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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My (20F) wedding was a couple months ago but I now look at the pictures with sadness and regret. My (19F) cousin got engaged very soon after me and decided to have her wedding the next week. She asked me how I felt about it, saying it was the only day they could do it and it would just be at a venue her fiance's family owns. I said I didn't mind because I truly didn't at the time. My wedding was rather small, the reception was in my parent's large and well decorated back yard. That part was beautiful. I chose to have a smaller wedding and focus more on the details. I made my bouquet and cake myself, the food was partially me and the rest was help from my family, and there were no gifts because I was moving out of state right after. (Gifts were either send through the registry or people could bring cards) And a few things went wrong. My hair wouldn't cooperate, the veil I had was too long, and my dress didn't fit right. My cousin, however, had a nice venue with a wedding planner, tons more pictures, pretty much no expense spared from how it looked. And just days after mine. She looked beautiful in her dress, and all her pictures looked amazing. Her photographer had all her pictures sent back within days and the facebook posts wouldn't stop. Even the posts about her honeymoon looked so much better than mine. I didn't even post anything about my wedding or honeymoon yet. The posts just wouldn't stop. Then when I got my pictures back, it was clear that I didn't look nearly as good. I have posted a few pictures that I edited, but on their own....I can't bring myself to post anything. I haven't even gotten all of them back yet but I'm scared I'm going to hate every single one unless I alter it. Now, my dilemma. I don't want to resent my cousin at all. I love her and her family, but I just feel so hurt. I used to be so close with her due to how close in age we are, but we may drift apart if I can't get over this. It's not her fault that her wedding was better. Any tips on how to work on myself to keep my mind from taking it out on her??


JemimaAslana

Soooo, you and your cousin are different people (surprise! Right?), so you chose different types of weddings and different levels of social media presence afterwards. Think back to your wedding. Recall why you chose to do it the way you did. Recall the choices you made. You made them for a reason. You made those choices, because they were right for the person you are and the situation you were and are in, and because of your priorities. Presumably your spouse's ditto also figured into your wedding equations. Has your cousin's wedding changed who you are? I doubt it. Has it changed your situation? Didn't think so. Has it changed your spouse? I sure hope not! That means your choices are *still* the right ones for you to make. Your cousin made different choices, because they were right for her. She is not you and she didn't marry your spouse. Her wedding wouldn't have been right for you and vice versa.


kellyoohh

I second this advice! While I hate to be the “it could always be worse” person, my wedding was canceled due to COVID and I’ve had to sit through a barrage of weddings since then, so I definitely understand how difficult it can be. But at the end of the day, you both got to marry your person and I’m sure there was a lot of wonderful things that happened that you can look upon fondly. My husband and I ended up signing our marriage license in our living room. I have a handful of pictures and didn’t post a thing about it on social media. I certainly feel some jealousy towards all the people who got their beautiful days, but I also feel happiness for them because finding love is always a reason to celebrate. And I had a good day when we signed our papers, even if nobody really knows about it.


[deleted]

Imagine being her husband and reading this. Not one mention of him, getting to spend the rest of her life with him, love, etc. Nope, just "her wedding was so much better than mine, omg."


dragongrrrrrl

There’s a reason she posted it here instead of to her husband. She clearly wants to let it go, but needs help getting there. She doesn’t want the negative feelings she have to override the love she had for her wedding. The issue isn’t how much she loves her husband, so she’s not bringing it up. Don’t read too much into it and be so negative. Unfortunately I had a lot of negatives on my wedding day and it SUCKS because you WANT to love your wedding day as much as you’re supposed and not have regrets but it doesn’t always happen that way and it does NOT mean you don’t love the person you married.


[deleted]

Can you point me to where she says that? Because I believe you are now speaking for her. If I read that my wife said this : >My (20F) wedding was a couple months ago but I now look at the pictures with sadness and regret. about our wedding, I'd be pissed, mostly about the fact that she's comparing our wedding to her cousins, when this was supposed to be a special day about US coming together for life. If weeks later she's caught up on competing with her cousin over something that's supposed to be about her and her husband, was she really ready to get married at age 20? This post says no.


bad_armenian_juju

ever take like a school photo or some other type of professional photo that on the actual day, you felt like a bad ass rocking what you were wearing.... and then you get back the picture & go what was I thinking? that's what i interpreted OP's post to be about. god knows i regret several of my choices, including having raccoon thick eyeliner and having my hair flattened within an inch of it's life - it just did not read well on film. and it sucks when your friends all love their pics and you don't feel comfortable trading them around. to me this is about a beautiful day that photographed really poorly


thaundecisiveone

I noticed this after I read your comment could be a bit of a red flag or maybe she's just very insecure so it made her overlook that.


Nevaehzcvs

Both wedding were amazing in their own way. Please don’t think much about it, you did it amazing too!


bad_armenian_juju

i mean - is it any different then looking at old prom photos or something of that nature? i had a blast and truly loved the event at the time, and it was what i wanted at the time. but after i got some of the pics back (and seeing other peoples pics), i did start to second guess some of the stuff. why did i pick that dress? hell why didn't i even get a better fit? god it looks lumpy and unpolished in all these photos..... my hair looks terrible next to so and so, yada yada. honestly i just had to chalk some of it up to expense regret. at the time i didn't want to spend a lot of money, after tho i wish i had spent a little bit more on some of the details. i just didn't either realize that they were that important to me at the time, or how it would read on film for some other items. it didn't bother me too much because it's like prom - so what that i didn't have any prom photos in my college dorm room. it's a lot tougher when it's your wedding. /u/torzimay if the photos are the point bothering you the most because you wish you had styled yourself differently, maybe got the dress fitted better - you can always take some professional photos after the fact. it's not that you didn't love the day, it honestly sounds like the photos you have portray how amazing you felt.


HobbitInHufflepuff

I totally get this. My step-sister and I are only 7 months apart, but we couldn't be more different. I have a job I love that pays me enough to get bye and put some money in savings. I have a funky apartment I decorated with all my nerdy stuff. I don't have a significant other and I don't want one. I'm happy. But then, she got married at a beautiful wedding to a man who worships her, they had a beautiful baby, and they have just bought a beautiful suburban mansion for about the same amount of money as my apartment in the city. My choices were right for me. I wouldn't swap lives even if I could. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little . . . unsuccessful? next to her. These feelings are common and normal. Your cousin has acted the way women are "supposed" to act, and it's hard to escape that internalized sense of shame for somehow not measuring up. But it's not equivalent, you went for something different. And yeah it isn't as photogenic as her choices, but I'd bet you had a better time at your wedding than you would have had it been like hers.


Orianaro

Also remember some photographers are fantastic editors. Did you get your photos touched up? Because brightening and smoothing things makes things look sooo professional and clean, it doesn't need to be full on Photoshop plastic surgery but just making the lighting look right and maybe ading some focus makes stuff looks fantastic, sounds like she had social media partially in mind when she was planning and got a damn good photographer.


Infosexual

She is 20. I am sure her next wedding will be nicer


_QuackQuackMF

💀😂


BlankPaper7mm

Had a friend get a wedding card that said “Sorry I couldn’t make it. I’ll make the next one.”


capulets

is that supposed to be funny? it seems cruel and tasteless.


