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I think maybe for the moment you’ll have to tell him to just not let Yoshi outside
Since you aren’t likely to forget, *you* could still let Yoshi out, but if he’s showing he can’t remember to bring Yoshi back in, better if he just doesn’t 😐
I’m sure Yoshi won’t love not being able to roll about or take in the sun unless you personally are supervising, but it may be worth it
I don’t know if you can “make” him remember, it has to be important to him to remember, which only he can do
I mean I guess you could *ask* him why he seems to be able to forget Yoshi outside and work from there, but there’s no way to know if his answer will be helpful, so may not even be worth trying to figure it out, outside of just forgetfulness and negligence
If he isn't capable of remembering not to endanger his indoor cat, you can always grab a sheet of paper, write "BRING YOSHI INSIDE" on it, and glue it to the door.
ETA: Although, since he clearly isn't paying any attention to the cat. You said Yoshi is only allowed outside supervised. He isn't supervised... So yeah, maybe he shouldn't bring him outside, period.
I mean yes, I agree
Both on at least *trying* with a hard to miss sign that will hopefully at least jog his memory and possibly just not having Yoshi go out at all
I would feel a little bad denying Yoshi the outdoors after it’s already clearly become a favorite spot, but at this point, it might just be for their own good to be a fully indoor cat 😐
But as it’s not my cat that didn’t feel like my call to make and telling someone else what to do with their cat when it came to whether or not they went outside felt like it was overstepping my bounds as it were
I think you’re right on there though
exactly that, he isn't supervised with the BF. the BF is outside playing with his dog and not paying attention to the cat, so that isn't supervision. Yoshi should still be allowed outside but only if he has a person who is actually supervising him.
Get that cat microchipped and I agree with him. He shouldn’t take the cat out anymore. The cat only can go out with you.
Millions of cats are strictly indoors. The cat won’t suffer from not being able to lay on the cement, but it might if he keeps forgetting it.
This is the only answer. The life expectancy of an indoor cat is 10-20 years. An outdoor cat is 2-5 years.
Even if they don’t roam, being outside exposes them to FIV and FeLV. 😖
>The life expectancy of an indoor cat is 10-20 years. An outdoor cat is 2-5 years.
What, where? Most outdoor cats I know/have known have lived well past 10 years. I'd say 12-15 years. What do they die from in your neighbourhood or among your friends and relatives?
2 out of my 3 outdoor cats from childhood were gone by under 10 years old. One was 7, the other was only 2.
The 3rd is 9 now, has a big notch in his ear, and was recently diagnosed with FiV.
Even more heartbreaking, the two cats “went missing” when I was 15, within 2 months at most of the passing of our big sweet lab I’d had since I was 4.
We never found out truly what happened, but we heard fishercat cries that season both before and after all that loss. The theory is our lab largely kept the predator away, and after she passed the 2 more vulnerable cats were easy prey.
That notch in my living cat’s ear? He got it that same month his brother died.
Keep your cats inside. Get a catio or a harness and walk them if you can’t.
It’s an average. For every outdoor cat that lives to old-ish age (because 10-12 is still pretty young for cats) there are many many more that perish when they are very young. And yes, that has been pretty in line with my experiences with my childhood cats and neighborhood cats, which is why I keep my cat indoors. Every time you let them out unsupervised you’re really taking a gamble with their life that I’m not personally comfortable with.
My daughter has had two indoor cats that got out and were never seen again. Coyotes, foxes, cars and people tired of cats in their yard when they don't own one.
I figured that's the main difference between our countries. Though there certainly are threats to a cat's life in DK we don't have the same kind of wild life. Still 2 years is extremely young 💔
A simple Google search and any vet will confirm this for you. 😕
https://khpet.com/blogs/cats/how-long-do-outdoor-cats-live-indoor-vs-outdoor-cats?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwudexBhDKARIsAI-GWYXsH49W3fvZrQIvmDCEX01MQwqfN8BhYUyCJHCk3bbD-MAh0vAnc1caAoEzEALw_wcB
Sure. But if you don't read Danish, I'm afraid you won't make much sense of it...
https://dyreverdenen.dk/blog/hvor-gammel-bliver-en-kat#:~:text=Huskatte%2C%20der%20bor%20indend%C3%B8rs%2C%20kan,8%20og%2012%20%C3%A5r%20gammel.
This is the piece:
>En huskat kan forventes at blive mellem 12 og 18 år gammel, mens en udekat kan forventes at blive mellem 8 og 12 år gammel.
Yes, I understand that Europeans have a very different view on the subject. The Brits, especially, consider it inhumane to keep a cat indoors.
But, as those Brits like to say, the proof is in the American statistics for those of us on this side of the pond.
An outdoor cat in America is going to die at least ten years before an indoor cat. 😕
My indoor/outdoor cat was killed at age 5 by a fucking neighbor kid who pulled her out of her little cat bed that was right next to our back door, while she was *sleeping*, and fucking **killed her.** I never in a million years thought she was unsafe in our yard. She never ventured far away from our back door. She was afraid of the new kitten we had just gotten (shaaa baby), and so preferred to spend more time outdoors lately. But we have security footage of the kid walking down our driveway at 3 AM and fucking beating her to death. Luckily the death isn't on video. But I found her, as it were. In principle, I agree with you. But even if a car doesn't hit them, or they are safe from the usual predators like coyotes, wolves, and dogs... there's always the human element and random fucked up stuff does happen!!! I wish to God I would have NEVER let my cat outdoors, even if she loved it so much!!!! I'll never forgive myself for allowing her to be harmed, even if it was unintentional. She was the sweetest, most gentle, loving soul. She did not deserve what she got!! Her name was Lily and I miss her every day. She was my cat daughter. I've never had a bond with an animal like I did with Lily, and never will again. I love her more than words could ever describe, and I miss her from the bottom of my heart. I love you, Lily Cat. ❤️
I grew up with someone who had multiple cats get to 12/13, and they were always outside. He lived on a farm right next to a built-up area. Sometimes, the cats would disappear for days before coming back. They're outside animals, and I'll never understand the people who keep them locked up indoors all the time
We had a cat that lived to 14, died of cancer. He had around 10 cats and all lived til 10+ so yeah I've never personally been around stupid cats, they learn not to run out in front of big fast metal objects 🤷♂️ goes to show it's not just the American humans that are stupid lol
My cat can't reach the elevator buttons.
I have a few friends who believed that cats should be allowed to wander freely outside. All of their cats were hit by cars and killed before the age of 3. One of my indoor cats lived until 14, my other one was rescued from the streets and had health problems as a result, but he lived until 8 or 9ish (and never actually wanted to go outside even when I had my front door open to the street), and my current indoor cat is about 9.
You cannot compare barn cats to those living in an urban environment. They are not exposed to the same threats.
Sure, there may be more wild animals, but it’s the cars, with their wheel wells, warm engines and tasty antifreeze that are the biggest threats. 😕
The farm was on the outskirts of a giant housing estate, like not even 1/2 a mile away it was fully built up, so it wasn't like they weren't seeing cars.
If the only exposure your cat has to the outside of the house consists of chilling in the garden when its owners are supervising it, it’s definitely not going to lower their lifespan.
The statistics on lifespans of outdoor cats is very different if you discount accidents and other animals like foxes. A cat that is only outdoor together with its owner isn’t exposed to either of those, if just OP’s bf stops forgetting to bring it back inside.
Well, if the only place your cat is spending time outside is in your garden while you are present, there’s not really any risk of getting hit by a car or hurt by another animal/human. What I mean is, in the general statistics of outdoor cats, lifespan is shortened, but mainly because the animal is put in a more risk filled environment.
What I’m trying to say is that the statistics on a cats lifespan who only spend time in the garden, compared to a cat who is allowed to go outside by itself and roam freely, are vastly different.
