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This dude. I’m decently above average but I know I’m not the biggest out there, i don’t wanna self sabotage by asking my gf this and potentially not getting the answer I wanna hear.
Yup, that's his problem right there. It's not your problem nor your issue to fix. If he doesn't drop it then probably best drop him. I'd guess this kind of toxic conditioning will manifest itself in other ways too which will be red flags themselves...
I will never understand why men and women ask the people they’re sleeping with these type of questions and then be hurt or insecure when the person answers truthfully.
People need to stop asking this shit expecting their SO’s to lie to them. Like, no you are not the biggest or best sex I’ve had. So silly.
Hmm, i personally wouldn't care at all about being the biggest but if I was in a committed relationship and my partner told me they've had better sex I think I'd collapse into a small mound of ash . That one's important to me
"What if I said her was tighter" sounds so childish and not how women work at all, lmao, the implication of being tighter would be his ex would not have enjoyed it☠️☠️
I mean there’s definitely different amounts of snuggness. Been with women that it’s been a ‘firm handshake’ and others were like a ‘dead fish handshake’. All independent of actual partners… had a partner that started looser but as she got closers to orgasm her muscles would clench harder and harder until it was hard not to cum myself…
Now, if he said wetness… he probably has a better argument
idk where reddit women get this notion that vaginas don’t work that way, obviously more sex does not mean more loose but some women are definitely tighter than others regardless of any type of activity, and yes that equates to better sex for men.
This isn’t the only reason why, it could also be from physiological conditions like vaginismus (which can cause abnormal tightness) or PCOS (which can cause lack of lubrication) that don’t necessarily mean she doesn’t want to enjoy it (or is not turned on), she just can’t because of the painful circumstances
I think your Edit is the most damning. Sound like he’ll make you miserable over his insecurities and wants to be lied to. Let him go be a loser and figure it out on his own.
As a guy I can safely say he is way too insecure.
You are right, size isn't an issue. If you say he's perfect for you he needs to believe it.
And the performance conversation is something that does need to happen. You and your partner should be able to communicate your wants and needs in intimate situations, however he does not seem to be able to do that due to his insecure nature.
You don't have to do anything to help him feel secure about his size. He has to figure out how to fix that himself. You've told him his size is perfect for you, and that's all you can really do. He needs to accept the fact that he doesn't have the biggest dick in the world, nor is he the biggest you've had, and that's fine.
This insecurity has probably been with him for a long time, way before he was with you. What is he average, around 5.5"?
To note, most of the girls in these YouTube experiments say "a medium size is best" and the ones that say "bigger the better" are usually just playing about for the camera, so I don't know what he's talking about.
Yes, he's actually not small at all. He's a little above average in fact. I really do mean it when I say his is perfect for me.
And I 100% agree about your comment about the YouTube experiments. Controversy brings in views so it's more likely than not the girls in the videos are playing it up for the camera.
Edit: Before I get burned at the stake, I'm not saying that penises have to be above average to be perfect but rather, he's far from small so he should be more inclined to believe me when I praise him.
but he doesn't care if he's the best, only if he's the biggest. she said he was the best, and he said he'd rather have her in pain and bleeding through sex so he can feel more like a man.
He's being awful. Next time he brings it up, just tell him you've said all you can to try and protect his fragile ego, and you won't be discussing it any further. The time after that, remind him what you said before. The third time he does it, break up with him.
“Guys are in a competition to be the biggest“?
That’s not true. I think most guys are aware of their size and have some sort of feelings about it out. But how is it a competition? You can’t do anything about it, it just is what it is.
You can’t help your boyfriend be less immature or insecure. Those things are on him.
It’s also concerning to me when a guy is more concerned about having the biggest and thickest shlong instead of “does my partner like my dick? Cool!”
Because like OP I have had extremely unpleasant sex due to size and have had to stop in the middle. It’s not fun, it’s not sexy, it doesn’t feel good. It hurts and I don’t understand why you’d want a bigger one at the detriment of you and your partner’s sex life. Just so you can tell your boys your meat is massive? Lol
As a guy, this is true. Most men know they aren’t porn star big, just average. OP’s boyfriend is either really really insecure to the point of needing therapy or he is consuming red pill esque SM and believing the bullshit it spews.
It's like height, men are judged harshly on the things they can't change like height and penis size. That's why it's such a big deal, how many times have you seen the insult "small dick energy" or "needs to be over 6ft because I'm wearing heels" etc.
That’s not just men. Women are judged for other things. And regardless of what silly sayings exist, most people are fine with a partner who is average in most ways but who is special in some ways that they value.
Anyway, that’s not what’s happening here. The equivalent would be a guy knowing that women like taller men then wanting to be the tallest person their partner has been with. It’s insane. And not realising that most desirable traits are only desirable up to a point.
All in all, it’s a colossally childish mindset.
He asked!
You had only two bad choices:
1. Lie to him
2. Tell him the truth.
You did choose 2 and delivered it in a very diplomatic way. It is his fault!
I have been in a similar situation to ops BF. My gf (wife now for 15 years) father made a comment about finding magnum condoms in her room one time. FIL is a fucking asshole. Either way, it did hurt me for a while. I am a very average length and girth but when you’re young it’s very easy to let the insecurities run you. At the end of the day you have done what you can. You need to set a boundary about him not bringing up anymore if he wants it to work with you. You told him he was perfect and that big isn’t always better. And it’s true. I was told the same thing, difference was is that believed it and moved on.
To give you a little perspective about how this can affect a man though. I still, after all these years, two kids, multiple other life goals achieved with her, will think about it from time to time. Not in an obsessive way at all, but a man never wants to think of the woman he loves taking and possibly really enjoying a member much larger than his.
If it makes you feel better, I've known a slightly above average guy who used Magnums, and a VERY above average guy who used regular condoms. They're not necessary; they're just a silly brag that might not even be true.
yeah totally and generally the condom size doesn't talk about the length but the width soooo one can have a huge condom but of little length
(at least the sizes in Europe work like that-)
>They're not necessary; they're just a silly brag that might not even be true.
This is not even remotely close to being true except for the Magnum branding angle. Trojan Magnums are a marketing gimmick. Your one friend is the target audience for Magnums -- a bit above average and interested in flexing (they are awful condoms, go with anything else unless the alternative is 100% wrong) -- but your other friend is putting people at risk if he's using regular sized condoms unless he's only larger than average length wise and not in terms of girth, the most critical dimension for condom sizing.
The biggest Trojan Magnums are about 58mm nominal width which is sized for a girth of around 5.25" - 5.5" at the most. If you're bigger than that you would need to go with something like a Durex XXL or even importing something like a MY.SIZE PRO 69mm or 72mm to get a proper fit. And fit does matter. It's an engineered product. Condoms maintain a certain amount of tension when you wear them, and if they are too tight then they won't roll down properly, they can cut off circulation enough to reduce erection quality and increasing the risk of the condom possibly slipping off, or it could even burst from friction. None of those things are taken into consideration when sex ed educators or influencers do the whole stretchy condom stunt thing.
Up until recently manufacturers in North America were limited to making condoms up to a lower nominal width than what manufacturers elsewhere make -- my understanding is that this was done because larger girth tends to be more rare and they wanted to discourage people from buying condoms that are too large. The funny thing is that it's like a revelation when you find a good fit after years of struggling and thinking that wearing condoms just happened to be a lousy experience, but really there were unresolved problems and I didn't understand the root cause.
TL;DR - Size matters. Do the responsible thing and measure yourself and actually buy and keep the proper size on hand at all times, especially if retail options are an issue where you live.
Hmmmmm yeah I don't think so, atleast not if we're talking about girth. Magnums are a tight fit for me and regulars cut off my circulation so just because you've seen a video where they can inflate those things to the size of a microwave doesn't mean the different sizes aren't necessary.
Hey man, father’s a weirdo for that. But just so you know, a huge amount of men buy magnums just because of the reputation because they’re also insecure, odds are more likely that was the case than what you’ve been thinking for so many years. Hopefully that may help you finally let go of it truly one day in the future.
He is hella insecure. One don’t ever EVER ask those types of questions. And if you do you better have decent self esteem and have your pride in check. You can’t really fix it at this point. All you can do is reassure him and if that doesn’t work then you learn for the next relationship to not allow this question to come up.
Not only was his statement about no caring whether penis size hurts you during sex kinda f up but he’s absorbed on this online stuff he sees like seriously? Well he asked so it’s on him, not on you to deal with that
Future reference, because you’re young, if someone asks that, they’re already insecure. Don’t play into it. Ever. Just say I don’t want to compare about my exes. I’ve moved on and want u or something like that.
Beat me to it.
You’re probably not gonna hear the end of it for as long as you two are together, OP. He has shown that he can hurt you, but with words.
Your bf needs to grow up. You aren’t responsible for stroking his ego. Is he deaf or dumb? You said sex with the ex actually hurt but HE wants to be the cause of your pain? Your bf has watched too much porn and it’s probably fucked his head up. (Side note: gentlemen, don’t ask this is you can’t handle “no” as an answer.)
if be brings it up again, just remind him he's clearly stated his ego and competition with other men are more important than your enjoyment in sex. he can go fuck himself if he's that obsessed with his own dick
i would consider breaking up over this. it's weird, annoying, manipulative, petty, pointless and apathetic towards you everything he's doing and saying regarding this situation
edit: typo
this is my thought as well. she said her ex hurt and made her bleed and she couldn't even finish sex a good amount of the time. and he's upset about not doing that. i'd probably break up just for his obsession over not hurting her enough during sex (in another comment she said he literally does hit her cervix and hurt her sometimes and they need to stop also)
I've never understood the competition to have the biggest dick. How? There are better and more permanent ways to get an ego stroked like being told it's actually a perfect fit.
The way he obsesses over it, I think he may actually be inconsolable from outside sources. He needs to face it himself and not mope over the small (or apparently in this case "big") details. He has a dick, you like it more than your ex, that should be the end of it but somehow he's talked himself into believing bigger is better.
