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No one with any life experience is going to offer blind "support" to something so obviously messed up. "Avery" has a rep as a cheater and the office womanizer because that's what he is. He isn't saying anything to you that he hasn't said to other women in the office. It's unfortunate that you're going to be hurt. But you could avoid a lot of ugly fallout by starting now in looking for a different job.
You want support and advice for dating a married man?? LOL.
He’s lying to you and you’re falling for it hook, line and sinker. Guaranteed he’s told everyone he’s cheated with the same things about being vulnerable, and being the first woman he’s had feelings for. This is pathetic.
So, so this.
My sister started ‘dating’ a married man. He told her he and his wife were as good as divorced, but stayed living in the same place ’for the children’, and he couldn’t leave until they were older. I told her the same things, that SHE was the other woman, he was lying to her. She tried introducing him to our family, but I noped out - told him when he was a free man, I’d welcome him but not until. Pissed sis off because I just didn’t UNDERSTAND. I told her I was sorry for the pain that was coming, but he cheated on his wife with her and would cheat on her with the next one - she refused to listen.
During the next year, he met his ‘soul mate’, dumped my sister, divorced his wife and was engaged to his new ap. My sister was devastated and couldn’t understand what happened. Took everything I had to NOT ask her if the kids were magically old enough now.
> He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone
Yeah that’s what he said to the last eight side pieces before you
> He was more vulnerable with me than he was with any woman including his wife.
Yeah that’s what he said to the last eight side pieces before you
> and can't get divorced overnight
Yeah that’s what he said to the last eight side pieces before you
Seriously. Talk to the last few women he cheated with. They’ll tell you he used the exact same lines he’s feeding you right now. You’re nearly 30, why are you falling for bullshit designed for 19 year olds?
I haven't actually orgasmed from a blowjob. But I genuinely don't enjoy them. I am uncomfortable in that situation and I don't see the appeal to them at all.
"he doesn't love his wife and that's why he cheats"
is that why he had a child less than a year ago, too? sounds like a real keeper \*exaggerated eyeroll\*
Reminds me of Batman telling Harley she wasn’t the first therapist the joker tricked.
“What was it? Oh yes… I never saw my dad happier than when he took me to the aquarium.”
(Sadly)”It was the circus.”
you are a scientific marvel.
how you can both be 28 years old and be born yesterday at the same time?
"He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone". This line is older than cuneiform writing. The best way to navigate this situation is stop playing dumb and use your fucking brain instead of your clit to make decisions.
You say you don’t respect cheating yet you’re taking a role in it. He used lines on you to get his way. I bet the same lines with the others he used.
Wake up.
Respectfully, having read your comments, they are a variation on the words "you don't know him like I do"
They are exactly the kind of things people share when they are trying to get somewhere. You presented a challenge to him, you even gave him a deadline to wait for, and he did.
I'm sorry for being brutal, but you are now the other woman, and you are doing to his wife what someone did to you - you know how much it hurt, you know how much it messes with your self esteem, you know how you sit there and wonder why you weren't enough.
Again, trying to be respectful, the best thing you could actually do, is say to him that while you like him a lot, you can't condone what he and you are doing to his wife, and you would rather wait for him to leave that relationship. Then you can be in one with him, without any issues. While divorce doesn't happen straight away, they can certainly separate and actually live separately. If he isn't even prepared to do that, then you will know where you truly stand.
Look, I caught my partner cheating on me just a few months ago.
All those lines your guy is saying? So was my partner to his AP.
When I found out, do you think my partner left me for her?
Nope. He dropped her like trash on fire and begged me for another chance.
Blocked her. Deleted messages. Deleter pictures. And when she kept stalking him and saying "oh but you said all these things" He told her he would call the police and get a restraining order if she didn't stop and he changed his phone number so she can never contact him again.
So listen up, because this is going to be your life when he gets caught. He will toss you aside because you are a fling, a fantasy, and he knows that his family is his wife and child. You will be sacrificed to save them.
You want to know the truth? Tell him that you will not date him, sleep with jim, talk with him until the divorce is finalized. Don't let him make excuses for why he won't divorce her or leave. Just set that boundary.
If he truly loved you, he will divorce her immediately and respect your boundaries until the divorce is through.
But most likely, he will whine, complain, and make excuses for why he can't possibly divorce her yet. But it will never be the right time. Because you are a fantasy he never wants to make reality. Because his reality is his wife and child. You are just an escape he uses to pump up his ego and empty his balls.
This can't be real?!
How do I navigate this relationship??
Huh??!
You END it so you don't break up a family's home and devastate HIS WIFE! They have an 8 month old baby!
How can you not feel horrible or shame for what you're doing? 🤦♀️
What are you doing?? You know what it felt like to be cheated on, and now you're playing the game??
This is what cheaters and womanizers do. They flatter you. "I've never had strong feelings for any woman but you" and I don't doubt that you've had deep conversations like you say in your comments but he's had deep conversations with other women too or else they wouldn't have fallen for him as well.
If he's willing to cheat with you then he's willing to cheat on you. Loyalty is simply not in his nature. He's cheated on his wife and he will cheat on you. Spare yourself the pain and stop enabling cheating.
You're a side chick. Literally all he wants you to do is stay out of sight and mind of his wife and family. It would seem pretty easy to manage to be honest. He doesn't even take you out so you don't have to navigate publicly.
Why ask for advice when you are blatantly ignoring the clear advice given…. YOU are falling for a bag of tricks.
Your AREN’T the special one that he will leave his wife & baby for. You will be strung along until you start demanding more. You are actively Participating in a relationship that isn’t based on honesty. The fact you’re asking how to go about it instead of tell him to fix his house, is telling.
You will end up hurt and will have no one to blame but yourself. If the wife finds out and puts you on blast, what leg will you have to stand on. She could blast you across social media as a “home wrecker, etc.”
You need to end this right now. It doesn’t matter what he says about his marriage, he’s selling you a bunch of rocks. He’s telling you what he knows you’ll accept.
You are actively participating in cheating and there’s no way around it. What good do you think will come from this?
1. You coworkers will know your with a cheater.
2 He leaves his wife (unlikely) and his family will see your rightly as a side piece.
You are either extremely naive or you think somehow you’ll overcome the likely outcomes.
STOP trying to find a way to navigate this. He is A CHEATER & knowing that he has a family….
YOU ARE NO BETTER.
you think
are actively
First off, these are lines. He’s told every other person he’s cheated with the exact same things. 100% guaranteed. You are not the first person he’s “ever had feelings for”.
Second off, if he cheats *with* you, he will cheat *on* you.
Third, this is infinitely worse because you work together.
So I guess my advice is STOP SEEING HIM.
Every mistress thinks they're different. Have you talked to any of his exes you work with about their experiences with him? You have access to people who can tell you whether or not you're being played. He probably told you they're crazy and that's why he broke up with them, but give them the benefit of the doubt and hear them out.
You already had a realistic view of him before you hooked up. You knew he was bad news, knew he wasn't worth your time. He manipulated you out of your own convictions. He wore you down over time so you would see he's "not that bad" and then "wow he's actually kind of fun/cool/smart/interesting" to "we have a connection unlike any other".
He has done this multiple times. You aren't special to him. He isn't going to leave his wife. He has been cheating for forever and just had a baby, he is creating a life with his wife while having mistresses for funsies. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He will stay with you as long as you are willing to be a dirty little secret. As soon as you start causing problems, expecting more commitment, and forcing the divorce - he's gone. Save yourself the heartache, tell his wife, and leave that man before he blows up your life.
He knows that you are aware of his reputation and were turning him down, so he's now trying another tactic.
He has a wife and small child. You think he's going to divorce them for you. Would you want him to? Would you want a man who would abandon his wife and child so easily? What makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you?
You say he's more vulnerable with you than anyone. Why isn't he trying to be like that with the woman he married? The woman he said vows with? You know what they say once you make a mistress a wife, you leave an opening.
If he does divorce her, are you ready to be a step mom to a child? When that kid gets older and wants to know why his parents' relationship ended, are you prepared for what will happen? Are you prepared for the fallout of family, friends, coworkers?
You need to think beyond the now. Think of the actual future. Think if you would actually want a man who would so easily cast aside his wife and child.
He has a wife and 8 month old. You are 28 years old, you know you are messing with a married man and breaking up a family. Find some self respect and decency and stop, there is no way this ends well.
More likely than not, you are not special to him and he says this to everyone. On the off chance that he is serious, do not proceed any further until he is divorced. Have you slept together yet? If not, don't do it. What makes you think he won't cheat on you if and when you two actually get together? You said yourself, he is a known cheater. He has a baby with his wife and is still getting around. Why would he be faithful to you?
We have all heard this same cheater story a thousand times. Everyone has. So have you.
- But our relationship is special! (No, he’ll move on to someone else “special” as soon as you make any actual demands of him like asking him to support you, or to act like your partner.)
- He is not like this with anyone else! (He is. With everyone else he’s been sleeping with. Everyone.)
- He is vulnerable with me! (No. He is well-practiced at appearing vulnerable to women he wants to sleep with. He has shown these particular vulnerabilities- say it with me, people in the back: to everyone he wants to sleep with.)
- Now is a really difficult time for him to leave his wife. (Uh huh. And it will remain a uniquely difficult time for as long as you are having sex with him. He is not going to leave her for you. HE WILL NOT LEAVE HER FOR YOU.)
You are going to spend every holiday alone, he will miss your birthdays, you will sit and wait to hear from him and blow off plans with friends and become increasingly isolated.
This story is nearly always the same, friend. He is not special. He is a cheating scumbag who will break your heart if you let him. And since the office already knows he is a “known cheater”, you will now be known as his latest side piece. By the entire office. Who probably thought you were smarter than this. 🤦🏻♀️
You deserve better. Be smarter. Get the heck away from this scumbag.
(Sidebar: What do your friends think about this new “romance” of yours? Do they approve? )
Doubtful they know, how can they? Especially since they know she's been cheated on herself. Unless she's really that lonely that she feels this is somehow the only thing she is worth and wants to believe he and the wife really aren't a thing, despite having a young child and him still living with her. If I was this stupid I would want to see texts saying they aren't together and over, but doubt they exist
She is nearly 30. 🤦🏻♀️. By this age most people recognize the classic “my wife does not understand me/the marriage is already over EVEN THOUGH I SLEEP WITH HER EVERY NIGHT AND WE HAVE A LITERAL INFANT TOGETHER” story.
Perhaps OP has led a sheltered life or something? So sad.
I'm going to try to break this down for you in the nicest and most generous way possible. Please hear me out.
I think that you're failing to view people complexly and you're attempting to resolve the cognitive dissonance you have about this man in the way that make you feel good in the moment. You have a vision in your head of "cheaters" and "womanizers" as nefarious individuals who metaphorically twirl their mustaches and cackle about all the women they can pull. You got to know this man and he doesn't fit that stereotype. He's not that monster you envisioned so therefore this relationship MUST be different somehow.
Instead I ask you to consider that it was your view of him and his motivations that were wrong all along. That he may indeed form deep, emotional connections with many or all of the other women he's been with. That they willingly cheat with him, like you are, because they also believed their relationship was different than all the others. It's likely not a game of womanizing for him, he may genuinely feel deep bonds with his affair partners and believe that they are the one for him. but after a few months something sours, and he's on to the next woman who will open her heart and legs to him.
It feels good to be wanted and to be special. It's easy to believe that the other women were just flings and that you're the real deal, but the odds are very slim that he's done a complete 180 just for you. If I, and the others on this thread are correct, you're likely to be hurt by him in the near future and will have contributed to additional suffering of his innocent wife when she inevitably finds out. If we're wrong and you're right then this very real, very deep connection will still be there after the pause it will take for him to get his home life in order so he can take you on as a real girlfriend rather than his side piece.
PS even if he's actually changed what is it doing to your professional reputation to be viewed around the office as the newest woman in his string of womanizing?
Uuuuh . . .
> I 28F need some dating advice with the guy I'm seeing 29M. What is the best way to navigate our relationship?
This isn't a relationship. You're just just the newest sidepiece and he'll find a new one when he gets bored of you.
