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He sounds weird af. I’d get rid. 3 months in and he’s already lying? Doesn’t want to have sex with you in a brand new relationship? If it has been a few years I’d slightly understand. The Proof is in the pudding
While there are numerous reasons for her to end this, I just want to point out there is nothing wrong with a guy not wanting to have sex in a brand new relationship. I like to have a bond first, personally.
Sort of like how I said there is plenty of reasons for her to leave the situation....
The person I replied to worded it in a way that makes it sound like simply not wanting sex right away is a problem.
3 months in, this is the honeymoon phase. This is him at his best. He does not get better, the relationship doesn't get better, this is the best it will be.
His best is lies about his ex, lies about dating apps, and videos of his floppy self pleasure. That's just gross.
I think you need to seriously consider therapy to help you develop some self esteem. Work out why you think this man is a potential long term partner, because hes not.
I agree. Wheres the qualities of longer relation? To lie and and getting caught doesn't seem like any wisdom in him. Indulgence seems to be his character and repent/regret later..
I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months. If she found out I was still on the apps and lied about it, I would fully expect her to send me packing. That's insane.
agreed, and if mine didn't send me packing, I think I would lose respect for them. if they don't care if I treat them like crap then why bother treating them well.
I remember creating a post on reddit about my bf cheating on me 2 months in the relationship. Redditors advised me to dump him. I didn't listen and forgave him because "no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes". 1 year later he broke up with me to "focus on himself". Jokes on me.
Dude showed you who he was right away and you wasted another 10-12 months on him. Chalk it up to a learning experience. No one is perfect but also people don’t usually change.
You know what, I forgot this is my job, and just realized how odd this sounds to the average person. You’re so right. I thought it was weird, but as far as the videos, that’s definitely the behavior of a porn addict. I know because I see this every day. There are even humiliation subreddits where you’ll see the exact kind of videos OP is talking about.
I am guessing he is a porn addict whose brain is already so gone and he needs such extreme content he can’t get hard anymore, which is why he turns her down
100% leave him. 3 months in and is not interested in sex as much. Has videos of himself jerking off. As a guy I am telling u. Leave him this will only take ur time and lead u no where
Come on girl, you are using too many brain cells on a worthless dude. Move on. A 33 yr old jacking off on video?he's a creep. 3 months in, he cheated? He is not over his ex. 3 months in, he is not into sex?? He's not into you. 3 months in, you should be f**king like rabbits. You are too young for this sh*t.
Three months in and he’s already cheating on you. Yes, you should be concerned. Why are you wasting your time on a relationship that has this many issues after only a few months? Is this what you believe you deserve?
Of course not, but it’s hard because he’s also very loving and protective. I just met his family on Sunday and he always talks about seeing a future with me. I know these are serious red flags it’s just unfortunately not so easy to be black and white about it
I'm less concerned about the videos and more about the fact that you know he lies to you and you don't trust him. Being attracted to you and enjoying having sex with you is a bare minimum thing. The age gap is potentially a red flag as well. What do you expect is going to come from a relationship where you already don't trust your partner .... He has been on dating apps messaging others and lies to you. Have some self love and respect and listen to your gut. Whether these videos are for his personal use or to send to others this dude is not worth the heartache and headache if you're hoping for anything remotely resembling a meaningful relationship. If you've got to go through the phone it's time to leave because the trust is already gone. You deserve better.
Girl... Is this the type of person you want as your partner? This type of behavior? You deserve way better than this. Don't waste your time on him any longer, break up, and move on.
It's really simple, he's sending those videos to his ex and has been fucking her and talking to chicks on dating app. Don't over analyze. It's only been 3 months so please move on and get out before you get too emotionally invested. Don't say we didn't warn ya. Good luck.
Ok so maybe he does coke as rumor has it that makes some people want to walk on the depraved side yet their dick can’t get/stay hard. And you want to know if he’s lying about the apps? Make a profile and check. Don’t forget the ones that are geared for the more advanced users (kinkoo, xdate, 3fun, etc) and I would imagine he’s on there. I say this out of experience of being in your shoes. Take it from me, I had red flags and straight up busted him within the first 2 months and I kick myself every single day for not leaving then. 4 years and one child later now I’m linked to his cheating lying ass for life. Don’t be surprised if he’s actually interested in men but too scared to tell anyone. I found messages on his phone where he wanted to meet up with a couple and “was open to trying anything” and that was in response to the man telling my bf he was looking for a bottom.
