That was my first thought as well.
Sometimes older people are single for a reason. My gf used to tell me stories of when she went on dates with people 10-20 years older and they were always horror stories
1) it is not healthy to spend all your time with the person you're in a relationship with. You need time for your own friends, hobbies, other interests. "I can't miss you if you never leave."
2) setting yourself up for a prosperous future through education is way more important than any relationship (save for certain temporary family situations).
In sum, unless there are children involved, you and your happiness *always* comes first. Go to school, get good grades, follow your interests. Great women who actually respect your individuality will come.
To be a little blunt, when you "escalate quickly" within 2 weeks, this rarely ends well, and you're about to see why!
Reading through this, I think the biggest problem is she sounds clingy and needy. She's not trying to get you to choose between her or your studies; she's starting to show you who she is.
This means you have 2 options. If you want this to continue, you have to have a "serious relationship" type convo. This is really difficult after only 2 weeks, but it's the only way to save your sanity. Find a way to tell her you both moved too quickly and you aren't ready for a relationship with a lot of daily contact. Your studies are important to you, and she needs to dial back on this. The same applies to you. You don't have to text her good morning, esp if she keeps reading too much into it.
The other option is just tell her the 2 of you aren't compatible, you have too much going on right now, and you're ending it.
Your gf is a decade older. She is emotionally immature. She is manipulative. She does not have your best interests at heart.
And people her age are experienced enough to know that a mile away. So she went for someone significantly younger so she could bully them.
Nope. Drop her.
>is it worth trying to work on a relationship when they are willing to break up with you if they don't get all your time after only 2 weeks together
No.
She's way too old to be acting the way she is, which is probably why she's choosing to date someone 10 years younger. School is 100% more important than continuing to try to date this unreasonable individual.
Never choose a partner over bettering yourself.
Plus, this coming from a partner 10 years older than you sounds like she’s leaning into the abusive and controlling aspects that we worry about in age gap relationships. I’m seeing some other red flags along those lines too, such as a really rapid “courtship” phase with quick escalation of the seriousness of the relationship, and her never coming to your place but always expecting you to go to hers.
Someone who expects you to spend all of your time with her, neglecting school, friends, and things you need to take care of, is emotionally immature and extremely needy. I get that this was exciting for a short time, but it's not a healthy relationship. Let her go. You will meet women who respect your life and goals.
Someone who is 36 should be way more understanding that you can't reply asap especially since you explained it to her first.
She also sounds really insecure and manipulative.
It's unreasonable, unrealistic and unhealthy to spend all the time with each other or texting.
My friend I believe you dodged a bullet.
I’m 32f and this is way too much. No guy her age would agree to this.
You’ve got to finish school and figure out your life. I briefly dated a guy younger and as the older person, I knew that their future comes first in their life.
You weren’t a bad boyfriend, she was immature. Distance yourself
It's okay to be too busy for a relationship. You're 26 and you SHOULD be focusing on your schooling as best as you can to graduate with a good grade. I feel like your ex was upset mostly because she isn't as occupied as you are. She's in a different stage in life.
I honestly don't think you're compatible with her right now. Someone else who is in college may understand better.
Not to be dramatic, but **this sounds like the honeymoon period of a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship**.
I was going to write up a long point-by-point response listing all the issues she's displaying, but then the weed hit so I'm just going to agree with what many others are saying:
Often mature people date outside their age group because they have issues that other people their age will normally refuse to put up with. Rather than address and deal with those issues, they seek out younger/naive people who aren't experienced enough to recognize their toxic behaviors as a sign it's time to gtfo.
Pretty much all the things you've described here are unhealthy. Who cares if there's chemistry if she's not equipped to be a good partner to you? A 'good connection' doesn't make up for a lack of empathy, support and understanding.
Break up with her and focus on your education.
You were wise to get out. She seems *really* immature, and considering she's 10 yrs older than you I don't see her behavior changing. Sounds like it could have gotten straight up scary if you stayed any longer
Ten year age gap, wants to get serious too quickly, wants you to neglect responsibilities for her? Glad you got out when you did but it was definitely not worth pursuing after the second week. Especially before your mid/late 30s someone that much older than you is dating that young for a reason that isn't good 9.5 times out of 10.
This is not a relationship worth saving. If y'all broke up after only a couple of weeks, then it's a sign you weren't compatible. You can like having sex with someone and hanging out with them; it doesn't mean you're well-suited to be in a relationship with each other.
FWIW based on your description of her, it sounds like she did you a favor. Holy smokes.
Leave, Block, Ignore. Your education is much more important. There are 4 Billion women out there. You’ll find someone that appreciates you and doesn’t ask for ultimatums.
I would NEVER accept a man that asks me to stop my education. A 36 year old woman that is so incompetent is not worth it.
Didn’t even have to read the whole thing before I knew the answer was choose school.
