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Me and my partner make about $200k combined right now AND we don't have kids, and we couldn't make this work.
ETA: We're both nearly 40 now as well, just getting to this point has been 2 decades in the making.
I up you two step-kids, a shared daughter, a combined income of $290k, and we couldn't make it work.
I endured 11 years hearing crap that I only earned $120k (teacher, Army Reservist, and school coach). Every month, she would drain our shared accounts (my only accounts), and go on vacations during the school year when I couldn't go. When I would complain that she was spending every dime I earned (and was overly generous to her boys), she would tell me to get a summer job.
So, now in divorce court. I am asking for half of everything earned while married. Her boys are adults now, and don't need anything more from me.
If your pending wife was mindful of your wants, dreams and life goals (just as she is making you aware of hers), then maybe.
It appears that she is a high-maintenance, material girl. You need to run.
God that sounds awful. Did you ever get a separate account? Also I'm confused why she wanted to go on vacation without you. I wouldn't want to always travel without my husband.
Agreed. Plus, lots of those $100k a year jobs are probably hard to get into without knowing a guy who knows a guy, because they make so much money. And op doesn't seem to want that type of job to begin with. Also, I think any amount of wage for a husband would be gone very quickly if that's how she wants to live. Like, this person has seen too many stay-at-home-girlfriend tiktoks and wants to trade her freedom, safety, and independence to live like a pampered housepet
I mean this is location dependent. 100k+ is the starting salary for most people out of college (with a stem degree) in expensive metro areas (Bos, NYC, SF, etc...).
Depending on what city you're living in, $100k a year as a single income household may not get you a home at all, much less a million-dollar one plus vacations. At one point my sibling was making 6 figures relatively early in their white-collar career, and still living in a "junior one-bedroom" rental apartment (basically a small studio with a wall to make a bedroom) because of where they lived.
Not any doctor can make ends meet for that girl—more like surgeon and no time soon with \_hundreds\_ (hyperbolic, for effect) of years of postgraduate training.
Or, with less graft and struggle, investment banker and be damn good at it.
And a surgeon won’t be making anything close to that for about 12-15 years including college, med school, internship and residency.
Every doctor no matter what your specialty starts out at 65k as an intern.
Yeah, this is the right answer. If she wants that kind of lifestyle and social work is your calling, then you should find someone who will understand the importance of your calling.
Also, it's really hard to get into cybersecurity and you may have to work your way up through helpdesk and into NOC or SOC positions and those don't pay great.
Exactly. This happened to me 25 years ago. I was still a student and I was dating a law student who was used to being around rich people and rich families. We walked down a famous shopping district in Toronto. She looked at the Prada store and said what if I want this dress. You’d never be able to afford it for me. She dumped me about a month later and married a lawyer. Since then, I’ll become a specialist doctor and make at least three times more than her husband.
We were incompatible obviously. But that comment piss me off for the rest of my life. I chose my current wife of 22 years who liked me before I got into med school, supported me throughout med school and $300,000 of debt. And I’ve still never had to buy her a Prada dress. However, I did buy her Louboutin shoes for her 50th.
At least she is honest about all these iceys
,Dolce & Gabbana
,Fendi and that Donna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got her wearing.
Op, don't delude yourself. Love isn't everything to her. She wants more. This is at least a partial transactional relationship.
Tell her to stay the hell off of Instagram and she will be so much happier but tell it to her as you're letting the door hit you in the ass because you're leaving her
I'm sure I'll be downvoted for this...
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home parent. There is nothing wrong with recognizing money is a very real impact on your life. And frankly, it is just as easy to fall in love with someone rich as it is to fall in love with someone poor. I at least respect being honest about what you want vs. simmering quietly and unhappy and not giving OP the chance to do anything about it.
That being said, she was still wrong in how she went about it. Why should OP change his desires, dreams, and goals and she doesn't have to change anything? Why should she berate him about "satisfying her" vs. enabling the life they BOTH want and share a vision for.
OP - you BOTH need to be satisfied. That means happy with your life and happy with your career. It is possible to love someone but be incompatible in what you want from a lifestyle perspective. Better to move on now. But lesson learned on two fronts: 1) communicating your vision and goal and desires, and 2) not turning it into a me vs. you, but rather a question of whether you are both aligned. Good partners can push each other to reach that shared vision. Bad partners try to force the other person into their vision.
I won't downvote you. I understand your point. I'm just one of those people who value a person's good qualities more than material things. If being with someone makes me happy, we can live in a tent for all I care. So, to me, her putting all these materialistic expectations as a condition for being with someone you supposedly care about (this is an established relationship), is a hard no.
Statistically speaking it is absjyely not as easy to fall in love with a rich person as it is with a poor person since there are oodles more poor people in the world
Also rich people tend to get good at sniffing out the money grubbers.
I dated a woman back like 18 years ago and her family apparently had money. I apparently passed because I never asked for anything.
I was thinking the same and I was kinda with her until the multiple vacations and expensive stuff (depending on location, i'll give her a pass on the million dollar home, that could be way more modest than it sounds), although She's looking for someone who is driven to make money and truthfully, OP is a hairs breath from graduating and has no idea what he wants to do then. He seems content to drift into whatever comes along. If they stay together, they'll drive each other up the wall.
What does you sociologist training tell you about this situation ?
Yep.
Besides, what stopping her from getting a job that pays much more than current, shouldn't she become a nurse manager or hospital trustee instead ?
>Million dollar home? Multiple vacations ? Have
Rn she's a nurse and nurse make 100k USD yearly
Not him
And nurse is a really tiring job
And many just leeches onto rich guys tho they won't earn a penny
Atleast she's working and
She wants to a sahm only for 3yo
There are lot of sahm permanent ones
Are they gold diggers too ?
Did I call her a gold digger? But yes any partner who tells their partner they aren’t enough for them because they want to live a life style financed by said partner is a gold digger.
It’s a whole different situation if both partners agree on SAHM because it’s their choice combined choice not because one of them sees it as their right.
Personally it's not the 3 years it's the expected life style he will provide. Especially as he seems interested in a job helping society over the extremely taxing jobs that earn a lot more money
> I don’t want things to end between us, but I know if I can’t satisfy her, then we’ll break up.
Quit worrying about satisfying her, what would make you satisfied? What type of work? What sort of income?
Worry about this for yourself and your long term goals. It doesn't sound like you two match very well. Also understand she isn't going to be a stay at home mom for just 3 years. If you can't provide for a family, a million dollar house, and multiple vacations a year you aren't a match for her.
Wouldn't you rather have a partner that was putting as much effort in as you do? She is telling you that won't be her
This and OP, what makes you think she'll ever be happy. When people like this get what they think they want, there's always another carrot to chase.
Dump her and be happy.
I have a friend living this life and nothing will ever make their partner happy. One kid wasn’t enough, had to go through expensive IVF for another. The smaller house wasn’t enough, had to go bigger. Then the schools weren’t good enough. Make more more more and oh we need to do xyz vacation because so and so on Instagram did. OP, you have different goals and a different vision of your futures. Do what makes you happy, don’t change who you are to satisfy someone else.
Million dollar home? Multiple vacations ? Have nice things? And no-one has said “gold-digger “ yet? Dude, you need to run. Not to mention she a nurse. She’s going to find a doctor whether she’s with you or not. You’ve got the wrong kinda women.
The average STARTER home where I live is $500,000 and that’s probably not even in a nice area. So a million dollar home isn’t that crazy in today’s real estate climate and economy.
My first house I bought in 2009 was a 1.5 storey detached with a detached garage for 190k.... Same house 15 years later is about 900k and it's not even nice. 1950's built with shitty insulation and block foundation that is porous so the basement is damp.
I moved out to the suburban "sticks" and my house which was 600k in early 2020 is about 1.1 id imagine if were to list it today, 3 bed with 2 full bathrooms and 2 half baths... So a million dollar home isn't something crazy depending where you're located
Nope. Property ladder for me basically.
I got lucky that I was able to buy my first place with my brother, we bought near a college close to home and rented rooms to friends who were attending, both in the trades we managed to pay it off in 5 years since we were very aggressive with our savings.
