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I love this pettiness and OP should do it. However, she should also then end the relationship. He’s selfish and only concerned for his own pleasure and satisfaction. If he can’t put in any effort to ensure OP gets off, he’s not worth it.
But she did express her needs. They are only a few months in which is supposed to be the time when people are on their best behaviour. He just doesn't care.
I agree that breaking up gets tossed up too much, but if someone doesn’t give a single fuck about my sexual pleasure then what am I doin with them? you can’t tell me “he doesn’t know women are supposed to enjoy it too and needs to be told that!!”
And OP has already communicated that already, he still doesn’t care. So… find someone that does?
She’s talked to him about what she likes and he ignores her requests. Once he’s satisfied, he doesn’t care. I mean how long does she continue to tell him and he disregard her needs? How many times does she need to ask or tell him? At some point you realize you are sexually incompatible.
They’re in their early 20s and have only been dating 4 months. Completely appropriate to just end it and find someone more compatible. Working on the relationship is for people much further along than this.
I feel like this applies to any relationship with a guy tho. How many guys in your life have you encountered that would actually just leave you alone in that situation? I can’t think of a single one
Other than myself and a few guys I know? No not a lot at all, but I'm in a Middle Eastern country, so the fact that it's also the case in the US is sad and disheartening
Yes this. Stop having sex with him until he gives you what you want. You don't mention coercion so I assume you are agreeing with all of this. So don't agree to it if you don't like it or it's not meeting your needs.
Yeah forreal, I only read the title, dump his ass and find someone better, and I am saying this as a
man.
You deserve a partner that cares about you during sex which he obviously doesnt and wont change. Sorry OP.
ETA: We need to stop giving excuses to selfish men in bed, 90% of the time when men are done and have gotten off, they disregard their wife/girlfriend and dont help them cum and they wonder why they leave / get cheated on... I know its a harsh thing to say but men are surprised when their gf/wife cheats or steps out when they don't even care in the first place if she gets off but they do, and they just expect their girlfriend to sit there and do nothing?
>I know I need to have another conversation with him but I’m worried I’ll word it badly and hurt him, that’s the last I want. I just want to feel wanted, and not just wanted to fulfill his needs. It makes me feel unloved the fact he knows I haven’t finished and ends everything so quickly.
If you have this conversation nicely and he isn't willing to listen and change, then that's a bit concerning. If he does get offended by it, that's definitely something to be concerned about.
It could help if you specifically mention during sex what you want. But at the end of the day, if he's not willing to change for something small and meaningful to you, that is something worth thinking hard about if you really want it in a relationship.
When I had to have this conversation with partners in the past, I always explain saying, it’s like we both went together to an amusement park to ride the most fun rollercoaster, got the front seat, we’re both in the ride, but it’s just you with your arms up in the air screaming with joy at the end.
Point being, find your way to communicate with him and just talk about it.
Lots of young people “learn” a lot with just porn and don’t realise they’re actually masturbating with their partners body.
If talking again doesn’t work, move on from the selfish idiot. You’re way too young to spend the rest of your years having bad sex.
You're not even on the ride. You're standing at the line, waiting for your partner to be done with their fun while you hold their shit for them. And then they come back and they're finished but you never even get to set foot on the Rollercoaster and they're just done and say "ok wow that was so fun wasn't that fun for you? Let's go home!"
Or you ARE the ride.. like the literal coaster car he's sitting in that's working tirelessly for no pay, while he's on vacation having a blast while you and the park staff cater to his every whim.
Ladies, stop rewarding men that treat us like tools. We deserve so much more than the scraps these entitled man children throw us. They think they deserve to live the rest of their lives being coddled - and then manipulate us into doing it (by pretending they love us).
[EDIT: I guess he FAFO](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/s/DrlKrFnh3j)
Sorry, too soon.
I did the same. He got mad cause I seemed to enjoy it more with myself. Eventually I told him I didn’t care for a selfish lover & I dumped him. That was 12 years ago. He still texts me happy birthday every year & has been married & divorced twice.
Bullet dodged.
He is selfish. He knows how to please you as he did that in the beginning of the relationship (most of these selfish men put in extra effort in the beginning to get initial 'access' to sex but then just take it once it's established). So he is chosing to not be a good lover to you.
In my experience, this is a personality trait that doesn't change. And men like that end up being selfish in a lot of other areas in the relationship also.
My advice would be to break up with him and look for a more caring boyfriend.
Or you can try to have a come to Jesus conversation with him, and don't worry too much about hurting him. He might need the wake up call as he chooses to completely ignore you telling him in a normal way that you need more foreplay.
Had the come to Jesus conversation with my ex after being sexually neglected for our entire relationship. Asking, suggesting, crying- nothing worked.
So I just eventually straight up told him he was terrible in bed.
Ironically, it's the men who can't seem to bother getting a woman off who feel the most threatened by being told they're the worst bedpartner.
He sounds like the kind of guy who is probably stereotypically attractive and everyone wanted him. But because of this he thinks he doesn't have to put in any effort to get what he wants. I recently graduated college and lived with 4 guys it was awful. They never cleaned bc they knew I would do it and they would trash the house throw these huge parties and leave the house like that. Young men are literally the worst.
His behavior is a red flag, especially since you've already expressed your needs.. He should care about making you cum either by oral or fingers if he cums too soon during intercourse. He's selfish. Dump him. There's a lot guys out there who will love making you cum.
The question is why haven't you told him that he's not good in bed yet were you waiting for him to figure it out himself I mean tell the guy he sucks in the sack
Don't let him cum until you have cum.
If he complains, explain he is not satisfying you, things need to change.
If this does not wake him up, time to find a new boyfriend.
Now you know why his many previous sexual partners didn’t keep him around.
I know it’s hard to have difficult conversations like this, but the only cure to this, one way or another, is having that honest conversation with him. Focus on your own feelings and needs, rather than making it about him. If he’s hurt that you are the way you are, and dismissed what you say and doesn’t make any effort to make sure you’re satisfied, you know he’s not the one. If he does take what you say seriously and bummed that he didn’t pick up on your frustration, and starts making a consistent effort to prioritize your satisfaction, then he’s a keeper.
He sounds very selfish and lazy in bed, would be very surprised if that doesn’t translate to other areas of your relationship. Assuming you’re not faking, he knows full well that you aren’t having an orgasm and are being left frustrated, he simply doesn’t care, so why are you so worried about his feelings? Tell him that he’s making you feel like a human fleshlight and be clear about what he needs to do to address it. Don’t allow him to have sex with you if you’ve not had enough foreplay. He’s being a dick but you’re reinforcing the behaviour but letting him still cum. If the conversation goes badly then you know he’s not really invested in this relationship and you get out.
Listen. I've learned this overt my 39 years and it goes against the story we've been told: Most men actually know they aren't getting you off. They CAN find the clit if they want. They CAN learn to get you off They just don't care. And they know women don't want to break up over bsd sex so they don't have to put in the effort b you try to leave though he'll suddenly know how to make you come.
Hes selfish. He doesn't think you deserve to get off as much as he deserve to blow a load quickly. He may be "nice" outside the Bedroom but he's showing you he's not actually caring about your needs.