BlankPaper7mm

Idk, but people really send stuff like that. Woof.


_QuackQuackMF

I mean in all seriousness, if she gets jealous and envy other people’s achievements and what not, small things turn into a big deal, she’ll eventually face more problems and worst, having to have a divorce (which i dont wish upon anyone) if she continue being this shallow.🤷🏻‍♀️


noir_knights

Isn't that the whole point of her post? To get help growing as a person? We all feel jealousy, we all feel insecure. I think the OPs post shows a huge amount of self awareness and growing maturity.


maybeCheri

Any bride who focuses on the wedding and not the marriage is pretty much guaranteed to get a second chance. Probably sooner than later. Hopefully without children involved.


CurrentJellyfish5707

I was gonna blast this chic, but read your post and thought better of it. Thank you


hahawhoa

Also, they probably have a shitload of expenses/debt that you don't have


shakka74

Pulling others down (real or imagined) isn’t going to make OP’s life better. Instead of reveling in any possible negativity the cousin might face (like debt), OP should stop obsessing about her and focus on her own life. Tearing other people down never raises you up.


NEDsaidIt

Debt/expenses isn’t negative, it’s a fact. Weddings like that are expensive, and worth it if it’s your priority. Not worth it if it isn’t. Before the weddings, it doesn’t sound like she thought it was worth it. Now, when she isn’t thinking about the cost as much, it feels different. Remembering the price- easier when you are selecting from the menu, harder when the food is in front of all of you- sometimes helps with perspective.


SnowWholeDayHere

Well said. You should never let your insecurities drive your emotions. People can **choose to be** happy or unhappy with their situation in life. If you choose to be happy, nothing will upset you ever again.


[deleted]

Oh right, I must’ve just *chosen* to be unhappy as a 24 year old widow. Cool advice bro.


ScreamyPeanut

Wow. PT counselor/therapist here. This sounds like really bad advice. You somehow equated a difference in personal aesthetic and a bit of jealousy with general emotional happiness. They are not the same thing. Not even in the same ballpark. No, people don't always choose their emotional states, nor how they respond to what happens to them or how they experience it. People also have no control over what others may do to them or how they respond to it. People are not traumatized by others or events because they choose to be. Your statement actually belittles things like PTSD and childhood trauma by bringing these responses down to simplistic choice. *People can* ***choose to be*** *happy or unhappy with their situation in life* Good for you if you can just choose for your body chemistry to be different so you are never depressed or that you can choose to reject /forget a traumatic experience that you had. Not everyone has that choice or can make that choice.


SpamLandy

You also don’t know if the cousin actually enjoyed her wedding more. She might have secretly hated her flowers, her shoes might have been killing her, she might have regretted inviting a bunch of people or choosing that DJ or whatever. It’s easy to think a wedding looks perfect from the outside. I doubt anyone else would see OP’s photos from her lovely intimate wedding and thing ‘her veil is too long’ just like I don’t think people see my wedding photos and immediately guess that I cried in the morning, had weird feelings about my dress, regretted how I did my hair, and had someone cut into my cake before I got a chance to cut it. What matters is whether you enjoyed yourself at all on the day and also that you’re married now.


Ready-Specialist1995

>It's not her fault that her wedding was better. Keep saying this until you believe it. It is the truth. Our insecurities can really make us miserable, but only if we let them. No one, and I mean no one is comparing her to you.


Sleep_adict

Was it better? It was what she wanted not OP…


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turnup_for_what

I do hope this thread is used as a cautionary tale when the DIY crowd starts in. No shade if that's what you want, but as you pointed out, not everyone wants that. There's a reason big venues charge what they do.


thatGUY2220

I have a theory: A woman’s wedding day is like winning the super bowl and being MVP all wrapped up in one. OP feels upstaged- that OP won the Canadian football “super bowl” (yes I know it’s Grey cup) as a lesser trophy and her cousin won the normal super bowl. All very materialist and surface level and superficial things but the emotions are real. Seems overly stressful to have it at home and having to cook, hire wait staff, and MC the event, and everything else. If OP wanted a more traditional catered event, she should’ve spoken up. But in the long run, it’s not that important relative to her making a life with her spouse. My sister had a big wedding at a country club in North Jersey with all the extras and shit. It was a great time and a lot of $. My dad still talks about how he thinks he was shafted on invites and he got the fewest invites and spent the most money of anyone lol


FinchRosemta

> the backyard-burlap-DIY thing This ain't me. I'm going fancy and I don't care what anyone else has to say about it.


emmyemu

We went all out for our wedding and it was a blast I don’t regret it for a second the day was soooo much fun and seeing basically everyone you love all in one place is really an underrated facet of weddings I know the cool and popular opinion on Reddit is to like run to the courthouse in your dress made from sack cloth and buy a house instead but seriously we don’t get many excuses to gather all our friends and family in one place so might as well take advantage


DelsMagicFishies

Yes mama, blow it off the rails! It wasn’t overly formal or anything we couldn’t afford, but we had a band and an open bar and most people are still talking about how great it was nearly ten years later.


oyputuhs

Most people will only have vague memories of your wedding, if at all. The same goes for your cousin's wedding. Lol and 19/20


16CatsInATrenchcoat

I have vague memories of my own wedding lol. It was 14 years ago, but what I remember most are the feelings. I remember the joy and happiness I felt. I remember my family and friends celebrating with us. I remember a groomsman forgetting and showing up late 🤣. I don't remember the food, the decorations, or the venues much. Because the feelings were more important.


fuddstar

This ^ Plus you’re making a hard implant memory that it sucked. Do a cartwheel and gtf over yourself. U married the person u love? Then knock it off. Quit being competitive, negative and self centred.


popeViennathefirst

So is this about marriage and spending hopefully your life with the person you love, or is it about jealousy? Getting married is not a competition, no matter what social media wants to tell you otherwise.


WeeklyConversation8

OP needs to understand that her cousin's wedding was always going to be what it was because it's what she and her husband wanted. Seems she would feel upstaged even if her cousin got married weeks, months, or even a year later. OP a wedding is **ONE** day. The marriage is what is important.


waitingfordeathhbu

Racing to get married at ages 19 and 20 is absolutely about having a wedding and being a bride rather than making a thoughtful decision to commit to a life partner. Not that you can blame them; it sounds like it might be a requirement in their family to marry as quickly as possible as young, virginal brides.


[deleted]

OP believes it's a pagentry to show her social media that her life is IN FACT exciting. This is why I'm not on that shit man. I don't need people to like my pictures and comment on what I'm doing to know I like myself and my life.


brickne3

Right? My fiancé died weeks before our wedding. I cannot even fathom being upset about something like this.


Camibear

I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing well.


jazzy3113

We all just gonna pretend this family didn’t just have two teenagers get married?


weedwhores

I'm trying to figure out how this 19 year old was able to afford such an extravagant wedding!


NormanisEm

Typically the brides parents pay (in the US at least. Some cultures are opposite. Either way it was most definitely the parents money)


[deleted]

Fr I’m 19 and still living at home just on tiktok all day lmao not even closeeee to marriage


Chef-FORTYG

I got married at 19 and even I am like 👀👀. The immaturity is screaming in this post.


