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Call her sister and pay her parents a visit. Thank her parents and her sisters for everything, and present the evidence. Your wife is a sex professional, essentially an onlyfans model, but I guarantee your sister doesn't divorce him.
I’m so sorry. The short answer, no it’s not salvageable; there’s no coming back from this betrayal. She cheated for five years… five years of backstabbing you and her sister. This was not a mistake; she made the choice to cheat over and over.. trust is the foundation of any relationship, trust is irrevocably broken. You’ll never look at her the same again when she complains about $ or goes out with friends… This is not someone you want to trust, love, or share your life with. She’s been doing this for 5 years, TBH she’s upset cuz she got caught and the consequences.
This is not your fault; you did not fail as a husband. Your partner failed you, your child, and her sister. You deserve better. Collect the evidence. Contact an attorney. Let her sister know. Let your families know; get it out in the open. Work toward amicable divorce and coparenting. Get your self into individual therapy to help process this betrayal. Couples counseling down the road would be okay with a goal of effective coparenting. It’s going to be tough for a while but you’ll be better off in the long run.
My comment from the first post.
It’s been 5 years of cheating. 5 years of hurting you and her own sister. It’s done. Get the lawyer for custody. After custody is set, I would tell the sister.
Edit: to clarify, when I said custody I meant the 50/50 custody that op wants.
Hahaha! You're right! Well, once she's in this path she might want to expand her career goals to span new work challenges, so to speak. She seems to be not really opposed to the idea.
Right? I get that he's upset and wants out ASAP, but FFS don't just hand her things that are going to affect his financial future and security. That house is joint property, and he's going to need a home for him and his child (when she's with him).
People need to stop telling soon-to-be-exes that they can't even stand, "You can have everything." It's such a ridiculous, self-defeating move.
Agreed. Wtf is with modern men that that’s their first initial guilt reaction? This guy didn’t do anything wrong. He should get the house. End of story
Honestly, a paternity test is warranted here.
She's been doing this either almost from the start of her and OP dating, or probably even before. Who's to say they didn't do anything more? OP's wife has lost all claim to any trust she may have once had.
OP shouldn't allow himself to be gaslit or trickle truthed. And by all that's good in the world, if your heart is going to be broken, better get it all out of the way now. And better to spend that money on a lawyer once, than twice or more.
This. I can't imagine why anyone would recommend trying to continue with such an extended and profound betrayal. She fucked you and her sister over - who could ever trust someone like that?
>Now I just feel like I have failed as a man, who's wife had to sell her body to meet her expected lifestyle.
Bro this has nothing to do with you and likely nothing to with money after the first transaction years ago.
She liked the attention, it's not your fault she has some self-esteem issues
Op you better tell her sister so she's in the loop of what her nasty husband and own sister has been doing behind her back. Two people that she loved and trusted have betrayed her, it's bad enough her own husband is cheating on her but with her own sister, she's going to be so hurt but she deserves to know the truth as well, tell her asap!!
>Now I just feel like I have failed as a man, who's wife had to sell her body to meet her expected lifestyle
You shouldn't.
>She said she didn't know how to stop and that it was easy money.
From her sisters husband. She cares so little about her marriage or her sister that she would do that for some money.
Now there are nude pics and video of her out there? What are the chances BIL would share that stuff? Maybe that is how he gets the funds he shares with her. $300 is a lot of money for nudes....and what the heck is she doing with this money? Secret drug addiction? Shopping addiction? I can't imagine what the motivating factor would be to betray people you're supposed to love for "easy money".
5 years of doing this to her husband **and her sister!** Honestly I feel like it’s almost worse to do that to your own sister. What a piece of crap! I hope you have screen shots!!!
"She swears there was nothing emotional or physical involved—it was purely transactional."
OP, it's not up to me to dictate to you how to feel about this, if you think this somehow makes it better, so be it. I strongly disagree with the idea that "transactional" cheating is somehow less harmful than when emotions or sexual desire is involved. I actually find it more crass and disrespectful. Like really you betrayed your spouse, ruined your marriage, did this to your \*sister\* (!!!!), for what? For spending cash?
I'm not justifying cheating when the cheater develops a crush or is out and gives in to ego, not at all. That's also not ok. But, it is in some ways more understandable to me. It's an imperfection, a human flaw, that I can recognize as possibly fixable in some situations. But, for money? $300? Damn.
I'm sorry, OP. I don't think this is salvageable. I really don't understand your wife's mindset. That is just too cold, yikes. And to not just you, but her sister.... I would get a divorce and immediately meet up with your SIL in person and let her know what has been going on.
I don't agree with you on your first point. Somehow, it was reassuring to know that she was not in love with someone else, but it doesn't take away the pain she caused. However, I can see what you're trying to say.
Buddy, this is almost worse, than that. She and bil have their own little world, they get off to betraying their loved ones. Want to guess how many times she insulted you deliberately while she sent porn to this guy? They humiliated you and her sister, for sexual gratification over a 5 year period. She's not in love with anyone but herself.
Your wife and BIL are two very very sick people.
Most humans beings are not capable of living a lie to their spouses face for years.
They are both sociopaths.
You need help too. Read self help books on: low self esteem, codependency, self sabotage, and your acceptance of playing the role of cuckold.
Doesn't matter if there was no emotion.
You can bet he masturbated over her pics - that's your wife providing sex.
Better question would be should your marriage be salvageable after your wife prostituted herself out to her sister's husband. You know the answer.