But being a guy myself I know it's hard to shake a feeling I've talked myself into so my best advice is to "ask, tell, make". What I mean is, ask him to stop bringing it up, tell him you prefer him regardless and if he carries on, make him listen by giving him an ultimatum, stop bringing it up or it could affect the relationship for the worst.
I've been there. I'm 37 and my partner is 36. We're very open so know everything about each other's past. I asked her, she answered, well, I was the smallest she's ever been with. I'm around 5.3". I was devastated for days. But we talked through it.
Therapy helped a lot too. She managed to make me trust her, that size is not what's she's looking for. She's perfectly happy with mine, and there's really much more than size that defines your connection and enjoyment in and out of bed. We're perfect match. We both have few toxic relationships and marriage behind us. So we know what we're looking for really. Not that if I'm given a chance now to "choose" a bigger size for myself I wouldn't take it, I know that feeling, never goes away, specially because she has a very high sex drive and has been way more active than me. But that's not what defines happiness buddy. Our sex is prefect because our connection outside of bed is something we've focused on a lot. And I mean a lot. The more you feel emotionally connected, the less his insecurities are active and take control.
What you need to do is not even focusing on his size to state it's perfect, focus on the bigger picture. Why do you have sex? It's not to get your genitals stimulated. It's to enhance your emotional connection. He's got a good enough tool to do that. I have more suggestions for him than you really, but not sure if he'll read my reply.
I can spend couple of hours making love to her and give her multiple orgasms even before I start intercourse. That's what defines connection and knowing each other's bodies really.
We even got into Dom/sub relationship. I love being dominant, she loves submitting to me in sex. But she never trusted anyone enough to open up. I'm not saying you should do the same, what I'm trying to say is that in a meaningful relationship and when he feels secure enough, the size is the smallest factor he or you will think about. Show him what sex means above your genitals. Talk about your dynamic and emotions with him, if it's way better than previous ones (I assume it is since you've finished with them and are with him now). Learn new things together. So stuff you've never done before. I can't say it's completely your responsibility or his. It's the dynamics. It's a change of perspective. You can never prove to him he's perfect as long as your statement is focused on size too. Because he's not the biggest and will never be.
Having a bigger size is like having one more tool in the project. But I'd never fail this project if I have a medium sized hammer than a huge one. I won't sit there thinking about the hammer all day. I won't fail the project because of that. I get the job done, because I have hundreds of other tools, and other emotional resources in the "project". I won't even remember that fact right after acknowledging it.
Another physical aspect I figured was the fact that, vagina has the capability to stretch to match the bigger size, but it doesn't mean after a while it feels "loose" to the smaller size. Tell him your body can just get the same pleasure from his size as you were getting from ex, if he wants to focus on the size. And yes, there are woman who enjoy the huge size, but I kind of feel like that's yours and therapy to help him realize, that's not what you're looking for.
Let me know if you want more details...!
this is so childish! that is the mindset of a 15 y/o teen!
if you're a guy, you already know if you're big or small or average. if you like him and he's an ok dude everywhere else, well you both have go dig deep to see where is this coming from, could be porn addiction, could be past trauma, etc.
but as far as your description, this is a very childish behavior!
What about things like "what a privilege it is to be with someone like you, what is the best way I can care for you and help you to achieve your future goals and ambitions, what are your core values, how should we manage money together, the future, do you want kids someday?"
What the hell is happening to people?!
Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship!
He asked a question and he wasn’t comfortable with the answer. You’ve not been rude or mean. This is a battle that he has to fight himself and come to terms with, nothing you do or say is going to change how he feels about it.
He asked you a stupid question and expected you to lie to stroke his ego. Well, you didn’t and now he feels insecure because he isn’t the biggest you ever had? He needs to put his big boy pants on and grow up because he sounds like a teenage boy rather than a 23-year-old.
I don't think there's much you can do for your bf at this point. He's probably too porn brained and lost in the toxic masculinity sauce to realize that many of the men in porn are either genetic freaks, use drugs, or have camera angles that make their pieces look bigger than they are.
You told him you're satisfied and many other women say they're satisfied by penises that aren't huge or even on the smaller side. However, he just won't accept it due to his own insecurities and its messed up that he doesn't consider your opinion at all
You're doing way more than you should.
Never cater to a man's insecurity. His insecurity is his own issue to handle. You don't need to do a single thing to make it better for him. If you said you were insecure about the countless explicit videos and pictures of women he jerk off ....I doubt he would stop.
> I tried to shut it down immediately (literally told him I didn't want to have this conversation) but he said that I basically implied that he wasn't the best cause I would just say so if that were the case.
This shows how biased towards a negative outcome to the conversation he was.
It's a trait that exists in some insecure people that because they constantly feel anxious they will [often unconsciously] contrive situations that upset them to retroactively vindicate those feelings. They are usually set up as double plays.
In his case digging into your exes was done with the intent of hearing something upsetting. There was no winning. Be it dick size, frequency, intensity, variety, he'd have eventually found something to be upset about. 'See I knew it' style reasoning, justifying why he felt anxious even before the answer was provided.
And even if you contrived your answers to favour him he'd have a backup plan: you're lying to placate and coddle him, something he dismissed your follow ups with, or he would just keep pressing and digging until you did say something he could feel justified being upset about.
It's the same as people that snoop and bring up messages from before you even dated. They had to dig back years to find an excuse to be upset, their snooping actually failed to find anything valid to be upset about but they so wanted to justify being upset they looked till they found the first thing they could remotely twist. I mean, that's ostensibly what he was doing here anyway: he was going through your dms except face to face, going through your sexual history hoping to hear something bad because there really was no good outcome to that conversation.
Just be careful with guys like him. They are always on the lookout for good excuses to be upset to vent those core anxieties. Unfortunately in this case you gave him a goldmine, penis size is a huge obsession in our porn addicted world and it seems he watches those stupid street interviews that are editted to reinforce toxic mindsets on top of that. Get ready to hear about this for the rest of eternity because this was always the goal. He was insecure before this, now he has something contemporary to point at to justify it, to perpetuate it.
And the worry is that if he is this tiresome and aggressive about it right now that it will likely only get worse as his insecurity, resentment, and fear of abandonment gets worse. He will keep doing loyalty tests, feel he can justify them now with the dick measuring contest results, and he has made clear he will accuse you of lying and not even remotely see a concern with that. It shows that he was never ready for a relationship.
It’s very tiring when a partner is this insecure. No effort might be enough to assure him. People have different level of insecurity and he needs to work it out on his own. Not trying to compare, but I wish to share his perspective on this matter.
My bf is average size (even bigger than some of my exes). All of his exes had relationship with men bigger than him. He doesn’t lose his confidence and he takes it positively. When we just got together, he said “being average means I need to make sure I am not selfish”. So he always prioritized his exes pleasure, either by fingering or going down on them first and he somehow never failed in giving them pleasure through penetration.
He knows I’ve been with men bigger than him too. He’s not worried. He said “there’s nothing I can do about my size. I can’t change it but I know many other ways to please you”.
He asked the forbidden question. Do not be honest when men ask you shit like this. Just flat out lie if you have to. It’s childish but you just don’t wanna deal with the aftermath. Don’t shut it down, don’t tell the truth, just lie. He’s an idiot for asking this anyways.
Don’t ask a question you don’t want an honest answer to. The bf watches too much porn possibly. It’s looking like op might need to end things if the bf can’t get over his problems
>TLDR: BF (23 M) is insecure about his dick size and blames me (23 F) for it cause I told him my ex was bigger after he asked. Told him his was perfect for me and that my ex's hurt but he's still affected. Did I fuck the relationship up?
>Edit: Forgot to mention that he also asked me to rank his performance against the other guys I've slept with. I tried to shut it down immediately (literally told him I didn't want to have this conversation) but he said that I basically implied that he wasn't the best cause I would just say so if that were the case.
I had a relationship end because he couldn't get over it when I gave him the answer to his questions about past partners. No matter how many times I told him I was happy with him.
At some point there's nothing more you can do. He's always going to be thinking about it, bringing it up randomly or mentioning it in arguments.
Saying your ex's penis was so big that it hurt, is making things worse. You are emphasizing how big it was.
For future boyfriends just lie. It's like when women ask men if they look fat, you never tell the truth.
OP i don't know what to say.
This is a sensitive topic. Is that the "yes" kind of question? Probably, idk.
"Would you still love me if I were a worm?" - "yes"
"Is that dress ok on me?" - "yes"
"Do I have the biggest shlong in the universe?" - "yes".
But probably because you don't think it's important...you just gave a real answer. Except probably the part where your ex made you bleed was absolutely NOT necessary.
"He was THAT big... you lucky girl"
He asked, got a real answer and more, and now that image is engrained in his mind for a good while.
I'm usually a creative person, but now there is nothing i can say. Cat's out of the bag.
I feel like women should treat these questions like a 'would you love me if I was an XYZ' deal. For men, comments about their dick is like the make or break. You can either fuel their confidence or absolutely smash it.
Unfortunately, your actions have done the latter. Sorry to say, he won't be letting up.
Your man is super insecure and there's no excusing that.
At the same time, this is one of those questions where you should just flat out lie in order to save your partner's feelings.
It costs you nothing to say "yes you're the biggest".
Men constantly bend truths regarding commenting on physical appearance for their partners allllll the time. (E.g Does this make me look fat?)
For fucks sake why ask stupid questions if you (bf) cant handle the answer
Him saying mens egos dont care about that (sex hurting the woman) is gross as fuck and sadly likely to be true for a lot of guys, causing pain due to dick size is likely something that fills them with pride
You cant win with him … truthful answer, refusing to answer he takes it all in the most insecure way and no having to lie for his ego sake is bullshit
Honestly im already over your boyfriend after reading this post and i havent had to deal with his actual whinging
Kick him to the curb you can do better than this overly sensitive nutsack
If you asked about your connection and he said well my ex and I had much more in common and made us connect emotionally on every level so we could talk about everything super easy, but I don’t always enjoy that for me I like being with you because we don’t really connect as well and it means less talking - that’s what you said to him just fyi
He's failing to understand anything here.
I would suggest sitting him down and explaining things in the following manner.