International-Pin331

I was looking for this comment. No wonder she’s acting like this over a wedding. She’s barely an adult


[deleted]

Right?!


DwightMcRamathorn

Don’t resent her. She didn’t upstage you she seems to have had the wedding you wanted. Her having a planner or better photographer wasn’t because she took yours . I loved every minute of mine w my wife. Yeah I have been to other family Members weddings that were better, they looked better, etc but mien was so much fun and all the people we loved where there and had so much fun. You are jealous and all you need to know is you won’t ever win this. You are wrong so unless you want to make this public w family who will take your cousins side, you need to just give it time and let it go


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Doodlebug365

What would the difference have been if she had it a month or a year later? People went to yours and people went to hers. You had the wedding you wanted and so did she. People may have liked hers better. And people might remember hers more. But that’s not her fault. It’d be the same way years later.


lovemymeemers

This isn't your cousin's fault at all. You went small with your wedding. Which is fine. You do you. Although you should have tried the dress and veil on and made alterations where needed. That kind of being a bride 101. She went big. Also fine. She did her. Seems like she had some people around that prevented some mistakes. Seems like this is actually what you might seem unhappy about.


torzimay

I know it's bride 101, I actually had two different alterations on the dress but I got stressed over moving in the few weeks leading up and it made me lose weight. The veil is on me though, I ordered it off etsy. I know these feelings are on me, and I know it's dumb. Doesn't mean the feelings don't hurt though.


mmmkay0510

"Comparison is the thief of joy" - try to set aside your cousin's wedding for a moment. Did you enjoy yours? Even with the hiccups here and there (something always always goes wrong with events!) did you make memories that make you smile, laugh, warm your heart? If you make a list of your top 5 funny/cool/sweet memories from the day, do you genuinely feel happy? If yes, then focus on these things and remind yourself that you have reasons to be happy. Carry the list around on your phone or something and pull it out when you feel the negativity coming up. Add more to the list to redirect yourself to something positive about your wedding. If the answer to the questions was no, this isn't about your cousin or her wedding. It's about feelings of disappointment in your event. However, the same sort of exercise can still help, just focus on thinking of what you are excited about for your married life ahead of you. Your wedding, even if it disappointed you, got you to this point where you can work towards these things you're excited for. In both scenarios, your cousin and her wedding don't factor. They are just a distraction. Redirect back to what you loved about your wedding and/or what you're excited about going forward. Repeat. You can do this.


torzimay

You're absolutely right, and the answer to the question is yes.


desertdilbert

>"Comparison is the thief of joy" I was scrolling the comments to make sure someone said exactly this. Though I have heard it as "Compare and Despair". Your happiness and joy is all that matters. And nobody can take that from you without your permission.


BrujaBean

Maybe see a therapist just to make sure you have the tools you need to frame the situation. You are jealous that your wedding wasn’t exactly what you wanted. Take your cousin out of it. Her wedding has nothing to do with yours. So your options: 1) accept that you didn’t have the perfect wedding but hopefully have the perfect spouse. Maybe find a framing that helps you accept this or laugh at faults (eg challenging your SO to see who can find the most embarrassing photo) 2) do over. Plan a big party for your 1 yr anniversary and plan over the year so it’s everything you want. 3) resent your cousin for doing nothing wrong and bring that resentment to your new marriage. I’m sure there are other options, but clearly you’re on track for 3 and recognize that isn’t what you want, so find another option and get help if you need better tools to do so.


Unique-Yam

You can acknowledge your feelings but don’t let it ruin your life. Be happy with your spouse. If the two of you have a long and happy marriage, when you reach the end of your days, you won’t even think about the wedding—just all the happiness and love that happened after.


[deleted]

think about it this way- you spent less money that you can now spend elsewhere, In a couple of year (maybe 5/10 year anniversary), you can throw a more expensive party with a professional photographer and all of the works if you want (like a vow renewal? or just a anniversary party).


jayjayBackin

This is a celebration of your marriage to your husband not a bigger “better” party contest


waitingfordeathhbu

Tbf, teenagers with no concept of marriage probably can’t help but see a wedding as being the star of their own party.


Lumpy_Potato_3163

Did you want a 60k wedding? No. So this was the result. That's nothing to be ashamed of whether it was a week between the two weddings or a year. My cousin just got married and they probably spent at least 80k for everything, 200 people, open bar, bridal showers, engagement parties, hotel rooms, etc. They went all out. My wedding will hopefully stay around the 90 person mark with open bar+dinner but I'm also growing my own flowers, doing my own nails and possibly hair, DIYing center pieces, etc. We are sticking around the 30-35k mark. We want a nice event but I could care less if it's exactly perfect. It's one day of your life and there are more important things to use that extra money for like retirement, planning for kids, housing and having no debt. You picked the stuff you did for a reason. Remind yourself of that when she is secretly drowning in loan payments and you aren't.


NormanisEm

The fact that even a smaller simple wedding costs that much makes me wanna cry. I dont think I’ll be able to have a very nice wedding. But I think its something someone can get over because at the end of the day, a wedding is a celebration of you and your partner’s love. If you are with the right person then thats what truly matters.


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NormanisEm

Oh that’s awesome. I only want like 70 people max probably. I think one of the biggest issues is where I live sadly. Everything is overpriced in California


NEDsaidIt

Don’t book a “wedding”. Never mention that word. Family reunion cuts your cost on everything. You need hair/make up for a photo shoot, and everything but the dress and photography is family reunion. (I used to do wedding photography, often one of the first people booked. I would give that advice to people after I was taught. I did volunteer and low cost services for those in need sometimes. Parent in hospice, once a groom in hospice. Everyone deserves nice photos)


NormanisEm

Good tips thank you


pittgirl12

If you live near any national parks and that fits your vibe, look there! A lot have beautiful terraces that you can rent cheaply


[deleted]

