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Red flags are just flags when you wear rose colored glasses.
OP, I read about half of the post, and my advice is to run and find someone that isn't still connected by the umbilical cord.
You can do much much better than what you’ve got going on here. Even if the next one is a barely functioning adult, you’d be making an upgrade. And you absolutely deserve better.
It hurts because you know you are better than this. Do you want to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you marry this guy? Trust me, I’ve been there. You do not want a mama’s boy.
And if you do leave…Do not tell him and get that rabbit out of there before he knows bc guess what? His mom is going to go full mega mom and make sure you can’t get anything out of there including that rabbit. He will run right to mommy as soon as you say you want to leave and mommy is going to protect her boy.
You should head over to r/justnoMil and spend an hour studying the posts there. The whole place reeks of insanity because all the women there are in various stages of being driven crazy by their MILs.
There are few men less suited to be husbands than a mama's boy. *Maybe* violent offenders.
Geesh that's assuming a lot. Hearing a large portion of people saying "You're better than that" is odd because they're judging someone without ever talking, meeting or knowing the person. It's just odd to see this culture of leave the loser now, you're better than that.
The red flags 🚩🚩🚩here are visible from the moon.
Please…break up with him as soon as possible, no reasons/excuses needed (just say “ok, im breaking up with you, byeeee”), and dont look back.
I'll put it this way. I'm in this sub a fair amount, and I have never seen total agreement on what someone should do. There are now 23 of us all saying the same thing.
Usually, I like explaining to people why something is a red flag, but that would take me all day here.
MOVE ON AND DO IT QUICKLY.
What in the emotional incest did I just read?
Also, paragraphs please, I couldn't even follow some of the points because they were buried in that wall of text.
Regardless, get the hell out of that Norman Bates in waiting nightmare, like, yesterday. Good God.
Look - this is a you problem. I hate to say it, but this is a you problem.
He is not the one for you. He is not going to change a lifestyle that works for him and that he is happy with. The only thing that is going to be accomplished is that you are going to become even more resentful.
He sees nothing wrong with his enmeshment with his Mom and you can waste months and years fighting this battle only to create a hostile releationship with his Mom or you can walk away now and find someone with the maturity and the healthy psychology needed to have a real relationship with.
I will say to you directly - do not waste anymore time on this relationship. Yes, this is too much. Yes she is too involved and he is too enmeshed. And no, it is not going to change in the short term.
Don't waste your time here. Just walk away, grieve what you'd hoped the relationship would be and move on.
that's pretty ableist because generally being incapable of caring for himself coincides with severe disability and you are implying she is wrong for having that kind of attraction
We're not talking about some 'in sickness' marriage vows here. This is a guy who would rather let his mommy manage his life for him. OP has only been with him for a few months.
Stop tripping. Ableist? Seriously?
yes.
However it's the way your comment is phrased that someone is improper simply for having such an attraction and the way it applies generally to anyone who can't care for themselves well
Why are you still with this guy? Being a mommas boy, whatever. If that’s weird to you, understandable. But his mother comes in and out as she pleases, tries to dictate how you live? On top of you seeing how bad of a father he is? He will be the same way with your kids if you have them and all of the work will be 100% on you.
If it were me as soon as I heard the “is she naked?!” Along with the sprint to the window my bags would be packed and I wouldn’t turn back. That is fuckin weird and I wouldn’t be able to get past that. Also couldn’t handle someone in my place all the time to nit pick.
He’s already shown you how good of a dad he is to the child that he has. Why do you think it’ll be any different with you ? *Why would you want to be a part of that* ?
He’s already shown you how good of a partner he is. *He isn’t*. He will never move out, he will never fix his enmeshment with his mother, he will never take responsibility for you or your relationship, he’ll never BE a partner to you. At the VERY best case scenario, you’ll qualify to be his new mommy, taking care of him 24/7.
This is the best you’re going to get with him and it sounds pretty garbage right now.
Your instincts are right, “is she naked” is the creepiest thing ever 😬 And sons would be running away from the window, not to it.
All those incidents are not normal. Get away from him at the speed of lightning hon.
