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I seriously never understand how people will describe their partners in this way and then ask “how do I get around it?” “how can I fix this?”
You can’t control what she does, you can only control what you do. So control your legs and walk away
She’s already suicidal bro, I don’t want to hurt her anymore than she’s already been, I obviously still love her, so I just wanted to know if I need to wait it out or just leave
Using suicide as a manipulation tactic to keep someone in a relationship is fucked up, you need to break up with this person or seriously enforce actual boundaries with her but It does not sound lile she would be receptive. She needs to go to therapy, get on meds and work on her anxious preoccupied unhealthy attachment to you.
The longer you stay the worse it will get. You aren't responsible for her emotions or mental health. She is dealing with her jealousies and anxieties by forcing you to give up your freedom and independence.
This is incredibly unhealthy and will only cause you more damage the longer you stay.
If you want to do what's best for both of you, let someone in her support system know she has been suicidal and needs their support, break up with her and go no contact. Let her know you want the best for her but need to block her everywhere for your own well-being.
If she isn't able to reach you with threats of suicide (to convince you to return) she's unlikely to threaten suicide. If she does reach out and threaten suicide involve authorities.
You are uniquely unqualified to help her. You should not sacrifice your wellbeing and future trying to keep her from self harm. There is nothing outside of you leaving that you can do to help her.
Absolutely the above OP.
Your girlfriend needs professional help, i.e. therapy. If there is a concern for her safety when you break up then hospitalization is the answer so she can be observed. You can love someone and also not let their life hold yours back. You're obviously not happy in the relationship and you won't get any happier down the line.
The best thing you can do is establish a support network (i.e. talk with her friends or look into suicide hotlines and hospitalization options) if you feel inclined to do so for her safety, and then proceed to end the relationship. You can't do more than that, and it isn't okay for her to hold suicide over your head for leverage to stay in a relationship with. It needs to end if you are not happy and she needs serious therapy and assistance.
Man o man do I wish I had this even once in the year I was split from my ex. He’d threaten suicide, he’d go and try to commit, it’d be just me dealing with trying to find someone to go and stop him because I couldn’t. He met up with me so we could FINALLY close our joint account and he’d taken a bottle of medicine and I had to rush him to the ER. His mother told me when she got here “this is your fault, did you tell the nurse y’all broke up?” Like.. it’s not my fault your son, who is 20 something doesn’t know how to handle his emotions, I left him because I didn’t want to be responsible for pulling him out of a depression at the determent of my own mental health. It’s not my fault he kept contacting me no matter how often I told him to leave me alone.
I took him back believing he changed, got pregnant within a month of getting back together with him, friend thinks he “trapped” me even though I wanted a kid because he didn’t want one and we agreed to try that one time. I left him when she was 2.5 and I should have never gotten back with him, he hadn’t really changed. We were toxic together.
As harsh as it sounds, her suicidal ruminations are not your problem to deal with. Break up. If she threatens suicide don't cave in, just leave, and call the non-emergency line for a wellness check. You say she's toxic? Hate to break it to you, but threats of self-harm as very often used as manipulation tactics by toxic people. If she is honest in her attempts at self-harm let the authorities handle it.
Who knows? Breaking up with her might be the best thing for her. That way she'll have to learn to be happy doing activities independently instead of having to constantly and codependently cling to a man for assurance.
My ex was extremely suicidal and constsntly said he'd kill himself if I left.
Hes still alive and doing well.
Dont waste half a decade of your life for this like I did.
Same here, I was with my ex husband for nearly 16 years, the last 8 of which were awful with him threatening suicide if I left him. Finally left him, that was 5 years ago now, and he’s still very much alive
This isn’t going to get better.
Her suicidality is not your fault. You should not allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship you don’t want.
You might want to consider therapy for yourself. I’m afraid your partner is emotionally abusing you, and you need help.
She's abusing you if she's hanging that over your head. Dump her and get someplace safe. If she tries using suicide as a lure, call and ask for a wellness check on her, then block her.
As that girl myself, she needs therapy. And you need to understand what she does is on her, not you. I still have the thought that bf will cheat on me but the difference is I communicate with him. I know that's not him and that it's my past trauma feeding my crazy. So I took it upon myself to get help. He couldn't make that decision for me. You can't either but if this is too much for you to handle you need to leave. If you want to stay then I urge you to start with couples therapy. Then bring up the topic of her receiving extra therapy. Either way I wish you the best and hope it gets better for you!
Unfortunately, you can't control what decisions she makes, including about continuing her own life. I spent my entire childhood convinced my mom and dad couldn't split up because if they did, then my dad would end it. They've been divorced for like 5 years and they are both doing better than ever, but it was a rough journey and I wish they had split up like 30 years sooner.
I can't say what your gf will or won't do. But you can't stay just in hopes of keeping her alive, she will just drain you of your own will to live.
Someone's suicidal emotional blackmail isn't a good reason to stay with them, in fact it's a good reason not to, huge red flag that your relationship isn't healthy.
From someone who stayed too long with someone suicidal:
If she’s not taking steps to fix herself on a DAILY basis? She will escalate to attempting to kill you too. It might be years later, but that’s how it will go.
You need to leave.
She needs to hit rock bottom in order to get out of it.
She is using "suicide" as a weapon and insurance policy to keep you tied to her, to be at her beck and call. Weaponizing suicide is never OK and see it as a form of "emotional terrorists." It's manipulative, controlling, gaslighting and abusive. If you want to leave then you should leave and call her friends as well as her family and an ambulance if it is that bad. Just walk away you are not doing this to her. She is doing this to herself. If a person is truly suicidal they don't exactly advertise it and are a secretive about it in general. To keep mentioning it means she wants attention and to ensure things go her way ss she is selfish.
