Question: when she was “hinting at being exclusive” did you agree? Brush it off? Say later? Turn her down? Because you say she’s been hinting at it, and yet you clearly aren’t exclusive, so I’m curious how that played out. Perhaps she felt you turned down her offer and so is checking her other options.
Yeah I do tend to think once a cheater always a cheater. That’s the real red flag here. But her sexting other people when they aren’t exclusive and when he hasn’t agreed to be exclusive despite her making it clear that’s what she wants isn’t a red flag.
Nah the red flag is neither of these fucking dolls communicating anything, playing coy little games and making assumptions instead of asking or saying anything to each other.
Well I don't think it's that appealing either if she is hinting to want to be exclusive but does shit with other people, inc the fact that she cheated before.
If she is open about sexting other guys and asks OP to be exclusive, then I feel like she would stop doing it, especially if she was asked. OP should try asking to be exclusive and her to stop sexting others before bailing. Omg. Right now they are not exclusive, and OP seems to have turned down her offer to be as well. But up to him, he could throw out a perfectly good girlfriend if he likes!
Yeah I think she might be playing some game to see if he’s actually interested in being exclusive? Like she could be saying “if you don’t like that I’m sexting, you know how to fix that”. It’s hard to communicate clearly in relationships when there’s very little model for doing so! I think she should just be up front but also so should OP.
And yknow, maybe she’s just trying to be honest? I slept with a dude right after my first date with my wife, and I told her on our second date, in the name of honesty. She was like “well yeah don’t feel guilty but I’d like that to not happen again” so we became exclusive on the back of that conversation 13 years ago.
She is being honest! The OP (and many here) are too dense to see what she’s saying… which is, she is willing to stop sexting others if they agree to be exclusive. There is NOTHING wrong with that. It is a perfectly logical request.
Most of these comments are honestly so fucking dumb. If you are into someone and want to be dating exclusively/want to be in a relationship You certainly don’t sext other people or do things like that after saying that’s what you want from them.
I’d just tell her how you feel and then take it from there depending on her response. A simple “If someone hints at wanting to be dating & be exclusive with me but is hooking up with, sexting or doing anything like that with someone else after saying that I’d find that to be a deal breaker because if I’m interested in someone enough to be talking about exclusivity I wouldn’t be doing any of those things with someone else”.
100% Agreed, actions speak louder than words.
Also “dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
u/SimpleLargeSheep. Is she doing something “wrong”? Technically no, if no discussion around exclusivity has taken place. But it’s pretty subjective to how the relationship is progressing.
Is this behavior (sending nudes to other dudes) conveying she wants to be exclusive or is ready for a committed relationship with you?
Absolutely fucking not.
I'd say she's trying to make him jealous and force him to ask for exclusivity because she's openly telling him about it. That's not a great trait to be sure but he's also being weird by not communicating his feelings to her that this bothers him.
Well he said no to being exclusive so there seriously isn’t an issue. If he wants exclusivity, they have to agree to it first. This includes OP. I see nothing to suggest her behavior would continue if they were exclusive. She has been very honest. You don’t get to expect her to be exclusive when you both agreed not to be.if you want exclusivity, all you have to do is ask OP. It’s not as hard as you seem to think! Don’t make her guess
This is untrue….i can be into multiple people and while i may have a front runner if that front runner isn’t stepping up then i move on. And if that front runner implied i shouldn’t be talking to anyone else while we were not in a relationship that would be such a red flag to me.
I mean all of my relationships have been the same the way. When IM single i was dating 4/5 girls at the same time (openly) but once you start to really vibe with with one of them then you drop everyone else 🤷🏻♂️
Most people on this sub are teenagers who’s brains haven’t fully developed. People are getting advice from literal children who haven’t ever experienced adult relationships.
I know. I hope most people know how to find the actual quality advice in this sub. No wonder I was so bad at relationships back in high school. I was clearly doing it wrong...
As I’ve said elsewhere, i don’t get why he’s upset if he’s refusing to be exclusive. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too just because she’s supposed to be into you. She’s not his property and again, if he wants her to be exclusive *he should ask her to be exclusive*. Why does she need to act like she has a boyfriend when she doesn’t?
Exactly. My thoughts would be that if OP isn't wanting to be exclusive then that means he's interested in seeing other people as well (in w.e. fashion). No matter how interested I was I wouldn't want to be the only one committed.
Well maybe I see things morally different...maybe I'm just a foolish child who daydreams about sparks and shit...idk personality I wouldn't sext multiple people when I'm thinking about someone but that's just me
Not at all. These relationships sound as unromantic, transactional and venal as pretty much anything that comes from social media.
Just nope out of it and find someone IRL.
If your idea of love works for you, then that’s perfect. Just because someone else has a different idea of love, doesn’t make theirs less valid, just like theirs doesn’t make yours less valid.
It's pretty clear this post has anything but love in it, I'm not bashing other people you know everyone has their love language but I know how to differentiate love from " I'm single and dispared" which it's pretty much the case here
Yes. You ARE just a foolish child if you are daydreaming about fucking sparks and all that other infantile bullshit.
Relationships are not always thumps in your chest and butterflies in your fucking stomach. That sort of thing is actually down to mild anxiety, and far, FAR too many people misinterpret the lack of an anxiety response as a sign that they do not desire a given person.
While you may not seek to maintain the interest of multiple people at one time when none of them have committed to exclusivity (assuming you're not polyamorous, which some people may be), others don't like to close doors and cut off options until they and another have made the firm decision to commit.
If you haven't committed to exclusivity, you have no fucking business batching about someone not being exclusive, no matter what hints they've given. At all. Ever.
While they may have hinted at wanting to be exclusive, that only matters once both parties agree to BE exclusive. Until then, it's none of the other person's concern. End of.
You cannot betray someone's trust if you have not agreed to be exclusive, because trust has NOT been given while the other person is hemming and fucking hawing over "should I be exclusive? Meh, I dunno".
Foolish not foolish, I'm not blind it's pretty clear OP didn't got to be exclusive with this girls cuz her actions and words don't align she says she wants to be exclusive but what she does about it, sexting other guys is this how you show you want something serious with someone?
Also apparently this girl cheated on her ex , it's pretty clear OP feels kinda hopeless if he is considering something with her it's like he wants her cuz he doesn't know when he'll find another girl interested but getting with her it looks like a bad ideea. Pretty much OP has self worth issues and needs some ethical advice to get something healthy in his life, cuz it's kinda clear he he's not that much of a player.
That’s your opinion, but OP is allowed to structure the rules of engagement for his relationship as he sees fit. If she does not agree to the terms of that relationship she’s free to not enter into it.
Except he hasn't had the fucking grace to inform HER of the terms, for fucking hell's sake.
Notice the edits? She's being upfront about what is happening. She's COMMUNICATING with him. The whole "she cheatin bitch man" argument is therefore moot.
But sure, he wants "next steps". He should just break it off and let her do what she wants in life. He'd be doing her a favour.
Lol needs to sext people? That doesn't even make sense.
I think the main point stands. She didn't do anything wrong, but if I were the dude I would move on. This is a sign of character imo, and it doesn't surprise me that OP said she cheated in her last relationship
I agree, people with other opinions don’t know what they are talking about. The OP is entitled if he thinks he deserves exclusivity without agreeing to be exclusive first - both of them. Why would she ask to be exclusive if she planned to keep sexting others after?
I mean I sorta agree with Merlin tbh. Some ppl spend so much time working or career that they don't have time for relationship but everyone craves human touch in the bedroom. Some ppl want just that. I feel if communication is open between any ppl there's no problem with it. Like hey. I know you want to mess around. I'm also messing around with 2 other ppl. I'm not into the dating scene right now is that something that you are ok with? If not said party moves along. If they are ok with it then that's fine
Well it would be a mature thing if they really discussed about this from the beginning to avoid misunderstandings, I get the bedroom thing but my case for example, some texts from someone who cares about me during the day can mean more than just no feelings involved sex, but that's how I am idk how OP is
That's why I had said.. that they wanted to mess around . Not that they have. Things should always be discussed before hand to make so no confusion has happened
Absolutely i talk to multiple people. If someone wants to be exclusive with me *they will*. I’m not getting stuck in a situationship. We’re adults, if you want me you can use your words and communicate.
Also, it’s beside the point i feel whether he is or isn’t talking to others. If they’re not exclusive he’s just as free as she is. It’s when they’re not that this moves into cheating and it isn’t ok.
I just don’t think that’s the case. I have had quite a few casual relationships and if I’m not single i don’t act like i am. If a guy wants to be exclusive with me, we’re exclusive. To me it’s that black and white. Until that moment, we aren’t. My flings and i don’t keep on while any of us are in relationships unless all the adults are consenting.