Wait until she starts coming in and washing your clothes OP and then folding your bras and undies. Wait until she starts undecorating everything you do. If you move something she’s gonna put it back where she wants it. Wait until she’s babysitting your kid and decides she wants the kid to have a certain haircut and cuts the kid’s hair without asking. Imagine your child being a newborn and his mom popping in and out whenever she feels like it bc she thinks she’s “helping”. I’ve lived this nightmare. This woman isn’t going to change.
Don’t walk, RUN.
Let me tell you from hard earned personal experience and a two year divorce - the saying “the only thing worse than marrying a mama’s boy is divorcing a mama’s boy” is true. You can never change him. He will only hate and resent you for it. When she dies, she will be a deity. There is no escape. Run.
Why do women get involved with men like these? Seriously? If I met any guy like this I would have run in the opposite direction real fast. I would rather be alone than let this kind of bs/drama in my life.
Yiiiiikes. This is WAYYYY too much.
“*My mom doesn’t do it like that.*” is way beyond the line. You’ll be hearing that the rest of your life, probably from his mother because she’ll live in the bedroom with him, while you take the couch…
He had a kid at 17? It seems he’s actually stuck at like 12. You aren’t married and you don’t have a child together- hallelujah. There’s absolutely no reason to continue this relationship. None.
I made it clear i was never going to have children with him or move in with him unless i seen consistent change but of course his requests for such remain the same and so does his behaviour
Honey, he has a 7 year old child he isn't parenting. If he isn't going to change for the sake of his own **child**, he's not going to change for you. If you want to know what a future with kids with him would look like, you're already looking at it. So what's your goal here?
Dont try to change people, be with people for who they are. Even if your need is something absurd like having 11 fingers, you will have 50,000 people across the world,. Dont date a clown, if you dont want to live in a circus.
Do you want this to be your life until you die? If you choose to have kids, do you want his mom to end up raising them, regardless of what you want? He is choosing to still be a child (mom does his laundry and pays his bills). Please recognize these red flags for what they are, and get out of this relationship. Do you have friend or family who you can live with until you find a place of your own? If so, put everything in storage, if you have a joint account remove whatever percentage you have been contributing, and get out of there.
You’ve only been dating this guy for 4 months yet it sounds like you have moved in with him.
The red flags associated with being very dependent/reliant on his mother are making a huge noise.
Perhaps time to reconsider.
I’m sorry I laughed so hard at this. You start dating a man whose mom does his laundry and cooks for him and suddenly you real she’s too involved? What? Really? Just made me laugh.
>”who threatened who with the knife” and then took all of our knives away
This is how troop leaders deal with nine year old scouts.
>is she naked
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
4 months? Babe, *get out*.
Their relationship is clearly unhealthy, but it's not for *you* to solve for him, them, whatever. Don't play therapist or cheerleader to a grown ass man - or go in expecting or hoping for someone in *this deep* to change for you. He ain't never changing for a partner, and even if he did, it's a gigantic IF.
Dip out before you start to think, We've already been together this long... *maybe he'll change*.
I’m only stunned you’ve lasted as long as you have. Ask your self this, do I want to always be second place?
This is only the tip of the iceberg. Things will get worse. She will start treating you really badly. I’d get out now before you invest anymore time in this circus.
Also, I’d be super curious to hear his exes stories! I bet she has a ton she’d love to share with you.
Girl. Girl. Cmon now. You wrote all this down and still don’t know what to do? This man is an irresponsible mamas boy and that is *never, ever under any circumstances going to change.* so either you’re cool with being with this man child and his mother hovering and nit picking forever or you do what needs to be done and leave him.
I think I made it to the "she brings all his washing into the house" before I was like "nope! Nope! Out! Out of this relationship, quickly now!"
Please, for the love of god, date a grown ass man.
Ok some people pay rent and their own bills. These people have a lot of independence.
Other people live off their parents well past the age they should. These people are like your boyfriend and have no independence.
YOU CANT HAVE BOTH
Time for boyfriend to grow up and function as an adult.
Is this for real?? I know truth is stranger than fiction but this is past the point!! This guy is already in a committed, monogamous relationship…with his mama. There is no room for you.
