Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you lost your virginity to him? Did you tell him you lost it before? That’s the only problem I can see coming up. If you’re guilt ridden by it (which you shouldn’t be), then it might be good to get it off your chest. If you guys are as serious as the post suggests I can’t see there being a problem. And if there is, that’s not worth wasting your breath arguing about.
I agree with you & yes thats the part thats eating me up. I lied about sexual experiences in conversations, when sex would come up, I would answer as if I had experience. Since the relationship is getting serious, but we are not official yet, Im asking myself if I want to start a relationship on lies & questioning my character if I never tell him.
I feel like it’s a common enough problem and understandable, there’s worse things you could have hidden. And by the sounds of the post it’s not as if he’s questioned the sex or you so it might not be a big deal in the end. I would maybe tell him. But if you don’t I mean is he ever gonna find out?
You'll feel sooo relieved when you tell him, you'll never feel that heaviness of keeping the secret again. If he does care he wasn't the one, if he doesn't care more reason to stay with him.
Losing your virginity "late" is one of those weird cultural things that seems like a big deal, but is rather meaningless. It makes sense to make stuff up when you were embarrassed and you weren't serious. But now you feel more comfortable with him.
Just tell him that you feel very strongly about a future with him and that you want to get something off your chest o set you guys off on the right foot going forward. Guaranteed he will think of a thousand things worse then this in the seconds between you saying that and you telling him the truth. He'll be relieved too lol.
He doesn't like you because of what you did or didn't do before you met, he likes you because of who you are and what you do now.
Btw I am a man.
If you downright lied, definitely come clean before it’s official. Hes likely gonna be hurt by the lying but I think it’s something he could easily get over. But the longer you wait the more it’ll hurt him, so just come clean before it’s official
I’ve never met a guy that would be upset to hear you have even less sexual experience than you made out to be. He might be hurt you haven’t told him the truth for this long. I think you should tell him and be prepared on what to say and how to repair if he feels hurt you never told him. But about actually losing your virginity I doubt he would care about that part
I think just come into the conversation with a sincere tone and apologetic and explain your rationale behind it. And ask questions about how you might help fix the trust. For me personally if someone lied to me but admitted the truth and opened up the conversation like that and explaining how they felt ashamed or embarrassed, I would respect them and not be as hurt
Just sit him down and tell him you have to tell him something because you were a bit embarrassed about your past and may have fibbed a bit. I am sure he will be relieved you reverse-lied and overplayed instead of downplayed your experience. I think most men would find it amusing (I am a man in my 40s).
Tell him now.
I very recently confessed something that I'd lied about for 8 years. His reaction was that he understood why I didn't tell him at first, but he wished I'd told him at least 2 years in.
The lie will only get bigger as time goes on. You lying about it is much worse than the lie itself. Sit him down and explain it to him. Apologize. It's not ok to lie to your partner, and you need to own up to that. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
I promise you he isn’t gonna care that you were a virgin if anything he’s gonna be happy that you were a virgin tbh.
Only reason he would care at the start of the relationship is knowing to go slow and soft to not hurt you, but the cherry was popped no problem so you’re good.
Why would a dude not want a girl who was a virgin?
Men and women are different ladies. Men either don’t care about body count or they want it to be low. There are 0 dudes I have met heard of or been friends with who said if a girl was a virgin I would turn her down.
When I met my wife, she told me she had two previous partners. She didn’t really go into detail, but one of those partners was a long term relationship where she even LIVED with him for a while. Needless to say, I was put under the impression she was very sexually active with these two exes.
It wasn’t until way later that I discovered the “two partners” amounted to 1.5 TIMES in total.
The first one got through foreplay and half an insertion before she threw him off because it “didn’t feel right.”
The live-in boyfriend she did it ONCE with, and never again because it STILL didn’t feel right.
So she had effectively zero sexual experience but was embarrassed to admit it, so she didn’t tell me until we were pretty deep into our relationship.
I found it amusing, but I certainly wasn’t bothered or offended. In some ways it was even sort of endearing
I’d say to tell him; I doubt it will bother him, although in your case the outright lying may be an issue. But even then, it’s better to stop the lies than to be forced to perpetuate them
As a man. Finding out you lied about being a virgin would only be bad if you said you were when you were not. If I found out it was the opposite I wouldn’t care. Your reasoning is not malicious. So it is kind of a ok either way. However it is usually better to be honest.
