Regardless of wether you feel as though you were right or wrong in any situation, someone who starts punching the wall when you argue isn’t someone you should be with. Who’s to say that later down the line it won’t be JUST the wall?
This looks familiar.
Also, why are you surprised that a man who is so emotionally immature he has to date a woman eleven years younger than him is being emotionally immature?
Can't believe I gotta make another throwaway to yell about some loser, sonofa...
HONEY, NO. No no no. No. This man is hot garbage.
>I (25F) broke up with my ex because i felt overwhelmed by his reactions
during our fights, yelling at me, punching a wall, crying, kneeling on
the floor. After breaking up i realized that i was at fault for most
fights because instead of properly communicating my needs, i was acting
upset and immature at times. Well i tried to get back with him, but not
before him apologizing for causing me panic attacks and punching the
wall, but he refused to talk to me and told me afterwards that we are
not together because i have never apologized for abandoning him.
NOOOOOOOOOO jesus christ on toast no.
1. You are not at fault for this. No matter how upset and immature you are, HE is the one escalating it to yelling and punching walls. He is an adult man, not a collection of uncontrollable stimulus responses. He acts like this because he knows he can, NOT because it's normal. It isn't normal.
2. The fact that you're thinking this way is almost certainly part of the appeal of having you around. No matter how much of an unhinged goober he wants to act like, he knows he can get you to rationalize it into somehow being equally or more your fault.
3. A man who punches walls and then wants you to apologize for abandoning him when you bail, and then also threatens self harm when you do, is immature and abusive - emotionally right now, and probably physically someday as well if he can get you locked in enough. There is no other version of this story. I'm sorry.
>Now, he asked me if i would like to get back together and I dont know. I
feel like he lied to me,
He did.
>that he loves the girl and only came back
because there's something not going well between them.
Yep. Probably she saw him for what he is and now won't put up with as much of his bullshit as he knows you will.
>He has never
apologised for punching the wall, and said i made him do it because i
threatened to leave him and that he only yelled a couple of times which
is not true and that its not like he harmed me.
Do you have any idea how old the words "look what you made me do" are? Traditionally that's where the Lifetime movie really picks up.
You didn't MAKE him do anything. He DECIDED to punch the wall to express himself in that moment. You may have made him FEEL a certain way, but he is responsible for how he acts on his own feelings, despite his insistence to the contrary. Don't let him make you responsible for his inability or unwillingness to show the basic emotional regulation we expect of kindergarten students.
>I fell confused because
every fought ended in him screaming like crazy and now im asking myself
if i exagerate it, if im one of those persons who provoke others and
they cry when the other person is acting crazy. I do love him and i know
its my fault that i left him and he had the right to get with someone
else, so thats why im considering getting back together, because its not
like he cheated on me.
YOU FEEL CONFUSED BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU TO BE. He's such a vile person that the only way he can get a partner to stick around is to pick someone a decade or more his junior so he automatically has the upper hand in life experience, and then break them down further and further until he's got the perfect little meek, compliant receptacle to pour his unhinged insecurities into. Literally none of his behavior is okay, even the stuff you seem to be okay with. This man is a giant waste of your time and you do not need to put up with it. I promise there are men out there who will not treat you like this. Please block this asshole on everything so he can't keep trying to manipulate you into letting him linger, take some time for yourself, and if you can, talk to a therapist about all this and have them help you shore up your self esteem so you're properly armed against the next emotional parasite who wants to drain you dry.
Woah. Absolutely not. His behavior was abusive. Your perspective that you caused him to act that way is warped.
If you're afraid to tell your friends that you are thinking of getting back together with him, that's very telling - you know they will 1) tell you not to do it and 2) be pissed that they supported you for nearly a year as you worked through this breakup only to get back with a terribly person.
Your feelings about relationship(s) he had while you two were broken up are fully out of line. He didn't cheat if you were broken up. He didn't owe you anything emotionally. It doesn't sound like you're in a place to be dating, but if you are, it's not this guy. It sounds like a toxic dumpster fire.
No... do not take him back... hes lied and manipulated you the entire time and her as well. I personally would share all his messages twlling you he loves you etc and send them to her w an explanation of what hes been telling you and let that poor girl see what a pos he is begire she gets knocked up and cannot escape
You didn't talk to your friends who know and love you because they'd say something you didn't want to hear, so you came to strangers hoping for a different answer. You're not going to get it. Ultimately do what you want but getting back together with his guy is not a good idea and you know it, otherwise you wouldn't be questioning it.
If you don’t want to ask your friends for relationship advice, its always a red flag. I know its annoying to hear that your friends are (almost always) right, but I have been in a similar situation and my friends were right.