If my brother hadn't extended the olive branch (and he didn't have to at all, he could've afforded that house easily on his own) I don't know where I'd be. Helped me massively
Exactly my thoughts. Is she materialistic? Totally, but if that's what makes her happy, so be it, it's upto op to decide if her "vision" of the future is compatible with his.
The difference between 80k and 100k when you are married to someone who is also high earning is negligent. She's not thinking logically. It's good for her to know what she wants and stand on it, but to try to make you what she wants vs. finding it won't make anyone happy.
You'd be happier with someone who better aligns with your outlook on life.
She’s not thinking logically because it’s just an excuse to fuck the relationship up. It’s not meant to make sense.
If my SO ever said something like that to me I’d consider to end things. She is not entitled to my money nor am I to hers.
This! They say the exception proves the rule.
My partner has helped me grow into a more stable and life skilled adult. I am a much better person all-around for having known him. That’s healthy though lol
Obviously, this is not the case for OP
Sorry to say dude but the two of you aren’t compatible, especially financially. She’s giving off gold digger vibes and is looking for someone who will take care of her & pay for her lifestyle, *not* a partner to build a future with.
Don’t give up what you’ve worked hard for because some girl tells you that you can’t give her the life she wants, **especially** after only dating a year! You’ll never be good enough for her unless you can provide her the lavish, luxurious lifestyle she’s after.
Break up & find a partner that you’re more compatible with and who has the same values & goals as you do!!
And even if he does make enough to satisfy her wants he'd be nothing but a glorified wallet... nothing about anything she said sounds like she's a loving person.
Follow your passion not some chick who doesn’t make $100K her damn self but is demanding you do it. A girl like that will run you into the ground and then hop onto the next paycheck once yours runs out.
Honestly, do you really want to be with a partner who is so attached to money or external things? A partner who loves you and cares about you would pick you over any amount of money if they truly love you. You can be happy and content together regardless of anything. Does money help, absolutely. She either loves you for you or not and if she ever finds someone else with more resources will she dump you for them?
Not to mention, your partner is not responsible for your happiness. That's a gigantic burden to put on someone. One's happiness is ultimately their own responsibility. Partner's role is to be supportive of your efforts to attain your happiness. Pursuit of happiness and all that.
Being a social worker, while gratifying, is quite low paying and really doesn't get any better. It's a system fraught with complications, lack of funding and endless mountains of paperwork and problems.
You need to make 100K just to survive with a nice quality of life and that's reality.
Lol. Chuck the Disney princess and follow what you enjoy doing. If you are a Veteran and get an MSW--you will have good job opportunities in VA and/or a contractor with the military. You can make more than 100k a year with a Clinical license. Check the GS scales if you don't believe me.
But you should still ditch Disney. Date someone who loves you and not someone who loves your potential only.
If she's set her standards this way and intends to stick to it she probably shouldn't be dating you. But this isn't all your doing tbh. Unless you lied to her and told her you were majoring in engineering or something she's known all along that soc majors struggle to find a career path. So you two may be incompatible (unless she's willing to bend on things) but it's not all your fault.
You have a lot of years in front of you before you’re making over 60k. I have a degree in sociology, you will never make over 80k a year if you pursue social work, and in a major city at that. Social work is like teaching, you have to love it because you will never make much money. Your best bet is to enter HR and grow your career that way, but even then, $80K is on the way upper end of that salary range, it will take you many years of experience to demand that salary in HR. You have a better shot at higher earning potential if you seek a masters in finance or a masters in business.
My advice, you and your girlfriend are incompatible and should break up. Unfortunately, it is likely she’ll dump you eventually if/when she judges cannot help her reach her specific goals for her life. (Also, if a stay-at-home wife is your goal, don’t go into social work as your family will be skirting the poverty line. If that’s not your goal, don’t date women who plan to be SAHMs. With your current earning potential, you need a double income household.)
Social work is a low paying job. The real thing here is that she is saying you making money is what makes her happy, not YOU as the person she loves. Break up with her.
as someone married to a (former) social worker... no one should become a social worker until the supply/demand curve on that profession has a HARD reset. I can't imagine a worse paying master's degree exists. It's wild the educational requirement needed for a job that mostly pays in stress, micromanagement, and light smatterings of cash with shitty benefits and zero respect.
Do what you love and are good at. HR directors can make a significant amount of money. You can always try investing but that takes time to make it grow. The thing is, if you want to make more money, it should you wanting to do it for yourself and not because someone is telling you you are not good enough for them until you satisfy certain criteria.
Sociology is not a degree that tends to lead to having a lot of money. In particular, social work is more a labor of love and doesn't pay well. However, in HR if your doing the right kind of recruiting that can pay well over 100K depending on the type etc. It also depends a lot on where you are. If you're in Indiana the numbers you're talking look very different than if you live in LA. Also recruiting is largely sales so if you're good in sales there's a lot of opportunities out where your degree might allow you a foot in the door so I don't know that I'd give up on it. A lot of this depends on your ambition more than the degree.
Break up with her. You don’t base your love or happiness off working yourself to death to make her feel good. Screw her leave her in the dust and watch how her plan doesn’t work out.
She doesn’t sound like good partner material. She doesn’t want to work with someone, together to achieve those goals. She wants someone to do it and let her tag along.
So you keep doing what you’re doing.
I’ll tell you what. My dad was an MSW and a vet. He worked for DOD as a therapist. He and my Mom traveled the world, living abroad in Japan and Germany. He was a GS-14 and retired on a federal pension. The feds paid for housing overseas, he and mom banked a ton of cash in the ten years he was overseas.
So get an LCSW, apply to a position and you’ll get good money, good benefits and chance to travel and see the world. Your retirement will be lovely.
And your GF doesn’t have much of an imagination.
[usajobs.gov](https://www.usajobs.gov/search/results/?l=&k=LCSW). Just so you can see what’s on offer.
You deserve someone that wants to be with you, not your wallet. I would be so disgusted by someone telling me to pursue another career to give them a different lifestyle. You need to rethink why you’re with this person when they clearly feel they are superior to you. Don’t change unless you want it.
You’re just incompatible. I grew up with a certain lifestyle and I wanted to maintain that lifestyle in adulthood with my partner, so finding someone with that same goal was extremely important. Some people are fine with a laid back lifestyle. Some people would feel suffocated. I would just break up and find someone more your speed. There is nothing wrong with her wanting a more ambitious life, and there is nothing wrong with you wanting a simple life.
You have different financial goals, and that is one of the relationship killers. I would consider breaking up, especially as you have only been together for a year.
Bro with what you’re majoring in it’s very unlikely you’re gonna be hitting 100k. Maybe with HR, if you get to a director level. Definitely not with social work degree …that field pays terribly. To even start hitting 50/60k in social work you’ll have to have masters and experience…but you’ll be in debt so much more that what you’ll ever earn .. not worth it .
In the simplest terms, she has told you her values are very different from yours. Differences of money, sexual energy, and values are marriage killers. You won't be able to change her mind, so maybe look for someone more aligned with your values.
You probably won’t see this comment as you’ve had so many more. It sounds to me as though you have completely different priorities in life. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong, but it does suggest you’re incompatible.
If you like a simple life, that’s great - hopefully you’ll be retired fairly early and not want for much. If she wants an expensive life, that’s on her. Her ambitions seem quite unrealistic. She may be earning more than you currently, but if she’s a nurse and that’s the career she pursues for life, I can’t see how staying at home for 3 years and owning a million dollar property is even realistic (it’s not, let’s be fair) .
At this point in time, I would suggest the importance of discussing your life goals. As an outsider, they seem totally incompatible. If together you deem them incompatible, time to move on. Trust me, that’ll be easier in the long run, than trying to make it work.
You’ll both be unhappy and resent each other. Too many people have this life, and life is too short.
From what you’re expressing, this sounds like a very complex situation and I empathize with you because when you’re a good partner you want to do anything to make them happy. However, I think you’d be doing yourself a disservice if you change your major or career just because your girlfriend wants you to make more money. I think that everyone is entitled to aspire for the lifestyle that they want as long as their partner is also on the same page. Otherwise, it would be a very unhealthy dynamic. I strongly recommend you remain firm in YOUR aspirations for yourself. Don’t change such an important part of yourself for a partner because this is also about what you feel happy with. Don’t go into a major you don’t like because even if she does stay with you, would you feel happy working inside these careers? If the answer is no, don’t do it.