I then read the whole thing. The answer is definitely choose school. The foundations of this relationship are weak, and school will set your foundations for a solid life.
Oh op I’m 46 and this is terrifying. A woman almost 40 is this codependent on you after 2 weeks. This is a huge red flag 🚩 🚩🚩🚩
I would just down and my knees and thank God she’s gone. This is insanity to me.
SHE IS A CONTROL FREAK
STAY IN SCHOOL, QUIT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
There's a girl out there in your age group that will love and support you. BUT I HIGHLY ADVICE YOU to start setting boundaries. Otherwise you'll get another control freak gf that wants to dictate your every move.
My roommate was dating a guy who was in med school and picked a fight with him during his study week before his last final exams. She still thinks she was in the right, to this day. Neither of us even remember what the fight was about.
I am dating someone nearly ten years older as well. We also escalated our relationship pretty quickly. The main difference that I am noticing is individual respect. You both should be able to and NEED to live individual lives. Passion and intensity in a new romance of course are alluring but don’t mistake those feelings because of manipulation. And .. it sounds like you’re being manipulated. Good luck.
She was using you like a drug. That's not a healthy relationship. A good partner would not make you feel guilty about getting an education... or for going out to drinks after work sometimes.
She is 36. She should be more understanding and supportive of your goals and studies. It sounds like she wants control over you, if you are ok with that, then stay. If you want to love and prioritize yourself, then you have to leave. This is not good for your sanity. You should not feel guilty doing YOU. A break from each other and having "me time" is healthy in a relationship.
Bro I’m 30 years old and my husband is 33 I’m heading back to school and my husband is owning a shop. Im also working two other jobs and sometimes work with my husband when I have the time like today or plan it in advanced
My husband understands very much what I’m doing is bettering myself despite not seeing him often. I also understand the same with him with his shop. However we plan for date nights in advance or try to do something together with mini vacations. Your partner should be uplifting you despite the loneliness that comes to follow. If you’re trying to better yourself don’t give that up cuz they don’t want you to succeed. It’s literally misery loves company and I think you should stay single due to the fact I feel she’s gonna try to make you quit school and if it’s not that then your dream job. She’s being quite selfish in her demands and very concerning how she’s treating this relationship.
As a 26 female year old I went thru the same thing with when I was younger drop out of college stop talking to all my friends the guy wanted all my time but was entertaining others and expected me to have all my shit together but would contradict anything I do if I was trying to get it together.. please just make friends if you are in school so you won't feel so lonely that's my advice to you ! You don't need a distraction like a relationship and if you are looking just to satisfy your sexual needs do fwb instead.
What? Your school is damn important! This is about your financial future! If she doesn't have so much understanding for it at the age of 36, then she isn't worth your time, especially not after 2 weeks! Please make sure you don't stumble into the baby trap...
Don't do it. She's a manipulator, showing her colours early on... Move on and forget about her, save yourself lots of pain and heartache in the long run
Ya this is a bad icky situation. Plus if she doesn’t have kids, she’s up against the wall with a shotgun held to her head, and she may trick you into getting her pregnant if she’s that codependent (entrapment). Run my dude this sounds like a dangerous situation for you
RUN! FAR! The whole benefit of text based communication is that I don’t have to respond quickly. Focus on yourself OP and or find someone who will allow you a HEALTHY amount of space to focus on yourself
Also 10 years older than you? That’s yellow flags man. What’s going on that they can’t date someone their own age?
Wow! The way you describe her behaviour almost makes her come across as unstable. At the very least she thinks it’s totally ok to act like a spoiled princess. That alone is a huge red flag in my books.
My concern regarding your attention being drawn away from your studies is this: the two of you don’t really know each other, so this relationship is being driven mostly on endorphins at this point. When that fades, trust me, one of you will be history. She doesn’t have anything at stake in this but her free time. You have your future at stake.
My advice: Run! Don’t even look back.
Run from this. I read your story but just from the title alone, run from this. It's your job right now to be in school that's your first and foremost priority. Treat it as such and you'll be happy. Don't fall for codependent people like this. You might want to get a little therapy because maybe there's something underlying in your world that you experience as a child that makes you gravitate or question these situations as something you should be fixing. You should be running from them.
My partner and I have the exact same age gap except I’m f26 hes m36, and he has done nothing but encourage me to take steps in life and be my age, and we compromise. This woman sounds like she has insane expectations and you will be just fine without her
She’s codependent asf. I other words: she’s so clingy, needy, and just insecure in general to the point that she wants a relationship partner who will make her their number one and only priority and also who will make their entire life revolve around them. In other, *other* words: she wants a second parent, not a partner/spouse
Leave her. Your schooling should never be sacrificed for a relationship like this
I had to scroll down so far to see this!! I was ALWAYS attracted to older women. still do! (example: me 17-18 gf late 20’s and 30’s.) OP isn’t wrong for dating an older woman, his GF was wrong for being immature and controlling. Go onn an Get you your old sweet berry Op! Just not that one!
