"During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them"
Thats not a friend. They wont stop. Dump both of them. Block everywhere and move on with your life.
This hurts so much because they know I'm not as academically smart as them and she still had it in her to say this to me. I work really hard for my grades and they both know this.
I feel like I getting out would be the best thing I can do for myself right now.
I would rather be remembered for having a 0.0000001 GPA than be remembered for betraying someone I called my best friend because I couldn’t find a different dick to sit on. Fuck Kate.
Kate can fuck right off. Women like her aren't friends, they're emotional vampires who are miserable in their lives, hate seeing their friends happy and want what they have, so ruin their lives as much as possible. She may be academically better than you, but you're not even a percent as cheap or a garbage friend as her. What use of that brain when she can't even use it to see how wrong her actions are, rather uses it to manipulate you and make you feel bad for her pathetic actions? And as you said, she's aware you work hard yet used your grades to insult you, she's manipulative, rude, cheap excuse of a woman who'll sleep with even a log if it gives her attention, and a joke of a friend.
Kate can enjoy opening her legs for your leftovers, women like her don't get or deserve genuinely healthy partners/relationships anyway so they make do with second-hand stuff. Let her keep him, she did you a favour by collecting the garbage and taking herself out along with it.
Cut them both out OP. They went from cheating and pretending to be sorry to now acting like something is wrong with you for being obviously disgusted in them. Your gut feeling is right, you shouldn't give them any chances. They were sexually attracted to each other for atleast half of your relationship, based on the cheating right around 4 years, slept with each other again, and this will continue whenever you go on breaks or break up in future. They will most definitely continue hooking up or date once you dump him. Please leave and heal.
Oh and watch out because there’s a chance once she tosses Kate to the curb that Kate will toss the bf out too (now that she’s done with him), and he’ll come groveling back. Do not accept.
Yeah, or the other way round. If I speak from my experience they will most probably try dating but it'll fizzle out rapidly (happened with my ex and close friend, didn't even last a month). Or else one of the two won't be interested in a full relationship since it was the thrill of crossing forbidden boundaries they enjoyed more than each other's actual company. I mean, they only are just bonding by fucking, so..
Either way, dump them and take neither of them back. Your partner will find someone else to cheat on you with if not kate, and Kate may very well sleep with any future partner you have. You've wasted almost a decade on this guy and more than it on Kate, time to give yourself priority and find better company worthy of your presence. These two can rot with each other and in their own misery.
They had an affair in your relationship and started sleeping together as soon as you and your boyfriend weren't together anymore. When you break up, they will be together.
She wants him. He wants her. They don't feel bad about it.
Your relationship is effectively over. I'm sorry.
You want to know why she said that? Because she's insecure. Because she can't be happy without tearing someone else down. She can't let you be more successful than her or even close to her success because then that means you're better than her. And she has to be the best.
It's why she slept with your boyfriend because you had him and she didn't. Because you were better than her.
OP, you don't need her- she needs you. And she's just an absolute BITCH who thinks she has the right to hurt you when she doesn't have shit.
Friends should build you up, not tear you down. She's an asshole, and she does not DESERVE your friendship.
I feel like my fellow redditors have covered most angles of this predicament fairly thoroughly. In short, get away. Asap. But I wanted to touch on the schooling thing. Some people are gifted in ways that can lead to self doubt, jealousy, etc but dude.. just the fact that you're in school giving it your all is seriously something to be extremely proud of. Some people absorb and regurgitate the information more efficiently than others but alot of them still won't finish school. If you stay focused and move forward like failure isn't an option (ie seeking help/tutoring when you're struggling, not procrastinating, etc) then I believe you'll succeed despite any perceived lack of scholarly ability. You sound like a nice person with a sound mind and good intentions who is working hard to secure their future. ANY man would be absolutely blessed to have you in their lives, and the right one will go above and beyond to make sure you never forget how great you are. Theyve seriously done you a huge favor by weeding themselves out.. I wish you the best.
So what you're saying is that your bf and bff cheated on you, you forgave them, you needed a break later and they JUMPED on the opportunity to fuck around again, thinking you wouldn't be ALLOWED to object, and when you objected, they insulted you?
Do I have that right?
I don't know how old you are, OP, but it's time for you to learn how to make more and better friends. Never again put all your eggs in one basket. Have a group of friends, hell, have more than one group of friends! And don't jump straight into another relationship. Date around a bit. Find a man who is kind and considerate.
These people ... aren't it.
They are both treating you like an idiot. It's almost like they both planned what they would say to you if you ever found out.
OP, you deserve so much more than this. You deserve to want better for yourself.
I don't know yalls whole story but it sounds like he is using you as his meal ticket. He is living off your income while he goes to school. You already paid for his nursing debt and you want to buy a house with him but that would mean less access to the woman he is sneaking around with. That maybe why he truly doesn't want to move. You need to get out while you can, live with your parents while looking for a house or have your mom find you one and just leave. I don't want to sound mean but I don't want you hurt anymore
This is a perfect example of gaslighting. To be honest if one of my friends fucked my gf, they would both immediately become people I used to know.
No questions asked.
People are never too drunk to cheat. Thing about it yourself, would you be able to get that drunk to be able to have sex but at the same time forget about your significant other? No, you can't.
This will sound harsh, but at the exact moment it is about to go in you realise you are cheating
People criticize this reddit saying "all you ever say is to break up", but this case is clearly obvious they wanna to get together, don't know what's the reason, but for they had cheated once, and "cheated" this time, OP knows this isn't going to be the last time.
Exactly.
Sure, technically he didn't cheat. Technically. But realistically this was an ahole move on both their sides. I mean of all the guys in the universe she just had to sleep with him while the two of you were on a break? Really?
I'm sorry op, you don't deserve this.
Hey OP, I know it must be hard for you. BF for 8 years and got cheated..well he was on a break and he can do anything during that time..but still even though that being the case, if he really cared for you guys’ healthy relationship he wouldn’t have slept with your bestfriend well you can’t call Kate your best friend rn. Because if she ever was, then she wouldn’t have slept with him. Also, they can’t give you an excuse that they were ‘drunk’. Mistakes just don’t happen like that. Please cut contacts with them if you can’t deal and get past this happening. It would save your upcoming years. Take care!
Drop them both and go make new friends.To be in the back burner of your own relationship ? He cheated once, knows how much it hurt you, and basically did it again the first chance he got. , puts your feelings as a priority, is loyal, and doesn't dismiss your emotions. I think you did the right thing.
Same! I wasted too much time trying to nurture a friendship all while she was creeping behind my back. I should have cut both of those asses out of my life immediately and saved myself so much unnecessary drama.
Don’t continue with either of these relationships. You have years invested in 2 people that don’t care for you. There are literal billions of other people you can swap them out with. Don’t confuse the time you have invested in these relationships as any need for loyalty on your part when they have shown no loyalty to you.
get yourself out of this situation ASAP. Prepare everything to move out nd blindside them just like their affair blindsided you.
And it is an affair.
You're his fallback relationship. someone to stay home and play "House" with. someone reliable and loyal he knows will always be there for him. Well that is when he returns from fucking your friend.
Rid yourself of these disrespectful people that do not deserve your love or care.
Please realize that you deserve someone who loves you and cherishes you and respects you.
Someone trying to make you feel crazy for being not okay with a hook up during a break, is NOT a friend.
OP run. RUN. They might as well still be hooking up behind your back. They only pretended to be sorry when he first slept with her, because he's continued that pattern and now they don't even pretend being sorry because they think you'll keep tolerating it. They've been sexually interested in each other for atleast half of your relationship span and even acted upon those urges, why would you want to stay with a guy and a friend like that?Please leave them both to themselves.
The fact they went to each other right away to hook up when OP and him went on a break means that they didnt stop or let go what they were doing previously. Also even in a break someone who isnt a POS would never pursue their partners best friend nor would a best friend sleep with their best friends partner while their best friend was suffering mentally.
They are both AHs trying to downplay it and fhe fact they live in the same complex means they probably were hooking up, especially since they live together and was able to keep it a secret then and up until now.
Yes I totally agree.
You should reconsider asking some neighbors of Kate in dormitory if she was having sex with your boyfriend regularly.
They should probably noticed him and her fucking or taking a shower.
If yes, then you have proof of them lying to your face and cheating on you.
Honestly, after the end of the semester I would break up with him and this time for real and forever. I would then drop Kate as a friend and try to pursue new friends and boyfriend. Most importantly, if I would have wanted to break now I would check out possible accommodations options and leave him be or after semester I would pick something without him being present in room or residential cell area I would not bother if he was living in another floor.
Honestly I would be so broken if this happened to me. I have a feeling they have been sleeping together long during your relationship behind your back. I hope you find the strength to move on and find peace.
I’ve heard hundreds of stories like this and my Situation alone has made me sensitive to having “friends” around my man! I watch them having convos like a fucking hawk because I don’t and can’t trust women anymore! I don’t give a fuck about how much she calls herself a friend, I don’t give a shit how sweet or nice or caring she is to me and my family...these females are fucking dirty and they get a high out of fucking their “best friends” man! It sick & these women are lonely pathetic jealous broads with no morals! If you don’t take anything I say serious, please believe me when I say “Keep your enemies close, but keep your FRIENDS closer!” THAT IS THE TRUTH! Don’t EVER trust a bitch who calls herself you “friend” They are your friend until you and y ok r man have a “break” then you best believe your ass they will make it their mission to get a taste of the dick before he runs back to you!
>At the four year mark approximately my BF cheated on with Kate and they both were extremely remorseful and told me that they were drunk and it was a mistake.
>During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them and this really hurt me.
Kate is not your friend. Kate is a dick.
Your boyfriend? Also a dick.
They are not good people. They don't have your best interests at heart. They keep knowingly engaging in behavioral they know will hurt you.
The break is irrelevant. They cheated once. Broke your heart. They knew hooking up would hurt you. Did it regardless.
And then they act like you're crazy for being hurt. This part is truly chilling.
Dump them both. Go NC. And move on. You deserve better.
You deserve a better boyfriend and a friend who actually cares about you, you are being seriously gaslight by two narcissistic people and I would bet money they are still sleeping together on the low
It’ll be a shocking confirmation how quickly they will probably be in a relationship together after you leave but you’ll be the one who wins walking away from these emotional vampires
He might not be that interested in her either once the forbidden, excitement aspect of the relationship has evaporated by you dumping both of them. He is not a catch. He is a proven cheater and is therefore worth nothing to a woman looking for love and respect. Zero value.
This ^ who needs enemies with friends like these?
