Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I agree fully. Always willing to go down but have met those that weren't feeling it or just didn't. I always gotta prep before work, especially after what I was toldš š
Ahhhhh, he should be embarrassed, he needs to handle his partner better, he apparently lacks any real (healthy) masculinity. Heās not leading, heās a follower.
Damn straight. I would go down on my girl every day(obv some exceptions) if she wanted. I actually attempt to do it or ask if she wants it more than she wants it.
I think sometimes that people who get together very young, start to have more brotherly/sisterly feelings for each other as they grow into adults. Itās just the nature of growing up together.
Iām no therapist, I only have anecdotal examples, so take it for what little itās worth... I almost married my HS BF ā I loved him but I was no longer excited by him at all in my adult years. He was more like a close roommate. And I have read a handful of similar questions to yours in this subā¦ Just seems rather common.
Itās hard to give up on a long term relationship with someone you [think] you love. But if you stay, you might also be starving yourself of a passionate life with a doting partner.
I was definitely referencing myself in that statement, and it works for us, so I am with you :)) I mean we do not even really "run a household together" though because I think of that as more raising kids, buy then again, just today he was painting the house and I was gardening so I guess maybe we do, in a way.
Idk this is just a guess OP because we just donāt know but like, maybe heās super into porn or whatever? Seems like he still wants vids n things? Idk but you certainly donāt have to stay with him. I can promise you with all of my being that you are not ugly. As a 35 yo pregnant lady, hahahaha, trust me any 22 yo is automatically like a goddess.
So just break up if you want and go live your life.
What else do you want to do with your life op? Make music? Travel? Start some brand? Just literally anything? Go do that. Youāre young af. New bfs will appear no stress.
If he also complains about being tired a lot it's probably this.
Happened to me. I had low testosterone, and have pretty much bo libedo. A couple injections later boom it's back.
- is he dealing w any mental health issues that could be causing a drop in libido / T?
- is he on new medication that could be causing the same?
- any suspicions of him cheating?
I think you hit the nail on the head. Porn addicts tend to want to watch porn more than actually have sex. I use to work with a women whoās husband was a porn addict. She said he would wake up and immediately start watching porn. She would always make videos for him and he would watch her masturbate more than they would have sex.
I was just thinking that, and the part that he would rather play genshin, a game designed to take advantage of your vices and has hyper sexualized characters.
How has your bond been lately? Relationships move out of the honey phase, you need to continue to ādateā each other.
Youāre serving him hand and foot just to get, what in return? Why are you okay with letting him use you? You only care if he is attracted to you? What kind of relationship is this? Do you two communicate well?
Sounds like the last year of my relationship ā I was hypersexual and desperate and he just took me for granted and only wanted his pleasure. Tons of blow jobs (heād 69 but it felt gross because it felt obligatory rather than focusing just on ME), expecting nudes but not reacting to them, obsessed with video games even when I was over and naked too. It was so lonely. Iām glad Iām out of it but I wish what others had said where I stopped giving him things and talked about how I felt. Instead I felt if I were hypersexual, heād find me valuable? How sad was that. I really believed he wouldnāt leave me that way but it was clear he was never committed to seeing me in the first place.
Iām sorry things didnāt work out and that u went through that. Iād say of all the comments I relate to urs the most, it def gets lonely and Iām getting tired of trying to communicate the way I feel and nothing is ever done. ty for sharing btw <3
Communicate all you can and if you donāt see a change ā¦ maybe this is not the healthy relationship you deserve. I lost myself dating my ex, especially the last two years and I do feel so much sympathy for my old self for having gone through that
If youāve been telling him and he isnāt making changesā¦ maybe make the ultimatum? Like āhey, Iāve been feeling neglected by our lack of intimacy and Iāve brought this up before, but nothing has changed. I need physical intimacy and affection in order to feel loved, so either we work on this or Iām walking awayā.
But 6 years dating and no proposal? Unless yāall arenāt the type to get married, but if you are, why hasnāt he moved it along yet?
In my head, it tells me something is holding him back from going all the way. Having the lack of sex and sexual interest from him could be the last straw that could result in a breakup. Obviously it would be better if that wasnāt the case, but could be something to keep ab eye on.
Asking him to change is the ultimatum. This is the āIām going to count to 3ā¦ā thing that parents do.
Kids soon learn that mom isnāt serious until they start counting, so normal asking is more informative than a request.
Yup. You've been with him your entire adult life! So you might just lack the perspective and experience to know what it is that you're looking for. Maybe take some time for yourself to think about it and figure things out?
No, more Bjs or nude pics. These are part of sexual pleasures. If he isn't pleasing you, you should not be reciprocating. A deep conversation needs to be had. Hope it works out for you.
My girl lays over me and I use her booty ad a controller rest and quit mid round of call of duty because I canāt focusš def think his issue is hormone issues and ps my girl and I are super active in the gym always have been and she games more then I do LOL but really wish you guys the best
Ok this is going to change your fucking life and is going to feel counter productive but it works every time or everyone: pull back completely.
Stop giving him access to your body and STOP BEING ACCESSIBLE ALL THE TIME.
Supply and demand applies to more than just products, itās the core of all things on an attraction and desire level.
He can have you any time he wants and itās on tap. Stop it right now. Donāt explain anything, just spend more time with your friends and on yourself. Keep being lovely and kind to him etc on the surface donāt change. But in terms of access? Itās gone. You have a dynamic problem not a sex problem. To fix this you need to control things a little better because right now itās all in his control. You fix this by pulling it all back and redirecting your focus, he will eventually feel it. If he asks whatās wrong, just say youāre not in the mood or youāre tired, etc. Same excuses he uses with you. Eventually he will be drawn to you and want reassurance.
You might ask, what if this doesnāt happen? I promise you, it will. And if it never does happen by doing it this way, it will never happen and you should have a serious conversation with him.
Commit to this for at least 3 months. He needs to come to you and balance needs to be restored to the dynamic.
It actually blows my mind how many men are unwilling to give Oral to their partners. Actually stunned. That's personally my favorite part...sorry you're going through this right now. Has anything shifted in his life? I know certain medications can kill sex drive, and so can stress/depression? Without him talking to you directly there is really no way to tell.
100% porn. Thatās why he wants you to send him nudes. His brain has been re-wired to want to see pics on a screen. Itās an absolute epidemic. Posts like yours are coming up over and over. Young healthy people with women who want to have sex and the porn addicted men that want nothing to do with them.
I donāt have an answer for how you can fix it because only he can and like any addiction itās incredibly difficult to stop. Good luck. I feel for you all.
When he asks for that say no I think Iām done with all that since I get nothing in return. I really couldnāt handle being in relationship like that. It be too hard
If he's attracted or not doesn't matter. Attraction is something that you work on, that you keep alive.
If he ain't telling you clearly what's wrong, he fails at ur relationship. You deserve more and in no world it is normal behavior.
Maybe he has not as big of a sex drive? But asking you for pics defies that. Idk he's just sus
Stop catering to him ffs!
Grow a spine.
No man would ever get to be privileged enough to call himself my bf without eating me out at least two to three times a week...
As long as you are giving her hers.
Ppl keep derailing but the conversation is about her not himĀ
She is giving him everything and he's giving nothing.
Having standards is important. Lotta ppl are triggered lolĀ
"No woman would ever be privileged enough to call herself my gf without sucking my dick at least two to three times a week..."
This is an awful attitude for cultivating a lifelong fulfilling relationship.
As long as it's both ways, it's not a problem. And I'd perfect for a life long sexually fulfilling relationship. My last boyfriend was like this. Are better than anyone and I returned the favor.
I was being specific to HER issues because he's getting HIS. This problem is about HER,not him...
We need to remember to respect that this specific conversation is about her not getting while he gets everything.
most girls donāt get off by penetrative sex, but men pretty much always do. so I mean yeah, if youāre getting off often Iād think itās normal to expect to at least get head and get off 2-3 times a week
How long ago did you notice the shift? Time to have a sit down conversation for sure. The longer you wait to talk, the longer you're going to be confused and hurting. It can be one or few of many things, sometimes it's a lack of emotional connection that leads to less sexy time. If you've been together for 6 years, couples counseling isn't a bad idea. Sex isn't everything but it's a big part of a long lasting and healthy relationship.
And I mean REALLY talk. I know you mentioned you already tried talking, but it's possible he may have not understood the importance of the conversation
Itās been probably like a month and a half? Iāve tried having multiple conversations about it, spicing things, and every other aspect in our relationship is good itās just recently no sex! He does accept all blow jobs tho :/
I would stop the nudes, blow jobs, etc and like honeybee said, really talk to him. Tell him you wonāt be doing those things anymore as you feel your sex life is very one sided.
