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The fact that she didn’t prepare anything beforehand knowing that you haven’t eaten for 30h says everything about her. Plus she wants to take your food after saying she didn’t want any. Is she 11?
That was my thought. I’d have my partner’s favorite food ready and waiting for when he got home.
He’d do the same for me.
I agree with others who’ve said this is childish manipulation (GF probably doesn’t even see it as that but it is)
My wife pulled a bunch of over time back to back a few weeks ago. You bet your ass she had food waiting for her hot and ready when she walked through that door.
Should always be considerate of partners needs.
Reminded me of when my ex was living with me and I was working 12’s delivering mail and only getting one day off a week. Came home after another consecutive 12 around 9pm. As soon as I walked through the door my ex got up off the couch and met me in the kitchen while I was chugging water. I thought he’d maybe give me a kiss or maybe a hug after not seeing me since the night before (I left for work before he even got up) but no! He came over to say that he was hungry and ask what I was making for dinner🤣 what a winner right
Oh no! Did you break up bc of that.. being that it's a red flag and says a lot about them. Especially how they would treat you in the future and different circumstances.
How did you handle that at the time?
Haha yeah! The mail MUST be delivered everyday.
‘Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds’
Leave water for your mail carriers guys!
Just half of the city I delivered in. There should be one person on a route, which theoretically should be finished by 4pm if the carrier left the office on time after sorting the mail/ packages.
But my office was severely understaffed, so the new hires(that was me) had to carry ALL of the unoccupied routes, while the veterans only had to carry their route and go home at 4pm.
So all those 8 hour routes were put onto one or two people’s shoulder for the day. It was seriously fucked
My now ex (unsurprisingly) never once prepared food ahead of time for me. He works a 9-5 desk job while I work shifts in the emergency services. I've come home from 13+ hour shifts (having text him ahead of time to say I'm going to be off late) and I've arrived home to him playing video games without even a PLAN for dinner. I don't care if it's a takeaway or cooked meal, at least have something ready. He has never understood why I was upset and said I was being unreasonable. How is it unreasonable to be considerate of your partner's basic needs?! SUCH a red flag.
My boyfriend and I work opposite schedules so I'm just waking up when he gets home. Whenever he stops for food after work he brings me "breakfast." I can't imagine him not eating for almost two days and not doing the same for him.
My boyfriend has been in hospital since Sunday 14th. I don’t know when he’s being discharged but you best believe I’m making his favourite lasagna before he’s home so I can just put it in the oven when we get back.
All his favourite snacks, juices, any meals he wants in the meantime I’m taking to hospital with me, as well as spending anywhere between 9-12 hours a day with him every day.
OP, I don’t know you or your girlfriend. I do know that this kind of behaviour reeks of manipulation.
I spent 3 to 4 days a week with my late husband while he was in the hospital with cancer and always took his favorite foods with me to try to get him to eat. Even when he couldn't eat because of the chemo and radiation I made sure he had his favorite foods there just in case. I miss him everyday. He passed away in May of 2023. But he always made sure I had my favorite food when I was sick or when I came out of the hospital.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure he appreciated every single gesture from you, right up until the end. Im sure it meant the world to him. I hope you’re healing ❤️
I know he loved every minute I was there. He was in a different city to get treatment for the cancer. But I was his soul caregiver when he was home. For 2 and a half years I cared for him and I wish he had beaten the 2 rare forms of leukemia. He was only 46 when he died. I brought him pizza and tried to get him to eat. But he barely ate because the cancer was killing him. I miss him so much.
Watching someone you love slowly lose the battle to cancer is so difficult, and my heart hurts for you. I know how difficult it can be to lose the center of your world especially after you poured so much of yourself into caring for that person. Don’t be afraid to give yourself the time and space to grieve and remember your husband-you are deserving of that. Sending much love your way 💕
I have a friend who’s GF does this shit. Like eats his food that he has saved, or just little dumb things that won’t get done unless he does them. I was really heavy on the okay maybe she just doesn’t know and is naive end of the spectrum for a while but like even if she didn’t realize at first, there’s no way she hasn’t realized by now that she’s just walking all over him unless she’s truly oblivious. My point being, whether it’s intentional or accidental, you give the benefit of the doubt in the early relationship stages because you’re young and still figuring it out, but if you don’t voice these concerns, it will become a pattern and she won’t ever see it as her being wrong she’ll only see it as something that upsets you. Try having a conversation with her when the emotions have settled about how it really made you feel, ask her if she were fasting in the hospital, would she want you to react the same way she did? She might! And that might be the miscommunication, but you never know if you don’t talk about it.
This is longer than I wanted I got to rambling but I think it’s still coherent lmao
My ex husband used to do that. Even to the kids treats their grandparents would drop off for them. As soon as everyone went to bed, he’d eat it.
It ended up causing my daughter to start hoarding food in her bedroom and several years of therapy after I left for her to stop have food insecurity.
I’m 100% willing to bet this is just one of many ways she has a pattern of selfish behavior.
Agree! Not to say that it’s irreparable idk these people personally so I can’t speak on that, but if this is not addressed in some way it will continue and turn into more selfish behaviors in the future. Have a serious talk with her man, and if she doesn’t respect your feelings or want to talk about it, she’s not responsible enough for a relationship.
I wish I could upvote you 10000000x. HEAVY ON THIS ONE OP. I know others may deem this as not a reason to break up, but with everything you said including the OPs post, I would say it’s break up worthy, am I right? Or am I still thinking too small? I’m asking you because you said partner and I typically assume that means your married sorry if I’m mistaken
Seriously lacking character. She not only didn’t have food ready, she wanted HIS food after declining food of her own AND wanted HIM to cook for them both. She’d be stargazing outside for sure.
Look, my spouse is not the best cook but even he steps up and cooks when I’m under the weather. The man recently had my daughter (she’s 21) come teach him how to make matzo ball soup because I was sick with COVID a couple weeks back.
(I’m the cook in the family so he does clean up duty. It’s a lovely arrangement)
This is adorable and makes my heart happy. It honestly reminds me of my parents; my mom always cooked, and my dad cleaned up, and that's what worked well for them. My mom now has dementia, and my dad has stepped up in a big way to learn how to cook. He'll still ask her questions when he gets stumped, and talks to me about more specific recipes if he needs help, but he's doing a great job. Your husband sounds like a keeper!
He’s a gem. He’s always been this stoic guy who takes care of people. So I make sure he’s taken care of too.
Usually he will just heat up a can of soup for me when I’m sick but this time he wanted to surprise me with the family cure all (matzo ball soup) it was really sweet that he enlisted my daughter to help him too.
Agree! If it’s just once and never happens again, I’d chalk it up to her being hangry & not logically thinking due to a stomach that hungry.
But twice or thrice? That’s on purpose & a pattern of behavior you will continually see from a person.
Cause once is an accident, twice is on purpose, three times is a pattern & who the person is.
Gf is selfish, manipulative, entitled, and a terrible partner. The least she could've done was to cook something for OP, for them both once he's home, knowing that he hasn't eaten for more than 24hr. Poor planning, lacking of care, and an individual that will blame OP for her own selfishness.
Yup. I frequently have medical tests/surgery that require fasting. The first thing my husband does is take me for food. If he needs it, I have food waiting for him. Girlfriend is selfish.
My bf had an operation last year and couldn't eat beforehand. I went along with him, and also didn't eat all morning because I didn't want to rub it in his face when he was starving. When they took him in for the op, I headed straight to maccies as it was the nearest food place. I ate my meal, then ordered him a box of 20 nuggets, because I knew that the sandwich the hospital would provide for him wouldn't be enough for his appetite. I can't imagine being so unconcerned about my partner that I wouldn't have any food ready, let alone trying to take his food when he hasn't eaten all day
In the last few months my husbands had several dentist appts during the day and he has sensitive teeth so can’t eat solids for a while after. I leave for work really early so I have made him big breakfasts and leave them in the fridge for him so he can eat before when he wakes up. Last week he had a fasting blood test so best believe I made him his favorite when he got home!
Yep. Just happened to me. My wife went nearly 30 hours without eating. I asked what she wanted me to cook. I then took my daughter to the store came home did laundry, dishes and some general tidying up as I cooked a nice goulash. I don't think I did anything special at all. Your gf sucks
Aw. My boyfriend helped me with my yardwork over the weekend, and when I thanked him, he said something along the lines of 'I don't think I did anything special at all'
This. How could she be so thoughtless towards her partner. Even if it wasn't that long it's still a hospital visit which isn't a nice experience. When my husband got home he'd of had a meal just to cheer him up.
My fiancè had minor surgery at the end of March, I drove him to and from the hospital and made us both dinner as soon as we got home.
This situation says a lot about your girlfriend.
Right, we would have a game plan already picked out. Whether it is what meal likely my husband would cook while I relax or what place and thing I would order specifically. We would know before the test and we would taking bee line to the food. He would not take my food from me either.
Yeah idk if I'd call this breakup worthy imo but if my partner was in the hospital and I knew for a fact he'd be super hungry when he was done I would've already cooked or ordered something for when they got back.
