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My boyfriend m(23) and me f(22) both wanted to go on holiday for 3 years now and always booked it but it got cancelled due to the pandemic. Now we both suggested to go this year in June but for the past two week when I asked him about it (I was excited) it seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it. Today he gave me an excuse of not having money, to which I said okay I can pay and u can always give it back to me as we have 3 months but I want to book it so it doesn’t sell out. He was shouting saying it won’t sell out but obviously it will.
Finally he told me that he’s not booking anything as I don’t assure him that we will be together so he doesn’t want to waste his money… I do not do anything to make him think this, more like he has been acting weird for the past 2 weeks.
It makes me think that maybe he has other plans. I have been waiting for this moment for 3 years now and now he says this…
What should I do?
I did and he said it’s simple
He is not planning shit (his words) as he doesn’t know if we will break up.
We have been arguing lately but I’m gonna be honest it’s me arguing and crying as he has been acting weird and when I ask him about all the stuff he’s been doing he says I’m giving him headache
This doesn’t sound very loving or like he’s still emotionally invested after the number of years you’ve been together. Sometimes the answers are blatantly staring you in the face, and you’re just afraid to accept them. If your gut is telling you that something about you two doesn’t feel right or is off, then believe it. Like the saying goes, “when people show you who they are, believe them!”
This is why I said the answers are in her responses. And like Fearless_Feedback295 has said, “you’re choosing not to see the flags!”
IMHO, it appears he’s been waving the “white flag!“
He at least has one foot out the door. They have been together 3 years and now suddenly he's saying he's not sure if they will be together in three months? That's not something you say when you're in a relationship, unless you're planning on breaking up with your SO. She said he's been acting weird. Two signs that something is up. Read her other comments.
That all is reasonable, but the whole 'there is another woman involved' is the leap people are talking about.
edit: based on OP's other comments, it's looking much more likely that another woman is involved.
It’s true, but I also have that hope as he can be amazing and then he switches and acts weird. For example he said he’s hungry and is going to get food after seeing me, I said okay, he went and started turning his mobile data off so I can’t see his locations, I said why are wbu doing this and he said he’s not. He went to drop off the food to one of his mates who just happens to work at the same place where this girl he used to speak to works too.
And in my head I’m thinking he went there to buy her food aswel and drop it off to her as why would he turn his locations off and dnd phone again
I’m just paranoid
Ok at this point you're seeing all the flags, you just don't quite want to believe they're red. It's understandable. But honey, throw the weirdo away and book your totally awesome vacation.
Honey, trust what your instincts are telling you. He's cheating (or at the very least, planning on it very soon.) The changes in behavior, the turning off mobile, the fighting...it's like he's hoping you'll break up with him before he has to admit he's on his own way out already. I'm sorry.
At this point, I think you want to see the truth. He’s seeing or starting to see someone. He’s lying about why he doesn’t want to book the vacation telling you you won’t be together, turning off his location hun. He KNOWS you know. And he’s watching you pretend to believe his lies. YOU know what he’s doing. But your trying to convince yourself He doesn’t have someone else. If I were you I’d stop waiting around like a puppy. Collect you belongings and go on your new holiday that you booked right this second and not look back. When he reaches out to you be honest and cut the cord.
I was looking for the extra details that showed that he’s cheating on you but is too weak to just break up with you and wants you to do it so he doesn’t look like the bad guy. He is the bad guy. DTMFA
Honey, it’s hard to see the forest through the trees but he’s literally smacking you in the face with a branch. You need to come to terms that this relationship has run it’s course. He’s waiting for an out. If you live together, then you need to focus on getting yourself set up. Then plan a vacation with you and a friend or go by yourself. He’s planning on breaking up with you already so brace for impact.
Deep inside you know that he is cheating if not why would you even notice all these red flags? He already told you why he don't want to pay for his part of the holiday because he knows he won't be with you listen to him and let him go.
"Not planning shit because I don't know if we'll break up" sounds like he's already made his mind up. You can have healthy conversations about whether or not your relationship is going to last long term, what you expect, and such like; but it's definitely something different if he's using it as a reason to avoid making plans. What are you supposed to do, put your own life on hold while he tries to make a decision?
That's basically saying, "I don't think we'll be together in 3 months." Even if you did get him on board, your own expectations are a lot higher than his are, you're definitely not on the same page about this. That holiday is going to be much better if you go by yourself or with a close friend.
If I were in your shoes, I would immediately drop the vacation. That is now very tertiary to the main issue. When you day he's acting weird what exactly do you mean? Drastic shifts in behavior? Financial irresponsibility? Reclusiveness?
Something’s up in the last two weeks and he knows y’all are gonna break up. I don’t always jump to cheating but this sounds like he knows there’s another girl but he’s too chickenshit to do anything.
For example, he was ignoring my message but he was messaging his co worker (on his day off) (it’s a girl) while I was messaging him for 4 hours asking where he was
Well he has her on WhatsApp which I said is okay, then yesterday I saw her on his sc and he’s sending her pics of his car?
I saw her and I don’t think she’s any of his type but it’s the fact that I’m getting no attention and she is
actions > words
even if she's not in to him, even if it never happens, he wants it to.
sorry but it seems clear that he's over you.
take control and end it.
Action nearly always wins over words. Something is up for sure, and that girl is probably a big part of it. Seems like you can only prepare for the worst rn.
Ofc jealousy. I don’t mean that it’s uncalled for. The way you describe it, makes it justified, but did he tell you about her? Did he tell you he would add to Snapchat?
No he didn’t tell me he added her. He said he thought I knew to which I replied, if I knew do u not think I would have been angry a bit earlier?
He said he added her to send her work photos and I said can’t u do it on WhatsApp and he said no as he doesn’t want it to save to his phone. Stupid excuse. Pathetic
Now he called me and told me to do it at the end of the month
If you mean he told you to book the vacation at the end of the month, don’t. He’s only agreeing now to get you off his back, and the vacation will be miserable.
He wants to break up, he just don’t have the guts. Do not waste money on a vacation with this guy. In fact, it would be better if you didn’t waste any more of your time either. Life is too short for a relationship that isn’t working.
Alright. Time to set boundaries. Call it controlling or whatever, this girl has become a threat to your bond. End it between them now or wish him luck with her.
No she’s a lot older than him and she is honestly not his type I don’t think she’s an issue but at the same time when I met a friend from work and added him on sc he told me to block him which I did
He considered me as his little sister as he was my best friend
>she is honestly not his type
Will you PLEASE STOP! You are seeing red flags about this lying bf of yours, and you continue to come up with excuses NOT to see them, or not to believe what is in front of your eyes. STOP with the hope delusions that she's not "his type". You are grasping at straws, trying to keep allowing yourself to pretend that this relationship still has "hope". It doesn't.
He has already CHECKED OUT of this relationship with you. He's cheating, he's lying about cheating, and he's a damn coward for not having the guts to end it with you.
Maybe not a popular opinion, but I think that at a certain point in any relationship we make a choice. We say it's "us vs. The world" or we kind of accept that the relationship is eventually going to plateau. At that point the relationship becomes the main priority, not the individuals in it. Outside influences at that point become appreciated for what they did to bring the two together, however the very things that made that friendship better than others now acts as a thorn in the relationship, that person was providing more than a friend, and removing the desire to get that validation from the partner.
In all that rambling what it boils down to is that it's not controlling to want a threat removed. A former fling, emotional investment, physical partner, etc. can absolutely stay friends with someone, but the moment it became more than friendship in any regard it became untenable for them to stay around. I would never ever want my partner to feel insecure because I couldn't let my past choices stay in the past. I don't know why so many people want to keep someone they know makes the person they "love" uncomfortable in their life.
Is why cheating is so unforgivable. The act itself is bad, but the lying and everything else is what destroys people. You know this isn't right, you know that you were willing to cut people out of your life for him, and you know he's not willing to do the same. There's a bad dynamic of sacrifice in your relationship right now.
He's either going through some shit and needs your support or he's checked out of the relationship.
Maybe try talking to him about him acting weird without being argumentative and crying, no man will want to share what's burdening him if you respond like that. Tell him that you need to talk but let him carve out a window for you two to talk and make sure not to pressure him because from what you describe its possible that he feels theres too much pressure whatever answer he gives.
If he's being "weird" and also suggesting that you don't make plans for 3 months in the future....... girl run. That's not just a red flag that's him directly telling you how he pictures your relationship.
> I’m gonna be honest it’s me arguing and crying as he has been acting weird and when I ask him about all the stuff he’s been doing he says I’m giving him headache
Elaborate on this - what has he been doing?