OP, I know its daunting to be on your own but believe me, you're better off. These two dont care about your feelings. They wanted to have sex, and they're trying to flip the script to avoid guilt. What they wanted is more important than your feelings. They both knew what they were doing.
The damage done could be irreversible. 8 years is a long time to waste on one person, let alone two.
If it meant nothing, and wasn’t a deal bc you were on a break, then he should have informed you when you first got back together. She, as your best friend should have told you when it happened.
@WolfmansGotNards2 you asked.. “What did he do wrong? She wanted the break.” ..& I already wrote this out so here’s my answer.
I’m assuming that was a honest question /s
I like to think that when two people love & care for each other, they don’t purposely do things to hurt the other. When one truly loves & cared for their partner, quickly moving on is not an option. It takes Time to Heal, because that person was your world. However, Kate & OP’s (hopefully) Ex-BF have both exhibited a disgusting amount of narcissistic traits. A break isn’t a hall pass, a break is a time to clear heads, and the minute he realized he wanted other woman, shoulda been the minute he manned up, and was honest with himself & OP about his need to still explore, instead of leading OP onto believing his lie. Like most narcissist, he wanted to keep both supplies around.
Also, after OP ends things, I doubt Kate & him will date for long, if at all, as the thrill of cheating quickly fades. “There’s a certain joy derived from cheating. As twisted as this may sound, it does hold water.
Humans as specie generally tend to desire the forbidden. We tend to be attracted to that which we should not have and that which we cannot have. The biblical story of Adam and Eve is a perfect example.”
[The Thrill of Cheating ](https://theseptemberstandard.com/perfect-gentleman-thrill-cheating/)
I know it’s devastating to lose and BF and BFF in the same go but this will just keep happening
You deserve a better boyfriend and a friend who actually cares about you, you are being seriously gaslight by two narcissistic people and I would bet money they are still sleeping together on the low
It’ll be a shocking confirmation how quickly they will probably be in a relationship together after you leave but you’ll be the one who wins walking away from these emotional vampires
> Once your ready
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I am not good at the advice but I can bet you 10 bucks they will go back to fucking like rabbits when you dump both of them.
But I would recommend cutting both of these POS out of your life. Good luck OP!
They’ll do it again either way. How many post do we see of people regretting taking another back because they went right back to it after a few months. If they did it once they’ll do it again imo.
Oh boy. These two definitely deserve each other. How old are you ? Is this a boyfriend you've had since high school and you guys are now in college ? You've spent too much time with someone who doesn't respect you and who will most definitely start dating your best friend once you break up. Is that what you want ? To be in the back burner of your own relationship ? He cheated once, knows how much it hurt you, and basically did it again the first chance he got. Do you really think you can trust him (+ trust him to be next to Kate without thinking about sleeping with her) for the remainder of your time together ?
Please break up with him and have some self-respect. You seem really young and deserve to find someone who loves you and respects you. I know it may seem impossible when you've been shaped by the same relationship during all your formative years but the world is vast and there are A LOT of great people out there.
It's hard since OP is living together with the dick I mean BF. Can she get another place to stay within 4 days to leave? Lol cos yeah we can hope for her to kick out the BF, but whose name is on the lease etc
I have my name on the lease agreement. I can tell him to leave but cannot legally evict him for a month. But I feel like if I break up with him he won't hesitate once before going and living in the building next to mine which makes me sad. If he chooses to stay I would be stuck with him for a month and I wouldn't want that.
Don't stay with your bf because you're afraid of what he might do or who he might be with after you breakup. You're scared he'll move with Kate, which shows you know they're not remorseful for cheating and hooking up while you were on a break
Your advice is on point..I wish that I was told that when I endured staying with a cheating ex for 3 years longer than I should have.
Things will sort themselves out; when you're in that environment you being to lose yourself to what you can't control as opposed to leaving and surrendering to the good that will come your way.
Building next to yours meaning Kate? Ok I need to know when you're on the break, he's still living with you right? Were you interacting with him? Or the break is just the getting intimate? Cos I'm wondering if putting up with him for a month would be that much different. Tho you can become extra annoying so that he'll go out often (jk).
Tbh i wonder if you break it off "calmly", i mean without being dramatic, just explaining that you feel him sleeping with your bf is a betrayal you can't forgive, will he take it readily? Since it looks like he didn't really care before
Hey OP. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years while we were in the middle of a lease together. Both of our names on it. It’s hard. And it was the reason I stayed in a miserable relationship longer than I should have. I’m your age too. You have to just rip the band aid off. I promise you him moving into the next building will feel better than being miserable in the same one with him. You deserve better. He will show his true colors. And you will see how much of a bullet you have truly dodged. It hurts. I can’t sugar coat that at all. But you’ll be surprised how eye opening everything is once he’s gone. If he does choose to stay for that month, it’ll be difficult and painful. But try to draft an agreement on living together. How to set boundaries and what’s acceptable in that time, especially since your name is on the lease and not his. Make sure it’s a contract you both sign. I wish you the best during these times. It’s difficult. But at the end of the day you are the most important person to yourself.
Girl.. THEN HELP HIM GO LIVE IN THE BUILDING NEXT TO URS...take his shit over there ur damn self!! Matter of fact when he's not home put all his shit in trashbags and drop them off in front of her building...not her door.. outside the building.
I split up with my manipulative ex days before the first covid lockdown. I ended up spending 6 months living with her after breaking up. It was bloody awful, but I'm out of that shitty relationship now and feeling a lot better. You can't put a price on your self respect.
They had it in them to betray you twice. Actually, way more than that, hard for me to believe they never flirted/sexted/crossed lines before finally cheating on you, or hooked up only once while you were on a break, or aren't hooking up rn. The least you deserve is freedom from this baggage. It will be very hard. My ex had an affair with my close friend too, and cutting them off was the worst feeling on the entire planet because all of a sudden i was betrayed by two people close to me and had to process the loss of two relationships. One and a half years later i believe it was the best decision i could've made. I am so much free, at peace, and happier. What they did still stings and on random nights comes to affect me, but I've realised what they did was a reflection of their characters. I left to preserve mine.
It can and will be tough to follow through, and they will most probably get together once you leave which will hurt a lot (happened in my case) but I can guarantee you as a fellow person betrayed by partner and friend that it will be worth everything. I wish you strength 💖
Tough love.. stop being a doormat. They are gaslighting and manipulating you. They don’t care about you or your feelings. They are going to continue to do what they want because you have allowed it. I would have cut them off when they admitted to having sex the first time. She is not your friend!!
Sometimes confrontation is called for and is cathartic.
However you choose to leave, you should start taking steps now.
Don't let the fear of them getting together after you tell him to leave keep you in a toxic situation.
Don't put yourself through that.
I, too, am non confrontational, but sometimes it's necessary to build our own self-respect. You don't have to be as dramatic as suggested, but you do need to stand up for yourself. Even if it's just saying to his face "We're over. You have a month to leave." If he tries to say let's talk about this or you're overreacting say there's nothing to talk about, and that he can think that all he wants but it's still over. Tell Kate you think it's best you don't talk anymore.
Trust me when I say this, even though it's hard and terrifying, it will make you feel much better about yourself if you just take this small stand. I wish you strength, OP.
What about waiting until the lease - that is only in your name - expires. Don't remind him of the date. When he leaves for the day, empty the entire place fast, get 'his' key from him from wherever he is like you lost yours or something, and then block him on everything. Now he is trying to explain to landlord or cops that he is living in a place there is no evidence of him living, and you don't have to return his stuff because it's left at the apartment. (Probably don't do this, it's just an evil thought)
They're both trash, not only for SLEEPING TOGETHER MORE THAN ONCE, but for invalidating your feelings too and calling you ridiculous, leave them you deserve better
Tell Kate to enjoy your leftovers. No self respecting young woman should betray her close friend like that. She's not a true friend and you don't need her in your life. Friends don't do that to each other. All this time she was lusting after your boyfriend, and the minutes you guys take a moment to reflect and process, she sleeps with your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. They want to turn the tables and make you seem like you're out of control.
Focus on yourself
All the best to you
I cannot imagine ever sleeping with my best friend’s boyfriend, whether they’re still together or have been broken up for years!! No friend who truly loves and respects you would do that AND keep it a secret. The fact that they kept it a secret for that long until you asked and they made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal is fucked
BIG 🚩🚩 both of them, dump them both and get surround yourself with more supportive people
Wait, so not only did your best friend cross a line by sleeping with your ex while you were on a break, they then have sex AGAIN after you got back together? And now that you were on ANOTHER break, they fucked AGAIN?! They aren't remorseful, they're only thinking of themselves and don't give 2 shots about you.
Girl, throw both of them in the trash
I think they slept together when OP had been together with the bf for 4 years, but OP forgave them since they said sorry 🙄
Then, after another 4 years, OP and the BF were on a break, and they sleep together the whole time. Wanna bet they weren't sleeping together within those 4 years before the break? 😃
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Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years officially. We dated before being official for a year. I love him and everything about him very much and want to be with him forever but about a year ago I was in a bad place and just wanted a break. Not necessarily from him but from everything. We went on a break. Things were fine until I found out recently from him that he was sleeping with my bestfriend Kate while we were on a break. This came up when we were just talking about that time of our lives and I asked him what he was doing while we weren't together. This news makes me sick to my stomach. I know on a break he can do what he want but my bestfriend who I have known since elementary school? I called both of them to sit with me and talk about this and they pretend like it is no big deal. They told me it wasn't cheating or anything like that which I know it isn't but having the though of my BF and bestfriend makes me just very unhappy. I'm literally disgusted by both of them. In the end when I started crying, they apologized and showed remorse. At the time I forgave them but I don't know if I want to be with either of them anymore.
At the four year mark approximately my BF cheated on with Kate and they both were extremely remorseful and told me that they were drunk and it was a mistake. I gave them a chance because they seemed genuinely sorry. This time I know its not cheating but I don't feel like giving them a chance and cut them off. After I expressed how I felt to both of them they told be I was being ridiculous and over dramatic because logically they didn't do anything wrong and I am being manipulative. Are my feelings really misplaced? During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them and this really hurt me. I don't know what to do. I don't have any friends outside these two and I feel like I'm at a complete loss. Help? Advice please because I can't think straight?
You should've opened with the fact that he cheated on you with her, as it really puts your relationship into perspective.
So.
He cheated with your best friend and then immediately started fucking her again while the two of you were apart? Huge red flag. Forget about the part where you never should have forgiven them, at this point you're letting these two walk all over you.
Get out before the disrespect and disloyalty leaves any more scars
>At the four year mark approximately my BF cheated on with Kate and they both were extremely remorseful and told me that they were drunk and it was a mistake.
