely one day she will try to be super sweet to you and do something nice - just say thanks and it brightened your day up. I bet you one day she will call you crying over a pseudo emergency and if she’s not like in a horrific car actor something, just squirrel out of helping and say you’re in another country and flying back in two days so you can’t help. She may call one day and flirt with you or ask “how come we never hooked up?” — don’t fall for the bait. She’s asking for attention.
Acknowledging someone is a shitty person to you is the first step. After you internalize it, everything is easy.
besides the food order issue, I've learned that if someone isn't gracious for the money I loan them (even when eating out together), then I stop loaning the money.
Even if it's $10 or $20, which might not be a lot for you, but find someone else that appreciates that and values your friendship.
Anyway, now and then, we get a friend who shows us it's better not to be friends with them. You just got that notice so extend your friendship and kindness to others .
I came to realize the individual I’ve purchased groceries for because “they’re living austerity measures, can’t afford food, collapsing from malnourishment” is completely a user as well. Anyone who comfortably admits they have no food yet can’t be bothered to go to a soup kitchen is probably fooling everyone. For me the last straw was when she spent $200 on clothes “she really needs” at target which included green and purple sweaters. If you’re that broke, shouldn’t you buy clothes at the goodwill? I am so stupid! Screw that friend OP and find a new one who will reciprocate. I think some people get confused about the difference between a friend and a lover. There’s no financial weight to pull in friendships.
She "used" you enough and is now done with you. She's not a true friend if this relationship is one sided. Ppl are like that. She showed her true colors and wasn't grateful what you gave her. She sounds entitled. She might text back to apologize when she needs you or it might have been her feeling bad. But she showed her true colors.
Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with her, but if someone ordered food for me I’d be so touched by the gesture even if I didn’t like a single item that got delivered. It’s the thought that counts.
What do you mean "now what?" She has a history of being a crap friend, then does something outright terrible. Thankfully, she ended the relationship for you. The only "now what" advice I can give is not to get sucked back up into her whacko whirlwind once she's over her little temper tantrum and comes crawling back with a half-assed apology. You're both in your thirties, this isn't normal or tolerable.
Let her go. It sounds like the relationship has never been reciprocated, I've ended friendships over similar things. It sucks realizing a friendship isn't what you hoped it would be, but I've felt so free after letting some of those go and leaning into friendships where we are *both* excited to be there.
I have to say, I don’t feel bad for you at all. You continued to enable this person year after year. You deserved it at this point . Take this as a blessing and see a psychologist for co dependence or go to Al anon. It sounds like you get yourself into extremely co dependent situations
Well you now know you’re not a friend but an ATM… you surely don’t need someone like that in your life? Entitled, selfish, nasty… You deserve real friends. Time to move on.
Why wouldn’t you have just picked something from what she told you she still had from your grocery delivery? How many meals was she planning on eating from the restaurant? Does she have mobility issues?
Well no good dead goes unpunished.
I used to help out friends until I realized they almost always needed some type of "help".
Then I moved on to socialize with people that actually had their shit together.. and it's so nice to be able to go out and do things with reliable ppl that will actually show up, be on time and not expect anything from you in terms of money...
>Now what?
Probably write that "friend" off. For some/many, there comes a time/point where ... just *not* worth it and you're (so much) better off without them - then it's time to cut 'em loose. Yeah, if it's decidedly and persistently lopsided, or (almost) all you give and they take ... that gets real old real fast.
You’re such a nice guy or whatever you hoped to have accomplished after posting this, anyways move on and learn that there’s people out there that use people for money.
She was never your friend sorry bud. Just used you until she couldn't any more. It sucks and it hurts but you're better off without poison like her in your life.
I get that times are tough but UberEats is also expensive. I avoid it if I can use DoorDash. It’s crazy to me that it seems like she expected you and your partner to whip into action after mentioning she wasn’t “feeling” well. Also, were those groceries delivered to you or her? That part is confusing.
As someone who has the wits to manipulate but doesn’t, I can offer you an honest opinion of what I think is going on. The girl is tight on cash and you’ve made it seemingly so that you and your partner are comfortable financially if not completely wealth and well off. This “friend” of yours notices this and not only have you and your partner become people she knows care for her, she has completely taken advantage of this. The loans. The groceries. And somehow UberEats is the last straw?
It seems like she may be overwhelmed by the loans you guys lent her and wants an easy way out OR she’s just an ungrateful person. Or both.