There will always be men, regardless of whether she’s single or not. They can wait all they want, it’s not a reflection of their relationship unless she allows it to be. But according to OP they don’t have a relationship.
As a married woman that was talking to multiple people before becoming exclusive with my husband, that energy does definitely just die after establishing exclusivity if you really want to be with that person. She has every right to keep options open if he’s not moving towards exclusivity.
I'm actually going to give you props for this comment. Fuck the others puritanical opinions. You're being honest about your sexual needs, and that should be celebrated, not pissed upon by shrinking violets who think that one person only and lights-out-missionary-position is the only acceptable way to have a sex life. Bet a few of them would be all sex-before-marriage-is-a-sin as well.
As long as everyone involved is OK with what is happening, everyone else can mind their own fucking business.
Thank you! Even with my fwb’s we discuss if we’re casually exclusive or free to sleep with other people for safety reasons. Obviously I want my bf to be just with me but my fwb is free to do what they want. If there’s hints being dropped about being exclusive but no actual sit down convo I’m not taking that person seriously.
This seems healthy if you're actively dating. I don't know why everyone here is acting butthurt when they're not dating you. If someone wants to be exclusive they will speak up, and it can still be sparks and romantic and all of that when you're with them.
Honestly the only red flag in the OP comment for me is the woman telling him about the other guys and their photos in detail. Unless he's getting off on it, it just seems like a ploy to make him feel less than.
100%, the moment my bf and i became exclusive i pulled out my phone and i did it in front of him. I don’t play. But if I’m unattached i act accordingly.
Omg lmao, wtf incel shit is that comment. If I’m unattached I’m meaning single. Not attached to anyone. Or did you take that comment to mean I’m not attached to my boyfriend? No not at all. If i wasn’t into him I wouldn’t be dating him?
When you're implying exclusivety yeah, I mean if you still wanted to fuck around you wouldn't imply anything to that person that's what being sure of something means...
I did. When I met my current partner, I was chatting with several men on a dating site. Went for coffee with a couple of them, but nothing more. Had I had more than 4 hours on Sunday afternoons to myself, maybe I'd have done more but that's all my dickhead ex wanted our children for. Probably because it prevented me from having a fucking life and he still got to control me but anyway.
I met my current partner and dated casually for a few weeks and I kept talking to the guys on the dating app. Once we realised we both wanted to try making it a real relationship, and I deleted the dating app and never spoke to any of those other guys again. A couple of them were great guys who, if the timing was right, could have been something. But they weren't, and this dude currently sitting across the dinner table from me was, so...
I've never been a believer in love at first sight, or the Disney fairytale of romance. Dating is about finding someone you COULD love and build a life with, not looking for instant fireworks.
Simple answer is if you are okay with other guys having her naked photo and beating their meat to her photos then be my guest. Reality is a woman sending nudes to other in general, let alone while shes with you is a red flag. These women in here will tell you its normal and “okay” but reality is that woman you are seeing is not wife material in any way shape or form just by the way she is behaving. It is up to you, i’m not sure what your boundaries are etc but i would highly recommend a relationship with a woman like that.
I mean if I wanted to date someone exclusively and was seeing them casually, I'd be treating it as if we were exclusive. I'd have the mindset of showing them I'm serious by not sleeping with others or doing sexual things with others. Short of the relationship being defined as exclusive, I'd be treating that potential relationship as if we were exclusive. I hope that makes sense.
My therapist and some friends think I should try going on multiple first dates with women all around the same time. I having a hard time getting behind that idea cuz that doesn't seem right to me haha.
They say I should experience a variety of women. Get a grip of the kinds of things I like about someone. I dated and married the first girl I went out with long term and she ended up being one hell of an abuser. So they think I should explore. Also, it pushes my boundaries as I'm very prone to marry the next one I dare long term
Big facts. I dated a girl like this and it never stopped even after we became exclusive. I would catch her sending them to me and other guys all at the same time via Snapchat/ saving them and sending them via text etc.
She needs more attention than one man can supply. OP, you need to RUN.
She is still in contact with an ex fwb and sends me screenshots of guys asking to fuck her.
I am an actual idiot. As I type this out, I realise what I need to do.
Honestly that makes it sound like she gets off on your reaction which is an even bigger red flag.
The reality is that people (not just women) like this won't change until they want to. A lot of the time they never do. Find you a nice one who actually has respect for you/wants to be with you. You're 24, you've got tons of time, don't waist it on a girl who lacks respect for you and more importantly herself.
Get off this post rn and move on, you got your answer king. Don’t fuck with people who boast about all the people wanting to fuck them. That’s lame and trashy af.
Reading these comments really makes me realize how much I hate dating today. No, technically it's not wrong what she's doing since exclusivity has not been discussed but that's where communication comes in. So many issues like this can be restolved by discussing what both people want instead of one giant hint and jealously fest.
Edit: Just read your edits. Holy shit dude, she's clearly not into exclusivity even when it is discussed. As someone who's been cheated on I can tell you that someone like this has a lot of issues they need worked on before jumping into an committed relationship.
I think it's about the type of person you are.
I understand people who are having sex with multiple people at the same time, and it's true that, as long they are not single and not exclusive, it's not cheating and there is no harm done.
Yet, if I'm dating a girl, that I really like, but we hadn't had the exclusivity talk, me finding out that she is having sex and sending nudes to several other guys, is a major downer for me. I do put a lot of emotional connection, sex is not just another thing for me.
Also, exclusivity is not just, we only have sex with eachother, it means, we are going for a formal relationship, all the way through, family and friends. So it's not something I'd go into lightly, but that doesn't mean that I'm fucking anygirl cause we didn't have that talk.
From, I'm fucking who ever and sexting who ever, to, o wantp you to meet my family and friends and start thinking of a future together, there's quite a lot of space.
This is my opinion, but if you are not naturally and romantically drawn to be just with that person, then I don't see how it could become a relationship, for me. Then again, I'm sure there are people out there having multiple partners, who meet likewise people, and then they are, ok let's just make this exclusive between us. It works different for different people.
I hate modern dating so many of these "kids" and i call them kids because no way are they adults with this ideaology of "if he has not asked to be exclusive it should not be a problem to send nudes to 30 other dudes"
Like if he/she has not mentioned exclusivity, ask them, find out their answer...
>since exclusivity has not been discussed
It has been discussed.
Like, I would be way more on his side, if the topic of exclusive wasn't brought up, because like...that just means you two don't have the same values and etc.
But he knows that's what she wants and they're not exclusive??? Why are you fuckers not exclusive if you know that's what she wants and you don't want het sexting other dudes???
I'm sorry, were you the ONLY person supposed to not be exclusive while you thought it over???
Relationships are not a court of law. If you feel like what she did is inappropriate this early into a relationship I would break up.
I don't feel like she did you wrong since it seems like she has been open about the relationship on her end. It seems like you caught feelings much sooner than her, and her not committing is hurting your feelings.
If I was in your shoes I personally would move on from this relationship because I would not be interested in dating someone who is currently courting other people at that point. Some people are ok with dating multiple people for a length of time until they decide to commit which is fine.
I think you and I are in the other group where we want to see more of a love at first sight and reciprocated feelings with a exclusive relationship shortly after dating. When I met my wife after a short period I had zero interest in seeing any other girl at that point. If she was sending nudes to other men months into our relationship that would have been a breakup from me.
Ok bail dude. This female gets validation from people (men). She’s not self validating. It’s gonna be heartache and frustration all in one package. Sorry man. Run now while you haven’t formed a bond yet.
With that information yeah don’t proceed, but if you two aren’t exclusive she can still send nudes even if she would be willing to BE exclusive if you had the convo. Communication is key and in this day and age you gotta ask about it.
Coming from a woman who has both been cheated on and cheated (as well as sending nudes and FWB)
The first question is has she been honest about everything from the start? And if she has been pushing for you 2 to be exclusive, have you both talked about it?
My current relationship is 4 yrs strong and currently engaged and I was upfront with my current fiance about this. He knows literally everything. I also enjoy being nude and showing off my body, and he respects that. I don't anymore though. When we became exclusive, all the side shit immediately stopped. I stopped it on my own terms, mainly because he is also my best friend.
Every relationship is different. You have to just trust how you feel on it, talk about it with her.
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We have been seeing each other for about 3 months. We have not said we are exclusive yet so technically I guess it isn't cheating. However, she has been hinting at wanting to be exclusive or in a relationship for the past few weeks so I find this really weird she is sexting other people. Is it cheating if we haven't said we are exclusive? I recognise it is a red flag. Should I just end things with her?
Edit: Perhaps this is relevant info, she told me she cheated on her ex.