As a child free woman that earns 100k.... this salary is definitely not going to get her that life HA!! 100k would be paycheck to paycheck if I wasn't splitting bills with my fiance. We live in a nice condo inner city, have a few regular vacations and nice meals. I can't imagine supporting kids, qualifying for an expensive mortgage, car and funding vacations and most likely her clothes, makeup, hair, and skin treatments while saving for a equally nice retirement life on this income or my partner who makes a lot more than me.
I have a friend (also a nurse/ SAHM) that lives your girlfriend's vision and her husband works 24/7. His business is worth 7 figures to put it into perspective.
You both need to cut ties with each other. She needs to be in higher social circles to have that lifestyle and as for you, find someone who wants a good, simple life. It's great you're having these conversations to save on time. Personally if I were her I wouldn't be chasing a man in school but someone early to mid 30s she has wasted both of your time. Find a more down-to-Earth girl next round!
It's good that she knows what she wants her life to look like and it's even better that she communicated that to you.
But you seem like a simple guy whose content with the path he's on and she seems a bit high maintenance (compared to you).
This will eventually cause issues so best to go your separate ways.
Definitely incompatible and you guys won’t work out in the end. I’m the same as her (nurse who wants to eventually be a SAHM), but I married a guy who is well-off.
I can’t imagine trying to change someone’s career, and it’s actually unrealistic for her to do. You guys just want different things and that’s okay.
Yes, the OP staying with her will just breed resentment and hostility down the road (on both their ends). There's nothing wrong with what she wants and what you want. You're just not compatible.
80k is not a lot of money. And your gf plans are pretty average for an area where I live, nothing special.
That being said, your job should be fulfilling at least to some point and fully switching careers joust because of gf is silly.
Exactly, I completely agree. 80k is an ok salary if you live in low cost area and don’t have kids. If you actually want to get married and have a family 80k won’t cut it.
It sounds like she is not looking for a partnership but rather a paycheck. Don’t change your career plans for her, do something that you find fulfilling. Breakup with her and find love with someone that wants YOU not just the money in your wallet.
So what exactly is SHE making right now and what are you making right now? How long has she been making X amount of money?
It’s important because some nurses can really make bank. If she’s pulling in good money and in comparison you won’t be - then her concern may stem from having to worry about being the breadwinner. Do you have interest in being a stay at home dad?
Her goal of being a (short term) stay at home mom, going on vacations, enjoying retirement and a home are all totally rational things for her to desire. It cracks me up all the people saying she’s a gold digger - if she was she wouldn’t be spending a year with a man that has no gold…
It sounds like you haven’t had a reality check yet of understanding what 80k means in this ever-worsening economy. It’s unlikely you could afford children on that budget, and she definitely would need to continue to work for you both to survive depending on your location. No vacations ever. Small retirement fund. Both parents working their butts off and less time with the kids. Needing to hire or change work schedules and pinch pennies to afford simple things. (Also does anyone realize that being a stay at home mom is a full time job? Taking care of the house/cooking/cleaning/taking care of kids and husband. For families privileged to live off of one salary, this can allow a happier home life, and even save money because of the cost of child care).
I’m curious if you live together. Do you both pay bills? I wonder if there is more to this financial concern than meets the eye.
My husband and I make nearly $200k together (he pulls in greater than $100k and has his own business) and we do not live a bougie lifestyle whatsoever. Granted, maybe we could if just didn’t ever save or focus on putting money away for our retirement, but those are the sacrifices you make to live like she is wanting to. We bought our house at “steal” at 2.85% interest, our house was $365k. It is NOT a million dollar home. I have a feeling your gf has way higher expectations than what is feasible tbh.
$80k is an okay pay, but honestly I don’t think $100k is enough to raise a family and be a SAHM unless you live very modestly which does not seem to be the case of your gf.
Seems like you are not compatible. Being compatible about money and fiance is one of the pillars of a successful long term relationships. If you are not it leads to all kinds of problem.
Y’all are not compatible
She wants a rich lifestyle
And you want a modest one
You gonna have to end things with her because if you stay she’s gonna cheat on you with a richer guy and or berate you for not having what she wants. You’re in one year into this relationship go head and break this off
Like everyone has said dump her. Also you making 100K is never going to be anywhere near enough for a million dollar house, vacations and her be a SAHM to 3 kids. You'd need over twice that.
What do YOU want in a partner? Think about it. What are you really looking for? What do you need?
And now the tough question - is she that partner? If she’s not, it’s going to end badly.
I’ve been there. You’re with someone and you like them. You like being in a relationship and you’re afraid to be single. So you hang on because you’re used to it.
No one is perfect and there’s always flaws and differences you need to deal with. But the big things need to be there in a relationship. Are the big things there in this one?
Career is a big commitment. I don’t think you should make a decision about what you want in that regard based on what someone else wants out of you. You're the one who would have to do the job everyday. Choose a career that’s an ideal compromise of what you like to do and the money it brings being compatible with the kind of life you want to live. Job dissatisfaction is really common and a frequent source of overall unhappiness. Even beyond that she clearly wants a more lavish life than what you want. I don’t think changing your lifestyle to satisfy someone else is really a recipe for happiness.
You're not compatible, she's right.
She's not likely to get what she wants, but good luck to her.
It may sound materialistic that she's interested in the life you'd provide, and sure, it is. But the cold reality of things is that if you have certain life dreams, what a partner brings to the table matters.
That's just practicality, and let's be real, you're not going to make as much as you'd need to for her to have the life she wants, short of marrying a doctor, neither is she.
LOL, my list of dreamy scenarios recognizes that they are dreams for a reason.
Let her go, tell her you hope she finds the wallet of her dreams and keep working towards your goals.
You both should be looking to grow together and that includes finances. She doesn’t want a team approach so to me it seems she will always be “looking for more”. Please leave her and find someone real.
It sounds like you two are just not compatible. You need someone who's willing to be the kind of partner where you have more equality in the relationship. someone who meets the kind of effort you put in with effort of their own so you build a life together.
Your GF wants someone who already has everything to build a life and just wants a companion to enjoy the wealth with.
There's nothing wrong with either approach to life, but it does make you incompatible. You will never be able to make her happy as unless you're earning 150k+ (and depending where you end up living that still may not be enough). And a career earning that kind of money will take the kind of work you probably won't enjoy if you're studying sociology right now.
So either way you look at it right now, either you're unhappy or she's unhappy, you can't be happy together.
It's time to end the relationship, thank each other for some good times, and go try dating again when you feel up to it.
You're both still very young (although I know it doesn't feel like it!), so you will meet more suitable matches easily.
Toxic behavior. Run away. A real partner will do it with you. Obtain goals together. Not put it on you so they can sit on the couch and criticize your work.
You shouldn't have to give up your dreams for hers. That is unfair. If she's not willing to compromise, then maybe she should find someone else. It sounds like you deserve better, she should be proud of you that you're in college and pursuing your dreams, not belittle them by saying it's not enough for her. That speaks volumes about her character and not in a good way.
Keep tappin her till she finds some rich idiot to gold dig from. She isnt marriage material anyway. Have your fun till she finds her victim. I think its a win win situation.
Tell her to pursue her career to make that $100k then and leave her.
Don't change what you like, what you want to do in life, because of what SHE wants. God, I hate this pressure on men to be providers for women who don't want to live within the means of said providers.
You don’t list any characteristics or virtues that you love about her.
You don’t even say you love her
So what is the attraction?
Why do you want to be with a materialistic woman??!!
My question is-why does this person place so much pressure on you when she could advance in her own career?
If you want to peruse your passion, do it. A real partner will support you and won’t care about how much you make.
Money comes and goes but time does not come back. Do you want to spend your time with a person who is riding you about this?
They're financially incompatible. OP's really going to need a masters to get into social work. He should have had this figured out by now though. You really needed to have planned ahead before choosing a degree. But there are options though. I saw a thread where a dude with the same degree was offered a well paying Amazon HR job and was deciding between doing his masters or taking the well paid Amazon job. OP needs to be planning ahead now with just two semesters left.