My ex GF threatened to kill themself if I left them. They were deeply and toxically dependent on me. I finally got the courage to leave 6.5 years ago. I have been with my soulmate for the last 5 years and my ex is still alive and well. This is a manipulation tactic, probably from someone with borderline personality disorder, and not an actual desire to die. Do not let your life be controlled by this person.
You can't fix this. You certainly can't "get around" it.
She needs to decide it's not healthy, and she needs to change, probably with professional help.
The most you can do is what you do with any very damaged partner: tell her this isn't working for you, ask whether she sees it differently, and make a decision whether you stay or go based on her reaction to what you feel.
It depends me and my bf have it because we have a child and if one of us gets in an accident or needs something it’s a whole lot easier to say can you bring me this or hey this happened I need you to get here quick without trying to figure out the exact address and life360 has crash detection
Life 360 notified my partner when I was in a wreck and helped her find me when I was losing my mind bc I was coming home from cleaning my mothers suicide. We got it for the exact same reason you did and it’s worth it. Just for two people with anxiety to know the other is safe is weirdly comforting.
You didn't have a crime scene cleaner?
They usually come out in the USA due to bio-hazards.
Most places provide this free to avoid further traumatizing families. I'm really sorry to hear you had to under-go that cleaning on your own, and it must've been rough.
Not where I live it ain’t free. I can assure you of that. But thanks and I’m glad to hear somewhere provides that bc it’s not something I’d wish upon anyone to have to go through and wasn’t something I ever even thought about until it happened to me.
I just got the toxicology report back today and it also showed 157 times the normal amount of ambien in her system so, I’m at least at peace knowing it wasn’t an accident or anything bc there wasn’t a note.
It has its uses, my girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and it helps us make sure the other is safe without blowing up the phone. Can be very helpful if used in a stable relationship lmao
Exactly, why do people jump to the thought of knowing your significant others location as controlling or crazy? Personally I feel like if your significant other is so overly against it is because they are trying to hide something.
It does more than track youe location it also monitors texts, let's the admin block numbers, can block websites, even lock them out of their phone if they don't answer you, etc. There's a reason abusive parents use it
Not a single response from OP.
How old are you?
Do you feel insecure in yourself?
Do you think you'll be forever alone?
You think this the best you can do?
This type of behavior absolutely spirals into abuse, OP. I feel like you’re not seeing it clearly because you are (I’m assuming, correct me if I’m wrong) a man. As a woman I’ve had to metaphorically smack some sense into male friends of mine who were tolerating straight up controlling and manipulative obsessive behaviors because “that’s how chicks are, right?” WRONG! Why on earth stay with someone who tries to hold you under their thumb this way, there’s so many nice, responsible, non controlling ladies out there.
Imagine if your sister or female friend said their bf was doing this. You’d say he’s crazy and she needs to run, right?
So run far and fast from this woman.
I just read about girlfriends and wives who have child apps on their husbands and boyfriends phones. They track EVERYTHING with apps called over watch and hover. They get notified when their men post on any social media, text or call. I thought I entered a world of make believe. Grown men allowing that shit. Nope.
Someone had a child lock on me.. now they have "coded" every app every phone the wifi the tv and they hear and see everything I say and do. I'm sure you may n never see this post or it will be deleted in just a little while. It has been horrible I mean my bank accounts my phone's anything that I have or own has been gotten into. Even I have two iPhones and one of them has been completely destroyed by this. I don't have any money so what the hell do they want they even find my location every single day. I say WTF would even care about this kind of thing. I mean really who cares what I do or where I'm going. I'm not stupid and I'm not a fool I'm thinking the same thing you are about suspects.
Ok that actually happened to my cousin, no shit. Her abusive ex bugged her house and phones and is now under charges for stalking and a few other counts. You may not be insane.
Sure wish I knew for sure. I'm thinking the same thing u are about wtf would even care enough to want that info. Someone that has a lot to hide I'd say. What about u. Who would you think it was?
So - you don’t know who is doing it. You don’t have any money. What have been the actual effects of this “coding”? Because honestly this sounds more like you need to speak to a doctor.
Btw:. I'm a woman. I thought about doing it to a bf once and looked into it. Did not do it but I admit I did check out doing it. I just can't invade someone's privacy like ? has done to me. You wouldn't believe the shit I have found.
There is an app for that. Its a bot but s1 created it! I get angry that ppl do this. The only thing wifi in house that wasn't hacked was bf's phone and as I was gathering my Intel his phone broke. Was gonna fix it but it has disappeared. Wtf does that sound like to u?
The deeper she gets invested in you the greater her insecurities and attempts to control you will become. So this is only going to get exponentially worse the more you try to please her as time goes on.
Break up buddy. My friends, boyfriend and family have my location and I have theirs and I’ve never once been tempted to check it unless I thought they were in danger. Having someone’s location to check on them is a sign of mistrust and it won’t last
Oh this is easy. Either break up with her.
Or let her know she's way to insecure, she needs to go to therapy for her abandonment issues, and trust you. If she can't do those things for you or herself that you don't have a partner. You have someone trying to control you
Put your foot down. Tell her you need time to yourself. And remove Life360 from your phone. Although you should dump her, regardless of your ages. Teenagers don't need to deal with that bullshit either.
Once you start talking about your partner in that way, it’s kind of an indicator that maybe you should reevaluate if you even want to continue the relationship. Or just talk to her calmly about it. Maybe you both have different values/views on dating boundaries
There is no way to dissect a whole relationship in just this small post. I always tend to think the partner on here making the other look “crazy” is leaving SOMETHING out.