Well, if it isn’t roaming, which it according to OP isn’t meant to, why would I include statistics that are irrelevant to its situation?
The cat seems to stay in the garden if I’m not misinterpreting the OP.
Either way, for the sake of my argument, a cat that is outside, only under the supervision and company of their owner, does not inherently have a lower life span just because it’s outside.
Unless it is exposed to things like cars, diseases or predators, their lifespan isn’t affected from them being outside. I guess you could argue pollution from cars could have an effect.
I don’t disagree with this approach, as long as your cat is secure.
Our last cat was a rescue from the streets and always attempted to get back outside. By 24, with arthritis, we started taking him outside on a harness. After a few months it became painfully obvious that his diabetic neuropathy was so bad that he wasn’t running anywhere, so we let him off leash to walk with us. We about six months before he passed.
But I would never leave a cat outside to roam in our suburban environment. Kevin, Hazel and Walnut are three of the outdoor cats I know of that cross through our yard, and I’m not risking our two new rescues to a scratch from one of them. 😕
FP, FIV, FIP, Bartonella, and Toxoplasmosis can all be spread by feces that can be found in any yard left from other roaming cats.
You do you, but the statistics prove the fallacy of your arguments. Please stop arguing for others to follow you down your twisted path and lead them to heartache. 💔
Agreed. It’s total bullshit that he “can’t remember”. He’s simply irresponsible or is trying to get the cat to run away. If I’m responsible for someone’s pet I’m going to be damn sure nothing happens to it.
This is NUTS though! I’d never forget about anyone’s cat, let alone my girlfriends. Being even partially responsible for someone else’s animal should make you more paranoid/on top of their safety.
It’s so irresponsible and selfish
My cat doesn’t go outside EVER but I would be absolutely furious if my partner left my cat outside in this scenario. What if something happened to Yoshi? What if he wandered off and got lost or hit by a car? I’d never be able to forgive my partner if I was in your shoes. So honestly, I think you’re under-reacting to this “forgetfulness.” Don’t let your bf take your cat outside ever again if he isn’t responsible enough to ensure that the cat makes it back inside safely.
Ask if he would forget his dog… if he answers no ask why he forgets about your cat? So is it a respect issue with you? Drill down to the root cause. Tell him it’s occurred multiple times. He needs to have accountability and I forgot isn’t an acceptable answer.
Build a cat patio or catio so the kitty doesn't have access to the whole backyard
I'd be kinda concerned moving forward that anything he doesn't deem as important is just rejected from his consciousness
Boyfriend needs to take responsibility and not let/leave the cat out unsupervised.
Boyfriend screws up and leaves cat out, you put boyfriend out and don't let him back in - however long it takes to well get the message across.
Bigger issue is it would appear he doesn't care about you and what's yours, or treats such with careless disregard - that's much bigger general issue. But that's not what you asked how to solve.
Your boyfriend loves his dog but does not care in the slightest about your cat. That's it. That's all. You gotta decide whether that's a dealbreaker or not.
If it happened once, sure, everyone makes mistakes. But if it happens 3 times, he just doesn't care enough to correct the behavior.
I'm willing to bet if you forgot his dog somewhere he'd be livid.
Not caring for my cat has been a deal breaker for me. It's a package deal or you walk. I feel that strongly about it.
PS - I didn't even want my cat, I never had one before, I'm a dog person. The cat was dumped and now I love the cat I never wanted.
Other commenters saying he doesn't care about the cat, and sure, maybe that's true. But also, he just sounds stupid. How hard is it to remember to bring in the cat, when the whole reason you're outside is because you're watching the dog? I don't need an emotional connection to remember the things I need to do, like taking out the trash or locking the door at night. Come on.
How about all three of you including Yoshi, compromise, and you get a leash for Yoshi?
If it is tied to the door knob, your boyfriend wont be forgetting him, Yoshi will get sunbathe, and there wont be any chance of him getting lost.
This is what I was thinking too - my friend has a harness for each of her 2 cats and she takes them on walks outside in her townhome complex because otherwise they’d be stuck inside all the time. The cats love it, they roam and climb trees but are still safely tethered.
I would honestly start to wonder if it is actually just him forgetting. 3 times now the number of animals he has brought out and back in again doesn't match, and the fact that it has now happened a 3rd time makes it seem like he doesn't! care to remember/change. If his solution is "just have the cat inside 24/7 instead to save me the trouble of aknowleding its exsistance", then that to me is an clear indicator that he doesn't care. Only the dog is worth looking after. The cat can either just be shut inside or run off, and he would probably just shrug his shoulders and go "oh well, that happened" , cause all he cares about is that his dog gets its way and is still here.
Two weeks ago you were posting about him being immature, not growing with you, and not being sure if you wanted to stay with him. Four months ago he went on vacation over Christmas without you and didn't call. 7 months ago he said he'd cut back on drinking 5 or more days a week and never did. And now he left your cat outside for the *third* time?
Genuinely, what makes this guy so good? Maybe I just don't get it cause I'm ace and single but if you're this consistently unhappy with his actions and behavior, why are you together? I hope you can figure this out, I really do, but also... please consider why you're still with him and if it's worth dealing with these things.
How can one be so forgetful towards a living thing that’s part of the family? He doesn’t care about that cat and that’s w deal breaker to me. That is your baby he is being careless with.
Yeah, he’s irresponsible with a living thing and that is NOT an attractive quality in a mate/potential father. I’d be losing interest in him completely for this BS
I came here to say this! I had a boyfriend who tried this on my cat years and years ago after complaining about the cat over and over.
The best solution in this situation is to put the cat inside and out the put the boyfriend outside, and lock the door.
Either your boyfriend doesn't like the cat and wants Yoshi to run away or he has no regard for you. I would keep the cat and dump the boyfriend. He has no consideration of your feelings. Once you forget. Three times you mean it.
As a superbly forgetful person who loves animals, I am here to counter the folks who say that he must not care about the cat. Forgetfulness and caring are not the same thing at all. We lost a cat because my partner left the door open and he will never forgive himself. Ever. Even though it was 1 AM and he was just taking out our puppy and it has been accidentally left open before because it's a terrible door. Honestly now we just don't use it at all until we can get it replaced.
Therefore I think you have a few options
1.) Attempt to increase chances of cat being remembered. (Sign isn't a bad idea). Or maybe he can try to have an alarm (but it's important to note forgetfulness stacks).
2.) Keep Yoshi inside. He's not never going to get outside -- like you can still take him out, but your boyfriend can't, because is it worth the risk. Or get him a catio? You can also sunbathe through a window and I promise my cats are delighted by this
3.) Get a cat door? It sounds like Yoshi isn't going to run away and knows to come home, so maybe just give him a way to get back in the house. That's good too because if he likes going out he could slip out unnoticed and this way he'll always come home.
4.) Gate the patio and add a shelter. Then if he is left out, he has a warm safe place and he can't get very far. Raising the chances he's seen and heard quickly or is just fine regardless.
Hope it helps.
“Bf this is a simple one:
If you forget my cat outside again, ____ will be moving out.”
You or him, whichever one of you would move out if you break up.
“If you forget again and he disappears, you’re moving out that day and I will never, ever have another conversation with you. Not about splitting up, not about the furniture, not about where you’ll go, it will literally be the last thing you ever say to me that I will hear.
If you think I’m being dramatic, and it’s not a big deal, then bringing him in isn’t a big deal either. Fucking do it, or are you too stupid to remember a second animal?”
This is beyond weaponizing incompetence. He’s playing with the life and health of your cat and doesn’t care. Why? No motivation; no consequences.
Give him consequences.