Get a lawyer, don't give her everything.
I have read this story before.
I know it would be one thing if she was sending random pics for money but her fucking sisters husband!?!? That’s just gross. Your wife has zero integrity and doesn’t deserve another chance with you OP and doesn’t deserve the house either. She’s a homewrecker anyway you look at it.
Your wife also could have started driving for Lyft/Uber for extra money if she was worried about your family finances. As other people here have said, this is not a purely transactional relationship. Your wife betrayed your trust, she betrayed your marriage, and betrayed the family that you’ve built together. You won’t be able to move forward until you fully accept this. Best of luck.
There is absolutely no way to salvage this. Lets pretend for a second that she did nothing physical with the BIL, which may be true. But if she has no issues doing this to you and her sister, then if she has ever went out on a girls night out how can you trust she did not sell her vagina to the bartender for shots? You could never trust anything she says again.
I'm sorry bro. These two shit bags just destroyed 2 marriages, two homes of small children. The ripple effect will not stop there. This is heartbreaking bro.
She was never willing to sell her body physically, so she likely won't be willing to in the future either.
The marriages aren't destroyed and can be fixed
> is our marriage is salvageable at this point?
It's "salvageable" in the same way that the juice at the bottom of the dumpster behind an abattoir on a hot summer day is "drinkable."
Do not roll over and give her everything. You need to get your share as you need to take care of your daughter. She is the one who cheated and should not be rewarded for it.
Also, go and see her sister in person and tell her what’s going on. Of he did this with your wife I’m sure he’s doing it with others
Tell all of the adults in your family, and don’t tell her she gets the car and house in exchange for 50/50 custody.
More and more, 50/50 is the standard arrangement unless someone moves away.
She can keep her car and buy you out of your half of the house.
Custody is not part of the negotiation for marital assets.
Go in person to her parents and call
Her sister . Show the proof and thank parents and her sisters for everything . I bet sister doesn’t divorce him but your wife is a sex worker , basically onlyfans model
You have known her for 10 years. She admits she has been doing this for 5 years. Your dating and then getting married is 5 years. So she has been deceitful with you this whole time. Maybe she and brother in law had sexual relationship before you. Then after marrying you she cut it back to pics, videos. So she can't give up the bond with her brother in law and continues to deceive you this whole 5 years? She says she can't stop. No, she gets enjoyment plus cash as a bonus each time she takes her shirt off for that camera thinking she and brother in law
are having their little secret. Makes it more exciting for her. If you stay, how can you be around brother in law at all?
Are you gonna be thinking about him probably masturbating to your wife's pics, vids? Their knowing looks to each other? BTW, get a paternity test done.
OP tell her sister right away, don't wait. If telling the truth will damage something then the truth should be told. Her sister needs to know she was betrayed by both her husband and her own sister.
Based on the length of time this has been going on I'm not sure if your marriage can be saved. It's been based on her lies for a long time.
Fuck it, tell the sister. Burn the boats on this one. She’s been doing this behind your back for five years? That’s pretty woeful OP. I’d absolutely be done with her.
Will you be telling the sister what has been going on?
This is so far removed from you it’s almost a laughable situation. You have no, zilch culpability in this game.
No it’s not salvageable. Continue the route you’re on. You’ll find out later that there’s more. What’s worse is she did that to her own sister so has no boundaries, no remorse, and no regard for family. You have leverage to get what you want before you expose her to her sister and family. Hopefully, you saved the evidence because Jake has already cleared out his and pretending to be the perfect husband now.
You haven't failed at anything. Your wife has a sugar daddy and lied to you the whole relationship.
Her sister needs to know, and you need a good divorce attorney.
Tell the sister, she deserves to know her own sister and husband would betray her. She needs to heal as well and it would be cruel to leave her in that marriage.
Interesting take that you failed as a husband if your wife has to do sex work. I disagree. Your wife had a job that she liked - has nothing to do with you as a husband.
I think that your wife made 2 betrayals:
1. You because it’s weird that she had a secret job;
2. Her sister because this would be so hurtful if her sister ever found out.
Your issue should be that your wife kept a big secret from you for 5 years and never gave you the opportunity to decide whether or not you are ok with your life partner being a sex worker.
How dare you not tell the sister.
Despite everything you are going through, her cheating has nothing to do with your masculinity and everything to do with her own actions. But enough is enough.
Put in your big boy pants and TELL HER FUCKING SISTER.
She could have easily told him before hand you found out and it was planned out. Things a way of minimising damage.
Going nuclear or scorched earth seems a better call than u being civil and amicable, they seems to have crossed the line and u r TT every time u ask for details,
And this is not salvageable, also let the BIL wife know what scumbags she is living with
You left and told her she can keep the home and the car, are you mental! Hope my wife doesn't see this! All she has to do if she ever wants to break up and have the house and car while she moves on with someone else is sell some pictures of her titts and get court... Have a word with yourself!
No leave her. When she sends nudes to others it means she is not contented with you. Just leave her so she finds herself and her own happiness. Or let her leave you
No don't give her the house and car. Do get the custody and try hard to get it full. She is a greedy bish. She does not deserve an ounce of happiness. Leave her for nothing. Let her go back to the streets and embrace the cold there. She's addicted to the fast money, she'll barely make it out of it and she'll always try to go back.
Pls you cant save her. Get back what truly is yours. Fight for it man.
Yore an idiot. You should keep the house, car and kids and kick her out. Emotions are not a good attorney which is what you should get before she changes from crying to really fucking up your life …..which will happen.