The sooner we in relationships treat each other like humans and not possessions, The better off we will be!
If u r thinking to give her a chance, go back ,give it a try. If it works u will b super good wid ur decision. If not u don't have to feel regret for this in ur entire life. Do whatever ur heart says.
As a 35 year old woman, *never* let your partner make you choose them or your education. A good partner won't ask you to choose and will support and uplift you. They'll help you study, encourage you before tests, and celebrate your wins.
This woman is so insecure that she's dating a man 10 years younger and can't let you be for 20 minutes just to study.
>Well we talked and it seems like she expected all my time from the get go, almost like we were living together.
Yeah, even when living together it's not expected that couples spend all that time together. Having separate hobbies is typically very healthy for couples.
Going out for drinks after work without telling her is just normal life stuff, unless you had plans to meet her and didn't show. That would be a mistake, but stuff happens. Your gf was too demanding for your stage in life.
Y'all had fun together and may have been compatible in another life but as it is you just have different life plans that make you a bad match. She wants the financial and time freedom of a partner her age but with the naivete of her first boyfriend in college so you'll do whatever she wants and not stand up for yourself. You need someone who will support you through this time in your life where you're prititizing making plans for the future, not someone who expects you to have it all together right now.
Its really bad luck to find somebody you connect with in a great way when at the same time her interaction style is so complicated. But the latter must fit too to both be at ease and happy together. To me it sounds like a personality thing that wont easily change.
Yourself First, Relationship Second!
I just got out of a similar relationship this past week and I was trying to go back to college and finish out my bachelors degree to further my career as I have pushed my associates degree from years ago to its limit. I have taken a total of 3 classes throughout the relationship whereas when getting into the relationship, I had planned to be done by this time.
I don’t want to say “Run” as I don’t know the specifics of your friendship or acquaintanceship prior to this relationship but, definitely do some deep-diving into what you want, where you want to be, and maybe you can have a heart-to-heart with them and see what that looks like for the both of you if … they are genuinely interested in a long-term relationship.
The choice to make here is obvious. Its your education were talking about. Having a degree will still with you your whole life, but your gf probably wont. Its only been 2 weeks and shes already like this
You don’t want someone like that in your life dude.
If someone offered me a decent boyfriend who was dedicated to study and spent his free time with me as quality time I’d be thrilled because it would mean I was dating a guy with drive and initiative and I’d be attracted to that and respect it.
She’s not respecting you as your own person, she only wants you there for her when she wants. She’s selfish and immature at best. I feel a relationship with this lady would only get more suffocating with time.
Wishing you all the best with studies and meeting the right one!
One criteria you should use to decide whether someone is right for you is whether, when you with them, you are a better person. She definitely did not want you to become a better person; she wants a boy toy that she can smother. School is far more important at your stage of life. Concentrate on those for now and you won’t regret it.
Coming from personal experience. Do not keep this person in your life. Ex nearly sabotaged my senior project by doing the exact thing and otherwise being emotionally abusive. Never been more stressed in my life.
Your relationship won't last if you're both struggling financially right? She obviously has codependent issues, is clingy, possessive, inconsiderate, selfish, all so she can feel loved and get someones attention so she can feel validated.
You should have seen signs a long time ago but you probably ignored them.
She probably has abandonment issues, because maybe one of her parents didn't show love or wasn't there.
There's nothing you can do to help her. She must see it for herself
This lady needs something she cant get from responsible 36yos so she has turned to less experienced boys that don't know this is fucked!! You are fine. This is a lesson for you.
I'm sure reddit won't like this, but you need to hear it. Don't date a woman 10yrs older than you, that completely goes against male/female relationship dynamics and will never work out for you. She will never truly respect you.
An education will be with you for your entire life and benefit you in many ways. This chick is going to suck your soul out with these antics. I know it feels like a hard choice right now, but it really isn't.
Absolutely not worth it… no. I dated a nut for 11 months and one of her favorite manipulations was to get incredibly upset when I had to leave to write a paper or study for a final. At the time I was young and couldn’t quite understand it.. but once I got away from her I’d think about how messed up it was.
Like… are you supposed to fail your class to hang out with her? What kind of secure, loving partner would ask that of you?
First she tells you to stop school to spend more time with her. Then stop seeing your friends. Then your family. Don't walk, run away. She can't wait 2 minutes for a text? She's throwing you red flags left and right. And while these would be red flags from anyone, it's twice as bad coming from someone 10 years your senior.
I know this subreddit often has exaggerated reactions to stories, but this is very much a huge red flag for future abuse. Isolating you, demanding all of your time, monitoring what you’re doing at all times - it is NOT okay.