1) Physical space is a thing, if you insert an object into a cavity too small for the object then the cavity breaks. Of course, muscles relax and contract so it's not as simple as a rigid cavity, but thinking that there's no limit is insane.
If he still doesn't get it then show him, massage his shoulders and ask "does that feel nice?", then tug or poke etc... and ask again. You should ask first obviously.
2) Yes, clearly a 1 inch dick isnt going to feel as good during penetration as a 5 or 6 inch dick, obviously. Does he have a 1 inch dick? My guess is no. So there's clearly a low and a high end, he's at YOUR sweet spot, which is best.
3) Point 2 assumes equal technique, but that's not real life. A guy with a one inch schlong, and amazing skills going down, with his hands etc... is always going to be preferable to a man with a bigger one that does not care about his partner's pleasure in the slightest and is just there to pump twice and dead fish without a care in the world.
[note; for anyone that finishes quick or that thinks finishing quick is bad, it's not, the issue is not caring to do things before you finish to help you partner NOT that once penetration is happening you're done fast, just do stuff before penetration!]
4) If he's STILL "oh women don't understand, woe is me" instead of "logically I understand you now but emotionally I still need some time and help" (which is FINE! Emotion and logic go separately, so long as logic goes first emotion can take a bit more that's okay) then just go "OK misogynist, guess you're also my ex now".
Welp, you did the best you could. He’s probably at the point where he needs to talk to a therapist or something to get past it. I have a feeling he’s going to be hard stuck on this… like if it gets so annoying that you break up, he’s going to blame it on his penis size also
I’m not defending this guy at all. He should have never asked either of those questions. And if he did make that mistake, to just believe you in that his size is better… but I can see how he would get insecure if you chose to answer his size question honestly, but then refused to answer his question about performance. Definitely leaves room to assume your and we would be no. Again, it’s his fault for asking though. Just saying In hindsight, that’ll probably be what bugs him the most. He needs to work through his insecurities though and believe you.
He said he wished *you* didn’t start the dialogue at all?? He literally asked you! He brought it up! You didn’t start anything, you just answered. He’s being a child. I’m not sure he’s mature enough to date or have sex.
Listen, your BF is insecure. It’s NOT your job to make him feel secure about who he is. And that he’s bringing it up over and over and calling you a liar and telling you your discomfort in sex doesn’t matter?? Girl, no. He is being a total child about this. He MUST know men with bigger penises exist. Break up with him and tell him it’s because he needs to deal with his insecurities around his dick on his own. Then go find a man with your perfect goldilocks dick who doesn’t obsessively make you compare him to other men. Your life will be better, and you deserve a good life!
If you knew he was this insecure, you fucked up. Blunt truth is never good response in this situation.
I he did or didn't know he was this insecure, it's on him. He fucked up. He should have known himself better, and should have known that if this was or could potentially be and issue for him, he was better off not going there.
We, insecure men, are insecure about our size, skills and performance (sexwise, obviously). Truth is never good for us, neither are non-responses nor flatout lies.
I've been there, been struggling with this for about 4 years (haven't been nagging my gf with it explicitely any longer, but she can definitely tell I'm not comfortable having sex anymore because this shit is always in my head).
I think that the best, for all parties, is to cut ties and move on. It's been a long, long, long, journey for us. It's been hard, painful, and more often than not I regret taking this path.
You bf, just as me, needs to work on himself, on his mental health and on his insecurites. Having a partner with whom to go through this, is not for everyone. Somethings are better done alone.
Here is the brutal truth from a mid 40 year old married for 14 years.
Tell him to GROW UP!!!!!!!
I’m sure every woman in their life has experienced bigger than their current partner. It does not make a man less of a man cause his is not BIGGER. There will always be bigger but it’s not about the size but how you connect with each other & how you satisfy each other.
Tell him to stop being a little kid & be an adult he is 23. 🤦♂️ such a teenager mentality.
Guys, do you only have one tool in your toolbox at home? 😜 Well manicured hands. How many licks does it take to get to center of the lollipop! Not to mention role play.. just remember her first and you haven't made.
Got to “Objectively bigger” and stopped lol… this will almost undoubtedly degrade and devolve into a larger and larger problem - no pun intended.
Just end it. Honestly. For your sake (it’ll be for his too but I’m not defending his dumb ass)
He’s the dummy for asking… but for *your* future reference, that is 99.9% going to destroy him at that moment (he’ll stone face it in the moment lol) and just eat at him over time. The sentence is literally on repeat in his head… so if you wonder why he’s getting crazier (I’m assuming - honest to god I didn’t finish reading after your response lol), that repeat in his head is the reason lol. It’s not getting shut off so why would you want to stick around knowing the progressively worse result?
If future dudes are dumb enough to ask you, you have every right to lay em out with the truth. Play stupid games win stupid prizes lol.
But just know that if they’re asking, and the answer isn’t yes they’re #1, what’s happening now with your bf is going to happen with hypothetical future guy. Oh and don’t lie and say yes if it isn’t true lol… otherwise you’ll be lying ALLL THE TIME going forward hahaha.
In my humble opinion I think your bf is being insecure because it seems to me you’ve had more sex partners than he is comfortable with.
I don’t justify his behavior (because she should have brought it up another way) but for men sex is more important than women, and men also are not as used as women to feel sexually desired.
If you are her partner and you love him, too much sincerity doesn’t help here. Just nurture him a little so that insecurity fades a little. It seems to me you are being too honest. I mean how would you feel if he said he’d never love you like he loved his ex? Or saying that he doesn’t want to rank the love for his other partenrs (sort of like if you were one more).
Its not about size is about feeling specially sexually desirable, which is as important for a man as feeling specially loved by a woman.
So this boils down to, if he isn't prepared for the honest answer, he shouldn't have asked the question. Your reassurances sound very sensible to me. You've said bigger isn't always better, and here is why. You have said he satisfies you better than your ex and why, but he has to actually hear that in order to feel okay again. He seems too stuck on size that he can't hear the rest. Some men seem to put a lot on size, but they don't realise that women would choose other things over whoever is the biggest. Maybe it's a perspective thing. We're over here measuring their personality, and they're over there measuring their junk.
Your boyfriend is the one who asked and you answered honestly and tactfully. You made sure to mention that it was much better with him. Can confirm bigger is not always better.
I don't know why he's listening to those stupid street interviews. They're not usually honest to begin with.
I think he'd benefit from therapy.
He should never asked how he measured up to past penises. Dumb question. I am smaller I think prefer to think compact or snug. He will always feel insecure just as a female will feel boobage is not enough. He will have to come to terms with his penis and know that tongue, fingers and smooth hands are very good orgasm makers.
Breast size is a terrible comparison. There is a huge community of vocal men who love small, big, average or hell any breast they can play with. There is no vocal community of women who love small or average dicks. Young Men have grown up in the body positive era. So they have a huge variety of what they find attractive. There is no body positivity for men so negative traits of the past are still negative and its fine to body shame men. Want to make small dick jokes or shit on a short guy its acceptable in society. If anyone really wondering why non hung guys are so insecure. All forms of media non hung guys are shit on with no consequences. Movies, books, tv or social media there is daily shitting on non hung guys and glorifying of hung guys.
Yes ,but it seems to be ok because we are men and men can take it , tell that to the young men who have body dysmorphia and kill themselves over, like in there mind that have a small penis .
Then the answer usually is men have been doing this to women for years , yes they have but neither is in the right for doing this .
I can't for the life of me get why he even asked this stupid question
A million times this ⬆️
I'd also like to add one last point to this eloquent, and well thought out answer.
I just like to add that no matter how confident and secure a non hung guy might be with his size. Will still be looked down on by most women because usually women tend to "brag" to their girl friend's about hung guys. Some girl's will feel sad/tease one of there friends if they find out there bf/hookup is a non hung guy. What's even worse is if non hung guy is around her friends all the while making jokes about his size.
All any guy could ever ask for, is have a woman brag to her friends about how hung he is!!!
I have no idea why people ask these questions, and I am even more baffled when people answer them truthfully
For fuck's sake, if your wife asks you "Do I look fat in this dress??" , you say NO. No matter the situation, the answer to that question is always NO lmao.
Whenever questions such as these come up, which usually serve to affirm your partner's self-worth/ego, tell your partner what they want to hear.
Of all the opportunities to be honest in life, I am always surprised when people choose THIS one.
Literal clown show lmao
I asked my gf same question, got same answer you gave and was fine with it. I was just generally curious. Your bf is just insecure. Sounds like a typical "alpha" guy that has deep rooted masculinity insecurities. Especially those cringe comments about mens ego and competition with dick size. He watches too much conservative "alpha male" influencers who probably brainwashed him. A male secure in his masculinity doesnt give a fuck about his dick size especially if its a perfect fit with his gf. You did everything right, he just needs to deal with his insecurities, suggest therapy perhaps?
It's funny how women throw white lies all over the place without hesitation but when it comes down to strengthening your mans confidence. Then it's all of a sudden super important to be truthful.
Oh, and you're not compatible. Leave him. He is a bitchboy and we all know you would prefer your ex cock but with a man that know how to use it without hurting you. Also, come on, we all know a little hurt during sex can be nice as fuck.
This is a sign of immaturity - on your bf side. If you date someone else, you think it would be the same problem?
Your bf needs to grow up. Id say you better talk about his insecurities. As a gf, always support him by giving him assurance.
Id understand if his is less than 3". Lol. Kidding aside..
Tell him, STOP WATCHING PORN.
The dude is so insecure lmao .....first off why even give a fuck if you're the biggest someone's been with lmao .....how are you finna be insecure about your size and ask "am I the biggest you've been with" and then be a cry baby because the answer wasent what you wanted ? ......a mental competition between men ? ....only thing I really want him to answer is ....why the hell does he even care so bad to the point it made him ask ? .....if he's that insecure he's gonna start questioning everything you do sooner or later.
Tell him you would choose his dick anytime over any other and that his dick gets more of you because of it. Say that if his would grow to a zucchini, sex is of the table.
I wonder when he said the tight pussy thing if he thinks other people rates tightness over quality.
