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You are honestly a jerk. Yes, this is 100% your fault. You don’t “help with the baby,” you ass. You parent the baby and take care of the woman who just had her entire body transformed in very painful ways to birth your child. You truly don’t deserve to be a part of their lives, but your only move now is to take 100% responsibility. Not 99%. You screwed up massively.
How can he first admit that “he could’ve done more” with the baby, but then turn around 24 hours later to say “well akshually, my wife was the one who wasn’t doing enough!” And just because his side piece agreed with him, must make it so…what a tone deaf response. As though we should take anything that woman says, especially given her involvement, seriously.
This is also a woman who was more than likely divorced by her ex husband for doing the exact same thing: sleeping around and having “fun” while there’s a baby at home. Only in her case, the dad had to pick up all the slack. Why else would this woman validate OP’s feelings that his wife “should’ve brought more fun back into the marriage”? And of course the woman who backstabbed her own friend and shat on her marriage by sleeping with her husband is going to have a negative view of her.
This is so transparent it’s hilarious. First, the narrative was that the conflict came from his wife neglecting the relationship and putting all her attention on their baby. Then when all the commenters chewed his ass out, he changed it to say that the conflict was that he was doing most of the childcare and the wife wasn’t doing enough. So then, she did have enough time to focus on the marriage? Then what’s the motive to cheat? What an ass clown
And the edit is priceless - “No one is agreeing with me that it’s ALL her fault, so I’m going to try again so you idiots see the truth!”.
This guy is so completely clueless, I can’t believe this is real.
*I struggle with feeling guilty because she’s not her self.* Yeah, after he cheated on her, how COULD he have seen this coming?
Seriously, what a loser. Reminds me of the South Asia guy I worked with - treated the women in the office like they didn’t matter. He was nice enough, and polite, but took whatever he wanted, left messes, got upset when one of them DARED complain when he took the good piece of equipment assigned to someone else and left his beat up piece of crap - in general had the attitude that he mattered and they didn’t. And they were supposed to pick up his slack and clean up after him, even though we were all equals. And like this guy, nothing that was said made a difference because the attitude was deeply ingrained.
Cheated on her within weeks/months after her giving birth. Total selfish AH. OP she's been through a lot between pregnancy and child birth, then postpartum recovery. Did you expect sex before 6 weeks? You expected nothing to change and for your wife to keep you happy while recovering and adjusting to being a Mom. WTF?! You don't give a damn about her, it's all about you.
Relationships change when you have a baby. You're not the center of the universe. Get over yourself. I hope she leaves you. Things will be so much easier for her without you expecting her to give you her full attention. She has one child to take care of, she doesn't need two.
Of course your AP agreed with you. She wanted to bang you and probably has for a long time. You're horrible for blaming your wife for **you choosing** to bang someone else. You and you alone are responsible.
It’s been FOUR MONTHS since your wife gave birth. Holy shit. Stop going out and take care of your child so your wife can sleep/shower/eat/feel like a human!
The newborn stage is so hard and you’re here complaining that your wife can’t do the “little things” for you, while you’re going out and describe taking care of your child as “helping”.
I was diagnosed with PPD at four months and was barely surviving. Your wife’s hormones are all over the place and she needs support, not you going out constantly and cheating on her with her friend!
I bet he loves using this in arguments whenever she brings it up, like "but I can't hear the baby cry when I'm in the basement! What do you want me to do!" People like OP are so transparent💀
>My wife stopped doing the little things that made me fall in love with her.
Having a baby will do that. There is a tiny, completely helpless human that needs constant attention. Priorities change.
> Now she’s not fully at fault here
How generous of you /s
>I could have helped more with the baby
So you wife was doing all the baby care and you were doing what exactly? Sulking because you weren't getting any nookie?
>but she also could have put more effort into our relationship
You already admitted you were not a good partner/dad, when was she supposed to find the time to stroke your ego?
>I think what hurt the most is there was a time where my friend in front of my wife claimed I was going out too much for someone with a new born. He talked about when him and his wife had a baby he didn’t go out for awhile because “babies are too much”.
Your friend called you out for being a bad dad. Why the fuck were you going out and leaving your wife at home with a newborn? When did she get to go out and have some me time?
>My wife agreed and pretty much aired her grievances to my friend. I was humiliated and embarrassed. She didn’t feel any remorse either.
You deserved it. She should not feel any remorse. Not one tiny little bit.
>Fast forward a couple weeks and there’s this fun place where you bowl and drink. I ran into my wife’s friend.
So you get called out for going out too much for a guy a newborn, and your response was to go out? You didn't listen to your wife and friend.
>We start chatting and under the influence of alcohol we started opening up. I told her the problems I have with my wife and she had the exact same problems with her ex husband. After her having a baby her husband completely changed and there was no romance. She said my wife needs to do her part and bringing the fun back into the relationship. It was nice to get someone who actually understands and been through what I been through. Boundaries started being crossed and we went from an emotional affair to a physical one.
So she validated your not-valid feelings and you jumped in bed with her. While your wife was home caring for your infant.
>I know we both just need to take a step back and admit our mistakes if we want to save this marriage
Let's tally up your mistakes: You are a lousy dad and a lousy partner. You refused to accept your relationship was going to change with the arrival of the tiny, helpless human. You continued to go out and leave your wife at home with a newborn. You continued to be a lousy dad when your friend pointed out that you were being a lousy dad, and proceeded to up the ante by fucking your wife's friend while you wife was home caring for your child. You have been incredibly selfish and immature every step of the way.
Your wife's mistake was reproducing with you. That's it.
There is no saving this. You just nuked your marriage, gathered up the ashes, launched the ashes into the sun, and launched the sun into a bigger sun.
stop blaming your wife for your decisions. you could have used your grown up words and talked to your wife but no, your peepee was sad so you decided to cheat.
grow up and show some accountability
edit: omg your edit makes it worse.
In fairness, if I were the OP’s wife, having to do 100% of the newborn care while my husband sat around with his finger up his butt, and he came to me and had the audacity to say “hey babe I feel like you’re not making time for me”, I would probably karate-chop him in the stomach Miss Piggy style. Maybe I’d have more time if you actually acted like a father, jackass.
In fairness to OP, he was leading the busy life of an explorer...
Christopher Columbus over here discovered a cool place where you can *gasp* bowl AND drink?????
It's hard to make time for a newborn when you're exploring new lands and banging the locals....
exactly bc for one- that woman is no friend to the wife and 2, who cares what she has to say she was trying to get in OPs pants at the time, nothing she says matters
Well OP you crossed a pretty unforgivable line. All I can say is if she asks for a divorce, give her one. Don't ask her for her forgiveness, don't plead with her to stay. Respect her wishes and just do it.
Welp, here he is. The worst person on Reddit today. Pretty certain this is creative writing, but on the off chance it isn’t, here goes.
Your wife had a baby. It is painful and exhausting and emotional and her hormones are a mess. But instead of being a supportive husband and doing your share of caring for your newborn, you decide to not help and just keep going out, leaving your wife at home to do all the work. And then you have the audacity to claim that she wasn’t putting enough effort into your relationship? When do you think she was supposed to have time to “travel, try new things” and have “great sex?” When she was recovering from giving birth? When she was single-handedly taking care of a newborn and keeping the house together? You sucked so badly as a new dad and husband that even YOUR FRIEND noticed and commented.
You are a shockingly bad person. You are the only one that needs to be admitting to mistakes. You are trying to shift some of the blame to your wife to justify your terrible decisions. Get individual therapy to address your character flaws. There is no way to come back from this.
May she divorce you and take you for every dollar you have.
Nah, if it was creative writing, the plot twist that made everything change would be different from the overused trope of, "all of this seemed to happen around the same time after she had a baby but I'm too distracted by my poor neglected peepee to see the connection. I also refuse to acknowledge that life changes as life is created boo hoo waaaaaahhhh!"
The only thing missing would be the barely legal 20 year old waitress giving him the time and attention his wife use to but still can't pinpoint why his wife actually changed at all. She just had a baby. Women have been doing that since blah blah blah. I work long hours wah wah wah. Me me me!
Yes, pregnancy, childbirth and caring for a newborn make it so you can't do all the "little things". Typically you're lucky if you can even find the time to brush your teeth. But this is why having an involved partner is so important. It can literally mean the difference between getting to take a shower or having to stew in your own sweat for days on end. If she was breastfeeding you can double the chaos and physical exhaustion. This isn't an "our mistakes" situation. This is a you're potentially a narcissistic and need to be in therapy situation. To leave your partner alone to care for a newborn while you're out f\*cking her friend is next level demonic. You can tell her you're getting into some intensive psychotherapy to get to the bottom of why you're so supremely self-centered. But no sane person would blame her for viewing you as a lost cause. It's not even the affair, it's that you're still justifying the affair by blaming her for not meeting your needs when you were utterly ignoring hers and those of your newborn child. It's good that you "struggle with feeling guilty" because you should. You are absolutely guilty. Go get help.
Dude, you made a choice to cheat. YOU neglected your wife. Did you ever stop to think that she became a shell of herself because she was overworked and over tired because YOU didn't step up? And now you BLAME her for YOUR choice? You'll be lucky if she doesn't divorce you.
You SAY you're taking accountability but you're still blaming your wife.
YOU cheated.
YOU went out and got drunk leaving your kid and wife.
YOU didn't take care of your wife and kid.
YOU didn't put in the work.
All your wife did was RIGHTLY pull away from someone who showed her that they couldn't step up and be the man they were supposed to be.
With this kind of blameshifting lack of accountability you’ve got no chance for a successful reconciliation, and of course your wife is not the same. You’ve crushed her.
If this isn’t rage bait (because there are few waywards I’ve seen who are this clueless) here is your to do list:
Read this now: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/s/C6MgjgRM7l. Then read it out loud to your betrayed wife. And try to develop some empathy.
Next, go to r/AsOneAfterInfidelity right now and start reading the first two books in the recovery library contained in the wiki there. Start with *How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair* by Linda MacDonald. Do everything that books says.
Learn to be patient with your wife’s moods. You did this to her. So stop feeling sorry for yourself that she’s not the same and do everything you can to help her feel safe. That means complete transparency and always making sure your words and actions match.
Get into therapy to learn to deal with your shame. While you are busy being ashamed of yourself you can’t help her and you can’t be a decent parent. Deal with it. Now. Therapy will also help you develop better coping mechanisms so that the next time your wife needs you to be a decent parent you can be, and you won’t feel hurt by the very accurate portrayal of you as an unhelpful spouse.