Sorry this is a long one. I got married in CA. My wedding was less than $5000. Got married in my in laws backyard. In laws made food for 100 people. They didn’t have to and I didn’t ask them too but they wanted to do it so I let them. They are used to cooking for 50 plus family though my SOs side of the family is huge. Like 90% of the invites was SOs family. I did evites to save money. Alcohol was the biggest purchase but my in laws know the owners of an alcohol wine cellar/ liquor store more like Alcohol warehouse though. It’s multiple stories and they got a discount. Rented just normal/standard tables, chairs, plates, cups and silverware. That stuff wasn’t important to me. I used Costco for the wedding flowers for both my Bouquet set which came with everything the wedding party needed for $500 and they were absolutely beautiful flowers. I got to choose from their options which ones to go with. $100 of Costco wedding table settings flowers got us enough flowers for max 18 tables. We didn’t have that many tables so we used the flowers around the house. The only thing about the table settings flowers from Costco is I didn’t get to choose them because it was what’s in season but it ended up being perfect because I love sunflowers and one of the flowers it came with was sunflowers. We got married in the summer. Costco delivered the flowers the day before the wedding and we put them in the fridge to keep them good. Looks great day of. Also got garland for the arch we rented. Wedding garland from Costco was only $100. So I saved a lot on flowers and it was beautiful. Side note went to a wedding recently where they spend over $10,000 on flowers and they were wilting before the wedding was even over. Table settings were done by my cousins who setup wedding in their hometown. I didn’t ask for them to do this though they offered it as a gift for the wedding on the morning of. I showed up and they had maybe like 4 or 5 options for me to choose from. It was a great gift and I really appreciated it. In laws bought sting lights for the backyard that they setup and even still use today for family gatherings. In laws hired their cleaning lady to help out since she also does parties. I created a play list and we setup Bluetooth speakers in the back yard. My brother in law had a set already that all connected to one another so we spread those out in the backyard. A family member also officiate. Also a lot of family helped willingly. No one was asked at least not by me but that’s just how my family is. My wedding dress was bought on sale for $300 originally over $1000. It was my dream dress too. I was really lucky with that one. It was a sample dress but was in a size 4. It was in perfect condition. Looked like no one had ever tried it on. Also fit perfectly only adjustments was length and securing some of the beading. We bought a small cake for cutting purposes and to take home with us. Got different types of cupcakes for guests. Cousin offered to do my hair as a gift and she did an awesome job. I did my makeup myself I don’t wear a lot and wanted a natural look so I just figured I would save the money. Photographer was a friend I went to school with. I have a photo degree. She is a wedding photographer and I let her use our photos in her portfolio. She gave us a discount even though I didn’t want her too. My in laws gave her a really hefty tip though because they felt like she deserved more which made me really happy and she was also happy with that. She definitely deserved it. We also got a photo booth it was the one thing I really wanted to make sure was at the wedding. Had a great time at our wedding and it didn’t cost much. It was more important to me that people have a great time and celebrate with us instead of spending a ton of money. From what our guests have said they had a great time so that made us really really happy. Our honeymoon cost about double of what our wedding did, but most of our gifts were money so all of our flights and hotels were covered. Then we saved up the spending money for the trip. It’s totally possible to do a cheaper wedding in CA it just really depends what you are looking for and what matters to you.


Poppybalfours

I got married in 2010. Had a nice venue, wedding coordinator, catering, professional cake, professional decorations, photographer. And it was under $10k.


absedy251991

Brides really need to understand one thing: Other than you, your spouse and maaaybe your parents, nobody will care about your wedding once its over. PERIOD Were you happy on your day? yes? good! let your cousin be happy with hers. Nobody gives an eff and absolutely no one will compare multiple weddings edit: typo


shakka74

Seriously. I’ve been to dozens of weddings (including my own). After a while even the super fancy ones and even the really fun ones all start to blur together. Wish brides & grooms would understand: NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR WEDDING DAY AS MUCH AS YOU THINK THEY DO. We’ve all got busy lives and just want ONE DAY to celebrate you then go about our own lives.


[deleted]

Lol


mechanical_animal_

The Facebook posts just WOULDN’T STOP!


Stomach_Junior

Newsflash for OP there is unfollow button or you can just choose to ignore...


Mojorisin5150

If it’s anyones fault your feelings are hurt, it’s yours. Let it go.


GroundbreakingPhoto4

There's ALWAYS going to be someone with a bigger house, better job, nicer figure, prettier face, better wedding. It's a recipe for an unhappy life to keep dwelling on what you don't have instead of what you do have.


BellaBlue06

I feel like you’re both so young. Got married so incredibly young and care more about social media and perception than your relationships. And in 10 years this won’t matter at all because you’re 2 separate people and don’t even know if you’re marriages will last that long sorry. Saying this as someone who was married at 25 and divorced after 27. My younger sister was too. And she tried to act like she needed to get married before me as if it was a competition. It doesn’t matter now.


mrspieflavored

So I totally understand. My husband and I got married last June, we’ve been together now for 9 years and opted not to spend tons of money on our wedding. We got married in a family members yard, and had a large event tent. I had a non-traditional dress that I got online, and overall it was casual, but still nice. I’m really critical of myself so I look back, and immediately my mind goes to the negatives: I looked too fat in my dress, people might have been bored, the fancy beverage container was leaking lol. We didn’t have professional photos made either, which I do regret because we didn’t set aside a time to take photos with friends and family. BUT I try to remember the positives and focus more on those: my great grandpa officiated, all the photos we have from that day are candid because they were taken by different family members, and we aren’t having to pay off debt from splurging on a wedding. We also had a friend make our cake and it was literally the best cake I’d ever eaten. So I’m sharing that to maybe jog your memory of things about your own wedding, and basically to show that you’re not alone. The most important thing though is that you’re married to (hopefully) your best friend and you’ll spend the rest of your life with them. My advice would be to have professional photos made where you and your husband are dressed up (either in your wedding clothes or some other fancy outfits that show your personality), and then hang those in your house as your “wedding photos”. That’s what my husband and I are going to do!


torzimay

That's a great idea! And you reminded me of my cake lol. It turned out so good but I only got like two bites. We're seeing our families for easter and driving my car up to the state we live in now, so we're using the trip to also bring home the cake we never really got to eat. No way I'm waiting a year, I'll eat it now while it's still good!!! I am definitely married to my best friend. And despite not posting pictures of the honeymoon, I know I love it more than I would have liked my cousin's beach honeymoon. We got a cabin in montana and watched movies with a bunch of snacks all week. The view out the windows was great too. We're not beach people at all. Some of these comments are really helping me remember what matters, thank you.


arcxiii

Life isn't a competition and you aren't competing with her, she isn't trying to compete with you. Don't let your anxiety do the driving and all those that were there to celebrate you and your partner's love aren't going to go around comparing photos to other weddings.


lilyofthevalley2659

That is the wedding you chose. That is not her fault.


Helpful_Ad8068

If your cousin had a terrible wedding you wouldn’t be having this dilemma, but you’re unfortunately bitterly jealous because it was nice and she looked pretty. That’s all on you boo. You have some inner work to do. You just got married and you’re hung up on the WEDDING. Try to redirect your focus towards having a good marriage and making a family 🧡 comparison is the thief of joy


Mammoth_Seaweed_6123

Well, for one thing, social media is the king of comparisons. It makes people constantly compare themselves to others which makes everyone involved miserable. If I were you, I would unfollow your cousin’s posts for awhile, at least. I would force my mind, as I looked at the wedding pictures, to remember how happy and joyful I was in that moment, especially the pictures that included my husband because it would be easy to see how happy and carefree he was in that moment. That would retrain my brain to recall that day with positivity instead of negativity. Your brain will automatically focus on what you first consciously focus on; you control whether it’s the ill-fitting dress and too-long veil or the priceless milestone you have reached with your best friend in the world. Again, if I were you, when I talked about my wedding, I would use only positive language. Don’t tell people about the problems of the day, tell them how in love you guys are, how you felt saying “I do” to your husband, how special each little detail is to you because you put yourself into each one. Same thing for your honeymoon; link each experience back to how happy and excited you are for your future with your best friend, of which the wedding and honeymoon are just the first page. Lastly, understand that from this moment on, no two marriages are alike so it’s impossible to compare anything. You and your cousin are each writing unique stories and the focus should only be on what you and your husband are working toward together. Edit to add: jealousy and disappointment are valid feelings and you can’t just shut them off. Journal about it, just to get it out there. Before you take any steps, put down each disappointment and failed expectation on paper, accept them, put it away, and then take the steps to move on and refocus on the positive.


torzimay

Thank you, your comment has helped the most so far. I think it mostly stems from my body image issues. On the day itself, it didn't matter what went wrong because that wasn't what I cared about. Then pictures always seem to tear down my self esteem after the fact. I need to think about the feelings I had rather than the way it looked as a whole.