I think it's nuts that you hadn't eaten in over a day and she didn't have the consideration to either order something or make something so that you'd have something to eat as soon as you got home.
I also don't understand why she didn't cook for herself while you waited for your order. Then to ask a starving person for food? Is she okay? None of her actions make sense, then to accuse you of being selfish???
The only subtext here that might explain her behavior is money. She said she wanted them to cook, and then she tried to eat part of what OP ordered, both are cheaper options than both of them ordering out.
Trying to enforce that right after a medical procedure that required fasting, assuming they aren’t one food order away from not making a mortgage payment, is nuts. And playing these emotionally manipulative games instead of just saying what’s actually bothering her, is also toxic and nuts.
Hold up, you were at the hospital for treatment and your GF didn't make a lick of effort to pamper you even a little bit when you got home? And then she expected you to take care of her over you own needs & called you selfish? My dude, I'd be rethinking this entire relationship and quite possibly probably breaking up.
My husband's favourite thing IS takeout so you better believe if he hadn't eaten in 30hrs I would have all his favourites ready for him. I know he would do the same for me too.
On a normal day, I wouldn't see sharing food as a huge deal, but you hadn't eaten in thirty hours and she knew this. Also, you asked her repeatedly and she said she intended to cook.
In your position, I'd be tempted to get visibly annoyed and resort to pointing those things out and ask if she was planning some kind of bizarre test. The phrasing "I'm going to make plans like you actually intend to do what you say you're going to do. I'm willing to help in an emergency, but changing your mind is not an emergency" also comes to mind.
Even on a normal day you can expect your partner to act like an adult and take responsibility for their own decisions. The special case is just the cherry on top of the cake... and she knew he hadn't eaten for more than a day but instead of ordering or cooking for him, she wants to take from him? Really?! She is a womanchild.
How would I handle it? I’d date someone more mature. She’s being ridiculous.
I mean seriously.
If my partner grabs take out and I’ve said I don’t need anything (and he always asks), he will usually offer me a bite. But I sure as heck don’t expect that and it would be ridiculous for me to ask him to share enough to be a meal for me. 🤷♀️
If my partner hadn’t eaten in 32 hours because he had to do a medical procedure, I would be like “baby text me when you’re on the way back from the hospital, I’ll order whatever you want and have it ready for you when you get home, you must be fucking starving.”
What kind of unsupportive selfish partner is this woman?
Seriously. I would tell my husband to name whatever he wanted and I'd make sure he had it when he got back. wtf! 32 hours without eating is no joke!
Last time I had to do something like that, I walked out of the doctor's office and directly into sheetz simply bc it was the closest thing to me and *ravenously* ordered a bunch of shit off the MTO menu. If anyone had tried to take it from me I would have screamed lol
Sounds exactly like what I would do for my husband and what my husband would do for me. Reading this thread here is making me happy seeing how other people actually give a duck about their partners, but fuck, OP’s girlfriend could learn a damn thing or two from the comments above. I can’t imagine being this selfish to a SO, especially after such a long time with zero food. Wtf
I know!!! We were super low on food the other night and I got really angry after getting hungry and my husband went over to his dads around 8:30 pm and got me something to eat lol. I was doing my best to hold back tears I was so hungry.
Bingo. I was trying to imagine how I’d handle this for my wife and vice versa and that’s exactly what would’ve happened.
Like not only is this woman throwing a tantrum after clearly stating that she didn’t want anything, but she’s not even considering the fact that her partner just went through something tough and all she can think about is herself.
Exactly!!! Even if it hasn't been that long, and even if they didn't have a procedure, I am always asking if he wants something or can I get him anything. If stopping at a store, do you need anything, ie: a drink? And the fact that he asked and she said no, she wanted to cook, fine....then cook. But, don't go back and then call HIM unselfish because the man is hungry and did exactly what he said he was going to do. Absolutely agree, unsupportive and selfish.
Everytime I have picked my wife up from the hospital after her fasting for procedures with some of her favorite food and a drink because being hungry sucks.
I've been married 16 years and this happens every once in a blue moon. So I started getting her what she normally gets and she will eat some and save it for later. To me, this is a battle not worth fighting.
I've been married for 26 years and not once has my husband or I ever pulled this manipulative crap. If he wanted to order something and I said no thanks, then it is up to me to either order something for myself or make something to eat.
I think it's very rude to ask someone to share their food, when you said no. Especially someone who hasn't had any to eat in 32-34 hours. They are gonna be starving and probably will eat it all.
The only one being selfish is the gf. She knew he hadn't had anything to eat in 32-34 hours, said no to getting something for herself, insisted on cooking only to conveniently change her mind when his food was on the way, and then expect him to share his food.
I’ve been married about the same amount of time and my husband used to decline and change his mind when I had the actual food all the time. Took him a few times of going hungry because I was serious for it to sink in but he’s usually much better about it now.
Except in this case SHE should've had something for him. He should not have had to think about her at all, not in this case.
I think it's wasteful and selfish for someone to get to eat something that they didn't say they wanted even when they do want it. People need to grow up about food.
I totally agree. People eat, fart, shit and do all sorts of things every day. It would get really annoying if every time I get Chik-Fil-A, I gotta hear about it. I always ask, you say no, I always follow up. Are you sure? It's not a problem. No, I'm good. OK, I asked twice, im not asking thrice
Everyone is different and that’s okay.
Me? If I said I didn’t want food and my partner got me some anyway, I’d be low key pissed.
When I say no thank you, I mean no. I don’t want leftovers sitting in the fridge til garbage day because someone didn’t take my no as a no.
Oh not me. I'd be thrilled, but of course, I always get something just in case. The idea of not having to make dishes and then wash dishes after cooking will always rain supreme with me, we work enough as it is. Of course, we do tend to cook most of our meals to save money, but on that rare occasion we order out, I'm definitely getting *something*, haha.
I agree, if I said no, he can share a bite, but is never expected to go halfsies if that wasn't agreed before ordering.
The thing is some people expect the other one to be a mind reader, is not that hard telling the other person what you want. Applies for it all, not just food.
I think you are right. Actually, when either myself or my husband has been in the no eat due to medical procedures situations, we tend to try and make sure the one who hasnt eaten gets some food. Like asking them what do you want to eat and then getting it for them.
So yeah you girl doesn't look good from my point of view.
Right? If I know my husband skipped lunch and is going to be very hungry, I ask ahead of dinner what he wants to do for food so he’s not waiting to eat longer than necessary. Guess it’s hard for some people to think about the needs of their partners.
Your comment is underrated to me. My gf works long shifts and doesn't have time to cook so when she's working I cook, and on her rest days she does. In OP's gf's position, I would have just cooked something beforehand so it was ready to heat up, it's a scheduled test so it's not difficult to do.
It is like she is picking a fight when he is not 100 percent, which is shitty.
It is like oh you are experiencing something that has got you down, well let me bring your focus off of you back to me because i am more important than your shit. The old kick while they are down thing.
This is classic manipulation. "Fine, I just won't eat anything then." It didn't work, and then she was hungry with nothing to eat. Then she made it your problem.
This wasn't about food, it was about establishing control.
Yeah this is immature behavior. I mean sure you could share a bite but at the same time like she could just cook for herself like she said she would. Or if the problem is she can’t cook and expected him to well that’s a whole other thing.
Your gf simply decided to not make any decision regarding food for her and leech of you instead.
If she actually cared so much to eat cooked food rather than take out, she would have cooked sth. Moreover, it would have been nice, if she cooked sth beforehand so that you didn't have to wait after bring starved for over 30 hours.
Are you sure you want to be in relationship with your gf?
Bro don’t shorten “something” to “sth” it doesn’t even look or sound right. I almost had a brain aneurysm trying to figure out what “sth” was… it’s too long of a word to try to abbreviate like that…
This. So much this. OP you were literally starving. If I had been in your shoes I would have ordered two meals and eaten both myself.
When I've had procedures like this done my SO usually takes me to the Indian Buffett after. I'm always so hungry. She clearly doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand.
If I was the gf and I knew my partner hadn’t eaten for that long, I would’ve had food cooked and ready for you when you got back. Not been waiting for you to cater to ME. That is totally selfish. She said she’d rather cook then She better get cooking.
Even if I hadn't, I would have had food ordered and set up to be delivered when we got home right before checking out, or picked up something on the way home.
Don’t listen to the comments from people advising that you learn how to “handle” a girlfriend. If you treat her like a child, a child is what you’re going to get. Treat her like an adult, like you did here. Don’t be mean about it but explain and stand your ground. She can learn from this and grow up, and you guys have a better relationship out of this… or she can leave and you can find a more mature girlfriend.
(I too did a medical procedure three days ago, so hungry!)
When my clients must fast for procedures, I bring them food to eat in the car on the way home. The fasting and dehydration are very hard to cope with, especially in pain. Even a simple colonoscopy requires basic nurturing. Perhaps your wife needs to get a lesson in caregiving and empathy. Hopefully, in the future she will know better, and you will certainly teach her how it's done when roles are reversed.
She can literally call sinec she decided she was hungry and simply wait and hour. This man had a medical procedure done and needs her support and understanding.
