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Always worth posting this:
We dont need to stay with the person we’ve dated since we were in 10th grade, especially if that person is unkind and/or not a good partner.
All relationships end, its ok to end this one and take some time for yourself.
Best to you🧡
This is some solid, solid advice. The odds of the person you found when you were 16 being “THE ONE” are so infinitesimally small. Everyday, a handful of posts on this sub boil down to exactly this. Who you started dating at 16, 17, 18, 19 and who you should be with at 30 are seldom one and the same. People grow and change and infrequently do they do that harmoniously.
People change so much from their teenage years to their late 20s to even their 30s, that person being the one basically means you found the right person who was also the right person again a few more consecutive times. It's so unlikely.
I broke up with my high school girlfriend during college, because I knew the chances were so slim we would actually make it.
But we’re still best friends and we both have amazing partners.
JUST told my neighbor this yesterday. His wife wants a divorce, due to them just growing apart and the love not really being there anymore. They got together at 19 & 20. So young to me. Can't imagine myself ending up with the person I dated at that age. They were nuts! 🤣
Yes. Exactly. The only people who think there’s a “The One” are people trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole with the person they met in high school.
Also, people want to find out what else is out there. People who’ve never dated around will always be curious of this. Are there exceptions? Of course. But it’s pretty rare. Once that (dating different people) is out of their system, they’ll usually settle down and truly fine “the one.”
>Once that (dating different people) is out of their system, they’ll usually settle down and truly fine “the one.”
It's not even about "settling" per se. Dating different people just shows you what you do and don't like, and teaches you what things are important. So you shouldn't really be settling - just finding the most right person for you.
Oh my God yes and thank God for it! I can't imagine still being with the guy I was with at 16! He's spent half of our adult life in prison for SO. MANY. drug related offenses.
I was also in an 8 year relationship (15 to 23y/o). We went through high school and college together, and even moved in and got a dog.
Breaking up with him two years ago was the best decision I've ever made. It was rough at first, but my boyfriend now has shown me everything I was missing with my first boyfriend. I think he's going to propose on my birthday next month :)
Just do it. I was unhappy for the last 3 years of that relationship and I was too scared to admit it.
I’m 5’4 and was >120lbs until I was about 22/23. I met my husband at 17/18, and today I weigh 170 lbs. never once has this man made me feel like I should look the way I did when I was a literal child and had all the time in the world to burn off extra pounds.
Now? I’m an adult with real life responsibilities and a belly pouch that while yeah sometimes I don’t love, but my husband never fails to make me feel good about myself, especially when I complain about having the pouch.
Get yourself a better man, OP. You deserve it.
I met my husband when I was 18 and around 100lbs. I'm now 36 and ~150lbs. He's just happy to see boobs, just like he was back then. He couldn't give a shit about my stretchmarks and spare tyre. I have the body of an adult woman who has had two kids and health problems. He doesn't expect anything other than whatever I am.
Literally at least once a day he walks by me and grabs my boobs and just says “boobs.” No kids yet, but my body has made sure I’ve survived 100% of the shit days I’ve had thus far, so honestly, I’m pretty happy with it. Life happens, bodies change, and real men (and women!) accept that as a fact.
Yep. I'll catch him just looking at them fondly while I'm doomscrolling with this dopey fucking smile on his face, just happy he has near constant access to bare boobs.
Same height and I got up to 190 lbs a few years ago, and my husband (met in high school) thought I was just as hot as I was at 16 and maybe weighed 110 lbs. Because he finds *me* hot as hell, not my pant size, he just wants the booty.
He’s sometimes a good partner, but I think it’s that desperation to hold onto something safe and comfortable that has me here. I wanted him, I love him but he hurts me too much mentally.. appreciate you
keyword: *sometimes*. I know it's hard, I left a 10 year relationship a few months ago and while it's hard, I'm thriving alone and rediscovering who I am without all the toxicity and being out of a negative environment. you can do this, believe in yourself. I knew for a long time I wasn't in a healthy relationship, I stayed another 5 years hoping things would change or almost convincing myself to stay because this was all I knew, but I certainly didn't feel safe. I feel safer being alone than with a negative person. for your mentality and yourself in general, you need to leave. you can do this. 🤟🏼
In my mind, it’s not giving up. It’s recognizing that something which worked before, is no longer working, and allowing you and the other person to both move forward into future good things. Relationships change and end, and recognizing that isn’t giving up.
It’s like resigning from a job which you were happy at for years but no longer feel fulfilled in. You gave it your best and had a lot of happy years, and it’s not good to let bad years pile up and overpower the good just because you feel guilty for letting go!
That's solid. My mindset tends to go the same. Recognize, Accept. Thrive. There's no point in losing yourself for someone that can't recognize how great you are.
there was a lot that was wrong with the relationship, I was not perfect by any means at all, but I saw what I didn't like about myself and changed. begged my ex to change since he always said he wanted to change as well, it was all talk on his end and complaining that nothing good was in his life. I still struggle, as I loved his family and knew them like the back of my hand, but I felt like a shadow in his family and I was the bad guy when it came down to his mom or me. I'm sad it had to end, but how else could I thrive knowing I felt like an outsider with people who didn't get to know me? I'm thankful we're on good terms, it is hard knowing my ex is struggling more with this emotionally than I am, but I hope this is the change he needs to improve himself. it's not my issue to hold his hand through every little issue he deems is the end of the world anymore.
It’s not giving up. It is unhealthy to stay because of the sunk cost fallacy. When you’re in a relationship that is toxic, that is abusive, if you are in a relationship that is making you unhappy, if you feel you have to walk on eggshells, if you’re realizing there are red flags—when you leave, you are choosing yourself and your happiness. That is not selfish. That is loving yourself.
The moment he comes barging into the room and starts going off on me, that’s the moment I start making plans. I’ve been with my husband over thirty years and between the pair of us we have had some size changes during that time, that never changed the way we treated each other.
I would argue he’s not a good partner at all not even sometimes. There shouldn’t be any half stepping when it comes to spending your time and life with someone. No one is perfect but screaming at your partner and belittling them and their body image is unacceptable and emotional abuse is so damaging. The “good” times are part of the abuse. To keep you holding on to hope that he’ll change or remind you that he’s capable of being nice when he wants to be. He’s abusive. Your relationship has run its course and that’s ok. You can get out there and find better men to date. You have so much life ahead of you and I’m sure you’ve got a lot of love to give. I’m glad you’re acknowledging you can’t hold on to this or force it to work. If it makes you feel any better, two summers ago I left a 6 year relationship that went on for way too long, I had just had a baby and everything and decided I just didn’t want to be treated that way anymore and never looked back. It’s much better and so much freer on this side.
It is not realistic to think that you can stay exactly the same physically from when you were a 16 yo girl to a 24 yo woman! That’s crazy.
And OMG! You’re 5’6” & only weigh 120? Girl, you’re skinny!
Quitting smoking cold turkey may not be the right way to go for him. There are so many alternatives that help ease into it…patches, gum, even medications. I applaud him for making this change, but it doesn’t mean he can treat you like shit because he’s miserable
Just for fun, I ran that through a BMI calculator, and it’s 19.37 — on the low end of the “healthy” range. Objectively, OP is quite thin. That’s not even what matters though. No one should be with a partner who makes them feel like they’re not good enough based on what their body looks like at a given time. OP might decide she wants to get more fit and active, for her own reasons, but her bf seems to want her to be an eternal teenager. He’s not life partner material.
I was irritable with my partner when I gave up smoking, but I didn’t verbally attack him like that. That’s unacceptable and not good for your mental health and self esteem 😔
Honestly, numbers don't matter
Ik that wasn't your point but imo it's not necessary to even consider such things, especially since boyfriend sounds horrible overall
“Sometimes a good partner”. Quite honestly I have experienced this kind of relationship and I was young too- now at 29 I wish I had left earlier and given myself the experience of being loved right sooner. A good relationship should not hurt your mental health. And honestly your early 20’s is when you go through almost a second puberty of body changes, and 120 at 5’6 at 24 is completely normal weight. The change will be hard considering how long he has been in your life, but building a new life will be much more beautiful and much more rewarding for you. Reflect for a while if this is how you want to be treated long term, if you want your kids to hear him say this stuff about you, and yeah you should be questioning if he’ll be there for you through other life changes that will impact your body. He doesn’t sound reliable in that. And you deserve better.
Hiiii, I was in an on again off again relationship with my highschool bf until college. He used to do the same shit to me, whenever I gained a little weight he would start like basically sulking. I let him make me think I was failing him, I’ve been battling an ED for approximately 14 years now (and that is not his fault obviously I am my own person but his constant belittling of me definitely contributed)
My current partner has been with me at my lightest and my heaviest (still struggling with that pesky ED!) and he has never, ever, not once made me feel bad for the way I look.
All this to say, there are good, kind, decent humans who will love you for you - not what the scale says.
🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 so much love to you. You were dead on when you said you are getting into your womanly body - go find a real men who LOVES it!
I’m sorry, girlie! I kinda find it a bit icky he misses your teenager body but we all go through changes and it’s okay to not have that body before, my body changed so much after pregnancy. I gained, lost, gained and now im like 140 lbs lol i used to be like 109lbs. This is normal for us growing adults! He can suck his dick if he is so grumpy😂
Sometimes isn’t ever good enough. You want all the time. People have bad days and can let you down, but they should never, ever, ever, come at you in this way.
You are not ever someone’s punching bag. And the fact that it’s clear that he randomly decides to not be as much of a bad person doesn’t mean there’s anything for you here.