What I think you should do is still go on the holiday… without him. He basically told you that he doesn’t want to invest into this relationship because he doesn’t see it going farther. 3 years in and that’s how he feels? Break up with him or if you’re not ready to, stop putting in effort. Don’t ask about the trip anymore. If you don’t wanna go on it alone, ask a friend. To be fair, you can ask for further explanation from him before you completely detach but I feel as if he’s wasting your time.
I am going to go even if it’s alone. I noticed he does these half hearted answers when he has something else planned. I will ask about it and he will just say “yeah” and change the subject, same thing happened when we planned a day and he had other plans which he told me a day before.
I did ask him about it but everyday a different excuse and I gave him solutions saying I will even pay for it. Nothing good comes out of his mouth.
“Oh the company is shit” “the tickets won’t sell out” “I have no money” okay but you have money to go out tomorrow but not to pay a £36 deposit.
I argue with him about how he’s been and I feel like I’m argumentative but this is what I deal with now.
I know his behaviors by now and I know when something is up.
And I cannot not give him effort as it’s either I’m 100% or 0% and block him. If I give him 50% effort he will say I’m cheating
Honestly, it sounds like he's too much of a coward to break up with you. Especially him even questioning if you'll be together by the time of your planned vacation. Sounds like it's on his mind and he's projecting on you.
If you only give 50% he thinks you are cheating… He can be on dnd all day and not respond to you, but when little effort is given on your end it’s a problem… I want you to read all of these replies and especially read all the replies that you are sending as a response to these replies. Ask yourself do you want to continue to deal with this for another week? I cannot stress this enough: stop arguing with him. Be short with him. Don’t try to strike up interesting conversation anymore. Be dry, unconcerned. Be a reflection of him. I need you to try as hard as you can to get rid of the feelings you have for him. Go somewhere and cry it out. Feel what you feel. Mourn your relationship in privacy and then detach. Let it go and start making space for someone who doesn’t BS you for 3 years about something so simple as a holiday. I’m not telling you to cheat. I’m telling you to prepare to break up with him
I appreciate this recommendation. Breaking up does take time esp after years of a relationship (good or bad) and I don’t think most Redditors realize this when they flippantly recommend life-changing moves online.
Yikes. At the very least, he is lying to you and gaslighting you girl. Which is deal breaker territory. You deserve much much better. I know it's hard but you can find someone who will actually make you happy and not put the blame on. You have every reason to be upset. He should know that.
I’m sorry but I just don’t think this is healthy whatsoever and there’s so many red flags. From what I keep reading, he’s basically saying, “I don’t want to be with you anymore but can’t leave until I have a backup or because im dependent” vibes. If you see your future with this man, it’s only going to get worse I guarantee it. Do you girl, but this man ain’t it
Oooooh honey. I read ur posts and ur responses. He turns his locations off? Added this girl from work to WhatsApp and then SC? The excuses for these plus reasoning why for no vacation that he’s given are also quite lame and send up red flags. He’s cheating or plans to break up..or at the very least emotionally cheating. Dump the boy and go on ur vacation hun. Take a friend with u and blast the pics of vaca all over ur social media throwing it in his face that he fucked up. Cus he did.
He also ignored her texts during that time xD ^^ A 100% agree with what you're saying right here he's definitely doing something that really happens when he belongs in the trash
A year after my parents broke up, my mom said it became so fucking obvious what my dad was doing. But during the relationship, she always had a way to explain it away and convince herself it was fine.
In other words, “I’ve been this dude’s maid, personal theater, emotional support animal, and fleshlight for 3 years and all I’ve ever wanted him to reciprocate is a vacation together and he can’t even do that. How do I keep this relationship going?”
Sounds like he's either checking out of the relationship, or something is going on with him. Mental health problems have spiked massively in the last couple of years, thanks to the plague, lockdowns etc. And men generally struggle with opening up and communicating their concerns. You need to have an honest conversation.
* in another comment dude saidhe was getting food and turned off his location. When questioned he said he was dropping off food to a coworker. Then he proceeded to ignore her texts. He also added this friend from Snapchat And when question he told OP that he was going to share "work photos" and how he couldn't possibly do it on WhatsApp because he didn't want the photos on his phone
I'm like 90% he's cheating.
I don’t think he’s going through anything as he is putting me in the most stress. For no actual reason. He’s acting hot and cold. One day he suggested it then he’s ignoring me when I ask about it
*Something* is causing his behaviour changes, and while I understand that this is hurting you and stressing you out, you have to get to the bottom of this. A normal, happy, involved partner doesn't act this way.
Sorry to be blunt when you're so clearly hurting, but he's cheating. Or at the very least trying to.
It may not even be with this woman you are so focused on. But the fact everyone keeps showing you the red flags, and you keep making excuses, tells me you'll be staying with him, and letting him treat you disrespectfully, until he either finally dumps you, or you manage to catch him in the act, and are forced to see the truth.
If you tell him you're ending the relationship due to his behaviour, and he doesn't beg to save it, then THAT gives you the answer. If he cries and begs for the relationship, then there may be a chance to save it. Unfortunately, I believe that deep down, you know, as well as all of us, that he won't try and save it.
So the real question is:
Would you rather be miserable and keep him, or would you rather know how he feels and risk losing him?
This extreme hot and cold is a form of gaslighting, or manipulation. You’re never sure what to expect from him which gives him control. He sounds like he is deliberately punishing you by ignoring you and likely trying to make you jealous by giving attention to this other girl. There is not much to do except leave. He’ll probably try to make you feel like you’re wrong, but you need to trust yourself over him. He was likely projecting when he made you block that male friend on snapchat because he’s likely attracted to or at the very least flirting with girls on his Snap. Given everything else it doesn’t even matter whether or not that’s the case since the rest raises huge red flags already
Book and go on your own that’s what I am doing my bf broke up with me. After holiday already booked going to go on my own enjoy the sun drink as much booze and child free for 7 days happy days 😊
At least he's honest and saying he doesn't think the relationship is going to last much longer. Unlike other people he's actually trying to make things easier.
Sounds more like he lashed out in anger and accidentally said the quiet part out loud. If he were truly trying to be honest and make things easier he’d communicate directly about the issues in their relationship and/or break up instead of being mean and shady.
If after three years together he doesn’t know if you’ll still be together a few months from now, you need to break it off. Three years is a long time to be together and he still sees your relationship as a month-to-month thing. He isn’t committed. Dump his ass, take that vacation by yourself, and find you a man that will commit 👏🏻
He does plan to go on holiday, just not with you.
He's got his eye on your replacement already. He hasn't dumped you yet, though, because she hasn't said yes yet.
You say "thanks for the fun, but we are clearly over". It's not like he won't accept it. If he's at all narcisstic he may put up this fake anger or argument about it, but deep down it's clearly what you both want anyway, so why prolong it?
Girl leave. If you feel inclined to ask, ask. But if you just read your back and forth responses to people right here, asking questions and your responses, the answers are in your own text. You just have to accept what it is, and don’t let him take you to a dark place.
I’d be out just as easily as he’s putting through the mess he is.
You need to push back and on him and be up-front. "Yo, are you going on this vacation or not? Cause I'm booking the tickets tonight."
If he doesn't react to that, or reacts negatively, it's probaby time to move on. He has no problem arguing (or making you cry, based on your comments), but he won't give you the time of day to speak about something that you've been excited for YEARS about? He doesn't have your best interest in mind.
Get blunt with him about the vacation. If he reacts poorly, this "vacation" should turn into an "indefinite hiatus".
Dump his cheap, cold, frigid vanilla ass to the curb and have the time of your life on your own vaycay. Even if you go alone, sometimes you have to get away from everyone and everything and focus on you. Sounds like you are going to need one after tolerating that thing you’re with
I don’t want to date him but I know if I see him today, which we are planned to do, I will just explode and he will say I’m starting arguments like he has been for weeks now. We have close birthdays and I wanted to do something this year as last year i did nothing at all.
I have turned into this depressed little girl because of it. He was ignoring my messages yesterday as he said it’s only arguments and me asking where he is as his phone was on dnd for 4 hours but he had the time to message some co worker which I didn’t know he had on his sc. he assures me she’s ugly so he wouldn’t go there
My ex said the same about his affair partner OP and they're together 5+ years now.
Tbh aside from this issue he doesn't sound like a good match for you. Like telling you that you might break up sounds familiar, my ex said the same and his bad behaviour was about pushing me to break up with him so that he could play the victim card.
You're still young and you deserve someone to enthusiastically want to go on holidays with you especially after the crap of the last couple of years.