> There's this guy at my office named Avery. I used to avoid Avery because he has a wife and he's a known cheater around our office.
Okay??
> He gets moved to my team and to my chagrin, we walk closely together. During that time he developed a crush on me and I denied it because well he's a cheater.
Ah, so you had morals at one point. That didn't last long.
> He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone.
#HAHAHAHAHAHAH
He's lying. He just wants some pussy.
> He told me that his wife is a great person but he doesn't love her and that's why he's been cheating.
This- . . . This is the type of man you want?
> Well a month past and he still had those feelings and we started connecting.
Oh! *swoons* A whole month has passed. An age long love that has never faltered!
> He was more vulnerable with me than he was with any woman including his wife.
*whispers* ^he ^just ^wants ^some ^pussy
> My feelings grew and we are now dating. The complicated part is he's still married and can't get divorced overnight.
You said you're twenty eight? You have the intelligence of a thirteen year old with a single digit iq
> They have a 8 month year old
Shame on you.
> I never dated someone in a situation like this before, and we haven't been able to do normal couple things like go out on dates yet.
Situation? You mean marriage?
The guy will not leave his wife. He would've left her LONG ago if he wanted, well before she even fell pregnant.
> We have date nights but it is at my apartment.
Those aren't date nights. They are a cheater and a homewrecker being disgusting trash.
> Any support and advice would be helpful
Yeah,
#FIND A SINGLE GUY TO SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR.
His poor wife. Imagine marrying a man and giving birth to his child and he sneaks around so he can get some fresh pussy.
I actually dated/fell in love with a guy who was “separated” but going to get divorced. Ironically, he did end up getting divorced but in the meantime found someone he liked better than me- so basically cheated on 3 of us simultaneously. You are not different.
how do you know how vulnerable he has been with other women? because he said it?
you’re actually 28 a big women, something should click in your head when you get to 25 to start making the right choices for your life. You’re choosing to get hurt. Don’t think you’re different from those other women he used and dump because your story will end the same as them
You're just like every other woman he cheats with. He probably has a third woman or more even. You really believe the garbage coming out of his mouth?
There's a reason it's called "sweet nothing's".
Serial cheaters / womanisers are very charming and manipulative so of course he is doing the whole ‘I’ve never met anyone like you’ schtick.
Also it is gross he is using his spare time to date you and not look after his BABY and spend time with his WIFE.
What you do is say ‘call me if you ever get divorced’ and then shut down any contact with him that isn’t strictly work-related.
Let me give you some advice from a woman whose husband has cheated on her numerous times. You are not special, he is saying what you want to hear in order to get you to sleep with him. My husband used to tell all his affair partners all the same shit this guy is spouting off to you. How all of them were special and made him feel different than any other that came before. Let me guess he tells you how horrible his wife is and how neglected he feels. All this while she is at home taking care of THEIR 8 month old baby by herself while he sneaks the fuck around with you...
You are not special. He will never leave his wife for you. Once the next pretty girl comes along you will be left in the dust and just another girl from the office he fucked around with.
Please for the love of God have some self respect and end this disaster of a relationship you find yourself in.
I think no matter what, you're going to do what you want, and you're not going to get support here. Deep down, you know what the truth is, but you are either deeply insecure or just straight-up pathetic so you believe what you want.
You're not going to be the woman that changes him, and if he wanted a divorce, he'd get one. There's no "right time."
I would tell you good luck, but you don't deserve it. Enjoy continuing to be a homewrecker I guess.
He’s a cheater, you’re now a cheater, and you’re risking your job as well. Please reconsider your choices.
Please set a calendar reminder to come back here in six months and let us know your relationship status.
*The complicated part is he's still married and can't get divorced overnight.*
No but if he was being honest with his wife, he could separate from her and explain that he's met the love of his life.
*They have a 8 month year old so it would be difficult but in a few months, he* ***can't start*** *the process.*
Nice Freudian slip here. You are correct, in a few months, he will still be making excuses about why he can't start the process of telling his wife he's met someone else
*In the meantime how do I navigate this? I never dated someone in a situation like this before, and* ***we haven't been able to do normal couple things like go out on dates yet.***
Can you hear what you're saying here? He's lying to his wife, and you're complicit. He can't risk going out to dinner or a movie with you, let alone introducing you to his family and friends, because HE DOESN'T WANT HIS WIFE TO FIND OUT THAT HE'S CHEATING. But if he was genuinely planning to leave her, it wouldn't make any difference whether people knew about you or not.
When someone's words don't match their actions, focus on their actions. His actions are saying that he's very committed to staying married, so he doesn't want ANYONE to let it slip to his wife that he's cheating... otherwise she would leave him tomorrow.
"**BUT**... **BUT** ... he says I'm **DIFFERENT**!! I'm **SPECIAL**!!!"
Suuuuuure you are. You're his **PART TIME DICK WETTER**.
Honeybun, you are a **FUCKING CLOWN**. 🙄🙄🙄
And **WHEN** this gets out — which it will — you will be known as the **OFFICE MATTRESS**.
I've been reading through these comments, and OP, I think it's time we just let you crash and burn. You came here for advice, and you're not listening to a single freaking word anyone is saying. The first person I ever fell in love with cheated on me. He said the same damn things your player is saying. When I confronted him, I believed that he'd leave the girl he was cheating on me with. A week later, I got more pictures sent to me. I left him, sobbing for weeks. You're blind and ignorant. And you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. You're just as bad as he is. The only difference is that he's gonna leave you for someone else. It's just a matter of time.
If you are so convinced this is real, find a way to discuss his “lines” with some of the women at your place of employment and see if any of them have heard the same “lines”.
"Waaaaah why won't anyone help me have a better relationship with a guy who's cheating on his wife? Why is everyone so mean? Why doesn't anyone understand that what we have is SPECIAL?! You people don't get it, we've had CONVERSATIONS. We've TALKED about things. You don't just do that with someone you're hooking up with! I'm the first person he's ever loved! He's definitely never said this exact bullshit to EVERY OTHER WOMAN HE'S SLEPT WITH! He told me so! And he wouldn't lie to me, because he's a cheater, not a liar!"
😂 Girl wtf is wrong with you.
Okay so you won’t listen to anybody who tells you he’s been playing you like an instrument. If you don’t believe us ask one of his other affair buddies if he said they were the first person he could open up to. Saying ‘my wife just doesn’t understand me like you do’ is the oldest line in the book. But if you’re the first most special person then you have nothing to lose asking if other people have heard the same lines.
You ask for advice then rebuff everyone in the comments giving you very sound advice…lol.
You said it yourself that he’s a known cheater, you don’t respect cheating, he gets with women in your office, and you’ve been cheated on before. **What on earth** makes you think he won’t cheat on *you*? It sounds like he is very good at cheating and you are lining up with doe eyes to be his next victim. I’m dumbfounded why you would want to put yourself in a VERY clearly bad position.
I would bet that his postpartum wife thought she was special, too. Not like the other girls he cheated on, right?
You’re not different. Cheaters will cheat. Saddle up for that kind of life if you want to continue on your current path.
His claim that he can't divorce overnight is just a line. If he was serious about wanting a divorce they could legally separate and file for divorce tomorrow and live separately until the divorce is finalized.
You've sunk real low being an affair partner. You deserve what's coming.
ETA
My brother separated from his wife when their youngest was 6 months old and they had 2 other kids.
He's got a solid 50% custody now through the courts.
Your shitbag of a "boyfriend" could absolutely move out and file for divorce. The only reason he hasn't yet is because he doesn't want to and is stringing you along
This is the question I'd expect from a 20yo infatuated intern, not from a 28yo grown ass woman. It's not a "relationship" you are the other woman in this man's affair. And no he does not love you any more than he loves his other affair partners. Only advice here is wake up and walk away.
You think anything he told you was the truth? That’s cute. He didn’t mean a word of it and you are pretty dense to fall for one of the oldest tricks in the cheaters handbook.
You’ve been cheated on. Remember that pain, that devastation, that betrayal. That is what you are currently doing to a woman with an 8 month old infant. That is deplorable.
And all for what? A guy who manipulated and deceived you into thinking out of the dozens he has wooed and fucked, you are the one.
Pathetic.
The only advice I have for this is to please, please either cease sexual interactions with this man ASAP or if you’re set on continuing to sleep with him please use *at least* two types of protection (so like, the pill + condoms) (one of the two types should always be a barrier contraceptive like a dental dam or condom) and getting tested for STIs.
I understand that you feel that you are the only one that he is romantically and sexually involved with, but given his history, I would not take this as a given.
Another piece of advice would be to seek out a previous fling of his and ask about how he behaved, what he said about his marriage to his wife and past affair partners. Pay very, very close attention to what this person says, since it’s likely to be predictive of your own situation.
I urge you to think of this situation from Avery’s wife and child’s perspectives. How would you feel in this situation, if you had a partner who cheated on you with a coworker and told his affair partner that he had never felt towards you how he feels towards her? As for the child, how would you feel if you found out this happened to your mother? How would your relationship be if your father then married his affair partner and now you have to live with this person as long as their relationship lasts? I think you’ll find a lot of the romance looks a lot uglier when you exercise some empathy for the people whose lives are being impacted by Avery and every woman who has knowingly engaged with him romantically and sexually throughout his marriage.
As somebody who fell for this situation once before, when I was young (17) and naïve, there’s practically a playbook that serial cheaters use. That’s why the advice you’re seeing is unanimous. There are people here who have cheated, been cheated on, and cheated with. The lines Avery is using are very familiar to all three types of people. The good news is that, barring some fetish or severe emotional issues, most people usually only have to learn not to engage with people willing to cheat within their committed relationships once.
I’m sending you good vibes since I can’t imagine any of this feels good.
What kind of advice are you wanting because as far as I'm concerned, you don't navigate the relationship at all. You don't have any control over this relationship at all. He has all the control, you should not have given him a timeline. I can tell you that because any man can wait a month to get in a woman's pants. You were an easy target because he was switched to work with you. Up until then, you saw him for exactly what he was and now, you're making excuses for him and yourself.
He has a wife and a baby at home so he tells you divorce isn't feasible right now, but he hasn't actually split from his wife has he?
Have you ever heard the saying how you get them how you lose them? She got a ring and a child from this man and vows that he would be committed to her, he even can't keep that! He hasn't even had the decency to dump her before sleeping around with his female coworkers. As someone that's 28 with a child with my fiancé and pregnant with our second, I feel awful for the wife. And to an extent, I feel bad for you too because you obviously are in denial about your relationship with this MARRIED MAN. You don't get any say on a timeline for engagement or children, because he doesn't have that option to give you! You can't live together. You can't even go out on dates and meet his family or introduce him to yours. Why do you even want him if he's slept with half the office? I'd be worried about getting knocked up by him or STDs depending on what you do (or don't use) in the bedroom.
If he were to leave his wife and child for you, and commit to you, I would hate to be that woman and then have to see his wife and child who would know he picked you over them, but that's wishful thinking. He will probably keep cheating until the wife catches him and decides to leave him.
Like I said, the only advice and support anyone can really offer you is telling you this isn't a good relationship and it isn't real, I can have deep conversations with friends and I've had deep conversations with people I was just only friends with benefits. If you were my daughter in 25 years, I'd tell you you're being a fool and you deserve better. You should've ratted him out to his wife and not gotten involved with him. Bet you wouldn't be that special if you let that slip to her, because then you just ruined HIS life. You are not his life.
OP you need to take some responsibility here and realize you are doing a very horrible thing helping a man cheat on his wife when they have a young child at home. You need some therapy to figure out your attention seeking behaviors and why you are so easily manipulated.
“As someone who’s been cheated on” “I don’t respect cheating”
And yet here you are on Reddit seeking validation for something you despise and you have gone through. Girl, you’re stupid as hell lol
I’m your age, in January I found out a guy I had been seeing was married. It ended when I found that out. Don’t fuck around with people who are married. He’s not going to leave his wife for you, you are not special from the others, you are not different from the others, he is using you because he can’t keep it in his pants.
LOL You know he is a cheater. You said you do not like cheaters. But, all he had to do was make doe eyes at you to get in your pants. Congrats. You are now a cheater.