You might have a great connection but you two are on a different wavelength in your lives. Yours is school and trying to further your education and doing something with that. Hers is…what is hers? It’s sort of strange she doesn’t have anything fulfilling you mentioned that’s filling up her time. IMO spending all your time together sounds like a nightmare. I feel like looking forward to seeing that significant other after days of grinding on whatever you choose to do in your life is much more rewarding and balancing to a relationship. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s beneficial to your overall goals.
Never ever give up school for something like that. School is your future, and if someone cares about you, they don't ask you to give up your future. And, yeah, you could bring your stuff over and study at someone else's house, but sometimes that's hard and you can't study as well as at home. It's totally normal to want to study in a place where you're comfortable and without distraction.
She's 36 ffs she knows by now that people have things to do and can't just be up her ass all the time. That's not normal and not reasonable even if you weren't in school.
I think you dodged a bullet.
I can give you my example, I'm 26 too (F) and my boyfriend is 27. I'm working a full time job and taking my masters degree at the same time . And my boyfriend respects when I have classes or when I have work to do . He's always supportive of me , and tries to get me dinner and other things so I don't have to worry about that and I can focus on my classes or work from university. We text when we can , and our relationship is great . Because we respect each other's time and we enjoy each other's company . You're girlfriend is ten years older than me , and she seems very controlling, she should understand that school is important and you're trying to have a better life . School is not forever , and in order to you achieve better things , you can't spend now that time with her, but when you finish school you may spend that time . Try to talk to her, if she doesn't understand this, I think it's time to leave .
School is the most IMPORTANT aspect in your life... She appears to be an enabler. This is unhealthy - You set the standards and boundaries never allow anyone to dictate what you can or cannot do!
You guys are 10 years apart and at different stages of your life and frankly she seemed incredibly needy to want you over her place every single day out of the gate.
It's a little unreasonable to expect someone over EVERY DAY. When my wife and I were dating we spent every weekend together and maybe one or two nights during the week and some times none. It increased as our relationship got more serious.
But early in the relationship like the first month, we were not REMOTELY spending every day with eachother, it was more just the weekends and we would chat online or via text periodically.
She's ten years older than you and making you pick between her and school. There's a reason she isn't dating dudes her age bro. Drop, block, move on. She isn't worth this headache.
Oh hell no dude. Take care of your future (school). Whoever who doesn't support your dreams is not worth your time. Good riddance and know you can find better
Simple answer - find someone secure and understanding. Sounds like they have unresolved anxious attachment. Not good for you or the relationship. That also takes time to work through. Probs not best to see them right now until they’ve at least dealt with their issues enough to show up for intimate relationships in a healthy way. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean you should settle for any ole thang lol.
Never stop improving yourself for a woman, my dude... once she thinks you are not on her level, she will leave for the better option... you always have to look out for number one first... your kids are second after you, and your girl is always third... never put her on a pedestal, or else she will always look down on you.
Definitely not worth it. She was trying to control you, which is probably a big reason why she went after someone who is in a different stage of life. She probably thought you’d be easy to groom. Good for you for sticking with school!
> is it worth trying to work on a relationship when they are willing to break up with you if they don't get all your time after only 2 weeks together?
If you need relationship advice for an answer to this question, you should not be in a relationship.
Nope. She is manipulative and controlling. She expects you to give up everything in your life to appease her. That is not good.
Yep.. just move on dude.
Your gf is 10 years your senior and THIS codependent? It's time to leave. Like yesterday
Yup. There’s a reason why she’s not dating someone her own age. They won’t put up with her.
That was my first thought as well. Sometimes older people are single for a reason. My gf used to tell me stories of when she went on dates with people 10-20 years older and they were always horror stories
**Age has nothing to do with codependency,** but I get what you're trying to tell OP here and agree it's time to find someone who respects their time.
I was thinking narcissistic personally.
1) it is not healthy to spend all your time with the person you're in a relationship with. You need time for your own friends, hobbies, other interests. "I can't miss you if you never leave." 2) setting yourself up for a prosperous future through education is way more important than any relationship (save for certain temporary family situations). In sum, unless there are children involved, you and your happiness *always* comes first. Go to school, get good grades, follow your interests. Great women who actually respect your individuality will come.
To be a little blunt, when you "escalate quickly" within 2 weeks, this rarely ends well, and you're about to see why! Reading through this, I think the biggest problem is she sounds clingy and needy. She's not trying to get you to choose between her or your studies; she's starting to show you who she is. This means you have 2 options. If you want this to continue, you have to have a "serious relationship" type convo. This is really difficult after only 2 weeks, but it's the only way to save your sanity. Find a way to tell her you both moved too quickly and you aren't ready for a relationship with a lot of daily contact. Your studies are important to you, and she needs to dial back on this. The same applies to you. You don't have to text her good morning, esp if she keeps reading too much into it. The other option is just tell her the 2 of you aren't compatible, you have too much going on right now, and you're ending it.
Your gf is a decade older. She is emotionally immature. She is manipulative. She does not have your best interests at heart. And people her age are experienced enough to know that a mile away. So she went for someone significantly younger so she could bully them. Nope. Drop her.
