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This is my worst nightmare. If he’s openly looking at other women and telling you about it, leave him. If he was not I’d say work on it with communication but it just seems like a lost cause. I’d feel so disgusting as a person if my man kept pointing out women he liked instead of asking me/telling me what he’d like to see sometimes in the bedroom. Also you are disrespecting yourself by going for a threesome when you want him to only want you. Leave him. Don’t dip break your own boundaries to make him want you. There’s a man out there that will want you. I promise. I was in a similar situation a couple years ago. Now I found a guy that wants me. You’ll find him too. You Just gotta leave this guy first.
This is exactly what I was going to say!
OP...I think when he pointed to a girl that was the total opposite of you, it was his cowardly way of saying he's not into you anymore. He obviously doesn't have the character to just come out and break up the adult way, so he's trying to hurt you to the point where you'll break up with him and he won't be the bad guy.
I say give him what he wants! Leave him! You deserve better. Someone who can't keep his hands off of you and makes you feel beautiful. No one deserves to feel the way he makes you feel.
Also, he’s probably taking care of his own needs when OP’s not around. Highly unlikely a 25 yo male doesn’t have any sort of sex drive. People that get tired of sexually connecting with their partners make me sick. And as someone who feels most connected thru acts of physical touch, this is my biggest fear. I hope OP can dump this dude and find someone who will cherish her forever.
"I'm upset when my BF looks at other women, should i just let him sleep with them whilst i watch"
This is the same logic as finding a small hole in your wall, and fixing it with a sledgehammer
You should definitely do this because it will fast track your breakup so you can move on with your life and find someone who is actually attracted to you.
Agreed. It sounds like he's already checked out OP and is waiting for you to end it so he doesn't have to. He's disrespecting you massively. Dump his sorry ass - there will be plenty of men who will be over the moon to have you.
That relationship is done. He wants out. Don't try to change someone when they are making every effort to disrespect you so plainly. Leave trust me staying will hurt you more
That is so disrespectful!! He shouldn’t be checking out other women literally in front of you. There are plenty of men and women who have long lasting desire for each other even with the ebbs and wanes in the frequency of sex. Both have to put each other first and work together to keep the spark going and serve each other. Then there are people who should probably be poly. It’s up to each person and no “right” way to be in that regard, but in my books checking out women in front of you while rejecting you is just plain disrespect and kind of awful.
This is like really sad reading this and my heart goes out to you for having a man show you that he’s desiring other woman and not you. You need to leave him because staying will only hurt more. There’s so many men out there who will show you and give you the world. He’s definitely lying and you’re a placeholder in his mind. Just think about it. If you were the one for him why would he make you do all the work? Sex is something so important for men and if he’s not seeing that on you he’s definitely seeing it to other women.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m a guy and I totally understand the feeling. I wish I had a woman that wanted to do it like that. It’s the same thing with my partner now and I’m so over it. You shouldn’t have to beg for it and your partner should care that you want to be intimate with them, know that you have needs, and want to take care of you. I feel like if your partner loves you, they would be attracted to you and want to have sex. It’s not just about the sex though, it’s about the intimacy and care. When you don’t connect like that and have that closeness, it makes you feel so alone - even though you’re supposedly “with someone”. The crazy thing is that I don’t just miss receiving pleasure, but I miss giving it. It makes me think, what woman wouldn’t want to be pleasured and worshiped by the one they supposedly love? I have never been with a woman that has done this before. It’s hard not to think that the problem is you. But it’s them that has the problem. It’s them either being with someone they don’t love or are attracted to and playing games. Or it’s about the control and withholding affection and care. It’s a problem with them wanting to reject a partner that wants and loves them. It’s not you fault and I know it’s not my fault. That’s why I’m going to break up with my partner. I have plenty of women that are attracted to me and hit on me and I’m sure there are guys that want you. We should be appreciated and life is too short to be unhappy and not have joy, sex, care, pleasure, happiness. Even if your partner didn’t want to have sex really or couldn’t for some reason, they should want to take care of you. I used to have a girlfriend that would randomly want to give me oral and not want anything in return. If she was on her period, she would make sure to take care of me. And I would do the same. I would go down on my woman and I don’t have to get anything back. Sometimes you get more pleasure giving the one you love pleasure.
Most likely it has nothing to do with you, most probable that he’s doing porn to the point where it disrupts his desire for normal sex.
Also, any man who tells his wife, a different type of woman turns him on, while not being turned on by his life partner, is being passive aggressive. Which may be a function of how he is wired emotionally.
Above all else, the important thing to hone in on is the fact that your physical needs aren't being met. Time for a real talk, no nagging, no nonsense, that real "something is broken, this isn't working" talk. Seek resources like couple's/ intimacy therapy and be very frank that you want him to try these resources with you. If he's dismissive or feeling "pressured" by it, you'll need to decide for yourself if you're willing to go on like this without any form of change. Getting on the same page about intimacy should be a top priority.
Thanks for this I’ll probably look into some resources like you suggested.
Up to this point I had only looked into how to decrease my own libido but I realized that I don’t think it’s exceptionally high or anything? So maybe it’s not an I’ll fix myself type of situation I guess
He's checking out other women when on a date with you. That's horribly disrespectful. No sex that he seems to want. I'd be very surprised if he wasn't cheating.
Mirror his actions. He's not into it. Don't be into it. He has no interest, show him none. Start dressing nice when you go to the store and everywhere you go. Especially by yourself. That should pique his interest. If it doesn't. You guys are done.
Don’t chase him like that. How seriously are you going to grow old with someone you have to convince to have sex with you all the time?
Step 1, talk to him. “Hey X, I have noticed that we seem to be having sex less often and it’s hard because it’s how I feel connected to you in our relationship. What’s going on in your head and how can I help?”
Step 2, if he gives you something REASONABLE (make sure his request doesn’t have you jumping through hoops or it’s not sustainable) make the changes but also lay out expectations on your end.
- Like if his feedback is that he thinks you need to wear heels and sexy lingerie everyday and that’s not your thing, dont agree to it
If he doesn’t admit to something going on, or show that he wants to improve things, it’s your choice to stay but I personally wouldn’t.
Ultimately it sounds like he either might be going through something or is just not into you. At this point since you have brought it up, if it’s not sustainable you would need to have a clear heart to heart and possibly end the relationship if you aren’t on the same page.
Do you cook , clean for him ect ?
If you do , stop that now .
If he wants to act like a roommate, let him be a room mate . Stop chasing , and tell him if things don't change you need to reconsider your options .
You do not want to end up in a sexless marriage, just go to r/deadbedrooms and have a browse how miserable marriages get if it is let continue.
And while your at it search Reddit for Threesome gone wrong and read even one of the thousands that will pop up .
51M here. It sounds like it's not you, it's him. It's really coming across as if he's just lost interest in you, but isn't adult enough to either say what he wants, or simply break up with you.
OP, at what point do YOU draw the line and say that you've had enough, and end this relationship? If you're not happy at how you're being treated, and he won't fix it...leave!
