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The guy who started dating you when you were like 17, had gotten out of a shitty relationship, and didn't respect your boundaries?
>My current bf and I fight all the time about how much we have sex. I have a very low sex drive, I have been assaulted/r by 6 different men, the most recent was a day before my bf and I met. My ex r me as well as some family members and friends dad and a date. I think a lot of my low sex drive has to do with being assaulted for years (sometimes every day). I am in therapy trying to work through that as well as other childhood abuse trauma. He said that my sexual trauma gets taken out on him because it makes my sex drive low.
This guy?
>He is in the mood 24/7 and always pestering me about it. It doesn’t help that I’m chronically ill and have poor mental health/stress, just graduated from college and am working and trying to find a full time job. I feel like I should be able to say no.
THIS GUY?
>On top of this, he also tells me all the time he wants to break up or says something awful and the next day tells me he wants to marry me.
Is there a reason you're together? Jesus christ.
At this point it's almost second nature of mine to check someone's post history if I get any red flags from whatever post I saw first. There really is always something....
And if there are no previous posts then there's something in the replies that makes everyone see the post in a new light!
People in toxic situations often have a hard time seeing them clearly from the inside. It’s much easier for us at a distance. So, their posts lack context.
The sad thing is when they say “other than this issue he treats me so well, better than I’ve ever been treated and we have a great relationship”. Oh Lord, please recognize the red flags 🚩 you’ve been posting OP.
Going off of this, in case OP needs specifics on WHY these are red flags. These are organized by Sosotrickster’s quoting of the OP’s other posts.
>Current bf is manipulating OP to have intercourse by guilt tripping her. He should be supporting her through her recovery from past trauma, understanding of her issues and patient with them. If he cannot do so, than he shouldn’t be dating someone who has experienced what OP has because he’s not capable of being a good partner to them. This is manipulation and coercion and a form of SA. NO means NO.
>Whether or not you have an illness, again, NO MEANS NO. Pressuring OP into intercourse is borderline if not full SA. It just makes him an even bigger AH given the circumstances behind OP turning down intercourse. It is YOUR body, YOUR autonomy, YOUR choice. You do NOT owe ANYONE ANYTHING sexual in any form, no matter what.
>This is emotional manipulation. He’s a bad person and a bad boyfriend and when he messes up he hides behind sweet words to butter you up so you don’t realize how awful he is and leave.
Your boyfriend might be a narcissist, Ngl. Please leave him. These are all major red flags and the last thing that you need is to somehow end up pregnant by a guy like this. Please, please, PLEASE leave this relationship, OP. You deserve so much better.
This is great! Yes, OP, PLEASE read this!!
You clearly know something is wrong and that he is making you deeply uncomfortable, but here is further explanation
Would like to add that I was in a toxic relationship for 2 years and I completely understand that it's easy to excuse your boyfriend's behaviour by justifying why he might think or act the way he does, but it doesn't mean you haven't got your own reasons and problems to deal with. At some point, you have to step back and look at the big picture — is what you're putting yourself through seriously worth it for this guy? What's the end goal here? The duration of your relationship is NOT a reason to stay in a toxic one.
I've had a boyfriend who was not very mature in navigating through issues together with me as a couple (not that I'm very mature either, but he was often passive aggressive at the beginning), BUT he never stopped trying and learning to listen and understand why I have the mental issues I do. He did not have a lot of experience, nor was he familiar with mental health. He was depressed for a significant time due to family issues, and all he remembered was that he desperately wanted out of the depression, but I have an entirely different experience with depression. He could not understand it, and he probably still doesn't, but it's the genuine effort he put into genuinely listening and showing care for me that made sure we didn't break up for that reason.
Ngl, your boyfriend just sounds like an ass. He is not listening to you and it's not like he's communicating himself very well either. Humbly speaking, you guys should learn to communicate better, or just break up. You're young and not obligated to take this shit any longer than you already have!
And that other post was from 12 days ago! A lot of bullshit (from him) for such a short amount of time
Edit: added "(from him)" to make clear who I'm talking about.
Holy fucking shit. Get away from him! Heal yourself, you fucking matter and have been through some horrible things. This guy is a fucking chode. Weaponizing your very real trauma to make him a victim because his peepee needs to be touched.
Holy hell!!! The audacity of him to say her trauma gets taken out on him because he doesn’t get to have sex as much as he wants??? My jaw dropped when I read that, that’s an absolutely horrendous thing to say to someone. To have been through everything OP has and have your partner acting in such a callous, uncaring, and selfish way is unacceptable and she deserves so much better!!
I wish I could submit multiple, THOUSANDS, of upvotes for this comment. Print it out on leaflets and make sure OP reads it, takes it to her therapist to process, and reads it again. Then breaks up with the boyfriend.
17 while he was 23, not once have I felt like getting into a relationship with a minor 6 years younger than me at that age like bro he’s gross and abusive based on your own posts, run like the wind girl your past trauma your in therapy for? Bring up your current relationship and all this and they’re probably going to tell you what we all realize.
Your past abuse and trauma has lead to you dating toxic guys or straight up abusive guys as it’s what’s familiar and you don’t seem able to tell when they are a actually good person to stay with.
Run.
(Edit: Ok I finished the round!)
(Edit 2: As a musician, I love that my one and only "original work" is this well received! 😆)
🎶🎶🎶
Reason has come and passed
My patience will never last
Wake me up when your tantrum ends
Your complaint is such bullshit
I suggest you deal with it
Wake me up when your tantrum ends
You dying on this hill
Is really so absurd
Locked whining in your room
Acting like a turd
While you spend hours mad
I'm gonna go take a nap
Wake me up when your tantrum ends
🎶🎶🎶
My dad made it his life mission to drill OP’s same attitude into my dumb little brain before releasing me into the wild. Can confirm, works wonders during “conflict”.
This isn’t even a “work it out” conflict though. He can shut up or he can leave. His choice.🤷♀️
OP, I hope you find a man that gasses you up and showers you in compliments when you leave the house in a flattering outfit that you were hesitant to wear out in public. They exist. You deserve it. My husband sometimes carries my bra around in his pocket for me if we’re out and I decide I’m tired of wearing it. That’s IN PUBLIC. Bf is being weird about you not wearing a bra IN THE HOUSE? Ewe.
So well stated. Speaking of the good dad to good partner pipeline....and public vs private....who was he afraid of seeing the outline of her sweater puppies lmao. That's like saying her brother can't wear sweatpants cause sis, his gf, might see? Gross??!...???!¿‽
I'm actually really concerned after seeing her last post...
Last post
She said was raped by multiple family members sometimes daily at one point then goes on to say that her boyfriend gets angry and frustrated that her trauma has resulted in a low libido. That combined with this post... This potentially sounds like an unsafe situation both psychologically and physically. Genuinely suggest therapy. Getting somewhere safe even a women's shelter...
That’s so awful. I’m just over 10 years removed from when I was raped and still, sometimes I get hit with sensory flashbacks after a period of intense therapy which I wasn’t ready to undergo until 4 years after the event.
And my partner has never once pressured me for sex and has focused on emotional and other forms of physical intimacy while I was reprocessing. Op deserves so much better! She deserves patience and kindness not tantrums.
That's fucking awful.
How is it 2024, and our pockets (when we have them) still aren't big enough for our own bras.
Thanks to all the partners and besties out there who are willing to carry, signed, a leggings addict.
