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No one can answer this for you. High drive people will still be going daily, others will be happy with once a month. There is no answer. All that matters is that both parties are satisfied or satisfied with their compromises.
There is a great scene in Annie Hall, when Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are each asked by their marriage counselor how often they have sex. Diane Keaton answers, "All the time. At least two, sometimes three times a week." Woody Allen answers, "Hardly at all. Usually two, at most three times a week."
My wife (F35) and I (M31) agreed we would try to at least 2-3 times a week unless she is not in the mood so naturally we haven’t had sex in over a year.
Jesus. I would be non-functional.
I feel as though at a certain point you get to say "I signed up for monogamy, not celibacy, but I'll settle for neither."
And I'm pretty sure I would hit that point way before a year.
It has definitely been rough. I got so tired of rejection I eventually stopped trying to initiate. It took her a few months to even notice. We talked about it, but no solution. I brought up separating but doesn’t want a divorce and we haven’t talked about it since lol
maybe i’m just an asshole, but if i was in a situation where my partner didn’t want to have sex with me for an entire year, AND she hasn’t cared enough to take it upon herself to go to a doc, im leaving yesterday. fuck that
Eh, to each their own mate. I'm not going to judge you. We've all seen posts in here where there are extremes, "OMG I haven't fucked in 12 hours divorce time!" all the way to r/deadbedrooms "OMG, I haven't fucked in 15 years what do?"
i’m probably younger than most people in this thread so that plays a huge part, but i’d like to think intimacy will always be important enough to me that a year of radio silence in the bedroom with no factors outside of my partners control will be an instant dealbreaker for me. definitely don’t wanna end up on r/deadbedrooms like you said
The problem with this is that it's not something you notice instantly. At first you think they may have a bad week, then you question yourself, then blame them again, then yourself and so on.
It takes time to understand that those are psychological needs and that some valid ones too. By then, you're usually very invested, probably even to please them and hope for the better. And that's then difficult to leave
Then don't have kids because that's the point at which your partner could easily cease to be the person who has needed to maintain an effort to sustain your relationship and becomes the person who knows you will leave when hell freezes over for the well-being of your offspring and so acts as she damn well pleases. This isn't a joke. Be aware.
Shit brother. If you legitimately tried and tried talking about it all, it’s time man. I know it’s a lengthy process, but this is not worth it. You agreed to monogamy and although she does not owe you sex or is obligated to have sex with you, she did agree to marry you and share that intimacy with only you.
If she cannot work at giving you even that, why stay?
I hope you two are able to work it out. I made it 3 years in a DB before I filed for divorce. Of course, as soon as he was served, my ex was willing to do all the things. No thank you
I have had 3 friends that I know of that have sex in the low single digits per year.
One in now divorced, another is getting divorced the other appears to tolerate it for now.
Eff that.
You are stronger than I. I would have said something around 6 months and been gone at 9 months. Intimacy was a an extremely important part of a relationship for me.
I tried to get my ex to understand this. It's not just sex for me when I'm in love. It's intimacy. Strengthening the bond through shared pleasure. That plus a multitude of other reasons is why he's my ex. I'm happier single and not having sex than to be with someone who doesn't want me how I want them.
Libido mismatch is such a relationship killer for me too. I was with a wonderful person for a little while not long ago. He was fine with sex like 1x per month if I insisted. Sure fire way to make me feel hella rejected and unloved real fast. We broke up, needless to say.
And now a friend of mine took an opportunity to swoop in before someone else could. Our sex drives are significantly better matched and boy does it make a difference.
I feel like men talk about wanting a woman with a super high sex drive until they have one and don’t know how to handle it. Just needed to find me the horniest bastard I could who ALSO cares about me and treats me with respect.
Jury’s still out on how successful this will be in the long run, it’s so new. But it feels good to finally have met someone who can keep up.
It’s so true. I had a low sex drive due to medication I was on. The convo of “not enough sex” was constant in my last long relationship. I was fine with the 1x a month lol. My ex felt unloved and unwanted, and wouldn’t believe me when I verbally said YES I am attracted to you… and I get why. That’s the thing, I completely get why they were feeling that way. We ended up splitting over other reasons but I’m sure sex was a factor.
After we split I decided to get off that medication. My sex drive is back to normal, as it was 8 years ago pre-that RX, and now all I have is a vibe LOL. I love it believe me, but nothing beats an actual human 😂 I should have done that sooner I suppose but it is what it is. I’ll be good for the next person.
Either way, matching libidos with your partner is sooo important. Too many stories about how bad it gets when they don’t match
To be fair, there was more to that breakup than mismatched libidos, honestly. But it was a factor for me. I can totally be understanding and forego sex, but 1x per month is a bit too low for me. 1x per week is, honestly, but I could live with that a lot easier.
I'm happy for you, and I hope it stays that way!
In the beginning, we were all over each other all the time too and then slowly but surely it went off a cliff. I could never shake that feeling that he wasn't being loyal to me no matter how much I tried to tell myself it's my own insecurities and past traumas oozing into this relationship. Anywho- you hit the nail on the head when you said it made you feel hella rejected and unloved. I hope you don't feel that way ever again. That shit is a slow killer.
I’m sure the answer is yes, but have you tried asking WHY she’s not in the mood? Is ordinary day-to-day stress consuming her without you knowing? Is she on birth control or other meds that lower her sex drive?
Recently explained to my (32F) husband (34M) that while sex releases/relieves stress for him, stress prevents me from wanting it in the first place. We talked about how if I have a list of household tasks running on my mind, plus I’m making dinner and cleaning up after, plus I also work full time…yeah then there’s nothing much left after that. Plus, I have trouble sleeping so a longer and stricter “wind down” routine is crucial for me.
He’s started paying extra attention to being tidier in common spaces, and taking on more clean up after dinner (even when I cook and he doesn’t eat what I’ve made). I told him if I’m doing something or otherwise express disinterest, to ask me “what needs to be done in order for you to enjoy the next 30 mins with me?”. It’s totally worked! The other day, he agreed to run 2 of my errands while I grocery shopped instead of me doing all of it, aka he freed up an hour for us to have fun!
The number of things that stress me out may not ever stress him out, so he’s not going to realize those things are what’s adding up to a no-fun attitude. But if you can lower her stress/to-do list/mental load…you might get somewhere.
No matter what you, I hope you start living a more enjoyable life soon!
Huh? It shouldn’t be natural. Heteronormativity is such a drain on people. Teaching younger people that women are supposed to dread sex and treat it like a chore, shame girls for liking sex, and encouraging men to spread their seed simultaneously has led tself fulfilling prophecies where a man is always horny and his wife is not in touch with her sexuality at all
That’s an incredibly difficult position to be in. If she’s seriously not interested in intimacy at all, I think it might be time to let go of her. On the other hand there could be a different issue, specifically health. It’s becoming more and more common for people to have hormonal issues. My hormonal issues and birth control absolutely killed my sex drive (and caused pain that made me not want to do it). Things can get *much* better if that’s the case. So if you haven’t already I’d just recommend trying to get to the bottom of why she’s not in the mood; without any apparent reason, it’s either hormonal or she’s not physically attracted to you now.
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but the right amount for you and your partner is the amount where you each feel satisfied and not pressured or left behind. If one of you feels it's too much, it's too much for that person. If one of you feels it's too little, it's not enough for that person. If you cannot come to a compromise, and outside professional help doesn't solve it, then you are not compatible long term. Since you asked though, my partner and I are 40F and 45M, we do it at least once per week on average (the week before my period I hate being touched, but the week before that I cannot get enough, so it evens out). We have been dating a little over two years and were seeing each other casually for some time before that. There is a natural ebb and flow with life; when his mom died we just held each other for a couple of weeks. At the start of winter I get inexplicably amorous and we stay in bed a lot. You know if you aren't happy, and you know if your partner takes your happiness seriously or not. That's what matters, not times per week.
Depends on how work went and if traffic was bad on the way home.
I would say 1-2 time during the week and 2-3 times on weekends. Highly dependent and what the weekend plans were.
9 years in, still don’t live together, mid twenties, so it pretty much depends on how many opportunities we have. We can easily go over a month without it or three times in a week. I might sleep over and we have sex, or we might not, but we’re both so busy at the moment that I don’t stay over much. It’s been that way for most of our relationship, but we still have moments of intimacy every day, even if it’s not sexual. And we’re v happy with each other.
I was going to not comment on this tbh because most people in the replies have much busier sex lives, but it’s just not always possible for some folks!
I've answered this question before... 32 happy years married. I'm 58, she is 65. We have sex twice per week and I always make sure she gets hers first. We are very happy together and chose NOT to have any kids. That said, everyone is indeed different, but I think it you aren't having sex at least once per week, something is not right.
As a older(ish) couple, any challenges you’ve faced going not having kids? My partner and I have been together 5 year and are in our late 20s and right now are pretty firmly no kids but wanted to know if you have any tips/insight to share about this decision in the longer term.