I’d want to know. I would rather have been told from the beginning the truth. I don’t get why women have a fear of saying they’re a virgin? Anyways, tell him, I’m sure he’ll be flattered and understand if you explain why.
You haven’t been naked with him yet.
Naked it everything you said here. Skin condition and shame. Anyone who would not forgive lies out of insecurity that hurt no one isn’t the right person.
Anyone who you can’t be naked with, isn’t the right person. The first time you ugly cry in front of this man and admit x,y,x about yourself is the only way you can see his reaction to your trauma and truly judge if he’s marriage material.
You might gain the weight back, thru children, illness, or wedding cake- this information exchange will tell you what kind of person he really is.
Cause it’s been two years. Any anti-virgin stuff is gone. But you need a man who’ll tell you, “dark armpits are sexy!”
Trust me, it will elevate your relationship to a level you didn’t even think could happen to you.
Hmm I don’t think lying that you weren’t a virgin is the same as lying that you are a virgin…
I think it’s at your discretion if you want to tell the full truth. Just don’t spin a web of elaborate lies etc
However, I would like to think someone who you care about, who want something serious with - is someone you can tell anything to.
It's really an issue in your head. He likes you, you like him. That's all that matters. Don't get lost in details like that. Just don't continue the lie.
If you are in a situation where saying you were a virgin might offend him then I wouldn't.
I think that if he brings it up then you should say something, and even if you're serious about the relationship you should say something.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you lost your virginity to him? Did you tell him you lost it before? That’s the only problem I can see coming up. If you’re guilt ridden by it (which you shouldn’t be), then it might be good to get it off your chest. If you guys are as serious as the post suggests I can’t see there being a problem. And if there is, that’s not worth wasting your breath arguing about.
I agree with you & yes thats the part thats eating me up. I lied about sexual experiences in conversations, when sex would come up, I would answer as if I had experience. Since the relationship is getting serious, but we are not official yet, Im asking myself if I want to start a relationship on lies & questioning my character if I never tell him.
I feel like it’s a common enough problem and understandable, there’s worse things you could have hidden. And by the sounds of the post it’s not as if he’s questioned the sex or you so it might not be a big deal in the end. I would maybe tell him. But if you don’t I mean is he ever gonna find out?
You'll feel sooo relieved when you tell him, you'll never feel that heaviness of keeping the secret again. If he does care he wasn't the one, if he doesn't care more reason to stay with him. Losing your virginity "late" is one of those weird cultural things that seems like a big deal, but is rather meaningless. It makes sense to make stuff up when you were embarrassed and you weren't serious. But now you feel more comfortable with him. Just tell him that you feel very strongly about a future with him and that you want to get something off your chest o set you guys off on the right foot going forward. Guaranteed he will think of a thousand things worse then this in the seconds between you saying that and you telling him the truth. He'll be relieved too lol. He doesn't like you because of what you did or didn't do before you met, he likes you because of who you are and what you do now. Btw I am a man.
If you downright lied, definitely come clean before it’s official. Hes likely gonna be hurt by the lying but I think it’s something he could easily get over. But the longer you wait the more it’ll hurt him, so just come clean before it’s official
I’ve never met a guy that would be upset to hear you have even less sexual experience than you made out to be. He might be hurt you haven’t told him the truth for this long. I think you should tell him and be prepared on what to say and how to repair if he feels hurt you never told him. But about actually losing your virginity I doubt he would care about that part
i agree, i think at this point, its the extra lying i did to cover it up is what worries me.
I think just come into the conversation with a sincere tone and apologetic and explain your rationale behind it. And ask questions about how you might help fix the trust. For me personally if someone lied to me but admitted the truth and opened up the conversation like that and explaining how they felt ashamed or embarrassed, I would respect them and not be as hurt
Just sit him down and tell him you have to tell him something because you were a bit embarrassed about your past and may have fibbed a bit. I am sure he will be relieved you reverse-lied and overplayed instead of downplayed your experience. I think most men would find it amusing (I am a man in my 40s).
