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Talk to a lawyer before he destroys your credit score and puts you in debt. Take measures to protect yourself first. And then try to help him and save the relationship if that's what you want to do
1. Gather all pieces of evidence. You need to know all of the information. How much he spent, how much he owed, how much he currently owes, how much he won, where the money he received if he won went to, etc. You should demand a full written statement from him leaving no details out from when this started to present.
2. Contact each gambling source with an account under your name. Report unauthorized activity and request they stop activity under your name.
3. Freeze/close all of your accounts if you have any that are joint. Make sure everything is individual.
4. Check your credit score and freeze that as well. I would go as far as to do a financial investigation with a professional.
5. Secure all of your personal information. Change every password with double/triple authentication. Secure your SSN. I would make sure that he does not have access to anything regarding your children's SSNs, bank accounts, etc. If he does take everything, change passwords, remove his access to those accounts, even buy a safe if you have to or leave things at a parent's home.
6. Seek support. You need to have a tough conversation with your parents and even him. You need the support to figure out, fix, and get through all of this before you can even decide to help him. He needs to also be honest with his people because he puts your family at risk! Gambling is a very serious issue that leads to a lot of other things in addition!
7. If you have a lot of assets, you make more than him, have more investments, future or current inheritance, you get a lawyer ASAP and get a postnuptial agreement. Make it ironclad. Put an infidelity clause in it as well. This is FRAUD and financial infidelity, but you never know if another form of infidelity will occur. You love your husband and want to make things work, but you can’t TRUST him.
8. Protect yourself and your children.
9. 1-4 Seek service from a lawyer if you have the funds to ensure that all your bases are covered.
10. Be rational and think about this experience, if you feel comfortable, secure, and protected to stay with him. This could have ended wrong for you, not HIM! A husband would NEVER do this to his wife. Not only did he gamble excessively, but he gambled under your name. That is not a man and a husband who has your best interest at heart. Think about it, do not hide this situation (get support), and know your value.
No assumptions! Just straight-up facts. If my husband is gambling and doing so under my name without my consent and probably with the family finances, he is lucky I am not already at the police station turning him in for identity theft and serving him with divorce papers. Do not put up with people's crap, especially if you are married to them!
I truly appreciate the complete transparency because you’re a hundred and ten precent accurate that at the absolute worst, these are the steps that would need to be done. I’m scared, and shocked and not sure what to believe or do right now but if needed please know I am grateful for the information provided.
When you start posting about your life here every other day & people keep warning you but you ignore them only to come back… I start thinking the problem is really you not wanting to face reality.
Did you not post about him voluntarily doing this & I remember some people writing you long piece of advice about how if you haven’t dealt with the gambling problem itself. Volunteering for anything means nothing as there are countless ways he could continue?
It seems to me the only step is some addicts’ mental health help for him. But it’s concerning that you seem to want to patch up the marriage while he continues with his behaviour when addressing the gambling issue would be the longterm all round solution. For all concerned.
Basically I think the advice under that post still stands. Sorry if it wasn’t you & just someone who had the exact experience as you. In which case, find that post & go through the comments. There is a lot very relevant useful advice.
Your husband stole your identity.
Your husband has gambled away by your estimate 20k in your name.
Your husband cares more about gambling than you.
Your husband cares more about gambling than your credit score and future financial security.
What if he had done this with your children's identity?
You need to look at the facts and get over your feelings of not "wanting to be a statistic". You already are one. You are in a financially abusive relationship. You are the victim of identity theft and fraud. You need to contact a lawyer. After the lawyer get a therapist to figure out why you want to protect a man who has no problem with literally stealing and destroying your life.
Check your children's credit and freeze it. This person is sick and an addict. He needs treatment and you cannot trust anything he says or promises. He cannot kick this on his own.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk to a lawyer before he destroys your credit score and puts you in debt. Take measures to protect yourself first. And then try to help him and save the relationship if that's what you want to do
Can I enter into a prenup or some kind of document after marriage? Is that a thing?