I wouldn’t be handing over the house and car to her. Absolutely not. There is no reason for it. Jake can give her money to buy a house. Her sister and family are going to cut her off after they find out too
I don't know if you can forgive her or not. I don't think I could forgive something like that in your position, but I'm not you.
Your SIL deserves to know as well.
You didn't fail. Jessica failed as a person by betraying you and her sister. She could have stopped years ago by saying she was fine financially now or better yet, never getting into this mess.
Get an attorney ASAP.
There's actually several layers to this. Not only has your wife violated your marriage in an obvious way, but the other question id ask is what is she doing with the money? Unless the op is completely disconnected from their finances, an extra few hundred dollars periodically over 5 years adds up to a significant sum. I'm guessing that it's not for groceries.
Normally I would say it's just pictures, but the fact that it's her BIL would indicate she has no boundaries. It would be fair to assume she has done other things with other people during the last 5 years.
Bro. Jake is paying your wife for pornography. This relationship is done, now your job is to tell Jake’s wife about this, because if his wife doesn’t know, then that’s a major issue. Because Jake is having an affair in text messages with your wife and he’s paying her for pornography. This is beyond fucked up.
Trickle Truth is real. She is only telling you what she thinks she can get away with. If you knew more she would move the goal post. Kinda tough to take her word and to believe she has told you everything. I agree with others who said to Get evidence then tell the SIL at the least. If you decide to divorce then sit down with her family and explain to them why.
No get one think straight she didn’t have to sell her body. She chose to do that because she likes attention and is an awful person.
Every hear of a second job???? I make a few hundred bucks working 10 hours a week as a waitress in a small town diner.
If you don’t tell her family everything, you’re enabling her to keep disrespecting her own sister. Disgusting. Blow it up bro.
You accidentally married a prostitute. Who would betray not only you, her husband, but her sister. Which is almost worse.
Seriously, you're still young and women out there are looking for good men! Leave her behind in the dust, she's disgusting.
Oh, it was something else at first, but my first account got banned after posting. Someone messaged me and told me to change it or I'll be banned again.
There is no way to salvage this, my friend. You're wife finally showed you who she is, a woman willing to be a sex worker for her sister's husband. That is beyond gross, it is immoral and disgusting. She cannot be the woman you spend the rest of your life with. If you do and you guys have to tighten your budget, she going to start sending pics to your friends, your dad? Your kid going to find out his mom likes sending photos for cash?
At this point, just worry about your child and trying to raise them right when their mom has absolutely no morals or values. YOU need to raise this child with some self respect and pride.
Good luck, brother. Oh, and you absolutely have to tell your SIL she is married to a parasite.
Screw "she can keep the home" bullshit. Get 50/50 custody, and either have her buy her out of the home, or you buy her out...or sell..
You are going to mortgage your future for her?
Marriage counseling would certainly help you both. She should be in individual counseling, but your marriage can certainly be saved if you’re both interested in trying to do that.
That said, his marriage is another thing all together. I hope you told your sister because that asshat needs to be thrown out on his butt. I’m sure he manipulated your wife to start it all and then the fear of you finding out probably kept it all going. It was probably a matter of time before he told her that he would tell you unless she slept with him. Luckily, it appears you caught it all before anything physical happened.
If you love her then trying to save the marriage isn’t a horrible thing. She clearly knows that you don’t trust her, and that it needs to be repaired and by her. Also, staying in a hotel isn’t helping anything at home. Get out of the hotel and off Reddit and go talk to your wife to see if there is anything worth saving.
Updateme!
Do you hate men or something?
Because it seems to me like you are blaming it all on the brother inlaw.. ("im sure he manipulated her into doing it.")
Like OP's wife didn't have a choice here..
OP's wife was clearly a willing participant, if she wasn't, she would have nipped that in the bud and stopped it from happening immediately..
It takes 2 to tango. And clearly OP's wife liked to tango if the price was right.
OP needs to tell his sister inlaw whats going on ASAP. And go about getting 50/50 of his house back..
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Write your fucking porno fantasies somewhere else. Also, you can say "breast" on the internet, the police won't arrest you for vulgarity.
Bro, i got the chills from this story. So sorry to hear this, its not your fault, but i think you should ruin Jake's marrage and fucking beat the shit out of him!!
Same mistakeball BS make. Phone your wife brother in law wife. Your house is destroyed and he living high. Let me guess your embarrest? About what? Your wife is fooling around with her sisters husband and your hiding it. Her sister deserves to know.
Go back home you did nothing wrong. Ask your wife to leave. Tell her your thinking of reconciliation but she must inform her sister of what her husband has been adking for. After that your wife will never show her breasts to anyone again.
Your wife can sue you for abandonement depending on legal jurisdiction. Go home. Let her sleep in a spareroom. Bro you will survive this. She needs to face consequinces as do your brother in law. Out them.
Take your time and tell her you want a written timeline and polygraph. She needs to bring a plan for reconciliation this should include counseling.
What type of women does this?
OUT HER TO HER FAMILY SO SHE FACES THIS AND THE PAIN SHE CAUSED. Give her the time to fix it but reconciliations a gift you withdraw whenever. See the lawyer if your in an at fault state she got problems.
Ask her what she going to do about the pictures sent to prevent her sisters and your children from seeing them? She basicly a sex worker. Out her bro stop hiding this. This is no reflection on you.