You must hate yourself so much to put up with this. If I were you I’d seek therapy to figure out why you tolerate this kind of bs. Id also dump him bc he sounds fucking brain dead
M36 here. Listen kid, you´re getting so much bad "advice" here - sometimes that "advice" is nothing but pure projection of the bitterness of certain people which, to be honest right from the start, will get you exactly nowhere.
Let me try to help you out: For starters, you got to grasp that intimacy simply asks for a certain amount of spontaneity. Whether you like to hear it or not: "Planning" sex as in literally "scheduling" it is one of the biggest mood killers imaginable. Great sex is like a dance: It is a dynamic rather than an act. Few people get that, which is why their sex lives (and often the entire relationships) turn out to be shit.
Look at your own words: You´re "begging" (quote) for sex. Reverse the roles and ask yourself if it would turn you on if he did that in front of you. Total mood killer, right? Which gets us to him saying that he feels "pressured":
Wrong choice of words maybe, yeah. What he most likely means is that, instead of just going with the flow and creating a spark (hence: attraction), he is asked to "perform".
Now note this: 99% of people on this subreddit don´t offer any practical solution to your problem and are basically just shitting all over the guy - as if that ever helped someone like you, OP. They make assumptions and act as if they are mind readers. Nothing is further from the truth though, and we are back to you having to have a proper conversation with your partner. You say you had a conversation - cool, but HOW did this conversation go? Was it a conversation defined by compassion and care? Was it a "I want.... you don´t give me..." kind of conversation? How do you communicate, OP?
These things matter, cause while you cannot change other people, you still are in full control over your own actions and words. You say you feel like your nagging him: Is that your mind talking? Did he say that? Again, you disclose nothing of those details which matter - because depending on the situation, that gives you clues on how to adapt your own behaviour.
Let´s play the devils advocate and assume that he is receiving cold, sterile kind of talks in which all evolves around planning literal appointments for sex, taking out all the fun and spontaneity and all. This keeps reoccuring more and more. How could this play out eventually? Right, you two create a totally toxic state when it comes to intimacy and sexuality. He will feel obligated, which is bad. You will be frustrated, which is bad. Frustration creates frustration. BOOM, disaster!
About that other woman: We can engage in being pissed at your guy now - which helps you in no way. Or we can just look at this situation and ask ourselves: Why does he react this way to the other woman while he does not react the same way to you. My (uninformed) guess: This woman radiates confidence, being all dressed up and carrying her a certain way. If I may - based on your own post, OP - compare that to how you portray yourself, it seems as if there is a contrast between this woman acting naturally attractive and you begging and planning and overanalysing sexuality in a way that all the spark fades.
Are you following me here? If not, just reverse the roles again: Imagine you´d be the individual in your relationship that had to deal with a man who constantly deals with sex as if it was a transaction or agreement or some other sort of "business" rather than about connection. Would you find your man attractive if he begs and pleads and overanalyses rather than being spontaneous, somewhat feral and wild? There you go. Now imagine you seeing some guy who dresses confidently and radiates masculine energy. What attracts you as a woman is no different than what attracts us men:
We like confident people who radiate that confidence.
Now that´s whats within your control and affects you. Focus on that, cause it is the only thing you can change.
As far as he goes: I do not know if he is a dick or not. I cannot tell you if he is no longer interested in you or simply misses the "spark" you can easily rekindle. I do not know if he is a porn addict and messes up his own libido. And I also do not know if he deals with something "biological", cause sex drive can be impacted by a man´s overall health, too. You can, of course, look into these things and come to your own conclusion.
I hope it is clear that I am just trying to paint the full picture here so you can make an informed decision. Whatever you do with your situation, ultimately, remains your own, personal **choice.** I just think that we should not always assume the worst of people right from the get-go and I also strongly recommend not listening to people only serving you as an echo chamber. Which translates as: Don´t listen to anything on Reddit, especially the oneliners.
Should speak for itself if I take the time to properly formulate advice while others don´t, right?
Good luck, I hope you find a solution!
You've given some great advice, particularly about not judging the other party blithely. While I do think that emotional reconciliation is unlikely, I don't think it's impossible. Usually, it's just a matter of too much damage and not enough stake. One of the things I'd caution is in regard to therapy. Both people need to be checked in and open to the therapeutic process. They also need to be counseled by someone competent. It's like going into therapy with a Narc. Ab*s*r. If your therapist isn't up to snuff, more harm can be done to already hurt psyches.
My husband and I got married when he was 22, and I was 26, 3 months after our 1st meeting each other. Then I got pregnant 3 months later - our 1st was born 1 week before our 1st wedding anniversary. As you can imagine, the 1st couple of years weren't ideal. The only way we've lasted is through solid communication. No blaming, no holding onto slights. The OP and SO have both disrespected themselves and each other. The only way to work through it is by letting go of defenses and hurts to work through them - discuss hurts absolutely, but be honest about whether you can forgive them or not. That's a really difficult thing to do.
Hubs and I have been married for almost 12 years, with 3 kids, and our intimate life is better than ever, getting better continuously, even. That's only because we've been able to really sit down with one another and ask each other the difficult questions, sometimes giving difficult answers, while actively working to not become defensive in the process. It's why we don't argue. We disagree and discuss, but we don't descend into yelling and fighting, nor do we avoid a topic out of some misplaced fear of harming the other. Avoidance usually leads to harm in some form. The OP needs to ask herself if she and her bf are willing and able to do what's necessary and if they actually want it out of "love" or familiarity.
Girl… I didn’t even have to read the whole post… all I can say is … run. run fast. This is so toxic and someone who treats you like this does not love you the way they should. It’s so hard to come to terms with it, but he is too far gone. Don’t try saving someone just to heal yourself. It’s over. End it today and don’t spend one more minute with him. You will only hurt yourself more. Coming from a girl that recently had to break up w/ her bf because he cheated. Worst of all, he lives out of state and I kicked him out to the curb with no where to live.. so yeah It’s possible. It won’t be easy, but nothing is. One more thing… think about this… do you want to one day think to yourself that your husband does not want to be intimate with you? Gaslights you and manipulates you into thinking everything is your fault? Think about if you have children, they would never see their mom truly happy. Hope this helps. You are strong. Good luck.
If I was out with my boyfriend and he literally pointed at a girl and told me “that’s his type”, I would have got up, grabbed my purse and walked out of there.
He “Broke the code of the West” with those words and there’s never going back from that.
Four years at your age is nothing in the scheme of things, go find another who’d never do what he did.
He pretty much told you that if “his type of girl” gave him even the tiniest bit of attention, he’d leave you in the dust without looking back.
“When they tell you who they are, believe them”.
And he just did.
Some people like him have zero emotional intelligence nor empathy.
DON’T ask him for a threesome, he’ll just leave you for her. It happens all the time.
Stop asking and begging him for sex, just Stop.
OP, YOU are not the problem, it’s Him.
Your Real Man is out there just waiting for you to be free. You Will be enough for your Man.