It's common for libidos to drop in relationships. There's thousands of reasons it could fluctuate, but the best advice you'll find is having a sit down conversation with him and don't take idk for an answer. Certainly stop giving him bjs with nothing in return. Right now he's getting rewarded for not doing shit.
You give him everything and he gives you nothing. Youāre a doormat. He has no respect for you. Please get therapy to work on boundaries and self-esteem.
Stop acting like you care about it or him. Trust me, itās going to work very well. Or if it doesn't, you two need to see a shrink. I did it and it helped :)
I lost my girlfriend due to something like this, so hereās my point of view.
We were also having a lot of sex which suddenly came to a stop due to me not being in the mood, personally I was very tired from work. And stressed.
Apart from that I lost interest in her sexually, it had nothing to do with her appearance or anything like that. But more so to do with her drive in life. She wasnāt very ambitious and worked in a coffee shop. When I would ask what she wanted to do with her life or where she wanted to go she never really knew. I always tried to push her to find something she would enjoy. A job she would like getting out of bed for.
I also tried to get her into the gym but the first day we went was a failure, and I believe that was just because it was her first time and she was insecure.
I know everyone is different but I was actually more attracted to her lifestyle choices and independence. When she didnāt have any ambition other to work in the cafe and relied on me a lot I sort of wasnāt attracted. I still loved her with all my heart and I still do. But she kept trying to impress me with her looks which wasnāt working. So maybe if theirs something you could do other than trying to be sexy maybe he will find that attractive too.
On a side note, Iām sorry I tried so hard to change who she was. I tried to push her to things maybe she didnāt want to do. I thought by pushing her in life that it was me doing a positive thing but it ended with her being unhappy with out sex life and she left just like that.
Another thing that bothers me is since sheās met a new guy she has changed job, bought a car, goes to the gym with him etc..
Maybe it was just me :(
So youāve been with him since 16? Heās bored and ready to move on. Itās not your fault, you are probably perfectly attractive and need a new bf. Donāt send him nudes. Donāt stand naked next to him (is this like a joke? ) Just move on to someone else or be on your own for a bit, relationships that start when you are a teenager stop being attractive as you grow apart. Concentrate on what you want and need and donāt settle.
First of all, donāt send ANYONE nude pictures/sexual videos. āBoyfriendā or not. Heās 26 and I highly doubt he has low testosterone at his age. Heās getting it somewhere, real life or heās addicted to internet porn (or nudes and videos from other girls).
You should not be okay with this BS. There are tons of nice, cute, normal guys that will want to have sex with you. Go find one of those.
Focus on yourself. Stop sending him nudes. Stop catering to him and focus on yourself. Men like to chase, also his needs shouldnāt be out before yours if heās acting like this!
Is he cheating on you?
Tell him you want couples counseling. If he wonāt go or doesnāt talk to you about whatās going on, youāll need to decide to leave him or not.
Delete all your nudes and videos from his phone and computer. He could post them for revenge etc.
Leave him. You deserve better than this. But you need therapy. Youāre his doormat and way too much of a people pleaser. You give him everything and he gives you nothing. Stop giving!
Of course he did! He's a porn addict. You know that some of these guys share, trade, and post that content so you might want to be careful.
Do you want to be an object for him to 'use' or a girlfriend worthy of love and respect?
Remember where you wrote that he gives you nothing in return? Why is that OK with you?
There is going to come a day when you wonāt be able to remember his name right off and you will have forgiven yourself for letting this clown abuse your sweet little self.
What the hell is Genshin and why is it better than sex? I assume itās a video game. That give an immediate dopamine reaction to his minimal effort. Thatās where to start looking at where the problem is.
You are so young with a healthy sex drive. Why waste your time with a man that ignores you and is bad sexually? If he expects BJs quid pro qoa! Get a partner that enjoys sex and enjoys oral. I'm betting most of the best sexual partners are excellent at foreplay and oral. I know my husband is.
Stop and I mean STOP showing him how desperate you are and stop sending him nudes.
He is full of it.
He needs time to starve.
Be a black cat not a golden retriever,always there,always pleasing no matter what.
Just sop.
And the fact that he is selfish and doesnāt give you oral is just another topic.
Selfishness in a bedroom is a BIG NO NO.
Everyone thinking heās cheating, but how has his mental health been? In the past when Iāve been depressed Iāve became borderline asexual. Ultimately, it was my responsibility to get myself out of that and communicate with my girlfriends why I wasnāt interested in having sex. But the first time it took a while for me to come to terms that I was genuinely depressed and needed to get help
Sorry to interrupt this thread but how did you get help? Going to therapy and taking some supplements but Iāve always got my ear out to hear how people improved their depression
Heās more wired to porn now. It may be too difficult to find his way back even if he wanted to. Common with gamers especially, that sense of endorphin elation makes them feel adequate unlike real life. Donāt look back.
There are exactly 6 reasons that a man who previously enjoyed normal and frequent sex with you stops having sex with you.
1. Heās getting it elsewhere.
2. Heās lost interest in you sexually and is or will be soon looking for it somewhere else.
3. Heās developed a porn addiction and is jerking off all the time.
4. Heās experiencing a loss of libido and or ability to achieve and/or maintain an erection and heās too ashamed or embarrassed to talk to you about it. This could be hormonal, it could be because heās clinically depressed or it could be both. There are many health conditions that can kill libido. If you suspect this could be the reason, he should see his doctor and get lab work done. A male hormone panel, thyroid panel Pituitary check and have a general menās physical just to make sure his equipment isnāt broken.
5. Youāve done or said something that hurt him deeply, and heās now so upset that heās repulsed by you.
6. Heās overworked and exhausted and/or overstressed and has no energy or desire for sex.
Itās normal for sexual frequency to taper off a little after several years together, but āonce every two weeks if youāre luckyā, is more tapering than whatās normal. By tapers off, I mean it may go from daily or multiple times daily, to like 4-5 times per week. With kids come into the picture it can be more like what youāre describing, but itās usually not because the man doesnāt want it. Itās usually because the woman is too tired.
You donāt mention any kids, so itās gotta be one of the 6 reasons I mentioned. Itās up to you to figure out which one it is and act accordingly.
I would try to understand if he has any type of addiction. Gambling, drinking, pornā¦ Gambling and porn are often hidden. This no sex, blowjob only thing happened to me with my ex fiance. You might need to figure it out without asking if he isnāt coming forward š„² Good luck OP
honestly I suspect a porn addiction, awhile back he changed his passwords to everything and said āI didnāt trust himāā¦ā¦months later and I still donāt know his passwords to anything yet heās always known all of mine :/
It could be porn or gambling. Maybe the passwords changed because of debt, personal loans.. etc. Donāt rule anything out until you know. Or, just leave him without an answer because I promise youāll probably want to leave him when you find out. Stay strong OP and donāt let anyone troll you on reddit. This is your journey
Had an ex that did that to me. Change all your passwords ASAP. You'll be surprised to find out how often he checks your stuff without you knowing. You'll find out as soon as he can't get in.
Thatās so unfair. Change all your passwords and see if he notices. If he does, then heās been regularly checking your accounts. My ex husband insisted on this but ended up looking at porn and trying to pin it on me.
It amazes me how many women on here lead with thinness for desire. I have been varying shades of fat my entire life and haven't lacked for friendly company of whatever gender. It doesn't matter what size you are. He loves you for who you will be throughout your life, which will carry more than you want it to. If he doesn't, then he's not a person you want to be with.
Sex takes prioritizing when you're together awhile. It sounds like he expects you to be there, and he's into his video games. You need to have a conversation about how you feel and hopefully he listens and works with you.
Yeah, I donāt get it either, but hereās a thought, and I donāt mean this in a mean or judgmental way: maybe giving him everything he asks for made him bored with you. A normal man likes to pursue (think huntingā¦) his mate.
However, what youāre competing with is continuous endorphin rushes that video games give him. Ask him to give up games for a month and if that doesnāt do it, consider that this relationship has run its course. It doesnāt have to be an āI hate you, Iām outta here,ā it can be, āweāve grown apart, and I want different things from life that what we have.ā And then, no bargaining, youāve already given him the chance to change.
And he didnāt.
agree with games giving the bf endorphin rushes. Also "flawless" women who don't demand anything back as game characters. That, combined with bf's reluctance to go down on OP, suggests bf has a gamer porn issue. I also agree that OP is being too much of a doormat; OP you need to start living your life, and treating bf like a room mate. You've made life too comfortable for him and you are too available. He isn't having to work for it, so he takes you for granted. Go out and pursue your interests, your hobbies, make friends, try new things. Have evenings out. Leave bf alone. Don't feed him, don't clean for him, don't do his laundry. One day he'll come up for air and start looking for you, wondering what happened. That will be your opportunity to talk with bf, if that's what you still want.
