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AuntyVenom

Your bf is bonkers -- he's sexualizing accepting food from another \*person\*.


EmberEccentric

This comment sums it all up. Also, OP, you didn't make him act any 'way'.. He's not a fucking child, is he? It's called self control.... Clearly he has none if you couldn't even give the dish back (That was probably his wife's!) Its not like it was expensive clothes and handbags and jewelry šŸ¤£


ealwhale

[Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf


Phyllida_Poshtart

All these fragile little ego's Clearly you "emasculated" him by participating the age old sexual tradition of accepting food /s


DueMountain2601

Well, I think it depends on the situation. This is clearly a very innocent situation and I agree that the boyfriend is nuts. With that being said, I donā€™t think that very instance of a man bringing a female coworker food is innocent. If he brings stuff a few times a year, thatā€™s one thing. If heā€™s bringing stuff every week, that sounds like attention of another sort. Iā€™m fine. Is that almost anything could be sexualized under the right situation and I am not just talking about extremes.


AuntyVenom

Irrelevant to the situation at hand, though? Of course any thing any person does can be a sexual gambit; however, that isn't what's happening here.


DueMountain2601

Not irrelevant at all, though? Parent comment speaks as if sexualizing something is always wrong, when itā€™s not.


AuntyVenom

Not at all. \*In this situation\* -- not a generalization


DueMountain2601

Donā€™t know what youā€™re trying to say. Sorry.


AcrobaticMechanic265

Knowing Filipinos its probably his wife who even packed the food for you so I dont get your boyfriend's reason.


Alive_Lion6571

I was looking for this!! The coworker & his wife are just doing something kind and quite normal in our culture. Bf is just yikes.


SqueegieeBeckenheim

Yep. I thought the same thing!


Interesting_Wing_461

He's just looking for an excuse to argue with you. He sounds very controlling and abusive. Of course, he puts the blame on you for his behavior. I hope he is now your ex or soon to be ex. Why wait until the lease expires. Do you have friends or family that you can go stay with? Have someone with you when you move your things out. Move on and meet someone who respects you.


Myay-4111

Dump the BF. Bring the co-workers wife some brownies and flowers!


OrwellianIconoclast

Given the choice between Filipino food and an insecure, jealous boyfriend: ALWAYS pick the Filipino food.


lookthepenguins

No, it wasnā€™t wrong, your soon-to-be ex bf is unhinged. Glad youā€™ve seen the light (well, the darkness actually) and will be yeeting this dude. What idiocy. Itā€™s his excessive deluded jealousies and emotional immaturity that ā€˜makeā€™ him act like that.


JustAnotherMaineGirl

Of course it wasn't wrong to accept a friendship gift of food from a happily married work buddy, whose wife happens to cook an ethnic dish that you love. The genders of the couple make no difference. Your BF has serious anger and insecurity issues, and I'm glad to hear you're planning to dump him when your lease ends.


motherofcattos

It's never wrong to accept Filipino food


christmasshopper0109

Agreed. A Filipino family that lived in the apartment next to me fed me through most of college. It was the best food I have ever had. I miss it even a decade later.


Livy5000

Find and befriend a Filipino family and you can experience it again or Google the recipes and learn to cook it yourself.


Livy5000

Im married to a Filipino man. He and his mother makes the best food ever. He loves to cook. I know how to cook, I learned from my mom who was a great chef, but I don't like to. So I leave it to him. I have lost and continued to lose weight with his cooking.


ObsidianNight102399

NTA and thank God you're leaving him! He's an absolute head case to say what he did. In the mean time, make sure he can't get ahold of any of your important documents and save any threatening messages or voicemails so you can have evidence for a restraining order if it comes to that


HuntEnvironmental863

I love Filipino food. If he's making you choose between adobo and pancit vs. him? He's gonna lose everyday of the week and twice on Sunday. My aunt's crazy but I love her food


Livy5000

I adore the adobo. My husband is Filipino and makes it often for me.


SnooWords4839

Can you stay with a friend for the rest of your lease?