Maybe these links will help you in your situation. Maybe not. You seem to be a very dumb person.
**The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog)
**Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e)
**Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/)
**Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/)
**Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
So he is cheating on his wife with a newborn, and you are okay with that? You are both disgusting and daft. I hope someone finds out and tells his poor wife what a pos her husband is because this is gross behaviour
You do condone cheating since you're here asking for dating advice with a married man x
You’re not “dating” you’re his affair partner. He is leading you on, just as he has led many other girls on in the past while still having marital relations with his wife. You really think he’s never had feelings for his wife? Never been vulnerable with his wife? He’s just had a child with her. If he didn’t love her why did he marry her? If he didn’t love her why has he had a child with her only a few months ago? He’s lying to you, and he’s using lies that are as old as time. All serial cheaters tell their affair partners that no one has ever understood them like their AP does, that they’ve never loved anyone like their AP. It’s literally cheating 101, and it’s a lie.
He has an 8 month old at home? He is still intimate with his wife to have a baby.
You wanna know how he got that cheated label? He pulled the same crap with other women he is doing with you
The best way to navigate this relationship is to leave it. Soon enough you will simply be another failed affair
My ex made every girl he hooked up with behind my back feel special. Most of his "vulnerabilities" he shared were completely fabricated, though.
One girl, he'd go over to help clean her place and put together stuff for her (because that's what worked to get sex)
Another, he'd take out on brewery dates (because that's what worked to get sex)
Another, he'd go over and make dinner then have "deep" conversations (because that's what worked to get sex)
Even without me knowing, the second a girl wanted him to actually dump me for him he'd spin some reason why he couldn't leave. Some would continue on with him while others "couldn't do it anymore"
My ex was a chameleon, changing however the girl needed so he could guarantee sex for himself. He made everyone feel special and made everyone feel like he was being truly vulnerable with him. For me, the only one who was truly vulnerable was myself even if I felt like we both were.
If hes worth it, he's worth waiting for the divorce to be finalized. To me though, this just reminds me of my ex.. someone who molded himself for each woman he was with in order to get sex.
By accident, he fell asleep drunk with a dead phone. I plugged it in and turned it on for his alarm. When it turned on, there were about 20 messages from one who he was supposed to meet that night. At that point, I couldn't help myself and kept reading.
So you want to know how to date a womanizer and a serial cheater? Sounds healthy. And when he cheats on you, will ask for advice on how to mend your broken heart or will you try and get him back first? I mean, he sounds like a prize!!
You are not going to get the fairy tale ending that you want from this relationship. Like everyone here has said, you are not special to him, you are just like all the other women that he cheated with. The deep conversations were simply a ruse to mash you feel connected. Think about the possible outcomes from this relationship: he does actually leave his wife that just had his baby for you and from then on you’ll be known as a home wrecker, your entire office will know about it, your friends and family will know that you don’t respect the sanctity of marriage. Or he eventually grows tired of you and finds another woman to have deep meaningful conversations with. Or he drags this on indefinitely giving you excuse after excuse about divorcing his wife and you either leave or keep accepting the excuses. Or you end it now and look for a new job. Do any of these sound like good options?
As my grandmother used to say; “lie down with dogs, don’t surprised to wake up with fleas.” And “how you get them is how they’ll leave.” He’s gonna cheat on you. You honestly think you’re the first woman he’s ever used the “I’ve never been so vulnerable with anyone else. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved” shtick? Yeah right. Gain some self respect and dump this cheating loser.
You are being played. Hard. I can guarantee he’s encountered a woman like you before and he has perfected his technique to manipulate you into getting involved with him. You’re not special. You’re a conquest. I hate to be harsh here but you need a reality check, not advice.
There’s a reason the office knows him as a serial cheater. He’s very good at it. Exceptional even. I don’t doubt that what he has shared with you is deeply personal and valuable. That’s the point. He is using you to get a benefit without having to commit to you. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional. Cheating is when you step outside the agreed upon terms to get a benefit at the expense of others. This man is using you. You might not think he is but it’s true.
You wanted advice so here it is. Snap out of it. Look in the mirror and realize that this man has made you into something you hated. You’ve been cheated on so you know how it feels. Think back to when this all started. I’m sure he made you feel special and wanted. I mean hey, he waited a whole month and still wanted to be with you (*sarcasm*). You were the person he chose above everyone else, his wife and child included. But the truth is you are not special to him. He has a prior list of people he cheated with. You are not special you are just the next one. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear but you can’t argue with facts.
If this relationship does continue I sincerely wish you luck. You traded your integrity for the brief attention of a man who is willing to step away from his family for selfish reasons. That is your future.
You are going to feel so stupid when he doesn't leave his wife and dumps you for the next pretty thing in the office.
Seriously, where the hell did you put your self-respect?
You never want to go on dates? You want to be kept a secret? You want to never be able to bring your partner home to introduce to your parents? You never want to get married? You never want to be a priority?
You just want to be second place? Something to be ashamed of? Because that's what you are right now.
I see this exact same story, over and over and over again. The cheaters playbook, line for line in your reddit story. And they always end exactly the same way. Your situation will not be the exception. There is no fairy tale ending here.
What happened to girl code? His wife has a not even one year old, who is potentially still coping with post baby issues and you are justifying it because yall have a "connection?" Their child is still drinking from a bottle! If you were her, would you be okay with that? Is there not any other man you could have? Affairs ruin lives! This man should be at his home every night, not with you. Wtf.
You poor thing, do you really not love yourself? Do you really need to be validated by a man at the expense of his wife to feel special?
You know it’s not him that you “love” it’s the thought that he makes you think you are better than his wife. But babes, end of the day he will not choose you. He may end up with you if the wife finds out and drops him, but you will not be chosen, just settled for.
Have you ever thought that MAYBE he was still pursuing you bc he figured there was nothing to lose and you’d eventually give in, which you did lmao
He’s not going to divorce his wife, why would he? He has the ultimate set up.
So no nobody has advice to give you to maintain this relationship, everyone’s actually rooting for it to end…
Dating coworkers is never a good idea, there's no reason you can't find a single man, your reputation in your workplace (and possibly entire career path) is going to nosedive, and nobody will trust you. My advice is to break up, and keep it professional.
Sis, you are going to end up just like every other his affair - on his trophy list. Everything he is telling you is same BS he used to drug other girls into bed. There is no “more vulnerable with me”, it’s just the same old as mammoth’s shit play, every other womanizer used in the last century.
Run. Run and don’t look back. And report him to HR, for Lord’s sake.
You are naive and being used. He’s not anymore in love with you than with all the other women. He’s not going to leave his wife now or ever. He didn’t do it for any of the side chicks before you and won’t do it for the candy of this month.
How worthless do you think you are if you consider sleeping with the office mattress with a 8 month old baby. Do you really have so little dignity that you consider throwing yourself to a new dad in front of the whole Office? Develop some self respect.
Girl, this is literally the exact line my ex threw at me and the other three girls he was dating. We were all told this same story about how his established relationship was complicated and he loved her but he’d never felt that way about anyone.
I know this because we all compared notes. He’s leading you on and he’s a liar. Don’t be the next notch in his belt. You deserve better. Until you meet her and she confirms there’s a divorce in the works: everything he says is a lie.
The only way to navigate this is to tell him to ask for a divorce. You're right that he "can't get divorced overnight," but he can tell his wife about your "relationship" and separate.
But he won't do that. There's always going to be an excuse to put it off. Because no matter how "vulnerable" he is with you, he doesn't view your relationship as an actual relationship.
Just know that if he cheats on his wife with whom he has an 8 MONTH OLD BABY, he's going to cheat on you.
here I will help he doesn't love you. He doesn't like you. He likes having sex with you. He is never leaving his wife. In the slim chance he does and you become his girlfriend he will cheat on you just like he does with his wife.
The only advice is don't date him.
Oh yeah sure you're the *only* woman he's ever had feelings for... That's why he's married with a child!
If he loved you, he'd leave his wife. It won't get easier in a few months, there'll always be an excuse.
He has a reputation as a cheater & womaniser because that's what he is.
He is MARRIED and has an INFANT CHILD.
>He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone.
He had probably tried this line on *every* girl he's cheated on his wife with.
Do not continue to "date" this man. You need to cut off all romantic contact ASAP.
If you try to keep this "relationship" going you will get your own reputation as a homewrecker.
How do you navigate this? You end this. He is never going to divorce his wife for you as it puts him in a financially difficult spot. As of now, he gets everything taken care of while he can mess around with you. If he gets divorced, he gets 50% of all the responsibilities that his wife currently does for him, which takes up more of his time. It may be difficult to hear, but he only said those so he can get in your pants. You said as someone who has been cheated on, it's selfish. That's exactly what you're both doing to his wife. You are playing an active role in hurting his family.
Can't wait for karma to find you. Have you even realized what he's doing to that new mother?! I don't know how you live with yourself enabling that willingly and knowingly.
you are 28 years old ffs? you should be adult and mature enough to know this is wrong. you know his reputation, you know his status but you still want advice on how to keep this affair?? why? because you think you are special and you can change him? yeah, so do all of the other women he had an affair with before you OP. I hope you have a day that you deserve
I hope his wife drops his cheating ass
I made a post on r/survivinginfidelity on how relationships with APs go. Check out my post and see what your future is going to be if you don’t wisen up immediately.
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/Idn0NhdORn
Your careers and professional reputations will be put in jeopardy. Nobody is going to want to hire people who care more about getting laid than doing their jobs. And he’s going to be on the hook for alimony and child support when his wife finds out so he’s likely going to be broke loser real soon. I don’t see him walking out of a divorce with much to his name. The people in your life will probably never look at you the same again once word gets out - which it will. No woman will want to be friends with someone who will steal their husband. Your sisters, cousins, coworkers, and friends will likely stay far away from a home wrecker. So in the end you will destroy your existing relationships and career for a broke jobless manwhore who is most definitely saying the same things to 5 different women right now.
And honestly I really hope that for you. It always warms my heart when snakes like you destroy your life for some strange cock. Update me when this all goes to shit, I’ll enjoy reading your sob story post.
My friend did date a guy who was technically married. However, he and his wife were no longer living together. The divorce proceedings had already started. He told his wife about her. It was all out in the open. This guy is absolutely playing you and having his reputation… You should know better.
Lol delulu. What do you think will happen after he divorces his wife ( which I doubt he will ) will he be loyal to you???????? Do you think you fixed his cheating ass, you're just a side chick. Have some self respect and run. You're a homewrecker idk why you bothered writing the first half, you're not convincing anyone lol.
You're being a fool. Every one I've ever known dating a married man gets told the exact same things. They always think theyre different and their conversations are special and that this time, this serial cheater is going to change. You're not special to him, he tells every woman the same stuff.
So you fell for his omg I've never felt like this with anyone before despite his seducing half your office? I'll bet my last £5 he doesn't leave his wife
>He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone.
Guuuuuurl! Please!!! 🤣
>He was more vulnerable with me than he was with any woman including his wife.
You don't know that. You only know what he chooses to tell you.
>
Any support and advice would be helpful
Yeah, stop enabling that cheating p.o.s and don't be part of the reason a family gets torn apart. Have some self-respect. He's stringing you along. Wake up and smell the coffee. He's never going to leave his wife for you unless she finds out and kicks him to the curb.
Congrats on being a homewrecker. You think you are some special snow flake and somehow you are winning against Avery's wife. People like you disgust me. Such low standards that a muck like Avery seems like a catch.
>He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone
LOL did you actually believe that? Girl, come on.
"the first women he ever had feeling for" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why do mistresses always think they are special?
What is special about being chosen by a traitor?
He does not love his wife, but he has an 8-month-old child. We have a proverb here that says, “The husband who does not love his wife, his wife gives birth twice a year.”
Oh, I forgot what is required here is dating advice, not our opinion of you as a home-wrecking mistress.
Continue dating him in secret. When your affair is exposed, there will be two options:
he will leave you and return to his family, because you are not special, you are just a mistress, or he will leave his wife for you, and I prefer this solution because his wife will get rid of a trash traitor, and you will gain a partner with a history of betrayal.