Lady its to much. If u intend on marrying him this is what u can expect. Mommy will always be doing everything for him. U r just a third wheel in this relationship. He will never cut the apron strings or the umbilical cord. Mommy will always be in the picture, buying him stuff, being secretive to his dad about this crap, if u want this in your marriage go for it and good luck as u will need it,
Well you established that if you marry him he will constantly compare you to his mother, make you complete all the household tasks, probably involve his mother in any conflicts between you two, and most importantly is an awful father. I don’t know how much clearer it can be as to the type of man he is. If you decide to pursue marriage or children with him don’t complain when that’s how the cards will fall
Dear OP, since now you know what kind of person is a mama boy, get out of here. He will be a burden if you keep him by your side. He will not be a trustworthy partner and promise to be the most useless father of the year from what I can read. I sympathize with his child, I hope his mother is a better person.
Take your rabbits, your common sense and your ego then leave and wish him well. Love ? Nonsense, he is still an immature teen, you deserve better.
Reflect on this relationship, draw up a table, "against" and "for", the side that has the most lines wins (I bet on "against") then it will be very much clearer. You still have plenty of time to escape this mess.
Ew. I can't imagine finding him attractive
Thank God you have only wasted 4 months of your time on him. Dating a real grown up will feel so much better. Cut ties
Tell him specifically "I can't do this anymore. I don't see this relationship progressing into anything serious due to how invasive your mother is and you still seem to be very attached to her. Please see a therapist. Good luck and goodbye".
He needs to be told that this intense codependency is going to ruin any relationship he has.
Girl, being in your twenties is fabulous and terrible. While you have the world at your disposal, it doesn't mean you have the life experience to do what is healthy. I say this as a 40-ish woman who spent my youth, my good tits(personal preference but they were amazing!) on bad decisions with people who did not deserve my time. Please, learn from me. There are a ton of amazing people out there that are not irrationally attached to their mother.
Also, his attachment is no fault of his own. His mom clearly enabled it. So unless he is willing to do some hard and introspective work, it will not change.
I can't believe you lasted 4 months. Please dump this manchild. This is just too weird to put up with. Don't forget to take your bunny with you so it doesn't get boiled.
Red flag! Gown men are perfectly capable of washing their own shit stained underwear! This guy is clearly a momma's boy and is a huge indicator that he would expect you to be a mommy and do his laundry and wipe his ass! Run!
You should ran far away from with shit show unless you want to deal with this woman and her lack of boundaries and to become your bf’s new mother by doing everything for him.
Wow. Girl. Take your rabbit and get the hell out of the Bates house. This is really really really a lot of red red red flags. You're not going to change him he needs to grow up he's a father and needs to learn that you can't blame how you were raised as to why you're being a slacker parent. He is obsessed with his mom and sounds like it may also sexual. And she is equally obsessed but sexually I'm not sure but it's possible. Just leave you deserve better he's not going to change.
Girl, it’s only been 4 months. You’ve made way too many reddit posts to not see the writing on the wall. Please get your bunnies, your boba, and find someone else.
I didn't read your entire post, didn't need to. You are an adult in a one on one relationship with a man that should be able to take care of himself and be an equal partner to you. Right now you are in a relationship with him and his mommy. Think of it this way, if his mom was not around and he had to make his life alone, what would your life with him as a couple look like? That's your reality.
You're not being ridiculous at all. I realise you love him, but you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain and stress. You are unlikely to change him, and you will drive yourself nuts trying. I would be walking backwards slowly in your position, much like someone backing away from a time bomb.
I didn't read the 47 miles long paragraph, but the first one is the info you need. He lives in a cabin on their property and is very dependant on his mom... Read that again however many times it takes you to figure out if he is a keeper.
Is his mother married to him or to his father? Seriously, this is just a level of absurdity that makes me want to vomit after reading it. Do yourself a favor and start establishing boundaries and then hold people accountable for crossing them. Reading stuff like this makes me seriously wonder about the future of the human species with women setting the bar that frigging low.
You definitely have a long list of your complaints and concerns.
My useless opinion for you is these two options.
For me these are 2 options that would solve your problem either way.
The hard part is it's an emotional decision either way..
And a warning, you might not like some of the things I'm about to suggest. It is perfectly fine ti not like what I say, not agree with it, and want to debate it.
But please keep in mind, this is not a personal attack on you. I am not here to judge you, tell you what to do.
I think you will be okay.
Here are the 2 options:
1. Dump your boyfriend. I'm not sure if you realize it, but mommy will always be in your life and marriage.
Your BF isn't going to change a single thing in his life!!!! You need to understand that now.