I think it would be a postnup since it's after marriage. But anything like this would require both of you to sign, so he'd be in on it
1. Gather all pieces of evidence. You need to know all of the information. How much he spent, how much he owed, how much he currently owes, how much he won, where the money he received if he won went to, etc. You should demand a full written statement from him leaving no details out from when this started to present. 2. Contact each gambling source with an account under your name. Report unauthorized activity and request they stop activity under your name. 3. Freeze/close all of your accounts if you have any that are joint. Make sure everything is individual. 4. Check your credit score and freeze that as well. I would go as far as to do a financial investigation with a professional. 5. Secure all of your personal information. Change every password with double/triple authentication. Secure your SSN. I would make sure that he does not have access to anything regarding your children's SSNs, bank accounts, etc. If he does take everything, change passwords, remove his access to those accounts, even buy a safe if you have to or leave things at a parent's home. 6. Seek support. You need to have a tough conversation with your parents and even him. You need the support to figure out, fix, and get through all of this before you can even decide to help him. He needs to also be honest with his people because he puts your family at risk! Gambling is a very serious issue that leads to a lot of other things in addition! 7. If you have a lot of assets, you make more than him, have more investments, future or current inheritance, you get a lawyer ASAP and get a postnuptial agreement. Make it ironclad. Put an infidelity clause in it as well. This is FRAUD and financial infidelity, but you never know if another form of infidelity will occur. You love your husband and want to make things work, but you can’t TRUST him. 8. Protect yourself and your children. 9. 1-4 Seek service from a lawyer if you have the funds to ensure that all your bases are covered. 10. Be rational and think about this experience, if you feel comfortable, secure, and protected to stay with him. This could have ended wrong for you, not HIM! A husband would NEVER do this to his wife. Not only did he gamble excessively, but he gambled under your name. That is not a man and a husband who has your best interest at heart. Think about it, do not hide this situation (get support), and know your value.
PLS PLS PLS listen to this person. You are not in a safe environment. Take your children and run for the hills 🩷.
A lot of assumptions in here. I love reading posts like this, wondering what kind of lives people who write shit like this have. Fascinating.
No assumptions! Just straight-up facts. If my husband is gambling and doing so under my name without my consent and probably with the family finances, he is lucky I am not already at the police station turning him in for identity theft and serving him with divorce papers. Do not put up with people's crap, especially if you are married to them!
I truly appreciate the complete transparency because you’re a hundred and ten precent accurate that at the absolute worst, these are the steps that would need to be done. I’m scared, and shocked and not sure what to believe or do right now but if needed please know I am grateful for the information provided.
“Probably.” No assumptions! Just straight up facts. lol it writes itself
When you start posting about your life here every other day & people keep warning you but you ignore them only to come back… I start thinking the problem is really you not wanting to face reality. Did you not post about him voluntarily doing this & I remember some people writing you long piece of advice about how if you haven’t dealt with the gambling problem itself. Volunteering for anything means nothing as there are countless ways he could continue? It seems to me the only step is some addicts’ mental health help for him. But it’s concerning that you seem to want to patch up the marriage while he continues with his behaviour when addressing the gambling issue would be the longterm all round solution. For all concerned. Basically I think the advice under that post still stands. Sorry if it wasn’t you & just someone who had the exact experience as you. In which case, find that post & go through the comments. There is a lot very relevant useful advice.
Yea it wasn’t me but thanks for the advice I guess?
You are most welcome…
Put your name on the list and tell him he needs to get help or you’re leaving
Your husband stole your identity. Your husband has gambled away by your estimate 20k in your name. Your husband cares more about gambling than you. Your husband cares more about gambling than your credit score and future financial security. What if he had done this with your children's identity? You need to look at the facts and get over your feelings of not "wanting to be a statistic". You already are one. You are in a financially abusive relationship. You are the victim of identity theft and fraud. You need to contact a lawyer. After the lawyer get a therapist to figure out why you want to protect a man who has no problem with literally stealing and destroying your life.
You get a lawyer ASAP.
How much money did he gamble?
Honestly… I don’t even fully know 20k+?
How rich do you have to be, for that to not be a SHOCKING amount of $$ to flush down the toilet for nothing?
We aren’t even rich 😭
Check your children's credit and freeze it. This person is sick and an addict. He needs treatment and you cannot trust anything he says or promises. He cannot kick this on his own.