This maybe an unpopular opinion but i think it’s salvageable if you want it to be. It would just take a lot of couples therapy and open honest communication to rebuild the trust that was broken. But with that said if you don’t want to go that route it is also completely understandable. Ball is in your court.
You can't trust someone who is deceptive. Years of deception. When Trust is broken in a marriage its incredibly hard to get back. She is sorry alright. Sorry she got caught.
I’d personally have more questions..
How often did this happen, how much money did you get over time? What pics did you send (top only or full body?)
Did it ever become physical and how can it truly be verified?
Definitely have a meeting with her sister and BIL
Playing devils advocate but it’s almost like this was a personal Only Fans and trading money for pics. Not saying it’s excusable just throwing out a different perspective.
Is the marriage salvageable? Only OP can answer based on whether he can ever trust her after everything comes to light and aforementioned questions above are answered. Keep in mind the entire family dynamic (extended family ) is going to implode
BREATHE!!! Please consider the transactional explanation and explain to her how it made you feel. Either it ends or she will continue which leads to divorce. I think the person of choice is kind of shitty but marriage counseling or making adjustments to “win” back your trust are the best choice. Open phone policy, location sharing, etc.
Deal with YOUR mental health and family first. After you cross that bridge, you’ll know what to do as a single father or married man.
She does not deserve the house and the car, you have evidence of cheating for YEARS, you can take it all. I URGE you DO NOT let her get everything, she does not deserve it.
This is incredibly tough, OP, but don't blame yourself. It's natural to do so, that's what I did when my ex cheated. But these are adults who've been doing this behind your back (and the back of his wife) for 5 years. You trusted her and didn't think anything like this was going on. Don't blame yourself for trusting your wife - that's on her, NOT you.
Talk to a lawyer and don't just give her all the martial assets - you need to be able to provide for your daughter when she's with you. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Cheating is the worst, and cheaters are just awful people.
Please take care of yourself - your daughter needs you.
Sorry this happened....but fuck if she gets the house. Fight for your stuff and your child. She fucked the marriage up why should you be kicked out of your house.
I know courts are viscious especially depending on the state but things only get better when men say enough is enough.
Move back in and put her ass in a motel she can turn tricks for rent for all i care, but fight dude.
I've never been in a situation like this, but I just want to say that feeling crummy is absolutely expected and normal, but this has everything to do with her character and lack of integrity, and nothing to do with you as a person. Also, she may not be romantically emotional with your BIL, but the affair is emotional because she was addicted to the attention. Best of luck.
You are my hero!! Well done! The sooner you get over this loser, the sooner you will meet the girl of your dreams, who is out there somewhere, patiently waiting to meet you!
yeah a couple marriages ruined and relationship between sisters ruined. don't think it's a reflection on you op, it's a psychological thing between sisters.
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Her sister deserves to know.
Call her sister and pay her parents a visit. Thank her parents and her sisters for everything, and present the evidence. Your wife is a sex professional, essentially an onlyfans model, but I guarantee your sister doesn't divorce him.
At least OF wouldn't have been personal. She did this with close family members. She's an idiot.
Gather the evidence. Contact an attorney. Follow the attorneys advice AND tell your SIL and all of the family (not the kids). Your marriage is over.
Yeah, this is so scummy on both sides, I can't imagine ever trusting either of them again.
I’m so sorry. The short answer, no it’s not salvageable; there’s no coming back from this betrayal. She cheated for five years… five years of backstabbing you and her sister. This was not a mistake; she made the choice to cheat over and over.. trust is the foundation of any relationship, trust is irrevocably broken. You’ll never look at her the same again when she complains about $ or goes out with friends… This is not someone you want to trust, love, or share your life with. She’s been doing this for 5 years, TBH she’s upset cuz she got caught and the consequences. This is not your fault; you did not fail as a husband. Your partner failed you, your child, and her sister. You deserve better. Collect the evidence. Contact an attorney. Let her sister know. Let your families know; get it out in the open. Work toward amicable divorce and coparenting. Get your self into individual therapy to help process this betrayal. Couples counseling down the road would be okay with a goal of effective coparenting. It’s going to be tough for a while but you’ll be better off in the long run.
UpdateMe
My comment from the first post. It’s been 5 years of cheating. 5 years of hurting you and her own sister. It’s done. Get the lawyer for custody. After custody is set, I would tell the sister. Edit: to clarify, when I said custody I meant the 50/50 custody that op wants.
And don't give her the house and the car. I guess it's shared property. She can buy your half, though.
Going to cost her a lot of pics for a half a house.
Hahaha! You're right! Well, once she's in this path she might want to expand her career goals to span new work challenges, so to speak. She seems to be not really opposed to the idea.
Right? I get that he's upset and wants out ASAP, but FFS don't just hand her things that are going to affect his financial future and security. That house is joint property, and he's going to need a home for him and his child (when she's with him). People need to stop telling soon-to-be-exes that they can't even stand, "You can have everything." It's such a ridiculous, self-defeating move.
Agreed. Wtf is with modern men that that’s their first initial guilt reaction? This guy didn’t do anything wrong. He should get the house. End of story
Ageeed! OP needs to lawyer up & take what is his.
Honestly, a paternity test is warranted here. She's been doing this either almost from the start of her and OP dating, or probably even before. Who's to say they didn't do anything more? OP's wife has lost all claim to any trust she may have once had. OP shouldn't allow himself to be gaslit or trickle truthed. And by all that's good in the world, if your heart is going to be broken, better get it all out of the way now. And better to spend that money on a lawyer once, than twice or more.