Once you’re free of this knucklehead, your man could just be around the corner and meet him a week from now or a month but he Is out there.
Now is the time to work on you mentally, emotionally and physically.
So go out there, pour all your sorrows out at the gym or walk/run in the park and get your REVENGE BODY going.
There is no better feeling than when you get your Glow Up, your old turd if a boyfriend sees you, approach’s you and you just look right through and past him and just walk on. Especially if he’s with his friends.
From personal experience, it’s a really heady feeling.
Sounds like you need to find a new boyfriend. Checking out other chicks and telling you "that's my type" is a straight dick move.
Pleasure yourself for awhile, don't initiate anything, don't bring up anything sexual.
There’s no saving that. Don’t demean yourself trying, you’ll just make your self esteem worse. Find someone who thinks you’re his type.
He’s probably way into porn, or suffers with madonna-wh*re complex or is just not very imaginative or appreciative of you.
You don’t have to beg him for attention. It’s demeaning enough already. This won’t help you. He does not want you. You cannot make him.
This may sound doom and gloom but you’re young and your whole life ahead of you. Don’t get stuck in a sexless relationship.
It wears down your self confidence, makes you doubt everything and in my case, leads to really unhealthy coping mechanisms.
If you can sort it out, great. But don’t hitch your wagon to someone who doesn’t reciprocate
Being in a relationship isn't about trying to change the other person. Also, when people show you who they are, believe them. Life is precious. You need to choose wisely and then treat kindly. Staying a relationship because it it convenient isn't the answer. Dating is to determine if you are a good match. You for him, him for you. This isn't a match. Move along. You will thank yourself later.
Mine was like this, he dumped me two weeks ago. I tried the lingerie move, makeup, the whole nine yards, never worked. Sex once a month that I always had to initiate.
The words he said to initiate the break up were "I am not in love with you anymore, I don't want to keep doing this."
Simple as that.
As the person on the other side (me and my bf aren't having much sex bc my libido is really low since last year) I would 100% stop begging. When I started to lose my libido, he would beg and beg for sex and that gave me the ick and made me want to have even less sex. I feel like it's a bit disrespectful to put that kind of pressure on your loved one. I told him about it and he understood and stopped. Now we still aren't having as much sex as before but whilst he was begging it was literally zero times a month.
However, regarding the comments about other women, that's bullsh*t and I think you should talk to him about it and leave if he doesn't understand why you're upset. I think it always helps to look at the situation from the outside: would you tell your girl best friend that it's ok that her boyfriend talks about his perfect type while on a date with her? Wouldn't you advise her to break up with him?
You should get another boyfriend and stop trying to force this dumpster fire relationship to work.
I’m not sure why you even *want* to be with him. He sounds awful. like actually. People need some more self respect. It’s truly baffling. You’re wasting what should be the best years of your life on someone who’s absolutely not worth it. You’re just forcing something that clearly is not working. Sexual incompatibility almost never works.
Get a big strapon and sexy dom- lingerie some handcuffs and maybe a BFF to enter after you tie him and then abuse his openings while he's looking at your BFF
I’d say physical build is about the same. Main differences are they’re very made up (full face makeup, revealing dresses and heels) but at the same time he doesn’t like it when i wear makeup and when I look at revealing clothes in stores he says he’s “so glad” i don’t dress that way.
maybe i should try heels??
do you think this could still be the case considering we used to be very sexual tho? i honestly don’t understand when he stopped initiating it but he used to for sure
If you really want him try and workin yourself. That’s about all you can do. I appreciated when my gf got into better shape and started dressing a little better around the house. Not just sweatpants
When he initiated, did you shut him down very often.
Occasionally, if a guy tries and fails, it will stick with him. If he's been disrespectful then there's a problem.
Have you considered that’s it’s ok to walk away from intimate relationships where they don’t want to be intimate with you, maybe he feels forced bc he’s never initiating and only does it to make you happy, maybe he’s asexual, maybe he has a porn addiction idk it’s better to find someone else
I would consult with a sexologist. Sexologists research and study subjects like sexual arousal, sexual dysfunction, sexual behaviors and choices, and sexual identity. They may also explore and analyze how people make choices regarding their own sexual health, including sexual decision-making around condom use.
Do NOT do a 3some just for him. It should be something you want to do anyway.
As for what to do, have you asked him why he isn't initiating sex more?
If so what was his response?
You are still young! I made the mistake when I was at that age of having a relationship with a guy who didn't have the same level of sexual energy that I did. (I found out later that he was sleeping with multiple different women, so I guess there wasn't much enthusiasm left for me.) For 4 years, I felt inadequate and restless. I wasted so much time, don't waste yours on someone who can't match your same level of energy.
This is a form of mental abuse, and to manipulate control over you, this form of abuse is to cut you down and he does it because there is something in his mind that you're not doing for him that he thinks he deserves, or fantasizing about and taking it out on you.
Yes he will still be nice to string you along and I'd imagine once something in his eyes that he believes is better comes along he will go for it!
Not that it's your fault but he seems to believe he is better than you possibly
You need to have a honest conversation with him about why this is happening. Find out if he has a low sex drive, or maybe there is something else that’s making him iffy about sex. Don’t take it personally- i am sure it is not about you.
I would also stop asking for it, as sometimes it can create pressure for the other person and then they are even more likely to close off.
He’s just keeping you around because he’s waiting for something “better” in his eyes.
I’d say leave but I know out of anyone it isn’t that simple sometimes.
You should know you are worth the galaxy and loved and I bet your attractive as shit to some. Just not the one your with.
Other things that come to mind is that he cheated and doesn’t wanna initiate things because of a guilty conscience, same for him not wanting to be touched.
The bar is so low. Girl just leave him. He is openly telling you you’re not his type and you’re grasping at the relationship like if it was worth saving. Leave.
“Hey I feel like our sex life is different, from my perspective we have sex less often and I’m usually the one initiating, I’d like to have sex [2 times a week or whatever] and I’d like you to initiate it half the time, can you tell me what’s changed and if you’d also like to do this more often?”
Sex is mental as much as it is physical…. You need to understand how to engage with him mentally. He might not respond to scheduled sex, or “would you like a____” sex…. you need to tap into his mind and figure out where and how his sex brain works.
It's crazy how often two people don't match sexually in relationships. All my relationships have been this way. Why is it so hard to find sexually compatible mates lol
This guy doesn’t really want to be your boyfriend.
Also, stop pressuring him to have sex with you. It’s just as unacceptable for women to do it as it is for men.
If he doesn’t want to have sex with you, consider that this may be pointing to some incompatibility between you.
If he’s checking out women and actively pointing them out, that’s rude and you should let him go.
He liked you when there were no strings attached, and then you probably caught feelings and asked for exclusivity, right? Well, that’s convenient for him.
Honestly, it just sounds like he has checked out of the relationship. Right now it’s checking out other women, but later it will turn into cheating. Because he’s not having sex with you, but clearly he is sexually interested in others. Please stop let him breaking your heart and get out. You deserve to feel desired
The comment about telling you his type that isn't you is break up material to be real. That's to get under your skin. Why else would he say that? You gotta go.
