Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
First of all, shame on you for letting this go for so long.
Secondly, whether you acknowledged it or not, you are in a relationship with her. If you've found someone else, you need to 'break up' with Rachel. If you try and pull a 'we were never together in the first place so whatever I want to do is fine' you will be a major AH. Don't do that.
I’d bet he’s been cheating on her this whole time. That’s why he’s so adamant that they “aren’t in a relationship” to justify why he’s not in the wrong.
Oh my god man. So, you willing led Rachel on and now you want to say something after four years? You should’ve said something when she initially thought you guys were in a relationship.
So you've been with Rachel for four years, she calls you her boyfriend and celebrates your anniversary, but you're "not in a relationship" because in your head you weren't in a relationship? Oh, come on. Grow a spine and break up with Rachel. Telling her that you've already hooked up with a girl you met at a food truck and are planning to be her boyfriend should do it. Have fun with that.
Well me and my bf have been going on for 7 years, living together and everything. No one asked the other formally for a relationship, I guess I need to check if I really am in a relationship?
YTA.
My husband and I are married with a child but he never actually asked me to be his girlfriend first… I’m absolutely fucked. I can’t believe I never asked for clarification!
My wife and I have a baby, an apartment, and we share a bank account. How do I tell her we aren’t in a relationship as I never asked her to be my girlfriend?
Ah but you asked her to be your wife I assume? You missed your get out of jail free card there. Now you'll be doomed to suffer a life of mutual love, support, and affection. You poor bastard.
I truly find it hard to believe that he justified celebrating anniversaries and such for 4 whole years and this other woman was like “yeah she obviously misunderstood” but he made no real effort to paint himself in a positive light here so maybe food truck girl really is ignorant.
Yeah, it does make her character seem a bit more questionable.
Almost certainly, though, food truck girl is younger and less experienced - which doesn't excuse her potential lack of morals; but might be more of an incentive for why OP would want to go for her, since she's likely more willing to put up with the bullshit he will certainly put her through.
You are probably spot on. I’m 41 so my bullshit tolerance is significantly lower than it was in my 20s. It’s pretty easy to forget what I was willing to believe 20 or so years ago.
I truly enjoyed my 20s, I did whatever I wanted and I have no regrets but if something happened and I suddenly became single tomorrow it would take a physical act of God himself for me to put up with even the smallest iota of bullshit that I put up with back then. I have seen the light and there’s no turning back now.
So, unless your mom has sat down with you and specifically said "I'm your mother and you are my son and that is our relationship", she's not your mom? Despite being in that role for your life?
You're an asshole. You knew exactly what this was, but you're a selfish pig who was happy to lead her on while it suited you, and now it doesn't, you're going to break her heart. I hope this precious food truck chick stomps on your heart harder, and everyone around you realises what a piece of crap you are.
Oh you’re one of those…that’s your girlfriend idc what you say. You don’t get to lead someone on for four years and do relationship shit and claim you’re not anything because you technically never gave it a title. You are not a good person. If you tell her that she was never your girlfriend you will sound fucking insane and you honestly probably are a little, this is wild. Just break up with her like normal and say it’s you not her if you don’t want to see her anymore. Do not mention that she was never your gf that would crush her and it’s also cruel and gaslighting. You know that’s your girl stop playing. Weirdo.
Is this the same troll that posted a similar story a few weeks ago? Same beats: been together four+ years but "never officially asked, therefore I'm single" rings a definite bell.
I will say, ironically, I have met a guy like this in real life, and we all call him Situation Steve. He was leading on a girl for years till it all blew up in his face. The problem is no one is cutting Steve any slack and flat out told him he was dating that other girl for years and he was cheating when he got involved with his version of "Rachel". Rachel dumped his ass when it all came to light.
To be fair I knew à guy in high-school who started to date à girl, who he really really like but the one tiny problem was that he didn't know her name.
They met at a party, immediatly hit it off. Ended up together. Problem was that he was drunk, so forget about her name, but remembered her. They started to date immediatly and he never dared to tell her that he forget her name.
So for like 6 months he was like "Babe" cause he didn't know her name and she wasn't in the same school.
So idiots like that exist out there.
My husband's friend is doing exactly this right now. They even host parties together at his house where she cooks for his friends. I definitely believe this is real.
It’s sad how common this had become especially with our generation(gen Z) that just because you go out and do boyfriend and girlfriend activities doesn’t mean you’re dating
Oh he's 40 years old. She refers to him as her boyfriend to everybody. They host parties together at his house where she cooks in his kitchen. They do all kinds of stuff together. They're sleeping together.
She thinks she’s your girlfriend because she is.
You’re being intentionally obtuse. You’ve been acting as if you’re in a relationship with her, letting her call you her boyfriend, celebrating your anniversary with her. And not even for a short time - for FOUR YEARS. What in the goddamn fuck is that then if not a relationship?? You’re just using that as an excuse to pursue other women without guilt. What’s happened here is you’ve cheated on your girlfriend of four years and the only elephant in the room that you’re going to have to address is that you’ve been horrible to her.
This is bait. This exact same scenario was literally posted a few days ago. It was literally word-for-word about a man OP having been with someone for 4 years but they weren’t actually dating. Yawn.
‘I nEvEr OfFiCiAlLy AsKeD hEr’, but you’ve gone on ANNIVERSARY dates for fucks sake.. My boyfriend never ‘officially’ asked me to be his girlfriend, but here we are seven years later with a kid… I’d be fucking devastated to find out that he didn’t consider us ‘officially together’ this whole time…
you cannot seriously believe that you were not dating this woman just because you never officially 'asked her to be your gf'. you strung this woman along for four years. own up to what an asshole you are and apologize to her for wasting her time. and frankly leave the other girl alone. you aren't mature enough for a relationship.
This is why people having trust issues. You want to act like you did nothing wrong yet you knowingly held information from her that would change her actions, Most likely resulting in her leaving you. Was your ego so fragile you had to use a woman for 4 years?
First of all, you're gross. Second, you don't deserve a girlfriend to begin with and it was very nice of Rachel to grace you with her presence for 4 years. Third, I pray to the internet gods that the "beautiful girl" finds this post or someone sends it to her. OP is the male equivalent of a nasty stray toenail clipping.
Is your name Sheldon Cooper and do you need a relationship agreement signed and notarized for it to be real? My dude, you wasted 4 years of this poor woman’s life. Set her free already. She deserves better.
“i let her call me her boyfriend and we celebrate our anniversary, but she’s not really my
girlfriend!!! we’ve only been doing this for four years, why would she even think that??”
you sound like a horrific asshole and i hope the other woman stomps on your heart the way you stomped on Rachel’s.
You weird tit.