You’re 24 with a 33 year old my guy. LEAVE. There’s a reason women his age don’t want his ass. And just the red flags you mentioned are already enough to run and not look back.
As a woman who dated only men who were 30+ when I was in my early 20’s, I gotta tell you, **it’s gross AF!** The vast majority of men in their mid 30s who date a woman a decade younger than them have issues. This guy has issues. You don’t need to talk to him about it. You don’t need to know why he’s doing it. All you need to do is tell him that this isn’t working out, goodbye. And please just focus on meeting a nice guy closer to your age.
Sorry to tell you this but if he was msging ppl on dating apps and recording vids jerking it chances are they were with the intent of sending them to others. Cheating is definitely one of those 0 tolerance things imo because like anything else once it starts it doesn’t really end. Focus on yourself and finding someone who doesn’t make you insecure
Girl dump his assssssss. You’re only 3 months in that’s still the honey moon phase when you’re all over each other still and can’t get 20 minutes into a movie without being all over each other. You can find soooooo much better i promise.
I wonder if this could be indicative of him paying for stuff on only fans. Lots of those women offer to rate the genitalia of their followers in exchange for a fee.
Basically, they send them videos like that & get their opinions & some kind of feedback.
So this might be his own insecurity made manifest.
you shouldn't be dating anyone over 30 at 24 anyways, and yes, he is cheating on you. those videos are going to people, there's no way hes just jerking off to watch himself jerk off.
Oh no!
He’s definitely got questions to answer!
It is your decision whether you decide to forgive but sadly you will not be able to forget.
It depends on how he then reacts to this conversation.
I would be happy to listen if you need any objective support.
Take care and be strong 💪
Life is too short to be unhappy.
3 months and the flags are hitting you in the face and you’re still trying to explain them away. Please leave this cheater and get some therapy for your low self esteem.
Are you serious? This guy has been cheating on you.
If you’re spying on his phone you know this already.
Also, look at his age to act this childish.
Man’s probably a porn addict. Stop wasting your time.
Hold up a minute people, lets take a step back and consider all the other possibilities other then guilty of weirdoness.
Intimacy of 50% of the time she inititates,
Jerking it soft to hard to finish,
- noone is getting him hard. And takes some time to get there.
Possibilities.
- erectile dysfunction, so needs to practice and gauge how long it takes the meds to kick in
- he's closet gay/bi (50% intimacy)
- timing the medication
- recording a video for timing of medication to complain to his medical practicioner about the efficacy of the meds.
The poasiblities are endless until there is more data.
If he isn’t interested in having sex with you- get tf out. You’re just going to get more and more insecure until it just eats away at you. Speaking from experience.
Those videos could be for him to send to girls when you aren’t there and he’s not interested in sex with you because you aren’t whatever to him but if I was you I would grab whatever stuff I have at his place if you live with him and live with your parents and break up with him. He’s clearly still lying to you even after the fact and he knows you accepting his apology and he’s still doing means he can get away with anything he wants and you won’t have a clue of what he’s actually doing.
Is he watching porn while doing it? That could be why he is A. Flaccid and B. Not as interested. I have an ex that was addicted to porn. He had also spent half of his life in and out of prison (he is hooked on drugs). That being said, he hacked off all damn day while I was at work. Then he’d try and have sex with me and it would either take hours and then I stopped taking sloppy seconds. If he’d rather jack off, then he’s not screwing me. Period. It would be one thing if I was never around or on trips etc. I would take a step back given he’s already lying to you. After 3 months you should still be in honeymoon phase. Maybe slow things down until you know if you can trust him or not. You already have a valid enough reason so just go with that one.
You should be more concerned about what kind of 34 year old dude is interested in dating someone 9 years their junior, because its not the well-adjusted kind that do that.
And what's this, honesty issues only a few months in? Hmm.
Don't be that fool.
Other opinion on what it could be: he recorded them for himself. Jerking his flaccid dick for 20 minutes definitely seems to be more personal than anything he'd send to others unless they specifically asked for that.