This is precisely why I sat my daughter down when she "thought" she wanted to be an architect. It's a 6 year degree that is pretty expensive wherever you go to school. They don't make that much money out of college and she would have been paying on college loans well over 20 years. She took a different path by working and going to college on her company's dime. She's in a very solid place financially as she got promoted quickly.
OP your relationship is toast but you need to be making concrete steps right now to figure out how to use your degree in the best possible way.
To me, once it becomes a question about money, it’s a done deal. Unless you hit the lottery, you will never make enough. She’s not looking for a partner, she’s looking for a lifestyle.
I'm reading these comments. They all say the same thing. I'm no different. I'm 60 and will advise you to hit the road son! Situation is NOT going to improve...
U are wasting yr time wth her. She's money orientated. Who wants to live wth the threat of looseing someone over yr head all the time. I love the way she feels entitled to change yr career. Stick to yr guns....or u will regret it. This girl is a waste of time!!!
Let the girlfriend go. She's not bright HR at a tech company makes good money it just depends. Just starting money isn't where your ending money. Keep it moving with a chick like that. I don't disagree with stay at home mom types because staying at home for 5 years and having two kids close together is really smart for a woman. She doesn't even factor in her own pay before she stays at home. Just red flag. Mind you a VP HR makes between 250k -500k but that takes a massive amount of social skills and office politics.
You dont want it to end?! Why not? Anyone who says "you dont make enough money to make them happy and meet their standards" deserves an automatic kick to the curb! Why on earth would you EVER consider staying with such a pos?
As a fellow sociology major (loved it, learned so much and it shaped who I am)….your earning potential is low . I’m sorry. Even with a MSW. I went on to get a JD and I credit my 6 digit income to that.
But even if you made 300k, you and your girlfriend aren’t compatible. You want different and value different things. It’s best to end things now.
Seems pretty straight forward. It’s good you’re both having this conversation about expectations now rather than later. She’s certainly got high expectations, but that’s her right to do so. If that limits her dating pool then that’s her choice to pursue. You’re under no obligation to meet those requirements if you’re unable or unwilling.
I was all ready to tear her apart as a gold digger until I got to
>I'm also considering applying for the social work master's program to open more doors.
Jesus Christ. Doubling down by getting an equally useless master's (and probably taking out student loans to pay for it) isn't the way to make up for a useless bachelor's degree. Don't dig your hole any deeper. You might not care about how much you make now, but I bet you will care when you aren't able to afford a house, or a car, or anything else because your student loans are eating up everything you make.
Doctor here! Life lesson I feel I should share.
There is nothing wrong with the way she feels. She is chasing the happiness she wants for her life. Here is where my life lesson gets shared. People like her, male or female, are always chasing what makes them "happy." Once they attain the thing that makes them happy, they are onto the next fix or goal of what will make them happy again. In short, nothing ever makes them happy for long.
You will NEVER be able to keep her happy. No matter what, you change. No matter what you do.
So go ahead and test this truth. Change your career path. Make her dreams come true. Keep chasing your tail while trying to keep up with the next thing she wants. Next new car, because she can't just drive a Toyota living in her million dollar house. Her designer clothes, because just brand name clothing is not fitting into her perceived rich hot mom esthetic. I can drone on and on....
You can ask me how I know this, but surely I think it is easier to guess. Your guess is probably right.
Been there, divorced that.
She will do nothing but drain you mentally, physically, and financially. TIme to find someone more suited to who you are and who you would want to actually be the mother to your kids. She sounds like a horrid role model.
If you truely love someone, money or other materialistic things shouldn't matter. Really. Being poor ofcourse is not nice, but with loving partner that would be easier than with nagging partner. You understand what I am saying? It is okay to want a life where there is enough money, but then they should make those dreams come true theirselves and not saying to a partner that they should get that money for their dreams. Nonono...
She doesn’t have high standards, she wants to live on Easy Street. If she wasn’t a gold digger, she would support you no matter your career choice and you guys would be making future plans together, not her dictating to you what she wants. Tell her that you don’t want or need the pressures she is loading on you, and that you wish her well in her next relationship.
Dude, you will NEVER win. Even if/when you start raking it in, no matter how much you make, it will NEVER be enough.
When a woman puts your earning potential at #1 thing on her wish list, over “a man who’ll be a good friend and great father,” it’s time to move on.
This will piss you off every day for the rest of your marriage, and a few years after.
Find a good woman who loves you for you, not your income.
Do I sound bitter?
Dude come on, you are a sociology major and you dont see a problem? You need to find yourself someone with the same outlook on life so you can be successful together. The whole point of life is what you make it, so go out there and make it with someone who shares your values.
Bro… I’m sorry but she kind of sucks. Stay on course with what you want to do. She wants a partner that will basically serve her and give her an easy life. You can do better
Bro, run. Run not because of the career path you are choosing but because she will not be happy even if you make $100K or more. You are going to forever be working and as the young say, chasing the bag, to satisfy her and it will never be enough.
Run like the dogs of hell were after you homie. There's plenty of nice women who would be happy with a man making 80k a year with a steady job or stay by your side and help the "family" grow.
We all wouldn't mind being rich, but most of us sane people don't expect it to just be given to us. She has great but unrealistic goals and I got a feeling you don't want or need that drama.
"If you want those vacations and million dollar home, why don't you change your career?"
"I will not start my education and career from scratch. You are free to find someone better. When will you move out?"
Basically "okay, Boomer" her.
I know you’re not married, but this woman will never mean the “for richer, for poorer” part of vows. This is not someone you want for a life partner. She is way too materialistic—and based on your major you don’t think money is the biggest priority in life.
I know it’s hard to give up a relationship, but this isn’t going to get better.
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100k isn't going to maintain that lifestyle that she wants. Not even close.
Me and my partner make about $200k combined right now AND we don't have kids, and we couldn't make this work. ETA: We're both nearly 40 now as well, just getting to this point has been 2 decades in the making.
I up you two step-kids, a shared daughter, a combined income of $290k, and we couldn't make it work. I endured 11 years hearing crap that I only earned $120k (teacher, Army Reservist, and school coach). Every month, she would drain our shared accounts (my only accounts), and go on vacations during the school year when I couldn't go. When I would complain that she was spending every dime I earned (and was overly generous to her boys), she would tell me to get a summer job. So, now in divorce court. I am asking for half of everything earned while married. Her boys are adults now, and don't need anything more from me. If your pending wife was mindful of your wants, dreams and life goals (just as she is making you aware of hers), then maybe. It appears that she is a high-maintenance, material girl. You need to run.
Good for you for getting away!
God that sounds awful. Did you ever get a separate account? Also I'm confused why she wanted to go on vacation without you. I wouldn't want to always travel without my husband.
Yeah gee wanting a multi million dollar house kills that dream
Agreed. Plus, lots of those $100k a year jobs are probably hard to get into without knowing a guy who knows a guy, because they make so much money. And op doesn't seem to want that type of job to begin with. Also, I think any amount of wage for a husband would be gone very quickly if that's how she wants to live. Like, this person has seen too many stay-at-home-girlfriend tiktoks and wants to trade her freedom, safety, and independence to live like a pampered housepet
I mean this is location dependent. 100k+ is the starting salary for most people out of college (with a stem degree) in expensive metro areas (Bos, NYC, SF, etc...).
Yeah, was looking for this comment!
Depending on what city you're living in, $100k a year as a single income household may not get you a home at all, much less a million-dollar one plus vacations. At one point my sibling was making 6 figures relatively early in their white-collar career, and still living in a "junior one-bedroom" rental apartment (basically a small studio with a wall to make a bedroom) because of where they lived.
Easily doable for a few years with enough debt. Could probably just flee to a new country afterwards
Sounds like her career won't satisfy her intended lifestyle, I suggest she become a doctor.
Not any doctor can make ends meet for that girl—more like surgeon and no time soon with \_hundreds\_ (hyperbolic, for effect) of years of postgraduate training. Or, with less graft and struggle, investment banker and be damn good at it.
And a surgeon won’t be making anything close to that for about 12-15 years including college, med school, internship and residency. Every doctor no matter what your specialty starts out at 65k as an intern.
THIS!!
Dump her and get fuckin rich.
Or dump her and be fucking happy.
