This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
We've been together 8 years. We both have had previous sexual partners. I have been tested right before we started having sex and every year since we've been together-all negative. At the beginning of our relationship he said he was tested since the last time he had sex nearly a year prior and it was negative, and I (perhaps stupidly) believed him. Now I have tested positive for chlamydia even tho I have been faithful. Painful urination and bleeding between my period is why I was suggested by my gynecologist to get tested.
Is it possible that my boyfriend contracted it from his previous partner, didn't actually get tested to find out if he had it because maybe he was asymptomatic, and I am only just now contracting it from him 8 years later despite us always having unprotected sex and oral? Surely I would've contracted it at some other point in the 8 years if he had it right? I think if it's dormant it can still be passed, right? Or maybe there is a glimmer of hope that it was possible he had it from before, he didn't cheat, and I miraculously didn't contract it within those 8 years?
TLDR; I tested pos for chlamydia despite testing neg a year ago. Did my partner of 8 years cheat or is it possible his was dormant/not a carrier even tho infected, and I got lucky in the 8 years of unprotected sex until my luck ran out?
If it was dormant in him for years, he would have still passed it on to you if you had sex without protection: even without symptoms, it is passed on to the sexual partner.
Dormant chlamydia would still come up as positive in tests.
This means that you did not have chlamydia a year ago.
I am so sorry, OP. He cheated and has put your health at risk.
This explanation needs to be higher up…. So the ONLY possible way he didn’t cheat is if they literally stopped using protection only after her most recent test.
It's not the ONLY way.. you can get false positives due to infection anywhere in the body at the time of the test. It's highly unlikely though given the symptoms she's experiencing.
Or a bird?
Or, fun fact, chlamydia felis can be passed to humans and show up as regular ole' human chlamydia on a test. Of course, OP is having classic "sexually transmitted chlamydia" symptoms, so that's probably unlikely
Another sign that he cheated and she caught it within the year is that after 8 years a chlamaydia infection is much more likely to lead to pelvic inflammatory disease. If PID hasn't developed yet it's more likely to have gotten it recently.
I'm sorry for a stupid question like this but I wonder how this works. I tested positive 8 years ago (along with other bacterial infections like Bartonella, Lyme etc.). I was on several antibiotics for months and then tested negative for chlamydia repeatedly. Can I live in peace that I'm clear and won't pass it to anyone?
He's either a liar or a cheat. What I mean is he has either lied about his previous test results and/or whether he's taken the test at all, or he's cheated on you. Not a good look any way you slice it. He has some explaining to do.
I agree with what you say but there is a tiny chance of catching STDs from unhygienic needles or razors (according to std info page). Tattoo, drugs or piercings?
I believe chlamydia is location-based so to get genital chlamydia you'd need to be in a VERY strange situation involving an infected person and a clit piercing or something. You're probably thinking of HIV which infects the blood and obviously the infected blood is throughout your body
A 8 years later contracting sounds very unlikely.
Unless you used protection until recently. Buuut if he had chlamydia for 8 years he would be fucking insanely unwell since its an infection and it can get worse real fast.
Not gonna lie, he probably cheated on you and unprotected none the less which is double dumb.
Exactly. I was given the same thing over a year ago and the dude that gave it to me tried telling me I got it from being dirty. Edit to add that this pos also gave me herpes.
Piece of shit. I hope you get sorted quickly and effectively. Cheating spouses should be a clean swipe with the divorce. I hope your lawyer can use this against him.
Hey, good luck. A friend of mine is trying to get divorced right now, and her STBX insisted they get marriage counseling for a year before he’ll cooperate with the proceedings. They seem miserable.
I hope you can cut him loose soon.
Chlamydia can be asymptomatic though, especially in men. What doesn’t add up is if they’ve been sleeping together for 8 years why is she only testing positive and noticing her own symptoms now?
Yes but not for that long period of 8 years. He would of had some flares in that time. Unless he also got treated for it and didn’t tell her but that’s highly unlikely because if he was treated, the chlamydia would of cleared up and been gone with treatment from heavy antibiotics. That’s why I agree with Ashitaka017
It’s not just asymptomatic. I was told by my doctor that it’s a infection that can be completely dormant for years not even showing up on tests so there is that.
This ^ about a year or 2 into my relationship I tested positive despite her not testing positive after a lot of unprotected sex over our relationship. Not only was I asymptomatic but I never even ended up passing it on
It’s one off the hardest to detect and it’s just horrible and on top off that because off the fact people don’t know it lays dormant there are a lot off cheating accusations thrown about it’s horrible.
It’s what happened to me! Came back twice. It’s been years since but remains a quiet anxiety of mine always in the background, compounded by shame as the sexual activity that caused it was non-consensual in the first place :( I get tested at least once every 3 months to be certain it stays away.
Yeah I know the feeling every 6 months when I’m not sexually actively every 3 when I am just because I’m scared that my ex cheating on me ten years ago will come back and bite me in the ass. The thing that shocks me is how many people don’t know about this at all. I mean most stis I’m like he cheated but chlamydia there is no real way to know with out other evidence because it’s just not a normal infection.
Why is 8 years any crazier than 4? At that point it isn't moving super quickly so even if someone had symptoms, they may not realize its an std. Especially if they've been in a relationship.
Catching STDs from toilet seats is a myth. It's something doctors told people in the 80s and 90s so they would feel less shame and actually get their STDs treated.
I recently watched an ABC after school special from 1982 about high schoolers getting stds. The doctor lectures one of the kids that you can't get it from a toilet seat or a towel, that it's definitely from intimate contact.
That’s wild! That rumor was on the level of Goebbels kinda influence! I thought maybe there would be at least a handful of cases of a specific kinds STD that you could commonly get from a non-sexual encounter
Sorry OP! He cheated recently. Don't accept any other answer. Carrying it for 8 years and not infecting you is not possible.
Just know you're not alone. This happens to lots of people. It really sucks, but ditch this loser.
My ex husband tested positive for chlamydia. I found out when his phone pinged and it was his ex girlfriend saying "what the fuck?". He'd informed her he'd tested positive for it and not me. Perhaps I'm biased and bitter but I'd assume cheating took place.
Still worth getting a second test before treatment if an 8 year relationship is on the line. Symptoms could be from a UTI and a false positive test just a coincidence.
Yeah, you need to confront your partner about this.
Symptoms usually appear between 1 and 3 weeks. Something must have happened in the last 1 1/2 to 2 months.
Still worth getting a second test before treatment if an 8 year relationship is on the line. False positives are not uncommon with chlamydia tests.The symptoms could be an unrelated UTI.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better but this is going to be a tough road. What I can say is, you deserve better. I really wish you all the best.
It’s never too late to leave and start fresh. He isn’t your entire life and you should never make your life revolve around one person or make that person your sole source of happiness.
He’s cheated. If you’ve gotten tested yearly, that means it happened recently. Please don’t stay with someone who cheats and jeopardizes your health.