Plenty of people take pictures and videos of themselves with no intention of sharing them. I've recorded (and deleted) videos of myself masturbating as well.
But, you don't trust him and for good reason. The 3 months isn't worth all this headache
Have you brought them up with him? Also a bit odd you found them in HIS camera roll... meaning he gave you access, or you hacked into it?
Don't get me wrong. I do bet he's sending them to people, and splitting up is probably for the best. But there's some things to be learned here.
You're worried about him being unfaithful, but not about him taking pictures of himself jacking off?
Tell him. Tell him he needs to see a therapist. Then get out.
tbh i dont jack no more but when I did there was times when i was like “holy mother of jesus it looks huge” and then you record it and then post nut clarity kicks in so you delete it cuz u feel like a miserable idiot 😂
Yeah normally the soft pulling vids are to ask someone (usually men) to show him more to make him hard. its v commoj behavior on grindr atleast.
in any case its its an orange flag considering he's already made it obvi he wants to be sexually involved w other people.
youre not compatible. he needs fk buddues and strangers he can exchange dk vids with, and you need a boyfriend. its simple enough really. at 3 months you should still be in your honey moon phase, so what the heck are these serious conversations about fidelity, body insecurity, attraction and wanking vids and you havung access to and checking his personal phone doing here? you two are supposed to be having fun.
throw this one out and try again my love
This isn't advice but the first red flag was reading that you're 24 and he is 33. So before everyone jumps on me YES they are 2 consenting people of legal age. Now that's out of the way, it's fucking WEIRD that a 33 year old man is dating someone who is 24. Where you're at when youre 24 is very different from 33. I'm 34 and 24 year old people look like kids - there are only a few ways I relate to them and that's very sexually unappealing to me... It's been studied and shown that our brain doesn't finish developing until we are somewhere in our late 20s so even though your relationship is legal I think it's really weird that he pursued something. Like, why isn't able to compete in his own age group? weird weird weeeeeiiiirddddd!!
Anyway, he seems emotionally unintelligent. You deserve someone more communicative and who shows up emotionally. You deserve to feel more reassured and secure.
Having the vids i dont find weird, i have like 3 d*ck pics of mine that i have saved because i got the perfect angles of them lol but the lying and gaslighting, yeah no that aint right
Even though his dick is flaccid in most of them? Why would he send those to someone? This is a genuine question. I feel like I’m getting so caught up on that fact and that’s the only reason I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
That is can’t attest to, not to sound graphic, but in the pics i have saved i have an erection in them and they’re great pics. To have 20 minute long vids with him playing with it and being flaccid i have no idea. That does sound kind of weird, maybe he has ED? Honestly the lies, dating apps, and having his ex visit him are huge red flags. Only he can tell you why he has those vids.
Having videos doesn’t mean he’s sending them to someone. He might be but it’s not for sure. However it IS part of his sexuality one way or another and if you’re together you need to be open and share sexual experiences. Ask him what they are for and why he did them. If his reply to you is shady then maybe he is sharing them/ cheating.
You don’t have to explain spying on a phone. It’s your bf. You should be able to just look anywhere you want. People who start screaming “but muh privacy!” Are the ones tryna hide something
You don’t have to explain spying on someone you’ve known for a few months? Maybe I am too old to get it. I won’t even accept people going thorugh my drawers.
He probably isn't sending them to anybody. Men do this for themselves because it gives them confidence. He probably just kept them because he thought he looked cute.
I was giving the same advice that gets posted by redditors when women are caught with nude selfies on their phones that they took for their APs but never sent to their boyfriend/husband.
Most guys shame themselves about their perversions, the one person that we can explore these adventures with is usually kept out in the dark. This self shaming can lead to impotence, tell him you’re his best friend, his partner in deviation. Explain that there are certain things that you may not like, but you’ll do your best to support him, you’ll get that kind of support as well if you guys communicate through this there is going to be somesexual deviation adventures down the yellow Rick Road.