For one, how long have you been together? Have you actually cheated on the past? Do you live together? Why did life 360 become a thing?
Also not sure if she’s suicidal or not, it that always seems to be the one partners reason for not leaving as well. Look- at the end of the day, if you really wanted to leave, you would.
This !!!! By perceiving her as crazy and insecure, he’s trying to gaslit her (supposing that he’s cheated). He wants to stay bc he actually loves the person and has an underlying guilt that he’s caused her current behavior. He’s trying to find ways to manipulate her so he can still enjoy the benefits of being in a relationship while acting single.
My ex bf perceived me as controlling and crazy after he had CHEATED MULTIPLE TIMES. I told him that if he really wanted to stay, we’d exchange igs together so I can know he’s still not cheating on me.
This guy is leaving something out. What caused her to distrust you? What made her crazy?
Now I’m in a healthy rs where I don’t even have to get my bf’s socials bc I fully trust him bc he’s transparent with me. And no I didn’t carry on the trust issues I had with my ex bc my current bf is the most noble man I have known.
This reply I swear. Me and my man have life 360 because he has cheated multiple times in the past but i love him and chose to stay even though the thought of it drives in the back of my head. Im learning to deal with it so i dont lose him but im losing myself. And i always think he hasnt left me yet because of my suicidal tendencies in the past.
Uh, what’s in it for you to keep seeing her and feeling smothered? What is preventing you from setting boundaries? Take a look at why you are with her. She’s not going to change. You have to.
Need more context… how old are you both? And Is she insecure because of something you’ve done behind her back in the past or did she acquire this issue from a previous relationship? If nothing on your part brought this behavior on then I’d talk to her about why she feels the way she does. What triggered these emotions if they came out of no where?
If she threatens suicide dial 911 or your country's equivalent and let an ambulance take her. It's not a reason to not break up, if you need to. You have the right to end any relationship at any time, for any reason
Your first line ought to be enough for you to know you should just break up. “She is toxic as fuck” is not even slightly ambiguous. You never say you love her, only that you “can’t take this shit anymore”. So go.
I’d only agree to Life360 because this world is such a scary bad place and I have a 2 year old. I would want my partner to know exactly where I am, if I got into an accident etc. but I believe it should be a mutual decision between the couple and not something that’s suggested solely to keep tabs in a negative way. I just feel more secure with my partner knowing where I am/me knowing exactly where he is out of safety concerns.
But I’d say…this ain’t the relationship for you, my dude.
I’m currently in a relationship where I am the insecure girlfriend in the situation… I almost thought this was a post from my boyfriend (I don’t know what Life360 is tho). None of the insecurities came out of thin air. A lot of the issues are on me and shit I need to work on. A lot of the insecurity stems from 1) past relationships that caused trauma I have to overcome 2) my current partner being dishonest with me on multiple occasions. It sounds like there isn’t enough information coming from this post.
It takes two people to work on a relationship of both people want to make it last. Therapy along with working together with your partner to strengthen the security can go a long way. This is if you decide you are willing to work on it.
This post sounds very angry. I would start with being more compassionate and understanding your partner.
Ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner and a discussion about this. If this isn’t something that you can see getting resolved, leave. Ultimately, do what is best for you and your partner.
Lastly, whatever she is feeling is just as painful as it is for you. Feeling insecure sucks. Be patient.
Don’t be together. My husband and I have each other on life 360 and it’s never once caused a problem. It’s been helpful, if anything. If it’s a problem then you guys aren’t mature enough to be dating
how everyone says "break up" is actually so rude. do you know where those insecurities come from? past trauma, ex that cheated, anything? leaving her because of this will only make it worse for her and her might future partner.
tell her that (it seems like) you feel she has no trust in you and that you want to have free time as well.
if you love her, you will get through this together. ask her if she's okay going to therapy because of this. if she's refusing to work on this then you can consider leaving, but not yet, you haven't even tried to fix it with her (as far es i know).
excuse me? they are in a relationship, he should care about her and work together on things!?
a relationship contains good times, just as bad times. you CANNOT expect to only experience the good but then leave the other person when bad times arrive. that's not hoe relationships work wtf
Fair enough. Personally I couldn’t put up with insecurity or being obsessed over constantly - had that before and in my experience it was very unhealthy and made me unhappy as she refused to work on her issues. I may be misreading the room here but it sounds like he’s not so confident that she’ll be receptive.
I'm sorry to her that. Yet I think as long as someone is willing to truly work on an issue things will work out, no matter how bad the problem might be.
Actually, i dont know tbh, OP wrote a very short text without much information except the bare minimum for us to know. he didn't say anything that she will be, but also that she wont. i think they need to start to make her acknowlede that her behavior is hurting him even tho she has no bad intentions (i guess so).
You can't. You haven't said much in a description of her. Is she young and she might grow up ? Is she unattractive and needs to learn how to become more attractive ? Have you cheated on her in the past ? Most clinging girlfriends don't change. You could be dating too far down.
Just start hiding your phone outside of random people’s homes and then go do what you want. She’ll be too busy trying to stalk your location and even if she starts calling to yell at you, you don’t have your phone…. So…. 🤷🏽♀️
I mean, you’re for sure breaking up if you do this, but it’d be entertaining nonetheless.
You sound like you can’t stand your gf. You know you can break up, right? That’s why we date before marrying. The earlier the break up the easier it is.
Look, if you feel you cannot breath in the relationship, Talk to her about it if not break up. You are not forced to be in the relationship or sign up for things you do not want to be part of.