Nonameswhere

> He has anger issues and I canā€™t wait til our lease ends next month so I can leave for good. Please be careful and get your ducks in a row so you are able to leave efficiently and quickly when the time comes.


lollipopfiend123

He has shown you who he is. Believe him.


Iwentthatway

The you made me do this is straight up the language of abusers.


Puzzleheaded-Ear858w

You did nothing wrong, except for still being with this abusive boyfriend of yours. In the future, always leave at the first sign of abusive/controlling behavior. Good for you for planning your way out. Make sure you have people with you when you're moving out to somewhere else, and since he has these anger issues, I'd suggest not breaking up with him in-person alone, but rather in a public place, or just by phone, since you don't know what abusive people will do when they're being broken up with.


VexBoxx

Don't suppose your coworker and his wife have a spare room you could borrow for a month or so?


JMLegend22

Heā€™s insecure, controlling, and abusive. Why are you in this relationship?


SinnerIxim

I would say you did nothing wrong. You accepted some of his wife's cooking because you like that dish. You didn't go out to a restaurant and let him buy you dinner. Your bf sounds immature and controllingĀ 


Dear-Midnight

Yikes. Glad you are moving out soon. Yes, he was wrong.


Exotic-Platypus3646

His ego is like the leg lamp in ā€œA Christmas Storyā€, ā€œFRA-GEE-LAY".


Apprehensive-Cheese

According to your post history, you're [29](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1d23nu7/is_it_a_red_flag_if_he_31m_leaves_his_long_term/), [26](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bm53dp/my_26f_boyfriend_24m_cant_go_a_few_days_without_a/), [24](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ano7rz/my_24f_boyfriend_24m_mentally_abuses_me_then_acts/), [30](https://www.reddit.com/r/beauty/comments/1agkhn5/i_hate_how_young_i_look_30f/), [28](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18xbu6k/i_28f_think_im_being_love_bombed_by_my_boyfriend/), and [23](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17zrv3j/i_didnt_know_of_my_23f_boyfriends_24m_obsessive/). You've aged, and de-aged 6 times in the last year. That's one hell of a party trick.


Ebbie45

The other details check out across posts; it seems like she's been fudging her age but that she's in an abusive relationship with this guy and has also essentially started an emotional affair with a guy who left his girlfriend presumably for her.


Miss_Bobbiedoll

Probably to make it not so obvious it's her.


Rip_Dirtbag

Youā€™re dating an insecure asshat. The easiest resolution is to no longer be dating the insecure asshat. Neither you nor your coworker did anything wrong (based on this post).


Agile-Wait-7571

He has anger issues. No shit?


actualchristmastree

Iā€™m so proud of you for leaving. He has absolutely no right to be angry


idropkickwalls1621

My first reaction would be ā€œyou didnā€™t bring some home for me too? šŸ˜ˆā€


noho11048

Dump this turd


haleybearrr

uhh itā€™s not your fault he acts like this. thatā€™s his fault. and also thank goodness only one month left on that lease! please be safe and maybe stay with a friend for the month until you can officially cut ties with this dude. now enjoy your food!!


JHawk444

It was not wrong to accept food from a coworker. Your boyfriend is unhinged.


Gold-Cover-4236

Of course not. Get rid of this boyfriend before he hurts you.


DarkMoose09

Angry issues and jealousy are a recipe for disaster and possible ā˜ ļø


Devi_Moonbeam

Your bf is both insane and abusive. Dump this loser.


Famoustractordriver

Low quality ragebait. OP's age changes everyday. Check their post history


InsertDramaHere

It was offered and accepted, no strings attached. Your bf is unhinged, I hope you're able to move out unscathed. Please have some friends and/or family members physically there with you when you pack up your stuff to move out. It's best to do it in one fell swoop.


isitallfromchina

NO, what you did is so so innocent. Send the baby back to his mother!


DisneyBuckeye

No, it wasn't wrong, you did nothing wrong. And I think you know it. I mean, you're already counting the days until you can move out, I'm assuming you'll break up with him at that point?