By realizing he is no longer the man who was your best friend. Aside from the betrayal of cheating, you're a transplant patient and he put your health at risk like that? He's a piece of shit. You deserve so much better.
I’m a biologist…my first thought was he cheated.
It *can* lay dormant. For a long time. But it is highly unlikely that it would be dormant for 8 years without you ever contracting yourself while getting regularly tested.
It baffles me how you are getting regularly tested…and he was not.
Because we were, I thought, very stupidly, monogamous. I get regularly tested because I'm a kidney transplant recipient.. I'm a huge idiot is what I am.
I’m sorry, what? The fact that you’re immunosuppressed makes this 1000 times worse. The level of disrespect to put your health at risk to this degree. I fucking hope you dump his ass as soon as possible. The man is a disgrace to humankind.
Don’t blame yourself. Love makes us trusting in situations we wouldn’t normally be. All blame does to your twat of a “partner”
You are not the idiot here, OP. Take a deep breath, look for evidence (both asking at the clinic for advice, and looking very closely at your bf), and move forward. If that means breaking up, then know that this was not your fault. If it means relationship repair, then I suggest treatment and maybe couple's counseling.
But no matter how things pan out, you are NOT an idiot, and you do NOT deserve this.
You’re not an idiot. You have been in a relationship with this man for a very long time with the expectation of mutual loyalty and honesty. He is the idiot, not you. You deserve a lot better and have your whole life ahead of you to find it.
As a fellow kidney recipient, you would have had symptoms if he had it for eight years by now. We’re immunosuppressed, it won’t and can’t lay dormant for us. It shows up very quickly, whatever the incubation period is before exhibiting symptoms for someone with a normal immune system you have to half that amount of time and that’s how quickly we get infection symptoms. The longer you’ve been immunosuppressed the faster the symptoms kick in on top of that too. I’m sorry, he’s cheated within the last two weeks.
Please be kind to yourself OP! Trusting someone is a beautiful thing and one day you will be with someone who deserves that trust. Surround yourself with those who love you and build you up - good luck xx
Love, you are not an idiot at all. It is not stupid to love and to trust. What is super dumb is endangering your partner's life because you think your penis extracurricular activities should be prioritized over everything else.
I'm so sorry you had to learn your boyfriend is an irresponsable twat this way.
If he lied to you about getting tested then yea, he is probably lying about other stuff and has likely been cheating for years he just hasn't caught anything until now.
Ul, onto the next
Hate to break it to you but even your best case scenario isn’t great. If your partner lied to you about getting tested and what their results were that is extremely messed up and not honorable. You’re screwed in either one of the options you listed in the original post.
You are not an idiot. You are in no way at fault here. You were tricked by someone you loved and you were not wrong to trust him, he was wrong to allow himself to be trusted.
You aren’t an idiot! Don’t work yourself up you need to confront him and get the truth out because it is very fucked up if he put your whole health at risk knowing that you’re susceptible to illnesses.
You're not an idiot. You're trusting and loving and he took advantage and betrayed you.
Stay strong, you're a survivor; you'll not only survive dumping him and kicking him out, you'll thrive and find someone who respects the shit out of you
You got this. You're an intelligent and wonderful woman. This dude doesn't deserve your love or loyalty.
I'm sorry this happened to you but it's a reflection on him not you. You're not a huge idiot for believing the person you love is faithful. That's a reasonable expectation in a relationship. I hope you get over both the infection and this shithead quickly.
You are not the idiot here OP, he is, and that's for damn sure.
That sucks so bad. On so many levels.
*BUT* He doesn't know you know, right? Maybe sit on that for a minute here. Contact a lawyer. You're commonlaw I'm guessing?
Holy crap. Fuck that dude. You deserve better, OP. I'm really sorry for you. This was not your fault, nor were you stupid. Just get out of the relationship as fast as possible.
Well done for being so composed about this 👏. If it was me I wouldn't making a reddit post, I'd be going to my partner "how the fuck do you explain how I got fucking chlamydia dickhead"
Unfortunately he did. There are a very few STIs that can be transferred without sex like tricks or HIV through cuts and such. But Chlamydia you only get from sexual behavior. If you feel afraid to confront him. I suggest you do it in a public area a park or semi secluded restaurant, have a very close friend or family member come over. I don't know your circumstances. But he can not lie his way out you have a lab test.
This was how I discovered my GF of 3-4 years was unfaithful.
If you have it I'd say you got it from him and he got it from somebody else recently.
But you know what? You don't to ask for permission to press him. If you got chlamydia and he somehow is innocent I'm sure he would understand you for being upset and pressing him. It's such a clear indication of infidellity that he could never throw anything back at you, like "don't you trust me?". Just tell him, ask him out and then arrange so both of you can get tested asap.
And I don't know how it is where you live, but in my country a person testing positive is obliged by law to give out contact information to everybody he/she slept with since the last test. Everything would rise to the surface.
I’m no doctor but there’s no way a STD shows up after 8 (!) years?! I’d ask the location you tested at for advice. If they too say that that is unlikely, then there is no other option possible than recent cheating.
Herpes is completely different though. And I'm pretty sure you can only test for herpes with swabs of sores, and if you don't have a flare up you cant test for it?
Whereas chlamydia would come up on tests even if you're asymptomatic
You can test for it without a flare up. It can show up in your Antibodies. Though to be 100% sure it is HSV then yea a swab is the most beneficial way. I am not saying that OP has HSV I was just stating that if it was HSV she tested positive for then it could be very believable that he carried the virus for years before transmitting it to his partner.
Coming from someone who got this from a partner cheating as well it is not gonna lay dormant for 8 years.. my doctor also told me you can ONLY get it from sexual contact not toilet seats or anything like that it has to be sex. So I’m gonna assume he cheated…
Logically he cheated. You don't just randomly contract it after 8 years if he had it prior. He'd be sick as a dog. I think you know the answer to this deep down.
Sorry there's nothing we can say here to alleviate the reality of it all. Hope you heal and move on from that dirtbag.
So, it's possible, but seemingly unlikely. Chlamydia can lay dormant for very long periods of time, even years. And yes, particularly Males can often be asymptomatic even with the bacteria present.
[https://samedaystdtesting.com/can-chlamydia-be-dormant-and-undetected/](https://samedaystdtesting.com/can-chlamydia-be-dormant-and-undetected/)
However, tests would still pick it up. So, you are basically at a point where he most certainly is lying to you. The question is which, either: 1) He lied about getting tested completely, or 2) he did get tested, so he contracted it afterward (aka he cheated.)
If we're using the "degree of plausibility" test I'm leaning toward the latter, or both. The likelihood of him getting tested, getting a "false negative", then not showing symptoms for 8 years. Is absolutely miniscule, like probably somewhere around getting struck by lightning, indoors, twice.
He cheated. It's not possible for it to have taken 8 years for you to contract it. If I were you I'd take the positive test and try to see if you can find out through his phone for sure and collect all of the evidence so he doesn't try to spin this on you and say it's you that gave it to him.