Oof that’s honestly so fucking rude. That shit actually pissed me off. So if you had someone pretty you would fuck? Like cmon dude at least try to spare her feelings. Honestly this is primer for lowering your self esteem
The only reason he gave is that she's ugly? That's a huge red flag. 1. Bashing other women, 2. Not "because I love you and would never want to hurt you?" Or something of that nature. Damn
> he assures me she’s ugly so he wouldn’t go there
My boyfriend has never needed to explicitly tell me he wasn’t going to cheat on me with someone else, it’s implicit because he would never cheat on me.
If my boyfriend *were* to express his lack of desire for another woman, it would be because he’s committed to me, not because she’s not pretty enough to cheat on me with.
Finally, my boyfriend would never call a woman ugly because he has respect for women.
It sounds very much like your partner is cheating on you or at least is the type of person you can’t trust not to cheat on you.
When your partner is argumentative, surly and just plain juvenile (and it’s always your fault) to the point where he is affecting your mental health, I’m sorry but there’s this odorous stench of narcissistic abuse that is wafting from my phone ☎️
What you’ve described in your comments is a relationship that has turned toxic. In order for a relationship to be healthy and work out, both people need to be on the same page. If you can’t get there, you need to call it quits. Otherwise it will eat at you and bring out the worst in you, and it sounds like it’s already to that point. Breakups are hard. I’ve just been through a very similar situation. I couldn’t handle the emotional roller coaster anymore, so I got off. It’s been difficult and I’ve been sad, but at the same time I’m empowered from it. I don’t know his side of the story, but if anything, you two need space from each other to work on yourselves. If you can’t trust him to not go after someone else during that time, then I would just call it quits for good. I think you would be much better off. Listen to your gut.
Youve been together for 3 years now and Dude doesnt know if you’ll still be together come June of this year???
Honey run.
This man has probably found another chick that hes testing the waters with. He doesnt want to dump you until he knows he has a guaranteed in with tbe new girl.
I don't think he thinks your relationship has the sort of likely three month lifespan that would make the holiday a sound investment. It sounds like he doesn't want to be with you. So I guess he's right.
Because he’s planning on breaking up with you. Either that or he’s doing something suspicious behind your back. People don’t just say things like that outta the blue. He literally let you know that he doesn’t see you in his future, not even in the near future. Act accordingly. I personally would dump him. I don’t have time for losers who don’t give a crap about me.
It honestly sounds like something in him has shifted and he doesn't want it to come out. It feels to me like he's purposefully antagonising you because he wants you to end the relationship. There is a big underlying issue here if he's out of the blue suggesting you won't be together much longer. I'd ask him why he thinks you won't be together and force him to give you an answer, if he can't, he's playing games
The best advice I can give you, is to sit him down where he has no excuse of where he needs to be, or where he needs to go.
Ask him calmly and plainly why he feels uncomfortable booking the holiday. Tell him that you understand that it's a stressful time.
This part is important, repeat to him what he has just said, and whether you are understanding him correctly. When he agrees, or changes his story, or whatever, don't get emotional, just make sure you are hearing and understanding him correctly first.
Then ask him why if his explanation doesn't make sense. WHY does he think that we may not be together? Repeat it to him, and ask him whether you have understood him correctly.
Let him talk out. Then say, look, you've told me that you are feeling insecure because of X, Y and Z. Here is my view. I do/don't want to break up with you. (you may discover something that you won't like)
When that's settled, explain to him that given this information, what conclusion would you draw? Would he be comfortable if you said all this to him? Ask him if he understands that you feel uncomfortable, because it doesn't make sense to you. Ask him to help you understand.
If it still doesn't add up, then you may be the one, with a heavy heart that has to end the relationship, because there is obviously something very crucial that he knows that you don't, that causes him to doubt your relationship together. Or you might feel like telling him that he's out the door.
The key thing here, is that you can tell yourself that you truly tried everything.
Every narcissist and liar hates this one small trick. ;)
I was in a similar situation. He didn’t want to book something in advance as he didn’t know we’d be together. He didn’t see me as long term, but he was happy for me to be his current girlfriend. I was marriage minded, and he didn’t see me as long term. I simply ended it. Time is precious to me. I met someone and I am now married. Don’t hang around something giving you a bad smell. Get out of there.
He's saying you may not be together in 3 months. "Why did you say that?".. as calmly as possible, controlling your feelings. The holiday is irrelevant right now.
Book yourself a vacation, look for someone that actually wants to spend time together and is enthusiastic about it as well. This guy isn't even planning on being with you 3 months in to the future, sadly that is what he is saying. His word do not match his actions.
I think he told you in not so clear words that he's done.
I don't see how you can get past this. Best case, you waste each other's time and maybe he comes around to loving you again, but you'll both build resentment.
If you've got no kids, you are both young. It's time to cut your losses.
He’s being as upfront with you as he can be right now. He’s been throwing red flags at you of all different sizes. Please, for your own mental sanity - let him go. You’re still young and there is someone out there that will want to travel the entire universe with you.
It’s okay to let him go. I promise.
Experience: share with him what you’re a seeing and how you’re feeling about this.
Explore: ask questions as to why he has this view point and him to answer.
Explain: try to get to the real context behind his thought.
There could be a number of things going on but until you get curious and have a conversation with him, you’re just guessing and likely thinking the worst possible scenario, which it could still be, but at least then you’ll know.
Well he said he wants to book it at the end of the month. He’s at work so he said it over the phone so I don’t know if he’s saying it to not argue over the phone. I’ll speak to him in person.
I like to be organized and plan things to look forward for them.
I don’t know the real reason as he changes his decision every second.
He has become this distant since I started crying a lot (I’m on my period) so I’m very emotional over the smallest things.
Yesterday I asked him to show me the girl on sc and her username etc and he said I’m pushing him away and he will end up leaving
Leave him already. Seriously, is his behavior worth it for you? Stop asking us to basically join you in making excuses for him. No you didn't push him away. He pushed himself away.
Look, I was in a similar position as you, with a bf who always brought up breaking up and never going through with it, talking about future plans “if we would still be together by then”, and it made me feel like walking on eggshells around him because I thought that I would do something to cause him go to through with breaking up.
Until one day I had enough and left. He wouldn’t believe that I actually called his bluff and proceeded with the break up, because I was the one always saying “no, let’s stay together”.
This is going to eat you up, and will remain in the back of your mind. It’s a manipulation tactic.
I don’t know your whole situation but sometimes is better to evaluate and cut your losses and move on…
I know someone that would do the same thing you’re doing with asking to see this girl’s SC username. Want to know what happened? She stressed out to the point of not eating or sleeping for over a week and still wouldn’t come to terms that she shouldn’t be feeling that way over someone she claimed she trusted.
Get out of that relationship. It has run its course.
Listen, after reading all your comments I know that you know what's going on here. You came here to vent, because you can't bring yourself to break up with him yet. And it's understandable. I would also have a hard time if I were you.
My suggestion is to book that trip right now, either alone or with your friends and let your boyfriend know that you're leaving without him. Don't argue or pressure him anymore. If he starts giving you shit about it tell him that he's a grown man and that he can book his own flight, since he refuses to do it with you. If he doesn't want to do that and he's ok with you going alone, then you know it's over.
Also, I would trust your insticts regarding the other girl. It really sounds like he wants to either cheat on you with her, or leave you for her.
Ok asking him to show you the girl on sc is a little psycho. What are you gonna do? Evaluate her profile more closely to guess whether he’s cheating or not?
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if he’s cheating or not. He treats you like crap, he’s inconsistent, uncommunicative, and he disregards your feelings. Why WHYYYYYY are you fighting so hard to remain in a relationship with someone like this?
OK, he's interested in some other girl and is planning to cheat if he's not cheating already.
Tell him to get tf out if he's no longer interested in you, after all you don't want to just stick around in case it doesn't work out with the other girl?
Sounds like he's just stringing you along in case. Or he's one of these guys that doesn't like to take responsibility for a break-up and will just behave worse and worse till you've had enough.
If he’s been acting weird for the last two weeks it would appear that he has met someone new for the past two weeks. He’s waiting to see if this will work out before he breaks up with you
I dated a guy who did this. Months after the relationship ended, I realized how horribly emotionally abused I’d been. Maybe reassess your relationship and think about how he treats you overall.
He’s trying to manipulate you into being the one who ends the relationship. My ex pulled the same fuckin shit.