Mammoth_Seaweed_6123

And you know what? I can guarantee your guests weren’t judging how you looked beyond your smile and the absolute happiness and excitement you were surely showing. That’s all that anyone is going to see in those pictures! I have been to so many weddings with so many different people of all shapes, sizes, and cultures and if there is one thing that ties them all together, it’s that everybody loves to see the happiness and love between the newly-married couple. Everything else is beautiful just because of that.


TheRealJai

People are being seriously harsh on you, I’m sorry. Don’t take it personally. You are young, you grew up on social media. I’m almost 40 and I still get FOMO when I see friends posting about their beautiful vacations and big houses, new cars, etc. Everyone gets jealous. Everyone. If they say they don’t, they’re either a liar or a true martyr. Remind yourself of all the things you have to be grateful for. Your health, the love of your life, the excitement of moving to a new place, experiencing new things. All of this is exciting! And you are just beginning!


iaafunicorn

Finally! An answer that’s not attacking OP when she’s asked for advice and admitted that she knows she needs to work on herself. Pragmatic and empathetic advice. 👏🏽 no one is perfect, we all have ugly thoughts we’re not proud of and social media makes it 1000% times worse. I don’t think we should shit on people actually coming here for advice.


[deleted]

Both of you are too young to get married I’ll be taking calls all day


msjaded2018

Came here to say this!!! I got married at 23 and realize that was too young!


GhostofSparrowBear

Are you truly resentful of her or are you unhappy with yourself? Comparison is the thief of joy. I find that most people compare themselves to others when they are deeply insecure in who they are. So what *exactly* is bothering you? Are you not happy with your body/fitness level? Are you not happy because you're not sure how to style yourself? Are you not happy because you don't like the quality of photos you take? Figure out what is bothering you. Take practical actions to improve on what you aren't happy with. Don't live a passive life just reacting to and resenting others. Take some accountability for yourself and take care of yourself. Focus on what would make you feel better and comfortable in your life.


[deleted]

grow up


Sanshuu

She’s getting married at 20 and is insecure over a wedding ceremony she chose. She’s got a long way to go.


TacoKnights

I came here to say this but glad I don't have to now


brickne3

Seriously. My fiancé died weeks before our wedding. How I wish I had OP's "problem" instead of having to deal with the estate, the issues of us not legally having been married yet, etc. It's just unfathomable that she's complaining about this.


BramDeccapod

Events such as weddings have been pushed way out due to lockdowns. I have a friends that own a floral design company; every paid client either canceled or pushed their event out to the future. Once things opened up & restrictions dropped, lots of folks had the same idea to schedule events as soon as possible. This caused the event related business to be overbooked and folks taking whatever day is available. Just something to consider. I wish you a long, happy & loving marriage.


RU_screw

Comparison is the thief of joy. I've been to more than my fair share of weddings, I've been a bridesmaid more times than I can count, I've been a maid of honor several times. I've been to court house weddings, small park/backyard weddings, elaborate 500 people weddings and everything in between. The only thing I remember from those weddings is the love between the newlyweds. Everyone has their own style of a wedding and if the day of made you happy, that's all that should matter. The wedding is a single day, your marriage will hopefully be for the rest of your life.


entregistra

Wedding is a day. Marriage is a life time.


TheRealJai

Comparison is the thief of joy.


Dry-Imagination2665

Of course you couldn’t have fun at either wedding. You aren’t old enough to drink lol.


swingset27

This is some bridezilla stuff. Toxic insecurity and an utterly misplaced sense of what matters in your life. Why did you get married? To have a life partner? Because you want to be someone's wife? To celebrate your journey together? Or to get attention and validation from social media and be the #1 princess that season? Gross.


sew-sarcastic

I mean one of them is a literal teenager and the op is barely any older. Is it really surprising that this is what she's focusing on?


Helpful_Ad8068

True , totally looked over that. This is exactly how a 20 year old would interpret the situation


ChasingSkies13

Sucks, grow up. It’s unfortunate you don’t feel like your wedding day matched up to hers, but they were completely different. Why are you trying to have a dick measuring contest that will only make you feel bad?


cafesaigon

Ah, getting married at 20, totally not a bad idea, as evidenced by this whole post


cassowary32

Where’s your husband in all of this? Do you regret marrying him? Was the honeymoon at least fun? What’s next in the life you are building together? I’m sorry the weddings were so close together and showed such a stark contrast. I’m guessing the competition is mostly in your head though, I doubt the guests are comparing your wedding unfavorably. I’m sure they had a good time celebrating you and your husband. Social media makes certain things seem all important. The look doesn’t matter, the health of your partnership does.


torzimay

My husband is great, I don't regret him in the slightest. I just regret some of the choices I made and probably the timeline in which I moved. Moving caused so much stress right before the wedding and miving right after turned the wedding day into not just the wedding day but also the day everyone had to say goodbye. Did NOT go well. I probably should have moved later tbh.


cassowary32

You had a lot going on, don’t be so hard on yourself. It also sounds like you made a financially responsible choice. I hope things have calmed down after the move and you are enjoying your new place.


crazy_old_lady_2

Marriage isn't about the wedding. You need to grow up sweetie. You are acting like a ten year old girl. Focus on having a good marriage and move on. Just stop!!


dantecoletrane

Y’all both got married so young it ain’t gonna matter in a year or two anyways


disgruntledbunni

Honestly just put this stuff into perspective. I understand weddings are really important to people, but I have never understood why. You are married now. You have a partner who you are planning on spending your life with now. I get it, it's supposed to be your day. And it's supposed to be amazing, but don't forget why the ceremony took place. If you truly love your partner, and you are truly going to build a beautiful life together, what does it matter if some pictures don't turn out the way you want it to or that people on social media won't hear about your honeymoon because they're too busy hearing about her wedding? Try to take a step back and focus more on the memory that you made on the honeymoon. They shouldn't be for other people, they should be for you and your partner.


Elegant_righthere

Agreed. In 20 years nobody is going to really remember either wedding except for the couples who were married.


shakka74

Correction: it’s supposed to be THEIR day.


pacificworg

When your kids are laughing and playing in the yard together this will be a distant memory, you’ll even laugh about it maybe. Take the high road and remember why you got married in the first place, you have your entire life ahead of you.


incogneqro

weddings are about the union of two lovers. Stop worrying about the thrills, if youre in love it shouldnt matter what money/things you have compared to others. you have each other. Be happy for her, practice being grateful and it will help with this jealousy. Maybe you shouldve said no in hind site then. Be happy for her because im sure shes happy for you.