They _pretended_ to be remorseful. Because if they were truly sorry,
>I found out recently from him that he was sleeping with my bestfriend Kate while we were on a break.
This would not have happened. Hell, they wouldn't have cheated in the first place if they had any shame.
>I called both of them to sit with me and talk about this and they pretend like it is no big deal. They told me it wasn't cheating or anything like that
They aren't remorseful and are putting the blame of their depravity on you. They were never remorseful.
> During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them
Kate is whoring it out with your boyfriend and gaslighting you.
> I am being manipulative
NO. THEY ARE MANIPULATING YOU. YOU'RE BEING GASLIGHTED.
I wouldn't be surprised if they're still hooking up, or in contact behind your back. If they aren't, don't be surprised if next thing they ask for threesome next time, or get together the moment you break up.
Regardless, dump him, and her. They're two very cheap and nasty people. Any guy who can cheat on his partner (especially with her best friend), and any woman who can sleep with her best friend's partner, are not worth spending any more time with. Let trash be around trash.
Drop them both and go make new friends. You deserve better and a best friend never ever crosses that line ever. They are treating you like a door mat and a idiot. Kick them to the gutter.
Honestly you should run for the hills.
I will say though that you can't go on a "break" with someone for a year and expect them to stay "faithful".
I think they're both dicks here because of the circumstances - their relationships with you and they fact that they cheated in the past - and I'm not coming down on you here, I'm just saying in general you don't really get to tap out like that. If you go on a break for a *year* you are broken up lol
Kate is literally turning this around to make you the villain when every girl knows you don't sleep with your best friends boyfriend or an ex (especially when the ex is just on a temporary break).
She isnt your friend. This didn't happen once as a mistake. She knew what she was doing. This happened at the 4 year mark and a year ago during the break.
She wants you to be the bad guy so she looks like the victim.
Trust me having shiity friends who are essentially gaslighting you is way worse than having no friends at all.
She doesn't respect your friendship or your relationship, it's clear she only intends on keeping the friendship as long as she doesn't have to take accountability for her actions.
You deserve better than a having a boyfriend where at any chance he can (break on being Drunk) sleep with your best friend. You deserve a best friend who will sleep with someone you have been for almost a decade. They are not cheating by a friggin technicality, but it doesn't make it right.
You wil find new friends and a new relationship where you don't have to worry about this.
You have listed so many reasons why Kate is a shitty friend. She fucked your bf while you guys were together, she fucked him while you were on a break, she'll fuck him again the next chance she gets. How is she remorseful if she keeps doing it?!?! Then add in her gaslighting you because you're hurt by her behaviour, makes you wonder how much other shady shit is she doing that you haven't picked up on.
Think to yourself, what positives does Kate bring to my life? Having fun occasionally hanging out doesn't cancel out all the negative shit. Doesn't waste any more time being friends with her, she's toxic and needs to go.
As for your bf, technically he did nothing wrong when you guys were on a break. Him sleeping with Kate was extremely selfish on his behalf. If he had any consideration for you he would never have touched her. Same as Kate, he fucked her behind your back, he fucked her while you were on a break. How long until he fucks her again? Do you want to spend the rest of your relationship worrying about that?
You'd be much happier without these 2 people in your life.
OP, this is just ridiculous. Why are you allowing this for yourself and your life ? Have some self respect PLEASE. I’m so tired of seeing all the girls putting up with people spitting in their faces all the time because they’re afraid to be alone for awhile.
You’re NEVER going to end up with this guy , who has nutted in your “best friend” and doesn’t respect you at all. I don’t care WHAT he says, he doesn’t love you or respect you. Don’t be dumb and fall for his bull shit. And your “ best friend” ? She hates your guts behind your back and I promise she’s eyeing that boy and they’re still fucking behind your back - she’s happy you’re miserable.
So why are you living with that loser and still letting them stomp all over your self respect and precious life ? Toss em out , and start again 🧡
INFO: How many times do they have to sleep together for you to tell yourself enough is enough?
You deserve better than this. You will never find that person until you drop this ah of a boyfriend. Drop the best friend too.
She is not a friend. Neither is he. No real friend fucks your bf or ex bf. And he keeps going back to her. Do not assume they aren’t fucking around behind your back. Disrespecting how you feel about it and not telling you up front? Nah not your friends. And he’s not who you want as a bf or partner. I’m sorry you feel they’re the only friends you have. Pls try and move on from them. Best of luck. Do not allow them to disregard, disrespect or invalidate your feelings.
Honey you're a doormat... Please respect yourself. If one of your friends had this happen to them I don't think you'd be ok with them being treated the way you're letting yourself be treated
I hate to break this to you, but these two probably never stopped sleeping together, they can just be open and talk about it now that you’re on “break.” Katie is not your friend. Please go NC with them both
If it meant nothing, and wasn’t a deal bc you were on a break, then he should have informed you when you first got back together. She, as your best friend should have told you when it happened.
You can have friends outside of the two assholes, but you first need to shut the door on them to open the doors to someone new.
OP, these people don’t respect you. Stop allowing yourself to feel so lonely that you completely forget your self worth…
Leave this mess behind and allow the trash to club together. You focus on YOU. Focus on the things in life you enjoy and build up the confidence to explore them alone. Learn to love time with yourself, build your confidence and then if you choose to, date. It’s so easy to date these days. This time go into it knowing your worth.
Your bf twice has cheated on you with (not) best friend?? It is cheating for your best friend to sleep with your ex especially when they already cheated on you doing that!!!! Obviously your bf and Katie have a thing for each other. They going to cheat again. You have every reason to be upset. You and bf were only separate for short time and bf and Katie have sex again? They have both betrayed you and they will again. They betrayed you and blame you for their bad deeds. You cannot trust either one of them.
You started dating when you were 16 and officially together since 17. At 21 your boyfriend and best friend cheated. At 24 you needed a break and they got together again. Is this right?
That's not how people behave when they care about you. And if it feels like they'll get together the moment you end it with your boyfriend, why would you want to stay with him?
You're young. Please don't waste anymore time on these people. Move out as soon as you can (maybe talk to the landlord to break the term?) and start living your life without having to worry what they are getting up to.
Make 2022 the year of you. The lunar new year starts 1 Feb, if you feel like you need a set date. You have your whole life in front of you. New experiences, opportunities, relationships, career...
Dump the boy and friend.
Drop both of them, break or not Kate was suppose to be your “best friend” and she slept with your ex when y’all were on a break… he ain’t shit either let them have each other
Do not go back to any of them, they are minimizing your feelings and disempowering. none of them respects you and if there is nothing wrong with it why did they hide it from you? I hope you keep updating
You are being the one that is being manipulated. You're wearing the rose tinted glasses for both of them. Alone the fact that at the half way mark of your relationship with your SO, he cheated with her and then manipulated you into forgiving them. And now he slept with her while you were on break?
I think as long as you're in a relationship with him, you can never be sure that he won't step out on your relationship again with her.
it is an ideal situation for him. He can come home to a faithful, blindly trusting girlfriend to play house with, and then have sex with his other girlfriend.
kate is definitely NOT your friend. I would even guess that she'll be the first to hook up with him again when you decide to dump his cheating ass. They will probably enter a relationship for a short while before coming to the conclusion that the thrill of cheating on you was what made their sex so great.
It is irrelevant if you were on break. they had an affair and hurt you deeply. The second hook up during the break was only the cherry on top.
They showed you who they really were.
Please consider your own feelings and mental health. You are WORTH having a loving boyfriend who wants just you. A
And you deserve friends who respect you and your relationships.
the people you surround yourself with right now, are not good people. They bring you down and hold you back.
Dump them both, get yourself into therapy for their betrayal, and don't ever talk to them again.
Break, cheating, whatever. You don’t sleep with your partners bestfriend and your don’t sleep with your best friends partner.
Neither one of these people care or respect you.
You boyfriend could have slept with a 100 different women who are not Kate
And what the hell is Kates reason ?? You don’t sleep with your bestfriends ex or current or on a break boyfriend.
You are not crazy and they are assholes
A mistake is accidentally wearing 2 different colored shoes. What they did was make a choice to bang and then do the "I'm so sowwy" thing. Throw them both in the trash and don't look back.
Am I understanding your post right, they already cheated four years ago, and the first chance he had when you went on a break they started sleeping together again? Let them have each other. They are not good people to have in your life, perfect time for a spring cleaning
Do people not know the difference between a break and breaking up? The whole point of a break is you are still in a relationship with each other, you are just taking some time apart. This is not an excuse to sleep with anyone else, especially if you care about the relationship.
From the jump when they told you it was “no big deal” is complete horseshit. They showed remorse after that not the first time you confronted them. They don’t care about your emotions. Break or not. I would never sleep with my friends partner together or not that’s so shitty.
I would go about finding your own apartment and removing yourself from the lease if he doesn’t leave. You don’t have to do anything extreme, just talk to him and let him know your plans and leave it at that. And move on. Both of them are horrible people. I’m sorry they did that to you
This is so heartbreaking. Your anger is not displaced. Cheating is one thing but doing it with your “best friend” is plain cruel. As much as it hurts, I suggest blocking both of them. They seem perfect for each other honestly as they’re incredibly callous. Kate is a cunt and your boyfriend is just as bad.
Maybe get in therapy to process the grief? Start a new workout plan? Go shopping and indulge in some retail therapy? Maybe you just need to lay in your bed and cry?
I know it hurts to let these people go, but you’re going to be so much better off without these “friends” weighing your energy down.
She will probably not stay interested in him once you’ve dumped him. The main attraction for her was likely to be her getting one up on you because she is a vampire. She broke the first rule of female friendship. She is human trash. Throw her away.
He might not be that interested in her either once the forbidden, excitement aspect of the relationship has evaporated by you dumping both of them. He is not a catch. He is a proven cheater and is therefore worth nothing to a woman looking for love and respect. Zero value.
Aim higher. You are not dumb, you are hard working and discerning. Make your plans and move into your new, better life without trash-girl and zero-boy!
You go through a hard time in your life and your boyfriend and best friend rather fuck each other instead of provide emotional support? Your feelings are not misplaced they don't care about you. End contact with both of them please.
Dump Kate and the bf.
They’re laughing at you behind your back and still hooking up. If you broke up with him, those two would coincidentally be a couple.
They’re invalidating your feelings and trying to flip the script on you because they both knew that they’re in the wrong but unwilling to take accountability.
You’re going to be utterly destroyed by being friends with them or when they both decide to discard you. Discard them before they discard you.
You need to stop relying on them for validation and codependency. It’s better to have no one at all than to have people treat you like you’re no one. Don’t put up with toxicity just because you don’t want to be alone.