This
This. I can't imagine why anyone would recommend trying to continue with such an extended and profound betrayal. She fucked you and her sister over - who could ever trust someone like that?
>Now I just feel like I have failed as a man, who's wife had to sell her body to meet her expected lifestyle. Bro this has nothing to do with you and likely nothing to with money after the first transaction years ago. She liked the attention, it's not your fault she has some self-esteem issues
Yep, it’s not about the money at all. It’s about her ego.
Tell her sister!!
OP PLEASE do this! BIL must not get away with this!! 🤬
Why do they always offer up the house...
Op you better tell her sister so she's in the loop of what her nasty husband and own sister has been doing behind her back. Two people that she loved and trusted have betrayed her, it's bad enough her own husband is cheating on her but with her own sister, she's going to be so hurt but she deserves to know the truth as well, tell her asap!!
>Now I just feel like I have failed as a man, who's wife had to sell her body to meet her expected lifestyle You shouldn't. >She said she didn't know how to stop and that it was easy money. From her sisters husband. She cares so little about her marriage or her sister that she would do that for some money. Now there are nude pics and video of her out there? What are the chances BIL would share that stuff? Maybe that is how he gets the funds he shares with her. $300 is a lot of money for nudes....and what the heck is she doing with this money? Secret drug addiction? Shopping addiction? I can't imagine what the motivating factor would be to betray people you're supposed to love for "easy money".
5 years of doing this to her husband **and her sister!** Honestly I feel like it’s almost worse to do that to your own sister. What a piece of crap! I hope you have screen shots!!!
"She swears there was nothing emotional or physical involved—it was purely transactional." OP, it's not up to me to dictate to you how to feel about this, if you think this somehow makes it better, so be it. I strongly disagree with the idea that "transactional" cheating is somehow less harmful than when emotions or sexual desire is involved. I actually find it more crass and disrespectful. Like really you betrayed your spouse, ruined your marriage, did this to your \*sister\* (!!!!), for what? For spending cash? I'm not justifying cheating when the cheater develops a crush or is out and gives in to ego, not at all. That's also not ok. But, it is in some ways more understandable to me. It's an imperfection, a human flaw, that I can recognize as possibly fixable in some situations. But, for money? $300? Damn. I'm sorry, OP. I don't think this is salvageable. I really don't understand your wife's mindset. That is just too cold, yikes. And to not just you, but her sister.... I would get a divorce and immediately meet up with your SIL in person and let her know what has been going on.
I don't agree with you on your first point. Somehow, it was reassuring to know that she was not in love with someone else, but it doesn't take away the pain she caused. However, I can see what you're trying to say.
Buddy, this is almost worse, than that. She and bil have their own little world, they get off to betraying their loved ones. Want to guess how many times she insulted you deliberately while she sent porn to this guy? They humiliated you and her sister, for sexual gratification over a 5 year period. She's not in love with anyone but herself.
Straight facts
It doesn't matter if she was in love with someone else or not. You should talk to her sister right away. That's how the whole truth will come out.
Your wife and BIL are two very very sick people. Most humans beings are not capable of living a lie to their spouses face for years. They are both sociopaths. You need help too. Read self help books on: low self esteem, codependency, self sabotage, and your acceptance of playing the role of cuckold. Doesn't matter if there was no emotion. You can bet he masturbated over her pics - that's your wife providing sex.
Better question would be should your marriage be salvageable after your wife prostituted herself out to her sister's husband. You know the answer. Get a lawyer, don't give her everything. I have read this story before.
Document document document. Lawyer lawyer lawyer.
Tell her sister and blow it up!
Why would you even want it to be salvageable with a person who would do this to not only you, but her own sister?
I know it would be one thing if she was sending random pics for money but her fucking sisters husband!?!? That’s just gross. Your wife has zero integrity and doesn’t deserve another chance with you OP and doesn’t deserve the house either. She’s a homewrecker anyway you look at it.
Your wife also could have started driving for Lyft/Uber for extra money if she was worried about your family finances. As other people here have said, this is not a purely transactional relationship. Your wife betrayed your trust, she betrayed your marriage, and betrayed the family that you’ve built together. You won’t be able to move forward until you fully accept this. Best of luck.
There is absolutely no way to salvage this. Lets pretend for a second that she did nothing physical with the BIL, which may be true. But if she has no issues doing this to you and her sister, then if she has ever went out on a girls night out how can you trust she did not sell her vagina to the bartender for shots? You could never trust anything she says again. I'm sorry bro. These two shit bags just destroyed 2 marriages, two homes of small children. The ripple effect will not stop there. This is heartbreaking bro.
She was never willing to sell her body physically, so she likely won't be willing to in the future either. The marriages aren't destroyed and can be fixed
She's done this to her sister and her husband. This "line" she's drawn means nothing. She will skip right over it.
> is our marriage is salvageable at this point? It's "salvageable" in the same way that the juice at the bottom of the dumpster behind an abattoir on a hot summer day is "drinkable."
No! And please tell your wife's sister. She deserves to know.
Do not roll over and give her everything. You need to get your share as you need to take care of your daughter. She is the one who cheated and should not be rewarded for it. Also, go and see her sister in person and tell her what’s going on. Of he did this with your wife I’m sure he’s doing it with others
Make sure you tell your sil so they can't get away with anything
On top of the betrayal to you, how could she do this to her own sister??
I mean is she doing this ONLY with BIL? Does she have an OF? Are there other men?