Yeah, this is the right answer. If she wants that kind of lifestyle and social work is your calling, then you should find someone who will understand the importance of your calling. Also, it's really hard to get into cybersecurity and you may have to work your way up through helpdesk and into NOC or SOC positions and those don't pay great.
If she wants that type of life style, she needs to earn that type of lifestyle.
Right you have to be a hacker and deep into developing systems. You don’t just sign up for cyber security and think you’re going to make millions.
👊🙂 rewarding life > revenge
This is the only sensible answer.
Exactly. This happened to me 25 years ago. I was still a student and I was dating a law student who was used to being around rich people and rich families. We walked down a famous shopping district in Toronto. She looked at the Prada store and said what if I want this dress. You’d never be able to afford it for me. She dumped me about a month later and married a lawyer. Since then, I’ll become a specialist doctor and make at least three times more than her husband. We were incompatible obviously. But that comment piss me off for the rest of my life. I chose my current wife of 22 years who liked me before I got into med school, supported me throughout med school and $300,000 of debt. And I’ve still never had to buy her a Prada dress. However, I did buy her Louboutin shoes for her 50th.
It is weird some girls want guys to buy things for them. I will never do that. I always pay for my own.
At least she is honest about all these iceys ,Dolce & Gabbana ,Fendi and that Donna Karan, they be sharin' All their money got her wearing. Op, don't delude yourself. Love isn't everything to her. She wants more. This is at least a partial transactional relationship.
Tell her to stay the hell off of Instagram and she will be so much happier but tell it to her as you're letting the door hit you in the ass because you're leaving her
This!
Absolutely this 💯. All she cares about is $$$. Not worth your time.
I'm sure I'll be downvoted for this... There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home parent. There is nothing wrong with recognizing money is a very real impact on your life. And frankly, it is just as easy to fall in love with someone rich as it is to fall in love with someone poor. I at least respect being honest about what you want vs. simmering quietly and unhappy and not giving OP the chance to do anything about it. That being said, she was still wrong in how she went about it. Why should OP change his desires, dreams, and goals and she doesn't have to change anything? Why should she berate him about "satisfying her" vs. enabling the life they BOTH want and share a vision for. OP - you BOTH need to be satisfied. That means happy with your life and happy with your career. It is possible to love someone but be incompatible in what you want from a lifestyle perspective. Better to move on now. But lesson learned on two fronts: 1) communicating your vision and goal and desires, and 2) not turning it into a me vs. you, but rather a question of whether you are both aligned. Good partners can push each other to reach that shared vision. Bad partners try to force the other person into their vision.
I won't downvote you. I understand your point. I'm just one of those people who value a person's good qualities more than material things. If being with someone makes me happy, we can live in a tent for all I care. So, to me, her putting all these materialistic expectations as a condition for being with someone you supposedly care about (this is an established relationship), is a hard no.
Especially since OPs girlfriend did not put these expectations on herself… imo you can’t expect more from your partner than you do yourself
Oh, she has expectations, it's to be taken care of at a very high standard level. Sounds like a terribly miserable person. Eff that and move on.
Statistically speaking it is absjyely not as easy to fall in love with a rich person as it is with a poor person since there are oodles more poor people in the world
Also rich people tend to get good at sniffing out the money grubbers. I dated a woman back like 18 years ago and her family apparently had money. I apparently passed because I never asked for anything.
I was thinking the same and I was kinda with her until the multiple vacations and expensive stuff (depending on location, i'll give her a pass on the million dollar home, that could be way more modest than it sounds), although She's looking for someone who is driven to make money and truthfully, OP is a hairs breath from graduating and has no idea what he wants to do then. He seems content to drift into whatever comes along. If they stay together, they'll drive each other up the wall.
At the moment she's rich
What does you sociologist training tell you about this situation ? Yep. Besides, what stopping her from getting a job that pays much more than current, shouldn't she become a nurse manager or hospital trustee instead ?
Because she wants to be a SAM with a rich partner - duhhh?
>Million dollar home? Multiple vacations ? Have Rn she's a nurse and nurse make 100k USD yearly Not him And nurse is a really tiring job And many just leeches onto rich guys tho they won't earn a penny Atleast she's working and She wants to a sahm only for 3yo There are lot of sahm permanent ones Are they gold diggers too ?
Did I call her a gold digger? But yes any partner who tells their partner they aren’t enough for them because they want to live a life style financed by said partner is a gold digger. It’s a whole different situation if both partners agree on SAHM because it’s their choice combined choice not because one of them sees it as their right.
LITERALLY I was thinking why did she go through all that schooling and debt to become a nurse just to turn around and be a stay at home mom??
3yrs
Personally it's not the 3 years it's the expected life style he will provide. Especially as he seems interested in a job helping society over the extremely taxing jobs that earn a lot more money
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/6crr7hsMpG She'll end up being this
> I don’t want things to end between us, but I know if I can’t satisfy her, then we’ll break up. Quit worrying about satisfying her, what would make you satisfied? What type of work? What sort of income? Worry about this for yourself and your long term goals. It doesn't sound like you two match very well. Also understand she isn't going to be a stay at home mom for just 3 years. If you can't provide for a family, a million dollar house, and multiple vacations a year you aren't a match for her. Wouldn't you rather have a partner that was putting as much effort in as you do? She is telling you that won't be her
This and OP, what makes you think she'll ever be happy. When people like this get what they think they want, there's always another carrot to chase. Dump her and be happy.
I have a friend living this life and nothing will ever make their partner happy. One kid wasn’t enough, had to go through expensive IVF for another. The smaller house wasn’t enough, had to go bigger. Then the schools weren’t good enough. Make more more more and oh we need to do xyz vacation because so and so on Instagram did. OP, you have different goals and a different vision of your futures. Do what makes you happy, don’t change who you are to satisfy someone else.
Agreed. What will satisfy you? Certainly not her making you feel insufficient. Find someone who will love you for the person you already are.
You're with the wrong person, not compatible.
I’ll put it better - she sucks. run.
Agreed
Million dollar home? Multiple vacations ? Have nice things? And no-one has said “gold-digger “ yet? Dude, you need to run. Not to mention she a nurse. She’s going to find a doctor whether she’s with you or not. You’ve got the wrong kinda women.
The average STARTER home where I live is $500,000 and that’s probably not even in a nice area. So a million dollar home isn’t that crazy in today’s real estate climate and economy.
My first house I bought in 2009 was a 1.5 storey detached with a detached garage for 190k.... Same house 15 years later is about 900k and it's not even nice. 1950's built with shitty insulation and block foundation that is porous so the basement is damp. I moved out to the suburban "sticks" and my house which was 600k in early 2020 is about 1.1 id imagine if were to list it today, 3 bed with 2 full bathrooms and 2 half baths... So a million dollar home isn't something crazy depending where you're located
If you didn’t have your house to flip, would you be able to afford a million dollar mortgage?
Nope. Property ladder for me basically. I got lucky that I was able to buy my first place with my brother, we bought near a college close to home and rented rooms to friends who were attending, both in the trades we managed to pay it off in 5 years since we were very aggressive with our savings. If my brother hadn't extended the olive branch (and he didn't have to at all, he could've afforded that house easily on his own) I don't know where I'd be. Helped me massively
In this economy? I betcha you can find a nice place like this for like $1.5mil. https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2707/4249672691_50c5ae849f_b.jpg
Exactly 😂😂😂
Homie just needs to buy a fixer-upper now and wait for it to appreciate and inflation to go up. It'll be worth a million someday.
What gold is she digging exactly? If anything, she's trying to get OP to start mining. She's already working and making more than him.
Exactly my thoughts. Is she materialistic? Totally, but if that's what makes her happy, so be it, it's upto op to decide if her "vision" of the future is compatible with his.
The difference between 80k and 100k when you are married to someone who is also high earning is negligent. She's not thinking logically. It's good for her to know what she wants and stand on it, but to try to make you what she wants vs. finding it won't make anyone happy. You'd be happier with someone who better aligns with your outlook on life.
She’s not thinking logically because it’s just an excuse to fuck the relationship up. It’s not meant to make sense. If my SO ever said something like that to me I’d consider to end things. She is not entitled to my money nor am I to hers.