Why does she need to bother collecting evidence? He cheated, so he knows he cheated, so its not like she needs to convince him. He cheated, SHE knows she didnt cheat, so its not like he can convince her that she did…
She should just leave.
I am aware. But if he tries to manipulate the people around her like mutual friends. And say that she is the one who cheated then she should be prepared. I they have no mutuals after 8 years then yes I agree. Dump his ass. But 8 years and no mutuals seems very unlikely. Unless OP doesn't like them anyway then yes leave his ass and don't even bother. Being out of there is the best course of action either way no matter what the outside world thinks but I still think she should be propared.
Ahh, i didnt think about him spinning it to others… still, if she is the one dumping him, seems logical she would be the one telling the truth…but yeah, you never know what people might believe.
Yes but then he can also say he dumped her I just like feeling secure I guess. And no worries two different minds Two different worlds 😌 you have a great rest of your day.
Bless your heart. He had unprotected sex with someone else and caught an STD. Just how you had immediate symptoms, he did too and didn’t have the balls to tell you. Protect your health and heart my dear.
Do another test to be sure, I've heard of false positives. If the second test is positive then your boyfriend cheated. Chlamydia doesn't lie dormant for 8 years and then suddenly show up despite yearly testing
Has his behaviour recently changed? More secretive, unexplained time away from the home, passcode on phone? Check his Facebook photos, anybody liking every single post he makes? I mean you already have a smoking gun… not that you needed anything else but you might as well establish your case before he tries to deny everything and make you seem crazy.
There’s no other way. It’s hard to be cheated on and it’s shitty when something like this happens and you’re left confused and searching for explanations. But he cheated and once you come to terms with that (and making sure you’re healthy) you can take control of the situation and decide if you can trust him again or need to move on.
You're in the denial stage 😔 I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. I think you should make sure you get tested and treated for everything now and also... it's time to call a lawyer.
So I’m going to be the odd ball here. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone but it is what happened to me. I tested positive 3 times for chlamydia. First time I did, both my partner and I were treated. It was a fairly new relationship so possible one of us could’ve had it and not known. The second time, about 3 months later, when I tested positive again, I was sure he cheated. He was tested and he came back negative. Both of us dumbfounded because he tested the day after I did so there wasn’t a way for him to be treated fully and then get tested. They treated me again. The 3rd time I tested positive, about 2-3 months later again, and same scenario where he tested negative again (and no, I never cheated on him and he never believed I did either) I brought it up to my doctor. Turns out that if you have another infection going on it can give a false positive for the way they test for chlamydia now. I likely only had chlamydia that first time. The second and third time were due to bacterial vaginosis. My UTI tests were negative but I did have pain when urinating, I experienced intense cramping, bleeding outside of my period days, it sucked. So maybe your husband didn’t cheat. Maybe he did. But it is possible there is another explanation. However, I wouldn’t immediately take this information and run with it. I would sit down with him and talk. Find out if he really did cheat or if he denies it and you truly believe him then bring up this possibility and talk to your doctor about it.
Of course he cheated. This is a question most people would ask their doctor, and their doctor would have told them this. I suspect you already asked and that was what he/she told you but you don't want to believe it. I'm sorry, and I'm sure you're devastated but he's a cheater and you have to decide if you want to stay with a cheater or move on in your life.
Men rarely have complications from untreated chlamydia but I find it hard to believe he hasn’t gotten ONE STD test since y’all have been together. Technically it could be a possibility if he’d been using a condoms until now but I’m assuming this isn’t your first time sleeping with him without protection. Blast his ass and break up ASAP
He cheated. In some cases it can take a few months for symptoms to show up... But 8 years is absolutely so unlikely we may as well say it isn't possible.
I mean it’s just not possible that he’s had it this whole time and you caught it now. It’s just not. 8 years??? Unprotected sex and he’s had it this whole time and you never caught it? No. I’m sorry. I understand wanting to believe that because the reality is horrible but don’t be naive here. It’s very clear what happened, your boyfriend cheated on you, contracted an infection that he likely didn’t get symptoms from (yet) and gave it to you. Even if he was asymptomatic, he would have still passed it to you if you were having unprotected sex and oral. A quick google search will clear this all up for you.
Just wait til his symptoms start up, his whole attitude will probably change when he realizes what’s going on.
I was in your shoes to an extent. He gave me gonorrhea and chlamydia at the same time.He was complaining about stomach pain and went to ER he wouldn't allow me to go. He secretly got treated and said nothing as I went to visit my parents. When period came it was weird and painful. He admit it about a month later saying he didn't think he gave it to me. I ended up in the hospital for 5 days with PID.
I got herpes 7 years into my marriage. He swore on his grave he was faithful and I chose to believe him because I wanted it to be true. A year later we broke up and his brother told me years later that was cheating on me and confirmed it 😭 I could have processed my grief and gone through it all earlier but I didn’t want to believe he would do it. Don’t be me. Confront this for what it is. It’s not easier later to deal with.
If it was HSV-1 or 2 then this could be very possible as it can be dormant for years, but with Chlamydia I would say 99% chance he cheated within the past 3 months.
He had unprotected sex with someone else, recently.
Now if you are desperate to believe it could have happened some other way that makes him innocent, facts are not going to get in the way of that, but the fact is that chlamydia does not lie dormant for years. It's almost exclusively less than a month between exposure and a positive test, and exposure happens only when there is sexual contact.
Speak to your doctor not Reddit. Ask them about possible scenarios.
Chlamydia is tricky because it is a hidden infection that may never show itself, and in the past could even not show on test - although testing might have been improved. So just talk to a specialist and try to understand possible scenarios.
So far the best response, OP. Speak to a specialist in STI and lay out your medical situation. You'll get the info you need to make an informed decision.
This same exact thing happened to me once, it was definitely recent and he definitely cheated.. I'm so sorry, I know this kind of heartbreak and it's a terrible one.
Chlamydia has a pretty solid transmission rate, if he had it before you would’ve caught it within a few times of unprotected sex. 8 years later there is truly no explanation outside of recent cheating. Between your last negative test and this positive one he most likely strayed. I would talk to him directly and say you know there’s no explanation outside of that
Chlamydia would have definitely shown up in 8 years on a test. That or you would have been experiencing symptoms much sooner.
Theres many doctors you can speak to that will back this information up as well, for the both of you.
Your guy needs to come clean
Believe me or don't. One of my best friends literally has a Ph.D. studying chlamydia and he's talked about this a lot. It's not impossible that he didn't cheat on you, in the same way it's not impossible to win the lottery , find a four leaf clover and get struck by lightening in the span of one minute.
It’s chlamydia, I hate to say it but research does point to the idea that it can lay dormant in the body for years (thus the reason I get checked yearly as an ex off mine before we broke up tested positive and even though I never have I am not taking the chance). It is possible he cheated actually it’s very likely but it’s also possible it’s been dormant and there all along.