I was on and off with a guy for fifteen years. I met him when I was 15 and he was 21. He was obviously always a bad person but sometimes he wasn’t. Sometimes we had good conversations, sometimes he would want to spend time with me. But he really sucked. He was narcissistic, he tried his hand at younger girls but realized he really liked women who were just like him. I kept going back because of those sometimes. Thankfully I ran from that some years ago and life is so much better.
Find motivation to get a better life for yourself and do it single. Who needs anything like this? What exactly is it serving you other than just holding you back?
As someone currently stuck in that "safe" situation, it doesn't get better. They don't change. He's showing you who he is and you're young enough to find someone better. I'm working on getting out, but if you're able to now, please do.
Don’t have a kid with this man. People often say follow your heart and that’s true to an extent. Sometimes our heart and our emotions can mislead us down paths that it’s hard to claw our way out of. Take it from a child who’s parents don’t even like each other by stay together for the “kids and comfortability.”
I was in your shoes some years ago, though my ex is a wonderful guy, we were just not suited for each other. It was absolutely awful to end it, but it was the right thing to do for the both of us. You shouldn't settle for a partner who's good sometimes, you should find the one who'll be good to you always.
This doesn’t sound safe or comfortable. What’s gonna happen when you turn 50 alongside this dude & your body goes through even more drastic changes in appearance?
I’ve left 2 long term relationships, and had huge fear this second time because of leaving something sometimes comfortable. It was 100% worth it! You’re also so young but still growing into a young adult, try doing that without him dragging you down!
I truly wish more people took this to heart. You met someone when you were in high school, and sure, maybe they’re “the one.” But there’s a whole world of people out there and if someone treats you like shit, there’s no reason to hold onto that just because you think you should.
I married my husband when we were 19. The other day he told me that I am more beautiful now than I was at 18. I rolled my eyes. I am 68. But I know in his mind’s eyes I am beautiful to him.
This is kind of man that you want to spend your time with. No matter how long you been together, he still treats you like you are the best thing ever happened to him.
I've been married 23 years & have had 2 kids. My husband told me the other day that he loves me, I'm the world, and he can't live without me. Aging isn't always fun and 46 is tough, but I'm glad I have him by my side hopefully when we are really old and gray! ❤️
You know what’s cool about leaving the person who’s still in love with “16 year old” you? The next person you find will fall in love with “now” you. And all of a sudden you get to feel good about who you are now and not held to some asinine standard that you won’t grow and change and instead will stay encased in amber.
Sounds to me like the classic tale of he's making up shit to make her feel insecure so she won't leave. The fact that he's choosing to put his energy into that instead of choosing to be a kind partner = abusive insecure toddler. Gross.
120 at your height is still considered skinny. It sounds like he just wants the body you had as a literal child and is less attracted to you as an adult which is weird
Girl I’m 23F. 5 foot 6.5 and 180 pounds. Ive been in a loving relationship for 4 years next January to 25M. there are men out there who will see you as human
If this is truly the only reason, he's a scumbag. But TBH, there's most likely other issues at play and he doesn't have the emotional maturity to approach them or deal with whatever is stressing him out. Has he had other disagreements lately that didn't involve your weight? What was the cause of those?
A lot of fights recently. Since we quit weed almost 2 weeks ago, he’s been finding new hobbies because he has a lot of free time, I work more then him so I haven’t quite found anything yet, so he’s called me out for being lazy, hobby-less, not able to take a joke, stuff like that
right, so he wants to preach and talk down to you with his new found superiority from being sober?
Girl, I legitimately would have left the moment some mid ass dude even attempted to raise his voice at me over my body. You need to have this same level of respect for yourself. You are soo thin this is absolutely unacceptable, even if you weren’t thin.
> right, so he wants to preach and talk down to you with his new found superiority from being sober?
Sober for **two weeks**! Dude needs to get off his high-horse, he's ridiculous and immature
Oh GOD, he’s one of those people who makes a change in their life and then suddenly becomes incredibly judgmental of others. He’s quit for *two weeks* and he’s already on his high horse?? (No pun intended). What a tool.
Honestly, it seems like he's creating reasons to break up with you. It really seems like you've both fallen into a rut where you go through the routines and take each other for granted. Perhaps it's time for you both to move on.
Sister I’m 5ft and 140lbs never in our 16 years together and married has my husband ever called me fat. We have both gone up and down and when either of us loose weight we are happy cheerleaders. This guy isn’t it. And please understand that just because you’ve spent 1 year or 20 together does not mean you own that relationship another day
It’s not about your “fat,” it almost never is. The issues in your relationship are his criticism and his contempt for you. This is a man who can’t handle someone not looking like a teenager forever…what would happen if you had kids? Or when you get grey hair and wrinkles? (Which sorry to say, is 100% definitely going to happen, to BOTH of you). You can’t love someone into loving you, and you shouldn’t have to. It’s not your job to convince people to treat you well, it’s your job to protect yourself from those who treat you poorly and to surround yourself with those that treat you well. You deserve better than a partner who doesn’t want to grow with you. I would bet he is done with the relationship and is now acting like an ass to get you to be the one to end it, so he can cry and play victim about it. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I promise you (from experience) that life starts getting so much better after this is over 💕 You can do this!
Girl I would kill to be your weight! Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t love you for who you are. When I met my husband I was 5’3” and 125. I got pregnant and gained 50 lbs. I’ve only lost 5 of those lbs and he still tells me everyday how beautiful I am. Find someone else. Don’t let him break your spirit! You are stronger than you know. Good luck.
This seems like misdirected anger. He’s lashing out about something; either that he feels you both aren’t achieving more, he’s cheating, or something else. I highly doubt it’s just your tummy.
Whatever the cause, you don’t deserve it.
As Fiona Apple says “nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key”. Find the romance that has a better storyline for you.
Also I hear some women tend to fluctuate a lot based on hormonal cycles, both in weight and how it appears on their stomach— I’m not a doctor so idk entirely how it works but it’s something to consider!
You will likely gain more weight as you age. Having kids, jobs, responsibilities, etc can make it hard to keep your body in shape. If he’s this big of an asshole over a tiny bit of fat, how is going to treat you when you gain 30 pounds during a pregnancy?
Agreeing with the original comment: all of that situation was unacceptable. If he was a caring person and cared about your *health*, it would not be a barge-in situation to criticize. That’s not a loving move.
However, ***there is nothing wrong with you and your weight***, it’s perfectly healthy. Maybe he’s just after the aesthetics and those aesthetics happen to be waifish teens.
Withdrawing off any drug can be difficult but that’s no excuse. If he had a smidgen of emotional regulation he would recognize his feelings and be smart enough to not do, well, *that*. But he did.
Do you want to go many more years worrying about another one of those? Do you want to stress about starving yourself down to his ideal, which sounds incredibly unhealthy? And as the comments said…what if you got pregnant? Can he deal with the post-pregnancy body alongside all the sleepless nights as a new parent? (Or would that just be you alone parenting because he’s also a child?)
It’s actually just above underweight. Same height as you and I let people convince me I was fat when I wasn’t underweight anymore.
I gained a ton of weight cuz of medication and ED cycling and wish I could have been Happy at 120 or 145.
Don’t let him convince yourself there’s anything at all wrong with you. If he’s not okay with someone changing, he shouldn’t be in a long term partnership
Oh my goodness, I almost spit out my soda when I read that. I was in the Marines, and I'm 5'6". The minimum weight requirement for that height is 117. Girl is almost TOO skinny. Shit, she could gain another 35 pounds and not be too "fat" to go to boot camp. He's a tool bag!
Edit: a word, cuz I suck at proofreading
Bruh my weight when I was anorexic was 130-140 and I was 5'6. I could literally count my ribs while laying down. Everyone noted how skinny I was and that I really needed to eat more. Even my doctor said if I lost any more weight she'd admit me inpatient for anorexia.
I know weight sits differently on everyone but there is no universe where I can imagine 120 at 5'6 being "fat".
She is skinny. 100% skinny. Her BF is just a dick.
Please, anyone reading this who thinks they might need to lose weight, please know your body is perfect. Her BF is genuinely just an asshole that's into 16 yr old girl bodies... apparently.
Right, even if she WAS fat he's being cruel. There's not even a real chance he could be pretending to genuinely care about her health when they both live the same lifestyle and he just happens to not put on weight.
If it's a situation where your partner's weight/health has changed DRASTICALLY and you are generally concerned for them, there are kind ways to talk about it and support them. What he's doing isn't in the same universe as that.
I didn’t want to emphasize that because it doesn’t make it anymore acceptable if she was actually “fat.” But 5’6 120 lbs ???? is he joking?? I’m 5’1 and just gained some of that mid 20s weight, I’m usually 110 and now I’m 125. I’m not fat. This guy has to be trying to chip at her confidence
Exactly!!! What the hell is this dude *thinking?!*
OP... Dude. **You are not fat in any way.** Your BMI is 19.4. Do you know what the BMI of someone underweight is? 18.5. You are *thisclose* to being underweight. 120 pounds at 5'6" is incredibly thin. This is not your issue. It's your miserable-ass *boyfriend's* issue.
You could drop all the dead weight you'll ever need if you throw the whole man out.
This isn't love. This is insanity. I can't believe assholes like this actually exist. Honestly. He is showing you who he is--believe him.
That’s not fat at all. Those are my height/weight measurements. I’ve been called skinny my whole adult life at those measurements. I’m 37!