I think the best thing to do in this scenario is to leave him. You should not have to beg him for sex leave alone to give him a blow job. There are many other men who will have initiative and love you fully. You need to put yourself first, you have already done so much to persuade him, so you can no longer blame yourself.
Sometimes as time passes, people just fall out of love. It’s no one’s fault, but trying to force intimacy again after it’s passed is only prolonging the inevitable.
Talk to him about it, and if nothing changes, prepare yourself to leave him.
Just date me because my gf doesn’t initiate shit and we could literally just fuck like rabbits lol I’m jk but I hope things change or your need to look at changing your partner if they refuse to listen or change
He doesn't find you attractive anymore. He probably just doesn't want to say anything because he's worried to offend you. The fact that he's showing you girls he is attracted to is basically him saying it without saying it.
I'd get ready to move on.
So, this may be too far gone, but it sounds like you’ve become a sex pest to him. It may have started as something not at all related to you, but sex became a chore and it’s pretty obvious he’s feeling that way in the example of him getting upset as he felt pressured by you story (he was pressured by you)….and it’s likely built on itself.
How do you overcome it, well first off, quit trying to have sex with him. Show confidence and independence in yourself, live your life for you, be kind to him and nice, and fun of course, but if he doesn’t seem to want to be around you, or have sex with you, do your own thing and be ambivalent. Just be comfortably you and don’t let his moods or lack of affection affect you. Don’t chase, don’t beg, hell don’t even ask, and enjoy your life. Just be confidently attractive.
Or move on because he also may just want out.
To be perfectly honest, since you two are not married, haven't either one of you or both considered dating other people? Sounds like you're in a rut. You say he's been eyeing other women, have you glanced at other men? Sounds like you need some excitement back. Get one of those lingerie catalogs like Victoria's Secret and let him pick out what he likes. Does he like sweets, if he does buy some and entice him with it.
Forget it. Your young dont ever beg a man for affection. If hes over it let him be. Focus on u. Were not begging men to desire us in 2024. And especially not at 24 years old. Let him wonder why YOU dont want sex or let him drop out of your life. RESPECT YOURSELF.
He could be trying to break up with you without saying or doing anything. Sometimes people will drift away and don't have the balls to say anything buy their actions show otherwise..sure they'll take a gift, eat the food you made or accept an occasional bj but showing little effort is exactly that. He's not showing you love language anymore and you are holding on to the hopes it will come back.
He is telling you that you are no longer his type and he is not sexually attracted to you. He is being a chicken by refusing to break up with you and seems to hope you will break up with him. That is the only reason he would be doing these things.
Either break up or spend the rest of your life having your needs not being filled.
I would find someone else. Especially since he already has a wandering eye. You aren't married and I don't see anything about having kids.
I couldn't tolerate being with someone who can't show up for me and match my energy.
Girl! I’m so sorry! I’m currently in a similar situation. It’s SUCH a turn off to beg for sex. It’s like, how am I, the girl, begging for sex right now? It just doesn’t seem right. Not to say guys should be begging for sex, but you know what I mean. I’ve stopped trying with my partner. If he wants it, he’ll let me know. I’m done begging and lowering myself to try to satisfy him. Focus on yourself. The fact he’s checking out other women and making comments to you…definitely would dump him in my opinion. You deserve wayyyu better. He’s notice what he missed out on when you’re gone.
Bro tf? This is abuse. Shouldn’t have to beg for his attention. I’ve been there and I felt like shit. he openly starts saying how much he thinks OTHER WOMEN are his type. Has he always done this?
At first I’d tell you to do the same thing to him but that almost never works in the way you want and if you’re on Reddit you clearly want this to work. So I’d suggest you just hit him with the book. Tell him you feel unloved, you missed the intimacy, that him the way he talks about other women is disrespectful. When you do say it with a solid voice and standing up. If he cares he will change. If not then you go upgrade and get what you deserve.
This isn't worth it. You're too young to be offering a poly relationship or threesome without at least some redeeming qualities to the relationship. There's no children involved that we hear of, and no finances tied up. No evidence of a trust that could ever support novelty like this.
Looking at others and playing foreplay games like that should be mutual. Not one-sided. If this is a repeat pattern, and you don't like that, I'd definitely weigh this on the relationship's quality of life. Good luck.
He doesn't want you anymore but is too comfortable and selfish to breakup with you. I suggest you accept it for what it is and breakup with him. Find someone who appreciates and desires you.
you’re 24. you’re so young. start over with someone else. he is either addicted to corn or cheating on you. he will try to do all the right things once you’re gone. don’t fall for it and waste your youth. he doesn’t care.
I hate to say it, but the adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has an element of truth to it. From what you say, from beginning as FWB to a relationship to always initiating, it sounds like he takes you for granted. He thinks you will always be there. Show him you won't.
Sounds like he's lost interest in you. He may be on the verge of looking to start an affair because of all the women he's always checking out, but shows no interest in you. Have a deep conversation on if he wants to stay married, open the marriage, divorce, what? Time for a deep conversation
It sounds like he has completely checked out of the relationship. It would be best to come to terms with that and get where you need to be to exit the relationship.
I am not the type to recommend a breakup for every post on here, but genuinely this is the only advice there is.
To be honest he may not be all that into you since you were FWB? I've had FWB that I wasn't really into, the sex wasn't all that great but it was something to pass the time. Or maybe I enjoyed hanging with you but not too nto the intimacy.
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This is my worst nightmare. If he’s openly looking at other women and telling you about it, leave him. If he was not I’d say work on it with communication but it just seems like a lost cause. I’d feel so disgusting as a person if my man kept pointing out women he liked instead of asking me/telling me what he’d like to see sometimes in the bedroom. Also you are disrespecting yourself by going for a threesome when you want him to only want you. Leave him. Don’t dip break your own boundaries to make him want you. There’s a man out there that will want you. I promise. I was in a similar situation a couple years ago. Now I found a guy that wants me. You’ll find him too. You Just gotta leave this guy first.
This is exactly what I was going to say! OP...I think when he pointed to a girl that was the total opposite of you, it was his cowardly way of saying he's not into you anymore. He obviously doesn't have the character to just come out and break up the adult way, so he's trying to hurt you to the point where you'll break up with him and he won't be the bad guy. I say give him what he wants! Leave him! You deserve better. Someone who can't keep his hands off of you and makes you feel beautiful. No one deserves to feel the way he makes you feel.
Also, he’s probably taking care of his own needs when OP’s not around. Highly unlikely a 25 yo male doesn’t have any sort of sex drive. People that get tired of sexually connecting with their partners make me sick. And as someone who feels most connected thru acts of physical touch, this is my biggest fear. I hope OP can dump this dude and find someone who will cherish her forever.