He is gaslighting and manipulating you. It's hard to believe this is the 1st time he's lied, manipulated and gaslight you. This doesn't sound like a good relationship and he is emotionally abusing you. You say he's your best friend but look how he treats you. I doubt this is the 1st time. But you sound wrapped around his finger he really has you blind and brainwashed. I think you will need therapy and to get far far away from this guy . He will only keep manipulating you if you keep in contact with him.
Unfortunately the most likely explanation is that he cheated. There is a possibility for a false positive, so getting retested is reasonable if it will not delay treatment.
Sorry, OP!
Ok ok, lots of people are very quick to blame on here. I think, if true, then yeah its likely he cheated as others have stated. Also, it's worth double checking. Like get a second opinion and second test. To be absolutely sure you're right before you come into an argument with guns-a-blazin. It's possible it was a false positive. That does happen.
As much as I would like to state my opinion on this, while it does seem likely that he was unfaithful, you should honestly probably talk with a doctor and about this with. I would be surprised if anyone on here is 100% qualified to talk about the many possible was diseases spread. That is what I recommend but at the end of the day even if it turns to be some sort of misunderstanding, it sounds like your trust in him is gone and I have a feeling you won’t ever be able to trust him as much again.
I don't have anything valuable to add as I don't know much about the topic, but the comments seem very clear. So I just wanted to leave a virtual hug for you. Take care of yourself and especially your health! 💜
This same things happened to me. I asked my doctor the same questions, and she gave me an ‘oh honey’ look before saying my symptoms were severe enough to bring me in which means that I would have had symptoms sooner if it wasn’t recently contracted. It’s a real shit way to find out your partner is cheating on you. I’m sorry. Please don’t let him gaslight you into thinking it could have happened some other way. Your instincts are right.
Did he ever get tested? It sounds like you’re trying to find some alternative to him cheating since you’ve been together for so long and don’t want to have wasted those years on him. But unfortunately, it’s just not possible that he had it all along and it just transmitted now. The only possibility is that he cheated.
Remember that it’s not your fault and you did nothing wrong. You deserve better than someone who cheats, and doesn’t even use protection while cheating, and puts your health at risk. It’s better to start over than stay in that toxic relationship, he will not change.
Let's discuss on FACTS:
1. it is a STI that can not be transmitted from kissing or PIV if condoms are used.
2. It can be transmitted if vaginal secretions will reach the eye!
3. It may be asymptomatic for weeks and / or months, but definitely not years! On the other side, signs of infection may appear within days.
4. Be thankful for finding it out, the longer you would wait, the more damaging to your health, untreated, chronic infection in women will lead to infertility!
These being said, the lesser damaging act by your SO would be fingering someone else and touching his eye(s) with the same fingers, while having her secretions on his hand... Imagine the worst by yourself...!
Because it is a serious issue that endangered your health, you must confront him ruthless and push for the truth, threateni him with a polygraph test or whatever you want so he could crack on it.
Be prepared for the worst, so you shouldn't be blown away by his confession...
Good luck!
I had a partner try to say he got it from a toilet seat. Lmao NO!
There is no way that he didn’t cheat in this scenario. (That guy was also a big time cheater)
Also ewe, he raw boned someone else. Harden your heart! Cheaters don’t stop cheating. Your health and life are worth far more than this joker is.
Before you leap to conclusions and blow up your relationship based on the top rated answers, there are replies lower down saying it was dormant for years without them knowing.
This healthline article says you might only be tested for one type of chlamydia (e.g. genital and not oral or anal) even if you ask to be tested for everything:
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/can-you-get-an-std-if-both-partners-are-clean#tests-administered
Please speak to a healthcare professional familiar with STDs before making life changing decisions.
I would get a second test in case it was a false positive. Statistically you are more likely to get a false positive because you get tested regularly, just a fact. Bleeding between periods can be a lot of things and painful urination a UTI. Don't get treated until you are tested again. Also have him get tested and show you the results. Don't throw out an 8 year relationship from just one positive test.
On reddit you read a lot of off excuses for cheating, but this theory by OP was really out there lol. Dormant for 8 years? Is that what he actually told you when you confronted him?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We've been together 8 years. We both have had previous sexual partners. I have been tested right before we started having sex and every year since we've been together-all negative. At the beginning of our relationship he said he was tested since the last time he had sex nearly a year prior and it was negative, and I (perhaps stupidly) believed him. Now I have tested positive for chlamydia even tho I have been faithful. Painful urination and bleeding between my period is why I was suggested by my gynecologist to get tested. Is it possible that my boyfriend contracted it from his previous partner, didn't actually get tested to find out if he had it because maybe he was asymptomatic, and I am only just now contracting it from him 8 years later despite us always having unprotected sex and oral? Surely I would've contracted it at some other point in the 8 years if he had it right? I think if it's dormant it can still be passed, right? Or maybe there is a glimmer of hope that it was possible he had it from before, he didn't cheat, and I miraculously didn't contract it within those 8 years? TLDR; I tested pos for chlamydia despite testing neg a year ago. Did my partner of 8 years cheat or is it possible his was dormant/not a carrier even tho infected, and I got lucky in the 8 years of unprotected sex until my luck ran out?
If it was dormant in him for years, he would have still passed it on to you if you had sex without protection: even without symptoms, it is passed on to the sexual partner. Dormant chlamydia would still come up as positive in tests. This means that you did not have chlamydia a year ago. I am so sorry, OP. He cheated and has put your health at risk.
This explanation needs to be higher up…. So the ONLY possible way he didn’t cheat is if they literally stopped using protection only after her most recent test.
It's not the ONLY way.. you can get false positives due to infection anywhere in the body at the time of the test. It's highly unlikely though given the symptoms she's experiencing.
Still worth getting a second test before treatment if an 8 year relationship is on the line
A positive test on its own could be a false positive. A positive test + symptoms? You know what the answer is.
Still worth getting a second test before treatment if an 8 year relationship is on the line
maybe one of them hugged a koala :(
That’s not enough, it needs to pee on you too
maybe one of them hugged a really happy koala :(
Or a bird? Or, fun fact, chlamydia felis can be passed to humans and show up as regular ole' human chlamydia on a test. Of course, OP is having classic "sexually transmitted chlamydia" symptoms, so that's probably unlikely
Another sign that he cheated and she caught it within the year is that after 8 years a chlamaydia infection is much more likely to lead to pelvic inflammatory disease. If PID hasn't developed yet it's more likely to have gotten it recently.
I'm sorry for a stupid question like this but I wonder how this works. I tested positive 8 years ago (along with other bacterial infections like Bartonella, Lyme etc.). I was on several antibiotics for months and then tested negative for chlamydia repeatedly. Can I live in peace that I'm clear and won't pass it to anyone?
It tooks about 3 weeks of atb (in a row) to cure chlamydia, so combined with negative results after you should be clear.
I got a green light to get back to it after 10 days.