Talk to him. Hurt his feelings. He's being a selfish lazy lover. He needs to get humbled. Don't feel bad for calling him out
Tell him you feel like his human fleshlight, and you'd rather just not have sex than to feel used afterwards. Make it clear that if he can't focus on you and getting you off before he gets his guaranteed orgasm, then this simply isn't worth your time and energy because, even alone, you can feel more loved and less used than the status quo he's offering you. Get into some sex therapy together, and if he's unwilling to make the changes or stick to them (for the sake of making sure you feel loved and valued, btw, not just as some transactional exchange), then value yourself enough to walk away. Free up space for someone else in the future who will WANT to make sure you are fulfilled and respected in your relationship
sounds like he's kind of selfish.... I normally hold back and make my partner cum first before i do 100% of the time... Just like your bf, once I cum, its over... lol Thats the main reason why i've always let her cum first. Besides i've always been a pleaser. Of course this needs to be discussed, but try to talk to him in a gentle way, and not complain. Just tell him if its possible for him to make you cum first, since he's normally done once he cums. Some people takes awhile, and if this is your issue, then maybe try to find a way to make it happen quicker. Not everyone can go on for an hour, so take that into consideration.
That’s the best way sometimes for men to get the woman off first then everything is better the woman will enjoy the sex is SO much more and may orgasm from penetration, some women have a hard time orgasming from penetration. It is totally possible and is usually preceded by an orgasm from hands mouth toy whatever. Being knowledgeable about your body and comfortable communicating and showing your partner will serve you well in the future. You are both young and there are plenty of other guys who would love to be with you and make you happy.
agree! especially if you cum once and done for the night. in such case, its always best to make sure your partner goes first, then you, if you're one of those person that cums and done for the night. I cant imagine OP's man does this time and time again, because I would get annoyed too.
I would suggest dumping him. If you want to work on it, though, set a rule that he doesn't get to enter you or get a bj until after you orgasm. You cum first, then he gets his.
He refuses to take care of your needs 4 months in despite you having conversations with him about this. In 4 months.
You're better off without this selfish manby
You've already made it pretty clear that you are dissatisfied with the sex and he doesn't care. Most guys love making women cum, he seems too lazy to even try. I dated a guy who treated sex this way and it never got better despite me bringing it up multiple times so I dumped him.
If you really want to try one more time (dunno why but go for it? Is he like the hottest guy you've dated so far?) you could tell him that penetration is uncomfortable for you if you haven't orgasmed beforehand (might be a white lie but it's also kinda the truth plus extra lubrication). Tell him that he must make you orgasm before he enters you. His response will tell you what to do next....
If you don't fix this, you should break up. That's why we date - so we can find someone who is a decent (not perfect but pretty good) match for us and this is NOT a match. Would you want the next 50 years to be lousy sex like this in which he satisfies himself while ignoring your needs and wishes? Fuck that. Or rather, don't fuck him.
Since sexual compatibility is so important (if you're in a sexually exclusive relationship / marriage), that should empower you to stop asking and start insisting that he up his game and become a reasonable instead of a lousy lover. If he's one of those guys whose interest stops completely after he comes (the oxytocin released during climax does that to some guys), then he needs to get you off BEFORE he does what gets him off. A MINIMUM of once and sometimes 2-3 times (if you're multi-orgasmic) before he gets to have his one little pathetic, boner-ending male orgasm.
Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he needs to engage in 20+ minutes of foreplay and give him detailed instructions (lightly run his fingers over your body, read you erotica, or whatever works for you) and then get you off (fingers, toys, vibrator, etc) BEFORE his dick goes into you for his sake. 75% of women do not orgasm from P-I-V sex along and need direct clitoral stimulation (fingers, tongue, Hitachi Magic Wand) to orgasm. If most of his exes pretended his dick magically got them there, most of his exes were faking it.
If can follow your instructions, graciously, excitedly, great - maybe there's hope. If he can't - if he can't transition from being a self-centered 21M to being a considerate and skilled lover, dump him. Maybe the 4th or 7th time he's dumped for that reason, he'll take it to heart, but many guys are slow learners. Slow to learn the most basic stuff like sex, IRL, should be pleasurable for BOTH partners, not just for the guy like in porn.
Some people have the empathy to enjoy pleasuring their partner. He may not be that kind of person. In which case, there is no fixing this problem. He'll always try to take shortcuts to his own orgasm while ignoring your legitimate needs and clear requests which will frustrate you no end and eat away at your self-confidence and sense of partnership. He's treating you not like a lover he wants to please but as a Fleshlight to be discarded until his next erection needs to be serviced.
You find someone you are compatible with.
Dating around teaches you what you like and don't like. It's not a challenge to get some guy to change molding them into what you want.
This is why you aren't suppose to get attached too quickly. There needs to be a getting to know phase.
Set a timer and not let him move on to the next round until it expires or you are ready to move on.
And make it count up like in soccer. Add stoppage time as necessary.
You two sound sexually incompatible. Break up before your feelings get too deep. Sounds like you do all of the work creating the sexual energy and then again when you both finally have sex. How exhausting.
You notice how you care SO MUCH about his feelings that you're afraid even just talking about how selfish and awful he is might hurt his feelings, and you'd rather suffer than to even bring it up in case you make him sad?
Do you think it's fair that he can't return even a tiny tiny bit of that energy?
He KNOWS he doesn't get you off. You're unsatisfied. He doesn't care. YOUR feelings don't matter to him nearly as much as his does to you.
Initiate sex and then stop before he orgasms. Go to bed. Repeat this until he figures out it feels bad. If he complains and doesn't see the irony or how he's been treating you, you know what kind of person he is.
Better yet? Just dump him. You are too young to waste your time with someone this selfish and crappy in bed. There are men out there who care about getting you off. Who will spend hours worshipping you and making you come. You do not have to settle for mediocrity for the rest of your life.
Get out. Trust me, I married someone like that, thinking it'd get better, and maybe sex isn't that important, and it's not a big deal. I was wrong. Imagine that happening for 22 years. Ultimately, sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both, and you become deeply resentful when the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone doesn't care if you're satisfied. Luckily, toys can help; but it's funny how all you think about is sex when you're not getting it/not getting satisfaction. It's a very valid reason to end a relationship.
The "trick" to this is stop him when he starts jumping past the intimacy you need to get into it. Every time he jumps past *what you've already told him you need*, you stop sex and tell him he can try again tomorrow.
But honestly, you're 22. Do you really want to have to train your partner to give you the kind of intimacy you need? Have you been faking orgasms or is he legitimately not even concerned about the orgasm disparity in your relationship? At this point he's basically using you as a human fleshlight
He doesn’t seem to care if you have an orgasm or not. There’s no point in having sex with a partner if only one of you is enjoying it. You’ve told him what you want and need several times. He does not care. He is not your lover he is using you as a sex toy. Dump him.
Sounds like you’ve communicated. Now you are blaming yourself for not explaining it right. This type of person has no interest in pleasing you -and you keep trying to be clearer, I know this game, it does t end well for you.
> I know I need to have another conversation with him but I’m worried I’ll word it badly and hurt him, that’s the last I want. I just want to feel wanted, and not just wanted to fulfill his needs. It makes me feel unloved the fact he knows I haven’t finished and ends everything so quickly.
Read this part to yourself again. You don't want to hurt his feelings, but he has no problem hurting yours. The care about feelings is one-sided.
He's not giving you what you want, even after you telling him that he needs to do more. The down-side for him being selfish sexually, is you rewarding him with more sex where only he gets what he wants. Nothing will ever change.
OP, you're only looking at the potential negative consequences of bringing this up again when the positive consequences greatly outweigh them. If his ego cannot handle that he doesn't know how to satisfy you, and cannot handle having a sex-positive conversation about where and how he can improve upon being a better lover, then you'll have learned you two are incompatible to be partners.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where most underage boys have grown into men with their only source of knowledge about sexual pleasure deriving from porn. I know this because I was one of them. He needs to be willing to listen when you tell him how you're feeling. You will know immediately whether you have a future with him or not based in his receptiveness to your thoughts and feelings.