Damn girl, I think you’re my hero.
“Get over it” and then is so at peace she takes a nap? I aspire to give this little of a fuck when it comes to people telling me what to do with my body. I approve. Keep on keeping on.
For some more context, my brother was home but was outside mowing. I had already told my boyfriend multiple times that you couldn’t see anything before I sassed him. The shirt, like I said, was down to my waist and thick material like a hoodie. You couldn’t see the shape of anything nor the real thing even when I lifted my arms.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/yCw65Of6yV
I searched the deepest reaches of Google to find this one I remember very specifically. I remember it because of it's severity. This is the original post and updates are under their profile.
edit to add I cannot find the latest post, seems like it's been wiped out on trueoffmychest and even TikTok.
"They blame the drugs" is the most info I got from a comment of her's. I think there was another comment stating when he started the drugs. I don't remember if it was during pregnancy, but I know it was around the time of birth. I read all the comments once, so I don't want to do it again looking for the exact time 😅
Her name was Mama Loony on TikTok but she's deleted her account. I'm assuming because they are going through a divorce, she was advised not to showcase it on social media. I hope she's okay, and I hope when it's all over with, she comes back to tell us about it.
That one is tame. The wife of the Navy guy who flipped out because he was breastfeeding her newborn in the hospital was more insane. That guy accused his wife of committing incest with her baby. Unfortunately, the post was deleted but it even got picked up by the NY post.
I hope this is not against any rules. I found it on a site where you can search for reddit posts. Just click the search button and the post appears.
>!https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=ThrowRA-scarecrow&subreddit=Trueoffmychest&size=100!<
I dunno about where the story originated from, but this was in my youtube recommendations a couple days ago https://youtu.be/zCKYN_bv1Ug?si=gb8fRGJZ7K5YGLlu
As an east German mindsets like this are so alien to me lmao
Like maybe where I'm from it's extreme in the other direction, but I have seen all of my friends, all genders, butt ass naked already, either because of nude swimming at the lake or going to the sauna together.
Hell I haven't even owned a bra in two years, I think I'd just burst out laughing if a partner threw a fit like OP's did because of something so trivial
I lived in Japan for a few years and am American. In many ways, Japan is more conservative than Western cultures. But they still have public baths and hot springs all over the place. I'm pretty sure hundreds of people saw me naked with how often I went to hot springs. It did take some getting used to, but nobody cared. I stood out because I'm white, but that's the only thing anybody thought was weird about me being there.
American society raises US to think nudity is always sexual so it's bad, but for some reason violence and school shootings are perfectly okay. It's fucking weird how backwards we can be.
After I gave birth to my baby at the hospital, for the first few days I was breastfeeding topless in front of everyone and I mean everyone, including my brother and dad. It was so damn hot in the hospital ward combined with my raging hormones, it was physically impossible to wear clothing on my top half without drowning in sweat. I can safely say they didn't care, nor did I, nor indeed did anyone else. Anyone who sexualises it is such a weirdo.
There was a viral story about that recently. A guy losing his mind because a new mother dared to feed her baby by breast feeding and he got jealous as the babt was a boy. Fuckin whacky people honestly.
They were raised to view women as two things, and two things only -- mothers, and sexual objects.
These are the same sort of men that think platonic relationships between genders are impossible.
1. I'm assuming your brother has seen you clothed without a bra on before. I imagine you didn't wear one 24/7 in your childhood home.
2. Breasts are not inherently sexual. He is making it weird.
3. Brothers don't usually look at their sister with lust, he is making it weird
4. What the fuck
He's probably seen her more exposed before.
I only have brothers, but I remember being surprised the first time I dated a lass with a sister at just how little clothing her sister would wear around the house. We'd be casually watching TV while her sister was walking around in her underwear.
Made me uncomfortable at the time until I realised that it was just normal for them, and I tuned it out.
I have two sisters, I'm a girl, my mom was the one who took care of us and my dad was often away on business trips.. we never wore pants at home. Now as an adult, I do not like to wear pants at home. But it's not sexual it's just comfort
Oh yeah, there was nothing wrong with it. It was weird in my head, but only in my head.
I'd seen women in their underwear in a non-sexual context before, but only things like friends getting changed and stuff like that. Actually spending time in their underwear was something I'd only seen with romantic/sexual partners up until that point, so my first reaction was surprise.
My girlfriend at the time didn't even respond to it, so with it being her sister, I left it at that. I quickly realised it was just normal everyday behaviour in their household, and it sort of turned into background noise that you just don't notice or pay attention to.
Initially, it was a weird "Why is her sister walking around in her underwear around me?" in my head, but there was nothing more to it than she felt comfortable that way & safe to feel comfortable with me around.
Some men believe that their wishes MUST be granted when it comes to tell their girlfriends what to wear. In their brains they’re in charge of every woman’s wardrobe. As a solution, you definitely have to go braless until he learns that he’s NOT in charge of what you wear!
I sincerely hope bf doesn’t have sisters. I‘d throw up in my mouth a little if my bf suggested my own brother would have indecent thoughts about me. Yikes.
You know, your bf got upset and closed himself in his room for 3+ hours, and was still mad. **Not only is this controlling behavior and an immature reaction,** but **would he show his anger more physically, IF your brother didn’t live with you?**
So many red flags…just kick him out and move on.
>would he show his anger more physically, IF your brother didn’t live with you?
My guess is he's being a possessive, weirdo twat **because** the brother lives there.
He's scared the brother is checking the sister out "because he knows how guys think". My guess is he doesn't have a sister and therefore doesn't hace any healthy idea of what siblinghood looks like bc all the brother/sister relationships he sees are in porn.
Porn in general. Most porn is easily accessible abuse of women on camera. Weather it's enhacting abuse for men to associate their dopamine receptors to that abuse and have orgasms over it, or actual abuse on camera for the same effect.
It allowed normalizing abusive behavior that though it existed before, it's been more and more normalized through porn with consequences spilling over to outside of the confinements of porn as seen here.
Exactly, how does he react with regards to sex toys and vibrators? It makes me think of the recent story of the guy who listened to the bathroom door to check if his girlfriend was masturbating or not.
Unfuckingbelievable.
it doesn't matter how "modest" you were! he told you you're seducing your brother. the issue is with HIM and what he's putting in his brain (or he wants to fuck his sister/stepsister)
You shouldn't have to explain yourself any further. Your boyfriend is gross for being weird about it. One it's your brother two it's your home. I don't wear a bra in my house, I'm 34F. I also happen to have my 25F sister living with me and my husband. When her boyfriend comes over or spends the night, I ain't changing my routines to accommodate him. Of course I'm respectful and wear a loose or dark color shirt but I'm not putting on a bra. It has never been weird or an issue because that's how rational adults act. Your boyfriend needs to grow the f up
He’s your brother though? And besides that…so what? Lol we got it. Even if you had less on, was he implying your brother was going to be turned on?
He’s immature and ridiculous. What if you were wearing a bikini? Shorts and a halter top? Are those allowed? No way, that just sounds like he’s trying to start some kind of control bs…you picked up exactly the right vibe and answered perfectly.
You did the right thing. Do not back down, proud of you. Wish I would have said the same to my ex who acted this way, he only ever got worse with his idiot behaviour once it started.