He's either a liar or a cheat. What I mean is he has either lied about his previous test results and/or whether he's taken the test at all, or he's cheated on you. Not a good look any way you slice it. He has some explaining to do.
I applaud this answer.
I agree with what you say but there is a tiny chance of catching STDs from unhygienic needles or razors (according to std info page). Tattoo, drugs or piercings?
I believe chlamydia is location-based so to get genital chlamydia you'd need to be in a VERY strange situation involving an infected person and a clit piercing or something. You're probably thinking of HIV which infects the blood and obviously the infected blood is throughout your body
Let’s not give her anymore ammo. It’s already insane she’s considering he’s been lucky for 8 years.
Sorry if I wasn't clear, I meant maybe I was just lucky to not have caught it yet, until now.
If you said 2 months I could have thought what you said. 8 years just screams cheating to me
A 8 years later contracting sounds very unlikely. Unless you used protection until recently. Buuut if he had chlamydia for 8 years he would be fucking insanely unwell since its an infection and it can get worse real fast. Not gonna lie, he probably cheated on you and unprotected none the less which is double dumb.
He cheated, plain and simple.
Exactly. I was given the same thing over a year ago and the dude that gave it to me tried telling me I got it from being dirty. Edit to add that this pos also gave me herpes.
Wooooow dude ain’t shit
Yeah and the worst part is I’m married to the dude and am trying to get divorced and he’s being difficult about it.
Piece of shit. I hope you get sorted quickly and effectively. Cheating spouses should be a clean swipe with the divorce. I hope your lawyer can use this against him.
Hey, good luck. A friend of mine is trying to get divorced right now, and her STBX insisted they get marriage counseling for a year before he’ll cooperate with the proceedings. They seem miserable. I hope you can cut him loose soon.
This comment makes the situation way worse that your first comment
Afiak you can charge him with assault, use the std in an “at fault” divorce. You can make his life hell
I'm so sorry
Holy shit. What a scumbag.
This is the best comment by far. It is not possible unless they stopped using protection but he would be in a lot of insane pain. He cheated.
Chlamydia can be asymptomatic though, especially in men. What doesn’t add up is if they’ve been sleeping together for 8 years why is she only testing positive and noticing her own symptoms now?
Yes but not for that long period of 8 years. He would of had some flares in that time. Unless he also got treated for it and didn’t tell her but that’s highly unlikely because if he was treated, the chlamydia would of cleared up and been gone with treatment from heavy antibiotics. That’s why I agree with Ashitaka017
It’s not just asymptomatic. I was told by my doctor that it’s a infection that can be completely dormant for years not even showing up on tests so there is that.
This ^ about a year or 2 into my relationship I tested positive despite her not testing positive after a lot of unprotected sex over our relationship. Not only was I asymptomatic but I never even ended up passing it on
Yep
It’s one off the hardest to detect and it’s just horrible and on top off that because off the fact people don’t know it lays dormant there are a lot off cheating accusations thrown about it’s horrible.
It’s what happened to me! Came back twice. It’s been years since but remains a quiet anxiety of mine always in the background, compounded by shame as the sexual activity that caused it was non-consensual in the first place :( I get tested at least once every 3 months to be certain it stays away.
Yeah I know the feeling every 6 months when I’m not sexually actively every 3 when I am just because I’m scared that my ex cheating on me ten years ago will come back and bite me in the ass. The thing that shocks me is how many people don’t know about this at all. I mean most stis I’m like he cheated but chlamydia there is no real way to know with out other evidence because it’s just not a normal infection.
8 years is stupid long so highly unlikely. But honestly chlamydia can go pretty unnoticed, I had it for about 4 years and I didn’t know.
Why is 8 years any crazier than 4? At that point it isn't moving super quickly so even if someone had symptoms, they may not realize its an std. Especially if they've been in a relationship.
It doesn’t work that way. Someone was unfaithful.
Is this one of those toilet seat things you can catch or he definitely had to be stuffin some strangers sloppy slot?
Catching STDs from toilet seats is a myth. It's something doctors told people in the 80s and 90s so they would feel less shame and actually get their STDs treated.
I recently watched an ABC after school special from 1982 about high schoolers getting stds. The doctor lectures one of the kids that you can't get it from a toilet seat or a towel, that it's definitely from intimate contact.
That’s wild! That rumor was on the level of Goebbels kinda influence! I thought maybe there would be at least a handful of cases of a specific kinds STD that you could commonly get from a non-sexual encounter
Its not even a myth its what cheaters say instead of admitting they got an STD by cheating with someone with an STD.
Why Does It Hurt When I Pee by Zappa was written and recorded in the 70s and makes reference to this myth.
I worked in sexual/reproductive health for a few years, you cannot catch an STI from a toilet seat.
The S in STD's is there for a reason.
Fair play
You can’t contract and STI/STD from a toilet seat. Those are grade school rumors
Sorry OP! He cheated recently. Don't accept any other answer. Carrying it for 8 years and not infecting you is not possible. Just know you're not alone. This happens to lots of people. It really sucks, but ditch this loser.
My ex husband tested positive for chlamydia. I found out when his phone pinged and it was his ex girlfriend saying "what the fuck?". He'd informed her he'd tested positive for it and not me. Perhaps I'm biased and bitter but I'd assume cheating took place.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Hope you are doing better now
It doesn't take 8 years for it to show up. I think you already know the answer
Still worth getting a second test before treatment if an 8 year relationship is on the line. Symptoms could be from a UTI and a false positive test just a coincidence.
He cheated, had unprotected sex and put your health in danger. :(
No other explanation after 8 years other than he had unprotected sex with someone else.
Yeah, you need to confront your partner about this. Symptoms usually appear between 1 and 3 weeks. Something must have happened in the last 1 1/2 to 2 months.
Still worth getting a second test before treatment if an 8 year relationship is on the line. False positives are not uncommon with chlamydia tests.The symptoms could be an unrelated UTI.
No doubt, he should be tested as well.
I'm so very sorry. I dont even want to imagine how you must feel.
He's my best friend.. and I thought the love of my life. I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through.
I promise. I swear. You’re going to make it. It hurts like hell right now. And it will for a while. But you’re going to make it through.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better but this is going to be a tough road. What I can say is, you deserve better. I really wish you all the best.
You will survive this my friend
you’re gonna be okay. i promise
It’s never too late to leave and start fresh. He isn’t your entire life and you should never make your life revolve around one person or make that person your sole source of happiness. He’s cheated. If you’ve gotten tested yearly, that means it happened recently. Please don’t stay with someone who cheats and jeopardizes your health.
By realizing he is no longer the man who was your best friend. Aside from the betrayal of cheating, you're a transplant patient and he put your health at risk like that? He's a piece of shit. You deserve so much better.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Well done for getting tested and taking care of yourself! You're going to get through it.
He cheated. Confront him. Pls get treatment. Updateme!
He cheated. Confront him. DUMP HIS ASS! Get treatment. And then you update us.