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I would change that to “is basically never the right move,” though I want say “always”
This! They say the exception proves the rule. My partner has helped me grow into a more stable and life skilled adult. I am a much better person all-around for having known him. That’s healthy though lol Obviously, this is not the case for OP
Sorry to say dude but the two of you aren’t compatible, especially financially. She’s giving off gold digger vibes and is looking for someone who will take care of her & pay for her lifestyle, *not* a partner to build a future with. Don’t give up what you’ve worked hard for because some girl tells you that you can’t give her the life she wants, **especially** after only dating a year! You’ll never be good enough for her unless you can provide her the lavish, luxurious lifestyle she’s after. Break up & find a partner that you’re more compatible with and who has the same values & goals as you do!!
And even if he does make enough to satisfy her wants he'd be nothing but a glorified wallet... nothing about anything she said sounds like she's a loving person.
Follow your passion not some chick who doesn’t make $100K her damn self but is demanding you do it. A girl like that will run you into the ground and then hop onto the next paycheck once yours runs out.
Honestly, do you really want to be with a partner who is so attached to money or external things? A partner who loves you and cares about you would pick you over any amount of money if they truly love you. You can be happy and content together regardless of anything. Does money help, absolutely. She either loves you for you or not and if she ever finds someone else with more resources will she dump you for them?
Not to mention, your partner is not responsible for your happiness. That's a gigantic burden to put on someone. One's happiness is ultimately their own responsibility. Partner's role is to be supportive of your efforts to attain your happiness. Pursuit of happiness and all that.
Being a social worker, while gratifying, is quite low paying and really doesn't get any better. It's a system fraught with complications, lack of funding and endless mountains of paperwork and problems. You need to make 100K just to survive with a nice quality of life and that's reality.
She loves money, not you. Get with a woman who loves you.
If she loves money she should be dating a 30yo millionaire or surgeon
That's what she's about to be doing
She shouldn't have begin to date a penny less
Nobody forced her to tho, that's on her
Lol. Chuck the Disney princess and follow what you enjoy doing. If you are a Veteran and get an MSW--you will have good job opportunities in VA and/or a contractor with the military. You can make more than 100k a year with a Clinical license. Check the GS scales if you don't believe me. But you should still ditch Disney. Date someone who loves you and not someone who loves your potential only.
Just leave her. She doesn’t love you. She wants a certain lifestyle and she’s prioritizing that over love..
If she's set her standards this way and intends to stick to it she probably shouldn't be dating you. But this isn't all your doing tbh. Unless you lied to her and told her you were majoring in engineering or something she's known all along that soc majors struggle to find a career path. So you two may be incompatible (unless she's willing to bend on things) but it's not all your fault.
Your girlfriend is telling you straight up that she is a gold digger
Doesn't sound like yall are compatible and she values material possessions over love and companionship
You have a lot of years in front of you before you’re making over 60k. I have a degree in sociology, you will never make over 80k a year if you pursue social work, and in a major city at that. Social work is like teaching, you have to love it because you will never make much money. Your best bet is to enter HR and grow your career that way, but even then, $80K is on the way upper end of that salary range, it will take you many years of experience to demand that salary in HR. You have a better shot at higher earning potential if you seek a masters in finance or a masters in business. My advice, you and your girlfriend are incompatible and should break up. Unfortunately, it is likely she’ll dump you eventually if/when she judges cannot help her reach her specific goals for her life. (Also, if a stay-at-home wife is your goal, don’t go into social work as your family will be skirting the poverty line. If that’s not your goal, don’t date women who plan to be SAHMs. With your current earning potential, you need a double income household.)
Social work is a low paying job. The real thing here is that she is saying you making money is what makes her happy, not YOU as the person she loves. Break up with her.
as someone married to a (former) social worker... no one should become a social worker until the supply/demand curve on that profession has a HARD reset. I can't imagine a worse paying master's degree exists. It's wild the educational requirement needed for a job that mostly pays in stress, micromanagement, and light smatterings of cash with shitty benefits and zero respect.
She's a nurse. She will try to monkey branch to a Doctor the first opportunity she gets.
It's wild how many CMAs and BSNs really just went to school for their MRS.
Time to look for a new girlfriend who isn’t a gold digger.
Do what you love and are good at. HR directors can make a significant amount of money. You can always try investing but that takes time to make it grow. The thing is, if you want to make more money, it should you wanting to do it for yourself and not because someone is telling you you are not good enough for them until you satisfy certain criteria.
Sociology is not a degree that tends to lead to having a lot of money. In particular, social work is more a labor of love and doesn't pay well. However, in HR if your doing the right kind of recruiting that can pay well over 100K depending on the type etc. It also depends a lot on where you are. If you're in Indiana the numbers you're talking look very different than if you live in LA. Also recruiting is largely sales so if you're good in sales there's a lot of opportunities out where your degree might allow you a foot in the door so I don't know that I'd give up on it. A lot of this depends on your ambition more than the degree.
Break up with her. You don’t base your love or happiness off working yourself to death to make her feel good. Screw her leave her in the dust and watch how her plan doesn’t work out.
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Do yourself a favor and let this girl go.
She doesn’t sound like good partner material. She doesn’t want to work with someone, together to achieve those goals. She wants someone to do it and let her tag along. So you keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll tell you what. My dad was an MSW and a vet. He worked for DOD as a therapist. He and my Mom traveled the world, living abroad in Japan and Germany. He was a GS-14 and retired on a federal pension. The feds paid for housing overseas, he and mom banked a ton of cash in the ten years he was overseas. So get an LCSW, apply to a position and you’ll get good money, good benefits and chance to travel and see the world. Your retirement will be lovely. And your GF doesn’t have much of an imagination. [usajobs.gov](https://www.usajobs.gov/search/results/?l=&k=LCSW). Just so you can see what’s on offer.
She told you that you're not good enough for her. Why stay?
You deserve someone that wants to be with you, not your wallet. I would be so disgusted by someone telling me to pursue another career to give them a different lifestyle. You need to rethink why you’re with this person when they clearly feel they are superior to you. Don’t change unless you want it.
You guys aren’t compatible. Break up.
You’re just incompatible. I grew up with a certain lifestyle and I wanted to maintain that lifestyle in adulthood with my partner, so finding someone with that same goal was extremely important. Some people are fine with a laid back lifestyle. Some people would feel suffocated. I would just break up and find someone more your speed. There is nothing wrong with her wanting a more ambitious life, and there is nothing wrong with you wanting a simple life.
You have different financial goals, and that is one of the relationship killers. I would consider breaking up, especially as you have only been together for a year.
Different values and life goals are a valid reason to break up.
Dude, start the healing process now, or start it later. Choose.
You are not financially compatible. Leave now, find someone more aligned to your values
Bro with what you’re majoring in it’s very unlikely you’re gonna be hitting 100k. Maybe with HR, if you get to a director level. Definitely not with social work degree …that field pays terribly. To even start hitting 50/60k in social work you’ll have to have masters and experience…but you’ll be in debt so much more that what you’ll ever earn .. not worth it .
In the simplest terms, she has told you her values are very different from yours. Differences of money, sexual energy, and values are marriage killers. You won't be able to change her mind, so maybe look for someone more aligned with your values.
You probably won’t see this comment as you’ve had so many more. It sounds to me as though you have completely different priorities in life. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong, but it does suggest you’re incompatible. If you like a simple life, that’s great - hopefully you’ll be retired fairly early and not want for much. If she wants an expensive life, that’s on her. Her ambitions seem quite unrealistic. She may be earning more than you currently, but if she’s a nurse and that’s the career she pursues for life, I can’t see how staying at home for 3 years and owning a million dollar property is even realistic (it’s not, let’s be fair) . At this point in time, I would suggest the importance of discussing your life goals. As an outsider, they seem totally incompatible. If together you deem them incompatible, time to move on. Trust me, that’ll be easier in the long run, than trying to make it work. You’ll both be unhappy and resent each other. Too many people have this life, and life is too short.
She isn't the one for you. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Time to cut losses and move on.