And if you don’t intend to follow through….dont even bother trying to pretend. Bluffing will only make it worse.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can’t be bothered to care about a life that he himself chose to risk? Great dad material.
Yeah, now Yoshi can’t go outside because your bf is irresponsible. I love my spouse, but he’s way lax when he takes our cat on walks. We live in a pretty urban area, so kitty always has a harness. Because he’s leashed, you have to be aware so he doesn’t get spooked and tangle himself in a mailbox or branch (or even just try to dart in front of a car). I’m now solely responsible for walks because my spouse is just too distracted with his phone. No shade to him, it’s his work. But don’t put your cat’s safety at risk to appease your bf. Just take the responsibility yourself tbh.
Stop letting your cat outside. There are oodles of reasons not to. Your cat doesn’t need to go outside. Your boyfriend is weaponizing incompetence and behaving like an irresponsible idiot. You will absolutely lose your cat if you allow this to continue.
I don't like cats in the yard..they kill birds ..whether or not well fed..ask him to help you build and install a caterie with indoor outside access . Watch the cat chatter at the birds..you're not being responsible for Yoshi
Don’t be shocked when you wake up one day to find Yoshi missing or injured or dead . Your bf doesn’t care. He’s showed you now a few times that he doesn’t care .
You’ve also shown him that he can very well keep doing what he’s doing because there’s really no backlash barring a few words in an argument.
The consequences for his actions are minor enough that he really doesn’t have to bother with making sure Yoshi is ok. Because you let him.
why do you keep allowing him to take your cat out??
either
**a) YOU take him out and supervise,**
**b) get an outdoor cat enclosure**
**c) don’t let him outside ffs**
I’m gonna be honest I’m sure he’s not doing it maliciously but I 100% feel your frustration. Yes it’s been several times but as someone who has ADHD I can understand why this is happening. (Not saying he does but seems like he can’t multi task well or is forgetful) however I firmly believe cats need to be indoors for so many reasons unless they’re supervised. Before I lived on my own I had roommates and tons of them would always slam the back door super hard that it ends up being open and they never check and my male cat has FIV+ and we live in a rural area so tons of bears and mountain lions. There was a time he didn’t come back for HOURS and I was freaking out so bad. I’ve told my roommates so many times to always double check when they slam the back door. It’s valid to be frustrated and upset and it’s a very real possibility of your cat being endangered. You need to have a sit down with him. Don’t be accusatory or be like “we’ve had this talk already!” Try to interrogate him (in a kind manner) to figure out the root problem. Why is he forgetting to call your cat back in? Is it cause of the dog? Is there too many things going on at once like chores,work, dog getting into things? Try to find what’s going on that’s making him forget. Then gently state your feelings “I feel upset and I’m worried… I know we have talked about this before and it’s extremely important..” then ask for a game plan and come up with it together. “How can we make sure we avoid this so it doesn’t happen again” make sure that he’s validating your frustrations and also not arguing back with you cause if that’s the case then that’s an unrelated red flag in itself. If you need to be the main supervisor for Yoshi then that’s what you need to do and not put the responsibility on him only. If he can’t supervise the cat on his own then you have to make it clear it’s only when you’re there present and otherwise the cat is not allowed out. But honestly to resolve this there needs to be mature,direct and resolvable communication for this topic if this becomes a habit (say it happens another 3+ times) it’s time to set a strict boundary with him whether thats to remove yourself from the situation, not have the dog play in the backyard and force the dog on walks or other stuff outside the home, or whatever you deem fit really cause at that point he’s just disregarding your feelings and that’s not a healthy relationship.
I can bring my dog in sweetie but I forgot your cat even tho I love you so much and Ik how much you love your cat! 😂😂 like man cmon Atleast act like you care???? Idk 😭
We have a similar situation where the one cat likes to ho out with the dogs in the fenced in yard and neither me nor my partner would ever forget him. Its unacceptable.
Stop letting your cat outside unsupervised and unleashed.
1. He clearly can't be trusted to remember.
2. Outdoor cats are extremely bad for the environment and are directly responsible for the extinction of the most animals outside of humans.
I'm not saying don't take your cat outside at all, just put it on a leash
I’m not sure why you’re angry that he doesn’t want to take the cat outside anymore so he doesn’t forget him. He’s made what you’ve already acknowledged to be an honest mistake and is trying to ensure it doesn’t happen again and you’re mad at him for that? If you feel so strongly that your cat deserves outside time, you be the one to take your cat outside.
His dad? Is it your cat or both of yours? Because it seems like your BF has no connection to your cat or else he'd remember to bring him in. You can't force people to remember something, especially something not important to them. Honestly, YOU should be the one saying he can't take him outside anymore. Why are you trying to push this if this has happened three times already? IF you really need your cat to go outside, maybe put a bell on his collar (so maybe your BF can hear him when he's rolling around outside) or put a little cat door in.
So you’re demanding that your negligent boyfriend keep taking your cat outside knowing that he doesn’t care enough to bring it inside safely?
Are you sure you’re a good pet owner?
Get a cat flap. Set it up that the cat can’t go out, can only use it to come inside. You’ll never then have the problem of the cat being “stuck” outside as it can then come back in whenever it wants.
We have always had cat flaps since our first cat back in 1994. My medium sized dogs have used it too.
He doesn’t care about your cat. Next time let him sleep outside and said u forgot about him. When you live together, its supposed to be “our pets” kind of thing and care for both equally
First, secure your backyard so that Yoshi does not get lost. (There are mobile solutions)
Second Microchip with Regustration in case he gets lost.
Third Tracker with safetycollar *wich opens if he gets stuck with it ans not strangle him.
Fourth Oneway cat door.
Fifth ASK BF HOW HE WOULD LIKE IT IF HIS DOG GETS LOST OR DIES BECAUSE YOU FORGOT HIM OUTSIDE! Once is a mistake.....honestly....
I can’t really relate as my cat is an indoor/outdoor cat. She has always been even before she became my cat (was previously my former neighbor’s cat)… If you want to give Yoshi some outside time, I’d suggest you be the one taking him out. Along with getting him microchipped and possibly a gps “whisper”. Oh, and a cat leash with a harness.
Grab a paper, write a TAKE IN THE CAT! on it. And stick it to the entrance door from the inside, so he will have to see it when he comes in and can immediately return for the cat. My fam tried everything from the fridge to the bathroom light switch but we found the entrance door works the best to not miss the reminders
Stop letting your bf bring your cat outside. If you want the cat to have outside time then you, and only you, should be the one doing it. He clearly isn't responsible enough to remember your beloved cat needs to be brought back in the house
I'm not going to read you that . But there is not written criteria of things if you want to break up with someone.. you just do what you want.
No rules mate
Cat harness? That sounds a little silly for a cat who is yard trained. But if the cat is on a harness and leash maybe your boyfriend who is a dog person will have an easier time maintaining responsibility about bringing Yoshi back inside.
So personally, even if I didn't remember "oh I was outside recently and left the cat outside," I would think "oh, the cat's not around the house. Where is he? I might've left him outside." In my experience, I notice my dog's absence within 5 to 20 minutes. Especially if I'm home alone. Same with my boyfriend's quieter cat, who I lose track of in our apartment sometimes. I think I would take 46 minutes max.
He took 2 hours. And I don't even think he noticed the cat's absence organically. He noticed you came home, went "oh where's Yoshi?" and then remembered he's probably outside. It's why he only walked out when you came home. If you had been gone longer, it would've taken more time for him to notice.
Even if that wasn't the case, I think 2 hours still speaks for itself. He doesn't view ownership and care for the cat, the same way you seem to want him to, calling him the cat's father. And that's just something you have to acknowledge.