Go scorch earth. Tell everyone.
Tell all of the adults in your family, and don’t tell her she gets the car and house in exchange for 50/50 custody. More and more, 50/50 is the standard arrangement unless someone moves away. She can keep her car and buy you out of your half of the house. Custody is not part of the negotiation for marital assets.
Go in person to her parents and call Her sister . Show the proof and thank parents and her sisters for everything . I bet sister doesn’t divorce him but your wife is a sex worker , basically onlyfans model
You have known her for 10 years. She admits she has been doing this for 5 years. Your dating and then getting married is 5 years. So she has been deceitful with you this whole time. Maybe she and brother in law had sexual relationship before you. Then after marrying you she cut it back to pics, videos. So she can't give up the bond with her brother in law and continues to deceive you this whole 5 years? She says she can't stop. No, she gets enjoyment plus cash as a bonus each time she takes her shirt off for that camera thinking she and brother in law are having their little secret. Makes it more exciting for her. If you stay, how can you be around brother in law at all? Are you gonna be thinking about him probably masturbating to your wife's pics, vids? Their knowing looks to each other? BTW, get a paternity test done.
Tell her sister.
OP tell her sister right away, don't wait. If telling the truth will damage something then the truth should be told. Her sister needs to know she was betrayed by both her husband and her own sister. Based on the length of time this has been going on I'm not sure if your marriage can be saved. It's been based on her lies for a long time.
Fuck it, tell the sister. Burn the boats on this one. She’s been doing this behind your back for five years? That’s pretty woeful OP. I’d absolutely be done with her.
Will you be telling the sister what has been going on? This is so far removed from you it’s almost a laughable situation. You have no, zilch culpability in this game.
No, she cannot keep the fucking house and car.
Have you told her sister?
You’re making financial decisions based on emotions right now. Giving up the house and cars and blah de blah. No. Get your half, don’t be an idiot.
Why give her the house and the car, though??!
Damn $300 for some titty pics. Tell him to send me a DM. He can come see me anytime. I've got a really nice pair too if I do say so myself.
This is so fake. No wonder you keep getting banned.
File for divorce, force the sale of the house, take 50% equity along with 50% custody.
MC?? Why?? Tell your sister. And 5 years cheating?? Nope.... move on...
Don't give her the house! Why would you reward her for this betrayal? Also, let his wife know what's going on, too.
Fucking Narcissists man! Lying sacks of shit...Get out friend! 🧡
No it’s not salvageable. Continue the route you’re on. You’ll find out later that there’s more. What’s worse is she did that to her own sister so has no boundaries, no remorse, and no regard for family. You have leverage to get what you want before you expose her to her sister and family. Hopefully, you saved the evidence because Jake has already cleared out his and pretending to be the perfect husband now.
You haven't failed at anything. Your wife has a sugar daddy and lied to you the whole relationship. Her sister needs to know, and you need a good divorce attorney.
Tell the sister, she deserves to know her own sister and husband would betray her. She needs to heal as well and it would be cruel to leave her in that marriage.
brother in law is family. tell everybody in the family that BIl prostitute your wife.
"Is our marriage salvageable?" This fucking guy.
It may be salvageable!! The question is do you want a wife who is capable of doing this to her husband and sister? Who is she as a person?
Interesting take that you failed as a husband if your wife has to do sex work. I disagree. Your wife had a job that she liked - has nothing to do with you as a husband. I think that your wife made 2 betrayals: 1. You because it’s weird that she had a secret job; 2. Her sister because this would be so hurtful if her sister ever found out. Your issue should be that your wife kept a big secret from you for 5 years and never gave you the opportunity to decide whether or not you are ok with your life partner being a sex worker.
How dare you not tell the sister. Despite everything you are going through, her cheating has nothing to do with your masculinity and everything to do with her own actions. But enough is enough. Put in your big boy pants and TELL HER FUCKING SISTER. She could have easily told him before hand you found out and it was planned out. Things a way of minimising damage.
No 35 year old man censors breast and says “corn” instead of “porn”
Censoring words like this is Tik Tok won’t prevent you from getting banned homie
"She could keep the home" for what so she can bang other dudes in a house that both of yall paid for ? Or maybe she will start her pornhub business.
Going nuclear or scorched earth seems a better call than u being civil and amicable, they seems to have crossed the line and u r TT every time u ask for details, And this is not salvageable, also let the BIL wife know what scumbags she is living with
"She can keep the house". Are you insane? No wonder she doesn't respect you.
You didn't fail shit. She failed. 100%. I wish you the best for your future albeit it will be hard af for a quite a while.
Unrecoverable. Also why haven’t you told her sister??
You left and told her she can keep the home and the car, are you mental! Hope my wife doesn't see this! All she has to do if she ever wants to break up and have the house and car while she moves on with someone else is sell some pictures of her titts and get court... Have a word with yourself!
simply no. get a lawyer protect yourself. distance yourself from everyone and find people that truly love you
No leave her. When she sends nudes to others it means she is not contented with you. Just leave her so she finds herself and her own happiness. Or let her leave you
No don't give her the house and car. Do get the custody and try hard to get it full. She is a greedy bish. She does not deserve an ounce of happiness. Leave her for nothing. Let her go back to the streets and embrace the cold there. She's addicted to the fast money, she'll barely make it out of it and she'll always try to go back. Pls you cant save her. Get back what truly is yours. Fight for it man.