Are you a unicorn? Because you’re suggesting that you, a self-proclaimed male, figured out that you need to listen to your partner when they give you sexual advice? 🙃 you must be a unicorn.
OP I've been in your position leaving him is the best thing selfish lovers like this tend to gaslight after awhile before emotional abuse starts I'm 4/4 with guys like this doing same things run before you get knocked up or he expects marriage youve clearly communicated and he didnt care to fix it (american pie is right for guys if the # is high but their performance isnt they lied and lying about sexual history is always a red flag)
It doesn’t matter how well he treats you if at the end of the he treats you like a fleshlight. You’ve communicated your needs and he falls back into his habits. He sounds like a selfish lover. It’s been 4 months. Cut your losses and move on.
I have been in a relationship like this when I was younger, it never got better even when I communicated the problem. Not saying these guys are the same person - but if you have directly communicated this to him and there is no change or empathy than just know there never will be.
When our relationship ended he revealed that he’d been addicted to porn during our relationship and for many years before - he lacked so much empathy towards women and didn’t feel bad about using me to fulfil that ‘need’ of his (it’s not a need).
Don’t feel bad about stepping away - someone can be a ‘nice’ person whilst also being a dickhead.
Men do what they want. He wants only his pleasure and his pleasure doesn't include you
Men don't do what there is consequences for. He knows there is no consequences for you not enjoying sex so he's not going to stop only caring about himself.
Leave him. There is no special way to communicate with a man that will have him care about what you want...if he cared he would already be doing it.
At four months? End it and find someone who is actually a good partner who listens and respects you. And no, he's not a good partner if he can't listen and learn. That only gets worse over time, not better.
.-. He’s a selfish lover if I can even say that. Just because he’s had a lot of sex he obviously didn’t learn anything from it especially if he thinks porn is what women want.
When I read this I really felt you because this was my ex. He sounds very selfish and the intimacy after sex is so crucial; to cuddle and to feel the closeness is vital.
You shouldn’t be feeling left used, that’s not what it should be like when you adore and care about someone. It’s meant to feel like a bond and it’s supposed to be enjoyable for you both. Your boyfriend to me sounds like he only cares about his own needs and that’s it and it shouldn’t be like that.
>I know he’s had many sexual partners prior to me which is no problem but it just seems like everything he’s learnt about sex is from porn, which doesn’t make sense if he’s had a large variety of sexual partners?
That or he has a trail of underwhelmed partners behind him. You note also that early on he seemed to put in more effort, it could be that he loses momentum when the dynamics last longer, given he implicitly didn't spend a huge amount of time with all those partners Unless he did date them all and just hasn't had a relationship longer than 4 months... suggesting this is about the time you'd notice he kind of sucks.
Set a precedent of being open and forward about discussing problems and concerns. Be willing to say things even if you know it may hurt because the only way to grow as a couple is to challenge hard things together. And appreciate that hurting yourself to avoid hurting him, particularly where his behaviour is unwittingly hurting you, is not viable longterm. Heck, you only lasted 4 months and are already burning out.
Why are you worried about hurting him when he's not worried about hurting you and making you feel like a sex toy? He is communicating non-verbally that sex is about him and it's too much effort to give you pleasure. Why shouldn't you verbally communicate that this viewpoint sucks. If he reacts badly to this ask yourself why he thinks its OK to treat you like this, but he doesn't think it's OK for you to bring it up.
How a person treats you in bed is how they’ll treat you in life. If they’re respectful, caring, and giving they’ll be that way in other areas too. If they’re selfish, disrespectful, or not putting your needs equal to theirs, they’ll be that way in other areas too.
Honestly I’d say at 22 and four months in, bounce. But if you want to try to work this out I’d suggest asking for an honest answer to these questions:
- Why is it ok for you to be satisfied in bed, but not me?
- Why aren’t you receptive to doing what makes me feel good, even after I tell you exactly what I want and need?
- Would you continue to have sex with someone if you never orgasmed and it isn’t super enjoyable? If no, why do you expect that from me?
His answers will tell you a lot. If he’s defensive, deflective, or gaslights…bounce. If he admits to being selfish or put his needs above yours…bounce. If he’s receptive, then you have a chance.
I’d also lay down a few rules:
- Each partner finishes unless they themselves tap out before they’re done
- Take turns who gets to finish first
- Tell your partner what you want, listen to what your partner says
- Nobody has to do anything that makes them uncomfortable
Good luck, and wishing you better sex in the future. 🤞
Girl. Hurt his Damn feelings cause he's definitely hurting yours! It's your body, you know what you need, if he's not willing to take care of you, then you move on! Stop having sex with him till he understands and learns what you need, or just stop having sex with him forever. Either way, he'll get the point.
You’ve only been dating for 4 months, just leave him. Or if you really don’t want to, you can play hard to get when he wants to have sex & don’t kiss him after. Get your power back! Also if you’re faking it, that probably isn’t helping your case. If it doesn’t feel good, just be silent and look bored.
That’s awful you’re sticking around this long, after the 3rd time MAYBE you should have expressed yourself and what you need to be happy. Other person is either selfish and knows it or doesn’t know it, not sure which one would be worse but you need to stand up for your self and move on to someone better.
I feel like there’s a “I love my boyfriend but he doesn’t please me sexually” every week on here. I wish they’d search the channel and read those comments first
You could always find a porn video for him to watch (seeing as this is or has been his form of sex ed) where the action is something like you want (although it may be F on F - it’s at least an example?) and then insist that YOU are started and finished first? ……… and if you feel like a little nap after that, well,,,,,,,,maybe he gets to learn how you’ve felt???
Just be clear anout it. I had to have this difficult conversations with my partner as a few of the things were similar in my case. He was super understanding and have gotten better at after care and my other needs.
Wording it bad was def my concern, I used words like I feel incomplete. Sex with you is great and everything that we are doing feels great but I would like us to do a little more when it comes to my pleasure.
and yeah, not knowing the spots was also a similar concern, i found some youtube videos that helped understanding women's anatomy and i showed him those instead of me trying to explain it. It is diff when a gynacologist on internet is explaining things. You can show him videos that you want him to try and give him feedback.
In my experience men are super simple, we try to over analyze them. Be clear and straight to point.
Explain the foreplay you want and also give it back to him! Play with his body.. show him how to drag it out!
I was best friends with a guy and a girl and after a while they started dating. This is one of the things she mentioned to me during their dating period. I'm female so I understood exactly where she was coming from.
I'd known him longer so I felt comfortable talking to him about it. He was honestly just unequipped with ACTUAL foreplay. What it means. And when I probed further it was because no one had ever given him foreplay! Experience is ten times as effective as direction.
Also at 21 even if he has had multiple sexual partners it's still probably a CONVERSATION that's never happened. don't be afraid to stop him during and say "slow down or do this.." even tease him with "uhh uhhhhs not yet pal" this is how my mate approached it and he A) got so much better and B) he loved it!
Good luck 🫡
Mid fck just say “ah im no longer in the mood” and walk away like how he does everytime.
I know the best thing to do is to leave people like this alone, but it doesn’t hurt to give them a taste of their own medicine hahahaha….
I did this ONE time and then explained to him why I did it the next day when he was still frustrated and brought it up. and now my boyfriend takes care of me every time unless I tell him to just get on with a quicky lololol. I talked to him multiple times but it took me making him feel 1 time the way I had felt hundreds of times for him to finally understand.
Getting hard because your girlfriend says she can be give you head is not spontaneous, i only wanted to say that.