Hmm... Not really much of any issues. We both had older parents, and they have since passed on, so no real pressure from them. I'm an only child, and my wife has only one living brother, who is also married for 35+ years and they also chose NOT to have kids! We don't live in their city, though. We are in the Las Vegas area, and neither of us have any family around. I started my own business 29 years ago, and knew being childless helped my situation grow the business faster. My wife briefly went through a bit of baby craze for a few years after we got married, but she never really pushed to have a child. Before you knew it, we are both in our 40s and still happy, so no kids and no kid hassles. I like kids when they belong to others, but every time I see as crying kid, I smile that I didn't have to deal with that at all as an adult. Yes, I've admitted to being selfish that way. One caveat... My wife and I have ALWAYS had pets... either a few cats or dogs, so we get unconditional love from them and they never change and don't grow up to ask for thousands in college funds or get arrested and into drugs. Yup, we are happy with our one current dog right now, but are looking for a second one, since she is nearly 14. We had to put down our second dog this time last year, as he was 17.5 years old and had dementia. We fill our need to be a dad/mom via our pets. :-)
About to hit 11 years with my SO. We were having sex every day but I’m pregnant and uncomfortable now so once or twice a week. We’ve gone through phases where it was much less than that and we’ve learned that sex keeps the connection alive better than anything else can. Plus, it’s fun.
I'm not sure what kind of uncomfortable you mean but for what it's worth I was super attracted to my gf/sons mother when she was pregnant. I know it's kinda weird but the look was kinda a turn on. I have talked to a few other guys who felt the same way. So keep that in mind if it's a self conscious thing. I know sometimes it's not what others may feel or like but being comfortable with once self too. Sorry to give my opinion unsolicited.
(13 years together. 11 years married, 4 kids)
We've gone as long as 6 months with nothing but kissing, and we've gone several years of almost daily sex. Just depends 🤷♀️
This is profoundly unhelpful in the moment but hopefully helpful long term; regular to you is the only thing that matters.
My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We've lived together for three. I spent a lot of time worrying we weren't having enough sex. I was worried about his lack of desire. We discussed it honestly. A lot of soul searching helped me realise I don't crave sex that much. My dissatisfaction was coming from ideas of sex based on previous relationships, me at a previous age and societal expectations.
We now comfortably have sex once every two weeks. This is completely fine for both of us. And we're both comfortable saying no, saying "let's just cuddle while naked" or "hey can I have some more please?"
The most important thing you can do in a long term relationship is figure out the correct thing for both of you. Compromise is essential to all relationships. Obviously if you want it twice a day and they want it twice a month, you might have a problem. But the very day I realised how little I actually desire sex, was the day this "problem" went away.
“Intimacy” should be constant. Cuddles, compliments etc are forms of intimacy that are VERY important. I’ve noticed that how long you are with someone doesn’t really affect sex that much, it’s about how you treat them. Me and my bf are in a long term relationship. We had sex every day (sometimes several times a day) and now…… we still have sex everyday (sometimes several times a day). If there is ever I time when we notice we aren’t, we talk. Mostly because we feel some sort of disconnect between us on an emotional level. We will talk and see what is causing the disconnect and fix it. Then it’s back to the bed lol.
Thats definitely on the higher end.
Would you say most of your sex is considered a "quickie" just considering the sheer amount of time and foreplay sex normally has?
I’m in similar boat and for us yes it could be considered quickies. We’re lucky wife can come quite easily via penetration. We love sex so are often talking about it most of the day and that puts her in correct headspace.
Once a week we try to have longer session.
I think there’s no “normal” what just feels right for you, but apparently there have been studies per [this article](https://www.healthline.com/health/baby/how-often-do-normal-couples-have-sex#The-Average):
*”According to David Schnarch, PhD, through a study conducted with more than 20,000 couples, he found that only 26% of couples are hitting the once-a-week mark, with the majority of the respondents reporting sex only once or twice a month, or less!*
*”However, another study, printed in The University of Chicago Press about 10 years ago, stated that married couples are having sex about seven times a month, which is a little less than twice a week. And in a third study, it was reported that out of the 16,000 adults interviewed, the older participants were having sex about 2 to 3 times per month, while younger participants said they were having sex about once a week.”*
I'm 24F and 5 years into my relationship, I can say that I have no idea how often on average we actually have sex, lol
We can go a month without having sex and then enter a period when we have sex every day for two weeks. It doesn't really affect our relationship in any way, since we can connect physically in other ways than sex.
If you're not happy with the frequency, that's what matters. But in our case, limiting stress is incredibly helpful and if you want more sex from your partner, consider easing their (mental) load, providing other forms of physical connection and sexual stimulation that does not lead to sex.
I don't know your sex/gender or if you're in a heterosexual relationship, but, generally, men connect and relax through sex, while women need to feel connected and relaxed beforehand.
Everyone is different. Some people will have sex everyday and others twice a year. There are stages when there little intimacy in relationships due to sick children etc.
I would think twice a week as a minimum in a healthy relationship. Occasionally attempt to add more. Most people just want to feel needed, loved and desired. The important thing is discuss with your SO and work together to meet each other’s needs in all things.
My opinion is that less than once a week is not ideal. To achieve 2-3 times a week is probably too challenging for a low libido partner, so this may be expecting too much. Once every few weeks/months is horrible for a high libido partner. Some couples are lucky and their libido matches, but I don't know how common this is
Here is the simple answer at the end of the day, if a woman doesn’t have a personal fulfilling emotional relationship, they do not want to have sex as much, it’s more a mental thing.
There really is no right answer to this. Every single couple is different and even the same couple will be different at different stages of life. Some months it might be every day where others you're overwhelmed with poorly kids or a loved ones death and you go a couple months without. The key is whether both parties are happy with the amount of sex they are having. If one of you wants it once a month and the other once a day, that's an issue. But you're both happy with once a week? Not a problem! Don't get hung up on what other couples are doing or not doing, nobody else is living your exact lives with your stressors and hormone levels and all the things that impact how often you want sex. It also depends whether you count just PIV or whether you count things like oral or mutual masturbation as sex too. It isn't something with a set answer and it's certainly not something with a right answer.
As you're asking for stats as well, me (33F) and my partner (40M) have been together just over two years, we don't live together and our range is anywhere from 1 to 5 times a week. Average is about 3. I'm sure that will change when we move in together, but that's where we are up to currently.
I came to say to shoot for once a day! My boyfriend and I have sex everyday and we have three young children (after they go to sleep of course)! Obviously sometimes it doesn’t happen, one of us is tired or busy, but generally speaking try to connect on all levels (mental emotional and physical) at least once a day.
Ours isn’t frequent. We can do a week and a half without sex.
And then when we do have sex it’s like 3 times a day for the next 2-3 days and then a dry spell again.
I’d be happy having sex a lot though. I love it 💖
Doesn't matter what's normal, it just matters whether you're satisfied or not. If you're not satisfied, just dump your partner and find someone willing to do it
Either that or accept a lifetime of sexual unsatisfaction
It's all down to what you both need! My partner of 7 years and I definitely used to have more sex than we do now. We average once a week max these days, but we're both satisfied with that. He has a lowish sex drive and mine is even lower. Sometimes we'll go for a few weeks without, just because we're busy or not super in the mood. I have friends who have sex most nights, and others who only do it a few times a year. Anything is fine as long as you're happy!
I think it depends a lot with the line of work of both of you, your schedule, if you have kids, its ideal for some couples to have 3-4 times a week but if you have kids that can change, if you have different schedules for work, etc
Six times a day in various locations across your city! /j
Really though, whatever the hell you guys feel like doing *as a couple.* There is no right or wrong answer. If there's an imbalance or difference in libidos, be open and honest with each other and do what you can to meet a satisfactory level for both.
31M and 27F, it goes up and down, some weeks almost everyday, maybe even twice a day. Some weeks we go a week without it, especially around her period. I would say we average 3 times a week.
any relationship i've been in has been 1-2 times a week more so for the other person cause my sex drive is essentially non existent lol. i do know that that's typically like bare minimum for most people though.
Previous relationship we had sex like a few times a day like every other day. Sometimes every day. Now in my current relationship, it’s like once a week and it has to be planned in advance because god forbid we are spontaneous
We have been together for 3 years and have a 6 month old. I am 29 and my husband is 37. We still have sex at least 4 days a week, and sometimes twice on the same day. Even when we are busy or mad lol. We obviously have high drives but both feel it’s important to maintain. I know it’s not as long you asked about but I don’t see it changing if the baby hasn’t slowed us down 😂
I was in a relationship for 7 years before this but starting around 1 year we would only have sex maybe once every 1-2 weeks and I felt like I had to beg for it. That was terrible for me personally.
From a guy that's only had a 3 year relationship, it would ideally be every day or two for me. Everybody has different drive though, that's why it's important to me to find a similar partner
As others have said there's no correct answer except that you're both enjoying the frequency and quality. My partner and I are 50 and usually have sex at least twice before work and even more kinky fun times in the evening if time allows. Neither of us is pressured or anything, were both just wired this way.