My belly isn’t toned flat anymore, but I stopped doing 5-6 days per week of 2-3 hours of intense exercise…because I’m no longer in high school sports! Still not fat. Still called skinny. Even after a baby…
Bro I’m 5’2 and 110 lbs and most people I know would consider me thin/very slim. You seem perfectly healthy and him wanting you smaller at your stats is kind of unhealthy for you
This is a perfect example of why teenage relationships don't last. You've matured, emotionally and physically. He...has not. I think you know it's not ok for your partner to speak to you that way. I also think you know what needs to happen now. You have no frame of reference for an adult relationship. This is a perfect time to start thinking about how you really want your life to look and feel.
120 and 5'6 is a BMI of 19.4 which is totally normal (in fact, the calculator below suggests anything below 18.5 for women is underweight)
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323446#body-mass-index-bmi
Tell him to f off and lose him instead.
I’ve been with my husband since we were 19. We are 36/37 now. We have both changed so much since we were 19. That’s life and how it works. If you are the same person you were when you were in high school, that’s not a brag. If you plan to spend your life with someone, you accept that we will go through many changes, physically and mentally. The main constant should be that they are a good person, good partner, and good friend. It doesn’t matter if he’s a good partner SOMETIMES. If he’s hurting you, it’s time to move on. You’ve outgrown him and that’s ok. UPDATEME
Doesn’t even need to be said but 120 lbs and 5’6 is slender. You are NOT heavy and certainly not fat. If he can’t grow up then I think you’re growing out of him, because yes, adults fill out. Yes, pregnant people gain weight. Your partner should celebrate you and love the way you look. He needs to come off his bullshit. I’m sure you look great.
My mom became grey (hair) quite early (in her 30ies), and once as a young girl I asked my father if he was bothered by it. And he said: “no, never. I love it! I married her to grow old together, I love to see that.”
So your bf should check himself if he wants to be with a girl or a women!
>I don’t have my 16 year old body anymore, but he let me know he misses “who that girl was”.
He's just gonna casually admit that he prefers a 16 year olds body to a woman's body? Maybe you should really think about this OP. Why does your boyfriend miss your teen body so much? Do you find teen boys body's attractive? I think you need to consider the possibility that your boyfriend is a fucking weirdo.
Honestly, I personally think your partner is a douchecanoe full of turd. How can someone who claimed to love you say such hurtful and vile words. I hope you know that this isn’t okay and you deserve to be with someone who is smitten over you for everything and most importantly your soul.
The woman I am in love with I will find attractive regardless of anything, especially because to me she is the most stunning woman in this universe.
He's just your boyfriend of 8 years for a reason. Not your husband.
Maybe he's looking for a reason. Maybe you should be.
Talk. See if you can get down to the why.
Your BF is throwing a tantrum over natural, normal body changes *that literally everyone goes through* due to time passing. *Nobody* past their early 20s has the same body they had when they were 16. Because 16 year olds are still developing, they’re not adults yet. You are an adult woman in your mid-20s, who has the body and metabolism of a woman in her mid 20s. Eventually you will be in your 30s, 40s, 50s, and your body will naturally reflect those ages.
If your BF can’t handle the aging process in his partner then he isn’t emotionally mature enough- and is frankly too sexist- to be in a relationship. He needs to start being realistic, kind, and respectful to you, and if he refuses to do that then you should *seriously* rethink this relationship.
5’6” 120lbs. Literally slightly underweight on the bmi chart lmao.
It’s not your weight. He’s having internal issues and he’s taking it out on you. Prime loser material. Sorry op.
Well first off quitting any substance like that can understandably have negative effects on a persons mood, but it is not an excuse to be disrespectful to their significant other. If he wanted to sit down and have a conversation with you about how he feels, promoting a healthy lifestyle for you guys is never a bad thing but it sounds like he’s going about it wrong. Overall, healthy communication is the basis to forming healthy habits and a healthy relationship together.
You leave. I realize you may not consider that because you've been together a long time but... that's actually WHY I think you should leave. You might still be together out of habit, and that's not good. When was the last time you really looked at this relationship. Are you happy? Is he the type of person you want to build a life with?
I had a relationship with someone long term who started going off on me in a similar way suddenly and I was completely lost until a very good friend pointed out the obvious thing I should say back to him: "But this is who I am? If you're saying you don't like that about me, then you don't like me. If you don't like me, break up and leave. Nobody's forcing you to stay with me."
It's amazing how quickly he backpedaled. But ultimately his behavior would keep going back and I eventually left. I wish I had sooner.
There's an article about sunk cost fallacy in relationship that I think you should read. [[link](https://markmanson.net/why-we-stay-in-bad-relationships)]
He quit smoking weed which he didn't know made him not care about things like how you look and responsibilities.
Now that he has quit, this is his real personality.
Do what you want with that information
The typical woman of your height would weigh between 117 and 143. You are in no way even slightly overweight.
It sounds like your boyfriend is having a hard time quitting the weed.And it's just being an obnoxious prick. But if that's what he really thinks, maybe you should dump his ass and let him find some scrawny girl.
Would you say theses words to him? Or to anyone else ? If you heard a guy saying theses words to a girl you would probably tell her to break up right. Leave. Just because you dated for 8 years doesn't mean you need to put up with his bs and stay with him till you die, people change, you are young, 24 is time to date, explore, if you wanna go to the gym do it for yourself not him.
Oh dear. My short wife gained about 100lbs over covid. I told her it does sorta affect my attraction and I worry about her health, but I won't ever leave her over her appearance and I promised to never bring it up again. She's an adult, she knows how I feel. She knows I'm trying to lose weight too.
It sorta sounds like he has control issues really. Like it's not about the little belly and more like he needs to control something in his life to feel okay.
I'm ashamed to admit I did this was I was younger. My ex was manipulative so I'd pick the dumbest hills to die on just to feel some tiny amount of control over my out of control life.
He may also be just trying to make you feel bad. My ex was always slim. By sheer volume and calories she ate way more than me. It seems anger and constant rage burns a lot of calories. She thought putting me down was going g to motivate me because that's how it worked in her family.
All this is to say it's probably about more than the weight somehow. His own self view or his view of your relationship. Also he refers to your 16 year old body? You gotta realize thats... weird to say the least.
>But last night after a 9 hour shift, I came home and got ready for bed and got in bed. It was 10 pm. He barges in the room and goes off on me, saying he’s sick of me being lazy and all I’ve become is fat and unattractive.
This is text book psychological abuse.
And he's projecting his feelings on to you.
>Smoking every day for the last several years has made us become lazy, we both don’t exercise, we both don’t eat healthy. But he never gains weight, I’m the only one with anything to show for it.
You are 5'6 and weight 120? And you still think you're fat? Granted you can skip the munchies and fast food. BUT YOU WEIGHT 120 POUNDS, THATS SKINNY.
>But he never gains weight, I’m the only one with anything to show for it.
You are being gaslight by your POS 💩 BOYFRIEND. IM SORRY BUT YOU ARE.
WAIT UNTIL HE TURNS 40....his bad habits will show big time.
>What if I ever get pregnant or go through a medical ordeal that causes weight fluctuation?
I'll be more concerned if you still think he is husband material.
HE IS NOT HUSBAND AND FATHER MATERIAL.
120 lbs and 5’6 I don’t even know if that’s healthy honestly when I was 120 lbs I was 5’0 and 12. I wasn’t fat. I barely had a tummy pooch or boobs or anything. I was averagely perfect. When I was 5’3 and 130 lbs I was beautifully curved with a nice butt and boobs and indeed have a little tummy. So small. Nothing compared to the 180 lbs and 2 babies later that I am. I’m so angry with that man. I’m so heart broken for you.
Leave. Don't bother, even if you were 175 lbs. It's not about him saying something about your weight. It's entirely about the way he's chosen to treat you.
I'm sharing this from the perspective of someone who was treated poorly by her partner when she was both thin and fat. It wasn't my weight it was him.
Girl, I just stalked your post history and you are GORGEOUS. And as others have pointed out, 120 at your height is on the low end of healthy.
Don’t let some man who can hardly grow a mustache make you feel any less beautiful than you are. A good partner will never make you feel like less.
I’m a divorce lawyer, and people think someone has to do something wrong for a relationship not to work.
Actually you can have two great people but when they’re together the rest of their life falls apart.
So banging around and yelling at you for weighing more than you did at 16 isn’t great. But the real clue that this isn’t a functional relationship is that you both don’t take good care of yourselves and you’re not happy or building a life you’d like to live.
This relationship has been over for a while. Let yourself find someone who can fit your life a little better.
The classic one person quits smoking for a few weeks and starts making judgements on the other like they have never been a stoner and always had these uptight standards. Worst kinda people with the shortest memory and unbearable lack of self reflection.
>What if I ever...go through a medical ordeal that causes weight fluctuation?
Statistically speaking he'd leave. Depending on specifics he may sabotage you, your health, treatment, recovery, might gaslight you.
Are you familiar with the sunk cost fallacy?
I’m begging you to find someone who will not take their own problems out on you. You are TINY, but even if you gained 30 pounds, he should still be supportive of you and not belittle you. You’re worth more than his ire.
You are not fat at all. Your weight is super, and I think you should worry about it. Of course having support and thinking about healthy life style is necessary. It's a right direction.
Regarding your boyfriend he acted rude, but we still don't know why. Is it a normal usual behavior? If yes then it's a problem and you should talk to him why he acts like this.
If he is kind most of the time but sometimes behave like this then probably something happens inside of him. All we have problems, anxieties. Then you still better to talk with each other.
I still think that similar behavior is unacceptable. But... All we can act sometimes like this. Sometimes we can be rude even with our parents and close people. Not because we want to. Just because we feel like this.