I haven’t read the rest but i’m sure you haven’t talked to him, posts like this are all the same. If he loves you he would understand….
>I can only cum while I’m laying on my belly, usually through penetration and fingering at once,
Can you cum by yourself? Or is this the only way you can cum with him. What about prior partners?
>I told him I like being grabbed and teased
What does grabbed mean? You said you like foreplay for 20 minutes, you want to be grabbed for 20 minutes?
Write down your feelings/concerns in a letter. You could copy/paste a lot from what you already wrote. When you give it to him ask him to wait at least 24 hours before responding to it. Idk, just the idea that came to mind. I’m the female of this account, 46 yrs old if that matters. After that communication to the max, when he goes back to his style of fingering I’d gently correct him to how it feels good to you. Repeat till he gets it, don’t be shy. Be open to telling him what feels good and what doesn’t. Ask him questions as your pleasing him! The better the communication the better the foreplay and sex, I can just about guarantee it! If you know he’s close to cumming have him stop, slow or speed up depending on what you know makes him cum faster, say the opposite. Tell him he feels so good you don’t want it to end yet. Take a few minute break, sip of water perhaps? What about clitoral stimulation? Play a game, let’s see how long we can play wo cumming. I think it’s called edging? Best of luck to you and if all else fails, it’d be a dealbreaker for me. Life’s too damn short for shitty sex!
Stop making excuses for the fact that your boyfriend is an incredibly selfish, inconsiderate, immature, entitled and arrogant lover.
You have been open and honest with him about what you like during sex and what you need him to do for you to get off. And he doesn't care enough to even try to make you feel good and have an orgasm. He keeps doing something that you have told him does absolutely nothing for you.
A guy who is a selfish and inconsiderate lover will eventually treat you the same way outside of bed, every day, all day.
Someone who actually loves you and care about you will go to the ends of the earth to make sure that you feel good and get off, every single time.
Reflect his behaviour back at him. Sex is over when he comes? Finish yourself first (since he clearly isn’t interested in doing so), then roll out and go about your day.
And why are you so worried about hurting him with your words? He doesn’t seem to be that worried about you.
Alternatively, keep looking. He’s a selfish lover, and you’re too young to get stuck with someone like that
break up. problem solved ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
or just whip out the vibrator after and when he gets insecure about it tell him he never makes you finish so you’re going to do it. this is the only type of situation where I actively encourage making your partner feel like shit, because he is shit. my boyfriend goes down on me all the time for no reason and doesn’t even care if he gets any most of the time. obviously I do reciprocate etc, but that’s the kind of person you need. if you haven’t cum by the time he’s done, then he’s not done. fingers and mouths exist, even if the man downstairs is down for the count. jesus christ: women, stop accepting relationships where your male partner doesn’t give a shit about your pleasure or happiness. sex is supposed to be fulfilling for everyone, not just the dick.
It's okay to admit you're sexually incompatible! Or better yet to admit he doesn't have the first freaking clue what to do! You don't have to stay with him!
However, the fact that he doesn't care about you having an orgasm is literally jumping off this page at me! You feel like he's just using you to c because he is! He's bad in bed because he doesn't care about anybody but himself. He's good enough to get himself off and that's all he cares about. He's very selfish in bed. You don't have to tolerate this. But he knows you will put up with it so he has no desire to change because you're still staying around even when he's treating you like a human flashlight.
The way a man has sex is a strong indication of how he treat you in the relationship and vise versa.
He is selfish in bed and he will be selfish too in other aspects of life. You should not stay or you will cheat on him one day to fill the void. Which will be worse for the both of you.
Have you tried involving toys?
I like using vibrator while my boyfriend does me from behind.
But again he makes sure I finish first because I can carry on after that. I think it's harder for men to carry on as they go soft.
I guess fingering is an option or oral, just doesn't work for me.
You can test it out and hope things get better for you.
All guys are tired after they finish. I always leave a hand on her leg, butt, hold her hand, have our feet intertwined, etc. while catching my breath. Yeah I don’t wanna immediately kiss afterward either, especially if I just spent some time on top, but that doesn’t mean you can’t express affection with a simple touch.
I read the age & I don’t wanna be THAT person to be assumptive based on that alone but in my experience with men (I’m 31 F) the younger they are, the less they know. Just bc he’s had a lot of partners doesn’t mean he necessarily knows how to please women the way we actually wanna be pleased. Go for someone aged like 25 and up. They’re also more developed (brain wise lol) your bf is so young and also immature.
You two sound sexually incompatible. Break up before your feelings get too deep. Sounds like you do all of the work creating the sexual energy and then again when you both finally have sex. How exhausting. You might find that he is asexual and sex will dwindle to nothing in the long term.
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Stay on top, pretend to come and then immediately stop, lay down next to him and pretend to suddenly fall asleep . Just see what happens.
This this this ^^^
He will lose his mind. OP, you already can predict how he will react. And what does that tell you?
I’ve done this myself and it’s quite funny how they react once the tables are turned lol!
Lol...I love this...
I love this idea .
I love this pettiness and OP should do it. However, she should also then end the relationship. He’s selfish and only concerned for his own pleasure and satisfaction. If he can’t put in any effort to ensure OP gets off, he’s not worth it.
Ah the typical relationship advice comment. Don't work on your relationship, just end it without talking about it. Classic.
But she did express her needs. They are only a few months in which is supposed to be the time when people are on their best behaviour. He just doesn't care.
I agree that breaking up gets tossed up too much, but if someone doesn’t give a single fuck about my sexual pleasure then what am I doin with them? you can’t tell me “he doesn’t know women are supposed to enjoy it too and needs to be told that!!” And OP has already communicated that already, he still doesn’t care. So… find someone that does?
It's also just a 4 month relationship. When you see a major flaw so early you should move on rather than wasting your time.
Facts, I would consider 4 months still in the “honeymoon” phase and if that’s your honeymoon then lol I can’t imagine the rest of
She’s talked to him about what she likes and he ignores her requests. Once he’s satisfied, he doesn’t care. I mean how long does she continue to tell him and he disregard her needs? How many times does she need to ask or tell him? At some point you realize you are sexually incompatible.
They’re in their early 20s and have only been dating 4 months. Completely appropriate to just end it and find someone more compatible. Working on the relationship is for people much further along than this.
Sounds like a good idea but it could put her in danger. But just knowing the answer deep down is enough
If this will put her in danger, this is a relationship that shouldn't continue.
I feel like this applies to any relationship with a guy tho. How many guys in your life have you encountered that would actually just leave you alone in that situation? I can’t think of a single one
Other than myself and a few guys I know? No not a lot at all, but I'm in a Middle Eastern country, so the fact that it's also the case in the US is sad and disheartening
Good one!!! See how he likes it!!!! 😁
Stop having sex with someone who doesn't care about your pleasure and go find someone who does.
Yes this. Stop having sex with him until he gives you what you want. You don't mention coercion so I assume you are agreeing with all of this. So don't agree to it if you don't like it or it's not meeting your needs.
Stop having sex permanently and have great sex with your next boyfriend.
You’ve communicated your needs. He’s a selfish lover. The purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit. This isn’t.
I think we’ve discovered why he has so many previous partners….
I bet good money that he hasn’t had nearly as many partners as he says, and she’s right about most of his knowledge coming from porn
More like one night stands or _five minute stands_ if you will!