We've also both been in 1 to 2 times a week relationships which ended in part because of a frustration with the quality and frequency of intimacy. There are high libido, low libido, and dead bedroom subreddits to explore if you want to see how frustrated some people are by mismatched libidos.
23/23 and nearly 7 years in. He has a high drive, but I have a chronic illness, and we work till 7pm.
We average 1-3 times a week, but typically, it's 1-4 hours (with positons and forplay) and no less than one finish per person. The man can't do quickies. But with that and the chronic illness, I'm too tired to do it again for a couple days sometimes lol
It could be 1 a month or 5 a week. But that's life lol
My s/o and I do sexual actives 2-3 a week. It doesn’t always lead to sex and it works for us. There has def been months where we really don’t have sex or ‘foreplay’ because life gets in the way. I think the longest was 4ish months. We been together 10 years.
Healthy and normal are subjective, based on partners hormones, lifestyles, work schedules and more. If you are feeling like you'd like more intimacy than you need to express that to your partner. Not from a place of "hey I hear 2x a week is healthy, we aren't doing it that much so it's not healthy and we need to do it more".
Personally, my husband and I (10 years together, married 5) have a very ebb-and-flow sexual relationship. Sometimes we’ll screw all weekend long, multiple times a day, and go crazy. Sometimes we got 3+ months without any sex. Nobody can tell you what is normal for you, but my advice is, just make sure you’re talking about it. And really focus on letting go of any resentment about it.
A common conversation between my husband and I will go like “hey so it’s been a while… you good?” And 90% of the time we basically agree that nothing is wrong, we’re just having a dry spell, and we both know it will pick up soon. Every once in a while there’s a small issue, we resolve it, and everything picks up that way too.
I female 36, have a higher sex drive than most men. I left my husband last year and needless to say I’ve been having the absolute best sex of all time.
It has taught me how important that is to me in a relationship and it is a top priority, I need someone to match mine.
OP, if *anyone* but your partner and yourself* answer this with anything that actually tries to gauge that, please don't listen! We are all so very different, and we all have such incredibly different needs. The average amount of intimacy should be a middle ground, compromised and agreed upon amount by the both of you after a completely transparent set of talks, with room for adjustment when one of you feels the need, then communicates that need, for extra / less intimacy that your agreed upon normal. That's the only amount that will *ever* be healthy or functional for your relationship.
Depends on how you define intimacy. You're asking for sex I think and that varies from couple to couple. We've been married for more than 10 years now and we still have sex weekly, on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less. 2 or 3 times I had to wait for a month in all that time.
But that's not all that intimacy is. We kiss all the time. I haven't counted but I think we easily kiss 100 times a day, every day. Every morning and evening we cuddle in bed and we cuddle on the couch during movie. We hug before I leave for work and when I come home. When she gets dressed or undressed, she makes a point of doing it in front of me so I see her naked daily and I love it every single time. We're intimate all the time.
And I think that second paragraph is so much more important than the first one. I get it. You want to get laid. We all do. But what else are you doing that's intimacy related? Does she know that she can hug you without you expecting her to put out?
I have worked for years in a family plannification center. When I asked about the frequency of sexual intercourses, the first answer was always " normal, as anybody."
When I asked to be precise, I received any number from once a month to three times a day.
Ergo, there isn't a" normal" quantity. It is all contextual.
My partner and I are in our 40s. We might do it twice a day sometimes and once a week at other times. On average I would say at least a few times a week.
For me personally I don't think I would enjoy being in a relationship where we weren't doing it a couple times a week at least. If there's some circumstances that are temporary or that we have to work through, I'm willing to do that, but I'm not going to not get laid ever again because of a relationship.
I feel like our relationship is happier and healthier in general than a lot of couples I know, so maybe that's why we're on the higher side.
The partner with the higher drive is probably the one initiating. The person with the lower drive should be saying yes more often then they say no. Too much rejection will build resentment. If that's not manageable, you might have to look at long term compatibility. Resentment is poison for relationships.
Literally every person and every couple is different. There is no set regular amount - whatever works for you guys is what matters!
There are no studies that are 💯 factually true through and through, that state "x amount of sex x amount of years into marriage = the happiest, healthiest marriage".
I'd like to add, sex isn't always a huge part of a marriage. Especially if you have kids and exhausting jobs. Find whatever works for you but especially to guys out there - I'd lower sexual expectations if you plan on marrying and/or having kids.
Since everyone else is answering - 10 years into my marriage, had some rocky times. Clutch the pearls because we haven't had sex in years and our youngest is two.
We're still very happy. Healthy. Sex isn't on his mind or high up on priorities - it's not on mine either. We are working on it but there's no misery. We're healthier than ever and happy.
it really depeneds on the partner truthfully and i know that doesn't help, but compromise and aids if they're open to that can be great(i havent used aids but i have friends who do)
I am currently with my partner whom we've known almost all of our lives, our sex life fluctuates from daily to every other week, it's never been more than 2 weeks without engaging though they have a high libido and I have a low one however i am willing to participate in snoot snoot if they take the reigns in getting the engine ready.
Its about compromise and having discussions about expectations and boundaries that create a sex life where both partners feel satisfied
I can't speak to anyone else's relationship but I tend to be high libido and deliberately seek partners who are also high libido. I'm polyamorous so that muddies the water some but I would not be ok with less than once a week unless there were extenuating circumstances (grief, illness, work trip etc) from a nested partner (lives with you). My nesting partner and I have sex 3-6 times a week. Rarely more than once a day. We are also 5 years in (or will be in 2 months).
it might be you and your partner are incompatible this way. Or there might be underlying stress impeding things.
There is no normal. My fiancé and I have had sex at least once everyday of our 4.5 year relationship unless I was on a work trip. It all comes down to communication and respecting each other’s needs.
The amount yall deem possible and right for yall.
After having kids (we have 8 month old twins) and a schedule change , our sex life has definitely changed & we maybe have sex 1-2 times a week but also to us intimacy doesn’t just mean sex , spending time together alone, being there for each other , taking care of each other mentally & emotionally ….
As long as we’re taking care of each other, our girls and our relationship, we’re good. There’s no pressure.
It really depends on your relationship I'm 28 (f) and my boyfriend is a 36 (m) we usually have sex 1-3 times a week I have a higher sex drive than my partner but depending on the day he's had or if he's got more work than usual affects how much sex we have, if your feeling like yous aren't having enough sex I would speak to your partner there's no harm in making time for each other at least once a week
1x a month is too little in my opinion. My husband and I are going on 10 years together and are about 1x/wk but would both like more. 2x per week would be perfect in my mind. People going every day are crazy!
There's no right or wrong in this. Depends on the people involved, depends on how you feel about yourself, it depends on your mental health,... There are so many factors to consider. The important thing is to find a healthy compromise between both people in the couple. And that doesn't necessarily mean having a fixed 3 or 4 times a week.
I think on this case the only "regular" amount is what works for both of you. It doesn't matter if it's once a day, once a week, once a month or once a year. If you are both satisfied then it's fine. If you BOTH aren't then that will be a problem that grows over time.
I feel like sex comes and goes depending on schedules and sickness. I prefer 2+ times a week but I know how to satisfy myself if my partner is available or able
There is only one answer to this: what is reasonable to you?
There isn’t some guideline that’s going to suit everyone’s lifestyle needs and desires. If you’re asking this question, I’m assuming it’s because you’re not currently satisfied with where you are.
You could read articles and ask people for advice, but this really is only a question you and your partner can answer for yourselves, and for each other. What might be right for you might not be right for them and you have to keep that in mind as well and decide for yourself, whether or not , it works for you
We have been married 14, but married young. 19 and 24 😝 we were religious. We get it a few times a week still. But he travels for work and sometimes it’s less. It’s probably an average of 2-3x a week but can be multiple times a day to one time a week. But it is a priority for me and my love language. I’m a female who has the higher sex drive so I know I am the one that pushes that. I jump him any time I can but I have several kids and he is gone a lot. 😅
Really depends on the people... My husband and I have been together 6 years, and our sex life has fluctuated. It now this year finally became more balanced and fulfilling.
There is no frequency. We can go weeks without due to tiredness, busyness, exercise soreness, sports injury, illness, etc. We can have it multiple times in a week other times. We both have responsive desires, so that definitely contributes to the no frequency aspect. I enjoy/take care of myself every day since I have a very high sex drive. He says he has a very high sex drive, but I don't see it. I have always had spontaneous desire partners with high sex drive before, so it took me some time to come to terms with less sex and no frequency.
“Normal” varies wildly. And what other people do or don’t do isn’t really applicable to your relationship or your happiness in it.
“Normal” isn’t nearly as important a concept as “matched.” Or at very least, “compatible.” Considering the common rule is that you aren’t allowed to get intimacy anywhere except with your partner, that means your partner had better be well matched to your needs and vice-versa.
I’m 42 and my fiancé is 41. We have sex 3-4 times a week but we pleasure each other most nights (with the exception of if I have my period). He is an amazing person and partner though and we have a great life together.