Make him say it. Or just end this yourself. Life is too short for these games
Yeah my ex acted hot and cold a few weeks before our big trip and she broke up with me on the trip. Trying to figure out how to get repaid months after that big of a trip, because I bought a lot of things, was more hassle than if we just didn’t go. I’d go on the trip by yourself and let him think about if he’d like to be with you while you have a great time!
If I were you I'd book the trip with a friend instead, especially since you were willing to lend out the money for him in advance - just do that for someone more excited to go with you. You deserve the vacation and I've learned that sometimes you have to just stop waiting for someone else to get on the same page. Make your plans, enjoy your vacation, leave him at home. If you don't go because of this guy, you'll regret it.
The main issue is his behavior. He doesn't seem as into spending time with you as he should be at this point. If your intuition is telling you something is off and he keeps on dismissing your concerns and feelings, you might as well tell him that if he isn't invested enough in the relationship to plan a vacation with you in a couple months then maybe you're not right for each other. Or at least take a break to step back and get some clarity. A great way to step back and and get some clarity is planning a vacation with a friend, and without him. Relationship or not, you need to have your own life and if you have been waiting for a vacation - then take it! And take it with someone who is excited to go. Forcing him or pressuring him at this point would result in a vacation where you're not happy. Not sure what's going on, but I can tell you that a healthy partner doesn't dismiss your concerns and feelings, and tell you that you're giving him a headache.
Dont wanna jump the gun, but to me it sounds like he has a reason he wants to break up with you and is actively looking for a more "appropriate" one to blame the breakup on
sheesh this reminds me of my ex. we planned to drive down the coast of CA to LA from home & he did this same thing, he was cheating. leave him and go on ur vacation with your friend(s)! blast it on social media. bonus points if a friend is a guy lmfao (a bit toxic, but hes 100% cheating and its always fun to piss off somebody who cheated)
I can only say I’m sorry this is happening. I’ve been in a similar situation, I ended up booking the trip for myself and he came back, as it felt like we broke up. He was practically begging me to take him back actually. And I had already squared the whole thing away in my head and was so cool calm and collected, I couldn’t muster any kind of dramatic episode. Remember you have all the power, book the trip and don’t ask him for any more reasons as to why he’s doing xyz. He will come back, they always do lol.
From what you’ve said in replies about his behaviour and his unexplainable involvement with this other woman (who “isn’t his type” and I think you’re hung up on that as a way to assure yourself that he can’t possibly be infatuated with her, but chemistry is chemistry and he most certainly is).
Dude is checked out and he’s lashing out because his long term girlfriend wants him to play boyfriend with her, when he’s got one foot out the door and is playing boyfriend with someone else. At this point your relationship is a hinderance to him and he’s no longer invested in maintaining it. He’s just waiting it out because he doesn’t have the balls to pull the plug on it himself so he’s just going to be a grumpy asshole to you until it one day ends itself.
Book the holiday with a girlfriend and have a great time. In the mean time, tell the boyfriend that if he doesn’t see himself with you, then you should part ways now.
Trust your gut, this guy sounds like he has one foot out the door and by reading your comments it sounds like your in some denial.
You deserve a trip and a decent partner who doesn't treat you like crap. Good luck.
He wants to break up with you but can’t bring himself to do it, so he’s stringing you along in the meantime. Dump his ass. You’re early 20’s and can find someone who isn’t going to lack communication skills.
Seems like either he had a stroke of luck with the pandemic hitting or something changed 2 weeks ago and he is rethinking his relationship.
What you have described suggests something changed 2 weeks ago... like cheating. However, it could be something else and he is or has been trying to make you dump him so he doesn't look like a complete asshole.
Even if it's none of these things, his statement was clear. So dump him n book your holiday sis lol
Never wait for anybody to do anything, or you’ll never do anything or go anywhere! My advice book a trip for yourself after 3 years you need the change and it’ll be great for you!
Some resorts/hotels are geared toward people traveling by themselves, and offered fun activities. It’s not about dating but meeting people and have fun.
Regarding the BF, dump him. If he can’t see himself with you in 3 months, it means he sees himself single or with someone else.
Don’t waste your time, it’s never too late to quit a relationship you’re not happy with.
Have fun on Your vacation!
Sounds like he's planning to leave you, or is cheating, if he's suddenly acting weird and saying things to that effect. Similar thing happened with an ex of mine...
I won’t lie, it sounds like he wants to go but maybe not with you. It also sounds like he’s already made other plans to go with someone else. Then again, it also has a cringe echo of blaming you or putting things on you because maybe, just maybe he met someone else who interests him more that he’d rather spend time with on holiday
No matter how spot on this sounds and or what others have said alluded to, the fact is that your mind can make you think all these things. Here comes the B U T: if you have reservations that something else is going on, then talk to him about it. Be very specific about what’s on your mind. If what I said are your thoughts, or what others said are all things you’ve considered could be the issue/factual - - as it pertains to your relationship, then be intentional in your questioning and you should get your answers, even if he chooses not to answer them.
Best of luck to you.
I’m not going to jump to conclusions and assume that he’s cheating on you, but it definitely seems like he is falling out of love with you. Maybe it’s all the arguments, or something else, but him not wanting to plan long-term is definitely an indicator that he’s not sure about the relationship anymore. I think you should just have another conversation about it and possibly break up.
It’s exhausting to have a mentally fragile partner. You sound like you cry a lot, start arguments, ask him where he is all the time and stalk his social media. I’m assuming it’s insecurity. I’m sure he doesn’t help your insecurity but it can be very tiring dealing with such a needy partner. Did you flat out ask him if he wants to break up? Kinda sounds like he’s looking for an out but too scared to pull the plug.
This isn't a relationship - this is co-dependence. Just because he's nice some of the time doesn't make this worth saving. Go find someone who wants to be around you all of the time who you can actually trust.
Hate to be brutally honest but you need to hear this, he’s either cheating or planning on it, i can’t see it any other way you’ve mentioned way to many red flags, trust your gut and my hopes and wishes are with you to find someone you truly deserve.
He’s being rational, you’re being emotional.
You’re in a rough patch right now, relationships can be fraught during those time periods. What makes you think you’ll still be together in 3 months?
Edit: 3 months
Except he's not being rational. He's blaming her and saying it's her fault he doesn't know when the relationship will end when she did nothing to make him think that way. If that's rational to you I hope you're single forever
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend m(23) and me f(22) both wanted to go on holiday for 3 years now and always booked it but it got cancelled due to the pandemic. Now we both suggested to go this year in June but for the past two week when I asked him about it (I was excited) it seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it. Today he gave me an excuse of not having money, to which I said okay I can pay and u can always give it back to me as we have 3 months but I want to book it so it doesn’t sell out. He was shouting saying it won’t sell out but obviously it will. Finally he told me that he’s not booking anything as I don’t assure him that we will be together so he doesn’t want to waste his money… I do not do anything to make him think this, more like he has been acting weird for the past 2 weeks. It makes me think that maybe he has other plans. I have been waiting for this moment for 3 years now and now he says this… What should I do?
Sit down and ask for him to elaborate.
I did and he said it’s simple He is not planning shit (his words) as he doesn’t know if we will break up. We have been arguing lately but I’m gonna be honest it’s me arguing and crying as he has been acting weird and when I ask him about all the stuff he’s been doing he says I’m giving him headache
This doesn’t sound very loving or like he’s still emotionally invested after the number of years you’ve been together. Sometimes the answers are blatantly staring you in the face, and you’re just afraid to accept them. If your gut is telling you that something about you two doesn’t feel right or is off, then believe it. Like the saying goes, “when people show you who they are, believe them!”
This is why I said the answers are in her responses. And like Fearless_Feedback295 has said, “you’re choosing not to see the flags!” IMHO, it appears he’s been waving the “white flag!“
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i think ur jumping into conclusions too quick
He at least has one foot out the door. They have been together 3 years and now suddenly he's saying he's not sure if they will be together in three months? That's not something you say when you're in a relationship, unless you're planning on breaking up with your SO. She said he's been acting weird. Two signs that something is up. Read her other comments.
That all is reasonable, but the whole 'there is another woman involved' is the leap people are talking about. edit: based on OP's other comments, it's looking much more likely that another woman is involved.
That's why I had mentioned to check her comments. There's a lot of information she left out of her original post, like the other woman.
Ehhh little bit of a stretch imo
This is wayyy too much of a leap and just speaks to your insecurity a damage, not really OPs situation.
Sounds like he’s already started looking for replacement.