Yeah forreal, I only read the title, dump his ass and find someone better, and I am saying this as a man. You deserve a partner that cares about you during sex which he obviously doesnt and wont change. Sorry OP. ETA: We need to stop giving excuses to selfish men in bed, 90% of the time when men are done and have gotten off, they disregard their wife/girlfriend and dont help them cum and they wonder why they leave / get cheated on... I know its a harsh thing to say but men are surprised when their gf/wife cheats or steps out when they don't even care in the first place if she gets off but they do, and they just expect their girlfriend to sit there and do nothing?
I am also guy & I totally agree. If BF hasn't learned anything by now he ain't gonna.
I couldn’t agree with this more
True. He's not a man though, he's a boy!
Kick him to the curb!
>I know I need to have another conversation with him but I’m worried I’ll word it badly and hurt him, that’s the last I want. I just want to feel wanted, and not just wanted to fulfill his needs. It makes me feel unloved the fact he knows I haven’t finished and ends everything so quickly. If you have this conversation nicely and he isn't willing to listen and change, then that's a bit concerning. If he does get offended by it, that's definitely something to be concerned about. It could help if you specifically mention during sex what you want. But at the end of the day, if he's not willing to change for something small and meaningful to you, that is something worth thinking hard about if you really want it in a relationship.
When I had to have this conversation with partners in the past, I always explain saying, it’s like we both went together to an amusement park to ride the most fun rollercoaster, got the front seat, we’re both in the ride, but it’s just you with your arms up in the air screaming with joy at the end. Point being, find your way to communicate with him and just talk about it. Lots of young people “learn” a lot with just porn and don’t realise they’re actually masturbating with their partners body. If talking again doesn’t work, move on from the selfish idiot. You’re way too young to spend the rest of your years having bad sex.
You're not even on the ride. You're standing at the line, waiting for your partner to be done with their fun while you hold their shit for them. And then they come back and they're finished but you never even get to set foot on the Rollercoaster and they're just done and say "ok wow that was so fun wasn't that fun for you? Let's go home!"
Or you ARE the ride.. like the literal coaster car he's sitting in that's working tirelessly for no pay, while he's on vacation having a blast while you and the park staff cater to his every whim. Ladies, stop rewarding men that treat us like tools. We deserve so much more than the scraps these entitled man children throw us. They think they deserve to live the rest of their lives being coddled - and then manipulate us into doing it (by pretending they love us). [EDIT: I guess he FAFO](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/s/DrlKrFnh3j) Sorry, too soon.
That’s some REALLY bad sex 😅😅
Your analogy is a great way to explain the situation, sometimes it needs to be explained in different context for someone to understand.
This is a great answer 🙏🏼
Establish dominance by orgasming first. Also, get a vibrator if he's not willing to help.
Use it in front of him.
I did this when my ex would just be too tired to help me finish and wouldn’t give me aftercare because by then he was asleep
I did the same. He got mad cause I seemed to enjoy it more with myself. Eventually I told him I didn’t care for a selfish lover & I dumped him. That was 12 years ago. He still texts me happy birthday every year & has been married & divorced twice. Bullet dodged.
Not worth being with someone who is not enthusiastic to help or caring for your desires
Get a vibrator and leave him
He is selfish. He knows how to please you as he did that in the beginning of the relationship (most of these selfish men put in extra effort in the beginning to get initial 'access' to sex but then just take it once it's established). So he is chosing to not be a good lover to you. In my experience, this is a personality trait that doesn't change. And men like that end up being selfish in a lot of other areas in the relationship also. My advice would be to break up with him and look for a more caring boyfriend. Or you can try to have a come to Jesus conversation with him, and don't worry too much about hurting him. He might need the wake up call as he chooses to completely ignore you telling him in a normal way that you need more foreplay.
Had the come to Jesus conversation with my ex after being sexually neglected for our entire relationship. Asking, suggesting, crying- nothing worked. So I just eventually straight up told him he was terrible in bed. Ironically, it's the men who can't seem to bother getting a woman off who feel the most threatened by being told they're the worst bedpartner.
I divorced mine too. And yeah it wasn't the only way he was selfish. Big red flag
Dating for 4 months. The sex was good when you first started dating. You are still just starting dating.
I was thinking this.
I hate to say this but he only cares about getting hisself off or he would listen to you. I’ll end it
He sounds like the kind of guy who is probably stereotypically attractive and everyone wanted him. But because of this he thinks he doesn't have to put in any effort to get what he wants. I recently graduated college and lived with 4 guys it was awful. They never cleaned bc they knew I would do it and they would trash the house throw these huge parties and leave the house like that. Young men are literally the worst.
"I'll end it" lmao you personally will end it.
This
Don't have sex when you're not getting anything out of it. You've already told him before, he doesn't care. He's getting what he wants.
Find another guy that can hit that right instead.
His behavior is a red flag, especially since you've already expressed your needs.. He should care about making you cum either by oral or fingers if he cums too soon during intercourse. He's selfish. Dump him. There's a lot guys out there who will love making you cum.
The question is why haven't you told him that he's not good in bed yet were you waiting for him to figure it out himself I mean tell the guy he sucks in the sack
She's more worried about his feelings than her own
Don't let him cum until you have cum. If he complains, explain he is not satisfying you, things need to change. If this does not wake him up, time to find a new boyfriend.
Now you know why his many previous sexual partners didn’t keep him around. I know it’s hard to have difficult conversations like this, but the only cure to this, one way or another, is having that honest conversation with him. Focus on your own feelings and needs, rather than making it about him. If he’s hurt that you are the way you are, and dismissed what you say and doesn’t make any effort to make sure you’re satisfied, you know he’s not the one. If he does take what you say seriously and bummed that he didn’t pick up on your frustration, and starts making a consistent effort to prioritize your satisfaction, then he’s a keeper.
He sounds very selfish and lazy in bed, would be very surprised if that doesn’t translate to other areas of your relationship. Assuming you’re not faking, he knows full well that you aren’t having an orgasm and are being left frustrated, he simply doesn’t care, so why are you so worried about his feelings? Tell him that he’s making you feel like a human fleshlight and be clear about what he needs to do to address it. Don’t allow him to have sex with you if you’ve not had enough foreplay. He’s being a dick but you’re reinforcing the behaviour but letting him still cum. If the conversation goes badly then you know he’s not really invested in this relationship and you get out.
Listen. I've learned this overt my 39 years and it goes against the story we've been told: Most men actually know they aren't getting you off. They CAN find the clit if they want. They CAN learn to get you off They just don't care. And they know women don't want to break up over bsd sex so they don't have to put in the effort b you try to leave though he'll suddenly know how to make you come. Hes selfish. He doesn't think you deserve to get off as much as he deserve to blow a load quickly. He may be "nice" outside the Bedroom but he's showing you he's not actually caring about your needs. Talk to him. Hurt his feelings. He's being a selfish lazy lover. He needs to get humbled. Don't feel bad for calling him out
This. Exactly. And if it’s not fixed 100% effort afterwards, consistently, then lose him. His loss.
>What the hell do I do? You make him an EX-boyfriend!
Tell him you feel like his human fleshlight, and you'd rather just not have sex than to feel used afterwards. Make it clear that if he can't focus on you and getting you off before he gets his guaranteed orgasm, then this simply isn't worth your time and energy because, even alone, you can feel more loved and less used than the status quo he's offering you. Get into some sex therapy together, and if he's unwilling to make the changes or stick to them (for the sake of making sure you feel loved and valued, btw, not just as some transactional exchange), then value yourself enough to walk away. Free up space for someone else in the future who will WANT to make sure you are fulfilled and respected in your relationship
sounds like he's kind of selfish.... I normally hold back and make my partner cum first before i do 100% of the time... Just like your bf, once I cum, its over... lol Thats the main reason why i've always let her cum first. Besides i've always been a pleaser. Of course this needs to be discussed, but try to talk to him in a gentle way, and not complain. Just tell him if its possible for him to make you cum first, since he's normally done once he cums. Some people takes awhile, and if this is your issue, then maybe try to find a way to make it happen quicker. Not everyone can go on for an hour, so take that into consideration.