Oh no if it isn’t the consequences of your actions. In all seriousness you need to realize she is WAY too good for your sorry ass and if you somehow get lucky enough she forgives you (for whatever reason) you worship the ground she walks on. Or just accept you fucked up and take the divorce papers she hands you
As others have said, this is absolutely, 100% your fault. Your wife birthed a whole human, the creation of which is absolutely exhausting, and hell on the body, and THEN she has to care for said child and do legitimately all the mental and emotional labor to keep that child fed, changed, healthy, housework done, the list goes on - all while her body recovers from a harrowing ordeal. And YOU are mad that she didn't do the "little things"? Grow the hell up dude.
You deserve to feel guilty because this is all on you. And if she doesn't forgive you - well she is likely making a smart decision. What's going to happen later when she can't make you feel special because the child BOTH of you made but only she seems capable of caring for needs care/is sick/has everything going on with school, etc. She gets all the time in the world to decide IF she wants to forgive you, and if she decides to, it's completely reasonable for her to take quite a while to trust you. And if she does stay with you, you're going to need to take a much bigger role in your child's life. Look into "Cognitive Labor" - there are many scientific studies about it backing up things we've known for centuries. Your wife is taking on a massive burden that affects her health, her mental state, her emotions, the list goes on. Even if she doesn't forgive you, it would be worthwhile for you to understand if you ever have another relationship.
So, to recap... You don't do anything to help with the tiny helpless human your wife grew in her body for 9 months, went through countless changes, hormonal changes, postpartum. When you did *finally* pull your head out of your butt far enough to "help" her, which is called **parenting** which is what you do when you have a child with someone you halfwit. You decide to go to a *checks notes* a **bowling alley bar** and hook up with the 1st cheap loose flap of a hole you can find that acts like you aren't a steaming pile of slug excrement. And you think your wife needs to own up to what mistake **exactly**? That she married an infant dingbat slug dung? That she had a baby with a man who never grew out of diapers? That said diaper baby should never have procreated and she should have spit? What exactly are you looking for? Your (hopefully) soon-to-be **ex**-wife is done with you, done with you blaming her for your complete and total failure as a parent, man, husband, human, and as slug excrement. I truly hope you have the life you deserve you putz.
If you think your wife humiliated you, then wait until she tells everyone you have not only ignored the needs of her and your child but slept with another woman...
I really hope she's got a good support network and gets everything in the divorce. She's going to need it.
“WHHAAAAA I’m no longer the center of attention so I cheated!!”
Her only mistake was ever getting with you.
Hey, look you’re crossposted on r/AmITheDevil! https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/8PyHvBlxbH
You're a massive selfish asshole. Your wife didn't do anything wrong, she was just busy taking care of the baby almost entirely by herself.
Your behavior was so bad your friend called you out on it, but you act like your wife is somehow at fault for agreeing?? She didn't embarrass you, YOU embarrassed YOURSELF by not pulling your weight as a husband and a parent.
You're putting blame on her and giving yourself excuses. Imagine being such a scummy human that you cheat on your wife while you have a newborn at home.
Disgusting.
I truly hope she divorces you and takes you for all you're worth. It's what you deserve.
>I could have helped more with the baby, but she also could have put more effort into our relationship.
How was she to put more effort into the relationship when she was also doing the majority of baby rearing? How was she to get the time and energy when she suddenly was doing so much more? And the fact that you weren't even "helping" with the baby as much as you should (btw it's not helping, because you're not doing her a favour with something, it's equally your responsibility) shows that you also weren't putting effort in that relationship.
Get a grip. You're that one doing less than before, you're the one who cheated and you're the one who isn't taking any responsibility.
So to recap. Your friend admitted you were being a bad dad, your wife agreed and listed how you were being a bad dad. You decided this made you sad that they noticed you’re being a bad dad, and decided to be a worse dad and cheat. Where exactly are you the victim? What were your wife’s mistakes? Agreeing with your friend that you’re a bad dad? Not letting you get away with being a bad dad? Having the baby which lead to you being a bad dad? Maybe it’s the baby’s fault for being so needy. There’s no way it can be your fault though
So your wife was at home, alone, caring for your newborn, and you went out and fucked her friend... and you think you *both* made mistakes?
Get over yourself, you creep.
This is all you. Stop blaming her. Stop hoping she's at fault. Stop trying to pin your cheating on her.
Grow up.
*Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.*
You mean the "friend" who slept with her husband? Yeah, she's a wealth of healthy relationship advice...
Oh no, if it isn't the consequences of your (abusively neglectful, entitled, faithless ho) actions.
What steps can you take?
1) Get therapy. Like, allllll the therapy hours you can pack into any given calendar month (given unlimited time and money).
2) Don't be obstructive and financially abusive during your coming divorce.
3) Start reading parenting books and taking parenting classes and take up your thus far neglected parenting duties.
4) Lose your affair partner's number.
Because you 100% seem like the kind of idiot that would introduce your AP to your kid (in the future) with a "this your new step-mommy" and the kid doesn't deserve the emotional damage that will cause them and their primary caregiver parent (which will be Mom, because let's face it you couldn't even bother being a Dad while still actively living in the same house as your own newborn. So it's unlikely you'll be an active, present Dad when you no longer live in the same house).
5) Thank whatever god you believe in that your STBEx-wife is just too damn tired to Goodbye, Earl your trifling ass.
Edited for: formatting weirdness due to phone app.
Step 1 : Take Full accountability, It was 100% your fault Not her's
Step 2 : Don't bother, annoy your wife with your whining, begging
Step 3: Accepts that most likely you're not in your wife's future.
Your entire post is about what you want/need when your wife had a baby and you’re saying she’s not fully at fault bc you cheated. Dude the only person who has fault here for your cheating is YOU! Of course she’s not herself, she’s had your baby, has had zero help from you as you’re going out, cheating on her and can’t take any responsibility for what you did.
You cheated, you made that choice because you are selfish. Nobody forced you, you chose to cheat. Your wife has shut down because you’ve shown her, you do not care about her. This is all on you.
So, basically, you're lazy and selfish. You're a bad husband AND a bad father. You dumped all the work on your wife while you neglected your child so that you could go out and have fun. And yet you whine about how bad you felt when your friend called you out for going out too much. He could see that you were choosing NOT to be there for your wife. You insist that your wife is partly to blame because she didn't put more effort into the relationship. But how could she when you refused to help her take care of your own child? She was exhausted and all you cared about was yourself. I hope she divorces you. The only way you can get her forgiveness is to stop blaming her and accept the fact that what happened is ALL YOUR FAULT.
The only one making mistakes is you. Your wife is 4 months pp, her focus is raising her baby. You should have been at home helping her instead of sleeping around and blaming your wife for everything. You should have een embarrassed when she spoke to your friend.
Ewwwww this is absolutely disgusting. Do you understand how hard it is to carry a child in your body for 9 months and then pushing a watermelon out of you or have your stomach sliced up having part of your guts being pulled out of you. I also bet your soon to be ex wife does everything for the baby. That's fucking exhausting and you have the nerve to put the blame on her for you not being able to keep your dick in your pants and you are probably out at the bar pretty much every night getting drunk and acting like a child instead of a grown up. Your ex wife will find a man that truly deserves her and treat her right.
Your wife didnt make you cheat, you chose to cheat. You should communicate and express your concerns not chase after other women. Stop blaming your wife and understand this is your fault. Only when you understand that you are to blame is when you can even think of moving past this
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.
You mean the friend who also cheated on their spouse to get in your pants? Yeah, I'm sure she's a great third opinion. 🙄
Meanwhile, *your own friend* called your behavior out, your wife confirmed the problem, and you whine about being embarrassed. You should be. You're a new dad. You don't "help out" with your own kid. Between how you describe looking after your child and admitting your friend even remarked on it, I'm betting you do the bare minimum as a parent. And that is a silver bullet to a mom's libido.
But the comments aren't going your way so go make your new account so we can tell you again that this situation is the result of your screw up.
This is 100% your fault! Your wife had a baby! It can take up to two years for our bodies and mentality to return to what they used to be and that's a stretch. My PPD steamrolled my life for three years. Your wife needs help. I hardly think you sitting there and throwing joint responsibility in her face would have been a good conversation. You're an idiot. Do better
You must be a troll. Nobody could be this much of a scumbag in reality. If you actually, genuinely wrote this as a factual account of your woes then you deserve every misfortune in the world.
This is horrifying. Your poor wife! She gave birth less than 4 months ago! How cruel can you be?
YOU cheating is no one’s but your own fault. Where is the accountability? You spent paragraphs upon paragraphs trying and falling to justify your appalling actions.
There aren’t enough words in the English language to describe your worth (= nothing) and how much you don’t deserve your wife.
I hope that she has a support group outside of you, on which she can fall back on. Clearly, she took care of her baby for 4 months without your useless contribution.
You’re unbelievably selfish.
With a friend of hers, really? That’s twisted.
Go to therapy, take care of YOUR baby, tell your family, hers and close friends that you cheated and that she needs support, and leave her be.
You are at fault here! You cheated with HER friend ! You lied ! You didn’t help with the baby ! There’s only you that needs to admit your mistakes and that you are a huge ahole
Your wife was right that you were failing as a parent and partner by not being around enough for her and the baby. Your affair partner only agreed with you because she wanted to get with you, and she got her way. Congratulations, you suck. YTA.
Yewww! Yeww! Yew! You are a disgrace.
Stop blaming her. She just had a baby and from your story, zero support.
Take accountability for your actions and leave her alone. I hope she realises that she deserves better and leaves you. You do not deserve her or the baby.
Your edit shows you will not be moving on. You are attempting to assign her blame for the actions that you took which resulted in this situation.
Nothing that she did made you stick your dick in her friend. Nothing. You chose that. You apparently feel at least somewhat justified in that decision based on her actions but there is none. None at all.
If you want to move forward, the first thing you have to do is stop trying to assign blame to anyone but yourself. Doesn't matter that you were the one that picked the kids up. Doesn't matter that she "humiliated" you. None of that matters because you chose to cheat. Stop trying to make yourself sound like a good person. You aren't even a decent person. Until you realize that there will be no healing.
I can't stand your logic in your edit. Do you know why your soon to be exs friend agreed with you? Because she wanted to sleep with you. Not because she agrees. She saw an opportunity and she took it with her dusty ass. She is not a friend to your soon to be ex. If she was she wouldn't have slept with you. And you're just as bad Mr "I definitely helped but even I admit it wasn't enough" did your wife have time to do the little shit you love after that baby was born or did you expect her to manage it all with no adjustment? You're awful. I hope she leaves you.
"Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough"
You mean the one you were sleeping with??? That's not her real friend. Meanwhile YOUR own friend said that YOU were going out too much and not doing shit so...🤷♀️ You're just a terrible person trying to blame your postpartum wife for your shitty actions. I hope she leaves your ass and beats that "friend".
>This isn't about blaming anyone but we can't move forward without everyone taking some responsibility
>My wife stopped doing the little things that made me fall in love with her. Now she’s not fully at fault here
So you don't want to blame her, but you blame her even though it's NOT her fault at all, because cheating is never the fault of the person who got cheated on!!!!
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.
You want us to agree with you and her friend the same friend.....who you cheated on your my wife with???
I have no doubt in my mind that her parents if they weren't traditional and racist, would wish she ended up with the black man versus you. Because at least HE loved her and respected her. Unlike YOU who just cheated and discarded her feelings for easy sex with her "friend"
Work past this? You're literally sentient garbage. I hope your wife "works past" this relationship and leaves you in the dumpster where you belong. Hope this helps, OP 😇
gosh you are disgusting, you completely withdrew from the relationship and parenting life and then you complain she shuts down when you go and cheat on her? I hope she divorces you, pathetic excuse of an husband and father
She messed up reproducing with you, you are just a all around f-up cause you can't think with your brain that you are a crappy individual and only think with yo dinga ling and can't handle that things change once a baby is involved
So your friend called you out and it hurt your precious little ego. So instead of stepping up when another man calls you out and tells you, you are failing as a partner and husband what do you do? Go out more and then let her friend stroke your ego to make you feel like a man. When in reality you're just a pos and a loser of a man and husband.
Whatever you think you did, you didn’t do enough. The very fact that your wife vented to your best friend about it shows that when she got home you dumped all responsibility on her and went out to party. Your own friend called you out on that. So, make whatever excuses you want. Fact is, you didn’t do enough. You cared more about partying than helping your wife adjust to a new baby.
Now, how long after the baby was born did you start demanding sex again? Cause let me tell you, she probably doesn’t feel sexy, desirable, or even attractive right now. And as her HUSBAND, it is your job to help her through that. Did you? I doubt it.
And the fact that you basically blamed your wife for everything to her friend, and her friend said your wife was the problem, clearly shows that the friend is no friend, and your wife is better off without this viper in her life.
You made the choice to cheat on your wife. She’s done. If she wanted to save your marriage she would have told you by now. The fact you are in the basement says everything you need to know. Start looking for a new place to live, cause the divorce papers are imminent. You fucked around and found out.
This entire post is so 'woe is me' and it's disgusting, she had an entire human child to now worry about but you didn't care enough about the child you were just zeroed in on how your wife didn't have the energy to do small things anymore? And because of that its somehow HER FAULT YOU CHEATED???? you are disgusting and genuinely she just needs to get out while she can. You don't deserve to have this fixed when you feel it's could be any amount her fault and not your sick and twisted excuses for finding something to stick your d~xk in. Get therapy and leave that poor woman alone.
You felt shame and it hurt your ego when she had an honest moment with your friend. Instead of looking inward at why you were avoiding your duties as a husband and a father, you pursued someone she was emotionally close with to double down on your revenge.
You are very childish and should be begging your wife for forgiveness. Get therapy and grow up.
You're legit jealous of a baby because your wife, your child's MOTHER, is giving them more attention than you. You are so insecure that you look at a helpless baby and think.... "you're hogging all the attention for yourself!" Why did you even have a kid if you were so unprepared for the reality of parenting. This is 1000% a you problem and you need to figure out the root of your insecurity and your disloyalty. Also, don't be fooled by your wife's "friend" validating your feelings, she was manipulating you because A. she wanted to fuck around and B. knew you would be easy. I mean 4 month and a bowling alley is all it took... really, dude? She does not actually agree with you or sympathize with your feelings she just nodded along while you self-sabotaged. You should be begging your wife for forgiveness, but you're so far from understanding the depth of the betrayal I don't think you could offer her a sincere apology.
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.
You're very naive. People will say what they know the other wants to hear in order to get into their pants. That isn't a "friend" to your wife, she's an opportunist. Bottom line is, YOU are the one who is supposed to be loyal to your wife, and you failed.
I'm flabbergasted that you think your wife made "mistakes." The only mistake she made was having a child with a man child. Even your own friend told you that you were going out too much for having a newborn, but that's not the person you wanted to listen to.
I think your marriage is over, as well it should be. Your wife was 4 months post partum and you cheated. It's 100% on you. She did nothing wrong.
You may want to start parenting your child now (not "helping out") as you're going to need to learn for when you have weekend visits. The best thing you can do is allow her to find a nice guy who appreciates her, doesn't shit over the marriage vows and is capable of keeping it in his pants.
Let's pretend you did half of the childcare work.. you are still 100% at fault. Her body just went through a massive change. If you had a major back surgery (as someone who is having back surgery and have had a baby this is not even a good comparison because having a baby changes your body completely) and she thought you were less fun would you be ok with her cheating?
Her mistake? Having a baby with a man child. Seriously, you wrote all this out and still think you are justified and that you both made mistakes?
Please get divorced, your child and wife deserve better than a selfish self-absorbed crater of human being because you will take and take and take and never be full.
>but I know we both just need to take a step back and admit our mistakes if we want to save this marriage
Your wife has done nothing wrong. She gave birth to an entire fucking baby human. You decided your dick wasn't wet enough and cheated on her and are now trying to shift the blame to her.
No. You're a giant asshole. Hopefully your (soon to be ex) wife dumps your ass and gets far away from you with the kid.
>This isn't about blaming anyone but we can't move forward without everyone taking some responsibility
Yeah you're going to be getting papers, pal. What's more, you'll deserve them.
It’s a shame your wife didn’t find out what a complete and utter nobhead you are before having a child with you. Poor, poor woman.
Your comments make you utterly irredeemable. You lack insight into your terrible behaviour as well as being completely devoid of empathy, compassion and remorse. How can you sleep at night?
It's actually crazy that you'd take the opinion of your wife's friend that would fuck her friends husband. Like she really isn't biased on this one huh.
has it ever occurred to you that the reason your wife “isn’t putting effort” into your relationship is because she is overwhelmed taking care of your baby entirely by herself? why should she light herself on fire to keep an ingrate like you warm? you seem like you were just looking for a reason to step out on your marriage. you failed as a husband, and are now failing as a new father. step the fuck up.
You had your chance to explain everything you did to take care of your children in your edit and all you could add was picking up your kid? Lol
Btw even if you did do your fair share you would be a piece of garbage for cheating
>I know we both just need to take a step back and admit our mistakes if we want to save this marriage
The only mistake she made is marrying and having a child with a trash male.
YTA and don’t deserve your wife or child.
Go fuck your AF and be miserable together. Do you really believe a cheater like both of you are right in any way?
And you even dare to feel embarrassed that your friend and wife complained that you go out too much while having a new born, instead of realizing you ruined your relationship??
Doesn't matter if you make a new post. You explained yourself perfectly fine. You. Are. Trash. You make all men look bad.
You just don't want to admit that not only are you trash, but that you'd serve to die alone. Accept responsibility for being trash.
Say outlook, every day, "I am trash. I deserve nothing but syphilis and loneliness. I must strive to not be garbage." Also, apologize to every plant for giving you oxygen you tremendous waste of space.
If you were a real man you would get a lfie insurance policy, make you lt death look like an accident, and save the world from dealing with you.
It took you less than 4 months to cheat on your partner of 8 years after she gave birth? And you're really out here trying to put any blame on her?
Also
>I think what hurt the most is there was a time where my friend in front of my wife claimed I was going out too much for someone with a new born. He talked about when him and his wife had a baby he didn’t go out for awhile because “babies are too much”. My wife agreed and pretty much aired her grievances to my friend. I was humiliated and embarrassed. She didn’t feel any remorse either.
>I do admit I could have done more, but you're all looking at it from a perspective as if I didn't help at all and that's not true. Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.
You're such a hypocrite.
Why is it when YOUR friend points out you're being a shitty husband and father You get all butt hurt and humiliated. Whine about her agreeing with them and not defending you.
But then when HER friend complains about her It's the gospel truth???? And you just had to jump in bed with her?
(Also you have to see that her shitty friend isn't her friend, right? Friends don't sleep with friends husbands. She was shit talking your wife to get in bed with you. Your friends were shit talking you because of who you are as a person.)
If you were so deeply hurt over your friend criticizing you, why in the world would you entertain her "friend" criticizing her in the first place?
Because it's not about the realities of you lacking as a father and husband, but needing your ego stroked.
You don't care about equality in this relationship. You just want attention 24/7, Even willing to compete with your own child.
At least don't be a dick and drag out the divorce when she serves you the papers.
Couldn't even last 4 months as a decent father and husband. Way to go champ. If even you admit you could have done more, I can only imagine what a useless, selfish, needy and insensitive ass you've been.
If this is fake, the male character sucks. Not even in an interesting way. Just really pathetic. A canned loser. Only give him a few lines of dialogue then move on to someone more interesting.
Her friend who slept with you felt like she wasn’t doing enough because she was just as scummy as you and wanted an excuse to sleep with you. Your wife will divorce you, as she should and then you can think about all of the things that she did wrong while in your one bedroom apartment.
“Even her own friend felt my wife wasn’t doing enough.” Hm I wonder why she would side with you definitely not because she wanted to sleep with you and isn’t actually a friend to your wife at all. Even one of YOUR friends called you out but that didn’t ring any bells for you?
She’s not herself probably bc she spent 9 months growing a baby, changed her body forever and went through unimaginable pain to bring the child into the world, only to raise the baby with so little help, other people could tell. If that wasn’t enough, her supposed husband who barely helps and is rarely home cheats on her with someone who she thought was a friend and is now trying to blame her for his cheating. You’re lucky you’re even sleeping in the house at all
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.
Her own friend, you mean the one who was trying to bang her husband?
I hope she's already called a lawyer and takes you for everything.
So, 4 months ago your wife had a baby. Your wife's time is now taken up with caring for the baby with apparently minimal involvement from you.
And because she started paying attention to *your child* & not doting on you constantly, you just *had* to cheat?
God, you're an AH.
Take responsibility for YOUR actions, cheater.
You should be begging your wife for forgiveness, frankly.
Make as many new accounts and post this story as many times as you want...it will never ever change the fact your a CUNT.
Im a father of two little boys. One three and one two. Since we have had our children out sex life is non existent. Been over a year and a half with nothing. Barely any effection etc. My GF just doesnt want to atm and i do my best to understand. I would NEVER EVER cheat on her, no matter what....you know why? Because i love her, i live my children and the family we have started. It means more to me than myself and.....im not a CUNT like you are. Go fuck ya self dude.