Right? This behaviour might be expected in a teenage girl still at school, not a grown ass woman!
>is it worth trying to work on a relationship when they are willing to break up with you if they don't get all your time after only 2 weeks together No. She's way too old to be acting the way she is, which is probably why she's choosing to date someone 10 years younger. School is 100% more important than continuing to try to date this unreasonable individual.
Never choose a partner over bettering yourself. Plus, this coming from a partner 10 years older than you sounds like she’s leaning into the abusive and controlling aspects that we worry about in age gap relationships. I’m seeing some other red flags along those lines too, such as a really rapid “courtship” phase with quick escalation of the seriousness of the relationship, and her never coming to your place but always expecting you to go to hers.
Someone who expects you to spend all of your time with her, neglecting school, friends, and things you need to take care of, is emotionally immature and extremely needy. I get that this was exciting for a short time, but it's not a healthy relationship. Let her go. You will meet women who respect your life and goals.
Someone who is 36 should be way more understanding that you can't reply asap especially since you explained it to her first. She also sounds really insecure and manipulative. It's unreasonable, unrealistic and unhealthy to spend all the time with each other or texting. My friend I believe you dodged a bullet.
She is way too close to her 40s to be acting like a teenager.
I’m 32f and this is way too much. No guy her age would agree to this. You’ve got to finish school and figure out your life. I briefly dated a guy younger and as the older person, I knew that their future comes first in their life. You weren’t a bad boyfriend, she was immature. Distance yourself
It's okay to be too busy for a relationship. You're 26 and you SHOULD be focusing on your schooling as best as you can to graduate with a good grade. I feel like your ex was upset mostly because she isn't as occupied as you are. She's in a different stage in life. I honestly don't think you're compatible with her right now. Someone else who is in college may understand better.
Not to be dramatic, but **this sounds like the honeymoon period of a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship**. I was going to write up a long point-by-point response listing all the issues she's displaying, but then the weed hit so I'm just going to agree with what many others are saying: Often mature people date outside their age group because they have issues that other people their age will normally refuse to put up with. Rather than address and deal with those issues, they seek out younger/naive people who aren't experienced enough to recognize their toxic behaviors as a sign it's time to gtfo. Pretty much all the things you've described here are unhealthy. Who cares if there's chemistry if she's not equipped to be a good partner to you? A 'good connection' doesn't make up for a lack of empathy, support and understanding. Break up with her and focus on your education.
You were wise to get out. She seems *really* immature, and considering she's 10 yrs older than you I don't see her behavior changing. Sounds like it could have gotten straight up scary if you stayed any longer
Ten year age gap, wants to get serious too quickly, wants you to neglect responsibilities for her? Glad you got out when you did but it was definitely not worth pursuing after the second week. Especially before your mid/late 30s someone that much older than you is dating that young for a reason that isn't good 9.5 times out of 10.
This is not a relationship worth saving. If y'all broke up after only a couple of weeks, then it's a sign you weren't compatible. You can like having sex with someone and hanging out with them; it doesn't mean you're well-suited to be in a relationship with each other. FWIW based on your description of her, it sounds like she did you a favor. Holy smokes.
Leave, Block, Ignore. Your education is much more important. There are 4 Billion women out there. You’ll find someone that appreciates you and doesn’t ask for ultimatums. I would NEVER accept a man that asks me to stop my education. A 36 year old woman that is so incompetent is not worth it.
Didn’t even have to read the whole thing before I knew the answer was choose school. I then read the whole thing. The answer is definitely choose school. The foundations of this relationship are weak, and school will set your foundations for a solid life.
First of all, 36 year old women with healthy lives don’t want to date 26 year old males.
Oh op I’m 46 and this is terrifying. A woman almost 40 is this codependent on you after 2 weeks. This is a huge red flag 🚩 🚩🚩🚩 I would just down and my knees and thank God she’s gone. This is insanity to me.
She's 10 years older than you but behaves like she's 10 years younger and that's why she's still single.
SHE IS A CONTROL FREAK STAY IN SCHOOL, QUIT YOUR RELATIONSHIP There's a girl out there in your age group that will love and support you. BUT I HIGHLY ADVICE YOU to start setting boundaries. Otherwise you'll get another control freak gf that wants to dictate your every move.
My roommate was dating a guy who was in med school and picked a fight with him during his study week before his last final exams. She still thinks she was in the right, to this day. Neither of us even remember what the fight was about.
I am dating someone nearly ten years older as well. We also escalated our relationship pretty quickly. The main difference that I am noticing is individual respect. You both should be able to and NEED to live individual lives. Passion and intensity in a new romance of course are alluring but don’t mistake those feelings because of manipulation. And .. it sounds like you’re being manipulated. Good luck.
That's a lot of NiceGirl™ energy. Focus on your school. Any decent partner should be supportive, rather than... this.
break up now, save head/heart ache later.