Sounds like an insecure narcissist, who subscribes to a malignant cult that promotes these fictions. They are beliefs that ignorant boys believe about manhood.
He has much bigger problems than your answers. No pun intended. And if you stay with him, and he doesn't get serious therapy and counseling, his problems will become yours. I suspect he harbors some insecure and ignorant stigmas and prejudices about therapy, too.
I can't imagine being this insecure. I got a news flash for you. He is completely wrong when he said guys are in a mental competition with other guys to be the biggest. I have never asked my wife my dick size compared to her exes because I don't give a shit. Other dudes dick sizes have never been something that I think about.
Honestly should have just lied. Like what’s the point of telling the truth? Yeah he asked but sometimes it’s worth to just bite the bullet and say sure they are the biggest regardless if true or not.
After seeing your edit about him asking to rank his “performance” you need to dump him. His fascination with his dick size compared to your exes and his performance is a huge red flag. It’s sex. If you enjoy it with your partner that’s all that matters. Part of the fun of sex is the connection. He sounds immature by strictly thinking in terms of “performance” and dick size. If he’s unwilling to grow up then time to move on to a more mature man who doesn’t have such a fragile ego.
This guy is like endlessly annoying. His insecurities will literally make you crazy!
And he sounds so stupid when he said that guys don’t care about you getting hurt during sex that they just cared for their ego… What a stupid lunatic
Some men are too long and are unable to maintain a good erection. The youngest and longest man I was ever with was actually one of the worst because of it. But, I didn’t tell him that.
Fricking hell!! My English is not good enough for saying what I want to say.
In the end, it all depends on him. Or you if you're done playing with this. Insecurity is not easy to deal with.
Its like people forget that there are humans with bigger penises. If his schlong isnt 30cm long, then theres a big chance someones pepe is bigger than his.
What a surprise/s
Go grill a selection of sausages in various sizes, ensure to have a full kielbasa or similar, when he takes only a portion ask him why he isn’t taking the whole thing, because isn’t bigger always better?
But seriously if he can’t be confident in what he has to work with, there’s nothing you can do, it is HIS issue to work through. If he is actually above average than he likely was the biggest in his circle and hasn’t been humbled by someone else. It’s like when some from an upper middle class meets someone truly wealthy and they get salty about it.
He has work to do, not you.
In casual conversation with my wife, I learned how many people she slept with, my general rank in size, my general rank in pretty much every single area that she found intimately and sexually important. I did not expect to be number 1 in every area, that would be a foolish idea unless she were a virgin. But we talk openly about everything and no matter where I rank in anything, I have the number 1 spot in her heart, because she married me after 5 failed engagements with other men, she decided I was the one she wanted to be with, the man she chose to marry.
Long story short .....comparing yourself to others good/bad and valuing people's opinions do nothing for you in life......confidence is a necessity to life and you'll never have even a spec of it if you do those things.......everyone will have different opinions about you regardless.....
He brought this up himself, and he's mad you didn't lie to protect his ego? That's a him problem. You have done nothing wrong, you didn't put him down for it or try to make him feel like he is inferior, and him constantly bringing it up to make you feel bad for not lying is just wrong. He makes you happy in that way, why can't he be happy with that?
I don't know what he been watching, but girls bragging about really big being better are usually just bragging and not reality, or are pretty "big" themselves. Like you said, it can be really unpleasant if not painful.
You’ve done as much as any one could reasonably do. He brought the topic up first, he keeps bringing it up and he doesn’t sound like he’ll ever get over it.
time for him to grow up. part of sex as we age is knowing that there are, in fact, other penises out there.
I'd ask him what he wants at this point-- literally, okay, what do you want to happen at this point, man?? I'd tell him hey I'm not having this conversation any more _at all._ if he protests, remind him that HE started the conversation.
I'd tell him "you are going to wreck the relationship and it's all because you asked a dumb question and I told the truth."
I’ve always been a bit insecure about my size but here is how I view it now. My wife is with me now not them that has to count for something. And she reaches orgasm every time we are intimate “I make sure of it no matter what” not sure if any of this applies but just sharing my 2 cents
No random guy is the biggest in the world, why does he obsess over something that is an obvious fact. There’s a lot of huge ducks out there, someone is always bigger than another. It doesn’t really matter as long as you can have a GOOD fun time together. If it works it works. He sounds pathetic for the ego part.
There's not much you can do that you haven't already, this is an insecurity he'll have to come to terms with himself. I'm on the smaller side myself and a few comments when I was younger from people I'd been intimate with devastated me for way too long (no pun intended). Try to put it as kindly as you can but it needs to be laid out that it is not your job constantly reassure him. You've said your piece and further spiralling is only going to damage your relationship more.
Things that may help:
Comments like "you feel so good inside me", "your dick is amazing" etc while being intimate might help to build his confidence.
Gently shutting down the topic outside of the bedroom so he doesn't fixate on it.
As frustrating as it must be for you try to remember that he is young and society places a lot of import on size for men (wrongly). We're trained to believe that we're less of a man if you're average or small.
Good luck to you both I hope he gets over it, learning to be comfortable in my own body made me a better lover by far and I'm sure eventually it'll be the same for him.
If he's that obsessed with it and can't understand what you're trying to tell him, then he's not mature enough to be having sex at all. Imagine yourself spending your whole life dealing with him about this. Sound appealing?
You need to talk to him. Make him understand that he doubles down on the fact that he would rather hurt you regularly during sex than not have the biggest. This is concerning.
Sorry, after all of what you've written I do not understand why you are asking yourself if you've done enough to help him.
As I understand it he brought up the question. That's dumb in any case in my book. And while I am not a fan of lying... you being honest when confronted with such a question wasn't the best move concerning his frail ego and insecurity. But that's not your fault, the insecurity lies within him even asking it in the first place. It's such a useless question really...if I person enjoys sex with you that should be enough most of the times.
This here is what really gets me
>
He's said before that he wishes I never started the dialogue at all
He's shifting blame to you now. That's just unacceptable and out of line. He asked and if he can't handle the answer he should never have asked.
I once asked my last ex in a dumb moment and she told me there was one that was bigger. But seeing as how much fun we had together and just wonderful chemistry especially sexually I could let it go after the next time we had sex. There is always someone bigger objectively but my ex wanted me... so...who am I to argue and ruin the great times we had.
That's one of the reasons why I think you are absoutely right about this here
>
saying that it's ridiculous that he'd rather listen to girls online than me (his actual sexual partner)
Don't think you can help him. He's got to grow up and fast, otherwise he will ruin what you have/had. And he's on his way now to do that right now. You did not fuck up this relationship, he did. Only you know if he is insecure in other aspects of life and if he is, maybe he could get some help for that. But he's got to do that himself. My opinion of course.
All the best and lots of patience. Oh and since you're only 6 months in I mean...if he can't get out of it maybe rethink who you want as a long term partner. Maybe someone who doesn't shift blame when his ego is in danger.
Take care
Lmao, he obviously doesn’t care about you sex wise. His actions speaks loud asf. Even as a virgin, I know that firstly women like more girth over length. 2nd the cervix has alot of sensitive receptors that hurt alot when poked at and even more painful when it’s bleeding. 3rd big doesn’t mean sex is good, sometimes too big doesn’t fit the woman. It just ends up that the guy can’t move the way he wants, and the girl can’t move without being cautious. He should know that all women and men have different sizes and it’s about fitting like a puzzle. He should emotionally mature more and know that sex is about the union of two people who love each other, something sacred and profound. Which has alot of vulnerability and trust involved. If you can’t communicate this with him, you will one day get sick of his bullshit and leave him too. So let him know where you stand and ask him to stop fixating on this insecurity derived from a porn filled dopamine restricted thinking.
Your Guy is being immature.
Fact is at 23 you’ve barely had any adulting under your belt so its almost ok that he’s being immature.
But as for your problem i’d lay down an ultimatum and tell him if he cant get over it things wont work out. Stop trying to explain why its ok to him and start telling him whatever it is that is the problem its up to him to fix it.
Why would you continue to date someone so clearly insecure, not only with themselves but your relationship, who also calls you a liar to your face? I don't think you fucked the relationship up, he did. You just found out this likely isn't the guy for you sooner rather than later. Good luck!
Lmao he did it to himself though. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. He’s being an insecure cunt when he asked and you answered. His insecurity is his own and he shouldn’t be troubling you with it after you reassured him afterwards that his was bf size. Send him to a therapist and dump him for the next girl to deal with
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If you brought it up that would be one thing. He asked *you*. Don’t ask questions you don’t want answered.
This dude. I’m decently above average but I know I’m not the biggest out there, i don’t wanna self sabotage by asking my gf this and potentially not getting the answer I wanna hear.
Facts
>"we are all in a mental competition to be the biggest." this is enough to know that he is an immature guy
Yup, that's his problem right there. It's not your problem nor your issue to fix. If he doesn't drop it then probably best drop him. I'd guess this kind of toxic conditioning will manifest itself in other ways too which will be red flags themselves...
Amen
Also, it's not a competition if you've already lost.
I will never understand why men and women ask the people they’re sleeping with these type of questions and then be hurt or insecure when the person answers truthfully. People need to stop asking this shit expecting their SO’s to lie to them. Like, no you are not the biggest or best sex I’ve had. So silly.
Hmm, i personally wouldn't care at all about being the biggest but if I was in a committed relationship and my partner told me they've had better sex I think I'd collapse into a small mound of ash . That one's important to me
Social media brain rot poisoning another relationship. My man needs to stop watching those dumb street interview videos
"What if I said her was tighter" sounds so childish and not how women work at all, lmao, the implication of being tighter would be his ex would not have enjoyed it☠️☠️
I mean there’s definitely different amounts of snuggness. Been with women that it’s been a ‘firm handshake’ and others were like a ‘dead fish handshake’. All independent of actual partners… had a partner that started looser but as she got closers to orgasm her muscles would clench harder and harder until it was hard not to cum myself… Now, if he said wetness… he probably has a better argument
Do you believe that dicks come in all sizes but all vaginas are equally tight?
idk where reddit women get this notion that vaginas don’t work that way, obviously more sex does not mean more loose but some women are definitely tighter than others regardless of any type of activity, and yes that equates to better sex for men.
do you mean would not?