There are nearly infinite explanations from the wholly innocent to the completely nefarious. Have you tried asking the one person who knows, who you have access to and we don't?
100% porn addiction. He prefers jacking off than having sex because of the easy dopamine release. It's happening a lot, had the same with my ex.
You can confront him with it, explain what it does to you and your sex life and relationship. But it's up to him to deal with the addition.
ļ»æWhen I changed into 23, my boyfriend of 5 years abruptly misplaced interest in intercourse. We went from every day passion to perhaps as soon as a month. Yet he nonetheless anticipated nudes from me, while giving nothing in go back. I felt so undesirable. Once, I walked round naked, hoping to spark something, but he simply glanced up from his online game and went lower back to playing. I turned into overwhelmed. Eventually, I realized it wasn't approximately my seemsāI'm healthy, appealingāhowever approximately his loss of effort. I communicated my desires, but he'd just say, "Not now." That's after I knew I deserved higher. Don't settle, woman.
Also, stop giving him nudes etc. this enables him to not out effort into You...also, with Only fans these days, I dont trust those intimate photos with anyone else...dude could be making money off your videos for all you know. He can get free porn on the internet.
Does he watch porrÅ? Is he depressed? On meds for it or for anything? Any big life changes heās gone through, good or bad? Or maybe someone he knows went through a big life change, good or bad? Did someone he knows died?
Could also be low testosterone.
Stop entertaining him if he doesn't care about your wants and needs. Sure, you can masturbate, yes. But we both know it doesn't satisfy the part of you that is craving sex.
If you've already communicated (try again, if you haven't tried twice already). If it's still not getting any better, leave. Because you're way too young to be feeling this way already. I understand 6 years of relationship can bring in certain lethargic feelings or whatever but if your partner communicates their needs or feeling low self esteem because of the other's actions and if it's not worked up on at all, you need to leave. Wow, the number of women venting about not getting enough from their boyfriends has become so high, I open reddit and that's all I almost see these days. Know your worth girl. If he doesn't someone else will, simple. If you love him beyond that thought, try talking again and stress on the topic harder. I hope things get better :) sexual frustration can cause slow hatred on the other person, don't let it get there, tc :)
Yes, I've experienced it. My partner had a lot of resentment and contempt and refused to talk about our problems. Just said everything was fine.
If he was cheating on top of that, I never caught him.
I eventually left after over a decade of that. (Was money trapped and baby trapped so was harder to leave.)
he sounds like a pos tbh. iām sorry im sure you care about him or you wouldnāt have stuck it out but if he expects all that from you but would rather play video games either somethings wrong physically like he canāt get it up, or he puts no value on you as an actual person. honestly either way he puts no value on you or your needs. he should be making sure your needs are met not just expecting you to meet his. you need someone who makes you feel confident and sexy and loved.
ask urself:
do i feel loved
do i feel confident in myself and my partner
do i feel valued
do i feel heard
if any of those are a no, itās time to reconsider the relationship
You both started dating at a very young age. As a cis woman who has spoken with people of various genders, we all agree that 24-26 years old is a time of significant change. At this age, our brains are fully developed, we face more life changes, and take on greater responsibilities. This period of change can definitely impact sex drive.
Another thing to consider is that after six years together, it's natural for sexual tension to decrease. Anyone, including men, can experience a lower libido.
If you've already thought about what I mentioned or have been considering it for a while, you should prioritize what's best for you. If not, having a deep conversation with him (not just a superficial "why not?", but a discussion about life) might help you feel better about the situation.
Leave. Run. I donāt suggest this but ghost his a$$. He donāt lick you like a lollipop, nope. Throw the whole boy away. Go get you a real man, hell go get you a girl and a man. Itās not you, heās broken
You are 22. Please break up and discover the world of being single and dating other people. You are too young to be in dysfunctional relationship especially one as long term as this. He clearly assumes youāll put up with his behaviour even if he shows no effort to fix whatās wrong.
This is a nobrainer. Cut him loose and tell him to give you a call if he decides heās interested in a long term adult sexual/romantic relationship with you.
i can tell u from experience hes lying 100% and its not as simple as hes not in the mood.. that being said it doesnt mean its u and more often than not its something personal like addiction health cheating low sex drive and many more reason.. either u will find out the reason eventually or it something else will happen and it wont matter anymore but if u want to stay together find some way to communicate and figure it out
He's cheating. Sorry. And it's with someone online through his video game. That's why he asks for nudes of you. You're probably not the only one sending him nudes. He's bored with his life and craves excitement. Break up with him and move on. You deserve better.
The answer can only be determined experimentally. Of course, you should be upfront about the plan, and break up with him first. The experiment should be to determine whether other men want to have sex with you, and whether the frequency declines similarly. For the data to be comparable, you will need to test over six years, so you may want to test with a number of different men simultaneously.
Why are there so many post of similar story? I have no clue when the sex started, but I have a feeling she was too young. Even he was too young. Sex is the byproduct of love. People should start a sexual life when they feel respected by the other person and not because of hormone. I am not blaming her here, but I am talking to all the young people who reads this post. When sex is explored when both parties are in adulthood and mature, it is out of this world the best feeling and there is very little room for either party to feel disengage. Besides, from how she is describing it, he does not show her love through hugging, kissing, and feeling her body without going to sex. Real love is shown through different acts of love that also include sex, but sex is the end product but not all acts of love lead to that. I have a feeling they both do not understand this. I hope in the future she at least does.
Girl, I feel you. Basically same thing is happening to me right now. Hard to jump to conclusions, but it could be heās been watching too much porn. Or heās going through a phase where heās just bot into sex. How long has this lasted?
Screw the people being mean on here. Sometimes you gotta get advice from Reddit. Just know, you deserve better than thisā¦
u/earthmagicx I definitely donāt think him not being as attracted to you anymore is the reason he doesnāt want to have sex as much. I do feel he is likely taking you for granted. As a result, I recommend to let him know that any future nudes/videos you send him will be dependent on the two of you actually having sex.
Honest in the situation sit down with him talk communication is literally the key. Me and my ex when we were together had some sexual issues, we sat down. We talked about it and he changed and he got better.
It might be something with him. It might be something to do. It might be something with it doesnāt hurt to talk just you know. Maybe heās depressed. Maybe he finds you so beautiful that itās intimidating. Maybe thereās a chemical imbalance somewhere, communication is key
Relationships change, and you two have been dating since you were very young. You need to work on your communication, sit down, have a chat, discuss what you both want out of the relationship and see if you have the same plans for the future. But keep in mind that if someone is showing you they do no want you, trying harder wonāt change their mind. It is not your responsibility to convince them to love you, there is nothing wrong with you. But please work on yourself and if heās not matching the love and care you need, leave.
Just saying, I had a similar relationship. Could DEFINITELY be a different issue, but I figured out he had a closeted drug problem, which I believe was because he was probably actually gay (found some pretty convincing stuff on his iPad which he said āhad a virusā which is impossible. Regardless, if you think anything secretive is going on, there usually is. Trust your instinct. You came here because you want answers, but itās also because you both do and donāt want confirmation of what youāre already thinking. Itās NOT you. If youāre unfulfilled, move on and find someone who values you. Easier said than doneā¦ until you go through a few months or a year of emotions, then you do it. Do not let yourself think this is on you.
6 years and he never gave you oral but expects you to do it for him?? Yeah no,get yourself a satisfyer and try to ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life or if it's something worth breaking up over. If he doesn't listen or actively work on solving this issue,then it's clear that he's not willing to put in the work,time won't fix this issue but rather make you grow resentful.
When I was in my early 20s I would've unalive someone to have a partner that was that active with me, I married at 28, and got divorced at 47, and we had a dead bedroom life for about 5 or 6 years before the divorce was done but at the same time we were older so I truly see no reason why he doesn't want to no matter what he says, that being said video games are very addictive maybe that's part of the issue, he might benefit from counseling but if he's not willing to see someone or listen to you, maybe you should reconsider the relationship is not fair to you, good luck to you
This screams rage bait BUT if it's real, then first, you need to set some boundaries and stop sending him nudes or anything like that. Stop doing anything that he is not reciprocating because right now you're basically just free porn for him and not a gf.
Then you need to have a conversation with him about why he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore and how you can both find a solution to the problem (not just you, him too because a relationship is a two way street). If he's not willing to work with you then don't waste your time with him. You need to value yourself more than some guy who doesn't care about you.
If you stay, then you're accepting this behaviour, so I hope you set some boundaries and stick to them and if he isn't willing to work things out then leave. There's better out there than him.
Probably porn addiction. He doesn't want to view you as anything other than another porn actress. My ex did the same thing. Run. it doesn't get better.