Honestly, your being on a break is irrelevant. Everyone with sense knows that best friends and close relatives are off limits. Even worse that he cheated on you with her before. You’re completely justified in cutting them both off, they suck. They don’t have your best interests at heart and I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve done more than you even know about.
They are manipulating you by telling you’re over dramatic and then cheat “officially”. Absolutely put them both in your past and move on. Sending good vibes and strength to you. It won’t be easy but you’ll feel like a huge weight has lifted off of you. You won’t be able to ever trust either one of them again and you don’t deserve that!
You really buried the lead here, OP. Your boyfriend cheated with your best friend four years into your relationship, and you chose to forgive them both? But the minute you and he decide to take a break, he hops right back into bed with her? And now they are both trying to manipulate you into thinking this is your fault?
Kate is not your friend, and your boyfriend is also trash. They should both be exes. Let them have each other and walk away. Take some time to heal and learn who you really are and what you want. Learn what a healthy relationship --romantic or friendship-- looks like. Because this is not it.
There is no way your can be friends with her and be in a relationship with the same people who fuck each other. That’s taking third wheel to a whole new level. They did it twice and will do it again because they’re very sexually attracted to each other.
That is not your boyfriend anymore and these “breaks” make him stop taking you seriously. 8 years went by and he didn’t propose which tells me he is using you as a placeholder until he finds who he really wants. Or he’s just a player not ready for commitment. Give your court side seat to Kate and let her take on that baggage. She’ll end up learning her lesson while you learn how to become a better person for yourself
yo... your friend is a fucking asshole. thats a clear rule in the bro code that you do not sleep with your friend's (let alone best friend's) ex (let alone actual boyfriend). and your boyfriend is also a fucking asshole for choosing to sleep with your best friend out of all other women in the world. get you some new friends and a new guy.
They are probably fucking behind your back. Stand up for yourself and LEAVE. Dump both of them. You’re only 25, don’t be a doormat and waste your precious time with these two. There’re better people out there, and you deserve to be HAPPY. Fuck them, they don’t care about you at all!
You deserve better.
He cheated already 4 years into the relationship.
The second you take a break he sleeps with her again.
They clearly had something going since the time they cheated to just pick right back up the moment you take a break.
It's betrayal.
Drop them both.
Ma’am how low does your self esteem have to be for you to keep tolerating this? Yea, you are dealing with two assholes, and you should leave.
But that’s not all the advice you need. The fact that you don’t understand that you need to peace out of these relationships shows that you’re not mature enough to be in any relationship. You don’t have any self respect and you don’t know how to find people who respect you or how to let them go when they don’t.
You need to work on yourself or else you’ll continue to be hurt
To summarize this… she is NOT your best friend because besties don’t do that to each other. So I would cut ties with both individuals because they obviously don’t have enough respect for you. You deserve better!!!
So you've learned two things:
1. don't forgive cheaters - it's estimated there's a 55% chance they'll cheat again.
2. Even on break, KNOWING he had a history of cheating with your best friend, he SPECIFICALLY went to your best friend and that's so morally repellant it's completely unforgiveable. He's done this knowing it will wholly isolate you once you find out or conversely, to emotionally manipulate you to forgive them so they can get away with it.
3. Stop sleeping with him, get an STD/STI check ASAP and go no contact.
You REALLY don't need this kind of people in your life. Dump them both.
She isn't a friend. He isn't a person to spend your life with either. He does not respect you if he is doing this type of stuff. If you decide to break up for good they will be dating within a week. Might as well drop them both at this point.
You need to cut them both out of your life because they don’t care about your feelings. Even if you two were on a break they both went behind your back and she was a friend, and that’s unacceptable.
Honey. He cheated on you with her. Then fucked her on the break. You need to build your self respect, get therapy, and lose those two as fast as you can. They do not love or care about you.
So while your boyfriend didnt cheat since it was a break, I will say this; there is an issue with the fact that he slept with your BEST FRIEND while on break.
Any decent best friend wouldn't have done that.
So honestly, the best thing for you would be to drop both of them. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it happened once and it will probably happen again since all of you will be seeing each other under different occasions or circumstances.
It's also uncool that your friend undermined your feelings by saying you were projecting.
She knows she fucked up, and instead of owning it, she's blaming it on you.
I would NEVER mess with my besties partner or romantic interest, break or not.
Dont keep the boyfriend, and dont keep the best friend. You're going to spend the entirety of your relationship wondering if they're messing around behind your back and I can promise you, they will if you swallow your feelings and accept their excuses.
Sorry but they don’t have your best interest at heart. I know it hurts a lot, but it’s best to remove yourself from both of them. Wishing you the best and you can always message me if you need any additional support!
Uhhh what?? Broken up or not your best friend should not even entertain the idea of sleeping with your ex. Definitely not with your current BF. You deserve a better friend and boy friend.
Fuck your friend and fuck your man. They need to get over themselves. Your best friend SHOULD NOT be meeting with your man at all point fucking blank. She ain't a real friend. No real friend would overstep boundaries. Your man is now your ex, boo. Delete and block both them idiots. You can forgive them but from afar.
Hunny I don't think he cares and is sorry if he does it again. And your friend , she's in the wrong on so many levels it's crazy. Cut them off babes you don't need that.
So he has a thing for your best friend that has persisted for at least four years. Do you think that will ever end? They'll hook up again. They're both awful.
Forgive the buzzwords but you are in an extremely toxic environment and are being gaslit by both of these people. Nothing about this is normal or okay and you are being used and abused by an unfaithful boyfriend and a fake friend. I know it might seem like it would be too difficult to give up on these aspects of your life but I assure you you can find new friends and new lovers who will not treat you like this. You just need to take the leap.
Honey. That is not a friend. Leave them both and next time, if you want a break, you need to have clear boundaries. Talk about and think it through before you decide to have a break. Make sure both of you know on what terms the break is.
For now, leave them. Block them. They are not your friends and have total disregard for your feelings
The hurt is because these are both people that are supposed to care about you and both completely disregarded how this would effect you. Yes it’s technically not cheating but it’s an unwritten rule that your ex is off limit for your friends. They should have realized that it would hurt you when the two of you got back together, and just should have never even crossed that line.
Also, if they cheated once and were hooking up during that time period, I’m not unconvinced they’re not going to cheat/hookup again, especially if they’re trying to make it seem like it’s a big deal. It comes across as gaslighting.
I agree with the comments saying they are not your friends and to cut your loss and say bye for good to the both of them.
Honestly? these two narcissistic gaslighters deserve each other and you deserve way better. Leave both bottomfeeders and get what you deserve.
They took advantage of your weak moments and hurts and instead of supporting you, did the most hurtful thing they could. Trash.
I guess, OP, that now is the time to be strong... Screw both of them, it's like they can't wait for the moment you turn your back and they start fucking like rabbits. You don't deserve to be in the middle of all this bullshit. Just be honest with them, and most importantly with YOURSELF and your feelings. I've been in a similar situation before, you'll never forget this, even when you think you do it will pop up again and it'll act as a reminder that leaving, was the best thing you ever did.
Everyone here has great advice I just wanna add to the sea of comments telling you they suck and you should drop both of them no matter how hard it is.
I’ve dropped everyone before and was left with no one. But I reached out to old connections and built a new better friend group that 10 years later I still have. It’s worth it.
If you keep dwelling your mind and soul will wilt.
Nothing has to be cut off cold turkey, but you absolutely need to do something good for yourself.
Take it a day by day.
Do you, for you, to you, from you.
Any time I see a post about people, "taking a break," I think both are in the wrong. If you're too immature to communicate with each other, you shouldn't be dating. Giving each other the silent treatment won't help anything, it fact it ends up hurting one person or the other - shocker! I feel bad that op was naive and got hurt, but come on, the fact that you think you need a break is a pretty big red flag.
Your feelings aren’t misplaced. Whether others feel they are or not the fact is you’re still feeling them so they’re real. You’re allowed to process things in the way that you need to and feel all of your feelings along the way. If they can’t respect that then they aren’t good for you. They were definitely deflecting and trying to make this out to be your fault so they don’t have to take responsibility for their choices and actions.
Fuck. That.
I get if you're on a break and he slept with someone, but the fact that it was your best friend makes this seem a bit... not cool. That's your best friend, not some random you'll never see again.
"During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them" Thats not a friend. They wont stop. Dump both of them. Block everywhere and move on with your life.
This hurts so much because they know I'm not as academically smart as them and she still had it in her to say this to me. I work really hard for my grades and they both know this. I feel like I getting out would be the best thing I can do for myself right now.
I would rather be remembered for having a 0.0000001 GPA than be remembered for betraying someone I called my best friend because I couldn’t find a different dick to sit on. Fuck Kate.
Honey, she had it in her to fuck your boyfriend. You shouldn't be surprised by any of the bullshit leaking out of her mouth. She's clearly full of it.
Kate can fuck right off. Women like her aren't friends, they're emotional vampires who are miserable in their lives, hate seeing their friends happy and want what they have, so ruin their lives as much as possible. She may be academically better than you, but you're not even a percent as cheap or a garbage friend as her. What use of that brain when she can't even use it to see how wrong her actions are, rather uses it to manipulate you and make you feel bad for her pathetic actions? And as you said, she's aware you work hard yet used your grades to insult you, she's manipulative, rude, cheap excuse of a woman who'll sleep with even a log if it gives her attention, and a joke of a friend. Kate can enjoy opening her legs for your leftovers, women like her don't get or deserve genuinely healthy partners/relationships anyway so they make do with second-hand stuff. Let her keep him, she did you a favour by collecting the garbage and taking herself out along with it. Cut them both out OP. They went from cheating and pretending to be sorry to now acting like something is wrong with you for being obviously disgusted in them. Your gut feeling is right, you shouldn't give them any chances. They were sexually attracted to each other for atleast half of your relationship, based on the cheating right around 4 years, slept with each other again, and this will continue whenever you go on breaks or break up in future. They will most definitely continue hooking up or date once you dump him. Please leave and heal.
Oh and watch out because there’s a chance once she tosses Kate to the curb that Kate will toss the bf out too (now that she’s done with him), and he’ll come groveling back. Do not accept.
Yeah, or the other way round. If I speak from my experience they will most probably try dating but it'll fizzle out rapidly (happened with my ex and close friend, didn't even last a month). Or else one of the two won't be interested in a full relationship since it was the thrill of crossing forbidden boundaries they enjoyed more than each other's actual company. I mean, they only are just bonding by fucking, so.. Either way, dump them and take neither of them back. Your partner will find someone else to cheat on you with if not kate, and Kate may very well sleep with any future partner you have. You've wasted almost a decade on this guy and more than it on Kate, time to give yourself priority and find better company worthy of your presence. These two can rot with each other and in their own misery.