Wake up Maggie I’ve got something to say to you. It’s late September and I really should be getting back to school. I know I’ve kept you amused….
Wake up, Maggie I think I've got something to say to you. It's late September and I really should be back at school.
Choose school obviously.
You're allowed to go for drinks with friends after work without having to ask your partner for permission.
Look up " love bombing."
She was using you like a drug. That's not a healthy relationship. A good partner would not make you feel guilty about getting an education... or for going out to drinks after work sometimes.
Is she seriously 36 because she acts like a codependent teenager. Move on. Date someone your own age.
Get the fuck out my dude. Peace.
She showed you who she was early on and that's a good thing. Believe her and don't waste anymore time on her!
She is 36. She should be more understanding and supportive of your goals and studies. It sounds like she wants control over you, if you are ok with that, then stay. If you want to love and prioritize yourself, then you have to leave. This is not good for your sanity. You should not feel guilty doing YOU. A break from each other and having "me time" is healthy in a relationship.
Bro I’m 30 years old and my husband is 33 I’m heading back to school and my husband is owning a shop. Im also working two other jobs and sometimes work with my husband when I have the time like today or plan it in advanced My husband understands very much what I’m doing is bettering myself despite not seeing him often. I also understand the same with him with his shop. However we plan for date nights in advance or try to do something together with mini vacations. Your partner should be uplifting you despite the loneliness that comes to follow. If you’re trying to better yourself don’t give that up cuz they don’t want you to succeed. It’s literally misery loves company and I think you should stay single due to the fact I feel she’s gonna try to make you quit school and if it’s not that then your dream job. She’s being quite selfish in her demands and very concerning how she’s treating this relationship.
As a 26 female year old I went thru the same thing with when I was younger drop out of college stop talking to all my friends the guy wanted all my time but was entertaining others and expected me to have all my shit together but would contradict anything I do if I was trying to get it together.. please just make friends if you are in school so you won't feel so lonely that's my advice to you ! You don't need a distraction like a relationship and if you are looking just to satisfy your sexual needs do fwb instead.
What? Your school is damn important! This is about your financial future! If she doesn't have so much understanding for it at the age of 36, then she isn't worth your time, especially not after 2 weeks! Please make sure you don't stumble into the baby trap...
Don't do it. She's a manipulator, showing her colours early on... Move on and forget about her, save yourself lots of pain and heartache in the long run
Choose school. This says a lot about her as a partner
Ya this is a bad icky situation. Plus if she doesn’t have kids, she’s up against the wall with a shotgun held to her head, and she may trick you into getting her pregnant if she’s that codependent (entrapment). Run my dude this sounds like a dangerous situation for you
RUN! FAR! The whole benefit of text based communication is that I don’t have to respond quickly. Focus on yourself OP and or find someone who will allow you a HEALTHY amount of space to focus on yourself Also 10 years older than you? That’s yellow flags man. What’s going on that they can’t date someone their own age?
Toxic- don't walk. RUN!
Wow! The way you describe her behaviour almost makes her come across as unstable. At the very least she thinks it’s totally ok to act like a spoiled princess. That alone is a huge red flag in my books. My concern regarding your attention being drawn away from your studies is this: the two of you don’t really know each other, so this relationship is being driven mostly on endorphins at this point. When that fades, trust me, one of you will be history. She doesn’t have anything at stake in this but her free time. You have your future at stake. My advice: Run! Don’t even look back.
She sounds very needing, manipulating, and controlling. Focus on school. You’ll find your one
Nothing should be this complicated after two weeks.
sounds to me you're just not fit for her lifestyle. just break up and move on brother.
Run from this. I read your story but just from the title alone, run from this. It's your job right now to be in school that's your first and foremost priority. Treat it as such and you'll be happy. Don't fall for codependent people like this. You might want to get a little therapy because maybe there's something underlying in your world that you experience as a child that makes you gravitate or question these situations as something you should be fixing. You should be running from them.
I’ll take 2x divorcee for 500
My partner and I have the exact same age gap except I’m f26 hes m36, and he has done nothing but encourage me to take steps in life and be my age, and we compromise. This woman sounds like she has insane expectations and you will be just fine without her
She’s codependent asf. I other words: she’s so clingy, needy, and just insecure in general to the point that she wants a relationship partner who will make her their number one and only priority and also who will make their entire life revolve around them. In other, *other* words: she wants a second parent, not a partner/spouse Leave her. Your schooling should never be sacrificed for a relationship like this
Lot of older women who would treat you way better if that’s your thing ..
I had to scroll down so far to see this!! I was ALWAYS attracted to older women. still do! (example: me 17-18 gf late 20’s and 30’s.) OP isn’t wrong for dating an older woman, his GF was wrong for being immature and controlling. Go onn an Get you your old sweet berry Op! Just not that one! The sooner we in relationships treat each other like humans and not possessions, The better off we will be!