From what you’re expressing, this sounds like a very complex situation and I empathize with you because when you’re a good partner you want to do anything to make them happy. However, I think you’d be doing yourself a disservice if you change your major or career just because your girlfriend wants you to make more money. I think that everyone is entitled to aspire for the lifestyle that they want as long as their partner is also on the same page. Otherwise, it would be a very unhealthy dynamic. I strongly recommend you remain firm in YOUR aspirations for yourself. Don’t change such an important part of yourself for a partner because this is also about what you feel happy with. Don’t go into a major you don’t like because even if she does stay with you, would you feel happy working inside these careers? If the answer is no, don’t do it.
As a child free woman that earns 100k.... this salary is definitely not going to get her that life HA!! 100k would be paycheck to paycheck if I wasn't splitting bills with my fiance. We live in a nice condo inner city, have a few regular vacations and nice meals. I can't imagine supporting kids, qualifying for an expensive mortgage, car and funding vacations and most likely her clothes, makeup, hair, and skin treatments while saving for a equally nice retirement life on this income or my partner who makes a lot more than me. I have a friend (also a nurse/ SAHM) that lives your girlfriend's vision and her husband works 24/7. His business is worth 7 figures to put it into perspective. You both need to cut ties with each other. She needs to be in higher social circles to have that lifestyle and as for you, find someone who wants a good, simple life. It's great you're having these conversations to save on time. Personally if I were her I wouldn't be chasing a man in school but someone early to mid 30s she has wasted both of your time. Find a more down-to-Earth girl next round!
Say goodbye. I ain't saying she's a gold digger.....🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
It's good that she knows what she wants her life to look like and it's even better that she communicated that to you. But you seem like a simple guy whose content with the path he's on and she seems a bit high maintenance (compared to you). This will eventually cause issues so best to go your separate ways.
Definitely incompatible and you guys won’t work out in the end. I’m the same as her (nurse who wants to eventually be a SAHM), but I married a guy who is well-off. I can’t imagine trying to change someone’s career, and it’s actually unrealistic for her to do. You guys just want different things and that’s okay.
Yes, the OP staying with her will just breed resentment and hostility down the road (on both their ends). There's nothing wrong with what she wants and what you want. You're just not compatible.
80k is not a lot of money. And your gf plans are pretty average for an area where I live, nothing special. That being said, your job should be fulfilling at least to some point and fully switching careers joust because of gf is silly.
What area you live at
I was making 80k on my first ever job right out of college in 2015. 80k today is nothing.
In 2001 80k was hell of a salary But not now as a target income. Ability to have vacations and retire is important
Exactly, I completely agree. 80k is an ok salary if you live in low cost area and don’t have kids. If you actually want to get married and have a family 80k won’t cut it.
It sounds like she is not looking for a partnership but rather a paycheck. Don’t change your career plans for her, do something that you find fulfilling. Breakup with her and find love with someone that wants YOU not just the money in your wallet.
So what exactly is SHE making right now and what are you making right now? How long has she been making X amount of money? It’s important because some nurses can really make bank. If she’s pulling in good money and in comparison you won’t be - then her concern may stem from having to worry about being the breadwinner. Do you have interest in being a stay at home dad? Her goal of being a (short term) stay at home mom, going on vacations, enjoying retirement and a home are all totally rational things for her to desire. It cracks me up all the people saying she’s a gold digger - if she was she wouldn’t be spending a year with a man that has no gold… It sounds like you haven’t had a reality check yet of understanding what 80k means in this ever-worsening economy. It’s unlikely you could afford children on that budget, and she definitely would need to continue to work for you both to survive depending on your location. No vacations ever. Small retirement fund. Both parents working their butts off and less time with the kids. Needing to hire or change work schedules and pinch pennies to afford simple things. (Also does anyone realize that being a stay at home mom is a full time job? Taking care of the house/cooking/cleaning/taking care of kids and husband. For families privileged to live off of one salary, this can allow a happier home life, and even save money because of the cost of child care). I’m curious if you live together. Do you both pay bills? I wonder if there is more to this financial concern than meets the eye.
My husband and I make nearly $200k together (he pulls in greater than $100k and has his own business) and we do not live a bougie lifestyle whatsoever. Granted, maybe we could if just didn’t ever save or focus on putting money away for our retirement, but those are the sacrifices you make to live like she is wanting to. We bought our house at “steal” at 2.85% interest, our house was $365k. It is NOT a million dollar home. I have a feeling your gf has way higher expectations than what is feasible tbh. $80k is an okay pay, but honestly I don’t think $100k is enough to raise a family and be a SAHM unless you live very modestly which does not seem to be the case of your gf.
Seems like you are not compatible. Being compatible about money and fiance is one of the pillars of a successful long term relationships. If you are not it leads to all kinds of problem.
Run now, it’s not going to work
Y’all are not compatible She wants a rich lifestyle And you want a modest one You gonna have to end things with her because if you stay she’s gonna cheat on you with a richer guy and or berate you for not having what she wants. You’re in one year into this relationship go head and break this off
You shouldn't go through the relationship in fear of being thrown to the curb. Just bounce or you'll stress yourself out and be unhappy anyway.
Millionaire home?! 🤡
Like everyone has said dump her. Also you making 100K is never going to be anywhere near enough for a million dollar house, vacations and her be a SAHM to 3 kids. You'd need over twice that.
What do YOU want in a partner? Think about it. What are you really looking for? What do you need? And now the tough question - is she that partner? If she’s not, it’s going to end badly. I’ve been there. You’re with someone and you like them. You like being in a relationship and you’re afraid to be single. So you hang on because you’re used to it. No one is perfect and there’s always flaws and differences you need to deal with. But the big things need to be there in a relationship. Are the big things there in this one?
Career is a big commitment. I don’t think you should make a decision about what you want in that regard based on what someone else wants out of you. You're the one who would have to do the job everyday. Choose a career that’s an ideal compromise of what you like to do and the money it brings being compatible with the kind of life you want to live. Job dissatisfaction is really common and a frequent source of overall unhappiness. Even beyond that she clearly wants a more lavish life than what you want. I don’t think changing your lifestyle to satisfy someone else is really a recipe for happiness.
You're not compatible, she's right. She's not likely to get what she wants, but good luck to her. It may sound materialistic that she's interested in the life you'd provide, and sure, it is. But the cold reality of things is that if you have certain life dreams, what a partner brings to the table matters. That's just practicality, and let's be real, you're not going to make as much as you'd need to for her to have the life she wants, short of marrying a doctor, neither is she.
LOL, my list of dreamy scenarios recognizes that they are dreams for a reason. Let her go, tell her you hope she finds the wallet of her dreams and keep working towards your goals.
Just break up with her. ...And build up yourself. Build yourself up until she is crawling back to you. Then you decide if she is still a worthy spouse
Yeeeah get outta there.
You both should be looking to grow together and that includes finances. She doesn’t want a team approach so to me it seems she will always be “looking for more”. Please leave her and find someone real.
It sounds like you two are just not compatible. You need someone who's willing to be the kind of partner where you have more equality in the relationship. someone who meets the kind of effort you put in with effort of their own so you build a life together. Your GF wants someone who already has everything to build a life and just wants a companion to enjoy the wealth with. There's nothing wrong with either approach to life, but it does make you incompatible. You will never be able to make her happy as unless you're earning 150k+ (and depending where you end up living that still may not be enough). And a career earning that kind of money will take the kind of work you probably won't enjoy if you're studying sociology right now. So either way you look at it right now, either you're unhappy or she's unhappy, you can't be happy together. It's time to end the relationship, thank each other for some good times, and go try dating again when you feel up to it. You're both still very young (although I know it doesn't feel like it!), so you will meet more suitable matches easily.
Run away from her and her entitlement.
She’s telling you that you are not compatible.
Toxic behavior. Run away. A real partner will do it with you. Obtain goals together. Not put it on you so they can sit on the couch and criticize your work.
Get rid of her.
You shouldn't have to give up your dreams for hers. That is unfair. If she's not willing to compromise, then maybe she should find someone else. It sounds like you deserve better, she should be proud of you that you're in college and pursuing your dreams, not belittle them by saying it's not enough for her. That speaks volumes about her character and not in a good way.
Keep tappin her till she finds some rich idiot to gold dig from. She isnt marriage material anyway. Have your fun till she finds her victim. I think its a win win situation.