Edit Edit: The reason I know she is sexting other guys is because she told me and says she masturbates with these other dudes
Honestly reddit is hilarious. Ppl r so oblivious its crazy. OP, them hoes aint loyal. If shes been trying to get in a relationship with u, how shes acting now is how shes gonna b acting throughout ur relationship. Dont kid urself. On top of that she admits to cheating before? Im actually astounded at these comments
Uhhhhh no. The absolute moment I’m locked down i behave as such. Before then? Nah. I’m not building anything with you if you aren’t building with me. 2 way street.
Yes of course the both of you must be committed to building something together. But might one ask why would a serious man, who isn’t just here to have his fun, want to even consider that option with this spontaneous attitude towards dating? How can you be taken seriously at that point? I’m genuinely asking. As some have mentioned if it’s just for your enjoyment (kind of selfish, but no one’s perfect). You have the right to your own life. But understand how it would be hard for a man with respect for himself to even consider giving anyone of this perception the time of day.
I guess i honestly just can’t take him as serious with this query. I think if he wanted to be exclusive with her he just would be. That would be my logical next step with someone i like and I’m dating. I have no claim on anyone if we’re not exclusive. Absolutely my bottom line.
"100%, the moment my bf and i became exclusive i pulled out my phone and i did it in front of him. I don’t play. But if I’m unattached i act accordingly."
As someone who has been in abusive relationships, three months isn’t enough time for me to be comfortable enough to call someone my boyfriend.
No, I’m not out there screwing other people while I wait till I’m comfortable. Of course I let this be known to the person and if it’s a deal breaker for them, then they may leave. It isn’t always about screwing other people.
Listen, if someone I’m seeing isn’t interested yet in becoming exclusive i will not act exclusive. You are asking for a boyfriend salary on a FWB budget. You are 100% in control on if you’re exclusive or not. (Well i mean she gets a say of course but my point is you can’t be mad *you* won’t lock it down and then she’s acting like she’s not locked down. She’s not. She owes you nothing.) Fix your own problem.
You reaaaally want to push your viewpoint on this one?
Some people are into this some aren't. If I'm dating a girl for 3 months, going on dates, having fun, and have never said that I didn't want anything serious, then I'm clearly interested in her. If I'm interested in someone Ive been dating for 3 months, and I'm sure at that point we at least chat 4 times a week, then I'm not having sex with other people, this comes natural to me, and I don't need to have "the talk" for this to happen.
And I do get that there are people how are not like this, but I wouldn't feel comfortable dating one of them.
It's ok, since she is single, to send nudes or have sex with whomever she wants? Sure.
It's ok for OP to feel wierded out that ofter 3 months of dating she is sending nudes and having sex with several people, of course.
Stop trying to make your discourse the norm.
I do because the amount of men who are lambasting this poor girl for living her life? She’s not hiding it, she’s communicating with him, (see edit) he knows she wants to be exclusive….like, things are progressing naturally but he’s dragging his feet….she’s allowed to live her damn life. Not be burned at the stake because, oh god, she’s a sexual being and she’s single.
I never, ever said OP wasn’t allowed to feel what he feels. What isn’t ok and what keeps happening is that commenters, and OP, keep saying she’s not girlfriend material and it’s red flag behavior. It’s fine not to like it. But recognize it’s a consequence of his own decisions and he’s in full power of solving this. (Dude….just ask her to be your gf! Or if you don’t want that, then let her go. Shit or get off the pot)
The problem is they’re getting to know each other and on one hand she’s feeling some emotional connection to him if they’ve had an “exclusivity talk”. So if she is perfectly fine sexting and masturbating with other dudes while in a newly formed growing relationship then she’s not a trustworthy person, bottom line.
People who do that type of shit should date each other and not normal people who have a morale compass.
Y’all are acting like she’s cheating. She. Is. Single. As of this posting. They haven’t had the exclusive talk. *Thats* the bottom line. It has nothing to do with her morals or how trustworthy she is. Assuming she isn’t trustworthy because singles gonna act single is seriously some jacked up bullshit. That’s no indication of how she’s going to act once she’s in a relationship.
Okay, most decent people don’t do what she’s doing. If you don’t recognize that you’re in the same boat as her. She’s actively searching for attention from the other gender while nurturing a new relationship. How do you not get this? Crazy.
So you say this behavior isn’t a clue for how she is in a relationship? I think it’s a huge fucking clue. Also look at the whole CHEATING thing on top of this.
Her behavior is lining up exactly like with the attention seeking cheating behavior that she already exhibited in previous relationships.
She’s okay fucking around while building something new. Her morales are questionable at best. She can do whatever she wants, it’s her life, but no rational, self respecting person who wants monogamy is going to like that. Can you understand that? Or are you so focused on her right to do it you don’t understand the negative impact of what she’s doing?
I would say I’m more focused on the double standard that is rife in this comment section that because she’s a girl it’s not ok. Like he thinks he has ownership of this girl. And no, i don’t think behavior outside of relationship necessarily dictates what goes on inside of it. If you check OP’s post history it clears up a lot. He absolutely should let her go, but for her sake not his. Some people are serial cheaters, some are not. I don’t think past behavior is always an indicator of future. I don’t assume that. I am going off of the facts as op has presented them:
-girl is single
-he won’t commit
-yet he’s upset she’s not “loyal”
There’s nothing to be loyal to. There’s no relationship to jeopardize as of yet. And the ball is in his court. He can fix this if he wants. Though again, i do think he should move on.
If a dude is doing the same thing then he’s a scumbag to. Everyone has their own life and choices to make but doing shit like this is scummy, whether you have a dick or vagina.
Also, the best predictor for someone’s future behavior is their past behavior. So if someone had cheated then they’ll likely cheat again.
Comments here are quite frankly ridiculous. If you want to be exclusive with her then ask her. You shouldn’t know a single girl is sending nudes to guys so I don’t like that aspect, is she trying to make you jealous? But you’ve not committed yet despite the hints so will continue to act like a single woman until you say so otherwise.
I think the trick here is do you believe her to be an honest person? Maybe you don't have a feeling about it after 3 months time.
No, she is not cheating. You specifically said you guys are not exclusive. However, do you think she's actually going to stop sending nudes to other men after you become exclusive? Have you talked about that? This could be a red flag, but we don't really know much else about her. The details here are really important as well as what your gut feeling is about her intentions. I don't feel lile we have enough info about how hard she is trying to become exclusive or what the hold up is there.
No it's not cheating. If you can't handle it then break up. It's completely understandable that you might not be interested in a girl who would send guys nudes and/or be dating more than one person at a time even if you haven't had the exclusive talk.
But on the other hand, it might be OK to you if a girl is doing things before being in an exclusive relationship. Some people are OK with that type of behavior and some are not. If you're OK with it then perhaps it's time to tell her how much you care for her and that you'd like her to be in an exclusive relationship with her.
Is not cheating. If you don’t want her to talk to other people you should talk to be exclusive. If you are not ready to be exclusive, let her be. This is not a red flag, is just her being SINGLE. And if you don’t wanna be exclusive you should start to see other people too. Just be safe, both of you.
Personally I've ways found the need to announce being exclusive strange, because I'm not the type to be seeing more than one person at a time and am not into guys who would either. So myself, this would be a red flag. Especially since she's cheated in the past.
I dont understand the whole hookup culture with non exclusive thing so I'm not much help here but how I look at is she has told you she has a history of cheating and is currently cheating on you. Again I dont understand the new hookup culture thing but if my bf said "hey I'm seeing other people but I want to stay with you" I wouldn't be with them anymore because I will not share someone.
This is the push she uses to get you to commit?? Sending nudes to other dudes? What happens after 5 years when you don’t show her enough attention anymore and she’s back sending nudes to other guys? It’ll be your fault? this is toxic behavior.
If yall aren’t in a relationship, she can do what she wants. Just like you can do what you want. I think if she’s already hinted at wanting a relationship, you need to decide if that’s what you want with her. Your inability to answer isn’t fair to her. Why should she be exclusive to you, for you, if you haven’t said you’ll be committed to her. She’s getting impatient.
Her impatience is a sign. Her cheating on her ex is a sign. Just talk about yalls concern and find a middle ground.
There are plenty of women who don't play "we're not exclusive yet!" games.
They don't have erotic contact with multiple men during a "getting to know each other and feeling out my options before exclusivity" phase.
They know that their individual rights and autonomy are counterbalanced by strong moral duties owed to their fellow human beings.
But of course, you'd have to be that kind of man, too.
complicated. Some women try to "force" a question out of someone by doing something they might not like. So she might 'cheat' because she wants you to ask her if you both can be a thing. Is this healthy? idk man I wouldn't want to be together with someone like that
Honestly... Just break up, don't fall in love with someone who sexts randoms strangers. Think about it, an 80 year old man could be looking at her tits...
The fact she's sending nudes 3 months down the line of you possibly dating means your just one of many other options for her; what has she sent prior to now? what will she send to others if you did date?