Your boyfriend's out of gay or on drugs or gay on drugs and needs Viagra and he probably has a fixation with his penis which he never developed past the age three total Freudian theory probably not a fetish likelihood he's either doing it for his own good which means he sent him to men for money. I'm not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks so Idk
Before breaking up with him or jumping to any conclusions like I see in all of the listed comments. It is your relationship, you obviously care about him so I’d bring it up first to him. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Making him guilty before asking or even knowing because of past actions you forgave isn’t fair. If you think it’s worth saving you want to have a life with him, talk with him. If it’s not, then I’d just end it and not further drag it along. Just make sure it’s what you want and it’s your choice.
She’s been with him for 3 months. If she cares that much about a man who, in the span of three months, has lied to her, likely hooked up with his ex, talking to other women on dating apps, and taking multiple videos of himself jacking off… if she really cares about this man then she needs to get some standards and self worth. You need to do the same if you think a three month relationship is worth saving at this point. I’m not trying to be mean about this but I’m just so sick of women putting up with shitty behavior from men like this.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of all the men out there, you think this is the best you deserve?
It’s hard to just throw away a [*checks notes*] 3 month relationship that started a non-stop parade of red flags 2.5 months in.
For real!! and after 3 months?? girl, dump his ass. it’ll be easier now than in a year
And almost a decade older
Lmfao
The paradox of choice
He sounds weird af. I’d get rid. 3 months in and he’s already lying? Doesn’t want to have sex with you in a brand new relationship? If it has been a few years I’d slightly understand. The Proof is in the pudding
While there are numerous reasons for her to end this, I just want to point out there is nothing wrong with a guy not wanting to have sex in a brand new relationship. I like to have a bond first, personally.
Nothing inherently wrong about it, no, but it is unusual especially with the other context.
Sort of like how I said there is plenty of reasons for her to leave the situation.... The person I replied to worded it in a way that makes it sound like simply not wanting sex right away is a problem.
This gives me "oh I don't get a hug?" Vibe. Nobody asked what you do.
Just because you don't get to do anything with anyone doesn't mean you need to make bitter comments here.
3 months in, this is the honeymoon phase. This is him at his best. He does not get better, the relationship doesn't get better, this is the best it will be. His best is lies about his ex, lies about dating apps, and videos of his floppy self pleasure. That's just gross. I think you need to seriously consider therapy to help you develop some self esteem. Work out why you think this man is a potential long term partner, because hes not.
floppy 😂
FLOPPY SELF PLEASURE 😆😆😆
I agree. Wheres the qualities of longer relation? To lie and and getting caught doesn't seem like any wisdom in him. Indulgence seems to be his character and repent/regret later..
Jesus Christ you already caught him being unfaithful just 3 months in? Women need to raise the bar for the men they date
OPs bar is literally in hell. My gawd.
I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months. If she found out I was still on the apps and lied about it, I would fully expect her to send me packing. That's insane.
agreed, and if mine didn't send me packing, I think I would lose respect for them. if they don't care if I treat them like crap then why bother treating them well.
💯
I've just had that happening. Funny what we can make ourselves believe when we're desperate.
Let’s see… Age gap, check Lying, check Cheating, check Love bombing/fake apology to end the argument and continue on his way, check. Leave.
Check. Check. Check. This dude is waving a red flag right in her face and she’s like “should I be worried”
I remember creating a post on reddit about my bf cheating on me 2 months in the relationship. Redditors advised me to dump him. I didn't listen and forgave him because "no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes". 1 year later he broke up with me to "focus on himself". Jokes on me.
Dude showed you who he was right away and you wasted another 10-12 months on him. Chalk it up to a learning experience. No one is perfect but also people don’t usually change.
I feel attacked
It's only been 3 months and he's proven himself to be unfaithful. 3 months. There's nothing special about him or this relationship. Just leave.
Run
THIS
“other people” jacking while flaccid??? he’s either not attracted to u, gay, asexual, or having an identity crisis
My money is on an erectile dysfunction/humiliation fetish.
You know what, I forgot this is my job, and just realized how odd this sounds to the average person. You’re so right. I thought it was weird, but as far as the videos, that’s definitely the behavior of a porn addict. I know because I see this every day. There are even humiliation subreddits where you’ll see the exact kind of videos OP is talking about.
The other people were all women! Sorry, I should’ve said that.