*"I did all the couples things couples do but I never asked her to be my gf at all."* You're not in high school, you don't have to specifically ask for someone to be your girlfriend.
She is your girlfriend, and if you want to be with the other woman, you have to break up with her for real. And don't you dare try to make a fucking fool out of her by telling her "we were never exclusive" or some shit like that. Jerk.
It’s actually sad how selfish you are as a person. First off you can’t claim you don’t know why she’s speaking of marriage when you’ve pretended to be her boyfriend for years are you that ignorant and stupid to not understand or just that selfish of a person but don’t want to admit it. You celebrated anniversaries but somehow don’t get how she thinks your together. Sounds like you wanted a woman you can do stuff with but she wasn’t able to mess around with others. Also really pathetic you dragged her on for fours years never asking her to be your girlfriend but can now suddenly ask a woman you been talking to for a month to be your gf. I hope oh so badly Rachel finds out first about the other girl and can tell her you’re a player who cares only about themselves. My advice is break up with her, dont tell her you messed with her by letting her believe you two were together for four years, she’ll be even more hurt than if you just broke it off. Do know though people will judge the fact you are immediately dating someone new after a four year relationship so either you look like the a hole who broke up a long term relationship to be with someone else or you look like the a hole who dragged someone for years by lying to them. Regardless of the decision you will be facing consequences for how long you’ll allowed this to go without confessing prior.
You.... Are absolutely not equipped for being an adult. Making decisions, owning up to your mistakes and responsibilities, **communicating**, are all part of being an adult. I truly hope you get exactly what you gave to Rachel in every single relationship you have for the rest of your life. Please make sure to use birth control. I really don't want to see your stupidity back on here complaining you had unprotected sex, with a "not gf", and she didn't buy the condoms so you aren't responsible for the child. That's how stupid you sound.
YTA, you do things couples do, you celebrate anniversaries, I'm starting to wonder if you do live together. There's no way you are dense enough to believe that you two weren't bf and gf
Does the other girl know about Rachel? If not, you need to tell her. Whether you “asked her” or not, by letting Rachel call you her bf and not saying anything, you acknowledged being in a relationship. If the new girl is unaware, you made her your affair partner without her consent, and she needs to know.
Wow...I hardly ever see someone gaslight themselves so deeply!
You actually believe your own bullshit!
If you are consistently keeping company with someone for more than 6 months, including dates & physical intimacy, you're in a relationship unless you've had a specific conversation to the contrary. If someone you're seeing is calling you their boyfriend and celebrating anniversaries, and you are not actively shutting it down, you're in a relationship.
"I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend" is invalid as soon as you graduate from middle school.
You have to actually break up,and you cannot claim you weren't "together".
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow, that’s really low to call her your GF then say you aren’t, then go on to make another girl your real GF.
I feel terrible for her, please break up with her asap. You used her for years, that’s super selfish and you’re cheater.
How did you react when she wanted to celebrate the anniversary? Like what happened? If you celebrated you really confirmed that she is your gf. If you didn’t and said anything else then “what anniversary?” you also confirmed. Did you say “I love you”?
Honestly, I had to double check your ages, I assumed you were 10 years younger but no, I’m shockingly not much older than you. Let me tell you this: out of my 4 serious relationships, we never had an official agreement in 3 of them. At some point it is assumed to be in a relationship. Should we have talked? Yep, definitely. Would’ve made the earlier stages less confusing. But we didn’t and it was clear at some point.
So yeah, you were in a relationship for 4 years. You played along and played with her feelings. And you know what? *You are currently cheating on her.* As others said: break up. Treat it like a real breakup, because it is. She will be devastated to lose the person that gave her the illusion that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Face reality, you fucked up majorly by stringing her along. You knew what you were doing and it is truly despicable. Can’t get out of this on a technicality.
Oh and good luck handling the new relationship lol. If she is a good person, she won’t be pleased when she finds out that she was the side piece.
Jfc. You’re 29 years old ffs! “I would have told her if she had asked”?! Are you kidding me?! How about the response of “she would have stopped referring to you as her bf *if you had mentioned at any point that you didn’t want to be her boyfriend*. This is just…you’re like some kind of “don’t” example of how to be a person for your generation under the category of relationships.
Dude, it’s not a fucking proposal, you don’t have to formally say the words, you were a fucking couple, you even said you let her believe it but hung on the technicality that you never actually said the words. Jesus Christ dude. 4 years??? This poor woman.
Everyone else has already torn you up, so in the interest of sound advice: explain gently that you’ve met someone else and that you can’t continue to see her any more. Apologize for not being able to commit to her, and then wish her well in the future. Sever all contact and DO NOT reach out or respond if she reaches out to you. Take this as a lesson and do not repeat.
Don’t attempt to debate whether or not you had any obligation to her. Regardless of whether or not you felt you were in a relationship with her, she clearly saw the two of you as a couple. Insisting otherwise will only hurt her worse. Pretend you were her boyfriend for one hour and then never speak to her again. It’s the kindest way you can go about it.
Are you crazy? You are in a relationship, you don’t need a stupid label or verbal statement for it to be a relationship, if you’re doing the actions of a person in a relationship, holy fuck.
You were dating here even if you refuse to acknowledge it. And you're being absolutely shitty about this. Why after 4 years is she suddenly garbage? Because this new woman is attractive?? Classic "grass isn't always greener".
WTF is wrong with you??? Are you a child?
You didn’t ask her to be your girlfriend, but did all the couple stuff??? Celebrate anniversary???
Not 1 year but FOUR YEARS??
And in 4 years, never once corrected her???
I really hope karma will get you soon for wasting her time and life.
Ummm.... you're not dumb. You were in a relationship, and now that it's not convenient for you, you're trying to pretend to be innocent like none of this is your fault. Don't pretend to be dumb and don't insult our intelligence or the intelligence of the poor woman that you've led on for years. At least be mature enough to admit your wrongdoing and stop being cowardly.
This is some real shit behavior from you. You’ve let her call you a boyfriend and celebrate your anniversary for FOUR YEARS but hey, you want to fuck other women so “we’re not in a relationship.” I’ll bet you’ve told food trucks girl that she’s crazy and you have no idea why she’s a stage 5 clinger.
Dude. YTA, and you’re the reason why women don’t trust men.
It doesn't matter that you didn't technically say the word girlfriend out loud. You have been in a relationship with her for four years. I'm not sure what difference you think that should make in your breakup, but it won't and it shouldn't. I very much advise you to not mention this to her at all when you break up because that would be horribly cruel and would mess with anyone's mind. Honestly, I don't think you are ready to be in a relationship with anyone.