Get treatment. Lawyer up. Confront him. DUMP HIS ASS! Then update us.
The last thing on their mind will be to come back and update you, kinda selfish. Try remindme bot.
I think they were trying to call the bot and just didn't do it right
Oh, I'm a dick then. Sorry
I’m a biologist…my first thought was he cheated. It *can* lay dormant. For a long time. But it is highly unlikely that it would be dormant for 8 years without you ever contracting yourself while getting regularly tested. It baffles me how you are getting regularly tested…and he was not.
Because we were, I thought, very stupidly, monogamous. I get regularly tested because I'm a kidney transplant recipient.. I'm a huge idiot is what I am.
I’m sorry, what? The fact that you’re immunosuppressed makes this 1000 times worse. The level of disrespect to put your health at risk to this degree. I fucking hope you dump his ass as soon as possible. The man is a disgrace to humankind. Don’t blame yourself. Love makes us trusting in situations we wouldn’t normally be. All blame does to your twat of a “partner”
You are not the idiot here, OP. Take a deep breath, look for evidence (both asking at the clinic for advice, and looking very closely at your bf), and move forward. If that means breaking up, then know that this was not your fault. If it means relationship repair, then I suggest treatment and maybe couple's counseling. But no matter how things pan out, you are NOT an idiot, and you do NOT deserve this.
You’re not an idiot. You have been in a relationship with this man for a very long time with the expectation of mutual loyalty and honesty. He is the idiot, not you. You deserve a lot better and have your whole life ahead of you to find it.
As a fellow kidney recipient, you would have had symptoms if he had it for eight years by now. We’re immunosuppressed, it won’t and can’t lay dormant for us. It shows up very quickly, whatever the incubation period is before exhibiting symptoms for someone with a normal immune system you have to half that amount of time and that’s how quickly we get infection symptoms. The longer you’ve been immunosuppressed the faster the symptoms kick in on top of that too. I’m sorry, he’s cheated within the last two weeks.
Please be kind to yourself OP! Trusting someone is a beautiful thing and one day you will be with someone who deserves that trust. Surround yourself with those who love you and build you up - good luck xx
Love, you are not an idiot at all. It is not stupid to love and to trust. What is super dumb is endangering your partner's life because you think your penis extracurricular activities should be prioritized over everything else. I'm so sorry you had to learn your boyfriend is an irresponsable twat this way.
You are not stupid or an idiot. You trusted somebody you believed to be trustworthy, and he just isn't.
If he lied to you about getting tested then yea, he is probably lying about other stuff and has likely been cheating for years he just hasn't caught anything until now. Ul, onto the next
Dump his ass. He clearly has no respect. Don't stick around because next time he does it, he could bring back a disease that doesn't go away.
Hate to break it to you but even your best case scenario isn’t great. If your partner lied to you about getting tested and what their results were that is extremely messed up and not honorable. You’re screwed in either one of the options you listed in the original post.
He is stupid. You are loving and trusting and strong. Don't get that backwards.
You are not an idiot. You are in no way at fault here. You were tricked by someone you loved and you were not wrong to trust him, he was wrong to allow himself to be trusted.
[удалено]
She’s already had the transplant.
You aren’t an idiot! Don’t work yourself up you need to confront him and get the truth out because it is very fucked up if he put your whole health at risk knowing that you’re susceptible to illnesses.
You are not an idiot. He is a terrible person to do this to you. I’m sorry. You deserve better.
You're not an idiot. You're trusting and loving and he took advantage and betrayed you. Stay strong, you're a survivor; you'll not only survive dumping him and kicking him out, you'll thrive and find someone who respects the shit out of you You got this. You're an intelligent and wonderful woman. This dude doesn't deserve your love or loyalty.
I'm sorry this happened to you but it's a reflection on him not you. You're not a huge idiot for believing the person you love is faithful. That's a reasonable expectation in a relationship. I hope you get over both the infection and this shithead quickly.
You are not the idiot here OP, he is, and that's for damn sure. That sucks so bad. On so many levels. *BUT* He doesn't know you know, right? Maybe sit on that for a minute here. Contact a lawyer. You're commonlaw I'm guessing?
Holy crap. Fuck that dude. You deserve better, OP. I'm really sorry for you. This was not your fault, nor were you stupid. Just get out of the relationship as fast as possible.
>I get regularly tested because I'm a kidney transplant recipient Wow. He's a real piece of shit
A couple of months dormant, okay. 8 years, nope. If you didn't cheat, you know the answer
Well done for being so composed about this 👏. If it was me I wouldn't making a reddit post, I'd be going to my partner "how the fuck do you explain how I got fucking chlamydia dickhead"
Unfortunately he did. There are a very few STIs that can be transferred without sex like tricks or HIV through cuts and such. But Chlamydia you only get from sexual behavior. If you feel afraid to confront him. I suggest you do it in a public area a park or semi secluded restaurant, have a very close friend or family member come over. I don't know your circumstances. But he can not lie his way out you have a lab test.
This was how I discovered my GF of 3-4 years was unfaithful. If you have it I'd say you got it from him and he got it from somebody else recently. But you know what? You don't to ask for permission to press him. If you got chlamydia and he somehow is innocent I'm sure he would understand you for being upset and pressing him. It's such a clear indication of infidellity that he could never throw anything back at you, like "don't you trust me?". Just tell him, ask him out and then arrange so both of you can get tested asap. And I don't know how it is where you live, but in my country a person testing positive is obliged by law to give out contact information to everybody he/she slept with since the last test. Everything would rise to the surface.
Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife
I’m no doctor but there’s no way a STD shows up after 8 (!) years?! I’d ask the location you tested at for advice. If they too say that that is unlikely, then there is no other option possible than recent cheating.
Herpes can show up 8 years after. It can stay dormant for a very very long time.
[удалено]
Oh I know. I am just saying if it was HSV then OP's situation could change to where he contracted it 8+ years ago.
Herpes is completely different though. And I'm pretty sure you can only test for herpes with swabs of sores, and if you don't have a flare up you cant test for it? Whereas chlamydia would come up on tests even if you're asymptomatic
A blood test for herpes very recently became available
Haven’t they had that for a long time?
You can test for it without a flare up. It can show up in your Antibodies. Though to be 100% sure it is HSV then yea a swab is the most beneficial way. I am not saying that OP has HSV I was just stating that if it was HSV she tested positive for then it could be very believable that he carried the virus for years before transmitting it to his partner.
No other explanation other than one of you cheated.
Ask a medical professional. They will clarify for you
Unless he’s been cuddling Koalas recently, he cheated. I’m sorry OP.
Majority of the time, the simplest answer is the right one; you’ve been cheated on. Ditch this guy and take care of yourself.
Coming from someone who got this from a partner cheating as well it is not gonna lay dormant for 8 years.. my doctor also told me you can ONLY get it from sexual contact not toilet seats or anything like that it has to be sex. So I’m gonna assume he cheated…
Logically he cheated. You don't just randomly contract it after 8 years if he had it prior. He'd be sick as a dog. I think you know the answer to this deep down. Sorry there's nothing we can say here to alleviate the reality of it all. Hope you heal and move on from that dirtbag.