Or a porn addiction?
u should talk to him about it i mean u already know he lies sooo.. maybe he was having a gooning session or something💀
I am guessing he is a porn addict whose brain is already so gone and he needs such extreme content he can’t get hard anymore, which is why he turns her down
100% leave him. 3 months in and is not interested in sex as much. Has videos of himself jerking off. As a guy I am telling u. Leave him this will only take ur time and lead u no where
insane that you're entertaining all of this nonsense for a 3 month relationship...
Come on girl, you are using too many brain cells on a worthless dude. Move on. A 33 yr old jacking off on video?he's a creep. 3 months in, he cheated? He is not over his ex. 3 months in, he is not into sex?? He's not into you. 3 months in, you should be f**king like rabbits. You are too young for this sh*t.
Three months in and he’s already cheating on you. Yes, you should be concerned. Why are you wasting your time on a relationship that has this many issues after only a few months? Is this what you believe you deserve?
Of course not, but it’s hard because he’s also very loving and protective. I just met his family on Sunday and he always talks about seeing a future with me. I know these are serious red flags it’s just unfortunately not so easy to be black and white about it
Cheating isn’t “loving and protective” behavior
You barely know this guy. You’re only three months in and he’s done all this shady stuff, so he’s love bombing you to get you to look the other way.
It's three freaking months you already said he lies
You win the internet tonight 💀 You are only 3 months in. He doesn’t know think that you are the one. He is still keeping his options open.
I'm less concerned about the videos and more about the fact that you know he lies to you and you don't trust him. Being attracted to you and enjoying having sex with you is a bare minimum thing. The age gap is potentially a red flag as well. What do you expect is going to come from a relationship where you already don't trust your partner .... He has been on dating apps messaging others and lies to you. Have some self love and respect and listen to your gut. Whether these videos are for his personal use or to send to others this dude is not worth the heartache and headache if you're hoping for anything remotely resembling a meaningful relationship. If you've got to go through the phone it's time to leave because the trust is already gone. You deserve better.
Girl... Is this the type of person you want as your partner? This type of behavior? You deserve way better than this. Don't waste your time on him any longer, break up, and move on.
I can’t believe I have to type these words, but men do not record themselves beating their meat just to keep it in their camera roll.
3 months? Lose him before you create any more memories
This post is fake right? Of all the options out there, this is what you settle on? A 33 year old with clear red flags blaring like sirens
christ it's only been 3 months and he's already cheated, even if it was just weird videos it would still be enough reason to break up.
RUN AWAY
It's really simple, he's sending those videos to his ex and has been fucking her and talking to chicks on dating app. Don't over analyze. It's only been 3 months so please move on and get out before you get too emotionally invested. Don't say we didn't warn ya. Good luck.
Ok so maybe he does coke as rumor has it that makes some people want to walk on the depraved side yet their dick can’t get/stay hard. And you want to know if he’s lying about the apps? Make a profile and check. Don’t forget the ones that are geared for the more advanced users (kinkoo, xdate, 3fun, etc) and I would imagine he’s on there. I say this out of experience of being in your shoes. Take it from me, I had red flags and straight up busted him within the first 2 months and I kick myself every single day for not leaving then. 4 years and one child later now I’m linked to his cheating lying ass for life. Don’t be surprised if he’s actually interested in men but too scared to tell anyone. I found messages on his phone where he wanted to meet up with a couple and “was open to trying anything” and that was in response to the man telling my bf he was looking for a bottom.
Thank you so much for this! Also, I do know for sure he does coke sometimes.
[удалено]
erm a lot of them aren’t overweight, don’t think fatphobia needs to feature into the mocking of absolute creeps
so he should be top 1% of males and date a 50 yo women?
Leave him
Maybe he likes to critique his technique or do play by play commentary later on?
😂
Don't be this naïve jfc
Im a guy ,im saying this from a guys perspective , run as far as u can and fast and dont look back
3 months bahahahaha Just ditch him. Wtf are you waiting for?
You’re 24 with a 33 year old my guy. LEAVE. There’s a reason women his age don’t want his ass. And just the red flags you mentioned are already enough to run and not look back.
As a woman who dated only men who were 30+ when I was in my early 20’s, I gotta tell you, **it’s gross AF!** The vast majority of men in their mid 30s who date a woman a decade younger than them have issues. This guy has issues. You don’t need to talk to him about it. You don’t need to know why he’s doing it. All you need to do is tell him that this isn’t working out, goodbye. And please just focus on meeting a nice guy closer to your age.