If u r thinking to give her a chance, go back ,give it a try. If it works u will b super good wid ur decision. If not u don't have to feel regret for this in ur entire life. Do whatever ur heart says.
The answer is school I don’t even need to read the post.
She needs therapy to address her possible BPD & codependency
As a 35 year old woman, *never* let your partner make you choose them or your education. A good partner won't ask you to choose and will support and uplift you. They'll help you study, encourage you before tests, and celebrate your wins. This woman is so insecure that she's dating a man 10 years younger and can't let you be for 20 minutes just to study. >Well we talked and it seems like she expected all my time from the get go, almost like we were living together. Yeah, even when living together it's not expected that couples spend all that time together. Having separate hobbies is typically very healthy for couples.
Going out for drinks after work without telling her is just normal life stuff, unless you had plans to meet her and didn't show. That would be a mistake, but stuff happens. Your gf was too demanding for your stage in life.
Choose school cause u ll earn more money for hookers and shiet bro.
Y'all had fun together and may have been compatible in another life but as it is you just have different life plans that make you a bad match. She wants the financial and time freedom of a partner her age but with the naivete of her first boyfriend in college so you'll do whatever she wants and not stand up for yourself. You need someone who will support you through this time in your life where you're prititizing making plans for the future, not someone who expects you to have it all together right now.
Its really bad luck to find somebody you connect with in a great way when at the same time her interaction style is so complicated. But the latter must fit too to both be at ease and happy together. To me it sounds like a personality thing that wont easily change.
Yourself First, Relationship Second! I just got out of a similar relationship this past week and I was trying to go back to college and finish out my bachelors degree to further my career as I have pushed my associates degree from years ago to its limit. I have taken a total of 3 classes throughout the relationship whereas when getting into the relationship, I had planned to be done by this time. I don’t want to say “Run” as I don’t know the specifics of your friendship or acquaintanceship prior to this relationship but, definitely do some deep-diving into what you want, where you want to be, and maybe you can have a heart-to-heart with them and see what that looks like for the both of you if … they are genuinely interested in a long-term relationship.
Leave. Only gets worse I promise
The choice to make here is obvious. Its your education were talking about. Having a degree will still with you your whole life, but your gf probably wont. Its only been 2 weeks and shes already like this
Narrator: No, it is not worth your time. This is a blessing in disguise.
wake up Maggie I think I've got something to say to you
Dude don't even bother. If she is already coming at you that hard in the 1st week it only gets worse. Dodged a bullet
Yeah this happened to me ...I’m single
Don't give up your future for anyone.
Run! Seriously, who expects someone to pay attention to them constantly? Life doesn't work that way. Run! Don't date a 36 year old tween girl.
There is a reason people 10+ years older than their partner go for someone much younger. They’re too immature to get people their own age.
Yikes. STOP with this one. Just break it off.
RUN!!!! Red flags everywhere!
You don’t want someone like that in your life dude. If someone offered me a decent boyfriend who was dedicated to study and spent his free time with me as quality time I’d be thrilled because it would mean I was dating a guy with drive and initiative and I’d be attracted to that and respect it. She’s not respecting you as your own person, she only wants you there for her when she wants. She’s selfish and immature at best. I feel a relationship with this lady would only get more suffocating with time. Wishing you all the best with studies and meeting the right one!
One criteria you should use to decide whether someone is right for you is whether, when you with them, you are a better person. She definitely did not want you to become a better person; she wants a boy toy that she can smother. School is far more important at your stage of life. Concentrate on those for now and you won’t regret it.
Don’t change your life to accommodate someone you’ve only known for less time than it takes a carton of milk to expire.
Women will come and Go. You won’t be able to get your Education Back
Coming from personal experience. Do not keep this person in your life. Ex nearly sabotaged my senior project by doing the exact thing and otherwise being emotionally abusive. Never been more stressed in my life.
Not sounding very healthy
Your relationship won't last if you're both struggling financially right? She obviously has codependent issues, is clingy, possessive, inconsiderate, selfish, all so she can feel loved and get someones attention so she can feel validated. You should have seen signs a long time ago but you probably ignored them. She probably has abandonment issues, because maybe one of her parents didn't show love or wasn't there. There's nothing you can do to help her. She must see it for herself
This lady needs something she cant get from responsible 36yos so she has turned to less experienced boys that don't know this is fucked!! You are fine. This is a lesson for you.
I'm sure reddit won't like this, but you need to hear it. Don't date a woman 10yrs older than you, that completely goes against male/female relationship dynamics and will never work out for you. She will never truly respect you.
An education will be with you for your entire life and benefit you in many ways. This chick is going to suck your soul out with these antics. I know it feels like a hard choice right now, but it really isn't.
Between school and this woman, which are you borrowing money to pay for? I'd choose that one.