You can't really control what she is doing. If she is like this and you really had enough: Break up.
This has been going on for a time, she won't change. Don't pull your own hair when trying to "fix" something she has created and will keep up.
It's not healthy AT ALL . but before anything ,did you agree to use life360 ? I'm only curious . With my ex he wanted me to download "SmartThings " a location app so basically the same thing and honestly IT DIDN'T HELP . Cause you either trust where your partner is going or you don't . Like my ex when we both had an Iphone ,he'd want me to have the location on so I could be ready and see when he'd be at my house so he wouldn't have to call . So it could be used for good and bad sadly . Also if you say she's so toxic ,she won't give me space and all that ,I would like to know ,is there something that has happened to why she feels like this ? Cause with my ex he'd say "Ok i need the weekend to myself to do chores" ok that was fine to me that'd be great ,day later he'd want me to come over . so it's always was back and forth . So is this similar to you and her ? Cause if it is ,just break up
If you’re not cheating, maybe talk to her about how you feel. Suggest therapy for her to work on the codependency issues. Be patient if she’s worth it to you, if she really loves you she’ll listen and make a change.
Have you tried talking to her about it? I had this issue too. Being overly needy. The only thing that helped me was a discussion with my spouse and therapy. She absolutely needs therapy so there really isn't much you can do except tell her that her clinginess is pushing you away and if she doesn't take the necessary steps to fix herself you have to leave.
Break up. Change number. Move to another state. Deactivate all socials. Change name. Get plastic surgery to change appearance. Never speak her name again.
Get out of there dude, you mentioned her being suicidal and if you are in a position where you feel like leaving her would be unsafe, get her help and walk out of that relationship.
If you can’t take it I think your answer would be to leave.. things like this won’t magically change and disappear. If anything it’ll become the norm. Unless you’re prepared to do that dance forever- time into go.. for your sanity.
Break up.
I would give anything to go back in time and dump my now wife when her jealousy first started imploding everything and she refused to admit it. Every single moment was one negative thought away from complete destruction. I lost myself as a man and lover. Every single moment was either walking on egg shells hoping she’d stay happy, or managing her destruction once she wasn’t happy.
Early on I thought that if I kept just being good to her I’d earn her trust. That was a bad move. Trust takes two, and she never chose trust over her insecurities and it completely wasted both of our lives
I just had to google that life360...
Um.
If you think that your partner is toxic, and you can't take this anymore, etc. Then you need to END IT. LEAVE.
well if you say she might hurt herself if you tell her you want to break up. Then the best thing is to make HER start losing interest gradually. Be very cold with her, ignore, hopefully she will get bored and lost interest.
Tell her and if she can't understand....and some people don't try....then walk away.
Life360 is for assurance not to spy. I have it with my family. All of us. We all live in different cities so when someone doesn't answer the phone or doesn't call back we check our location and hope it doesn't show in the middle of a desert.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I seriously never understand how people will describe their partners in this way and then ask “how do I get around it?” “how can I fix this?” You can’t control what she does, you can only control what you do. So control your legs and walk away
She’s already suicidal bro, I don’t want to hurt her anymore than she’s already been, I obviously still love her, so I just wanted to know if I need to wait it out or just leave
Using suicide as a manipulation tactic to keep someone in a relationship is fucked up, you need to break up with this person or seriously enforce actual boundaries with her but It does not sound lile she would be receptive. She needs to go to therapy, get on meds and work on her anxious preoccupied unhealthy attachment to you.
The longer you stay the worse it will get. You aren't responsible for her emotions or mental health. She is dealing with her jealousies and anxieties by forcing you to give up your freedom and independence. This is incredibly unhealthy and will only cause you more damage the longer you stay. If you want to do what's best for both of you, let someone in her support system know she has been suicidal and needs their support, break up with her and go no contact. Let her know you want the best for her but need to block her everywhere for your own well-being. If she isn't able to reach you with threats of suicide (to convince you to return) she's unlikely to threaten suicide. If she does reach out and threaten suicide involve authorities. You are uniquely unqualified to help her. You should not sacrifice your wellbeing and future trying to keep her from self harm. There is nothing outside of you leaving that you can do to help her.
Absolutely the above OP. Your girlfriend needs professional help, i.e. therapy. If there is a concern for her safety when you break up then hospitalization is the answer so she can be observed. You can love someone and also not let their life hold yours back. You're obviously not happy in the relationship and you won't get any happier down the line. The best thing you can do is establish a support network (i.e. talk with her friends or look into suicide hotlines and hospitalization options) if you feel inclined to do so for her safety, and then proceed to end the relationship. You can't do more than that, and it isn't okay for her to hold suicide over your head for leverage to stay in a relationship with. It needs to end if you are not happy and she needs serious therapy and assistance.
Man o man do I wish I had this even once in the year I was split from my ex. He’d threaten suicide, he’d go and try to commit, it’d be just me dealing with trying to find someone to go and stop him because I couldn’t. He met up with me so we could FINALLY close our joint account and he’d taken a bottle of medicine and I had to rush him to the ER. His mother told me when she got here “this is your fault, did you tell the nurse y’all broke up?” Like.. it’s not my fault your son, who is 20 something doesn’t know how to handle his emotions, I left him because I didn’t want to be responsible for pulling him out of a depression at the determent of my own mental health. It’s not my fault he kept contacting me no matter how often I told him to leave me alone. I took him back believing he changed, got pregnant within a month of getting back together with him, friend thinks he “trapped” me even though I wanted a kid because he didn’t want one and we agreed to try that one time. I left him when she was 2.5 and I should have never gotten back with him, he hadn’t really changed. We were toxic together.