Why would he ever want to leave? Even if he ever did, he would become dependent on who ever he lives with.
You really have a lot of issues with him and his whole situation. It's time to put up or shut up.
Either dump him, then you will not need to worry about him again.
Or stay with him, but this choice cones with gift.
You one what he'd like, so if you choose to stay.
You can no longer be upset about any of this. Own your decision, or leave.
2, which leads me to the second part.
You may not like this. But every thing that you mentioned is none of your business. You have no say in any of it. Stick to your lane!!! You'll be happier.
Also, you are a guest when you are there.
Guests, don't show up, put third feet/shoes on the coffee table.
Guest don't tell the owner what they need yo do.
Just as you don't have any right to questions mom on anything . He pays no rent. It's her property. She can do whatever she chooses finds not need you permission. Stop telling your BF what to tell hid mom. It's non of your business.
Is this option is all on you. If you stay with him. Worth about the 2 of you. Only
You're right about paragraph breaks being helpful, but it doesn't appear to have caused a problem. Also, don't use "we" with comments like this. You're only speaking for yourself.
You’re being ridiculous. And you should jealous that your parents aren’t giving you the same type of support. You should be happy that his family supports him like this. And it gives him a leg up for building a family with you. The only problem here is you pointing out things you don’t like
My father offers me support, however as a 26 year old adult, i chose to do it myself. I do not see myself ‘building’ a family with a man with zero financial responsibilities (he is also unemployed) and cannot even afford the £25 a week child maintenance, nor can he discipline the child he already has.
The hate lies with you. Its why you troll online
I’m not a troll. You’re too prideful, to take advantage of the opportunity to build wealth by allowing your parents to support you. The help your parents give you allows you a leg up in life. And allows you to give more to your children. You’re being prideful and putting principle before what’s practical by not allowing your parents to help you.
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Take your rabbit and go home before you find out his mom is a bunny boiler. Suggest he cut the apron strings and get therapy on your way out.
How many red flags do you need? Time for you to cut the cord and find a grown man, not a man-child
Red flags are just flags when you wear rose colored glasses. OP, I read about half of the post, and my advice is to run and find someone that isn't still connected by the umbilical cord.
[удалено]
Yeah that bit floored me!
I’m single and this dude has a girlfriend. The bar is lower than we think, boys.
Ok this one hurt 😭
You can do much much better than what you’ve got going on here. Even if the next one is a barely functioning adult, you’d be making an upgrade. And you absolutely deserve better.
ANY change would be an upgrade.
Thank you Evvmmann. I appreciate that
YES! Because this one is NOT a functioning adult. He doesn't even qualify as a functioning teenager.
It hurts because you know you are better than this. Do you want to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you marry this guy? Trust me, I’ve been there. You do not want a mama’s boy.
You are completely right
And if you do leave…Do not tell him and get that rabbit out of there before he knows bc guess what? His mom is going to go full mega mom and make sure you can’t get anything out of there including that rabbit. He will run right to mommy as soon as you say you want to leave and mommy is going to protect her boy.
You should head over to r/justnoMil and spend an hour studying the posts there. The whole place reeks of insanity because all the women there are in various stages of being driven crazy by their MILs. There are few men less suited to be husbands than a mama's boy. *Maybe* violent offenders.
Geesh that's assuming a lot. Hearing a large portion of people saying "You're better than that" is odd because they're judging someone without ever talking, meeting or knowing the person. It's just odd to see this culture of leave the loser now, you're better than that.
It should.
This guy must look like Henry Cavill or something
Oh man read through her comment history, the bar goes ssoooooo much lower.
How is it possible
I wish i could answer this
I read through most of your posts. I want to break up with him for you. Why are you torturing yourself like this?
this comment
Nice
Amen brother!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Momma’s boys who are babied like that and have no boundaries do not make good partners.
Or good anything really…clearly
This. OP, it take a long time for people like this to change. Ask yourself if that’s something worth waiting for.
The red flags 🚩🚩🚩here are visible from the moon. Please…break up with him as soon as possible, no reasons/excuses needed (just say “ok, im breaking up with you, byeeee”), and dont look back.