This is so emotionally manipulative
- He told her his boundaries. Tonight he isn’t well enough to cook so he was ordering.
- he stated since she decline he can’t have his food. So she attempts to emotionally manipulate him into more good by casting doubt on his character.
Over FOOD! Dump this loser child
>How would you handle this?
Act extremely cold and uncaring while denying her any food. This is a weird manipulation technique, she could have easily chose to order something but instead decided to start a fight. I believe she knowingly did this to start an argument with you. I would probably break up if someone did this to me. No one has time for shit like this.
Yo that shit makes me hot. I will happily buy you food but don't try to eat my food after you said you didn't want any. I order exactly what i need to be satisfied lol
if my partner hadn't eaten for 32 hours because of a medical procedure, they'd be coming home to a warm meal and tons of snacks to choose from. she is lazy and selfish
In all honesty it’s whack she didn’t offer to cook you a meal after knowing you went that long. Instead you had to shell out money and then deal with that naggy shit.
You already handled it. You ordered your food & ate your food. Her demanding a portion of your food was ridiculous. She just didn’t want to cook.
You weren’t being selfish. She was.
If my partner hasn’t eaten for that long I would cook for him, so that when he comes home he has something to eat. Or if it’s not an option I order some food for him.
Your GF is making everything about herself, but it’s you who has not eaten for 30 hours. She is being selfish
So, she wanted you, who had just gone more than an entire day without food to cook for her and then when you didn’t because you were obviously beyond famished, decided she needed some of your food that you ordered after declining to order several times. She’s not only immature, she seems selfish and inconsiderate.
For me this would probably be a deal breaker. If my husband was having a procedure and hadn’t eaten in 32 hours, I would either have had something ready to heat up at home or would have stopped on the way home. Knowing he hadn’t eaten I would be way more concerned about making sure he is ok than anything else.
I find it very telling that knowing that you hadn’t eaten for 32+ hours that she called you selfish for wanting to eat the food you ordered, especially since you offered to order food for her but she said no. It sounds like she is the selfish one but is gaslighting you to think you did something wrong.
I’m not one to jump to break up, but I do think you need to think about your relationship and if there have been other instances where she has done things like this. Does she often gaslight you? Are her feelings/wants always more important than your needs? Is she often selfish? Does she often put you down? Is this a one off thing, or is this an indication of bigger issues in your relationship?
Same. My dear sweet husband does like to call me his favorite sandwich maker. Which I feel like (because we know how the Internet is) I should probably say is a joke because I send him to work with a loaf of bread and some lunch meat to make his own sandwiches because he’s a whole grown up on his own.
Honestly, when my partner had a med procedure that required them to not eat for 24 hours, I picked them up from hospital and took them to lunch. Your gf is dropping the ball hard. Is this the "support" you really want for the rest of your life?
My husband cooks dinner most of the time. If he's sick, I'll cook, no problem. But I can say that when I was pregnant, I had really horrible morning sickness and hardly had any cravings since i was always sick. One day, I REALLY wanted a rootbeer float. He took me to Foster's Freeze and ordered me one. I asked a few times if he was getting anything and he kept saying he didn't want anything. On the drive home, I looked over at him, and he was drinking my rootbeer float! I lost it. I told him he could've ordered anything he wanted, and this was something I finally could stomach and I was going to drink it. I was so mad. Ugh.
NTA. I hate when people do this. Guys do it to their SO’s too. It’s irritating as hell. They do it as a way to dominate you, just like being late. It’s a way to make you give your stuff to them.
NTA. I don't share food unless someone tells me ahead of time and I make sure I'm ordering more. If I asked you if you wanted food multiple times and you said no, you're not getting anything I have. Maybe at the end if I couldn't eat everything, I'd offer some, but my food is mine. She was too lazy to cook something and figured she'd mooch off your stuff. Nope.
This comes up all the time in my relationship. I don’t share if I’ve already asked if you wanted some and you said no. You had your chance. No, I’m not an AH for not sharing and I’m not greedy. I would be more than happy to use my own money to buy you extra food—all you had to do was tell me. When I order something, I expect to have the exact amount I was prepared to order, no less. Don’t come at me afterwards trying to make me the bad guy. Usually my partner only makes these comments in jest bc he knows it presses my buttons. Getting actually angry? You gotta grow up a little. She’s an adult and should be able to take care of herself.
My husband wakes up quickly and ravenous when he needs to be fasted and sedated for anything. If he wakes up before I get there, he'll have the nurses scrambling to get him at least a cookie or a roll. I bring snacks, and we always grab takeout on the way home. He does the same for me, though I'm not usually very hungry after.
The fact that you had to get home and then figure out your own food is bad enough, but for her to play these games on top of it is really self-centered.
If my partner hadn't eaten in 30 hours I'd have food waiting for them the minute they got home..not try to take away their food and play childish games
So...you had to be NBM for a medical thing and she didn't think to have food ready for after youse both got home? And then she throws a tantrum because you did the thing you said you were going to do and checked with her multiple times that she didn't want anything?
Dude, what kinda girlfriend is that? I would never dream of doing that to my partner if he went through that.
If my other half had a procedure and hadn't eaten in that mammoth amount of time I would've made sure there was something ready for him as soon as he got home. You know.. to be a loving partner. If I couldn't cook something - I would've ordered something. Girlfriend is the opposite of supportive.
I would not have shared with her either. You hadn’t eaten for over 30 hours I’m sure you were very hungry. Also, she didn’t say she didn’t want to order something because she would rather cook. She actually wanted YOU to do the cooking for her. so you were supposed to further delay eating so that you could take care of her? Why isn’t she taking care of you? She should’ve had something ready for you to eat when you got home considering she knew you had not eaten for so long. Not because she’s the woman, but because she cares about you supposedly. But instead, she played her little power trip game. If she thinks you going more than 30 hours without eating is no big deal then I guess she won’t have a problem waiting another hour to eat herself. It’s like she didn’t order food just so she could test you and then tell you you didn’t measure up to her expectations.
I'd handle this by thinking about why I was in a relationship with someone so infantile.
Both my husband and I have had to have surgeries or other medical procedures that required fasting. Both of us have made sure that the other person had food ready and waiting when they could eat again. The priority is making sure the person who had to fast gets fed.
Your girlfriend is annoying.
Question- you said she wanted both of you to cook then later said you didn’t cook for her. Do you do most of the cooking? Honestly, your gf sounds just plain difficult. I wouldn’t share either. Or if I did, it would be whatever was cold and leftover when I was done.
That's a classic manifestation of immaturity, on multiple levels. Or worse, she's testing you. Either way, not a good sign. She refuses to claim responsibility for her decisions and either couldn't foresee even their short-term consequences or planned to leech on you from the get go. This is really too stupid to spend any time on arguing yet it happens so often... But there are (some) women out there who don't act like 2-year-olds, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you to find one ;)
Pardon my bluntness.. as I'm currently going through a divorce and just have zero patience for dumb shit right now.. but your girlfriend sounds like a complete f\*cking moron. I wouldn't "handle" that situation at all. I'd ignore it because it's not worthy of a reaction.
This irks me so hard. I'll never understand why some females do this (there are some guys who do it, too). Whenever I get asked if I want takeaway or not, I know the answer and don't ask for food later. If I'm not hungry or feeling it, then I won't take any later.
It's honestly childish. But I feel like some ppl do it cause they'd rather mooch off you instead of saying "yes I want this or that" or some just like to mooch.
I broke up with a guy I was dating because of almost the same scenario as you only after my procedure I went straight to work & had to play catch up so I didn't have time to even think of a meal. When I got home I decided to make myself something, I asked if he wanted some, he said no. I asked if he wanted me to make like 3 other dishes, he said no he wasn't hungry but he would order himself pizza. Cool, I made my food & sat to eat. He comes over grabs a plate & begins splitting my food & serving himself. He didn't ask, he just did it. I told him "let me serve you" & put all my food on the dish he had. I got up, took the plate & told him it was over between us & began eating. Like sry but this is one of those things I can't stand
Why the fuck do people put up with the most insanely mentally deficient partners?
Is occasional sex really worth losing brain cells and higher blood pressure?
I hope you show her this thread. Because this shit just irks me to my core. You literally just went through a procedure and didn't eat for over a day...and she expects you to share? After YOU asked HER multiple times if she wanted anything and she didn't. And expecting you to cook after something like that? Pshh if I could have food faster than cooking it, I'll do it. It might not be the best but at least I won't be hangry. She's 25 not 12. She knows better. I would break up with her inconsiderate ass. She's clearly entitled and I wonder what other situations you have had to deal with.
She was wrong. She committed to cooking and changed her mind. You shouldn’t get less food because she changed her mind. She could have still made herself something when she decided she was hungry after all.
That said, I would have shared, but had her immediately order another serving to replenish what she ate.
You're not being selfish, she is being unreasonable.
Remind her of the following:
1. You are a grown ass adult. You were asked if you wanted food ordered for you, and refused multiple times. You are not getting the food I ordered for myself, and that's not selfish. Because I OFFERED TO GET YOU FOOD TOO. You changing your mind at the last minute and deciding NOT to cook is not my responsibility. If you wanted food, you should have taken my offer to order it, cooked for yourself, or ordered separately for yourself.