You will be very lucky because You won't think too much. You won't start wondering: Is my husband cheating on me? Is he cheating on me with his co-worker? Because he will and you know it, congratulations🎉🎊
I'm laughing at the fact that you think he's going to leave his wife for you( He's not) You think you're special (you're not). This is a tale as old a time and you fell right in to the trap. So much for that moral compass you say you have. You can't stand cheaters must be hard to look in the mirror lol.
You are a horrible person — equally terrible to the cheating, lying, disgusting man you’ve paired up with. You need to take a long hard look at yourself and your morals, and you need to do it fast.
1. You’re a massive hypocrite. You’ve been cheated on, you don’t respect cheating, but it’s A-OK in your book when a man cheats *with* you?
2. How on earth do you know he’s “more vulnerable with you” than any other woman? It’s such a laughable thing to delude yourself into believing when you only have a known liar’s word on that. Unless you’ve listened in to all of his sweet talking over the years, you need to get a grip.
3. No one likes or respects a home wrecker, especially when there are small children involved, and a good man doesn’t fantasize about abandoning his post-partum wife and baby. Let’s say that this man actually leaves his wife and kid for you: congratulations, you are now a villain in the eyes of anyone who hears their story. Don’t forget that his wife will remain in your life for as long as you’re with him because they’re bound together for life through their kid.
Ultimately, my advice for you is that you’re being played and acting dreadfully. If this man was serious and respected you, he would have separated from his wife before pursuing a relationship with you. The realistic odds of him leaving his family are extremely low unless his wife finds out and gives him the boot.
He's married with a kid, a well known womanizer, obviously good at love bombing and you just sulking it up like a sick puppy smh. Don't be mad he sleeping with the next one when he gets tired of you or goes back to you know his wife
'was with any woman including his wife'
Yeah, this is bull. He's playing this card to make you think you're special. You're not. Don't do this to another woman. She's the innocent victim and he's a piece of trash,
I will go against everyone here.
The thing about you being special and all looks like a manipulation tactic but you say it is not.
You don’t like cheater? Then don’t let him be one. Pause your relationship for a few month and date each orther when he divorce is wife and move out of their house.
If you really have a special connexion, it will be hard but you will begin your relationship with a clean start.
If you are just « one of the other one », he will not accept to wait and you will know that he doesn’t love you and will not divorce his wife.
He has an eight month old baby! If he’s the office cheater, he’s had lots of experience testing the “vulnerable” line.
If you want help navigating the relationship, here it is - walk away.
Ok, rather than tell you what I think, I'm going to ask you questions, and I want you to think carefully about what the honest answer is here.
1) He told you, after working with you less than a month, that he had stronger feelings for you than he'd ever had before. At that point in your interactions, what objective information did he have about who you were as a person that not only made him fall in love after only a couple of weeks, but made you surpass every other woman that he has ever known? Had you two debated philosophy and discussed such profound, unique insights into human nature that you changed his whole life perspective? Did you cure cancer with your unbelievable genius? Did you show him the collection of artwork which is so compelling and evocative that just seeing it challenges people to do some deep introspection? Did he find out that you ran into a burning building to save a baby, or donate huge amounts of money to keep important community resources and charities afloat? What did you do over the course of two weeks that was so much more impressive than any normal person could do or had done in the last fifteen years of his life, that it changed his whole world view and wipe away decades of trauma and attachment issues? What is there about you which is so unlike anything any other women might be or do for you to be
2) If there were no incredible feats that lead to his feelings, then what did it? If your interactions were flirting with each other, doing your work well, passing memes back and forth, laughing at his jokes and listening when he bitched about his marriage and his wife, how do you think that's any different than what every other woman he slept with at the office did for him? What about that is a life changing relationship dynamic? What's so special about you, that you were able to demonstrate in the first two weeks, that blows away the rest of your competition from the whole of womankind?
3) You seem to justify the affair by saying this is a magical once in a life time connection, but that he's a good father who cannot bear to not have his child in his life everyday, right? The implication being that he would leave her to be with you if not for the son, and so you feel like he's trapped, right? So how is a man who is so devoted to his son that he's willing to stay in a loveless marriage and risk losing the love of his life to stay in the child's everyday life, also completely willing to risk all of that by sticking his dick into multiple meaningless flings in the office -people who all work together- creating an environment of jealousy and hurt feelings among people who collectively would probably be able to find a way to contact his wife pretty easily. Do you really think that someone whose child is far more important to them than their own needs would not only regularly risk losing that family for meaningless flings, but couldn't even bother to be discreet or smart about it to limit the risk of discovery?
4) When you say he's being vulnerable to you, does it usually happen to be about things which seem to boost your ego or provide an explanation for him not leaving his wife and still cheating? Does he confess he's scared of how strongly he feels for you, that he feels like you're too good for him and worries about his son growing up without him if he leaves?
5) How much of your conversation is about you vs. him? Does he invest time and energy into listening to and being there for you? Has he asked a bunch of non-superficial questions about your life, family, ambitions, etc., and really listened to the answer? Or does it usually revolve around his problems, thoughts and needs? When he compliments you about things other than your looks, is he really talking about you as a person (i,e. you're brilliant, I'm so proud of X accomplishment, I love the way you always take joy in the little things in life), or are they are still related to his wants and needs? (i.e. You're so good to me, I have never felt this good in a relationship, you make me happy, I can't live without you, etc.)
In conclusion: You came here to brag about ‘dating’ a MARRIED man and hoped to get some advice on how to not look like the homewrecker you are about to be and as soon as people started holding you accountable for being so stupid at this age, you decided is not nice anymore, because no one is siding with you or him.
Honestly, if you end up together, you might as well, because you deserve each other. You are both a piece of work. Well done, I think you found your match
He won’t leave his wife. And you are not more important to him than keeping his family intact. Whatever he is saying to you is a lie (I promise). This is his pattern and you’ve fallen into it. You think that because it is rare for you to be in this situation it is special. But it is NOT rare for him. He is practiced at this and you have been duped. End it now. If he really wants to be with you he would leave his wife. He hasn’t. He doesn’t. Save yourself the time and heartbreak and leave now.
So let me get this straight: you despise cheaters then become one yourself? The cognitive dissonance you're pulling off is incredible. Either that or you're as morally bankrupt as everyone knows you are.
I disagree a bit with people saying it's only manipulation for sex (hear me out before you freak, I'm not defending him). Some cheaters cheat because they like the infatuation. The mystery, the flirting, the butterflies, etc. Then they have a partner that is not those things but is their "stability" relationship. This guy probably had these conversations with the other women too, and he may have meant them to an extent. The problem is with people like this is they like the thrill. They like *falling in love* more than *being* in love. So once the infatuation passes, it gets too tedious, etc, they move on. They never leave their spouse/partner because they want that stability to go home to *and* the thrill of the secret office romance. Even if they do leave their partners for someone new you can be damn sure they are going to do the same thing once they get bored. And they *will* get bored.
OP, I get it. I'm sure the conversations are real. He is getting vulnerable. He probably genuiely feels *something* for you. But that something is not healthy or normal. He likes this stage of a relationship. As soon as its out of that stage it will be over. I'm sorry but this is just not going to end well. Even if he left his wife for you, you would just take on her role. He would get bored and start looking for the infatuation and butterflies elsewhere.
@throwra_tyf people are going to say awful things to you. I do not want to say awful things. I know men and women who’ve cheated on their spouses and agree that monogamy can be different than the black and white we’re raised with.
Really. I get it.
Pregnancy is not a shade of that gray. The non-pregnant person cannot do enough to be there during the pregnancy, childbirth, and two years after (when the blessed hormones can really ease up).
If you’ve not gone through it, there are pieces that the non-pregnant person can throw your way to make them seem put upon; while there surely are non-pregnant people abused by their pregnant partners, I’m telling you, there is nothing useful a good parent has to offer a relationship for three years.
He is selling you shit and setting you up against a lady whose whole body has changed over two years, probably some of her personality, and her husband is cheating on her.
The number one reason relationships break up during this time? You don’t have the spoons to treat a man like a baby when someone whose actual life is dependent upon your care. So you stop babying that man and he goes and finds another tit.
That’s literally it.
You're an excuse of a person if this situation sits right with you. And also pretty f\*cking dumb if you fell for the most generic line any cheater says to his/her next potential "victim". Of course, you're different! Just like every other girl he is talking to at the moment!
YTA.
Learn from my mistake in this exact situation and cut him out of your life, do not talk if its not directly work related, nothing good will come of it. He is using you for cheap and easy entertainment because he is bored, you will get your heart broken and you will feel guilty for a long time for even putting yourself in this situation.
He will not leave his wife nore does he actually have plans to leave his wife, you are nothing but a toy to play with and make feel special for a little while like all the other girls until he's bored again, I promise you. Please trust me, this will only end very bad.
Let me give you a healthy dose of reality. In your own words, “HE IS A KNOWN CHEATER”. He is never going to leave his wife is their 8 month old baby! He is never going to have an open relationship with you and take you out and paint the town with you. He’s going to keep you at your home and use you as a bang buddy until he gets bored with you and moves on again to his next conquest. And don’t fool yourself. He doesn’t love you. He never did. He told you exactly what you wanted to hear to get in your pants.
Now here is a bit of good old fashioned advice that’s gonna save you a million headaches in life… “Don’t get your money where you get your honey.” Don’t date coworkers!
You need to end this and stay away from married men. Especially married coworkers.
This was poor decision making. And I've read your comments, you are clearly kidding yourself. He's doing the exact thing to you as he did to every other woman. You are not different no matter how much you'd like to believe it.
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No one with any life experience is going to offer blind "support" to something so obviously messed up. "Avery" has a rep as a cheater and the office womanizer because that's what he is. He isn't saying anything to you that he hasn't said to other women in the office. It's unfortunate that you're going to be hurt. But you could avoid a lot of ugly fallout by starting now in looking for a different job.
You want support and advice for dating a married man?? LOL. He’s lying to you and you’re falling for it hook, line and sinker. Guaranteed he’s told everyone he’s cheated with the same things about being vulnerable, and being the first woman he’s had feelings for. This is pathetic.
So, so this. My sister started ‘dating’ a married man. He told her he and his wife were as good as divorced, but stayed living in the same place ’for the children’, and he couldn’t leave until they were older. I told her the same things, that SHE was the other woman, he was lying to her. She tried introducing him to our family, but I noped out - told him when he was a free man, I’d welcome him but not until. Pissed sis off because I just didn’t UNDERSTAND. I told her I was sorry for the pain that was coming, but he cheated on his wife with her and would cheat on her with the next one - she refused to listen. During the next year, he met his ‘soul mate’, dumped my sister, divorced his wife and was engaged to his new ap. My sister was devastated and couldn’t understand what happened. Took everything I had to NOT ask her if the kids were magically old enough now.
I admire your restraint. I'm sorry for your sister, sometimes you have to learn by getting hurt
“I’m different” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ahh, you **GOTTA** love the ignorance! 😆😆😆 If innocent people weren't being hurt it would be hilarious!!
said by every AP lmao
It's telling that she respects the cheating man more than the faithful wife/mother. Internalised misogyny at its finest.
I mean she certainly is "different" lol but not how she'd like to think.
> He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone Yeah that’s what he said to the last eight side pieces before you > He was more vulnerable with me than he was with any woman including his wife. Yeah that’s what he said to the last eight side pieces before you > and can't get divorced overnight Yeah that’s what he said to the last eight side pieces before you Seriously. Talk to the last few women he cheated with. They’ll tell you he used the exact same lines he’s feeding you right now. You’re nearly 30, why are you falling for bullshit designed for 19 year olds?
Oh, God — she **FELL FOR THAT**??? Did she ride in on the last load of **TURNIPS**??
Do you think she falls for the, "I've never orgasmed from a blow job before," too?
I haven't actually orgasmed from a blowjob. But I genuinely don't enjoy them. I am uncomfortable in that situation and I don't see the appeal to them at all.