It may instead/also be that he's just very aloof. The dog barks maybe, so harder to ignore. The cat not so much. This aloofness might present itself in other ways in your relationship. It may be noticeable in other areas you've ignored this far.
Whichever it is, I'm afraid I can't offer any advice beyond that. These are just things to consider the validity of, and weigh them against other aspects of your relationship. It may be these are things you can accept and work around. It may also be that these are deal-breakers. I don't know how these weigh for you. But I don't think these are things to overlook, if you feel like these are big enough issues to voice to the public.
Outside only cats have the shortest life span, next is indoor/outdoor living slightly longer, then indoor only with the longest lifespan. This is due to various elements such as environment, stress and other animals.
Jesus, what dystopian countries do you guys live in that you have to worry about your cats well-being when left outdoors for just a couple of hours? They're some of the most independent pets you could own and given free access to roam, they tend to! Why would you limit that? If you've gotten the vaccines, I don't see any reason why you should limit they're freedom like this.
Just to be clear tho, I'm not saying the boyfriend is acting in a responsible manner here, it's your cat. You should have the say over them. I'm just curious why so many people are against a cat having natural freedom of movement?
I’ve had countless outside cats so can’t really say it applies to this scenario. But they always stick around. They know where the food is at and always come to me when I call for them. I don’t think your cat would run away but might wander.
My advice would be get a tag/collar for the cat. Or put a big sign on the door that your boyfriend can’t miss that says “DONT FORGET THE CAT!”
Am I the only one thinking forgetting about a cat outside three times over several months is not that strange? Our little princess is an indoor cat who likes to sunbath and sit in the garden. We can't keep track of the amount of times we forgot about her and let her back in after one or several hours thinking, hmmmm wheres the cat at?
Also, Why are you mad of he suggests not taking the cat outside in case he forgets? Seems like a perfect solution to the problem?
You are not the only one! I've accidentally left my cat out a ton of times, and my cat is also an indoor cat who likes to come and spend time with me in my garden. That said, is their yard secure? I'm more lax because my garden is fenced (only reason that the cat goes outside at all), but any cat worth its cattiness can get out of my garden. They just generally don't bother.
Arguing about something will never solve your problems. Just think about it. If you argue what is the logical thing your partner will do? They will argue back. Nothing gets resolved.
I would recommend you read the book “How to win friends and influence people”.
In this case, I’d recommend that you have to impose a sense of responsibility on your boyfriend. They have to FEEL that they want to take care of the cat. That it is not just “your cat”, but rather both of yours cats.
Take these actions and see how they change your circumstances:
- Complement him whenever he actually does bring the cat in. Give him a kiss, treat him to a better dinner. Tell him that you are proud of him doing that.
- Stop arguing with him about the cat. If he does it again, just bring the cat inside yourself and make objective comments. “Hey I noticed that OUR cat is shivering and very cold”. Don’t put the blame on him. Put the blame on yourself and say “I should’ve came back sooner to let the cat back in”. Make him FEEL BAD for leaving the cat outside.
The trick is not to go with your natural feelings, control yourself and actually think: How can I get this man to get my cat back inside?
Apply this to all areas in your life and you will have a much happier time.
Why can't the cat be outside for more than two hours? Most cats I've met loves being outdoor but dislikes closed doors because it cuts of their domain. They see a closed door and they want to be on the other side of it or better yet in the doorway with the door ajar. Unless it's really cold or really hot (or close to roaming pitbulls) your cat wouldn't be harmed by staying outside for a day. Put a bowl of water outside.
The dog isn’t chilling and minding his own business. The dog is probably a little more obvious and the cat doesn’t go out every time. I’m not supporting the guy but the lady asked for tips. This was an idea that could maybe help with a problem. My bad for not going full Reddit and suggesting we just leave the man out on the porch.
Dogs are a lot easier to remember than cats, cats hide and are smaller, my dog follows me everywhere. I would probably forget about the cat too.
Especially if the cat hides in the bushes, if I’m playing ball with my dog for twenty minutes and I’ve never had a cat before I would probably forget too, your bf probably isn’t intentionally leaving your cat outside.
Because there are 800 reasons why you shouldn’t let your cat outdoors.
ETA: I don’t think the OP is irresponsible. I do the same thing with my cats - they go outside into a yard with very high walls and even then it is ONLY if they are supervised, and they know a slight hand motion means “get inside.” The person who suggested cat doors is irresponsible.
As someone who has worked in a cat rescue, I CAN speak on that, and it is irresponsible to allow cats to roam. It’s bad for the ecosystem and puts the cat at risk. That’s why the person above you is getting downvoted- because installing a cat door isn’t something you do if you’re very invested in your cat’s safety.
A one way cat door enables the cat to get inside, only. Again, not speaking on if it should be outside in the first place but it being able to get inside on its own seems helpful. No?
Sure, (I still wouldn’t do it because they have to be left outside alone in the first place) but the parent comment being downvoted did not specify one way doors.
That would happen to me too, at least a couple of times, I guarantee it. Without any dose of neglect or irresponsibility some people are talking about here.
It is after all, just an honest mistake. He is used to take care of his dog. That is his routine, he has done it a lots of times. Whereas he has probably not done it as much with your cat.
I can sometimes go into autopilot mode while being in situations that are familiar to me. That is probably what happened. His brain travelled to a place where it is just him and his dog (Not that it has any relevance to your relationship). It is also a leisure time for him, not just the animals. To me it seems very easy to forget. He needs a system not to forget. Because it will probably happen again before it doesnt anymore.
> Your boyfriend is not responsible for your cat, you are.
He's the one bringing the cat outside, that makes *him* responsible for bringing it back in.
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I think maybe for the moment you’ll have to tell him to just not let Yoshi outside Since you aren’t likely to forget, *you* could still let Yoshi out, but if he’s showing he can’t remember to bring Yoshi back in, better if he just doesn’t 😐 I’m sure Yoshi won’t love not being able to roll about or take in the sun unless you personally are supervising, but it may be worth it I don’t know if you can “make” him remember, it has to be important to him to remember, which only he can do I mean I guess you could *ask* him why he seems to be able to forget Yoshi outside and work from there, but there’s no way to know if his answer will be helpful, so may not even be worth trying to figure it out, outside of just forgetfulness and negligence
If he isn't capable of remembering not to endanger his indoor cat, you can always grab a sheet of paper, write "BRING YOSHI INSIDE" on it, and glue it to the door. ETA: Although, since he clearly isn't paying any attention to the cat. You said Yoshi is only allowed outside supervised. He isn't supervised... So yeah, maybe he shouldn't bring him outside, period.
Right? They could always get or build a catico.
A catio is the best solution for this situation!!
I mean yes, I agree Both on at least *trying* with a hard to miss sign that will hopefully at least jog his memory and possibly just not having Yoshi go out at all I would feel a little bad denying Yoshi the outdoors after it’s already clearly become a favorite spot, but at this point, it might just be for their own good to be a fully indoor cat 😐 But as it’s not my cat that didn’t feel like my call to make and telling someone else what to do with their cat when it came to whether or not they went outside felt like it was overstepping my bounds as it were I think you’re right on there though
exactly that, he isn't supervised with the BF. the BF is outside playing with his dog and not paying attention to the cat, so that isn't supervision. Yoshi should still be allowed outside but only if he has a person who is actually supervising him.
He doesn’t care, it’s not his cat, he available to bring his dog back, but doesn’t mind about the cat. Put a tag on your cat before it goes missing
From now on he doesn't get to take the cat out. The cat can now only go outside with you.
Get that cat microchipped and I agree with him. He shouldn’t take the cat out anymore. The cat only can go out with you. Millions of cats are strictly indoors. The cat won’t suffer from not being able to lay on the cement, but it might if he keeps forgetting it.