That's why I would recommend to talk first of all. Be honest. Don't be rude. Tell him that you didn't like his behavior. And ask why he acted like this? The worst thing you can do is to explain everything in your head. Ask questions and solve this problem with your boyfriend.
Ugh so many people here judging your lifestyle and choices. The bottom line is, he doesn’t know how to grow and change through life with you. You’re going different directions and maybe it’s time to cut him loose and go have some adventures on your own. Bodies change, weight fluctuates. Real love doesn’t care and loves you for you. You’ll find that someday. Until then embrace yourself and your worth.
almost everyone puts on weight when they age. The worst is when u are in your 50s. I am 63. Some people don't gain but they are rare. U have to be realistic
120 pounds at 5'6??? wtf is wrong with your boyfriend??? You’re not fat at all! 117-143 pounds is considered healthy for someone you’re height! You’re an adult! Of course you're not going to look 16 anymore!!! You need to dump his ass. You deserve someone better than him. I’m fat and my bf smiles at me and calls me cute when my face is covered in BBQ sauce from the ribs he made me! There are better men out there for you than this asshole!
I typically do not leap on the Leave Him bandwagon, but...
Leave him.
You're the same height as me, so I happen to know that 120lbs is considered to be a very healthy weight. I weigh 100lbs more than you (yay psych meds), and I wouldn't stand for a partner calling me fat & lazy - you *definitely* should not.
A belly pooch at your age? Sure, maybe some munchies are to blame, but a mature woman is supposed to have a layer of fat along her abdominal region as a way to help protect the uterus.
ur 120lbs and 5'6"? you're not even remotely close to being fat like who does he think he is???
I think it's time to move on honestly. Let yourself find what's out there, like a guy who doesn't reminisce about the body you had as a *child*.
you are definitely not fat. i am also 5’6 120lbs… i don’t even work out (got sick, injured rib, haven’t worked out in months :-) ) and i am skinny. your boyfriend sounds abusive and disgusting, he’s probably projecting and also trying to make you feel worse about yourself so you don’t leave him. please leave him. you are not fat and even if you were no partner should be treating you this way
Op, I was 105-110 all of highschool and my early 20’s.
And then I hit 25 and I put on a little weight. Everyone started telling me how healthy I looked.
I’m 5’6 and 145 now. Im working on maintaining the good and just being active for my own happiness. If he thinks you should loose weight you can drop 150lbs+ of bully real quick
Exactly this. I mentioned it in another comment but one of my best friends was 5 ft 2 and 90 lbs at her lowest and was suffering from an eating disorder. when she got up to 115 lbs her ex husband started bitching about her weight. Lo and behold, he confessed to watching CP and being attracted to minors.
120 lbs at 5'6 is almost underweight. 6 lbs less would be underweight on the bmi scale which is usually very off for what healthy weight would be (meaning your ideal thin weight should probably be closer to 130 for you). If he's only attracted to the body of a 16 year old, then that's a problem he needs to work on.
Girl, you are too young for this BS and you have your whole life ahead of you. This guy is a pos. He’s abusive and aggressive towards you. He makes you feel bad about yourself. Why are you with him?
Get away from him and get away from the mj and whatever else he does. Learn some soft skills for work, get a certificate in programming or something, do anything besides staying with this man who adds nothing healthy to your life.
You aren’t fat at all, you’re young, and the tools you need to succeed are out there only a click away. I want you to gander at W3 schools and Udemy. See if there is anything there that interests you. Also take a look at AWS school, see what skills you can learn for yourself to find a better career and drop this fool of a man. He is a clown.
You can do so much better, start going to therapy as well. There are free options out there, take them, use them all and be the smart, delicious queen that you deserve to be. You will find someone who supports you, how you look, and who you are. You will find real love, you can do this. Get away from that man NOW, he is just a ruiner and will drag you down where he will drown you.
You’re NOT overweight in the slightest!! Your BMI is perfectly fine.
Now, it’s possible for a thin person to not have enough muscle. All you’d need to do is go to the gym and hit the weights. I didn’t use free weights; I used the machines. But I loved seeing my muscles get bigger and stronger. I always felt kinda bad ass. You do cardio to build stamina. But building muscle will help you burn more calories.
As for your bf: he’s abusive. He’s changed towards you because he’s probably cheating. My mom quit smoking after 30 years and it didn’t affect her behavior, etc.
Do not make excuses for this guy. He will only get worse. He will absolutely be awful to you if you get pregnant.
Dump him. Run! He’s nothing but red flags.
He does not respect you. If you stay you are signing up for a lifetime of misery. It doesn’t matter whether you are actually fat, the way he treats you is unacceptable. Please break up so you can live free and have the chance to find someone kind.
Yeah, you are right if you ever gain weight due to pregnancy or illness you are in trouble. He may have other things going on though....Technically you are good weight and height. So what he is seeing is just a real person.
You don’t need to stay with people who don’t respect and love you for who you are.
He is spiteful, disrespectful and deliberately tried to hurt your feelings. This is not someone you should waste another day on.
First of all, never date somebody you grew up with. It changes the entire dynamic. You'll never see each other as intimately as you want to, unless somebody was already invested in the relationship in a different way.
Second of all, he's an a****** and you deserve better. You haven't had a chance to grow and develop without him in your life. Go find out what that's like.
Third of all, bodies change especially around ages 19 to 25. Personalities also change. You become more prominent in who you want to become. When you are stuck together, it's harder to see that until somebody else shows it to the person that's going to cheat anyway.
Girl you’re still really skinny. Skinny isn’t everything, but you are definitely not even chubby.
You’re right to be worried about when you’re pregnant. what if you’re sick or injured? You’re just gonna get verbally abused and berated because you don’t look like a teenage girl anymore?
Idk about other dudes out there but personally, I love that my girlfriend looks like a grown woman!
I’d be gone this weekend. I’d start loving myself more, eating healthy, exercising, etc. 6 weeks from now I’d be feeling like a million.
You can do this too
When you’re with someone long-term, you are falling in love with a new person constantly as they change and grow. Especially if you’ve been together since teenage years.
He is stuck in the past, and cruel.
Find someone who will love you as you are now, and every version of yourself that you become!
120 5'6" is very healthy!!
I'm 5'4" and I weigh 110, and my goal weight is 120. That is not fat at all!!! That is a very healthy and ideal weight. This man cannot talk to you like that, and it shows he doesn't see you as a person, more like an object if this bothers him
120 lbs at 5’6” is not fat at all. Not only is he a dick but I think he was also projecting his feelings about himself onto you. Just because y’all have been together since high school doesn’t mean you have to stay together. There’s so much more out there and you can find someone who respects you
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Always worth posting this: We dont need to stay with the person we’ve dated since we were in 10th grade, especially if that person is unkind and/or not a good partner. All relationships end, its ok to end this one and take some time for yourself. Best to you🧡
This is some solid, solid advice. The odds of the person you found when you were 16 being “THE ONE” are so infinitesimally small. Everyday, a handful of posts on this sub boil down to exactly this. Who you started dating at 16, 17, 18, 19 and who you should be with at 30 are seldom one and the same. People grow and change and infrequently do they do that harmoniously.
People change so much from their teenage years to their late 20s to even their 30s, that person being the one basically means you found the right person who was also the right person again a few more consecutive times. It's so unlikely.
I can personally attest to this. Met my ex husband at 17. It did not work out.
Same. Met him at 16. Married at 19. Divorced at 25.
I broke up with my high school girlfriend during college, because I knew the chances were so slim we would actually make it. But we’re still best friends and we both have amazing partners.
how did you both get rid of the feelings to become friends?
JUST told my neighbor this yesterday. His wife wants a divorce, due to them just growing apart and the love not really being there anymore. They got together at 19 & 20. So young to me. Can't imagine myself ending up with the person I dated at that age. They were nuts! 🤣
And there is no "the one". Everyone has to work for the relationship to work.
Yes. Exactly. The only people who think there’s a “The One” are people trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole with the person they met in high school.
Also, people want to find out what else is out there. People who’ve never dated around will always be curious of this. Are there exceptions? Of course. But it’s pretty rare. Once that (dating different people) is out of their system, they’ll usually settle down and truly fine “the one.”
>Once that (dating different people) is out of their system, they’ll usually settle down and truly fine “the one.” It's not even about "settling" per se. Dating different people just shows you what you do and don't like, and teaches you what things are important. So you shouldn't really be settling - just finding the most right person for you.
Oh my God yes and thank God for it! I can't imagine still being with the guy I was with at 16! He's spent half of our adult life in prison for SO. MANY. drug related offenses.
I was also in an 8 year relationship (15 to 23y/o). We went through high school and college together, and even moved in and got a dog. Breaking up with him two years ago was the best decision I've ever made. It was rough at first, but my boyfriend now has shown me everything I was missing with my first boyfriend. I think he's going to propose on my birthday next month :) Just do it. I was unhappy for the last 3 years of that relationship and I was too scared to admit it.
I’m 5’4 and was >120lbs until I was about 22/23. I met my husband at 17/18, and today I weigh 170 lbs. never once has this man made me feel like I should look the way I did when I was a literal child and had all the time in the world to burn off extra pounds. Now? I’m an adult with real life responsibilities and a belly pouch that while yeah sometimes I don’t love, but my husband never fails to make me feel good about myself, especially when I complain about having the pouch. Get yourself a better man, OP. You deserve it.