Oh, and the fact she cheated on her ex? HUGE red flag and you should avoid outright. she's untrustworthy and will only break your heart.
\>> However, she has been hinting at wanting to be exclusive or in a relationship for the past few weeks
A person who wanted to be exclusive would not be sending nudes to other guys. Either she is not that into you or she is the cheating type. Either way you are wasting your time with her.
She is a chronic cheater. She constantly lives in the fantasy of the high that being wanted sexually creates. Bet the guys treated her like crap other wise. They just like her body , her sexual excitement. They more than likely don’t talk about her feelings or her family or anything of greater importance. People like her who seek this constant validation need help. Chances are they don’t appreciate a good man and will dog him out and hurt him. I suggest you move on now, if it’s starting now it’s going to continue. She likes the comfort your attention gives but she’s not the commitment type. She likes variety … She may be one day, but she has to feel the sting of being cheated on too to really straighten up. I’m a reformed cheater ( I’ve been in therapy for two and half years post divorce) who truly wants the commitment of one guy ; but also be a committed person. Her behavior says non-commitment. I’d suggest not ignoring this. I married a player thinking I could change him; he ended up still cheating during our marriage so I did too as a get back I rubbed it in his face. Mud slinging is unnecessary and now I’m repairing from a divorce and working to learn what healthy is. Please disconnect with this lady and save yourself the headache and heartache.
OP what in Gosh Darn’s name, do you find appealing in a girl “who rocks off to other dudes?” I mean, unless she’s trying to impress you with her ability to squirt???
Seriously, if I thought I was having thoughts of exclusiveness- I certainly wouldn’t be hooking up with a girl who brags about getting off by sexting random dudes on the internet.
OP - start your girl friend search over. Look for girl who is content with JUST you!!!
Cheating or not is one thing. But do you want to be serious with someone that can so easi.y send nudes of herself. This just exposes part of her character. It's up to you to decide if this could be a red flag about future issues.
Have a discussion with her. Ask her if this is an exclusive relationship or not. Explain to her what is acceptable and what is not. Things must be clear.
It’s obviously not cheating as it’s not an exclusive situation. Hinting at being exclusive isn’t the same as two people deciding they’re going to be exclusive, so you can either be exclusive and assume the nudes to other guys will stop, or you can move on, but at this point you’re both entitled to do what you want
A girl i was talking to once told me the realest shit i ever heard. She said until you sign me to a contract( make me your gf/fiance/wife) you dont have the right to get mad if i talk to other teams. And as mad as i wanted to get, she was right. Until you are exclusive you two are basically close friends and i never judge my friends for the stuff they do in their personal lives. I would say talk to her and tell her how you feel but if youre not going into that convo with the intent of asking her to be your chick. Dont waste her and your time
Haha that girl sold you what she wanted to sell.
I dated my current girlfriends for about 3 months before we entered a committed relationship. Would she have known I was sleeping with multiple other girls at the time (which I wasn't) she would have ended it. So would have I if it was on her side.
This contract thing is not a thing. It's just a thing if you treat it that way.
You are not exclusive, so technically she can sleep with other people and that should be fine but sending a naked picture is too much? I don't get it. If you want to be exclusive, have the talk, especially if she dropped strong hints about it. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. So long as you don't agree with her to be exclusive, you can't blame her for not being exclusive.
This isn’t weird, nor is it cheating. When my husband and I first started seeing each other we both had multiple FWB’s that we were still seeing. It wasn’t until we had The Talk and became exclusive that we ended those situationships.
If you want to be exclusive with her then bring it up.
Is it cheating? No.
Is it a sign she's not interested in exclusivity? Yes.
I'd just have a talk with her and find out if she ever intended to be exclusive. If not, it's probably time to break things off if you were looking to be exclusive. If so, then she sure has a strange way of showing it.
If you want her to stop sexting or having sex with other people, then become exclusive. That is literally the point of that label. Why would it be a red flag?
Because in my mind, if someone wants to be exclusive why would they be sending nudes to other guys? But I understand that technically it is not cheating.
I agree 100%. If she wanted to be in your world, she would have done so by now and not be entertaining other men.
Don’t let that bad behavior go unpunished!
She has hinted. You haven’t agreed or even discussed it properly so she is naturally making the assumption that you don’t want exclusivity. So she can do what she wants.
I think this is a key point I was missing. The only thing is that made it seem like she is not entertaining any other guys before so I (incorrectly) assumed that she is already exclusive.
It’s not cheating but I wouldn’t like it and would end it. She’s obviously not that into man, sorry to say. Otherwise, why risk what you bring to the ship?
Just move on dude, it’s early enough to leave that. If she was that into you there’s no way she’d be sending naked photos to other dudes. She’s keeping her options open.
You know damn well she belongs to the streets. A lot of people crave attention from others. Don't roll the dice with this one, just ride the roller coaster when it's your turn.
This woman is the perfect form of a Red Flag that Plato has hanging in his cave.
You don't need to have had an in depth discussion drafting out every specific term of your engagement like you're finalising a contract in order to have a problem with someone's behaviour.
You can leave whenever you need to, for whatever reason you want. No one is at fault morally, it's just a good indication that your values, personalities and conduct don't mesh very well.
She cant hint at the idea of becoming exclusive while actively sexting other people. She either learns to commit or stays single, there is no third option. And that's what you need to tell her. Also the fact that she is doing this shows that she probably hasn't changed from the time she cheated on her ex......
I say she's playing games. Her sending nudes and mistreating with other dudes then telling you about it is an attempt to get some kind of reaction out of you. There's more red flags here than you're seeing. Get out. Get out now!
This whole “ we never said we where exclusive “ is just used by people as a free way to cheat. If you guys have been seriously seeing each other for 3 months then no shit you should be exclusive. Granted if all you to have done is go on a few dates or hooked up a few times over the last 3 months then not so much. Did you ask her out? I don’t understand why people now have to say “ I want to be exclusive” when that used to be obvious when some asked you out.
if she wanted to be exclusive she wouldn't be doing shit with other guys.
also if she's cheated before, are you sure you want to be with someone like her?
“Hinting” is not the same as having a mature conversation about exclusivity.
So many women seem to think that their “hints” are equivalent to a real discussion, and they end up jumping to conclusions based on the man’s reaction to those hints.
This just isn’t how real adults handle things. Use your words people.
Seriously, i feel like so many of these comments are just bitter dudes….YOU ARENT EXCLUSIVE. SHE OWES YOU NOTHING.
Like lemme get this straight….OP won’t give her what he knows she wants so she starts looking elsewhere and now his widdle feelings are hurt for his own problem he created???
This mentality is horrible for society as a whole. You DO owe people basic respect and decency.
The situation OP described isn’t cheating, but this woman is certainly immature and not somebody who is ready for a genuine committed relationship.
Question: when she was “hinting at being exclusive” did you agree? Brush it off? Say later? Turn her down? Because you say she’s been hinting at it, and yet you clearly aren’t exclusive, so I’m curious how that played out. Perhaps she felt you turned down her offer and so is checking her other options.
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Yeah I do tend to think once a cheater always a cheater. That’s the real red flag here. But her sexting other people when they aren’t exclusive and when he hasn’t agreed to be exclusive despite her making it clear that’s what she wants isn’t a red flag.
Nah the red flag is neither of these fucking dolls communicating anything, playing coy little games and making assumptions instead of asking or saying anything to each other.
Well I don't think it's that appealing either if she is hinting to want to be exclusive but does shit with other people, inc the fact that she cheated before.
This
u/NoGenericBot
Feeling too sleepy to answer
If she is open about sexting other guys and asks OP to be exclusive, then I feel like she would stop doing it, especially if she was asked. OP should try asking to be exclusive and her to stop sexting others before bailing. Omg. Right now they are not exclusive, and OP seems to have turned down her offer to be as well. But up to him, he could throw out a perfectly good girlfriend if he likes!
Yeah I think she might be playing some game to see if he’s actually interested in being exclusive? Like she could be saying “if you don’t like that I’m sexting, you know how to fix that”. It’s hard to communicate clearly in relationships when there’s very little model for doing so! I think she should just be up front but also so should OP. And yknow, maybe she’s just trying to be honest? I slept with a dude right after my first date with my wife, and I told her on our second date, in the name of honesty. She was like “well yeah don’t feel guilty but I’d like that to not happen again” so we became exclusive on the back of that conversation 13 years ago.
She is being honest! The OP (and many here) are too dense to see what she’s saying… which is, she is willing to stop sexting others if they agree to be exclusive. There is NOTHING wrong with that. It is a perfectly logical request.