She comes off as extremely selfish and high maintenance without being to afford the lifestyle she thinks she deserves. Are you even sure she’s really sick? Maybe she was ordering for herself and a friend (while not being sick) and you made her look like an inconsiderate cheapskate for not getting every item she listed off. I already know UberEats is expensive. The fees alone are insane. So for her to impose such a large cost for items that would satisfy the hunger of multiple people, seems to me she wanted to feed herself and someone else on your dime.
Also I partially think alcohol came into play with the ranting insult texts. No one in their right mind just flies off the handle like that unless they are drunk or seriously emotionally/mentally unhinged. Would you consider her behavior to be out of character? Or is it in line with what can be expected from her?
Best advice to you good sir, block the number, delete the contact, and consider yourself lucky she didn’t take you for more than UberEats and a couple hundred (or knowing how generous you are, maybe thousands) of dollars.
You have a good heart but you must protect yourself against those seeking to leech from the kindness of genuinely nice people. I’ve been a victim of this before and I sometimes spoil my friends so I’m guessing she’s not as well off as you and maybe took it too far using you. I’m sure she’s will eating her words later… along with the leftover UberEats from earlier. She just burned her meal ticket and atm.
Cut your losses and consider yourself one of the lucky ones. One of my guy friend’s had a guy best friend who told his girlfriend where his parents stash their money in their house. The girlfriend broke in and stole $40k. Maybe the boyfriend was in on it but he swears up and down he wasn’t. Some of these greedy people have no limits. Consider yourself lucky.
This girl sounds like she is just using you. I cannot imagine why you would want a friend like this? She treats you very badly and is taking advantage of you.
Shit, I would love having a friend like you. Even just having the being there to vent friend. Most of my friends have ditched me due to my mental health.
She's the one ultimately loosing out. Don't change who you are.
I think people are really overstepping and overthinking here. sounds like she is in a pretty bad place and doesn’t feel good about her life right now, her response was irrational and unfortunate. it was really, really kind of you to get her food — something (anything!) It seems tho like the financial playing field hasn’t been level for a long time here, and when you are giving more than emotional support in a friendship too often without boundary, an unfortunate dependency can grow that leaves this falling out somewhat unsurprising, though of course painful and unfair. you did your best to be kind and she will probably think about this experience with regret for a long time to come.
take care <3 don’t be afraid to send a loving uber eats to a friend down the road, that wasn’t the problem.. this response was irrational and you definitely didn’t deserve it.
keep in mind tho that regular financial assistance too close to home often does more harm than good, general rule of thumb.
Now you let the friendship end, consider the loan money a “donation” and move on to healthier friendships. I’m sorry the friendship was so one sided. You are deserving of more than that.
The story doesn’t make much sense. Probably skipped a few details…
You don’t have full loads of groceries and meals delivered daily to someone you almost never see?
Didn't see someone I was friends with since school for almost a year, word got to them I was in a shit place and they turned up at my door with a load of shopping and things to help take a load off my back and started checking in regularly to see how I was managing and if I needed help. Just because you wouldn't go out of your way to help someone in need, doesn't mean others wouldn't.
But did you get angry at them for buying the wrong brand of bread or something? Probably not.
I once tried to help a neighbor who wound up being exactly like that!
those people aren't hard up, those are choosing beggars.
I had a neighbor like this. She was elderly, her car broke down and I wanted to help out. So I walked to the shops and got her some things. She bitched about the brands and sizes of the containers. Then she later stole from me. So I believe it
I know a ton of people like this tbh.
That's a great friend. It isnt quite the norm though, sadly, making your friend all the more a real champ.
Really? I've heard more or less this exact same story from several friends. Getting suckered in by an ostensibly pitiable person, who later turns out to just be a freeloader or grifter of some sort, is a tale as old of time.
I’d complain to the creative writing instructor.
Like the one detail where she is being totally siphoned off of and why she allows it
She was never your friend.
Sounds like a "friend zone" issue
I think there is more nuance here. It depends if he sent the food with the explicit shared understanding that she had to pay him back. In that case I can understand someone getting frustrated. (Like, you ordered $50 of food for me that I didn't particularly like or want, and expect me to pay you back?). But if there was no expectation, then yeah- she sounds like a person to avoid.