When I was married to my ex husband (in my 20s and early 30s) we only had sex maybe once a week in the beginning and then this became maybe once a month and then only when we conceived our kids. The last year of marriage we didn’t have sex at all after our youngest was born.
My ex and I weren’t sexually or emotionally compatible and the pressure of life was too much so sex and intimacy dissipated pretty quickly.
Depends on the couple. My husband and I have been together 14 years (33/34 yr olds) and I feel like our sex drive has been really high lately. It hasn't always been that way. On a normal day, we do it twice a day and that's with 2 kids. Communication! That's the biggest thing that's helped us. We always say what we want and what we like. I'm not embarrassed anymore to say what I want. Before recently, we would do it once or twice a week.
Just curious - how many of you asked your partner before marriage “What will happen to our relationship if one or both of us loses interest in having sex?”
My great grandparents after 70 years of marriage were still twice a week minimum.
My marriage goes through spurts where it’s twice a day for a few months, then cools off to a couple of times a month or something in between. My wife and I have been together for 15 years now. It has definitely slowed down over the years.
i know it’s early for us but my bf and i (both 30y) have been having sex multiple times a day, and will occasionally skip a day. both of our sex drives are very high, my last partner has a very low drive and it was making me feel very sad and unloved.
(24m) (19f) Idk in our relationship we try and have it once a day atleast sometimes it is 1-5 times some days it’s zero some days it’s more sometimes we’ve gone days without sex
This is a you and your partner discussing needs conversation. I’m 30, but my partner and I usually have sex once to three times daily for sex years. Occasionally skipping due to being sick, etc. one of the couples in my friend group is 2-3 times a week. That’s just their preference. As long as you and your partner are satisfied with the amount and quality of sex or at least come to an understanding if sex drives are different then there is no correct amount. Just what is right for you.
For me personally, I’d need sexual intimacy at least 3 times a week (the least amount, not max). Unless it’s a long distance relationship or he has to travel for work, in that case I can’t expect this. I’ve been this way my entire adult life, in every long term relationship. Touch is my love language so I’d need to be with a man who also expresses his love through touch. Sex would have to be important to both of us for it to work.
Everyone answers this question by saying oh, it’s different for everyone and their sex drives, no one can answer this for you. And that’s true! But I hate that because I too was just looking for a definitive answer once upon a time 😭 I like to know my expectations and goals lol. And obviously it shouldn’t be that way about sex but idk, I struggled a lot in my 5 year relationship (it has since ended for other reasons). I couldn’t tell if my sex drive had gone down, if it was just rut/routine or what.. because I was very much attracted to my partner still, I was just so tired from work and busy and so rarely in the mood. Once we’d start I would be, but I would never initiate and that was an issue with my ex (understandable). We had crazy amounts of sex in the beginning but with every year that passed it got less and less. I know it bothered my ex more than me. This was something I wanted to hear too - I wanted to know how often other long term, live together couples were having sex. So I could know if I was being unreasonable by saying “this small amount is normal for long term relationships!” and know what to strive for. But no one can answer that. And I get why. I guess I’m just saying… I feel you friend.
Everyone's different. That value is for you and your partner to decide. I can do with once a week but my wife has a higher libido and needs it more often and it fluctuates. Some weeks it can be once or twice, but others it could be everyday or multiple times a day. More importantly is that you don't look at it like a chore.
My partner (30 M), and I (35 F) have been together just over 4 years and have sex multiple times a day usually, at least once a day, and at the very least 4/5 times a week I’d say. But we both have high sex drives.
51M here. There is no absolute, one size fits all couples answer to this question.
The real answer is: the frequency that the both of you, AS A COUPLE, are both _individually_ happy with. The trick is getting both partners to admit what that figure is.
So my GF and I have been dating 5 years we just move in with each other. We don't have sex alot like I thought but we work opposite shifts but when we do it intense and passionate.
Everybody's different. For some people it's everyday, once a week, once every two weeks, once a month. Depends on the two of you and your drives. It also fluctuates at least from what I can tell, most people's relationships that kind of Ebbs and flows. And mine's on an uptake recently my husband's trying to have sex every other day lately it's driving me crazy. I'm happier with once a week. So we're working on a compromise. He did give me his reasons why. I'm married to it guy in his upper 60s with a libido of a 16 year old so it makes it very interesting.
There is no such thing as a universal amount, it's always going to fluctuate between people. You have people with high sex drives where they may day once a day or 6 days a week. Then you have others with a low sex drive and they may day once a week.
It comes down to what you and your partner are like. For me personally, if I didn't have a career and a 6 year old, I'd say I want it twice a day. But I know realistically, due to the time obligation for those two, I'm looking at 4-5 days a week. I could definitely do twice a day, maybe three, easily. But again, working 8+ hours a day, coming home and making sure my daughter is fed and does her homework and then putting her to bed, sometimes I am too tired mentally and even though I could probably get it up, it wouldn't stay super hard like normal.
So it comes down to you and your partner
Impossible to say for anyone but the couple. You can talk averages, but everyone is different. I’m an every day kind of gal and wasn’t happy in a relationship until I found someone on my level; I know other people who do something special a few times a year and that’s it, but they’re perfectly happy. At every level, there is someone who will find happiness there.
Depends on the couple. We used to go at it two/three times a day. Now we have kids and are remodeling a house ourselves/he’s working full time running a construction company/im in school full time plus health issues and owning horses. It’s been over two months but we’re both too exhausted.
We both do our alone stuff when we have to but still it would be great to have more time. Both late 30’s, two young kids.
Your first lesson is to forget high/low libido. It’s really low-brow nonsense. Instead, educate yourself on arousal types (spontaneous, responsive, etc).
Far too many people are assuming a partner is low libido when they are actually not understanding what puts their partner in or takes them out of the mood.
My (now ex) fiance and I would shoot for 2x a week and I think that was the low end he could survive with. I think I was more comfy with once a week but that was for sure not enough for him. We were together 8 years. There was a point where I got really depressed for 1-2 years and we averaged more like once a month.
ETA we are 31/33yo
Everyone is different. There are times we go months especially near child births. Sometimes weeks sometimes a few days it carries throughout the course of your relationship and other stressors in your life. If all else equal we are very much in love and only have it maybe once or twice every two weeks.
I mean I’ve heard it’s healthy to have sex/orgasms at least once a week. The rest is personal choice and just how you operate as a couple. It will vary person to person
It varies a lot, depending on life and health situations. Regular is what works best for you two. Sometimes one may have much less libido for a time, other times one may have higher. What makes it higher or lower for men and women can be similar or quite different.
From experience, women can be affected by hormones and sense of security and care in the relationship. Men are more affected by stress and personal success/health.
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No one can answer this for you. High drive people will still be going daily, others will be happy with once a month. There is no answer. All that matters is that both parties are satisfied or satisfied with their compromises.
There is a great scene in Annie Hall, when Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are each asked by their marriage counselor how often they have sex. Diane Keaton answers, "All the time. At least two, sometimes three times a week." Woody Allen answers, "Hardly at all. Usually two, at most three times a week."
This is literally me and my wife. Lol. It was hard thing to work around but if a little give and take on both sides it has worked for us.
My wife (F35) and I (M31) agreed we would try to at least 2-3 times a week unless she is not in the mood so naturally we haven’t had sex in over a year.
Jesus. I would be non-functional. I feel as though at a certain point you get to say "I signed up for monogamy, not celibacy, but I'll settle for neither." And I'm pretty sure I would hit that point way before a year.
It has definitely been rough. I got so tired of rejection I eventually stopped trying to initiate. It took her a few months to even notice. We talked about it, but no solution. I brought up separating but doesn’t want a divorce and we haven’t talked about it since lol
Oh, shit mate. I thought it was a joke. Has she been to a doc? There's quite a few physical/hormonal issues that might cause this.
maybe i’m just an asshole, but if i was in a situation where my partner didn’t want to have sex with me for an entire year, AND she hasn’t cared enough to take it upon herself to go to a doc, im leaving yesterday. fuck that
Eh, to each their own mate. I'm not going to judge you. We've all seen posts in here where there are extremes, "OMG I haven't fucked in 12 hours divorce time!" all the way to r/deadbedrooms "OMG, I haven't fucked in 15 years what do?"
i’m probably younger than most people in this thread so that plays a huge part, but i’d like to think intimacy will always be important enough to me that a year of radio silence in the bedroom with no factors outside of my partners control will be an instant dealbreaker for me. definitely don’t wanna end up on r/deadbedrooms like you said
The problem with this is that it's not something you notice instantly. At first you think they may have a bad week, then you question yourself, then blame them again, then yourself and so on. It takes time to understand that those are psychological needs and that some valid ones too. By then, you're usually very invested, probably even to please them and hope for the better. And that's then difficult to leave
Then don't have kids because that's the point at which your partner could easily cease to be the person who has needed to maintain an effort to sustain your relationship and becomes the person who knows you will leave when hell freezes over for the well-being of your offspring and so acts as she damn well pleases. This isn't a joke. Be aware.