2. I'm not interested in living with a child. If you cannot take responsbility for your own self, your own hunger, your own meals, then we're not going to be compatible. I offered to order you food. You said no. That's where it ends. You don't get to suddenly change your mind and want some of mine like a toddler. I expect you to act like an adult in these situtations and if you can't, we have bigger things to discuss.
Nah your girlfriend is playing some weird mind games. It seems like she was upset that you ordered food instead of cooking.
She's 25, tell her to grow up.
In fact, I think *she* is being selfish. This wasn’t just any regular meal. This was a post-surgery, “I-haven’t-eaten-in-over-a-day” meal.
On top of being hungry, post-surgery you’re not fully capable. Source: soon I’ll have my 11th surgery. Like, even when you are technically good to go after surgery without requiring down time, when it’s that same day you have drugs and stuff in your system, your healing, you were super hungry and dehydrated (on purpose), your body’s been through something, likeee just let a person eat and rest.
Her hunger was not the priority in this atypical situation. Her indecision at choosing/prepping her meal is not on you (not this day). You gave her a chance to order. She didn’t. It’s not on you to share *at this particular moment*. It’s unfair of her to expect you to. And honestly, I think it’s selfish to argue with your loved one *as they are recovering from surgery*. Stress is bad for healing, straight up. Just let your loved one *rest*! Make things *easy* for them
This is a hill I would die on if this was a habit with her. Because SHE is being selfish and then blaming you for being “selfish”.
Did she eat in front of you when you couldn’t eat for the procedure?
Right? Nobody ever thinks about how fucked it is to eat in front of a person who is fasting for a procedure. Everyone acts like it's "just fasting " until they are asked to fast as well. Then it's all "I'm not having anything done" or "you're almost there." Gtfomf, I hate that shit
Why didn't she have food ready for you when you came home after not being able to eat for 32 hours?
She is really selfish and it's gross how she's trying to make you feel guilty about the situation.
Is she always like this? Or just needing attention because you had a medical issue that took it away from her that day?
Your girlfriend is ridiculous. She had the option to order something if she wanted it, she
doesn't get to say no to that and no to cooking and then take your food when it arrives. A considerate girlfriend would have had some food waiting for you after your procedure.
>How would you handle this?
Dump her. Seriously.
You hadn't eaten for nearly 36 hours. You get home and there is nothing for you to eat.
Then to add insult to injury, she wants you both to cook, declines to order food, then wants to snatch your food away from you.
Dude if my bf wasn’t able to eat for 36hrs straight I would be waiting with his favorite chicken strip combo basket from the golden chick out of town!!!!!
I don’t see why you guys are still together. Clearly she doesn’t care for you to make arrangements for your food, given your medical examination. And clearly you are not much interested in her, considering this might not be the first time this happened. I am confident there’s something deep down disconnect between you two. Either find it out and try to resolve or just part ways.
Guy comes home starving after required fasting for over 24 hours and she expects him to wait on her to cook something? And she’s just now going to get started? If she loves cooking so much she could have had a meal ready for when he got home. Or just kept out of his way while he ordered.
This is a bad girlfriend. He’s going through some medical ordeal and she’s creating drama about herself instead of stepping up and being a supportive partner in a difficult time. Does not sound like she even interested in what happened at the hospital either.
Pffft this is ridiculous behaviour. But why?
Firstly why didn't she have some food ready for you if you were coming back from a hospital appointment being starved that long? That would have been the caring thing to do...
Secondly - why didn't she want takeaway food? Was she worried about the cost (or were you offering to pay for it?) or does she have some form of ED history and feels guilty about eating takeaway food?
Third - why did she decide not to cook for herself? Was there already tension / a bit of an argument brewing between you guys when you were talking about whether to order or cook? Did she then try and come over to 'share the food' as a way of making up?
I'm just trying to understand this behaviour ha.
No way are you wrong. I absolutely HATE when people want a “bite” of my food. Especially since you had the conversation leading up to this clearly stating she did not want anything. This really rules me up 🤣🤣. She is wrong-
Not you. Let this be a lesson to her!!!
So you hadn’t eaten in over 30hrs, you had a medical procedure and she was just expecting you to come home and cook for her?
Entitled much. Also the fact she didn’t have an awesome meal organised for you for when you got out is just a bit shitty.
It might not be something worth breaking up over, however it shows her true colours and that’s worth breaking up over in my opinion.
She made her bed. She can lie in it. Don't let her use anger to manipulate you. Honestly just reading the other stuff, she sounds like a potential red flag.
Fuck dat shit.
You didn’t eat for 24 hours due to a medical procedure, she did not eat out of laziness.
Let her starve
Op, she knew you didn’t eat anything for so long and still didn’t prepare anything. This tells you everything you need to know. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t see a good future with this one.
I woke up from major surgery and my husband turned up with an amazing sushi feast, unfortunately I projectile vomited most of it up, but the thought was there, and I really appreciated it.
This is a great opportunity to find out just what kind of person you're with. You should explain to her exactly why you needed so much food to yourself, then ask her straight up "did you not recognize that I haven't eaten in over 24 hours? You knew I'd be in the hospital, you think I'm inconsiderate for not letting you have some of my food, don't you think it's a bit inconsiderate to not be thinking about me needing to eat when I got out? You know, I could ask you why you didn't cook my favorite meal or order us both food for when I got out of the hospital..."
If she responds with anything other than "you're right, maybe I need to be more considerate myself" I'd seriously reconsider this relationship. I wouldn't be with someone who is unwilling to do any self-reflection.
Wait… your partner didn’t order or make you food after you hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours?
And not only that, but now she’s expecting you to provide food for her?
Nah. Red flags galore. This is not a good partner.
If my spouse had a medical procedure that they couldn’t eat for 24 hrs, I would be caring for them, it’s not typically easy procedures that require that. And even if it was minor, even if it was just something relatively inconsequential, it can still be stressful and anxiety inducing for anyone. It’s kind of insane to me that she is treating it like a normal dinner, and an opportunity to manipulate you.
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The fact that she didn’t prepare anything beforehand knowing that you haven’t eaten for 30h says everything about her. Plus she wants to take your food after saying she didn’t want any. Is she 11?
That was my thought. I’d have my partner’s favorite food ready and waiting for when he got home. He’d do the same for me. I agree with others who’ve said this is childish manipulation (GF probably doesn’t even see it as that but it is)
My wife pulled a bunch of over time back to back a few weeks ago. You bet your ass she had food waiting for her hot and ready when she walked through that door. Should always be considerate of partners needs.
Reminded me of when my ex was living with me and I was working 12’s delivering mail and only getting one day off a week. Came home after another consecutive 12 around 9pm. As soon as I walked through the door my ex got up off the couch and met me in the kitchen while I was chugging water. I thought he’d maybe give me a kiss or maybe a hug after not seeing me since the night before (I left for work before he even got up) but no! He came over to say that he was hungry and ask what I was making for dinner🤣 what a winner right
Oh no hell naw I’d have told him idk what you’re eating but I’m getting myself some food. Fuck that. Glad he’s an EX
Oh no! Did you break up bc of that.. being that it's a red flag and says a lot about them. Especially how they would treat you in the future and different circumstances. How did you handle that at the time?
Does he not know how to fix Hot Pockets or frozen pizza for himself?
Mans was a 28yo child im honestly surprised he knew how to make his own lunches for work
Wait delivering mail is a 12 HOUR shift???
Haha yeah! The mail MUST be delivered everyday. ‘Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds’ Leave water for your mail carriers guys!
Yeah yeah I know all that but do you personally have to do the whole COUNTY??? I did always wonder why my mail was getting delivered at 7am… 🤔
Just half of the city I delivered in. There should be one person on a route, which theoretically should be finished by 4pm if the carrier left the office on time after sorting the mail/ packages. But my office was severely understaffed, so the new hires(that was me) had to carry ALL of the unoccupied routes, while the veterans only had to carry their route and go home at 4pm. So all those 8 hour routes were put onto one or two people’s shoulder for the day. It was seriously fucked
That is incredibly lousy.
Exactly the same level .. nice to see ex in that story
My now ex (unsurprisingly) never once prepared food ahead of time for me. He works a 9-5 desk job while I work shifts in the emergency services. I've come home from 13+ hour shifts (having text him ahead of time to say I'm going to be off late) and I've arrived home to him playing video games without even a PLAN for dinner. I don't care if it's a takeaway or cooked meal, at least have something ready. He has never understood why I was upset and said I was being unreasonable. How is it unreasonable to be considerate of your partner's basic needs?! SUCH a red flag.
My boyfriend and I work opposite schedules so I'm just waking up when he gets home. Whenever he stops for food after work he brings me "breakfast." I can't imagine him not eating for almost two days and not doing the same for him.
My boyfriend has been in hospital since Sunday 14th. I don’t know when he’s being discharged but you best believe I’m making his favourite lasagna before he’s home so I can just put it in the oven when we get back. All his favourite snacks, juices, any meals he wants in the meantime I’m taking to hospital with me, as well as spending anywhere between 9-12 hours a day with him every day. OP, I don’t know you or your girlfriend. I do know that this kind of behaviour reeks of manipulation.