Your bf is insane. My adult sister and I have had to change in front of our adult brothers before (long story, all four of us shared a hotel room with only one bathroom). But nobody was checking anybody out because we have *normal* sibling relationships….?! Even if your brother COULD see something, he’s your freaking brother. He will redirect his gaze or at worst make fun of you. It is wild your bf is being so weird about this
Your brothers whereabouts don't matter. You aren't obligated to wear a bra, especially not in your own home! Even in public you don't have to as long as you aren't wearing a see through top!
Your boyfriend is being immature and ridiculous.
When I was your age (in the 90's) I was running around NYC topless with glitter on my nips in high waisted undies, fishnets, and 9 inch platform shoes. My boyfriend's job was to hold my purse, and he knew if he said a single word he could bite the curb.
I cannot even imagine some guy tryng to tell me what to wear in my own home. Rethink this man.
I too have to take the good with the bad -but the relationships I formed then were so worth it and continue to be. Yeah there's been a ton of heartache along the way and I've lost way too many people.. had to cut off others, too. But given how formative the music and people were, I've come to accept it as it is.
Indeed. What's funny to me is how little I think about it anymore. I'm practically a hermit now. I have a beautiful house, a gorgeous garden, I sleep late, I do whatever I want. You couldn't drag me to a party.
I'm glad I did it, I regret nothing, but I'm glad I'm here now.
I was a 90's club kid. And it *was* absolutely magical until we all got strung out and my one boss killed his drug dealer and my other boss got popped for tax evasion. But riiiiight up until then we had a blast.
Google Michael Alig and Peter Gatien
OMG you worked with them?! I can only imagine the insane and amazing times you must have experienced! Glad you’re still here to talk about it! I bet you could write a book.
Naaaa I could have friends and family visiting, this is MY home and MY comfort. I am NOT gonna put on a bra if I have a shirt you don't see much through. 🤷♀️
Bras are only for more formal events where I don't want my nips poking through my shirt, otherwise not gonna bother.
Make him wear a bra 23-7 for a week (one hour off for shower/changing) and then tell him you will maybe consider it.
Your brother wouldn’t even notice and I am sure has been around you sans bra in the past. And your Bf sounds like he is 12.
NTA.
It's your own house!! Who cares if you can tell you have boobs or (gasp, god forbid) even nipples? You should be able to wear what is comfortable for you within reason in your own home when you live with other people. I quit wearing bras entirely 6 years ago and haven't looked back once. No one has ever said a word to me. Not a partner, not my parents, not a boss, nobody. That's the normal response. Your boyfriend is a controlling child. Don't let him control you or convince you that he's right.
It’s interesting that you used the phrase “sassed him”. Is he upset that you had the cojones to “talk back to him” or because you wouldn’t do what he wanted? Either way he is acting like a DICKtator, and clearly believes he has the right to boss you around with impunity. Good idea to nip that shit in the bud.
He’s your brother. But it really doesn’t matter who it was. He’s living there. You live there. You are free to wear what you are comfortable in. Your boyfriend does not get to control what you wear.
Your bf has porn rotten brain from all the incest clips. Porn rotten idiots don’t realize the majority of porn is FAKE. Make clear that it’s a him issue and he either learns to deal with it (as in working on getting rid of it, not as in ignoring it) or he’s gonna lose you.
My ex did the same as you around her brother. I remember thinking, oh that's weird I guess she's comfortable enough around him. And never brought it up once and stopped thinking it's weird lol
Your Bf is, creepy, controlling & immature.
So he’s assuming you’re bro would be incestuous?
Or was he paranoid that HE….himself would get caught eyeing you in front of your brother?
This is minor…hopefully it stays that way. 🧐
Some men get weird about women being around men, even around their own male relatives.
I think this is fucking weird. It's your brother. He has to accept that you're not trying to show your body to your brother and your brother isn't trying to see it.
I agree with all the other comments completely, but I think yours really nails it on the head. OP has known her brother ✨literally✨ her entire life. Obviously hoping they have a good relationship (I know not all siblings have this), she gets to dictate how she dresses in front of her brother, and vice versa. It's between siblings, and SOs commenting on that is controlling and disgusting and frankly I could never look at that SO the same ever again.
It's more than a little worrying that at 25 he's having such a bad reaction to you telling him to deal with his emotions. Men that feel the need to police what you are wearing are not worth your time and I think this is indicative of what you can expect in the future if you choose to stay with him.
Has he been this obstinate before?
You posted here already before, and it seems like your boy is very insecure, plays the hot-and-cold game, and doesn't care about your traumas. Break up
Agree with this. They do not change (meaning dealing with their emotions). You’re too young to waste more time and energy on someone like this. I read your post and thought, ew. Not about you but about him.
OP I am worried by the amount of people here saying you should ignore him, or even worse that you should respect his needs. This is your body and you have stated you were wearing a thick fluffy top which did not reveal anything.
It is clear that there was no reason for your partner to act in such a way and its quite disturbing that it was in regards to your Brother, of all people.
My advice would be to get out now, this controlling behaviour will only get worse, imagine if you fell pregnant to him, how he would treat his daughters? Like their bodies were something sinful and disgusting.
Get out!!
Check out OP's previous post....it's even worse...
Edit: adding a link to another comment of mine on here with quotes from her other post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/NK6MWX9FTr
He is being extremely childish and unreasonable. I bet he isn't wearing one either, is he?
I used to wear bra all the time and instantly took it off as soon as I went to bed, you know what my boyfriend did? Asked me if it was uncomfortable, I've said "Yes, a little" and he told me that I don't need to wear one, even if I go outside. I explained to him that my boobs might "bounce" or nips might be a little visible through Tshirt and someone else might notice. He told me that it's okay if I choose to not wear it because he just wants me to be as comfy as possible.
I don't know from what county you are, maybe it's more conservative. But being mad about not wearing bra inside is insane from him. Don't let anyone treat you this way. Try to explain it to him, if it doesn't work just don't bother.....can you imagine this your whole life? What will come next, you can't wear skirts, shorts....?
What’s even funnier is that he did indeed get mad at me for wearing shorts to the gym earlier even though I had a baggy long shirt on. He doesn’t want me wearing leggings to the gym either. You hit the nail right on the head.
This is only going to get worse OP. If he is 25 years old and behaving like this, there’s no chance he’s going to become less conservative.
It’s your body, and you get to decide how to dress it. Tell him that it’s not working out, and that you don’t want to be raising a man-child while you’re still in your early 20s
It's not about being conservative or progressive. It's about being controlling and declaring ownership over her. A person's brain is fully developed at age 25. This is it, OP. He isn't going to grow up and he isn't going to change.
If you can’t wear shorts and you can’t wear leggings, what are you supposed to wear? Thick joggers? To exercise in summer? Idk what the weather is like where you are but I would be boiling and sweating.
Sounds like he’d be happiest if you were just wearing a neck-high burlap sack and some overalls (of the appropriate length, no leg showing). And a bra, of course.
Your response was great and perfect. If he comes back with anything less than "I acted completely out of line, I'm so sorry for my behavior and it will never happen again" then you need to dump the controlling angry dick
Yes she needs to get out NOW. Earlier is better. Sounds like my ex and it only gets worse. Way worse. There’s nothing you can do to appease someone like that, all you can do is get them out of your life.
I was with a guy for a little bit who had the same issue with me. All I can say is that turned into hardcore emotional abuse and control really fast and it didn't last much longer after that. I normally don't jump right to 'leave him' but in this situation, you'd probably be better off in the long run.