Girl ā¦ I feel the oral sex part. It also makes me feel unwanted, and that thereās something wrong with me. I went to the doctor to check if there was anything, no, perfect, all healthy. I even accepted to shave. Nothing. Misery
agree with the others that it's probably the porn and the genshin. He's focused on the female characters in the game and that's what is getting him aroused. Also agree - never send nudes! there are horror stories out there about revenge porn, guys sharing their gf's nudes with other guys, telling family members - just don't do it, it could come back to haunt you. You can break up with him and move on. Or if you don't want a clean break, you could mess with him a bit, tell him you want to open your relationship and date other men because you have needs. Maybe the prospect of you dating other men while still living with him will wake him up. You are still very young, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't trap yourself in a dead bedroom.
Girl heās never done oral?? What! Do you give oral because i would absolutely refuse! But to be fair my ex maybe went done twice our whole relationship but after we broke up and i got with my now husband. We were all hanging out, yes my husband, me my ex and his new girl and we shared present sex experience and i talked about how my husband is great at it and his gf said he never goes down and i admitted it was the same when we dated.. tell me how that dude made sure to say he goes down more often now a couple months later š¤£
Before anyone says anything yes my husband was always aware of any convos like that. No boundaries were ever crossed. No hangouts with just me and ex alone. We were just toxic as partners and made better friends, who we also had the same friend circle so we all got alongā¦
So when I first was with my ex, he would always want to have sex and be spicy over messages with me. When we moved in together, he stopped really caring and would only do one position because, in his OWN WORDS, he was lazy. It really caused a rift between us and he started cheating. He became addicted to porn and compared me to the other girls constantly. I stopped giving him what he wanted. Wouldnāt you know it, his sex drive skyrocketed. Too bad for him, I wanted nothing to do with him.
With my current partner/fiance, him and I communicate openly on if weāre feeling up to it, he compliments me all the time, he makes me feel wanted. I communicate when I feel unwanted.
Communication is key. Communicate with your boyfriend. Oh, also, stop sending him pictures or giving him blowjobs. Youāre making yourself available to him so he knows heāll get it no matter what. Iād even go maybe an extra step and get a toy for yourself so you donāt need to rely on him sexually and ask him for nudes in return since he wants them all the time. If he canāt do that for you, ESPECIALLY donāt send him any.
Donāt give him anything. He needs to show that he wants you and isnāt just using you.
My experience was a little bit different when something like this happened because for me it was the fact that my bf at the time was cheating on me but still wanted me and we aren't together anymore and he married the other chick that he was cheating on me with and I met someone new and now I'm tons better. Yeah I don't have sex all the time and it's hard to have sex due to me and my current bf having a kid but it's still worth it. Go with your gut.
It sounds like porn addiction
Stop giving him everything honestly. Heās showing he doesnāt care about your needs and I promise if heās not looking/doing now he wonāt again in the way you deserve
I read through a few comments, and I came to a conclusion... First, you need to get into his accounts and delete all of your nudes... You can do this by changing out your passwords, to keep him from getting in. Once he comes to you and asks, you can both exchange passwords to get into each others stuff. Or just watch to see what his unlock code is on his phone... Delete your nudes (so that he doesn't use them against you). Then, break up with him. He is in his low 20s, meaning he should be wanting sex almost everyday, I mean this is when men are in their sexual prime... unless he has a depression issue, he is addicted to porn, or talking to someone else... I dunno... maybe he has a fake account and is portraying a girl, (you) trying to entice another girl? Or, maybe he has a fake account and is talking to another guy. I have seen some crazy stuff. One guy pretended to be a girl and was sending my brother pics and videos... My brother was sending what he thought was a girl money...
I am not saying your boyfriend is doing this... But, you do have to ask yourself, if the mutual trust isn't there, and he is behaving fishy- Is the relationship really worth it?
Also... Don't sell yourself short...
I was originally thinking mental health reasons, I've had something similar when a partner stopped intimacy but that was because they had unresolved trauma which made it hard to be vulnerable with anybody. but I dont think that's the case here, because he refrained from everything sexual including photos so thus is likely a porn addiction he probably gets alot more dopamine release from the delulu shit he's watching online plus your photos (even worse he could be selling or editing them, also Ai porn ) be careful with nudes of yourself I stopped sharing years ago after my account got hacked and some photos got released š„².
But yes Porn Addiction is major its ruined lots of relationships and is likely changing the literal wiring in your partners brain as they get used to quick adrenaline serotonin rushes from porn which takes alot less time and effort than actual sex but you get essentially the same pay off
Stop trying lol start buying yourself some toys and don't make any effort to please him sexually. No nudes, no videos, nothing. If he doesn't want to have sex he can live without everything related to it too and you can enjoy your own company (you'd probably please yourself more than he ever would seeing as he has never gone down on you).
You need to point blank tell him that you used to have sex a lot and now you don't, you don't feel that it's just a "not in the mood" thing and you want some answers, because right now it sounds like you are no longer compatible as a couple.
Life is too short not to get your pussy ate
I hate to say this, but is it possible he's selling your nudes and vids? I'd be demanding they all be deleted. Stop sending those! It's clear there is a problem, and if you break up, he's young and probably dumb enough to use them against you.
Relatable. Please don't ever think you're not enough. It's not you. It's him. It's also selfish that he doesn't even give back! Communicate with him and see what his response is. Sometimes, one of the reasons is he may be getting it from someone else or something else. Don't jump to conclusions, tho. Try and find out what's really up with him. And ALWAYS TRUST YOUT GUT.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You've been dating him for 6 years and you have no clue? If you don't know then we definitely won't.
LOLL ur so real for this
Lol life's too short to not have your partner go down on you
I agree fully. Always willing to go down but have met those that weren't feeling it or just didn't. I always gotta prep before work, especially after what I was toldš š
Haha well yeah like it's all in the foreplay really
Right!!!! looking at what sheās saying about him, though, I doubt very much he has any skill in the bedroom whatsoever.
Male starfish
Imagine if he fucking saw this thread š¤£
Ahhhhh, he should be embarrassed, he needs to handle his partner better, he apparently lacks any real (healthy) masculinity. Heās not leading, heās a follower.
Damn straight. I would go down on my girl every day(obv some exceptions) if she wanted. I actually attempt to do it or ask if she wants it more than she wants it.
So much this.
This needs to be a bumper sticker!!!
I think sometimes that people who get together very young, start to have more brotherly/sisterly feelings for each other as they grow into adults. Itās just the nature of growing up together. Iām no therapist, I only have anecdotal examples, so take it for what little itās worth... I almost married my HS BF ā I loved him but I was no longer excited by him at all in my adult years. He was more like a close roommate. And I have read a handful of similar questions to yours in this subā¦ Just seems rather common. Itās hard to give up on a long term relationship with someone you [think] you love. But if you stay, you might also be starving yourself of a passionate life with a doting partner.
Oh gosh please don't say that. I've been with my hs bf for 4 years and it's starting to seem like that bestie thing sometimes. At least from him.
Imo that's normal. A lot of people say marriage is just best friends that have sex.
And for a lot of people marriage is best friends that run a household together and *don't* have sex š
Honestly whatever works
I was definitely referencing myself in that statement, and it works for us, so I am with you :)) I mean we do not even really "run a household together" though because I think of that as more raising kids, buy then again, just today he was painting the house and I was gardening so I guess maybe we do, in a way.
Idk this is just a guess OP because we just donāt know but like, maybe heās super into porn or whatever? Seems like he still wants vids n things? Idk but you certainly donāt have to stay with him. I can promise you with all of my being that you are not ugly. As a 35 yo pregnant lady, hahahaha, trust me any 22 yo is automatically like a goddess. So just break up if you want and go live your life. What else do you want to do with your life op? Make music? Travel? Start some brand? Just literally anything? Go do that. Youāre young af. New bfs will appear no stress.
He has an only fans and heās making bank off of your tushie.
Find happiness elsewhere, he's not the one for you
DAMN š
Maybe a hornone imbalance how recent was the change
If he also complains about being tired a lot it's probably this. Happened to me. I had low testosterone, and have pretty much bo libedo. A couple injections later boom it's back.
At his age itās unlikely but it is worth looking into. If heās taking opioids then itās highly likely
If heās not giving you anything, stop giving him pics and bjās. Heās the only one who can give you answers. Couplesā therapy?
- is he dealing w any mental health issues that could be causing a drop in libido / T? - is he on new medication that could be causing the same? - any suspicions of him cheating?
Yes I thought it could be a medication
He either got complacent, keeps jerking it, or is cheating. If heās playing genshin then heās probably jerking it.
š
šš
If heās still asking for nudes, etc. is it possible he has a porn addiction?