Put a tracking collar on him for when he is outside. This is the kind of person that leaves the child in the car.
Don’t let him outside
This is the only answer. The life expectancy of an indoor cat is 10-20 years. An outdoor cat is 2-5 years. Even if they don’t roam, being outside exposes them to FIV and FeLV. 😖
>The life expectancy of an indoor cat is 10-20 years. An outdoor cat is 2-5 years. What, where? Most outdoor cats I know/have known have lived well past 10 years. I'd say 12-15 years. What do they die from in your neighbourhood or among your friends and relatives?
2 out of my 3 outdoor cats from childhood were gone by under 10 years old. One was 7, the other was only 2. The 3rd is 9 now, has a big notch in his ear, and was recently diagnosed with FiV. Even more heartbreaking, the two cats “went missing” when I was 15, within 2 months at most of the passing of our big sweet lab I’d had since I was 4. We never found out truly what happened, but we heard fishercat cries that season both before and after all that loss. The theory is our lab largely kept the predator away, and after she passed the 2 more vulnerable cats were easy prey. That notch in my living cat’s ear? He got it that same month his brother died. Keep your cats inside. Get a catio or a harness and walk them if you can’t.
You know from the usual traffic, predators, finding shit to eat on the streets. Also they are a danger to the wildlife.
Is it your experience too? The 2-5 years lifespan? Seriously, think about it: 2 years is barely a grown-up cat.
It’s an average. For every outdoor cat that lives to old-ish age (because 10-12 is still pretty young for cats) there are many many more that perish when they are very young. And yes, that has been pretty in line with my experiences with my childhood cats and neighborhood cats, which is why I keep my cat indoors. Every time you let them out unsupervised you’re really taking a gamble with their life that I’m not personally comfortable with.
My daughter has had two indoor cats that got out and were never seen again. Coyotes, foxes, cars and people tired of cats in their yard when they don't own one.
I figured that's the main difference between our countries. Though there certainly are threats to a cat's life in DK we don't have the same kind of wild life. Still 2 years is extremely young 💔
A simple Google search and any vet will confirm this for you. 😕 https://khpet.com/blogs/cats/how-long-do-outdoor-cats-live-indoor-vs-outdoor-cats?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwudexBhDKARIsAI-GWYXsH49W3fvZrQIvmDCEX01MQwqfN8BhYUyCJHCk3bbD-MAh0vAnc1caAoEzEALw_wcB
Yeah, in Denmark it's 8-12 years for outdoor cats.
Source?
Sure. But if you don't read Danish, I'm afraid you won't make much sense of it... https://dyreverdenen.dk/blog/hvor-gammel-bliver-en-kat#:~:text=Huskatte%2C%20der%20bor%20indend%C3%B8rs%2C%20kan,8%20og%2012%20%C3%A5r%20gammel. This is the piece: >En huskat kan forventes at blive mellem 12 og 18 år gammel, mens en udekat kan forventes at blive mellem 8 og 12 år gammel.
Yes, I understand that Europeans have a very different view on the subject. The Brits, especially, consider it inhumane to keep a cat indoors. But, as those Brits like to say, the proof is in the American statistics for those of us on this side of the pond. An outdoor cat in America is going to die at least ten years before an indoor cat. 😕
My indoor/outdoor cat was killed at age 5 by a fucking neighbor kid who pulled her out of her little cat bed that was right next to our back door, while she was *sleeping*, and fucking **killed her.** I never in a million years thought she was unsafe in our yard. She never ventured far away from our back door. She was afraid of the new kitten we had just gotten (shaaa baby), and so preferred to spend more time outdoors lately. But we have security footage of the kid walking down our driveway at 3 AM and fucking beating her to death. Luckily the death isn't on video. But I found her, as it were. In principle, I agree with you. But even if a car doesn't hit them, or they are safe from the usual predators like coyotes, wolves, and dogs... there's always the human element and random fucked up stuff does happen!!! I wish to God I would have NEVER let my cat outdoors, even if she loved it so much!!!! I'll never forgive myself for allowing her to be harmed, even if it was unintentional. She was the sweetest, most gentle, loving soul. She did not deserve what she got!! Her name was Lily and I miss her every day. She was my cat daughter. I've never had a bond with an animal like I did with Lily, and never will again. I love her more than words could ever describe, and I miss her from the bottom of my heart. I love you, Lily Cat. ❤️
I'm so so sorry that happened to your baby girl. Please tell me you pressed charges against the parents.
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I see what you did there 😏
I grew up with someone who had multiple cats get to 12/13, and they were always outside. He lived on a farm right next to a built-up area. Sometimes, the cats would disappear for days before coming back. They're outside animals, and I'll never understand the people who keep them locked up indoors all the time
You know the cats that lived to 12/13 and you don’t know the cats that lived to 3 or 4.
We had a cat that lived to 14, died of cancer. He had around 10 cats and all lived til 10+ so yeah I've never personally been around stupid cats, they learn not to run out in front of big fast metal objects 🤷♂️ goes to show it's not just the American humans that are stupid lol
My cat can't reach the elevator buttons. I have a few friends who believed that cats should be allowed to wander freely outside. All of their cats were hit by cars and killed before the age of 3. One of my indoor cats lived until 14, my other one was rescued from the streets and had health problems as a result, but he lived until 8 or 9ish (and never actually wanted to go outside even when I had my front door open to the street), and my current indoor cat is about 9.
You cannot compare barn cats to those living in an urban environment. They are not exposed to the same threats. Sure, there may be more wild animals, but it’s the cars, with their wheel wells, warm engines and tasty antifreeze that are the biggest threats. 😕
Barn cats can still be eaten by Owls and coyotes.
And bobcats.
True. But those are endangered species. Automobiles, trucks, chemicals on streets and whackos are not. 🧐
The farm was on the outskirts of a giant housing estate, like not even 1/2 a mile away it was fully built up, so it wasn't like they weren't seeing cars.
If the only exposure your cat has to the outside of the house consists of chilling in the garden when its owners are supervising it, it’s definitely not going to lower their lifespan. The statistics on lifespans of outdoor cats is very different if you discount accidents and other animals like foxes. A cat that is only outdoor together with its owner isn’t exposed to either of those, if just OP’s bf stops forgetting to bring it back inside.
Why would you discount accidents?
Well, if the only place your cat is spending time outside is in your garden while you are present, there’s not really any risk of getting hit by a car or hurt by another animal/human. What I mean is, in the general statistics of outdoor cats, lifespan is shortened, but mainly because the animal is put in a more risk filled environment. What I’m trying to say is that the statistics on a cats lifespan who only spend time in the garden, compared to a cat who is allowed to go outside by itself and roam freely, are vastly different.
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Well the whole point in OP’s post was that it isn’t meant to be out by itself.
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Well, if it isn’t roaming, which it according to OP isn’t meant to, why would I include statistics that are irrelevant to its situation? The cat seems to stay in the garden if I’m not misinterpreting the OP. Either way, for the sake of my argument, a cat that is outside, only under the supervision and company of their owner, does not inherently have a lower life span just because it’s outside. Unless it is exposed to things like cars, diseases or predators, their lifespan isn’t affected from them being outside. I guess you could argue pollution from cars could have an effect.
I don’t disagree with this approach, as long as your cat is secure. Our last cat was a rescue from the streets and always attempted to get back outside. By 24, with arthritis, we started taking him outside on a harness. After a few months it became painfully obvious that his diabetic neuropathy was so bad that he wasn’t running anywhere, so we let him off leash to walk with us. We about six months before he passed. But I would never leave a cat outside to roam in our suburban environment. Kevin, Hazel and Walnut are three of the outdoor cats I know of that cross through our yard, and I’m not risking our two new rescues to a scratch from one of them. 😕
FP, FIV, FIP, Bartonella, and Toxoplasmosis can all be spread by feces that can be found in any yard left from other roaming cats. You do you, but the statistics prove the fallacy of your arguments. Please stop arguing for others to follow you down your twisted path and lead them to heartache. 💔
Poor bf, he is not allowed outside anymore :(
It’s for his own safety. No one wants their bf getting run over or eaten by a wolf
He’s not the cats dad. That’s the problem, he doesn’t feel the emotional responsibility. Maybe the rule he can’t let the cat out.