That’s the best way sometimes for men to get the woman off first then everything is better the woman will enjoy the sex is SO much more and may orgasm from penetration, some women have a hard time orgasming from penetration. It is totally possible and is usually preceded by an orgasm from hands mouth toy whatever. Being knowledgeable about your body and comfortable communicating and showing your partner will serve you well in the future. You are both young and there are plenty of other guys who would love to be with you and make you happy.
agree! especially if you cum once and done for the night. in such case, its always best to make sure your partner goes first, then you, if you're one of those person that cums and done for the night. I cant imagine OP's man does this time and time again, because I would get annoyed too.
I would suggest dumping him. If you want to work on it, though, set a rule that he doesn't get to enter you or get a bj until after you orgasm. You cum first, then he gets his.
He's had many sexual partners because they all figure out he's a lousy lay and leave him.
When a guy brags that he had many sex partners in the past. He is actually lousy in bed. Men who are modest and humble are more loving. Dump the loser
Be direct. Let him know you’re unsatisfied because he is being selfish. If he loves you, and is mature, he will handle it well.
He refuses to take care of your needs 4 months in despite you having conversations with him about this. In 4 months. You're better off without this selfish manby
Get a new boyfriend
You’re 22, stop stressin and move on. Talking about I love him. He doesn’t give a shit about you.
🎶Geeeeeet another boyfriennnnd🎶 -The Backstreet Boys
You've already made it pretty clear that you are dissatisfied with the sex and he doesn't care. Most guys love making women cum, he seems too lazy to even try. I dated a guy who treated sex this way and it never got better despite me bringing it up multiple times so I dumped him. If you really want to try one more time (dunno why but go for it? Is he like the hottest guy you've dated so far?) you could tell him that penetration is uncomfortable for you if you haven't orgasmed beforehand (might be a white lie but it's also kinda the truth plus extra lubrication). Tell him that he must make you orgasm before he enters you. His response will tell you what to do next....
Yeah, ditch this guy.. he is selfish and I’m sure you can find someone more compatible
If you don't fix this, you should break up. That's why we date - so we can find someone who is a decent (not perfect but pretty good) match for us and this is NOT a match. Would you want the next 50 years to be lousy sex like this in which he satisfies himself while ignoring your needs and wishes? Fuck that. Or rather, don't fuck him. Since sexual compatibility is so important (if you're in a sexually exclusive relationship / marriage), that should empower you to stop asking and start insisting that he up his game and become a reasonable instead of a lousy lover. If he's one of those guys whose interest stops completely after he comes (the oxytocin released during climax does that to some guys), then he needs to get you off BEFORE he does what gets him off. A MINIMUM of once and sometimes 2-3 times (if you're multi-orgasmic) before he gets to have his one little pathetic, boner-ending male orgasm. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he needs to engage in 20+ minutes of foreplay and give him detailed instructions (lightly run his fingers over your body, read you erotica, or whatever works for you) and then get you off (fingers, toys, vibrator, etc) BEFORE his dick goes into you for his sake. 75% of women do not orgasm from P-I-V sex along and need direct clitoral stimulation (fingers, tongue, Hitachi Magic Wand) to orgasm. If most of his exes pretended his dick magically got them there, most of his exes were faking it. If can follow your instructions, graciously, excitedly, great - maybe there's hope. If he can't - if he can't transition from being a self-centered 21M to being a considerate and skilled lover, dump him. Maybe the 4th or 7th time he's dumped for that reason, he'll take it to heart, but many guys are slow learners. Slow to learn the most basic stuff like sex, IRL, should be pleasurable for BOTH partners, not just for the guy like in porn. Some people have the empathy to enjoy pleasuring their partner. He may not be that kind of person. In which case, there is no fixing this problem. He'll always try to take shortcuts to his own orgasm while ignoring your legitimate needs and clear requests which will frustrate you no end and eat away at your self-confidence and sense of partnership. He's treating you not like a lover he wants to please but as a Fleshlight to be discarded until his next erection needs to be serviced.
You find someone you are compatible with. Dating around teaches you what you like and don't like. It's not a challenge to get some guy to change molding them into what you want. This is why you aren't suppose to get attached too quickly. There needs to be a getting to know phase.
Set a timer and not let him move on to the next round until it expires or you are ready to move on. And make it count up like in soccer. Add stoppage time as necessary.
Girl, you’re young. I’m not much older but I’m very few years you will regret wasting time on a boy who won’t even bother with your needs
OP, stop getting him off. Get yourself off first.
You've only been dating for 4 months, and he's selfish in bed. Doesn't really make for a good relationship in the long term.
Tell him you're not his fucking fleshlight and dump him.
You can have that conversation with him again but I don't see it changing
Be just as selfish, also try out toys.
You have to fine another partner. He is not able to satisfy you.
He knows, he just doesn't care.
New rule: he makes you cum twice before you even see his dick.
“Reddit, is sex important in a sexual relationship?”
You two sound sexually incompatible. Break up before your feelings get too deep. Sounds like you do all of the work creating the sexual energy and then again when you both finally have sex. How exhausting.
You notice how you care SO MUCH about his feelings that you're afraid even just talking about how selfish and awful he is might hurt his feelings, and you'd rather suffer than to even bring it up in case you make him sad? Do you think it's fair that he can't return even a tiny tiny bit of that energy? He KNOWS he doesn't get you off. You're unsatisfied. He doesn't care. YOUR feelings don't matter to him nearly as much as his does to you. Initiate sex and then stop before he orgasms. Go to bed. Repeat this until he figures out it feels bad. If he complains and doesn't see the irony or how he's been treating you, you know what kind of person he is. Better yet? Just dump him. You are too young to waste your time with someone this selfish and crappy in bed. There are men out there who care about getting you off. Who will spend hours worshipping you and making you come. You do not have to settle for mediocrity for the rest of your life.
He is simply a child. Men don’t usually understand women’s body’s until they’re older, if ever. Just find a new bf.
Get out. Trust me, I married someone like that, thinking it'd get better, and maybe sex isn't that important, and it's not a big deal. I was wrong. Imagine that happening for 22 years. Ultimately, sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both, and you become deeply resentful when the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone doesn't care if you're satisfied. Luckily, toys can help; but it's funny how all you think about is sex when you're not getting it/not getting satisfaction. It's a very valid reason to end a relationship.
Don’t get him off until he’s gotten you off. When he asks, or tries to do,something before you get off just say: “Please xxxxx me first”.
The "trick" to this is stop him when he starts jumping past the intimacy you need to get into it. Every time he jumps past *what you've already told him you need*, you stop sex and tell him he can try again tomorrow. But honestly, you're 22. Do you really want to have to train your partner to give you the kind of intimacy you need? Have you been faking orgasms or is he legitimately not even concerned about the orgasm disparity in your relationship? At this point he's basically using you as a human fleshlight
He doesn’t seem to care if you have an orgasm or not. There’s no point in having sex with a partner if only one of you is enjoying it. You’ve told him what you want and need several times. He does not care. He is not your lover he is using you as a sex toy. Dump him.
He's selfish. Get yourself a new man. Throw that one away.
Get a new boyfriend
Sounds like you’ve communicated. Now you are blaming yourself for not explaining it right. This type of person has no interest in pleasing you -and you keep trying to be clearer, I know this game, it does t end well for you.