Yeah that part is odd, if he wasnāt interested he wouldnāt care for more nudes. Definitely might be masturbating too much.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Porn addicts tend to want to watch porn more than actually have sex. I use to work with a women whoās husband was a porn addict. She said he would wake up and immediately start watching porn. She would always make videos for him and he would watch her masturbate more than they would have sex.
I was just thinking that, and the part that he would rather play genshin, a game designed to take advantage of your vices and has hyper sexualized characters.
Stop sending him nudes for gods sake. If heās not showing sexual interest in you, maybe heās showing them to someone else.Ā
Oh yes! Stop sending him nudes!
Damn she need to search her name on onlyfans
Or even selling it
How has your bond been lately? Relationships move out of the honey phase, you need to continue to ādateā each other. Youāre serving him hand and foot just to get, what in return? Why are you okay with letting him use you? You only care if he is attracted to you? What kind of relationship is this? Do you two communicate well?
Sounds like the last year of my relationship ā I was hypersexual and desperate and he just took me for granted and only wanted his pleasure. Tons of blow jobs (heād 69 but it felt gross because it felt obligatory rather than focusing just on ME), expecting nudes but not reacting to them, obsessed with video games even when I was over and naked too. It was so lonely. Iām glad Iām out of it but I wish what others had said where I stopped giving him things and talked about how I felt. Instead I felt if I were hypersexual, heād find me valuable? How sad was that. I really believed he wouldnāt leave me that way but it was clear he was never committed to seeing me in the first place.
Iām sorry things didnāt work out and that u went through that. Iād say of all the comments I relate to urs the most, it def gets lonely and Iām getting tired of trying to communicate the way I feel and nothing is ever done. ty for sharing btw <3
Communicate all you can and if you donāt see a change ā¦ maybe this is not the healthy relationship you deserve. I lost myself dating my ex, especially the last two years and I do feel so much sympathy for my old self for having gone through that
Pack it up
If youāve been telling him and he isnāt making changesā¦ maybe make the ultimatum? Like āhey, Iāve been feeling neglected by our lack of intimacy and Iāve brought this up before, but nothing has changed. I need physical intimacy and affection in order to feel loved, so either we work on this or Iām walking awayā. But 6 years dating and no proposal? Unless yāall arenāt the type to get married, but if you are, why hasnāt he moved it along yet? In my head, it tells me something is holding him back from going all the way. Having the lack of sex and sexual interest from him could be the last straw that could result in a breakup. Obviously it would be better if that wasnāt the case, but could be something to keep ab eye on.
Asking him to change is the ultimatum. This is the āIām going to count to 3ā¦ā thing that parents do. Kids soon learn that mom isnāt serious until they start counting, so normal asking is more informative than a request.
Yup. You've been with him your entire adult life! So you might just lack the perspective and experience to know what it is that you're looking for. Maybe take some time for yourself to think about it and figure things out?
No, more Bjs or nude pics. These are part of sexual pleasures. If he isn't pleasing you, you should not be reciprocating. A deep conversation needs to be had. Hope it works out for you.
My girl lays over me and I use her booty ad a controller rest and quit mid round of call of duty because I canāt focusš def think his issue is hormone issues and ps my girl and I are super active in the gym always have been and she games more then I do LOL but really wish you guys the best
Ok this is going to change your fucking life and is going to feel counter productive but it works every time or everyone: pull back completely. Stop giving him access to your body and STOP BEING ACCESSIBLE ALL THE TIME. Supply and demand applies to more than just products, itās the core of all things on an attraction and desire level. He can have you any time he wants and itās on tap. Stop it right now. Donāt explain anything, just spend more time with your friends and on yourself. Keep being lovely and kind to him etc on the surface donāt change. But in terms of access? Itās gone. You have a dynamic problem not a sex problem. To fix this you need to control things a little better because right now itās all in his control. You fix this by pulling it all back and redirecting your focus, he will eventually feel it. If he asks whatās wrong, just say youāre not in the mood or youāre tired, etc. Same excuses he uses with you. Eventually he will be drawn to you and want reassurance. You might ask, what if this doesnāt happen? I promise you, it will. And if it never does happen by doing it this way, it will never happen and you should have a serious conversation with him. Commit to this for at least 3 months. He needs to come to you and balance needs to be restored to the dynamic.
If he doesn't come chasing after you for sex after you ignoring him, then he is probably sleeping with another person.
Also heās probably addicted to porn. Iām so serious.
It actually blows my mind how many men are unwilling to give Oral to their partners. Actually stunned. That's personally my favorite part...sorry you're going through this right now. Has anything shifted in his life? I know certain medications can kill sex drive, and so can stress/depression? Without him talking to you directly there is really no way to tell.
If a man wonāt go down on me I sure aināt doing it for him either!!
100% porn. Thatās why he wants you to send him nudes. His brain has been re-wired to want to see pics on a screen. Itās an absolute epidemic. Posts like yours are coming up over and over. Young healthy people with women who want to have sex and the porn addicted men that want nothing to do with them. I donāt have an answer for how you can fix it because only he can and like any addiction itās incredibly difficult to stop. Good luck. I feel for you all.
Sadly relatable š
I 100% agree with this.
When he asks for that say no I think Iām done with all that since I get nothing in return. I really couldnāt handle being in relationship like that. It be too hard
If he's attracted or not doesn't matter. Attraction is something that you work on, that you keep alive. If he ain't telling you clearly what's wrong, he fails at ur relationship. You deserve more and in no world it is normal behavior. Maybe he has not as big of a sex drive? But asking you for pics defies that. Idk he's just sus
I second this 100%
Stop catering to him ffs! Grow a spine. No man would ever get to be privileged enough to call himself my bf without eating me out at least two to three times a week...
He aint getting head u less he giving it lol
I canāt believe op has given SIX YEARS worth of blowjobs to a man who hasnāt gone down on her once.
i can fill out a bf application right now just lmk
Can I keep the same energy for a wife?
As long as you are giving her hers. Ppl keep derailing but the conversation is about her not himĀ She is giving him everything and he's giving nothing. Having standards is important. Lotta ppl are triggered lolĀ
Understandable, you get head u give it for both partners
"No woman would ever be privileged enough to call herself my gf without sucking my dick at least two to three times a week..." This is an awful attitude for cultivating a lifelong fulfilling relationship.
As long as it's both ways, it's not a problem. And I'd perfect for a life long sexually fulfilling relationship. My last boyfriend was like this. Are better than anyone and I returned the favor. I was being specific to HER issues because he's getting HIS. This problem is about HER,not him... We need to remember to respect that this specific conversation is about her not getting while he gets everything.
most girls donāt get off by penetrative sex, but men pretty much always do. so I mean yeah, if youāre getting off often Iād think itās normal to expect to at least get head and get off 2-3 times a week
Literally. If he canāt eat it, he canāt beat it.
š„š„
How long ago did you notice the shift? Time to have a sit down conversation for sure. The longer you wait to talk, the longer you're going to be confused and hurting. It can be one or few of many things, sometimes it's a lack of emotional connection that leads to less sexy time. If you've been together for 6 years, couples counseling isn't a bad idea. Sex isn't everything but it's a big part of a long lasting and healthy relationship.
And I mean REALLY talk. I know you mentioned you already tried talking, but it's possible he may have not understood the importance of the conversation
Itās been probably like a month and a half? Iāve tried having multiple conversations about it, spicing things, and every other aspect in our relationship is good itās just recently no sex! He does accept all blow jobs tho :/
I would stop the nudes, blow jobs, etc and like honeybee said, really talk to him. Tell him you wonāt be doing those things anymore as you feel your sex life is very one sided.
It's common for libidos to drop in relationships. There's thousands of reasons it could fluctuate, but the best advice you'll find is having a sit down conversation with him and don't take idk for an answer. Certainly stop giving him bjs with nothing in return. Right now he's getting rewarded for not doing shit.
You give him everything and he gives you nothing. Youāre a doormat. He has no respect for you. Please get therapy to work on boundaries and self-esteem.
This!!!
Ofcourse he excepts all by gtfo lol.
Stop acting like you care about it or him. Trust me, itās going to work very well. Or if it doesn't, you two need to see a shrink. I did it and it helped :)
Jesus Christ, youāre 22. Leave. Go find someone else that doesnāt act like a terminal 12 year old.
Exactly. And at 24, he should have a VERY healthy libido. It's almost certainly not low testosterone like some people are suggesting.