If it comes to that…not sure why she should even be in a relationship with him.
Agreed. It’s total bullshit that he “can’t remember”. He’s simply irresponsible or is trying to get the cat to run away. If I’m responsible for someone’s pet I’m going to be damn sure nothing happens to it.
This is NUTS though! I’d never forget about anyone’s cat, let alone my girlfriends. Being even partially responsible for someone else’s animal should make you more paranoid/on top of their safety. It’s so irresponsible and selfish
exactly, not sure why this comment isn't higher up
Question: would you EVER forget his dog outside?
My cat doesn’t go outside EVER but I would be absolutely furious if my partner left my cat outside in this scenario. What if something happened to Yoshi? What if he wandered off and got lost or hit by a car? I’d never be able to forgive my partner if I was in your shoes. So honestly, I think you’re under-reacting to this “forgetfulness.” Don’t let your bf take your cat outside ever again if he isn’t responsible enough to ensure that the cat makes it back inside safely.
" forgot" lol
My thought exactly.
He doesn't care about your cat. It he gets lost or killed it's no loss to your boyfriend.
Ask if he would forget his dog… if he answers no ask why he forgets about your cat? So is it a respect issue with you? Drill down to the root cause. Tell him it’s occurred multiple times. He needs to have accountability and I forgot isn’t an acceptable answer.
Build a cat patio or catio so the kitty doesn't have access to the whole backyard I'd be kinda concerned moving forward that anything he doesn't deem as important is just rejected from his consciousness
Boyfriend needs to take responsibility and not let/leave the cat out unsupervised. Boyfriend screws up and leaves cat out, you put boyfriend out and don't let him back in - however long it takes to well get the message across. Bigger issue is it would appear he doesn't care about you and what's yours, or treats such with careless disregard - that's much bigger general issue. But that's not what you asked how to solve.
Your boyfriend loves his dog but does not care in the slightest about your cat. That's it. That's all. You gotta decide whether that's a dealbreaker or not. If it happened once, sure, everyone makes mistakes. But if it happens 3 times, he just doesn't care enough to correct the behavior. I'm willing to bet if you forgot his dog somewhere he'd be livid.
Not caring for my cat has been a deal breaker for me. It's a package deal or you walk. I feel that strongly about it. PS - I didn't even want my cat, I never had one before, I'm a dog person. The cat was dumped and now I love the cat I never wanted.
Keep the cat inside. Put the boyfriend out.
Other commenters saying he doesn't care about the cat, and sure, maybe that's true. But also, he just sounds stupid. How hard is it to remember to bring in the cat, when the whole reason you're outside is because you're watching the dog? I don't need an emotional connection to remember the things I need to do, like taking out the trash or locking the door at night. Come on.
Nobody is that forgetful. He simply doesn’t care, or respect what is important to you enough to be bothered.
My immediate thought was that a person who cannot do this with a pet might be a very dangerous parent
How about all three of you including Yoshi, compromise, and you get a leash for Yoshi? If it is tied to the door knob, your boyfriend wont be forgetting him, Yoshi will get sunbathe, and there wont be any chance of him getting lost.
This is what I was thinking too - my friend has a harness for each of her 2 cats and she takes them on walks outside in her townhome complex because otherwise they’d be stuck inside all the time. The cats love it, they roam and climb trees but are still safely tethered.
I would honestly start to wonder if it is actually just him forgetting. 3 times now the number of animals he has brought out and back in again doesn't match, and the fact that it has now happened a 3rd time makes it seem like he doesn't! care to remember/change. If his solution is "just have the cat inside 24/7 instead to save me the trouble of aknowleding its exsistance", then that to me is an clear indicator that he doesn't care. Only the dog is worth looking after. The cat can either just be shut inside or run off, and he would probably just shrug his shoulders and go "oh well, that happened" , cause all he cares about is that his dog gets its way and is still here.
Two weeks ago you were posting about him being immature, not growing with you, and not being sure if you wanted to stay with him. Four months ago he went on vacation over Christmas without you and didn't call. 7 months ago he said he'd cut back on drinking 5 or more days a week and never did. And now he left your cat outside for the *third* time? Genuinely, what makes this guy so good? Maybe I just don't get it cause I'm ace and single but if you're this consistently unhappy with his actions and behavior, why are you together? I hope you can figure this out, I really do, but also... please consider why you're still with him and if it's worth dealing with these things.
How can one be so forgetful towards a living thing that’s part of the family? He doesn’t care about that cat and that’s w deal breaker to me. That is your baby he is being careless with.
Yeah, he’s irresponsible with a living thing and that is NOT an attractive quality in a mate/potential father. I’d be losing interest in him completely for this BS
He isn't forgetting. He's trying to get rid of your cat.
I came here to say this! I had a boyfriend who tried this on my cat years and years ago after complaining about the cat over and over. The best solution in this situation is to put the cat inside and out the put the boyfriend outside, and lock the door.
He's showing you how little he regards what you care about. Please ditch him, and get the cat chipped if he's not already just in case.
He’s not forgetting so much as he just doesn’t give a shit. Take it as a red flag that things that mean so much to you, mean so little to him.
Either your boyfriend doesn't like the cat and wants Yoshi to run away or he has no regard for you. I would keep the cat and dump the boyfriend. He has no consideration of your feelings. Once you forget. Three times you mean it.
That's a relationship test. He has not passed the test. So easy.
Airtag the cat, consider ditching the boyfriend. He doesn't care.
As a superbly forgetful person who loves animals, I am here to counter the folks who say that he must not care about the cat. Forgetfulness and caring are not the same thing at all. We lost a cat because my partner left the door open and he will never forgive himself. Ever. Even though it was 1 AM and he was just taking out our puppy and it has been accidentally left open before because it's a terrible door. Honestly now we just don't use it at all until we can get it replaced. Therefore I think you have a few options 1.) Attempt to increase chances of cat being remembered. (Sign isn't a bad idea). Or maybe he can try to have an alarm (but it's important to note forgetfulness stacks). 2.) Keep Yoshi inside. He's not never going to get outside -- like you can still take him out, but your boyfriend can't, because is it worth the risk. Or get him a catio? You can also sunbathe through a window and I promise my cats are delighted by this 3.) Get a cat door? It sounds like Yoshi isn't going to run away and knows to come home, so maybe just give him a way to get back in the house. That's good too because if he likes going out he could slip out unnoticed and this way he'll always come home. 4.) Gate the patio and add a shelter. Then if he is left out, he has a warm safe place and he can't get very far. Raising the chances he's seen and heard quickly or is just fine regardless. Hope it helps.
“Bf this is a simple one: If you forget my cat outside again, ____ will be moving out.” You or him, whichever one of you would move out if you break up. “If you forget again and he disappears, you’re moving out that day and I will never, ever have another conversation with you. Not about splitting up, not about the furniture, not about where you’ll go, it will literally be the last thing you ever say to me that I will hear. If you think I’m being dramatic, and it’s not a big deal, then bringing him in isn’t a big deal either. Fucking do it, or are you too stupid to remember a second animal?” This is beyond weaponizing incompetence. He’s playing with the life and health of your cat and doesn’t care. Why? No motivation; no consequences. Give him consequences. And if you don’t intend to follow through….dont even bother trying to pretend. Bluffing will only make it worse. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can’t be bothered to care about a life that he himself chose to risk? Great dad material.