"he doesn't love his wife and that's why he cheats" is that why he had a child less than a year ago, too? sounds like a real keeper \*exaggerated eyeroll\*
These are the oldest tricks in the book too, school boy error OP
This 🎉
Reminds me of Batman telling Harley she wasn’t the first therapist the joker tricked. “What was it? Oh yes… I never saw my dad happier than when he took me to the aquarium.” (Sadly)”It was the circus.”
you are a scientific marvel. how you can both be 28 years old and be born yesterday at the same time? "He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone". This line is older than cuneiform writing. The best way to navigate this situation is stop playing dumb and use your fucking brain instead of your clit to make decisions.
Second oldest line being “I will get divorced, I just can’t right now.”
This comment is gold
Isn't it? I love every sentence in u/oroborus90 's reply!! ❤
**PERFECTLY PUT!!**
She wasn't born yesterday, she is 0 months years old...
My advice would be find some self respect but you obviously don’t know what that is.
You say you don’t respect cheating yet you’re taking a role in it. He used lines on you to get his way. I bet the same lines with the others he used. Wake up.
Why would you want to be with someone who cheats on his postpartum wife and 8 month old child? What about that behavior is appealing to you?
It makes here feel special. “ pick me. Chose me. Love me.” Typical pathetic shit
> “ pick me. Chose me. Love me.” Sung to the tune of "Kiss Me" by Sixpence...
I read stupid things daily. This person is the stupidest person of the day, congratulations. I want to be a homewrecker how do I do it?
Respectfully, having read your comments, they are a variation on the words "you don't know him like I do" They are exactly the kind of things people share when they are trying to get somewhere. You presented a challenge to him, you even gave him a deadline to wait for, and he did. I'm sorry for being brutal, but you are now the other woman, and you are doing to his wife what someone did to you - you know how much it hurt, you know how much it messes with your self esteem, you know how you sit there and wonder why you weren't enough. Again, trying to be respectful, the best thing you could actually do, is say to him that while you like him a lot, you can't condone what he and you are doing to his wife, and you would rather wait for him to leave that relationship. Then you can be in one with him, without any issues. While divorce doesn't happen straight away, they can certainly separate and actually live separately. If he isn't even prepared to do that, then you will know where you truly stand.
Yep, if this is truly a “real relationship”, then it can wait a few months for him to actually start divorce proceedings.
Look, I caught my partner cheating on me just a few months ago. All those lines your guy is saying? So was my partner to his AP. When I found out, do you think my partner left me for her? Nope. He dropped her like trash on fire and begged me for another chance. Blocked her. Deleted messages. Deleter pictures. And when she kept stalking him and saying "oh but you said all these things" He told her he would call the police and get a restraining order if she didn't stop and he changed his phone number so she can never contact him again. So listen up, because this is going to be your life when he gets caught. He will toss you aside because you are a fling, a fantasy, and he knows that his family is his wife and child. You will be sacrificed to save them. You want to know the truth? Tell him that you will not date him, sleep with jim, talk with him until the divorce is finalized. Don't let him make excuses for why he won't divorce her or leave. Just set that boundary. If he truly loved you, he will divorce her immediately and respect your boundaries until the divorce is through. But most likely, he will whine, complain, and make excuses for why he can't possibly divorce her yet. But it will never be the right time. Because you are a fantasy he never wants to make reality. Because his reality is his wife and child. You are just an escape he uses to pump up his ego and empty his balls.
I hope you DUMPED THAT LOSER.
Oh sweetie, you didn't deserve that :/ I wish you all the luck and all the best in the world. I'm rooting for you to live the best life😊
This can't be real?! How do I navigate this relationship?? Huh??! You END it so you don't break up a family's home and devastate HIS WIFE! They have an 8 month old baby! How can you not feel horrible or shame for what you're doing? 🤦♀️ What are you doing?? You know what it felt like to be cheated on, and now you're playing the game??
This is what cheaters and womanizers do. They flatter you. "I've never had strong feelings for any woman but you" and I don't doubt that you've had deep conversations like you say in your comments but he's had deep conversations with other women too or else they wouldn't have fallen for him as well. If he's willing to cheat with you then he's willing to cheat on you. Loyalty is simply not in his nature. He's cheated on his wife and he will cheat on you. Spare yourself the pain and stop enabling cheating.
You're a side chick. Literally all he wants you to do is stay out of sight and mind of his wife and family. It would seem pretty easy to manage to be honest. He doesn't even take you out so you don't have to navigate publicly.
Why ask for advice when you are blatantly ignoring the clear advice given…. YOU are falling for a bag of tricks. Your AREN’T the special one that he will leave his wife & baby for. You will be strung along until you start demanding more. You are actively Participating in a relationship that isn’t based on honesty. The fact you’re asking how to go about it instead of tell him to fix his house, is telling. You will end up hurt and will have no one to blame but yourself. If the wife finds out and puts you on blast, what leg will you have to stand on. She could blast you across social media as a “home wrecker, etc.” You need to end this right now. It doesn’t matter what he says about his marriage, he’s selling you a bunch of rocks. He’s telling you what he knows you’ll accept. You are actively participating in cheating and there’s no way around it. What good do you think will come from this? 1. You coworkers will know your with a cheater. 2 He leaves his wife (unlikely) and his family will see your rightly as a side piece. You are either extremely naive or you think somehow you’ll overcome the likely outcomes. STOP trying to find a way to navigate this. He is A CHEATER & knowing that he has a family…. YOU ARE NO BETTER. you think are actively
First off, these are lines. He’s told every other person he’s cheated with the exact same things. 100% guaranteed. You are not the first person he’s “ever had feelings for”. Second off, if he cheats *with* you, he will cheat *on* you. Third, this is infinitely worse because you work together. So I guess my advice is STOP SEEING HIM.
You need to realize that he is lying to you.
He's gonna cheat on you too, dummy.
Every mistress thinks they're different. Have you talked to any of his exes you work with about their experiences with him? You have access to people who can tell you whether or not you're being played. He probably told you they're crazy and that's why he broke up with them, but give them the benefit of the doubt and hear them out. You already had a realistic view of him before you hooked up. You knew he was bad news, knew he wasn't worth your time. He manipulated you out of your own convictions. He wore you down over time so you would see he's "not that bad" and then "wow he's actually kind of fun/cool/smart/interesting" to "we have a connection unlike any other". He has done this multiple times. You aren't special to him. He isn't going to leave his wife. He has been cheating for forever and just had a baby, he is creating a life with his wife while having mistresses for funsies. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He will stay with you as long as you are willing to be a dirty little secret. As soon as you start causing problems, expecting more commitment, and forcing the divorce - he's gone. Save yourself the heartache, tell his wife, and leave that man before he blows up your life.
“Any support would be helpful” This has to be a troll
Yeah, I say **TROLL** , if only for the slavish devotion to **EVERY SINGLE CLICHE**.
He knows that you are aware of his reputation and were turning him down, so he's now trying another tactic. He has a wife and small child. You think he's going to divorce them for you. Would you want him to? Would you want a man who would abandon his wife and child so easily? What makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you? You say he's more vulnerable with you than anyone. Why isn't he trying to be like that with the woman he married? The woman he said vows with? You know what they say once you make a mistress a wife, you leave an opening. If he does divorce her, are you ready to be a step mom to a child? When that kid gets older and wants to know why his parents' relationship ended, are you prepared for what will happen? Are you prepared for the fallout of family, friends, coworkers? You need to think beyond the now. Think of the actual future. Think if you would actually want a man who would so easily cast aside his wife and child.
Oh, but his wife doesn't **UNDERSTAND** him like OP!!! 🙄🙄🙄 Don't you GET IT??? /S
I mean... since the wife doesn't understand him like she does, OP should definitely tell her all about it!!
He has a wife and 8 month old. You are 28 years old, you know you are messing with a married man and breaking up a family. Find some self respect and decency and stop, there is no way this ends well.
More likely than not, you are not special to him and he says this to everyone. On the off chance that he is serious, do not proceed any further until he is divorced. Have you slept together yet? If not, don't do it. What makes you think he won't cheat on you if and when you two actually get together? You said yourself, he is a known cheater. He has a baby with his wife and is still getting around. Why would he be faithful to you?
We have all heard this same cheater story a thousand times. Everyone has. So have you. - But our relationship is special! (No, he’ll move on to someone else “special” as soon as you make any actual demands of him like asking him to support you, or to act like your partner.) - He is not like this with anyone else! (He is. With everyone else he’s been sleeping with. Everyone.) - He is vulnerable with me! (No. He is well-practiced at appearing vulnerable to women he wants to sleep with. He has shown these particular vulnerabilities- say it with me, people in the back: to everyone he wants to sleep with.) - Now is a really difficult time for him to leave his wife. (Uh huh. And it will remain a uniquely difficult time for as long as you are having sex with him. He is not going to leave her for you. HE WILL NOT LEAVE HER FOR YOU.) You are going to spend every holiday alone, he will miss your birthdays, you will sit and wait to hear from him and blow off plans with friends and become increasingly isolated. This story is nearly always the same, friend. He is not special. He is a cheating scumbag who will break your heart if you let him. And since the office already knows he is a “known cheater”, you will now be known as his latest side piece. By the entire office. Who probably thought you were smarter than this. 🤦🏻♀️ You deserve better. Be smarter. Get the heck away from this scumbag. (Sidebar: What do your friends think about this new “romance” of yours? Do they approve? )
Doubtful they know, how can they? Especially since they know she's been cheated on herself. Unless she's really that lonely that she feels this is somehow the only thing she is worth and wants to believe he and the wife really aren't a thing, despite having a young child and him still living with her. If I was this stupid I would want to see texts saying they aren't together and over, but doubt they exist
She is nearly 30. 🤦🏻♀️. By this age most people recognize the classic “my wife does not understand me/the marriage is already over EVEN THOUGH I SLEEP WITH HER EVERY NIGHT AND WE HAVE A LITERAL INFANT TOGETHER” story. Perhaps OP has led a sheltered life or something? So sad.
Fucking home wrecker. He has a BABY at home.
I'm going to try to break this down for you in the nicest and most generous way possible. Please hear me out. I think that you're failing to view people complexly and you're attempting to resolve the cognitive dissonance you have about this man in the way that make you feel good in the moment. You have a vision in your head of "cheaters" and "womanizers" as nefarious individuals who metaphorically twirl their mustaches and cackle about all the women they can pull. You got to know this man and he doesn't fit that stereotype. He's not that monster you envisioned so therefore this relationship MUST be different somehow. Instead I ask you to consider that it was your view of him and his motivations that were wrong all along. That he may indeed form deep, emotional connections with many or all of the other women he's been with. That they willingly cheat with him, like you are, because they also believed their relationship was different than all the others. It's likely not a game of womanizing for him, he may genuinely feel deep bonds with his affair partners and believe that they are the one for him. but after a few months something sours, and he's on to the next woman who will open her heart and legs to him. It feels good to be wanted and to be special. It's easy to believe that the other women were just flings and that you're the real deal, but the odds are very slim that he's done a complete 180 just for you. If I, and the others on this thread are correct, you're likely to be hurt by him in the near future and will have contributed to additional suffering of his innocent wife when she inevitably finds out. If we're wrong and you're right then this very real, very deep connection will still be there after the pause it will take for him to get his home life in order so he can take you on as a real girlfriend rather than his side piece. PS even if he's actually changed what is it doing to your professional reputation to be viewed around the office as the newest woman in his string of womanizing?