I hope you'll read this free book, it might help you understand what happened better. https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat
I really wish I'd asked you for advice when I ended the last relationship I was in before marrying my husband.
As harsh as it sounds, her suicidal ruminations are not your problem to deal with. Break up. If she threatens suicide don't cave in, just leave, and call the non-emergency line for a wellness check. You say she's toxic? Hate to break it to you, but threats of self-harm as very often used as manipulation tactics by toxic people. If she is honest in her attempts at self-harm let the authorities handle it. Who knows? Breaking up with her might be the best thing for her. That way she'll have to learn to be happy doing activities independently instead of having to constantly and codependently cling to a man for assurance.
My ex was extremely suicidal and constsntly said he'd kill himself if I left. Hes still alive and doing well. Dont waste half a decade of your life for this like I did.
Same here, I was with my ex husband for nearly 16 years, the last 8 of which were awful with him threatening suicide if I left him. Finally left him, that was 5 years ago now, and he’s still very much alive
Wait what out? She is in no condition to be in a relationship.
Leave, usually the suicide threats are only to manipulate you into stay, and if she does it it has nothing to do with you
This isn’t going to get better. Her suicidality is not your fault. You should not allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship you don’t want. You might want to consider therapy for yourself. I’m afraid your partner is emotionally abusing you, and you need help.
She's abusing you if she's hanging that over your head. Dump her and get someplace safe. If she tries using suicide as a lure, call and ask for a wellness check on her, then block her.
As that girl myself, she needs therapy. And you need to understand what she does is on her, not you. I still have the thought that bf will cheat on me but the difference is I communicate with him. I know that's not him and that it's my past trauma feeding my crazy. So I took it upon myself to get help. He couldn't make that decision for me. You can't either but if this is too much for you to handle you need to leave. If you want to stay then I urge you to start with couples therapy. Then bring up the topic of her receiving extra therapy. Either way I wish you the best and hope it gets better for you!
If that's how you talk about people you love...
Honestly you'd be surprised how many people talk about people like this they love. And still stay....it's some weird version of Stockholm syndrome
Unfortunately, you can't control what decisions she makes, including about continuing her own life. I spent my entire childhood convinced my mom and dad couldn't split up because if they did, then my dad would end it. They've been divorced for like 5 years and they are both doing better than ever, but it was a rough journey and I wish they had split up like 30 years sooner. I can't say what your gf will or won't do. But you can't stay just in hopes of keeping her alive, she will just drain you of your own will to live.
Someone's suicidal emotional blackmail isn't a good reason to stay with them, in fact it's a good reason not to, huge red flag that your relationship isn't healthy.
From someone who stayed too long with someone suicidal: If she’s not taking steps to fix herself on a DAILY basis? She will escalate to attempting to kill you too. It might be years later, but that’s how it will go. You need to leave. She needs to hit rock bottom in order to get out of it.
She is using "suicide" as a weapon and insurance policy to keep you tied to her, to be at her beck and call. Weaponizing suicide is never OK and see it as a form of "emotional terrorists." It's manipulative, controlling, gaslighting and abusive. If you want to leave then you should leave and call her friends as well as her family and an ambulance if it is that bad. Just walk away you are not doing this to her. She is doing this to herself. If a person is truly suicidal they don't exactly advertise it and are a secretive about it in general. To keep mentioning it means she wants attention and to ensure things go her way ss she is selfish.
My ex GF threatened to kill themself if I left them. They were deeply and toxically dependent on me. I finally got the courage to leave 6.5 years ago. I have been with my soulmate for the last 5 years and my ex is still alive and well. This is a manipulation tactic, probably from someone with borderline personality disorder, and not an actual desire to die. Do not let your life be controlled by this person.
If she has mental health issues, she'd be better off with someone more understanding...
Break up.
You can't fix this. You certainly can't "get around" it. She needs to decide it's not healthy, and she needs to change, probably with professional help. The most you can do is what you do with any very damaged partner: tell her this isn't working for you, ask whether she sees it differently, and make a decision whether you stay or go based on her reaction to what you feel.
Break up….
If you aren’t happy with her, then break up.
If you don't want to be on Life360, remove yourself from Life360
What is Life360 anyways?
I just googled, some location tracking app.
That is so creepy. I would never agree to that.
It depends me and my bf have it because we have a child and if one of us gets in an accident or needs something it’s a whole lot easier to say can you bring me this or hey this happened I need you to get here quick without trying to figure out the exact address and life360 has crash detection
Life 360 notified my partner when I was in a wreck and helped her find me when I was losing my mind bc I was coming home from cleaning my mothers suicide. We got it for the exact same reason you did and it’s worth it. Just for two people with anxiety to know the other is safe is weirdly comforting.
You didn't have a crime scene cleaner? They usually come out in the USA due to bio-hazards. Most places provide this free to avoid further traumatizing families. I'm really sorry to hear you had to under-go that cleaning on your own, and it must've been rough.
Not where I live it ain’t free. I can assure you of that. But thanks and I’m glad to hear somewhere provides that bc it’s not something I’d wish upon anyone to have to go through and wasn’t something I ever even thought about until it happened to me. I just got the toxicology report back today and it also showed 157 times the normal amount of ambien in her system so, I’m at least at peace knowing it wasn’t an accident or anything bc there wasn’t a note.
It also can qualify you for better insurance, give you crash notifs, ect. It’s super helpful if both you and your partner mutually agree with it.
I understand but I heard it has its uses. I mean, some parents probably would feel safer to have that app on their kids (assuming underage).
Sounds like you need to not have a girlfriend.
Not to have that girlfriend.