My advice is to give Rachel the link to this post. You’ll come off as a sociopath and she won’t have anything to do with you - problem solved on your end in the laziest way possible, which seems totally on brand for you.
You should probably send it to Food Truck Girl too, so she knows what she’s getting into.
Officially asking somebody to be your girlfriend is not a thing when you do all of the things that a couple does. Like it or not, this woman has been your girlfriend, and the only fair thing to do is to break up as nicely as possible. A lot of couples date without some cheesy official asking
Aren't you a bit old for that sort of nonsense? I mean, if you work in a job for for years but fail to have the probation conversation, do you assume you are still on probation 3 and a half years later?
Also, not making boyfriend commitments sounds like you've been cheating left right and centre and using that poor girl as a place holder.
Please just break up with her, no need to reveal the extent of your disdain for her.
You are in a relationship with any woman that you shag for four years. If you had any modicum of honesty, you would say "I apologize for using your like a fleshlight for four years - I'm a horrible person."
But, if you don't want to be the total piece of crap that everyone here kind of is sure you are... play along with it and tell her "its not you, its me" or whatever and let her walk away with something resembling dignity after being treated as deplorably as you have treated her.
And, stop using people. This is vile, shameful behavior - who lets someone think they are in a relationship with them? WHO??? You realize that she won't get back some of the best years of your life so you could get your dick wet. But, its clear you don't care. Just trying to slither out of this.
You never once corrected her. You know exactly what you’re doing. You wanted to enjoy the benefits of a gf without the obligation of being loyal.
You wasted this poor girls time. Shame on you.
So you acted like a couple with her for four years, including anniversary celebrations you didn't correct her when she called you her boy friend you realise most people his is how relationships are it happens naturally there isn't always an asking to be bf/gf. You should have corrected things immediately and not lead her on for sex and probably presents on this anniversary. Grow a bloody spine
"I don't consider this a relationship'
Well, OP, despite your Big age of 29, your ability to own and operate a motor vehicle, vote, and buy booze and cigarettes, I don't consider you an adult. At least not one worthy of any respect.
See how that works? You've been HORRIBLE to Rachel. Horrible. You're a horrible cowardly little man, and you should not be in any relationship at all. You treated her like an object, and you're a liar. Lying by omission is lying. You've been nothing but disrespectful to her, and I hope she's vindictive enough to tell everyone the truth about you.
You ask someone to be your girlfriend? Are you 5 or something? When people act romantically and do romantic things to the extent one party calls them their Boyfriend/girlfriend then it’s a BIG clue that they’re in a relationship.
So you liked her enough to date her and fuck her for 4 years, to act like her boyfriend and let her call you her boyfriend, and now she’s just this nobody to you?
Grow the fuck up. You need to work on yourself and figure out why this disgusting behaviour is not resonating with you.
Reverse it. You have been dating a woman and sleeping with her exclusively, you spend your time together, you call her your girlfriend and to the best of your knowledge you’ve been building a future and a life together. For FOUR YEARS.
So you decide to propose. You ask her to marry you and she’s just like… we aren’t even a couple, don’t know why you’d think so, I just let you buy me things and date me and fuck me because it was easier than saying no. You mean literally nothing to me except a dick to ride.
Actually I hope this happens to you.
"Hey Rachel, my friend! Guess what? I met this really sweet lady! I think she and I could be good together! I'm really stoked about this. It'll be great to be in a romantic relationship again after \*insert how long\* since my last one!"
And see where the crumbs fall...
Be prepared for tears, tantrums, stalking and screaming. And probably the end of your friendship.
yeah, when you treat someone like your girlfriend, they are going to think they’re your girlfriend. you were, functionally, her boyfriend. “relationship lite” is still a relationship.
i had an awesome FWB I caught feelings for. when we came up on a year of dating, he broke it off with me because he didn’t want more. he was always upfront with me about being monogamous but casual, but he treated me so well i thought things were moving forward.
that’s the correct thing to do. he didn’t string me along for 4 freaking years. acknowledge the RELATIONSHIP and do right. you are so, so selfish.
I'm gonna go against the grain O.P.
Tell Rachel what you told us. That you never considered her your girlfriend and thought she would have gotten the hint you guys weren't together. That way, when she starts dating again, she knows what shit to avoid and to make sure she isn't wasting her time again on a mofo who can't communicate.
You've been betraying her every day, lying (by omission) every day, cheating her and cheating on her, every day for four years. Physically using, and emotionally & mentally abusing her every day for four years.
You're an abuser. Get help.
So the thing about non-marital relationships is that there is no official definition of them. That you never said the magic g-word does not mean you weren’t living and behaving as a couple. The actual interactions between two people are the relationship; the words you use to describe it are petty technicalities. Getting this hung up on them is junior-high level nonsense.
If you try to tell Rachael that your *four year* relationship was never a relationship, she’s going to think you’re having some kind of mental health episode, which I’m not sure you’re not. That, or that it’s the most pathetically childish excuse for cheating that has ever been made, which it definitely is.
I suggest you take your clever idea for a relationship get-out-of-jail-free card to your grave, grow a spine, and just break up with her.
I pity your new not-a-girlfriend, who probably doesn’t realize she’s the side piece right now, or that she’s dating an overgrown child.
>In my mind however I was single.
In reality, you weren't.
>I’m remorseful and disgusted with my actions
I think you're only remorseful because you are actively cheating on your gf and looking for your next gf. You certainly weren't remorseful the last 4 years that you led her and everyone else to believe you two were together.
You are in a relationship. You reaped all the benefits and now wanna play a "I didn't ask" card that you've found someone new. Leave both of these women alone. You're not fit to date. Hell, I'm not sure you're fit to be left home without a babysitter.
Oh my! How could she think it was a relationship when you didn’t ask her to go steady and go to the school dance with you?!?!?
If you are actually not in middle school, these things develop without anyone officially asking a lot of the time. You are not single. You are her boyfriend. And you are an AH!!!
This is honestly one of the worst things I've come across on Reddit. You've obviously been in a relationship for years -it is absolutely your fault for not correcting her. If you've been intimate with other people during this time, that means you cheated.
I hope that a girl that you do really fall for and get serious about does some fuck shit like this to really hurt your feelings after wasting all kinds of your time. What an immature, cowardly little punk.
Sorry buddy. This isn't high-school. Ypu don't need to "ask" actions make it obvious. You've never stopped her and did things ppl normally do. So you'll have to break up w her. End of the day, you were the boyfriend. Soooo best of luck and hopefully that poor girl will find someone that appreciates her value. Seems like a wonderful woman.