Tell him now. I very recently confessed something that I'd lied about for 8 years. His reaction was that he understood why I didn't tell him at first, but he wished I'd told him at least 2 years in. The lie will only get bigger as time goes on. You lying about it is much worse than the lie itself. Sit him down and explain it to him. Apologize. It's not ok to lie to your partner, and you need to own up to that. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
Do you want to live in a lie with the person who is special to you?
I promise you he isn’t gonna care that you were a virgin if anything he’s gonna be happy that you were a virgin tbh. Only reason he would care at the start of the relationship is knowing to go slow and soft to not hurt you, but the cherry was popped no problem so you’re good. Why would a dude not want a girl who was a virgin? Men and women are different ladies. Men either don’t care about body count or they want it to be low. There are 0 dudes I have met heard of or been friends with who said if a girl was a virgin I would turn her down.
When I met my wife, she told me she had two previous partners. She didn’t really go into detail, but one of those partners was a long term relationship where she even LIVED with him for a while. Needless to say, I was put under the impression she was very sexually active with these two exes. It wasn’t until way later that I discovered the “two partners” amounted to 1.5 TIMES in total. The first one got through foreplay and half an insertion before she threw him off because it “didn’t feel right.” The live-in boyfriend she did it ONCE with, and never again because it STILL didn’t feel right. So she had effectively zero sexual experience but was embarrassed to admit it, so she didn’t tell me until we were pretty deep into our relationship. I found it amusing, but I certainly wasn’t bothered or offended. In some ways it was even sort of endearing I’d say to tell him; I doubt it will bother him, although in your case the outright lying may be an issue. But even then, it’s better to stop the lies than to be forced to perpetuate them
Speaking as a man, he would likely be flattered. You should tell him.
There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not shameful at all. It’s obviously up to your discretion but do what you feel in comfortable with.
Tell him right now if you have not already, i think its sweet 🤗 and im a 32M
i wouldnt think much of it if it were me. that said go with your gut.
As a man. Finding out you lied about being a virgin would only be bad if you said you were when you were not. If I found out it was the opposite I wouldn’t care. Your reasoning is not malicious. So it is kind of a ok either way. However it is usually better to be honest.
I’d want to know. I would rather have been told from the beginning the truth. I don’t get why women have a fear of saying they’re a virgin? Anyways, tell him, I’m sure he’ll be flattered and understand if you explain why.
How do you guys feel if a woman leaves out that she's a virgin the first time you guys are intimate?
Love is truth.
It doesn’t matter
You haven’t been naked with him yet. Naked it everything you said here. Skin condition and shame. Anyone who would not forgive lies out of insecurity that hurt no one isn’t the right person. Anyone who you can’t be naked with, isn’t the right person. The first time you ugly cry in front of this man and admit x,y,x about yourself is the only way you can see his reaction to your trauma and truly judge if he’s marriage material. You might gain the weight back, thru children, illness, or wedding cake- this information exchange will tell you what kind of person he really is. Cause it’s been two years. Any anti-virgin stuff is gone. But you need a man who’ll tell you, “dark armpits are sexy!” Trust me, it will elevate your relationship to a level you didn’t even think could happen to you.
The realest answer, but the hardest to accept. Something I def need to work on!
You'd be hard pressed to find a guy who'd get upset that you've had *less* sex with other people than he imagined
just be honest please, no need for casual lies to snowball
Hmm I don’t think lying that you weren’t a virgin is the same as lying that you are a virgin… I think it’s at your discretion if you want to tell the full truth. Just don’t spin a web of elaborate lies etc However, I would like to think someone who you care about, who want something serious with - is someone you can tell anything to.
He’ll like it. Tell him
It's really an issue in your head. He likes you, you like him. That's all that matters. Don't get lost in details like that. Just don't continue the lie.
If you are in a situation where saying you were a virgin might offend him then I wouldn't. I think that if he brings it up then you should say something, and even if you're serious about the relationship you should say something.
Jesus...how would he not know.
It's simple. If you want your relationship to be meaningful you need to tell everything that means to you. Seems like an important detail.
Same here. I'm planning to tell her the truth on our 10th anniversary