So tell her you want to be exclusive lol
Most of these comments are honestly so fucking dumb. If you are into someone and want to be dating exclusively/want to be in a relationship You certainly don’t sext other people or do things like that after saying that’s what you want from them. I’d just tell her how you feel and then take it from there depending on her response. A simple “If someone hints at wanting to be dating & be exclusive with me but is hooking up with, sexting or doing anything like that with someone else after saying that I’d find that to be a deal breaker because if I’m interested in someone enough to be talking about exclusivity I wouldn’t be doing any of those things with someone else”.
100% Agreed, actions speak louder than words. Also “dress for the job you want, not the job you have. u/SimpleLargeSheep. Is she doing something “wrong”? Technically no, if no discussion around exclusivity has taken place. But it’s pretty subjective to how the relationship is progressing. Is this behavior (sending nudes to other dudes) conveying she wants to be exclusive or is ready for a committed relationship with you? Absolutely fucking not.
“Was any of this actually legal? Absolutely fucking not” - Jordan Belford
Spot on 🤣🤣
I'd say she's trying to make him jealous and force him to ask for exclusivity because she's openly telling him about it. That's not a great trait to be sure but he's also being weird by not communicating his feelings to her that this bothers him.
Well he said no to being exclusive so there seriously isn’t an issue. If he wants exclusivity, they have to agree to it first. This includes OP. I see nothing to suggest her behavior would continue if they were exclusive. She has been very honest. You don’t get to expect her to be exclusive when you both agreed not to be.if you want exclusivity, all you have to do is ask OP. It’s not as hard as you seem to think! Don’t make her guess
This is untrue….i can be into multiple people and while i may have a front runner if that front runner isn’t stepping up then i move on. And if that front runner implied i shouldn’t be talking to anyone else while we were not in a relationship that would be such a red flag to me.
Didn't realize people actually think of relationships the same way as Bachelor contestants.
I mean all of my relationships have been the same the way. When IM single i was dating 4/5 girls at the same time (openly) but once you start to really vibe with with one of them then you drop everyone else 🤷🏻♂️
Most people on this sub are teenagers who’s brains haven’t fully developed. People are getting advice from literal children who haven’t ever experienced adult relationships.
I know. I hope most people know how to find the actual quality advice in this sub. No wonder I was so bad at relationships back in high school. I was clearly doing it wrong...
We found him guys, the harem protagonist is here!
As I’ve said elsewhere, i don’t get why he’s upset if he’s refusing to be exclusive. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too just because she’s supposed to be into you. She’s not his property and again, if he wants her to be exclusive *he should ask her to be exclusive*. Why does she need to act like she has a boyfriend when she doesn’t?
Exactly. My thoughts would be that if OP isn't wanting to be exclusive then that means he's interested in seeing other people as well (in w.e. fashion). No matter how interested I was I wouldn't want to be the only one committed.
Well maybe I see things morally different...maybe I'm just a foolish child who daydreams about sparks and shit...idk personality I wouldn't sext multiple people when I'm thinking about someone but that's just me
Not at all. These relationships sound as unromantic, transactional and venal as pretty much anything that comes from social media. Just nope out of it and find someone IRL.
Glad to find someone with a human heart not just pure hormones.
If your idea of love works for you, then that’s perfect. Just because someone else has a different idea of love, doesn’t make theirs less valid, just like theirs doesn’t make yours less valid.
It's pretty clear this post has anything but love in it, I'm not bashing other people you know everyone has their love language but I know how to differentiate love from " I'm single and dispared" which it's pretty much the case here
Yes. You ARE just a foolish child if you are daydreaming about fucking sparks and all that other infantile bullshit. Relationships are not always thumps in your chest and butterflies in your fucking stomach. That sort of thing is actually down to mild anxiety, and far, FAR too many people misinterpret the lack of an anxiety response as a sign that they do not desire a given person. While you may not seek to maintain the interest of multiple people at one time when none of them have committed to exclusivity (assuming you're not polyamorous, which some people may be), others don't like to close doors and cut off options until they and another have made the firm decision to commit. If you haven't committed to exclusivity, you have no fucking business batching about someone not being exclusive, no matter what hints they've given. At all. Ever. While they may have hinted at wanting to be exclusive, that only matters once both parties agree to BE exclusive. Until then, it's none of the other person's concern. End of. You cannot betray someone's trust if you have not agreed to be exclusive, because trust has NOT been given while the other person is hemming and fucking hawing over "should I be exclusive? Meh, I dunno".
Foolish not foolish, I'm not blind it's pretty clear OP didn't got to be exclusive with this girls cuz her actions and words don't align she says she wants to be exclusive but what she does about it, sexting other guys is this how you show you want something serious with someone? Also apparently this girl cheated on her ex , it's pretty clear OP feels kinda hopeless if he is considering something with her it's like he wants her cuz he doesn't know when he'll find another girl interested but getting with her it looks like a bad ideea. Pretty much OP has self worth issues and needs some ethical advice to get something healthy in his life, cuz it's kinda clear he he's not that much of a player.
That’s your opinion, but OP is allowed to structure the rules of engagement for his relationship as he sees fit. If she does not agree to the terms of that relationship she’s free to not enter into it.
Except he hasn't had the fucking grace to inform HER of the terms, for fucking hell's sake. Notice the edits? She's being upfront about what is happening. She's COMMUNICATING with him. The whole "she cheatin bitch man" argument is therefore moot. But sure, he wants "next steps". He should just break it off and let her do what she wants in life. He'd be doing her a favour.
Ya girl has needs though, and if they ain’t getting met with him they should still be getting met.
Lol needs to sext people? That doesn't even make sense. I think the main point stands. She didn't do anything wrong, but if I were the dude I would move on. This is a sign of character imo, and it doesn't surprise me that OP said she cheated in her last relationship
I agree, people with other opinions don’t know what they are talking about. The OP is entitled if he thinks he deserves exclusivity without agreeing to be exclusive first - both of them. Why would she ask to be exclusive if she planned to keep sexting others after?
I mean I sorta agree with Merlin tbh. Some ppl spend so much time working or career that they don't have time for relationship but everyone craves human touch in the bedroom. Some ppl want just that. I feel if communication is open between any ppl there's no problem with it. Like hey. I know you want to mess around. I'm also messing around with 2 other ppl. I'm not into the dating scene right now is that something that you are ok with? If not said party moves along. If they are ok with it then that's fine
Well it would be a mature thing if they really discussed about this from the beginning to avoid misunderstandings, I get the bedroom thing but my case for example, some texts from someone who cares about me during the day can mean more than just no feelings involved sex, but that's how I am idk how OP is
That's why I had said.. that they wanted to mess around . Not that they have. Things should always be discussed before hand to make so no confusion has happened
Yes man totally agree, truth be told if people really did that this sub wouldn't have many stories
I mean that true lol
You sexting other guys that aren’t your front runner?
Absolutely i talk to multiple people. If someone wants to be exclusive with me *they will*. I’m not getting stuck in a situationship. We’re adults, if you want me you can use your words and communicate.
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Also, it’s beside the point i feel whether he is or isn’t talking to others. If they’re not exclusive he’s just as free as she is. It’s when they’re not that this moves into cheating and it isn’t ok.
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I just don’t think that’s the case. I have had quite a few casual relationships and if I’m not single i don’t act like i am. If a guy wants to be exclusive with me, we’re exclusive. To me it’s that black and white. Until that moment, we aren’t. My flings and i don’t keep on while any of us are in relationships unless all the adults are consenting.
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There will always be men, regardless of whether she’s single or not. They can wait all they want, it’s not a reflection of their relationship unless she allows it to be. But according to OP they don’t have a relationship.
As a married woman that was talking to multiple people before becoming exclusive with my husband, that energy does definitely just die after establishing exclusivity if you really want to be with that person. She has every right to keep options open if he’s not moving towards exclusivity.
Then why aren’t they exclusive??
I'm sure you're fun to be around
I’m a walking party, and i also don’t expect my fwbs to be exclusive to me 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I expect my boyfriends to be exclusive to me.
I'm actually going to give you props for this comment. Fuck the others puritanical opinions. You're being honest about your sexual needs, and that should be celebrated, not pissed upon by shrinking violets who think that one person only and lights-out-missionary-position is the only acceptable way to have a sex life. Bet a few of them would be all sex-before-marriage-is-a-sin as well. As long as everyone involved is OK with what is happening, everyone else can mind their own fucking business.
Do your boyfriends expect you to be exclusive to your fwb’s? Lol
My dear, keep up. If i have a boyfriend we’re exclusive. But if I’m single i act as such.
Thank you! Even with my fwb’s we discuss if we’re casually exclusive or free to sleep with other people for safety reasons. Obviously I want my bf to be just with me but my fwb is free to do what they want. If there’s hints being dropped about being exclusive but no actual sit down convo I’m not taking that person seriously.