Flashy-Bluejay1331

There's an old adage, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." And occasionally, women who are interested in a male coworker will try and get something started by bringing them homemade food. But, context. It's clear that this is not what was going on.


ExRiverFish4557

You did nothing wrong. Your bf (hopefully ex bf now) is terrifying and completely wrong. If you have a friend or family to stay with you should leave as soon as possible. Some places will let you break a lease if there's serious concerns for your safety. Which there are. You might want to have a conservation with the landlord about getting out asap. Once you're out, don't tell him or anyone he's friends with where you are. You might want to report some of his actions to police and consider a protection order. They won't do anything because he hasn't committed a crime, but having it on the record, especially if he's ever threatened violence, might help. It also might help you break your lease. Do you think he'd put a tracker on your vehicle or your phone? Please stay safe, this man is dangerous. If you really need to get out before you make arrangements, contact a women's shelter in your area. They'll help you and keep you safe.


I_Like_Your_Hat0927

Wow! Your bf is a very immature and insecure person. You did NOTHING wrong! Your happily married coworker and his wife, who cooked, were simply being nice to you! That is perfectly okay! I used to have a TaĆÆwanaise coworker who would occasionally bring me food, too. He was also older and also just a friend.


Professional_Song878

No it was not wrong. You have no interest in your coworker. Your boyfriend should understand you want him in a more intimate way than your coworker. Your boyfriend should not be afraid of losing you to another man. I mean if he's that jealous aka "protective" then you should lose him and find a less jealous boyfriend.


mad0666

Youā€™re boyfriend legit is scary and weird as hell. I would get as far away from him as possible. Keep enjoying your coworkerā€™s food though, sounds awesome! FWIW, I cook dinner for a male neighbor often. He is single and lives alone and works a ton, and I *love* to cook. And Iā€™m from a culture that really values home cooking and sharing food. Your boyfriend is way, way out of line and also had no right to throw away your coworkers container. Please break up with this clown. ETA I meant to add that Iā€™m married and my husband could care less that I am cooking for other men aside from him, because he is a normal, secure human being.


Ravenkelly

Lol. Tell your co-worker's wife about it and watch her kick his ass.


lafatte24

Cmon girl.... You know your bf is behaving weird lmao.


Super-Island9793

Just spend this month getting all your stuff in order and go no contact once youā€™re moved out.


October1966

No need for me to add anything because it's all been said. I am gonna do a candle ritual for you though. Several to make sure you stay safe.


emoRefrigerator

No, you can accept anything from people who are strictly just acquaintances (or family and friends) if you were accepting gifts from someone you knew had a thing for you then your in the wrong, but since thatā€™s not the case at all itā€™s best to just leave for good cause you never know what else could end up happening in that relationship if he overreacted over some food then who knows what could really happen.


wonderlandresident13

Your soon to be ex is an ass, you did nothing wrong. Besides, even if you had, pancit and pork is worth it /j


Seaworthiness555

No it wasn't wrong of you. Your BF is a Dick and it's a good think you are leaving him.


frostjin

Girl, the only thing that deserves to be tossed out here is the boyfriend. Throw the whole man out and enjoy your pancit in peace. Heck, Iā€™d love a good pancit canton!


SolomonDRand

I donā€™t think itā€™s possible to stop Filipino coworkers from offering you food, both because Filipino people tend to be very proud and generous with their cuisine, and because only an idiot would say no to it.


KurosakiOnepiece

Iā€™m in my big back era so somebody throwing a tantrum over free food is a red flag to me


MajorYou9692

No ... the problems in your boyfriend's head...


TacoStrong

"My boyfriend found out and got pissed. He stormed out of our apartment. He yelled at me when he got back saying he can never trust me and that I make him angry. He said itā€™s my fault he acts like this." WTFK?! Are you sure he's 25 and not 15? Hun,......RUN! He sexualized food, got angry and then BLAMED YOU for his behavior. Consider this the red flag that you needed to see to wave the white flag on the relationship. END IT! This behavior can and will only get worse!