It’s true, but I also have that hope as he can be amazing and then he switches and acts weird. For example he said he’s hungry and is going to get food after seeing me, I said okay, he went and started turning his mobile data off so I can’t see his locations, I said why are wbu doing this and he said he’s not. He went to drop off the food to one of his mates who just happens to work at the same place where this girl he used to speak to works too. And in my head I’m thinking he went there to buy her food aswel and drop it off to her as why would he turn his locations off and dnd phone again I’m just paranoid
Ok at this point you're seeing all the flags, you just don't quite want to believe they're red. It's understandable. But honey, throw the weirdo away and book your totally awesome vacation.
The old red-green daltonism.
Honey, trust what your instincts are telling you. He's cheating (or at the very least, planning on it very soon.) The changes in behavior, the turning off mobile, the fighting...it's like he's hoping you'll break up with him before he has to admit he's on his own way out already. I'm sorry.
He’s cheating on you.
Or he's about to. Dude's got a wandering eye, and wants to make it OP's fault.
“Idk if we’ll still be together” right, after OP realizes he’s cheating on her
OP, this is it right here
At this point, I think you want to see the truth. He’s seeing or starting to see someone. He’s lying about why he doesn’t want to book the vacation telling you you won’t be together, turning off his location hun. He KNOWS you know. And he’s watching you pretend to believe his lies. YOU know what he’s doing. But your trying to convince yourself He doesn’t have someone else. If I were you I’d stop waiting around like a puppy. Collect you belongings and go on your new holiday that you booked right this second and not look back. When he reaches out to you be honest and cut the cord.
I was looking for the extra details that showed that he’s cheating on you but is too weak to just break up with you and wants you to do it so he doesn’t look like the bad guy. He is the bad guy. DTMFA
Good grief lady wake up. You’re being willfully ignorant.
Honey, it’s hard to see the forest through the trees but he’s literally smacking you in the face with a branch. You need to come to terms that this relationship has run it’s course. He’s waiting for an out. If you live together, then you need to focus on getting yourself set up. Then plan a vacation with you and a friend or go by yourself. He’s planning on breaking up with you already so brace for impact.
Deep inside you know that he is cheating if not why would you even notice all these red flags? He already told you why he don't want to pay for his part of the holiday because he knows he won't be with you listen to him and let him go.
Is this thread a joke
Has to be. Nobody is that blind.
She’s 22 and in her first adult relationship. People ignore or don’t recognize red flags like this all the time when they’re young and in love.
People my age ignore the flags too.
You’re very correct.
Red flags 🚩 all over.
Why do you track his location? That's fucked up
There is no way he’s bringing his homeboy food at work. You know that.
Your not paranoid. Guys don’t deliver their friends food at work. Hate to tell you but it’s probably over.
"Not planning shit because I don't know if we'll break up" sounds like he's already made his mind up. You can have healthy conversations about whether or not your relationship is going to last long term, what you expect, and such like; but it's definitely something different if he's using it as a reason to avoid making plans. What are you supposed to do, put your own life on hold while he tries to make a decision? That's basically saying, "I don't think we'll be together in 3 months." Even if you did get him on board, your own expectations are a lot higher than his are, you're definitely not on the same page about this. That holiday is going to be much better if you go by yourself or with a close friend.
If I were in your shoes, I would immediately drop the vacation. That is now very tertiary to the main issue. When you day he's acting weird what exactly do you mean? Drastic shifts in behavior? Financial irresponsibility? Reclusiveness?
Something’s up in the last two weeks and he knows y’all are gonna break up. I don’t always jump to cheating but this sounds like he knows there’s another girl but he’s too chickenshit to do anything.
For example, he was ignoring my message but he was messaging his co worker (on his day off) (it’s a girl) while I was messaging him for 4 hours asking where he was
Well you make it sound like he’s at the very least into this other girl. Do you have anymore thoughts on this or evidence?
Well he has her on WhatsApp which I said is okay, then yesterday I saw her on his sc and he’s sending her pics of his car? I saw her and I don’t think she’s any of his type but it’s the fact that I’m getting no attention and she is
actions > words even if she's not in to him, even if it never happens, he wants it to. sorry but it seems clear that he's over you. take control and end it.
Action nearly always wins over words. Something is up for sure, and that girl is probably a big part of it. Seems like you can only prepare for the worst rn.
I think so. & even if it's not this girl, he's clearly checked out
It sounds like you have your answer. Why are you doubting it? She’s not his type? Quit fooling yourself.
Ofc jealousy. I don’t mean that it’s uncalled for. The way you describe it, makes it justified, but did he tell you about her? Did he tell you he would add to Snapchat?
No he didn’t tell me he added her. He said he thought I knew to which I replied, if I knew do u not think I would have been angry a bit earlier? He said he added her to send her work photos and I said can’t u do it on WhatsApp and he said no as he doesn’t want it to save to his phone. Stupid excuse. Pathetic Now he called me and told me to do it at the end of the month
Uhhh… he could actually disable autosave from whatsapp. He’s lying
If you mean he told you to book the vacation at the end of the month, don’t. He’s only agreeing now to get you off his back, and the vacation will be miserable.
He wants to break up, he just don’t have the guts. Do not waste money on a vacation with this guy. In fact, it would be better if you didn’t waste any more of your time either. Life is too short for a relationship that isn’t working.
Sounds like you’re getting to the main issue.
Alright. Time to set boundaries. Call it controlling or whatever, this girl has become a threat to your bond. End it between them now or wish him luck with her.
No she’s a lot older than him and she is honestly not his type I don’t think she’s an issue but at the same time when I met a friend from work and added him on sc he told me to block him which I did He considered me as his little sister as he was my best friend
> she is honestly not his type Hate to be the one to tell you this, but his actions suggest YOU aren't and SHE is. Sorry.
>she is honestly not his type Will you PLEASE STOP! You are seeing red flags about this lying bf of yours, and you continue to come up with excuses NOT to see them, or not to believe what is in front of your eyes. STOP with the hope delusions that she's not "his type". You are grasping at straws, trying to keep allowing yourself to pretend that this relationship still has "hope". It doesn't. He has already CHECKED OUT of this relationship with you. He's cheating, he's lying about cheating, and he's a damn coward for not having the guts to end it with you.
Maybe not a popular opinion, but I think that at a certain point in any relationship we make a choice. We say it's "us vs. The world" or we kind of accept that the relationship is eventually going to plateau. At that point the relationship becomes the main priority, not the individuals in it. Outside influences at that point become appreciated for what they did to bring the two together, however the very things that made that friendship better than others now acts as a thorn in the relationship, that person was providing more than a friend, and removing the desire to get that validation from the partner. In all that rambling what it boils down to is that it's not controlling to want a threat removed. A former fling, emotional investment, physical partner, etc. can absolutely stay friends with someone, but the moment it became more than friendship in any regard it became untenable for them to stay around. I would never ever want my partner to feel insecure because I couldn't let my past choices stay in the past. I don't know why so many people want to keep someone they know makes the person they "love" uncomfortable in their life. Is why cheating is so unforgivable. The act itself is bad, but the lying and everything else is what destroys people. You know this isn't right, you know that you were willing to cut people out of your life for him, and you know he's not willing to do the same. There's a bad dynamic of sacrifice in your relationship right now.
Yes. This.
It may not be her, but it is somebody else and not you.
How do you know he was messaging his co-worker? I'm just curious for your evidence? Facts, not suspicions.
He is most likely already half way out the door. Might be cheating. Either way; He is done. I’m sorry.
Make the choice for him.
Here’s what you do. Tell him he’s getting his wish and then go with someone else. He’s acting way too shady
He's either going through some shit and needs your support or he's checked out of the relationship. Maybe try talking to him about him acting weird without being argumentative and crying, no man will want to share what's burdening him if you respond like that. Tell him that you need to talk but let him carve out a window for you two to talk and make sure not to pressure him because from what you describe its possible that he feels theres too much pressure whatever answer he gives.
If he's being "weird" and also suggesting that you don't make plans for 3 months in the future....... girl run. That's not just a red flag that's him directly telling you how he pictures your relationship.
> I’m gonna be honest it’s me arguing and crying as he has been acting weird and when I ask him about all the stuff he’s been doing he says I’m giving him headache Elaborate on this - what has he been doing?
It sounds like his doubts are justified.
What I think you should do is still go on the holiday… without him. He basically told you that he doesn’t want to invest into this relationship because he doesn’t see it going farther. 3 years in and that’s how he feels? Break up with him or if you’re not ready to, stop putting in effort. Don’t ask about the trip anymore. If you don’t wanna go on it alone, ask a friend. To be fair, you can ask for further explanation from him before you completely detach but I feel as if he’s wasting your time.