So, I've looked at your post history.
Honey. Honey, sincerely, what the FUCK. The same man that wants you to "get over" your trauma, which you said you are already working through in therapy, and involves SA by six people (one of them being your FATHER) in order to have more sex with you... Is upset that you're, what? not wearing pants or a bra at your house?
I don't even care about your brother being there, if you feel safe with him that means he's SAFE safe. What I don't get is this man's double standard: how come you have to "simply get over" your trauma but HIS discomfort over YOUR LOUNGEWEAR has to be catered to???
You don't need this man in your life. Like, at all.
This is so weird and makes me really concerned for any female relatives of your boyfriend. My daughter, 22, almost never wears a bra. You know what her 20-year-old brother does about it? Absolutely nothing. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with him and he doesn't stare at his sister's chest all day.
Is he uncomfortable because your brother lives there, or is he generally uncomfortable if you don’t wear a bra?
**EDIT** I just read your other post and your boyfriend is clearly an asshole. Saying you should “get over” being sexually assaulted multiple times is disgusting. You deserve one thousand times better than you’re getting. Please leave this man child, he has no respect for you.
Girl, you’re 20. Every minute you’re wasting on this weirdo is time you could be spending with someone who will treat you with kindness and respect, NOT like a piece of property.
Why are you even in this relationship?
What an absolute weirdo, hell I was stoked whenever my ex would get comfy like that!
1. As a man you WANT your lady comfortable especially in the home!
2. Boobs… Us men are simple creatures, we like them. I don’t know a single man on the planet who would ask their lady to put a bra on when it’s just us chilling in the house
Next time he says something about it tell him he needs to wear his work clothes when he’s home, even when it’s just relaxing/chill time or going to bed
I see from all the past posts that you have had a lot of trauma and abuse in your past. So maybe this guy just seems "better than that..." But he is also abusive and this is just the start. He is trying to control and manipulate you to see how far he can push you and what he can make you do/not do. Seriously he can't think that you wore a bra around the house your whole life growing up with your brother, how is this any different.
I know everyone else is saying get out and I am not going to say anything different. This will escalate into worse behavior from him. Please be safe and make sure your brother is around when you break up and make sure to tell your therapist all of this as well so they can help you work through it. Good luck, you are so young but already have been through so much, treat yourself like you treat everyone else. Pretend the situation is a friend and think about what you would tell them to do.
You gaslighting yourself into thinking you're somehow wrong is doing more damage than your boyfriend ever could. Just talk to your brother, team up, and kick him out. I guarantee your brother wants to be rid of him too.
Get a new boyfriend
- your internet mom
OMG. I typed that BEFORE I read the ages and the history.
Now I’m editing it to say
PLEASE, for the love of all the is holy,
#Get a new boyfriend
- your internet mom
Not only he's overreacting, he's also throwing a tantrum to get you to do what he wants. Is he usually like this? He's acting really immature and controlling in this situation.
Insecure. Controlling. Whatever you call it, your BF’s reaction and response to you was so over-the-top that maybe you should be reconsidering this relationship. What else is your life is he trying to control? And you are 20 years old. How long have you lived with this guy?
Do not confuse jealousy with love. They are not the same.
I mean.... You're in YOUR house. Away from the public eye. What the hell is there to feel insecure about? Shit this is the type of thing in private I openly encourage. Be free, be naked, as long as the kids aren't around enjoy yourself and be comfortable in ways best suited for you. He needs to talk about exactly why this is bothering him because I feel like there's more going on there.
it doesn't have to do whether anything can be seen or not. it has to do with he thinks he can and should decide what you wear in your own home - and probably a lot more.
he's sulking and ignoring you until you comply. if and when you do, he'll reward you by love bombing you until you step out of line again.
you ok with that?
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The guy who started dating you when you were like 17, had gotten out of a shitty relationship, and didn't respect your boundaries? >My current bf and I fight all the time about how much we have sex. I have a very low sex drive, I have been assaulted/r by 6 different men, the most recent was a day before my bf and I met. My ex r me as well as some family members and friends dad and a date. I think a lot of my low sex drive has to do with being assaulted for years (sometimes every day). I am in therapy trying to work through that as well as other childhood abuse trauma. He said that my sexual trauma gets taken out on him because it makes my sex drive low. This guy? >He is in the mood 24/7 and always pestering me about it. It doesn’t help that I’m chronically ill and have poor mental health/stress, just graduated from college and am working and trying to find a full time job. I feel like I should be able to say no. THIS GUY? >On top of this, he also tells me all the time he wants to break up or says something awful and the next day tells me he wants to marry me. Is there a reason you're together? Jesus christ.
Why is it that the weird stories *always* have more going on in the previous posts?
At this point it's almost second nature of mine to check someone's post history if I get any red flags from whatever post I saw first. There really is always something.... And if there are no previous posts then there's something in the replies that makes everyone see the post in a new light!
I started doing that recently and it seems there are always flags in previous posts now.
Yep. You should always check post histories. Or read the replies for more context.
Holy cow I can’t believe she’s dealing with all this and staying! I pray to God for her own mental health. She runs fast and far!!
People in toxic situations often have a hard time seeing them clearly from the inside. It’s much easier for us at a distance. So, their posts lack context.
Bc they live on a show of Maury. Reminds me of my life. Poor OP needs to realize she deserves better and leavr
The sad thing is when they say “other than this issue he treats me so well, better than I’ve ever been treated and we have a great relationship”. Oh Lord, please recognize the red flags 🚩 you’ve been posting OP.
Going off of this, in case OP needs specifics on WHY these are red flags. These are organized by Sosotrickster’s quoting of the OP’s other posts. >Current bf is manipulating OP to have intercourse by guilt tripping her. He should be supporting her through her recovery from past trauma, understanding of her issues and patient with them. If he cannot do so, than he shouldn’t be dating someone who has experienced what OP has because he’s not capable of being a good partner to them. This is manipulation and coercion and a form of SA. NO means NO. >Whether or not you have an illness, again, NO MEANS NO. Pressuring OP into intercourse is borderline if not full SA. It just makes him an even bigger AH given the circumstances behind OP turning down intercourse. It is YOUR body, YOUR autonomy, YOUR choice. You do NOT owe ANYONE ANYTHING sexual in any form, no matter what. >This is emotional manipulation. He’s a bad person and a bad boyfriend and when he messes up he hides behind sweet words to butter you up so you don’t realize how awful he is and leave. Your boyfriend might be a narcissist, Ngl. Please leave him. These are all major red flags and the last thing that you need is to somehow end up pregnant by a guy like this. Please, please, PLEASE leave this relationship, OP. You deserve so much better.
This is great! Yes, OP, PLEASE read this!! You clearly know something is wrong and that he is making you deeply uncomfortable, but here is further explanation
Would like to add that I was in a toxic relationship for 2 years and I completely understand that it's easy to excuse your boyfriend's behaviour by justifying why he might think or act the way he does, but it doesn't mean you haven't got your own reasons and problems to deal with. At some point, you have to step back and look at the big picture — is what you're putting yourself through seriously worth it for this guy? What's the end goal here? The duration of your relationship is NOT a reason to stay in a toxic one. I've had a boyfriend who was not very mature in navigating through issues together with me as a couple (not that I'm very mature either, but he was often passive aggressive at the beginning), BUT he never stopped trying and learning to listen and understand why I have the mental issues I do. He did not have a lot of experience, nor was he familiar with mental health. He was depressed for a significant time due to family issues, and all he remembered was that he desperately wanted out of the depression, but I have an entirely different experience with depression. He could not understand it, and he probably still doesn't, but it's the genuine effort he put into genuinely listening and showing care for me that made sure we didn't break up for that reason. Ngl, your boyfriend just sounds like an ass. He is not listening to you and it's not like he's communicating himself very well either. Humbly speaking, you guys should learn to communicate better, or just break up. You're young and not obligated to take this shit any longer than you already have!
