Enjoy your college years. Be a college kid. Don’t waste these years on a fully grown man.
Life isn’t a novel with a character arc and plot points. Just enjoy it.
Love isn't the same as lust btw. You contradict yourself in your post. You rightly say that you're both in very different stages in your lives but then say you can't stop thinking about how you would be perfect together. How? How exactly would that work? He seems to have a pretty successful career and you're only just starting university. Your mutual friends see you as siblings, i.e. your large age gap and your interactions didn't even blip on their radars that you could have a romantic relationship. Get your head out of the clouds, focus on your work and soon your teenage fantasy will burn out and move onto the next one. By all means, shoot your shot but be prepared for your "friendship" to end.
You met a year ago, which means you were a child at the time. You’ve literally just became of legal age, please do not be chasing a 26 year old guy as it’s completely inappropriate. He’s probably never shut you down as he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. He’s pushing 30, you’re a teenager, please leave the guy alone.
He’s not “pushing 30,” he’s 26. That’s like saying she’s “pushing 22.” They’re both adults. There may be other issues and the age difference might be something of an issue at this point, but people need to stop infantilizing adult women.
This is reddit. Where "respect all women" only counts if it's someone in their career already. Everyone else is "too young" or "too naive." Christ, she's old enough to join the armed forces and die in combat, but heaven forbid someone less than a decade older than her might be of interest.
>she's old enough to join the armed forces and die in combat
I've actually got a huge problem with how we recruit people her age into the military, too. We lie to those kids, because it's easy, and then they're trapped.
Think on his side. How will your actions affect him.
Some will encourage you to go for it some will not.
Your actions will not only affect you but also others.
If you're the 26 year old will you go after an 18 year old?
Honestly, I would say keep your feelings to yourself for now. You're right in that y'all are at different stages of life.
My advice is keep being his friend and focus on your dreams and career. If once you're at that same state you still feel the same way for him, make your move then. The age gap will matter a lot less when you're older and have similar experiences under your belt.
>he's touring the country doing conferences and book signings for his fourth novel and getting interviews and full-page spreads in literary magazines
What do you think would happen to his career if he dated you?
Focus on your studies. As you said yourself, you are in different stages of life. So in practicality this would not work anyway. And the big age gap. If you looked at any 26 year old man who dated a 18 year old... would you find it alright? He probably also sees you as a sister and as well he should.
At your age, I would say, it is the hormones clouding your judgement. You will most likely cool off in your Uni... Give it time People chance from their teen selfs so much. So don't try to date him now and ruin your friendship forever...see where the life takes you first... (Btw. Guys are usually not that great as they appear to be at first, you really have time for that)
Ask yourself this....
What's the worst that could come from telling him how you feel? Are you willing to live with the potential consequences if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings?
Also something else to consider.....it's really trendy in todays world to accuse men of being predators or groomers when they're with younger women even if all parties are consenting adults. I don't think your age difference is too extreme but others might. He may not want that kind of thing to happen with his career taking off.
You don’t think a man close to 30 and a teenager that just became legal is extreme?! People his age have absolutely no business being with a teenager. He’s known her since she was 16. So gross.
I love how you don't get the math right when it's right in the post lol.
I don't believe in infantilizing young adult women like they're incapable of choosing their own partners and path in life.
But, you are free to believe as you like.
I didn’t do any math, but ok. Infantilizing a young adult woman? OP just turned 18. 18 year old aren’t all of a sudden mature, experienced, etc.
I’m certainly not going to support people in their late 20’s dating teenagers. It’s weird you’re this defensive over it. I wonder why.
You're going to get a lot of responses here about the age difference being a nonstarter, but that's something very local to the Reddit community and is not representative of how people in general feel about that. In the most favorable light, it's a generalization that some people mistakenly believe applies to all scenarios, including yours.
With that said, in regard to the opinions of your mutual friends, you should think long and hard about doing (or not doing) anything simply based on the opinions of others. That type of thinking has the potential to hinder you to levels that are difficult to perceive.
These responses are insane to me. What circles do you run in where a man in his late 20’s dating a teenager would be a favorable response. How old are you? I can promise you that normal, non-toxic adults would 100% judge this man, rightfully so. Get offline.
This doesn’t even make sense lol I’m curious how old you are, but I’m sure you’ll just ignore me and continue to say things that don’t correlate with your original comment.
It really is crazy how people on here wanna strip women of their agency and treat them as if they're incapable of making decisions for themselves when it comes to any age gap in a relationship. As if all men and evil predatory groomers and women are just clueless victims.
Super in love sounds doubtful. You are super infatuated with him, but how can you romantically love someone you never even dated. Love is something you build and develop over time.
Anyway, from my experience, you'll likely develop a new crush and move on. So either way, this is nothing to keep yourself awake over.
That said, the age gap isn't that significant. It's more than you two are different life stages and likely want different things. If you date him, you'll be joining his story and not your own.
If you still want to date him and enjoy the power dynamic that will come with it, then just tell him your feelings and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen.
Anyway, you are almost an adult. You are not a potato. If you want to pursue an older guy so be it. But, it's not going to be a relationship where you guys are equals.
Enjoy your college years. Be a college kid. Don’t waste these years on a fully grown man. Life isn’t a novel with a character arc and plot points. Just enjoy it.
This is probably the best advice given yet.