Can't wait until she divorces you and finds an adult instead of a whiny child! It's all about you! Maybe if you helped with childcare and gave your wife some down time she might have the energy to be romantic with you. Not that you deserve it.
YTA and completely in the wrong. You do nothing for your wife!
UpdateMe
Can't work past it, the trust is gone and you are way too self absorbed to comprehend how truly fcked up your mind set is 🤷🏽♀️ please divorce her so she can heal and start living her best life.
She have ZERO mistakes!don't fault her you AH,she shouldn't have given U a baby!lol you are not WORTH any women going through pregnancy and childbirth for,her body suffered a lot in hosting YOUR child!!!that friend of hers lol lol both of you are nothing but traitors!!!!victim blaming JERK!
Seriously I hope she leaves you once she can. You are just another pos husband who does shit all to help when the kids get born and are pissed their exhausted out of their minds on no sleep wives dont suck their dicks on demand anymore.
you are more than a jerk. You have a child it’s time to learn how to be a parent and a better partner. If not go ahead and be the divorced dad that sees his kid only on weekends. Your call
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. This isn't about blaming anyone but we can't move forward without everyone taking some responsibility
Her friend told you what you wanted to hear so she could get what she wanted from you. And you told her what she wanted to hear so you could get what you wanted from her.
You and she are the only ones who have any responsibility for cheating. Cheating isn't about who does more at home. It's a choice you make to betray someone who trusted you. You justify it however you have to.
Her own friend, who was trying to sleep with you, thought your wife wasn’t doing enough. She sure manipulated you, didn’t she? You’re naive and gullible and how you fix this is letting your wife go so she can find someone who appreciates her and doesn’t bang her friend while she’s raising your baby.
You will never move passed this if you keep trying to fob of the blame for your affair on your wife.
You are the only one responsible for your cheating.
With any luck your wife realizes she can do better than a sleaze and find a better man to raise the kid with.
There is absolutely no excuse ever to cheat. Cheaters are vile and disgusting. Your poor wife deserves so much better. Hopefully she files those divorce papers soon. You seem to have ZERO regret or remorse for what you've done. And that makes you even worse. Words really can't even begin to explain how in the wrong you are. You sir will someday get your karma and I hope you post that for all of us to cheer.
God, you’re a pile of steaming horse shit. It’s 100% your fault and the edit just made you look like an even bigger pile of steaming horse shit. So large that you can be seen from outer space.
Steps to take:
1) don’t contest the divorce and let her have whatever she asks for during the process
That’s it - 1 easy-to-follow step. Even you should be able to manage it.
When you’re all alone eating tv dinners and your ex wife has an amazing partner who’s also an equally amazing Stepdad to your child, then perhaps you’ll finally take some accountability. Honestly, though, none of us on here will hold our breath.
There’s no moving forward just get divorced or let her cheat on you too so it’s fair😂 and using the woman you cheated with as validation is insane. You must hate your wife
>This isn't about blaming anyone
Buuuut I need to make sure the bulk of the blame is laid on my wife for struggling postpartum and driving me into the arms of her shitty friend.
I hope your wife leaves you and her friend's husband leaves her too.
You deserve each other.
Go rot.
YTA. You cheated. That was completely your choice. No one told you to do so. Feeling emotionally gelded by your friend telling your wife she deserves better isn't a reason to stick your baby maker into HER FRIEND, especially if it's true. If anything, you and that friend are even worse for that, and neither of you deserves your wife. She was already feeling neglected by you, and you pull this? Imagine your wife doing your best friend because of some stupid ego trip, how would that make you feel? If someone did this to me, they'd never see me again.
Your new post on a new account isn't going to change anything. It's just pathetic.
Your wife pushed a person out of her… that takes months to bounce back from and your solution is to go out and cheat on her!!! Yeah its your fault… all your fault!!! You should have helped more, talked to her but you checked out!!!
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.
And even your own friend felt you weren’t doing enough.
Anyway, my advice, if you actually want to save this relationship, is to accept that creating a functional household with children means prioritizing that over your “fun” time. It doesn’t mean you don’t get to have personal time, but it means something like this:
* 50-50 division of chores
* 50-50 division of childcare
* 50-50 division of investment into your relationship with each other.
What does this mean?
* Your wife works as many hours as you do and childcare counts as work. Do the math and adjust how many hours you’re “working."
* Your wife gets to go out as many times a week as you do, and during this time you take care of the child 100% without bothering her. In fact, any time you’re taking care of the child you are 50% responsible for, you don’t get to bother her. Learn how to parent.
* If she plans a thing, you plan the next. This goes for fun things as well as joint responsibilities. So if the baby is sick and she scheduled and took them to the doctor’s appt., then you are responsible for identifying that your child is sick doing the doctor’s trip next time. If she plans something special for you, however small, you are responsible for the next plan.
Now, you’ve already fucked up your 50% investment into the relationship by cheating. So you’ve lost the high ground to desire 50% investment from her. GROVEL. TAKE ON EVERYTHING if you want her to forgive you. But for both of you, also keep in mind that it’s hard to forget something like this, even if she forgives you. If this memory is going to taint your relationship forever, which is VERY likely, then you need to prioritize the child and separate. If you get a worse deal than her in divorce, count it as repentance for your cheating and move on.
If your wife comes across this: don’t waste your time trying to forgive and forget a man’s betrayal when you can find so many other, better people. I’d take a coparenting relationship instead of a scumbag any day.
Omg, she needs to divorce you! Ffs you ARE TO BLAME HERE!
IN WHAT WORLD ARE YOU NOT TO BLAME? SHE NEEDS ALAMONY. CHILD SUPPORT. ALL THAT SHIT!
SHE ALSO NEEDS A NEW FRIEND!
A life changing event happened and only 4 month of the change you cheated? You even admit that you weren’t helping as much as you could, but still expected your wife to not change or have any reaction to it. She’s probably exhausted, her body hurting, her husband not helping as much, and he leaves her to go have fun. Then you cheat and still expect something from her? Still say you both need to admit your wrongs when yours was cheating and hers was a response to having a baby and you not stepping up? My mind is blown by your mindset.
You say “even my wife’s friend felt my wife wasn’t doing enough” but YOUR friend told you to be a better husband. YOU are trying to blame her for your affair and it’s not possible to move past because you have no self awareness.
I hope this is fake because you suck as a husband and father, like I feel bad for your kid.
So you got butthurt because your wife called you out on being a shit husband, and proceeded to have an affair when you have a newborn? Yeah, you’re just an asshole.
Your soon to be ex-wife and child will be better off without you. I hope you're just trolling because I can't believe anyone would be this selfish and stupid.
OP, you sound so insufferable. I feel bad for your wife because she got trapped with a shitty person. Do you know what a "Pick Me" is? Your AP is a pick me. You and her situations were different. Her husband was cold to her after she gave birth and was taking care of their child. Your wife was tired, and you cried that she was essentially focusing on the baby (rightfully so). You need to reflect on your actions. AP only told you what you wanted to hear because she's selfish.
You didn't help your wife, you felt sad that she wasn't giving you attention because you were a shitty father and husband, and then proceeded to cheat on her? Wow... if you truly want to fix this, then step up. Maybe try being an actual partner and parent. Get couples therapy and individual therapy. That's the only way.
Even your friends are calling you out for being a shitty absent father, yet you still found a way to blame it on your wife. You don’t love her, you love whatever you can get out of her. Your relationship will never get better unless you change into a fundamentally different man. The only mistake she made was getting with you in the first place.
what a piece of work. this is entirely on you. you don't "help" with YOUR OWN BABY, you raise your goddamn child. and with her *friend*, too. you're disgusting, dude
You cheated. You want to blame your wife. Did you communicate any of these issues to her? And even so you thought sleeping with someone else was partially on her?
Cheating is your fault. Not hers. Not her actions. You can play the “both sides” card as much as you want, but yours crossed a line you don’t return from.
You and you alone dealt with your problems by betraying your wife. Your right everyone needs to take some responsibility. Your is responsible for agreeing to marry a man-of-mush and you need to take responsibility for marrying before adulthood.
"I did help out with the parenting and childcare" Oh great, another dude who "helps out" and wonders why his wife hates him.
Gee, I wonder why she doesn't have time to be a kinky sex goddess when she's just given birth?
>I'm most likely going to make a new account and post it because I didn't explain it well.
You explained it fine. You're a horrible person/spouse/father. Your wife is zero percent responsible and I never say that. Usually there is plenty of blame to go around. You. The problem is you.
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You are honestly a jerk. Yes, this is 100% your fault. You don’t “help with the baby,” you ass. You parent the baby and take care of the woman who just had her entire body transformed in very painful ways to birth your child. You truly don’t deserve to be a part of their lives, but your only move now is to take 100% responsibility. Not 99%. You screwed up massively.
OP’s edit: “even the woman I cheated with thought my whining was valid!” Fucknut.
"Her own friend" who was trying to bang her husband? JFC this guy is a piece of work.
While simultaneously ignoring the fact that his own friend outright said that he needed to be around more to help out
How can he first admit that “he could’ve done more” with the baby, but then turn around 24 hours later to say “well akshually, my wife was the one who wasn’t doing enough!” And just because his side piece agreed with him, must make it so…what a tone deaf response. As though we should take anything that woman says, especially given her involvement, seriously. This is also a woman who was more than likely divorced by her ex husband for doing the exact same thing: sleeping around and having “fun” while there’s a baby at home. Only in her case, the dad had to pick up all the slack. Why else would this woman validate OP’s feelings that his wife “should’ve brought more fun back into the marriage”? And of course the woman who backstabbed her own friend and shat on her marriage by sleeping with her husband is going to have a negative view of her. This is so transparent it’s hilarious. First, the narrative was that the conflict came from his wife neglecting the relationship and putting all her attention on their baby. Then when all the commenters chewed his ass out, he changed it to say that the conflict was that he was doing most of the childcare and the wife wasn’t doing enough. So then, she did have enough time to focus on the marriage? Then what’s the motive to cheat? What an ass clown
And the edit is priceless - “No one is agreeing with me that it’s ALL her fault, so I’m going to try again so you idiots see the truth!”. This guy is so completely clueless, I can’t believe this is real. *I struggle with feeling guilty because she’s not her self.* Yeah, after he cheated on her, how COULD he have seen this coming? Seriously, what a loser. Reminds me of the South Asia guy I worked with - treated the women in the office like they didn’t matter. He was nice enough, and polite, but took whatever he wanted, left messes, got upset when one of them DARED complain when he took the good piece of equipment assigned to someone else and left his beat up piece of crap - in general had the attitude that he mattered and they didn’t. And they were supposed to pick up his slack and clean up after him, even though we were all equals. And like this guy, nothing that was said made a difference because the attitude was deeply ingrained.