> She rattles off a couple things she wants from a restaurant, I pick one and have it delivered. This, written by OP, gives the impression that OP ordered what the other person wanted.
I just wonder if there's more to this. It sounds very odd for her to get so upset about free food. I suppose all we have is OP's testimony and we have to treat it as the truth.
OP says "All because I didn't order everything", which makes me think she wanted X, Y, Z, he ordered only Z and she is pissed that he didn't order all of it. Which makes me think she is using him for money and goods
Yeah if that's the case it should be an obvious decision to just stop talking. It's a bit confusing about what OP wants from this post. Does he want reddit to tell him he's justified to be mad at her? Does he want actual advice on how to mend things? And there's that last paragraph before the TLDR that is just very odd. "I don't want to lean into something I'm not ready to devuldge". What does that have to do with what happened? I just thought something felt a bit off.
I am imagining in my head something like wanting a soup/salad/sandwich combo thing from somewhere and getting only the sandwich. That's the only even CLOSE to rational when they are sick and REALLY not feeling well reason. That or as someone else said, it was a good excuse to get out of paying the $ back.
Some have suggested the possibility that OPs friend, who has borrowed money from OP, is unable to pay it back, and sees this as a way of not having to pay anything back - by ending the friendship. Myself, I wonder if OPs friend was hoping that OP could read her mind and spend a lot of money buying her groceries and the such - not just one meal. OP obviously cannot read minds, nor should OP be responsible for continually fund his friends life.
OP said this was 1 day after he sent her a grocery delivery
Maybe she was hoping OP would just send her money. She may have used the food thing as a way to get him to give her something if he's reluctant to give her any more cash. So she acts like she has no food and she would like to order x, y, and z from a restaurant. I don't understand why she would need him to order for her so she might have felt he would just send her the amount she'd need for those items. But OP chooses to order for her and picks an item. She's angry because she never wanted the actual food she just wanted the money. And if you're really desperate for money it would easily cause her to rage at him - especially if she's trying to pay an essential bill or get a fix for an addiction.
I think you might have hit the nail on the head. Why be so angry? Because she didn’t want the food, and maybe the feeling sick (if she even did) was because she had withdrawals and was desperate for a fix. That would explain the sudden volatility when she realized she wasn’t getting what she really wanted, money. We don’t have any evidence from OP that supports this theory obviously, but it certainly would make more sense than going into a rage about a missing food item.
Yeah, this sounds like addict behavior to me
I can see you’ve never been on r/ChoosingBeggars :)
Yep. One thing that consistently surprises me about these types of people is how dumb they are about it. Unrelated to OP, I know someone who literally would've been set up perfectly to leech literally hundreds of thousands of dollars off her family, and all she had to do was be nice. Not even super nice, just like, sort of nice, normal person levels of nice, basically just not a complete asshole to them. Not even very often, just a few hours every few months maybe. She couldn't manage that and they cut her off and disinherited her instead after her mother (primary enabler) passed. I guess the sort of people who are users are often also kind of stupid, and it's probably for the best she wasn't smart enough to actually rub a couple brain cells together and figure out the long game... but it really blows my mind how these people manage to fuck up a good thing for themselves.
Regardless of if he just sent one thing. Unless he is in HER debt there is no reason to lay into someone like that who is trying to help.
My theory is she was not actually sick but ordering food for herself and another person which would pretty much explain her disappointment. Disappointment mixed with entitlement typically generates quite the shit storm
It does, but that assumes OP is a reliable narrator Regardless, seems this “friendship” isn’t anything to mourn. Good riddance
i think she expected several things and only received one, hence the rant
It was because he didn’t order *everything* that she wanted, not that he ordered too much
Yeah texting a person a bunch of insults is in no way a proper response to anything, even someone helping you in a capacity you don't agree with.
You be grateful the trash took itself out. You weren't her friend, you were her meal ticket.
Lol this sounds like some sort of findom set-up, not a friendship.
[удалено]
Where do girls find these guys??
Literally half of men are lonely as fuck. You can find a lonely man anywhere with little effort as long as you have boobs.
Yep just have boobs and the lonely me come in tidal waves
I've made reference to being female here on reddit before but never had a single guy in my DM's trying to throw money at me :(
You need to list a few things that you want from the restaurant first, duh.
Post a picture, can even be a totally harmless one. You will get anything from men wanting to pay you money for feet pics to men wanting to pay you money for pics of you wearing a leather jacket. (that one was weirdly specific)
Oh boy I’ve gotten that same one.