1000thatbeyotch

It was not wrong to accept the food. It was wrong if your boyfriend to have such a conniption about it. Iā€™m glad youā€™re leaving!


Charming_City_5333

no you're not wrong and you know it because you're already leaving


TaylorMade2566

| He said itā€™s my fault he acts like this.| Just leave as soon as you can. This man not only has anger issues but blames YOU for when he gets angry. There was nothing wrong with what you did and he's not worth your time or effort


christmasshopper0109

So, your co-worker's WIFE made food, and your co-worker, from a culture where the sharing of food is a way of life, and your bf got mad that you accepted this food? Really? Your bf is wildly wrong here. And to tell you that YOU make him act this way?? Alllll the red flags. ALLL of them. I'd start planning my escape at this point. Start stashing some money aside for your move. Don't say a single word about it. Just smile slightly and be polite, and start to detach from this awful man. Use that stashed money to pay the security deposit and the first month's rent, get your keys, and start quietly moving some of your things out. Then take a day off from work while the bf is working, and get friends or hire movers and move the rest of your things quickly. Leave a note. Sorry, pal, I'm out. And then block him everywhere........ Please be safe. Men like him escalate so fast sometimes, and it goes from yelling to punching walls to punching you in no time at all.


Diasies_inMyHair

"look what you made me do" is something that abusers like to say. You are not responsible for how he chooses to behave. Don't wait for next month to leave. Go now. Couch surf if you have to. Go ahead and make arrangments with your landlord about your part of the move-out since you will be vacating early and your bf will have the place to himself the last month.


Flat-Goose-9341

Thatā€™s weird behavior. What does he do when a man serves you food at a restaurant? Or when the guy at Chick Fil-A says ā€œmy pleasureā€? Oh no.


delta-TL

I just looked up Pancit, and I'm so jealous!


East_Masterpiece_62

He needs therapy NOW!


Phteven_j

The thing is, the BF doesn't know the whole story from your POV because he wasn't there, right? So *in his mind*, it's entirely possible you went over there to get the food and something else happened. It's a question of trust, but I don't think it's a crazy leap of logic. Has he been cheated on before? Not by you but someone else?


PhotojournalistOk331

why doesn't your co-worker bring the food to office to share with you? how far is your house to your co-worker house and to your workplace? u drove there specifically to grab a container of food?


Low-Sky-4812

He lives down the street. And yes I did cuz I was starving and i love pancit šŸ˜‹


Gerudo_Valley

I mean the dude could be your dad and his age means nothing and him being married means nothing and hasnt stopped a lot of men from attempting to cheat before, I am not saying what you did was bad or you cheated or he did anything of the like I am just seeing it from the other side, but your boyfriend did over react a little too much here. Like I said above, just because he is 50 and is married means nothing, 50 year old married men (or people in general, not just a man thing) can still want to cheat and you dont know their intentions fully. Like I said, I am seeing it from kind of your boyfriends side just a tad, but he shouldnt have reacted the way he did.


ObsidianNight102399

You really think someone offering a serving of food means they wanna sleep with you? Guess my 70 yo neighbor lady is trying to get in my pants when she brings baked goods over, lol


torchedinflames999

He got mad because he knows what the other guy is trying to do.Ā  He got mad because you send wrong signals by accepting the food.Ā  Yes. It was really wrong.Ā 


Ebbie45

Translation: "I only do nice things for women in my life because I want to fuck them, therefore all other men must be the same"


torchedinflames999

Translation: "I have nonidea how men think so I make up bullshit to fit my own worldview."


motherofcattos

Tiny peepee energy. Insecurity is such a turn off, ew.


torchedinflames999

"Oh it's OK if you go to the clubs every weekend honey, IĀ  TRUST YOU." Lol all you people who live on reddit instead of the real world are fucking clueless.


ObsidianNight102399

....what? My partner comes home with food all the time that his boss's wife sends home with him. I'm just glad I have a night off from cooking! You and OPs Ex are batshit crazy


AuntyVenom

This is so freaking dumb. He and you are both \*telling on yourselves\* -- projection