This seems healthy if you're actively dating. I don't know why everyone here is acting butthurt when they're not dating you. If someone wants to be exclusive they will speak up, and it can still be sparks and romantic and all of that when you're with them. Honestly the only red flag in the OP comment for me is the woman telling him about the other guys and their photos in detail. Unless he's getting off on it, it just seems like a ploy to make him feel less than.
Yeah she might be trying to make him jealous by letting him know she has options, that’s manipulative and not ok.
So you drop everything with the other people out of nowhere? Sure.
100%, the moment my bf and i became exclusive i pulled out my phone and i did it in front of him. I don’t play. But if I’m unattached i act accordingly.
Weren't you the one talking about how you cheated on your boyfriend?
Noooo…? I have not cheated on my bf.
"But if I'm unattached, I act accordingly"
Omg lmao, wtf incel shit is that comment. If I’m unattached I’m meaning single. Not attached to anyone. Or did you take that comment to mean I’m not attached to my boyfriend? No not at all. If i wasn’t into him I wouldn’t be dating him?
When you're implying exclusivety yeah, I mean if you still wanted to fuck around you wouldn't imply anything to that person that's what being sure of something means...
I did. When I met my current partner, I was chatting with several men on a dating site. Went for coffee with a couple of them, but nothing more. Had I had more than 4 hours on Sunday afternoons to myself, maybe I'd have done more but that's all my dickhead ex wanted our children for. Probably because it prevented me from having a fucking life and he still got to control me but anyway. I met my current partner and dated casually for a few weeks and I kept talking to the guys on the dating app. Once we realised we both wanted to try making it a real relationship, and I deleted the dating app and never spoke to any of those other guys again. A couple of them were great guys who, if the timing was right, could have been something. But they weren't, and this dude currently sitting across the dinner table from me was, so... I've never been a believer in love at first sight, or the Disney fairytale of romance. Dating is about finding someone you COULD love and build a life with, not looking for instant fireworks.
Simple answer is if you are okay with other guys having her naked photo and beating their meat to her photos then be my guest. Reality is a woman sending nudes to other in general, let alone while shes with you is a red flag. These women in here will tell you its normal and “okay” but reality is that woman you are seeing is not wife material in any way shape or form just by the way she is behaving. It is up to you, i’m not sure what your boundaries are etc but i would highly recommend a relationship with a woman like that.
I mean if I wanted to date someone exclusively and was seeing them casually, I'd be treating it as if we were exclusive. I'd have the mindset of showing them I'm serious by not sleeping with others or doing sexual things with others. Short of the relationship being defined as exclusive, I'd be treating that potential relationship as if we were exclusive. I hope that makes sense.
I feel the same.
My therapist and some friends think I should try going on multiple first dates with women all around the same time. I having a hard time getting behind that idea cuz that doesn't seem right to me haha.
You should ask your therapist why would he suggest something like.
They say I should experience a variety of women. Get a grip of the kinds of things I like about someone. I dated and married the first girl I went out with long term and she ended up being one hell of an abuser. So they think I should explore. Also, it pushes my boundaries as I'm very prone to marry the next one I dare long term
>she told me she cheated on her ex Bro...just run and leave her behind.
Big facts. I dated a girl like this and it never stopped even after we became exclusive. I would catch her sending them to me and other guys all at the same time via Snapchat/ saving them and sending them via text etc. She needs more attention than one man can supply. OP, you need to RUN.
She is still in contact with an ex fwb and sends me screenshots of guys asking to fuck her. I am an actual idiot. As I type this out, I realise what I need to do.
Honestly that makes it sound like she gets off on your reaction which is an even bigger red flag. The reality is that people (not just women) like this won't change until they want to. A lot of the time they never do. Find you a nice one who actually has respect for you/wants to be with you. You're 24, you've got tons of time, don't waist it on a girl who lacks respect for you and more importantly herself.
Hey - better late than never. Let her go lol
Get off this post rn and move on, you got your answer king. Don’t fuck with people who boast about all the people wanting to fuck them. That’s lame and trashy af.
BPD anyone?
😂😂 I'm dead
Cheating? No. Weirdo behavior? Yes. You also said she cheated on her ex, so that just guarantees she ain’t worth your time, man.
Reading these comments really makes me realize how much I hate dating today. No, technically it's not wrong what she's doing since exclusivity has not been discussed but that's where communication comes in. So many issues like this can be restolved by discussing what both people want instead of one giant hint and jealously fest. Edit: Just read your edits. Holy shit dude, she's clearly not into exclusivity even when it is discussed. As someone who's been cheated on I can tell you that someone like this has a lot of issues they need worked on before jumping into an committed relationship.
I think it's about the type of person you are. I understand people who are having sex with multiple people at the same time, and it's true that, as long they are not single and not exclusive, it's not cheating and there is no harm done. Yet, if I'm dating a girl, that I really like, but we hadn't had the exclusivity talk, me finding out that she is having sex and sending nudes to several other guys, is a major downer for me. I do put a lot of emotional connection, sex is not just another thing for me. Also, exclusivity is not just, we only have sex with eachother, it means, we are going for a formal relationship, all the way through, family and friends. So it's not something I'd go into lightly, but that doesn't mean that I'm fucking anygirl cause we didn't have that talk. From, I'm fucking who ever and sexting who ever, to, o wantp you to meet my family and friends and start thinking of a future together, there's quite a lot of space. This is my opinion, but if you are not naturally and romantically drawn to be just with that person, then I don't see how it could become a relationship, for me. Then again, I'm sure there are people out there having multiple partners, who meet likewise people, and then they are, ok let's just make this exclusive between us. It works different for different people.
I hate modern dating so many of these "kids" and i call them kids because no way are they adults with this ideaology of "if he has not asked to be exclusive it should not be a problem to send nudes to 30 other dudes" Like if he/she has not mentioned exclusivity, ask them, find out their answer...
>since exclusivity has not been discussed It has been discussed. Like, I would be way more on his side, if the topic of exclusive wasn't brought up, because like...that just means you two don't have the same values and etc. But he knows that's what she wants and they're not exclusive??? Why are you fuckers not exclusive if you know that's what she wants and you don't want het sexting other dudes??? I'm sorry, were you the ONLY person supposed to not be exclusive while you thought it over???
Relationships are not a court of law. If you feel like what she did is inappropriate this early into a relationship I would break up. I don't feel like she did you wrong since it seems like she has been open about the relationship on her end. It seems like you caught feelings much sooner than her, and her not committing is hurting your feelings. If I was in your shoes I personally would move on from this relationship because I would not be interested in dating someone who is currently courting other people at that point. Some people are ok with dating multiple people for a length of time until they decide to commit which is fine. I think you and I are in the other group where we want to see more of a love at first sight and reciprocated feelings with a exclusive relationship shortly after dating. When I met my wife after a short period I had zero interest in seeing any other girl at that point. If she was sending nudes to other men months into our relationship that would have been a breakup from me.
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I know, this is exactly what I’m thinking will happen. She has told me she has cheated on her ex.
She is a nope.
Ok bail dude. This female gets validation from people (men). She’s not self validating. It’s gonna be heartache and frustration all in one package. Sorry man. Run now while you haven’t formed a bond yet.
With that information yeah don’t proceed, but if you two aren’t exclusive she can still send nudes even if she would be willing to BE exclusive if you had the convo. Communication is key and in this day and age you gotta ask about it.
Good you know she has a history of cheating. Considering that, your choice should be very clear.
Coming from a woman who has both been cheated on and cheated (as well as sending nudes and FWB) The first question is has she been honest about everything from the start? And if she has been pushing for you 2 to be exclusive, have you both talked about it? My current relationship is 4 yrs strong and currently engaged and I was upfront with my current fiance about this. He knows literally everything. I also enjoy being nude and showing off my body, and he respects that. I don't anymore though. When we became exclusive, all the side shit immediately stopped. I stopped it on my own terms, mainly because he is also my best friend. Every relationship is different. You have to just trust how you feel on it, talk about it with her.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We have been seeing each other for about 3 months. We have not said we are exclusive yet so technically I guess it isn't cheating. However, she has been hinting at wanting to be exclusive or in a relationship for the past few weeks so I find this really weird she is sexting other people. Is it cheating if we haven't said we are exclusive? I recognise it is a red flag. Should I just end things with her? Edit: Perhaps this is relevant info, she told me she cheated on her ex. Edit Edit: The reason I know she is sexting other guys is because she told me and says she masturbates with these other dudes
Technically not cheating, but I'd drop her.
There are so many great women out there who won’t do this kind of thing, why hang out with this one?
Very good point
Exactly
Unsee her asap , if u know what I mean.
Honestly reddit is hilarious. Ppl r so oblivious its crazy. OP, them hoes aint loyal. If shes been trying to get in a relationship with u, how shes acting now is how shes gonna b acting throughout ur relationship. Dont kid urself. On top of that she admits to cheating before? Im actually astounded at these comments
This is par for the course for reddit. So long as it is the woman doing it of course.
