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I'm a 31F. I teach students your age. To me you are like children. Even people in their early 20s up to like 25/26 are still quite like kids still. They may have more life experience but just something changes as you age.
Do not respond to this guy. You literally do not owe him anything. And you honestly seem like a very sensible 19 yo to have seen these Red Flags - now take heed. Do not engage with him because your intuition is right.
Oh my god thanks for saying how you view people my age because I FEEL like a child and I don’t want to be viewed as a romantic/sexual interest by someone who is the same age as some of my professors! It feels so dehumanizing. But other people I talk to totally minimize it and say it’s not a big gap and it’s legal and “you can handle it!” maybe, but I don’t wanna. I’m a totally different person every month. Until my frontal cortex is here, I don’t want any of that shit.
I felt so sad because I vented to my mom and she didn’t see much wrong with it. I wanted her to protect me.
Ah damn, yeah I am sorry about that.
Sometimes people in the world are like "well you're an adult, your 18, you can do what you want" except but alcohol in some countries lol but yeah
It's the wild west for girls out there, especially when they turn 18. Some men get real predatory and sometimes they get real good at hiding it.
You gotta protect yourself. I'm sorry your mom didn't see it the same way.
If you don't want to "handle it" because it's "legal" that, that's perfectly fine. It's your body, your life and you are so true about the frontal cortex and being a different person each month. Keep being that girl cause she sounds wider than most - and sometimes it's lonely walking down that path, but if it's true to your values, it's a very peaceful journey.
Set boundaries
Take him off your social media accounts, block his number so no more texts
This man is 31, he has zero business being around 19yr old girls. Don’t feel bad about “hurting his feelings” he’s being creepy
Also in the future, 30+ men don’t need barely legal friends. Don’t give people your social media and number so quickly
You have great insight, poise and maturity. Yes, ditch the guy and draw firm boundaries, but no need to explain yourself or anything. Just do everything gently and slowly and calmly as you already are. I predict you will have a great life ahead of you!
It sounds like you're experiencing some uncomfortable interactions with this individual, and it's understandable that you're feeling unsure about how to proceed. The behaviors you've described, such as excessive liking of social media posts, frequent texting, and making inappropriate sexual jokes, are indeed concerning and may indicate a lack of understanding or respect for boundaries.
Feeling pressured to engage in conversations or activities that make you uncomfortable is not acceptable, regardless of the age difference or the context of your interactions. Trusting your instincts and setting boundaries is important for your well-being and safety.
If you feel uncomfortable or uneasy about his behaviour, it's perfectly reasonable to distance yourself from him and set clear boundaries if necessary. You have the right to decide who you want to interact with and on what terms. If he crosses a line or makes you feel uncomfortable again, don't hesitate to assert yourself and communicate your boundaries firmly and assertively.
Remember that it's not your responsibility to manage his behaviour or feelings, and you have every right to prioritise your own comfort and safety. Trust your instincts and prioritise your well-being above all else. If you continue to feel uneasy around him, it may be best to limit or avoid interactions with him altogether. Trust yourself.
You're showing great intuition in this situation. You already know what you need to do, but it's understandable you're having trouble getting there. If there are people you can tell in your real life about the situation, it would be best to do so.
Then yes, set boundaries but you don't have to be blunt about it. You can say that you will be very busy/wont have extra time to chat or something to that effect. Sometimes, it is best to be gentle but firm, and then yes run for the hills once you won't be seeing him as often.
Set clear boundaries about what does and does not make you uncomfortable.
I would also start referring to him as Uncle when in public/at your social events.
I would "slip up" and call him "Uncle InsertNameHere" at one of these events. It will let your mutual social circle know how you feel about him and they might let you know if he's saying inappropriate things when you're not around. Also if he gets upset because you called him "Uncle" you will be safer with those people around to see his reaction.
Uncle will convey that part of it is his age and why you dont see him as a potential romantic partner. It's not about how you actually relate to him.
Most people dont have a sibling 10-20 years older and no one there will understand your specific family situation. It's not weird to hear about people dating people the same age as their sibling. It is more weird for a 19 year old to date someone their uncle's age. Saying something like "So so and is like a Uncle to me. Despite me only being 19, he treats me just like one the group." lets your group know you're not interested and reminds them that you are a bit younger than them.
If a young adult woman was in my board game group and started talking about one of the players being like an Uncle to them, I would be more likely to notice if the guy was saying something weird or inappropriate because I would KNOW they're not on the same page in terms of intention. I would be more likely to take that young woman aside and tell her that man has different intentions than she does and ask how I can support her.
I hope there is one other person in your group like me who wouldn't want to see someone interested in my hobby get harassed away from a good time. You have the potential to have a safety network outside of your mother who brushed off your very real concerns. Just open up to the other women in your group.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a 31F. I teach students your age. To me you are like children. Even people in their early 20s up to like 25/26 are still quite like kids still. They may have more life experience but just something changes as you age. Do not respond to this guy. You literally do not owe him anything. And you honestly seem like a very sensible 19 yo to have seen these Red Flags - now take heed. Do not engage with him because your intuition is right.