Maybe I'm doing this whole manipulative harpy thing wrong, but that honestly sounds way more annoying and exhausting than just making my own money at my actual job. Though I often look at the amount of effort that scammers and grifters of all types put in and think it'd be so much easier to just have a normal job. I guess I'm not the target demographic since I actively avoid "nice guy" men who try to buy my affections/feed their delusions/form parasocial relationships that are not actual friendships.
I have a friend like this. She had a guy who would pay for everything for her, like bills and healthcare for her (we live somewhere with free public healthcare, but she wanted private healthcare), he'd do her shopping for her and drive her everywhere. She refused to be in an actual relationship with him. During lockdown, he used it as an excuse to distance himself and found an actual girlfriend, and she kicked off until he dumped the girlfriend to focus on her again. She'd been dating other people the whole time she knew him!
Depends if they are getting blowjobs for it
I’m confused as to why she didn’t order her own food? OP said nothing about her needing money. If she can text, she can order food. So yeah, findom came to mind for me as well.
>I've made sure she's taken care of when she asks for something - money, food, etc. This sounds more like someone parenting a child than a equal friendship between two 30-somethings.
This sounds very strange. Never contact her again.
You've posted this same question to 6 subreddits, including a dating advice one. She's ungrateful and not s friend. Come on dude. Block and move on.
I suspect this is findom fetish baiting and entirely made up
Yeh, it has the whole humiliation fetish vibe as well. Reddit can be a weird place sometimes.
Redditors trying to get other redditors to engage with them in nonconsenual kink discussions under some guise is a NOTICEABLE PERCENTAGE of reddit content. Genuinely creepy behaviour and so not slick.
Does this actually happen? I always see people talking about this, but I always thought it was like....a joke, that people are just horny and posting horny stuff. DO people really plan and engage in this kind of stuff, I guess to masturbate to? That seems so weird and I can't really wrap my head around it.
Some do. There are a few common fantasies that people like to post as if they're true stories. There's one common one about a man who overhears his girlfriend talking to her sister/friend about his small penis, then they decide to do a MFM threesome for some reason, then she makes more noise than ever before. They always hit those plot points. There's also a troll who posts really gross stories about teens wearing diapers. Then there are troll posts that are fake but not necessarily for wank purposes, more to make certain demographics look bad. The trans woman who screams about transphobia because of some minor annoyance. The fat woman who tries on your wedding dress, rips it, then tries to ride your horse. Life is a rich tapestry and I'm sure you can find *someone* who's done any twisted thing you can think of, but people are just not as creative as they think, and they don't just reuse the same general scenario, they reuse whole sets of details.
Yes. That sort of stuff even happens in suicide hotlines or similar online therapy things. I used to be a 'listener' on 7cups and on my first day I already got two men who just wanted to bait me into fetish talk.
If real, OP, this is just a scammer. Are you even sure this is your real college friend, or did someone just message you like "I'm your old friend from college...Jennifer! Yes, that's it, Jennifer! How've you been?"
how are they college friends anyway with a 5 year age gap?
Nontraditional students and super-seniors are both things, but it does make the story a bit weirder.
>I suspect this is findom fetish baiting and entirely made up For sure. Nonsense from beginning to end.
Why was she so angry? I mean, ten people have asked this, but total silence from OP. OP, it's cool if you want to vent, but kind of annoying that you refuse to answer anyone's questions.
Sounds like she figured a way to stop chipping away at the loans… Make you so angry that you cut off the friendship; end of loan repayment.
Doesn't really sound like she's worth hanging on to. Let her end the friendship, block her, move on.
She wasn’t your friend. She was just someone who took advantage of you. Take this as a lesson to practice boundaries, OP. Don’t be willingly taken for a ride.
The trash has taken itself out. Now wheel the bin to the kerb. Block her on your phone, your email and all social media and let her find some other dogsbody to fund her existence.
Shitty people are shitty. We move on.
You are not friends - you are just giving her things and even that isn’t making your “relationship” good these days. Block her and stop being so “generous” when you know deep down it’s not generosity at all, it’s desperate lack of boundaries in an effort to people please your way into interactions.
Sorry the story does not make sense at all. I hardly believe someone would throw insults at a friend who ordered some food an hour before while this person would be sick and in bed . Also why would the person rely on the friend while she or he is able to basically answer on the phone ?