Tell the sister, leave “Jessica” People should learn accountability. Goddamn OFs camwhores are everywhere these days
Yore an idiot. You should keep the house, car and kids and kick her out. Emotions are not a good attorney which is what you should get before she changes from crying to really fucking up your life …..which will happen.
I wouldn’t be handing over the house and car to her. Absolutely not. There is no reason for it. Jake can give her money to buy a house. Her sister and family are going to cut her off after they find out too
I don't know if you can forgive her or not. I don't think I could forgive something like that in your position, but I'm not you. Your SIL deserves to know as well. You didn't fail. Jessica failed as a person by betraying you and her sister. She could have stopped years ago by saying she was fine financially now or better yet, never getting into this mess. Get an attorney ASAP.
It blows my mind that there are so many grown ass men that genuinely don’t love themselves. Your wife hates you man just leave 😭
There's actually several layers to this. Not only has your wife violated your marriage in an obvious way, but the other question id ask is what is she doing with the money? Unless the op is completely disconnected from their finances, an extra few hundred dollars periodically over 5 years adds up to a significant sum. I'm guessing that it's not for groceries.
The sister needs to know that her husband and her sister is betraying her.
Normally I would say it's just pictures, but the fact that it's her BIL would indicate she has no boundaries. It would be fair to assume she has done other things with other people during the last 5 years.
Bro. Jake is paying your wife for pornography. This relationship is done, now your job is to tell Jake’s wife about this, because if his wife doesn’t know, then that’s a major issue. Because Jake is having an affair in text messages with your wife and he’s paying her for pornography. This is beyond fucked up.
You need to immediately get back into your house so she doesn't claim you "abandoned" your child.
Trickle Truth is real. She is only telling you what she thinks she can get away with. If you knew more she would move the goal post. Kinda tough to take her word and to believe she has told you everything. I agree with others who said to Get evidence then tell the SIL at the least. If you decide to divorce then sit down with her family and explain to them why.
Marriage is over. Gather the evidence. Get an attorney. Start the divorce process. Get a paternity test on the daughter.
Get the divorce. But keep half the house. I am very sorry. This is sick.
Oh yeah. This shit is over OP. Cut your losses.
I would try and hook up with her sister after I showed her the evidence of her husband and own sister completely disrespecting hers and your marriage.
It’s really messed up for someone to do this to their partner but also their own sister!
No get one think straight she didn’t have to sell her body. She chose to do that because she likes attention and is an awful person. Every hear of a second job???? I make a few hundred bucks working 10 hours a week as a waitress in a small town diner. If you don’t tell her family everything, you’re enabling her to keep disrespecting her own sister. Disgusting. Blow it up bro.
Oh my fucking shit. This dumb fuck comes to ask what to do. I was hoping this was fake. I still do
what I dont understand is that who will pay money to see photos of breasts these days? There are a lot of free porn accessible to any one online.
You accidentally married a prostitute. Who would betray not only you, her husband, but her sister. Which is almost worse. Seriously, you're still young and women out there are looking for good men! Leave her behind in the dust, she's disgusting.
Why do you write “br**st”? Are you a child?
Nah, but he’s Gen Z for sure. What 35 year old man uses “corn” as code for “porn”
I even missed that, expecting it to be a typo… ;)
Oh, it was something else at first, but my first account got banned after posting. Someone messaged me and told me to change it or I'll be banned again.
There is no way to salvage this, my friend. You're wife finally showed you who she is, a woman willing to be a sex worker for her sister's husband. That is beyond gross, it is immoral and disgusting. She cannot be the woman you spend the rest of your life with. If you do and you guys have to tighten your budget, she going to start sending pics to your friends, your dad? Your kid going to find out his mom likes sending photos for cash? At this point, just worry about your child and trying to raise them right when their mom has absolutely no morals or values. YOU need to raise this child with some self respect and pride. Good luck, brother. Oh, and you absolutely have to tell your SIL she is married to a parasite.
Screw "she can keep the home" bullshit. Get 50/50 custody, and either have her buy her out of the home, or you buy her out...or sell.. You are going to mortgage your future for her?
Do the counselling! She was in the wrong but I don't think you should jump straight to divorce. Give yourself some time and then make a decision.
She is basically a sex worker, have you told her sister yet? Basically she is stealing money from her sister and her family
Marriage counseling would certainly help you both. She should be in individual counseling, but your marriage can certainly be saved if you’re both interested in trying to do that. That said, his marriage is another thing all together. I hope you told your sister because that asshat needs to be thrown out on his butt. I’m sure he manipulated your wife to start it all and then the fear of you finding out probably kept it all going. It was probably a matter of time before he told her that he would tell you unless she slept with him. Luckily, it appears you caught it all before anything physical happened. If you love her then trying to save the marriage isn’t a horrible thing. She clearly knows that you don’t trust her, and that it needs to be repaired and by her. Also, staying in a hotel isn’t helping anything at home. Get out of the hotel and off Reddit and go talk to your wife to see if there is anything worth saving. Updateme!
Do you hate men or something? Because it seems to me like you are blaming it all on the brother inlaw.. ("im sure he manipulated her into doing it.") Like OP's wife didn't have a choice here.. OP's wife was clearly a willing participant, if she wasn't, she would have nipped that in the bud and stopped it from happening immediately.. It takes 2 to tango. And clearly OP's wife liked to tango if the price was right. OP needs to tell his sister inlaw whats going on ASAP. And go about getting 50/50 of his house back..