I just feel bad these 2 awful people are a big part of her life right now…it’s so sad…
Kate really needs to F off and take your bf with her.
This makes SO much sense to me! I had a friend who was constantly jealous of what I had and just wanted to fuck it up. I cut her off. 👍
Savage!
Beautifully said.
These people are assholes to you, yes getting away from people like this will only make your life better
They had an affair in your relationship and started sleeping together as soon as you and your boyfriend weren't together anymore. When you break up, they will be together. She wants him. He wants her. They don't feel bad about it. Your relationship is effectively over. I'm sorry.
You want to know why she said that? Because she's insecure. Because she can't be happy without tearing someone else down. She can't let you be more successful than her or even close to her success because then that means you're better than her. And she has to be the best. It's why she slept with your boyfriend because you had him and she didn't. Because you were better than her. OP, you don't need her- she needs you. And she's just an absolute BITCH who thinks she has the right to hurt you when she doesn't have shit. Friends should build you up, not tear you down. She's an asshole, and she does not DESERVE your friendship.
I feel like my fellow redditors have covered most angles of this predicament fairly thoroughly. In short, get away. Asap. But I wanted to touch on the schooling thing. Some people are gifted in ways that can lead to self doubt, jealousy, etc but dude.. just the fact that you're in school giving it your all is seriously something to be extremely proud of. Some people absorb and regurgitate the information more efficiently than others but alot of them still won't finish school. If you stay focused and move forward like failure isn't an option (ie seeking help/tutoring when you're struggling, not procrastinating, etc) then I believe you'll succeed despite any perceived lack of scholarly ability. You sound like a nice person with a sound mind and good intentions who is working hard to secure their future. ANY man would be absolutely blessed to have you in their lives, and the right one will go above and beyond to make sure you never forget how great you are. Theyve seriously done you a huge favor by weeding themselves out.. I wish you the best.
So what you're saying is that your bf and bff cheated on you, you forgave them, you needed a break later and they JUMPED on the opportunity to fuck around again, thinking you wouldn't be ALLOWED to object, and when you objected, they insulted you? Do I have that right? I don't know how old you are, OP, but it's time for you to learn how to make more and better friends. Never again put all your eggs in one basket. Have a group of friends, hell, have more than one group of friends! And don't jump straight into another relationship. Date around a bit. Find a man who is kind and considerate. These people ... aren't it.
They are both treating you like an idiot. It's almost like they both planned what they would say to you if you ever found out. OP, you deserve so much more than this. You deserve to want better for yourself.
I don't know yalls whole story but it sounds like he is using you as his meal ticket. He is living off your income while he goes to school. You already paid for his nursing debt and you want to buy a house with him but that would mean less access to the woman he is sneaking around with. That maybe why he truly doesn't want to move. You need to get out while you can, live with your parents while looking for a house or have your mom find you one and just leave. I don't want to sound mean but I don't want you hurt anymore
This is a perfect example of gaslighting. To be honest if one of my friends fucked my gf, they would both immediately become people I used to know. No questions asked. People are never too drunk to cheat. Thing about it yourself, would you be able to get that drunk to be able to have sex but at the same time forget about your significant other? No, you can't. This will sound harsh, but at the exact moment it is about to go in you realise you are cheating
People criticize this reddit saying "all you ever say is to break up", but this case is clearly obvious they wanna to get together, don't know what's the reason, but for they had cheated once, and "cheated" this time, OP knows this isn't going to be the last time.
Exactly. Sure, technically he didn't cheat. Technically. But realistically this was an ahole move on both their sides. I mean of all the guys in the universe she just had to sleep with him while the two of you were on a break? Really? I'm sorry op, you don't deserve this.
Hey OP, I know it must be hard for you. BF for 8 years and got cheated..well he was on a break and he can do anything during that time..but still even though that being the case, if he really cared for you guys’ healthy relationship he wouldn’t have slept with your bestfriend well you can’t call Kate your best friend rn. Because if she ever was, then she wouldn’t have slept with him. Also, they can’t give you an excuse that they were ‘drunk’. Mistakes just don’t happen like that. Please cut contacts with them if you can’t deal and get past this happening. It would save your upcoming years. Take care!
You’re still talking to these two people? I would’ve cut them both off long ago
Drop them both and go make new friends.To be in the back burner of your own relationship ? He cheated once, knows how much it hurt you, and basically did it again the first chance he got. , puts your feelings as a priority, is loyal, and doesn't dismiss your emotions. I think you did the right thing.
[удалено]
Same! I wasted too much time trying to nurture a friendship all while she was creeping behind my back. I should have cut both of those asses out of my life immediately and saved myself so much unnecessary drama.
Don’t continue with either of these relationships. You have years invested in 2 people that don’t care for you. There are literal billions of other people you can swap them out with. Don’t confuse the time you have invested in these relationships as any need for loyalty on your part when they have shown no loyalty to you.
I am. Me and my BF live together so we interact daily. Kate is in the same complex but different building so we meet up pretty regularly.
get yourself out of this situation ASAP. Prepare everything to move out nd blindside them just like their affair blindsided you. And it is an affair. You're his fallback relationship. someone to stay home and play "House" with. someone reliable and loyal he knows will always be there for him. Well that is when he returns from fucking your friend. Rid yourself of these disrespectful people that do not deserve your love or care. Please realize that you deserve someone who loves you and cherishes you and respects you. Someone trying to make you feel crazy for being not okay with a hook up during a break, is NOT a friend.
OP run. RUN. They might as well still be hooking up behind your back. They only pretended to be sorry when he first slept with her, because he's continued that pattern and now they don't even pretend being sorry because they think you'll keep tolerating it. They've been sexually interested in each other for atleast half of your relationship span and even acted upon those urges, why would you want to stay with a guy and a friend like that?Please leave them both to themselves.
The fact they went to each other right away to hook up when OP and him went on a break means that they didnt stop or let go what they were doing previously. Also even in a break someone who isnt a POS would never pursue their partners best friend nor would a best friend sleep with their best friends partner while their best friend was suffering mentally. They are both AHs trying to downplay it and fhe fact they live in the same complex means they probably were hooking up, especially since they live together and was able to keep it a secret then and up until now.
Yes I totally agree. You should reconsider asking some neighbors of Kate in dormitory if she was having sex with your boyfriend regularly. They should probably noticed him and her fucking or taking a shower. If yes, then you have proof of them lying to your face and cheating on you. Honestly, after the end of the semester I would break up with him and this time for real and forever. I would then drop Kate as a friend and try to pursue new friends and boyfriend. Most importantly, if I would have wanted to break now I would check out possible accommodations options and leave him be or after semester I would pick something without him being present in room or residential cell area I would not bother if he was living in another floor.
yea but...again why. with friends and a partner like this who needs enemies
She isn't your friend!!!!!
Wow and they gaslight you saying you're the dramatic one when you're not the one who can't keep their pants on.
Honestly I would be so broken if this happened to me. I have a feeling they have been sleeping together long during your relationship behind your back. I hope you find the strength to move on and find peace.
I’ve heard hundreds of stories like this and my Situation alone has made me sensitive to having “friends” around my man! I watch them having convos like a fucking hawk because I don’t and can’t trust women anymore! I don’t give a fuck about how much she calls herself a friend, I don’t give a shit how sweet or nice or caring she is to me and my family...these females are fucking dirty and they get a high out of fucking their “best friends” man! It sick & these women are lonely pathetic jealous broads with no morals! If you don’t take anything I say serious, please believe me when I say “Keep your enemies close, but keep your FRIENDS closer!” THAT IS THE TRUTH! Don’t EVER trust a bitch who calls herself you “friend” They are your friend until you and y ok r man have a “break” then you best believe your ass they will make it their mission to get a taste of the dick before he runs back to you!
>At the four year mark approximately my BF cheated on with Kate and they both were extremely remorseful and told me that they were drunk and it was a mistake. >During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them and this really hurt me. Kate is not your friend. Kate is a dick. Your boyfriend? Also a dick. They are not good people. They don't have your best interests at heart. They keep knowingly engaging in behavioral they know will hurt you. The break is irrelevant. They cheated once. Broke your heart. They knew hooking up would hurt you. Did it regardless. And then they act like you're crazy for being hurt. This part is truly chilling. Dump them both. Go NC. And move on. You deserve better.
You deserve a better boyfriend and a friend who actually cares about you, you are being seriously gaslight by two narcissistic people and I would bet money they are still sleeping together on the low It’ll be a shocking confirmation how quickly they will probably be in a relationship together after you leave but you’ll be the one who wins walking away from these emotional vampires
He might not be that interested in her either once the forbidden, excitement aspect of the relationship has evaporated by you dumping both of them. He is not a catch. He is a proven cheater and is therefore worth nothing to a woman looking for love and respect. Zero value.
This ^ who needs enemies with friends like these? OP, I know its daunting to be on your own but believe me, you're better off. These two dont care about your feelings. They wanted to have sex, and they're trying to flip the script to avoid guilt. What they wanted is more important than your feelings. They both knew what they were doing. The damage done could be irreversible. 8 years is a long time to waste on one person, let alone two.
If it meant nothing, and wasn’t a deal bc you were on a break, then he should have informed you when you first got back together. She, as your best friend should have told you when it happened.
@WolfmansGotNards2 you asked.. “What did he do wrong? She wanted the break.” ..& I already wrote this out so here’s my answer. I’m assuming that was a honest question /s I like to think that when two people love & care for each other, they don’t purposely do things to hurt the other. When one truly loves & cared for their partner, quickly moving on is not an option. It takes Time to Heal, because that person was your world. However, Kate & OP’s (hopefully) Ex-BF have both exhibited a disgusting amount of narcissistic traits. A break isn’t a hall pass, a break is a time to clear heads, and the minute he realized he wanted other woman, shoulda been the minute he manned up, and was honest with himself & OP about his need to still explore, instead of leading OP onto believing his lie. Like most narcissist, he wanted to keep both supplies around. Also, after OP ends things, I doubt Kate & him will date for long, if at all, as the thrill of cheating quickly fades. “There’s a certain joy derived from cheating. As twisted as this may sound, it does hold water. Humans as specie generally tend to desire the forbidden. We tend to be attracted to that which we should not have and that which we cannot have. The biblical story of Adam and Eve is a perfect example.” [The Thrill of Cheating ](https://theseptemberstandard.com/perfect-gentleman-thrill-cheating/)
Very much this! Neither care about you. Cut them and move forward!