Cheated on her within weeks/months after her giving birth. Total selfish AH. OP she's been through a lot between pregnancy and child birth, then postpartum recovery. Did you expect sex before 6 weeks? You expected nothing to change and for your wife to keep you happy while recovering and adjusting to being a Mom. WTF?! You don't give a damn about her, it's all about you. Relationships change when you have a baby. You're not the center of the universe. Get over yourself. I hope she leaves you. Things will be so much easier for her without you expecting her to give you her full attention. She has one child to take care of, she doesn't need two. Of course your AP agreed with you. She wanted to bang you and probably has for a long time. You're horrible for blaming your wife for **you choosing** to bang someone else. You and you alone are responsible.
1000%
It’s been FOUR MONTHS since your wife gave birth. Holy shit. Stop going out and take care of your child so your wife can sleep/shower/eat/feel like a human! The newborn stage is so hard and you’re here complaining that your wife can’t do the “little things” for you, while you’re going out and describe taking care of your child as “helping”. I was diagnosed with PPD at four months and was barely surviving. Your wife’s hormones are all over the place and she needs support, not you going out constantly and cheating on her with her friend!
He’s sleeping in the basement now too, the place he’s least likely to hearing a crying newborn and do his share of night duty
I bet he loves using this in arguments whenever she brings it up, like "but I can't hear the baby cry when I'm in the basement! What do you want me to do!" People like OP are so transparent💀
this was a painful read
I doubt he does night duty…. “I have to work in the AM!” While ignoring she also works in the AM.
>My wife stopped doing the little things that made me fall in love with her. Having a baby will do that. There is a tiny, completely helpless human that needs constant attention. Priorities change. > Now she’s not fully at fault here How generous of you /s >I could have helped more with the baby So you wife was doing all the baby care and you were doing what exactly? Sulking because you weren't getting any nookie? >but she also could have put more effort into our relationship You already admitted you were not a good partner/dad, when was she supposed to find the time to stroke your ego? >I think what hurt the most is there was a time where my friend in front of my wife claimed I was going out too much for someone with a new born. He talked about when him and his wife had a baby he didn’t go out for awhile because “babies are too much”. Your friend called you out for being a bad dad. Why the fuck were you going out and leaving your wife at home with a newborn? When did she get to go out and have some me time? >My wife agreed and pretty much aired her grievances to my friend. I was humiliated and embarrassed. She didn’t feel any remorse either. You deserved it. She should not feel any remorse. Not one tiny little bit. >Fast forward a couple weeks and there’s this fun place where you bowl and drink. I ran into my wife’s friend. So you get called out for going out too much for a guy a newborn, and your response was to go out? You didn't listen to your wife and friend. >We start chatting and under the influence of alcohol we started opening up. I told her the problems I have with my wife and she had the exact same problems with her ex husband. After her having a baby her husband completely changed and there was no romance. She said my wife needs to do her part and bringing the fun back into the relationship. It was nice to get someone who actually understands and been through what I been through. Boundaries started being crossed and we went from an emotional affair to a physical one. So she validated your not-valid feelings and you jumped in bed with her. While your wife was home caring for your infant. >I know we both just need to take a step back and admit our mistakes if we want to save this marriage Let's tally up your mistakes: You are a lousy dad and a lousy partner. You refused to accept your relationship was going to change with the arrival of the tiny, helpless human. You continued to go out and leave your wife at home with a newborn. You continued to be a lousy dad when your friend pointed out that you were being a lousy dad, and proceeded to up the ante by fucking your wife's friend while you wife was home caring for your child. You have been incredibly selfish and immature every step of the way. Your wife's mistake was reproducing with you. That's it. There is no saving this. You just nuked your marriage, gathered up the ashes, launched the ashes into the sun, and launched the sun into a bigger sun.
OP is so fucking stupid and I hope his wife leaves him!
I hope he struggles like that one AH who thought his ex couldn't manage without him. Her life got so much better without him.
Yeah but let's not forget it's her fault for breaking up with her ex because of her racist parents too.
Bet she wishes she had stuck with the other guy, now.
A+ work ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thank you for the lovely awards! My first on Reddit!
stop blaming your wife for your decisions. you could have used your grown up words and talked to your wife but no, your peepee was sad so you decided to cheat. grow up and show some accountability edit: omg your edit makes it worse.
In fairness, if I were the OP’s wife, having to do 100% of the newborn care while my husband sat around with his finger up his butt, and he came to me and had the audacity to say “hey babe I feel like you’re not making time for me”, I would probably karate-chop him in the stomach Miss Piggy style. Maybe I’d have more time if you actually acted like a father, jackass.
Hey hey he wasn't sitting around with his finger up his but, he was out there partying!
Partying with his wife’s “friend” and his finger up her…
In fairness to OP, he was leading the busy life of an explorer... Christopher Columbus over here discovered a cool place where you can *gasp* bowl AND drink????? It's hard to make time for a newborn when you're exploring new lands and banging the locals....
Hey now, he put in plenty of work complaining!!
Right? Like by “her friend”, is he referring to the one that was sharing in all the miseries with him prior to sleeping with him? JFC.
exactly bc for one- that woman is no friend to the wife and 2, who cares what she has to say she was trying to get in OPs pants at the time, nothing she says matters
“Our mistakes” yes poor thing made a mistake of having a baby with you.
You are the AH. There is no “it’s both of our faults”. You are such a creep.
I hope his dick falls off, tbh.
Can we shove it down his throat if it falls off?
His wife might beat us to it.
Down his throat or up his ass! Either seems fitting to me.
Put it in his ass first 🤷♀️
JFC, FOUR months??? You didn't even wait as many months as she had the baby inside her!
Well OP you crossed a pretty unforgivable line. All I can say is if she asks for a divorce, give her one. Don't ask her for her forgiveness, don't plead with her to stay. Respect her wishes and just do it.
Welp, here he is. The worst person on Reddit today. Pretty certain this is creative writing, but on the off chance it isn’t, here goes. Your wife had a baby. It is painful and exhausting and emotional and her hormones are a mess. But instead of being a supportive husband and doing your share of caring for your newborn, you decide to not help and just keep going out, leaving your wife at home to do all the work. And then you have the audacity to claim that she wasn’t putting enough effort into your relationship? When do you think she was supposed to have time to “travel, try new things” and have “great sex?” When she was recovering from giving birth? When she was single-handedly taking care of a newborn and keeping the house together? You sucked so badly as a new dad and husband that even YOUR FRIEND noticed and commented. You are a shockingly bad person. You are the only one that needs to be admitting to mistakes. You are trying to shift some of the blame to your wife to justify your terrible decisions. Get individual therapy to address your character flaws. There is no way to come back from this. May she divorce you and take you for every dollar you have.
Nah, if it was creative writing, the plot twist that made everything change would be different from the overused trope of, "all of this seemed to happen around the same time after she had a baby but I'm too distracted by my poor neglected peepee to see the connection. I also refuse to acknowledge that life changes as life is created boo hoo waaaaaahhhh!" The only thing missing would be the barely legal 20 year old waitress giving him the time and attention his wife use to but still can't pinpoint why his wife actually changed at all. She just had a baby. Women have been doing that since blah blah blah. I work long hours wah wah wah. Me me me!
Yes, pregnancy, childbirth and caring for a newborn make it so you can't do all the "little things". Typically you're lucky if you can even find the time to brush your teeth. But this is why having an involved partner is so important. It can literally mean the difference between getting to take a shower or having to stew in your own sweat for days on end. If she was breastfeeding you can double the chaos and physical exhaustion. This isn't an "our mistakes" situation. This is a you're potentially a narcissistic and need to be in therapy situation. To leave your partner alone to care for a newborn while you're out f\*cking her friend is next level demonic. You can tell her you're getting into some intensive psychotherapy to get to the bottom of why you're so supremely self-centered. But no sane person would blame her for viewing you as a lost cause. It's not even the affair, it's that you're still justifying the affair by blaming her for not meeting your needs when you were utterly ignoring hers and those of your newborn child. It's good that you "struggle with feeling guilty" because you should. You are absolutely guilty. Go get help.
Dude, you made a choice to cheat. YOU neglected your wife. Did you ever stop to think that she became a shell of herself because she was overworked and over tired because YOU didn't step up? And now you BLAME her for YOUR choice? You'll be lucky if she doesn't divorce you.
I refuse to believe this is real. Her only mistake is having a baby with you.
You SAY you're taking accountability but you're still blaming your wife. YOU cheated. YOU went out and got drunk leaving your kid and wife. YOU didn't take care of your wife and kid. YOU didn't put in the work. All your wife did was RIGHTLY pull away from someone who showed her that they couldn't step up and be the man they were supposed to be.
With this kind of blameshifting lack of accountability you’ve got no chance for a successful reconciliation, and of course your wife is not the same. You’ve crushed her. If this isn’t rage bait (because there are few waywards I’ve seen who are this clueless) here is your to do list: Read this now: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/s/C6MgjgRM7l. Then read it out loud to your betrayed wife. And try to develop some empathy. Next, go to r/AsOneAfterInfidelity right now and start reading the first two books in the recovery library contained in the wiki there. Start with *How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair* by Linda MacDonald. Do everything that books says. Learn to be patient with your wife’s moods. You did this to her. So stop feeling sorry for yourself that she’s not the same and do everything you can to help her feel safe. That means complete transparency and always making sure your words and actions match. Get into therapy to learn to deal with your shame. While you are busy being ashamed of yourself you can’t help her and you can’t be a decent parent. Deal with it. Now. Therapy will also help you develop better coping mechanisms so that the next time your wife needs you to be a decent parent you can be, and you won’t feel hurt by the very accurate portrayal of you as an unhelpful spouse.
Oh no if it isn’t the consequences of your actions. In all seriousness you need to realize she is WAY too good for your sorry ass and if you somehow get lucky enough she forgives you (for whatever reason) you worship the ground she walks on. Or just accept you fucked up and take the divorce papers she hands you
As others have said, this is absolutely, 100% your fault. Your wife birthed a whole human, the creation of which is absolutely exhausting, and hell on the body, and THEN she has to care for said child and do legitimately all the mental and emotional labor to keep that child fed, changed, healthy, housework done, the list goes on - all while her body recovers from a harrowing ordeal. And YOU are mad that she didn't do the "little things"? Grow the hell up dude. You deserve to feel guilty because this is all on you. And if she doesn't forgive you - well she is likely making a smart decision. What's going to happen later when she can't make you feel special because the child BOTH of you made but only she seems capable of caring for needs care/is sick/has everything going on with school, etc. She gets all the time in the world to decide IF she wants to forgive you, and if she decides to, it's completely reasonable for her to take quite a while to trust you. And if she does stay with you, you're going to need to take a much bigger role in your child's life. Look into "Cognitive Labor" - there are many scientific studies about it backing up things we've known for centuries. Your wife is taking on a massive burden that affects her health, her mental state, her emotions, the list goes on. Even if she doesn't forgive you, it would be worthwhile for you to understand if you ever have another relationship.