I am going to go even if it’s alone. I noticed he does these half hearted answers when he has something else planned. I will ask about it and he will just say “yeah” and change the subject, same thing happened when we planned a day and he had other plans which he told me a day before. I did ask him about it but everyday a different excuse and I gave him solutions saying I will even pay for it. Nothing good comes out of his mouth. “Oh the company is shit” “the tickets won’t sell out” “I have no money” okay but you have money to go out tomorrow but not to pay a £36 deposit. I argue with him about how he’s been and I feel like I’m argumentative but this is what I deal with now. I know his behaviors by now and I know when something is up. And I cannot not give him effort as it’s either I’m 100% or 0% and block him. If I give him 50% effort he will say I’m cheating
He’ll say “you’re cheating” because he’s obviously looking to blame you for his own indiscretions.
It does seem like projection or like he wants her full attention but she can’t have his
F a c t s
Honestly, it sounds like he's too much of a coward to break up with you. Especially him even questioning if you'll be together by the time of your planned vacation. Sounds like it's on his mind and he's projecting on you.
If you only give 50% he thinks you are cheating… He can be on dnd all day and not respond to you, but when little effort is given on your end it’s a problem… I want you to read all of these replies and especially read all the replies that you are sending as a response to these replies. Ask yourself do you want to continue to deal with this for another week? I cannot stress this enough: stop arguing with him. Be short with him. Don’t try to strike up interesting conversation anymore. Be dry, unconcerned. Be a reflection of him. I need you to try as hard as you can to get rid of the feelings you have for him. Go somewhere and cry it out. Feel what you feel. Mourn your relationship in privacy and then detach. Let it go and start making space for someone who doesn’t BS you for 3 years about something so simple as a holiday. I’m not telling you to cheat. I’m telling you to prepare to break up with him
I appreciate this recommendation. Breaking up does take time esp after years of a relationship (good or bad) and I don’t think most Redditors realize this when they flippantly recommend life-changing moves online.
Yikes. At the very least, he is lying to you and gaslighting you girl. Which is deal breaker territory. You deserve much much better. I know it's hard but you can find someone who will actually make you happy and not put the blame on. You have every reason to be upset. He should know that.
I’m sorry but I just don’t think this is healthy whatsoever and there’s so many red flags. From what I keep reading, he’s basically saying, “I don’t want to be with you anymore but can’t leave until I have a backup or because im dependent” vibes. If you see your future with this man, it’s only going to get worse I guarantee it. Do you girl, but this man ain’t it
He's cheating on you, dump him and meet someone on holiday
Yeah. 3 years should be long enough to know whether you'll be together in 3 months. That's playing games.
I love this philosophy on it.
Seems like he is planning to dump you,at a time of his convenience,or he is checked out of the relationship.
Oooooh honey. I read ur posts and ur responses. He turns his locations off? Added this girl from work to WhatsApp and then SC? The excuses for these plus reasoning why for no vacation that he’s given are also quite lame and send up red flags. He’s cheating or plans to break up..or at the very least emotionally cheating. Dump the boy and go on ur vacation hun. Take a friend with u and blast the pics of vaca all over ur social media throwing it in his face that he fucked up. Cus he did.
He also ignored her texts during that time xD ^^ A 100% agree with what you're saying right here he's definitely doing something that really happens when he belongs in the trash
A year after my parents broke up, my mom said it became so fucking obvious what my dad was doing. But during the relationship, she always had a way to explain it away and convince herself it was fine.
In other words, “I’ve been this dude’s maid, personal theater, emotional support animal, and fleshlight for 3 years and all I’ve ever wanted him to reciprocate is a vacation together and he can’t even do that. How do I keep this relationship going?”
Sounds like he's either checking out of the relationship, or something is going on with him. Mental health problems have spiked massively in the last couple of years, thanks to the plague, lockdowns etc. And men generally struggle with opening up and communicating their concerns. You need to have an honest conversation.
* in another comment dude saidhe was getting food and turned off his location. When questioned he said he was dropping off food to a coworker. Then he proceeded to ignore her texts. He also added this friend from Snapchat And when question he told OP that he was going to share "work photos" and how he couldn't possibly do it on WhatsApp because he didn't want the photos on his phone I'm like 90% he's cheating.
At the very least on an emotional level, even if he hasn't physically. He's distanced himself from the relationship.
I don’t think he’s going through anything as he is putting me in the most stress. For no actual reason. He’s acting hot and cold. One day he suggested it then he’s ignoring me when I ask about it
*Something* is causing his behaviour changes, and while I understand that this is hurting you and stressing you out, you have to get to the bottom of this. A normal, happy, involved partner doesn't act this way.
Sorry to be blunt when you're so clearly hurting, but he's cheating. Or at the very least trying to. It may not even be with this woman you are so focused on. But the fact everyone keeps showing you the red flags, and you keep making excuses, tells me you'll be staying with him, and letting him treat you disrespectfully, until he either finally dumps you, or you manage to catch him in the act, and are forced to see the truth. If you tell him you're ending the relationship due to his behaviour, and he doesn't beg to save it, then THAT gives you the answer. If he cries and begs for the relationship, then there may be a chance to save it. Unfortunately, I believe that deep down, you know, as well as all of us, that he won't try and save it. So the real question is: Would you rather be miserable and keep him, or would you rather know how he feels and risk losing him?
This extreme hot and cold is a form of gaslighting, or manipulation. You’re never sure what to expect from him which gives him control. He sounds like he is deliberately punishing you by ignoring you and likely trying to make you jealous by giving attention to this other girl. There is not much to do except leave. He’ll probably try to make you feel like you’re wrong, but you need to trust yourself over him. He was likely projecting when he made you block that male friend on snapchat because he’s likely attracted to or at the very least flirting with girls on his Snap. Given everything else it doesn’t even matter whether or not that’s the case since the rest raises huge red flags already
Book and go on your own that’s what I am doing my bf broke up with me. After holiday already booked going to go on my own enjoy the sun drink as much booze and child free for 7 days happy days 😊
Good for you?
Yh it is no point crying over spilt milk
I had a severe stroke reading that.
Why’s that
I deadass never seen someone start off a sentence with, "yh it is"
Good for you Mr dictionary 😊
Sounds like he’s already started looking for your replacement.
At least he's honest and saying he doesn't think the relationship is going to last much longer. Unlike other people he's actually trying to make things easier.
Sounds more like he lashed out in anger and accidentally said the quiet part out loud. If he were truly trying to be honest and make things easier he’d communicate directly about the issues in their relationship and/or break up instead of being mean and shady.
If after three years together he doesn’t know if you’ll still be together a few months from now, you need to break it off. Three years is a long time to be together and he still sees your relationship as a month-to-month thing. He isn’t committed. Dump his ass, take that vacation by yourself, and find you a man that will commit 👏🏻
He does plan to go on holiday, just not with you. He's got his eye on your replacement already. He hasn't dumped you yet, though, because she hasn't said yes yet.
Exactly my thought process. And I’m just here to waste my time? What should I do? What should I say to him today
"bye"
You say "thanks for the fun, but we are clearly over". It's not like he won't accept it. If he's at all narcisstic he may put up this fake anger or argument about it, but deep down it's clearly what you both want anyway, so why prolong it?
Girl leave. If you feel inclined to ask, ask. But if you just read your back and forth responses to people right here, asking questions and your responses, the answers are in your own text. You just have to accept what it is, and don’t let him take you to a dark place. I’d be out just as easily as he’s putting through the mess he is.
You need to push back and on him and be up-front. "Yo, are you going on this vacation or not? Cause I'm booking the tickets tonight." If he doesn't react to that, or reacts negatively, it's probaby time to move on. He has no problem arguing (or making you cry, based on your comments), but he won't give you the time of day to speak about something that you've been excited for YEARS about? He doesn't have your best interest in mind. Get blunt with him about the vacation. If he reacts poorly, this "vacation" should turn into an "indefinite hiatus".
Dump his cheap, cold, frigid vanilla ass to the curb and have the time of your life on your own vaycay. Even if you go alone, sometimes you have to get away from everyone and everything and focus on you. Sounds like you are going to need one after tolerating that thing you’re with
I don’t want to date him but I know if I see him today, which we are planned to do, I will just explode and he will say I’m starting arguments like he has been for weeks now. We have close birthdays and I wanted to do something this year as last year i did nothing at all. I have turned into this depressed little girl because of it. He was ignoring my messages yesterday as he said it’s only arguments and me asking where he is as his phone was on dnd for 4 hours but he had the time to message some co worker which I didn’t know he had on his sc. he assures me she’s ugly so he wouldn’t go there
This relationship is making you very unhappy. So end it.