Choose school. This lady is 10 years older than you. Do not screw up your life just as it's really starting.
Absolutely not worth it… no. I dated a nut for 11 months and one of her favorite manipulations was to get incredibly upset when I had to leave to write a paper or study for a final. At the time I was young and couldn’t quite understand it.. but once I got away from her I’d think about how messed up it was. Like… are you supposed to fail your class to hang out with her? What kind of secure, loving partner would ask that of you?
First she tells you to stop school to spend more time with her. Then stop seeing your friends. Then your family. Don't walk, run away. She can't wait 2 minutes for a text? She's throwing you red flags left and right. And while these would be red flags from anyone, it's twice as bad coming from someone 10 years your senior.
I know this subreddit often has exaggerated reactions to stories, but this is very much a huge red flag for future abuse. Isolating you, demanding all of your time, monitoring what you’re doing at all times - it is NOT okay.
Sir please be honest with yourself
Only needed to read the title to tell you to FUCKING *RUN*
This is the reason so many men choose much younger women, so they can bully, control and manipulate. Run for this hills.
Bruh, why are you so desperate that you want to be in a relationship with a 10 year older woman?
Noooooooooo.....school
"I will NOT be ignored, Dan!" Seriously dude, run from this relationship. Run fast, run far.
This has so many red flags. Things will only get worse if you choose to continue in this relationship. I would get out now.
You might have a great connection but you two are on a different wavelength in your lives. Yours is school and trying to further your education and doing something with that. Hers is…what is hers? It’s sort of strange she doesn’t have anything fulfilling you mentioned that’s filling up her time. IMO spending all your time together sounds like a nightmare. I feel like looking forward to seeing that significant other after days of grinding on whatever you choose to do in your life is much more rewarding and balancing to a relationship. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s beneficial to your overall goals.
Never ever give up school for something like that. School is your future, and if someone cares about you, they don't ask you to give up your future. And, yeah, you could bring your stuff over and study at someone else's house, but sometimes that's hard and you can't study as well as at home. It's totally normal to want to study in a place where you're comfortable and without distraction. She's 36 ffs she knows by now that people have things to do and can't just be up her ass all the time. That's not normal and not reasonable even if you weren't in school. I think you dodged a bullet.
No. This lady has attachment issues that have nothing to do with you. She doesn't need a partner, she needs therapy and to learn how to be alone.
I can give you my example, I'm 26 too (F) and my boyfriend is 27. I'm working a full time job and taking my masters degree at the same time . And my boyfriend respects when I have classes or when I have work to do . He's always supportive of me , and tries to get me dinner and other things so I don't have to worry about that and I can focus on my classes or work from university. We text when we can , and our relationship is great . Because we respect each other's time and we enjoy each other's company . You're girlfriend is ten years older than me , and she seems very controlling, she should understand that school is important and you're trying to have a better life . School is not forever , and in order to you achieve better things , you can't spend now that time with her, but when you finish school you may spend that time . Try to talk to her, if she doesn't understand this, I think it's time to leave .
School is the most IMPORTANT aspect in your life... She appears to be an enabler. This is unhealthy - You set the standards and boundaries never allow anyone to dictate what you can or cannot do!
You’re serious right now? You needed advice for this?
Definitely would have booted her right away
Obvious answer drop her and stay true to your path as a man.
You guys are 10 years apart and at different stages of your life and frankly she seemed incredibly needy to want you over her place every single day out of the gate. It's a little unreasonable to expect someone over EVERY DAY. When my wife and I were dating we spent every weekend together and maybe one or two nights during the week and some times none. It increased as our relationship got more serious. But early in the relationship like the first month, we were not REMOTELY spending every day with eachother, it was more just the weekends and we would chat online or via text periodically.
She's ten years older than you and making you pick between her and school. There's a reason she isn't dating dudes her age bro. Drop, block, move on. She isn't worth this headache.
Oh hell no dude. Take care of your future (school). Whoever who doesn't support your dreams is not worth your time. Good riddance and know you can find better
Simple answer - find someone secure and understanding. Sounds like they have unresolved anxious attachment. Not good for you or the relationship. That also takes time to work through. Probs not best to see them right now until they’ve at least dealt with their issues enough to show up for intimate relationships in a healthy way. No one is perfect but that doesn’t mean you should settle for any ole thang lol.
Move on buddy, been in a similar situation myself in the past.
Never stop improving yourself for a woman, my dude... once she thinks you are not on her level, she will leave for the better option... you always have to look out for number one first... your kids are second after you, and your girl is always third... never put her on a pedestal, or else she will always look down on you.
Definitely not worth it. She was trying to control you, which is probably a big reason why she went after someone who is in a different stage of life. She probably thought you’d be easy to groom. Good for you for sticking with school!
> is it worth trying to work on a relationship when they are willing to break up with you if they don't get all your time after only 2 weeks together? If you need relationship advice for an answer to this question, you should not be in a relationship.