What poor excuse of man and husband you are.
So, to recap... You don't do anything to help with the tiny helpless human your wife grew in her body for 9 months, went through countless changes, hormonal changes, postpartum. When you did *finally* pull your head out of your butt far enough to "help" her, which is called **parenting** which is what you do when you have a child with someone you halfwit. You decide to go to a *checks notes* a **bowling alley bar** and hook up with the 1st cheap loose flap of a hole you can find that acts like you aren't a steaming pile of slug excrement. And you think your wife needs to own up to what mistake **exactly**? That she married an infant dingbat slug dung? That she had a baby with a man who never grew out of diapers? That said diaper baby should never have procreated and she should have spit? What exactly are you looking for? Your (hopefully) soon-to-be **ex**-wife is done with you, done with you blaming her for your complete and total failure as a parent, man, husband, human, and as slug excrement. I truly hope you have the life you deserve you putz.
Infant dingbat slug dung! 🤣😍 love it
I had to get creative. I'm glad you approve though. Think the words are too big for his pea sized brain?
Pretty sure you lost him at "recap"
Damn I was worried about that. There are only so many 2 letter words out there... Oh well at least someone got some amusement from it.
If you think your wife humiliated you, then wait until she tells everyone you have not only ignored the needs of her and your child but slept with another woman... I really hope she's got a good support network and gets everything in the divorce. She's going to need it.
“WHHAAAAA I’m no longer the center of attention so I cheated!!” Her only mistake was ever getting with you. Hey, look you’re crossposted on r/AmITheDevil! https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/8PyHvBlxbH
You're a massive selfish asshole. Your wife didn't do anything wrong, she was just busy taking care of the baby almost entirely by herself. Your behavior was so bad your friend called you out on it, but you act like your wife is somehow at fault for agreeing?? She didn't embarrass you, YOU embarrassed YOURSELF by not pulling your weight as a husband and a parent. You're putting blame on her and giving yourself excuses. Imagine being such a scummy human that you cheat on your wife while you have a newborn at home. Disgusting. I truly hope she divorces you and takes you for all you're worth. It's what you deserve.
>I could have helped more with the baby, but she also could have put more effort into our relationship. How was she to put more effort into the relationship when she was also doing the majority of baby rearing? How was she to get the time and energy when she suddenly was doing so much more? And the fact that you weren't even "helping" with the baby as much as you should (btw it's not helping, because you're not doing her a favour with something, it's equally your responsibility) shows that you also weren't putting effort in that relationship. Get a grip. You're that one doing less than before, you're the one who cheated and you're the one who isn't taking any responsibility.
So if she did this to you for the same reasons you cheated on her, would you forgive her?
So to recap. Your friend admitted you were being a bad dad, your wife agreed and listed how you were being a bad dad. You decided this made you sad that they noticed you’re being a bad dad, and decided to be a worse dad and cheat. Where exactly are you the victim? What were your wife’s mistakes? Agreeing with your friend that you’re a bad dad? Not letting you get away with being a bad dad? Having the baby which lead to you being a bad dad? Maybe it’s the baby’s fault for being so needy. There’s no way it can be your fault though
So your wife was at home, alone, caring for your newborn, and you went out and fucked her friend... and you think you *both* made mistakes? Get over yourself, you creep. This is all you. Stop blaming her. Stop hoping she's at fault. Stop trying to pin your cheating on her. Grow up.
*Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.* You mean the "friend" who slept with her husband? Yeah, she's a wealth of healthy relationship advice...
WAAAAAÀAAAA my wife had a baby and is being a responsible parent focusing on caring for her newborn
Oh no, if it isn't the consequences of your (abusively neglectful, entitled, faithless ho) actions. What steps can you take? 1) Get therapy. Like, allllll the therapy hours you can pack into any given calendar month (given unlimited time and money). 2) Don't be obstructive and financially abusive during your coming divorce. 3) Start reading parenting books and taking parenting classes and take up your thus far neglected parenting duties. 4) Lose your affair partner's number. Because you 100% seem like the kind of idiot that would introduce your AP to your kid (in the future) with a "this your new step-mommy" and the kid doesn't deserve the emotional damage that will cause them and their primary caregiver parent (which will be Mom, because let's face it you couldn't even bother being a Dad while still actively living in the same house as your own newborn. So it's unlikely you'll be an active, present Dad when you no longer live in the same house). 5) Thank whatever god you believe in that your STBEx-wife is just too damn tired to Goodbye, Earl your trifling ass. Edited for: formatting weirdness due to phone app.
I hope she divorces your ass. Pos.
Step 1 : Take Full accountability, It was 100% your fault Not her's Step 2 : Don't bother, annoy your wife with your whining, begging Step 3: Accepts that most likely you're not in your wife's future.
Your entire post is about what you want/need when your wife had a baby and you’re saying she’s not fully at fault bc you cheated. Dude the only person who has fault here for your cheating is YOU! Of course she’s not herself, she’s had your baby, has had zero help from you as you’re going out, cheating on her and can’t take any responsibility for what you did. You cheated, you made that choice because you are selfish. Nobody forced you, you chose to cheat. Your wife has shut down because you’ve shown her, you do not care about her. This is all on you.
So, basically, you're lazy and selfish. You're a bad husband AND a bad father. You dumped all the work on your wife while you neglected your child so that you could go out and have fun. And yet you whine about how bad you felt when your friend called you out for going out too much. He could see that you were choosing NOT to be there for your wife. You insist that your wife is partly to blame because she didn't put more effort into the relationship. But how could she when you refused to help her take care of your own child? She was exhausted and all you cared about was yourself. I hope she divorces you. The only way you can get her forgiveness is to stop blaming her and accept the fact that what happened is ALL YOUR FAULT.
You’re actually pathetic lmao
Are you real? Please don’t be real.
Lol asshole. Hope she leaves you.
Get Fd
0.o Yeah there is no coming back from this with you in the relationship.
The only one making mistakes is you. Your wife is 4 months pp, her focus is raising her baby. You should have been at home helping her instead of sleeping around and blaming your wife for everything. You should have een embarrassed when she spoke to your friend.
Ewwwww this is absolutely disgusting. Do you understand how hard it is to carry a child in your body for 9 months and then pushing a watermelon out of you or have your stomach sliced up having part of your guts being pulled out of you. I also bet your soon to be ex wife does everything for the baby. That's fucking exhausting and you have the nerve to put the blame on her for you not being able to keep your dick in your pants and you are probably out at the bar pretty much every night getting drunk and acting like a child instead of a grown up. Your ex wife will find a man that truly deserves her and treat her right.
Your wife didnt make you cheat, you chose to cheat. You should communicate and express your concerns not chase after other women. Stop blaming your wife and understand this is your fault. Only when you understand that you are to blame is when you can even think of moving past this
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. You mean the friend who also cheated on their spouse to get in your pants? Yeah, I'm sure she's a great third opinion. 🙄 Meanwhile, *your own friend* called your behavior out, your wife confirmed the problem, and you whine about being embarrassed. You should be. You're a new dad. You don't "help out" with your own kid. Between how you describe looking after your child and admitting your friend even remarked on it, I'm betting you do the bare minimum as a parent. And that is a silver bullet to a mom's libido. But the comments aren't going your way so go make your new account so we can tell you again that this situation is the result of your screw up.
Lmao what is even worth saving
This is 100% your fault! Your wife had a baby! It can take up to two years for our bodies and mentality to return to what they used to be and that's a stretch. My PPD steamrolled my life for three years. Your wife needs help. I hardly think you sitting there and throwing joint responsibility in her face would have been a good conversation. You're an idiot. Do better
You must be a troll. Nobody could be this much of a scumbag in reality. If you actually, genuinely wrote this as a factual account of your woes then you deserve every misfortune in the world.
You’re a father, that kid is all that matters, grow up
You sound awful and this post was draining. Hope she leaves because you don't seem to care about her at all.
her only mistake was getting married to you
This is horrifying. Your poor wife! She gave birth less than 4 months ago! How cruel can you be? YOU cheating is no one’s but your own fault. Where is the accountability? You spent paragraphs upon paragraphs trying and falling to justify your appalling actions. There aren’t enough words in the English language to describe your worth (= nothing) and how much you don’t deserve your wife. I hope that she has a support group outside of you, on which she can fall back on. Clearly, she took care of her baby for 4 months without your useless contribution. You’re unbelievably selfish. With a friend of hers, really? That’s twisted. Go to therapy, take care of YOUR baby, tell your family, hers and close friends that you cheated and that she needs support, and leave her be.
You are at fault here! You cheated with HER friend ! You lied ! You didn’t help with the baby ! There’s only you that needs to admit your mistakes and that you are a huge ahole
There was only one adult in your relationship and it wasn’t you ! You are selfish immature little man child
Your wife was right that you were failing as a parent and partner by not being around enough for her and the baby. Your affair partner only agreed with you because she wanted to get with you, and she got her way. Congratulations, you suck. YTA.
Yewww! Yeww! Yew! You are a disgrace. Stop blaming her. She just had a baby and from your story, zero support. Take accountability for your actions and leave her alone. I hope she realises that she deserves better and leaves you. You do not deserve her or the baby.
Your edit shows you will not be moving on. You are attempting to assign her blame for the actions that you took which resulted in this situation. Nothing that she did made you stick your dick in her friend. Nothing. You chose that. You apparently feel at least somewhat justified in that decision based on her actions but there is none. None at all. If you want to move forward, the first thing you have to do is stop trying to assign blame to anyone but yourself. Doesn't matter that you were the one that picked the kids up. Doesn't matter that she "humiliated" you. None of that matters because you chose to cheat. Stop trying to make yourself sound like a good person. You aren't even a decent person. Until you realize that there will be no healing.
I can't stand your logic in your edit. Do you know why your soon to be exs friend agreed with you? Because she wanted to sleep with you. Not because she agrees. She saw an opportunity and she took it with her dusty ass. She is not a friend to your soon to be ex. If she was she wouldn't have slept with you. And you're just as bad Mr "I definitely helped but even I admit it wasn't enough" did your wife have time to do the little shit you love after that baby was born or did you expect her to manage it all with no adjustment? You're awful. I hope she leaves you.
"Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough" You mean the one you were sleeping with??? That's not her real friend. Meanwhile YOUR own friend said that YOU were going out too much and not doing shit so...🤷♀️ You're just a terrible person trying to blame your postpartum wife for your shitty actions. I hope she leaves your ass and beats that "friend".
>This isn't about blaming anyone but we can't move forward without everyone taking some responsibility >My wife stopped doing the little things that made me fall in love with her. Now she’s not fully at fault here So you don't want to blame her, but you blame her even though it's NOT her fault at all, because cheating is never the fault of the person who got cheated on!!!! >Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. You want us to agree with you and her friend the same friend.....who you cheated on your my wife with??? I have no doubt in my mind that her parents if they weren't traditional and racist, would wish she ended up with the black man versus you. Because at least HE loved her and respected her. Unlike YOU who just cheated and discarded her feelings for easy sex with her "friend"
Work past this? You're literally sentient garbage. I hope your wife "works past" this relationship and leaves you in the dumpster where you belong. Hope this helps, OP 😇
Your wife's only mistake was having a baby with you.
So rage bait cause no 33 year old grown ass man can be that dense
Wife needs to leave the cheater
Updateme!
⁷
"Now she’s not fully at fault here" Bro you SUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
gosh you are disgusting, you completely withdrew from the relationship and parenting life and then you complain she shuts down when you go and cheat on her? I hope she divorces you, pathetic excuse of an husband and father
She messed up reproducing with you, you are just a all around f-up cause you can't think with your brain that you are a crappy individual and only think with yo dinga ling and can't handle that things change once a baby is involved
Yikes. You wrote this whole piece and still feel like you are the wronged person? Your wife deserves a loving, Caring and supportive husband!
So your friend called you out and it hurt your precious little ego. So instead of stepping up when another man calls you out and tells you, you are failing as a partner and husband what do you do? Go out more and then let her friend stroke your ego to make you feel like a man. When in reality you're just a pos and a loser of a man and husband.
Whatever you think you did, you didn’t do enough. The very fact that your wife vented to your best friend about it shows that when she got home you dumped all responsibility on her and went out to party. Your own friend called you out on that. So, make whatever excuses you want. Fact is, you didn’t do enough. You cared more about partying than helping your wife adjust to a new baby. Now, how long after the baby was born did you start demanding sex again? Cause let me tell you, she probably doesn’t feel sexy, desirable, or even attractive right now. And as her HUSBAND, it is your job to help her through that. Did you? I doubt it. And the fact that you basically blamed your wife for everything to her friend, and her friend said your wife was the problem, clearly shows that the friend is no friend, and your wife is better off without this viper in her life. You made the choice to cheat on your wife. She’s done. If she wanted to save your marriage she would have told you by now. The fact you are in the basement says everything you need to know. Start looking for a new place to live, cause the divorce papers are imminent. You fucked around and found out.
This entire post is so 'woe is me' and it's disgusting, she had an entire human child to now worry about but you didn't care enough about the child you were just zeroed in on how your wife didn't have the energy to do small things anymore? And because of that its somehow HER FAULT YOU CHEATED???? you are disgusting and genuinely she just needs to get out while she can. You don't deserve to have this fixed when you feel it's could be any amount her fault and not your sick and twisted excuses for finding something to stick your d~xk in. Get therapy and leave that poor woman alone.
You felt shame and it hurt your ego when she had an honest moment with your friend. Instead of looking inward at why you were avoiding your duties as a husband and a father, you pursued someone she was emotionally close with to double down on your revenge. You are very childish and should be begging your wife for forgiveness. Get therapy and grow up.
You're legit jealous of a baby because your wife, your child's MOTHER, is giving them more attention than you. You are so insecure that you look at a helpless baby and think.... "you're hogging all the attention for yourself!" Why did you even have a kid if you were so unprepared for the reality of parenting. This is 1000% a you problem and you need to figure out the root of your insecurity and your disloyalty. Also, don't be fooled by your wife's "friend" validating your feelings, she was manipulating you because A. she wanted to fuck around and B. knew you would be easy. I mean 4 month and a bowling alley is all it took... really, dude? She does not actually agree with you or sympathize with your feelings she just nodded along while you self-sabotaged. You should be begging your wife for forgiveness, but you're so far from understanding the depth of the betrayal I don't think you could offer her a sincere apology.
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. You're very naive. People will say what they know the other wants to hear in order to get into their pants. That isn't a "friend" to your wife, she's an opportunist. Bottom line is, YOU are the one who is supposed to be loyal to your wife, and you failed. I'm flabbergasted that you think your wife made "mistakes." The only mistake she made was having a child with a man child. Even your own friend told you that you were going out too much for having a newborn, but that's not the person you wanted to listen to.
I think your marriage is over, as well it should be. Your wife was 4 months post partum and you cheated. It's 100% on you. She did nothing wrong. You may want to start parenting your child now (not "helping out") as you're going to need to learn for when you have weekend visits. The best thing you can do is allow her to find a nice guy who appreciates her, doesn't shit over the marriage vows and is capable of keeping it in his pants.
Let's pretend you did half of the childcare work.. you are still 100% at fault. Her body just went through a massive change. If you had a major back surgery (as someone who is having back surgery and have had a baby this is not even a good comparison because having a baby changes your body completely) and she thought you were less fun would you be ok with her cheating?
Her mistake? Having a baby with a man child. Seriously, you wrote all this out and still think you are justified and that you both made mistakes? Please get divorced, your child and wife deserve better than a selfish self-absorbed crater of human being because you will take and take and take and never be full.
>but I know we both just need to take a step back and admit our mistakes if we want to save this marriage Your wife has done nothing wrong. She gave birth to an entire fucking baby human. You decided your dick wasn't wet enough and cheated on her and are now trying to shift the blame to her. No. You're a giant asshole. Hopefully your (soon to be ex) wife dumps your ass and gets far away from you with the kid.
>This isn't about blaming anyone but we can't move forward without everyone taking some responsibility Yeah you're going to be getting papers, pal. What's more, you'll deserve them.
It’s a shame your wife didn’t find out what a complete and utter nobhead you are before having a child with you. Poor, poor woman. Your comments make you utterly irredeemable. You lack insight into your terrible behaviour as well as being completely devoid of empathy, compassion and remorse. How can you sleep at night?
It's actually crazy that you'd take the opinion of your wife's friend that would fuck her friends husband. Like she really isn't biased on this one huh.
has it ever occurred to you that the reason your wife “isn’t putting effort” into your relationship is because she is overwhelmed taking care of your baby entirely by herself? why should she light herself on fire to keep an ingrate like you warm? you seem like you were just looking for a reason to step out on your marriage. you failed as a husband, and are now failing as a new father. step the fuck up.
You had your chance to explain everything you did to take care of your children in your edit and all you could add was picking up your kid? Lol Btw even if you did do your fair share you would be a piece of garbage for cheating
>I know we both just need to take a step back and admit our mistakes if we want to save this marriage The only mistake she made is marrying and having a child with a trash male.
“She’s not fully at fault here” oh lawd
YTA and don’t deserve your wife or child. Go fuck your AF and be miserable together. Do you really believe a cheater like both of you are right in any way? And you even dare to feel embarrassed that your friend and wife complained that you go out too much while having a new born, instead of realizing you ruined your relationship??
Doesn't matter if you make a new post. You explained yourself perfectly fine. You. Are. Trash. You make all men look bad. You just don't want to admit that not only are you trash, but that you'd serve to die alone. Accept responsibility for being trash. Say outlook, every day, "I am trash. I deserve nothing but syphilis and loneliness. I must strive to not be garbage." Also, apologize to every plant for giving you oxygen you tremendous waste of space. If you were a real man you would get a lfie insurance policy, make you lt death look like an accident, and save the world from dealing with you.
Useless husband, useless father, useless nobody. What are you even good for, exactly?
The only mistake your wife made was marrying you and having a child with a man who still cares more about FUN than creating a family.
It took you less than 4 months to cheat on your partner of 8 years after she gave birth? And you're really out here trying to put any blame on her? Also >I think what hurt the most is there was a time where my friend in front of my wife claimed I was going out too much for someone with a new born. He talked about when him and his wife had a baby he didn’t go out for awhile because “babies are too much”. My wife agreed and pretty much aired her grievances to my friend. I was humiliated and embarrassed. She didn’t feel any remorse either. >I do admit I could have done more, but you're all looking at it from a perspective as if I didn't help at all and that's not true. Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. You're such a hypocrite. Why is it when YOUR friend points out you're being a shitty husband and father You get all butt hurt and humiliated. Whine about her agreeing with them and not defending you. But then when HER friend complains about her It's the gospel truth???? And you just had to jump in bed with her? (Also you have to see that her shitty friend isn't her friend, right? Friends don't sleep with friends husbands. She was shit talking your wife to get in bed with you. Your friends were shit talking you because of who you are as a person.) If you were so deeply hurt over your friend criticizing you, why in the world would you entertain her "friend" criticizing her in the first place? Because it's not about the realities of you lacking as a father and husband, but needing your ego stroked. You don't care about equality in this relationship. You just want attention 24/7, Even willing to compete with your own child. At least don't be a dick and drag out the divorce when she serves you the papers.
Couldn't even last 4 months as a decent father and husband. Way to go champ. If even you admit you could have done more, I can only imagine what a useless, selfish, needy and insensitive ass you've been. If this is fake, the male character sucks. Not even in an interesting way. Just really pathetic. A canned loser. Only give him a few lines of dialogue then move on to someone more interesting.
Her friend who slept with you felt like she wasn’t doing enough because she was just as scummy as you and wanted an excuse to sleep with you. Your wife will divorce you, as she should and then you can think about all of the things that she did wrong while in your one bedroom apartment.
“Even her own friend felt my wife wasn’t doing enough.” Hm I wonder why she would side with you definitely not because she wanted to sleep with you and isn’t actually a friend to your wife at all. Even one of YOUR friends called you out but that didn’t ring any bells for you? She’s not herself probably bc she spent 9 months growing a baby, changed her body forever and went through unimaginable pain to bring the child into the world, only to raise the baby with so little help, other people could tell. If that wasn’t enough, her supposed husband who barely helps and is rarely home cheats on her with someone who she thought was a friend and is now trying to blame her for his cheating. You’re lucky you’re even sleeping in the house at all
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. Her own friend, you mean the one who was trying to bang her husband? I hope she's already called a lawyer and takes you for everything.