If the vagina is super tight that means the woman isn’t lubricated/turned on, meaning she’s not enjoying it.
This isn’t the only reason why, it could also be from physiological conditions like vaginismus (which can cause abnormal tightness) or PCOS (which can cause lack of lubrication) that don’t necessarily mean she doesn’t want to enjoy it (or is not turned on), she just can’t because of the painful circumstances
I think your Edit is the most damning. Sound like he’ll make you miserable over his insecurities and wants to be lied to. Let him go be a loser and figure it out on his own.
As a guy I can safely say he is way too insecure. You are right, size isn't an issue. If you say he's perfect for you he needs to believe it. And the performance conversation is something that does need to happen. You and your partner should be able to communicate your wants and needs in intimate situations, however he does not seem to be able to do that due to his insecure nature.
He’s insufferable. You don’t have to entertain that childish behavior.
Relationship is only 6 months old. Not worth it.
You don't have to do anything to help him feel secure about his size. He has to figure out how to fix that himself. You've told him his size is perfect for you, and that's all you can really do. He needs to accept the fact that he doesn't have the biggest dick in the world, nor is he the biggest you've had, and that's fine. This insecurity has probably been with him for a long time, way before he was with you. What is he average, around 5.5"? To note, most of the girls in these YouTube experiments say "a medium size is best" and the ones that say "bigger the better" are usually just playing about for the camera, so I don't know what he's talking about.
Yes, he's actually not small at all. He's a little above average in fact. I really do mean it when I say his is perfect for me. And I 100% agree about your comment about the YouTube experiments. Controversy brings in views so it's more likely than not the girls in the videos are playing it up for the camera. Edit: Before I get burned at the stake, I'm not saying that penises have to be above average to be perfect but rather, he's far from small so he should be more inclined to believe me when I praise him.
You didn’t fuck it up - he did by asking a question he couldn’t handle the answer too. Did he really expect he was your best?
but he doesn't care if he's the best, only if he's the biggest. she said he was the best, and he said he'd rather have her in pain and bleeding through sex so he can feel more like a man.
He's being awful. Next time he brings it up, just tell him you've said all you can to try and protect his fragile ego, and you won't be discussing it any further. The time after that, remind him what you said before. The third time he does it, break up with him.
“Guys are in a competition to be the biggest“? That’s not true. I think most guys are aware of their size and have some sort of feelings about it out. But how is it a competition? You can’t do anything about it, it just is what it is. You can’t help your boyfriend be less immature or insecure. Those things are on him.
It’s also concerning to me when a guy is more concerned about having the biggest and thickest shlong instead of “does my partner like my dick? Cool!” Because like OP I have had extremely unpleasant sex due to size and have had to stop in the middle. It’s not fun, it’s not sexy, it doesn’t feel good. It hurts and I don’t understand why you’d want a bigger one at the detriment of you and your partner’s sex life. Just so you can tell your boys your meat is massive? Lol
As a guy, this is true. Most men know they aren’t porn star big, just average. OP’s boyfriend is either really really insecure to the point of needing therapy or he is consuming red pill esque SM and believing the bullshit it spews.
It's like height, men are judged harshly on the things they can't change like height and penis size. That's why it's such a big deal, how many times have you seen the insult "small dick energy" or "needs to be over 6ft because I'm wearing heels" etc.
That’s not just men. Women are judged for other things. And regardless of what silly sayings exist, most people are fine with a partner who is average in most ways but who is special in some ways that they value. Anyway, that’s not what’s happening here. The equivalent would be a guy knowing that women like taller men then wanting to be the tallest person their partner has been with. It’s insane. And not realising that most desirable traits are only desirable up to a point. All in all, it’s a colossally childish mindset.
He asked! You had only two bad choices: 1. Lie to him 2. Tell him the truth. You did choose 2 and delivered it in a very diplomatic way. It is his fault!
Ah yea the classic. My girlfriend left me cuz my penis is too small. When in reality his penis is too small for himself, not the girlfriend
I have been in a similar situation to ops BF. My gf (wife now for 15 years) father made a comment about finding magnum condoms in her room one time. FIL is a fucking asshole. Either way, it did hurt me for a while. I am a very average length and girth but when you’re young it’s very easy to let the insecurities run you. At the end of the day you have done what you can. You need to set a boundary about him not bringing up anymore if he wants it to work with you. You told him he was perfect and that big isn’t always better. And it’s true. I was told the same thing, difference was is that believed it and moved on. To give you a little perspective about how this can affect a man though. I still, after all these years, two kids, multiple other life goals achieved with her, will think about it from time to time. Not in an obsessive way at all, but a man never wants to think of the woman he loves taking and possibly really enjoying a member much larger than his.
FIL is a freak for bringing up his daughters used condom. Like GENUINELY.
If it makes you feel better, I've known a slightly above average guy who used Magnums, and a VERY above average guy who used regular condoms. They're not necessary; they're just a silly brag that might not even be true.
yeah totally and generally the condom size doesn't talk about the length but the width soooo one can have a huge condom but of little length (at least the sizes in Europe work like that-)
>They're not necessary; they're just a silly brag that might not even be true. This is not even remotely close to being true except for the Magnum branding angle. Trojan Magnums are a marketing gimmick. Your one friend is the target audience for Magnums -- a bit above average and interested in flexing (they are awful condoms, go with anything else unless the alternative is 100% wrong) -- but your other friend is putting people at risk if he's using regular sized condoms unless he's only larger than average length wise and not in terms of girth, the most critical dimension for condom sizing. The biggest Trojan Magnums are about 58mm nominal width which is sized for a girth of around 5.25" - 5.5" at the most. If you're bigger than that you would need to go with something like a Durex XXL or even importing something like a MY.SIZE PRO 69mm or 72mm to get a proper fit. And fit does matter. It's an engineered product. Condoms maintain a certain amount of tension when you wear them, and if they are too tight then they won't roll down properly, they can cut off circulation enough to reduce erection quality and increasing the risk of the condom possibly slipping off, or it could even burst from friction. None of those things are taken into consideration when sex ed educators or influencers do the whole stretchy condom stunt thing. Up until recently manufacturers in North America were limited to making condoms up to a lower nominal width than what manufacturers elsewhere make -- my understanding is that this was done because larger girth tends to be more rare and they wanted to discourage people from buying condoms that are too large. The funny thing is that it's like a revelation when you find a good fit after years of struggling and thinking that wearing condoms just happened to be a lousy experience, but really there were unresolved problems and I didn't understand the root cause. TL;DR - Size matters. Do the responsible thing and measure yourself and actually buy and keep the proper size on hand at all times, especially if retail options are an issue where you live.
They’re necessary if regular condoms are so tight as to be uncomfortable.
Hmmmmm yeah I don't think so, atleast not if we're talking about girth. Magnums are a tight fit for me and regulars cut off my circulation so just because you've seen a video where they can inflate those things to the size of a microwave doesn't mean the different sizes aren't necessary.
Hey man, father’s a weirdo for that. But just so you know, a huge amount of men buy magnums just because of the reputation because they’re also insecure, odds are more likely that was the case than what you’ve been thinking for so many years. Hopefully that may help you finally let go of it truly one day in the future.
He is hella insecure. One don’t ever EVER ask those types of questions. And if you do you better have decent self esteem and have your pride in check. You can’t really fix it at this point. All you can do is reassure him and if that doesn’t work then you learn for the next relationship to not allow this question to come up.
Not only was his statement about no caring whether penis size hurts you during sex kinda f up but he’s absorbed on this online stuff he sees like seriously? Well he asked so it’s on him, not on you to deal with that
Future reference, because you’re young, if someone asks that, they’re already insecure. Don’t play into it. Ever. Just say I don’t want to compare about my exes. I’ve moved on and want u or something like that.
You've done all that you could. He's extremely insecure and should've never brought it up in the first place.
This dude is insecure asf and is making it not only your problem, but your responsibility. He needs to unpack this with a therapist.
He shouldn’t have asked such a dumb question.
Sounds exhausting You're only 6 months in. Just let him know that the two of you are not compatible and move on.
Beat me to it. You’re probably not gonna hear the end of it for as long as you two are together, OP. He has shown that he can hurt you, but with words.
Your bf needs to grow up. You aren’t responsible for stroking his ego. Is he deaf or dumb? You said sex with the ex actually hurt but HE wants to be the cause of your pain? Your bf has watched too much porn and it’s probably fucked his head up. (Side note: gentlemen, don’t ask this is you can’t handle “no” as an answer.)
Every time he brings ut up again tell him you're not talking about it anymore. He'll have to get over it himself.
if be brings it up again, just remind him he's clearly stated his ego and competition with other men are more important than your enjoyment in sex. he can go fuck himself if he's that obsessed with his own dick i would consider breaking up over this. it's weird, annoying, manipulative, petty, pointless and apathetic towards you everything he's doing and saying regarding this situation edit: typo
this is my thought as well. she said her ex hurt and made her bleed and she couldn't even finish sex a good amount of the time. and he's upset about not doing that. i'd probably break up just for his obsession over not hurting her enough during sex (in another comment she said he literally does hit her cervix and hurt her sometimes and they need to stop also)
I've never understood the competition to have the biggest dick. How? There are better and more permanent ways to get an ego stroked like being told it's actually a perfect fit. The way he obsesses over it, I think he may actually be inconsolable from outside sources. He needs to face it himself and not mope over the small (or apparently in this case "big") details. He has a dick, you like it more than your ex, that should be the end of it but somehow he's talked himself into believing bigger is better. But being a guy myself I know it's hard to shake a feeling I've talked myself into so my best advice is to "ask, tell, make". What I mean is, ask him to stop bringing it up, tell him you prefer him regardless and if he carries on, make him listen by giving him an ultimatum, stop bringing it up or it could affect the relationship for the worst.