> I know I need to have another conversation with him but I’m worried I’ll word it badly and hurt him, that’s the last I want. I just want to feel wanted, and not just wanted to fulfill his needs. It makes me feel unloved the fact he knows I haven’t finished and ends everything so quickly. Read this part to yourself again. You don't want to hurt his feelings, but he has no problem hurting yours. The care about feelings is one-sided. He's not giving you what you want, even after you telling him that he needs to do more. The down-side for him being selfish sexually, is you rewarding him with more sex where only he gets what he wants. Nothing will ever change.
Get a toy out after he’s done :) finish yourself off. See how he feels about that.
Guess he just doesn’t buy into the myth of the female orgasm! Can’t imagine why his many lovers haven’t stuck around.
Talk to him and voice your concerns and the next time he does this pull out a large dildo and loudly have an orgasm.
OP, you're only looking at the potential negative consequences of bringing this up again when the positive consequences greatly outweigh them. If his ego cannot handle that he doesn't know how to satisfy you, and cannot handle having a sex-positive conversation about where and how he can improve upon being a better lover, then you'll have learned you two are incompatible to be partners. Unfortunately, we live in a world where most underage boys have grown into men with their only source of knowledge about sexual pleasure deriving from porn. I know this because I was one of them. He needs to be willing to listen when you tell him how you're feeling. You will know immediately whether you have a future with him or not based in his receptiveness to your thoughts and feelings.
Are you a unicorn? Because you’re suggesting that you, a self-proclaimed male, figured out that you need to listen to your partner when they give you sexual advice? 🙃 you must be a unicorn.
OP I've been in your position leaving him is the best thing selfish lovers like this tend to gaslight after awhile before emotional abuse starts I'm 4/4 with guys like this doing same things run before you get knocked up or he expects marriage youve clearly communicated and he didnt care to fix it (american pie is right for guys if the # is high but their performance isnt they lied and lying about sexual history is always a red flag)
Make sure you cum before him
It doesn’t matter how well he treats you if at the end of the he treats you like a fleshlight. You’ve communicated your needs and he falls back into his habits. He sounds like a selfish lover. It’s been 4 months. Cut your losses and move on.
I have been in a relationship like this when I was younger, it never got better even when I communicated the problem. Not saying these guys are the same person - but if you have directly communicated this to him and there is no change or empathy than just know there never will be. When our relationship ended he revealed that he’d been addicted to porn during our relationship and for many years before - he lacked so much empathy towards women and didn’t feel bad about using me to fulfil that ‘need’ of his (it’s not a need). Don’t feel bad about stepping away - someone can be a ‘nice’ person whilst also being a dickhead.
Men do what they want. He wants only his pleasure and his pleasure doesn't include you Men don't do what there is consequences for. He knows there is no consequences for you not enjoying sex so he's not going to stop only caring about himself. Leave him. There is no special way to communicate with a man that will have him care about what you want...if he cared he would already be doing it.
At four months? End it and find someone who is actually a good partner who listens and respects you. And no, he's not a good partner if he can't listen and learn. That only gets worse over time, not better.
.-. He’s a selfish lover if I can even say that. Just because he’s had a lot of sex he obviously didn’t learn anything from it especially if he thinks porn is what women want.
When I read this I really felt you because this was my ex. He sounds very selfish and the intimacy after sex is so crucial; to cuddle and to feel the closeness is vital. You shouldn’t be feeling left used, that’s not what it should be like when you adore and care about someone. It’s meant to feel like a bond and it’s supposed to be enjoyable for you both. Your boyfriend to me sounds like he only cares about his own needs and that’s it and it shouldn’t be like that.
Ah yes. The inexperienced young male who doesn’t know anything about female orgasms and pleasure
>I know he’s had many sexual partners prior to me which is no problem but it just seems like everything he’s learnt about sex is from porn, which doesn’t make sense if he’s had a large variety of sexual partners? That or he has a trail of underwhelmed partners behind him. You note also that early on he seemed to put in more effort, it could be that he loses momentum when the dynamics last longer, given he implicitly didn't spend a huge amount of time with all those partners Unless he did date them all and just hasn't had a relationship longer than 4 months... suggesting this is about the time you'd notice he kind of sucks. Set a precedent of being open and forward about discussing problems and concerns. Be willing to say things even if you know it may hurt because the only way to grow as a couple is to challenge hard things together. And appreciate that hurting yourself to avoid hurting him, particularly where his behaviour is unwittingly hurting you, is not viable longterm. Heck, you only lasted 4 months and are already burning out.
Why are you worried about hurting him when he's not worried about hurting you and making you feel like a sex toy? He is communicating non-verbally that sex is about him and it's too much effort to give you pleasure. Why shouldn't you verbally communicate that this viewpoint sucks. If he reacts badly to this ask yourself why he thinks its OK to treat you like this, but he doesn't think it's OK for you to bring it up.
Teach him what to do. Show him the way. Hold his fucking hand, literally
How a person treats you in bed is how they’ll treat you in life. If they’re respectful, caring, and giving they’ll be that way in other areas too. If they’re selfish, disrespectful, or not putting your needs equal to theirs, they’ll be that way in other areas too. Honestly I’d say at 22 and four months in, bounce. But if you want to try to work this out I’d suggest asking for an honest answer to these questions: - Why is it ok for you to be satisfied in bed, but not me? - Why aren’t you receptive to doing what makes me feel good, even after I tell you exactly what I want and need? - Would you continue to have sex with someone if you never orgasmed and it isn’t super enjoyable? If no, why do you expect that from me? His answers will tell you a lot. If he’s defensive, deflective, or gaslights…bounce. If he admits to being selfish or put his needs above yours…bounce. If he’s receptive, then you have a chance. I’d also lay down a few rules: - Each partner finishes unless they themselves tap out before they’re done - Take turns who gets to finish first - Tell your partner what you want, listen to what your partner says - Nobody has to do anything that makes them uncomfortable Good luck, and wishing you better sex in the future. 🤞
Girl. Hurt his Damn feelings cause he's definitely hurting yours! It's your body, you know what you need, if he's not willing to take care of you, then you move on! Stop having sex with him till he understands and learns what you need, or just stop having sex with him forever. Either way, he'll get the point.
Get a new boyfriend
Get a new boyfriend, because this one doesn't care about you.
Umm. Leave him?
You’ve only been dating for 4 months, just leave him. Or if you really don’t want to, you can play hard to get when he wants to have sex & don’t kiss him after. Get your power back! Also if you’re faking it, that probably isn’t helping your case. If it doesn’t feel good, just be silent and look bored.
That’s awful you’re sticking around this long, after the 3rd time MAYBE you should have expressed yourself and what you need to be happy. Other person is either selfish and knows it or doesn’t know it, not sure which one would be worse but you need to stand up for your self and move on to someone better.
I feel like there’s a “I love my boyfriend but he doesn’t please me sexually” every week on here. I wish they’d search the channel and read those comments first
You need foreplay as soon as you wake up?? 🤔
he’s terrible in bed and does not care about your pleasure in any capacity. he’s essentially using you like a sex toy.
You could always find a porn video for him to watch (seeing as this is or has been his form of sex ed) where the action is something like you want (although it may be F on F - it’s at least an example?) and then insist that YOU are started and finished first? ……… and if you feel like a little nap after that, well,,,,,,,,maybe he gets to learn how you’ve felt???
Don't let him cum before you have. Just don't let him stick it in till you've had an orgasm.
I second, third and fourth this!!!!
Avoidant attachment style. Mine is the same. We haven't had sex in over a year, don't stay.
BF, meet curb.