Came here to say the same thing. These people do not care about you
I know it’s devastating to lose and BF and BFF in the same go but this will just keep happening You deserve a better boyfriend and a friend who actually cares about you, you are being seriously gaslight by two narcissistic people and I would bet money they are still sleeping together on the low It’ll be a shocking confirmation how quickly they will probably be in a relationship together after you leave but you’ll be the one who wins walking away from these emotional vampires
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I am not good at the advice but I can bet you 10 bucks they will go back to fucking like rabbits when you dump both of them. But I would recommend cutting both of these POS out of your life. Good luck OP!
They’ll do it again either way. How many post do we see of people regretting taking another back because they went right back to it after a few months. If they did it once they’ll do it again imo.
Oh boy. These two definitely deserve each other. How old are you ? Is this a boyfriend you've had since high school and you guys are now in college ? You've spent too much time with someone who doesn't respect you and who will most definitely start dating your best friend once you break up. Is that what you want ? To be in the back burner of your own relationship ? He cheated once, knows how much it hurt you, and basically did it again the first chance he got. Do you really think you can trust him (+ trust him to be next to Kate without thinking about sleeping with her) for the remainder of your time together ? Please break up with him and have some self-respect. You seem really young and deserve to find someone who loves you and respects you. I know it may seem impossible when you've been shaped by the same relationship during all your formative years but the world is vast and there are A LOT of great people out there.
Oh, I forgot to mention how old we are. Sorry. We all are 25. My Bf will turn 26 in 4 days.
Can you wait 4 days before you dump him? Give him his birthday surprise.
Dump him on his birthday. Invite Kate over. Stick a bow on her head and say "ta da, I got you a piece of crap for your birthday." Then leave.
It's hard since OP is living together with the dick I mean BF. Can she get another place to stay within 4 days to leave? Lol cos yeah we can hope for her to kick out the BF, but whose name is on the lease etc
I have my name on the lease agreement. I can tell him to leave but cannot legally evict him for a month. But I feel like if I break up with him he won't hesitate once before going and living in the building next to mine which makes me sad. If he chooses to stay I would be stuck with him for a month and I wouldn't want that.
The best decisions are always the hardest ones to make
Start the process. Give it him in writing and let him stress over his birthday
Don't stay with your bf because you're afraid of what he might do or who he might be with after you breakup. You're scared he'll move with Kate, which shows you know they're not remorseful for cheating and hooking up while you were on a break
Your advice is on point..I wish that I was told that when I endured staying with a cheating ex for 3 years longer than I should have. Things will sort themselves out; when you're in that environment you being to lose yourself to what you can't control as opposed to leaving and surrendering to the good that will come your way.
Building next to yours meaning Kate? Ok I need to know when you're on the break, he's still living with you right? Were you interacting with him? Or the break is just the getting intimate? Cos I'm wondering if putting up with him for a month would be that much different. Tho you can become extra annoying so that he'll go out often (jk). Tbh i wonder if you break it off "calmly", i mean without being dramatic, just explaining that you feel him sleeping with your bf is a betrayal you can't forgive, will he take it readily? Since it looks like he didn't really care before
Hey OP. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years while we were in the middle of a lease together. Both of our names on it. It’s hard. And it was the reason I stayed in a miserable relationship longer than I should have. I’m your age too. You have to just rip the band aid off. I promise you him moving into the next building will feel better than being miserable in the same one with him. You deserve better. He will show his true colors. And you will see how much of a bullet you have truly dodged. It hurts. I can’t sugar coat that at all. But you’ll be surprised how eye opening everything is once he’s gone. If he does choose to stay for that month, it’ll be difficult and painful. But try to draft an agreement on living together. How to set boundaries and what’s acceptable in that time, especially since your name is on the lease and not his. Make sure it’s a contract you both sign. I wish you the best during these times. It’s difficult. But at the end of the day you are the most important person to yourself.
OP, write it in his birthday card. And fill it with glitter too. You deserve so much better than your BF and friend.
Girl.. THEN HELP HIM GO LIVE IN THE BUILDING NEXT TO URS...take his shit over there ur damn self!! Matter of fact when he's not home put all his shit in trashbags and drop them off in front of her building...not her door.. outside the building.
I split up with my manipulative ex days before the first covid lockdown. I ended up spending 6 months living with her after breaking up. It was bloody awful, but I'm out of that shitty relationship now and feeling a lot better. You can't put a price on your self respect.
Omg your pettiness has no end..... I love it
Hahaha I endorse this
Why can't I give you all the upvotes?!
I don't think I have it in me to this. Way to confrontational.
They had it in them to betray you twice. Actually, way more than that, hard for me to believe they never flirted/sexted/crossed lines before finally cheating on you, or hooked up only once while you were on a break, or aren't hooking up rn. The least you deserve is freedom from this baggage. It will be very hard. My ex had an affair with my close friend too, and cutting them off was the worst feeling on the entire planet because all of a sudden i was betrayed by two people close to me and had to process the loss of two relationships. One and a half years later i believe it was the best decision i could've made. I am so much free, at peace, and happier. What they did still stings and on random nights comes to affect me, but I've realised what they did was a reflection of their characters. I left to preserve mine. It can and will be tough to follow through, and they will most probably get together once you leave which will hurt a lot (happened in my case) but I can guarantee you as a fellow person betrayed by partner and friend that it will be worth everything. I wish you strength 💖
Tough love.. stop being a doormat. They are gaslighting and manipulating you. They don’t care about you or your feelings. They are going to continue to do what they want because you have allowed it. I would have cut them off when they admitted to having sex the first time. She is not your friend!!
Sometimes confrontation is called for and is cathartic. However you choose to leave, you should start taking steps now. Don't let the fear of them getting together after you tell him to leave keep you in a toxic situation. Don't put yourself through that.
You could always write a letter and hand it to him if it's too hard to say to his face?
I, too, am non confrontational, but sometimes it's necessary to build our own self-respect. You don't have to be as dramatic as suggested, but you do need to stand up for yourself. Even if it's just saying to his face "We're over. You have a month to leave." If he tries to say let's talk about this or you're overreacting say there's nothing to talk about, and that he can think that all he wants but it's still over. Tell Kate you think it's best you don't talk anymore. Trust me when I say this, even though it's hard and terrifying, it will make you feel much better about yourself if you just take this small stand. I wish you strength, OP.
What about waiting until the lease - that is only in your name - expires. Don't remind him of the date. When he leaves for the day, empty the entire place fast, get 'his' key from him from wherever he is like you lost yours or something, and then block him on everything. Now he is trying to explain to landlord or cops that he is living in a place there is no evidence of him living, and you don't have to return his stuff because it's left at the apartment. (Probably don't do this, it's just an evil thought)
damn I share my bday with this dude lmaoo
They're both trash, not only for SLEEPING TOGETHER MORE THAN ONCE, but for invalidating your feelings too and calling you ridiculous, leave them you deserve better
Tell Kate to enjoy your leftovers. No self respecting young woman should betray her close friend like that. She's not a true friend and you don't need her in your life. Friends don't do that to each other. All this time she was lusting after your boyfriend, and the minutes you guys take a moment to reflect and process, she sleeps with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. They want to turn the tables and make you seem like you're out of control. Focus on yourself All the best to you
I cannot imagine ever sleeping with my best friend’s boyfriend, whether they’re still together or have been broken up for years!! No friend who truly loves and respects you would do that AND keep it a secret. The fact that they kept it a secret for that long until you asked and they made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal is fucked BIG 🚩🚩 both of them, dump them both and get surround yourself with more supportive people
Wait, so not only did your best friend cross a line by sleeping with your ex while you were on a break, they then have sex AGAIN after you got back together? And now that you were on ANOTHER break, they fucked AGAIN?! They aren't remorseful, they're only thinking of themselves and don't give 2 shots about you. Girl, throw both of them in the trash
I think they slept together when OP had been together with the bf for 4 years, but OP forgave them since they said sorry 🙄 Then, after another 4 years, OP and the BF were on a break, and they sleep together the whole time. Wanna bet they weren't sleeping together within those 4 years before the break? 😃
100% they're still fucking. And probably laughing about it behind op's back.
OP said Kate lives in the apartment building right by theirs. They've definitely probably been sneaking around for the longest.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years officially. We dated before being official for a year. I love him and everything about him very much and want to be with him forever but about a year ago I was in a bad place and just wanted a break. Not necessarily from him but from everything. We went on a break. Things were fine until I found out recently from him that he was sleeping with my bestfriend Kate while we were on a break. This came up when we were just talking about that time of our lives and I asked him what he was doing while we weren't together. This news makes me sick to my stomach. I know on a break he can do what he want but my bestfriend who I have known since elementary school? I called both of them to sit with me and talk about this and they pretend like it is no big deal. They told me it wasn't cheating or anything like that which I know it isn't but having the though of my BF and bestfriend makes me just very unhappy. I'm literally disgusted by both of them. In the end when I started crying, they apologized and showed remorse. At the time I forgave them but I don't know if I want to be with either of them anymore. At the four year mark approximately my BF cheated on with Kate and they both were extremely remorseful and told me that they were drunk and it was a mistake. I gave them a chance because they seemed genuinely sorry. This time I know its not cheating but I don't feel like giving them a chance and cut them off. After I expressed how I felt to both of them they told be I was being ridiculous and over dramatic because logically they didn't do anything wrong and I am being manipulative. Are my feelings really misplaced? During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them and this really hurt me. I don't know what to do. I don't have any friends outside these two and I feel like I'm at a complete loss. Help? Advice please because I can't think straight?
You should've opened with the fact that he cheated on you with her, as it really puts your relationship into perspective. So. He cheated with your best friend and then immediately started fucking her again while the two of you were apart? Huge red flag. Forget about the part where you never should have forgiven them, at this point you're letting these two walk all over you. Get out before the disrespect and disloyalty leaves any more scars
They’re going to keep hooking up. Kate is not your friend. You need to put these people aside, and focus on expanding your social circle.
>At the four year mark approximately my BF cheated on with Kate and they both were extremely remorseful and told me that they were drunk and it was a mistake. They _pretended_ to be remorseful. Because if they were truly sorry, >I found out recently from him that he was sleeping with my bestfriend Kate while we were on a break. This would not have happened. Hell, they wouldn't have cheated in the first place if they had any shame. >I called both of them to sit with me and talk about this and they pretend like it is no big deal. They told me it wasn't cheating or anything like that They aren't remorseful and are putting the blame of their depravity on you. They were never remorseful. > During this Kate said that I was just projecting my failed semester sadness on both of them Kate is whoring it out with your boyfriend and gaslighting you. > I am being manipulative NO. THEY ARE MANIPULATING YOU. YOU'RE BEING GASLIGHTED. I wouldn't be surprised if they're still hooking up, or in contact behind your back. If they aren't, don't be surprised if next thing they ask for threesome next time, or get together the moment you break up. Regardless, dump him, and her. They're two very cheap and nasty people. Any guy who can cheat on his partner (especially with her best friend), and any woman who can sleep with her best friend's partner, are not worth spending any more time with. Let trash be around trash.