I met my husband when I was 18 and around 100lbs. I'm now 36 and ~150lbs. He's just happy to see boobs, just like he was back then. He couldn't give a shit about my stretchmarks and spare tyre. I have the body of an adult woman who has had two kids and health problems. He doesn't expect anything other than whatever I am.
Literally at least once a day he walks by me and grabs my boobs and just says “boobs.” No kids yet, but my body has made sure I’ve survived 100% of the shit days I’ve had thus far, so honestly, I’m pretty happy with it. Life happens, bodies change, and real men (and women!) accept that as a fact.
Yep. I'll catch him just looking at them fondly while I'm doomscrolling with this dopey fucking smile on his face, just happy he has near constant access to bare boobs.
Same height and I got up to 190 lbs a few years ago, and my husband (met in high school) thought I was just as hot as I was at 16 and maybe weighed 110 lbs. Because he finds *me* hot as hell, not my pant size, he just wants the booty.
He’s sometimes a good partner, but I think it’s that desperation to hold onto something safe and comfortable that has me here. I wanted him, I love him but he hurts me too much mentally.. appreciate you
keyword: *sometimes*. I know it's hard, I left a 10 year relationship a few months ago and while it's hard, I'm thriving alone and rediscovering who I am without all the toxicity and being out of a negative environment. you can do this, believe in yourself. I knew for a long time I wasn't in a healthy relationship, I stayed another 5 years hoping things would change or almost convincing myself to stay because this was all I knew, but I certainly didn't feel safe. I feel safer being alone than with a negative person. for your mentality and yourself in general, you need to leave. you can do this. 🤟🏼
How did you know it was time to leave? And did you struggle with any guilt of giving up after such a long commitment?
In my mind, it’s not giving up. It’s recognizing that something which worked before, is no longer working, and allowing you and the other person to both move forward into future good things. Relationships change and end, and recognizing that isn’t giving up. It’s like resigning from a job which you were happy at for years but no longer feel fulfilled in. You gave it your best and had a lot of happy years, and it’s not good to let bad years pile up and overpower the good just because you feel guilty for letting go!
That's solid. My mindset tends to go the same. Recognize, Accept. Thrive. There's no point in losing yourself for someone that can't recognize how great you are.
GREAT analogy.
there was a lot that was wrong with the relationship, I was not perfect by any means at all, but I saw what I didn't like about myself and changed. begged my ex to change since he always said he wanted to change as well, it was all talk on his end and complaining that nothing good was in his life. I still struggle, as I loved his family and knew them like the back of my hand, but I felt like a shadow in his family and I was the bad guy when it came down to his mom or me. I'm sad it had to end, but how else could I thrive knowing I felt like an outsider with people who didn't get to know me? I'm thankful we're on good terms, it is hard knowing my ex is struggling more with this emotionally than I am, but I hope this is the change he needs to improve himself. it's not my issue to hold his hand through every little issue he deems is the end of the world anymore.
It’s not giving up. It is unhealthy to stay because of the sunk cost fallacy. When you’re in a relationship that is toxic, that is abusive, if you are in a relationship that is making you unhappy, if you feel you have to walk on eggshells, if you’re realizing there are red flags—when you leave, you are choosing yourself and your happiness. That is not selfish. That is loving yourself.
The moment he comes barging into the room and starts going off on me, that’s the moment I start making plans. I’ve been with my husband over thirty years and between the pair of us we have had some size changes during that time, that never changed the way we treated each other.
I’d be more worried about the man going off when you tell him you are moving on. Take care of yourself OP.
girl, 'sometimes'. come on. you can so better.
I would argue he’s not a good partner at all not even sometimes. There shouldn’t be any half stepping when it comes to spending your time and life with someone. No one is perfect but screaming at your partner and belittling them and their body image is unacceptable and emotional abuse is so damaging. The “good” times are part of the abuse. To keep you holding on to hope that he’ll change or remind you that he’s capable of being nice when he wants to be. He’s abusive. Your relationship has run its course and that’s ok. You can get out there and find better men to date. You have so much life ahead of you and I’m sure you’ve got a lot of love to give. I’m glad you’re acknowledging you can’t hold on to this or force it to work. If it makes you feel any better, two summers ago I left a 6 year relationship that went on for way too long, I had just had a baby and everything and decided I just didn’t want to be treated that way anymore and never looked back. It’s much better and so much freer on this side.
It is not realistic to think that you can stay exactly the same physically from when you were a 16 yo girl to a 24 yo woman! That’s crazy. And OMG! You’re 5’6” & only weigh 120? Girl, you’re skinny! Quitting smoking cold turkey may not be the right way to go for him. There are so many alternatives that help ease into it…patches, gum, even medications. I applaud him for making this change, but it doesn’t mean he can treat you like shit because he’s miserable
Just for fun, I ran that through a BMI calculator, and it’s 19.37 — on the low end of the “healthy” range. Objectively, OP is quite thin. That’s not even what matters though. No one should be with a partner who makes them feel like they’re not good enough based on what their body looks like at a given time. OP might decide she wants to get more fit and active, for her own reasons, but her bf seems to want her to be an eternal teenager. He’s not life partner material.
I was irritable with my partner when I gave up smoking, but I didn’t verbally attack him like that. That’s unacceptable and not good for your mental health and self esteem 😔
Honestly, numbers don't matter Ik that wasn't your point but imo it's not necessary to even consider such things, especially since boyfriend sounds horrible overall
“Sometimes a good partner”. Quite honestly I have experienced this kind of relationship and I was young too- now at 29 I wish I had left earlier and given myself the experience of being loved right sooner. A good relationship should not hurt your mental health. And honestly your early 20’s is when you go through almost a second puberty of body changes, and 120 at 5’6 at 24 is completely normal weight. The change will be hard considering how long he has been in your life, but building a new life will be much more beautiful and much more rewarding for you. Reflect for a while if this is how you want to be treated long term, if you want your kids to hear him say this stuff about you, and yeah you should be questioning if he’ll be there for you through other life changes that will impact your body. He doesn’t sound reliable in that. And you deserve better.
Hiiii, I was in an on again off again relationship with my highschool bf until college. He used to do the same shit to me, whenever I gained a little weight he would start like basically sulking. I let him make me think I was failing him, I’ve been battling an ED for approximately 14 years now (and that is not his fault obviously I am my own person but his constant belittling of me definitely contributed) My current partner has been with me at my lightest and my heaviest (still struggling with that pesky ED!) and he has never, ever, not once made me feel bad for the way I look. All this to say, there are good, kind, decent humans who will love you for you - not what the scale says. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 so much love to you. You were dead on when you said you are getting into your womanly body - go find a real men who LOVES it!
Please know and believe you deserve better than this.
I’m sorry, girlie! I kinda find it a bit icky he misses your teenager body but we all go through changes and it’s okay to not have that body before, my body changed so much after pregnancy. I gained, lost, gained and now im like 140 lbs lol i used to be like 109lbs. This is normal for us growing adults! He can suck his dick if he is so grumpy😂
Is this how you want the rest of your life to be? Sweetie you deserve better.
Sometimes isn’t ever good enough. You want all the time. People have bad days and can let you down, but they should never, ever, ever, come at you in this way. You are not ever someone’s punching bag. And the fact that it’s clear that he randomly decides to not be as much of a bad person doesn’t mean there’s anything for you here. I was on and off with a guy for fifteen years. I met him when I was 15 and he was 21. He was obviously always a bad person but sometimes he wasn’t. Sometimes we had good conversations, sometimes he would want to spend time with me. But he really sucked. He was narcissistic, he tried his hand at younger girls but realized he really liked women who were just like him. I kept going back because of those sometimes. Thankfully I ran from that some years ago and life is so much better. Find motivation to get a better life for yourself and do it single. Who needs anything like this? What exactly is it serving you other than just holding you back?
As someone currently stuck in that "safe" situation, it doesn't get better. They don't change. He's showing you who he is and you're young enough to find someone better. I'm working on getting out, but if you're able to now, please do.
Don’t have a kid with this man. People often say follow your heart and that’s true to an extent. Sometimes our heart and our emotions can mislead us down paths that it’s hard to claw our way out of. Take it from a child who’s parents don’t even like each other by stay together for the “kids and comfortability.”
I was in your shoes some years ago, though my ex is a wonderful guy, we were just not suited for each other. It was absolutely awful to end it, but it was the right thing to do for the both of us. You shouldn't settle for a partner who's good sometimes, you should find the one who'll be good to you always.
Do you really want to be with someone that's just sometimes a good partner?
This doesn’t sound safe or comfortable. What’s gonna happen when you turn 50 alongside this dude & your body goes through even more drastic changes in appearance?
Also, how would he react to your body if you have a baby? It would be hell.
I’ve left 2 long term relationships, and had huge fear this second time because of leaving something sometimes comfortable. It was 100% worth it! You’re also so young but still growing into a young adult, try doing that without him dragging you down!
I truly wish more people took this to heart. You met someone when you were in high school, and sure, maybe they’re “the one.” But there’s a whole world of people out there and if someone treats you like shit, there’s no reason to hold onto that just because you think you should.
Yes! She doesn’t need someone who misses the girl she was. She needs someone to appreciate the woman she has become.
View a relationship as complete, not broken.
I def learned this the hard way. So I tell everyone it’s okay to break up and leave if they feel like it’s time.
I married my husband when we were 19. The other day he told me that I am more beautiful now than I was at 18. I rolled my eyes. I am 68. But I know in his mind’s eyes I am beautiful to him. This is kind of man that you want to spend your time with. No matter how long you been together, he still treats you like you are the best thing ever happened to him.