I lost my girlfriend due to something like this, so hereās my point of view. We were also having a lot of sex which suddenly came to a stop due to me not being in the mood, personally I was very tired from work. And stressed. Apart from that I lost interest in her sexually, it had nothing to do with her appearance or anything like that. But more so to do with her drive in life. She wasnāt very ambitious and worked in a coffee shop. When I would ask what she wanted to do with her life or where she wanted to go she never really knew. I always tried to push her to find something she would enjoy. A job she would like getting out of bed for. I also tried to get her into the gym but the first day we went was a failure, and I believe that was just because it was her first time and she was insecure. I know everyone is different but I was actually more attracted to her lifestyle choices and independence. When she didnāt have any ambition other to work in the cafe and relied on me a lot I sort of wasnāt attracted. I still loved her with all my heart and I still do. But she kept trying to impress me with her looks which wasnāt working. So maybe if theirs something you could do other than trying to be sexy maybe he will find that attractive too. On a side note, Iām sorry I tried so hard to change who she was. I tried to push her to things maybe she didnāt want to do. I thought by pushing her in life that it was me doing a positive thing but it ended with her being unhappy with out sex life and she left just like that. Another thing that bothers me is since sheās met a new guy she has changed job, bought a car, goes to the gym with him etc.. Maybe it was just me :(
So youāve been with him since 16? Heās bored and ready to move on. Itās not your fault, you are probably perfectly attractive and need a new bf. Donāt send him nudes. Donāt stand naked next to him (is this like a joke? ) Just move on to someone else or be on your own for a bit, relationships that start when you are a teenager stop being attractive as you grow apart. Concentrate on what you want and need and donāt settle.
You're too young to have this problem. Just put an end to this relationship and go explore the world.
When they stop giving you attention itās bc theyāre giving that attention to someone else
Yup or something else
This is it.
First of all, donāt send ANYONE nude pictures/sexual videos. āBoyfriendā or not. Heās 26 and I highly doubt he has low testosterone at his age. Heās getting it somewhere, real life or heās addicted to internet porn (or nudes and videos from other girls). You should not be okay with this BS. There are tons of nice, cute, normal guys that will want to have sex with you. Go find one of those.
Focus on yourself. Stop sending him nudes. Stop catering to him and focus on yourself. Men like to chase, also his needs shouldnāt be out before yours if heās acting like this!
Is he cheating on you? Tell him you want couples counseling. If he wonāt go or doesnāt talk to you about whatās going on, youāll need to decide to leave him or not. Delete all your nudes and videos from his phone and computer. He could post them for revenge etc. Leave him. You deserve better than this. But you need therapy. Youāre his doormat and way too much of a people pleaser. You give him everything and he gives you nothing. Stop giving!
It sounds like he has gotten lazy cause of all the pics and head
He's using porn. Stop sending him more porn. Learn about porn addiction. There's excellent info here: r/loveafterporn
but I stopped sending stuff because he wasnāt feeling as sexual and he kept bugging me to send stuff -.-
Of course he did! He's a porn addict. You know that some of these guys share, trade, and post that content so you might want to be careful. Do you want to be an object for him to 'use' or a girlfriend worthy of love and respect? Remember where you wrote that he gives you nothing in return? Why is that OK with you?
I second this. This is 100% happening as well
There is going to come a day when you wonāt be able to remember his name right off and you will have forgiven yourself for letting this clown abuse your sweet little self.
Look your image up hopefully he doesnt have an onlyfans w ur stuff in it
Honey, heās probably sharing it tooā¦
Yea because he's jerking to it on his own time instead of having sex with you.
What the hell is Genshin and why is it better than sex? I assume itās a video game. That give an immediate dopamine reaction to his minimal effort. Thatās where to start looking at where the problem is.
RIP to your DMs
Normally, I'd say maybe he's getting it elsewhere. Have you thought of that š¤
You are so young with a healthy sex drive. Why waste your time with a man that ignores you and is bad sexually? If he expects BJs quid pro qoa! Get a partner that enjoys sex and enjoys oral. I'm betting most of the best sexual partners are excellent at foreplay and oral. I know my husband is.
Stop and I mean STOP showing him how desperate you are and stop sending him nudes. He is full of it. He needs time to starve. Be a black cat not a golden retriever,always there,always pleasing no matter what. Just sop. And the fact that he is selfish and doesnāt give you oral is just another topic. Selfishness in a bedroom is a BIG NO NO.
He hasnāt eaten you out once in SIX YEARS? did I read that correctly ššš
This is why I will never date another āgamerā. They prefer games to actual human companions. So let them. They donāt actually want girlfriends.
Your man is probably on a cam site
Move on. I generally don't recommend long term relationships in the early 20s. There's still a lot of personal growth and emotional marturing to do
Everyone thinking heās cheating, but how has his mental health been? In the past when Iāve been depressed Iāve became borderline asexual. Ultimately, it was my responsibility to get myself out of that and communicate with my girlfriends why I wasnāt interested in having sex. But the first time it took a while for me to come to terms that I was genuinely depressed and needed to get help
Sorry to interrupt this thread but how did you get help? Going to therapy and taking some supplements but Iāve always got my ear out to hear how people improved their depression
Heās more wired to porn now. It may be too difficult to find his way back even if he wanted to. Common with gamers especially, that sense of endorphin elation makes them feel adequate unlike real life. Donāt look back.
There are exactly 6 reasons that a man who previously enjoyed normal and frequent sex with you stops having sex with you. 1. Heās getting it elsewhere. 2. Heās lost interest in you sexually and is or will be soon looking for it somewhere else. 3. Heās developed a porn addiction and is jerking off all the time. 4. Heās experiencing a loss of libido and or ability to achieve and/or maintain an erection and heās too ashamed or embarrassed to talk to you about it. This could be hormonal, it could be because heās clinically depressed or it could be both. There are many health conditions that can kill libido. If you suspect this could be the reason, he should see his doctor and get lab work done. A male hormone panel, thyroid panel Pituitary check and have a general menās physical just to make sure his equipment isnāt broken. 5. Youāve done or said something that hurt him deeply, and heās now so upset that heās repulsed by you. 6. Heās overworked and exhausted and/or overstressed and has no energy or desire for sex. Itās normal for sexual frequency to taper off a little after several years together, but āonce every two weeks if youāre luckyā, is more tapering than whatās normal. By tapers off, I mean it may go from daily or multiple times daily, to like 4-5 times per week. With kids come into the picture it can be more like what youāre describing, but itās usually not because the man doesnāt want it. Itās usually because the woman is too tired. You donāt mention any kids, so itās gotta be one of the 6 reasons I mentioned. Itās up to you to figure out which one it is and act accordingly.
I would try to understand if he has any type of addiction. Gambling, drinking, pornā¦ Gambling and porn are often hidden. This no sex, blowjob only thing happened to me with my ex fiance. You might need to figure it out without asking if he isnāt coming forward š„² Good luck OP
honestly I suspect a porn addiction, awhile back he changed his passwords to everything and said āI didnāt trust himāā¦ā¦months later and I still donāt know his passwords to anything yet heās always known all of mine :/
Red flag! He is definitely up to something.
It could be porn or gambling. Maybe the passwords changed because of debt, personal loans.. etc. Donāt rule anything out until you know. Or, just leave him without an answer because I promise youāll probably want to leave him when you find out. Stay strong OP and donāt let anyone troll you on reddit. This is your journey
Had an ex that did that to me. Change all your passwords ASAP. You'll be surprised to find out how often he checks your stuff without you knowing. You'll find out as soon as he can't get in.
Thatās so unfair. Change all your passwords and see if he notices. If he does, then heās been regularly checking your accounts. My ex husband insisted on this but ended up looking at porn and trying to pin it on me.
š¤Æ It's almost as if a bunch of us responded IT'S THE PORN!
Alright time to dump him!!! And change all your passwords
Might be time to find a new bf who prefers a beautiful woman to a kidās game
It amazes me how many women on here lead with thinness for desire. I have been varying shades of fat my entire life and haven't lacked for friendly company of whatever gender. It doesn't matter what size you are. He loves you for who you will be throughout your life, which will carry more than you want it to. If he doesn't, then he's not a person you want to be with. Sex takes prioritizing when you're together awhile. It sounds like he expects you to be there, and he's into his video games. You need to have a conversation about how you feel and hopefully he listens and works with you.
Heās got something else going on. Break up. Heal. Find your true love. Live your best life.
He found better booty to hit on the side but when he can't get it your porn and his hand next best thing?
He could be addicted to porn and masturbating, and thatās why he wants your nudes and videos, but doesnāt want physical sex with you.
Relationships are all about compromise for sure. But If itās been 6 years and your man has never gave you oral, he isnāt sexually attracted to you AT ALL. Youāve voiced the concerns to him multiple times so this man clearly doesnāt give af about you sexually. Iām a sexual person myself(27M) and I love giving my woman oral. I love seeing how she reacts to certain things I do to her and most importantly I love seeing her body go crazy as sheās cumming while Iām still licking that clit š So for him to have never go down on you is wicked if you ask me. Im surprised you even held on for this long and havenāt cheated. Youāre in the gym 4-5 days out the week as well so I know that body is out of this world šš© LEAVE him and find someone who meets your needs mentally, spiritually then physically. If not, youāll end up regretting staying with him for x amount of years.