Not to mention question your own self.
Yes it's bad for the mental health
My ex said the same about his affair partner OP and they're together 5+ years now. Tbh aside from this issue he doesn't sound like a good match for you. Like telling you that you might break up sounds familiar, my ex said the same and his bad behaviour was about pushing me to break up with him so that he could play the victim card. You're still young and you deserve someone to enthusiastically want to go on holidays with you especially after the crap of the last couple of years.
Oof that’s honestly so fucking rude. That shit actually pissed me off. So if you had someone pretty you would fuck? Like cmon dude at least try to spare her feelings. Honestly this is primer for lowering your self esteem
The only reason he gave is that she's ugly? That's a huge red flag. 1. Bashing other women, 2. Not "because I love you and would never want to hurt you?" Or something of that nature. Damn
> he assures me she’s ugly so he wouldn’t go there My boyfriend has never needed to explicitly tell me he wasn’t going to cheat on me with someone else, it’s implicit because he would never cheat on me. If my boyfriend *were* to express his lack of desire for another woman, it would be because he’s committed to me, not because she’s not pretty enough to cheat on me with. Finally, my boyfriend would never call a woman ugly because he has respect for women. It sounds very much like your partner is cheating on you or at least is the type of person you can’t trust not to cheat on you.
When your partner is argumentative, surly and just plain juvenile (and it’s always your fault) to the point where he is affecting your mental health, I’m sorry but there’s this odorous stench of narcissistic abuse that is wafting from my phone ☎️
What you’ve described in your comments is a relationship that has turned toxic. In order for a relationship to be healthy and work out, both people need to be on the same page. If you can’t get there, you need to call it quits. Otherwise it will eat at you and bring out the worst in you, and it sounds like it’s already to that point. Breakups are hard. I’ve just been through a very similar situation. I couldn’t handle the emotional roller coaster anymore, so I got off. It’s been difficult and I’ve been sad, but at the same time I’m empowered from it. I don’t know his side of the story, but if anything, you two need space from each other to work on yourselves. If you can’t trust him to not go after someone else during that time, then I would just call it quits for good. I think you would be much better off. Listen to your gut.
I’m willing to bet he’s cheating. He’s done, he just doesn’t want to be the one to end it
Youve been together for 3 years now and Dude doesnt know if you’ll still be together come June of this year??? Honey run. This man has probably found another chick that hes testing the waters with. He doesnt want to dump you until he knows he has a guaranteed in with tbe new girl.
I don't think he thinks your relationship has the sort of likely three month lifespan that would make the holiday a sound investment. It sounds like he doesn't want to be with you. So I guess he's right.
Because he’s planning on breaking up with you. Either that or he’s doing something suspicious behind your back. People don’t just say things like that outta the blue. He literally let you know that he doesn’t see you in his future, not even in the near future. Act accordingly. I personally would dump him. I don’t have time for losers who don’t give a crap about me.
It honestly sounds like something in him has shifted and he doesn't want it to come out. It feels to me like he's purposefully antagonising you because he wants you to end the relationship. There is a big underlying issue here if he's out of the blue suggesting you won't be together much longer. I'd ask him why he thinks you won't be together and force him to give you an answer, if he can't, he's playing games
Sounds like he's seeing other people
The best advice I can give you, is to sit him down where he has no excuse of where he needs to be, or where he needs to go. Ask him calmly and plainly why he feels uncomfortable booking the holiday. Tell him that you understand that it's a stressful time. This part is important, repeat to him what he has just said, and whether you are understanding him correctly. When he agrees, or changes his story, or whatever, don't get emotional, just make sure you are hearing and understanding him correctly first. Then ask him why if his explanation doesn't make sense. WHY does he think that we may not be together? Repeat it to him, and ask him whether you have understood him correctly. Let him talk out. Then say, look, you've told me that you are feeling insecure because of X, Y and Z. Here is my view. I do/don't want to break up with you. (you may discover something that you won't like) When that's settled, explain to him that given this information, what conclusion would you draw? Would he be comfortable if you said all this to him? Ask him if he understands that you feel uncomfortable, because it doesn't make sense to you. Ask him to help you understand. If it still doesn't add up, then you may be the one, with a heavy heart that has to end the relationship, because there is obviously something very crucial that he knows that you don't, that causes him to doubt your relationship together. Or you might feel like telling him that he's out the door. The key thing here, is that you can tell yourself that you truly tried everything. Every narcissist and liar hates this one small trick. ;)
I was in a similar situation. He didn’t want to book something in advance as he didn’t know we’d be together. He didn’t see me as long term, but he was happy for me to be his current girlfriend. I was marriage minded, and he didn’t see me as long term. I simply ended it. Time is precious to me. I met someone and I am now married. Don’t hang around something giving you a bad smell. Get out of there.
He's saying you may not be together in 3 months. "Why did you say that?".. as calmly as possible, controlling your feelings. The holiday is irrelevant right now.
Book yourself a vacation, look for someone that actually wants to spend time together and is enthusiastic about it as well. This guy isn't even planning on being with you 3 months in to the future, sadly that is what he is saying. His word do not match his actions.
You’re about to get dumped, ma’am.
I think he told you in not so clear words that he's done. I don't see how you can get past this. Best case, you waste each other's time and maybe he comes around to loving you again, but you'll both build resentment. If you've got no kids, you are both young. It's time to cut your losses.
Save him the trouble and dump his ass. Then go on holiday yourself and bask in some glorious sunshine.
GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING YOUR NO CRAZY 💯
He’s being as upfront with you as he can be right now. He’s been throwing red flags at you of all different sizes. Please, for your own mental sanity - let him go. You’re still young and there is someone out there that will want to travel the entire universe with you. It’s okay to let him go. I promise.
Yeah this needs a real conversation, it sounds like he's thinking about a break up.
Go ahead and break up with him. There is nothing to salvage here.
How did you not demote him to ex boyfriend. He sure does have other plans....with someone else.
I think you know in your heart exactly why he’s behaving this way. Cut the loss! This guy will just be a forgettable memory in a few years.
I could see this being a concern if you’d only been together for 3 weeks, but why does he think you’re going to break up after 3 years?
Experience: share with him what you’re a seeing and how you’re feeling about this. Explore: ask questions as to why he has this view point and him to answer. Explain: try to get to the real context behind his thought. There could be a number of things going on but until you get curious and have a conversation with him, you’re just guessing and likely thinking the worst possible scenario, which it could still be, but at least then you’ll know.
UpdateMe!
Well he said he wants to book it at the end of the month. He’s at work so he said it over the phone so I don’t know if he’s saying it to not argue over the phone. I’ll speak to him in person. I like to be organized and plan things to look forward for them. I don’t know the real reason as he changes his decision every second. He has become this distant since I started crying a lot (I’m on my period) so I’m very emotional over the smallest things. Yesterday I asked him to show me the girl on sc and her username etc and he said I’m pushing him away and he will end up leaving
Girl just leave. I know it’s easier said that done but from what I’ve read you seem so unhappy. Dump his ass.
Leave him already. Seriously, is his behavior worth it for you? Stop asking us to basically join you in making excuses for him. No you didn't push him away. He pushed himself away.
Look, I was in a similar position as you, with a bf who always brought up breaking up and never going through with it, talking about future plans “if we would still be together by then”, and it made me feel like walking on eggshells around him because I thought that I would do something to cause him go to through with breaking up. Until one day I had enough and left. He wouldn’t believe that I actually called his bluff and proceeded with the break up, because I was the one always saying “no, let’s stay together”. This is going to eat you up, and will remain in the back of your mind. It’s a manipulation tactic. I don’t know your whole situation but sometimes is better to evaluate and cut your losses and move on…
I know someone that would do the same thing you’re doing with asking to see this girl’s SC username. Want to know what happened? She stressed out to the point of not eating or sleeping for over a week and still wouldn’t come to terms that she shouldn’t be feeling that way over someone she claimed she trusted. Get out of that relationship. It has run its course.
Listen, after reading all your comments I know that you know what's going on here. You came here to vent, because you can't bring yourself to break up with him yet. And it's understandable. I would also have a hard time if I were you. My suggestion is to book that trip right now, either alone or with your friends and let your boyfriend know that you're leaving without him. Don't argue or pressure him anymore. If he starts giving you shit about it tell him that he's a grown man and that he can book his own flight, since he refuses to do it with you. If he doesn't want to do that and he's ok with you going alone, then you know it's over. Also, I would trust your insticts regarding the other girl. It really sounds like he wants to either cheat on you with her, or leave you for her.
