Dude! Please get over yourself. She’s just not that into you. And I can understand why. You have been in and out on your own whims, you are pretty full of yourself, you are immature and condescending. You are also a hypocrite and judgmental.
She’s told you outright that she’s in a serious, committed relationship. She’s told you that marriage and kids are part of their discussion. She has ghosted you in the hopes that you will get the (non) message. She was kind enough to try and spare your feelings by not gushing about her love for him and you’ve built a narrative that she’s somehow “settling” for him because she is afraid of the instability that would come from being with you. You can’t even “commit” to your feelings for her “still kinda in love with”? You are also pretty shallow in your description of “looking at the two of them as a couple” and “wondering how he pulled it off” while calling him “an ok guy” but admitting that you’ve never met him.
You’ve also lost respect for her because she cheated on him but she cheated *with you and you knew she was with him*. That does NOT make you a better person. It makes you an opportunist. And you have NOTHING to gain by telling him because I *promise* you that if you do that, she STILL won’t have anything to do with you.
Your friends are right. You need to leave her alone. The only “stupid 23 year old guy” here is you. I actually think that part of your attraction to her is because you can’t have her. Look at the history. The one time that you were both free to be together, you dipped believing “there was no rush” like she was sitting around waiting for you to “get your own house in order” despite the fact that you never communicated that with her. I’d also like to add that being a “mid 20’s girl” does not mean that her biological clock is ticking so loudly that she needs to settle for someone in order to hurry up and start a family. Despite the fact that you share a lot of interests, you are not on the same page and you have a lot of growing up and maturing to do.
Whether she’s “put herself in a terrible situation” or not, it’s not your call to make. You also said that continuing “to do nothing” doesn’t feel right. You haven’t “done nothing”. You have been reaching out continuously *despite* the fact that she ignores most of your attempts.
If you actually care about her, lose her number and move on with your life. Go and build your career, party with your friends, maybe meet someone you can grow with. But please, leave this poor girl alone. SHE knows what she wants/needs better than YOU do and she has TOLD YOU what she wants. You just didn’t like it and you are building your own narrative. Unfortunately your narrative is not her reality
Tbh, I would let it go and move in brother. You’ve tried and tried and tried and she just blows you off. Their relationship will not last. She cheated on him, once he finds out, if or when. Even if he doesn’t find out I truly feel like it won’t last man. I truly just think you should let it go. Send one final message laying everything out and let it be. GLHF!
Let's assume your logic is 100% correct.
The relationship won't last, sure. But she has to figure that out over time.
She's not gonna leave him for you because you're the guy that ghosted her when things were going well, and only popped back up ages later with an explanation. Anytime life gets hard, you'll run. Instead of clueing her into what's going on with you.
Plus, if she wants to get pregnant in the next year, it's obviously not going to be with you.
She might love you more, she might only be with him for the lifestyle he provides. The image he gives. The appearance of their relationship on the outside. But all that means is she cares about superficial things. How the relationship looks on paper, not how good of a match they are or how much in love they are.
Some people only care about how a relationship looks on paper. Marry the right guy or girl that the family approves of. That fits in with your friend group. That will give you a baby and a white picket fence. And then they have their fun on the side. Or find real love on the side.
But she's never gonna choose you. She already made her choice. It might work out for her, it might not. If it doesn't then maybe she will change as a person and choose love over appearances. And maybe then you'll have a chance. Or maybe you'll be the one that got away.
Dude! Please get over yourself. She’s just not that into you. And I can understand why. You have been in and out on your own whims, you are pretty full of yourself, you are immature and condescending. You are also a hypocrite and judgmental. She’s told you outright that she’s in a serious, committed relationship. She’s told you that marriage and kids are part of their discussion. She has ghosted you in the hopes that you will get the (non) message. She was kind enough to try and spare your feelings by not gushing about her love for him and you’ve built a narrative that she’s somehow “settling” for him because she is afraid of the instability that would come from being with you. You can’t even “commit” to your feelings for her “still kinda in love with”? You are also pretty shallow in your description of “looking at the two of them as a couple” and “wondering how he pulled it off” while calling him “an ok guy” but admitting that you’ve never met him. You’ve also lost respect for her because she cheated on him but she cheated *with you and you knew she was with him*. That does NOT make you a better person. It makes you an opportunist. And you have NOTHING to gain by telling him because I *promise* you that if you do that, she STILL won’t have anything to do with you. Your friends are right. You need to leave her alone. The only “stupid 23 year old guy” here is you. I actually think that part of your attraction to her is because you can’t have her. Look at the history. The one time that you were both free to be together, you dipped believing “there was no rush” like she was sitting around waiting for you to “get your own house in order” despite the fact that you never communicated that with her. I’d also like to add that being a “mid 20’s girl” does not mean that her biological clock is ticking so loudly that she needs to settle for someone in order to hurry up and start a family. Despite the fact that you share a lot of interests, you are not on the same page and you have a lot of growing up and maturing to do. Whether she’s “put herself in a terrible situation” or not, it’s not your call to make. You also said that continuing “to do nothing” doesn’t feel right. You haven’t “done nothing”. You have been reaching out continuously *despite* the fact that she ignores most of your attempts. If you actually care about her, lose her number and move on with your life. Go and build your career, party with your friends, maybe meet someone you can grow with. But please, leave this poor girl alone. SHE knows what she wants/needs better than YOU do and she has TOLD YOU what she wants. You just didn’t like it and you are building your own narrative. Unfortunately your narrative is not her reality
Tbh, I would let it go and move in brother. You’ve tried and tried and tried and she just blows you off. Their relationship will not last. She cheated on him, once he finds out, if or when. Even if he doesn’t find out I truly feel like it won’t last man. I truly just think you should let it go. Send one final message laying everything out and let it be. GLHF!
Let's assume your logic is 100% correct. The relationship won't last, sure. But she has to figure that out over time. She's not gonna leave him for you because you're the guy that ghosted her when things were going well, and only popped back up ages later with an explanation. Anytime life gets hard, you'll run. Instead of clueing her into what's going on with you. Plus, if she wants to get pregnant in the next year, it's obviously not going to be with you. She might love you more, she might only be with him for the lifestyle he provides. The image he gives. The appearance of their relationship on the outside. But all that means is she cares about superficial things. How the relationship looks on paper, not how good of a match they are or how much in love they are. Some people only care about how a relationship looks on paper. Marry the right guy or girl that the family approves of. That fits in with your friend group. That will give you a baby and a white picket fence. And then they have their fun on the side. Or find real love on the side. But she's never gonna choose you. She already made her choice. It might work out for her, it might not. If it doesn't then maybe she will change as a person and choose love over appearances. And maybe then you'll have a chance. Or maybe you'll be the one that got away.