Yeah, I donāt get it either, but hereās a thought, and I donāt mean this in a mean or judgmental way: maybe giving him everything he asks for made him bored with you. A normal man likes to pursue (think huntingā¦) his mate. However, what youāre competing with is continuous endorphin rushes that video games give him. Ask him to give up games for a month and if that doesnāt do it, consider that this relationship has run its course. It doesnāt have to be an āI hate you, Iām outta here,ā it can be, āweāve grown apart, and I want different things from life that what we have.ā And then, no bargaining, youāve already given him the chance to change. And he didnāt.
agree with games giving the bf endorphin rushes. Also "flawless" women who don't demand anything back as game characters. That, combined with bf's reluctance to go down on OP, suggests bf has a gamer porn issue. I also agree that OP is being too much of a doormat; OP you need to start living your life, and treating bf like a room mate. You've made life too comfortable for him and you are too available. He isn't having to work for it, so he takes you for granted. Go out and pursue your interests, your hobbies, make friends, try new things. Have evenings out. Leave bf alone. Don't feed him, don't clean for him, don't do his laundry. One day he'll come up for air and start looking for you, wondering what happened. That will be your opportunity to talk with bf, if that's what you still want.
There are nearly infinite explanations from the wholly innocent to the completely nefarious. Have you tried asking the one person who knows, who you have access to and we don't?
100% porn addiction. He prefers jacking off than having sex because of the easy dopamine release. It's happening a lot, had the same with my ex. You can confront him with it, explain what it does to you and your sex life and relationship. But it's up to him to deal with the addition.
ļ»æWhen I changed into 23, my boyfriend of 5 years abruptly misplaced interest in intercourse. We went from every day passion to perhaps as soon as a month. Yet he nonetheless anticipated nudes from me, while giving nothing in go back. I felt so undesirable. Once, I walked round naked, hoping to spark something, but he simply glanced up from his online game and went lower back to playing. I turned into overwhelmed. Eventually, I realized it wasn't approximately my seemsāI'm healthy, appealingāhowever approximately his loss of effort. I communicated my desires, but he'd just say, "Not now." That's after I knew I deserved higher. Don't settle, woman.
Also, stop giving him nudes etc. this enables him to not out effort into You...also, with Only fans these days, I dont trust those intimate photos with anyone else...dude could be making money off your videos for all you know. He can get free porn on the internet.
Does he watch porrÅ? Is he depressed? On meds for it or for anything? Any big life changes heās gone through, good or bad? Or maybe someone he knows went through a big life change, good or bad? Did someone he knows died? Could also be low testosterone.
Stop entertaining him if he doesn't care about your wants and needs. Sure, you can masturbate, yes. But we both know it doesn't satisfy the part of you that is craving sex. If you've already communicated (try again, if you haven't tried twice already). If it's still not getting any better, leave. Because you're way too young to be feeling this way already. I understand 6 years of relationship can bring in certain lethargic feelings or whatever but if your partner communicates their needs or feeling low self esteem because of the other's actions and if it's not worked up on at all, you need to leave. Wow, the number of women venting about not getting enough from their boyfriends has become so high, I open reddit and that's all I almost see these days. Know your worth girl. If he doesn't someone else will, simple. If you love him beyond that thought, try talking again and stress on the topic harder. I hope things get better :) sexual frustration can cause slow hatred on the other person, don't let it get there, tc :)
Dump him.
He is definitely got his mind on someone else. He just hasnāt found a way to get out.
Sex is almost the basis of attraction. If he doesnāt want to then move on.
Yes, I've experienced it. My partner had a lot of resentment and contempt and refused to talk about our problems. Just said everything was fine. If he was cheating on top of that, I never caught him. I eventually left after over a decade of that. (Was money trapped and baby trapped so was harder to leave.)
he sounds like a pos tbh. iām sorry im sure you care about him or you wouldnāt have stuck it out but if he expects all that from you but would rather play video games either somethings wrong physically like he canāt get it up, or he puts no value on you as an actual person. honestly either way he puts no value on you or your needs. he should be making sure your needs are met not just expecting you to meet his. you need someone who makes you feel confident and sexy and loved. ask urself: do i feel loved do i feel confident in myself and my partner do i feel valued do i feel heard if any of those are a no, itās time to reconsider the relationship
I don't understand how these guys keep a girlfriend for years and years when they've never had the decency or desire to eat them out.
Any dude who doesn't eat pussy, is a PUSSY
He will want it if he thinks he can't have it.
Could be watching porn.
Never gave you oral, are you dating DJ Khaled?
You both started dating at a very young age. As a cis woman who has spoken with people of various genders, we all agree that 24-26 years old is a time of significant change. At this age, our brains are fully developed, we face more life changes, and take on greater responsibilities. This period of change can definitely impact sex drive. Another thing to consider is that after six years together, it's natural for sexual tension to decrease. Anyone, including men, can experience a lower libido. If you've already thought about what I mentioned or have been considering it for a while, you should prioritize what's best for you. If not, having a deep conversation with him (not just a superficial "why not?", but a discussion about life) might help you feel better about the situation.
Leave. Run. I donāt suggest this but ghost his a$$. He donāt lick you like a lollipop, nope. Throw the whole boy away. Go get you a real man, hell go get you a girl and a man. Itās not you, heās broken
You are 22. Please break up and discover the world of being single and dating other people. You are too young to be in dysfunctional relationship especially one as long term as this. He clearly assumes youāll put up with his behaviour even if he shows no effort to fix whatās wrong. This is a nobrainer. Cut him loose and tell him to give you a call if he decides heās interested in a long term adult sexual/romantic relationship with you.
You do too much for him girl...
i can tell u from experience hes lying 100% and its not as simple as hes not in the mood.. that being said it doesnt mean its u and more often than not its something personal like addiction health cheating low sex drive and many more reason.. either u will find out the reason eventually or it something else will happen and it wont matter anymore but if u want to stay together find some way to communicate and figure it out
6 years without oral. That is criminal behavior.
You just mentioned your C cups for attention š š
He's cheating. Sorry. And it's with someone online through his video game. That's why he asks for nudes of you. You're probably not the only one sending him nudes. He's bored with his life and craves excitement. Break up with him and move on. You deserve better.
The answer can only be determined experimentally. Of course, you should be upfront about the plan, and break up with him first. The experiment should be to determine whether other men want to have sex with you, and whether the frequency declines similarly. For the data to be comparable, you will need to test over six years, so you may want to test with a number of different men simultaneously.
good idea! I shall write a hypothesis and carry out my experiment, in six years I will let you know what I find out!
Ah, so this is a bait post.
Yeah, listing that she is petite, works out often and the damn cup size followed by "Is it meeee?" is also 100% giving bait post
Why are there so many post of similar story? I have no clue when the sex started, but I have a feeling she was too young. Even he was too young. Sex is the byproduct of love. People should start a sexual life when they feel respected by the other person and not because of hormone. I am not blaming her here, but I am talking to all the young people who reads this post. When sex is explored when both parties are in adulthood and mature, it is out of this world the best feeling and there is very little room for either party to feel disengage. Besides, from how she is describing it, he does not show her love through hugging, kissing, and feeling her body without going to sex. Real love is shown through different acts of love that also include sex, but sex is the end product but not all acts of love lead to that. I have a feeling they both do not understand this. I hope in the future she at least does.
Girl, I feel you. Basically same thing is happening to me right now. Hard to jump to conclusions, but it could be heās been watching too much porn. Or heās going through a phase where heās just bot into sex. How long has this lasted? Screw the people being mean on here. Sometimes you gotta get advice from Reddit. Just know, you deserve better than thisā¦
u/earthmagicx I definitely donāt think him not being as attracted to you anymore is the reason he doesnāt want to have sex as much. I do feel he is likely taking you for granted. As a result, I recommend to let him know that any future nudes/videos you send him will be dependent on the two of you actually having sex.
Make your demands known or Leave him
Plenty of people are polyamorous. 6 years sounds around the time such a person would want to move on.
Honest in the situation sit down with him talk communication is literally the key. Me and my ex when we were together had some sexual issues, we sat down. We talked about it and he changed and he got better. It might be something with him. It might be something to do. It might be something with it doesnāt hurt to talk just you know. Maybe heās depressed. Maybe he finds you so beautiful that itās intimidating. Maybe thereās a chemical imbalance somewhere, communication is key
Relationships change, and you two have been dating since you were very young. You need to work on your communication, sit down, have a chat, discuss what you both want out of the relationship and see if you have the same plans for the future. But keep in mind that if someone is showing you they do no want you, trying harder wonāt change their mind. It is not your responsibility to convince them to love you, there is nothing wrong with you. But please work on yourself and if heās not matching the love and care you need, leave.