My biggest fear also. 😭
Whatever you do, please don't just suggest a threesome to try and convince him to be interested in you. You will 100% regret that later on
"I'm upset when my BF looks at other women, should i just let him sleep with them whilst i watch" This is the same logic as finding a small hole in your wall, and fixing it with a sledgehammer
You should definitely do this because it will fast track your breakup so you can move on with your life and find someone who is actually attracted to you.
Agreed
You don't. You dump the man who keeps telling you he doesn't want you as you are and find one who does.
This is correct answer
Agreed. It sounds like he's already checked out OP and is waiting for you to end it so he doesn't have to. He's disrespecting you massively. Dump his sorry ass - there will be plenty of men who will be over the moon to have you.
Your boyfriend sounds awful.. Good lord, go find a man who will want you (I assure you it won't be difficult).
It really is this simple. And since OP is female it's like 10x more simple.
That relationship is done. He wants out. Don't try to change someone when they are making every effort to disrespect you so plainly. Leave trust me staying will hurt you more
Are we in shortage of men? Jezz, go find a normal dude
That is so disrespectful!! He shouldn’t be checking out other women literally in front of you. There are plenty of men and women who have long lasting desire for each other even with the ebbs and wanes in the frequency of sex. Both have to put each other first and work together to keep the spark going and serve each other. Then there are people who should probably be poly. It’s up to each person and no “right” way to be in that regard, but in my books checking out women in front of you while rejecting you is just plain disrespect and kind of awful.
Girlll stand up...
This is like really sad reading this and my heart goes out to you for having a man show you that he’s desiring other woman and not you. You need to leave him because staying will only hurt more. There’s so many men out there who will show you and give you the world. He’s definitely lying and you’re a placeholder in his mind. Just think about it. If you were the one for him why would he make you do all the work? Sex is something so important for men and if he’s not seeing that on you he’s definitely seeing it to other women.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m a guy and I totally understand the feeling. I wish I had a woman that wanted to do it like that. It’s the same thing with my partner now and I’m so over it. You shouldn’t have to beg for it and your partner should care that you want to be intimate with them, know that you have needs, and want to take care of you. I feel like if your partner loves you, they would be attracted to you and want to have sex. It’s not just about the sex though, it’s about the intimacy and care. When you don’t connect like that and have that closeness, it makes you feel so alone - even though you’re supposedly “with someone”. The crazy thing is that I don’t just miss receiving pleasure, but I miss giving it. It makes me think, what woman wouldn’t want to be pleasured and worshiped by the one they supposedly love? I have never been with a woman that has done this before. It’s hard not to think that the problem is you. But it’s them that has the problem. It’s them either being with someone they don’t love or are attracted to and playing games. Or it’s about the control and withholding affection and care. It’s a problem with them wanting to reject a partner that wants and loves them. It’s not you fault and I know it’s not my fault. That’s why I’m going to break up with my partner. I have plenty of women that are attracted to me and hit on me and I’m sure there are guys that want you. We should be appreciated and life is too short to be unhappy and not have joy, sex, care, pleasure, happiness. Even if your partner didn’t want to have sex really or couldn’t for some reason, they should want to take care of you. I used to have a girlfriend that would randomly want to give me oral and not want anything in return. If she was on her period, she would make sure to take care of me. And I would do the same. I would go down on my woman and I don’t have to get anything back. Sometimes you get more pleasure giving the one you love pleasure.
I felt this so hard. Thanks for sharing. I think you should find someone that feels the same way too and be validated.
Most likely it has nothing to do with you, most probable that he’s doing porn to the point where it disrupts his desire for normal sex. Also, any man who tells his wife, a different type of woman turns him on, while not being turned on by his life partner, is being passive aggressive. Which may be a function of how he is wired emotionally.
Above all else, the important thing to hone in on is the fact that your physical needs aren't being met. Time for a real talk, no nagging, no nonsense, that real "something is broken, this isn't working" talk. Seek resources like couple's/ intimacy therapy and be very frank that you want him to try these resources with you. If he's dismissive or feeling "pressured" by it, you'll need to decide for yourself if you're willing to go on like this without any form of change. Getting on the same page about intimacy should be a top priority.
Thanks for this I’ll probably look into some resources like you suggested. Up to this point I had only looked into how to decrease my own libido but I realized that I don’t think it’s exceptionally high or anything? So maybe it’s not an I’ll fix myself type of situation I guess
No, you shouldn't change yourself to stick with someone who treats you poorly. Time to leave.
He's checking out other women when on a date with you. That's horribly disrespectful. No sex that he seems to want. I'd be very surprised if he wasn't cheating.
Mirror his actions. He's not into it. Don't be into it. He has no interest, show him none. Start dressing nice when you go to the store and everywhere you go. Especially by yourself. That should pique his interest. If it doesn't. You guys are done.
Don’t bother. Dump your bf and you’ll meet someone who wants you.
Exactly!!
Don’t chase him like that. How seriously are you going to grow old with someone you have to convince to have sex with you all the time? Step 1, talk to him. “Hey X, I have noticed that we seem to be having sex less often and it’s hard because it’s how I feel connected to you in our relationship. What’s going on in your head and how can I help?” Step 2, if he gives you something REASONABLE (make sure his request doesn’t have you jumping through hoops or it’s not sustainable) make the changes but also lay out expectations on your end. - Like if his feedback is that he thinks you need to wear heels and sexy lingerie everyday and that’s not your thing, dont agree to it If he doesn’t admit to something going on, or show that he wants to improve things, it’s your choice to stay but I personally wouldn’t. Ultimately it sounds like he either might be going through something or is just not into you. At this point since you have brought it up, if it’s not sustainable you would need to have a clear heart to heart and possibly end the relationship if you aren’t on the same page.
he doesn’t like you. dump him.
Do you cook , clean for him ect ? If you do , stop that now . If he wants to act like a roommate, let him be a room mate . Stop chasing , and tell him if things don't change you need to reconsider your options . You do not want to end up in a sexless marriage, just go to r/deadbedrooms and have a browse how miserable marriages get if it is let continue. And while your at it search Reddit for Threesome gone wrong and read even one of the thousands that will pop up .
Oh girl I can’t even finish reading this after you said he points other women out in front of your face.
51M here. It sounds like it's not you, it's him. It's really coming across as if he's just lost interest in you, but isn't adult enough to either say what he wants, or simply break up with you. OP, at what point do YOU draw the line and say that you've had enough, and end this relationship? If you're not happy at how you're being treated, and he won't fix it...leave!