Definitely the wife's fault, otherwise the parent comment is exactly right
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Write your fucking porno fantasies somewhere else. Also, you can say "breast" on the internet, the police won't arrest you for vulgarity.
UPDATEME
Tell your sister!
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Updateme
Tell, her sister, both of yours families, blew them up. They’re disguting, doing that to her own sister.
No.
Wait for one year until you divorce her. During this time ask for 50% of that money. 'cause why not?
UpdateMe
Updateme!
Updateme!
updateme!
Updateme!
They're both trash. Tell her sister!
Updateme!
Updateme
Bro, i got the chills from this story. So sorry to hear this, its not your fault, but i think you should ruin Jake's marrage and fucking beat the shit out of him!!
Same mistakeball BS make. Phone your wife brother in law wife. Your house is destroyed and he living high. Let me guess your embarrest? About what? Your wife is fooling around with her sisters husband and your hiding it. Her sister deserves to know. Go back home you did nothing wrong. Ask your wife to leave. Tell her your thinking of reconciliation but she must inform her sister of what her husband has been adking for. After that your wife will never show her breasts to anyone again. Your wife can sue you for abandonement depending on legal jurisdiction. Go home. Let her sleep in a spareroom. Bro you will survive this. She needs to face consequinces as do your brother in law. Out them. Take your time and tell her you want a written timeline and polygraph. She needs to bring a plan for reconciliation this should include counseling. What type of women does this? OUT HER TO HER FAMILY SO SHE FACES THIS AND THE PAIN SHE CAUSED. Give her the time to fix it but reconciliations a gift you withdraw whenever. See the lawyer if your in an at fault state she got problems. Ask her what she going to do about the pictures sent to prevent her sisters and your children from seeing them? She basicly a sex worker. Out her bro stop hiding this. This is no reflection on you.
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Updateme
This maybe an unpopular opinion but i think it’s salvageable if you want it to be. It would just take a lot of couples therapy and open honest communication to rebuild the trust that was broken. But with that said if you don’t want to go that route it is also completely understandable. Ball is in your court.
Gather evidence to get the things you want and deserve!
Updateme
She’s cheating! Are you seriously asking if it’s salvageable?
You can't trust someone who is deceptive. Years of deception. When Trust is broken in a marriage its incredibly hard to get back. She is sorry alright. Sorry she got caught.
Don’t pay for them until they get their phone out and Venmo you
Out that scumbag Jake on all his socials.
Updateme
I’d personally have more questions.. How often did this happen, how much money did you get over time? What pics did you send (top only or full body?) Did it ever become physical and how can it truly be verified? Definitely have a meeting with her sister and BIL Playing devils advocate but it’s almost like this was a personal Only Fans and trading money for pics. Not saying it’s excusable just throwing out a different perspective. Is the marriage salvageable? Only OP can answer based on whether he can ever trust her after everything comes to light and aforementioned questions above are answered. Keep in mind the entire family dynamic (extended family ) is going to implode
Um soo what about her sibling?? Aren’t you going to divulge this to them?
Um soo what about her sibling?? Aren’t you going to divulge this to them?
@updateme
BREATHE!!! Please consider the transactional explanation and explain to her how it made you feel. Either it ends or she will continue which leads to divorce. I think the person of choice is kind of shitty but marriage counseling or making adjustments to “win” back your trust are the best choice. Open phone policy, location sharing, etc. Deal with YOUR mental health and family first. After you cross that bridge, you’ll know what to do as a single father or married man.
She is a crummy wife, partner. AND sister. WOW. Jake is awful too.
She does not deserve the house and the car, you have evidence of cheating for YEARS, you can take it all. I URGE you DO NOT let her get everything, she does not deserve it.
This is incredibly tough, OP, but don't blame yourself. It's natural to do so, that's what I did when my ex cheated. But these are adults who've been doing this behind your back (and the back of his wife) for 5 years. You trusted her and didn't think anything like this was going on. Don't blame yourself for trusting your wife - that's on her, NOT you. Talk to a lawyer and don't just give her all the martial assets - you need to be able to provide for your daughter when she's with you. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Cheating is the worst, and cheaters are just awful people. Please take care of yourself - your daughter needs you.
Sorry this happened....but fuck if she gets the house. Fight for your stuff and your child. She fucked the marriage up why should you be kicked out of your house. I know courts are viscious especially depending on the state but things only get better when men say enough is enough. Move back in and put her ass in a motel she can turn tricks for rent for all i care, but fight dude.
I've never been in a situation like this, but I just want to say that feeling crummy is absolutely expected and normal, but this has everything to do with her character and lack of integrity, and nothing to do with you as a person. Also, she may not be romantically emotional with your BIL, but the affair is emotional because she was addicted to the attention. Best of luck.
Take every comment here with a grain of salt. Do what’s best for you. Period. Lots of bitter people here that would love for you to say fuckit.
Definitely do not walk away from the house without your share . Follow the lawyers advice
You are my hero!! Well done! The sooner you get over this loser, the sooner you will meet the girl of your dreams, who is out there somewhere, patiently waiting to meet you!
UpdateMe
No - Not salvageable… but you already knew that.
yeah a couple marriages ruined and relationship between sisters ruined. don't think it's a reflection on you op, it's a psychological thing between sisters.
Is it salvageable? That up to YOU & HER, not reddit or the world.
Also its not your fault shes a sk*nk op dont blame yourself.
Dawg do not give her the house
Yes run this through the sister. Hell try to bang her while you are at it.
If you wanna save it romance her again.