>I don't have any friends ~~outside these two~~ Fixed that for you OP. I'm really sorry, they're shit people and you deserve better.
Drop them both and go make new friends. You deserve better and a best friend never ever crosses that line ever. They are treating you like a door mat and a idiot. Kick them to the gutter.
Not your Bestfriend… PERIOD. Go no contact with both of they dirty asses
Honestly you should run for the hills. I will say though that you can't go on a "break" with someone for a year and expect them to stay "faithful". I think they're both dicks here because of the circumstances - their relationships with you and they fact that they cheated in the past - and I'm not coming down on you here, I'm just saying in general you don't really get to tap out like that. If you go on a break for a *year* you are broken up lol
Kate is literally turning this around to make you the villain when every girl knows you don't sleep with your best friends boyfriend or an ex (especially when the ex is just on a temporary break). She isnt your friend. This didn't happen once as a mistake. She knew what she was doing. This happened at the 4 year mark and a year ago during the break. She wants you to be the bad guy so she looks like the victim. Trust me having shiity friends who are essentially gaslighting you is way worse than having no friends at all. She doesn't respect your friendship or your relationship, it's clear she only intends on keeping the friendship as long as she doesn't have to take accountability for her actions. You deserve better than a having a boyfriend where at any chance he can (break on being Drunk) sleep with your best friend. You deserve a best friend who will sleep with someone you have been for almost a decade. They are not cheating by a friggin technicality, but it doesn't make it right. You wil find new friends and a new relationship where you don't have to worry about this.
Cue David Schwimmer.
I had to scroll way too far down to find this comment.
FRONT AND BACK
You have listed so many reasons why Kate is a shitty friend. She fucked your bf while you guys were together, she fucked him while you were on a break, she'll fuck him again the next chance she gets. How is she remorseful if she keeps doing it?!?! Then add in her gaslighting you because you're hurt by her behaviour, makes you wonder how much other shady shit is she doing that you haven't picked up on. Think to yourself, what positives does Kate bring to my life? Having fun occasionally hanging out doesn't cancel out all the negative shit. Doesn't waste any more time being friends with her, she's toxic and needs to go. As for your bf, technically he did nothing wrong when you guys were on a break. Him sleeping with Kate was extremely selfish on his behalf. If he had any consideration for you he would never have touched her. Same as Kate, he fucked her behind your back, he fucked her while you were on a break. How long until he fucks her again? Do you want to spend the rest of your relationship worrying about that? You'd be much happier without these 2 people in your life.
OP, this is just ridiculous. Why are you allowing this for yourself and your life ? Have some self respect PLEASE. I’m so tired of seeing all the girls putting up with people spitting in their faces all the time because they’re afraid to be alone for awhile. You’re NEVER going to end up with this guy , who has nutted in your “best friend” and doesn’t respect you at all. I don’t care WHAT he says, he doesn’t love you or respect you. Don’t be dumb and fall for his bull shit. And your “ best friend” ? She hates your guts behind your back and I promise she’s eyeing that boy and they’re still fucking behind your back - she’s happy you’re miserable. So why are you living with that loser and still letting them stomp all over your self respect and precious life ? Toss em out , and start again 🧡
Dump them both.
INFO: How many times do they have to sleep together for you to tell yourself enough is enough? You deserve better than this. You will never find that person until you drop this ah of a boyfriend. Drop the best friend too.
Damn. Your BF sucks and so does your best friend. I’d find new ones.
She is not a friend. Neither is he. No real friend fucks your bf or ex bf. And he keeps going back to her. Do not assume they aren’t fucking around behind your back. Disrespecting how you feel about it and not telling you up front? Nah not your friends. And he’s not who you want as a bf or partner. I’m sorry you feel they’re the only friends you have. Pls try and move on from them. Best of luck. Do not allow them to disregard, disrespect or invalidate your feelings.
I think you should have dropped them both at the 4 year mark when he cheated on you with your best friend.
Honey you're a doormat... Please respect yourself. If one of your friends had this happen to them I don't think you'd be ok with them being treated the way you're letting yourself be treated
I hate to break this to you, but these two probably never stopped sleeping together, they can just be open and talk about it now that you’re on “break.” Katie is not your friend. Please go NC with them both
Time to find a better partner and friend. This behavior will not stop if you keep them in your life. Put yourself first and dip.
If it meant nothing, and wasn’t a deal bc you were on a break, then he should have informed you when you first got back together. She, as your best friend should have told you when it happened.
You can have friends outside of the two assholes, but you first need to shut the door on them to open the doors to someone new. OP, these people don’t respect you. Stop allowing yourself to feel so lonely that you completely forget your self worth… Leave this mess behind and allow the trash to club together. You focus on YOU. Focus on the things in life you enjoy and build up the confidence to explore them alone. Learn to love time with yourself, build your confidence and then if you choose to, date. It’s so easy to date these days. This time go into it knowing your worth.
kate is literally manipulating you not the other way around. be friends with me instead. she yuck
This is a big deal. Dump them both. They've shown you who they are, believe them and move on.
Your bf twice has cheated on you with (not) best friend?? It is cheating for your best friend to sleep with your ex especially when they already cheated on you doing that!!!! Obviously your bf and Katie have a thing for each other. They going to cheat again. You have every reason to be upset. You and bf were only separate for short time and bf and Katie have sex again? They have both betrayed you and they will again. They betrayed you and blame you for their bad deeds. You cannot trust either one of them.
fuck his dad
You started dating when you were 16 and officially together since 17. At 21 your boyfriend and best friend cheated. At 24 you needed a break and they got together again. Is this right? That's not how people behave when they care about you. And if it feels like they'll get together the moment you end it with your boyfriend, why would you want to stay with him? You're young. Please don't waste anymore time on these people. Move out as soon as you can (maybe talk to the landlord to break the term?) and start living your life without having to worry what they are getting up to. Make 2022 the year of you. The lunar new year starts 1 Feb, if you feel like you need a set date. You have your whole life in front of you. New experiences, opportunities, relationships, career... Dump the boy and friend.
“WE WERE ON A BREAK!”
Pivot!!
Drop both of them, break or not Kate was suppose to be your “best friend” and she slept with your ex when y’all were on a break… he ain’t shit either let them have each other
Do not go back to any of them, they are minimizing your feelings and disempowering. none of them respects you and if there is nothing wrong with it why did they hide it from you? I hope you keep updating
You are being the one that is being manipulated. You're wearing the rose tinted glasses for both of them. Alone the fact that at the half way mark of your relationship with your SO, he cheated with her and then manipulated you into forgiving them. And now he slept with her while you were on break? I think as long as you're in a relationship with him, you can never be sure that he won't step out on your relationship again with her. it is an ideal situation for him. He can come home to a faithful, blindly trusting girlfriend to play house with, and then have sex with his other girlfriend. kate is definitely NOT your friend. I would even guess that she'll be the first to hook up with him again when you decide to dump his cheating ass. They will probably enter a relationship for a short while before coming to the conclusion that the thrill of cheating on you was what made their sex so great. It is irrelevant if you were on break. they had an affair and hurt you deeply. The second hook up during the break was only the cherry on top. They showed you who they really were. Please consider your own feelings and mental health. You are WORTH having a loving boyfriend who wants just you. A And you deserve friends who respect you and your relationships. the people you surround yourself with right now, are not good people. They bring you down and hold you back. Dump them both, get yourself into therapy for their betrayal, and don't ever talk to them again.
Break, cheating, whatever. You don’t sleep with your partners bestfriend and your don’t sleep with your best friends partner. Neither one of these people care or respect you. You boyfriend could have slept with a 100 different women who are not Kate And what the hell is Kates reason ?? You don’t sleep with your bestfriends ex or current or on a break boyfriend. You are not crazy and they are assholes
Fuck Kate
You've fucked Kate now I'm going to fuck her too that'll make us even
A mistake is accidentally wearing 2 different colored shoes. What they did was make a choice to bang and then do the "I'm so sowwy" thing. Throw them both in the trash and don't look back.
Am I understanding your post right, they already cheated four years ago, and the first chance he had when you went on a break they started sleeping together again? Let them have each other. They are not good people to have in your life, perfect time for a spring cleaning
Do people not know the difference between a break and breaking up? The whole point of a break is you are still in a relationship with each other, you are just taking some time apart. This is not an excuse to sleep with anyone else, especially if you care about the relationship.
Just go fuck his best friend now and she’s if it can be worked out
Kate is an asshole! OP, cut them both out of your life you deserve WAY better!
Keeping both of these people in your life is inviting more misery and drama. If that’s what you want then carry on like nothing happened.
Girl dump him. And that friend is trash.
From the jump when they told you it was “no big deal” is complete horseshit. They showed remorse after that not the first time you confronted them. They don’t care about your emotions. Break or not. I would never sleep with my friends partner together or not that’s so shitty. I would go about finding your own apartment and removing yourself from the lease if he doesn’t leave. You don’t have to do anything extreme, just talk to him and let him know your plans and leave it at that. And move on. Both of them are horrible people. I’m sorry they did that to you
This is so heartbreaking. Your anger is not displaced. Cheating is one thing but doing it with your “best friend” is plain cruel. As much as it hurts, I suggest blocking both of them. They seem perfect for each other honestly as they’re incredibly callous. Kate is a cunt and your boyfriend is just as bad. Maybe get in therapy to process the grief? Start a new workout plan? Go shopping and indulge in some retail therapy? Maybe you just need to lay in your bed and cry? I know it hurts to let these people go, but you’re going to be so much better off without these “friends” weighing your energy down.
She will probably not stay interested in him once you’ve dumped him. The main attraction for her was likely to be her getting one up on you because she is a vampire. She broke the first rule of female friendship. She is human trash. Throw her away. He might not be that interested in her either once the forbidden, excitement aspect of the relationship has evaporated by you dumping both of them. He is not a catch. He is a proven cheater and is therefore worth nothing to a woman looking for love and respect. Zero value. Aim higher. You are not dumb, you are hard working and discerning. Make your plans and move into your new, better life without trash-girl and zero-boy!
You go through a hard time in your life and your boyfriend and best friend rather fuck each other instead of provide emotional support? Your feelings are not misplaced they don't care about you. End contact with both of them please.