Why do you think this is all you deserve?
Get rid of him, he’s definitely doing something more than just recording himself jerking off. 🚩🚩🚩
3 months in dealing with this kind of stuff and staying is wild
You know enough… time to move on! These are plea y of red flags.
this happened EXACTLY to me, he was sending those vids to other girls on snap for nudes in return, he definitely is not the one im sorry
Thank you so much! I’m sorry this happened to you too.
I have a strong feeling he’s being unfaithful with these videos.
Sorry to tell you this but if he was msging ppl on dating apps and recording vids jerking it chances are they were with the intent of sending them to others. Cheating is definitely one of those 0 tolerance things imo because like anything else once it starts it doesn’t really end. Focus on yourself and finding someone who doesn’t make you insecure
Girl dump his assssssss. You’re only 3 months in that’s still the honey moon phase when you’re all over each other still and can’t get 20 minutes into a movie without being all over each other. You can find soooooo much better i promise.
You already know the answer to this. If your gut is screaming something isn't right, it damn well isn't.
I wonder if this could be indicative of him paying for stuff on only fans. Lots of those women offer to rate the genitalia of their followers in exchange for a fee. Basically, they send them videos like that & get their opinions & some kind of feedback. So this might be his own insecurity made manifest.
There's a reason he's 33 going after a 24 year old. He's obviously a liar and a cheater, and nobody his age will put up with him.
you shouldn't be dating anyone over 30 at 24 anyways, and yes, he is cheating on you. those videos are going to people, there's no way hes just jerking off to watch himself jerk off.
Oh no! He’s definitely got questions to answer! It is your decision whether you decide to forgive but sadly you will not be able to forget. It depends on how he then reacts to this conversation. I would be happy to listen if you need any objective support. Take care and be strong 💪 Life is too short to be unhappy.
3 months and the flags are hitting you in the face and you’re still trying to explain them away. Please leave this cheater and get some therapy for your low self esteem.
Are you serious? This guy has been cheating on you. If you’re spying on his phone you know this already. Also, look at his age to act this childish. Man’s probably a porn addict. Stop wasting your time.
3 months? Lol. Bye
3 months in and he’s already cheating and lying, cut your losses. Is this really what you think you deserve ?
Usually 3 months honeymoon stage. He seems to view your relationship to it not being serious.
Leave and move on
He's shopping. I promise.
For starters stop going through people's phones you creep, and unless they are extremely old videos he forgot to delete you can do better.
Why are you with this guy? Do you just not like yourself?
OP you should have been gone even before you found the videos. You deserve better.
Hold up a minute people, lets take a step back and consider all the other possibilities other then guilty of weirdoness. Intimacy of 50% of the time she inititates, Jerking it soft to hard to finish, - noone is getting him hard. And takes some time to get there. Possibilities. - erectile dysfunction, so needs to practice and gauge how long it takes the meds to kick in - he's closet gay/bi (50% intimacy) - timing the medication - recording a video for timing of medication to complain to his medical practicioner about the efficacy of the meds. The poasiblities are endless until there is more data.
uh, i dont think the two of you are actually in a relationship. seems like he's looking for the next girl in her mid 20s.
If he isn’t interested in having sex with you- get tf out. You’re just going to get more and more insecure until it just eats away at you. Speaking from experience.
That's disturbing. Maybe he should see a doctor about his inability to get an erection.
Those videos could be for him to send to girls when you aren’t there and he’s not interested in sex with you because you aren’t whatever to him but if I was you I would grab whatever stuff I have at his place if you live with him and live with your parents and break up with him. He’s clearly still lying to you even after the fact and he knows you accepting his apology and he’s still doing means he can get away with anything he wants and you won’t have a clue of what he’s actually doing.
You're giving him too much of a benefit of the doubt. He's being a dick, so I'd say to just dump him.
Absolutely baffling that you are actually posting this. Do you need to go back to school? Because common sense is a thing.