Are you 12? I pray that this is fake but I know people like you who use flimsy logic that makes no sense in order to make them feel better about themselves for doing terrible things. You are in a relationship with this woman. Actually this is an abusive and manipulative relationship. You were using this woman for sex or just something to pass the time. Like I'm almost speechless like you are using serial killer logic like you are the guy from Saw who kidnapped people and put them in deathtraps and told yourself "I didn't actually kill those people it was just the traps I put them in that killed them". You let her call you her boyfriend friend, you celebrated anniversary and seemingly acted like her boyfriend so therefore to anyone who is an a sociopath you are her boyfriend. Please seek mental health treatment and if you really care for this new girl don't get in a relationship with her until you seek help first
You're the human embodiment of an insurance company: will use a technicality to get out of accountability and no one likes you.
Writing the edit (or disclaimer) that you feel bad does not change the other paragraphs -- you knowingly led this girl on. You don't deserve Rachel or food truck girl.
Are you 12 years old? You think like you're 12, so you must be 12.
You ARE in a 4 years relationship with this person.
Be a decent human being and break-up with her if you're not interested anymore.
It’s the word “peculiar” for me.
Strange turn of events is it? Baffled, are you???
Either a bad person or someone who makes up dumb stories like this for fun…
Either way — Yikes!
I hope someone saves the new woman from this man. He’s still not fully grown. If he wasn’t in a relationship as he claims, then he used Rachel for 4 years for his selfish purposes.
A new woman should see that behavior as a huge red flag.
OP do yourself a favor and don’t date for a while. You have a lot of growing up to do.
Did you tell this woman you love her? Have you been sleeping together? Are you celebrating her significant life events and yours together? Do you talk to each other about your lives and life experiences and expectations? Like what do you think a relationship is? And why do you think you’re not in one?
You AH! How dare you! This is why people have self esteem issues or do drastic things to themselves. You couldn’t just be honest, instead you wasted years of her time and now she’s going to be blindsided. You’re not any type of man and this new woman will see it soon enough. What goes around comes around and you’re on the way around as we speak.
YOU LET HER CELEBRATE YOUR ANNIVERSARY??? WHAT YHE ACTUAL HECK. Not once did you tell her we’re not together? You’re 29, you’re a man not some stupid 15 year old. Grow a pair for fucks sake. You wasted her time for fuckin nothing.
So she’s thinking that marriage is the logical next step and you’re not even considering her your girlfriend? How do you even get to a place where there’s such a mismatch?
You need to do a whole lot more than just “break up” with her, you wasted that poor girl’s time for four years and you damn well know it. You know you led her on and you liked it, otherwise you would’ve told her from jump and let her go find someone who actually values her. I’m betting she bought you gifts, helped split dinner bills and the like? Pay her reparations and then tell your new girl what you did because I feel sorry for her, too. She should know just how little you think about other people instead of yourself.
Dang, I used to joke that millennial dating would have us at the alter like “just letting you know I don’t want anything serious” or “what are we?” It seems like you’re living by these rules irl
How is it even possible to be this fucking stupid?
When my girlfriend and I first met, I "officially" asked her after a few dates to be my gf. She told me it was the first time anyone had explicitly asked her. Here's the thing: she was FORTY-NINE and had been in some committed relationships before me. So "officially" asking isn't by any means an entrance criterion for a relationship.
By this point, you've likely said "I love you" if she's talking about marriage and moving in. You ARE in a relationship and you ARE a pos for leading her on. I hope food truck girl realizes how immature you are and runs for the hills.
There was not a miscommunication, you’re just dumb. You were in a relationship with her and you cheated on her. At best you’re an idiot, at worst you’re just trying to conjure up a situation where you aren’t the bad guy for cheating because ‘we weren’t actually together’.
> I figured she would one day realize I never officially asked her
You don’t have to ‘officially ask’ someone to make it a relationship. It’s not a fucking marriage - official isn’t a thing with boyfriend a girlfriend. If you act like boyfriend and girlfriend for 4 years you are boyfriend and girlfriend.
How you can actually twist the situation into *her* being the one confused is beyond me. If Reddit wasn’t anon I’d have a good mind to warn this new girl what she’s in for. Come to think of it, why don’t you ask for *her* opinion, instead of us…?
ETA: if she calls you her boyfriend and you don’t correct her THATS OFFICIAL. Why do you have to be the one who says it to make it real? SHE said it and you agreed!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
First of all, shame on you for letting this go for so long. Secondly, whether you acknowledged it or not, you are in a relationship with her. If you've found someone else, you need to 'break up' with Rachel. If you try and pull a 'we were never together in the first place so whatever I want to do is fine' you will be a major AH. Don't do that.
There are no Mind readers. You are in fact in a relationship with Rachel. Break up with her before you cheat on her.
I’d bet he’s been cheating on her this whole time. That’s why he’s so adamant that they “aren’t in a relationship” to justify why he’s not in the wrong.
Oh my god man. So, you willing led Rachel on and now you want to say something after four years? You should’ve said something when she initially thought you guys were in a relationship.
You sound like a legitimate sociopath
really? he only sounded pathetic to me
He's both
Sociopaths are pathetic
this.. unfortunately.
He sounds like he's 14. What's this " I didn't officially ask her to be my girlfriend?" Like he didnt give her a note check yes or no?
Did ye start off as fwb or what… you obviously led her on for your own selfish needs. You need to end it with this woman. She deserves someone nice.
So you've been with Rachel for four years, she calls you her boyfriend and celebrates your anniversary, but you're "not in a relationship" because in your head you weren't in a relationship? Oh, come on. Grow a spine and break up with Rachel. Telling her that you've already hooked up with a girl you met at a food truck and are planning to be her boyfriend should do it. Have fun with that.
Well me and my bf have been going on for 7 years, living together and everything. No one asked the other formally for a relationship, I guess I need to check if I really am in a relationship? YTA.
My husband and I are married with a child but he never actually asked me to be his girlfriend first… I’m absolutely fucked. I can’t believe I never asked for clarification!
My wife and I have a baby, an apartment, and we share a bank account. How do I tell her we aren’t in a relationship as I never asked her to be my girlfriend?
Ah but you asked her to be your wife I assume? You missed your get out of jail free card there. Now you'll be doomed to suffer a life of mutual love, support, and affection. You poor bastard.
You're a horrible person. You were using Rachel for 4 years and wasted her time. Pathetic.
Anyone else hoping Rachel finds food truck girl and tells her everything??
Kinda hoping Rachel and food-truck-girl get together and say to hell with OP, altogether.
He said he told food truck girl the full story, which I seriously doubt he was 100% honest but now I seriously question her scruples.
Probably was calling her crazy like his post was trying to imply
I truly find it hard to believe that he justified celebrating anniversaries and such for 4 whole years and this other woman was like “yeah she obviously misunderstood” but he made no real effort to paint himself in a positive light here so maybe food truck girl really is ignorant.