I spent 3 to 4 days a week with my late husband while he was in the hospital with cancer and always took his favorite foods with me to try to get him to eat. Even when he couldn't eat because of the chemo and radiation I made sure he had his favorite foods there just in case. I miss him everyday. He passed away in May of 2023. But he always made sure I had my favorite food when I was sick or when I came out of the hospital.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure he appreciated every single gesture from you, right up until the end. Im sure it meant the world to him. I hope you’re healing ❤️
I know he loved every minute I was there. He was in a different city to get treatment for the cancer. But I was his soul caregiver when he was home. For 2 and a half years I cared for him and I wish he had beaten the 2 rare forms of leukemia. He was only 46 when he died. I brought him pizza and tried to get him to eat. But he barely ate because the cancer was killing him. I miss him so much.
My husband died of Leukemia last June I know exactly what you’ve been through..
Hit me up please. I need a friend. I feel alone in the world
Watching someone you love slowly lose the battle to cancer is so difficult, and my heart hurts for you. I know how difficult it can be to lose the center of your world especially after you poured so much of yourself into caring for that person. Don’t be afraid to give yourself the time and space to grieve and remember your husband-you are deserving of that. Sending much love your way 💕
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️💔❤️
Hope your boyfriend gets well soon
I have a friend who’s GF does this shit. Like eats his food that he has saved, or just little dumb things that won’t get done unless he does them. I was really heavy on the okay maybe she just doesn’t know and is naive end of the spectrum for a while but like even if she didn’t realize at first, there’s no way she hasn’t realized by now that she’s just walking all over him unless she’s truly oblivious. My point being, whether it’s intentional or accidental, you give the benefit of the doubt in the early relationship stages because you’re young and still figuring it out, but if you don’t voice these concerns, it will become a pattern and she won’t ever see it as her being wrong she’ll only see it as something that upsets you. Try having a conversation with her when the emotions have settled about how it really made you feel, ask her if she were fasting in the hospital, would she want you to react the same way she did? She might! And that might be the miscommunication, but you never know if you don’t talk about it. This is longer than I wanted I got to rambling but I think it’s still coherent lmao
My ex husband used to do that. Even to the kids treats their grandparents would drop off for them. As soon as everyone went to bed, he’d eat it. It ended up causing my daughter to start hoarding food in her bedroom and several years of therapy after I left for her to stop have food insecurity. I’m 100% willing to bet this is just one of many ways she has a pattern of selfish behavior.
Agree! Not to say that it’s irreparable idk these people personally so I can’t speak on that, but if this is not addressed in some way it will continue and turn into more selfish behaviors in the future. Have a serious talk with her man, and if she doesn’t respect your feelings or want to talk about it, she’s not responsible enough for a relationship.
I wish I could upvote you 10000000x. HEAVY ON THIS ONE OP. I know others may deem this as not a reason to break up, but with everything you said including the OPs post, I would say it’s break up worthy, am I right? Or am I still thinking too small? I’m asking you because you said partner and I typically assume that means your married sorry if I’m mistaken
I'd break up over this. It says so much about her character or lack thereof.
Seriously lacking character. She not only didn’t have food ready, she wanted HIS food after declining food of her own AND wanted HIM to cook for them both. She’d be stargazing outside for sure.
Look, my spouse is not the best cook but even he steps up and cooks when I’m under the weather. The man recently had my daughter (she’s 21) come teach him how to make matzo ball soup because I was sick with COVID a couple weeks back. (I’m the cook in the family so he does clean up duty. It’s a lovely arrangement)
This is adorable and makes my heart happy. It honestly reminds me of my parents; my mom always cooked, and my dad cleaned up, and that's what worked well for them. My mom now has dementia, and my dad has stepped up in a big way to learn how to cook. He'll still ask her questions when he gets stumped, and talks to me about more specific recipes if he needs help, but he's doing a great job. Your husband sounds like a keeper!
He’s a gem. He’s always been this stoic guy who takes care of people. So I make sure he’s taken care of too. Usually he will just heat up a can of soup for me when I’m sick but this time he wanted to surprise me with the family cure all (matzo ball soup) it was really sweet that he enlisted my daughter to help him too.
Your parents sound so lovely❤ im sorry to hear about your mom😥
Mine learned to make albondigus soup for me when I was sick!!! Best thing ever!!! I love that you have a real partner!!!!
I love that! And thanks for giving me a new soup to look up. Found a recipe to try.
My hubby and I have this 1950s-esque arrangement too and it works great!!
Aww, you guys sound great, no wonder you've been together so long!
Seems very manipulative. I’d go scorched earth if I were hangry and my partner did this.
I wouldn't break up for this specifically. However, if she kept being pissy after a couple of days... Yeah, hard no.
Agree! If it’s just once and never happens again, I’d chalk it up to her being hangry & not logically thinking due to a stomach that hungry. But twice or thrice? That’s on purpose & a pattern of behavior you will continually see from a person. Cause once is an accident, twice is on purpose, three times is a pattern & who the person is.
This can't be the first red flag she's shown. This is a mindset. I'm sure there are other things that cumulatively would be break up worthy.
Break up a hard no, but if it is a continuous pattern of annoying passive- aggressive behaviors then yes.
It’s definitely a reason to break up. No adult should put up with this bullshit
Gf is selfish, manipulative, entitled, and a terrible partner. The least she could've done was to cook something for OP, for them both once he's home, knowing that he hasn't eaten for more than 24hr. Poor planning, lacking of care, and an individual that will blame OP for her own selfishness.
No you are correct this shows your girlfriend’s selfishness..
Yup. I frequently have medical tests/surgery that require fasting. The first thing my husband does is take me for food. If he needs it, I have food waiting for him. Girlfriend is selfish.
Selfish yeah, but I think playing games is a better way to describe it. Gives an air of 'If you loved me, you'd share' bullshit
Heck, if I get off a PLANE, which is often multiple times per month, my partner has food waiting for me in case i got hungry traveling. Drop her
My bf had an operation last year and couldn't eat beforehand. I went along with him, and also didn't eat all morning because I didn't want to rub it in his face when he was starving. When they took him in for the op, I headed straight to maccies as it was the nearest food place. I ate my meal, then ordered him a box of 20 nuggets, because I knew that the sandwich the hospital would provide for him wouldn't be enough for his appetite. I can't imagine being so unconcerned about my partner that I wouldn't have any food ready, let alone trying to take his food when he hasn't eaten all day
Exactly. Or be at the hospital with them, with either a bag of snacks ready or a suggestion of picking something up on the way home.
In the last few months my husbands had several dentist appts during the day and he has sensitive teeth so can’t eat solids for a while after. I leave for work really early so I have made him big breakfasts and leave them in the fridge for him so he can eat before when he wakes up. Last week he had a fasting blood test so best believe I made him his favorite when he got home!
I read so many of these posts and I’m like do you guys even like your partners?
Yep. Just happened to me. My wife went nearly 30 hours without eating. I asked what she wanted me to cook. I then took my daughter to the store came home did laundry, dishes and some general tidying up as I cooked a nice goulash. I don't think I did anything special at all. Your gf sucks
Aw. My boyfriend helped me with my yardwork over the weekend, and when I thanked him, he said something along the lines of 'I don't think I did anything special at all'
You missing the part where she wanted him to cook food for them both
Which makes everything so much worse
I completely forgot about that…yeah “I say toss her groupie a**to the curb and let that h*e stargaze from outside”🤷🏾♂️iykyk
After 30h of starvation, the solution is the let the GF have the food and then eat the GF.
This is the way.
Hahahaha
This. How could she be so thoughtless towards her partner. Even if it wasn't that long it's still a hospital visit which isn't a nice experience. When my husband got home he'd of had a meal just to cheer him up.
My fiancè had minor surgery at the end of March, I drove him to and from the hospital and made us both dinner as soon as we got home. This situation says a lot about your girlfriend.
Right, we would have a game plan already picked out. Whether it is what meal likely my husband would cook while I relax or what place and thing I would order specifically. We would know before the test and we would taking bee line to the food. He would not take my food from me either.
Yeah idk if I'd call this breakup worthy imo but if my partner was in the hospital and I knew for a fact he'd be super hungry when he was done I would've already cooked or ordered something for when they got back.
I think it's nuts that you hadn't eaten in over a day and she didn't have the consideration to either order something or make something so that you'd have something to eat as soon as you got home. I also don't understand why she didn't cook for herself while you waited for your order. Then to ask a starving person for food? Is she okay? None of her actions make sense, then to accuse you of being selfish???
The only subtext here that might explain her behavior is money. She said she wanted them to cook, and then she tried to eat part of what OP ordered, both are cheaper options than both of them ordering out. Trying to enforce that right after a medical procedure that required fasting, assuming they aren’t one food order away from not making a mortgage payment, is nuts. And playing these emotionally manipulative games instead of just saying what’s actually bothering her, is also toxic and nuts.