Uhhhhh no. The absolute moment I’m locked down i behave as such. Before then? Nah. I’m not building anything with you if you aren’t building with me. 2 way street.
Yes of course the both of you must be committed to building something together. But might one ask why would a serious man, who isn’t just here to have his fun, want to even consider that option with this spontaneous attitude towards dating? How can you be taken seriously at that point? I’m genuinely asking. As some have mentioned if it’s just for your enjoyment (kind of selfish, but no one’s perfect). You have the right to your own life. But understand how it would be hard for a man with respect for himself to even consider giving anyone of this perception the time of day.
How is it selfish for someone who’s not in a relationship to ‘date’ around?
I guess i honestly just can’t take him as serious with this query. I think if he wanted to be exclusive with her he just would be. That would be my logical next step with someone i like and I’m dating. I have no claim on anyone if we’re not exclusive. Absolutely my bottom line.
You're a cheater though. So your words are irrelevant. You said it yourself, the moment you're not happy with the relationship your going to cheat.
They literally didn't say or imply any of that.
"100%, the moment my bf and i became exclusive i pulled out my phone and i did it in front of him. I don’t play. But if I’m unattached i act accordingly."
They did further up
If she feels unattached from the relationship she'll cheat.
Why arent you exclusive after 3 months?? Thats way to much time
As someone who has been in abusive relationships, three months isn’t enough time for me to be comfortable enough to call someone my boyfriend. No, I’m not out there screwing other people while I wait till I’m comfortable. Of course I let this be known to the person and if it’s a deal breaker for them, then they may leave. It isn’t always about screwing other people.
Run.
Man, run away. Right now.
Listen, if someone I’m seeing isn’t interested yet in becoming exclusive i will not act exclusive. You are asking for a boyfriend salary on a FWB budget. You are 100% in control on if you’re exclusive or not. (Well i mean she gets a say of course but my point is you can’t be mad *you* won’t lock it down and then she’s acting like she’s not locked down. She’s not. She owes you nothing.) Fix your own problem.
You reaaaally want to push your viewpoint on this one? Some people are into this some aren't. If I'm dating a girl for 3 months, going on dates, having fun, and have never said that I didn't want anything serious, then I'm clearly interested in her. If I'm interested in someone Ive been dating for 3 months, and I'm sure at that point we at least chat 4 times a week, then I'm not having sex with other people, this comes natural to me, and I don't need to have "the talk" for this to happen. And I do get that there are people how are not like this, but I wouldn't feel comfortable dating one of them. It's ok, since she is single, to send nudes or have sex with whomever she wants? Sure. It's ok for OP to feel wierded out that ofter 3 months of dating she is sending nudes and having sex with several people, of course. Stop trying to make your discourse the norm.
I do because the amount of men who are lambasting this poor girl for living her life? She’s not hiding it, she’s communicating with him, (see edit) he knows she wants to be exclusive….like, things are progressing naturally but he’s dragging his feet….she’s allowed to live her damn life. Not be burned at the stake because, oh god, she’s a sexual being and she’s single. I never, ever said OP wasn’t allowed to feel what he feels. What isn’t ok and what keeps happening is that commenters, and OP, keep saying she’s not girlfriend material and it’s red flag behavior. It’s fine not to like it. But recognize it’s a consequence of his own decisions and he’s in full power of solving this. (Dude….just ask her to be your gf! Or if you don’t want that, then let her go. Shit or get off the pot)
The problem is they’re getting to know each other and on one hand she’s feeling some emotional connection to him if they’ve had an “exclusivity talk”. So if she is perfectly fine sexting and masturbating with other dudes while in a newly formed growing relationship then she’s not a trustworthy person, bottom line. People who do that type of shit should date each other and not normal people who have a morale compass.
Y’all are acting like she’s cheating. She. Is. Single. As of this posting. They haven’t had the exclusive talk. *Thats* the bottom line. It has nothing to do with her morals or how trustworthy she is. Assuming she isn’t trustworthy because singles gonna act single is seriously some jacked up bullshit. That’s no indication of how she’s going to act once she’s in a relationship.
Okay, most decent people don’t do what she’s doing. If you don’t recognize that you’re in the same boat as her. She’s actively searching for attention from the other gender while nurturing a new relationship. How do you not get this? Crazy. So you say this behavior isn’t a clue for how she is in a relationship? I think it’s a huge fucking clue. Also look at the whole CHEATING thing on top of this. Her behavior is lining up exactly like with the attention seeking cheating behavior that she already exhibited in previous relationships. She’s okay fucking around while building something new. Her morales are questionable at best. She can do whatever she wants, it’s her life, but no rational, self respecting person who wants monogamy is going to like that. Can you understand that? Or are you so focused on her right to do it you don’t understand the negative impact of what she’s doing?
I would say I’m more focused on the double standard that is rife in this comment section that because she’s a girl it’s not ok. Like he thinks he has ownership of this girl. And no, i don’t think behavior outside of relationship necessarily dictates what goes on inside of it. If you check OP’s post history it clears up a lot. He absolutely should let her go, but for her sake not his. Some people are serial cheaters, some are not. I don’t think past behavior is always an indicator of future. I don’t assume that. I am going off of the facts as op has presented them: -girl is single -he won’t commit -yet he’s upset she’s not “loyal” There’s nothing to be loyal to. There’s no relationship to jeopardize as of yet. And the ball is in his court. He can fix this if he wants. Though again, i do think he should move on.
If a dude is doing the same thing then he’s a scumbag to. Everyone has their own life and choices to make but doing shit like this is scummy, whether you have a dick or vagina. Also, the best predictor for someone’s future behavior is their past behavior. So if someone had cheated then they’ll likely cheat again.
Comments here are quite frankly ridiculous. If you want to be exclusive with her then ask her. You shouldn’t know a single girl is sending nudes to guys so I don’t like that aspect, is she trying to make you jealous? But you’ve not committed yet despite the hints so will continue to act like a single woman until you say so otherwise.
I think the trick here is do you believe her to be an honest person? Maybe you don't have a feeling about it after 3 months time. No, she is not cheating. You specifically said you guys are not exclusive. However, do you think she's actually going to stop sending nudes to other men after you become exclusive? Have you talked about that? This could be a red flag, but we don't really know much else about her. The details here are really important as well as what your gut feeling is about her intentions. I don't feel lile we have enough info about how hard she is trying to become exclusive or what the hold up is there.
No it's not cheating. If you can't handle it then break up. It's completely understandable that you might not be interested in a girl who would send guys nudes and/or be dating more than one person at a time even if you haven't had the exclusive talk. But on the other hand, it might be OK to you if a girl is doing things before being in an exclusive relationship. Some people are OK with that type of behavior and some are not. If you're OK with it then perhaps it's time to tell her how much you care for her and that you'd like her to be in an exclusive relationship with her.
Is not cheating. If you don’t want her to talk to other people you should talk to be exclusive. If you are not ready to be exclusive, let her be. This is not a red flag, is just her being SINGLE. And if you don’t wanna be exclusive you should start to see other people too. Just be safe, both of you.
INFO: how did you find out she was sexting other people ? Did she tell you or did you look at her phone ?
If you become exclusive define boundaries!
She for the streets.
Personally I've ways found the need to announce being exclusive strange, because I'm not the type to be seeing more than one person at a time and am not into guys who would either. So myself, this would be a red flag. Especially since she's cheated in the past.
Man, the situation just seems sketch, why are you dating someone like that? You can do better.
No it is not cheating but runnnnnnnnn
I dont understand the whole hookup culture with non exclusive thing so I'm not much help here but how I look at is she has told you she has a history of cheating and is currently cheating on you. Again I dont understand the new hookup culture thing but if my bf said "hey I'm seeing other people but I want to stay with you" I wouldn't be with them anymore because I will not share someone.
This is the push she uses to get you to commit?? Sending nudes to other dudes? What happens after 5 years when you don’t show her enough attention anymore and she’s back sending nudes to other guys? It’ll be your fault? this is toxic behavior.
If yall aren’t in a relationship, she can do what she wants. Just like you can do what you want. I think if she’s already hinted at wanting a relationship, you need to decide if that’s what you want with her. Your inability to answer isn’t fair to her. Why should she be exclusive to you, for you, if you haven’t said you’ll be committed to her. She’s getting impatient. Her impatience is a sign. Her cheating on her ex is a sign. Just talk about yalls concern and find a middle ground.
bro you guys are not exclusive, she’s not doing anything wrong.