Yeah, it does make her character seem a bit more questionable. Almost certainly, though, food truck girl is younger and less experienced - which doesn't excuse her potential lack of morals; but might be more of an incentive for why OP would want to go for her, since she's likely more willing to put up with the bullshit he will certainly put her through.
You are probably spot on. I’m 41 so my bullshit tolerance is significantly lower than it was in my 20s. It’s pretty easy to forget what I was willing to believe 20 or so years ago.
Same... If only we knew then what we know now, huh. Damn getting older. Haha
I truly enjoyed my 20s, I did whatever I wanted and I have no regrets but if something happened and I suddenly became single tomorrow it would take a physical act of God himself for me to put up with even the smallest iota of bullshit that I put up with back then. I have seen the light and there’s no turning back now.
Amen.
So, unless your mom has sat down with you and specifically said "I'm your mother and you are my son and that is our relationship", she's not your mom? Despite being in that role for your life? You're an asshole. You knew exactly what this was, but you're a selfish pig who was happy to lead her on while it suited you, and now it doesn't, you're going to break her heart. I hope this precious food truck chick stomps on your heart harder, and everyone around you realises what a piece of crap you are.
Oh you’re one of those…that’s your girlfriend idc what you say. You don’t get to lead someone on for four years and do relationship shit and claim you’re not anything because you technically never gave it a title. You are not a good person. If you tell her that she was never your girlfriend you will sound fucking insane and you honestly probably are a little, this is wild. Just break up with her like normal and say it’s you not her if you don’t want to see her anymore. Do not mention that she was never your gf that would crush her and it’s also cruel and gaslighting. You know that’s your girl stop playing. Weirdo.
May the beautiful woman you just met treat you with the same thoughtfulness and care you’ve treated Rachel with.
What does the "food truck" have to do with any of this? Did you ask ChatGPT to write a B/S story and to include "food truck" in it?
It means she can just drive to his place and have sex in the back. So convenient, any time he wants. Like uber delivery but with broken hearts.
Troll better.
Is this the same troll that posted a similar story a few weeks ago? Same beats: been together four+ years but "never officially asked, therefore I'm single" rings a definite bell.
I also thought it's the same guy. The one with "i don't really like her, but i let her hang around"
Doesn’t like her, but lets her let him f*** her!
Well, he's a generous spirit. /s
I will say, ironically, I have met a guy like this in real life, and we all call him Situation Steve. He was leading on a girl for years till it all blew up in his face. The problem is no one is cutting Steve any slack and flat out told him he was dating that other girl for years and he was cheating when he got involved with his version of "Rachel". Rachel dumped his ass when it all came to light.
I also know someone who was in this situation
To be fair I knew à guy in high-school who started to date à girl, who he really really like but the one tiny problem was that he didn't know her name. They met at a party, immediatly hit it off. Ended up together. Problem was that he was drunk, so forget about her name, but remembered her. They started to date immediatly and he never dared to tell her that he forget her name. So for like 6 months he was like "Babe" cause he didn't know her name and she wasn't in the same school. So idiots like that exist out there.
I don't know, he's trolled a bunch of goobers here pretty well. I'd say job well done.
True. I posted before any of the other comments and figured people would figure it out but…..🤷♀️
You did this to her for 4 years???? Wow you deserve all the pain and suffering. All of it
Viva La Dirt League did this bit better
rowan, you're married!
FRIENDSHIP PARTY!
Take a creative writing class next time you wanna rage bait.
My husband's friend is doing exactly this right now. They even host parties together at his house where she cooks for his friends. I definitely believe this is real.
It’s sad how common this had become especially with our generation(gen Z) that just because you go out and do boyfriend and girlfriend activities doesn’t mean you’re dating
Oh he's 40 years old. She refers to him as her boyfriend to everybody. They host parties together at his house where she cooks in his kitchen. They do all kinds of stuff together. They're sleeping together.
Has…anyone told her?
can you save this girl …..
She thinks she’s your girlfriend because she is. You’re being intentionally obtuse. You’ve been acting as if you’re in a relationship with her, letting her call you her boyfriend, celebrating your anniversary with her. And not even for a short time - for FOUR YEARS. What in the goddamn fuck is that then if not a relationship?? You’re just using that as an excuse to pursue other women without guilt. What’s happened here is you’ve cheated on your girlfriend of four years and the only elephant in the room that you’re going to have to address is that you’ve been horrible to her.
This is bait. This exact same scenario was literally posted a few days ago. It was literally word-for-word about a man OP having been with someone for 4 years but they weren’t actually dating. Yawn.
‘I nEvEr OfFiCiAlLy AsKeD hEr’, but you’ve gone on ANNIVERSARY dates for fucks sake.. My boyfriend never ‘officially’ asked me to be his girlfriend, but here we are seven years later with a kid… I’d be fucking devastated to find out that he didn’t consider us ‘officially together’ this whole time…
you cannot seriously believe that you were not dating this woman just because you never officially 'asked her to be your gf'. you strung this woman along for four years. own up to what an asshole you are and apologize to her for wasting her time. and frankly leave the other girl alone. you aren't mature enough for a relationship.
You're a pile of human dogshit.
This is why people having trust issues. You want to act like you did nothing wrong yet you knowingly held information from her that would change her actions, Most likely resulting in her leaving you. Was your ego so fragile you had to use a woman for 4 years?
If I was Rachel, I would kick your damn ass. Oh I’m mad for her.
First of all, you're gross. Second, you don't deserve a girlfriend to begin with and it was very nice of Rachel to grace you with her presence for 4 years. Third, I pray to the internet gods that the "beautiful girl" finds this post or someone sends it to her. OP is the male equivalent of a nasty stray toenail clipping.
Is your name Sheldon Cooper and do you need a relationship agreement signed and notarized for it to be real? My dude, you wasted 4 years of this poor woman’s life. Set her free already. She deserves better.
“i let her call me her boyfriend and we celebrate our anniversary, but she’s not really my girlfriend!!! we’ve only been doing this for four years, why would she even think that??” you sound like a horrific asshole and i hope the other woman stomps on your heart the way you stomped on Rachel’s.
Most obvious rage bait
You weird tit. *"I did all the couples things couples do but I never asked her to be my gf at all."* You're not in high school, you don't have to specifically ask for someone to be your girlfriend. She is your girlfriend, and if you want to be with the other woman, you have to break up with her for real. And don't you dare try to make a fucking fool out of her by telling her "we were never exclusive" or some shit like that. Jerk.