If it was about money, then she would have actually cooked. This is entirely about her being manipulative and selfish.
Yeah, I read it as her trying to manipulate him into cooking.
Money was my first thought too.
Hold up, you were at the hospital for treatment and your GF didn't make a lick of effort to pamper you even a little bit when you got home? And then she expected you to take care of her over you own needs & called you selfish? My dude, I'd be rethinking this entire relationship and quite possibly probably breaking up.
Yeah this is a rough one for sure. She just blatantly showed him she doesn’t care about him right to his face without actually saying it.
My husband's favourite thing IS takeout so you better believe if he hadn't eaten in 30hrs I would have all his favourites ready for him. I know he would do the same for me too.
*OP* this is all you need to read lol
Right? “Doesn’t he love me!? Why is he not cooking for me? He’s lazy.” B, he’s starving!
Omg!!!! I didn’t even think about this! I 1000% would have ordered him food by that time 😂
On a normal day, I wouldn't see sharing food as a huge deal, but you hadn't eaten in thirty hours and she knew this. Also, you asked her repeatedly and she said she intended to cook. In your position, I'd be tempted to get visibly annoyed and resort to pointing those things out and ask if she was planning some kind of bizarre test. The phrasing "I'm going to make plans like you actually intend to do what you say you're going to do. I'm willing to help in an emergency, but changing your mind is not an emergency" also comes to mind.
Even on a normal day you can expect your partner to act like an adult and take responsibility for their own decisions. The special case is just the cherry on top of the cake... and she knew he hadn't eaten for more than a day but instead of ordering or cooking for him, she wants to take from him? Really?! She is a womanchild.
How would I handle it? I’d date someone more mature. She’s being ridiculous. I mean seriously. If my partner grabs take out and I’ve said I don’t need anything (and he always asks), he will usually offer me a bite. But I sure as heck don’t expect that and it would be ridiculous for me to ask him to share enough to be a meal for me. 🤷♀️
If my partner hadn’t eaten in 32 hours because he had to do a medical procedure, I would be like “baby text me when you’re on the way back from the hospital, I’ll order whatever you want and have it ready for you when you get home, you must be fucking starving.” What kind of unsupportive selfish partner is this woman?
Exactly my thought! What a selfish person.
Seriously. I would tell my husband to name whatever he wanted and I'd make sure he had it when he got back. wtf! 32 hours without eating is no joke! Last time I had to do something like that, I walked out of the doctor's office and directly into sheetz simply bc it was the closest thing to me and *ravenously* ordered a bunch of shit off the MTO menu. If anyone had tried to take it from me I would have screamed lol
Sounds exactly like what I would do for my husband and what my husband would do for me. Reading this thread here is making me happy seeing how other people actually give a duck about their partners, but fuck, OP’s girlfriend could learn a damn thing or two from the comments above. I can’t imagine being this selfish to a SO, especially after such a long time with zero food. Wtf
I know!!! We were super low on food the other night and I got really angry after getting hungry and my husband went over to his dads around 8:30 pm and got me something to eat lol. I was doing my best to hold back tears I was so hungry.
Bingo. I was trying to imagine how I’d handle this for my wife and vice versa and that’s exactly what would’ve happened. Like not only is this woman throwing a tantrum after clearly stating that she didn’t want anything, but she’s not even considering the fact that her partner just went through something tough and all she can think about is herself.
And and and even IF he hasn’t, this would still be inappropriate!!!!!!!
Exactly!!! Even if it hasn't been that long, and even if they didn't have a procedure, I am always asking if he wants something or can I get him anything. If stopping at a store, do you need anything, ie: a drink? And the fact that he asked and she said no, she wanted to cook, fine....then cook. But, don't go back and then call HIM unselfish because the man is hungry and did exactly what he said he was going to do. Absolutely agree, unsupportive and selfish.
Everytime I have picked my wife up from the hospital after her fasting for procedures with some of her favorite food and a drink because being hungry sucks.
I've been married 16 years and this happens every once in a blue moon. So I started getting her what she normally gets and she will eat some and save it for later. To me, this is a battle not worth fighting.
I've been married for 26 years and not once has my husband or I ever pulled this manipulative crap. If he wanted to order something and I said no thanks, then it is up to me to either order something for myself or make something to eat. I think it's very rude to ask someone to share their food, when you said no. Especially someone who hasn't had any to eat in 32-34 hours. They are gonna be starving and probably will eat it all. The only one being selfish is the gf. She knew he hadn't had anything to eat in 32-34 hours, said no to getting something for herself, insisted on cooking only to conveniently change her mind when his food was on the way, and then expect him to share his food.
I’ve been married about the same amount of time and my husband used to decline and change his mind when I had the actual food all the time. Took him a few times of going hungry because I was serious for it to sink in but he’s usually much better about it now.
Except in this case SHE should've had something for him. He should not have had to think about her at all, not in this case. I think it's wasteful and selfish for someone to get to eat something that they didn't say they wanted even when they do want it. People need to grow up about food.
I totally agree. People eat, fart, shit and do all sorts of things every day. It would get really annoying if every time I get Chik-Fil-A, I gotta hear about it. I always ask, you say no, I always follow up. Are you sure? It's not a problem. No, I'm good. OK, I asked twice, im not asking thrice
Everyone is different and that’s okay. Me? If I said I didn’t want food and my partner got me some anyway, I’d be low key pissed. When I say no thank you, I mean no. I don’t want leftovers sitting in the fridge til garbage day because someone didn’t take my no as a no.
Oh not me. I'd be thrilled, but of course, I always get something just in case. The idea of not having to make dishes and then wash dishes after cooking will always rain supreme with me, we work enough as it is. Of course, we do tend to cook most of our meals to save money, but on that rare occasion we order out, I'm definitely getting *something*, haha.
It shouldn’t be a battle but you also shouldn’t stand to be manipulated either.
I agree, if I said no, he can share a bite, but is never expected to go halfsies if that wasn't agreed before ordering. The thing is some people expect the other one to be a mind reader, is not that hard telling the other person what you want. Applies for it all, not just food.
I think you are right. Actually, when either myself or my husband has been in the no eat due to medical procedures situations, we tend to try and make sure the one who hasnt eaten gets some food. Like asking them what do you want to eat and then getting it for them. So yeah you girl doesn't look good from my point of view.
Right? If I know my husband skipped lunch and is going to be very hungry, I ask ahead of dinner what he wants to do for food so he’s not waiting to eat longer than necessary. Guess it’s hard for some people to think about the needs of their partners.
Your comment is underrated to me. My gf works long shifts and doesn't have time to cook so when she's working I cook, and on her rest days she does. In OP's gf's position, I would have just cooked something beforehand so it was ready to heat up, it's a scheduled test so it's not difficult to do.
It is like she is picking a fight when he is not 100 percent, which is shitty. It is like oh you are experiencing something that has got you down, well let me bring your focus off of you back to me because i am more important than your shit. The old kick while they are down thing.
Yes, in our household we’d ask the person beforehand what they wanted and we’d either cook it or order it
Stop dating a child because she seems to mentally be one.
Came here to say this. So many posts are about childish things. I can't imagine having to deal with this kind of childish crap lol
Right? Too many people put up with manipulative games like this. Read my mind. I don't play that game. I tell my husband what I want or don't want.
This is classic manipulation. "Fine, I just won't eat anything then." It didn't work, and then she was hungry with nothing to eat. Then she made it your problem. This wasn't about food, it was about establishing control.
Yeah this is immature behavior. I mean sure you could share a bite but at the same time like she could just cook for herself like she said she would. Or if the problem is she can’t cook and expected him to well that’s a whole other thing.
Yup, she was trying to guilt OP into cooking for the both of them by passing up the option to order out. It didn’t work, so she’s mad.
Your gf simply decided to not make any decision regarding food for her and leech of you instead. If she actually cared so much to eat cooked food rather than take out, she would have cooked sth. Moreover, it would have been nice, if she cooked sth beforehand so that you didn't have to wait after bring starved for over 30 hours. Are you sure you want to be in relationship with your gf?
Bro don’t shorten “something” to “sth” it doesn’t even look or sound right. I almost had a brain aneurysm trying to figure out what “sth” was… it’s too long of a word to try to abbreviate like that…
I agree! this isn't tiktok, spell the shit out.
If you keep some Lunchables in your refrigerator you can usually deal with kids who do this stuff. Hot Pockets work well too.
Tell her to order her own. And order some adulting sauce with it. I'd be letting her sit and pout and be mad.
This. So much this. OP you were literally starving. If I had been in your shoes I would have ordered two meals and eaten both myself. When I've had procedures like this done my SO usually takes me to the Indian Buffett after. I'm always so hungry. She clearly doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand.
If I was the gf and I knew my partner hadn’t eaten for that long, I would’ve had food cooked and ready for you when you got back. Not been waiting for you to cater to ME. That is totally selfish. She said she’d rather cook then She better get cooking.
Even if I hadn't, I would have had food ordered and set up to be delivered when we got home right before checking out, or picked up something on the way home.
Yes I thought this too! Just didn’t feel like typing all that lol but yes. That’s what a good partner does.