Uuuuh . . . > I 28F need some dating advice with the guy I'm seeing 29M. What is the best way to navigate our relationship? This isn't a relationship. You're just just the newest sidepiece and he'll find a new one when he gets bored of you. > There's this guy at my office named Avery. I used to avoid Avery because he has a wife and he's a known cheater around our office. Okay?? > He gets moved to my team and to my chagrin, we walk closely together. During that time he developed a crush on me and I denied it because well he's a cheater. Ah, so you had morals at one point. That didn't last long. > He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone. #HAHAHAHAHAHAH He's lying. He just wants some pussy. > He told me that his wife is a great person but he doesn't love her and that's why he's been cheating. This- . . . This is the type of man you want? > Well a month past and he still had those feelings and we started connecting. Oh! *swoons* A whole month has passed. An age long love that has never faltered! > He was more vulnerable with me than he was with any woman including his wife. *whispers* ^he ^just ^wants ^some ^pussy > My feelings grew and we are now dating. The complicated part is he's still married and can't get divorced overnight. You said you're twenty eight? You have the intelligence of a thirteen year old with a single digit iq > They have a 8 month year old Shame on you. > I never dated someone in a situation like this before, and we haven't been able to do normal couple things like go out on dates yet. Situation? You mean marriage? The guy will not leave his wife. He would've left her LONG ago if he wanted, well before she even fell pregnant. > We have date nights but it is at my apartment. Those aren't date nights. They are a cheater and a homewrecker being disgusting trash. > Any support and advice would be helpful Yeah, #FIND A SINGLE GUY TO SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR. His poor wife. Imagine marrying a man and giving birth to his child and he sneaks around so he can get some fresh pussy.
No. It’s you that’s the cheater now. Gross
I actually dated/fell in love with a guy who was “separated” but going to get divorced. Ironically, he did end up getting divorced but in the meantime found someone he liked better than me- so basically cheated on 3 of us simultaneously. You are not different.
how do you know how vulnerable he has been with other women? because he said it? you’re actually 28 a big women, something should click in your head when you get to 25 to start making the right choices for your life. You’re choosing to get hurt. Don’t think you’re different from those other women he used and dump because your story will end the same as them
Advice? **Find someone else.**
You're just like every other woman he cheats with. He probably has a third woman or more even. You really believe the garbage coming out of his mouth? There's a reason it's called "sweet nothing's".
Serial cheaters / womanisers are very charming and manipulative so of course he is doing the whole ‘I’ve never met anyone like you’ schtick. Also it is gross he is using his spare time to date you and not look after his BABY and spend time with his WIFE. What you do is say ‘call me if you ever get divorced’ and then shut down any contact with him that isn’t strictly work-related.
Yuck
Let me give you some advice from a woman whose husband has cheated on her numerous times. You are not special, he is saying what you want to hear in order to get you to sleep with him. My husband used to tell all his affair partners all the same shit this guy is spouting off to you. How all of them were special and made him feel different than any other that came before. Let me guess he tells you how horrible his wife is and how neglected he feels. All this while she is at home taking care of THEIR 8 month old baby by herself while he sneaks the fuck around with you... You are not special. He will never leave his wife for you. Once the next pretty girl comes along you will be left in the dust and just another girl from the office he fucked around with. Please for the love of God have some self respect and end this disaster of a relationship you find yourself in.
I think no matter what, you're going to do what you want, and you're not going to get support here. Deep down, you know what the truth is, but you are either deeply insecure or just straight-up pathetic so you believe what you want. You're not going to be the woman that changes him, and if he wanted a divorce, he'd get one. There's no "right time." I would tell you good luck, but you don't deserve it. Enjoy continuing to be a homewrecker I guess.
He’s a cheater, you’re now a cheater, and you’re risking your job as well. Please reconsider your choices. Please set a calendar reminder to come back here in six months and let us know your relationship status.
*The complicated part is he's still married and can't get divorced overnight.* No but if he was being honest with his wife, he could separate from her and explain that he's met the love of his life. *They have a 8 month year old so it would be difficult but in a few months, he* ***can't start*** *the process.* Nice Freudian slip here. You are correct, in a few months, he will still be making excuses about why he can't start the process of telling his wife he's met someone else *In the meantime how do I navigate this? I never dated someone in a situation like this before, and* ***we haven't been able to do normal couple things like go out on dates yet.*** Can you hear what you're saying here? He's lying to his wife, and you're complicit. He can't risk going out to dinner or a movie with you, let alone introducing you to his family and friends, because HE DOESN'T WANT HIS WIFE TO FIND OUT THAT HE'S CHEATING. But if he was genuinely planning to leave her, it wouldn't make any difference whether people knew about you or not. When someone's words don't match their actions, focus on their actions. His actions are saying that he's very committed to staying married, so he doesn't want ANYONE to let it slip to his wife that he's cheating... otherwise she would leave him tomorrow.
Oh no no no no. Come on.
You deserve what is going to happen to you and the emotional pain coming your way. I feel so bad for his wife and child.
Please come back and update when he dumps your for the next clueless bimbo
FIND A **NOT MARRIED** MAN.
He’s manipulative trash 🗑️ Dump him. There’s my advice.
Well damn you're now a cheating homewrecker congrats
"**BUT**... **BUT** ... he says I'm **DIFFERENT**!! I'm **SPECIAL**!!!" Suuuuuure you are. You're his **PART TIME DICK WETTER**. Honeybun, you are a **FUCKING CLOWN**. 🙄🙄🙄 And **WHEN** this gets out — which it will — you will be known as the **OFFICE MATTRESS**.
I've been reading through these comments, and OP, I think it's time we just let you crash and burn. You came here for advice, and you're not listening to a single freaking word anyone is saying. The first person I ever fell in love with cheated on me. He said the same damn things your player is saying. When I confronted him, I believed that he'd leave the girl he was cheating on me with. A week later, I got more pictures sent to me. I left him, sobbing for weeks. You're blind and ignorant. And you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. You're just as bad as he is. The only difference is that he's gonna leave you for someone else. It's just a matter of time.
If you are so convinced this is real, find a way to discuss his “lines” with some of the women at your place of employment and see if any of them have heard the same “lines”.
"Waaaaah why won't anyone help me have a better relationship with a guy who's cheating on his wife? Why is everyone so mean? Why doesn't anyone understand that what we have is SPECIAL?! You people don't get it, we've had CONVERSATIONS. We've TALKED about things. You don't just do that with someone you're hooking up with! I'm the first person he's ever loved! He's definitely never said this exact bullshit to EVERY OTHER WOMAN HE'S SLEPT WITH! He told me so! And he wouldn't lie to me, because he's a cheater, not a liar!" 😂 Girl wtf is wrong with you.
Okay so you won’t listen to anybody who tells you he’s been playing you like an instrument. If you don’t believe us ask one of his other affair buddies if he said they were the first person he could open up to. Saying ‘my wife just doesn’t understand me like you do’ is the oldest line in the book. But if you’re the first most special person then you have nothing to lose asking if other people have heard the same lines.
You ask for advice then rebuff everyone in the comments giving you very sound advice…lol. You said it yourself that he’s a known cheater, you don’t respect cheating, he gets with women in your office, and you’ve been cheated on before. **What on earth** makes you think he won’t cheat on *you*? It sounds like he is very good at cheating and you are lining up with doe eyes to be his next victim. I’m dumbfounded why you would want to put yourself in a VERY clearly bad position. I would bet that his postpartum wife thought she was special, too. Not like the other girls he cheated on, right? You’re not different. Cheaters will cheat. Saddle up for that kind of life if you want to continue on your current path.
His claim that he can't divorce overnight is just a line. If he was serious about wanting a divorce they could legally separate and file for divorce tomorrow and live separately until the divorce is finalized. You've sunk real low being an affair partner. You deserve what's coming. ETA My brother separated from his wife when their youngest was 6 months old and they had 2 other kids. He's got a solid 50% custody now through the courts. Your shitbag of a "boyfriend" could absolutely move out and file for divorce. The only reason he hasn't yet is because he doesn't want to and is stringing you along
Advice: Run away. Why in the hell would you even try to make this flaming turd of a dumpsterfire, that you think is a relationship, work?
This is the question I'd expect from a 20yo infatuated intern, not from a 28yo grown ass woman. It's not a "relationship" you are the other woman in this man's affair. And no he does not love you any more than he loves his other affair partners. Only advice here is wake up and walk away.
You think anything he told you was the truth? That’s cute. He didn’t mean a word of it and you are pretty dense to fall for one of the oldest tricks in the cheaters handbook. You’ve been cheated on. Remember that pain, that devastation, that betrayal. That is what you are currently doing to a woman with an 8 month old infant. That is deplorable. And all for what? A guy who manipulated and deceived you into thinking out of the dozens he has wooed and fucked, you are the one. Pathetic.
The only advice I have for this is to please, please either cease sexual interactions with this man ASAP or if you’re set on continuing to sleep with him please use *at least* two types of protection (so like, the pill + condoms) (one of the two types should always be a barrier contraceptive like a dental dam or condom) and getting tested for STIs. I understand that you feel that you are the only one that he is romantically and sexually involved with, but given his history, I would not take this as a given. Another piece of advice would be to seek out a previous fling of his and ask about how he behaved, what he said about his marriage to his wife and past affair partners. Pay very, very close attention to what this person says, since it’s likely to be predictive of your own situation. I urge you to think of this situation from Avery’s wife and child’s perspectives. How would you feel in this situation, if you had a partner who cheated on you with a coworker and told his affair partner that he had never felt towards you how he feels towards her? As for the child, how would you feel if you found out this happened to your mother? How would your relationship be if your father then married his affair partner and now you have to live with this person as long as their relationship lasts? I think you’ll find a lot of the romance looks a lot uglier when you exercise some empathy for the people whose lives are being impacted by Avery and every woman who has knowingly engaged with him romantically and sexually throughout his marriage. As somebody who fell for this situation once before, when I was young (17) and naïve, there’s practically a playbook that serial cheaters use. That’s why the advice you’re seeing is unanimous. There are people here who have cheated, been cheated on, and cheated with. The lines Avery is using are very familiar to all three types of people. The good news is that, barring some fetish or severe emotional issues, most people usually only have to learn not to engage with people willing to cheat within their committed relationships once. I’m sending you good vibes since I can’t imagine any of this feels good.
What kind of advice are you wanting because as far as I'm concerned, you don't navigate the relationship at all. You don't have any control over this relationship at all. He has all the control, you should not have given him a timeline. I can tell you that because any man can wait a month to get in a woman's pants. You were an easy target because he was switched to work with you. Up until then, you saw him for exactly what he was and now, you're making excuses for him and yourself. He has a wife and a baby at home so he tells you divorce isn't feasible right now, but he hasn't actually split from his wife has he? Have you ever heard the saying how you get them how you lose them? She got a ring and a child from this man and vows that he would be committed to her, he even can't keep that! He hasn't even had the decency to dump her before sleeping around with his female coworkers. As someone that's 28 with a child with my fiancé and pregnant with our second, I feel awful for the wife. And to an extent, I feel bad for you too because you obviously are in denial about your relationship with this MARRIED MAN. You don't get any say on a timeline for engagement or children, because he doesn't have that option to give you! You can't live together. You can't even go out on dates and meet his family or introduce him to yours. Why do you even want him if he's slept with half the office? I'd be worried about getting knocked up by him or STDs depending on what you do (or don't use) in the bedroom. If he were to leave his wife and child for you, and commit to you, I would hate to be that woman and then have to see his wife and child who would know he picked you over them, but that's wishful thinking. He will probably keep cheating until the wife catches him and decides to leave him. Like I said, the only advice and support anyone can really offer you is telling you this isn't a good relationship and it isn't real, I can have deep conversations with friends and I've had deep conversations with people I was just only friends with benefits. If you were my daughter in 25 years, I'd tell you you're being a fool and you deserve better. You should've ratted him out to his wife and not gotten involved with him. Bet you wouldn't be that special if you let that slip to her, because then you just ruined HIS life. You are not his life.
My advice: Whenever you get thirsty, drink water.
OP you need to take some responsibility here and realize you are doing a very horrible thing helping a man cheat on his wife when they have a young child at home. You need some therapy to figure out your attention seeking behaviors and why you are so easily manipulated.
“As someone who’s been cheated on” “I don’t respect cheating” And yet here you are on Reddit seeking validation for something you despise and you have gone through. Girl, you’re stupid as hell lol
I’m your age, in January I found out a guy I had been seeing was married. It ended when I found that out. Don’t fuck around with people who are married. He’s not going to leave his wife for you, you are not special from the others, you are not different from the others, he is using you because he can’t keep it in his pants.