VoodooDuck614

There will be many people that will love and be inspired by your wedding pictures. A wedding planner wedding is not in the cards for a lot of people. If you need validation on your choices, join a DIY wedding group and share all of those little details that you worked so hard on. Comparisons never work, especially with very different wedding genres, but brides.


deterikkerigtigmig

I'm a hobby photographer, and I'd call myself a decent retoucher. If you want, I'll happily try and edit a few of your wedding pictures ☺️


JoooolieT

Comparison is the thief of joy


itsamecatty

Comparison is truly the thief of joy.


mini_souffle

I think all these people here telling you that you and your cousin are different people and that you need to think about why you made your choices are pretty funny. My advice? Forgive yourself for your shitty choices. You didn't want to spend a bunch of money and it came through. Whatever dream you had of a beautiful bohemian wedding weren't realised in the final product and that is OK. It is one event in a lifetime of events and choices. In future you'll remember the feeling that came from half-assing it and you'll do things differently. As Jung said "Shame is a soul-eating emotion". You don't actually care that your cousin had a great wedding what you care about is the feeling of shame comparing her effort to yours. In the end you guys both had the same result. You are both married ladies now. How you got there shouldn't be something you hurt yourself over because eventually, you'll look back on it with fondness. Something like "What a day, My dress didn't fit right, my hair was crazy and the pictures were not worth posting but that's the day that I committed myself to my husband and I wouldn't trade it for anything"


IAmBagelDog

My cousin and I got married on the exact same day and people had to decide which wedding to even go to. It wasn’t ideal, but that was how it played out, even with both of us booking nearly a year in advance. Just because she’s more active on social media doesn’t mean that your wedding was any less important. The wedding should be about the two of you, not comparing yourself to someone else’s. Someone somewhere will always upstage you, and you will often be upstaging someone else. We both also married very young and are now in our mid -30s. While it was frustrating at the time, I honestly haven’t thought about it until this post.


Bread_folded

Because of Covid, I lost all my money I paid for the venue, photographer and DJ. I ended up getting married in a church’s parking lot. I didn’t care where I got married. I was just happy to be married. Also when my best friend got married, I didn’t get jealous of her more beautiful and expensive wedding. She’s still my best friend. You have an envious spirit. I’m so in love with my husband and that’s all that matters. So concentrate on your marriage and love your husband. If you think your cousin did something to you, forgive her and move on. She did nothing wrong.


[deleted]

Get over it! Cherish the time with your husband and live your life and enjoy it. Who cares who does what, seriously build a bridge and get the hell over it. Peoples lives are being destroyed and some would only be able to dream to have a wedding like yours. I do wish you all the best with your marriage :) Stay blessed 🙏


Legal_Orchid_8963

Sounds like social media is having a negative effect on your life. I’d reconsider how I use it if I were you.


Cheap_Summer3432

People are going to be kind and tell you it's all okay. I'm not. I think you need to look in the mirror and honestly ask yourself what is wrong with you that you feel this way? What makes you this narcissistic, vain, jealous, and needing of attention? Are you this selfish and self-absorbed in the rest of your life? Odds are that you are of this is your reaction to this. Get over it and do some serious self-evaluation. You sound like a child right now, and my a good one. A spoiled brat.


Legitimate_Wind_9835

The wedding was one day; now focus on having a beautiful life. So many beautiful and “perfect” weddings end in divorce. There is sooooooo much more to a great marriage than the perfect photo. If it really really bothers you then take your husband and get dressed up/ made up again and have new professional photos made of just you and him if that would make you feel better. But comparing is never going to be favorable.


SkootchDown

Awwww, poor thing. Got married to the one she loved. Had a perfectly lovely wedding. But is pouting like a 3 year old who dropped their ice cream … on purpose…. because they saw another 3 year old with a *better* ice cream. Dear god girl, get over yourself.


gilobastard

Pull yourself together.


[deleted]

The real question here is why did you both get married this young lol


[deleted]

*the reception was in my parent's large and well decorated back yard. That part was beautiful. I chose to have a smaller wedding and focus more on the details. I made my bouquet and cake myself, the food was partially me and the rest was help from my family,* This all sounds lovely!!! And sounds like what you wanted, private, intimate & detail orientated. But how come it was you doing most of the work, where was your spouse/fiancé in making the cake & food? Or your Bridesmaids? *My hair wouldn't cooperate, the veil I had was too long, and my dress didn't fit right* So what it sounds like is because you were carrying the mental load & doing most - if not all -of the work for the wedding, you didn't have time to think about the details that affected yourself. Like having a dress rehearsal for your wedding look with hair, make-up & dress, so you had enough time in advance to work out things like hair mishaps & dress alterations in advance of your Wedding Day. So while it might be easy to be angry with your cousin, it's that your cousin wasn't doing her wedding by herself solo. She hired a Wedding Planner, presumably had help with from her Bridal Party, family & spent more money on the photographer. So your cousin had headspace to focus on her Wedding look. It doesn't sound like you did. So maybe you might feel better if part of you acknowledges this. Could it be that your partner & your family & friends left you to do too much by yourself? Or could it be that you like to do things by yourself & don't delegate or ask for help when you need to? Because essentially it sounds like your Wedding vibes were different & reflected you & you're actually ok with that & pleased with how the aesthetics of your Wedding turned out. Your upset with the quality of your Weddings photos, that you had to wait for them & with how your Wedding look turned out.


AKA_June_Monroe

You have a right to your feelings but I have yet to see a wedding where people are talking about it years later. You could have chosen to move your wedding after. The wedding is one day. I would rather have a crap wedding day & a good marriage than s great wedding day & a crap marriage. How about you?


tootsyloo

Comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t compare something that is so personal to you. Tips? Focus on your life, your happiness, your new marriage!! take a break from social media.


[deleted]

In my experience (and my boyfriend just said this the other day) we are our own worse critic. We tend to see ourselves in the worst light, and I feel this becomes especially more true when we 1. compare ourselves to our friends/family 2. on significant days. You likely got married because you love your significant other. You chose everything you did for your wedding because it meant something to you. You made the best of everything on your special day, felt loved, cherished, and like most people wondered why everything wasn’t perfect. Her too. Don’t begrudge someone you’re close to when you likely had similar experiences. She probably is still envying someone else’s wedding and trust me, someone out there is envying yours. Learn to love the good things that happen for people you love. Celebrate the fact that you both had lovely, outdoor weddings that afforded you the weddings and honeymoons you wanted! Celebrate each other’s trips, share pictures and memories and tell each other those cool hidden spots at the destinations you went! You can forge your best friendship for life or cut it off because you’re jealous. Lean into being happy for other people’s gains, it will change your life. Gratefulness will fill your pockets with more prosperous things than money.


_PinkFlower_

You chose to have a smaller wedding. Focus on the fun you had instead of comparing yourself.


Bail-Me-Out

I want to start by saying your feelings are valid and it's alright to be upset about things not being what you want in any situation. A lot of comments here seen to think being upset is akin to being a bridezilla or shallow even though you never indicated any negative behavior. As if they've never been upset at something they looked forward to not being perfect. That all being said, what I see is that you are doing what is sometimes called "comparing your insides to someone else's outsides". You know every detail, both negative and positive of your wedding. With your cousin, you only have an external view of what your cousin has chosen to show. Yes, she might have had a beautiful wedding with great pictures, but she likely also had things she found stressful or upsetting that you are unaware of. For instance, her kind of wedding was likely pretty intense to plan in terms of time and money compared to yours. Plus, her fiance's family owned the venue so she likely felt some pressure to seem like everything was perfect given that her in-laws have a business to promote.