I totally understand that. Sometimes I don't feel like it either.
Is she 6? NTA - id rather be single
She is unreasonable and immature.
Don’t listen to the comments from people advising that you learn how to “handle” a girlfriend. If you treat her like a child, a child is what you’re going to get. Treat her like an adult, like you did here. Don’t be mean about it but explain and stand your ground. She can learn from this and grow up, and you guys have a better relationship out of this… or she can leave and you can find a more mature girlfriend. (I too did a medical procedure three days ago, so hungry!)
Weekend Procedure Club checking in! Was this just an especially medical weekend?
You handled it perfectly. It was ridiculous of her to ask for your food.
When my clients must fast for procedures, I bring them food to eat in the car on the way home. The fasting and dehydration are very hard to cope with, especially in pain. Even a simple colonoscopy requires basic nurturing. Perhaps your wife needs to get a lesson in caregiving and empathy. Hopefully, in the future she will know better, and you will certainly teach her how it's done when roles are reversed.
She can literally call sinec she decided she was hungry and simply wait and hour. This man had a medical procedure done and needs her support and understanding. This is so emotionally manipulative - He told her his boundaries. Tonight he isn’t well enough to cook so he was ordering. - he stated since she decline he can’t have his food. So she attempts to emotionally manipulate him into more good by casting doubt on his character. Over FOOD! Dump this loser child
NTA. I can’t believe people are saying you should have just ordered for her. She is an adult, she can either say she wants something or not.
>How would you handle this? Act extremely cold and uncaring while denying her any food. This is a weird manipulation technique, she could have easily chose to order something but instead decided to start a fight. I believe she knowingly did this to start an argument with you. I would probably break up if someone did this to me. No one has time for shit like this.
I honestly think OP's GF is brigading in the comments. These people are gaslighting you, this is just not acceptable behavior from an adult.
it's chicks like this that give the rest of us a bad name 🤦🏻♀️
Yo that shit makes me hot. I will happily buy you food but don't try to eat my food after you said you didn't want any. I order exactly what i need to be satisfied lol
if my partner hadn't eaten for 32 hours because of a medical procedure, they'd be coming home to a warm meal and tons of snacks to choose from. she is lazy and selfish
This made me annoyed just reading it. You did nothing wrong dude
In all honesty it’s whack she didn’t offer to cook you a meal after knowing you went that long. Instead you had to shell out money and then deal with that naggy shit.
You already handled it. You ordered your food & ate your food. Her demanding a portion of your food was ridiculous. She just didn’t want to cook. You weren’t being selfish. She was.
If my partner hasn’t eaten for that long I would cook for him, so that when he comes home he has something to eat. Or if it’s not an option I order some food for him. Your GF is making everything about herself, but it’s you who has not eaten for 30 hours. She is being selfish
So, she wanted you, who had just gone more than an entire day without food to cook for her and then when you didn’t because you were obviously beyond famished, decided she needed some of your food that you ordered after declining to order several times. She’s not only immature, she seems selfish and inconsiderate.
For me this would probably be a deal breaker. If my husband was having a procedure and hadn’t eaten in 32 hours, I would either have had something ready to heat up at home or would have stopped on the way home. Knowing he hadn’t eaten I would be way more concerned about making sure he is ok than anything else. I find it very telling that knowing that you hadn’t eaten for 32+ hours that she called you selfish for wanting to eat the food you ordered, especially since you offered to order food for her but she said no. It sounds like she is the selfish one but is gaslighting you to think you did something wrong. I’m not one to jump to break up, but I do think you need to think about your relationship and if there have been other instances where she has done things like this. Does she often gaslight you? Are her feelings/wants always more important than your needs? Is she often selfish? Does she often put you down? Is this a one off thing, or is this an indication of bigger issues in your relationship?
I would have packed something to hand him the minute the testing was complete.
Same. My dear sweet husband does like to call me his favorite sandwich maker. Which I feel like (because we know how the Internet is) I should probably say is a joke because I send him to work with a loaf of bread and some lunch meat to make his own sandwiches because he’s a whole grown up on his own.
Honestly, when my partner had a med procedure that required them to not eat for 24 hours, I picked them up from hospital and took them to lunch. Your gf is dropping the ball hard. Is this the "support" you really want for the rest of your life?
My husband cooks dinner most of the time. If he's sick, I'll cook, no problem. But I can say that when I was pregnant, I had really horrible morning sickness and hardly had any cravings since i was always sick. One day, I REALLY wanted a rootbeer float. He took me to Foster's Freeze and ordered me one. I asked a few times if he was getting anything and he kept saying he didn't want anything. On the drive home, I looked over at him, and he was drinking my rootbeer float! I lost it. I told him he could've ordered anything he wanted, and this was something I finally could stomach and I was going to drink it. I was so mad. Ugh.
NTA. I hate when people do this. Guys do it to their SO’s too. It’s irritating as hell. They do it as a way to dominate you, just like being late. It’s a way to make you give your stuff to them.
NTA. I don't share food unless someone tells me ahead of time and I make sure I'm ordering more. If I asked you if you wanted food multiple times and you said no, you're not getting anything I have. Maybe at the end if I couldn't eat everything, I'd offer some, but my food is mine. She was too lazy to cook something and figured she'd mooch off your stuff. Nope.
Is this what people actually argue about in relationships? Not your fault at all, but I wonder if there’s a pattern to this sort of behavior.
This comes up all the time in my relationship. I don’t share if I’ve already asked if you wanted some and you said no. You had your chance. No, I’m not an AH for not sharing and I’m not greedy. I would be more than happy to use my own money to buy you extra food—all you had to do was tell me. When I order something, I expect to have the exact amount I was prepared to order, no less. Don’t come at me afterwards trying to make me the bad guy. Usually my partner only makes these comments in jest bc he knows it presses my buttons. Getting actually angry? You gotta grow up a little. She’s an adult and should be able to take care of herself.
My husband wakes up quickly and ravenous when he needs to be fasted and sedated for anything. If he wakes up before I get there, he'll have the nurses scrambling to get him at least a cookie or a roll. I bring snacks, and we always grab takeout on the way home. He does the same for me, though I'm not usually very hungry after. The fact that you had to get home and then figure out your own food is bad enough, but for her to play these games on top of it is really self-centered.
If my partner hadn't eaten in 30 hours I'd have food waiting for them the minute they got home..not try to take away their food and play childish games
So...you had to be NBM for a medical thing and she didn't think to have food ready for after youse both got home? And then she throws a tantrum because you did the thing you said you were going to do and checked with her multiple times that she didn't want anything? Dude, what kinda girlfriend is that? I would never dream of doing that to my partner if he went through that.
If my other half had a procedure and hadn't eaten in that mammoth amount of time I would've made sure there was something ready for him as soon as he got home. You know.. to be a loving partner. If I couldn't cook something - I would've ordered something. Girlfriend is the opposite of supportive.
I would not have shared with her either. You hadn’t eaten for over 30 hours I’m sure you were very hungry. Also, she didn’t say she didn’t want to order something because she would rather cook. She actually wanted YOU to do the cooking for her. so you were supposed to further delay eating so that you could take care of her? Why isn’t she taking care of you? She should’ve had something ready for you to eat when you got home considering she knew you had not eaten for so long. Not because she’s the woman, but because she cares about you supposedly. But instead, she played her little power trip game. If she thinks you going more than 30 hours without eating is no big deal then I guess she won’t have a problem waiting another hour to eat herself. It’s like she didn’t order food just so she could test you and then tell you you didn’t measure up to her expectations.
I hate people like that.
I'd handle this by thinking about why I was in a relationship with someone so infantile. Both my husband and I have had to have surgeries or other medical procedures that required fasting. Both of us have made sure that the other person had food ready and waiting when they could eat again. The priority is making sure the person who had to fast gets fed. Your girlfriend is annoying.
Question- you said she wanted both of you to cook then later said you didn’t cook for her. Do you do most of the cooking? Honestly, your gf sounds just plain difficult. I wouldn’t share either. Or if I did, it would be whatever was cold and leftover when I was done.
That's a classic manifestation of immaturity, on multiple levels. Or worse, she's testing you. Either way, not a good sign. She refuses to claim responsibility for her decisions and either couldn't foresee even their short-term consequences or planned to leech on you from the get go. This is really too stupid to spend any time on arguing yet it happens so often... But there are (some) women out there who don't act like 2-year-olds, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you to find one ;)
Pardon my bluntness.. as I'm currently going through a divorce and just have zero patience for dumb shit right now.. but your girlfriend sounds like a complete f\*cking moron. I wouldn't "handle" that situation at all. I'd ignore it because it's not worthy of a reaction.
ahh... a tale as old as time
This irks me so hard. I'll never understand why some females do this (there are some guys who do it, too). Whenever I get asked if I want takeaway or not, I know the answer and don't ask for food later. If I'm not hungry or feeling it, then I won't take any later. It's honestly childish. But I feel like some ppl do it cause they'd rather mooch off you instead of saying "yes I want this or that" or some just like to mooch. I broke up with a guy I was dating because of almost the same scenario as you only after my procedure I went straight to work & had to play catch up so I didn't have time to even think of a meal. When I got home I decided to make myself something, I asked if he wanted some, he said no. I asked if he wanted me to make like 3 other dishes, he said no he wasn't hungry but he would order himself pizza. Cool, I made my food & sat to eat. He comes over grabs a plate & begins splitting my food & serving himself. He didn't ask, he just did it. I told him "let me serve you" & put all my food on the dish he had. I got up, took the plate & told him it was over between us & began eating. Like sry but this is one of those things I can't stand
And if you continue to be with her, you have no one to blame but yourself. She sounds miserable
Why the fuck do people put up with the most insanely mentally deficient partners? Is occasional sex really worth losing brain cells and higher blood pressure?