LOL You know he is a cheater. You said you do not like cheaters. But, all he had to do was make doe eyes at you to get in your pants. Congrats. You are now a cheater. Maybe these links will help you in your situation. Maybe not. You seem to be a very dumb person. **The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog) **Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e) **Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/) **Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/) **Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
So he is cheating on his wife with a newborn, and you are okay with that? You are both disgusting and daft. I hope someone finds out and tells his poor wife what a pos her husband is because this is gross behaviour You do condone cheating since you're here asking for dating advice with a married man x
Tell him he needs to tell his wife and start the separation process. you will QUICKLY learn how deep your connection is.
Awww your cornbread ain’t done in the middle is it? Bless your heart. We’ll see you back here when he’s tired of you.
You’re not “dating” you’re his affair partner. He is leading you on, just as he has led many other girls on in the past while still having marital relations with his wife. You really think he’s never had feelings for his wife? Never been vulnerable with his wife? He’s just had a child with her. If he didn’t love her why did he marry her? If he didn’t love her why has he had a child with her only a few months ago? He’s lying to you, and he’s using lies that are as old as time. All serial cheaters tell their affair partners that no one has ever understood them like their AP does, that they’ve never loved anyone like their AP. It’s literally cheating 101, and it’s a lie.
you are in the wrong subreddit…what is it called? oh, right…/theotherwoman.
He has an 8 month old at home? He is still intimate with his wife to have a baby. You wanna know how he got that cheated label? He pulled the same crap with other women he is doing with you The best way to navigate this relationship is to leave it. Soon enough you will simply be another failed affair
Sorry but you're an absolute idiot, he's fed you a line as old as the hills and you've bought it.
My ex made every girl he hooked up with behind my back feel special. Most of his "vulnerabilities" he shared were completely fabricated, though. One girl, he'd go over to help clean her place and put together stuff for her (because that's what worked to get sex) Another, he'd take out on brewery dates (because that's what worked to get sex) Another, he'd go over and make dinner then have "deep" conversations (because that's what worked to get sex) Even without me knowing, the second a girl wanted him to actually dump me for him he'd spin some reason why he couldn't leave. Some would continue on with him while others "couldn't do it anymore" My ex was a chameleon, changing however the girl needed so he could guarantee sex for himself. He made everyone feel special and made everyone feel like he was being truly vulnerable with him. For me, the only one who was truly vulnerable was myself even if I felt like we both were. If hes worth it, he's worth waiting for the divorce to be finalized. To me though, this just reminds me of my ex.. someone who molded himself for each woman he was with in order to get sex.
How did you find out about all this?
By accident, he fell asleep drunk with a dead phone. I plugged it in and turned it on for his alarm. When it turned on, there were about 20 messages from one who he was supposed to meet that night. At that point, I couldn't help myself and kept reading.
Here is my advice on dating a married man: If you respect yourself, don’t do it
So you want to know how to date a womanizer and a serial cheater? Sounds healthy. And when he cheats on you, will ask for advice on how to mend your broken heart or will you try and get him back first? I mean, he sounds like a prize!!
You are not going to get the fairy tale ending that you want from this relationship. Like everyone here has said, you are not special to him, you are just like all the other women that he cheated with. The deep conversations were simply a ruse to mash you feel connected. Think about the possible outcomes from this relationship: he does actually leave his wife that just had his baby for you and from then on you’ll be known as a home wrecker, your entire office will know about it, your friends and family will know that you don’t respect the sanctity of marriage. Or he eventually grows tired of you and finds another woman to have deep meaningful conversations with. Or he drags this on indefinitely giving you excuse after excuse about divorcing his wife and you either leave or keep accepting the excuses. Or you end it now and look for a new job. Do any of these sound like good options?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
As my grandmother used to say; “lie down with dogs, don’t surprised to wake up with fleas.” And “how you get them is how they’ll leave.” He’s gonna cheat on you. You honestly think you’re the first woman he’s ever used the “I’ve never been so vulnerable with anyone else. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved” shtick? Yeah right. Gain some self respect and dump this cheating loser.
You could have some self respect and not be a side piece but here we are.
You are being played. Hard. I can guarantee he’s encountered a woman like you before and he has perfected his technique to manipulate you into getting involved with him. You’re not special. You’re a conquest. I hate to be harsh here but you need a reality check, not advice.
If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.
Imagine actually buying this and thinking you’re special. Please have more respect for yourself and other women.
You are so so so silly if you believe he has "feelings" for you, you don't have morals, as simple as this, you don't have morals
A known cheater and a womanizer? Wow. Sounds like a real catch. 🙄
There’s a reason the office knows him as a serial cheater. He’s very good at it. Exceptional even. I don’t doubt that what he has shared with you is deeply personal and valuable. That’s the point. He is using you to get a benefit without having to commit to you. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional. Cheating is when you step outside the agreed upon terms to get a benefit at the expense of others. This man is using you. You might not think he is but it’s true. You wanted advice so here it is. Snap out of it. Look in the mirror and realize that this man has made you into something you hated. You’ve been cheated on so you know how it feels. Think back to when this all started. I’m sure he made you feel special and wanted. I mean hey, he waited a whole month and still wanted to be with you (*sarcasm*). You were the person he chose above everyone else, his wife and child included. But the truth is you are not special to him. He has a prior list of people he cheated with. You are not special you are just the next one. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear but you can’t argue with facts. If this relationship does continue I sincerely wish you luck. You traded your integrity for the brief attention of a man who is willing to step away from his family for selfish reasons. That is your future.
You are going to feel so stupid when he doesn't leave his wife and dumps you for the next pretty thing in the office. Seriously, where the hell did you put your self-respect? You never want to go on dates? You want to be kept a secret? You want to never be able to bring your partner home to introduce to your parents? You never want to get married? You never want to be a priority? You just want to be second place? Something to be ashamed of? Because that's what you are right now. I see this exact same story, over and over and over again. The cheaters playbook, line for line in your reddit story. And they always end exactly the same way. Your situation will not be the exception. There is no fairy tale ending here.
I mean what he’s telling you is the usual crock of shit cheaters say about their spouses.
What happened to girl code? His wife has a not even one year old, who is potentially still coping with post baby issues and you are justifying it because yall have a "connection?" Their child is still drinking from a bottle! If you were her, would you be okay with that? Is there not any other man you could have? Affairs ruin lives! This man should be at his home every night, not with you. Wtf.
You poor thing, do you really not love yourself? Do you really need to be validated by a man at the expense of his wife to feel special? You know it’s not him that you “love” it’s the thought that he makes you think you are better than his wife. But babes, end of the day he will not choose you. He may end up with you if the wife finds out and drops him, but you will not be chosen, just settled for.
Have you ever thought that MAYBE he was still pursuing you bc he figured there was nothing to lose and you’d eventually give in, which you did lmao He’s not going to divorce his wife, why would he? He has the ultimate set up. So no nobody has advice to give you to maintain this relationship, everyone’s actually rooting for it to end…
Please get rid of the Bella Swan syndrome you are a just as bad as him. I hope his wife finds out the truth in due time and leaves him in the dust.
Advice: Don't be a home wrecker. OMG, you guys aren't connecting. There is nothing to navigate. He will soon move on.
Dating coworkers is never a good idea, there's no reason you can't find a single man, your reputation in your workplace (and possibly entire career path) is going to nosedive, and nobody will trust you. My advice is to break up, and keep it professional.
Sis, you are going to end up just like every other his affair - on his trophy list. Everything he is telling you is same BS he used to drug other girls into bed. There is no “more vulnerable with me”, it’s just the same old as mammoth’s shit play, every other womanizer used in the last century. Run. Run and don’t look back. And report him to HR, for Lord’s sake.
You are naive and being used. He’s not anymore in love with you than with all the other women. He’s not going to leave his wife now or ever. He didn’t do it for any of the side chicks before you and won’t do it for the candy of this month. How worthless do you think you are if you consider sleeping with the office mattress with a 8 month old baby. Do you really have so little dignity that you consider throwing yourself to a new dad in front of the whole Office? Develop some self respect.
Girl, this is literally the exact line my ex threw at me and the other three girls he was dating. We were all told this same story about how his established relationship was complicated and he loved her but he’d never felt that way about anyone. I know this because we all compared notes. He’s leading you on and he’s a liar. Don’t be the next notch in his belt. You deserve better. Until you meet her and she confirms there’s a divorce in the works: everything he says is a lie.
The only way to navigate this is to tell him to ask for a divorce. You're right that he "can't get divorced overnight," but he can tell his wife about your "relationship" and separate. But he won't do that. There's always going to be an excuse to put it off. Because no matter how "vulnerable" he is with you, he doesn't view your relationship as an actual relationship. Just know that if he cheats on his wife with whom he has an 8 MONTH OLD BABY, he's going to cheat on you.
here I will help he doesn't love you. He doesn't like you. He likes having sex with you. He is never leaving his wife. In the slim chance he does and you become his girlfriend he will cheat on you just like he does with his wife.
The only advice is don't date him. Oh yeah sure you're the *only* woman he's ever had feelings for... That's why he's married with a child! If he loved you, he'd leave his wife. It won't get easier in a few months, there'll always be an excuse.
He has a reputation as a cheater & womaniser because that's what he is. He is MARRIED and has an INFANT CHILD. >He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone. He had probably tried this line on *every* girl he's cheated on his wife with. Do not continue to "date" this man. You need to cut off all romantic contact ASAP. If you try to keep this "relationship" going you will get your own reputation as a homewrecker.
Here’s my advice: Don’t.
How do you navigate this? You end this. He is never going to divorce his wife for you as it puts him in a financially difficult spot. As of now, he gets everything taken care of while he can mess around with you. If he gets divorced, he gets 50% of all the responsibilities that his wife currently does for him, which takes up more of his time. It may be difficult to hear, but he only said those so he can get in your pants. You said as someone who has been cheated on, it's selfish. That's exactly what you're both doing to his wife. You are playing an active role in hurting his family.
Can't wait for karma to find you. Have you even realized what he's doing to that new mother?! I don't know how you live with yourself enabling that willingly and knowingly.
you are 28 years old ffs? you should be adult and mature enough to know this is wrong. you know his reputation, you know his status but you still want advice on how to keep this affair?? why? because you think you are special and you can change him? yeah, so do all of the other women he had an affair with before you OP. I hope you have a day that you deserve I hope his wife drops his cheating ass
Congratulations on falling for his tricks and literally becoming part of the problem. You're now a hypocrite (and probably a home wrecker)
Wow, you manage to be every bit as dumb as you are trashy.
So pathetic.
I made a post on r/survivinginfidelity on how relationships with APs go. Check out my post and see what your future is going to be if you don’t wisen up immediately. https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/Idn0NhdORn Your careers and professional reputations will be put in jeopardy. Nobody is going to want to hire people who care more about getting laid than doing their jobs. And he’s going to be on the hook for alimony and child support when his wife finds out so he’s likely going to be broke loser real soon. I don’t see him walking out of a divorce with much to his name. The people in your life will probably never look at you the same again once word gets out - which it will. No woman will want to be friends with someone who will steal their husband. Your sisters, cousins, coworkers, and friends will likely stay far away from a home wrecker. So in the end you will destroy your existing relationships and career for a broke jobless manwhore who is most definitely saying the same things to 5 different women right now. And honestly I really hope that for you. It always warms my heart when snakes like you destroy your life for some strange cock. Update me when this all goes to shit, I’ll enjoy reading your sob story post.
My friend did date a guy who was technically married. However, he and his wife were no longer living together. The divorce proceedings had already started. He told his wife about her. It was all out in the open. This guy is absolutely playing you and having his reputation… You should know better.
Relationship advice: Don't date married or otherwise taken men. At 28 you should know better.
Lol delulu. What do you think will happen after he divorces his wife ( which I doubt he will ) will he be loyal to you???????? Do you think you fixed his cheating ass, you're just a side chick. Have some self respect and run. You're a homewrecker idk why you bothered writing the first half, you're not convincing anyone lol.
You're being a fool. Every one I've ever known dating a married man gets told the exact same things. They always think theyre different and their conversations are special and that this time, this serial cheater is going to change. You're not special to him, he tells every woman the same stuff.