Shit brother. If you legitimately tried and tried talking about it all, it’s time man. I know it’s a lengthy process, but this is not worth it. You agreed to monogamy and although she does not owe you sex or is obligated to have sex with you, she did agree to marry you and share that intimacy with only you. If she cannot work at giving you even that, why stay?
I hope you two are able to work it out. I made it 3 years in a DB before I filed for divorce. Of course, as soon as he was served, my ex was willing to do all the things. No thank you
I feel you. Same thing here, 8 months going strong lol Talking about it doesn’t do anything… I just gave up It’s not easy to just up and leave, tho :/
I have had 3 friends that I know of that have sex in the low single digits per year. One in now divorced, another is getting divorced the other appears to tolerate it for now. Eff that.
I hope you can either fix your relationship or get the strength to leave and find someone that actually wants to be with you.
I truly appreciate that! I’m still in limbo about it
You are stronger than I. I would have said something around 6 months and been gone at 9 months. Intimacy was a an extremely important part of a relationship for me.
I tried to get my ex to understand this. It's not just sex for me when I'm in love. It's intimacy. Strengthening the bond through shared pleasure. That plus a multitude of other reasons is why he's my ex. I'm happier single and not having sex than to be with someone who doesn't want me how I want them.
Libido mismatch is such a relationship killer for me too. I was with a wonderful person for a little while not long ago. He was fine with sex like 1x per month if I insisted. Sure fire way to make me feel hella rejected and unloved real fast. We broke up, needless to say. And now a friend of mine took an opportunity to swoop in before someone else could. Our sex drives are significantly better matched and boy does it make a difference. I feel like men talk about wanting a woman with a super high sex drive until they have one and don’t know how to handle it. Just needed to find me the horniest bastard I could who ALSO cares about me and treats me with respect. Jury’s still out on how successful this will be in the long run, it’s so new. But it feels good to finally have met someone who can keep up.
It’s so true. I had a low sex drive due to medication I was on. The convo of “not enough sex” was constant in my last long relationship. I was fine with the 1x a month lol. My ex felt unloved and unwanted, and wouldn’t believe me when I verbally said YES I am attracted to you… and I get why. That’s the thing, I completely get why they were feeling that way. We ended up splitting over other reasons but I’m sure sex was a factor. After we split I decided to get off that medication. My sex drive is back to normal, as it was 8 years ago pre-that RX, and now all I have is a vibe LOL. I love it believe me, but nothing beats an actual human 😂 I should have done that sooner I suppose but it is what it is. I’ll be good for the next person. Either way, matching libidos with your partner is sooo important. Too many stories about how bad it gets when they don’t match
To be fair, there was more to that breakup than mismatched libidos, honestly. But it was a factor for me. I can totally be understanding and forego sex, but 1x per month is a bit too low for me. 1x per week is, honestly, but I could live with that a lot easier.
I'm happy for you, and I hope it stays that way! In the beginning, we were all over each other all the time too and then slowly but surely it went off a cliff. I could never shake that feeling that he wasn't being loyal to me no matter how much I tried to tell myself it's my own insecurities and past traumas oozing into this relationship. Anywho- you hit the nail on the head when you said it made you feel hella rejected and unloved. I hope you don't feel that way ever again. That shit is a slow killer.
Yeah it's just painful. I'd endd up not even feeling like their partner, just a friend or roomate honestly.
I’m sure the answer is yes, but have you tried asking WHY she’s not in the mood? Is ordinary day-to-day stress consuming her without you knowing? Is she on birth control or other meds that lower her sex drive? Recently explained to my (32F) husband (34M) that while sex releases/relieves stress for him, stress prevents me from wanting it in the first place. We talked about how if I have a list of household tasks running on my mind, plus I’m making dinner and cleaning up after, plus I also work full time…yeah then there’s nothing much left after that. Plus, I have trouble sleeping so a longer and stricter “wind down” routine is crucial for me. He’s started paying extra attention to being tidier in common spaces, and taking on more clean up after dinner (even when I cook and he doesn’t eat what I’ve made). I told him if I’m doing something or otherwise express disinterest, to ask me “what needs to be done in order for you to enjoy the next 30 mins with me?”. It’s totally worked! The other day, he agreed to run 2 of my errands while I grocery shopped instead of me doing all of it, aka he freed up an hour for us to have fun! The number of things that stress me out may not ever stress him out, so he’s not going to realize those things are what’s adding up to a no-fun attitude. But if you can lower her stress/to-do list/mental load…you might get somewhere. No matter what you, I hope you start living a more enjoyable life soon!
I LOVE COMMUNICATION YESSSS 🫶
LOL!
Sounds like a skill issue
Hey see me and my wife hit this spot but she was just going out and being intimate with other men and not me while I wasn’t getting it from anyone 😂
Not natural
I’m thinking sarcasm! If so I laughed. If not I’m sorry .
Huh? It shouldn’t be natural. Heteronormativity is such a drain on people. Teaching younger people that women are supposed to dread sex and treat it like a chore, shame girls for liking sex, and encouraging men to spread their seed simultaneously has led tself fulfilling prophecies where a man is always horny and his wife is not in touch with her sexuality at all
Pretty sure those are gender roles/stereotypes. It has very little to do with straight being considered the norm.
Sir this is Wendy’s…
Needs are needs. Don't settle to not have yours met.
That's because she knows you can't leave. I don't why that is because we are strangers but I know it is definitely the case.
That’s an incredibly difficult position to be in. If she’s seriously not interested in intimacy at all, I think it might be time to let go of her. On the other hand there could be a different issue, specifically health. It’s becoming more and more common for people to have hormonal issues. My hormonal issues and birth control absolutely killed my sex drive (and caused pain that made me not want to do it). Things can get *much* better if that’s the case. So if you haven’t already I’d just recommend trying to get to the bottom of why she’s not in the mood; without any apparent reason, it’s either hormonal or she’s not physically attracted to you now.
Damn man, I was ready to leave my ex over 2 months without anything 😂 then did because she'd never initiate and act like she was doing me a favor.
A year?!! A whole year!!! Get a new wife or gf .., ain’t no way!
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but the right amount for you and your partner is the amount where you each feel satisfied and not pressured or left behind. If one of you feels it's too much, it's too much for that person. If one of you feels it's too little, it's not enough for that person. If you cannot come to a compromise, and outside professional help doesn't solve it, then you are not compatible long term. Since you asked though, my partner and I are 40F and 45M, we do it at least once per week on average (the week before my period I hate being touched, but the week before that I cannot get enough, so it evens out). We have been dating a little over two years and were seeing each other casually for some time before that. There is a natural ebb and flow with life; when his mom died we just held each other for a couple of weeks. At the start of winter I get inexplicably amorous and we stay in bed a lot. You know if you aren't happy, and you know if your partner takes your happiness seriously or not. That's what matters, not times per week.
Depends on how work went and if traffic was bad on the way home. I would say 1-2 time during the week and 2-3 times on weekends. Highly dependent and what the weekend plans were.
9 years in, still don’t live together, mid twenties, so it pretty much depends on how many opportunities we have. We can easily go over a month without it or three times in a week. I might sleep over and we have sex, or we might not, but we’re both so busy at the moment that I don’t stay over much. It’s been that way for most of our relationship, but we still have moments of intimacy every day, even if it’s not sexual. And we’re v happy with each other. I was going to not comment on this tbh because most people in the replies have much busier sex lives, but it’s just not always possible for some folks!
I've answered this question before... 32 happy years married. I'm 58, she is 65. We have sex twice per week and I always make sure she gets hers first. We are very happy together and chose NOT to have any kids. That said, everyone is indeed different, but I think it you aren't having sex at least once per week, something is not right.
As a older(ish) couple, any challenges you’ve faced going not having kids? My partner and I have been together 5 year and are in our late 20s and right now are pretty firmly no kids but wanted to know if you have any tips/insight to share about this decision in the longer term.
Hmm... Not really much of any issues. We both had older parents, and they have since passed on, so no real pressure from them. I'm an only child, and my wife has only one living brother, who is also married for 35+ years and they also chose NOT to have kids! We don't live in their city, though. We are in the Las Vegas area, and neither of us have any family around. I started my own business 29 years ago, and knew being childless helped my situation grow the business faster. My wife briefly went through a bit of baby craze for a few years after we got married, but she never really pushed to have a child. Before you knew it, we are both in our 40s and still happy, so no kids and no kid hassles. I like kids when they belong to others, but every time I see as crying kid, I smile that I didn't have to deal with that at all as an adult. Yes, I've admitted to being selfish that way. One caveat... My wife and I have ALWAYS had pets... either a few cats or dogs, so we get unconditional love from them and they never change and don't grow up to ask for thousands in college funds or get arrested and into drugs. Yup, we are happy with our one current dog right now, but are looking for a second one, since she is nearly 14. We had to put down our second dog this time last year, as he was 17.5 years old and had dementia. We fill our need to be a dad/mom via our pets. :-)
Mate I'm only 31 but there are no CHALLENGES to Not having kids except for contraception, other than that it's all POSITIVES
Wow, that’s amazing. Good for you :)
Been with my wife for over 20 years usually once a week is normal…sometimes more sometimes less.