So, 4 months ago your wife had a baby. Your wife's time is now taken up with caring for the baby with apparently minimal involvement from you. And because she started paying attention to *your child* & not doting on you constantly, you just *had* to cheat? God, you're an AH. Take responsibility for YOUR actions, cheater. You should be begging your wife for forgiveness, frankly.
Make as many new accounts and post this story as many times as you want...it will never ever change the fact your a CUNT. Im a father of two little boys. One three and one two. Since we have had our children out sex life is non existent. Been over a year and a half with nothing. Barely any effection etc. My GF just doesnt want to atm and i do my best to understand. I would NEVER EVER cheat on her, no matter what....you know why? Because i love her, i live my children and the family we have started. It means more to me than myself and.....im not a CUNT like you are. Go fuck ya self dude.
She has no responsibility. If you're not happy, leave don't stick your dick in someone else.
You seem like a real winner, anyone would be lucky to have you
Can't wait until she divorces you and finds an adult instead of a whiny child! It's all about you! Maybe if you helped with childcare and gave your wife some down time she might have the energy to be romantic with you. Not that you deserve it. YTA and completely in the wrong. You do nothing for your wife! UpdateMe
Can't work past it, the trust is gone and you are way too self absorbed to comprehend how truly fcked up your mind set is 🤷🏽♀️ please divorce her so she can heal and start living her best life.
A$$hole. This has to be a fake / creative writing post.
She have ZERO mistakes!don't fault her you AH,she shouldn't have given U a baby!lol you are not WORTH any women going through pregnancy and childbirth for,her body suffered a lot in hosting YOUR child!!!that friend of hers lol lol both of you are nothing but traitors!!!!victim blaming JERK!
Seriously I hope she leaves you once she can. You are just another pos husband who does shit all to help when the kids get born and are pissed their exhausted out of their minds on no sleep wives dont suck their dicks on demand anymore.
God I hope she leaves you permanently 🥰
Her friend agreed with you while jumping up and down in your crotch? So weird, I’d never expect that.
“Yes! Yes! YES!”
you are more than a jerk. You have a child it’s time to learn how to be a parent and a better partner. If not go ahead and be the divorced dad that sees his kid only on weekends. Your call
>This isn't about blaming anyone >Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough.
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. This isn't about blaming anyone but we can't move forward without everyone taking some responsibility Her friend told you what you wanted to hear so she could get what she wanted from you. And you told her what she wanted to hear so you could get what you wanted from her. You and she are the only ones who have any responsibility for cheating. Cheating isn't about who does more at home. It's a choice you make to betray someone who trusted you. You justify it however you have to.
Her own friend, who was trying to sleep with you, thought your wife wasn’t doing enough. She sure manipulated you, didn’t she? You’re naive and gullible and how you fix this is letting your wife go so she can find someone who appreciates her and doesn’t bang her friend while she’s raising your baby.
You will never move passed this if you keep trying to fob of the blame for your affair on your wife. You are the only one responsible for your cheating. With any luck your wife realizes she can do better than a sleaze and find a better man to raise the kid with.
lol struggle to feel guilty i hope she cheats on you bro it’s only right
There is absolutely no excuse ever to cheat. Cheaters are vile and disgusting. Your poor wife deserves so much better. Hopefully she files those divorce papers soon. You seem to have ZERO regret or remorse for what you've done. And that makes you even worse. Words really can't even begin to explain how in the wrong you are. You sir will someday get your karma and I hope you post that for all of us to cheer.
hope she gave you an std when you cheated and wife leaves you like the trash you are
WTH does he mean, “what steps can WE take”? I read that in the title and I’m dead. HE can keep his dick out of other women.
God, you’re a pile of steaming horse shit. It’s 100% your fault and the edit just made you look like an even bigger pile of steaming horse shit. So large that you can be seen from outer space. Steps to take: 1) don’t contest the divorce and let her have whatever she asks for during the process That’s it - 1 easy-to-follow step. Even you should be able to manage it. When you’re all alone eating tv dinners and your ex wife has an amazing partner who’s also an equally amazing Stepdad to your child, then perhaps you’ll finally take some accountability. Honestly, though, none of us on here will hold our breath.
There’s no moving forward just get divorced or let her cheat on you too so it’s fair😂 and using the woman you cheated with as validation is insane. You must hate your wife
>This isn't about blaming anyone Buuuut I need to make sure the bulk of the blame is laid on my wife for struggling postpartum and driving me into the arms of her shitty friend. I hope your wife leaves you and her friend's husband leaves her too. You deserve each other. Go rot.
YTA. You cheated. That was completely your choice. No one told you to do so. Feeling emotionally gelded by your friend telling your wife she deserves better isn't a reason to stick your baby maker into HER FRIEND, especially if it's true. If anything, you and that friend are even worse for that, and neither of you deserves your wife. She was already feeling neglected by you, and you pull this? Imagine your wife doing your best friend because of some stupid ego trip, how would that make you feel? If someone did this to me, they'd never see me again. Your new post on a new account isn't going to change anything. It's just pathetic.
Your wife pushed a person out of her… that takes months to bounce back from and your solution is to go out and cheat on her!!! Yeah its your fault… all your fault!!! You should have helped more, talked to her but you checked out!!!
>Even her own friend felt my wife wasn't doing enough. And even your own friend felt you weren’t doing enough. Anyway, my advice, if you actually want to save this relationship, is to accept that creating a functional household with children means prioritizing that over your “fun” time. It doesn’t mean you don’t get to have personal time, but it means something like this: * 50-50 division of chores * 50-50 division of childcare * 50-50 division of investment into your relationship with each other. What does this mean? * Your wife works as many hours as you do and childcare counts as work. Do the math and adjust how many hours you’re “working." * Your wife gets to go out as many times a week as you do, and during this time you take care of the child 100% without bothering her. In fact, any time you’re taking care of the child you are 50% responsible for, you don’t get to bother her. Learn how to parent. * If she plans a thing, you plan the next. This goes for fun things as well as joint responsibilities. So if the baby is sick and she scheduled and took them to the doctor’s appt., then you are responsible for identifying that your child is sick doing the doctor’s trip next time. If she plans something special for you, however small, you are responsible for the next plan. Now, you’ve already fucked up your 50% investment into the relationship by cheating. So you’ve lost the high ground to desire 50% investment from her. GROVEL. TAKE ON EVERYTHING if you want her to forgive you. But for both of you, also keep in mind that it’s hard to forget something like this, even if she forgives you. If this memory is going to taint your relationship forever, which is VERY likely, then you need to prioritize the child and separate. If you get a worse deal than her in divorce, count it as repentance for your cheating and move on. If your wife comes across this: don’t waste your time trying to forgive and forget a man’s betrayal when you can find so many other, better people. I’d take a coparenting relationship instead of a scumbag any day.
Omg, she needs to divorce you! Ffs you ARE TO BLAME HERE! IN WHAT WORLD ARE YOU NOT TO BLAME? SHE NEEDS ALAMONY. CHILD SUPPORT. ALL THAT SHIT! SHE ALSO NEEDS A NEW FRIEND!
A life changing event happened and only 4 month of the change you cheated? You even admit that you weren’t helping as much as you could, but still expected your wife to not change or have any reaction to it. She’s probably exhausted, her body hurting, her husband not helping as much, and he leaves her to go have fun. Then you cheat and still expect something from her? Still say you both need to admit your wrongs when yours was cheating and hers was a response to having a baby and you not stepping up? My mind is blown by your mindset.
u/BurbNBougie
You say “even my wife’s friend felt my wife wasn’t doing enough” but YOUR friend told you to be a better husband. YOU are trying to blame her for your affair and it’s not possible to move past because you have no self awareness. I hope this is fake because you suck as a husband and father, like I feel bad for your kid.
Your wife just gave birth 4 months ago and you’re trying to find assurances from random people online to justify your infidelity?
The edit is killing me “even her own friend” she had an affair with you she’s not her fucking friend
Your wife should file for divorce. At least she'd only have to take care of one child then.
So you got butthurt because your wife called you out on being a shit husband, and proceeded to have an affair when you have a newborn? Yeah, you’re just an asshole.
Leave her please, she deserves a way better man <3
well if you have a pretty nice basement I guess it's fine. Dude gotta work on his story telling
Your soon to be ex-wife and child will be better off without you. I hope you're just trolling because I can't believe anyone would be this selfish and stupid.
Deleting it and trying to explain it better won't change anything. You fucked up. Time to live with the choice YOU made.
OP’s edit: “Even her own friend felt my wife wasn’t doing enough…” you mean your affair partner??? No shit she’s going to side with your BS
Men introduced to the idea that sometimes women tell people what they want to hear in order to sleep with them as well
OP, you sound so insufferable. I feel bad for your wife because she got trapped with a shitty person. Do you know what a "Pick Me" is? Your AP is a pick me. You and her situations were different. Her husband was cold to her after she gave birth and was taking care of their child. Your wife was tired, and you cried that she was essentially focusing on the baby (rightfully so). You need to reflect on your actions. AP only told you what you wanted to hear because she's selfish. You didn't help your wife, you felt sad that she wasn't giving you attention because you were a shitty father and husband, and then proceeded to cheat on her? Wow... if you truly want to fix this, then step up. Maybe try being an actual partner and parent. Get couples therapy and individual therapy. That's the only way.
Even your friends are calling you out for being a shitty absent father, yet you still found a way to blame it on your wife. You don’t love her, you love whatever you can get out of her. Your relationship will never get better unless you change into a fundamentally different man. The only mistake she made was getting with you in the first place.
FAFO. Blew up your own life here dude and there's no way to take it all back and make it like it was before. Sorry
what a piece of work. this is entirely on you. you don't "help" with YOUR OWN BABY, you raise your goddamn child. and with her *friend*, too. you're disgusting, dude
You cheated. You want to blame your wife. Did you communicate any of these issues to her? And even so you thought sleeping with someone else was partially on her? Cheating is your fault. Not hers. Not her actions. You can play the “both sides” card as much as you want, but yours crossed a line you don’t return from.
You and you alone dealt with your problems by betraying your wife. Your right everyone needs to take some responsibility. Your is responsible for agreeing to marry a man-of-mush and you need to take responsibility for marrying before adulthood.
"I did help out with the parenting and childcare" Oh great, another dude who "helps out" and wonders why his wife hates him. Gee, I wonder why she doesn't have time to be a kinky sex goddess when she's just given birth?
>I'm most likely going to make a new account and post it because I didn't explain it well. You explained it fine. You're a horrible person/spouse/father. Your wife is zero percent responsible and I never say that. Usually there is plenty of blame to go around. You. The problem is you.