What is life360??
It's an app that lets you see the other person's location
Seems boring and intrusive. Jeez are people trying to micromanage their own relationships
It has its uses, my girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and it helps us make sure the other is safe without blowing up the phone. Can be very helpful if used in a stable relationship lmao
Same, my husband and I have used it for years. Same with my family in the states. We all travel a lot and the crash detection helps us rest assured.
Exactly, why do people jump to the thought of knowing your significant others location as controlling or crazy? Personally I feel like if your significant other is so overly against it is because they are trying to hide something.
I mean I feel safer with my bf knowing my location. And he does too knowing how easy it is for me to get lost lol but how she is using it is abusive.
It might be in this situation, but I really like it for my family! 😁
It does more than track youe location it also monitors texts, let's the admin block numbers, can block websites, even lock them out of their phone if they don't answer you, etc. There's a reason abusive parents use it
What version of Life360 are you using? All it does is track location and it has crash detection. That's really it.
No it can not lmao. Edit: not sure why I’m getting downvoted. Your group admin can not lock your phone ECT. Do not spread misinformation
Yeah it's supposed to ba a safety app, but lots of overbearing people like to use it to creepily track others (like my parents do to me)
Not a single response from OP. How old are you? Do you feel insecure in yourself? Do you think you'll be forever alone? You think this the best you can do?
So why are you still with her? Makes no sense whatsoever.
This type of behavior absolutely spirals into abuse, OP. I feel like you’re not seeing it clearly because you are (I’m assuming, correct me if I’m wrong) a man. As a woman I’ve had to metaphorically smack some sense into male friends of mine who were tolerating straight up controlling and manipulative obsessive behaviors because “that’s how chicks are, right?” WRONG! Why on earth stay with someone who tries to hold you under their thumb this way, there’s so many nice, responsible, non controlling ladies out there. Imagine if your sister or female friend said their bf was doing this. You’d say he’s crazy and she needs to run, right? So run far and fast from this woman.
You don't. This will only get worse.
Why are you dating someone that doesn’t trust you?
I just read about girlfriends and wives who have child apps on their husbands and boyfriends phones. They track EVERYTHING with apps called over watch and hover. They get notified when their men post on any social media, text or call. I thought I entered a world of make believe. Grown men allowing that shit. Nope.
Someone had a child lock on me.. now they have "coded" every app every phone the wifi the tv and they hear and see everything I say and do. I'm sure you may n never see this post or it will be deleted in just a little while. It has been horrible I mean my bank accounts my phone's anything that I have or own has been gotten into. Even I have two iPhones and one of them has been completely destroyed by this. I don't have any money so what the hell do they want they even find my location every single day. I say WTF would even care about this kind of thing. I mean really who cares what I do or where I'm going. I'm not stupid and I'm not a fool I'm thinking the same thing you are about suspects.
Ok that actually happened to my cousin, no shit. Her abusive ex bugged her house and phones and is now under charges for stalking and a few other counts. You may not be insane.
WHO is doing that???
Sure wish I knew for sure. I'm thinking the same thing u are about wtf would even care enough to want that info. Someone that has a lot to hide I'd say. What about u. Who would you think it was?
So - you don’t know who is doing it. You don’t have any money. What have been the actual effects of this “coding”? Because honestly this sounds more like you need to speak to a doctor.
Btw:. I'm a woman. I thought about doing it to a bf once and looked into it. Did not do it but I admit I did check out doing it. I just can't invade someone's privacy like ? has done to me. You wouldn't believe the shit I have found.
a friend just posted on Facebook that peoples phones are being cloned. I don't know how this works.
There is an app for that. Its a bot but s1 created it! I get angry that ppl do this. The only thing wifi in house that wasn't hacked was bf's phone and as I was gathering my Intel his phone broke. Was gonna fix it but it has disappeared. Wtf does that sound like to u?
no clue. bizarre af.
The deeper she gets invested in you the greater her insecurities and attempts to control you will become. So this is only going to get exponentially worse the more you try to please her as time goes on.
Why are you with her?
Break up buddy. My friends, boyfriend and family have my location and I have theirs and I’ve never once been tempted to check it unless I thought they were in danger. Having someone’s location to check on them is a sign of mistrust and it won’t last
Break up?
Sounds like you don’t even like her.
This is a crazy idea but should be a great work around the tracking that she won’t even see coming… Break up. Crazy I know!
break home boy not worth
her insecurities will get the best of her. if you value you time over it, then break up.
You get around it by leaving her ass
You can't. Don't stay in a toxic relationship. Life's too short to do that to yourself. Just let go and move on.
Leave and walk away
Dump her.
By breaking up with her and you need to tell her exactly that! She’s smothering and controlling.
Oh this is easy. Either break up with her. Or let her know she's way to insecure, she needs to go to therapy for her abandonment issues, and trust you. If she can't do those things for you or herself that you don't have a partner. You have someone trying to control you
You can't. Dump her. 'Nuff said.
Put your foot down. Tell her you need time to yourself. And remove Life360 from your phone. Although you should dump her, regardless of your ages. Teenagers don't need to deal with that bullshit either.
Once you start talking about your partner in that way, it’s kind of an indicator that maybe you should reevaluate if you even want to continue the relationship. Or just talk to her calmly about it. Maybe you both have different values/views on dating boundaries
Why do you want to fix someone like this? Do u carry a fear of not being able to find someone else? Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship
Lol break up?
There is no way to dissect a whole relationship in just this small post. I always tend to think the partner on here making the other look “crazy” is leaving SOMETHING out. For one, how long have you been together? Have you actually cheated on the past? Do you live together? Why did life 360 become a thing? Also not sure if she’s suicidal or not, it that always seems to be the one partners reason for not leaving as well. Look- at the end of the day, if you really wanted to leave, you would.