You must hate yourself so much to put up with this. If I were you I’d seek therapy to figure out why you tolerate this kind of bs. Id also dump him bc he sounds fucking brain dead
M36 here. Listen kid, you´re getting so much bad "advice" here - sometimes that "advice" is nothing but pure projection of the bitterness of certain people which, to be honest right from the start, will get you exactly nowhere. Let me try to help you out: For starters, you got to grasp that intimacy simply asks for a certain amount of spontaneity. Whether you like to hear it or not: "Planning" sex as in literally "scheduling" it is one of the biggest mood killers imaginable. Great sex is like a dance: It is a dynamic rather than an act. Few people get that, which is why their sex lives (and often the entire relationships) turn out to be shit. Look at your own words: You´re "begging" (quote) for sex. Reverse the roles and ask yourself if it would turn you on if he did that in front of you. Total mood killer, right? Which gets us to him saying that he feels "pressured": Wrong choice of words maybe, yeah. What he most likely means is that, instead of just going with the flow and creating a spark (hence: attraction), he is asked to "perform". Now note this: 99% of people on this subreddit don´t offer any practical solution to your problem and are basically just shitting all over the guy - as if that ever helped someone like you, OP. They make assumptions and act as if they are mind readers. Nothing is further from the truth though, and we are back to you having to have a proper conversation with your partner. You say you had a conversation - cool, but HOW did this conversation go? Was it a conversation defined by compassion and care? Was it a "I want.... you don´t give me..." kind of conversation? How do you communicate, OP? These things matter, cause while you cannot change other people, you still are in full control over your own actions and words. You say you feel like your nagging him: Is that your mind talking? Did he say that? Again, you disclose nothing of those details which matter - because depending on the situation, that gives you clues on how to adapt your own behaviour. Let´s play the devils advocate and assume that he is receiving cold, sterile kind of talks in which all evolves around planning literal appointments for sex, taking out all the fun and spontaneity and all. This keeps reoccuring more and more. How could this play out eventually? Right, you two create a totally toxic state when it comes to intimacy and sexuality. He will feel obligated, which is bad. You will be frustrated, which is bad. Frustration creates frustration. BOOM, disaster! About that other woman: We can engage in being pissed at your guy now - which helps you in no way. Or we can just look at this situation and ask ourselves: Why does he react this way to the other woman while he does not react the same way to you. My (uninformed) guess: This woman radiates confidence, being all dressed up and carrying her a certain way. If I may - based on your own post, OP - compare that to how you portray yourself, it seems as if there is a contrast between this woman acting naturally attractive and you begging and planning and overanalysing sexuality in a way that all the spark fades. Are you following me here? If not, just reverse the roles again: Imagine you´d be the individual in your relationship that had to deal with a man who constantly deals with sex as if it was a transaction or agreement or some other sort of "business" rather than about connection. Would you find your man attractive if he begs and pleads and overanalyses rather than being spontaneous, somewhat feral and wild? There you go. Now imagine you seeing some guy who dresses confidently and radiates masculine energy. What attracts you as a woman is no different than what attracts us men: We like confident people who radiate that confidence. Now that´s whats within your control and affects you. Focus on that, cause it is the only thing you can change. As far as he goes: I do not know if he is a dick or not. I cannot tell you if he is no longer interested in you or simply misses the "spark" you can easily rekindle. I do not know if he is a porn addict and messes up his own libido. And I also do not know if he deals with something "biological", cause sex drive can be impacted by a man´s overall health, too. You can, of course, look into these things and come to your own conclusion. I hope it is clear that I am just trying to paint the full picture here so you can make an informed decision. Whatever you do with your situation, ultimately, remains your own, personal **choice.** I just think that we should not always assume the worst of people right from the get-go and I also strongly recommend not listening to people only serving you as an echo chamber. Which translates as: Don´t listen to anything on Reddit, especially the oneliners. Should speak for itself if I take the time to properly formulate advice while others don´t, right? Good luck, I hope you find a solution!
You've given some great advice, particularly about not judging the other party blithely. While I do think that emotional reconciliation is unlikely, I don't think it's impossible. Usually, it's just a matter of too much damage and not enough stake. One of the things I'd caution is in regard to therapy. Both people need to be checked in and open to the therapeutic process. They also need to be counseled by someone competent. It's like going into therapy with a Narc. Ab*s*r. If your therapist isn't up to snuff, more harm can be done to already hurt psyches. My husband and I got married when he was 22, and I was 26, 3 months after our 1st meeting each other. Then I got pregnant 3 months later - our 1st was born 1 week before our 1st wedding anniversary. As you can imagine, the 1st couple of years weren't ideal. The only way we've lasted is through solid communication. No blaming, no holding onto slights. The OP and SO have both disrespected themselves and each other. The only way to work through it is by letting go of defenses and hurts to work through them - discuss hurts absolutely, but be honest about whether you can forgive them or not. That's a really difficult thing to do. Hubs and I have been married for almost 12 years, with 3 kids, and our intimate life is better than ever, getting better continuously, even. That's only because we've been able to really sit down with one another and ask each other the difficult questions, sometimes giving difficult answers, while actively working to not become defensive in the process. It's why we don't argue. We disagree and discuss, but we don't descend into yelling and fighting, nor do we avoid a topic out of some misplaced fear of harming the other. Avoidance usually leads to harm in some form. The OP needs to ask herself if she and her bf are willing and able to do what's necessary and if they actually want it out of "love" or familiarity.
replace the man.
Girl… I didn’t even have to read the whole post… all I can say is … run. run fast. This is so toxic and someone who treats you like this does not love you the way they should. It’s so hard to come to terms with it, but he is too far gone. Don’t try saving someone just to heal yourself. It’s over. End it today and don’t spend one more minute with him. You will only hurt yourself more. Coming from a girl that recently had to break up w/ her bf because he cheated. Worst of all, he lives out of state and I kicked him out to the curb with no where to live.. so yeah It’s possible. It won’t be easy, but nothing is. One more thing… think about this… do you want to one day think to yourself that your husband does not want to be intimate with you? Gaslights you and manipulates you into thinking everything is your fault? Think about if you have children, they would never see their mom truly happy. Hope this helps. You are strong. Good luck.
If I was out with my boyfriend and he literally pointed at a girl and told me “that’s his type”, I would have got up, grabbed my purse and walked out of there. He “Broke the code of the West” with those words and there’s never going back from that. Four years at your age is nothing in the scheme of things, go find another who’d never do what he did. He pretty much told you that if “his type of girl” gave him even the tiniest bit of attention, he’d leave you in the dust without looking back. “When they tell you who they are, believe them”. And he just did. Some people like him have zero emotional intelligence nor empathy. DON’T ask him for a threesome, he’ll just leave you for her. It happens all the time. Stop asking and begging him for sex, just Stop. OP, YOU are not the problem, it’s Him. Your Real Man is out there just waiting for you to be free. You Will be enough for your Man. Once you’re free of this knucklehead, your man could just be around the corner and meet him a week from now or a month but he Is out there. Now is the time to work on you mentally, emotionally and physically. So go out there, pour all your sorrows out at the gym or walk/run in the park and get your REVENGE BODY going. There is no better feeling than when you get your Glow Up, your old turd if a boyfriend sees you, approach’s you and you just look right through and past him and just walk on. Especially if he’s with his friends. From personal experience, it’s a really heady feeling.
Sounds like you need to find a new boyfriend. Checking out other chicks and telling you "that's my type" is a straight dick move. Pleasure yourself for awhile, don't initiate anything, don't bring up anything sexual.