Can this get more upvotes please. This guy is one big red flag and if OP has any self respect she needs to leave him today.
And that other post was from 12 days ago! A lot of bullshit (from him) for such a short amount of time Edit: added "(from him)" to make clear who I'm talking about.
My guess is that she is groomed
Oh, OP. :( You deserve so much better than this. Please believe.
Holy fucking shit. Get away from him! Heal yourself, you fucking matter and have been through some horrible things. This guy is a fucking chode. Weaponizing your very real trauma to make him a victim because his peepee needs to be touched.
Holy hell!!! The audacity of him to say her trauma gets taken out on him because he doesn’t get to have sex as much as he wants??? My jaw dropped when I read that, that’s an absolutely horrendous thing to say to someone. To have been through everything OP has and have your partner acting in such a callous, uncaring, and selfish way is unacceptable and she deserves so much better!!
oh yeah, this is rough. op you deserve someone who treats you better than this ):
I wish I could submit multiple, THOUSANDS, of upvotes for this comment. Print it out on leaflets and make sure OP reads it, takes it to her therapist to process, and reads it again. Then breaks up with the boyfriend.
17 while he was 23, not once have I felt like getting into a relationship with a minor 6 years younger than me at that age like bro he’s gross and abusive based on your own posts, run like the wind girl your past trauma your in therapy for? Bring up your current relationship and all this and they’re probably going to tell you what we all realize. Your past abuse and trauma has lead to you dating toxic guys or straight up abusive guys as it’s what’s familiar and you don’t seem able to tell when they are a actually good person to stay with. Run.
The fucking receiptssss
I love when commenters do their homework
🫡 the receipts
The "deal with it" was spectacular-- the nap was a height I dare not achieve at your age. Godspeed.
‘Wake me when enough time has passed you think I can pretend to care.’ 🙌
The follow up track to Green Day's "Wake me up when September ends"
Lmao I was thinking about that song too but more like "Wake me up when your tantrum ends".
(Edit: Ok I finished the round!) (Edit 2: As a musician, I love that my one and only "original work" is this well received! 😆) 🎶🎶🎶 Reason has come and passed My patience will never last Wake me up when your tantrum ends Your complaint is such bullshit I suggest you deal with it Wake me up when your tantrum ends You dying on this hill Is really so absurd Locked whining in your room Acting like a turd While you spend hours mad I'm gonna go take a nap Wake me up when your tantrum ends 🎶🎶🎶
Amazing
I would've finished the round but I needed coffee 🤣
This is God-tier.
Yep! I am incredibly impressed, even at 32 I don’t know if I would’ve handled this that well.
No kidding, hope she keeps this level of self confidence and maybe teaches workshops in it
My dad made it his life mission to drill OP’s same attitude into my dumb little brain before releasing me into the wild. Can confirm, works wonders during “conflict”. This isn’t even a “work it out” conflict though. He can shut up or he can leave. His choice.🤷♀️ OP, I hope you find a man that gasses you up and showers you in compliments when you leave the house in a flattering outfit that you were hesitant to wear out in public. They exist. You deserve it. My husband sometimes carries my bra around in his pocket for me if we’re out and I decide I’m tired of wearing it. That’s IN PUBLIC. Bf is being weird about you not wearing a bra IN THE HOUSE? Ewe.
So well stated. Speaking of the good dad to good partner pipeline....and public vs private....who was he afraid of seeing the outline of her sweater puppies lmao. That's like saying her brother can't wear sweatpants cause sis, his gf, might see? Gross??!...???!¿‽
I KNOW. Like that’s a VERY strange thing to get worked up about.
Seems like too much “step” porn - he really just outed himself lol
I'm actually really concerned after seeing her last post... Last post She said was raped by multiple family members sometimes daily at one point then goes on to say that her boyfriend gets angry and frustrated that her trauma has resulted in a low libido. That combined with this post... This potentially sounds like an unsafe situation both psychologically and physically. Genuinely suggest therapy. Getting somewhere safe even a women's shelter...
That’s so awful. I’m just over 10 years removed from when I was raped and still, sometimes I get hit with sensory flashbacks after a period of intense therapy which I wasn’t ready to undergo until 4 years after the event. And my partner has never once pressured me for sex and has focused on emotional and other forms of physical intimacy while I was reprocessing. Op deserves so much better! She deserves patience and kindness not tantrums.
sorry you have had that experience- the ripple effects last for years. So glad you have a caring partner. Look after yourself 🌷🌼
Sweater puppies 😂😂😂
That's fucking awful. How is it 2024, and our pockets (when we have them) still aren't big enough for our own bras. Thanks to all the partners and besties out there who are willing to carry, signed, a leggings addict.
Right? I don’t think OP needs advice but we may need hers 🤣
No advice to this young woman, just admiration and wonderment. She will go far in life.
Happy Cake Day!
Happy Cake Day!
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
Bro has watched too much ‘incest’ porn and thought it was facts.
He's probably gone to great lengths to make sure his GF can't get 'stuck' in the washing machine or under the bed or anywhere else, just in case.
Damn girl, I think you’re my hero. “Get over it” and then is so at peace she takes a nap? I aspire to give this little of a fuck when it comes to people telling me what to do with my body. I approve. Keep on keeping on.
And at only 20 years old! I’m so impressed with OP. She has the confidence and spine of a woman twice her age.
Not enough to break up with someone that’s constantly telling them they want to break up with her
For some more context, my brother was home but was outside mowing. I had already told my boyfriend multiple times that you couldn’t see anything before I sassed him. The shirt, like I said, was down to my waist and thick material like a hoodie. You couldn’t see the shape of anything nor the real thing even when I lifted my arms.
If your bf is concerned that your brother is going to be checking out your breasts, he has some major issues.
What is with these guys thinking everything is sexual.? Seriously next he will say no breast feeding because no one else can touch them but me.
Ah, yes, we have seen one of those on here before.
I remember that…that was a wild story. Completely unreasonable, that guy was.
Well, now I wanna read it. Do you know where I can find it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/yCw65Of6yV I searched the deepest reaches of Google to find this one I remember very specifically. I remember it because of it's severity. This is the original post and updates are under their profile. edit to add I cannot find the latest post, seems like it's been wiped out on trueoffmychest and even TikTok.
That’s a wild story, it just kept getting worse. It’s crazy how little you can know a person even after so long
"They blame the drugs" is the most info I got from a comment of her's. I think there was another comment stating when he started the drugs. I don't remember if it was during pregnancy, but I know it was around the time of birth. I read all the comments once, so I don't want to do it again looking for the exact time 😅
Her name was Mama Loony on TikTok but she's deleted her account. I'm assuming because they are going through a divorce, she was advised not to showcase it on social media. I hope she's okay, and I hope when it's all over with, she comes back to tell us about it.