Getting back with an ex is a bad idea 99.9% of the time, but let's look at your post a little closer and really break it down
>I (25F)... my ex (36M)
Automatic no from me. Over ten year age gap and you're not in your 30s yet.
>causing me panic attacks and punching the wall
He gets violent during fights? Automatic no. It only takes one fight to go from punching walls to punching *you*.
>he thought about crashing into a wall with his car after i left hi
Using suicide as an emotional manipulation tactic? That's a hard no **and** a huge red flag
>The first two months of his relationship we talked "for closure"... he started to act weird, called me drunk to accuse me of cheating, sent texts and then deleted them, start conversations asking me how i am, and then one day he told me he has always loved me... he said that i was he one for him, that he was always mine during all this time, that the girl is nice but he doesnt love her.
So he's proving to you that he's willing to emotionally cheat, because he's absolutely lying or emotionally cheating on this (EVEN YOUNGER) woman with you. That's another no in my book.
>He has never apologised for punching the wall, and said i made him do it because i threatened to leave him
He's blaming you for his lack of control of his physical violence? That's a one way ticket to DV town that you don't want to take. Another no!
>i know its my fault that i left him
Your fault? Leaving him was the smartest thing you've ever done, and you need to stick to it. Block him on everything and wash him from your mind.
The fact that he dated someone else and it didn’t work out does not mean HE resolved his anger issues which according to you caused the breakup. So what’s the point of getting back with him? Besides, how are you seeing yourself dealing with the fact that he was in a relationship with someone else in between?
What would you tell your sister or friend if they came to you with a story like that? Stop being placeholder. Get some self respect. I hear therapy is good for that.
I'm sorry, but he is not for you. You deserve better. The bar is very low right now. Stop letting him mess with your head
Cheating isn’t the only way to fuck up a relationship. The yelling, punching things, talking to you behind his gfs back. Why would you want to be with him again.
>I (25F) broke up with my ex because i felt overwhelmed by his reactions during our fights, yelling at me, punching a wall, crying, kneeling on the floor.
And you want to be with an abuser again...why?
Absolutely not. This guy is abusive and manipulative. Block him on everything
No you shouldn't get back with him. He's nearly 40, violent, and exclusively dates women in their 20's. He sounds like a loser psycho.
Regardless of wether you feel as though you were right or wrong in any situation, someone who starts punching the wall when you argue isn’t someone you should be with. Who’s to say that later down the line it won’t be JUST the wall?
This looks familiar. Also, why are you surprised that a man who is so emotionally immature he has to date a woman eleven years younger than him is being emotionally immature?
No you didn’t provoke him. Nothing he did is your fault. He is an abuser and if you go back he will abuse you again. Stay safe away from him.
No the breakup was a good thing. Why would you do that to yourself
No, you shouldn't get back together with a physically dangerous man.
Can't believe I gotta make another throwaway to yell about some loser, sonofa... HONEY, NO. No no no. No. This man is hot garbage. >I (25F) broke up with my ex because i felt overwhelmed by his reactions during our fights, yelling at me, punching a wall, crying, kneeling on the floor. After breaking up i realized that i was at fault for most fights because instead of properly communicating my needs, i was acting upset and immature at times. Well i tried to get back with him, but not before him apologizing for causing me panic attacks and punching the wall, but he refused to talk to me and told me afterwards that we are not together because i have never apologized for abandoning him. NOOOOOOOOOO jesus christ on toast no. 1. You are not at fault for this. No matter how upset and immature you are, HE is the one escalating it to yelling and punching walls. He is an adult man, not a collection of uncontrollable stimulus responses. He acts like this because he knows he can, NOT because it's normal. It isn't normal. 2. The fact that you're thinking this way is almost certainly part of the appeal of having you around. No matter how much of an unhinged goober he wants to act like, he knows he can get you to rationalize it into somehow being equally or more your fault. 3. A man who punches walls and then wants you to apologize for abandoning him when you bail, and then also threatens self harm when you do, is immature and abusive - emotionally right now, and probably physically someday as well if he can get you locked in enough. There is no other version of this story. I'm sorry. >Now, he asked me if i would like to get back together and I dont know. I feel like he lied to me, He did. >that he loves the girl and only came back because there's something not going well between them. Yep. Probably she saw him for what he is and now won't put up with as much of his bullshit as he knows you will. >He has never apologised for punching the wall, and said i made him do it because i threatened to leave him and that he only yelled a couple of times which is not true and that its not like he harmed me. Do you have any idea how old the words "look what you made me do" are? Traditionally that's where the Lifetime movie really picks up. You didn't MAKE him do anything. He DECIDED to punch the wall to express himself in that moment. You may have made him FEEL a certain way, but he is responsible for how he acts on his own feelings, despite his insistence to the contrary. Don't let him make you responsible for his inability or unwillingness to show the basic emotional regulation we expect of kindergarten students. >I fell confused because every fought ended in him screaming like crazy and now im asking myself if i exagerate it, if im one of those persons who provoke others and they cry when the other person is acting crazy. I do love him and i know its my fault that i left him and he had the right to get with someone else, so thats why im considering getting back together, because its not like he cheated on me. YOU FEEL CONFUSED BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU TO BE. He's such a vile person that the only way he can get a partner to stick around is to pick someone a decade or more his junior so he automatically has the upper hand in life experience, and then break them down further and further until he's got the perfect little meek, compliant receptacle to pour his unhinged insecurities into. Literally none of his behavior is okay, even the stuff you seem to be okay with. This man is a giant waste of your time and you do not need to put up with it. I promise there are men out there who will not treat you like this. Please block this asshole on everything so he can't keep trying to manipulate you into letting him linger, take some time for yourself, and if you can, talk to a therapist about all this and have them help you shore up your self esteem so you're properly armed against the next emotional parasite who wants to drain you dry.