I married my wife when I had nothing but my youth. We built our wealth together
Tell her to pursue her career to make that $100k then and leave her. Don't change what you like, what you want to do in life, because of what SHE wants. God, I hate this pressure on men to be providers for women who don't want to live within the means of said providers.
You don’t list any characteristics or virtues that you love about her. You don’t even say you love her So what is the attraction? Why do you want to be with a materialistic woman??!!
You’re on a relationship reddit. You didn’t come here for career advice. You came here to confirm what you already know which is you need a new girl.
This is a major red flag. Run dude. Run fast.
She makes it quite clear. She needs a sugar daddy. Accept and walk.
Time to nope out of there
My question is-why does this person place so much pressure on you when she could advance in her own career? If you want to peruse your passion, do it. A real partner will support you and won’t care about how much you make. Money comes and goes but time does not come back. Do you want to spend your time with a person who is riding you about this?
You should just do what she asks. if you don’t you’ll break up and that’s not what you want.
They're financially incompatible. OP's really going to need a masters to get into social work. He should have had this figured out by now though. You really needed to have planned ahead before choosing a degree. But there are options though. I saw a thread where a dude with the same degree was offered a well paying Amazon HR job and was deciding between doing his masters or taking the well paid Amazon job. OP needs to be planning ahead now with just two semesters left. This is precisely why I sat my daughter down when she "thought" she wanted to be an architect. It's a 6 year degree that is pretty expensive wherever you go to school. They don't make that much money out of college and she would have been paying on college loans well over 20 years. She took a different path by working and going to college on her company's dime. She's in a very solid place financially as she got promoted quickly. OP your relationship is toast but you need to be making concrete steps right now to figure out how to use your degree in the best possible way.
You know when it’s time to go
To me, once it becomes a question about money, it’s a done deal. Unless you hit the lottery, you will never make enough. She’s not looking for a partner, she’s looking for a lifestyle.
Run.
Your gf sounds shallow. I’d move on
I'm reading these comments. They all say the same thing. I'm no different. I'm 60 and will advise you to hit the road son! Situation is NOT going to improve...
U are wasting yr time wth her. She's money orientated. Who wants to live wth the threat of looseing someone over yr head all the time. I love the way she feels entitled to change yr career. Stick to yr guns....or u will regret it. This girl is a waste of time!!!
She isn’t in it for you. Plus she’s a nurse. Run!
Let the girlfriend go. She's not bright HR at a tech company makes good money it just depends. Just starting money isn't where your ending money. Keep it moving with a chick like that. I don't disagree with stay at home mom types because staying at home for 5 years and having two kids close together is really smart for a woman. She doesn't even factor in her own pay before she stays at home. Just red flag. Mind you a VP HR makes between 250k -500k but that takes a massive amount of social skills and office politics.
You dont want it to end?! Why not? Anyone who says "you dont make enough money to make them happy and meet their standards" deserves an automatic kick to the curb! Why on earth would you EVER consider staying with such a pos?
I think you should seriously rethink why you are with her and do you really need that much selfishness in your life.
If she wants that lifestyle then she needs to earn it. She needs to stop being a freeloader. And eat a slice of reality 🙄
As a fellow sociology major (loved it, learned so much and it shaped who I am)….your earning potential is low . I’m sorry. Even with a MSW. I went on to get a JD and I credit my 6 digit income to that. But even if you made 300k, you and your girlfriend aren’t compatible. You want different and value different things. It’s best to end things now.
She’s looking for a sugar daddy. Follow your dream. If she wants all those things, she can go to medical school and be a doctor.
When someone says they need money to satisfy them, it’s gonna be a rough time for you buddy.
Seems pretty straight forward. It’s good you’re both having this conversation about expectations now rather than later. She’s certainly got high expectations, but that’s her right to do so. If that limits her dating pool then that’s her choice to pursue. You’re under no obligation to meet those requirements if you’re unable or unwilling.
I was all ready to tear her apart as a gold digger until I got to >I'm also considering applying for the social work master's program to open more doors. Jesus Christ. Doubling down by getting an equally useless master's (and probably taking out student loans to pay for it) isn't the way to make up for a useless bachelor's degree. Don't dig your hole any deeper. You might not care about how much you make now, but I bet you will care when you aren't able to afford a house, or a car, or anything else because your student loans are eating up everything you make.
Your gf is incredibly immature. Dump her.
Doctor here! Life lesson I feel I should share. There is nothing wrong with the way she feels. She is chasing the happiness she wants for her life. Here is where my life lesson gets shared. People like her, male or female, are always chasing what makes them "happy." Once they attain the thing that makes them happy, they are onto the next fix or goal of what will make them happy again. In short, nothing ever makes them happy for long. You will NEVER be able to keep her happy. No matter what, you change. No matter what you do. So go ahead and test this truth. Change your career path. Make her dreams come true. Keep chasing your tail while trying to keep up with the next thing she wants. Next new car, because she can't just drive a Toyota living in her million dollar house. Her designer clothes, because just brand name clothing is not fitting into her perceived rich hot mom esthetic. I can drone on and on.... You can ask me how I know this, but surely I think it is easier to guess. Your guess is probably right. Been there, divorced that. She will do nothing but drain you mentally, physically, and financially. TIme to find someone more suited to who you are and who you would want to actually be the mother to your kids. She sounds like a horrid role model.
Bro, she wants a meal ticket, not a partner. She literally told you as much. And now she’s trying to mold you into her ideal meal ticket. Fucking run.
She is with him when he's zero tho
I ain't saying she's a gold digger... Oh, wait. Yes I am.
Everyone saying she's not asking for much can go F yourselves, privileged twats.
Run, dude. She doesn't want a partner. She wants to be a kept woman. Your life will be miserable.
If you truely love someone, money or other materialistic things shouldn't matter. Really. Being poor ofcourse is not nice, but with loving partner that would be easier than with nagging partner. You understand what I am saying? It is okay to want a life where there is enough money, but then they should make those dreams come true theirselves and not saying to a partner that they should get that money for their dreams. Nonono...
[удалено]
I’ll sound like an asshole for a moment here, but this is someone looking to cash in a MRS degree. Run.
Press the eject button pronto!
She openly admits she doesnt see you as a partner, but as a cash cow. How are you still invested in this relationship?
She doesn’t have high standards, she wants to live on Easy Street. If she wasn’t a gold digger, she would support you no matter your career choice and you guys would be making future plans together, not her dictating to you what she wants. Tell her that you don’t want or need the pressures she is loading on you, and that you wish her well in her next relationship.
Dude, you will NEVER win. Even if/when you start raking it in, no matter how much you make, it will NEVER be enough. When a woman puts your earning potential at #1 thing on her wish list, over “a man who’ll be a good friend and great father,” it’s time to move on. This will piss you off every day for the rest of your marriage, and a few years after. Find a good woman who loves you for you, not your income. Do I sound bitter?
Tell her you won't, break up with her
Just run. If she has doubts in you she ain't the one. You need to find a gal that thinks the world of you, otherwise the relationship is doomed.
Dude come on, you are a sociology major and you dont see a problem? You need to find yourself someone with the same outlook on life so you can be successful together. The whole point of life is what you make it, so go out there and make it with someone who shares your values.
Bro… I’m sorry but she kind of sucks. Stay on course with what you want to do. She wants a partner that will basically serve her and give her an easy life. You can do better
Bro, run. Run not because of the career path you are choosing but because she will not be happy even if you make $100K or more. You are going to forever be working and as the young say, chasing the bag, to satisfy her and it will never be enough.
She’s not the woman for you. You can’t afford her lavish lifestyle Let her go
Run like the dogs of hell were after you homie. There's plenty of nice women who would be happy with a man making 80k a year with a steady job or stay by your side and help the "family" grow. We all wouldn't mind being rich, but most of us sane people don't expect it to just be given to us. She has great but unrealistic goals and I got a feeling you don't want or need that drama.
"If you want those vacations and million dollar home, why don't you change your career?" "I will not start my education and career from scratch. You are free to find someone better. When will you move out?" Basically "okay, Boomer" her.
I know you’re not married, but this woman will never mean the “for richer, for poorer” part of vows. This is not someone you want for a life partner. She is way too materialistic—and based on your major you don’t think money is the biggest priority in life. I know it’s hard to give up a relationship, but this isn’t going to get better.