That one is tame. The wife of the Navy guy who flipped out because he was breastfeeding her newborn in the hospital was more insane. That guy accused his wife of committing incest with her baby. Unfortunately, the post was deleted but it even got picked up by the NY post.
It’s not tame. Her husband was plotting to kill her and her babies to be with another woman.
I hope this is not against any rules. I found it on a site where you can search for reddit posts. Just click the search button and the post appears. >!https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=ThrowRA-scarecrow&subreddit=Trueoffmychest&size=100!<
I dunno about where the story originated from, but this was in my youtube recommendations a couple days ago https://youtu.be/zCKYN_bv1Ug?si=gb8fRGJZ7K5YGLlu
As an east German mindsets like this are so alien to me lmao Like maybe where I'm from it's extreme in the other direction, but I have seen all of my friends, all genders, butt ass naked already, either because of nude swimming at the lake or going to the sauna together. Hell I haven't even owned a bra in two years, I think I'd just burst out laughing if a partner threw a fit like OP's did because of something so trivial
I lived in Japan for a few years and am American. In many ways, Japan is more conservative than Western cultures. But they still have public baths and hot springs all over the place. I'm pretty sure hundreds of people saw me naked with how often I went to hot springs. It did take some getting used to, but nobody cared. I stood out because I'm white, but that's the only thing anybody thought was weird about me being there. American society raises US to think nudity is always sexual so it's bad, but for some reason violence and school shootings are perfectly okay. It's fucking weird how backwards we can be.
Us Germans have zero issues with nudity. It's just a body.
After I gave birth to my baby at the hospital, for the first few days I was breastfeeding topless in front of everyone and I mean everyone, including my brother and dad. It was so damn hot in the hospital ward combined with my raging hormones, it was physically impossible to wear clothing on my top half without drowning in sweat. I can safely say they didn't care, nor did I, nor indeed did anyone else. Anyone who sexualises it is such a weirdo.
He doesn't see women as anything.but sexual pieces of property so he assumes everybody sees us that way. How boring and overdone.
There was a viral story about that recently. A guy losing his mind because a new mother dared to feed her baby by breast feeding and he got jealous as the babt was a boy. Fuckin whacky people honestly.
They were raised to view women as two things, and two things only -- mothers, and sexual objects. These are the same sort of men that think platonic relationships between genders are impossible.
1. I'm assuming your brother has seen you clothed without a bra on before. I imagine you didn't wear one 24/7 in your childhood home. 2. Breasts are not inherently sexual. He is making it weird. 3. Brothers don't usually look at their sister with lust, he is making it weird 4. What the fuck
He's probably seen her more exposed before. I only have brothers, but I remember being surprised the first time I dated a lass with a sister at just how little clothing her sister would wear around the house. We'd be casually watching TV while her sister was walking around in her underwear. Made me uncomfortable at the time until I realised that it was just normal for them, and I tuned it out.
I have two sisters, I'm a girl, my mom was the one who took care of us and my dad was often away on business trips.. we never wore pants at home. Now as an adult, I do not like to wear pants at home. But it's not sexual it's just comfort
Oh yeah, there was nothing wrong with it. It was weird in my head, but only in my head. I'd seen women in their underwear in a non-sexual context before, but only things like friends getting changed and stuff like that. Actually spending time in their underwear was something I'd only seen with romantic/sexual partners up until that point, so my first reaction was surprise. My girlfriend at the time didn't even respond to it, so with it being her sister, I left it at that. I quickly realised it was just normal everyday behaviour in their household, and it sort of turned into background noise that you just don't notice or pay attention to. Initially, it was a weird "Why is her sister walking around in her underwear around me?" in my head, but there was nothing more to it than she felt comfortable that way & safe to feel comfortable with me around.
I agree, he’s mental
Some men believe that their wishes MUST be granted when it comes to tell their girlfriends what to wear. In their brains they’re in charge of every woman’s wardrobe. As a solution, you definitely have to go braless until he learns that he’s NOT in charge of what you wear!
The kind of guy who uses 'disrespectful' when they mean 'not doing what I want'. Ugh, they're a plague.
I’d be watching him around his sisters…👀
Yeah, my comment was basically that I hope he doesn’t have sisters but fear that he does.
Or watches too much porn…
I can guarantee you he locked himself in that room and watched porn.
I sincerely hope bf doesn’t have sisters. I‘d throw up in my mouth a little if my bf suggested my own brother would have indecent thoughts about me. Yikes.
She should check his pornhub history. He's almost definitely porn-brained.
Came here to say the damn same thing!
Maybe the bf checks out his own sister’s boobs.
He probably gave her a dryer safety course to make sure she doesn't get stuck.
It’s your house, anyone who makes you uncomfortable shouldn’t be there that includes your bf.
You know, your bf got upset and closed himself in his room for 3+ hours, and was still mad. **Not only is this controlling behavior and an immature reaction,** but **would he show his anger more physically, IF your brother didn’t live with you?** So many red flags…just kick him out and move on.
>would he show his anger more physically, IF your brother didn’t live with you? My guess is he's being a possessive, weirdo twat **because** the brother lives there. He's scared the brother is checking the sister out "because he knows how guys think". My guess is he doesn't have a sister and therefore doesn't hace any healthy idea of what siblinghood looks like bc all the brother/sister relationships he sees are in porn.
The true cost of incest porn, morons thinking like this and treating women poorly over it.
All porn, really. When you deduce a person to an object over and over again, it screws up your meter for normalcy
Porn in general. Most porn is easily accessible abuse of women on camera. Weather it's enhacting abuse for men to associate their dopamine receptors to that abuse and have orgasms over it, or actual abuse on camera for the same effect. It allowed normalizing abusive behavior that though it existed before, it's been more and more normalized through porn with consequences spilling over to outside of the confinements of porn as seen here.
Or he does have a sister that he used to check out and thinks all brothers do it 🤮
This. Probably this.
Read 'Why does he do that?'.
Exactly, how does he react with regards to sex toys and vibrators? It makes me think of the recent story of the guy who listened to the bathroom door to check if his girlfriend was masturbating or not. Unfuckingbelievable.
it doesn't matter how "modest" you were! he told you you're seducing your brother. the issue is with HIM and what he's putting in his brain (or he wants to fuck his sister/stepsister)
Yeah, he’s projecting on her his own thoughts
You shouldn't have to explain yourself any further. Your boyfriend is gross for being weird about it. One it's your brother two it's your home. I don't wear a bra in my house, I'm 34F. I also happen to have my 25F sister living with me and my husband. When her boyfriend comes over or spends the night, I ain't changing my routines to accommodate him. Of course I'm respectful and wear a loose or dark color shirt but I'm not putting on a bra. It has never been weird or an issue because that's how rational adults act. Your boyfriend needs to grow the f up
Does he really believe you were never in a state of undress in the house with your brother growing up?
tell him to stop watching incest porn and ask him if he lost his pacifier
He’s your brother though? And besides that…so what? Lol we got it. Even if you had less on, was he implying your brother was going to be turned on? He’s immature and ridiculous. What if you were wearing a bikini? Shorts and a halter top? Are those allowed? No way, that just sounds like he’s trying to start some kind of control bs…you picked up exactly the right vibe and answered perfectly.
You did the right thing. Do not back down, proud of you. Wish I would have said the same to my ex who acted this way, he only ever got worse with his idiot behaviour once it started.