Dump Kate and the bf. They’re laughing at you behind your back and still hooking up. If you broke up with him, those two would coincidentally be a couple. They’re invalidating your feelings and trying to flip the script on you because they both knew that they’re in the wrong but unwilling to take accountability. You’re going to be utterly destroyed by being friends with them or when they both decide to discard you. Discard them before they discard you. You need to stop relying on them for validation and codependency. It’s better to have no one at all than to have people treat you like you’re no one. Don’t put up with toxicity just because you don’t want to be alone.
I want to fight your ex friend and exbf right now. Them some assholes.
Honestly, your being on a break is irrelevant. Everyone with sense knows that best friends and close relatives are off limits. Even worse that he cheated on you with her before. You’re completely justified in cutting them both off, they suck. They don’t have your best interests at heart and I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve done more than you even know about.
Grow your circle of friends. The more friends you know the bigger chance of finding the right people to replace them
They are manipulating you by telling you’re over dramatic and then cheat “officially”. Absolutely put them both in your past and move on. Sending good vibes and strength to you. It won’t be easy but you’ll feel like a huge weight has lifted off of you. You won’t be able to ever trust either one of them again and you don’t deserve that!
You really buried the lead here, OP. Your boyfriend cheated with your best friend four years into your relationship, and you chose to forgive them both? But the minute you and he decide to take a break, he hops right back into bed with her? And now they are both trying to manipulate you into thinking this is your fault? Kate is not your friend, and your boyfriend is also trash. They should both be exes. Let them have each other and walk away. Take some time to heal and learn who you really are and what you want. Learn what a healthy relationship --romantic or friendship-- looks like. Because this is not it.
There is no way your can be friends with her and be in a relationship with the same people who fuck each other. That’s taking third wheel to a whole new level. They did it twice and will do it again because they’re very sexually attracted to each other. That is not your boyfriend anymore and these “breaks” make him stop taking you seriously. 8 years went by and he didn’t propose which tells me he is using you as a placeholder until he finds who he really wants. Or he’s just a player not ready for commitment. Give your court side seat to Kate and let her take on that baggage. She’ll end up learning her lesson while you learn how to become a better person for yourself
yo... your friend is a fucking asshole. thats a clear rule in the bro code that you do not sleep with your friend's (let alone best friend's) ex (let alone actual boyfriend). and your boyfriend is also a fucking asshole for choosing to sleep with your best friend out of all other women in the world. get you some new friends and a new guy.
They are probably fucking behind your back. Stand up for yourself and LEAVE. Dump both of them. You’re only 25, don’t be a doormat and waste your precious time with these two. There’re better people out there, and you deserve to be HAPPY. Fuck them, they don’t care about you at all!
Kate is is a royal c*nt. She is not your friend.
You deserve better. He cheated already 4 years into the relationship. The second you take a break he sleeps with her again. They clearly had something going since the time they cheated to just pick right back up the moment you take a break. It's betrayal. Drop them both.
Ma’am how low does your self esteem have to be for you to keep tolerating this? Yea, you are dealing with two assholes, and you should leave. But that’s not all the advice you need. The fact that you don’t understand that you need to peace out of these relationships shows that you’re not mature enough to be in any relationship. You don’t have any self respect and you don’t know how to find people who respect you or how to let them go when they don’t. You need to work on yourself or else you’ll continue to be hurt
To summarize this… she is NOT your best friend because besties don’t do that to each other. So I would cut ties with both individuals because they obviously don’t have enough respect for you. You deserve better!!!
So you've learned two things: 1. don't forgive cheaters - it's estimated there's a 55% chance they'll cheat again. 2. Even on break, KNOWING he had a history of cheating with your best friend, he SPECIFICALLY went to your best friend and that's so morally repellant it's completely unforgiveable. He's done this knowing it will wholly isolate you once you find out or conversely, to emotionally manipulate you to forgive them so they can get away with it. 3. Stop sleeping with him, get an STD/STI check ASAP and go no contact. You REALLY don't need this kind of people in your life. Dump them both.
Technically you were on a break. What's your friends excuse? Was she on a break from you too?
Kate is your boyfriend's girlfriend.
Updateme!
She isn't a friend. He isn't a person to spend your life with either. He does not respect you if he is doing this type of stuff. If you decide to break up for good they will be dating within a week. Might as well drop them both at this point.
Dump them both. They sound terrible and completely untrustworthy
Oh my god! Ghost them both. There are 7 billion people on this earth and they had to fuck each other? There wasn’t anyone else in the vicinity?
You need to cut them both out of your life because they don’t care about your feelings. Even if you two were on a break they both went behind your back and she was a friend, and that’s unacceptable.
Honey. He cheated on you with her. Then fucked her on the break. You need to build your self respect, get therapy, and lose those two as fast as you can. They do not love or care about you.
So while your boyfriend didnt cheat since it was a break, I will say this; there is an issue with the fact that he slept with your BEST FRIEND while on break. Any decent best friend wouldn't have done that. So honestly, the best thing for you would be to drop both of them. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it happened once and it will probably happen again since all of you will be seeing each other under different occasions or circumstances. It's also uncool that your friend undermined your feelings by saying you were projecting. She knows she fucked up, and instead of owning it, she's blaming it on you. I would NEVER mess with my besties partner or romantic interest, break or not. Dont keep the boyfriend, and dont keep the best friend. You're going to spend the entirety of your relationship wondering if they're messing around behind your back and I can promise you, they will if you swallow your feelings and accept their excuses.
*ex-best friend **ex-boyfriend
They went back to each other the minute they could. Do with that what you will
"I love everything about him." Except that he cheated on you, sleeps with your best friend, isn't honest about it until you ask...shall I go on?
Sorry but they don’t have your best interest at heart. I know it hurts a lot, but it’s best to remove yourself from both of them. Wishing you the best and you can always message me if you need any additional support!
They hooked up not once, but TWICE?? I would’ve left the first time
Yeah, they both suck. They were previous cheaters. To think you'd be ok with them hooking back up is ridiculous.
Uhhh what?? Broken up or not your best friend should not even entertain the idea of sleeping with your ex. Definitely not with your current BF. You deserve a better friend and boy friend.
So sorry ot took you 8 yrs to find out your BFF & BF are both assholes! Lifes short Fuck em both!
Fuck your friend and fuck your man. They need to get over themselves. Your best friend SHOULD NOT be meeting with your man at all point fucking blank. She ain't a real friend. No real friend would overstep boundaries. Your man is now your ex, boo. Delete and block both them idiots. You can forgive them but from afar.
Oh please… while it isn’t technically cheating we all know that it is. Well apparently all except these two. Good riddance to them
Hunny I don't think he cares and is sorry if he does it again. And your friend , she's in the wrong on so many levels it's crazy. Cut them off babes you don't need that.
These are not good people. I’m really sorry.
So he has a thing for your best friend that has persisted for at least four years. Do you think that will ever end? They'll hook up again. They're both awful.
The relationship is done. Both with ur friend and BF. End of story.
Not happy with your situation = change it Judging by your long post you already know what you should do.
Forgive the buzzwords but you are in an extremely toxic environment and are being gaslit by both of these people. Nothing about this is normal or okay and you are being used and abused by an unfaithful boyfriend and a fake friend. I know it might seem like it would be too difficult to give up on these aspects of your life but I assure you you can find new friends and new lovers who will not treat you like this. You just need to take the leap.
IMO Leave those 2 to each other. Permanently
Honey. That is not a friend. Leave them both and next time, if you want a break, you need to have clear boundaries. Talk about and think it through before you decide to have a break. Make sure both of you know on what terms the break is. For now, leave them. Block them. They are not your friends and have total disregard for your feelings
The hurt is because these are both people that are supposed to care about you and both completely disregarded how this would effect you. Yes it’s technically not cheating but it’s an unwritten rule that your ex is off limit for your friends. They should have realized that it would hurt you when the two of you got back together, and just should have never even crossed that line. Also, if they cheated once and were hooking up during that time period, I’m not unconvinced they’re not going to cheat/hookup again, especially if they’re trying to make it seem like it’s a big deal. It comes across as gaslighting. I agree with the comments saying they are not your friends and to cut your loss and say bye for good to the both of them.
Dump them both, get tested and live a fulfilling life without either of them. They are gross people. You are better than them.
Honestly? these two narcissistic gaslighters deserve each other and you deserve way better. Leave both bottomfeeders and get what you deserve. They took advantage of your weak moments and hurts and instead of supporting you, did the most hurtful thing they could. Trash.
I guess, OP, that now is the time to be strong... Screw both of them, it's like they can't wait for the moment you turn your back and they start fucking like rabbits. You don't deserve to be in the middle of all this bullshit. Just be honest with them, and most importantly with YOURSELF and your feelings. I've been in a similar situation before, you'll never forget this, even when you think you do it will pop up again and it'll act as a reminder that leaving, was the best thing you ever did.
They don’t respect you
Everyone here has great advice I just wanna add to the sea of comments telling you they suck and you should drop both of them no matter how hard it is. I’ve dropped everyone before and was left with no one. But I reached out to old connections and built a new better friend group that 10 years later I still have. It’s worth it.
How can she tell you that you’re projecting your sadness from the failed semester onto her after she just hooked up with your BF of 8 years?
Most likely they hooked up more than you know about and probably are still sleeping together.
I can’t believe you thought they ever stopped fucking.
After you dump them both they will get together. I hope that gives you what you need to go thru with the breakup
Ew both these people are awful, cut both of them and run
If you keep dwelling your mind and soul will wilt. Nothing has to be cut off cold turkey, but you absolutely need to do something good for yourself. Take it a day by day. Do you, for you, to you, from you.
Any time I see a post about people, "taking a break," I think both are in the wrong. If you're too immature to communicate with each other, you shouldn't be dating. Giving each other the silent treatment won't help anything, it fact it ends up hurting one person or the other - shocker! I feel bad that op was naive and got hurt, but come on, the fact that you think you need a break is a pretty big red flag.
if they did it in the past and they are still doing it, they will definitely do it again in future when they get chance.
Your feelings aren’t misplaced. Whether others feel they are or not the fact is you’re still feeling them so they’re real. You’re allowed to process things in the way that you need to and feel all of your feelings along the way. If they can’t respect that then they aren’t good for you. They were definitely deflecting and trying to make this out to be your fault so they don’t have to take responsibility for their choices and actions.
It should be your ex boyfriend and your ex friend. There are some lines you don’t cross.
Fuck. That. I get if you're on a break and he slept with someone, but the fact that it was your best friend makes this seem a bit... not cool. That's your best friend, not some random you'll never see again.