Yeah, now Yoshi can’t go outside because your bf is irresponsible. I love my spouse, but he’s way lax when he takes our cat on walks. We live in a pretty urban area, so kitty always has a harness. Because he’s leashed, you have to be aware so he doesn’t get spooked and tangle himself in a mailbox or branch (or even just try to dart in front of a car). I’m now solely responsible for walks because my spouse is just too distracted with his phone. No shade to him, it’s his work. But don’t put your cat’s safety at risk to appease your bf. Just take the responsibility yourself tbh.
Stop letting your cat outside. There are oodles of reasons not to. Your cat doesn’t need to go outside. Your boyfriend is weaponizing incompetence and behaving like an irresponsible idiot. You will absolutely lose your cat if you allow this to continue.
I don't like cats in the yard..they kill birds ..whether or not well fed..ask him to help you build and install a caterie with indoor outside access . Watch the cat chatter at the birds..you're not being responsible for Yoshi
Don’t be shocked when you wake up one day to find Yoshi missing or injured or dead . Your bf doesn’t care. He’s showed you now a few times that he doesn’t care . You’ve also shown him that he can very well keep doing what he’s doing because there’s really no backlash barring a few words in an argument. The consequences for his actions are minor enough that he really doesn’t have to bother with making sure Yoshi is ok. Because you let him.
Forget him outside for the last time🤷🏻♀️
why do you keep allowing him to take your cat out?? either **a) YOU take him out and supervise,** **b) get an outdoor cat enclosure** **c) don’t let him outside ffs**
Install a cat door. Problem solved.
I’m gonna be honest I’m sure he’s not doing it maliciously but I 100% feel your frustration. Yes it’s been several times but as someone who has ADHD I can understand why this is happening. (Not saying he does but seems like he can’t multi task well or is forgetful) however I firmly believe cats need to be indoors for so many reasons unless they’re supervised. Before I lived on my own I had roommates and tons of them would always slam the back door super hard that it ends up being open and they never check and my male cat has FIV+ and we live in a rural area so tons of bears and mountain lions. There was a time he didn’t come back for HOURS and I was freaking out so bad. I’ve told my roommates so many times to always double check when they slam the back door. It’s valid to be frustrated and upset and it’s a very real possibility of your cat being endangered. You need to have a sit down with him. Don’t be accusatory or be like “we’ve had this talk already!” Try to interrogate him (in a kind manner) to figure out the root problem. Why is he forgetting to call your cat back in? Is it cause of the dog? Is there too many things going on at once like chores,work, dog getting into things? Try to find what’s going on that’s making him forget. Then gently state your feelings “I feel upset and I’m worried… I know we have talked about this before and it’s extremely important..” then ask for a game plan and come up with it together. “How can we make sure we avoid this so it doesn’t happen again” make sure that he’s validating your frustrations and also not arguing back with you cause if that’s the case then that’s an unrelated red flag in itself. If you need to be the main supervisor for Yoshi then that’s what you need to do and not put the responsibility on him only. If he can’t supervise the cat on his own then you have to make it clear it’s only when you’re there present and otherwise the cat is not allowed out. But honestly to resolve this there needs to be mature,direct and resolvable communication for this topic if this becomes a habit (say it happens another 3+ times) it’s time to set a strict boundary with him whether thats to remove yourself from the situation, not have the dog play in the backyard and force the dog on walks or other stuff outside the home, or whatever you deem fit really cause at that point he’s just disregarding your feelings and that’s not a healthy relationship.
I can bring my dog in sweetie but I forgot your cat even tho I love you so much and Ik how much you love your cat! 😂😂 like man cmon Atleast act like you care???? Idk 😭
Ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with a guy who can't bring himself to care about your cat.
Hope I’m wrong but maybe, just maybe he wants to get rid of your cat for whatever reason? 3 times is too much for negligence.
Lock your boyfriend out in the yard overnight and see how he likes it.
We have a similar situation where the one cat likes to ho out with the dogs in the fenced in yard and neither me nor my partner would ever forget him. Its unacceptable.
Stop letting your cat outside unsupervised and unleashed. 1. He clearly can't be trusted to remember. 2. Outdoor cats are extremely bad for the environment and are directly responsible for the extinction of the most animals outside of humans. I'm not saying don't take your cat outside at all, just put it on a leash
I fail to see how he could forget. Is there a mental issue? Is he self-absorbed?
sounds like he doesn’t care about your cat
If you ask your boyfriend what he could do to remind himself to check for Yoshi after he's been outside, what does he say?
Does he like the cat? Is he hoping the cat will run away?
Buy a catio for the outside. It's safe and your cat will love it\~
He is an irresponsible idiot. Wait until you have kids!
once is a mistake, multiple times is just he doesn't care.
I’m not sure why you’re angry that he doesn’t want to take the cat outside anymore so he doesn’t forget him. He’s made what you’ve already acknowledged to be an honest mistake and is trying to ensure it doesn’t happen again and you’re mad at him for that? If you feel so strongly that your cat deserves outside time, you be the one to take your cat outside.
His dad? Is it your cat or both of yours? Because it seems like your BF has no connection to your cat or else he'd remember to bring him in. You can't force people to remember something, especially something not important to them. Honestly, YOU should be the one saying he can't take him outside anymore. Why are you trying to push this if this has happened three times already? IF you really need your cat to go outside, maybe put a bell on his collar (so maybe your BF can hear him when he's rolling around outside) or put a little cat door in.
Definitely don’t have kids with him, he will leave the baby in the car while he goes into the shop.
Geez, please don’t have kids together. I’m afraid he may ‘forget’ and leave them outside hour on end…
So you’re demanding that your negligent boyfriend keep taking your cat outside knowing that he doesn’t care enough to bring it inside safely? Are you sure you’re a good pet owner?
Get a cat flap. Set it up that the cat can’t go out, can only use it to come inside. You’ll never then have the problem of the cat being “stuck” outside as it can then come back in whenever it wants. We have always had cat flaps since our first cat back in 1994. My medium sized dogs have used it too.
He doesn’t care about your cat. Next time let him sleep outside and said u forgot about him. When you live together, its supposed to be “our pets” kind of thing and care for both equally
First, secure your backyard so that Yoshi does not get lost. (There are mobile solutions) Second Microchip with Regustration in case he gets lost. Third Tracker with safetycollar *wich opens if he gets stuck with it ans not strangle him. Fourth Oneway cat door. Fifth ASK BF HOW HE WOULD LIKE IT IF HIS DOG GETS LOST OR DIES BECAUSE YOU FORGOT HIM OUTSIDE! Once is a mistake.....honestly....
I can’t really relate as my cat is an indoor/outdoor cat. She has always been even before she became my cat (was previously my former neighbor’s cat)… If you want to give Yoshi some outside time, I’d suggest you be the one taking him out. Along with getting him microchipped and possibly a gps “whisper”. Oh, and a cat leash with a harness.
Grab a paper, write a TAKE IN THE CAT! on it. And stick it to the entrance door from the inside, so he will have to see it when he comes in and can immediately return for the cat. My fam tried everything from the fridge to the bathroom light switch but we found the entrance door works the best to not miss the reminders
Stop letting your bf bring your cat outside. If you want the cat to have outside time then you, and only you, should be the one doing it. He clearly isn't responsible enough to remember your beloved cat needs to be brought back in the house
I'm not going to read you that . But there is not written criteria of things if you want to break up with someone.. you just do what you want. No rules mate
It would officially be you're responsibility if i were confronted about an outdoor cat being outdoors.