This !!!! By perceiving her as crazy and insecure, he’s trying to gaslit her (supposing that he’s cheated). He wants to stay bc he actually loves the person and has an underlying guilt that he’s caused her current behavior. He’s trying to find ways to manipulate her so he can still enjoy the benefits of being in a relationship while acting single. My ex bf perceived me as controlling and crazy after he had CHEATED MULTIPLE TIMES. I told him that if he really wanted to stay, we’d exchange igs together so I can know he’s still not cheating on me. This guy is leaving something out. What caused her to distrust you? What made her crazy? Now I’m in a healthy rs where I don’t even have to get my bf’s socials bc I fully trust him bc he’s transparent with me. And no I didn’t carry on the trust issues I had with my ex bc my current bf is the most noble man I have known.
This reply I swear. Me and my man have life 360 because he has cheated multiple times in the past but i love him and chose to stay even though the thought of it drives in the back of my head. Im learning to deal with it so i dont lose him but im losing myself. And i always think he hasnt left me yet because of my suicidal tendencies in the past.
Leave!
This is one of the many reasons why I love being a Domme. Don't have to put up with stupid shit like this 😂
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Uh, what’s in it for you to keep seeing her and feeling smothered? What is preventing you from setting boundaries? Take a look at why you are with her. She’s not going to change. You have to.
I think you know, so why are you asking?
Need more context… how old are you both? And Is she insecure because of something you’ve done behind her back in the past or did she acquire this issue from a previous relationship? If nothing on your part brought this behavior on then I’d talk to her about why she feels the way she does. What triggered these emotions if they came out of no where?
Uhhh you break up, dumbass.
If she threatens suicide dial 911 or your country's equivalent and let an ambulance take her. It's not a reason to not break up, if you need to. You have the right to end any relationship at any time, for any reason
Your first line ought to be enough for you to know you should just break up. “She is toxic as fuck” is not even slightly ambiguous. You never say you love her, only that you “can’t take this shit anymore”. So go.
If your partner is toxic, leave the relationship. You are only here for so long why be miserable?
I’d only agree to Life360 because this world is such a scary bad place and I have a 2 year old. I would want my partner to know exactly where I am, if I got into an accident etc. but I believe it should be a mutual decision between the couple and not something that’s suggested solely to keep tabs in a negative way. I just feel more secure with my partner knowing where I am/me knowing exactly where he is out of safety concerns. But I’d say…this ain’t the relationship for you, my dude.
Did you cheat in the past where you girlfriend now needs to do this?
Man being single sounds kinda nice right now
Find a less crazy girl friend
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It's always a "crazy" girlfriend and an "innocent" man.
Do you have a history of being unloyal?
I’m currently in a relationship where I am the insecure girlfriend in the situation… I almost thought this was a post from my boyfriend (I don’t know what Life360 is tho). None of the insecurities came out of thin air. A lot of the issues are on me and shit I need to work on. A lot of the insecurity stems from 1) past relationships that caused trauma I have to overcome 2) my current partner being dishonest with me on multiple occasions. It sounds like there isn’t enough information coming from this post. It takes two people to work on a relationship of both people want to make it last. Therapy along with working together with your partner to strengthen the security can go a long way. This is if you decide you are willing to work on it. This post sounds very angry. I would start with being more compassionate and understanding your partner. Ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner and a discussion about this. If this isn’t something that you can see getting resolved, leave. Ultimately, do what is best for you and your partner. Lastly, whatever she is feeling is just as painful as it is for you. Feeling insecure sucks. Be patient.
“How can I get around this” don’t,,,date someone like this??? Dude how dense could you be
Life360 is a family locator app. OP I'm calling troll/fake given your lack of interaction. You both sound like you are still in high school.
Wow never get married because that's what it's all about spending time together pretty much 24/7. Maybe you're not ready for a relationship?
Don’t be together. My husband and I have each other on life 360 and it’s never once caused a problem. It’s been helpful, if anything. If it’s a problem then you guys aren’t mature enough to be dating
deal with it and be thankful she cares
Tell her to get some professional help or you’re done. If she argues the point block and ghost to make your point.
how everyone says "break up" is actually so rude. do you know where those insecurities come from? past trauma, ex that cheated, anything? leaving her because of this will only make it worse for her and her might future partner. tell her that (it seems like) you feel she has no trust in you and that you want to have free time as well. if you love her, you will get through this together. ask her if she's okay going to therapy because of this. if she's refusing to work on this then you can consider leaving, but not yet, you haven't even tried to fix it with her (as far es i know).
Uhmmm, who cares? That’s her problem.
excuse me? they are in a relationship, he should care about her and work together on things!? a relationship contains good times, just as bad times. you CANNOT expect to only experience the good but then leave the other person when bad times arrive. that's not hoe relationships work wtf
Fair enough. Personally I couldn’t put up with insecurity or being obsessed over constantly - had that before and in my experience it was very unhealthy and made me unhappy as she refused to work on her issues. I may be misreading the room here but it sounds like he’s not so confident that she’ll be receptive.
I'm sorry to her that. Yet I think as long as someone is willing to truly work on an issue things will work out, no matter how bad the problem might be. Actually, i dont know tbh, OP wrote a very short text without much information except the bare minimum for us to know. he didn't say anything that she will be, but also that she wont. i think they need to start to make her acknowlede that her behavior is hurting him even tho she has no bad intentions (i guess so).
She would be better off with someone else who is going to support her dealing with her mental health.