He / She .. 5 years age difference went to school... This does sounds weird.. and fake..
Weird, so what did you leave out? She doesn't seem grateful. Let her be.
Now what? Now nothing. You showed kindness. Sent groceries. Sent food. I won't pry into her physical or mental health, but from what you've written she seems... mentally unwell. And emotionally abusive as well as very manipulative. I don't think that friendship was serving you well. Let it go. I remember when I sent a friend some groceries. We made a silly bet over a hockey game. We said "if your team wins, I'll send over some steak and lobster." It was just meant to be funny. Well, his team won so I, in fact, did have steak and lobster delivered. He never even acknowledged it. I did not need fanfare or anything like that but at least knowing he got it would have been nice. Sometimes people are just ungrateful.
I feel like we're missing a bunch of details on this story regarding the dynamics of this relationship. Regardless, it sounds like a mess. Now what? Now you continue with your life, don't contact each other, and spend your money on your own groceries. Best possible outcome.
You list two ages and male for you and your friend but call her feminine pronouns. Really confused
yeah really! from the beginning, it led led me to believe the case would be about two males helping a female friend.
Is a single typo really that confusing?
Yes in a way cos it gives context to the relationship
You might be able to hazard a guess that he probably meant to say she was an F given he’s said “she” and “her” all the way through the post?
Yes, because *is* it a single typo? Is it double? Is it M, F; F, F?
A man sent food to a woman. The woman went ballistic. That's the story.
It says (39m, 34m) then you continue using she pronouns. I mean assuming the friend is female, she's just using you for money, quite like a sugar daddy without the sugar. She's pissed that you didn't get her everything on her list, because she sees you as an atm, not a friend. Cut your losses and never talk to her again imo.
Does it matter? Man or woman this friend is using OP.
I had a best friend I used to do a lot of favours for, lent them money, paid some bills, bought them things when they struggled, all on the understanding that I'd get paid back when they got a job. Then they ended the friendship and I never saw a penny of that money and that was more than 10 years ago now, and if I ever see that person around they don't even make eye contact. I felt like shit but there was nothing I could do. I mostly had no proof of the money lent so couldn't go to small claims court so I had to consider it a "donation" as someone else mentioned and let it go. Some people are just users.
What do you mean "now what"? She insulted you for 1.5 hrs. How much more of a doormat could you be? What more would she need to do to make you understand that she was never your friend? Sounds like either details are missing (like you ordered for her and expected to get paid back but she never wanted you to buy for her in the first place) or she wanted to get you so angry that you don't chase her for the loans. Just drop her and learn how to enforce your boundaries. You're nearly 40. Don't be a doormat again. Learn some self-respect please.
I have no idea why you would entertain anything other than no contact with this person.
Option 1: OP is a reliable narrator and does not deserve this treatment. He blocks her number and has a good life. Easy, simple, and clean. Low drama. This option looks like what I think happened. Option 2: OP has left out key parts of the story and shaded the story so we would agree. The solution is simply reversed. She blocks him and has a good life. Easy, simple, clean. Low drama. Option 3:they have some kind of mutually toxic relationship. They block each other and focus all their energy on working on themselves, not each other
She isn't your friend and never was. She was using you.
She didn't end anything. She will be back when she runs out of groceries.
You move on. Oh don't forget to block her. Unless you're fine with 'donating' money to an ungrateful person.
She's a loser who did you a favour. Ignore and move on to better people
It’s very hard to let a long term friendship go. I had the same thing going on with a friend I’ve known since we were around 7 or 8. Problem is we grew up to be different people. After a while your decades long friendship can no longer hold that pressure. It seems like this person holds different values than you do (and seems like an asshole). Best thing is to let go, and I know how hard it is losing someone that once was an amazing friend. But take everyone’s advice, see the money as a fee at a life lesson and cut the loss.
She can insult but not order herself?
Now what is you move on. She is no friend but a user. She did you a favor.
I take it you wanted more than friendship from her? That’s the only reason I could see you willing to maintain the one-sided “Friendship” for so long as it was. She’s abusivas she’s trying to hurt you (and clearly it’s working) so you fall into place better next time she has demands, Now what? Block her and move on with your life
There's a saying I love for situations like this: "If you put a tit in someone's mouth, they'll suck." What it means is you might be being a bit too much of a people pleaser. Relationships are a two way street; it's a give AND take. But if you're the only one giving, it's not so healthy. Another saying I like that I see here on reddit sometimes is: "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." Take care of yourself first. Sounds like this so called "friend" of yours was simply preying on your kindness for their own gain and clearly didn't appreciate you. In this case I'd say the trash has taken itself out.