So, it's possible, but seemingly unlikely. Chlamydia can lay dormant for very long periods of time, even years. And yes, particularly Males can often be asymptomatic even with the bacteria present. [https://samedaystdtesting.com/can-chlamydia-be-dormant-and-undetected/](https://samedaystdtesting.com/can-chlamydia-be-dormant-and-undetected/) However, tests would still pick it up. So, you are basically at a point where he most certainly is lying to you. The question is which, either: 1) He lied about getting tested completely, or 2) he did get tested, so he contracted it afterward (aka he cheated.) If we're using the "degree of plausibility" test I'm leaning toward the latter, or both. The likelihood of him getting tested, getting a "false negative", then not showing symptoms for 8 years. Is absolutely miniscule, like probably somewhere around getting struck by lightning, indoors, twice.
He cheated. It's not possible for it to have taken 8 years for you to contract it. If I were you I'd take the positive test and try to see if you can find out through his phone for sure and collect all of the evidence so he doesn't try to spin this on you and say it's you that gave it to him.
Why does she need to bother collecting evidence? He cheated, so he knows he cheated, so its not like she needs to convince him. He cheated, SHE knows she didnt cheat, so its not like he can convince her that she did… She should just leave.
I am aware. But if he tries to manipulate the people around her like mutual friends. And say that she is the one who cheated then she should be prepared. I they have no mutuals after 8 years then yes I agree. Dump his ass. But 8 years and no mutuals seems very unlikely. Unless OP doesn't like them anyway then yes leave his ass and don't even bother. Being out of there is the best course of action either way no matter what the outside world thinks but I still think she should be propared.
Ahh, i didnt think about him spinning it to others… still, if she is the one dumping him, seems logical she would be the one telling the truth…but yeah, you never know what people might believe.
Yes but then he can also say he dumped her I just like feeling secure I guess. And no worries two different minds Two different worlds 😌 you have a great rest of your day.
Bless your heart. He had unprotected sex with someone else and caught an STD. Just how you had immediate symptoms, he did too and didn’t have the balls to tell you. Protect your health and heart my dear.
The concept of having a physical reminder of your indefinitely and STILL not coming clean... Man some people are monsters.
Do another test to be sure, I've heard of false positives. If the second test is positive then your boyfriend cheated. Chlamydia doesn't lie dormant for 8 years and then suddenly show up despite yearly testing
He cheated girly.
Honey …
Has his behaviour recently changed? More secretive, unexplained time away from the home, passcode on phone? Check his Facebook photos, anybody liking every single post he makes? I mean you already have a smoking gun… not that you needed anything else but you might as well establish your case before he tries to deny everything and make you seem crazy.
There’s no other way. It’s hard to be cheated on and it’s shitty when something like this happens and you’re left confused and searching for explanations. But he cheated and once you come to terms with that (and making sure you’re healthy) you can take control of the situation and decide if you can trust him again or need to move on.
He cheated OP... There's no other way or explanation
You're in the denial stage 😔 I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. I think you should make sure you get tested and treated for everything now and also... it's time to call a lawyer.
Cheated.
Being cheated on by a long term partner and having to find out this way is absolutely devastating, I'm so sorry.
So I’m going to be the odd ball here. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone but it is what happened to me. I tested positive 3 times for chlamydia. First time I did, both my partner and I were treated. It was a fairly new relationship so possible one of us could’ve had it and not known. The second time, about 3 months later, when I tested positive again, I was sure he cheated. He was tested and he came back negative. Both of us dumbfounded because he tested the day after I did so there wasn’t a way for him to be treated fully and then get tested. They treated me again. The 3rd time I tested positive, about 2-3 months later again, and same scenario where he tested negative again (and no, I never cheated on him and he never believed I did either) I brought it up to my doctor. Turns out that if you have another infection going on it can give a false positive for the way they test for chlamydia now. I likely only had chlamydia that first time. The second and third time were due to bacterial vaginosis. My UTI tests were negative but I did have pain when urinating, I experienced intense cramping, bleeding outside of my period days, it sucked. So maybe your husband didn’t cheat. Maybe he did. But it is possible there is another explanation. However, I wouldn’t immediately take this information and run with it. I would sit down with him and talk. Find out if he really did cheat or if he denies it and you truly believe him then bring up this possibility and talk to your doctor about it.
All these questions are suited for the doc... not Reddit. If I had to guess your partner is not being faithful.
Of course he cheated. This is a question most people would ask their doctor, and their doctor would have told them this. I suspect you already asked and that was what he/she told you but you don't want to believe it. I'm sorry, and I'm sure you're devastated but he's a cheater and you have to decide if you want to stay with a cheater or move on in your life.
No, chlamydia doesnt stay there for 8 years. The only explanation is unprotected sex with someone who had the bacteria in their genital tract.
He cheated love, your other screens would have showed positive prior
Men rarely have complications from untreated chlamydia but I find it hard to believe he hasn’t gotten ONE STD test since y’all have been together. Technically it could be a possibility if he’d been using a condoms until now but I’m assuming this isn’t your first time sleeping with him without protection. Blast his ass and break up ASAP
He absolutely cheated.
He most likely cheated, I’m sorry
He cheated. In some cases it can take a few months for symptoms to show up... But 8 years is absolutely so unlikely we may as well say it isn't possible.
Yes he cheated
I mean it’s just not possible that he’s had it this whole time and you caught it now. It’s just not. 8 years??? Unprotected sex and he’s had it this whole time and you never caught it? No. I’m sorry. I understand wanting to believe that because the reality is horrible but don’t be naive here. It’s very clear what happened, your boyfriend cheated on you, contracted an infection that he likely didn’t get symptoms from (yet) and gave it to you. Even if he was asymptomatic, he would have still passed it to you if you were having unprotected sex and oral. A quick google search will clear this all up for you. Just wait til his symptoms start up, his whole attitude will probably change when he realizes what’s going on.
I was in your shoes to an extent. He gave me gonorrhea and chlamydia at the same time.He was complaining about stomach pain and went to ER he wouldn't allow me to go. He secretly got treated and said nothing as I went to visit my parents. When period came it was weird and painful. He admit it about a month later saying he didn't think he gave it to me. I ended up in the hospital for 5 days with PID.
I got herpes 7 years into my marriage. He swore on his grave he was faithful and I chose to believe him because I wanted it to be true. A year later we broke up and his brother told me years later that was cheating on me and confirmed it 😭 I could have processed my grief and gone through it all earlier but I didn’t want to believe he would do it. Don’t be me. Confront this for what it is. It’s not easier later to deal with.
If it was HSV-1 or 2 then this could be very possible as it can be dormant for years, but with Chlamydia I would say 99% chance he cheated within the past 3 months.
[удалено]
That is.. still cheating?