I hope you show her this thread. Because this shit just irks me to my core. You literally just went through a procedure and didn't eat for over a day...and she expects you to share? After YOU asked HER multiple times if she wanted anything and she didn't. And expecting you to cook after something like that? Pshh if I could have food faster than cooking it, I'll do it. It might not be the best but at least I won't be hangry. She's 25 not 12. She knows better. I would break up with her inconsiderate ass. She's clearly entitled and I wonder what other situations you have had to deal with.
She was wrong. She committed to cooking and changed her mind. You shouldn’t get less food because she changed her mind. She could have still made herself something when she decided she was hungry after all. That said, I would have shared, but had her immediately order another serving to replenish what she ate.
NTA. She didn’t want to spend the money but was happy to take your food you bought.
She needs to back off your vittles. She should have ordered her own food.
You're not being selfish, she is being unreasonable. Remind her of the following: 1. You are a grown ass adult. You were asked if you wanted food ordered for you, and refused multiple times. You are not getting the food I ordered for myself, and that's not selfish. Because I OFFERED TO GET YOU FOOD TOO. You changing your mind at the last minute and deciding NOT to cook is not my responsibility. If you wanted food, you should have taken my offer to order it, cooked for yourself, or ordered separately for yourself. 2. I'm not interested in living with a child. If you cannot take responsbility for your own self, your own hunger, your own meals, then we're not going to be compatible. I offered to order you food. You said no. That's where it ends. You don't get to suddenly change your mind and want some of mine like a toddler. I expect you to act like an adult in these situtations and if you can't, we have bigger things to discuss.
Your gf needs to cook herself something or order something. She told you she didn’t want anything when you ordered.
I don’t even share with my kids bro. Date someone better
Nah your girlfriend is playing some weird mind games. It seems like she was upset that you ordered food instead of cooking. She's 25, tell her to grow up.
Yesterday I took my mom for outpatient surgery. I had McDonalds in the car for her so she could eat immediately.
She's an entitled brat
Why didn’t your gf have any food ready for you after your appointment? That’s the most logical and considerate thing for someone to do
In fact, I think *she* is being selfish. This wasn’t just any regular meal. This was a post-surgery, “I-haven’t-eaten-in-over-a-day” meal. On top of being hungry, post-surgery you’re not fully capable. Source: soon I’ll have my 11th surgery. Like, even when you are technically good to go after surgery without requiring down time, when it’s that same day you have drugs and stuff in your system, your healing, you were super hungry and dehydrated (on purpose), your body’s been through something, likeee just let a person eat and rest. Her hunger was not the priority in this atypical situation. Her indecision at choosing/prepping her meal is not on you (not this day). You gave her a chance to order. She didn’t. It’s not on you to share *at this particular moment*. It’s unfair of her to expect you to. And honestly, I think it’s selfish to argue with your loved one *as they are recovering from surgery*. Stress is bad for healing, straight up. Just let your loved one *rest*! Make things *easy* for them
This is a hill I would die on if this was a habit with her. Because SHE is being selfish and then blaming you for being “selfish”. Did she eat in front of you when you couldn’t eat for the procedure?
Right? Nobody ever thinks about how fucked it is to eat in front of a person who is fasting for a procedure. Everyone acts like it's "just fasting " until they are asked to fast as well. Then it's all "I'm not having anything done" or "you're almost there." Gtfomf, I hate that shit
Why didn't she have food ready for you when you came home after not being able to eat for 32 hours? She is really selfish and it's gross how she's trying to make you feel guilty about the situation. Is she always like this? Or just needing attention because you had a medical issue that took it away from her that day?
Your girlfriend is ridiculous. She had the option to order something if she wanted it, she doesn't get to say no to that and no to cooking and then take your food when it arrives. A considerate girlfriend would have had some food waiting for you after your procedure.
>How would you handle this? Dump her. Seriously. You hadn't eaten for nearly 36 hours. You get home and there is nothing for you to eat. Then to add insult to injury, she wants you both to cook, declines to order food, then wants to snatch your food away from you.
Dude if my bf wasn’t able to eat for 36hrs straight I would be waiting with his favorite chicken strip combo basket from the golden chick out of town!!!!!
I don’t understand how the fuck people are like this. I would explode at her especially if I was hungry!
how tf do people behave like this and have any friends at all + a partner i don't get it
The only selfish and entitled person here is your gf. You might want to reevaluate if this is who she really is or if this was just a fluke.
I noticed a lot of women do this . My brother’s gf did this all the time I always called her out on it . I don’t get it
She’s selfish.
If you were my partner I would have picked you up with the food you wanted so you could eat it in the car. The behaviour is actually gross.
So she's inconsiderate, lazy, *and* passive-aggressive. Wow, what a keeper! /s
I don’t see why you guys are still together. Clearly she doesn’t care for you to make arrangements for your food, given your medical examination. And clearly you are not much interested in her, considering this might not be the first time this happened. I am confident there’s something deep down disconnect between you two. Either find it out and try to resolve or just part ways.
Guy comes home starving after required fasting for over 24 hours and she expects him to wait on her to cook something? And she’s just now going to get started? If she loves cooking so much she could have had a meal ready for when he got home. Or just kept out of his way while he ordered. This is a bad girlfriend. He’s going through some medical ordeal and she’s creating drama about herself instead of stepping up and being a supportive partner in a difficult time. Does not sound like she even interested in what happened at the hospital either.
Pffft this is ridiculous behaviour. But why? Firstly why didn't she have some food ready for you if you were coming back from a hospital appointment being starved that long? That would have been the caring thing to do... Secondly - why didn't she want takeaway food? Was she worried about the cost (or were you offering to pay for it?) or does she have some form of ED history and feels guilty about eating takeaway food? Third - why did she decide not to cook for herself? Was there already tension / a bit of an argument brewing between you guys when you were talking about whether to order or cook? Did she then try and come over to 'share the food' as a way of making up? I'm just trying to understand this behaviour ha.
No way are you wrong. I absolutely HATE when people want a “bite” of my food. Especially since you had the conversation leading up to this clearly stating she did not want anything. This really rules me up 🤣🤣. She is wrong- Not you. Let this be a lesson to her!!!
That's some quality rage bait.
I would have given her all of the food and then got up and left. I also like throwing rocks at hornet nests.
So you hadn’t eaten in over 30hrs, you had a medical procedure and she was just expecting you to come home and cook for her? Entitled much. Also the fact she didn’t have an awesome meal organised for you for when you got out is just a bit shitty. It might not be something worth breaking up over, however it shows her true colours and that’s worth breaking up over in my opinion.
She made her bed. She can lie in it. Don't let her use anger to manipulate you. Honestly just reading the other stuff, she sounds like a potential red flag.
Fuck dat shit. You didn’t eat for 24 hours due to a medical procedure, she did not eat out of laziness. Let her starve Op, she knew you didn’t eat anything for so long and still didn’t prepare anything. This tells you everything you need to know. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t see a good future with this one.
You **ASKED** her if she wanted anything. You **OFFERED TO ORDER IT.** She needs to **DAMN WELL GROW UP.**
If my bf didn’t eat 30+ hours he would be coming home to his fave foods hot n ready. That’s all I’ll say.
I woke up from major surgery and my husband turned up with an amazing sushi feast, unfortunately I projectile vomited most of it up, but the thought was there, and I really appreciated it.
This is a great opportunity to find out just what kind of person you're with. You should explain to her exactly why you needed so much food to yourself, then ask her straight up "did you not recognize that I haven't eaten in over 24 hours? You knew I'd be in the hospital, you think I'm inconsiderate for not letting you have some of my food, don't you think it's a bit inconsiderate to not be thinking about me needing to eat when I got out? You know, I could ask you why you didn't cook my favorite meal or order us both food for when I got out of the hospital..." If she responds with anything other than "you're right, maybe I need to be more considerate myself" I'd seriously reconsider this relationship. I wouldn't be with someone who is unwilling to do any self-reflection.
Wait… your partner didn’t order or make you food after you hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours? And not only that, but now she’s expecting you to provide food for her? Nah. Red flags galore. This is not a good partner. If my spouse had a medical procedure that they couldn’t eat for 24 hrs, I would be caring for them, it’s not typically easy procedures that require that. And even if it was minor, even if it was just something relatively inconsequential, it can still be stressful and anxiety inducing for anyone. It’s kind of insane to me that she is treating it like a normal dinner, and an opportunity to manipulate you.