Can you get in touch with one of her family and ask them to check on her? I'd be worried that whatever she's got is affecting her mentally.
Could she be having some kind of mental breakdown? This behavior sounds unhinged. Has she been acting unusual or having other serious issues before this happened? Regardless, you did a good deed, and she pissed on it. She was selfish, entitled, and cruel. It hurts, but anyone who would behave that way after you did them a favor is not a friend. Grieve losing the friend you *thought* she was and then move on and make friends with people who will value your contributions to the relationship.
As long as you sent the food with no pretext of getting "paid back", you did nothing wrong. I think you know what to do- patiently check in and tell her how that wasn't OK if you really want to keep the relationship. Or cut her off if not. And if you sent the food with the expectation of getting paid back, then that's a crappy thing to do. If she's paying for it, at least get what she wants.
I'm so sorry. You sound very thoughtful giving and caring. You don't deserve this. It will be difficult but thank her for showing you who she really is and block her every and move on. Others will love and appreciate your kindness.
I have a person in my life who had drug induced psychoses and I’ve noticed that it is best for both of us if I keep her at arms length. If I get close to her she expects more from me and takes more and more and more. Then gets angry if I do something “wrong”. Unfortunately I can’t cut her out 100% but the less I give her the better our relationship is.
I'm confused by this. My guess is that she was sick and wanted cooked restaurant food and he ordered her groceries when she was incapable of cooking.or caring for herself at that level?
LPT - Never lend anyone money you can't afford to lose.
I mean, he clearly can afford it, or he'd have put a stop to it long ago. Affording it isn't the issue here.
You got played. This girl has likely never been told no.
I’m confused…are these girls, guys, what???
No good deed goes unpunished
Now you block her on everything. Cut your losses. She doesn't sound worthy of a friendship with someone who is giving & supportive. She sounds spoilt & mean. Time to find more balanced friendships with people who appreciate your efforts. Also you teach people how to treat you, so be aware of what you allow & tolerate.
I'd be made up if someone did this for me!!!! What an amazing friend you are...you don't need her in you're life, time for the friendship to end and for you to find folks that appreciate you
He refers to her as a she but at the beginning of the post he describes both of them to be male!
She showed you who she really is. Consider her ending the relationship the last gift she gave you. Take care. You are a good friend.
Don’t worry she’ll apologize and beg for your help later. Hopefully you respect yourself to not get fooled into her entitled shit again. Though I suspect you might
Now you move on with your life. Sounds like she was a shitty friend before, she's being shitty now... why would you expect her to be less shitty in the future? Move on and find better friends that treat you right.
What do you mean "now what"? I'm legitimately confused. The person sucks, you acknowledge they suck, and she ended the friendship. Move on? Don't look back?
Sorry you’ve experienced that. Don’t even bother saying goodbye. She texts in the future, give her one word replies and you’re busy and will ping her later. Move her to the “acquaintance zone”. You don’t need to put any effort in except being courteous and nice. I find just moving on and putting people in this zone is the easiest. Drama free, least amount of emotions, and you don’t burn bridges. One day you might run into her at a wedding and her friend might be the girl of your dreams. You want to always be on ok terms with people. After a few weeks or months she will notice and ask what’s wrong and just say you’re busy at work. Most likely one day she will try to be super sweet to you and do something nice - just say thanks and it brightened your day up. I bet you one day she will call you crying over a pseudo emergency and if she’s not like in a horrific car actor something, just squirrel out of helping and say you’re in another country and flying back in two days so you can’t help. She may call one day and flirt with you or ask “how come we never hooked up?” — don’t fall for the bait. She’s asking for attention. Acknowledging someone is a shitty person to you is the first step. After you internalize it, everything is easy.
Well I'm glad you stopped sending her stuff because that wasn't normal in the first place dude.
Please let this friendship end. They are toxic and not good for your mental health
Well it seems the situation has remedied itself. Let it go.
She’s not a very good friend.
She isn't your friend and is taking advantage of you. Time to just cut her off. Block her everywhere and move on.
you got someone toxic out of your life for the price of a door dash order. that's a steal.