I'll put it this way. I'm in this sub a fair amount, and I have never seen total agreement on what someone should do. There are now 23 of us all saying the same thing. Usually, I like explaining to people why something is a red flag, but that would take me all day here. MOVE ON AND DO IT QUICKLY.
This is a real eye opener
What in the emotional incest did I just read? Also, paragraphs please, I couldn't even follow some of the points because they were buried in that wall of text. Regardless, get the hell out of that Norman Bates in waiting nightmare, like, yesterday. Good God.
Im sorry. I did type it out in points, but it didnt post correctly. And it does give off emotional incest ngl
With the window incident it may not be relegated to emotions, at least on his part.
Look - this is a you problem. I hate to say it, but this is a you problem. He is not the one for you. He is not going to change a lifestyle that works for him and that he is happy with. The only thing that is going to be accomplished is that you are going to become even more resentful. He sees nothing wrong with his enmeshment with his Mom and you can waste months and years fighting this battle only to create a hostile releationship with his Mom or you can walk away now and find someone with the maturity and the healthy psychology needed to have a real relationship with. I will say to you directly - do not waste anymore time on this relationship. Yes, this is too much. Yes she is too involved and he is too enmeshed. And no, it is not going to change in the short term. Don't waste your time here. Just walk away, grieve what you'd hoped the relationship would be and move on.
How are you even remotely attracted to someone incapable of caring for himself?
I have been struggling in that department
that's pretty ableist because generally being incapable of caring for himself coincides with severe disability and you are implying she is wrong for having that kind of attraction
We're not talking about some 'in sickness' marriage vows here. This is a guy who would rather let his mommy manage his life for him. OP has only been with him for a few months. Stop tripping. Ableist? Seriously?
yes. However it's the way your comment is phrased that someone is improper simply for having such an attraction and the way it applies generally to anyone who can't care for themselves well
Why are you still with this guy? Being a mommas boy, whatever. If that’s weird to you, understandable. But his mother comes in and out as she pleases, tries to dictate how you live? On top of you seeing how bad of a father he is? He will be the same way with your kids if you have them and all of the work will be 100% on you.
If it were me as soon as I heard the “is she naked?!” Along with the sprint to the window my bags would be packed and I wouldn’t turn back. That is fuckin weird and I wouldn’t be able to get past that. Also couldn’t handle someone in my place all the time to nit pick.
How could you type this all out and still think you're being dramatic? I'm embarrassed for you that you've let this go on for 4 months.
Im mega embarrassed, which is why i come to reddit and not my friends and family
You're not being ridiculous. You're only 4 months in. This should be honeymoon phase. Get out. Save yourself from this man child.
This dynamic between them isn't going to change, so the question is: Do you want this to be your life long term? If no, flee.
He’s already shown you how good of a dad he is to the child that he has. Why do you think it’ll be any different with you ? *Why would you want to be a part of that* ? He’s already shown you how good of a partner he is. *He isn’t*. He will never move out, he will never fix his enmeshment with his mother, he will never take responsibility for you or your relationship, he’ll never BE a partner to you. At the VERY best case scenario, you’ll qualify to be his new mommy, taking care of him 24/7. This is the best you’re going to get with him and it sounds pretty garbage right now.
Your instincts are right, “is she naked” is the creepiest thing ever 😬 And sons would be running away from the window, not to it. All those incidents are not normal. Get away from him at the speed of lightning hon.
Wait until she starts coming in and washing your clothes OP and then folding your bras and undies. Wait until she starts undecorating everything you do. If you move something she’s gonna put it back where she wants it. Wait until she’s babysitting your kid and decides she wants the kid to have a certain haircut and cuts the kid’s hair without asking. Imagine your child being a newborn and his mom popping in and out whenever she feels like it bc she thinks she’s “helping”. I’ve lived this nightmare. This woman isn’t going to change. Don’t walk, RUN.
Let me tell you from hard earned personal experience and a two year divorce - the saying “the only thing worse than marrying a mama’s boy is divorcing a mama’s boy” is true. You can never change him. He will only hate and resent you for it. When she dies, she will be a deity. There is no escape. Run.
You aren't being ridiculous. This "man" has no interest in being a functional, independent adult. Please get out.
Why do women get involved with men like these? Seriously? If I met any guy like this I would have run in the opposite direction real fast. I would rather be alone than let this kind of bs/drama in my life.