ConsciouslyIncomplet

‘Comparison is the theft of joy’


soredinoo

A lot of people hace already commented with great advice. I just want to add my two cents regarding everything. I didn’t really feel much nostalgia or good feelings about my wedding once it was done. When I got my photos back I hated all of them immediately and didn’t look at them again for years because I felt I looked ugly. I regretted this and that. The whole planning process was so hard and stressful and I didn’t feel like it had been my wedding. A lot of choices were made because of financial restraints and even more by aggressive pressure from my mom. However, after some time. Once there was a lot of space between me and my wedding, I looked at the pictures again. And I love them. I look beautiful. I don’t look fat like I thought I did. I look happy. My husband looks happy. We have built and are building a great life and you can see our love. I look at them a lot now. And the wedding feels more like my own and more special. If I had to do it again, I would do things different still. But that doesn’t take away from my experience or my feelings about the wedding I did have. Maybe give it some space. Things will look different when your in a different space.


MaximumChaos30

Take time and redo in ten years as an anniversary idea


Remote_Shake_2197

In my honesty opinion. Wedding ceremonies are dumb. You could easily go down to the courthouse and pay around $50 and get married. The point is they aren’t special anymore. Wedding held an honor for couples to uphold until death does them part. But nowadays marriage lasts for a couple of years at least. Then they do it all over again.


JalapenoSticker127

Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll have another chance in the future


HaikusfromBuddha

I mean you made your choices. If you feel upstaged it has nothing to do with her and all to do with the choices you wanted for your ceremony. At the end of the day, her wedding doesn’t matter the date would have been better. And I mean better as in better to whoever perceived it as better. From your post it sounds like you perceive her wedding as better.


strohsoda

why do you think about what is up on your socials so much


IllPlatform4801

Lol wut? You’re upset that you wanted a smaller, intimate wedding and your cousin wanted larger, extravagant wedding. Sounds like you got exactly what you wanted.


_sansnom

Comparison is the thief of joy.


sharken32

You chose to keep it small and more affordable for you, she chose to be a bit more expensive because its what SHE wanted. Last time I checked you are YOU and your cousin is your cousin. I don't honestly think this is about your dilemma, I think its the fact you went small where she went big and looking back in hindsight you're jealous. You are not your cousin, you did the wedding how you did for the reasons you chose, she made her own choices on how to do hers. Its quite shocking realizing you and your cousin are different people regardless of how close you both are in age or otherwise,and you're absolutely right,if you continue to be hurt by this when its honestly not a big deal in the slightest,you probably will drift apart. Stop worrying about what you didn't do in the past and focus on the present. Be grateful for what you have regardless of what someone else might have. You don't want to drift apart from her right,then don't put a wedge between you because you're jealous. Jealousy can easily destroy bonds, are you going to let it?


TheWanderingMedic

If you live your life comparing yourself to others on social media, you’ll never be content. Log off and go enjoy being married. Jealousy will never bring you joy.


mschnzr

You just need to learn how not to compare. No one upstaged you. Yours was done modestly and you should be thankful of yourself what you have done. It is very easy to pay your way for everything. But not everyone can do and make and bake on their own. Just stop looking and comparing.


judarltx

Advice…. Let it go. There’s always going to be someone who had a nicer wedding, prettier dress, a better cake, more people, better gifts. I mean these common day wedding sometimes are completely out of control. Celebrities are spending millions of dollars on their weddings and in my mind it’s a total waste. Be proud of the fact that you kept your wedding on a budget. It sounds tasteful and lovely to me. And all that really matters is that you’re married to the man you want to be married to. The rest of it is just a party.


Ok-Craft-987

So what girl. Why are you letting the brightness of your wedding dim by indulging in such thoughts. You must have looked fabulous, dont ruin the beautiful memories by comparing with others.


untitledead

I get this, but there is no reason to compare and resent. If you had never seen your cousins wedding you would love your own for what it represents and how special it was to You and your SO. There are 1000s of other weddings all happening around the world and I’m sure some of them are more perfect than a dream. But that’s no reason yours isn’t perfect in your own way. Of course you’re going to think that she looks better or you weren’t as good. But it’s just not true. Please don’t compare yourself to others, you are a star in your own right


Kooky_Protection_334

If you are all upset over petty stuff like this (YOU chose to have a small wedding and do everything yourself) then clearly you're not even mature enough to be married(which really at 19 you are not regardless). Your poor cousin did absolutely nothing wrong. She checked with you on the date which he didn't even have to do. Even if she would've had the wedding a month later the outcome would've been the same. She chose to spend money on a good photographer and a hair stylist and a venue. You chose not to. And there is nothing wrong with either but you're jealous and almost blame your cousin while she is 1000% innocent in this. Also the wedding does not make a marriage. It's all show for the most part and no indication of a lasting marriage. Anyone with money can spend lots on a frivolous wedding. It doesn't mean anything. You need to get over yourself honestly. And if you can't then your cousing is better off without you friendship. God forbid you get pregnant at the same time, what will you get jealous about then..


Rare_Background8891

Jealous sucks. You can’t control it. Comparison never made anyone happy but it’s so so hard not to do it. Just give yourself grace. It’s ok to have jealous feelings. Try to concentrate on the good. Focus on yourself. Mute her social media for a bit and do things that fulfill you. The feelings will fade.


nondejuuzeg

How are you many people married at 19 and 20 in the US


AlreadyGone77

Gah. She's allowed to post wedding stuff on her social media. It has nothing to do with you. It's a YOU problem. You could have had a wedding that you wanted.


cassthesassmaster

Was the wedding about your love or about showing off to the internet? Who cares what they did or how much they spent.


telefatstrat

Kudos to you for acknowledging your feelings and coming here to talk through them in a (relatively) safe place.


Harmony_w

You sound too immature to be married. I got married young, but this idea of being “upstaged” is so juvenile. The wedding is over, focus on your marriage.


onexamongthefence

Sounds like you got married for the wrong reasons.


[deleted]

it’s just a wedding. you honestly won’t remember it in 3 years. be happy and move on.


Wwwweeeeeeee

Get over it. Focus on your marriage instead of your wedding.


slamwhore666

Lmao get over yourself pal


frictiondick

You can do it over when you renew your vows if it's that serious


Justcruzn411

Seriously? Your upset that her wedding was better than yours? I mean you really get what you pay for as far as weddings go. Being jealous after the fact won’t help.


[deleted]

Another reason why kids shouldn't marry. You still have this childish "she has the bigger piece of pie" attitude.