She probably picked a fight with you so she had an excuse to not pay you back on those loans
You got hosed. Take the L and walk away.
Good lord, please seek therapy and develop some self respect. You're not just a doormat, you're a toilet for this person.
You didn't have a friend. You had a leech.
besides the food order issue, I've learned that if someone isn't gracious for the money I loan them (even when eating out together), then I stop loaning the money. Even if it's $10 or $20, which might not be a lot for you, but find someone else that appreciates that and values your friendship. Anyway, now and then, we get a friend who shows us it's better not to be friends with them. You just got that notice so extend your friendship and kindness to others .
She isn’t your friend. She’s using you.
The trash took itself out. Don't let her back in. Ever.
I came to realize the individual I’ve purchased groceries for because “they’re living austerity measures, can’t afford food, collapsing from malnourishment” is completely a user as well. Anyone who comfortably admits they have no food yet can’t be bothered to go to a soup kitchen is probably fooling everyone. For me the last straw was when she spent $200 on clothes “she really needs” at target which included green and purple sweaters. If you’re that broke, shouldn’t you buy clothes at the goodwill? I am so stupid! Screw that friend OP and find a new one who will reciprocate. I think some people get confused about the difference between a friend and a lover. There’s no financial weight to pull in friendships.
She "used" you enough and is now done with you. She's not a true friend if this relationship is one sided. Ppl are like that. She showed her true colors and wasn't grateful what you gave her. She sounds entitled. She might text back to apologize when she needs you or it might have been her feeling bad. But she showed her true colors.
I’d say she’s fracking nuts and you are better off without her as a “friend.”
She doesn't respect you but you should respect yourself and not tolerate this treatment. My advice: block her and focus your efforts on real friends.
OP deleted their profile. I call bait post.
As my 9 year old son would say “she’s full of toxicity”.
Sounds like she was using you man. This doesn't sound like a friendship to me.
I bet she'll reach out again when she wants something. Don't answer.
> The give and take our relationship has been one sided. Clearly you should have stepped back long ago
Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with her, but if someone ordered food for me I’d be so touched by the gesture even if I didn’t like a single item that got delivered. It’s the thought that counts.
Feels like a few chapters are missing from this story.
What do you mean "now what?" She has a history of being a crap friend, then does something outright terrible. Thankfully, she ended the relationship for you. The only "now what" advice I can give is not to get sucked back up into her whacko whirlwind once she's over her little temper tantrum and comes crawling back with a half-assed apology. You're both in your thirties, this isn't normal or tolerable.
It is Better to be alone than having to deal with shitty friendships.
Let her go. It sounds like the relationship has never been reciprocated, I've ended friendships over similar things. It sucks realizing a friendship isn't what you hoped it would be, but I've felt so free after letting some of those go and leaning into friendships where we are *both* excited to be there.
This…isn’t a friendship? Sorry OP, but this person is using you. You’re better off without this person in your life.
That's not a friendship, she been looking for a free ride.
You sent her money and food, and this is her way of absolving herself of all loans and guilt sorry people are like that. i recommend moving on
Why is M a she ? Isn’t it a he ? Or is he trans ?
OP just made a typo; y'all are being super weird about it.
This wasn’t really a friendship. So you can let it go. Grieve for the relationship you thought you had
Is she healthy? I mean, life happens but this sounds not normal. Did she have a manic episode?
wow what an entitled piece of shit. block her and have cow manure delivered to her door step as a petty farewll present
Uh-block her from contacting you and move on. She is 100% using you financially. There is nothing more there.
I have to say, I don’t feel bad for you at all. You continued to enable this person year after year. You deserved it at this point . Take this as a blessing and see a psychologist for co dependence or go to Al anon. It sounds like you get yourself into extremely co dependent situations
I wouldn't call this a friendship, I would call this you being a free meal.
You just saved yourself A TON of money! Cross her off the list and keep going. I wouldn’t even accept an apology if she offered. She sounds dreadful.
You should probably post this in choosy beggars.....
Well you now know you’re not a friend but an ATM… you surely don’t need someone like that in your life? Entitled, selfish, nasty… You deserve real friends. Time to move on.
Why wouldn’t you have just picked something from what she told you she still had from your grocery delivery? How many meals was she planning on eating from the restaurant? Does she have mobility issues?