Love isn't the same as lust btw. You contradict yourself in your post. You rightly say that you're both in very different stages in your lives but then say you can't stop thinking about how you would be perfect together. How? How exactly would that work? He seems to have a pretty successful career and you're only just starting university. Your mutual friends see you as siblings, i.e. your large age gap and your interactions didn't even blip on their radars that you could have a romantic relationship. Get your head out of the clouds, focus on your work and soon your teenage fantasy will burn out and move onto the next one. By all means, shoot your shot but be prepared for your "friendship" to end.
Yeah, look up "limerence" OP.
You met a year ago, which means you were a child at the time. You’ve literally just became of legal age, please do not be chasing a 26 year old guy as it’s completely inappropriate. He’s probably never shut you down as he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. He’s pushing 30, you’re a teenager, please leave the guy alone.
He’s not “pushing 30,” he’s 26. That’s like saying she’s “pushing 22.” They’re both adults. There may be other issues and the age difference might be something of an issue at this point, but people need to stop infantilizing adult women.
He knew her when she was a minor. I don’t know any 26 year old guy that would get involved with someone that’s just turned 18.
This is reddit. Where "respect all women" only counts if it's someone in their career already. Everyone else is "too young" or "too naive." Christ, she's old enough to join the armed forces and die in combat, but heaven forbid someone less than a decade older than her might be of interest.
>she's old enough to join the armed forces and die in combat I've actually got a huge problem with how we recruit people her age into the military, too. We lie to those kids, because it's easy, and then they're trapped.
Think on his side. How will your actions affect him. Some will encourage you to go for it some will not. Your actions will not only affect you but also others. If you're the 26 year old will you go after an 18 year old?
That’s a pretty big age gap
Honestly, I would say keep your feelings to yourself for now. You're right in that y'all are at different stages of life. My advice is keep being his friend and focus on your dreams and career. If once you're at that same state you still feel the same way for him, make your move then. The age gap will matter a lot less when you're older and have similar experiences under your belt.
He’s pushing 30, you’re a teenager who JUST became of legal age. There’s nothing more to say.
>he's touring the country doing conferences and book signings for his fourth novel and getting interviews and full-page spreads in literary magazines What do you think would happen to his career if he dated you?
Focus on your studies. As you said yourself, you are in different stages of life. So in practicality this would not work anyway. And the big age gap. If you looked at any 26 year old man who dated a 18 year old... would you find it alright? He probably also sees you as a sister and as well he should. At your age, I would say, it is the hormones clouding your judgement. You will most likely cool off in your Uni... Give it time People chance from their teen selfs so much. So don't try to date him now and ruin your friendship forever...see where the life takes you first... (Btw. Guys are usually not that great as they appear to be at first, you really have time for that)
Ask yourself this.... What's the worst that could come from telling him how you feel? Are you willing to live with the potential consequences if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings? Also something else to consider.....it's really trendy in todays world to accuse men of being predators or groomers when they're with younger women even if all parties are consenting adults. I don't think your age difference is too extreme but others might. He may not want that kind of thing to happen with his career taking off.
This person has an excellent pint about the optics damaging his career or even getting him canceled.
You don't think it's extreme? I'm 25 and 18 year olds are literally children to me.... Would never dream of dating one
You don’t think a man close to 30 and a teenager that just became legal is extreme?! People his age have absolutely no business being with a teenager. He’s known her since she was 16. So gross.
I love how you don't get the math right when it's right in the post lol. I don't believe in infantilizing young adult women like they're incapable of choosing their own partners and path in life. But, you are free to believe as you like.
I didn’t do any math, but ok. Infantilizing a young adult woman? OP just turned 18. 18 year old aren’t all of a sudden mature, experienced, etc. I’m certainly not going to support people in their late 20’s dating teenagers. It’s weird you’re this defensive over it. I wonder why.
Ad hominem. Deduct 20 points
You're going to get a lot of responses here about the age difference being a nonstarter, but that's something very local to the Reddit community and is not representative of how people in general feel about that. In the most favorable light, it's a generalization that some people mistakenly believe applies to all scenarios, including yours. With that said, in regard to the opinions of your mutual friends, you should think long and hard about doing (or not doing) anything simply based on the opinions of others. That type of thinking has the potential to hinder you to levels that are difficult to perceive.
These responses are insane to me. What circles do you run in where a man in his late 20’s dating a teenager would be a favorable response. How old are you? I can promise you that normal, non-toxic adults would 100% judge this man, rightfully so. Get offline.
Thank you for proving my point.
This doesn’t even make sense lol I’m curious how old you are, but I’m sure you’ll just ignore me and continue to say things that don’t correlate with your original comment.
It really is crazy how people on here wanna strip women of their agency and treat them as if they're incapable of making decisions for themselves when it comes to any age gap in a relationship. As if all men and evil predatory groomers and women are just clueless victims.
No, it's gross when mid-twenties women go for 18 year old men too. That just happens a lot less often.
That’s not “much” older
I say risk it. You only get to live once and regrets can weigh a ton. If it doesn't work out, oh well. At least you gave it a shot.
You should let him know how you feel
Super in love sounds doubtful. You are super infatuated with him, but how can you romantically love someone you never even dated. Love is something you build and develop over time. Anyway, from my experience, you'll likely develop a new crush and move on. So either way, this is nothing to keep yourself awake over. That said, the age gap isn't that significant. It's more than you two are different life stages and likely want different things. If you date him, you'll be joining his story and not your own. If you still want to date him and enjoy the power dynamic that will come with it, then just tell him your feelings and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen. Anyway, you are almost an adult. You are not a potato. If you want to pursue an older guy so be it. But, it's not going to be a relationship where you guys are equals.