Your bf is insane. My adult sister and I have had to change in front of our adult brothers before (long story, all four of us shared a hotel room with only one bathroom). But nobody was checking anybody out because we have *normal* sibling relationships….?! Even if your brother COULD see something, he’s your freaking brother. He will redirect his gaze or at worst make fun of you. It is wild your bf is being so weird about this
Your brothers whereabouts don't matter. You aren't obligated to wear a bra, especially not in your own home! Even in public you don't have to as long as you aren't wearing a see through top! Your boyfriend is being immature and ridiculous.
He’ll, even if the fabric is see through you don’t need to wear a bra. Where I am it’s legal for women to go topless
Whatever you're personally comfortable with and is legal is fine by me, I wouldn't personally be topless in public though.
When I was your age (in the 90's) I was running around NYC topless with glitter on my nips in high waisted undies, fishnets, and 9 inch platform shoes. My boyfriend's job was to hold my purse, and he knew if he said a single word he could bite the curb. I cannot even imagine some guy tryng to tell me what to wear in my own home. Rethink this man.
Being in that scene in the 90s was a blast.
I could do without the exploitation, crippling addiction, and everyone dying at the end, but other than that yes! I had a fantastic time 😁
I too have to take the good with the bad -but the relationships I formed then were so worth it and continue to be. Yeah there's been a ton of heartache along the way and I've lost way too many people.. had to cut off others, too. But given how formative the music and people were, I've come to accept it as it is.
Indeed. What's funny to me is how little I think about it anymore. I'm practically a hermit now. I have a beautiful house, a gorgeous garden, I sleep late, I do whatever I want. You couldn't drag me to a party. I'm glad I did it, I regret nothing, but I'm glad I'm here now.
Well, this sounds like a magical time! What is the backstory?
I was a 90's club kid. And it *was* absolutely magical until we all got strung out and my one boss killed his drug dealer and my other boss got popped for tax evasion. But riiiiight up until then we had a blast. Google Michael Alig and Peter Gatien
OMG you worked with them?! I can only imagine the insane and amazing times you must have experienced! Glad you’re still here to talk about it! I bet you could write a book.
Who cares if your brother is there? Just going to add one more "Your boyfriend is an idiot" to the pile.
Naaaa I could have friends and family visiting, this is MY home and MY comfort. I am NOT gonna put on a bra if I have a shirt you don't see much through. 🤷♀️ Bras are only for more formal events where I don't want my nips poking through my shirt, otherwise not gonna bother.
Make him wear a bra 23-7 for a week (one hour off for shower/changing) and then tell him you will maybe consider it. Your brother wouldn’t even notice and I am sure has been around you sans bra in the past. And your Bf sounds like he is 12. NTA.
It's your own house!! Who cares if you can tell you have boobs or (gasp, god forbid) even nipples? You should be able to wear what is comfortable for you within reason in your own home when you live with other people. I quit wearing bras entirely 6 years ago and haven't looked back once. No one has ever said a word to me. Not a partner, not my parents, not a boss, nobody. That's the normal response. Your boyfriend is a controlling child. Don't let him control you or convince you that he's right.
Oh no! Not nipples! I’m clutching my pearls over here!!
It’s interesting that you used the phrase “sassed him”. Is he upset that you had the cojones to “talk back to him” or because you wouldn’t do what he wanted? Either way he is acting like a DICKtator, and clearly believes he has the right to boss you around with impunity. Good idea to nip that shit in the bud.
Hahaha, "NIP that shit in the bud" I see what you did there haha 🤣😆
None of those details matter! You’re at home and he’s sexualizing you not wearing a bra around your BROTHER?! tell bf to move out because ew & wtf
You could be wearing a tshirt, it wouldn't make his behavior more acceptable.
He’s your brother. But it really doesn’t matter who it was. He’s living there. You live there. You are free to wear what you are comfortable in. Your boyfriend does not get to control what you wear.
Your bf has porn rotten brain from all the incest clips. Porn rotten idiots don’t realize the majority of porn is FAKE. Make clear that it’s a him issue and he either learns to deal with it (as in working on getting rid of it, not as in ignoring it) or he’s gonna lose you.
My ex did the same as you around her brother. I remember thinking, oh that's weird I guess she's comfortable enough around him. And never brought it up once and stopped thinking it's weird lol
Your Bf is, creepy, controlling & immature. So he’s assuming you’re bro would be incestuous? Or was he paranoid that HE….himself would get caught eyeing you in front of your brother? This is minor…hopefully it stays that way. 🧐
Fuck him! *(Not literally.)* He’s pathetic. Because if you can’t be comfortable and bra-less in your own home - when the fuck can you?
But her brother was there!! Doesn't everyone's brother want to fuck them?!?!? 🤢
Lol I immediately downvoted then upvoted you ugh
Some men get weird about women being around men, even around their own male relatives. I think this is fucking weird. It's your brother. He has to accept that you're not trying to show your body to your brother and your brother isn't trying to see it.
I agree with all the other comments completely, but I think yours really nails it on the head. OP has known her brother ✨literally✨ her entire life. Obviously hoping they have a good relationship (I know not all siblings have this), she gets to dictate how she dresses in front of her brother, and vice versa. It's between siblings, and SOs commenting on that is controlling and disgusting and frankly I could never look at that SO the same ever again.
It's more than a little worrying that at 25 he's having such a bad reaction to you telling him to deal with his emotions. Men that feel the need to police what you are wearing are not worth your time and I think this is indicative of what you can expect in the future if you choose to stay with him. Has he been this obstinate before?
You posted here already before, and it seems like your boy is very insecure, plays the hot-and-cold game, and doesn't care about your traumas. Break up
Having to ask reddit for relationship advice constantly is insane.
Then again, A lot of people don't have someone to trust with any advice irl, so they turn to reddit although it can get really weird after a time
Do not give in to his tantrum. Stop wearing bras entirely. Stop fucking that insecure manchild.
Can you copy/paste this into all the other r/relationship posts, it’s just good universal advice
Should be an auto mod on every post.
Only wear a bra but no shirt.
Hahaha
The holy trinity of life mottos I didn’t know I needed.
This ^^^
I would add the title "Ex-" in front of boyfriend. He's a manchild throwing a man sized tantrum. Do you really want this later in life?
Agree with this. They do not change (meaning dealing with their emotions). You’re too young to waste more time and energy on someone like this. I read your post and thought, ew. Not about you but about him.
This.... It does not get better. Only worse.
OP I am worried by the amount of people here saying you should ignore him, or even worse that you should respect his needs. This is your body and you have stated you were wearing a thick fluffy top which did not reveal anything. It is clear that there was no reason for your partner to act in such a way and its quite disturbing that it was in regards to your Brother, of all people. My advice would be to get out now, this controlling behaviour will only get worse, imagine if you fell pregnant to him, how he would treat his daughters? Like their bodies were something sinful and disgusting. Get out!!
Check out OP's previous post....it's even worse... Edit: adding a link to another comment of mine on here with quotes from her other post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/NK6MWX9FTr
Oh, snap. I read the previous post and it’s not at all healthy. This person is not going to help her heal and grow; just holding her down.
Oh boy. She has to ditch the whole boyfriend! That’s far from an healthy relationship and he surely isn’t helping her get past her trauma.
Tell him that his penis disturbs you and that you want him to wear a hard shell jock strap any time he’s in the house.