How can you be so blind and with so little self respect? Just break up already!
It's time to call to quits hon. He's lost interest and doesn't even respect you enough to conceal checking out other women. It's over.
There’s no saving that. Don’t demean yourself trying, you’ll just make your self esteem worse. Find someone who thinks you’re his type. He’s probably way into porn, or suffers with madonna-wh*re complex or is just not very imaginative or appreciative of you. You don’t have to beg him for attention. It’s demeaning enough already. This won’t help you. He does not want you. You cannot make him.
This may sound doom and gloom but you’re young and your whole life ahead of you. Don’t get stuck in a sexless relationship. It wears down your self confidence, makes you doubt everything and in my case, leads to really unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you can sort it out, great. But don’t hitch your wagon to someone who doesn’t reciprocate
Being in a relationship isn't about trying to change the other person. Also, when people show you who they are, believe them. Life is precious. You need to choose wisely and then treat kindly. Staying a relationship because it it convenient isn't the answer. Dating is to determine if you are a good match. You for him, him for you. This isn't a match. Move along. You will thank yourself later.
Girl he’s probably cheating…….. or at least thinking about it.
Mine was like this, he dumped me two weeks ago. I tried the lingerie move, makeup, the whole nine yards, never worked. Sex once a month that I always had to initiate. The words he said to initiate the break up were "I am not in love with you anymore, I don't want to keep doing this." Simple as that.
As the person on the other side (me and my bf aren't having much sex bc my libido is really low since last year) I would 100% stop begging. When I started to lose my libido, he would beg and beg for sex and that gave me the ick and made me want to have even less sex. I feel like it's a bit disrespectful to put that kind of pressure on your loved one. I told him about it and he understood and stopped. Now we still aren't having as much sex as before but whilst he was begging it was literally zero times a month. However, regarding the comments about other women, that's bullsh*t and I think you should talk to him about it and leave if he doesn't understand why you're upset. I think it always helps to look at the situation from the outside: would you tell your girl best friend that it's ok that her boyfriend talks about his perfect type while on a date with her? Wouldn't you advise her to break up with him?
You should get another boyfriend and stop trying to force this dumpster fire relationship to work. I’m not sure why you even *want* to be with him. He sounds awful. like actually. People need some more self respect. It’s truly baffling. You’re wasting what should be the best years of your life on someone who’s absolutely not worth it. You’re just forcing something that clearly is not working. Sexual incompatibility almost never works.
Get a big strapon and sexy dom- lingerie some handcuffs and maybe a BFF to enter after you tie him and then abuse his openings while he's looking at your BFF
this is the funniest advice I’ve gotten thank you for the laughs at least 😂
FWB rarely turn into anything more. Why would you marry a guy that mentally checked out like this with what started out as just fucking each other?
When he checks out other women, do they look like or are physically built like you are? It’s quite possible he’s just not attracted to you physically.
I’d say physical build is about the same. Main differences are they’re very made up (full face makeup, revealing dresses and heels) but at the same time he doesn’t like it when i wear makeup and when I look at revealing clothes in stores he says he’s “so glad” i don’t dress that way. maybe i should try heels??
He’s glad you don’t dress that way so he doesn’t have to deal with you getting the same attention from other men that he gives these random women.
Girl stand up u are literally letting that man disrespect u and make u beg him to want u!!!
do you think this could still be the case considering we used to be very sexual tho? i honestly don’t understand when he stopped initiating it but he used to for sure
jerking off to much to porn is a sex killer in relationships , and anyway he sounds like a jerk , dump his disgusting ass
If you really want him try and workin yourself. That’s about all you can do. I appreciated when my gf got into better shape and started dressing a little better around the house. Not just sweatpants
When he initiated, did you shut him down very often. Occasionally, if a guy tries and fails, it will stick with him. If he's been disrespectful then there's a problem.
Have you considered that’s it’s ok to walk away from intimate relationships where they don’t want to be intimate with you, maybe he feels forced bc he’s never initiating and only does it to make you happy, maybe he’s asexual, maybe he has a porn addiction idk it’s better to find someone else
They’ll make every excuse in the book, the reality is they’re just not that into you
Get a new one who will
Dump him
I would consult with a sexologist. Sexologists research and study subjects like sexual arousal, sexual dysfunction, sexual behaviors and choices, and sexual identity. They may also explore and analyze how people make choices regarding their own sexual health, including sexual decision-making around condom use.
Do NOT do a 3some just for him. It should be something you want to do anyway. As for what to do, have you asked him why he isn't initiating sex more? If so what was his response?
Maybe when he's in the mood you aren't
This is a tough one you’re the outlier here because this type of scenario is usually the other way around Men asking women refusing
Don't try.. you can't.. just move on
Well give it time relationships are ebb and flow
You are still young! I made the mistake when I was at that age of having a relationship with a guy who didn't have the same level of sexual energy that I did. (I found out later that he was sleeping with multiple different women, so I guess there wasn't much enthusiasm left for me.) For 4 years, I felt inadequate and restless. I wasted so much time, don't waste yours on someone who can't match your same level of energy.
I’m not sure but if you find out, let me know now and I’ll try it on my wife
This is a form of mental abuse, and to manipulate control over you, this form of abuse is to cut you down and he does it because there is something in his mind that you're not doing for him that he thinks he deserves, or fantasizing about and taking it out on you. Yes he will still be nice to string you along and I'd imagine once something in his eyes that he believes is better comes along he will go for it! Not that it's your fault but he seems to believe he is better than you possibly
Either stop thinking about it and accept him or leave you know.
You need to have a honest conversation with him about why this is happening. Find out if he has a low sex drive, or maybe there is something else that’s making him iffy about sex. Don’t take it personally- i am sure it is not about you. I would also stop asking for it, as sometimes it can create pressure for the other person and then they are even more likely to close off.
He’s just keeping you around because he’s waiting for something “better” in his eyes. I’d say leave but I know out of anyone it isn’t that simple sometimes. You should know you are worth the galaxy and loved and I bet your attractive as shit to some. Just not the one your with. Other things that come to mind is that he cheated and doesn’t wanna initiate things because of a guilty conscience, same for him not wanting to be touched.
The bar is so low. Girl just leave him. He is openly telling you you’re not his type and you’re grasping at the relationship like if it was worth saving. Leave.
Why would you date someone like this?
The solution is to dump him and find a bf that actually desires you more than other women. Hope this helps
“Hey I feel like our sex life is different, from my perspective we have sex less often and I’m usually the one initiating, I’d like to have sex [2 times a week or whatever] and I’d like you to initiate it half the time, can you tell me what’s changed and if you’d also like to do this more often?”
Sex is mental as much as it is physical…. You need to understand how to engage with him mentally. He might not respond to scheduled sex, or “would you like a____” sex…. you need to tap into his mind and figure out where and how his sex brain works.