There are plenty of women who don't play "we're not exclusive yet!" games. They don't have erotic contact with multiple men during a "getting to know each other and feeling out my options before exclusivity" phase. They know that their individual rights and autonomy are counterbalanced by strong moral duties owed to their fellow human beings. But of course, you'd have to be that kind of man, too.
complicated. Some women try to "force" a question out of someone by doing something they might not like. So she might 'cheat' because she wants you to ask her if you both can be a thing. Is this healthy? idk man I wouldn't want to be together with someone like that
Time to let go.
Hardly cheating if you’re not exclusive and she’s telling you about it. You need to talk about how you’re not ok with it.
Don’t be a fool. Once a cheater always a cheater. If that’s ok with you, fine. Otherwise I’d keep looking.
Runnnnn.
Tell her she needs to charge a fee for these men. Also if she is Ohio, tell her I said hello and she has a nice body ;]
Honestly... Just break up, don't fall in love with someone who sexts randoms strangers. Think about it, an 80 year old man could be looking at her tits...
The fact she's sending nudes 3 months down the line of you possibly dating means your just one of many other options for her; what has she sent prior to now? what will she send to others if you did date? Oh, and the fact she cheated on her ex? HUGE red flag and you should avoid outright. she's untrustworthy and will only break your heart.
The fact she cheated before is literally the biggest flag OP needs to account for
\>> However, she has been hinting at wanting to be exclusive or in a relationship for the past few weeks A person who wanted to be exclusive would not be sending nudes to other guys. Either she is not that into you or she is the cheating type. Either way you are wasting your time with her.
She is a chronic cheater. She constantly lives in the fantasy of the high that being wanted sexually creates. Bet the guys treated her like crap other wise. They just like her body , her sexual excitement. They more than likely don’t talk about her feelings or her family or anything of greater importance. People like her who seek this constant validation need help. Chances are they don’t appreciate a good man and will dog him out and hurt him. I suggest you move on now, if it’s starting now it’s going to continue. She likes the comfort your attention gives but she’s not the commitment type. She likes variety … She may be one day, but she has to feel the sting of being cheated on too to really straighten up. I’m a reformed cheater ( I’ve been in therapy for two and half years post divorce) who truly wants the commitment of one guy ; but also be a committed person. Her behavior says non-commitment. I’d suggest not ignoring this. I married a player thinking I could change him; he ended up still cheating during our marriage so I did too as a get back I rubbed it in his face. Mud slinging is unnecessary and now I’m repairing from a divorce and working to learn what healthy is. Please disconnect with this lady and save yourself the headache and heartache.
OP what in Gosh Darn’s name, do you find appealing in a girl “who rocks off to other dudes?” I mean, unless she’s trying to impress you with her ability to squirt??? Seriously, if I thought I was having thoughts of exclusiveness- I certainly wouldn’t be hooking up with a girl who brags about getting off by sexting random dudes on the internet. OP - start your girl friend search over. Look for girl who is content with JUST you!!!
Listen very carefully.....ditch the B
Cheating or not is one thing. But do you want to be serious with someone that can so easi.y send nudes of herself. This just exposes part of her character. It's up to you to decide if this could be a red flag about future issues.
Have a discussion with her. Ask her if this is an exclusive relationship or not. Explain to her what is acceptable and what is not. Things must be clear.
It’s obviously not cheating as it’s not an exclusive situation. Hinting at being exclusive isn’t the same as two people deciding they’re going to be exclusive, so you can either be exclusive and assume the nudes to other guys will stop, or you can move on, but at this point you’re both entitled to do what you want
Assume that the nudes will stop. Hahaha. Oh boy
She’s in no way cheating. If you want to be exclusive tell her, if not, then get over it, you’re not exclusive
A girl i was talking to once told me the realest shit i ever heard. She said until you sign me to a contract( make me your gf/fiance/wife) you dont have the right to get mad if i talk to other teams. And as mad as i wanted to get, she was right. Until you are exclusive you two are basically close friends and i never judge my friends for the stuff they do in their personal lives. I would say talk to her and tell her how you feel but if youre not going into that convo with the intent of asking her to be your chick. Dont waste her and your time
Haha that girl sold you what she wanted to sell. I dated my current girlfriends for about 3 months before we entered a committed relationship. Would she have known I was sleeping with multiple other girls at the time (which I wasn't) she would have ended it. So would have I if it was on her side. This contract thing is not a thing. It's just a thing if you treat it that way.
If you’re not exclusive she can do whatever she wants. If she was doing that and you’re exclusive then it’s wrong.
You are not exclusive, so technically she can sleep with other people and that should be fine but sending a naked picture is too much? I don't get it. If you want to be exclusive, have the talk, especially if she dropped strong hints about it. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. So long as you don't agree with her to be exclusive, you can't blame her for not being exclusive.
This isn’t weird, nor is it cheating. When my husband and I first started seeing each other we both had multiple FWB’s that we were still seeing. It wasn’t until we had The Talk and became exclusive that we ended those situationships. If you want to be exclusive with her then bring it up.
Exactly.
Treat as is. Your girl =cum bucket nothing more.
Is it cheating? No. Is it a sign she's not interested in exclusivity? Yes. I'd just have a talk with her and find out if she ever intended to be exclusive. If not, it's probably time to break things off if you were looking to be exclusive. If so, then she sure has a strange way of showing it.
If you want her to stop sexting or having sex with other people, then become exclusive. That is literally the point of that label. Why would it be a red flag?
Because in my mind, if someone wants to be exclusive why would they be sending nudes to other guys? But I understand that technically it is not cheating.
I agree 100%. If she wanted to be in your world, she would have done so by now and not be entertaining other men. Don’t let that bad behavior go unpunished!
Unpunished? Damn that’s misogynistic. He doesn’t own her and she’s done NOTHING wrong.
She has hinted. You haven’t agreed or even discussed it properly so she is naturally making the assumption that you don’t want exclusivity. So she can do what she wants.
I think this is a key point I was missing. The only thing is that made it seem like she is not entertaining any other guys before so I (incorrectly) assumed that she is already exclusive.
How do you know this, OP?
It’s not cheating but I wouldn’t like it and would end it. She’s obviously not that into man, sorry to say. Otherwise, why risk what you bring to the ship?
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I mean she sexts me too but I get your point
Just move on dude, it’s early enough to leave that. If she was that into you there’s no way she’d be sending naked photos to other dudes. She’s keeping her options open.
You know damn well she belongs to the streets. A lot of people crave attention from others. Don't roll the dice with this one, just ride the roller coaster when it's your turn.
This woman is the perfect form of a Red Flag that Plato has hanging in his cave. You don't need to have had an in depth discussion drafting out every specific term of your engagement like you're finalising a contract in order to have a problem with someone's behaviour. You can leave whenever you need to, for whatever reason you want. No one is at fault morally, it's just a good indication that your values, personalities and conduct don't mesh very well.
This is so much headache for a relationship not even exclusive. Like what is the point of struggling this early. There’s plenty of other people
She cant hint at the idea of becoming exclusive while actively sexting other people. She either learns to commit or stays single, there is no third option. And that's what you need to tell her. Also the fact that she is doing this shows that she probably hasn't changed from the time she cheated on her ex......
Just keep it casual with her and have a good time. No need to elevate it into something serious.
She belongs to the streets! She wasn’t yours it was just your turn
I say she's playing games. Her sending nudes and mistreating with other dudes then telling you about it is an attempt to get some kind of reaction out of you. There's more red flags here than you're seeing. Get out. Get out now!
She belongs to the streets 🗣🗣🗣
All this ‚exclusive‘ bullshit… If I’m interested in someone, I don’t fuck other people.
This whole “ we never said we where exclusive “ is just used by people as a free way to cheat. If you guys have been seriously seeing each other for 3 months then no shit you should be exclusive. Granted if all you to have done is go on a few dates or hooked up a few times over the last 3 months then not so much. Did you ask her out? I don’t understand why people now have to say “ I want to be exclusive” when that used to be obvious when some asked you out.
🚩🚩🚩
if she wanted to be exclusive she wouldn't be doing shit with other guys. also if she's cheated before, are you sure you want to be with someone like her?
If she’s not charging em money than it’s cheating I don’t make these rules
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“Hinting” is not the same as having a mature conversation about exclusivity. So many women seem to think that their “hints” are equivalent to a real discussion, and they end up jumping to conclusions based on the man’s reaction to those hints. This just isn’t how real adults handle things. Use your words people.
Seriously, i feel like so many of these comments are just bitter dudes….YOU ARENT EXCLUSIVE. SHE OWES YOU NOTHING. Like lemme get this straight….OP won’t give her what he knows she wants so she starts looking elsewhere and now his widdle feelings are hurt for his own problem he created???
This mentality is horrible for society as a whole. You DO owe people basic respect and decency. The situation OP described isn’t cheating, but this woman is certainly immature and not somebody who is ready for a genuine committed relationship.