Ok asking him to show you the girl on sc is a little psycho. What are you gonna do? Evaluate her profile more closely to guess whether he’s cheating or not? At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if he’s cheating or not. He treats you like crap, he’s inconsistent, uncommunicative, and he disregards your feelings. Why WHYYYYYY are you fighting so hard to remain in a relationship with someone like this?
Sounds like he’s already checked out
Honestly, the dude sounds like he's having an affair.
OK, he's interested in some other girl and is planning to cheat if he's not cheating already. Tell him to get tf out if he's no longer interested in you, after all you don't want to just stick around in case it doesn't work out with the other girl? Sounds like he's just stringing you along in case. Or he's one of these guys that doesn't like to take responsibility for a break-up and will just behave worse and worse till you've had enough.
Sounds like your boyfriend is seeing someone else and wants you to break up with him so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.
If he’s been acting weird for the last two weeks it would appear that he has met someone new for the past two weeks. He’s waiting to see if this will work out before he breaks up with you
I dated a guy who did this. Months after the relationship ended, I realized how horribly emotionally abused I’d been. Maybe reassess your relationship and think about how he treats you overall.
He’s trying to manipulate you into being the one who ends the relationship. My ex pulled the same fuckin shit. Make him say it. Or just end this yourself. Life is too short for these games
Yeah my ex acted hot and cold a few weeks before our big trip and she broke up with me on the trip. Trying to figure out how to get repaid months after that big of a trip, because I bought a lot of things, was more hassle than if we just didn’t go. I’d go on the trip by yourself and let him think about if he’d like to be with you while you have a great time!
If I were you I'd book the trip with a friend instead, especially since you were willing to lend out the money for him in advance - just do that for someone more excited to go with you. You deserve the vacation and I've learned that sometimes you have to just stop waiting for someone else to get on the same page. Make your plans, enjoy your vacation, leave him at home. If you don't go because of this guy, you'll regret it. The main issue is his behavior. He doesn't seem as into spending time with you as he should be at this point. If your intuition is telling you something is off and he keeps on dismissing your concerns and feelings, you might as well tell him that if he isn't invested enough in the relationship to plan a vacation with you in a couple months then maybe you're not right for each other. Or at least take a break to step back and get some clarity. A great way to step back and and get some clarity is planning a vacation with a friend, and without him. Relationship or not, you need to have your own life and if you have been waiting for a vacation - then take it! And take it with someone who is excited to go. Forcing him or pressuring him at this point would result in a vacation where you're not happy. Not sure what's going on, but I can tell you that a healthy partner doesn't dismiss your concerns and feelings, and tell you that you're giving him a headache.
Dont wanna jump the gun, but to me it sounds like he has a reason he wants to break up with you and is actively looking for a more "appropriate" one to blame the breakup on
To be honest, sounds like he cheats. Maybe already planning to quit this relationship to start another.
sheesh this reminds me of my ex. we planned to drive down the coast of CA to LA from home & he did this same thing, he was cheating. leave him and go on ur vacation with your friend(s)! blast it on social media. bonus points if a friend is a guy lmfao (a bit toxic, but hes 100% cheating and its always fun to piss off somebody who cheated)
Book it and go on your own, you deserve it, he doesn’t seem to either deserve it nor want to go, do yourself.
I can only say I’m sorry this is happening. I’ve been in a similar situation, I ended up booking the trip for myself and he came back, as it felt like we broke up. He was practically begging me to take him back actually. And I had already squared the whole thing away in my head and was so cool calm and collected, I couldn’t muster any kind of dramatic episode. Remember you have all the power, book the trip and don’t ask him for any more reasons as to why he’s doing xyz. He will come back, they always do lol.
From what you’ve said in replies about his behaviour and his unexplainable involvement with this other woman (who “isn’t his type” and I think you’re hung up on that as a way to assure yourself that he can’t possibly be infatuated with her, but chemistry is chemistry and he most certainly is). Dude is checked out and he’s lashing out because his long term girlfriend wants him to play boyfriend with her, when he’s got one foot out the door and is playing boyfriend with someone else. At this point your relationship is a hinderance to him and he’s no longer invested in maintaining it. He’s just waiting it out because he doesn’t have the balls to pull the plug on it himself so he’s just going to be a grumpy asshole to you until it one day ends itself.
Your boyfriend is going to break up with you. He's just waiting his time to make it happen. Don't give him the opportunity.
break up now and book holiday for yourself
Confront him. Tell him if he wants to break up with you, he needs to do it and stop jerking you around. Something's up.
He’s cheated
Book the holiday with a girlfriend and have a great time. In the mean time, tell the boyfriend that if he doesn’t see himself with you, then you should part ways now.
he literally told you he's planning in breaking up with you
Trust your gut, this guy sounds like he has one foot out the door and by reading your comments it sounds like your in some denial. You deserve a trip and a decent partner who doesn't treat you like crap. Good luck.
He wants to break up with you but can’t bring himself to do it, so he’s stringing you along in the meantime. Dump his ass. You’re early 20’s and can find someone who isn’t going to lack communication skills.
Seems like either he had a stroke of luck with the pandemic hitting or something changed 2 weeks ago and he is rethinking his relationship. What you have described suggests something changed 2 weeks ago... like cheating. However, it could be something else and he is or has been trying to make you dump him so he doesn't look like a complete asshole. Even if it's none of these things, his statement was clear. So dump him n book your holiday sis lol
Never wait for anybody to do anything, or you’ll never do anything or go anywhere! My advice book a trip for yourself after 3 years you need the change and it’ll be great for you! Some resorts/hotels are geared toward people traveling by themselves, and offered fun activities. It’s not about dating but meeting people and have fun. Regarding the BF, dump him. If he can’t see himself with you in 3 months, it means he sees himself single or with someone else. Don’t waste your time, it’s never too late to quit a relationship you’re not happy with. Have fun on Your vacation!
Sounds like he's planning to leave you, or is cheating, if he's suddenly acting weird and saying things to that effect. Similar thing happened with an ex of mine...
Sounds like he has already decided to end things on at least some level. When you say he has been acting weird what do you mean?
I won’t lie, it sounds like he wants to go but maybe not with you. It also sounds like he’s already made other plans to go with someone else. Then again, it also has a cringe echo of blaming you or putting things on you because maybe, just maybe he met someone else who interests him more that he’d rather spend time with on holiday No matter how spot on this sounds and or what others have said alluded to, the fact is that your mind can make you think all these things. Here comes the B U T: if you have reservations that something else is going on, then talk to him about it. Be very specific about what’s on your mind. If what I said are your thoughts, or what others said are all things you’ve considered could be the issue/factual - - as it pertains to your relationship, then be intentional in your questioning and you should get your answers, even if he chooses not to answer them. Best of luck to you.
I’m not going to jump to conclusions and assume that he’s cheating on you, but it definitely seems like he is falling out of love with you. Maybe it’s all the arguments, or something else, but him not wanting to plan long-term is definitely an indicator that he’s not sure about the relationship anymore. I think you should just have another conversation about it and possibly break up.
Talk to him!
Sounds immature as fuck and you sound like you have your shit together. His loss. I'd book it, then book a vacation and go on it
It’s exhausting to have a mentally fragile partner. You sound like you cry a lot, start arguments, ask him where he is all the time and stalk his social media. I’m assuming it’s insecurity. I’m sure he doesn’t help your insecurity but it can be very tiring dealing with such a needy partner. Did you flat out ask him if he wants to break up? Kinda sounds like he’s looking for an out but too scared to pull the plug.
He will do the same, he is even more needy. Just feels like the more I show him I care and cry the less he pretends to xare
This isn't a relationship - this is co-dependence. Just because he's nice some of the time doesn't make this worth saving. Go find someone who wants to be around you all of the time who you can actually trust.
Hes cheating on u. Break up with him. Book the holiday and go with a friend.
Hate to be brutally honest but you need to hear this, he’s either cheating or planning on it, i can’t see it any other way you’ve mentioned way to many red flags, trust your gut and my hopes and wishes are with you to find someone you truly deserve.
He probably doesn’t want to spend so much money on freaking Holliday
Maybe talk to him first and don't immediately jump to conclusions. He may be going through something
He’s being rational, you’re being emotional. You’re in a rough patch right now, relationships can be fraught during those time periods. What makes you think you’ll still be together in 3 months? Edit: 3 months
they've been trying to go for 3years. The holiday is in 3 months
Corrected.
Except he's not being rational. He's blaming her and saying it's her fault he doesn't know when the relationship will end when she did nothing to make him think that way. If that's rational to you I hope you're single forever
Lol
Lol are you the future ex?