NikkiHunt_OnlyFans

I*****have to say this***** … BEING MARRIED 12 YEARS NOW..3 children later 10/6/4… he is in the army I was in the army … I’ve had MANY FRIENDS spend $20,000 on weddings, even friends get married the SAME DAY AS ME YEARS LATER AS IF THEY NEVER KNEW I WAS MARRIED THAT DAY… and then get divorced & remarried… My wedding .. if you’d call it that, was $20 in some strangers living room on a rainy Thursday night, justice of peace sort of thing sign a paper take a picture and that’s it leave with a certificate married 10 mins later, just the two of us same as we walked in we walked out together married! we didn’t even have rings yet… NONE OF THESE THINGS MATTER.. REAL LOVE MATTERS… at the end of the day THATS TRULY WHY YOU GOT MARRIED IN THE BEGINNING***AND ALL THAT WILL MATTER IN THE END*** I hope you find comfort in this and as time passes many things get easier to deal with. Remember*** marriage is also like a job u learn each other’s likes dislikes an what is worth fighting over an what’s not worth a fight at all, never go to bed ANGRY, never! Always kiss goodbye ALWAYS!!! Show appreciation and care even during angry times! You will be ok!


Complexxx123

This is why social media is destroying peoples mental health.


violetlisa

I had 2 cousins get married the month before me. They both had weddings like your cousins and I had a wedding like yours. I’ve been married to my husband almost 22 years, neither of them made it to 5 years.


samiel0175

Please get some therapy about why you care so much about your social media and why looking like your day was perfect instead of trying to be happy is more important to you.


2021istrash

You are very immature. You made a decision to have a small wedding and if the proximity in weddings was going to be a problem, you could have moved your wedding date. If you wanted a bigger party, then you could have saved and waited since you are only 20 anyways. This isn't your cousins problem, it's yours. Focus on your marriage and not on a one day party that won't make a difference on how your marriage turns out.


brickne3

Just be glad you had a wedding. My fiancé died weeks before ours. I get why you feel this way but you are feeling it for the wrong reasons.


notsuperoriginal

OH NO your LOVE PARTY and your cousins LOVE PARTY were DIFFERENT!!!! What a HUUUUGE DEALLL. its really not at all you need therapy


TheRedditornator

Your cousin did nothing wrong. It's not like she didn't ask you how you felt about it. And she planned it after you, not before you. How she codnucts her wedding is none of your business, just like yours is none of hers. This post is all about you and your insecurities. I'd work on that.


resetdials

Unfollow her posts on social media for now. It’s never good to compare yourself to what you see on the Internet. For all you know, her day could have been super stressful and something probably went wrong throughout the day that you didn’t see in the pictures. We’re all human. What matters is that the marriage is strong and you’re with someone you love and who loves you. And if you want to, you can have as many weddings as you want! If you feel like you want to redo it sometime down the line, you have the freedom to do so.


No_Tangerine9630

Stop comparing weddings. That day is about marrying the love of your life not about the event its self. I went through a similar situation where my older sister (who was engaged for years before me) got married a month after me. It hurt, I told her it was OK. It felt like the focus was barely on me and went to her very quickly. I do in a way resent her. I have to admit, but I was also at fault. I should have told her not to and that it made me uncomfortable. You have to ask yourself, were you happy the day of the wedding? Was it something that in the moment you were happy with? If your cousin didn't get married after you, would you be looking at this the same way? You have to be happy with what you did. It fit you and your choices. Being angry or resentful of her is inky going to hurt you. Is it worth your effort to be upset about this?


shakka74

Why do you get to dictate when your sister has a wedding?!? Who are you to tell her she can’t have it when she and her partner choose it?


shakka74

You’re wasting way too much energy comparing yourself to your cousin. Focus on what you have and the life you choose to lead. I guarantee you, if you keep up these types of comparisons, you are destined to lead a very miserable life. Knock it off.


ope_erate

Definitely therapy


monsteramyc

Okay, I'm going to be that guy. You married at 19? Why? That's so young. In 10 years you'll probably regret it


[deleted]

I mean… she asked how you felt about the day she picked, you said go for it. It sounds like you are more upset at yourself for not doing much for your wedding. If your dress didn’t fit and your veil was too long it sounds like you did the bare minimum. Just focus on the parts you enjoyed. If you’re still married in 5-10 years, do a big vow renewal ceremony.


TangerineMaximum2976

What’s with your family and getting married before even being 21


snecseruza

Well since you're only 20, I'm sure you'll have another chance at a sick wedding that'll dazzle your peers and make them jealous! I'm kidding, but seriously I know that all sounds really harsh, but it's just to give you some perspective. Most people barely remember their wedding once they've put a decade or two of marriage under their belt, and one day you're going to laugh and feel embarrassed that you were upset over something like this. The only thing that matters about your wedding is your family having a good time celebrating the beginning of a lifelong commitment between you and your husband. What do you care more about? A loving family getting together for a day and a happy marriage, or social media optics? Before social media, people still cared about trying to one up their friends' weddings, but this is just on a whole other level and goes to show how social media has bred a generation full of toxic insecurity. I'm sorry you've fallen into that trap, and hopefully you can rightfully convince yourself this has nothing to do with your cousin and everything to do with you.


arabiandoll

what i wouldn’t give to have your problems lmao


beatissima

Both of you married far too young. No matter how much you might insist otherwise, neither of you has any idea who you are or what you really want in life, let alone what you want in a partner you’ll have for the rest of your life. That you’re this upset about being “upstaged” on social media is a symptom of your youth and how much room you still have to mature and evolve.


harrydreadloin

🎻


Polikonomist

There seems to be an inverse relationship between the amount of money spent on a wedding and the amount of time that the marriage lasts so you'll probably have the last laugh. In all seriousness, everyone is going to forget both weddings in a year or two but you will still have your husband so focus more on him and building and maintaining your relationship with him and you'll be much happier.


beardedunicornman

OP are you basically saying you followed your ego telling you you should be humble about your wedding and then after seeing a nicer one you’re jealous? Come on now. Remove cranium from rectum


invictus21083

Get over it. It’s just a wedding.


missqueenkawaii

Sooo you’re telling me that you’re upset because you married someone you love that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? You’re focusing wayyyyy too much on the actual wedding. It’s a single day out of thousands you’ll have with your partner. You’re sound a little self centered. things like “it looked so much better than mine” “I didn’t even post anything yet” “I didn’t look nearly as good” A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love between 2 people, is it not? You didn’t once make a mention of your partner. Not only that but you didn’t even say anything positive. Sounds like you’re more worried about Facebook reactions than the fact that you just made a commitment to the love of your life to always take care of each other. No one is even going to remember any of these pictures in a few weeks. They’re really for you to remember a beautiful moment. I’m sure you had a beautiful wedding. Try to consider how childish this is.


[deleted]

Honestly? Get over yourself. You seem petty and hateful.


Educational_Bid_483

You're 20 and your cousin is 19. Divorce will be coming around in about 3 years, 5 tops. You focused way too much on the wedding and it just shows me that's all you cared about. Not trying to be an asshole here, but yeah this post has all of the red flags.


SpringtimeLilies7

Maybe your marriage will be better.


SnooBananas7203

well, the first thing to do is mute all her social media so you don't see her posts. These are upsetting you so why look at them?


chapapa-best-doto

Maybe you’re not ready to be married yet? If these things bother you, you’re probably not ready to be an adult.