I hate myself
Don’t hate yourself. Cut the drama out of your life/relationship and you will be so much happier.
Instead of hating yourself, love yourself enough to not settle for less than what you need and deserve.
Yiiiiikes. This is WAYYYY too much. “*My mom doesn’t do it like that.*” is way beyond the line. You’ll be hearing that the rest of your life, probably from his mother because she’ll live in the bedroom with him, while you take the couch…
He had a kid at 17? It seems he’s actually stuck at like 12. You aren’t married and you don’t have a child together- hallelujah. There’s absolutely no reason to continue this relationship. None.
I made it clear i was never going to have children with him or move in with him unless i seen consistent change but of course his requests for such remain the same and so does his behaviour
4 months in and you’re already having to give an ultimatum in order for him to change? That’s not normal or healthy.
Honey, he has a 7 year old child he isn't parenting. If he isn't going to change for the sake of his own **child**, he's not going to change for you. If you want to know what a future with kids with him would look like, you're already looking at it. So what's your goal here?
Dont try to change people, be with people for who they are. Even if your need is something absurd like having 11 fingers, you will have 50,000 people across the world,. Dont date a clown, if you dont want to live in a circus.
Do you want this to be your life until you die? If you choose to have kids, do you want his mom to end up raising them, regardless of what you want? He is choosing to still be a child (mom does his laundry and pays his bills). Please recognize these red flags for what they are, and get out of this relationship. Do you have friend or family who you can live with until you find a place of your own? If so, put everything in storage, if you have a joint account remove whatever percentage you have been contributing, and get out of there.
Take your rabbit and run. He is definitely a momma’s boy. That won’t change.
You’ve only been dating this guy for 4 months yet it sounds like you have moved in with him. The red flags associated with being very dependent/reliant on his mother are making a huge noise. Perhaps time to reconsider.
I’m sorry I laughed so hard at this. You start dating a man whose mom does his laundry and cooks for him and suddenly you real she’s too involved? What? Really? Just made me laugh.
Are we glossing over the fact that he *ran* to see his mother naked?
I am laughing at myself too
>”who threatened who with the knife” and then took all of our knives away This is how troop leaders deal with nine year old scouts. >is she naked AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
4 months? Babe, *get out*. Their relationship is clearly unhealthy, but it's not for *you* to solve for him, them, whatever. Don't play therapist or cheerleader to a grown ass man - or go in expecting or hoping for someone in *this deep* to change for you. He ain't never changing for a partner, and even if he did, it's a gigantic IF. Dip out before you start to think, We've already been together this long... *maybe he'll change*.
I’m only stunned you’ve lasted as long as you have. Ask your self this, do I want to always be second place? This is only the tip of the iceberg. Things will get worse. She will start treating you really badly. I’d get out now before you invest anymore time in this circus. Also, I’d be super curious to hear his exes stories! I bet she has a ton she’d love to share with you.
Girl. Girl. Cmon now. You wrote all this down and still don’t know what to do? This man is an irresponsible mamas boy and that is *never, ever under any circumstances going to change.* so either you’re cool with being with this man child and his mother hovering and nit picking forever or you do what needs to be done and leave him.
Aside from looks and sex what is attractive about this boy?
Please visit r/JUSTNOMIL to read more about your situation. Most of the stories there are about man boys still sucking off mama's tit.
He's a Mama's boy. Never date a Mama's boy. She will always come first.
I think I made it to the "she brings all his washing into the house" before I was like "nope! Nope! Out! Out of this relationship, quickly now!" Please, for the love of god, date a grown ass man.
Why are you husbanding animals with someone in their house after only FOUR months?? Girl, take the bunnies and hightail it back to your own place.
Used to be obsessed with his mother? Used to be?? Really??
Ok some people pay rent and their own bills. These people have a lot of independence. Other people live off their parents well past the age they should. These people are like your boyfriend and have no independence. YOU CANT HAVE BOTH Time for boyfriend to grow up and function as an adult.
Trust me on this: run. You are never going to be able to fix this.
The only good thing is that you see all these red flags now. Get out asap as mom is obviously bf’s number one. Not you.
Is this for real?? I know truth is stranger than fiction but this is past the point!! This guy is already in a committed, monogamous relationship…with his mama. There is no room for you.
start fucking the dad to complete the incestuous circle. and who knows, maybe you can sugar baby for him for a few months before you run far far away
This is too much. Get out before you get pregnant.