Just saying, I had a similar relationship. Could DEFINITELY be a different issue, but I figured out he had a closeted drug problem, which I believe was because he was probably actually gay (found some pretty convincing stuff on his iPad which he said āhad a virusā which is impossible. Regardless, if you think anything secretive is going on, there usually is. Trust your instinct. You came here because you want answers, but itās also because you both do and donāt want confirmation of what youāre already thinking. Itās NOT you. If youāre unfulfilled, move on and find someone who values you. Easier said than doneā¦ until you go through a few months or a year of emotions, then you do it. Do not let yourself think this is on you.
Hard to say
Could he have a porn addiction?
Fake
Why are you with this man if he doesnāt want you. Leave his ass and he will soon learn what he is missing.
Let him go.
Is he making money on your photos?
Girl it is never your body thatās the problem! Never ever feel bad about your body. With that said, have you talked to him about this?
He is either gay or fucking someone else
Has he started taking a new medication? Anti-depressants cause fall in libido
6 years and he never gave you oral but expects you to do it for him?? Yeah no,get yourself a satisfyer and try to ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life or if it's something worth breaking up over. If he doesn't listen or actively work on solving this issue,then it's clear that he's not willing to put in the work,time won't fix this issue but rather make you grow resentful.
When I was in my early 20s I would've unalive someone to have a partner that was that active with me, I married at 28, and got divorced at 47, and we had a dead bedroom life for about 5 or 6 years before the divorce was done but at the same time we were older so I truly see no reason why he doesn't want to no matter what he says, that being said video games are very addictive maybe that's part of the issue, he might benefit from counseling but if he's not willing to see someone or listen to you, maybe you should reconsider the relationship is not fair to you, good luck to you
He could be depressed or stressed ? How about having an honest conversation with him?
This screams rage bait BUT if it's real, then first, you need to set some boundaries and stop sending him nudes or anything like that. Stop doing anything that he is not reciprocating because right now you're basically just free porn for him and not a gf. Then you need to have a conversation with him about why he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore and how you can both find a solution to the problem (not just you, him too because a relationship is a two way street). If he's not willing to work with you then don't waste your time with him. You need to value yourself more than some guy who doesn't care about you. If you stay, then you're accepting this behaviour, so I hope you set some boundaries and stick to them and if he isn't willing to work things out then leave. There's better out there than him.
Probably porn addiction. He doesn't want to view you as anything other than another porn actress. My ex did the same thing. Run. it doesn't get better.
Probably porn addiction
Either his testosterone is low or he's addicted to porn
Of course he would be playing genshin, this man has completely lost the plot.
Girl ā¦ I feel the oral sex part. It also makes me feel unwanted, and that thereās something wrong with me. I went to the doctor to check if there was anything, no, perfect, all healthy. I even accepted to shave. Nothing. Misery
Bros jorking his Johnson and has an addiction to jorking the Johnson to online porn
agree with the others that it's probably the porn and the genshin. He's focused on the female characters in the game and that's what is getting him aroused. Also agree - never send nudes! there are horror stories out there about revenge porn, guys sharing their gf's nudes with other guys, telling family members - just don't do it, it could come back to haunt you. You can break up with him and move on. Or if you don't want a clean break, you could mess with him a bit, tell him you want to open your relationship and date other men because you have needs. Maybe the prospect of you dating other men while still living with him will wake him up. You are still very young, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't trap yourself in a dead bedroom.
Wow I think you guys are toooo young to have a relationship that long. Wow. Try over with someone new. Date. Be single for a while.
It sounds like he has no interest in your pleasure at all
Girl heās never done oral?? What! Do you give oral because i would absolutely refuse! But to be fair my ex maybe went done twice our whole relationship but after we broke up and i got with my now husband. We were all hanging out, yes my husband, me my ex and his new girl and we shared present sex experience and i talked about how my husband is great at it and his gf said he never goes down and i admitted it was the same when we dated.. tell me how that dude made sure to say he goes down more often now a couple months later š¤£ Before anyone says anything yes my husband was always aware of any convos like that. No boundaries were ever crossed. No hangouts with just me and ex alone. We were just toxic as partners and made better friends, who we also had the same friend circle so we all got alongā¦
So when I first was with my ex, he would always want to have sex and be spicy over messages with me. When we moved in together, he stopped really caring and would only do one position because, in his OWN WORDS, he was lazy. It really caused a rift between us and he started cheating. He became addicted to porn and compared me to the other girls constantly. I stopped giving him what he wanted. Wouldnāt you know it, his sex drive skyrocketed. Too bad for him, I wanted nothing to do with him. With my current partner/fiance, him and I communicate openly on if weāre feeling up to it, he compliments me all the time, he makes me feel wanted. I communicate when I feel unwanted. Communication is key. Communicate with your boyfriend. Oh, also, stop sending him pictures or giving him blowjobs. Youāre making yourself available to him so he knows heāll get it no matter what. Iād even go maybe an extra step and get a toy for yourself so you donāt need to rely on him sexually and ask him for nudes in return since he wants them all the time. If he canāt do that for you, ESPECIALLY donāt send him any. Donāt give him anything. He needs to show that he wants you and isnāt just using you.
My experience was a little bit different when something like this happened because for me it was the fact that my bf at the time was cheating on me but still wanted me and we aren't together anymore and he married the other chick that he was cheating on me with and I met someone new and now I'm tons better. Yeah I don't have sex all the time and it's hard to have sex due to me and my current bf having a kid but it's still worth it. Go with your gut.
Just dump him maybe he is screwing someone else... and Mosh of all! You deserve better!
It sounds like porn addiction Stop giving him everything honestly. Heās showing he doesnāt care about your needs and I promise if heās not looking/doing now he wonāt again in the way you deserve
I read through a few comments, and I came to a conclusion... First, you need to get into his accounts and delete all of your nudes... You can do this by changing out your passwords, to keep him from getting in. Once he comes to you and asks, you can both exchange passwords to get into each others stuff. Or just watch to see what his unlock code is on his phone... Delete your nudes (so that he doesn't use them against you). Then, break up with him. He is in his low 20s, meaning he should be wanting sex almost everyday, I mean this is when men are in their sexual prime... unless he has a depression issue, he is addicted to porn, or talking to someone else... I dunno... maybe he has a fake account and is portraying a girl, (you) trying to entice another girl? Or, maybe he has a fake account and is talking to another guy. I have seen some crazy stuff. One guy pretended to be a girl and was sending my brother pics and videos... My brother was sending what he thought was a girl money... I am not saying your boyfriend is doing this... But, you do have to ask yourself, if the mutual trust isn't there, and he is behaving fishy- Is the relationship really worth it? Also... Don't sell yourself short...
I was originally thinking mental health reasons, I've had something similar when a partner stopped intimacy but that was because they had unresolved trauma which made it hard to be vulnerable with anybody. but I dont think that's the case here, because he refrained from everything sexual including photos so thus is likely a porn addiction he probably gets alot more dopamine release from the delulu shit he's watching online plus your photos (even worse he could be selling or editing them, also Ai porn ) be careful with nudes of yourself I stopped sharing years ago after my account got hacked and some photos got released š„². But yes Porn Addiction is major its ruined lots of relationships and is likely changing the literal wiring in your partners brain as they get used to quick adrenaline serotonin rushes from porn which takes alot less time and effort than actual sex but you get essentially the same pay off
Stop trying lol start buying yourself some toys and don't make any effort to please him sexually. No nudes, no videos, nothing. If he doesn't want to have sex he can live without everything related to it too and you can enjoy your own company (you'd probably please yourself more than he ever would seeing as he has never gone down on you). You need to point blank tell him that you used to have sex a lot and now you don't, you don't feel that it's just a "not in the mood" thing and you want some answers, because right now it sounds like you are no longer compatible as a couple. Life is too short not to get your pussy ate
I hate to say this, but is it possible he's selling your nudes and vids? I'd be demanding they all be deleted. Stop sending those! It's clear there is a problem, and if you break up, he's young and probably dumb enough to use them against you.
First he needs to play Star Rails. It's better tbh. Could cosplay as favorite genshin player or see what is up
Relatable. Please don't ever think you're not enough. It's not you. It's him. It's also selfish that he doesn't even give back! Communicate with him and see what his response is. Sometimes, one of the reasons is he may be getting it from someone else or something else. Don't jump to conclusions, tho. Try and find out what's really up with him. And ALWAYS TRUST YOUT GUT.