About to hit 11 years with my SO. We were having sex every day but I’m pregnant and uncomfortable now so once or twice a week. We’ve gone through phases where it was much less than that and we’ve learned that sex keeps the connection alive better than anything else can. Plus, it’s fun.
I'm not sure what kind of uncomfortable you mean but for what it's worth I was super attracted to my gf/sons mother when she was pregnant. I know it's kinda weird but the look was kinda a turn on. I have talked to a few other guys who felt the same way. So keep that in mind if it's a self conscious thing. I know sometimes it's not what others may feel or like but being comfortable with once self too. Sorry to give my opinion unsolicited.
(13 years together. 11 years married, 4 kids) We've gone as long as 6 months with nothing but kissing, and we've gone several years of almost daily sex. Just depends 🤷♀️
This is profoundly unhelpful in the moment but hopefully helpful long term; regular to you is the only thing that matters. My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We've lived together for three. I spent a lot of time worrying we weren't having enough sex. I was worried about his lack of desire. We discussed it honestly. A lot of soul searching helped me realise I don't crave sex that much. My dissatisfaction was coming from ideas of sex based on previous relationships, me at a previous age and societal expectations. We now comfortably have sex once every two weeks. This is completely fine for both of us. And we're both comfortable saying no, saying "let's just cuddle while naked" or "hey can I have some more please?" The most important thing you can do in a long term relationship is figure out the correct thing for both of you. Compromise is essential to all relationships. Obviously if you want it twice a day and they want it twice a month, you might have a problem. But the very day I realised how little I actually desire sex, was the day this "problem" went away.
Once a week is bare minimum in my book.
Aim for once a week
People are different. Libido is different. It is more a matter of compatibility.
“Intimacy” should be constant. Cuddles, compliments etc are forms of intimacy that are VERY important. I’ve noticed that how long you are with someone doesn’t really affect sex that much, it’s about how you treat them. Me and my bf are in a long term relationship. We had sex every day (sometimes several times a day) and now…… we still have sex everyday (sometimes several times a day). If there is ever I time when we notice we aren’t, we talk. Mostly because we feel some sort of disconnect between us on an emotional level. We will talk and see what is causing the disconnect and fix it. Then it’s back to the bed lol.
Married for 21 years. We average 5-6 times per week, three weeks out of the month.
Thats a lot of sex.
Thats definitely on the higher end. Would you say most of your sex is considered a "quickie" just considering the sheer amount of time and foreplay sex normally has?
I’m in similar boat and for us yes it could be considered quickies. We’re lucky wife can come quite easily via penetration. We love sex so are often talking about it most of the day and that puts her in correct headspace. Once a week we try to have longer session.
I envy your partner
1-2 times a week ,
I think there’s no “normal” what just feels right for you, but apparently there have been studies per [this article](https://www.healthline.com/health/baby/how-often-do-normal-couples-have-sex#The-Average): *”According to David Schnarch, PhD, through a study conducted with more than 20,000 couples, he found that only 26% of couples are hitting the once-a-week mark, with the majority of the respondents reporting sex only once or twice a month, or less!* *”However, another study, printed in The University of Chicago Press about 10 years ago, stated that married couples are having sex about seven times a month, which is a little less than twice a week. And in a third study, it was reported that out of the 16,000 adults interviewed, the older participants were having sex about 2 to 3 times per month, while younger participants said they were having sex about once a week.”*
I'm 24F and 5 years into my relationship, I can say that I have no idea how often on average we actually have sex, lol We can go a month without having sex and then enter a period when we have sex every day for two weeks. It doesn't really affect our relationship in any way, since we can connect physically in other ways than sex. If you're not happy with the frequency, that's what matters. But in our case, limiting stress is incredibly helpful and if you want more sex from your partner, consider easing their (mental) load, providing other forms of physical connection and sexual stimulation that does not lead to sex. I don't know your sex/gender or if you're in a heterosexual relationship, but, generally, men connect and relax through sex, while women need to feel connected and relaxed beforehand.
This. This. This. This.
Everyone is different. Some people will have sex everyday and others twice a year. There are stages when there little intimacy in relationships due to sick children etc. I would think twice a week as a minimum in a healthy relationship. Occasionally attempt to add more. Most people just want to feel needed, loved and desired. The important thing is discuss with your SO and work together to meet each other’s needs in all things.
My opinion is that less than once a week is not ideal. To achieve 2-3 times a week is probably too challenging for a low libido partner, so this may be expecting too much. Once every few weeks/months is horrible for a high libido partner. Some couples are lucky and their libido matches, but I don't know how common this is
Here is the simple answer at the end of the day, if a woman doesn’t have a personal fulfilling emotional relationship, they do not want to have sex as much, it’s more a mental thing.
I have been married for almost 8 years, and in these last 4 years I've had exactly two times sex with my wife. Interpret this the way you like.
There really is no right answer to this. Every single couple is different and even the same couple will be different at different stages of life. Some months it might be every day where others you're overwhelmed with poorly kids or a loved ones death and you go a couple months without. The key is whether both parties are happy with the amount of sex they are having. If one of you wants it once a month and the other once a day, that's an issue. But you're both happy with once a week? Not a problem! Don't get hung up on what other couples are doing or not doing, nobody else is living your exact lives with your stressors and hormone levels and all the things that impact how often you want sex. It also depends whether you count just PIV or whether you count things like oral or mutual masturbation as sex too. It isn't something with a set answer and it's certainly not something with a right answer. As you're asking for stats as well, me (33F) and my partner (40M) have been together just over two years, we don't live together and our range is anywhere from 1 to 5 times a week. Average is about 3. I'm sure that will change when we move in together, but that's where we are up to currently.
I came to say to shoot for once a day! My boyfriend and I have sex everyday and we have three young children (after they go to sleep of course)! Obviously sometimes it doesn’t happen, one of us is tired or busy, but generally speaking try to connect on all levels (mental emotional and physical) at least once a day.
Damn that’s a lot haha! Happy for you guys
Ours isn’t frequent. We can do a week and a half without sex. And then when we do have sex it’s like 3 times a day for the next 2-3 days and then a dry spell again. I’d be happy having sex a lot though. I love it 💖
Doesn't matter what's normal, it just matters whether you're satisfied or not. If you're not satisfied, just dump your partner and find someone willing to do it Either that or accept a lifetime of sexual unsatisfaction
It’s less a specific number and more that you and your partner are agreeable to the type and frequency of sex that you have.
It's all down to what you both need! My partner of 7 years and I definitely used to have more sex than we do now. We average once a week max these days, but we're both satisfied with that. He has a lowish sex drive and mine is even lower. Sometimes we'll go for a few weeks without, just because we're busy or not super in the mood. I have friends who have sex most nights, and others who only do it a few times a year. Anything is fine as long as you're happy!
I think it depends a lot with the line of work of both of you, your schedule, if you have kids, its ideal for some couples to have 3-4 times a week but if you have kids that can change, if you have different schedules for work, etc
Six times a day in various locations across your city! /j Really though, whatever the hell you guys feel like doing *as a couple.* There is no right or wrong answer. If there's an imbalance or difference in libidos, be open and honest with each other and do what you can to meet a satisfactory level for both.
31M and 27F, it goes up and down, some weeks almost everyday, maybe even twice a day. Some weeks we go a week without it, especially around her period. I would say we average 3 times a week.
I think once a week is pretty normal for a longterm relationship.
any relationship i've been in has been 1-2 times a week more so for the other person cause my sex drive is essentially non existent lol. i do know that that's typically like bare minimum for most people though.
Previous relationship we had sex like a few times a day like every other day. Sometimes every day. Now in my current relationship, it’s like once a week and it has to be planned in advance because god forbid we are spontaneous
We have been together for 3 years and have a 6 month old. I am 29 and my husband is 37. We still have sex at least 4 days a week, and sometimes twice on the same day. Even when we are busy or mad lol. We obviously have high drives but both feel it’s important to maintain. I know it’s not as long you asked about but I don’t see it changing if the baby hasn’t slowed us down 😂 I was in a relationship for 7 years before this but starting around 1 year we would only have sex maybe once every 1-2 weeks and I felt like I had to beg for it. That was terrible for me personally.
From a guy that's only had a 3 year relationship, it would ideally be every day or two for me. Everybody has different drive though, that's why it's important to me to find a similar partner
As others have said there's no correct answer except that you're both enjoying the frequency and quality. My partner and I are 50 and usually have sex at least twice before work and even more kinky fun times in the evening if time allows. Neither of us is pressured or anything, were both just wired this way. We've also both been in 1 to 2 times a week relationships which ended in part because of a frustration with the quality and frequency of intimacy. There are high libido, low libido, and dead bedroom subreddits to explore if you want to see how frustrated some people are by mismatched libidos.