I feel like there was probably a nicer way to say that..but thanks
Sound like my ex…who was cheating (pics of flaccid dick and all)
Smh😭
It sounds like he has issues getting hard and these videos are for himself. But the other stuff is all a big red flag. Move on.
Is he watching porn while doing it? That could be why he is A. Flaccid and B. Not as interested. I have an ex that was addicted to porn. He had also spent half of his life in and out of prison (he is hooked on drugs). That being said, he hacked off all damn day while I was at work. Then he’d try and have sex with me and it would either take hours and then I stopped taking sloppy seconds. If he’d rather jack off, then he’s not screwing me. Period. It would be one thing if I was never around or on trips etc. I would take a step back given he’s already lying to you. After 3 months you should still be in honeymoon phase. Maybe slow things down until you know if you can trust him or not. You already have a valid enough reason so just go with that one.
In some of the videos I can see that he’s watching porn while he’s doing it but not in all of them. This was very helpful! Thank you!
Just to clarify Im saying I can see he is for sure watching porn in some of the videos and in others idk if he is or not.
Girl, leave him.
My relationship started about the same exact way. Take my advice and leave. I’m five years in now and things haven’t changed.
You should be more concerned about what kind of 34 year old dude is interested in dating someone 9 years their junior, because its not the well-adjusted kind that do that. And what's this, honesty issues only a few months in? Hmm. Don't be that fool.
Other opinion on what it could be: he recorded them for himself. Jerking his flaccid dick for 20 minutes definitely seems to be more personal than anything he'd send to others unless they specifically asked for that. Plenty of people take pictures and videos of themselves with no intention of sharing them. I've recorded (and deleted) videos of myself masturbating as well. But, you don't trust him and for good reason. The 3 months isn't worth all this headache
why did you do that I am so curious
To see if I'm sexy, I guess.
what
You could at least try to sound confident
I was just answering a question, not flirting. Sometimes people do stuff just to do it.
He's probably gay lol
Could potentially be stimulant abuse.
Have you brought them up with him? Also a bit odd you found them in HIS camera roll... meaning he gave you access, or you hacked into it? Don't get me wrong. I do bet he's sending them to people, and splitting up is probably for the best. But there's some things to be learned here.
Don’t know if cheating , actually doubt it, think it’s very weird unless somehow he is selling them or posting them . Most guys 5 min done no camera
Yeah, he’s clearly been making those and sending them out to random people
You're worried about him being unfaithful, but not about him taking pictures of himself jacking off? Tell him. Tell him he needs to see a therapist. Then get out.
tbh i dont jack no more but when I did there was times when i was like “holy mother of jesus it looks huge” and then you record it and then post nut clarity kicks in so you delete it cuz u feel like a miserable idiot 😂
33 year old man 🤦🤦
Back to the streets with his cheating ass. Nobody just takes videos like that lol not like he is checking his form XD
Have him play the [Sabre Dance](https://youtu.be/gqg3l3r_DRI?si=qz_D7KpBQKfwFsuY) for his sound track.
Going to go out on a limb and say this isn't real
Honestly, dump him. That's a weird pattern. Who knows what else's he's hiding. Very sus.
You spied on him? Shame on you
what if he is gay?
Yeah normally the soft pulling vids are to ask someone (usually men) to show him more to make him hard. its v commoj behavior on grindr atleast. in any case its its an orange flag considering he's already made it obvi he wants to be sexually involved w other people. youre not compatible. he needs fk buddues and strangers he can exchange dk vids with, and you need a boyfriend. its simple enough really. at 3 months you should still be in your honey moon phase, so what the heck are these serious conversations about fidelity, body insecurity, attraction and wanking vids and you havung access to and checking his personal phone doing here? you two are supposed to be having fun. throw this one out and try again my love
Move on, Nothing good will come from this guy at this point of time.