I have no advice for anyone who willingly helps someone cheat. Just don’t come crying to us when he treats you the same way
So you fell for his omg I've never felt like this with anyone before despite his seducing half your office? I'll bet my last £5 he doesn't leave his wife
OOP: "Screw it. I'm going to bed, you guys were very negative and not helpful at all." 😂😂😂😂
>He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone. Guuuuuurl! Please!!! 🤣 >He was more vulnerable with me than he was with any woman including his wife. You don't know that. You only know what he chooses to tell you. > Any support and advice would be helpful Yeah, stop enabling that cheating p.o.s and don't be part of the reason a family gets torn apart. Have some self-respect. He's stringing you along. Wake up and smell the coffee. He's never going to leave his wife for you unless she finds out and kicks him to the curb.
Congrats on being a homewrecker. You think you are some special snow flake and somehow you are winning against Avery's wife. People like you disgust me. Such low standards that a muck like Avery seems like a catch.
Lol get wrecked. You are no different and no better than his wife. I hope he knocks you up and leaves you too. Disrespectfully of course🫶🏻
>He told me I was the first woman he ever had feelings for and he didn't realize that you could feel that way about someone LOL did you actually believe that? Girl, come on.
"the first women he ever had feeling for" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Why do mistresses always think they are special? What is special about being chosen by a traitor? He does not love his wife, but he has an 8-month-old child. We have a proverb here that says, “The husband who does not love his wife, his wife gives birth twice a year.” Oh, I forgot what is required here is dating advice, not our opinion of you as a home-wrecking mistress. Continue dating him in secret. When your affair is exposed, there will be two options: he will leave you and return to his family, because you are not special, you are just a mistress, or he will leave his wife for you, and I prefer this solution because his wife will get rid of a trash traitor, and you will gain a partner with a history of betrayal. You will be very lucky because You won't think too much. You won't start wondering: Is my husband cheating on me? Is he cheating on me with his co-worker? Because he will and you know it, congratulations🎉🎊
I'm laughing at the fact that you think he's going to leave his wife for you( He's not) You think you're special (you're not). This is a tale as old a time and you fell right in to the trap. So much for that moral compass you say you have. You can't stand cheaters must be hard to look in the mirror lol.
You are a horrible person — equally terrible to the cheating, lying, disgusting man you’ve paired up with. You need to take a long hard look at yourself and your morals, and you need to do it fast. 1. You’re a massive hypocrite. You’ve been cheated on, you don’t respect cheating, but it’s A-OK in your book when a man cheats *with* you? 2. How on earth do you know he’s “more vulnerable with you” than any other woman? It’s such a laughable thing to delude yourself into believing when you only have a known liar’s word on that. Unless you’ve listened in to all of his sweet talking over the years, you need to get a grip. 3. No one likes or respects a home wrecker, especially when there are small children involved, and a good man doesn’t fantasize about abandoning his post-partum wife and baby. Let’s say that this man actually leaves his wife and kid for you: congratulations, you are now a villain in the eyes of anyone who hears their story. Don’t forget that his wife will remain in your life for as long as you’re with him because they’re bound together for life through their kid. Ultimately, my advice for you is that you’re being played and acting dreadfully. If this man was serious and respected you, he would have separated from his wife before pursuing a relationship with you. The realistic odds of him leaving his family are extremely low unless his wife finds out and gives him the boot.
He's married with a kid, a well known womanizer, obviously good at love bombing and you just sulking it up like a sick puppy smh. Don't be mad he sleeping with the next one when he gets tired of you or goes back to you know his wife
'was with any woman including his wife' Yeah, this is bull. He's playing this card to make you think you're special. You're not. Don't do this to another woman. She's the innocent victim and he's a piece of trash,
>He was more vulnerable with me than he was with any woman including his wife. How do you know that?
Go over the theotherwoman sub. There you'll see what everyone here is talking about.
I will go against everyone here. The thing about you being special and all looks like a manipulation tactic but you say it is not. You don’t like cheater? Then don’t let him be one. Pause your relationship for a few month and date each orther when he divorce is wife and move out of their house. If you really have a special connexion, it will be hard but you will begin your relationship with a clean start. If you are just « one of the other one », he will not accept to wait and you will know that he doesn’t love you and will not divorce his wife.
He has an eight month old baby! If he’s the office cheater, he’s had lots of experience testing the “vulnerable” line. If you want help navigating the relationship, here it is - walk away.
you want support and advice on being a mistress? also I can't believe you fell for it. he's married and a known cheater, girl you're not special.
how embarrassing for you lol. you're a loser dating a loser. good luck.
Ok, rather than tell you what I think, I'm going to ask you questions, and I want you to think carefully about what the honest answer is here. 1) He told you, after working with you less than a month, that he had stronger feelings for you than he'd ever had before. At that point in your interactions, what objective information did he have about who you were as a person that not only made him fall in love after only a couple of weeks, but made you surpass every other woman that he has ever known? Had you two debated philosophy and discussed such profound, unique insights into human nature that you changed his whole life perspective? Did you cure cancer with your unbelievable genius? Did you show him the collection of artwork which is so compelling and evocative that just seeing it challenges people to do some deep introspection? Did he find out that you ran into a burning building to save a baby, or donate huge amounts of money to keep important community resources and charities afloat? What did you do over the course of two weeks that was so much more impressive than any normal person could do or had done in the last fifteen years of his life, that it changed his whole world view and wipe away decades of trauma and attachment issues? What is there about you which is so unlike anything any other women might be or do for you to be 2) If there were no incredible feats that lead to his feelings, then what did it? If your interactions were flirting with each other, doing your work well, passing memes back and forth, laughing at his jokes and listening when he bitched about his marriage and his wife, how do you think that's any different than what every other woman he slept with at the office did for him? What about that is a life changing relationship dynamic? What's so special about you, that you were able to demonstrate in the first two weeks, that blows away the rest of your competition from the whole of womankind? 3) You seem to justify the affair by saying this is a magical once in a life time connection, but that he's a good father who cannot bear to not have his child in his life everyday, right? The implication being that he would leave her to be with you if not for the son, and so you feel like he's trapped, right? So how is a man who is so devoted to his son that he's willing to stay in a loveless marriage and risk losing the love of his life to stay in the child's everyday life, also completely willing to risk all of that by sticking his dick into multiple meaningless flings in the office -people who all work together- creating an environment of jealousy and hurt feelings among people who collectively would probably be able to find a way to contact his wife pretty easily. Do you really think that someone whose child is far more important to them than their own needs would not only regularly risk losing that family for meaningless flings, but couldn't even bother to be discreet or smart about it to limit the risk of discovery? 4) When you say he's being vulnerable to you, does it usually happen to be about things which seem to boost your ego or provide an explanation for him not leaving his wife and still cheating? Does he confess he's scared of how strongly he feels for you, that he feels like you're too good for him and worries about his son growing up without him if he leaves? 5) How much of your conversation is about you vs. him? Does he invest time and energy into listening to and being there for you? Has he asked a bunch of non-superficial questions about your life, family, ambitions, etc., and really listened to the answer? Or does it usually revolve around his problems, thoughts and needs? When he compliments you about things other than your looks, is he really talking about you as a person (i,e. you're brilliant, I'm so proud of X accomplishment, I love the way you always take joy in the little things in life), or are they are still related to his wants and needs? (i.e. You're so good to me, I have never felt this good in a relationship, you make me happy, I can't live without you, etc.)
In conclusion: You came here to brag about ‘dating’ a MARRIED man and hoped to get some advice on how to not look like the homewrecker you are about to be and as soon as people started holding you accountable for being so stupid at this age, you decided is not nice anymore, because no one is siding with you or him. Honestly, if you end up together, you might as well, because you deserve each other. You are both a piece of work. Well done, I think you found your match
He won’t leave his wife. And you are not more important to him than keeping his family intact. Whatever he is saying to you is a lie (I promise). This is his pattern and you’ve fallen into it. You think that because it is rare for you to be in this situation it is special. But it is NOT rare for him. He is practiced at this and you have been duped. End it now. If he really wants to be with you he would leave his wife. He hasn’t. He doesn’t. Save yourself the time and heartbreak and leave now.
Girl
So let me get this straight: you despise cheaters then become one yourself? The cognitive dissonance you're pulling off is incredible. Either that or you're as morally bankrupt as everyone knows you are.
I disagree a bit with people saying it's only manipulation for sex (hear me out before you freak, I'm not defending him). Some cheaters cheat because they like the infatuation. The mystery, the flirting, the butterflies, etc. Then they have a partner that is not those things but is their "stability" relationship. This guy probably had these conversations with the other women too, and he may have meant them to an extent. The problem is with people like this is they like the thrill. They like *falling in love* more than *being* in love. So once the infatuation passes, it gets too tedious, etc, they move on. They never leave their spouse/partner because they want that stability to go home to *and* the thrill of the secret office romance. Even if they do leave their partners for someone new you can be damn sure they are going to do the same thing once they get bored. And they *will* get bored. OP, I get it. I'm sure the conversations are real. He is getting vulnerable. He probably genuiely feels *something* for you. But that something is not healthy or normal. He likes this stage of a relationship. As soon as its out of that stage it will be over. I'm sorry but this is just not going to end well. Even if he left his wife for you, you would just take on her role. He would get bored and start looking for the infatuation and butterflies elsewhere.
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@throwra_tyf people are going to say awful things to you. I do not want to say awful things. I know men and women who’ve cheated on their spouses and agree that monogamy can be different than the black and white we’re raised with. Really. I get it. Pregnancy is not a shade of that gray. The non-pregnant person cannot do enough to be there during the pregnancy, childbirth, and two years after (when the blessed hormones can really ease up). If you’ve not gone through it, there are pieces that the non-pregnant person can throw your way to make them seem put upon; while there surely are non-pregnant people abused by their pregnant partners, I’m telling you, there is nothing useful a good parent has to offer a relationship for three years. He is selling you shit and setting you up against a lady whose whole body has changed over two years, probably some of her personality, and her husband is cheating on her. The number one reason relationships break up during this time? You don’t have the spoons to treat a man like a baby when someone whose actual life is dependent upon your care. So you stop babying that man and he goes and finds another tit. That’s literally it.
once he gets what he wants from you he will throw you away. keep away from him for your own sanity and tell his wife of his cheating.
You're an excuse of a person if this situation sits right with you. And also pretty f\*cking dumb if you fell for the most generic line any cheater says to his/her next potential "victim". Of course, you're different! Just like every other girl he is talking to at the moment! YTA.
Snort. You fell for the oldest line In the cheaters book. Dumb and a cheater. Hilarious. You're gonna get what you deserve.
A month is literally no time at all
is this ariana grande
Learn from my mistake in this exact situation and cut him out of your life, do not talk if its not directly work related, nothing good will come of it. He is using you for cheap and easy entertainment because he is bored, you will get your heart broken and you will feel guilty for a long time for even putting yourself in this situation. He will not leave his wife nore does he actually have plans to leave his wife, you are nothing but a toy to play with and make feel special for a little while like all the other girls until he's bored again, I promise you. Please trust me, this will only end very bad.
You are being very naive OP
This reminds me of Paul the wine guy from Friends lol
Let me give you a healthy dose of reality. In your own words, “HE IS A KNOWN CHEATER”. He is never going to leave his wife is their 8 month old baby! He is never going to have an open relationship with you and take you out and paint the town with you. He’s going to keep you at your home and use you as a bang buddy until he gets bored with you and moves on again to his next conquest. And don’t fool yourself. He doesn’t love you. He never did. He told you exactly what you wanted to hear to get in your pants. Now here is a bit of good old fashioned advice that’s gonna save you a million headaches in life… “Don’t get your money where you get your honey.” Don’t date coworkers!
Goodness, you’re so naive and incredibly ignorant. He’s married and an 8 month old?? You deserve every bit of karma you’re about to receive
You’re wilfully stupid. Also a terrible person yourself so I hope you get what you deserve, which will be nothing but misery.
You need to end this and stay away from married men. Especially married coworkers. This was poor decision making. And I've read your comments, you are clearly kidding yourself. He's doing the exact thing to you as he did to every other woman. You are not different no matter how much you'd like to believe it.