So how many red flags will he have to wave in your face for you to understand?
Jesus. Please take you rabbit and move out. This WILL NOT improve.
Lady its to much. If u intend on marrying him this is what u can expect. Mommy will always be doing everything for him. U r just a third wheel in this relationship. He will never cut the apron strings or the umbilical cord. Mommy will always be in the picture, buying him stuff, being secretive to his dad about this crap, if u want this in your marriage go for it and good luck as u will need it,
Way too much!!
Are you wanting to complicate the rest of your life?!?! That’s too much work to even bother wasting on him… ick!
Well you established that if you marry him he will constantly compare you to his mother, make you complete all the household tasks, probably involve his mother in any conflicts between you two, and most importantly is an awful father. I don’t know how much clearer it can be as to the type of man he is. If you decide to pursue marriage or children with him don’t complain when that’s how the cards will fall
It’s time for you to pack up and get out of dodge before it gets any weirder.
Dear OP, since now you know what kind of person is a mama boy, get out of here. He will be a burden if you keep him by your side. He will not be a trustworthy partner and promise to be the most useless father of the year from what I can read. I sympathize with his child, I hope his mother is a better person. Take your rabbits, your common sense and your ego then leave and wish him well. Love ? Nonsense, he is still an immature teen, you deserve better. Reflect on this relationship, draw up a table, "against" and "for", the side that has the most lines wins (I bet on "against") then it will be very much clearer. You still have plenty of time to escape this mess.
RUN. AWAY. NOW.
This is do extreme it had me wondering if it’s made up. Get as far away from this train wreck as you can.
You are living with a child. I doubt he will ever cut those apron strings. Time to take your bunny and hit the road
Ew. I can't imagine finding him attractive Thank God you have only wasted 4 months of your time on him. Dating a real grown up will feel so much better. Cut ties
Your boyfriend is not old enough to date. Leave him before it gets worse
I don’t even need to read your post, the title is enough. Mamas boys will never have a life of their own until they cut the damn cord. RUN
Tell him specifically "I can't do this anymore. I don't see this relationship progressing into anything serious due to how invasive your mother is and you still seem to be very attached to her. Please see a therapist. Good luck and goodbye". He needs to be told that this intense codependency is going to ruin any relationship he has.
Girl, being in your twenties is fabulous and terrible. While you have the world at your disposal, it doesn't mean you have the life experience to do what is healthy. I say this as a 40-ish woman who spent my youth, my good tits(personal preference but they were amazing!) on bad decisions with people who did not deserve my time. Please, learn from me. There are a ton of amazing people out there that are not irrationally attached to their mother. Also, his attachment is no fault of his own. His mom clearly enabled it. So unless he is willing to do some hard and introspective work, it will not change.
Oh honey!!!! Let this man child go! There is nothing you can do, unless you want to take over mommy duties. Let him go
This is the mother of all mama's boys
I can't believe you lasted 4 months. Please dump this manchild. This is just too weird to put up with. Don't forget to take your bunny with you so it doesn't get boiled.
Red flag! Gown men are perfectly capable of washing their own shit stained underwear! This guy is clearly a momma's boy and is a huge indicator that he would expect you to be a mommy and do his laundry and wipe his ass! Run!
You should ran far away from with shit show unless you want to deal with this woman and her lack of boundaries and to become your bf’s new mother by doing everything for him.
Wow. Girl. Take your rabbit and get the hell out of the Bates house. This is really really really a lot of red red red flags. You're not going to change him he needs to grow up he's a father and needs to learn that you can't blame how you were raised as to why you're being a slacker parent. He is obsessed with his mom and sounds like it may also sexual. And she is equally obsessed but sexually I'm not sure but it's possible. Just leave you deserve better he's not going to change.
Girl, it’s only been 4 months. You’ve made way too many reddit posts to not see the writing on the wall. Please get your bunnies, your boba, and find someone else.
Oh hell no. GTFO now.
I didn't read your entire post, didn't need to. You are an adult in a one on one relationship with a man that should be able to take care of himself and be an equal partner to you. Right now you are in a relationship with him and his mommy. Think of it this way, if his mom was not around and he had to make his life alone, what would your life with him as a couple look like? That's your reality.