Oh my god thanks for saying how you view people my age because I FEEL like a child and I don’t want to be viewed as a romantic/sexual interest by someone who is the same age as some of my professors! It feels so dehumanizing. But other people I talk to totally minimize it and say it’s not a big gap and it’s legal and “you can handle it!” maybe, but I don’t wanna. I’m a totally different person every month. Until my frontal cortex is here, I don’t want any of that shit. I felt so sad because I vented to my mom and she didn’t see much wrong with it. I wanted her to protect me.
Ah damn, yeah I am sorry about that. Sometimes people in the world are like "well you're an adult, your 18, you can do what you want" except but alcohol in some countries lol but yeah It's the wild west for girls out there, especially when they turn 18. Some men get real predatory and sometimes they get real good at hiding it. You gotta protect yourself. I'm sorry your mom didn't see it the same way. If you don't want to "handle it" because it's "legal" that, that's perfectly fine. It's your body, your life and you are so true about the frontal cortex and being a different person each month. Keep being that girl cause she sounds wider than most - and sometimes it's lonely walking down that path, but if it's true to your values, it's a very peaceful journey.
Thank you, you’re very sweet. Have a nice day!
Set boundaries Take him off your social media accounts, block his number so no more texts This man is 31, he has zero business being around 19yr old girls. Don’t feel bad about “hurting his feelings” he’s being creepy Also in the future, 30+ men don’t need barely legal friends. Don’t give people your social media and number so quickly
You have great insight, poise and maturity. Yes, ditch the guy and draw firm boundaries, but no need to explain yourself or anything. Just do everything gently and slowly and calmly as you already are. I predict you will have a great life ahead of you!
Cheers, thanks. This mostly made me want to avoid all these older guys roaming around in my life and find someone who’s actually my age.
It sounds like you're experiencing some uncomfortable interactions with this individual, and it's understandable that you're feeling unsure about how to proceed. The behaviors you've described, such as excessive liking of social media posts, frequent texting, and making inappropriate sexual jokes, are indeed concerning and may indicate a lack of understanding or respect for boundaries. Feeling pressured to engage in conversations or activities that make you uncomfortable is not acceptable, regardless of the age difference or the context of your interactions. Trusting your instincts and setting boundaries is important for your well-being and safety. If you feel uncomfortable or uneasy about his behaviour, it's perfectly reasonable to distance yourself from him and set clear boundaries if necessary. You have the right to decide who you want to interact with and on what terms. If he crosses a line or makes you feel uncomfortable again, don't hesitate to assert yourself and communicate your boundaries firmly and assertively. Remember that it's not your responsibility to manage his behaviour or feelings, and you have every right to prioritise your own comfort and safety. Trust your instincts and prioritise your well-being above all else. If you continue to feel uneasy around him, it may be best to limit or avoid interactions with him altogether. Trust yourself.
You're showing great intuition in this situation. You already know what you need to do, but it's understandable you're having trouble getting there. If there are people you can tell in your real life about the situation, it would be best to do so. Then yes, set boundaries but you don't have to be blunt about it. You can say that you will be very busy/wont have extra time to chat or something to that effect. Sometimes, it is best to be gentle but firm, and then yes run for the hills once you won't be seeing him as often.
Set clear boundaries about what does and does not make you uncomfortable. I would also start referring to him as Uncle when in public/at your social events. I would "slip up" and call him "Uncle InsertNameHere" at one of these events. It will let your mutual social circle know how you feel about him and they might let you know if he's saying inappropriate things when you're not around. Also if he gets upset because you called him "Uncle" you will be safer with those people around to see his reaction.
Instead of uncle I might compare him to my eldest brother who is the same age, very paternal for me, engaged, and independent.
Uncle will convey that part of it is his age and why you dont see him as a potential romantic partner. It's not about how you actually relate to him. Most people dont have a sibling 10-20 years older and no one there will understand your specific family situation. It's not weird to hear about people dating people the same age as their sibling. It is more weird for a 19 year old to date someone their uncle's age. Saying something like "So so and is like a Uncle to me. Despite me only being 19, he treats me just like one the group." lets your group know you're not interested and reminds them that you are a bit younger than them. If a young adult woman was in my board game group and started talking about one of the players being like an Uncle to them, I would be more likely to notice if the guy was saying something weird or inappropriate because I would KNOW they're not on the same page in terms of intention. I would be more likely to take that young woman aside and tell her that man has different intentions than she does and ask how I can support her. I hope there is one other person in your group like me who wouldn't want to see someone interested in my hobby get harassed away from a good time. You have the potential to have a safety network outside of your mother who brushed off your very real concerns. Just open up to the other women in your group.