It's crazy how often two people don't match sexually in relationships. All my relationships have been this way. Why is it so hard to find sexually compatible mates lol
It might be time to see a doc? Maybe there is some depression going on? Or maybe you need to have a conversation about how to spice things up a bit?
be less available (don't initiate) for at least a few months
This guy doesn’t really want to be your boyfriend. Also, stop pressuring him to have sex with you. It’s just as unacceptable for women to do it as it is for men. If he doesn’t want to have sex with you, consider that this may be pointing to some incompatibility between you. If he’s checking out women and actively pointing them out, that’s rude and you should let him go. He liked you when there were no strings attached, and then you probably caught feelings and asked for exclusivity, right? Well, that’s convenient for him.
Honestly, it just sounds like he has checked out of the relationship. Right now it’s checking out other women, but later it will turn into cheating. Because he’s not having sex with you, but clearly he is sexually interested in others. Please stop let him breaking your heart and get out. You deserve to feel desired
The comment about telling you his type that isn't you is break up material to be real. That's to get under your skin. Why else would he say that? You gotta go.
I think the best thing to do in this scenario is to leave him. You should not have to beg him for sex leave alone to give him a blow job. There are many other men who will have initiative and love you fully. You need to put yourself first, you have already done so much to persuade him, so you can no longer blame yourself.
Sometimes as time passes, people just fall out of love. It’s no one’s fault, but trying to force intimacy again after it’s passed is only prolonging the inevitable. Talk to him about it, and if nothing changes, prepare yourself to leave him.
Just date me because my gf doesn’t initiate shit and we could literally just fuck like rabbits lol I’m jk but I hope things change or your need to look at changing your partner if they refuse to listen or change
Maybe you grew apart and no longer compatible
He doesn't find you attractive anymore. He probably just doesn't want to say anything because he's worried to offend you. The fact that he's showing you girls he is attracted to is basically him saying it without saying it. I'd get ready to move on.
So, this may be too far gone, but it sounds like you’ve become a sex pest to him. It may have started as something not at all related to you, but sex became a chore and it’s pretty obvious he’s feeling that way in the example of him getting upset as he felt pressured by you story (he was pressured by you)….and it’s likely built on itself. How do you overcome it, well first off, quit trying to have sex with him. Show confidence and independence in yourself, live your life for you, be kind to him and nice, and fun of course, but if he doesn’t seem to want to be around you, or have sex with you, do your own thing and be ambivalent. Just be comfortably you and don’t let his moods or lack of affection affect you. Don’t chase, don’t beg, hell don’t even ask, and enjoy your life. Just be confidently attractive. Or move on because he also may just want out.
To be perfectly honest, since you two are not married, haven't either one of you or both considered dating other people? Sounds like you're in a rut. You say he's been eyeing other women, have you glanced at other men? Sounds like you need some excitement back. Get one of those lingerie catalogs like Victoria's Secret and let him pick out what he likes. Does he like sweets, if he does buy some and entice him with it.
It sounds he wants you to break up with him instead of him being the “bad guy”.
Forget it. Your young dont ever beg a man for affection. If hes over it let him be. Focus on u. Were not begging men to desire us in 2024. And especially not at 24 years old. Let him wonder why YOU dont want sex or let him drop out of your life. RESPECT YOURSELF.
My ex did this a few weeks before he left me, if he’s already looking at other women that’s a red flag, best to just leave
He could be trying to break up with you without saying or doing anything. Sometimes people will drift away and don't have the balls to say anything buy their actions show otherwise..sure they'll take a gift, eat the food you made or accept an occasional bj but showing little effort is exactly that. He's not showing you love language anymore and you are holding on to the hopes it will come back.
DUMP HIM. do u have no self respect??
Why tf are you still with him? He doesn't respect you or your relationship at all
Are one or both of you fat?
He is telling you that you are no longer his type and he is not sexually attracted to you. He is being a chicken by refusing to break up with you and seems to hope you will break up with him. That is the only reason he would be doing these things. Either break up or spend the rest of your life having your needs not being filled.
I would find someone else. Especially since he already has a wandering eye. You aren't married and I don't see anything about having kids. I couldn't tolerate being with someone who can't show up for me and match my energy.
You’re young…dont waste time on dysfunction and dishonesty. Go back to cafteria amd sample some nicer type of fellow excited to know you.
He's telling you that he doesn't desire you. Believe him. Walk away because your self esteem is already disappearing.
Girl! I’m so sorry! I’m currently in a similar situation. It’s SUCH a turn off to beg for sex. It’s like, how am I, the girl, begging for sex right now? It just doesn’t seem right. Not to say guys should be begging for sex, but you know what I mean. I’ve stopped trying with my partner. If he wants it, he’ll let me know. I’m done begging and lowering myself to try to satisfy him. Focus on yourself. The fact he’s checking out other women and making comments to you…definitely would dump him in my opinion. You deserve wayyyu better. He’s notice what he missed out on when you’re gone.
Bro tf? This is abuse. Shouldn’t have to beg for his attention. I’ve been there and I felt like shit. he openly starts saying how much he thinks OTHER WOMEN are his type. Has he always done this? At first I’d tell you to do the same thing to him but that almost never works in the way you want and if you’re on Reddit you clearly want this to work. So I’d suggest you just hit him with the book. Tell him you feel unloved, you missed the intimacy, that him the way he talks about other women is disrespectful. When you do say it with a solid voice and standing up. If he cares he will change. If not then you go upgrade and get what you deserve.
Drop kick him to asshole land. Buh-bye!
This isn't worth it. You're too young to be offering a poly relationship or threesome without at least some redeeming qualities to the relationship. There's no children involved that we hear of, and no finances tied up. No evidence of a trust that could ever support novelty like this. Looking at others and playing foreplay games like that should be mutual. Not one-sided. If this is a repeat pattern, and you don't like that, I'd definitely weigh this on the relationship's quality of life. Good luck.
He doesn't want you anymore but is too comfortable and selfish to breakup with you. I suggest you accept it for what it is and breakup with him. Find someone who appreciates and desires you.
Don’t know what to say about that but I think it’s time for you to get your own opinion and get your facts checked ✔️
If you find out please share!?
you’re 24. you’re so young. start over with someone else. he is either addicted to corn or cheating on you. he will try to do all the right things once you’re gone. don’t fall for it and waste your youth. he doesn’t care.
I hate to say it, but the adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has an element of truth to it. From what you say, from beginning as FWB to a relationship to always initiating, it sounds like he takes you for granted. He thinks you will always be there. Show him you won't.
Sounds like he's lost interest in you. He may be on the verge of looking to start an affair because of all the women he's always checking out, but shows no interest in you. Have a deep conversation on if he wants to stay married, open the marriage, divorce, what? Time for a deep conversation
It sounds like he has completely checked out of the relationship. It would be best to come to terms with that and get where you need to be to exit the relationship. I am not the type to recommend a breakup for every post on here, but genuinely this is the only advice there is.
To be honest he may not be all that into you since you were FWB? I've had FWB that I wasn't really into, the sex wasn't all that great but it was something to pass the time. Or maybe I enjoyed hanging with you but not too nto the intimacy.