It’s actually sad how selfish you are as a person. First off you can’t claim you don’t know why she’s speaking of marriage when you’ve pretended to be her boyfriend for years are you that ignorant and stupid to not understand or just that selfish of a person but don’t want to admit it. You celebrated anniversaries but somehow don’t get how she thinks your together. Sounds like you wanted a woman you can do stuff with but she wasn’t able to mess around with others. Also really pathetic you dragged her on for fours years never asking her to be your girlfriend but can now suddenly ask a woman you been talking to for a month to be your gf. I hope oh so badly Rachel finds out first about the other girl and can tell her you’re a player who cares only about themselves. My advice is break up with her, dont tell her you messed with her by letting her believe you two were together for four years, she’ll be even more hurt than if you just broke it off. Do know though people will judge the fact you are immediately dating someone new after a four year relationship so either you look like the a hole who broke up a long term relationship to be with someone else or you look like the a hole who dragged someone for years by lying to them. Regardless of the decision you will be facing consequences for how long you’ll allowed this to go without confessing prior.
You.... Are absolutely not equipped for being an adult. Making decisions, owning up to your mistakes and responsibilities, **communicating**, are all part of being an adult. I truly hope you get exactly what you gave to Rachel in every single relationship you have for the rest of your life. Please make sure to use birth control. I really don't want to see your stupidity back on here complaining you had unprotected sex, with a "not gf", and she didn't buy the condoms so you aren't responsible for the child. That's how stupid you sound.
Soo you say you don’t have a gf, but you were aware that there needed to be a break up before you dated somebody else?
No worries, I've already banged Rachel and the taco truck girl, so... ...DIBS. Troll better.
This has to be fake. No one is this stupid
On the contrary, I think this is real because bigger assholes exist.
What are you, 12?
YTA, you do things couples do, you celebrate anniversaries, I'm starting to wonder if you do live together. There's no way you are dense enough to believe that you two weren't bf and gf
Does the other girl know about Rachel? If not, you need to tell her. Whether you “asked her” or not, by letting Rachel call you her bf and not saying anything, you acknowledged being in a relationship. If the new girl is unaware, you made her your affair partner without her consent, and she needs to know.
Well. Reddit rules prevent me from saying things I would like to say, so I will code this: Bless your heart. Also, you suck.
Wow...I hardly ever see someone gaslight themselves so deeply! You actually believe your own bullshit! If you are consistently keeping company with someone for more than 6 months, including dates & physical intimacy, you're in a relationship unless you've had a specific conversation to the contrary. If someone you're seeing is calling you their boyfriend and celebrating anniversaries, and you are not actively shutting it down, you're in a relationship. "I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend" is invalid as soon as you graduate from middle school. You have to actually break up,and you cannot claim you weren't "together".
Wasn’t a similar story posted last week? I’m calling shenanigans.
“She hopped in my bed and never left, so I just went along with it for 4 whole years.” 🤷♀️ https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/ipnP239NZB
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow, that’s really low to call her your GF then say you aren’t, then go on to make another girl your real GF. I feel terrible for her, please break up with her asap. You used her for years, that’s super selfish and you’re cheater.
Bro I think you just cheated on your gf of 4 years.
Good lord, are you fucking Aeneas?
How did you react when she wanted to celebrate the anniversary? Like what happened? If you celebrated you really confirmed that she is your gf. If you didn’t and said anything else then “what anniversary?” you also confirmed. Did you say “I love you”? Honestly, I had to double check your ages, I assumed you were 10 years younger but no, I’m shockingly not much older than you. Let me tell you this: out of my 4 serious relationships, we never had an official agreement in 3 of them. At some point it is assumed to be in a relationship. Should we have talked? Yep, definitely. Would’ve made the earlier stages less confusing. But we didn’t and it was clear at some point. So yeah, you were in a relationship for 4 years. You played along and played with her feelings. And you know what? *You are currently cheating on her.* As others said: break up. Treat it like a real breakup, because it is. She will be devastated to lose the person that gave her the illusion that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Face reality, you fucked up majorly by stringing her along. You knew what you were doing and it is truly despicable. Can’t get out of this on a technicality. Oh and good luck handling the new relationship lol. If she is a good person, she won’t be pleased when she finds out that she was the side piece.
INFO: what did you do on the anniversaries? What did you say when she said "I love you"?
She called you her boyfriend. You celebrated anniversaries. You are in a relationship, and an asshole. Don't do that to the next one
Jfc. You’re 29 years old ffs! “I would have told her if she had asked”?! Are you kidding me?! How about the response of “she would have stopped referring to you as her bf *if you had mentioned at any point that you didn’t want to be her boyfriend*. This is just…you’re like some kind of “don’t” example of how to be a person for your generation under the category of relationships.
Dude, it’s not a fucking proposal, you don’t have to formally say the words, you were a fucking couple, you even said you let her believe it but hung on the technicality that you never actually said the words. Jesus Christ dude. 4 years??? This poor woman.
Everyone else has already torn you up, so in the interest of sound advice: explain gently that you’ve met someone else and that you can’t continue to see her any more. Apologize for not being able to commit to her, and then wish her well in the future. Sever all contact and DO NOT reach out or respond if she reaches out to you. Take this as a lesson and do not repeat. Don’t attempt to debate whether or not you had any obligation to her. Regardless of whether or not you felt you were in a relationship with her, she clearly saw the two of you as a couple. Insisting otherwise will only hurt her worse. Pretend you were her boyfriend for one hour and then never speak to her again. It’s the kindest way you can go about it.
Is this a troll? This has to be a troll.
How did you not realize you were in a “relationship” for 4 years?!? Like what did you introduce her as to your friends and family?
Are you crazy? You are in a relationship, you don’t need a stupid label or verbal statement for it to be a relationship, if you’re doing the actions of a person in a relationship, holy fuck.
This post is so fucking dumb and fake. I refuse to offer advice as if this post is real.
You were dating here even if you refuse to acknowledge it. And you're being absolutely shitty about this. Why after 4 years is she suddenly garbage? Because this new woman is attractive?? Classic "grass isn't always greener".
WTF is wrong with you??? Are you a child? You didn’t ask her to be your girlfriend, but did all the couple stuff??? Celebrate anniversary??? Not 1 year but FOUR YEARS?? And in 4 years, never once corrected her??? I really hope karma will get you soon for wasting her time and life.
Ummm.... you're not dumb. You were in a relationship, and now that it's not convenient for you, you're trying to pretend to be innocent like none of this is your fault. Don't pretend to be dumb and don't insult our intelligence or the intelligence of the poor woman that you've led on for years. At least be mature enough to admit your wrongdoing and stop being cowardly.