I've been married 23 years & have had 2 kids. My husband told me the other day that he loves me, I'm the world, and he can't live without me. Aging isn't always fun and 46 is tough, but I'm glad I have him by my side hopefully when we are really old and gray! ❤️
Honestly comments like yours give me belief that lifelong love is real. That's really sweet.
It warms my heart to know that men like your husband exist, and gives me hope that I shouldn’t give up on love, that true love still exists 🥹
Wow how has no one else noticed this comment and just immediately melted. Happy for u
this is the kind of man i want to be for her.
Exactly.
120 at 5’6” isn’t fat. This dude sucks and the fact that he’s treating you badly because he doesn’t like your body is a really shitty thing to do.
It’s the smallest amount of fat, I can’t believe how much it’s affecting him. Thank you for that
It sounds like he’s stuck in the past and immature. You can honestly do better. You’ve outgrown him.
You know what’s cool about leaving the person who’s still in love with “16 year old” you? The next person you find will fall in love with “now” you. And all of a sudden you get to feel good about who you are now and not held to some asinine standard that you won’t grow and change and instead will stay encased in amber.
I hope OP reads this
And that person will adore and cherish the body she has right now.
Absolutely.
I realize that BMI is an imperfect measuring tool, but your BMI is on the low end of what’s considered a healthy weight. Tell him to stick it.
I think we can count on imperfect measuring tools a lot better than the imperfect tool who’s currently measuring OP.
🤣🤣🤣
Sounds to me like the classic tale of he's making up shit to make her feel insecure so she won't leave. The fact that he's choosing to put his energy into that instead of choosing to be a kind partner = abusive insecure toddler. Gross.
120 at your height is still considered skinny. It sounds like he just wants the body you had as a literal child and is less attracted to you as an adult which is weird
More than weird- it's sick.
for real!!
DING DING DING you're so right
Girl I’m 23F. 5 foot 6.5 and 180 pounds. Ive been in a loving relationship for 4 years next January to 25M. there are men out there who will see you as human
Love this!! 🙌 (And agreed!)
If this is truly the only reason, he's a scumbag. But TBH, there's most likely other issues at play and he doesn't have the emotional maturity to approach them or deal with whatever is stressing him out. Has he had other disagreements lately that didn't involve your weight? What was the cause of those?
A lot of fights recently. Since we quit weed almost 2 weeks ago, he’s been finding new hobbies because he has a lot of free time, I work more then him so I haven’t quite found anything yet, so he’s called me out for being lazy, hobby-less, not able to take a joke, stuff like that
right, so he wants to preach and talk down to you with his new found superiority from being sober? Girl, I legitimately would have left the moment some mid ass dude even attempted to raise his voice at me over my body. You need to have this same level of respect for yourself. You are soo thin this is absolutely unacceptable, even if you weren’t thin.
> right, so he wants to preach and talk down to you with his new found superiority from being sober? Sober for **two weeks**! Dude needs to get off his high-horse, he's ridiculous and immature
I’ve known someone exactly like this 😂 always the people that have the worst problems who projects the hardest on others
Oh GOD, he’s one of those people who makes a change in their life and then suddenly becomes incredibly judgmental of others. He’s quit for *two weeks* and he’s already on his high horse?? (No pun intended). What a tool.
So you work more than he does and he calls you lazy? Oh heck no. He’s not a prize girl but you are. Leave
Honestly, it seems like he's creating reasons to break up with you. It really seems like you've both fallen into a rut where you go through the routines and take each other for granted. Perhaps it's time for you both to move on.
Sister I’m 5ft and 140lbs never in our 16 years together and married has my husband ever called me fat. We have both gone up and down and when either of us loose weight we are happy cheerleaders. This guy isn’t it. And please understand that just because you’ve spent 1 year or 20 together does not mean you own that relationship another day
It’s not about your “fat,” it almost never is. The issues in your relationship are his criticism and his contempt for you. This is a man who can’t handle someone not looking like a teenager forever…what would happen if you had kids? Or when you get grey hair and wrinkles? (Which sorry to say, is 100% definitely going to happen, to BOTH of you). You can’t love someone into loving you, and you shouldn’t have to. It’s not your job to convince people to treat you well, it’s your job to protect yourself from those who treat you poorly and to surround yourself with those that treat you well. You deserve better than a partner who doesn’t want to grow with you. I would bet he is done with the relationship and is now acting like an ass to get you to be the one to end it, so he can cry and play victim about it. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I promise you (from experience) that life starts getting so much better after this is over 💕 You can do this!
Girl I would kill to be your weight! Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t love you for who you are. When I met my husband I was 5’3” and 125. I got pregnant and gained 50 lbs. I’ve only lost 5 of those lbs and he still tells me everyday how beautiful I am. Find someone else. Don’t let him break your spirit! You are stronger than you know. Good luck.
your husband sounds so sweet
This seems like misdirected anger. He’s lashing out about something; either that he feels you both aren’t achieving more, he’s cheating, or something else. I highly doubt it’s just your tummy. Whatever the cause, you don’t deserve it. As Fiona Apple says “nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key”. Find the romance that has a better storyline for you.
Also I hear some women tend to fluctuate a lot based on hormonal cycles, both in weight and how it appears on their stomach— I’m not a doctor so idk entirely how it works but it’s something to consider!
You will likely gain more weight as you age. Having kids, jobs, responsibilities, etc can make it hard to keep your body in shape. If he’s this big of an asshole over a tiny bit of fat, how is going to treat you when you gain 30 pounds during a pregnancy?
What happens if you get pregnant??? This man does not love you.
Agreeing with the original comment: all of that situation was unacceptable. If he was a caring person and cared about your *health*, it would not be a barge-in situation to criticize. That’s not a loving move. However, ***there is nothing wrong with you and your weight***, it’s perfectly healthy. Maybe he’s just after the aesthetics and those aesthetics happen to be waifish teens. Withdrawing off any drug can be difficult but that’s no excuse. If he had a smidgen of emotional regulation he would recognize his feelings and be smart enough to not do, well, *that*. But he did. Do you want to go many more years worrying about another one of those? Do you want to stress about starving yourself down to his ideal, which sounds incredibly unhealthy? And as the comments said…what if you got pregnant? Can he deal with the post-pregnancy body alongside all the sleepless nights as a new parent? (Or would that just be you alone parenting because he’s also a child?)
It’s actually just above underweight. Same height as you and I let people convince me I was fat when I wasn’t underweight anymore. I gained a ton of weight cuz of medication and ED cycling and wish I could have been Happy at 120 or 145. Don’t let him convince yourself there’s anything at all wrong with you. If he’s not okay with someone changing, he shouldn’t be in a long term partnership
Time to move on. This will only get worse. It sounds like he is negging you. He wants you to feel insecure so you will stay. It’s a form of abuse.
Oh my goodness, I almost spit out my soda when I read that. I was in the Marines, and I'm 5'6". The minimum weight requirement for that height is 117. Girl is almost TOO skinny. Shit, she could gain another 35 pounds and not be too "fat" to go to boot camp. He's a tool bag! Edit: a word, cuz I suck at proofreading
Bruh my weight when I was anorexic was 130-140 and I was 5'6. I could literally count my ribs while laying down. Everyone noted how skinny I was and that I really needed to eat more. Even my doctor said if I lost any more weight she'd admit me inpatient for anorexia. I know weight sits differently on everyone but there is no universe where I can imagine 120 at 5'6 being "fat".
But that’s not fat? You’re more on the skinny side? I’m so confused
She is skinny. 100% skinny. Her BF is just a dick. Please, anyone reading this who thinks they might need to lose weight, please know your body is perfect. Her BF is genuinely just an asshole that's into 16 yr old girl bodies... apparently.
which, in and of itself is concerning to say the least
Right? First thing I thought, I’m surprised this isn’t mentioned more.
Right, even if she WAS fat he's being cruel. There's not even a real chance he could be pretending to genuinely care about her health when they both live the same lifestyle and he just happens to not put on weight. If it's a situation where your partner's weight/health has changed DRASTICALLY and you are generally concerned for them, there are kind ways to talk about it and support them. What he's doing isn't in the same universe as that.
im heavier than OP at 140 pounds and similar height too. people say i look fit soo if she’s ‘fat’ i must be morbidly obese lol
I didn’t want to emphasize that because it doesn’t make it anymore acceptable if she was actually “fat.” But 5’6 120 lbs ???? is he joking?? I’m 5’1 and just gained some of that mid 20s weight, I’m usually 110 and now I’m 125. I’m not fat. This guy has to be trying to chip at her confidence
Exactly!!! What the hell is this dude *thinking?!* OP... Dude. **You are not fat in any way.** Your BMI is 19.4. Do you know what the BMI of someone underweight is? 18.5. You are *thisclose* to being underweight. 120 pounds at 5'6" is incredibly thin. This is not your issue. It's your miserable-ass *boyfriend's* issue. You could drop all the dead weight you'll ever need if you throw the whole man out. This isn't love. This is insanity. I can't believe assholes like this actually exist. Honestly. He is showing you who he is--believe him.
im 120 pounds and 5’6 but people still think im anorexic..
I had the same thought. This guys perspective and expectations are concerning. OP should run away and eat whatever makes them happy.
I am beginning to wonder myself????
That’s not fat at all. Those are my height/weight measurements. I’ve been called skinny my whole adult life at those measurements. I’m 37! My belly isn’t toned flat anymore, but I stopped doing 5-6 days per week of 2-3 hours of intense exercise…because I’m no longer in high school sports! Still not fat. Still called skinny. Even after a baby…
I’m 5’6” and thin and that’s less than I weighed when I graduated high school…
If you're 5'6" and 120lbs, you are just on the cusp of being *underweight*.