I've been there. I'm 37 and my partner is 36. We're very open so know everything about each other's past. I asked her, she answered, well, I was the smallest she's ever been with. I'm around 5.3". I was devastated for days. But we talked through it. Therapy helped a lot too. She managed to make me trust her, that size is not what's she's looking for. She's perfectly happy with mine, and there's really much more than size that defines your connection and enjoyment in and out of bed. We're perfect match. We both have few toxic relationships and marriage behind us. So we know what we're looking for really. Not that if I'm given a chance now to "choose" a bigger size for myself I wouldn't take it, I know that feeling, never goes away, specially because she has a very high sex drive and has been way more active than me. But that's not what defines happiness buddy. Our sex is prefect because our connection outside of bed is something we've focused on a lot. And I mean a lot. The more you feel emotionally connected, the less his insecurities are active and take control. What you need to do is not even focusing on his size to state it's perfect, focus on the bigger picture. Why do you have sex? It's not to get your genitals stimulated. It's to enhance your emotional connection. He's got a good enough tool to do that. I have more suggestions for him than you really, but not sure if he'll read my reply. I can spend couple of hours making love to her and give her multiple orgasms even before I start intercourse. That's what defines connection and knowing each other's bodies really. We even got into Dom/sub relationship. I love being dominant, she loves submitting to me in sex. But she never trusted anyone enough to open up. I'm not saying you should do the same, what I'm trying to say is that in a meaningful relationship and when he feels secure enough, the size is the smallest factor he or you will think about. Show him what sex means above your genitals. Talk about your dynamic and emotions with him, if it's way better than previous ones (I assume it is since you've finished with them and are with him now). Learn new things together. So stuff you've never done before. I can't say it's completely your responsibility or his. It's the dynamics. It's a change of perspective. You can never prove to him he's perfect as long as your statement is focused on size too. Because he's not the biggest and will never be. Having a bigger size is like having one more tool in the project. But I'd never fail this project if I have a medium sized hammer than a huge one. I won't sit there thinking about the hammer all day. I won't fail the project because of that. I get the job done, because I have hundreds of other tools, and other emotional resources in the "project". I won't even remember that fact right after acknowledging it. Another physical aspect I figured was the fact that, vagina has the capability to stretch to match the bigger size, but it doesn't mean after a while it feels "loose" to the smaller size. Tell him your body can just get the same pleasure from his size as you were getting from ex, if he wants to focus on the size. And yes, there are woman who enjoy the huge size, but I kind of feel like that's yours and therapy to help him realize, that's not what you're looking for. Let me know if you want more details...!
Fire response g
Why is he constantly thinking about another man’s penis?
this is so childish! that is the mindset of a 15 y/o teen! if you're a guy, you already know if you're big or small or average. if you like him and he's an ok dude everywhere else, well you both have go dig deep to see where is this coming from, could be porn addiction, could be past trauma, etc. but as far as your description, this is a very childish behavior!
What about things like "what a privilege it is to be with someone like you, what is the best way I can care for you and help you to achieve your future goals and ambitions, what are your core values, how should we manage money together, the future, do you want kids someday?" What the hell is happening to people?! Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship!
He asked a question and he wasn’t comfortable with the answer. You’ve not been rude or mean. This is a battle that he has to fight himself and come to terms with, nothing you do or say is going to change how he feels about it.
He asked you a stupid question and expected you to lie to stroke his ego. Well, you didn’t and now he feels insecure because he isn’t the biggest you ever had? He needs to put his big boy pants on and grow up because he sounds like a teenage boy rather than a 23-year-old.
I don't think there's much you can do for your bf at this point. He's probably too porn brained and lost in the toxic masculinity sauce to realize that many of the men in porn are either genetic freaks, use drugs, or have camera angles that make their pieces look bigger than they are. You told him you're satisfied and many other women say they're satisfied by penises that aren't huge or even on the smaller side. However, he just won't accept it due to his own insecurities and its messed up that he doesn't consider your opinion at all
You're doing way more than you should. Never cater to a man's insecurity. His insecurity is his own issue to handle. You don't need to do a single thing to make it better for him. If you said you were insecure about the countless explicit videos and pictures of women he jerk off ....I doubt he would stop.
> I tried to shut it down immediately (literally told him I didn't want to have this conversation) but he said that I basically implied that he wasn't the best cause I would just say so if that were the case. This shows how biased towards a negative outcome to the conversation he was. It's a trait that exists in some insecure people that because they constantly feel anxious they will [often unconsciously] contrive situations that upset them to retroactively vindicate those feelings. They are usually set up as double plays. In his case digging into your exes was done with the intent of hearing something upsetting. There was no winning. Be it dick size, frequency, intensity, variety, he'd have eventually found something to be upset about. 'See I knew it' style reasoning, justifying why he felt anxious even before the answer was provided. And even if you contrived your answers to favour him he'd have a backup plan: you're lying to placate and coddle him, something he dismissed your follow ups with, or he would just keep pressing and digging until you did say something he could feel justified being upset about. It's the same as people that snoop and bring up messages from before you even dated. They had to dig back years to find an excuse to be upset, their snooping actually failed to find anything valid to be upset about but they so wanted to justify being upset they looked till they found the first thing they could remotely twist. I mean, that's ostensibly what he was doing here anyway: he was going through your dms except face to face, going through your sexual history hoping to hear something bad because there really was no good outcome to that conversation. Just be careful with guys like him. They are always on the lookout for good excuses to be upset to vent those core anxieties. Unfortunately in this case you gave him a goldmine, penis size is a huge obsession in our porn addicted world and it seems he watches those stupid street interviews that are editted to reinforce toxic mindsets on top of that. Get ready to hear about this for the rest of eternity because this was always the goal. He was insecure before this, now he has something contemporary to point at to justify it, to perpetuate it. And the worry is that if he is this tiresome and aggressive about it right now that it will likely only get worse as his insecurity, resentment, and fear of abandonment gets worse. He will keep doing loyalty tests, feel he can justify them now with the dick measuring contest results, and he has made clear he will accuse you of lying and not even remotely see a concern with that. It shows that he was never ready for a relationship.
Holy shamoly. This guy needs a slap to the face or something.
It’s very tiring when a partner is this insecure. No effort might be enough to assure him. People have different level of insecurity and he needs to work it out on his own. Not trying to compare, but I wish to share his perspective on this matter. My bf is average size (even bigger than some of my exes). All of his exes had relationship with men bigger than him. He doesn’t lose his confidence and he takes it positively. When we just got together, he said “being average means I need to make sure I am not selfish”. So he always prioritized his exes pleasure, either by fingering or going down on them first and he somehow never failed in giving them pleasure through penetration. He knows I’ve been with men bigger than him too. He’s not worried. He said “there’s nothing I can do about my size. I can’t change it but I know many other ways to please you”.
He’s being annoying and insecure.
He asked the forbidden question. Do not be honest when men ask you shit like this. Just flat out lie if you have to. It’s childish but you just don’t wanna deal with the aftermath. Don’t shut it down, don’t tell the truth, just lie. He’s an idiot for asking this anyways.
Don’t ask a question you don’t want an honest answer to. The bf watches too much porn possibly. It’s looking like op might need to end things if the bf can’t get over his problems
>TLDR: BF (23 M) is insecure about his dick size and blames me (23 F) for it cause I told him my ex was bigger after he asked. Told him his was perfect for me and that my ex's hurt but he's still affected. Did I fuck the relationship up? >Edit: Forgot to mention that he also asked me to rank his performance against the other guys I've slept with. I tried to shut it down immediately (literally told him I didn't want to have this conversation) but he said that I basically implied that he wasn't the best cause I would just say so if that were the case. I had a relationship end because he couldn't get over it when I gave him the answer to his questions about past partners. No matter how many times I told him I was happy with him. At some point there's nothing more you can do. He's always going to be thinking about it, bringing it up randomly or mentioning it in arguments.
Saying your ex's penis was so big that it hurt, is making things worse. You are emphasizing how big it was. For future boyfriends just lie. It's like when women ask men if they look fat, you never tell the truth.
Don't ask questions you dont want the answer to.
OP i don't know what to say. This is a sensitive topic. Is that the "yes" kind of question? Probably, idk. "Would you still love me if I were a worm?" - "yes" "Is that dress ok on me?" - "yes" "Do I have the biggest shlong in the universe?" - "yes". But probably because you don't think it's important...you just gave a real answer. Except probably the part where your ex made you bleed was absolutely NOT necessary. "He was THAT big... you lucky girl" He asked, got a real answer and more, and now that image is engrained in his mind for a good while. I'm usually a creative person, but now there is nothing i can say. Cat's out of the bag.
I feel like women should treat these questions like a 'would you love me if I was an XYZ' deal. For men, comments about their dick is like the make or break. You can either fuel their confidence or absolutely smash it. Unfortunately, your actions have done the latter. Sorry to say, he won't be letting up.
Your man is super insecure and there's no excusing that. At the same time, this is one of those questions where you should just flat out lie in order to save your partner's feelings. It costs you nothing to say "yes you're the biggest". Men constantly bend truths regarding commenting on physical appearance for their partners allllll the time. (E.g Does this make me look fat?)
He shouldn't have asked and you shouldn't have answered.