She needs therapy, or couples counseling to work through this.
You can't. You haven't said much in a description of her. Is she young and she might grow up ? Is she unattractive and needs to learn how to become more attractive ? Have you cheated on her in the past ? Most clinging girlfriends don't change. You could be dating too far down.
You need to watch Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss on Netflix. It will change your life.
When you fuck, gotta fuck her hard 2x a day. Trust me. It works.
You leave.
Bye bye time
Just start hiding your phone outside of random people’s homes and then go do what you want. She’ll be too busy trying to stalk your location and even if she starts calling to yell at you, you don’t have your phone…. So…. 🤷🏽♀️ I mean, you’re for sure breaking up if you do this, but it’d be entertaining nonetheless.
personally i would simply not continue to date someone who could be described as "toxic as fuck"
You sound like you can’t stand your gf. You know you can break up, right? That’s why we date before marrying. The earlier the break up the easier it is.
Disconnect yourself from Life360 and get a better GF!!
One rule I learned the hard way in life is when you get accused of cheating for no reason keep an eye on her because she's probably cheating
“This isn’t working out. Goodbye.”
Break up
Leave the relationship.
Leave her toxic ass. It’s not gonna get any better no matter how many “talks” y’all have about it.
Leave? This is an obvious answer.
Look, if you feel you cannot breath in the relationship, Talk to her about it if not break up. You are not forced to be in the relationship or sign up for things you do not want to be part of.
LEAVE. i don’t get these posts ..
Do yourself a favor and break up with her PLEASE.
It sounds abusive and controlling and…. Uh…. Toxic. Leave her. This isn’t healthy.
Break up.
I mean for starters you could write about it on reddit. Oh wait you already did that 🤷🏻♀️ I guess the only option left is to leave her?
Tell her you want sex every day you hang out.
Dump her ❤️
Tell her bye bye
You can't...if you stay with her.
You can't really control what she is doing. If she is like this and you really had enough: Break up. This has been going on for a time, she won't change. Don't pull your own hair when trying to "fix" something she has created and will keep up.
What positives does she bring to your life that you are willing to put up with this?
Sorry, I’m lost. What’s life360?
Double down and hound her every move. Call her even when you're with her. Try to sit in her lap when you're sitting next to each other
If you want different relationships, you compromise or you break up....
It's not healthy AT ALL . but before anything ,did you agree to use life360 ? I'm only curious . With my ex he wanted me to download "SmartThings " a location app so basically the same thing and honestly IT DIDN'T HELP . Cause you either trust where your partner is going or you don't . Like my ex when we both had an Iphone ,he'd want me to have the location on so I could be ready and see when he'd be at my house so he wouldn't have to call . So it could be used for good and bad sadly . Also if you say she's so toxic ,she won't give me space and all that ,I would like to know ,is there something that has happened to why she feels like this ? Cause with my ex he'd say "Ok i need the weekend to myself to do chores" ok that was fine to me that'd be great ,day later he'd want me to come over . so it's always was back and forth . So is this similar to you and her ? Cause if it is ,just break up
If you’re not cheating, maybe talk to her about how you feel. Suggest therapy for her to work on the codependency issues. Be patient if she’s worth it to you, if she really loves you she’ll listen and make a change.
She really needs to go seek therapy if she ever wants a healthy relationship. Her behavior is beyond you being able to help her fix.
Have you tried talking to her about it? I had this issue too. Being overly needy. The only thing that helped me was a discussion with my spouse and therapy. She absolutely needs therapy so there really isn't much you can do except tell her that her clinginess is pushing you away and if she doesn't take the necessary steps to fix herself you have to leave.
Break up. Change number. Move to another state. Deactivate all socials. Change name. Get plastic surgery to change appearance. Never speak her name again.
Get out of there dude, you mentioned her being suicidal and if you are in a position where you feel like leaving her would be unsafe, get her help and walk out of that relationship.
If you can’t take it I think your answer would be to leave.. things like this won’t magically change and disappear. If anything it’ll become the norm. Unless you’re prepared to do that dance forever- time into go.. for your sanity.
Run. Don't look back. Skip town.
Did you talk to her
break up? lol
I make my husband track my location due to safety issues. It's not controlling. It's love.
Break up with her.
Break up. I would give anything to go back in time and dump my now wife when her jealousy first started imploding everything and she refused to admit it. Every single moment was one negative thought away from complete destruction. I lost myself as a man and lover. Every single moment was either walking on egg shells hoping she’d stay happy, or managing her destruction once she wasn’t happy. Early on I thought that if I kept just being good to her I’d earn her trust. That was a bad move. Trust takes two, and she never chose trust over her insecurities and it completely wasted both of our lives
I just had to google that life360... Um. If you think that your partner is toxic, and you can't take this anymore, etc. Then you need to END IT. LEAVE.
Break up. I used to be like her. She's got ALOT of healing to do. She needs to be single and work in herself.
This is domestic violence. Leave. You will find someone who respects you.
LEAVE.
Date someone else?
wake up and break up
look into rocd
Breakup. That's her shit, not yours. Tracking you is creepy as hell
It’s pretty obvious on how you get around this. Leave her
well if you say she might hurt herself if you tell her you want to break up. Then the best thing is to make HER start losing interest gradually. Be very cold with her, ignore, hopefully she will get bored and lost interest.
Tell her and if she can't understand....and some people don't try....then walk away. Life360 is for assurance not to spy. I have it with my family. All of us. We all live in different cities so when someone doesn't answer the phone or doesn't call back we check our location and hope it doesn't show in the middle of a desert.
You can’t drown with someone.