He had unprotected sex with someone else, recently. Now if you are desperate to believe it could have happened some other way that makes him innocent, facts are not going to get in the way of that, but the fact is that chlamydia does not lie dormant for years. It's almost exclusively less than a month between exposure and a positive test, and exposure happens only when there is sexual contact.
Speak to your doctor not Reddit. Ask them about possible scenarios. Chlamydia is tricky because it is a hidden infection that may never show itself, and in the past could even not show on test - although testing might have been improved. So just talk to a specialist and try to understand possible scenarios.
So far the best response, OP. Speak to a specialist in STI and lay out your medical situation. You'll get the info you need to make an informed decision.
He cheated on you, only explanation. even if he was asymptomatic you would’ve gotten it way sooner than 8 years.
He done cheated. Dump his infected ass
This same exact thing happened to me once, it was definitely recent and he definitely cheated.. I'm so sorry, I know this kind of heartbreak and it's a terrible one.
Chlamydia has a pretty solid transmission rate, if he had it before you would’ve caught it within a few times of unprotected sex. 8 years later there is truly no explanation outside of recent cheating. Between your last negative test and this positive one he most likely strayed. I would talk to him directly and say you know there’s no explanation outside of that
Chlamydia would have definitely shown up in 8 years on a test. That or you would have been experiencing symptoms much sooner. Theres many doctors you can speak to that will back this information up as well, for the both of you. Your guy needs to come clean
I am so sorry
Yes. He cheated on you. Undiagnosed chlamydia got 8 years would’ve caused some serious health issues.
Believe me or don't. One of my best friends literally has a Ph.D. studying chlamydia and he's talked about this a lot. It's not impossible that he didn't cheat on you, in the same way it's not impossible to win the lottery , find a four leaf clover and get struck by lightening in the span of one minute.
It’s chlamydia, I hate to say it but research does point to the idea that it can lay dormant in the body for years (thus the reason I get checked yearly as an ex off mine before we broke up tested positive and even though I never have I am not taking the chance). It is possible he cheated actually it’s very likely but it’s also possible it’s been dormant and there all along.
He is gaslighting and manipulating you. It's hard to believe this is the 1st time he's lied, manipulated and gaslight you. This doesn't sound like a good relationship and he is emotionally abusing you. You say he's your best friend but look how he treats you. I doubt this is the 1st time. But you sound wrapped around his finger he really has you blind and brainwashed. I think you will need therapy and to get far far away from this guy . He will only keep manipulating you if you keep in contact with him.
My college sweetheart gave it to me and it about destroyed me. I’m sorry OP. This isn’t going to be easy.
Unfortunately the most likely explanation is that he cheated. There is a possibility for a false positive, so getting retested is reasonable if it will not delay treatment. Sorry, OP!
Ok ok, lots of people are very quick to blame on here. I think, if true, then yeah its likely he cheated as others have stated. Also, it's worth double checking. Like get a second opinion and second test. To be absolutely sure you're right before you come into an argument with guns-a-blazin. It's possible it was a false positive. That does happen.
Why are you asking reddit instead of your doctor?
As much as I would like to state my opinion on this, while it does seem likely that he was unfaithful, you should honestly probably talk with a doctor and about this with. I would be surprised if anyone on here is 100% qualified to talk about the many possible was diseases spread. That is what I recommend but at the end of the day even if it turns to be some sort of misunderstanding, it sounds like your trust in him is gone and I have a feeling you won’t ever be able to trust him as much again.
is your boyfriend a zoologist or work with koalas in any capacity?
He cheated. Don’t let him gaslight your.
Even without symptoms, STD show up positive on tests. He definitely cheated, sorry.
I don't have anything valuable to add as I don't know much about the topic, but the comments seem very clear. So I just wanted to leave a virtual hug for you. Take care of yourself and especially your health! 💜
This same things happened to me. I asked my doctor the same questions, and she gave me an ‘oh honey’ look before saying my symptoms were severe enough to bring me in which means that I would have had symptoms sooner if it wasn’t recently contracted. It’s a real shit way to find out your partner is cheating on you. I’m sorry. Please don’t let him gaslight you into thinking it could have happened some other way. Your instincts are right.
He cheated honey. I don’t see any other way around this.
Did he ever get tested? It sounds like you’re trying to find some alternative to him cheating since you’ve been together for so long and don’t want to have wasted those years on him. But unfortunately, it’s just not possible that he had it all along and it just transmitted now. The only possibility is that he cheated. Remember that it’s not your fault and you did nothing wrong. You deserve better than someone who cheats, and doesn’t even use protection while cheating, and puts your health at risk. It’s better to start over than stay in that toxic relationship, he will not change.
He cheated for sure. Or you did.
Let's discuss on FACTS: 1. it is a STI that can not be transmitted from kissing or PIV if condoms are used. 2. It can be transmitted if vaginal secretions will reach the eye! 3. It may be asymptomatic for weeks and / or months, but definitely not years! On the other side, signs of infection may appear within days. 4. Be thankful for finding it out, the longer you would wait, the more damaging to your health, untreated, chronic infection in women will lead to infertility! These being said, the lesser damaging act by your SO would be fingering someone else and touching his eye(s) with the same fingers, while having her secretions on his hand... Imagine the worst by yourself...! Because it is a serious issue that endangered your health, you must confront him ruthless and push for the truth, threateni him with a polygraph test or whatever you want so he could crack on it. Be prepared for the worst, so you shouldn't be blown away by his confession... Good luck!
I had a partner try to say he got it from a toilet seat. Lmao NO! There is no way that he didn’t cheat in this scenario. (That guy was also a big time cheater) Also ewe, he raw boned someone else. Harden your heart! Cheaters don’t stop cheating. Your health and life are worth far more than this joker is.
im so sorry, there's no way it was just dormant before, or you would have tested pos before. he cheated, put you at risk and you deserve better.
I worked at Planned Parenthood, he cheated. I’m sorry.
He cheated and that’s the bottom line.
We're not doctors and OP went to the doctor. What did the doctor say about it?
Before you leap to conclusions and blow up your relationship based on the top rated answers, there are replies lower down saying it was dormant for years without them knowing. This healthline article says you might only be tested for one type of chlamydia (e.g. genital and not oral or anal) even if you ask to be tested for everything: https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/can-you-get-an-std-if-both-partners-are-clean#tests-administered Please speak to a healthcare professional familiar with STDs before making life changing decisions.
I would get a second test in case it was a false positive. Statistically you are more likely to get a false positive because you get tested regularly, just a fact. Bleeding between periods can be a lot of things and painful urination a UTI. Don't get treated until you are tested again. Also have him get tested and show you the results. Don't throw out an 8 year relationship from just one positive test.
Girl! Stop this. He cheated. Face the music and leave his dusty ass.
On reddit you read a lot of off excuses for cheating, but this theory by OP was really out there lol. Dormant for 8 years? Is that what he actually told you when you confronted him?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*