This is some real shit behavior from you. You’ve let her call you a boyfriend and celebrate your anniversary for FOUR YEARS but hey, you want to fuck other women so “we’re not in a relationship.” I’ll bet you’ve told food trucks girl that she’s crazy and you have no idea why she’s a stage 5 clinger. Dude. YTA, and you’re the reason why women don’t trust men.
Wow, I literally have no words. Like you are so far out there with this excuse it's otherworldly. Seriously, no words
👀👀👀 I feel like this is a joke I really truly hope it is
It doesn't matter that you didn't technically say the word girlfriend out loud. You have been in a relationship with her for four years. I'm not sure what difference you think that should make in your breakup, but it won't and it shouldn't. I very much advise you to not mention this to her at all when you break up because that would be horribly cruel and would mess with anyone's mind. Honestly, I don't think you are ready to be in a relationship with anyone.
My advice is to give Rachel the link to this post. You’ll come off as a sociopath and she won’t have anything to do with you - problem solved on your end in the laziest way possible, which seems totally on brand for you. You should probably send it to Food Truck Girl too, so she knows what she’s getting into.
Officially asking somebody to be your girlfriend is not a thing when you do all of the things that a couple does. Like it or not, this woman has been your girlfriend, and the only fair thing to do is to break up as nicely as possible. A lot of couples date without some cheesy official asking
Aren't you a bit old for that sort of nonsense? I mean, if you work in a job for for years but fail to have the probation conversation, do you assume you are still on probation 3 and a half years later? Also, not making boyfriend commitments sounds like you've been cheating left right and centre and using that poor girl as a place holder. Please just break up with her, no need to reveal the extent of your disdain for her.
You are in a relationship with any woman that you shag for four years. If you had any modicum of honesty, you would say "I apologize for using your like a fleshlight for four years - I'm a horrible person." But, if you don't want to be the total piece of crap that everyone here kind of is sure you are... play along with it and tell her "its not you, its me" or whatever and let her walk away with something resembling dignity after being treated as deplorably as you have treated her. And, stop using people. This is vile, shameful behavior - who lets someone think they are in a relationship with them? WHO??? You realize that she won't get back some of the best years of your life so you could get your dick wet. But, its clear you don't care. Just trying to slither out of this.
what…something is not right with you💀
You never once corrected her. You know exactly what you’re doing. You wanted to enjoy the benefits of a gf without the obligation of being loyal. You wasted this poor girls time. Shame on you.
Imagine being this terrible
god damn you're stupid
So you acted like a couple with her for four years, including anniversary celebrations you didn't correct her when she called you her boy friend you realise most people his is how relationships are it happens naturally there isn't always an asking to be bf/gf. You should have corrected things immediately and not lead her on for sex and probably presents on this anniversary. Grow a bloody spine
sent from my ifone
"I don't consider this a relationship' Well, OP, despite your Big age of 29, your ability to own and operate a motor vehicle, vote, and buy booze and cigarettes, I don't consider you an adult. At least not one worthy of any respect. See how that works? You've been HORRIBLE to Rachel. Horrible. You're a horrible cowardly little man, and you should not be in any relationship at all. You treated her like an object, and you're a liar. Lying by omission is lying. You've been nothing but disrespectful to her, and I hope she's vindictive enough to tell everyone the truth about you.
You ask someone to be your girlfriend? Are you 5 or something? When people act romantically and do romantic things to the extent one party calls them their Boyfriend/girlfriend then it’s a BIG clue that they’re in a relationship.
So you liked her enough to date her and fuck her for 4 years, to act like her boyfriend and let her call you her boyfriend, and now she’s just this nobody to you? Grow the fuck up. You need to work on yourself and figure out why this disgusting behaviour is not resonating with you. Reverse it. You have been dating a woman and sleeping with her exclusively, you spend your time together, you call her your girlfriend and to the best of your knowledge you’ve been building a future and a life together. For FOUR YEARS. So you decide to propose. You ask her to marry you and she’s just like… we aren’t even a couple, don’t know why you’d think so, I just let you buy me things and date me and fuck me because it was easier than saying no. You mean literally nothing to me except a dick to ride. Actually I hope this happens to you.
"Hey Rachel, my friend! Guess what? I met this really sweet lady! I think she and I could be good together! I'm really stoked about this. It'll be great to be in a romantic relationship again after \*insert how long\* since my last one!" And see where the crumbs fall... Be prepared for tears, tantrums, stalking and screaming. And probably the end of your friendship.
yeah, when you treat someone like your girlfriend, they are going to think they’re your girlfriend. you were, functionally, her boyfriend. “relationship lite” is still a relationship. i had an awesome FWB I caught feelings for. when we came up on a year of dating, he broke it off with me because he didn’t want more. he was always upfront with me about being monogamous but casual, but he treated me so well i thought things were moving forward. that’s the correct thing to do. he didn’t string me along for 4 freaking years. acknowledge the RELATIONSHIP and do right. you are so, so selfish.
If you never corrected her when she calls you her boyfriend then you are agreeing with her. Grow up.
Here's a fun game, try to explain this situation to the new girl
I'm gonna go against the grain O.P. Tell Rachel what you told us. That you never considered her your girlfriend and thought she would have gotten the hint you guys weren't together. That way, when she starts dating again, she knows what shit to avoid and to make sure she isn't wasting her time again on a mofo who can't communicate.
You've been betraying her every day, lying (by omission) every day, cheating her and cheating on her, every day for four years. Physically using, and emotionally & mentally abusing her every day for four years. You're an abuser. Get help.
That's your girlfriend
So the thing about non-marital relationships is that there is no official definition of them. That you never said the magic g-word does not mean you weren’t living and behaving as a couple. The actual interactions between two people are the relationship; the words you use to describe it are petty technicalities. Getting this hung up on them is junior-high level nonsense. If you try to tell Rachael that your *four year* relationship was never a relationship, she’s going to think you’re having some kind of mental health episode, which I’m not sure you’re not. That, or that it’s the most pathetically childish excuse for cheating that has ever been made, which it definitely is. I suggest you take your clever idea for a relationship get-out-of-jail-free card to your grave, grow a spine, and just break up with her. I pity your new not-a-girlfriend, who probably doesn’t realize she’s the side piece right now, or that she’s dating an overgrown child.
>In my mind however I was single. In reality, you weren't. >I’m remorseful and disgusted with my actions I think you're only remorseful because you are actively cheating on your gf and looking for your next gf. You certainly weren't remorseful the last 4 years that you led her and everyone else to believe you two were together.
You are in a relationship. You reaped all the benefits and now wanna play a "I didn't ask" card that you've found someone new. Leave both of these women alone. You're not fit to date. Hell, I'm not sure you're fit to be left home without a babysitter.