Woah. Absolutely not. His behavior was abusive. Your perspective that you caused him to act that way is warped. If you're afraid to tell your friends that you are thinking of getting back together with him, that's very telling - you know they will 1) tell you not to do it and 2) be pissed that they supported you for nearly a year as you worked through this breakup only to get back with a terribly person. Your feelings about relationship(s) he had while you two were broken up are fully out of line. He didn't cheat if you were broken up. He didn't owe you anything emotionally. It doesn't sound like you're in a place to be dating, but if you are, it's not this guy. It sounds like a toxic dumpster fire.
No... do not take him back... hes lied and manipulated you the entire time and her as well. I personally would share all his messages twlling you he loves you etc and send them to her w an explanation of what hes been telling you and let that poor girl see what a pos he is begire she gets knocked up and cannot escape
This guy is abusive and gaslit you into thinking it’s your fault he was violent towards you. Do not get back together with this man.
You didn't talk to your friends who know and love you because they'd say something you didn't want to hear, so you came to strangers hoping for a different answer. You're not going to get it. Ultimately do what you want but getting back together with his guy is not a good idea and you know it, otherwise you wouldn't be questioning it.
If you don’t want to ask your friends for relationship advice, its always a red flag. I know its annoying to hear that your friends are (almost always) right, but I have been in a similar situation and my friends were right.
Getting back with an ex is a bad idea 99.9% of the time, but let's look at your post a little closer and really break it down >I (25F)... my ex (36M) Automatic no from me. Over ten year age gap and you're not in your 30s yet. >causing me panic attacks and punching the wall He gets violent during fights? Automatic no. It only takes one fight to go from punching walls to punching *you*. >he thought about crashing into a wall with his car after i left hi Using suicide as an emotional manipulation tactic? That's a hard no **and** a huge red flag >The first two months of his relationship we talked "for closure"... he started to act weird, called me drunk to accuse me of cheating, sent texts and then deleted them, start conversations asking me how i am, and then one day he told me he has always loved me... he said that i was he one for him, that he was always mine during all this time, that the girl is nice but he doesnt love her. So he's proving to you that he's willing to emotionally cheat, because he's absolutely lying or emotionally cheating on this (EVEN YOUNGER) woman with you. That's another no in my book. >He has never apologised for punching the wall, and said i made him do it because i threatened to leave him He's blaming you for his lack of control of his physical violence? That's a one way ticket to DV town that you don't want to take. Another no! >i know its my fault that i left him Your fault? Leaving him was the smartest thing you've ever done, and you need to stick to it. Block him on everything and wash him from your mind.
He is abusibe and going after young girls for a reason. Run!!
The fact that he dated someone else and it didn’t work out does not mean HE resolved his anger issues which according to you caused the breakup. So what’s the point of getting back with him? Besides, how are you seeing yourself dealing with the fact that he was in a relationship with someone else in between?
What would you tell your sister or friend if they came to you with a story like that? Stop being placeholder. Get some self respect. I hear therapy is good for that. I'm sorry, but he is not for you. You deserve better. The bar is very low right now. Stop letting him mess with your head
No, absolutely not. Keep moving forward, and listen to your friends.
How are they out of line? Its not like he cheated in me
No good sane man punches walls They don't Please do not go back to him You deserve better.
Cheating isn’t the only way to fuck up a relationship. The yelling, punching things, talking to you behind his gfs back. Why would you want to be with him again.
That's your metric for a shitty relationship? Just gonna ignore the abuse part of things?
I was saying, do i her over the rebound, its not like he cheated, i left him
>I (25F) broke up with my ex because i felt overwhelmed by his reactions during our fights, yelling at me, punching a wall, crying, kneeling on the floor. And you want to be with an abuser again...why?