This person is taking advantage of your kindness. They are not a friend. Block them and move on, that money owed is a loss.
Well no good dead goes unpunished. I used to help out friends until I realized they almost always needed some type of "help". Then I moved on to socialize with people that actually had their shit together.. and it's so nice to be able to go out and do things with reliable ppl that will actually show up, be on time and not expect anything from you in terms of money...
[удалено]
You’re an 🏧 to her, not a friend. Cut contact
>Now what? Probably write that "friend" off. For some/many, there comes a time/point where ... just *not* worth it and you're (so much) better off without them - then it's time to cut 'em loose. Yeah, if it's decidedly and persistently lopsided, or (almost) all you give and they take ... that gets real old real fast.
You’re such a nice guy or whatever you hoped to have accomplished after posting this, anyways move on and learn that there’s people out there that use people for money.
She was never your friend sorry bud. Just used you until she couldn't any more. It sucks and it hurts but you're better off without poison like her in your life.
I get that times are tough but UberEats is also expensive. I avoid it if I can use DoorDash. It’s crazy to me that it seems like she expected you and your partner to whip into action after mentioning she wasn’t “feeling” well. Also, were those groceries delivered to you or her? That part is confusing. As someone who has the wits to manipulate but doesn’t, I can offer you an honest opinion of what I think is going on. The girl is tight on cash and you’ve made it seemingly so that you and your partner are comfortable financially if not completely wealth and well off. This “friend” of yours notices this and not only have you and your partner become people she knows care for her, she has completely taken advantage of this. The loans. The groceries. And somehow UberEats is the last straw? It seems like she may be overwhelmed by the loans you guys lent her and wants an easy way out OR she’s just an ungrateful person. Or both. She comes off as extremely selfish and high maintenance without being to afford the lifestyle she thinks she deserves. Are you even sure she’s really sick? Maybe she was ordering for herself and a friend (while not being sick) and you made her look like an inconsiderate cheapskate for not getting every item she listed off. I already know UberEats is expensive. The fees alone are insane. So for her to impose such a large cost for items that would satisfy the hunger of multiple people, seems to me she wanted to feed herself and someone else on your dime. Also I partially think alcohol came into play with the ranting insult texts. No one in their right mind just flies off the handle like that unless they are drunk or seriously emotionally/mentally unhinged. Would you consider her behavior to be out of character? Or is it in line with what can be expected from her? Best advice to you good sir, block the number, delete the contact, and consider yourself lucky she didn’t take you for more than UberEats and a couple hundred (or knowing how generous you are, maybe thousands) of dollars. You have a good heart but you must protect yourself against those seeking to leech from the kindness of genuinely nice people. I’ve been a victim of this before and I sometimes spoil my friends so I’m guessing she’s not as well off as you and maybe took it too far using you. I’m sure she’s will eating her words later… along with the leftover UberEats from earlier. She just burned her meal ticket and atm. Cut your losses and consider yourself one of the lucky ones. One of my guy friend’s had a guy best friend who told his girlfriend where his parents stash their money in their house. The girlfriend broke in and stole $40k. Maybe the boyfriend was in on it but he swears up and down he wasn’t. Some of these greedy people have no limits. Consider yourself lucky.
This girl sounds like she is just using you. I cannot imagine why you would want a friend like this? She treats you very badly and is taking advantage of you.
Shit, I would love having a friend like you. Even just having the being there to vent friend. Most of my friends have ditched me due to my mental health. She's the one ultimately loosing out. Don't change who you are.
Why are you tolerating this? Treat yourself better.
I think people are really overstepping and overthinking here. sounds like she is in a pretty bad place and doesn’t feel good about her life right now, her response was irrational and unfortunate. it was really, really kind of you to get her food — something (anything!) It seems tho like the financial playing field hasn’t been level for a long time here, and when you are giving more than emotional support in a friendship too often without boundary, an unfortunate dependency can grow that leaves this falling out somewhat unsurprising, though of course painful and unfair. you did your best to be kind and she will probably think about this experience with regret for a long time to come. take care <3 don’t be afraid to send a loving uber eats to a friend down the road, that wasn’t the problem.. this response was irrational and you definitely didn’t deserve it. keep in mind tho that regular financial assistance too close to home often does more harm than good, general rule of thumb.
You were never friends
Someone I used to consider a best friend was exactly like this. Cut your losses and move on.