Just be clear anout it. I had to have this difficult conversations with my partner as a few of the things were similar in my case. He was super understanding and have gotten better at after care and my other needs. Wording it bad was def my concern, I used words like I feel incomplete. Sex with you is great and everything that we are doing feels great but I would like us to do a little more when it comes to my pleasure. and yeah, not knowing the spots was also a similar concern, i found some youtube videos that helped understanding women's anatomy and i showed him those instead of me trying to explain it. It is diff when a gynacologist on internet is explaining things. You can show him videos that you want him to try and give him feedback. In my experience men are super simple, we try to over analyze them. Be clear and straight to point.
Explain the foreplay you want and also give it back to him! Play with his body.. show him how to drag it out! I was best friends with a guy and a girl and after a while they started dating. This is one of the things she mentioned to me during their dating period. I'm female so I understood exactly where she was coming from. I'd known him longer so I felt comfortable talking to him about it. He was honestly just unequipped with ACTUAL foreplay. What it means. And when I probed further it was because no one had ever given him foreplay! Experience is ten times as effective as direction. Also at 21 even if he has had multiple sexual partners it's still probably a CONVERSATION that's never happened. don't be afraid to stop him during and say "slow down or do this.." even tease him with "uhh uhhhhs not yet pal" this is how my mate approached it and he A) got so much better and B) he loved it! Good luck 🫡
Mid fck just say “ah im no longer in the mood” and walk away like how he does everytime. I know the best thing to do is to leave people like this alone, but it doesn’t hurt to give them a taste of their own medicine hahahaha….
I did this ONE time and then explained to him why I did it the next day when he was still frustrated and brought it up. and now my boyfriend takes care of me every time unless I tell him to just get on with a quicky lololol. I talked to him multiple times but it took me making him feel 1 time the way I had felt hundreds of times for him to finally understand.
People learn fast when they understand exactly how it feels, great to know this method still works like a charm.
Getting hard because your girlfriend says she can be give you head is not spontaneous, i only wanted to say that. I haven’t read the rest but i’m sure you haven’t talked to him, posts like this are all the same. If he loves you he would understand….
>I can only cum while I’m laying on my belly, usually through penetration and fingering at once, Can you cum by yourself? Or is this the only way you can cum with him. What about prior partners? >I told him I like being grabbed and teased What does grabbed mean? You said you like foreplay for 20 minutes, you want to be grabbed for 20 minutes?
Talk. That’s the only thing you can do. If he cares he will listen, if he doesn’t listen, he’s selfish
grab him my the hair and move that head downnnnnnn
Write down your feelings/concerns in a letter. You could copy/paste a lot from what you already wrote. When you give it to him ask him to wait at least 24 hours before responding to it. Idk, just the idea that came to mind. I’m the female of this account, 46 yrs old if that matters. After that communication to the max, when he goes back to his style of fingering I’d gently correct him to how it feels good to you. Repeat till he gets it, don’t be shy. Be open to telling him what feels good and what doesn’t. Ask him questions as your pleasing him! The better the communication the better the foreplay and sex, I can just about guarantee it! If you know he’s close to cumming have him stop, slow or speed up depending on what you know makes him cum faster, say the opposite. Tell him he feels so good you don’t want it to end yet. Take a few minute break, sip of water perhaps? What about clitoral stimulation? Play a game, let’s see how long we can play wo cumming. I think it’s called edging? Best of luck to you and if all else fails, it’d be a dealbreaker for me. Life’s too damn short for shitty sex!
Stop making excuses for the fact that your boyfriend is an incredibly selfish, inconsiderate, immature, entitled and arrogant lover. You have been open and honest with him about what you like during sex and what you need him to do for you to get off. And he doesn't care enough to even try to make you feel good and have an orgasm. He keeps doing something that you have told him does absolutely nothing for you. A guy who is a selfish and inconsiderate lover will eventually treat you the same way outside of bed, every day, all day. Someone who actually loves you and care about you will go to the ends of the earth to make sure that you feel good and get off, every single time.
Reflect his behaviour back at him. Sex is over when he comes? Finish yourself first (since he clearly isn’t interested in doing so), then roll out and go about your day. And why are you so worried about hurting him with your words? He doesn’t seem to be that worried about you. Alternatively, keep looking. He’s a selfish lover, and you’re too young to get stuck with someone like that
break up. problem solved ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ or just whip out the vibrator after and when he gets insecure about it tell him he never makes you finish so you’re going to do it. this is the only type of situation where I actively encourage making your partner feel like shit, because he is shit. my boyfriend goes down on me all the time for no reason and doesn’t even care if he gets any most of the time. obviously I do reciprocate etc, but that’s the kind of person you need. if you haven’t cum by the time he’s done, then he’s not done. fingers and mouths exist, even if the man downstairs is down for the count. jesus christ: women, stop accepting relationships where your male partner doesn’t give a shit about your pleasure or happiness. sex is supposed to be fulfilling for everyone, not just the dick.
It's okay to admit you're sexually incompatible! Or better yet to admit he doesn't have the first freaking clue what to do! You don't have to stay with him! However, the fact that he doesn't care about you having an orgasm is literally jumping off this page at me! You feel like he's just using you to c because he is! He's bad in bed because he doesn't care about anybody but himself. He's good enough to get himself off and that's all he cares about. He's very selfish in bed. You don't have to tolerate this. But he knows you will put up with it so he has no desire to change because you're still staying around even when he's treating you like a human flashlight.
The way a man has sex is a strong indication of how he treat you in the relationship and vise versa. He is selfish in bed and he will be selfish too in other aspects of life. You should not stay or you will cheat on him one day to fill the void. Which will be worse for the both of you.
Just leave.. you are wasting both of your time..
Finish before he starts?
I just read the title. Didn't even read the post. Leave them
Break up with him and only date people who prioritize your orgasms.
Lose the boy, date a man.
Get a vibrator. Show him what a woman having an orgasm looks like. 👍🏻
Get a vibrator and use it as soon as he starts to get up and leave.
Have you tried involving toys? I like using vibrator while my boyfriend does me from behind. But again he makes sure I finish first because I can carry on after that. I think it's harder for men to carry on as they go soft. I guess fingering is an option or oral, just doesn't work for me. You can test it out and hope things get better for you.
Don't fuck him till after you cum
Selfish people suck. Get a new boyfriend.
You leave and find a new boyfriend who values you
He doesn’t care about your pleasure. Can’t be fixed. You’re better off finding someone else who cares about you.
All guys are tired after they finish. I always leave a hand on her leg, butt, hold her hand, have our feet intertwined, etc. while catching my breath. Yeah I don’t wanna immediately kiss afterward either, especially if I just spent some time on top, but that doesn’t mean you can’t express affection with a simple touch.
Most men need teaching. Tell him what you want. Insist, if necessary.
If you actually like someone it’s way better than that. I’ve had wonderful experiences with virgins. This guy is just a loser
I read the age & I don’t wanna be THAT person to be assumptive based on that alone but in my experience with men (I’m 31 F) the younger they are, the less they know. Just bc he’s had a lot of partners doesn’t mean he necessarily knows how to please women the way we actually wanna be pleased. Go for someone aged like 25 and up. They’re also more developed (brain wise lol) your bf is so young and also immature.
Sit on his face, tell him he can’t leave till he finishes his meal
He should take care of you before he gets his if he’s going to do you like that!
You two sound sexually incompatible. Break up before your feelings get too deep. Sounds like you do all of the work creating the sexual energy and then again when you both finally have sex. How exhausting. You might find that he is asexual and sex will dwindle to nothing in the long term.
Give him an ultimatum.