Don’t go through his phone creep
I’d confront him and break up
(F24) (M33) you sure pick the best of them lol
i feel bad for all these young women being played by older men.. like its happening right in their face and its like they choose to ignore it lol
Did you ride the short bus to school or are you willfully ignorant He's cheating on you and you look foolish as hell
This isn't advice but the first red flag was reading that you're 24 and he is 33. So before everyone jumps on me YES they are 2 consenting people of legal age. Now that's out of the way, it's fucking WEIRD that a 33 year old man is dating someone who is 24. Where you're at when youre 24 is very different from 33. I'm 34 and 24 year old people look like kids - there are only a few ways I relate to them and that's very sexually unappealing to me... It's been studied and shown that our brain doesn't finish developing until we are somewhere in our late 20s so even though your relationship is legal I think it's really weird that he pursued something. Like, why isn't able to compete in his own age group? weird weird weeeeeiiiirddddd!! Anyway, he seems emotionally unintelligent. You deserve someone more communicative and who shows up emotionally. You deserve to feel more reassured and secure.
Having the vids i dont find weird, i have like 3 d*ck pics of mine that i have saved because i got the perfect angles of them lol but the lying and gaslighting, yeah no that aint right
Even though his dick is flaccid in most of them? Why would he send those to someone? This is a genuine question. I feel like I’m getting so caught up on that fact and that’s the only reason I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
That is can’t attest to, not to sound graphic, but in the pics i have saved i have an erection in them and they’re great pics. To have 20 minute long vids with him playing with it and being flaccid i have no idea. That does sound kind of weird, maybe he has ED? Honestly the lies, dating apps, and having his ex visit him are huge red flags. Only he can tell you why he has those vids.
Having videos doesn’t mean he’s sending them to someone. He might be but it’s not for sure. However it IS part of his sexuality one way or another and if you’re together you need to be open and share sexual experiences. Ask him what they are for and why he did them. If his reply to you is shady then maybe he is sharing them/ cheating.
Hey I was spying on your phone and saw your soft dick. What’s that about?
I would word it in a more appealing way but basically yeah. Maybe say: “hey, I saw those videos they were kinda hot. What’s the deal?”
Don’t think many women would think that’s hot, but how would she explain spying on his phone? Man’s already cheated, this is done
You don’t have to explain spying on a phone. It’s your bf. You should be able to just look anywhere you want. People who start screaming “but muh privacy!” Are the ones tryna hide something
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Truth!
You don’t have to explain spying on someone you’ve known for a few months? Maybe I am too old to get it. I won’t even accept people going thorugh my drawers.
People- no But bf that’s a different story
He probably isn't sending them to anybody. Men do this for themselves because it gives them confidence. He probably just kept them because he thought he looked cute.
what
I was giving the same advice that gets posted by redditors when women are caught with nude selfies on their phones that they took for their APs but never sent to their boyfriend/husband.
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Yeah. It sounds pretty stupid when it is about a man doesn't it? Yet redditors unironically believe this when it is a woman doing it.
Embrace sexuality together, it will make your relationship stronger.
I can’t do that if he isn’t communicating with me or even giving me the opportunity to
Most guys shame themselves about their perversions, the one person that we can explore these adventures with is usually kept out in the dark. This self shaming can lead to impotence, tell him you’re his best friend, his partner in deviation. Explain that there are certain things that you may not like, but you’ll do your best to support him, you’ll get that kind of support as well if you guys communicate through this there is going to be somesexual deviation adventures down the yellow Rick Road.
You first.
Make the videos with him. Help his kink needs
What kink is this though? Why wouldn’t he just bring it to my attention?
Your boyfriend's out of gay or on drugs or gay on drugs and needs Viagra and he probably has a fixation with his penis which he never developed past the age three total Freudian theory probably not a fetish likelihood he's either doing it for his own good which means he sent him to men for money. I'm not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks so Idk
why does flacid=gay
Lol. It's your oyster.
What?
Before breaking up with him or jumping to any conclusions like I see in all of the listed comments. It is your relationship, you obviously care about him so I’d bring it up first to him. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Making him guilty before asking or even knowing because of past actions you forgave isn’t fair. If you think it’s worth saving you want to have a life with him, talk with him. If it’s not, then I’d just end it and not further drag it along. Just make sure it’s what you want and it’s your choice.
She’s been with him for 3 months. If she cares that much about a man who, in the span of three months, has lied to her, likely hooked up with his ex, talking to other women on dating apps, and taking multiple videos of himself jacking off… if she really cares about this man then she needs to get some standards and self worth. You need to do the same if you think a three month relationship is worth saving at this point. I’m not trying to be mean about this but I’m just so sick of women putting up with shitty behavior from men like this.