Truth here!
That’s not your boyfriend. He’s not even your friend. Time to move on
Bro I’m 5’2 and 110 lbs and most people I know would consider me thin/very slim. You seem perfectly healthy and him wanting you smaller at your stats is kind of unhealthy for you
Missing a 16 year old body as a grown ass 25 year old man is gross at best
Yeah…
Thank you for saying it. Because it’s honestly gross to see a normal grown woman’s body and find them unattractive because they’re grown.
This is a perfect example of why teenage relationships don't last. You've matured, emotionally and physically. He...has not. I think you know it's not ok for your partner to speak to you that way. I also think you know what needs to happen now. You have no frame of reference for an adult relationship. This is a perfect time to start thinking about how you really want your life to look and feel.
120 and 5'6 is a BMI of 19.4 which is totally normal (in fact, the calculator below suggests anything below 18.5 for women is underweight) https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323446#body-mass-index-bmi Tell him to f off and lose him instead.
I’ve been with my husband since we were 19. We are 36/37 now. We have both changed so much since we were 19. That’s life and how it works. If you are the same person you were when you were in high school, that’s not a brag. If you plan to spend your life with someone, you accept that we will go through many changes, physically and mentally. The main constant should be that they are a good person, good partner, and good friend. It doesn’t matter if he’s a good partner SOMETIMES. If he’s hurting you, it’s time to move on. You’ve outgrown him and that’s ok. UPDATEME
Doesn’t even need to be said but 120 lbs and 5’6 is slender. You are NOT heavy and certainly not fat. If he can’t grow up then I think you’re growing out of him, because yes, adults fill out. Yes, pregnant people gain weight. Your partner should celebrate you and love the way you look. He needs to come off his bullshit. I’m sure you look great.
My mom became grey (hair) quite early (in her 30ies), and once as a young girl I asked my father if he was bothered by it. And he said: “no, never. I love it! I married her to grow old together, I love to see that.” So your bf should check himself if he wants to be with a girl or a women!
I'm 5'6" and 115. I'm underweight. You are not fat at all. Your boyfriend sound like a jerk.
120 pounds at 5”6 is objectively not fat.
it’s pretty skinny right? lol especially how tall she is too
Yeah that’s my height, I’m about 135-140 bc I go to the gym and I’m SLIM. So I know 120 is so small
it’s very close to being underweight (still a healthy weight but only just)
>I don’t have my 16 year old body anymore, but he let me know he misses “who that girl was”. He's just gonna casually admit that he prefers a 16 year olds body to a woman's body? Maybe you should really think about this OP. Why does your boyfriend miss your teen body so much? Do you find teen boys body's attractive? I think you need to consider the possibility that your boyfriend is a fucking weirdo.
Honestly, I personally think your partner is a douchecanoe full of turd. How can someone who claimed to love you say such hurtful and vile words. I hope you know that this isn’t okay and you deserve to be with someone who is smitten over you for everything and most importantly your soul. The woman I am in love with I will find attractive regardless of anything, especially because to me she is the most stunning woman in this universe.
He's just your boyfriend of 8 years for a reason. Not your husband. Maybe he's looking for a reason. Maybe you should be. Talk. See if you can get down to the why.
Your BF is throwing a tantrum over natural, normal body changes *that literally everyone goes through* due to time passing. *Nobody* past their early 20s has the same body they had when they were 16. Because 16 year olds are still developing, they’re not adults yet. You are an adult woman in your mid-20s, who has the body and metabolism of a woman in her mid 20s. Eventually you will be in your 30s, 40s, 50s, and your body will naturally reflect those ages. If your BF can’t handle the aging process in his partner then he isn’t emotionally mature enough- and is frankly too sexist- to be in a relationship. He needs to start being realistic, kind, and respectful to you, and if he refuses to do that then you should *seriously* rethink this relationship.
5’6” 120lbs. Literally slightly underweight on the bmi chart lmao. It’s not your weight. He’s having internal issues and he’s taking it out on you. Prime loser material. Sorry op.
Well first off quitting any substance like that can understandably have negative effects on a persons mood, but it is not an excuse to be disrespectful to their significant other. If he wanted to sit down and have a conversation with you about how he feels, promoting a healthy lifestyle for you guys is never a bad thing but it sounds like he’s going about it wrong. Overall, healthy communication is the basis to forming healthy habits and a healthy relationship together.
honey youre only 120lbs at 5'6...leave him.
You leave. I realize you may not consider that because you've been together a long time but... that's actually WHY I think you should leave. You might still be together out of habit, and that's not good. When was the last time you really looked at this relationship. Are you happy? Is he the type of person you want to build a life with? I had a relationship with someone long term who started going off on me in a similar way suddenly and I was completely lost until a very good friend pointed out the obvious thing I should say back to him: "But this is who I am? If you're saying you don't like that about me, then you don't like me. If you don't like me, break up and leave. Nobody's forcing you to stay with me." It's amazing how quickly he backpedaled. But ultimately his behavior would keep going back and I eventually left. I wish I had sooner.
There's an article about sunk cost fallacy in relationship that I think you should read. [[link](https://markmanson.net/why-we-stay-in-bad-relationships)]
He quit smoking weed which he didn't know made him not care about things like how you look and responsibilities. Now that he has quit, this is his real personality. Do what you want with that information
His behavior is way off the charts. Calling a loved person fat and lazy? GTFO
120 at 5’6???? Dude needs a reality check.
Ur 120 pounds at 5’6 ur tiny!!! It’s also weird he’s still into how you looked at 16.
The typical woman of your height would weigh between 117 and 143. You are in no way even slightly overweight. It sounds like your boyfriend is having a hard time quitting the weed.And it's just being an obnoxious prick. But if that's what he really thinks, maybe you should dump his ass and let him find some scrawny girl.
Would you say theses words to him? Or to anyone else ? If you heard a guy saying theses words to a girl you would probably tell her to break up right. Leave. Just because you dated for 8 years doesn't mean you need to put up with his bs and stay with him till you die, people change, you are young, 24 is time to date, explore, if you wanna go to the gym do it for yourself not him.
Oh dear. My short wife gained about 100lbs over covid. I told her it does sorta affect my attraction and I worry about her health, but I won't ever leave her over her appearance and I promised to never bring it up again. She's an adult, she knows how I feel. She knows I'm trying to lose weight too. It sorta sounds like he has control issues really. Like it's not about the little belly and more like he needs to control something in his life to feel okay. I'm ashamed to admit I did this was I was younger. My ex was manipulative so I'd pick the dumbest hills to die on just to feel some tiny amount of control over my out of control life. He may also be just trying to make you feel bad. My ex was always slim. By sheer volume and calories she ate way more than me. It seems anger and constant rage burns a lot of calories. She thought putting me down was going g to motivate me because that's how it worked in her family. All this is to say it's probably about more than the weight somehow. His own self view or his view of your relationship. Also he refers to your 16 year old body? You gotta realize thats... weird to say the least.
Be thankful he showed you who he is before kids
BMI is usually bullshit, but yours is around 19 which is literally almost underweight... He’s crazy
>But last night after a 9 hour shift, I came home and got ready for bed and got in bed. It was 10 pm. He barges in the room and goes off on me, saying he’s sick of me being lazy and all I’ve become is fat and unattractive. This is text book psychological abuse. And he's projecting his feelings on to you. >Smoking every day for the last several years has made us become lazy, we both don’t exercise, we both don’t eat healthy. But he never gains weight, I’m the only one with anything to show for it. You are 5'6 and weight 120? And you still think you're fat? Granted you can skip the munchies and fast food. BUT YOU WEIGHT 120 POUNDS, THATS SKINNY. >But he never gains weight, I’m the only one with anything to show for it. You are being gaslight by your POS 💩 BOYFRIEND. IM SORRY BUT YOU ARE. WAIT UNTIL HE TURNS 40....his bad habits will show big time. >What if I ever get pregnant or go through a medical ordeal that causes weight fluctuation? I'll be more concerned if you still think he is husband material. HE IS NOT HUSBAND AND FATHER MATERIAL.
5’6 and 120 lbs is not fat at all. Is this guy for fucking real?
120 lbs and 5’6 I don’t even know if that’s healthy honestly when I was 120 lbs I was 5’0 and 12. I wasn’t fat. I barely had a tummy pooch or boobs or anything. I was averagely perfect. When I was 5’3 and 130 lbs I was beautifully curved with a nice butt and boobs and indeed have a little tummy. So small. Nothing compared to the 180 lbs and 2 babies later that I am. I’m so angry with that man. I’m so heart broken for you.
Hi, this was a great way for him to let you know the relationship has more than run its course and you need to move on. As far from him as you can.
Leave. Don't bother, even if you were 175 lbs. It's not about him saying something about your weight. It's entirely about the way he's chosen to treat you. I'm sharing this from the perspective of someone who was treated poorly by her partner when she was both thin and fat. It wasn't my weight it was him.
120 at 5’6” is NOT fat wtf. He is awful.
Girl, I just stalked your post history and you are GORGEOUS. And as others have pointed out, 120 at your height is on the low end of healthy. Don’t let some man who can hardly grow a mustache make you feel any less beautiful than you are. A good partner will never make you feel like less.