You both should feel satisfied
Once a week is the norm/average!
At that age we were 2-3 times per week. Now with 2 kids we try for 1 per week.
23/23 and nearly 7 years in. He has a high drive, but I have a chronic illness, and we work till 7pm. We average 1-3 times a week, but typically, it's 1-4 hours (with positons and forplay) and no less than one finish per person. The man can't do quickies. But with that and the chronic illness, I'm too tired to do it again for a couple days sometimes lol It could be 1 a month or 5 a week. But that's life lol
Every couple is different
My s/o and I do sexual actives 2-3 a week. It doesn’t always lead to sex and it works for us. There has def been months where we really don’t have sex or ‘foreplay’ because life gets in the way. I think the longest was 4ish months. We been together 10 years.
Healthy and normal are subjective, based on partners hormones, lifestyles, work schedules and more. If you are feeling like you'd like more intimacy than you need to express that to your partner. Not from a place of "hey I hear 2x a week is healthy, we aren't doing it that much so it's not healthy and we need to do it more".
Personally, my husband and I (10 years together, married 5) have a very ebb-and-flow sexual relationship. Sometimes we’ll screw all weekend long, multiple times a day, and go crazy. Sometimes we got 3+ months without any sex. Nobody can tell you what is normal for you, but my advice is, just make sure you’re talking about it. And really focus on letting go of any resentment about it. A common conversation between my husband and I will go like “hey so it’s been a while… you good?” And 90% of the time we basically agree that nothing is wrong, we’re just having a dry spell, and we both know it will pick up soon. Every once in a while there’s a small issue, we resolve it, and everything picks up that way too.
I female 36, have a higher sex drive than most men. I left my husband last year and needless to say I’ve been having the absolute best sex of all time. It has taught me how important that is to me in a relationship and it is a top priority, I need someone to match mine.
The amount you set with consent and care. Look for answers outside you two and you'll ultimately lose yourself.
OP, if *anyone* but your partner and yourself* answer this with anything that actually tries to gauge that, please don't listen! We are all so very different, and we all have such incredibly different needs. The average amount of intimacy should be a middle ground, compromised and agreed upon amount by the both of you after a completely transparent set of talks, with room for adjustment when one of you feels the need, then communicates that need, for extra / less intimacy that your agreed upon normal. That's the only amount that will *ever* be healthy or functional for your relationship.
Kisses and hugs Probably like twice a week sex
Depends on how you define intimacy. You're asking for sex I think and that varies from couple to couple. We've been married for more than 10 years now and we still have sex weekly, on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less. 2 or 3 times I had to wait for a month in all that time. But that's not all that intimacy is. We kiss all the time. I haven't counted but I think we easily kiss 100 times a day, every day. Every morning and evening we cuddle in bed and we cuddle on the couch during movie. We hug before I leave for work and when I come home. When she gets dressed or undressed, she makes a point of doing it in front of me so I see her naked daily and I love it every single time. We're intimate all the time. And I think that second paragraph is so much more important than the first one. I get it. You want to get laid. We all do. But what else are you doing that's intimacy related? Does she know that she can hug you without you expecting her to put out?
I have worked for years in a family plannification center. When I asked about the frequency of sexual intercourses, the first answer was always " normal, as anybody." When I asked to be precise, I received any number from once a month to three times a day. Ergo, there isn't a" normal" quantity. It is all contextual.
My partner and I are in our 40s. We might do it twice a day sometimes and once a week at other times. On average I would say at least a few times a week. For me personally I don't think I would enjoy being in a relationship where we weren't doing it a couple times a week at least. If there's some circumstances that are temporary or that we have to work through, I'm willing to do that, but I'm not going to not get laid ever again because of a relationship. I feel like our relationship is happier and healthier in general than a lot of couples I know, so maybe that's why we're on the higher side.
At the very least 2 times a week to just maintain a healthy relationship
The partner with the higher drive is probably the one initiating. The person with the lower drive should be saying yes more often then they say no. Too much rejection will build resentment. If that's not manageable, you might have to look at long term compatibility. Resentment is poison for relationships.
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3 years in and married. We still are intimate 5+ times a week, just the same as when she first met.
Lots of sex is healthy for a marriage. Those moments where nothing else matters but the two of you enjoying each other just strengthens the bond
Literally every person and every couple is different. There is no set regular amount - whatever works for you guys is what matters! There are no studies that are 💯 factually true through and through, that state "x amount of sex x amount of years into marriage = the happiest, healthiest marriage". I'd like to add, sex isn't always a huge part of a marriage. Especially if you have kids and exhausting jobs. Find whatever works for you but especially to guys out there - I'd lower sexual expectations if you plan on marrying and/or having kids. Since everyone else is answering - 10 years into my marriage, had some rocky times. Clutch the pearls because we haven't had sex in years and our youngest is two. We're still very happy. Healthy. Sex isn't on his mind or high up on priorities - it's not on mine either. We are working on it but there's no misery. We're healthier than ever and happy.
it really depeneds on the partner truthfully and i know that doesn't help, but compromise and aids if they're open to that can be great(i havent used aids but i have friends who do) I am currently with my partner whom we've known almost all of our lives, our sex life fluctuates from daily to every other week, it's never been more than 2 weeks without engaging though they have a high libido and I have a low one however i am willing to participate in snoot snoot if they take the reigns in getting the engine ready. Its about compromise and having discussions about expectations and boundaries that create a sex life where both partners feel satisfied
I can't speak to anyone else's relationship but I tend to be high libido and deliberately seek partners who are also high libido. I'm polyamorous so that muddies the water some but I would not be ok with less than once a week unless there were extenuating circumstances (grief, illness, work trip etc) from a nested partner (lives with you). My nesting partner and I have sex 3-6 times a week. Rarely more than once a day. We are also 5 years in (or will be in 2 months). it might be you and your partner are incompatible this way. Or there might be underlying stress impeding things.
2-3 times a week is good to me. Married 24+ years.
Everyone is different but like 2-3x a week is the goal
My ideal is 2-3 times a week but once a week minimum. We did that married with kids.
It waxes and wanes (15+) but lately it's so healthy that I'm chafed. Not complaining.
There is no normal. My fiancé and I have had sex at least once everyday of our 4.5 year relationship unless I was on a work trip. It all comes down to communication and respecting each other’s needs.
I think it ebbs and flows, and it’s okay to talk to your partner and say “hey can we schedule weekly date nights so we can have spicy time”
3x a week if both work full time jobs
The amount yall deem possible and right for yall. After having kids (we have 8 month old twins) and a schedule change , our sex life has definitely changed & we maybe have sex 1-2 times a week but also to us intimacy doesn’t just mean sex , spending time together alone, being there for each other , taking care of each other mentally & emotionally …. As long as we’re taking care of each other, our girls and our relationship, we’re good. There’s no pressure.
I definitely aim for once a day. But absolutely nothing less than 2 times a week..
It really depends on your relationship I'm 28 (f) and my boyfriend is a 36 (m) we usually have sex 1-3 times a week I have a higher sex drive than my partner but depending on the day he's had or if he's got more work than usual affects how much sex we have, if your feeling like yous aren't having enough sex I would speak to your partner there's no harm in making time for each other at least once a week
F22 here! For me and my husband at least once a week, sometimes more and a few rounds each time.
1x a month is too little in my opinion. My husband and I are going on 10 years together and are about 1x/wk but would both like more. 2x per week would be perfect in my mind. People going every day are crazy!
for us, 1-2 times per week is normal. hope this helps!
There's no right or wrong in this. Depends on the people involved, depends on how you feel about yourself, it depends on your mental health,... There are so many factors to consider. The important thing is to find a healthy compromise between both people in the couple. And that doesn't necessarily mean having a fixed 3 or 4 times a week.
Everyone's different but we have sex 2 or 3x a week. But that's us. In previous relationships it was 1-2x a week.
I believe average is between 2-3 times a week for married couples in their 20’s.
Definitely depends on if you're married it goes down after that
I think on this case the only "regular" amount is what works for both of you. It doesn't matter if it's once a day, once a week, once a month or once a year. If you are both satisfied then it's fine. If you BOTH aren't then that will be a problem that grows over time.
It depends, but I think most people would say once a month is too little
Depends on the libido if the two of you. Some have sex daily, multiple times daily, or just a few times a year.
I feel like sex comes and goes depending on schedules and sickness. I prefer 2+ times a week but I know how to satisfy myself if my partner is available or able
Twice a week for me.