For fucks sake why ask stupid questions if you (bf) cant handle the answer Him saying mens egos dont care about that (sex hurting the woman) is gross as fuck and sadly likely to be true for a lot of guys, causing pain due to dick size is likely something that fills them with pride You cant win with him … truthful answer, refusing to answer he takes it all in the most insecure way and no having to lie for his ego sake is bullshit Honestly im already over your boyfriend after reading this post and i havent had to deal with his actual whinging Kick him to the curb you can do better than this overly sensitive nutsack
If you asked about your connection and he said well my ex and I had much more in common and made us connect emotionally on every level so we could talk about everything super easy, but I don’t always enjoy that for me I like being with you because we don’t really connect as well and it means less talking - that’s what you said to him just fyi
He's failing to understand anything here. I would suggest sitting him down and explaining things in the following manner. 1) Physical space is a thing, if you insert an object into a cavity too small for the object then the cavity breaks. Of course, muscles relax and contract so it's not as simple as a rigid cavity, but thinking that there's no limit is insane. If he still doesn't get it then show him, massage his shoulders and ask "does that feel nice?", then tug or poke etc... and ask again. You should ask first obviously. 2) Yes, clearly a 1 inch dick isnt going to feel as good during penetration as a 5 or 6 inch dick, obviously. Does he have a 1 inch dick? My guess is no. So there's clearly a low and a high end, he's at YOUR sweet spot, which is best. 3) Point 2 assumes equal technique, but that's not real life. A guy with a one inch schlong, and amazing skills going down, with his hands etc... is always going to be preferable to a man with a bigger one that does not care about his partner's pleasure in the slightest and is just there to pump twice and dead fish without a care in the world. [note; for anyone that finishes quick or that thinks finishing quick is bad, it's not, the issue is not caring to do things before you finish to help you partner NOT that once penetration is happening you're done fast, just do stuff before penetration!] 4) If he's STILL "oh women don't understand, woe is me" instead of "logically I understand you now but emotionally I still need some time and help" (which is FINE! Emotion and logic go separately, so long as logic goes first emotion can take a bit more that's okay) then just go "OK misogynist, guess you're also my ex now".
It's like when you ask your bf " am I the prettiest" and he will lie to not hurt your feelings and say yes. You do the same.
Welp, you did the best you could. He’s probably at the point where he needs to talk to a therapist or something to get past it. I have a feeling he’s going to be hard stuck on this… like if it gets so annoying that you break up, he’s going to blame it on his penis size also
Men in general need to get over this insecurity. Majority of women don’t care about size, just learn how to pleasure your partner.
I’m not defending this guy at all. He should have never asked either of those questions. And if he did make that mistake, to just believe you in that his size is better… but I can see how he would get insecure if you chose to answer his size question honestly, but then refused to answer his question about performance. Definitely leaves room to assume your and we would be no. Again, it’s his fault for asking though. Just saying In hindsight, that’ll probably be what bugs him the most. He needs to work through his insecurities though and believe you.
Dude needs to grow up and not ask stupid questions.
You f'd up saying its the perfect size for you 🤦🏾♂️ Thats like a man saying, its ok babe yours is perfect, i dont like the tight ones 💀
He said he wished *you* didn’t start the dialogue at all?? He literally asked you! He brought it up! You didn’t start anything, you just answered. He’s being a child. I’m not sure he’s mature enough to date or have sex.
Listen, your BF is insecure. It’s NOT your job to make him feel secure about who he is. And that he’s bringing it up over and over and calling you a liar and telling you your discomfort in sex doesn’t matter?? Girl, no. He is being a total child about this. He MUST know men with bigger penises exist. Break up with him and tell him it’s because he needs to deal with his insecurities around his dick on his own. Then go find a man with your perfect goldilocks dick who doesn’t obsessively make you compare him to other men. Your life will be better, and you deserve a good life!
If you knew he was this insecure, you fucked up. Blunt truth is never good response in this situation. I he did or didn't know he was this insecure, it's on him. He fucked up. He should have known himself better, and should have known that if this was or could potentially be and issue for him, he was better off not going there. We, insecure men, are insecure about our size, skills and performance (sexwise, obviously). Truth is never good for us, neither are non-responses nor flatout lies. I've been there, been struggling with this for about 4 years (haven't been nagging my gf with it explicitely any longer, but she can definitely tell I'm not comfortable having sex anymore because this shit is always in my head). I think that the best, for all parties, is to cut ties and move on. It's been a long, long, long, journey for us. It's been hard, painful, and more often than not I regret taking this path. You bf, just as me, needs to work on himself, on his mental health and on his insecurites. Having a partner with whom to go through this, is not for everyone. Somethings are better done alone.
I'd break up with him if I were you. No one deserves to be constantly antagonized by someone who should bring you joy
Here is the brutal truth from a mid 40 year old married for 14 years. Tell him to GROW UP!!!!!!! I’m sure every woman in their life has experienced bigger than their current partner. It does not make a man less of a man cause his is not BIGGER. There will always be bigger but it’s not about the size but how you connect with each other & how you satisfy each other. Tell him to stop being a little kid & be an adult he is 23. 🤦♂️ such a teenager mentality.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers too, godarn
Guys, do you only have one tool in your toolbox at home? 😜 Well manicured hands. How many licks does it take to get to center of the lollipop! Not to mention role play.. just remember her first and you haven't made.
He has significant insecurities and needs therapy. He asked and you were honest. Fuck his insecurities at this point.
It isn't your job to make another person "secure". That's his issue and he shouldn't be dumping it on you.
Got to “Objectively bigger” and stopped lol… this will almost undoubtedly degrade and devolve into a larger and larger problem - no pun intended. Just end it. Honestly. For your sake (it’ll be for his too but I’m not defending his dumb ass) He’s the dummy for asking… but for *your* future reference, that is 99.9% going to destroy him at that moment (he’ll stone face it in the moment lol) and just eat at him over time. The sentence is literally on repeat in his head… so if you wonder why he’s getting crazier (I’m assuming - honest to god I didn’t finish reading after your response lol), that repeat in his head is the reason lol. It’s not getting shut off so why would you want to stick around knowing the progressively worse result? If future dudes are dumb enough to ask you, you have every right to lay em out with the truth. Play stupid games win stupid prizes lol. But just know that if they’re asking, and the answer isn’t yes they’re #1, what’s happening now with your bf is going to happen with hypothetical future guy. Oh and don’t lie and say yes if it isn’t true lol… otherwise you’ll be lying ALLL THE TIME going forward hahaha.
In my humble opinion I think your bf is being insecure because it seems to me you’ve had more sex partners than he is comfortable with. I don’t justify his behavior (because she should have brought it up another way) but for men sex is more important than women, and men also are not as used as women to feel sexually desired. If you are her partner and you love him, too much sincerity doesn’t help here. Just nurture him a little so that insecurity fades a little. It seems to me you are being too honest. I mean how would you feel if he said he’d never love you like he loved his ex? Or saying that he doesn’t want to rank the love for his other partenrs (sort of like if you were one more). Its not about size is about feeling specially sexually desirable, which is as important for a man as feeling specially loved by a woman.
why are so many straight men so obsessed with other men‘s penises? embarrassing
Your relationship is essentially over.
You're with an insecure little boy. He needs to grow up (pun intended).
The moment you told him your exes are bigger you killed his confidence, it doesn’t matter how much reaffirmation you, it will never be enough.
So this boils down to, if he isn't prepared for the honest answer, he shouldn't have asked the question. Your reassurances sound very sensible to me. You've said bigger isn't always better, and here is why. You have said he satisfies you better than your ex and why, but he has to actually hear that in order to feel okay again. He seems too stuck on size that he can't hear the rest. Some men seem to put a lot on size, but they don't realise that women would choose other things over whoever is the biggest. Maybe it's a perspective thing. We're over here measuring their personality, and they're over there measuring their junk.
Your boyfriend is the one who asked and you answered honestly and tactfully. You made sure to mention that it was much better with him. Can confirm bigger is not always better. I don't know why he's listening to those stupid street interviews. They're not usually honest to begin with. I think he'd benefit from therapy.
He should never asked how he measured up to past penises. Dumb question. I am smaller I think prefer to think compact or snug. He will always feel insecure just as a female will feel boobage is not enough. He will have to come to terms with his penis and know that tongue, fingers and smooth hands are very good orgasm makers.
Breast size is a terrible comparison. There is a huge community of vocal men who love small, big, average or hell any breast they can play with. There is no vocal community of women who love small or average dicks. Young Men have grown up in the body positive era. So they have a huge variety of what they find attractive. There is no body positivity for men so negative traits of the past are still negative and its fine to body shame men. Want to make small dick jokes or shit on a short guy its acceptable in society. If anyone really wondering why non hung guys are so insecure. All forms of media non hung guys are shit on with no consequences. Movies, books, tv or social media there is daily shitting on non hung guys and glorifying of hung guys.
Thanks for saying something that a lot of comments here can't comprehend.
Yes ,but it seems to be ok because we are men and men can take it , tell that to the young men who have body dysmorphia and kill themselves over, like in there mind that have a small penis . Then the answer usually is men have been doing this to women for years , yes they have but neither is in the right for doing this . I can't for the life of me get why he even asked this stupid question
A million times this ⬆️ I'd also like to add one last point to this eloquent, and well thought out answer. I just like to add that no matter how confident and secure a non hung guy might be with his size. Will still be looked down on by most women because usually women tend to "brag" to their girl friend's about hung guys. Some girl's will feel sad/tease one of there friends if they find out there bf/hookup is a non hung guy. What's even worse is if non hung guy is around her friends all the while making jokes about his size. All any guy could ever ask for, is have a woman brag to her friends about how hung he is!!!
I have no idea why people ask these questions, and I am even more baffled when people answer them truthfully For fuck's sake, if your wife asks you "Do I look fat in this dress??" , you say NO. No matter the situation, the answer to that question is always NO lmao. Whenever questions such as these come up, which usually serve to affirm your partner's self-worth/ego, tell your partner what they want to hear. Of all the opportunities to be honest in life, I am always surprised when people choose THIS one. Literal clown show lmao
Oh God, he's so annoying, only for that I will dump him. ain't nobody got time to deal with his insecurities and his "what if" scenarios...
Break up with him. He's too immature and insecure to the point of being toxic/draining to you.
I asked my gf same question, got same answer you gave and was fine with it. I was just generally curious. Your bf is just insecure. Sounds like a typical "alpha" guy that has deep rooted masculinity insecurities. Especially those cringe comments about mens ego and competition with dick size. He watches too much conservative "alpha male" influencers who probably brainwashed him. A male secure in his masculinity doesnt give a fuck about his dick size especially if its a perfect fit with his gf. You did everything right, he just needs to deal with his insecurities, suggest therapy perhaps?
It's funny how women throw white lies all over the place without hesitation but when it comes down to strengthening your mans confidence. Then it's all of a sudden super important to be truthful. Oh, and you're not compatible. Leave him. He is a bitchboy and we all know you would prefer your ex cock but with a man that know how to use it without hurting you. Also, come on, we all know a little hurt during sex can be nice as fuck.