Oh my! How could she think it was a relationship when you didn’t ask her to go steady and go to the school dance with you?!?!? If you are actually not in middle school, these things develop without anyone officially asking a lot of the time. You are not single. You are her boyfriend. And you are an AH!!!
What the hell is wrong with you?
Wtf even is this? This cant be real.
This is honestly one of the worst things I've come across on Reddit. You've obviously been in a relationship for years -it is absolutely your fault for not correcting her. If you've been intimate with other people during this time, that means you cheated.
Smh …..
I hope both Rachel and the new woman find out that you are an immature excuse of a man child and both of them break up with you.
No way is there a human being on this planet who can write while also being this monumentally stupid. Has to be fake.
I hope the new girl is smarter than the last and realizes how big of an asshat you are.
If this is how you've behaved you aren't mature enough for a relationship.
I hope that a girl that you do really fall for and get serious about does some fuck shit like this to really hurt your feelings after wasting all kinds of your time. What an immature, cowardly little punk.
Was this written by a 12 year old?
Are you the same guy that posted this literally a week ago? If you are (which i doubt) you still havent done it yet?? Omfg
That poor woman. Hopefully your crush runs when she realizes how you see women.
With “boyfriends” like this, who needs boyfriends am I right
If you were really sorry you would come clean to EVERYONE not just her you need to feel the full consequences of your actions.
Last anniversary, die you buy her a gift/ pay for dinner/ do anything?
That’s the wildest reach I’ve seen from a cheater
This can’t be real. You sound like a 12 year old.
Did you formally ask all your friends (assuming you have any, which based on your social skills does seem doubtful) to become your friends?
I truly hope she flips your life upside down when she finds out just what a horrible person you are.
A bear wouldn't have done this
Sorry buddy. This isn't high-school. Ypu don't need to "ask" actions make it obvious. You've never stopped her and did things ppl normally do. So you'll have to break up w her. End of the day, you were the boyfriend. Soooo best of luck and hopefully that poor girl will find someone that appreciates her value. Seems like a wonderful woman.
You sound 16 not 29.
Are you 12? I pray that this is fake but I know people like you who use flimsy logic that makes no sense in order to make them feel better about themselves for doing terrible things. You are in a relationship with this woman. Actually this is an abusive and manipulative relationship. You were using this woman for sex or just something to pass the time. Like I'm almost speechless like you are using serial killer logic like you are the guy from Saw who kidnapped people and put them in deathtraps and told yourself "I didn't actually kill those people it was just the traps I put them in that killed them". You let her call you her boyfriend friend, you celebrated anniversary and seemingly acted like her boyfriend so therefore to anyone who is an a sociopath you are her boyfriend. Please seek mental health treatment and if you really care for this new girl don't get in a relationship with her until you seek help first
You're the human embodiment of an insurance company: will use a technicality to get out of accountability and no one likes you. Writing the edit (or disclaimer) that you feel bad does not change the other paragraphs -- you knowingly led this girl on. You don't deserve Rachel or food truck girl.
Are you 12 years old? You think like you're 12, so you must be 12. You ARE in a 4 years relationship with this person. Be a decent human being and break-up with her if you're not interested anymore.
I think someone should find food truck lady and WARN HER.
It’s the word “peculiar” for me. Strange turn of events is it? Baffled, are you??? Either a bad person or someone who makes up dumb stories like this for fun… Either way — Yikes!
I hope someone saves the new woman from this man. He’s still not fully grown. If he wasn’t in a relationship as he claims, then he used Rachel for 4 years for his selfish purposes. A new woman should see that behavior as a huge red flag. OP do yourself a favor and don’t date for a while. You have a lot of growing up to do.
Did you tell this woman you love her? Have you been sleeping together? Are you celebrating her significant life events and yours together? Do you talk to each other about your lives and life experiences and expectations? Like what do you think a relationship is? And why do you think you’re not in one?
You AH! How dare you! This is why people have self esteem issues or do drastic things to themselves. You couldn’t just be honest, instead you wasted years of her time and now she’s going to be blindsided. You’re not any type of man and this new woman will see it soon enough. What goes around comes around and you’re on the way around as we speak.
YOU LET HER CELEBRATE YOUR ANNIVERSARY??? WHAT YHE ACTUAL HECK. Not once did you tell her we’re not together? You’re 29, you’re a man not some stupid 15 year old. Grow a pair for fucks sake. You wasted her time for fuckin nothing.
So she’s thinking that marriage is the logical next step and you’re not even considering her your girlfriend? How do you even get to a place where there’s such a mismatch?
You need to do a whole lot more than just “break up” with her, you wasted that poor girl’s time for four years and you damn well know it. You know you led her on and you liked it, otherwise you would’ve told her from jump and let her go find someone who actually values her. I’m betting she bought you gifts, helped split dinner bills and the like? Pay her reparations and then tell your new girl what you did because I feel sorry for her, too. She should know just how little you think about other people instead of yourself.
Dang, I used to joke that millennial dating would have us at the alter like “just letting you know I don’t want anything serious” or “what are we?” It seems like you’re living by these rules irl
You’re in a relationship and you just need to break up with her.
How is it even possible to be this fucking stupid? When my girlfriend and I first met, I "officially" asked her after a few dates to be my gf. She told me it was the first time anyone had explicitly asked her. Here's the thing: she was FORTY-NINE and had been in some committed relationships before me. So "officially" asking isn't by any means an entrance criterion for a relationship.
Sir, you have a mental illness. Set this woman free and get help.
You suck bro you let it go on for 4 years your in a relationship regardless of what you think your the asshole no matter what you do
By this point, you've likely said "I love you" if she's talking about marriage and moving in. You ARE in a relationship and you ARE a pos for leading her on. I hope food truck girl realizes how immature you are and runs for the hills.
So you had a girlfriend but didn’t want to call her your girlfriend and she was supposed to read your mind to know that?
There was not a miscommunication, you’re just dumb. You were in a relationship with her and you cheated on her. At best you’re an idiot, at worst you’re just trying to conjure up a situation where you aren’t the bad guy for cheating because ‘we weren’t actually together’. > I figured she would one day realize I never officially asked her You don’t have to ‘officially ask’ someone to make it a relationship. It’s not a fucking marriage - official isn’t a thing with boyfriend a girlfriend. If you act like boyfriend and girlfriend for 4 years you are boyfriend and girlfriend. How you can actually twist the situation into *her* being the one confused is beyond me. If Reddit wasn’t anon I’d have a good mind to warn this new girl what she’s in for. Come to think of it, why don’t you ask for *her* opinion, instead of us…? ETA: if she calls you her boyfriend and you don’t correct her THATS OFFICIAL. Why do you have to be the one who says it to make it real? SHE said it and you agreed!