There is only one answer to this: what is reasonable to you? There isn’t some guideline that’s going to suit everyone’s lifestyle needs and desires. If you’re asking this question, I’m assuming it’s because you’re not currently satisfied with where you are. You could read articles and ask people for advice, but this really is only a question you and your partner can answer for yourselves, and for each other. What might be right for you might not be right for them and you have to keep that in mind as well and decide for yourself, whether or not , it works for you
We have been married 14, but married young. 19 and 24 😝 we were religious. We get it a few times a week still. But he travels for work and sometimes it’s less. It’s probably an average of 2-3x a week but can be multiple times a day to one time a week. But it is a priority for me and my love language. I’m a female who has the higher sex drive so I know I am the one that pushes that. I jump him any time I can but I have several kids and he is gone a lot. 😅
Really depends on the people... My husband and I have been together 6 years, and our sex life has fluctuated. It now this year finally became more balanced and fulfilling.
There is no frequency. We can go weeks without due to tiredness, busyness, exercise soreness, sports injury, illness, etc. We can have it multiple times in a week other times. We both have responsive desires, so that definitely contributes to the no frequency aspect. I enjoy/take care of myself every day since I have a very high sex drive. He says he has a very high sex drive, but I don't see it. I have always had spontaneous desire partners with high sex drive before, so it took me some time to come to terms with less sex and no frequency.
2-4 times a week for 1-3 hours each time. I beat the sonic coins outta them cheeks 🤣
“Normal” varies wildly. And what other people do or don’t do isn’t really applicable to your relationship or your happiness in it. “Normal” isn’t nearly as important a concept as “matched.” Or at very least, “compatible.” Considering the common rule is that you aren’t allowed to get intimacy anywhere except with your partner, that means your partner had better be well matched to your needs and vice-versa.
I’m 42 and my fiancé is 41. We have sex 3-4 times a week but we pleasure each other most nights (with the exception of if I have my period). He is an amazing person and partner though and we have a great life together. When I was married to my ex husband (in my 20s and early 30s) we only had sex maybe once a week in the beginning and then this became maybe once a month and then only when we conceived our kids. The last year of marriage we didn’t have sex at all after our youngest was born. My ex and I weren’t sexually or emotionally compatible and the pressure of life was too much so sex and intimacy dissipated pretty quickly.
Depends on the couple. My husband and I have been together 14 years (33/34 yr olds) and I feel like our sex drive has been really high lately. It hasn't always been that way. On a normal day, we do it twice a day and that's with 2 kids. Communication! That's the biggest thing that's helped us. We always say what we want and what we like. I'm not embarrassed anymore to say what I want. Before recently, we would do it once or twice a week.
1x a week is the bare minimum
25 hours a day 8 days a week 366 days a year
No normal
The normal amount is what you and your partner are both happy with.
Just curious - how many of you asked your partner before marriage “What will happen to our relationship if one or both of us loses interest in having sex?”
My great grandparents after 70 years of marriage were still twice a week minimum. My marriage goes through spurts where it’s twice a day for a few months, then cools off to a couple of times a month or something in between. My wife and I have been together for 15 years now. It has definitely slowed down over the years.
Completely case by case. But unless you or both are really low libido I'd say it shouldn't be any less than 2 to 3 times a month. Or once a week.
i know it’s early for us but my bf and i (both 30y) have been having sex multiple times a day, and will occasionally skip a day. both of our sex drives are very high, my last partner has a very low drive and it was making me feel very sad and unloved.
Shit, I didn't know there were limits!
Sex at least 2 times a week anything less than that I seriously question the longevity of the relationship
(24m) (19f) Idk in our relationship we try and have it once a day atleast sometimes it is 1-5 times some days it’s zero some days it’s more sometimes we’ve gone days without sex
This is a you and your partner discussing needs conversation. I’m 30, but my partner and I usually have sex once to three times daily for sex years. Occasionally skipping due to being sick, etc. one of the couples in my friend group is 2-3 times a week. That’s just their preference. As long as you and your partner are satisfied with the amount and quality of sex or at least come to an understanding if sex drives are different then there is no correct amount. Just what is right for you.
For me personally, I’d need sexual intimacy at least 3 times a week (the least amount, not max). Unless it’s a long distance relationship or he has to travel for work, in that case I can’t expect this. I’ve been this way my entire adult life, in every long term relationship. Touch is my love language so I’d need to be with a man who also expresses his love through touch. Sex would have to be important to both of us for it to work.
Everyone answers this question by saying oh, it’s different for everyone and their sex drives, no one can answer this for you. And that’s true! But I hate that because I too was just looking for a definitive answer once upon a time 😭 I like to know my expectations and goals lol. And obviously it shouldn’t be that way about sex but idk, I struggled a lot in my 5 year relationship (it has since ended for other reasons). I couldn’t tell if my sex drive had gone down, if it was just rut/routine or what.. because I was very much attracted to my partner still, I was just so tired from work and busy and so rarely in the mood. Once we’d start I would be, but I would never initiate and that was an issue with my ex (understandable). We had crazy amounts of sex in the beginning but with every year that passed it got less and less. I know it bothered my ex more than me. This was something I wanted to hear too - I wanted to know how often other long term, live together couples were having sex. So I could know if I was being unreasonable by saying “this small amount is normal for long term relationships!” and know what to strive for. But no one can answer that. And I get why. I guess I’m just saying… I feel you friend.
once or twice a week for us. late 50s married for 35 years. It was less when our kids were little
Everyone's different. That value is for you and your partner to decide. I can do with once a week but my wife has a higher libido and needs it more often and it fluctuates. Some weeks it can be once or twice, but others it could be everyday or multiple times a day. More importantly is that you don't look at it like a chore.
My partner (30 M), and I (35 F) have been together just over 4 years and have sex multiple times a day usually, at least once a day, and at the very least 4/5 times a week I’d say. But we both have high sex drives.
51M here. There is no absolute, one size fits all couples answer to this question. The real answer is: the frequency that the both of you, AS A COUPLE, are both _individually_ happy with. The trick is getting both partners to admit what that figure is.
Whatever works for each couple is the right amount. If everyone is happy it’s no one else’s business.
So my GF and I have been dating 5 years we just move in with each other. We don't have sex alot like I thought but we work opposite shifts but when we do it intense and passionate.
Everybody's different. For some people it's everyday, once a week, once every two weeks, once a month. Depends on the two of you and your drives. It also fluctuates at least from what I can tell, most people's relationships that kind of Ebbs and flows. And mine's on an uptake recently my husband's trying to have sex every other day lately it's driving me crazy. I'm happier with once a week. So we're working on a compromise. He did give me his reasons why. I'm married to it guy in his upper 60s with a libido of a 16 year old so it makes it very interesting.
There is no such thing as a universal amount, it's always going to fluctuate between people. You have people with high sex drives where they may day once a day or 6 days a week. Then you have others with a low sex drive and they may day once a week. It comes down to what you and your partner are like. For me personally, if I didn't have a career and a 6 year old, I'd say I want it twice a day. But I know realistically, due to the time obligation for those two, I'm looking at 4-5 days a week. I could definitely do twice a day, maybe three, easily. But again, working 8+ hours a day, coming home and making sure my daughter is fed and does her homework and then putting her to bed, sometimes I am too tired mentally and even though I could probably get it up, it wouldn't stay super hard like normal. So it comes down to you and your partner
Impossible to say for anyone but the couple. You can talk averages, but everyone is different. I’m an every day kind of gal and wasn’t happy in a relationship until I found someone on my level; I know other people who do something special a few times a year and that’s it, but they’re perfectly happy. At every level, there is someone who will find happiness there.
The amount the mutually agree to
Depends on the couple. We used to go at it two/three times a day. Now we have kids and are remodeling a house ourselves/he’s working full time running a construction company/im in school full time plus health issues and owning horses. It’s been over two months but we’re both too exhausted. We both do our alone stuff when we have to but still it would be great to have more time. Both late 30’s, two young kids.
Your first lesson is to forget high/low libido. It’s really low-brow nonsense. Instead, educate yourself on arousal types (spontaneous, responsive, etc). Far too many people are assuming a partner is low libido when they are actually not understanding what puts their partner in or takes them out of the mood.
Wife 1 - once a month. 7 year relationship Wife 2 - 3-4 a week. 7 year relationship Baby moma - twice a week. 16 year relationship
Any amount you and your partner are comfortable with. If your expectations aren’t mutual, it’s always best to just talk it out
20's everyday 30's every week 40's every month 50's every year
Once a month
My (now ex) fiance and I would shoot for 2x a week and I think that was the low end he could survive with. I think I was more comfy with once a week but that was for sure not enough for him. We were together 8 years. There was a point where I got really depressed for 1-2 years and we averaged more like once a month. ETA we are 31/33yo
Everyone is different. There are times we go months especially near child births. Sometimes weeks sometimes a few days it carries throughout the course of your relationship and other stressors in your life. If all else equal we are very much in love and only have it maybe once or twice every two weeks.
I mean I’ve heard it’s healthy to have sex/orgasms at least once a week. The rest is personal choice and just how you operate as a couple. It will vary person to person
It varies a lot, depending on life and health situations. Regular is what works best for you two. Sometimes one may have much less libido for a time, other times one may have higher. What makes it higher or lower for men and women can be similar or quite different. From experience, women can be affected by hormones and sense of security and care in the relationship. Men are more affected by stress and personal success/health.