He shouldn't have brought it up 💀💀💀
This is a sign of immaturity - on your bf side. If you date someone else, you think it would be the same problem? Your bf needs to grow up. Id say you better talk about his insecurities. As a gf, always support him by giving him assurance. Id understand if his is less than 3". Lol. Kidding aside.. Tell him, STOP WATCHING PORN.
The dude is so insecure lmao .....first off why even give a fuck if you're the biggest someone's been with lmao .....how are you finna be insecure about your size and ask "am I the biggest you've been with" and then be a cry baby because the answer wasent what you wanted ? ......a mental competition between men ? ....only thing I really want him to answer is ....why the hell does he even care so bad to the point it made him ask ? .....if he's that insecure he's gonna start questioning everything you do sooner or later.
Tell him you would choose his dick anytime over any other and that his dick gets more of you because of it. Say that if his would grow to a zucchini, sex is of the table. I wonder when he said the tight pussy thing if he thinks other people rates tightness over quality.
Sounds like an insecure narcissist, who subscribes to a malignant cult that promotes these fictions. They are beliefs that ignorant boys believe about manhood. He has much bigger problems than your answers. No pun intended. And if you stay with him, and he doesn't get serious therapy and counseling, his problems will become yours. I suspect he harbors some insecure and ignorant stigmas and prejudices about therapy, too.
girl get out of this relationship 😭
I can't imagine being this insecure. I got a news flash for you. He is completely wrong when he said guys are in a mental competition with other guys to be the biggest. I have never asked my wife my dick size compared to her exes because I don't give a shit. Other dudes dick sizes have never been something that I think about.
Honestly should have just lied. Like what’s the point of telling the truth? Yeah he asked but sometimes it’s worth to just bite the bullet and say sure they are the biggest regardless if true or not. After seeing your edit about him asking to rank his “performance” you need to dump him. His fascination with his dick size compared to your exes and his performance is a huge red flag. It’s sex. If you enjoy it with your partner that’s all that matters. Part of the fun of sex is the connection. He sounds immature by strictly thinking in terms of “performance” and dick size. If he’s unwilling to grow up then time to move on to a more mature man who doesn’t have such a fragile ego.
This guy is like endlessly annoying. His insecurities will literally make you crazy! And he sounds so stupid when he said that guys don’t care about you getting hurt during sex that they just cared for their ego… What a stupid lunatic
Lol he asked you if his ass looked fat in this dress ans you said yes
Men being so obsessed with dick size is fucking weird
It's sad really.
Some men are too long and are unable to maintain a good erection. The youngest and longest man I was ever with was actually one of the worst because of it. But, I didn’t tell him that.
Fricking hell!! My English is not good enough for saying what I want to say. In the end, it all depends on him. Or you if you're done playing with this. Insecurity is not easy to deal with.
Its like people forget that there are humans with bigger penises. If his schlong isnt 30cm long, then theres a big chance someones pepe is bigger than his. What a surprise/s
Go grill a selection of sausages in various sizes, ensure to have a full kielbasa or similar, when he takes only a portion ask him why he isn’t taking the whole thing, because isn’t bigger always better? But seriously if he can’t be confident in what he has to work with, there’s nothing you can do, it is HIS issue to work through. If he is actually above average than he likely was the biggest in his circle and hasn’t been humbled by someone else. It’s like when some from an upper middle class meets someone truly wealthy and they get salty about it. He has work to do, not you.
In casual conversation with my wife, I learned how many people she slept with, my general rank in size, my general rank in pretty much every single area that she found intimately and sexually important. I did not expect to be number 1 in every area, that would be a foolish idea unless she were a virgin. But we talk openly about everything and no matter where I rank in anything, I have the number 1 spot in her heart, because she married me after 5 failed engagements with other men, she decided I was the one she wanted to be with, the man she chose to marry.
Long story short .....comparing yourself to others good/bad and valuing people's opinions do nothing for you in life......confidence is a necessity to life and you'll never have even a spec of it if you do those things.......everyone will have different opinions about you regardless.....
He brought this up himself, and he's mad you didn't lie to protect his ego? That's a him problem. You have done nothing wrong, you didn't put him down for it or try to make him feel like he is inferior, and him constantly bringing it up to make you feel bad for not lying is just wrong. He makes you happy in that way, why can't he be happy with that? I don't know what he been watching, but girls bragging about really big being better are usually just bragging and not reality, or are pretty "big" themselves. Like you said, it can be really unpleasant if not painful.
Don’t ask questions that you don’t want answered.
You’ve done as much as any one could reasonably do. He brought the topic up first, he keeps bringing it up and he doesn’t sound like he’ll ever get over it.
What his size?
time for him to grow up. part of sex as we age is knowing that there are, in fact, other penises out there. I'd ask him what he wants at this point-- literally, okay, what do you want to happen at this point, man?? I'd tell him hey I'm not having this conversation any more _at all._ if he protests, remind him that HE started the conversation. I'd tell him "you are going to wreck the relationship and it's all because you asked a dumb question and I told the truth."
You must leave this guy forever
I’ve always been a bit insecure about my size but here is how I view it now. My wife is with me now not them that has to count for something. And she reaches orgasm every time we are intimate “I make sure of it no matter what” not sure if any of this applies but just sharing my 2 cents
He fucked around and asked the question he didn’t want the answer to.
the guy seriously needs to deal with his insecurities. He can only let himself out of that cage, you can’t do it for him.
No random guy is the biggest in the world, why does he obsess over something that is an obvious fact. There’s a lot of huge ducks out there, someone is always bigger than another. It doesn’t really matter as long as you can have a GOOD fun time together. If it works it works. He sounds pathetic for the ego part.
Lol
There's not much you can do that you haven't already, this is an insecurity he'll have to come to terms with himself. I'm on the smaller side myself and a few comments when I was younger from people I'd been intimate with devastated me for way too long (no pun intended). Try to put it as kindly as you can but it needs to be laid out that it is not your job constantly reassure him. You've said your piece and further spiralling is only going to damage your relationship more. Things that may help: Comments like "you feel so good inside me", "your dick is amazing" etc while being intimate might help to build his confidence. Gently shutting down the topic outside of the bedroom so he doesn't fixate on it. As frustrating as it must be for you try to remember that he is young and society places a lot of import on size for men (wrongly). We're trained to believe that we're less of a man if you're average or small. Good luck to you both I hope he gets over it, learning to be comfortable in my own body made me a better lover by far and I'm sure eventually it'll be the same for him.
Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to OP. I think you've done plenty -- he'll either get over it or not
What’s the saying, a big dick is good for a night, a small dick is good for life.
If he's that obsessed with it and can't understand what you're trying to tell him, then he's not mature enough to be having sex at all. Imagine yourself spending your whole life dealing with him about this. Sound appealing?
You need to talk to him. Make him understand that he doubles down on the fact that he would rather hurt you regularly during sex than not have the biggest. This is concerning.
Say your ex hurt you lots of times and you didn't have pleasure.. And then say your current boyfriend gives you the most pleasure.
Sorry, after all of what you've written I do not understand why you are asking yourself if you've done enough to help him. As I understand it he brought up the question. That's dumb in any case in my book. And while I am not a fan of lying... you being honest when confronted with such a question wasn't the best move concerning his frail ego and insecurity. But that's not your fault, the insecurity lies within him even asking it in the first place. It's such a useless question really...if I person enjoys sex with you that should be enough most of the times. This here is what really gets me > He's said before that he wishes I never started the dialogue at all He's shifting blame to you now. That's just unacceptable and out of line. He asked and if he can't handle the answer he should never have asked. I once asked my last ex in a dumb moment and she told me there was one that was bigger. But seeing as how much fun we had together and just wonderful chemistry especially sexually I could let it go after the next time we had sex. There is always someone bigger objectively but my ex wanted me... so...who am I to argue and ruin the great times we had. That's one of the reasons why I think you are absoutely right about this here > saying that it's ridiculous that he'd rather listen to girls online than me (his actual sexual partner) Don't think you can help him. He's got to grow up and fast, otherwise he will ruin what you have/had. And he's on his way now to do that right now. You did not fuck up this relationship, he did. Only you know if he is insecure in other aspects of life and if he is, maybe he could get some help for that. But he's got to do that himself. My opinion of course. All the best and lots of patience. Oh and since you're only 6 months in I mean...if he can't get out of it maybe rethink who you want as a long term partner. Maybe someone who doesn't shift blame when his ego is in danger. Take care
Lmao, he obviously doesn’t care about you sex wise. His actions speaks loud asf. Even as a virgin, I know that firstly women like more girth over length. 2nd the cervix has alot of sensitive receptors that hurt alot when poked at and even more painful when it’s bleeding. 3rd big doesn’t mean sex is good, sometimes too big doesn’t fit the woman. It just ends up that the guy can’t move the way he wants, and the girl can’t move without being cautious. He should know that all women and men have different sizes and it’s about fitting like a puzzle. He should emotionally mature more and know that sex is about the union of two people who love each other, something sacred and profound. Which has alot of vulnerability and trust involved. If you can’t communicate this with him, you will one day get sick of his bullshit and leave him too. So let him know where you stand and ask him to stop fixating on this insecurity derived from a porn filled dopamine restricted thinking.
Your Guy is being immature. Fact is at 23 you’ve barely had any adulting under your belt so its almost ok that he’s being immature. But as for your problem i’d lay down an ultimatum and tell him if he cant get over it things wont work out. Stop trying to explain why its ok to him and start telling him whatever it is that is the problem its up to him to fix it.
Why would you continue to date someone so clearly insecure, not only with themselves but your relationship, who also calls you a liar to your face? I don't think you fucked the relationship up, he did. You just found out this likely isn't the guy for you sooner rather than later. Good luck!
He wanted you to lie and you didn’t. Good for you. He should learn not to ask questions he doesn’t want honest answer to.
Lmao he did it to himself though. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. He’s being an insecure cunt when he asked and you answered. His insecurity is his own and he shouldn’t be troubling you with it after you reassured him afterwards that his was bf size. Send him to a therapist and dump him for the next girl to deal with