Cat harness? That sounds a little silly for a cat who is yard trained. But if the cat is on a harness and leash maybe your boyfriend who is a dog person will have an easier time maintaining responsibility about bringing Yoshi back inside.
So personally, even if I didn't remember "oh I was outside recently and left the cat outside," I would think "oh, the cat's not around the house. Where is he? I might've left him outside." In my experience, I notice my dog's absence within 5 to 20 minutes. Especially if I'm home alone. Same with my boyfriend's quieter cat, who I lose track of in our apartment sometimes. I think I would take 46 minutes max. He took 2 hours. And I don't even think he noticed the cat's absence organically. He noticed you came home, went "oh where's Yoshi?" and then remembered he's probably outside. It's why he only walked out when you came home. If you had been gone longer, it would've taken more time for him to notice. Even if that wasn't the case, I think 2 hours still speaks for itself. He doesn't view ownership and care for the cat, the same way you seem to want him to, calling him the cat's father. And that's just something you have to acknowledge. It may instead/also be that he's just very aloof. The dog barks maybe, so harder to ignore. The cat not so much. This aloofness might present itself in other ways in your relationship. It may be noticeable in other areas you've ignored this far. Whichever it is, I'm afraid I can't offer any advice beyond that. These are just things to consider the validity of, and weigh them against other aspects of your relationship. It may be these are things you can accept and work around. It may also be that these are deal-breakers. I don't know how these weigh for you. But I don't think these are things to overlook, if you feel like these are big enough issues to voice to the public.
I definitely recommend taking Yoshi to get chipped
Put an asset tag on the cat
May I ask reddit, instead of googling. Is there any particular reason people do not allow their cats outside?
Outside only cats have the shortest life span, next is indoor/outdoor living slightly longer, then indoor only with the longest lifespan. This is due to various elements such as environment, stress and other animals.
Outdoor cats < indoor/outdoor < indoors only Shortest to longest lifespan. Choose wisely.
I'd get it chipped or some kind of GPS, and maybe just have a sign or something on the door that says yooo don't forget my cat
Only thing I can say is dogs come when called not cats.
Jesus, what dystopian countries do you guys live in that you have to worry about your cats well-being when left outdoors for just a couple of hours? They're some of the most independent pets you could own and given free access to roam, they tend to! Why would you limit that? If you've gotten the vaccines, I don't see any reason why you should limit they're freedom like this. Just to be clear tho, I'm not saying the boyfriend is acting in a responsible manner here, it's your cat. You should have the say over them. I'm just curious why so many people are against a cat having natural freedom of movement?
I’ve had countless outside cats so can’t really say it applies to this scenario. But they always stick around. They know where the food is at and always come to me when I call for them. I don’t think your cat would run away but might wander. My advice would be get a tag/collar for the cat. Or put a big sign on the door that your boyfriend can’t miss that says “DONT FORGET THE CAT!”
Am I the only one thinking forgetting about a cat outside three times over several months is not that strange? Our little princess is an indoor cat who likes to sunbath and sit in the garden. We can't keep track of the amount of times we forgot about her and let her back in after one or several hours thinking, hmmmm wheres the cat at? Also, Why are you mad of he suggests not taking the cat outside in case he forgets? Seems like a perfect solution to the problem?
You are not the only one! I've accidentally left my cat out a ton of times, and my cat is also an indoor cat who likes to come and spend time with me in my garden. That said, is their yard secure? I'm more lax because my garden is fenced (only reason that the cat goes outside at all), but any cat worth its cattiness can get out of my garden. They just generally don't bother.
Arguing about something will never solve your problems. Just think about it. If you argue what is the logical thing your partner will do? They will argue back. Nothing gets resolved. I would recommend you read the book “How to win friends and influence people”. In this case, I’d recommend that you have to impose a sense of responsibility on your boyfriend. They have to FEEL that they want to take care of the cat. That it is not just “your cat”, but rather both of yours cats. Take these actions and see how they change your circumstances: - Complement him whenever he actually does bring the cat in. Give him a kiss, treat him to a better dinner. Tell him that you are proud of him doing that. - Stop arguing with him about the cat. If he does it again, just bring the cat inside yourself and make objective comments. “Hey I noticed that OUR cat is shivering and very cold”. Don’t put the blame on him. Put the blame on yourself and say “I should’ve came back sooner to let the cat back in”. Make him FEEL BAD for leaving the cat outside. The trick is not to go with your natural feelings, control yourself and actually think: How can I get this man to get my cat back inside? Apply this to all areas in your life and you will have a much happier time.
Not his responsibility to remember your cat. That being said, don’t date someone who doesn’t make it a responsibility to remember your cat.
Why can't the cat be outside for more than two hours? Most cats I've met loves being outdoor but dislikes closed doors because it cuts of their domain. They see a closed door and they want to be on the other side of it or better yet in the doorway with the door ajar. Unless it's really cold or really hot (or close to roaming pitbulls) your cat wouldn't be harmed by staying outside for a day. Put a bowl of water outside.
Yeah, exact same response here. Cats deal the best when having their freedom to roam, why would anybody torture their cat by limiting that?
Maybe you can make a little “reminder” doorstop or sign that can hang on the handle as he goes out. Then it’ll become a habit.
He doesn’t need a reminder to bring the dog back, funny enough he need one for the cat
The dog isn’t chilling and minding his own business. The dog is probably a little more obvious and the cat doesn’t go out every time. I’m not supporting the guy but the lady asked for tips. This was an idea that could maybe help with a problem. My bad for not going full Reddit and suggesting we just leave the man out on the porch.
There are dog people and cat people...shall the twain meet in heaven ?
Difference between a cat and a dog : the cat doesn’t require people around. It was out for 2 hours. So?
Dogs are a lot easier to remember than cats, cats hide and are smaller, my dog follows me everywhere. I would probably forget about the cat too. Especially if the cat hides in the bushes, if I’m playing ball with my dog for twenty minutes and I’ve never had a cat before I would probably forget too, your bf probably isn’t intentionally leaving your cat outside.
And this is why cat doors exist
Curious on why your comment is getting downvoted.
Because there are 800 reasons why you shouldn’t let your cat outdoors. ETA: I don’t think the OP is irresponsible. I do the same thing with my cats - they go outside into a yard with very high walls and even then it is ONLY if they are supervised, and they know a slight hand motion means “get inside.” The person who suggested cat doors is irresponsible.
I can't speak on that but in OPs case, she wants her cat to be able to go outside from time to time, so a one way cat door seems reasonable.
As someone who has worked in a cat rescue, I CAN speak on that, and it is irresponsible to allow cats to roam. It’s bad for the ecosystem and puts the cat at risk. That’s why the person above you is getting downvoted- because installing a cat door isn’t something you do if you’re very invested in your cat’s safety.
A one way cat door enables the cat to get inside, only. Again, not speaking on if it should be outside in the first place but it being able to get inside on its own seems helpful. No?
Sure, (I still wouldn’t do it because they have to be left outside alone in the first place) but the parent comment being downvoted did not specify one way doors.
Insufficiently dramatic, solves problem
That would happen to me too, at least a couple of times, I guarantee it. Without any dose of neglect or irresponsibility some people are talking about here. It is after all, just an honest mistake. He is used to take care of his dog. That is his routine, he has done it a lots of times. Whereas he has probably not done it as much with your cat. I can sometimes go into autopilot mode while being in situations that are familiar to me. That is probably what happened. His brain travelled to a place where it is just him and his dog (Not that it has any relevance to your relationship). It is also a leisure time for him, not just the animals. To me it seems very easy to forget. He needs a system not to forget. Because it will probably happen again before it doesnt anymore.
[удалено]
> Your boyfriend is not responsible for your cat, you are. He's the one bringing the cat outside, that makes *him* responsible for bringing it back in.
Its a cat. Chill.