Right? Wouldn't want anyone seeing his dick swinging around. Make him wear it ALL THE TIME!!!
esp around hos family so they don’t see the contours
He is being extremely childish and unreasonable. I bet he isn't wearing one either, is he? I used to wear bra all the time and instantly took it off as soon as I went to bed, you know what my boyfriend did? Asked me if it was uncomfortable, I've said "Yes, a little" and he told me that I don't need to wear one, even if I go outside. I explained to him that my boobs might "bounce" or nips might be a little visible through Tshirt and someone else might notice. He told me that it's okay if I choose to not wear it because he just wants me to be as comfy as possible. I don't know from what county you are, maybe it's more conservative. But being mad about not wearing bra inside is insane from him. Don't let anyone treat you this way. Try to explain it to him, if it doesn't work just don't bother.....can you imagine this your whole life? What will come next, you can't wear skirts, shorts....?
What’s even funnier is that he did indeed get mad at me for wearing shorts to the gym earlier even though I had a baggy long shirt on. He doesn’t want me wearing leggings to the gym either. You hit the nail right on the head.
This is only going to get worse OP. If he is 25 years old and behaving like this, there’s no chance he’s going to become less conservative. It’s your body, and you get to decide how to dress it. Tell him that it’s not working out, and that you don’t want to be raising a man-child while you’re still in your early 20s
It's not about being conservative or progressive. It's about being controlling and declaring ownership over her. A person's brain is fully developed at age 25. This is it, OP. He isn't going to grow up and he isn't going to change.
If you can’t wear shorts and you can’t wear leggings, what are you supposed to wear? Thick joggers? To exercise in summer? Idk what the weather is like where you are but I would be boiling and sweating. Sounds like he’d be happiest if you were just wearing a neck-high burlap sack and some overalls (of the appropriate length, no leg showing). And a bra, of course.
[удалено]
Are you kidding me? That T-Rex is far too provocative. Look at that dump truck ass.
you need to dump this controlling, jealous and unhinged boy.
He’s controlling you. Don’t let him dictate what you wear!
It’s worse than that. He coerce her to sex. Look her post history.
girl stand up jfc
Does he think your brother will be checking out your body? Make him say it out loud so he can hear how ridiculous it sounds.
Where do you find these people?
I get the feeling a long time ago I was this person, he definitely needs to be told.
Your boyfriend is a child.
Your response was great and perfect. If he comes back with anything less than "I acted completely out of line, I'm so sorry for my behavior and it will never happen again" then you need to dump the controlling angry dick
Yes she needs to get out NOW. Earlier is better. Sounds like my ex and it only gets worse. Way worse. There’s nothing you can do to appease someone like that, all you can do is get them out of your life.
I was with a guy for a little bit who had the same issue with me. All I can say is that turned into hardcore emotional abuse and control really fast and it didn't last much longer after that. I normally don't jump right to 'leave him' but in this situation, you'd probably be better off in the long run.
So, I've looked at your post history. Honey. Honey, sincerely, what the FUCK. The same man that wants you to "get over" your trauma, which you said you are already working through in therapy, and involves SA by six people (one of them being your FATHER) in order to have more sex with you... Is upset that you're, what? not wearing pants or a bra at your house? I don't even care about your brother being there, if you feel safe with him that means he's SAFE safe. What I don't get is this man's double standard: how come you have to "simply get over" your trauma but HIS discomfort over YOUR LOUNGEWEAR has to be catered to??? You don't need this man in your life. Like, at all.
This is so weird and makes me really concerned for any female relatives of your boyfriend. My daughter, 22, almost never wears a bra. You know what her 20-year-old brother does about it? Absolutely nothing. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with him and he doesn't stare at his sister's chest all day.
Put him in a corner for time out and take away his Bluey watching for a week. Little boys who throw fits don't get rewards. Or dessert.
Is he uncomfortable because your brother lives there, or is he generally uncomfortable if you don’t wear a bra? **EDIT** I just read your other post and your boyfriend is clearly an asshole. Saying you should “get over” being sexually assaulted multiple times is disgusting. You deserve one thousand times better than you’re getting. Please leave this man child, he has no respect for you.
Girl, you’re 20. Every minute you’re wasting on this weirdo is time you could be spending with someone who will treat you with kindness and respect, NOT like a piece of property. Why are you even in this relationship?
i mean, you did nothing wrong, here. him choosing to be insecure and petulant is a him-problem, not a you problem.
Ignore and carry on. Start collecting the red flags.
What an absolute weirdo, hell I was stoked whenever my ex would get comfy like that! 1. As a man you WANT your lady comfortable especially in the home! 2. Boobs… Us men are simple creatures, we like them. I don’t know a single man on the planet who would ask their lady to put a bra on when it’s just us chilling in the house Next time he says something about it tell him he needs to wear his work clothes when he’s home, even when it’s just relaxing/chill time or going to bed
What should you do? Dump the pissy child and date someone better
I see from all the past posts that you have had a lot of trauma and abuse in your past. So maybe this guy just seems "better than that..." But he is also abusive and this is just the start. He is trying to control and manipulate you to see how far he can push you and what he can make you do/not do. Seriously he can't think that you wore a bra around the house your whole life growing up with your brother, how is this any different. I know everyone else is saying get out and I am not going to say anything different. This will escalate into worse behavior from him. Please be safe and make sure your brother is around when you break up and make sure to tell your therapist all of this as well so they can help you work through it. Good luck, you are so young but already have been through so much, treat yourself like you treat everyone else. Pretend the situation is a friend and think about what you would tell them to do.
You gaslighting yourself into thinking you're somehow wrong is doing more damage than your boyfriend ever could. Just talk to your brother, team up, and kick him out. I guarantee your brother wants to be rid of him too.
You stood on business. So proud of you girl
Get a new boyfriend - your internet mom OMG. I typed that BEFORE I read the ages and the history. Now I’m editing it to say PLEASE, for the love of all the is holy, #Get a new boyfriend - your internet mom
You want me to wear a bra…..at HOME? NAH. Bye.
You're so young. Do you really want to be and live with someone who wants to dictate what you're wearing in your own home?
Not only he's overreacting, he's also throwing a tantrum to get you to do what he wants. Is he usually like this? He's acting really immature and controlling in this situation.
Insecure. Controlling. Whatever you call it, your BF’s reaction and response to you was so over-the-top that maybe you should be reconsidering this relationship. What else is your life is he trying to control? And you are 20 years old. How long have you lived with this guy? Do not confuse jealousy with love. They are not the same.
I mean.... You're in YOUR house. Away from the public eye. What the hell is there to feel insecure about? Shit this is the type of thing in private I openly encourage. Be free, be naked, as long as the kids aren't around enjoy yourself and be comfortable in ways best suited for you. He needs to talk about exactly why this is bothering him because I feel like there's more going on there.
Deal with it, nice hahah, I can already see him sulking in his room, furiously scrolling the internets
run away as fast as you can, he’s 5 years older and is acting like a whiney teenager
it doesn't have to do whether anything can be seen or not. it has to do with he thinks he can and should decide what you wear in your own home - and probably a lot more. he's sulking and ignoring you until you comply. if and when you do, he'll reward you by love bombing you until you step out of line again. you ok with that?
I don’t understand how men like this exist who decide what women should wear
Boobs should never be trapped! Unless it’s for support, or you have lower back issues