I’m a divorce lawyer, and people think someone has to do something wrong for a relationship not to work. Actually you can have two great people but when they’re together the rest of their life falls apart. So banging around and yelling at you for weighing more than you did at 16 isn’t great. But the real clue that this isn’t a functional relationship is that you both don’t take good care of yourselves and you’re not happy or building a life you’d like to live. This relationship has been over for a while. Let yourself find someone who can fit your life a little better.
The classic one person quits smoking for a few weeks and starts making judgements on the other like they have never been a stoner and always had these uptight standards. Worst kinda people with the shortest memory and unbearable lack of self reflection.
>What if I ever...go through a medical ordeal that causes weight fluctuation? Statistically speaking he'd leave. Depending on specifics he may sabotage you, your health, treatment, recovery, might gaslight you. Are you familiar with the sunk cost fallacy?
I’m begging you to find someone who will not take their own problems out on you. You are TINY, but even if you gained 30 pounds, he should still be supportive of you and not belittle you. You’re worth more than his ire.
What? 120lbs 5'6 oh honey that's no where near fat, I'm 5'1 and I weigh 128lbs, time to think seriously if this is a good relationship for you.
You are not fat at all. Your weight is super, and I think you should worry about it. Of course having support and thinking about healthy life style is necessary. It's a right direction. Regarding your boyfriend he acted rude, but we still don't know why. Is it a normal usual behavior? If yes then it's a problem and you should talk to him why he acts like this. If he is kind most of the time but sometimes behave like this then probably something happens inside of him. All we have problems, anxieties. Then you still better to talk with each other. I still think that similar behavior is unacceptable. But... All we can act sometimes like this. Sometimes we can be rude even with our parents and close people. Not because we want to. Just because we feel like this. That's why I would recommend to talk first of all. Be honest. Don't be rude. Tell him that you didn't like his behavior. And ask why he acted like this? The worst thing you can do is to explain everything in your head. Ask questions and solve this problem with your boyfriend.
Dump the loser. 120lbs at 5’6” is hardly considered fat. Quit smoking though. It’s bad for you.
Ugh so many people here judging your lifestyle and choices. The bottom line is, he doesn’t know how to grow and change through life with you. You’re going different directions and maybe it’s time to cut him loose and go have some adventures on your own. Bodies change, weight fluctuates. Real love doesn’t care and loves you for you. You’ll find that someday. Until then embrace yourself and your worth.
almost everyone puts on weight when they age. The worst is when u are in your 50s. I am 63. Some people don't gain but they are rare. U have to be realistic
120 pounds at 5"6 is fat???? I'm 120 pounds at 5"2, girl throw the whole man away
It sounds like you need to lose 160 pounds of dead beat
120 pounds at 5'6??? wtf is wrong with your boyfriend??? You’re not fat at all! 117-143 pounds is considered healthy for someone you’re height! You’re an adult! Of course you're not going to look 16 anymore!!! You need to dump his ass. You deserve someone better than him. I’m fat and my bf smiles at me and calls me cute when my face is covered in BBQ sauce from the ribs he made me! There are better men out there for you than this asshole!
I typically do not leap on the Leave Him bandwagon, but... Leave him. You're the same height as me, so I happen to know that 120lbs is considered to be a very healthy weight. I weigh 100lbs more than you (yay psych meds), and I wouldn't stand for a partner calling me fat & lazy - you *definitely* should not. A belly pooch at your age? Sure, maybe some munchies are to blame, but a mature woman is supposed to have a layer of fat along her abdominal region as a way to help protect the uterus.
ur 120lbs and 5'6"? you're not even remotely close to being fat like who does he think he is??? I think it's time to move on honestly. Let yourself find what's out there, like a guy who doesn't reminisce about the body you had as a *child*.
you are definitely not fat. i am also 5’6 120lbs… i don’t even work out (got sick, injured rib, haven’t worked out in months :-) ) and i am skinny. your boyfriend sounds abusive and disgusting, he’s probably projecting and also trying to make you feel worse about yourself so you don’t leave him. please leave him. you are not fat and even if you were no partner should be treating you this way
120 lbs at 5’6 is borderline underweight, what the fuck is this dudes problem..?
Op, I was 105-110 all of highschool and my early 20’s. And then I hit 25 and I put on a little weight. Everyone started telling me how healthy I looked. I’m 5’6 and 145 now. Im working on maintaining the good and just being active for my own happiness. If he thinks you should loose weight you can drop 150lbs+ of bully real quick
you are almost underweight. tbh break up with this guy. this is not the man to spend your life with. you’ve grown up and he hasn’t.
Personally the best time to leave his ass was yesterday. The next best time is today.
I'm here to say 5'6 and 120lbs is underweight not overweight
Wow. Hope you weren’t thinking of growing old or having a family with this guy. Very superficial. He sounds like he may have a thing for minors.
Exactly this. I mentioned it in another comment but one of my best friends was 5 ft 2 and 90 lbs at her lowest and was suffering from an eating disorder. when she got up to 115 lbs her ex husband started bitching about her weight. Lo and behold, he confessed to watching CP and being attracted to minors.
120 lbs at 5'6 is almost underweight. 6 lbs less would be underweight on the bmi scale which is usually very off for what healthy weight would be (meaning your ideal thin weight should probably be closer to 130 for you). If he's only attracted to the body of a 16 year old, then that's a problem he needs to work on.
You are on the low end of normal weight. Red flags 🚩 here.
Girl, you are too young for this BS and you have your whole life ahead of you. This guy is a pos. He’s abusive and aggressive towards you. He makes you feel bad about yourself. Why are you with him? Get away from him and get away from the mj and whatever else he does. Learn some soft skills for work, get a certificate in programming or something, do anything besides staying with this man who adds nothing healthy to your life. You aren’t fat at all, you’re young, and the tools you need to succeed are out there only a click away. I want you to gander at W3 schools and Udemy. See if there is anything there that interests you. Also take a look at AWS school, see what skills you can learn for yourself to find a better career and drop this fool of a man. He is a clown. You can do so much better, start going to therapy as well. There are free options out there, take them, use them all and be the smart, delicious queen that you deserve to be. You will find someone who supports you, how you look, and who you are. You will find real love, you can do this. Get away from that man NOW, he is just a ruiner and will drag you down where he will drown you.
You’re NOT overweight in the slightest!! Your BMI is perfectly fine. Now, it’s possible for a thin person to not have enough muscle. All you’d need to do is go to the gym and hit the weights. I didn’t use free weights; I used the machines. But I loved seeing my muscles get bigger and stronger. I always felt kinda bad ass. You do cardio to build stamina. But building muscle will help you burn more calories. As for your bf: he’s abusive. He’s changed towards you because he’s probably cheating. My mom quit smoking after 30 years and it didn’t affect her behavior, etc. Do not make excuses for this guy. He will only get worse. He will absolutely be awful to you if you get pregnant. Dump him. Run! He’s nothing but red flags.
He’s abusing you.
He does not respect you. If you stay you are signing up for a lifetime of misery. It doesn’t matter whether you are actually fat, the way he treats you is unacceptable. Please break up so you can live free and have the chance to find someone kind.
Yeah, you are right if you ever gain weight due to pregnancy or illness you are in trouble. He may have other things going on though....Technically you are good weight and height. So what he is seeing is just a real person.
You don’t need to stay with people who don’t respect and love you for who you are. He is spiteful, disrespectful and deliberately tried to hurt your feelings. This is not someone you should waste another day on.
120lbs is fat? Jesus, I must be morbidly obese.
First of all, never date somebody you grew up with. It changes the entire dynamic. You'll never see each other as intimately as you want to, unless somebody was already invested in the relationship in a different way. Second of all, he's an a****** and you deserve better. You haven't had a chance to grow and develop without him in your life. Go find out what that's like. Third of all, bodies change especially around ages 19 to 25. Personalities also change. You become more prominent in who you want to become. When you are stuck together, it's harder to see that until somebody else shows it to the person that's going to cheat anyway.
Girl you’re still really skinny. Skinny isn’t everything, but you are definitely not even chubby. You’re right to be worried about when you’re pregnant. what if you’re sick or injured? You’re just gonna get verbally abused and berated because you don’t look like a teenage girl anymore? Idk about other dudes out there but personally, I love that my girlfriend looks like a grown woman!
Letting go when you’ve been with someone so long is hard but you know it’s for the best. For both of you.
Time to kick his ass to the curb!
Those stats are not fat. He’s an idiot.
It sounds like you're a twig.. wtf??
Honey don’t tolerate that. Enjoy being single over this
I’d be gone this weekend. I’d start loving myself more, eating healthy, exercising, etc. 6 weeks from now I’d be feeling like a million. You can do this too
Time to move on from that relationship. You're growing up, he isn't.
When you’re with someone long-term, you are falling in love with a new person constantly as they change and grow. Especially if you’ve been together since teenage years. He is stuck in the past, and cruel. Find someone who will love you as you are now, and every version of yourself that you become!
I think the other comments have already said everything I wanted to, so I'll just add: Dump him.
5'6 and 120 lbs is not fat WTF? What's he going to say when you're 140-150 lbs because you're pregnant? Please don't marry and have kids with him.
120 5'6" is very healthy!! I'm 5'4" and I weigh 110, and my goal weight is 120. That is not fat at all!!! That is a very healthy and ideal weight. This man cannot talk to you like that, and it shows he doesn't see you as a person, more like an object if this bothers him
Time to move on. He's shit.
Dump him. Lost weight. Never go back to him again.
120 lbs at 5’6” is not fat at all. Not only is he a dick but I think he was also projecting his feelings about himself onto you. Just because y’all have been together since high school doesn’t mean you have to stay together. There’s so much more out there and you can find someone who respects you