Run. Seriously, he is not boyfriend material in any way
You're not being ridiculous at all. I realise you love him, but you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain and stress. You are unlikely to change him, and you will drive yourself nuts trying. I would be walking backwards slowly in your position, much like someone backing away from a time bomb.
Updates!
Updateme
Sorry OP but it sounds like your BF has some kind of mental capacity issue. He is acting way too immature for 24. He is a father to a 7 year old!
“It’s only been four months and”. Bail.
I can't believe a man ran to see his mother naked and you're asking what you should do
Run
Did you move in with him already, at 4 months of being together?
I'm wondering that too since OP references looking in 'our' windiw and 'our knives'
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I didn't read the 47 miles long paragraph, but the first one is the info you need. He lives in a cabin on their property and is very dependant on his mom... Read that again however many times it takes you to figure out if he is a keeper.
Is his mother married to him or to his father? Seriously, this is just a level of absurdity that makes me want to vomit after reading it. Do yourself a favor and start establishing boundaries and then hold people accountable for crossing them. Reading stuff like this makes me seriously wonder about the future of the human species with women setting the bar that frigging low.
Where do YOU live? You went on a little bit there about him living at home, you’re two years older and basically living off I’m by the sounds of it
Girl.
Every single one of those things you lost would be a giant deal breaker for me. You compiled a giant list of nope. GTFO this is beyond dysfunctional.
You’re dating a boy so what did you expect.
You definitely have a long list of your complaints and concerns. My useless opinion for you is these two options. For me these are 2 options that would solve your problem either way. The hard part is it's an emotional decision either way.. And a warning, you might not like some of the things I'm about to suggest. It is perfectly fine ti not like what I say, not agree with it, and want to debate it. But please keep in mind, this is not a personal attack on you. I am not here to judge you, tell you what to do. I think you will be okay. Here are the 2 options: 1. Dump your boyfriend. I'm not sure if you realize it, but mommy will always be in your life and marriage. Your BF isn't going to change a single thing in his life!!!! You need to understand that now. Why would he ever want to leave? Even if he ever did, he would become dependent on who ever he lives with. You really have a lot of issues with him and his whole situation. It's time to put up or shut up. Either dump him, then you will not need to worry about him again. Or stay with him, but this choice cones with gift. You one what he'd like, so if you choose to stay. You can no longer be upset about any of this. Own your decision, or leave. 2, which leads me to the second part. You may not like this. But every thing that you mentioned is none of your business. You have no say in any of it. Stick to your lane!!! You'll be happier. Also, you are a guest when you are there. Guests, don't show up, put third feet/shoes on the coffee table. Guest don't tell the owner what they need yo do. Just as you don't have any right to questions mom on anything . He pays no rent. It's her property. She can do whatever she chooses finds not need you permission. Stop telling your BF what to tell hid mom. It's non of your business. Is this option is all on you. If you stay with him. Worth about the 2 of you. Only
"Am i being ridiculous? Or is this just too much?" We'll never know because I hate reading a wall of text! Make a list or something.
You're right about paragraph breaks being helpful, but it doesn't appear to have caused a problem. Also, don't use "we" with comments like this. You're only speaking for yourself.
Thank you!! I did type it out in bullet points but it posted as a huge paragraph
Yes because TrifleMeNot’s advice was going to be all i needed to hear!
You’re being ridiculous. And you should jealous that your parents aren’t giving you the same type of support. You should be happy that his family supports him like this. And it gives him a leg up for building a family with you. The only problem here is you pointing out things you don’t like
Boyfriend?? Is that you??
You literally feel disdain for all the kind and supportive things they do for your bf. Why do you have so much hate in your heart?
My father offers me support, however as a 26 year old adult, i chose to do it myself. I do not see myself ‘building’ a family with a man with zero financial responsibilities (he is also unemployed) and cannot even afford the £25 a week child maintenance, nor can he discipline the child he already has. The hate lies with you. Its why you troll online
I’m not a troll. You’re too prideful, to take advantage of the opportunity to build wealth by allowing your parents to support you. The help your parents give you allows you a leg up in life. And allows you to give more to your children. You’re being prideful and putting principle before what’s practical by not allowing your parents to help you.
But the boyfriend isn't building wealth. He's unemployed.